#or maybe im just overreacting to all of this (i get jealous way to easily you guys)

[jadelemonadee]

i think about this a lot…,.,most of my thayne / seabury posts barely get any notes but whenever other people draw him they get way more attention and it’s frustrating me!!!! what must i do to get the tumblrpeople’s approval 😓😓

[goldentsum]

━ jealousy

REQUESTS: (seperately) bokuto, hinata, and akaashi x jealous s/o. say that she isn’t a very jealous person to begin with but there’s another girl who seemed to have taken a liking to the boys and she doesn’t like it. add some angst if you will :) hopefully ends with some fluff. 

🎕 asked by: nonnie 🎕

CHARACTERS: bokuto koutarou, hinata shouyou, and akaashi keiji

GENRE: angst, fluff

AUTHOR’S NOTE: i don’t know if i did it right but D: i’m rlly active rn cus im excited idk why-- also hinata has a lot of dialogue in this one

━ bokuto ♡

bokuto is a jealous baby owl and you know it,, know it too well... he gets pouty if your attention is elsewhere even for a minute!

you, on the other hand, is as cool as a cucumber. well, that what it looks like anyway. 

you get jealous quite a lot, to be honest, but your pride won’t live if you show it so you just try to shrug it off every time

but when kou gets a little too much attention it pisses you the fuck off 

you get snappy and your mood is down for the day but kou is always on his way to make it better~ 

the baby owl may be oblivious but when the topic is about you, he pays attention to your every movement and to what makes you tick

so when someone!! a person you hate because of their flirty attitude and rude remarks gets a little too close to your baby--

oh, it's about to go down!

you’re in the cafeteria sitting on one of the free tables, waiting for your hyperactive baby owl, when you see a certain someone clinging to Bokuto and pressing their chest against his arm

aND WHAT PISSES YOU OFF MORE IS THE OBLIVIOUS SMILE ON BOKUTO’S FACE

you turned around and looked at the juice box you bought for bokuto and grabbed it roughly, stabbing the straw to drink it yourself

you knew how popular bokuto was and how ‘plain’ you were but it still hurt when people never respecting bo’s personal space and your relationship as you two were publicly open with your relationship

akaashi, who was lagging behind bokuto, saw this and quickly rescued the dense captain making a certain someone whines about it but akaashi paid no mind and dragged bo away and towards your table

“hey, babe!” 

you looked at him and rolled your eyes, scoffing a little with the straw still on your mouth as you proceed to ignore him

bokuto’s eyes widen at that and sat closer to you, leaning closer and putting his head on your shoulder, nuzzling at you. 

this usually makes you break but nope, your pride said nope and you ate lunch with bo pouting and whining to you. akaashi who watched the whole scene sighed.

the next time you saw bokuto was at dismissal with him racing to your classroom the moment the bell rang. he went inside when your teacher dismissed you and waited on the side for you even though you were ignoring him. but what slightly shocked you was the serious face he has on. 

when everyone else was gone and you were about to go to, bokuto grabbed your hand and made you stay

“what’s wrong? please talk to me...” He whispered, hugging you close to his body. 

you pouted at that, the gesture cracking your cold demeanor quickly. you sighed and hugged back the sweet boy.

“i’m sorry for ignoring you, kou...” 

you felt his smile on your skin making you smile too

“It’s okay but please explain...” 

his innocent words and eyes made you shy. maybe you overreacted a little bit but your ego is too big sometimes

you averted your eyes and looked at your shoes, bokuto’s arms still around you. 

“cus... you let (h/n) touch you and you were smiling too!” 

you whined a bit, looking up at him. his surprised expression then turned into relief and he started laughing

“who knew you were the jealous type too, (Y/n)!” 

you pouted and hid your face on his chest, 

“shut up... i’m human too, ya know... and you’re not one to talk, you’re the one who always gets jealous..”

“That’s cus my girlfriend is too pretty and too many guys have their eyes on you!”

you scoffed playfully at that, not having the energy to remind bokuto that those guys were just asking for some notes or something to you, knowing well that it would brew into bokuto pulling up his ‘facts’ and arguments on you again that those guys were unto something...

