#or maybe post acofas pre acosf

[batboys-cumdumpster]

Me: minding my own business, getting ready for work

Brain: Feyre x bat boys foursome

Me: sighs, not right now ffs

Brain: Rhys sitting calmly in a chair with a drink in his hand while he slowly loses his mind with lust watching Az and Cass worship Feyre

Me: .... I'm listening

[princessofmerchants]

Hey ! first of all: I recently discovered you blog & totally fell in love with it🥺, especially after my "Nessian Hangover".

I know this might be a bit off-topic from your usual content, but there's something about Cassian's relationship with Mor that really irks me...and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.

His actions, like pulling away from Nesta's hand in ACOWAR, left me feeling frustrated and sympathetic towards Nesta. And then there's that whole thing in Wings and Embers where he's all secretive about Nesta with Mor and doesn't wanna tell her about Nesta, which gave off major mixed signals?? I mean, describing Mor as something between a lover and a friend, while also being like family? That was so confusing, how can she be all three to him? it just felt so ... inappropriate and I felt so bad for Nesta bc obviously she deserves someone who has only eyes for her.

But then in SF he says all romantic feelings turned into familial bonds after the incident so what was that about then in WaE and pulling his hand away in ACOWAR?

Also in WaE it sounded like he primarily slept with Mor out of jealouy but in SF it does seem like he did had romantic feelings towards her ? :/ ...

And when he thought in SF about how hauntingly beautiful Mor is and how it takes his breath away and that she is lovely and perfect .... it just drove me mad tbh because this sounded very romantic coded to me which made me feel so bad for Nesta.

it has been all so confusing and inconsistent to me and also just frustrating how he talked so poetic about a woman he slept with (or did he also call Nesta also hauntingly beautiful or lovely or perfect and I'm not remembering it?), or how he didn't wanted to show Mor that he has feelings for Nesta?? :/ - so I just wondered what you thought about all of that, in hopes to calm me down or clarify bc it really almost ruined him for me (maybe I was misinterpreting stuff?).

hope that's not a weird question bc of how spesific it is haha

BTW I love your love for Nesta bc same🖤.

I love this ask, Anon, and how detailed and specific it is. It is a question after my own heart! My response is long so it's after the break.

Thank you for saying you love my love for Nesta - that means the world to me. What I especially like about your ask is, it is about canon Nesta, who is the Nesta I most treasure, and by extension about canon Nessian. I sometimes feel like a lone voice in the drafty moors of Tumblr with my deep and abiding love for canon Nessian, so the fact that this ask lets me talk about them in canon makes me happy!

I have given this a lot of thought since receiving your question, and I'm not sure how satisfying parts of my answer will be, so my apologies in advance for the fact that I am not actually going to offer an explanation for how and why all the details you listed can co-exist in a single, utterly comprehensive whole for the Cassian-Mor relationship when Cass is unquestioningly Nesta's by the end of ACOSF.

Instead, here's why the lack of things utterly lining up for these three doesn't bother me in the long run, and only slightly bothered me during the pre-ACOSF / post-ACOFAS era.

It is clear to me as a reader that SJM pivoted in a significant way between ACOMAF and ACOWAR when it comes to Mor.

I came across a post recently that explains exactly my thoughts on this. The post focuses on the current ship war but the evidence in it describes how during ACOMAF it was clear Moriel (Mor and Azriel) was likely to be endgame, but then SJM shifted Mor's arc to where she was more attracted to women, which meant needing to retcon a lot (and unfortunately a lot of Mor's charm and nuance was collateral damage that I am still hoping SJM repairs).

I think Cassian in ACOMAF needs to be read in the context of a planned future love triangle of sorts between Azriel-Mor-Cassian, into which I do think SJM planned to throw Nesta as a big bomb that beautifully blows up Cass's corner of the triangle. But the parts in "Wings and Embers" where Cass says to the reader he is worried about what Mor will think about his fixation on this human woman, I think were meant to preserve some kind of angsty triangle for the next book, which SJM (thankfully) jettisoned. I hate love triangles so I honestly would not have been a fan if that had been where SJM landed.

Now, in ACOWAR and ACOFAS, I think the Mor stuff with Cassian gets a bit more confusing, so I agree with you there. Cassian doesn't know for sure Nesta is his mate until she screams for him during the Battle of Hybern at the end of ACOWAR, so the stuff before that - e.g., him removing his hand from hers - I read in a few ways. I think being buffer to Mor with Azriel all those years messed with his head a lot, and in a way, Mor finally coming to terms with her sexuality is a really solid catalyst for her beginning to distance herself from the triangle dynamic she was a part of for 500 years, which I think was more healthy for everyone involved.

