#or maybe this building is surprisingly not as expensive as i'd expect. i was in high school with someone who lived there actually

[daz4i]

when do you think it becomes acceptable to ask "hey. how the fuck can you afford living on the 22nd floor of one of the biggest buildings in one of the most expensive areas of the most expensive city in the entire country while working at a board game store. at age 21"

[skriak]

TOP 10 NINTENDO SWITCH GAMES 2019 - my arbitrary list!

Sometimes it's good to be proven wrong. I was pretty sceptical when the Switch was first announced, as it didn't seem too different from the Wii U's gamepad. Then I spent two years watching Nintendo enjoy a complete reversal of fortune, to the point of potentially amassing a more compelling library than Sony's or Microsoft's consoles. So that's how I quite suddenly found myself buying a Switch in October 2019, after having resisted the PS4 and Xbone for five whole years, and my free time has since been dominated by this little machine that defied the odds.

Some of Nintendo's business decisions can still seem inexplicable, but releasing a powerful handheld console that can also be docked with a TV at a moment's notice has proved to be an inspired idea, rather than the gimmick the Wii U's gamepad mostly turned out to be. And along with Nintendo's dependable series of top-notch exclusives, the Switch has enjoyed much better third-party support, which is how I ended up buying Dark Souls for the fourth bloody time just because the option to play it portably was too tempting to resist.

The Switch is the first console I've bought since the PS3 and for all Nintendo's quirks, there's a reason the Switch has dominated Christmas wishlists for three years running. Games like Super Mario Odyssey feel like full-size adventures that just happen to have a portable option, as opposed to handheld games you can also play on the big screen. This is the first year in a long while that I've actually played enough topical titles to justify a "games of the year" list, even if my recent Nintendo bias is pretty blatant.

So with that caveat in mind, and in no particular order, here's my entirely subjective list of the best Nintendo Switch games of 2019.

Luigi's Mansion 3

This is a franchise I'd always been curious about and can finally have an opinion on. The process of going from floor to floor of the hotel hoovering up ghosts and solving puzzles is pretty straightforward, but Luigi's Mansion 3 has so much polish and personality crammed into the cartridge. Luigi is immediately lovable as a determined coward, and each level has a wildly different theme that's realised with extravagant audio and visual flair, so progress always feels rewarding. Though this isn't true horror by any means, there can be an unsettling atmosphere and some of the bosses are pretty freaky. I officially love this oddball franchise and am desperate for a chance to play the story again in co-op. Unquestionably a first-class exclusive.

Doom (Switch port)

Not to be confused with the impressive Switch version of Doom 2016, this is the iconic Doom made cheap and accessible. While purists may take issue with some minor technical deviations, this is the first time I've got most of the way through Doom because the portability and *glorious* true dual-stick control makes this easily my favourite version. There's even a cheat menu for when I just want to mindlessly punch hell beasts. The main thing that ages Doom is its maze-like structure, but playing it casually experience alleviates that frustration somewhat. At a grand total of four pounds, this is a BFB (big fucking bargain).

Untitled Goose Game

You know a game is good when the only asterisk I put on my recommendation is that it *may* be overpriced. Untitled Goose Game took the internet by storm this year because it's the quintessential indie game: cute, simple and with anti-authoritarian undertones. As a horrible goose, it's your mission to cause havoc in an unsuspecting English village, interacting with people and objects to cause chain reactions of chaos. Some of the puzzle solutions are maybe a bit obscure, but 90% of the time just messing around with everything in the area will lead to a solution. Untitled Goose Game makes up for its brevity with sheer comedic charm, feeling much better-designed than a "lul so random" affair like Goat Simulator. A honking good time.

Terraria (Switch port)

I have spent literally hundreds of hours on the PC version of Terraria, so when I was broke after buying my Switch the new Terraria port was an obvious cost-effective choice. While the controls aren't as precise, the amount of time spent mining and sorting through loot makes this a great handheld experience. I can't comment on the multiplayer options but few games represent such a sheer value for money, as there's always a new cave to explore or a new boss to overcome. Time has been kind to this 2011 classic, grind notwithstanding.

Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair

While I personally enjoyed the original Yooka-Laylee, it was definitely flawed and I never seriously expected to see a sequel. But Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair launched quite abruptly and did a pretty spectacular job of upstaging its predecessor. All the previous game's half-baked feel has been replaced with clever design touches, like the equippable tonics which grant helpful abilities at the cost of a currency penalty. The titular Lair is actually the final level and available to throw yourself at right from the beginning, but beating it without first obtaining more hitpoints by completing other stages is incredibly hard, which is a great way to incentivize progress without denying more confident players the option of beating the game earlier if they can meet the challenge. Impossible Lair might be this year's biggest surprise, and despite a modest budget I think it's worthy of comparison to excellent 2D platformers like Rayman Legends. Just don't expect to defeat Capital B on your first attempt.