“shut up, you owl”  

“your owl~” 

━ hinata ♡

this small bean is also one of the easily jealous type and he creates a safe and danger distance around you in his mind

there’s only a certain distance a guy can come close to you and if that line gets crossed, he goes pROTECTIVE MODE

tanaka and noya are proud of their pupil as they watch him circle around you like a rabid dog or crow?

he is always with you! ALWAYS! And he always buys you some cold drink or if you don’t bring lunch, he lets you share his bento with the courtesy of his mother as he asks her to make a bigger lunch for him when he knew that you don’t really bring your own lunch.

so when it was lunchtime and hinata was nowhere in sight, that worries you a LOT

you run to the courtyard where you two usually hangs out with kageyama but was surprised to only see Kageyama and his milk box

jogging up to the tall male and you asked him about shoyou and you heard an answer you were not expecting to hear

“some fancy pink letter asked him to go to the rooftop, it said that they wanted to say something to that tangerine” 

(y/n).exe has stopped working

kageyama looked at you with a quirked brow, still sipping on the milk box, he poked you with a curious look

“why did you let him go, you idiot!” you said, surprising kageyama who pouted and glared at you

“why the hell are you yelling? he’s just meeting someone!” 

“you dense blueberry!” you shouted and hit kageyama on the shoulder with a light scowl

kageyama was about to retort when a familiar childish growling caught his attention as you both looked at the side and saw a glaring hinata racing towards you two at a fast rate

“why you kageyama--! don’t get too close to my girlfriends!”

hinata slotted himself between you two and started bickering with the tol blueberry

you sighed at the scene in front of you and a light pink object caught your attention. there it was, a pink chocolate bar in hinata’s hand as he waved it around, trying to punch kageyama. 

you frowned at it and started walking away, leaving kageyama and hinata at the courtyard. hiding from hinata, you ate lunch in the bathroom stall as icky feelings start to grow.

after lunch, you quickly run to your classroom wanting to avoid seeing hinata at the moment 

but luck wasn’t at your side when Hinata dragged you off and got inside the janitor’s closet with you. 

“hinata, what are you doing! lunch is already finished, i’m gonna be late for class!” 

you tried to leave the small room but hinata closed the door when you tried to open it

“no! you left me with kageyama all lunch break!”

“i-i had a stomach ache and went to the nurse’s office--”

“i went there too, you weren’t in there” 

an awkward silence filled the small room while you looked at hinata with surprise

“i-it doesn’t matter--”

“It does matter! If you feel the need to lie to me then it’s a big matter!” hinata said, frowning at you 

you sighed and let hinata hold your hand

“please tell me what’s wrong” 

“i heard you got confessed to”

hinata blew a fuse at that and started waving his hands furiously, “h-how’d you know?! i didn’t accept it, i promise--!” 

“you didn’t?” 

hinata stopped for a moment and looked at you, eyebrows furrowing

“yeah, i got myself the best girlfriend... why would i wanna change that?” 

you went closer to Hinata, letting your body hit his and hugged him

“i-i’m sorry... it’s just that, i thought you would find someone better and leave me...” 

“I WOULD NEVER! You’re the best girlfriend in the whole wide world, (Y/n)!”

“You’re the best boyfriend too, little tangerine” 

━━ akaashi ♡

let’s be real here, you’re definitely the jealous one in the relationship. I mean having a boyfriend who’s too pretty to comprehend and easily attracts a lot of attention can make you like that. but you hide it pretty well, well most of the time anyway...

akaashi always ALWAYS pays attention to you and knows everything that can trigger you to become sad, angry, jealous, and happy

he always makes sure that you’re always fine and happy, that you’re comfortable and content

we stan the perfect boyfie 🥺

bUT he can be quite dense sometimes when it’s not about you or volleyball.. fUKURODANI PPL ARE DENSE 

girls would always flock his classroom before you can get there, snacks and treats in their hands to give it to akaashi and being the petty little gremlin that you are, you were pouty

akaashi sighed because it’s always either you were pouty or bokuto is and sometimes the worst-case scenario happened where both of you are pouty at the sAME TIME! 

akaashi= Mom Daddy

you reached our final form of pouty when you saw a certain someone a bitch dragged akaashi to talk to him or whatever and being the curious thing you are, you followed them and hid behind the vending machine, listening to their convo

“you know, your girlfriend is cheating on you, right?” 

wHY THAT BITCH! She just lied like it’s her common language wtf! 

you prayed that your baby boo won’t believe her cus YOU ARE NOT CHEATING ON HIM! why tf would you cheat on him when you hit the jackpot? tf

“and you must know that spreading rumors and lies about a person can take you off the first string in the track team right?” 

oOF--! YOUR BOYFIE REALLY POPPED OFF HUH

you snickered behind your hands, listening to the lying snake stutter a complain but akaashi cut her off 

“if this is all then I’m going now but if i hear any rumor circling around (y/n), i won’t hesitate to take action myself.” 

the snake scoffed at that and walked away, stomping 

there was silence for a moment but then keiji called out, surprising you

“i know you’re here, (y/n)” 

you stiffened at that and moved away from your hiding spot while coming up with excuses

“i-i wasn’t doing anything! she just dragged you off so i followed--!” 

akaashi smiled softly at you, walking closer and patted your head gently making you feel flustered.