But remember, Nesta is still proud and surly in ACOWAR, not in any inherently bad way but in a way that probably didn't signal to Cassian she was particularly interested in him, even as he was drawn to her like a magnet and couldn't keep away because part of him loves her claws so much. Cass rightly protects his own heart when he has the foresight to do so in ACOWAR and ACOFAS. I always knew they would work their shit out eventually, but during the messy process of doing so I don't begrudge him a little distance when Nesta, in her trauma response to what was happening to her and around her, sometimes lashed out at the strongest individual in her vicinity who she knew could take it like a boulder weathers the storm - that person was always Cassian for her.

When I first read ACOSF, I absolutely assumed going in that Mor was going to be catty about Nessian finally starting to get together. When she wasn't, it was jarring to me. But once I finished my first reading of ACOSF, I came to a striking conclusion about Mor, ACOSF, and SJM:

The story SJM needed to tell in ACOSF would not have been aided or forwarded by Mor intervening in the Nessian dynamic in a catty way, or being a foil to anything about Nesta in that story's arc.

In other words, SJM could have written a version of Nesta and Cassian's book that included Mor challenging Nesta's right to be with Cassian, but that was unequivocally NOT the book SJM wanted or needed to write (hopefully my double negative landed correctly here, lol).

So, SJM pivoted, and sent Mor to Vallahan, so SJM could write the story she needed to write. As a writerly choice, I adore everything about it - Nesta didn't need to be fighting with another woman over rights to her mate, she needed women friendships that were pure and gloriously blank slates upon which and with whom to write and tell her and their collective story - so SJM introduced Emerie and Gwyn. SJM even brought in Mor later to teach Nesta the waltzes, and their brief exchange in which Nesta called her Morrigan and Mor invited her to call her Mor, and Nesta accepted the invitation to do so, is another breathtakingly vulnerable moment for Nesta that fills my heart right up. To this end, the promise that Mor will begin to train with the Valkyries in the next book has me so excited.

Now, there are two lines in ACOSF I still want to comment on (then I'll reign in this very long post, lol). First, I agree that Cassian's observation in his pov of how breathtakingly beautiful Mor is at the cafe toward the start of the book can come off romantic coded, though for him at this point I don't think it is. But whether it is or not, we need to remember he and Nesta still have a whole book's worth of stuff to work through with their romantic relationship.

I suspect SJM included that moment in part to set up some stakes for the Nessian arc - that, although Cassian hasn't had sex since he met Nesta, he is still a man who is drawn to admiring a beautiful woman inside and out. If Nesta had already won his exclusive attention in this regard before any of their arc began in that book, what would be the point of the book? (By the end, I do think Cassian only has eyes for Nesta, and it is absolutely because they claim each other - I don't think in the long run he would have been able to settle for less, and nor should he have.)

And, since Nessian aren't in a relationship at that point in the cafe at the beginning of the book, I'm not mad at him for admiring Mor's beauty per say. I think if Nesta invited it then, he would admire hers a lot more, and with a much more deep seated attraction. ACOSF is about them both letting their inner barriers down to allow the other to love them, so that kind of attraction still needs to be earned between them at that point in their story. His observation about Mor's beauty is in a different category entirely from where Cassian eventually lands with Nesta, so there is nothing threatening about it for me.

The other line that feels weird to me most times I read it, is when Mor baldly tells Nesta early in ACOSF that she would have sent Nesta to live in the Court of Nightmares. The only explanation I have for this moment and exchange is that for SJM it was more in service of Nesta's arc, and less about making sense coming from Mor. What I mean here is, at that moment Nesta feels wretched and all things terrible about herself, and it's a feature of that kind of disordered thinking that others around you either seem to echo what you're thinking about yourself, or sometimes do echo it in reality, if through a trauma response you've hurt those around you (*she says from personal experience*), or if through their own trauma response those around you respond in kind (as I think may have been happening with Mor in this scene).

Do I love that Mor says something so cruel to Nesta in that moment early in Nesta's healing journey? No, I do not. Do I see why it helps to heavily charge these early scenes for Nesta as she truly hits rock bottom regarding her feelings about herself? Yes, I do.

Which leads me to how I'll conclude this. I hope SJM intentionally develops Mor's story so she isn't just a device in the story arcs of others. For better or worse, some kind of reckoning between her and Az needs to happen, likely in the next book, for either to truly move on. But I hope Mor gets the attention a character like her deserves in future books.

I am A-OK with her mostly-absence from ACOSF because I don't think she would have been a productive part of Nesta's healing arc, and at the end of the day that is the heart and soul of ACOSF for me - Nesta healing.

The reason ACOSF-Nessian has my whole heart is because, it's so clear to me the ways Cassian supports Nesta's healing and is the catalyst for a lot of her growth into a person who loves herself and sees herself as worthy and deserving of love and happiness.

If he was a bit of a hot mess in the period between first meeting Nesta and getting to finally be with her as accepted mates, I don't begrudge him that.

