#or not being able to move my arms thru their full range of motion

[august--and-everything-after]

Huge shoutout to my mother for the questions she'd ask me when I was buying clothes as a child and teen:

"Can you sit down in those?"

"Can you raise your arms?"

"Can you bend over comfortably?"

Really helped me build the habit of evaluating whether an item of clothing is practical enough for my day-to-day life.

[agreementtale]

Chapter 16: turn around and shake my hand.

“human” now that they got here, whole body paralyzed by an invisible force in the narrow path, they were just a bit nervous.

Flowey coiled his vines around their torso, without moving the outside of the sweater, they had convinced him to let them lead this interaction, and stay still. He reluctantly accepted, but only when they assured him he was not going to be electrocuted again.

“turn ‘round ‘nd shake my hand” That was the cue, they were rehearsing the lines in their head during the whole path.

With the friendliest smile they could muster they turned to the offered left hand, raised their right hand and shook it from the back, successfully avoiding the hidden device on his palm.

The handshake was awkward, but before he had a chance to say anything or they had the chance to break character by not being able to contain their giggliness, they retreated their arm.

“Sorry, it’s that not how you shake hands down here?” Said with an innocent face “That must be a real culture shock” they tried to make the pun smooth, but couldn’t maintain a pokerface any longer and ended up having to hold in a chuckle while he just glared at them, still weary.

“ya must have a pretty good eye to see thru da old joy buzzer trick” his toothy grin was on place, but didn’t seem to be kind nor amused, the crack on his maxilla and that one weird colored teeth made it harder to concentrate on a proper retort.

“Eye get that a lot” dismayed for the lack of reaction they improvised, still with no reaction, maybe this pun only worked when written? But… they knew he could see the difference… somehow? Or was that just wishful thinking?

“lots of humans try ta electrocute ya on the surface?” Maybe? Do not explain the pun, it is never fun if you have to explain it, just… go with the flow…

“Shockingly yes” They improvised, again, gladly he seemed less wary this time. They swore to themselves they would improve their pun game, it appeared to be awfully rusty.

“heh, so the human enjoy puns? ain’t I a lucky guy?” He took the device out putting his hand on the pocket of his leather coat “name is Sans, Sans the skeleton” it seemed warm, with all the fur, plus the red sweater inside. The cold wind was stronger than they remembered, even with three shirts and lots of socks, their legs were still cold, not unbearable, though, they’ve been worse.

The skeleton was taller than them, but not by much, if they got on their tippy toes they would be the same size. But by his posture and his clothes, it seemed he was trying to appear bigger, so there was a slight chance of them offending him with that… And the red eyelights? It wasn’t the most forgiving colour.

“I’m actually supposed to turn the humans to the guard. but ya seem like a nice fella, so let me give ya some little advice, ‘right kid?”

He loomed over them, exhibiting his incredibly sharp teeth in a big wide grin, for the first time they realized that despite being almost the same height, he was much larger than them, maybe the clothes helped, but still, his posture… wasn’t the friendliest sight.

“nice gets ya killed” Empty eye sockets stared right through them, while his teeth moved slowly with each word, they felt cold running down their spine, acutely aware that, by the range his mouth stretched and appearance of his teeth, he could probably rip their face off with a single bite. For the sake of their composure, they buried this thought under several layers of denial.

“Oh, thank you for the advice” they wouldn’t let him intimidate them “But I believe being nice is the least I can do” they started to motion their hands, like explaining a hard concept “I mean, I do intend not to be killed on the process” Ok, maybe they were a bit intimidated “but when being nice costs me nothing, why not?” they shrugged, forgetting where to put their hands and hoping that he could understand the concept, Flowey certainly couldn’t.

He chuckled, kind of amused, if by their idea, or their inability on putting it into words, they didn’t know “won’t get far thinking like that, kid” relief washed over them, he had his eyelights back and looked a bit more approachable, and despite not agreeing with them, he didn’t outright try to make them change their mind, not like Flowey.

“That’s what I am trying to tell them!” Speaking of which, yellow petals bloomed from the collar of their sweater, obstructing their vision.

“I’m not killing anyone Flowey” they chastised him, trying to brush his head out of their way, that talk was getting old and they didn’t need him talking for them.

“You will end up getting killed!” But his outrage in their behalf was always endearing. So what if they got killed?

By the gaps between his petals they saw his shoulders shaking, attracting their full attention again.

“never thought I would have the Weed insisting on someone to kill, can’t picture that” what did he mean by that? Flowey didn’t shut up about that since day one…

“Good to see you too bag of bones” he greeted him like an old friend “I thought someone would have dusted you by now” well… maybe not so much like a friend after all.

“they can try” he looked at them, red eyelights back into place, rounder and much less aggressive “so ya taking care of the lady’s pet human?” their palms itched, that word didn’t sit right.