“i know, let’s go? you must be hungry” 

“you won’t leave me for her, right, keiji?” 

akaashi shook his head at your question, a small smile on his face and looked at you, letting his hand fall and held your smaller hand in his

“it’s not like you’ll let me leave”

“HEY! you make it seem like i’m holding you as a hostage or something!”

“hmm”

[tokyoghoose]

am i more than you bargained for?

pairing: tetsuro kuroo x reader

playlist: heather - conan gray*, 4ever - clairo, line without a hook - ricky montgomery, melting - kali uchis, slow dancing in the dark - joji, using you - mars argo, she - ed sheeran, make you feel my love - adele, letter home - childish gambino, she's casual - the hunna, i love you so - the walters, notice me (acoustic) - role model, red dress - postcard boy

warnings: angst and lots of it, mentions of sex, mentions self-shaming of image, very breif mention of anxiety attacks

summary: a romantic comedy without the comedy between friends with benefits

announcements!

kuroo is definitely a little ooc in this lmao buuuut this is my first like fic fic in like two years. Im still trying to get back in the groove of things and finding how to write personality again and not be repetitive with my wording. Feedback is welcome!

requests are open! feel free to send them in! i will write for pretty much any anime ive seen and if i haven't seen it, ill watch it! the only reasons i wouldn't is if im uncomfortable or can't write the character. :)

——————

When did relationships become so difficult? The days of making friends on the playground were over and it seemed to hit everyone at the same age. Life was getting harder and people were getting older, and suddenly everything was difficult. Nothing came easy anymore and everyone had to adjust to that.

But now you were just confused.

Tetsuro kuroo stuck to you like glue since middle school. Where one of you went the other was likely to follow. The righthand man, the double trouble duo, and the bane of kenma's existence. And then things got complicated. Strangers to friends to best friends to lovers— friends with benefits. Who would've thought the boy that you played volleyball with on a whim would've become the man who you grew fond of. Sixth grade you would've kicked yourself for the feelings you're experiencing. Oh how you wished you were back in the park that started it all. You wished you could warn your youngerself what's to come.

The realization hit you like a ton of bricks and it made you want to throw up at the thought.

It started in the first year of highschool when you suddenly noticed the shine in his eyes when he talked passionately about something like volleyball or the way he would furrow his brows when concentrated on his assignments. At first it was endearing, really. But the more you hung around him, the stronger the butterflies felt. It was obvious that he had grown into his lanky body. His legs were proportionate to his torso now and his once scrawny arms didn't hang limply at his sides anymore. He had muscle and height now. Gradually you started to notice little things about him that you would never have seen in other people. Like his lopsidded smile that crinkled the corner of his eyes and brought heat to your cheeks, your stomach launching into your chest when he'd bump shoulders and laugh.

You should've just smacked yourself silly then and there when you started to wonder if he noticed little things about you. Does he think of me like i think of him?

Who knew feelings could be so...perplexing. You moved on, shrugging off the crush in your second year to catch bigger and better fish in the sea. Life moved on and you dated other people, simply remaining friends with kuroo. Little did you know one heartbreak would lead you into his bed, playing in the sheets by the end of the year.

He was just so damn compelling. His laughter and his jokes. You fell for it all over again. Deja vu. Stupid kuroo.

———

The third of highschool had been the breaking point. It was a constant cycle of feeling, fucking, and falling in and out of love with the raven haired boy. It was frustrating, especially when he was so damn oblivious. The only person that seemed to catch on was kenma, but he was very little help when it came to pushing away the domestic thoughts. It would never just work out because you wanted it to because tetsuro was dumb.

It's a chilly day out, the sun nice against your skin but the wind was drastic in comparison. Shivers are sent up and down your spine, you wrap your arms around yourself in a hug. Could this boy take any longer? Foot tapping against the pavement, you heave a sigh, nostils flaring impatiently before you spot the tall athlete. With a girl. A girl?

You'd seen her around before and you vaguely remember thinking she resembled the main love interest in a 90s movie or a bratz doll. She's pretty and has a light, airy laugh. Kuroo must've told her a joke of some kind, but he definitely wasn't funny enough for her to have her hands all over his chest. He's giving her a toothy grin and soft eyes. It makes you want to gag.

Who was she anyway?