[lily-thesuriel]

Some Thoughts post ACOSF and pre HOFAS

I have just finished my re-reading of the Acotar saga and I come to make a "brainstorming" of data and ideas that I want to put down in writing before HOFAS

there is a lot of repetition of the dates "more than 10000 years ago" and especially in Acosf "since 15000 years ago" I suppose that they will be to match the dates of the world of Acotar with the world of CC, although there are certain things that do not fit at the moment.

There are several data that change from ACOWAR to ACOSF , why ? Because I believe that they will be relevant in the future, these data are (that I have seen) 1 that in ACOWAR Lucien does not arrive until the lake of koschei but in ACOSF it is said that yes he has arrived / 2 the recap of what happened in Sangravah / 3 the subject of Illyria and the difference between the teaser of ACOFAS and the first chapter of ACOSF

to this day I still don't understand Rhys's "you-always-have-a-choice" behavior in ACOSF, sorry I don't

The secret winged baby and Renesme 2.0 plot continues to be horrible.

I do not understand how people do not shipe Vassa and Jurian, simply with the phrase "do not call her queen that goes to her head" (not the literal phrase, I'm writing from memory do not eat me) I'm already sold, I can understand the ship of Jurian-Vassa-Lucien, I do not share it but I understand it but leave out the banter that has Vassa with Jurian? No,sorry

I don't want Rhys as High king, and I don't know why I think that because of the decline of Tamlin that it will happen.

Bryaxis hello ??? Where is he? He appeared in ACOFAS and then was never heard from again , and who or what was he before he was Bryaxis ???? Fionn??

I need to know the full story of Eris, I need to know what she hides, right now you tell me that ACOTAR5 is from her POV and I'll be happy to read it (very unlikely I know).

Why the carved beasts of hewn city are the same as the "beast form " of Rhys and at the same time are the same as the Hounds of the Great Hunt ?? And why is no one talking about this? I need answers

Narben, where are you ??? (maybe it is Danikq's sword ???)

Nesta can still use the 3 trove ???? Yes ? No? Will Elain use them ? Will Bryce use them ?(I think so ) what will happen when the 4 troves are united ????

The shipons and invoke stones work with firstlight, that "pure" and raw magic that the Illyrian have is actually firstlight, are they a failed experiment of the Daglan/Asteri ? Yes

Daglan= Asteri

Enalius died in a battle against the Daglan trying to protect Ramiel's black stone (or monolith), what is that???? Whyyy?

Ramiel is hollow (and has the Daglan palace??)

Touching Ramiel's stone when winning the great rite heals all the wounds of the one who touches it, Emerie's wings are healed ???? Will she fly again? I hope she will be healed (by Ramiel stome or by Thesan) because she said she was in pain from time to time.

The only thing this fandom agrees on is that Mor and Emerie are going to end up together and they haven't even spoken to each other (that we have seen) just because Emerie called Mor beautiful.

Controversial topic, I understand partly the Elriels. Does Azriel like Elain? Yes, in Acosf that is clear, in Acofas it is intuited although he still likes Mor. Does Elain like Azriel ? Yes, she does. Now I think they will end up together ? No. Why? Because of the scene in Acosf where Az says that the troves have a darkness that Elain shouldn't get close to and Cas responds but Nesta should ? (Not literal phrases, I'm writing without looking at the book ) sorry but what I like about the Maas guys is that they give you options, do you want to do something dangerous ? I don't really like it but if you do I support and help you , the ultimate example of this is Rhys. If you take away that possibility of choice for me that couple loses all appeal (that's why I haven't put up with Rhys half of Acosf) now well if the book ends up being Elriel ?(Which I don't think so and as of today I don't want to ) congrats to them, sure Mass makes me fall in love with their story too. (But at the level of the overall plot if what was said in 2021 is maintained, that the two remaining books of acotar were to be narrated each by a couple, it makes no sense that acotar5 is Elriel because then the trilogy closing ? Whose is it? Lucien's and Vassa's ? And you spend the last book (confirmed for the moment) without any POV of the IC, sorry but it does not attract me at all)

Elain, I really want Elain Book i need her Pov, I still think that Elain is going to end up with his mate ? Yes, that Elain doesn't want anything to do with Lucien ? Yes too. Why do I think they will end up together ( and that their story will be a sort of marriage of convenience / force proximity ) because when Cassian reveals his mate bond to Nesta, Nesta resents the word Mate because it would mean giving up the last of her humanity, Nesta. Now imagine the trauma of Elain who not only didn't want to be Fae but was also engaged and the first thing she learns is that she has become FAE (and therefore goodbye to her life as a human ) and that she has mate (which takes her away from her engagement ). To me Elain doesn't reject Lucien because of her persona, but because Lucien means accepting 100% that she is FAE and I think that's something Elain has not yet done.