A Hat In Time (Switch port)

I recently reviewed A Hat In Time but at the risk of repeating myself, it's one of the most charming games of the last few years and an incredibly impressive crowdfunded achievement. Mario's offerings may be a grander technical feat, but A Hat In Time is a fast and fabulous journey through a series of weird and wonderful worlds that all feel distinct in content and tone. It's very openly inspired by GameCube-era platformers like Mario Sunshine and Psychonauts and it easily scratches that itch. Simply one of the best original platformers of this generation, and I defy you not to love Hat Kid's cheeky antics.

Spyro Reignited Trilogy (Switch port)

As someone who thinks the original Spyro trilogy holds up better than most early 3D games, I'd have actually preferred a simple port rather than a full remake, but The Reignited Trilogy is honestly impeccable. The updated visuals are gorgeous while maintaining the general style of those old, jaggy models, and very little of the gameplay or content has changed except for sensible updates like the ability to immediately warp between every level you've visited. Having full dual-analogue control is also an absolute godsend even for a PS1 veteran like me. Though Spyro may seem a bit basic these days when faced with modern platformer marvels, the Reignited Trilogy makes these old favourites accessible again at a generous price point.

Ring Fit Adventure

Yes, I have a Wii kicking around in a box somewhere. No, Wii Fit never held my attention as anything more than a curiosity. Ring Fit Adventure, meanwhile, is limited only by my cholesterol-encrusted heart and dislike of excessive showering. This is an honest-to-goodness attempt at making an RPG out of a workout toy, and the amount of polish put into the game's presentation and hardware implementation is pretty remarkable. Levels involve jogging on the spot and squeezing the ring accessory to collect goodies and overcome obstacles, and periodically you'll engage in turn-based combat where you use a custom selection of exercise moves to deal damage. It's a fantastic idea pulled off much more elegantly than it sounds. The ring accessory unfortunately makes this quite an expensive game, so it'll take a lot of regular use to get your money's worth, but I can honestly (and surprisingly) say that exercise suddenly becomes more compelling when it's presented as a light RPG adventure with anthropomorphic gym equipment encouraging you to take breaks and drink plenty of water.

Pokémon Sword/Shield

Disclaimer: I can only give my impressions from 25 hours of playing Pokémon Shield, so this is DEFINITELY not a full review. That being said, this is still an easy recommendation to existing Pokemaniacs and a good starting point for any new acolytes. While the core formula hasn't evolved (har har) much since the very first Pokemon, Sword and Shield still has a number of modern quality of life improvements that make previous generations show their age. I've had so much fun building a core crew of cute and/or badass 'mons in a weird Nintendo version of Britain, and the online features combine with a VASTLY improved random encounter system to make grinding far less of a concern. The wild area takes some getting used to, but it's satisfying to come back and capture the huge Onyx you had to run away from a few hours before. Even if Pokémon Sword/Shield has some technical blemishes and could have pushed the series further in some regards, it's still easy to see why this franchise has maintained such a beloved status for so long.

Red Faction: Guerrilla Re-mars-tered (Switch port)

Along with Dark Souls, Red Faction was a game I never even knew I needed on the go, but now I've got it I can't imagine ever going back. A cult classic due to its amazing destruction physics, Red Faction sees you leading a proletariat revolution on Mars, literally tearing down corporate monuments to free the working class from systematic oppression. The open world is a bit claustrophobic and the shooting isn't exactly mind-blowing, but there's a reason I've beaten Red Faction every couple of years ever since its original 2009 release. The Switch port does the game justice and if you set the difficulty to easy then this is one of the best rage-venting experiences money can buy. So yes, I recommend getting your ass to Mars.

[tamiddyinyourcity]

I said I'd stop getting invested

12:53am, September 14th of 2019.

Thinking about how much I resented this one guy.

I still care for him, of course.

But the greatest trick the devil ever played, was getting me to fall for someone during Hot Girl Summer and expect a decent friendship to maintain through long distance once the summer ended.

I went from:

I don't plan to date any man seriously this summer. Like Cher said, men are a delicacy, not a necessity. I plan to have eight million sugar daddies and spend my days on the beach sipping on clear sprite and sangria from a crystal glass. Carpe diem, my friends.