Not that it mattered because in that moment the fit of rage your body suddenly flug itself into prevented you from hearing anything. Kuroo's pulling off his pullover and drapping it over the pretty girl's shoulders. You can feel your eye twitch and fibgers tingle. He looks bashful as he waves her goodbye and tragically, you don't feel nearly as pretty as you had been feeling. Now all you wanted to do was sink into the ground below you and possibly into another dimension—or at least the other side of the world.

"She's pretty," is the first thing that comes out of your mouth when he comes over, slouching with his hands in the pockets of his shorts. He had practice this afternoon, you remember. He looks over at you with raised brows, almost like he's surprised yoy said anything or even noticed he was talking to another girl before walking towards the gym with you trailing close behind.

"Yeah she is, I guess."

She's prettier than me.

"You guess? Kuroo, you gave her your sweater."

He shrugs sheepishly, a light pink dusting his cheeks and it makes you mad of uncharacteristic the act is. You resist the urge to roll your eyes.

"It's just polyester. It's not a big deal."

The conversation suddenly drops as you pause, apparently very hurt that he didn't remember it was you who gave him the sweater in the first place. He turns around, a questioning look on his face.

"What? Are you jealous?" He teases.

You're fuming at his attempt to be playful. Maybe you were overreacting, but it pangs your chest to know he can brush it off so easily.

" Kuroo, that was my sweater. "

It's gritted through your teeth, eyes slotted into a glare and his face drops. Oh is all he can think as he stares at you and the hurt expression that quickly turns into that of annoyance and anger. You push past him, ultimately deciding not to walk him to the gym. His arm reaches out to catch you, but it falls short as he calls out in a whine, "I'll get it back for you, okay? Come on, y/n!"

———

You can't focus on the assignments in front of you no matter how hard you try. You are exsausted. Just wanting to crawl under the covers and sleep for maybe a thousand years, you stop tapping your oen against the paper to hyperfocus on the black dots that now littered the page. The music in the background pauses before coming back to life with the hum of a new song shuffling in. It's quiet and yet, it's overwhelming. You wish you weren't home alone now.

Hanging your head low on your desk, the carpet becoming of interest, you groan. The image of kuroo and that girl replaying in your head over and over like an endless movie. You'd have to give it a bad review if it ever ended.

You're focus is mainly on her though. Kuroo could get any girl he wants with his witt and charm. Not to mention he wasn't jusf handsome, but he's beautiful. Model material—movie character love interest type beat. He has the ability to make any heart swoon if he tries hadd enough, and that girl was no exception. She was more than pretty. She was stunning, even. It was like watching human barbie and ken flirt with one another. She seems so nice too and you can vaguely remember her helping you wish a couple answers on homework one morning. She's better than you and better for him. Is he sleeping with her too? Before you can answer your own question the doorbell rings, quickly followed by a knock at your door.

You look down at your pajamas, debating if you should pull on your robe or not, but ultimately deciding against it when the knocks come again.

"Im coming, I'm coming. What do you wan- kuroo?"

When you open the door, you immediately get the urge to shut it right in his perfect little face, and you begin to before his hand slams against it in protest to push it open wider. He juts out his lip into a pout and his eyes soften into ones pleading like a puppy dog. You huff and avoid eye contact, instead taking intrest in the bad he was carrying.

"What's that?"

"Stuff. I'd be happy to show you if you let me in."

"Sorry, tetsuro, no can do. You haven't returned my sweater. "

He scoffs and rolls his eyes before shoving something bulky into your arms. You're not sure if you should be happy he actually got it back or upset that he had to see her again to get it. Finally looking up at him, you move to the side so he can step in.

"You know, you don't have to be jealous that i gave another girl a sweater. You're my number one, y/n." He's teasing, but his words still send the butterflies in your stomach crazy. You can only hope he means it, even if just a little.

"I'm not jealous. You can sleep with whoever you want, kuroo. We're just best friends—if anything im your wingman. "

You want to hit yourself on the head. Why would you say that?

He snickers at the rebuttle, coming to loom over you. Apparently the only thing that can get you out of your head is his cologne because it somehow invaded your senses. He smells expensive, like nice leather and fire wood during the winter. It's very manly, you note. His shadow hovers over yours as he traps you between him and the counter with a playful smirk on his face. How smug could he get. He leans down, bringing your chin up between his thumb and finger. You hadn't realized how close he was until now. Since when did you get so nervous around him? Why did it make you nervous when he kissed you all of a sudden? It's unfair that he holds the advantage. Heat rises to your cheeks and the tips of your ears and you're positive he can hear the beating of your heart, which was currently trying to break out of your chest.

His lips take you to paradise, as always. Their soft against your own, yet firm. They're slightly chapped and they taste like spearmint. It makes your head fuzzy because they feel so right, even when you wish they felt wrong. You want to pull away and kick him out, and end thjs whole arrangement, but you're already very familiar with the fact it's just beginning.