Maas highlights interactions where Gwyn and Az appear and does not highlight any interaction between Az and Emerie (compare the two scenes when they go to cut the ribbon) why does she do that ? Well, let everyone draw their own conclusions

ACOTAR 5 : Azriel +gwyn

ACOTAR 6: Elain + Lucien ( koschei dies here , in charge of killing him Elain and Vassa )

Characters that I think are going to die in this saga: 1 Helion (sorry I love you but you have all the ballots to die ) 2 Amrem and Varian, I explain myself, I think the IC is not going to survive whole again, I think Azriel and Cassian are not going to die, Mor has a story to tell (from what is sensed in Acofas and Acosf) and the novella I think will be hers, so the options to die are Feyre and Rhys (who could because they already have an heir, but Mass loves Rhys so I doubt it) and finally Amrem who I think is the one who will die (this time for real) and Varían will also die because separating lovers is very cruel.

Sorry for any mistakes english is not my first language

[bookofmirth]

I actually hate how much ACOSF focuses on Nesta making Cassian insecure because she called him a bastard/brute, or that she always uses his insecurity against him because there’s just not enough in the text to support that. It’s such an example of telling instead of showing. Because honestly, I think Cassian is projecting his insecurities on her. He hates that she’s rejecting him after ACOWAR so he assumes its only because he’s a low born and he’s not worthy (which we know as readers to not be true, it has to do with herself). After reading ACOSF, I remember that I literally control F'd all the times Nesta calls Cassian a bastard or brute in text pre-ACOSF because I was like did she really say it that much? And the answer is literally no.

Her brows flattened. "Leader of the High Lord's armies, and yet the brute remains. You cannot cow me with words, so you seek to intimidate me through your hulking size.” - This is Wings and Embers like you pointed out, but I think this was totally justified honestly lol. He is trying to intimidate her.

“That bastard,” Nesta said with utter coolness, though her eyes began to burn, “may wind up being the only person standing in the way of Hybern’s forces and your people.” - And here’s the big moment where things should have turned around for Cassian. Nesta, in front of all the high lords, defends Cassian against Beron. She’s literally telling everyone that he’s more than just a bastard and that maybe you should respect him a bit. And there are so many other moments in ACOWAR that show that she doesn't think lowly of him at all like calling out his name to save him or literally not leaving his side to die with him. These moments should have anchored Cassian a bit in ACOSF, where he knows she's saying and doing hurtful things because she's hurting but he knows deep down she cares deeply.

Anyways, that’s all the time she says it. In ACOSF, there are so many moments where Cassian assumes Nesta is thinking that he’s less than like here: He said to her, if only to beat her to it, “Still a bastard-born nobody, don’t worry.” - But we know from Nesta’s thoughts that she actually thinks very highly of him.

I know people will say well she undermined Cassian when she didn’t get up off that rock and there are other moments in ACOSF where she says those words but the point is it is only in ACOFAS and on that he is hurt and insecure by it i.e. when she's rejecting him. Because all throughout ACOMAF and ACOWAR he doesn't tie his insecurity to her because she's warming up to him slowly. I think ACOSF made Cassian too much a victim at times that it was just omg stop. I hate to break it to you Cassian but no matter how much you hate it, you are a bastard. That’s just fact (at least at this point and with the current knowledge we have. Lord knows if the crossover changes his parentage). Anyways, maybe it’s time you come to terms with it which I think is the point of that last chapter with Eris, but once again, it just proves how as soon as Nesta accepts him fully, he learns to not be hurt by those words. So he is tying his worth to Nesta which is unfair to Nesta. He needs to learn to accept himself for himself not because he finally got what he wanted. Lol I don't know if that last bit makes sense, but the real point I'm trying to make is that ACOSF really was way too heavy handed about Nesta hurting Cassian, when I don't see it.

She definitely says the words more times than you pointed out, but I got rid of a lot of them from that post because the number of times doesn't really matter. The point is that she identified a sore spot and exploited it. That was her M.O. in acosf, with Feyre, Elain, everyone. She was cruel to push people away, but then ultimately hated that about herself.

I think that you have a point about Cassian interpreting insults from Nesta without her having actually said them, but her expressions do just as good a job of doing it. There are times that she's dismissive of Cassian in the same way that Eris is dismissive of him, and probably Beron, and other High Fae:

But Nesta only stared at him, her nose crinkling. Stared, then snorted—and walked away. As if he were nothing. As if he weren’t worth her time. The effort. A low-born Illyrian bastard. (this is acofas)

So that's his perspective, and yeah that's how he's interpreting her actions, so I agree with you that sometimes, it's Cassian's insecurity that is interpreting Nesta as viewing him as a bastard, rather than her saying it. (I do want to point out that it's clear that Nesta wants him to feel like shit in this moment. Not arguing whether it's good or bad, if she's justified or not, just making a statement. We can't blame Cassian for interpreting that negatively when that was her aim.) As you pointed out, we know that Nesta thinks highly of him - but that doesn't matter to Cassian when her words and actions don't reflect that.

But doesn't all of this make Cassian exactly like Nesta? Doesn't his sensitivity towards something and reading that insult implied in people's words make him far more like her than we realized?