To:

Alright yall, welcome to day three of crying on my spam page. This nigga really leavin in ten days. Dm me, a girl is going thru a lot rn. 😭😭

LIKE..... WOW, OKAY. WHERE DID THE "FUCK BOYS, GET MONEY" MANTRA GO????

Oh, that's right....

It vanished the second a fine ass man with a healthy communication style entered my life, and started saying he had feelings, and shit.

What the fuck, bro?

Here I was last summer with two boyfriends, (or "boyfriends", one who I was with for his cute and shy demeanor, and the other one since he was confident with a kickass body,) feeling queen of the wooooorld, bitch!

I finally understood how kings felt having hella different concubines and mistresses. (Except mine were two consenting adults who were aware I wasn't planning to settle down, at least not immediately, and not a bunch of enslaved and indentured girls who were basically old century sex slaves.)

There was Calvin, who was shy, cute, awkward, kinda nerdy, and was pretty promising for long term stuff. Had a huge crush on him before, and then when he moved into the city and I got legal, well, things definitely clicked into place.

And then there was Patrick; met at an ice cream shop with a THIRD guy I knew, who I don't wanna mention right now, since he's not important enough to really be mentioned.... I didn't like Patrick at first, but even then, just assumed it would be some hot guy that fucks me for a night and then leaves me on read for the rest of the summer.

And I was pretty okay with that.

Since I couldn't be arsed enough to care.

I wasn't born yesterday. Men want sex. I want sex. Men want validation. I wanted validation. Men want one night stands, dates, and playing with people's emotions. I wanted one night stands, dates, and then surprisingly being the one doing reverse psychology on dudes, therefore, snatching their souls both sexually and emotionally.

(Not my fault; you'd be surprised how many men have fallen for me, simply since i refused to care about them. Not even in a psychopathic way, just in a, "fuck who you want, say what you want, I'm still leaving next morning no matter what" sort of way.)

So fueled by Lana Del Ray, Megan Thee Stallion, Cardi B, and the City Girls; a bitch was ready to ACT UP for the summer.

In a classy, yet ratchet, way. Building more girl friendships, learning to detach myself from dudes and just learn to have fun without things getting serious, and looking damned good while working on goals of mine....

Perfect plans.

And it worked. I recall the best start to the summer was starting off with an INSANELY gorgeous date at one of the most expensive, exclusive hotels and restaurants in the city.... and then, maybe a day or so later, going on a date with Calvin, to get sushi floating on little boats in a lazy river type set-up.

Before fucking his brains out at his apartment.

And then the veeeery next day, after a lot of teeth brushing, outfit prepping, and shaking off my excess nerves....

There I had my date with Patrick.

No comment. (Sorry, Patrick. Privacy is much better, though, right?)

Dope date, had its perks.... not gonna share too much, though.

Anyways.

Then next thing you know, fast forward a week. I catch up with Calvin for chinese food and to talk about what we both were looking for.

I didn't know how to choose between "snag the cute, emotionally stable, career set soft boy you have sitting in front of you", or "but I still might wanna fuck other people."

Surprisingly, he brought it up before I even considered saying that. (Thank god... since I had almost chose to be 100% monogamous to the first guy I had a decent sexual experience with in months, oosh........)

Said he'd be monogamous to me, but that I was young, and it was summer, and I shouldn't hold myself back from "any other opportunities", since he was too caught up with work to see me consistently. Made promises of wanting to build to something serious.....

Cool, I got permission to be single.

Lmfao.

Anyways, met with Patrick again because of it. We hit it off! Mostly physically, just hanging out in my city, kissing, chit chat.... not bad. The attraction was there, most definitely. Didn't bang. And it was just pleasant, and felt good.

He also felt the need to disclose that he "wasn't looking for anything right now" and "hes trying to be polyamorous and not limit himself from whats out there", etc etc.

Whole time I was thinking, "That's nice of you to say, but, I didn't expect a sexy ass, and mildly emotionally vacant, guy to settle.... especially not someone who only just turned twenty, and is a college student, in the MIDDLE OF SUMMER."

Been there, done that.... newsflash fuckers, stop trying to date me seriously during the summer unless I disclose the shit.

Nothing is more annoying than dudes going from "ive completely fallen for you" to "nvm u were just the first girl i had sex with in fuckin years", so..... :/

So yeah, he was preaching to the choir on that one. But it helped.

I officially had one boyfriend who was adorable as hell, and very sweet; and then I guess a "side dude", who was fine as hell, outgoing, etc.

Was 100% sure it was gonna just be me having a quick fling with Mr Hot As Fuck Guy, then towards Fall, committing a bit more to Calvin. But things change, as you know.