———

The bed is warm. So warm, in fact, it feels like your suffocating. The sheets tangle around your limbs, strangling you as you tangle your limbs around kuroos. You almost want to cry, and if you were anywhere else— with anyone else —you probably would have. The heat is unbearable and the one sided tension makes your stomach churn and your throat tighten up. You were almost positve an anxiety attack was coming on.

Taking a deep breath through your nose, you close your eyes as kuroo's nimble fingers soothe circles into your shoulder blade idly and yet somehow he manages to dodge the purple and red splotches blooming on the flesh. Suddenly you wish you didn't feel so safe and protected in his embrace. The moment almost tempts you to whisper sweet nothings into his ear, but you don't deserve to be the person who does that because you aren't his person. Best friend, maybe (next to Kenma, if anything) but, you aren't his person no matter how you long to be. You're just a friend in his bed having a good time. It isn't as fun anymore.

You swallow a lump in your throat, flattening your hand against his broad chest and willing yourself to lift up out of his grasp, his fingers falling smoothly to stop between your shoulder blades. Looking down at him, he presents you with the soft, goofy look on his face that he always adorns. God, there's nothing you wouldn't give to wake up beside him every morning and kiss that lopsided grin off his face. It hurts to think about, and another wave of tears try to force their way past your lash line. You blink them away and put on a soft, one-sided smile for the man below you, giving him a quick peck where his jaw and neck meet before shrugging his hands off and climbing out of bed.

His eyes track you, lazily hooded and watching, as you take the sheet with you to cover yourself, grabbing your shorts and whatever top you were wearing but a few hours ago before everything was strewn about. You shy away from his gaze, but it's nothing he hasn't seen before. He shifts in the bed to face your back, elbow propped up to lay his head in his hand. With an uncharacteristically soft tone, you almosf don't head him when he speaks. The words that come from him are like honey, yet raw. It's enough to make anyones knees buckle and crawl back into bed.

"Are you okay?"

There's a slight hint of concern there, just hardlg scrapping the surface of the question. You nod with a hum, throwing on the loose shirt before facing him. Kuroo's brow raises like he doesn't quite believe you, but he doesn't take the question further and instead turns to get out of bed. You gnaw at your lip, taking your turn to watch him stretch out. His back has red streaks messily placed down it from his shoulders to the base, his biceps matching. His hair is messy and not like the normal bed head he sports, parts of it are spiked up from fingers constantly pushing through it, while other parts are laid flat from sweat. You can't help the thought that he's sculpted by the gods. They definitely took their time on him. Scoffing at yourself and shaking the thoughts free from your head, you head to the bathroom. As if the bed wasn't suffocating enough, just being the same room was found to be worse when he looks like that. At this point, it was preferred he stayed under the covers.

You feel stupid while looking in the mirror. Your mascara from earlier had smudged beneath your waterline, clumping together in the corner. Your nose curls at the sight, hands splashing cool water at your face, rubbing at your eyes. With a sigh you lean your elbows on the sink, pushing back hair and looking down at the water going into the drain.

This is ridiculous.

How on earth could you do this to yourself and to kuroo?

There's a knock on the bathroom door, it's light and gentle in the typical kuroo fashion because he doesn't want to spook you. You purse your lips, digging the palms of your hands into your eyes and heaving a sigh. As soon as you open the door and switch places, you're up and out of his apartment without saying goodbye.

The cool air of outside hits your face and you hadn't noticed the tears until the damp chill shook you. Brushing them away, you head home. You didn't want to be around him and you certainly didn't want to think about him. On the way back, you finally decided you weren't going to tell him anything. What would dumb tetsuro know about it anyway.

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 21

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- i feel like this chapter is intense? but its her pov so it may just be the way she sees and feels it. maybe she’s overreacting lmao! maybe she wants it so much that shes hallucinating. who knows :P

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 21 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

There's no one else like Niall to make me smile when I don't even feel like it and when he licked my cheek, I couldn't help myself. I didn't know why I lost my temper when Niall mentioned Maya while we were cooking but her name made me angry and jealous. I didn't know what had happened between Niall and her, all I knew was that she had deleted the picture of them kissing from her instagram account and for some odd reason, it had made me feel lighter, like a heavy weight had been taken off my shoulders. I knew it meant nothing and that they probably still had something going on but the fact that the whole world was not a witness of it made it better.

I stared at him the whole time we ate, feeling extremely lucky that he hadn't given up on me. I know it can sound cliché but most guys I knew easily dropped their female friends when they got an official girlfriend but Niall had never done that. Of course, he was less available if he went steady with a girl but it didn't happen much and I understood, but he always made time to see me and talk to me.