Fine, then. She could be direct, too. Nesta shot back, “For packing my things while Rhysand and Feyre told me I’m a worthless pile of shit? Yes.” (acosf)

Rhys and Feyre never said that. But that's how Nesta took their words. In their worst possible interpretation, in a way that fed on Nesta's insecurities and worst thoughts about herself. She does this repeatedly in acosf, which is a big point of the book. That she thinks these horrible things about herself, and often, she's the one interpreting horrible things that other people did not say. So even when she doesn't call Cassian a brute, he might still interpret the worst because that's something he is sensitive about.

It's actually an interesting parallel between them, imo. And as you pointed out, sometimes Cassian shows a thicker skin for those insults, but then so does Nesta! Like with Devlon calling her a witch.

So he is tying his worth to Nesta which is unfair to Nesta.

I don't see this at all... there are times that those words hurt him, and times that they don't. It's not just about Nesta, because that insecurity didn't stem from her, nor do those insults. She didn't plant that in him, and she's not the person to help him get over it, at all. Eris insults Cassian too, and sometimes it gets to him, other times it doesn't. That's just how it works? We have days where we are more sensitive or less. There are times when it cuts deeper with Nesta because he loves her. Of course you don't want the people you love to think the worst things about you. That's also pretty normal?

It just seems to me that if we forgive Nesta for her intense insecurities and fears in acosf, then why wouldn't we extend that to Cassian? Because he's… old(er)? There is no age at which people stop feeling things, or suddenly get their shit together. If there is an age where people stop feeling insecurity and nothing ever bothers them anymore, then I haven't reached it yet or seen it in anyone I know. 50, 60, and 70-year-old people can and do experience things in the same way that 20-year-old people do. Do they know more? Yeah. But that's knowledge, not emotions, and that wisdom is not even a guarantee.

Ultimately it doesn't really matter what we think of these characters because it's not like they're going to know. It just seems incongruous to me to look at one's character's insecurities and think "get over it", while being sympathetic to another character's insecurities. If you, personally, didn't understand Cassian's feelings in acosf, then that's valid! But I definitely understood his perspective.

[whyisaravenlike-awritingdesk]

Almost everything is on AO3 under Daughterofthesea ✨

Nessian:

Promise ACOSF/ACOFAS fix-it fic (Complete) I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV

Just Give Me Tonight Cassian works through his feelings for a mortal Nesta. Set mid-ACOMAF. (Complete) I, II

The Grand Tour Cassian once dreamed of showing Nesta the world. Now he can. Just Give Me Tonight spin-off. (Complete) I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII

Untitled (sort of Nessian, anti-IC) drabble

Overture After seeing her dance, Cassian fills the symphonia with Nesta's favourite songs. (Complete)

Carynthian Cassian watches Nesta through a mirror during the Blood Rite) (Complete) I, II

Dance, Let it Be Set post ACOSF, there's only one thing that will take Nesta's mind off the horrors of the Blood Rite and Feyre's labour. (Complete)

Hold You Till Forever Cassian made Nesta a promise on the battlefield. In the immediate aftermath of the war, Nesta goes searching for him to make him a promise of her own, having realised a few things in their brush with death (Complete)

Semper Eadem Elizabethan AU. It’s 1575 and Nesta Archeron, lady-in-waiting and favourite of Queen Elizabeth I is trying to forget the bastard nobleman who, eight months ago, stole her heart and left. Now, at a pageant thrown in the queen’s honour, Cassian is back and trying to win Nesta round— but there’s no way she’s going to let him off easy. (Complete) i, ii, iii, iv, v

Through the Dark When the ravens attack the library, Cassian suppresses every violent instinct he has in order to give Nesta what she needs. (Complete)

The Bargain People whisper about the god that lives in the forest, that grants wishes to the desolate and the desperate, but when Nesta Archeron takes it upon herself to enter the forest and ask the god to save her family, she gets much more than she bargained for. (Complete)

Heirs to Empty Thrones In the absence of the king, Nesta finds herself carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, and there's only one knight in the world that can take her mind off it. Medieval AU. (Complete)

How The Light Attaches to a Change of Heart It’s been three years since Rhys demanded Nesta move to the House of Wind or be exiled to the human lands. That day, she walked away and never looked back, choosing a new life for herself on the continent. But something’s not right, and when she returns to Velaris for Elain’s birthday, she figures out what she was missing all along. (In progress)

A Final Poison Kiss Delivered Gently Nesta Archeron is a renowned and ruthless fae warrior, but she gets far more than she bargained for when, in the midst of battle, she finds herself up against the most fearsome General. Retelling of the Achilles/Penthesilea myth. (Complete? Maybe? Maybe not?)