“I’m not a pet” he… this… fell monster seemed amused by their reaction, but at the same time happy to ignore them.

“They were the ones choosing to come here” and he was not the only one, they were going to protest, but he put a leaf on their mouth “Adults talking” Really Flowey? Closing their fists, they took a deep breath, since he was right on their face, the air ended up smelling like flowers, which was oddly calming.

“too bad, too bad, would have lived a long happy life being the old gal’s pet” ok, kiss that ‘calm’ goodbye.

“I’m not a pet!” They reiterated, but both Flowey and Fell ignored their indignation.

“see I may be too lazy to report ya” he said to no one in particular, despite obviously talking to them “but, if it were anyone else... like Boss...” his smile grew menacingly, and now he decided to address them “well, let’s just say if I were a human I wouldn’t be dying to meet him”

Understanding he wanted a reaction out of them, they just smiled “Thank you for the advice” and turned around to inspect the gate.

“ya gonna turn yer back to me like that?” his voice was more surprised than angry.

“I’m sure there is some sort of way to pass through this” they spoke softly to themselves, the gate was narrow, with barbed wire intertwined with wood “It’s firm!” and incredibly well built, they put a foot in the wire and it hardly gave in.

“They have no common sense” Flowey said facing the skeleton at their back, they were too preoccupied with the challenge ahead to pay attention to the monsters “Don’t know how they even survived before we met” they climbed on the wire, being careful not to cut themselves. Seeing their struggle Flowey used his vines to help, they murmured a thanks and kept going “But considering they just fell into a giant hole in a mountain, it shouldn’t be that impressive” step after step, they successfully climbed the wire crossing the bridge, jumping safely to the other–/

They landed head first on something hard “brave kid, huh?” nursing their forehead, they looked to the skeleton in front of them, their brother looked to where he had been a moment ago and where he stood now, in a silent question, but didn’t say anything “but ya know, brave means shit if ya have nothing to back that up”

“I have mildly functional athletic skills, a high tolerance to bullshit and a wide range vocabulary, would that work?” That was a lie, they didn’t have a ‘wide range vocabulary’, just a big mouth, that didn’t know when to shut up.

He just sighed and shook his head, they could almost hear him thinking ‘this kid is going to get killed so many times’, not that he had time to voice that, as Flowey already was shouting on their ears “No, it makes it worse!”

Something else caught his attention “fuck” he muttered alarmed “Boss is here” before they knew they were being pushed out of the path to the tree line “hide”

Flowey got inside their sweater, vines tightly on their stomach, they crouched behind a tree, beside them there was a broken lamp, they thought of changing places, but mentally slapped themselves, a broken thing like that, it would obviously offer no cover.

On the distance they saw a glimpse of red and took a deep breath. They had cover, they had Flowey, they knew what was happening.

Papyrus, they remembered him, Sans’ brother. He was going to start complaining about something.

“sup, Boss” something sounded wrong, they didn’t know what it was, just knew it was wrong.

“SANS, YOU INSUFFERABLE WASTE OF SPACE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUTSIDE YOUR–/”

His shouting ceased, the noise being replaced by the soft sound of the cold wind blowing on the branches. The air got caught in their lungs when their body was surrounded by a blue light. Not a second later they were yanked from the trees.

“WHO DARE SNEAK ON THE ROYAL” Red eyelights stared at them “GUARD?” they tried to reach the ground, but it was too far away.

“they just a free-EXP, Boss” standing near his brother Sans was sweating, “probably tried to hide seeing how terrible ya are”

Floating above the ground, incapable of moving their body, they did the only thing they could think of, and waved slowly at the new skeleton “Hi”

“EXPLAIN” His face morphed quickly from surprise to suspicion to rage “RIGHT” on his left eye there was a nasty scar, it pained them just to look at it “NOW” his magic was wild around them, a promise of pain and death “WHY IS YOUR SOUL UPSIDE DOWN!?”

The so obvious question shocked them to silence “are ya sure Boss?” maybe it was the right response because Sans took a step forward, positioning himself between them and Papyrus “seems normal enough to me”

“KEEP YOUR DISTANCE SANS!” the taller pulled his brother away from them “HOW CAN YOU NOT NOTICE THAT THIS IS ONE OF OUR MOST DANGEROUS ENEMIES?” they saw silently how the loud skeleton stuffed his chest in pride “I THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS HAVE CAPTURED A HUMAN!”

“maybe ya just holding them upside down?” Sans tried, but he already looked defeated “those are the legs, see?” he poked at their arms, the scene would be comical if they weren’t aware of the killing intent on the air.

“NONSENSE! YOU MORONIC SLOB! I’M TAKING THIS HUMAN TO UNDYNE” This name was enough to shake them back to reality, this was not a show to be watched, it was happening with them, right now, and if they didn’t do something, they knew very well what would happen next.