We washed the dishes without a water fight this time and ended up in the living room. I searched through my spotify playlist and put music on. He groaned and even if my back was facing him, I knew he was rolling his eyes, which made my lips curl even more.

"Liv, why?"

"Because I'm a One Direction fan." I explained in an amused tone as 'Infinity' started playing.

His voice filled the room and my smirk turned into a fond smile. I couldn't explain how much I loved hearing him sing but it brought in me a sensation of well-being that I couldn't explain. Maybe it was only because of how much I loved him but I felt like there was more to it. If I was being honest with myself, it was everything he did, everything he said, everything that emanated from him, like some sort of incredibly intense sentiment that made me literally vibrate in his presence. And I knew it sounded stupid and cheesy and cliché... but it was the truth. It was him and everything he was.

"This song makes me think of you." I admitted in a low tone, not daring to turn around to meet his gaze. He was probably frowning and I tried to focus on the beating of my heart inside my chest. The rhythm was abnormal but I tried not to think about it. "And me, too. Like this song was a bit of both of us."

He didn't say anything and I remained motionless, staring at the tv on the wall and trying not to say too much even if I knew I had to explain myself.

"I mean, I know that feeling, in the first few verses. I keep falling and it hurts... Everything seems to go so fast yet I can't seem to follow. I feel frozen most of the time, like there's nothing I can do. And you know, I followed you on that tour and it was crazy. I lived things I couldn't even dream of living and saw things I never thought i'd see. Yet everything seemed to go so fast I felt like I couldn't quite follow. Like I was always a few steps behind."

"Behind what?" his voice echoed inside me, making my heart skip a beat.

I licked my lips and breathed in before turning around slowly and shrugging.

"Behind you."

His eyebrows raised but then fell and turned into a frown. He shook his head slightly, not really understanding what I was saying but it took me a few seconds to continue.

"And you know that part where it says 'everybody wants you'?" I nibbled my bottom lip. "Well it's true. Everybody wants you. I knew everyone wanted you before but when I joined you on tour it made it so much more obvious."

I swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears inside. I was being emotive and I just stared at him as he stared back, sitting on the couch, his back leaning against it, until he moved his upper body closer and leaned his elbows on his knees. Instinctively, I took a step closer.

"But the tour before this one, the tour I didn't go with you? It was even worse. I mean yea, I had friends and a job and all that, but something was missing. You were gone. And I thought about all the conversations we could have had if you had been there."

I saw so many emotions pass on his face but I just couldn't decipher them. Perhaps I was too busy trying to contain myself and not just tell him how much I love him. He shook his head slightly and frowned more.

"What are you trying to tell me, Olivia?"

The song was over by then and an other one had started but my brain didn't seem to focus on it at all. I finally just shrugged and looked away, breaking this connection we had.

"Nothing. Just that I feel.. like I need you in my life."

"I need you in my life, too."

I nodded slowly, pressing my lips together and looking at the carpet. It was close. I was so close tell him and I didn't know how I felt about it. Was this sadness or relief? Or a mix of both? He had said so many sweet things in our room after we had that fight when he found Harry and I together in bed. His words were running over and over in my head and I could still feel the warmth that had invaded my whole body in that moment. So many times I just wanted to cup his face and kiss him but I never did. I will never do it.

When I looked up, he was not sitting anymore. In fact, he was closer to me and he was holding out his hand to me, his eyebrows raised and his lips curled a bit. I chuckled and rolled my eyes with a grin, taking his hand in mine. Quickly, he made me twirl around and I started laughing until I was facing him again. An other song started, this time I recognized it immediately. It was 'Temporary Fix' and Niall started dancing, pulling on my hands and making me laugh even more. I started dancing with him but he didn't let go of my hands, not even a second. He made me twist and turn and spin until I was laughing so hard I almost forgot how to breathe. At the end of the song, one of my feet got caught into one of his and I let out a high-pitched scream as I fell. I held on his hands so tight that he fell on top of me and I started laughing even harder. Those moments with Niall were everything I needed and when he started laughing too, I started wondering why I wanted something with Harry when I had everything I needed with Niall.

"You're such a clumsy ass!" he let out with an other chuckle.

I stopped laughing as soon as I opened my eyes. His body was over half of mine, both his legs on each sides of one of mine, and he was looking at me from very close with an amused smile.

"Well, i'm pretty sure your foot was not where it was supposed to be." I argued but swallowed, feeling his whole body pressed on mine.

"No, it's all your fault."