How Could You Think, Darling, I’d Scare So Easily? Set post-acofas and pre-acosf. Each night Cassian sits on the roof of the building across the street from Nesta’s apartment, waiting for a light in her window. (Complete)

Should’ve Worshipped Her Sooner Cassian can't sleep because he's too busy simping over Nesta. A drabble partially inspired by Hozier's Take Me To Church.

If You’re Lost, Just Look For Me When Cassian is called away to Illyria for a whole week, Nesta finds her mate has left her something behind - several somethings, in the form of letters hidden throughout the House of Wind. Set post-ACOSF. (Complete)

Nevermind Twelve months to the day since she and Elain were thrown in the Cauldron, Nesta finds herself at one of Feyre’s dinner parties, trying to wrestle with an entire year’s worth of grief— until Cassian holds out a hand. (Complete)

Who Am I, That I Should Get To Hold You? When Elain throws a ball to celebrate her recent engagement to Greysen, there's nothing she wants more than for Feyre to attend. To keep the newly-Made Feyre safe beneath the wall, the General of the Night Court is resolved to attend too, planning only to observe the party from a distance. But when the irascible Nesta Archeron makes her entrance, Cassian's resolve crumbles and over the course of a single dance, he finds out that perhaps Nesta was always destined to be so much more than he bargained for. ACOMAF AU. (Complete)

My Hand Was The One You Reached For In the midst of war, Nesta Archeron bandages an injured General's wrist, and as Cassian lets Nesta tend to his wound, he realises there's not a thing in the world that could make him pull away. (ACOWAR fix-it). (Complete)

Hold Me Like A Knife After a decisive battle forges a peace treaty between the king of the West Saxons and the leader of the viking horde, Anglo-Saxon Nesta Archeron is brought north for the first time in her life when the king’s court travels to Jorvik. She should be terrified, and yet quickly she discovers that there are some things about the heathens that she can’t help but be drawn to… especially when a chance encounter brings her face to face with one viking in particular. (In progress) I, II

Begged & Borrowed Time Stuck in a loveless marriage, Nesta meets Cassian at entirely the wrong time. ACOMAF AU. (In progress) Prologue, I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, IXX, XX, XXI, XXII, XXIII, XXIV, XXV, XXVI, XXVII, XXVIII, XXIX, XXX, XXXI, XXXII, XXXIII,

Nezriel

A Liar, A Fool Cassian pulled away from Nesta's touch, but when she fled, Azriel followed. ACOWAR fix-it) (Complete)

A Part of Me That Will Never be Mine It's Solstice Eve, and in the wake of Cassian's Solstice gift to Mor, Nesta flees the town house, but instead of Cassian walking her home, it's Azriel. (Complete)

A Taste of the Divine Returning from a mission, the Night Court’s spymaster arrives back in Velaris in need of a stiff drink above all else, but after seeking out Velaris’ seediest tavern, Azriel gets more than what he bargained for when he finds Nesta inside. Post-ACOWAR, pre-ACOSF. 

Nessriel

The Light I Need Set mid-ACOSF, Cassian finally notices Nesta's aversion to fires. Wanting nothing more than to help the woman he loves, he turns to the brother who he knows has faced similar trauma in the part. Soft three-part Nessriel fic. (Complete) (I, II, III)

Neris

The Gold in the Flame (Burns Brighter Now) Nesta had always been too sharp for their liking-- for her sister and Rhysand's Inner Circle. But during the Solstice celebrations at the Hewn City, Nesta dances with Eris in Feyre's place and learns that, perhaps, being sharp isn't always a bad thing. (For Nesta Week 2023 day 2: sharp). (Complete)

Elucien

A Rose Without a Thorn Growing tired of all the barriers between them, Elain finally snaps during one of Lucien’s visits to the River House. Set post-acosf.

Gwynriel

That one little snowball fight fic I wrote that doesn't have a title

[vidalinav]

Empathetic Nesta

I have a headcanon/theory/analysis that Nesta is the most empathetic, genuine, and loving one of the IC/not IC and that that part of her starts really being more accessible when she’s able to let her guard down. She’s the one who feels so much, who’s gone through so much, and wasn’t able to process that really well and then wasn’t really validated on behalf of her own trauma.

I kind of envision her being better at helping people through more difficult times, because well look she gave Elain what she needed during her own hard time, a safe space to heal unencumbered by other people’s wants, wishes, or ideals that again is not attributed to her fairly as being generally kind and loving. 