I saw both of em almost every other day, it seemed. It's funny, it took me awhile before realizing they lived in the same neighborhood, just a few blocks apart. "This street name sounds familiar... hey, I've beem near this restaurant... and this Walgreens!"

But yeah. Every other day, a cute guy, a nice date.

Till the fire nation attacked.

Till niggas caught feelings.

I remember that things suddenly got super fast with Patrick; out of nowhere. Hell, too good to be true. Went from a beach date, to meeting his family, to another half-date at a restaurant, sleeping together, and like....

I did really like it all.

But with my emotionally traumatized ass, I just saw it as, "Cool. This will make a nice little memory."

Since I'm veeeeery used to hanging out with people once or twice before things dip. Or having sex, then falling off of the map. I wasn't gonna make myself vulnerable, no way in hell. If I didn't see this person again, then well, cest la vie, bitches. On to the next person.

But he messaged me almost instantly. It was probably less than a day after I left his place that he texted me again; I expected a "hey just letting you know im gonna be so busy with work lately", but instead, it was a "hey are you free tomorrow? Wanna go check out the city lights again this time if the weather isnt too bad?"

And off we went.

Next thing you know, after an incredible day, we kissed by the skyline. Hung out, had a great time. Had some open talks with eachother.

And then, he admitted, that he liked me more than he thought.

...

Dear readers, this was the day my "heart grew three sizes", as they say. Or the date afterwards was, but whatever, he was perfect.

And still is.

.....

And now hes disappeared.

Off to school. Totally vanished. Messages getting ignored and forgotten.

And all I can do now is move on.

........

I didn't want to be in a relationship in the first place.

I tried to end it with him, several times.

When I caught him halfway being dishonest about him texting other girls.

When I finally realized that I couldn't do "poly" anymore, since I myself had caught feelings, and couldn't put myself in a situation where I liked someone much more than they liked me.....

And then that time, just a day after yet another great day, some girl gave him hsr number....

.

He asked for my permission to text her.... I calmly did him one better, once I realized the deepness of my feelings for him, and told him that we should just be friends.

That he was a good person, that we were still friends, and that I simply wasn't comfortable with that situation.

.....

And each time, he picked me. Tears welled into his eyes. Holding me in his arms. Taking breaks between texts, just to tell me that I was his main priority, and what he had truly wanted.

....

And all for what?

Summer ended, and so did us. He just... hindered it.

There was a lot more struggle to move on.

Since I kept thinking, "But he was fighting so hard to prove that he wanted me."

And in a snap, I was no longer his priority.

And here I am, just as I feared, being the one to care more than he does.

....

Fucking hell.

Could've stopped things so long ago, but he persisted, just to be the one to halt it, and the one to walk away.

All the memories I thought were great, were still just memories in the total end.

And the fairy tale had got its ending.

Not fun.

Here's the song that played when we were on Kiss Cam. A fond memory is him humming it the whole way back to his place after the baseball game, making me blush the whole time...

This song kinda makes me cry, just since it gets me emotional.

And it kinda fits?

Our meeting did work this way. Two strangers, one worked at an ice cream shop, another just on a "date" with a dude she didnt care about, who returned the feeling.

Exchanged a bunch of glances, gave him my phone number, and surprisingly, we lasted as long as we did.

What were the chances, honestly? Polar opposites, but some things just clicked, honestly.

Anyways..... just posting, processing my emotions at the moment.

Shoutout to Patrick. First extrovert I had actually been with and not gotten tired, first person I've slow danced with, first beach date, and first person who... actually was a good relationship with me.

Doesn't hurt any less that you're gone, but it's alright. Not forever. You're still my bro, of course. Once I get over the idea of you screwing whoever the hell or seeing whoever in college, or I get over you with someone else, (if thats even fucking possible, considering my luck with guys who are socially awkward and extremelt emotionally inconsistent and unstable... a.k.a., guys that suck total balls,) I just...

Like you, and miss you.

Thanks for making me cry, but in that nice way, where a good memory overwhelms me so much from how amazing it felt.

Thanks for being who you are, asshole.

.

And I guess I won't resent you so much these days.

.

Not much to say.

Everything worked out so far so well. I wont say i want things to change, since in reality, this is the nicest outcome one could have for this situation.

.

Alright, its 1:54am, Saturday, September 14th of 2018.

If you're reading this, Patrick, you're an asshole. But as usual, thats just my coping mechanism for when I'm trying to hide my feelings, and/or avoid saying something emotionally vulnerable to you.

I gotta shut up or else ill say my actual feelings and throw myself back into the mood i was in when i was resentfully writing this at the top of this page.

Love you, assholes. To anyone who is reading this, i love you. Stay safe. Bye loves.