He was not laughing either anymore but the left corner of his lips was raised. Weirdly, his smile seemed gentle and it made my heart skip a beat.

"It's your fault, Horan." This time, I had almost whispered.

I could feel my heartbeats accelerating and he moved slightly against me. I held my breath and raised my eyebrows in surprise when I felt his dick press on my thigh. I could have sworn he was getting harder by the second. I was starting to feel my inner thighs throb and it was driving me insane. I couldn't believe I was getting aroused by my best friend getting hard against me. My lips parted but I couldn't think about anything else until his face changed and he cleared his throat, rolling off of me and laying on his back. I wanted to look at him but all I could think about was the pressure I still felt exactly where his crotch had been a few seconds before and how his half-hard dick felt against me.

"You wanna know what One Direction song reminds me of you?"

I just turned my head his way and he did the same, sending me an other smile. I was not going to mention what had just happened but I was not going to forget about it either.

"Mmhm." I just whispered, nodding a bit.

He smiled more and searched through his pockets to grab his phone. The song started playing from the speakers of his living room and with the first few notes, I held my breath again. I knew what song it was and it made me happy. It was one of my favorites and when it came to his verse, he sang it in a low tone with his own voice in the background and I felt my whole body melt.

"Feels like this could be forever tonight Break these clocks, forget about time There could be a World War 3 going on outside You and me were raised in the same part of town Got these scars on the same ground Remember how we used to kick around just wasting time?"

I gripped the carper hard with both hands to stop myself from bringing one to his cheek and when the chorus started, I sang with him as we started at each other. At some point, he even mouthed the bridge and it felt like he was telling me he was always going to look for me... that he was always going to come back to me. I felt myself tear up and I blinked a few times, trying to get rid of my tears.

"I love that song." I admitted when it was fading.

"I know."

We smiled at each other and he finally turned his head back to look at the ceiling.

"So, which One Direction songs are your least favorite?"

"Easy, pretty much the whole first album."

My answer probably surprised him because it took him a while to keep talking.

"Why?"

"Because they didn't give you solos. You barely sang." I explained with a shrug. "And you've got the best voice in all of you."

I thought he'd laugh and joke around but he simply looked back at me again.

"You think so?"

"Yes, I do."

Quickly, he moved his face closer and pecked my nose, making my heart beat all over my body. He chucked and got up, extending his hand to me. I stared at it and licked my lips, putting my hand in it. He grabbed my fingers and helped me up, making me twirl one last time before walking to his couch and letting himself fall on it.

"How did the talk with Harry go?" he asked with a sigh as I heard an other song start in the background but the volume was lower now.

I grimaced, not really wanting to discuss that, but just sat next to him. I wanted this evening to be just us two but it was hard to ignore that we both had someone else in our lives. Well, sort of.

"Was alright. You know Harry. Laid-back, calm, not in a hurry to date or anything." I shrugged.

"But he wants to?"

"He says so but I don't know, I think he'll get tired of it quickly enough."

I turned to him and tried to find out how he was feeling without much success. He seemed on the verge to say something but I talked first.

"What about your conversation with Maya?"

He rolled his eyes and sighed. leaning his head against the couch and closing his eyes for a few seconds. I felt extra guilty for the relief that washed over me. It's not that I wanted them to stop whatever they had, but it was harder than I thought to think he could fall in love with her. It hurt way too much.

"She wants a relationship and I don't. We argued a bit but we decided to go on that double date with you and Harry." he pointed out. "And she deleted the picture, which is what I wanted the most."

I nodded slowly, not daring to look at him. I tried to think of how a double date would go and I felt like it would be very painful for me but I didn't mention it, obviously.

"Oh, talking about that." he continued. "Have you seen all the comments under Harry's picture?"

The thought made something twist in my stomach. Of course I had seen the comments. All the judgments about me and my appearance. All the opinions of people who thought I was too ugly and fat to be with either of them. How I barely deserved to hang out with them, let alone date one of them.

"Oh yea." I grimaced. "How I'm too plain to be around you guys. My teeth not straight enough, my hair not glowing enough. My clothes not special or expensive enough. I've read every single one of them."

He turned to me and his eyes roamed on my face.

"I didn't see those but screw them. It's not true. You're anything but plain."

I smiled fondly at him and simply nodded, not really wanting to argue with him.

"And your teeth are cute."

I chuckled and rolled my eyes at him.

"You got yours straighten, didn't have that chance."

"Told you, they look cute."

"You looked cute with your crooked teeth too!" I commented with a chuckle. "You're the only one who didn't think so, you know."

"And look at them now!" he joked, smiling exaggeratedly at me and making me laugh again.