Part of the reason, I feel, that this “sisterhood” with Emerie and Gwyn feels so genuine, is because all of them are very open about having an ugly past, but there is no judgement, no ill will. It’s a safe place for them, but she was the one who started this. She was the one who offered this to the priestesses. She was the one who sent those spices to Emerie, because “Emerie needs good spices” but also because she understood that training might be helpful for her too, because they were similar in some sense. An unspoken understanding. I feel even Cassian has a more genuine personality around Nesta than he does even with the IC. He was allowed to step out of that role of being just the general, just the comic relief. He was able to be vulnerable. I’d say that even him saying horrible things to Nesta, is a way in which he is allowed to be an ugly, flawed person, because you notice he doesn’t do that with anyone else. Also, we have to keep in mind that Cassian in most all books, has been described as having that irritating smirk, not being serious, but in this book he can’t hide his emotions. They’re plastered on his face for everyone to see, which I think is very interesting that it’s attributed to Cassian always being genuine and an open book, when in ACOMAF-ACOFAS, he seemed to be not that open. He swiped that hand away after that intimate moment, he ran to his room after the whole gift thing, he wouldn’t talk about Nesta and no one talked to him about her, he tended to dismiss Feyre when she brought her up, but we also get these instances where Cassian is the comic relief. He’s the dumb one, the troublemaker, the unserious one. He plays that role for Mor and Azriel and the other characters assign that title to him. Not to go off on a different tangent, but this is why I also think the IC not validating Nesta’s trauma is very IC thing to do, since they don’t seem to do it for themselves, and to really fit into this group, you’d need to sweep yourself under a rug and I think that’s why it seemed to be almost an outright attack when Nesta wouldn’t do this. We see now many more instances where going against the group exhibits the most dramatic response (i.e. telling Feyre about the pregnancy, Azriel and his want of Elain, Cassian being concerned about looking for the Dread Trove). But regardless, I think Cassian is a allowed to be a more natural person around Nesta than he is around the IC or about the IC. 

And then we also get this constant reference to Nesta just not judging people right off the bat. Amren likes her for this. Azriel treats her normally because of this. Both of which are said to be such an unnatural response, because everyone but Nesta will judge them immediately. Then we have that solstice scene, where she goes to Azriel who’s sitting out in the corner, because he’s alone and they, both, even from the beginning have this sort of understanding about each other and what they hide/don’t hide. Even when she thinks of Mor, she’s not harsh like Mor is, she calls her a hypocrite and moves on. When Mor literally is super verbally aggressive in ACOWAR twice, she just goes on her way. Like Cassian, I think it’s fascinating that everyone has a problem with Nesta, and that we see some of the ugliest qualities of these characters because of Nesta, because they don’t chill for five seconds as part of the group dynamic. Individually, we did see Mor not be so bad. So that’s also interesting too. It might be the whole, rather than its parts. 

Let’s not forget that Nesta is inherently good, no matter how “angry” she is and she’s very protective of the people she loves. She was the one who fought for those humans to the Queens and then to the High Lords, wanted to protect their right to live, who acknowledged those children in ACOWAR who’d died, and those who could die. She defended Gwyn from Merrill, then Gwyn and Emerie during the Rite. Elain all of her life, as evidenced by the memory of the dance, Nesta’s favoritism, and then Elain’s change to being fae arc. She defended Feyre to Tamlin, both in ACOWAR and in ACOSF, then you know sacrificed her powers, but she also literally tried to cross the wall to get Feyre back and then when Feyre came back she told her be free, because you have that opportunity and we won’t hold you back. She helped in that war that she was scared to be in. She defended Cassian, protected Cassian on numerous occasions pre ACOSF and then now in ACOSF. This is why I think that no matter how much some of the characters want to be mad at Nesta, it almost seems foolish to be. Almost ignorant. Very selfish to be quite honest as if their inconvenience is bigger than her pain. 

But, because all of this, is centered around Nesta, I have a feeling that this genuineness is more because of Nesta than it is because of other people towards Nesta. I think that her ability to create an environment that is judgement free, coupled with this idea that she feels so much, alongside the fact that she is very protective of people and the idea of goodwill, would make her more empathetic to people and their pain. I would love if post-healing arc that’s where Nesta’s personality is taken. I don’t want to her fully assimilate to the IC or maybe she should just to shake things up--maybe she should because she could probably be more helpful than the IC’s quack tendencies of telling each other to quietly persist in their own trauma without acknowledging the other person’s pain, though this would be MESSY. I just do feel that Nesta could end up being the most loving, and I would like to see more of her just being caring in a carefree way. Love freely given, I mean. Because I hated that this book almost made love seem to have to be deserved or earned. (an analysis for another time I suppose)

[vidalinav]

Snippet (3)

Cassian stood in front of her apartment door, practically breathing on the surface. He was already tired, and he’d only walked up the stairs. Perhaps he was out of shape, but no... it was that the mere idea of this that made his body ache and his stomach turn uncomfortably.  

He might have laid his forehead there, on the wood, if he was sure, it would not make a sound. Cassian did not want to make a sound. He wanted to be invisible, to float through the walls, to be in her presence without having to beg for it... but in truth, he would have settled for Nesta knowing he was already there. To her opening the door to her apartment as if he was welcome. Even if he was not.  

He took a breath, eased himself out of his thoughts, before lifting his fist where it lied on the green peeling paint.  

Just knock.  

Cassian lowered his hand.  