“I’m definitely not an enemy” said a little breathless, putting their hands if front of them in an attempt to placate him.

“HA! YOU THINK YOU CAN FOOL ME WITH SUCH A PATHETIC LIE?” they could feel Flowey moving under their sweater, he had been hidden since Papyrus showed up, as they asked him to.

“But it’s true! I never hurt any monster” they said confident in their lack of LV to back them up. They tried to think in a better plan, but Flowey moved again, it was getting too distracting.

“AND YOU THINK THAT THIS DETAIL WOULD MAKE ME PITY YOUR EXISTENCE ENOUGH TO LET YOU GO?” he eyed them with disdain, that… that emotion didn’t sit well on his face at all! “YOU ARE A FOOLISH HUMAN”

“But–/” but he didn’t let them finish, with the wave of a finger, they had the wind knocked out of them again and were moving on the air, fast enough to match his steps, behind them Sans had to jog to keep up.

“ENOUGH TALKING! TO UNDYNE YOU GO” Flowey was starting to be an inconvenience moving so much, they were trying to think and his vines were a tad too scratchy.

“I thought we could” they winced as the vines compressed their stomach “maybe” blinking the memories away they continue “do some puzzles instead?”

“PUZZLES?” he stopped walking, a thorn pressed on their stomach, dammit Flowey, be quiet! Papyrus turned to them, and they forced the pain away, eyes a bit too watery for their taste “PUZZLES ARE FOR CAPTURING HUMANS WHY SHOULD I WASTE MY TIME WHEN YOU ARE ALREADY CAPTURED? IT WOULD MAKE NO–/” Papyrus stared at them for a moment, as if he was staring at a point in the air beyond them, another light shuffle interrupted their observation, if Flowey didn’t went quiet right now he would be discovered.

“Because it is your last chance to use them” they blurted to avert his attention of their moving sweater. He shot them an wrathful glare “I’m the last human to ever fall here, the puzzles will go to waste”

He didn’t say anything, just scowled.

“c’mon Boss, how many years went on calibrating those traps?” Sans caught up with them “ya never waste time like that”

That comment earned him the same hateful glare, they could see him burying himself on his coat “I was told puzzles are part of monster culture” he looked at them, the same red angry eyelights, they could feel under their skin the urge to run and hide, but they pressed on “I am sure you put great effort in yours” the look of a predator, that was what that was. The intent alone was intimidation, but he definitely had the power to fulfill the threat if he had to “And I would be honored if I could see them”

They thought the admittance was going to soften his features.

It didn’t.

Then gravity changed.

They fell feet first, but no balance, so ended up hitting their ass on the ground with a undignifying ‘ouch’, more out of surprise than anything else, thanks for the snow it hadn’t actually hurt.

“IT IS SETTLED” Papyrus waved a dismissive hand, while they got up to their feet “ALL THE TRAPS ON THIS AREA HAVE BEEN EXPERTLY COOKED TO PERFECTION, LETS SEE IN WHICH ONE YOU WILL FINALLY PERISH” crossing his arms he glanced at the path ahead, but they could feel his attention lingering on their movements.

“If I survive, is there a prize?” they patted the snow out of their clothes, careful not to jostle Flowey again.

He shot them a sour look, and they were starting to believe that this was his default expression “THE PRIZE IS NOT DYING” it might be, the scowl seemed to be imprinted on his face “SURVIVE THEM AND YOU WILL HAVE THE HONOR OF DYING BY MY HANDS”

“Like in a fair honourable fight?” they couldn’t not ask, it was bothering them, the gravity magic had been used outside of an encounter, the electroshock had gone as far as killing them without triggering one. It was a foreign and dangerous concept, if he just threw bones out of nowhere they would hardly have a chance.

“OF COURSE IT WILL BE A FAIR FIGHT!” Anger was still there, but little by little they could distinguish more emotions on his face, pride being a strong one “DO YOU THING I, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS WOULD HAVE TO RESORT USING VILE TECHNIQUES TO DEFEAT A PITIFUL THING LIKE YOU?” he scoffed, Sans grinned, his posture more relaxed than before, it made them feel calmer in return.

“Then is settled” They could deal with that, it was simple and familiar “I will do my best to survive the puzzles and be rewarded with a fight with the great Papyrus!” They would befriend him in no time.

Tapping his sharp gloved fingers he grunted something undistinguishable while glaring at them “CONTINUE ONLY IF YOU DARE” then turned around and just started walking.

Sans stood where he was, smile in place, but something was off “if yer smart, yer gonna go back to where ya came from” he said the words slow and careful, like trying to spell out a threat to a particularly dumb human.

“It may be too late for that” they said pleadingly, all this uncalled aggression was making their head spin.

“STOP WASTING MY TIME, YOU USELESS RASCAL” Sans winced at the voice and followed quickly, leaving a troubled human behind.

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[vitaminofhealthreviews-blog]

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