No, he couldn’t do this. Couldn’t make himself reveal what he already knew—that she would not open the door and even if she did, she would not be happy to see him. She’d slam the door on his face, and he’d run away with that confirmation and with a new bruise and a terrible ache in his chest.  

Cassian walked away. He had to walk away, or he’d never recover...  

He began walking down to the bottom of those five flights of stairs. A whole other world beyond them. One that didn’t seem to include her, or... recognize her or... want her to be a part of it. She didn’t want to be a part of it and Cassian ached at that too. 

But a thought entered his mind...

What if she did want to be included? What if she wanted to experience it all and didn’t have the opportunity, the hand out held out for her, because she was too scared, and by the time she got the nerve, she’d be left behind? The world--this world--was safe. He would make sure she was safe, and she’d be able to explore and experience it all. What he felt, what he saw, what he breathed. She didn’t have to be scared. 

Cassian didn’t have to be frightened. 

And maybe... 

Nesta could sense him there. Was perhaps waiting for him to knock, because she’d wanted this as much as him. Because she’d cared for him. He knew she did... or just because she wanted the company. He’d take that too. Anything she gave him.  

The thought made him want to run back up there. Try once more. So, he did, his feet pounding on the steps until he stood in front of green. A color that made him nauseous. He tried to breath, to imagine fresh air and the wind on his face.  

His hand was poised to knock...  

Just knock.  

But, no...

He should have brought food.  

The last time Cassian had seen her, she was thin. Nesta had always been on the small side, but she’d been smaller and thinner lately. She could use some muffins... or... or... What was her favorite food?  

Cassian didn’t know, but he’d ask Feyre or Elain, and come back with food and... tea. She liked tea; he knew. She’d always gotten peppermint at the townhouse. Always drank it when she was at the House of Wind.  

Tea and food, he could do that. It was early now anyway, Nesta could be asleep for all he knew. She did always have late nights. He’d get food and tea, and when he came back Nesta would surely be awake.

Cassian lowered his hand. A mission on his mind as his feet pounded along the stairs with the smell of baked bread in his nose, the feel of hot tea on his palms...

Cassian paused, halting near the last step.  

But what if he lost his nerve? What if she wasn’t even there when he came back? She could have something to do during the day, he didn’t know. He didn’t know anything about her. He didn’t even know what she liked to eat!

No, Cassian decided, he had to do it now.  

So, he ran up the stairs once more. The clinking of metal and concrete and the sound of his steps filling his ears. He’d knock. He wouldn’t lose his nerve.  

He was almost at the last step, and then he'd knock. He’d knock this time.  

“Would you stop that racket?” A fae yelled from beneath the stairs. Cassian peered over the railing. A stout male carried a broom stick like brandishing a sword, and the male hunkered back at the sight of him.  

Cassian couldn’t help the way he stepped along each foot as if the nervous movement might somehow make him seem smaller. He never liked being so tall... And the height of the stairs didn’t make him seem less intimidating. On a battlefield and in the bedroom, his physique had come in handy—advantageous even. To trapezing through the city and to Nesta’s tiny apartment building, his size had made him no friends.  

“Oh, it’s you again.”  

Cassian chose to ignore those words, didn’t let them hit him like a door to the face. Because he had been there, hadn’t he? Too many times. Too many pep-talks that went unrecognized for he could never find the nerve to knock—to be what she needed.  

The fae male lowered the broom, sweeping casually, moving back and forth as if the interaction—Cassian being there—wasn't odd at all... or perhaps was too odd, and he couldn’t fathom not doing anything while the minutes passed by.  

The male started to whistle. A tune that reminded Cassian of old days, though he couldn’t remember which. There’d been so many, too many that Cassian wanted to forget. The melody drifted past his ears until he could only hear shouts... screams... war tunes... and drums. There’d been too many who whistled that tune until they could whistle no more. Cassian couldn’t remember them all.

He could only think of one--who’s voice had quieted so much that he would have taken any shout, any cruel word to hear her again. To see her awake, alive, and fighting. Because she had stopped fighting, hadn’t she? 

He watched as the male paused, looked at him, and began the sweet tune once more.  

Cassian turned back to the door, raising his fist to the wood.  

Just one knock.  

“She’s not here, you know.”  

Cassian knew that was a lie.

He felt her there. A string pulled taut and tight to where she lied in that room of hers. He wanted to grasp it, tug on it and see if she’d answer... Cassian couldn’t bring himself to wonder what he would have done if she’d ignored it, if she tore it apart like the rest of her. 

And it was that thought that made him lower his fist...  

He’d try again another day.  

~

Same fic as yesterdays. Post ACOFAS, Pre-ACOSF. One day it will be done and titled. I love nervous wreck Cassian btw. Maybe I’ll keep him this way. 

I have a list of people who are tagged, but do y’all want to be tagged on snippets??? I never know. I’m only tagging these people for now. 

@arinbelle, @thewhelk, @ladynestaarcheron, @regolithheart