I pressed my hand on his face and pushed gently on it, rolling my eyes but still laughing. I took my hand back and he smiled at me as I did the same. I don't know how long we stared at each other but eventually, we had both stopped smiling.

"What I meant earlier, about the song..." I breathed in but sighed and shrugged. "I just meant that everyone wants a piece of you... and I feel like eventually, there will be nothing left for me."

He didn't break eye contact but I felt his hand squeeze mine so tight it almost hurt. He looked serious and I felt my heart throb all over my body. The way he looked at me made me feel dizzy and I held my breath.

"I will always be there. I'll never leave. Never."

I almost felt shy from the way he was gazing at me, like he could read my soul and everything I was trying to hide. I nodded extremely slowly this time and after a while, he smiled at me, letting go of my hand.

"There are comments about you and Harry, and some about Maya and I." he added, going back to the previous conversation. "I normally don't read that shit but I wanted to see how damaging the picture Maya posted was."

I could lie and say I never read the comments but it was useless and also stronger than me. Perhaps the fact that the majority of people thought I wasn't worthy of Niall made me believe it through the years. Perhaps my self-esteem was more than just slightly scratched. Perhaps it was completely ruined.

"Let me guess, Maya and I are both not good enough for you guys? Although some comments probably said how gorgeous she was." I chuckled but I knew it was not funny and i looked down at my thighs as I played with the fabric of my pants.

"Oh I don't know, but some people say that you and I are their OTP. D'you know what that means?"

I closed my eyes tight and smiled slightly. Of course I knew what it meant, I had looked it up the very first time I saw it, and It took me a while to get over it. The certitude that some people, although a very small portion of Niall's fans, thought we should be together made me feel incredibly good. I had never answered or liked one of those comments but knowing they existed was enough to make me happy.

"One True Pairing. Yea, I know." I said with a chuckle again. "It's probably about our friendship and how close we are, you know? They can see it, I guess."

I expected him to tell me how crazy and ridiculous the thought was but he didn't and all I was thinking about was talking about something else before it became awkward between us.

"When's that double date?" I asked, regretting it almost immediately after.

I wanted to stop talking about those comments about Niall and I but talking about the date that I feared was definitely no better. The image of Niall and Maya kissing in the living room of the lodge a few days ago made my heart jump in my chest as anxiety crossed my whole body. I didn't want to see it again.

"I don't know," he shrugged. "This week I guess."

"Okay, I'll ask Harry when he's available." I added without enthusiasm.

If I could, I'd postpone this date for years but at the same time, I had to find out what was going to happen between the four of us. The more time I spent with Niall, the more I realized that being in a relationship with someone that wasn't him was not something that I really wanted but at the same time, i couldn't stay single forever while he dated perfect girls like Maya. Perhaps, officially dating Harry was the solution... the cure to this painful feeling inhabiting my whole heart, mind, body and soul. I couldn't be in love with Niall until I died, right? It had to stop at some point?

"Okay so, movie marathon? You said rain check."

I turned to look at him and he was staring, his eyebrows raised, waiting for an answer. I smiled and nodded quickly making his lips curl. He put his hands on his thighs and got up as my eyes followed him. He searched through his dvds and didn't even show me which one he picked but when it started, I grinned wide and it made him chuckle as he sat back next to me.

"Thank you!" I said, moving closer and kissing his cheek, my lips brushing against his stubble and making a shiver cross my back. "Thank you." I repeated in a very low tone.

He turned his face my way but I didn't move. I enjoyed the proximity of his mouth from mine as I heard the start of the first 'Back To The Future' movie on the screen. He smelled so good. No one smelled like him. Harry smelled intensely, so much it was almost intoxicating, and perhaps the desire I had for him came partially from that. He smelled sweet but rich and on the floral side, which was a great contrast with his caramel taste. Niall's scent was completely different. It was woody, maybe? More manly and strong, but not invasive. I could smell his natural aroma even though he was wearing cologne and the mix was indescribable.

"You're welcome." he whispered, his smile now totally gone.

It took him too long to answer, like he was lost in his thoughts, exactly like I had been a few seconds ago, and I started imagining him moving closer and kissing me. It put my whole body on fire and I held my breath as my lips parted slightly. If he kissed me, everything would be over, yet everything would begin too, and I wanted it. I wanted everything to change. I wanted him to realize I was the one for him, because I was, right? His eyes dropped to my lips and I felt my eyes water. I was hallucinating things, it was obvious, and I could swear my heart totally stopped when my phone beeped. We both jumped slightly and I felt the connection that seemed to link us break once again. I closed my eyes and sighed low, searching through my pocket quickly. My hand was shaking but I decided not to answer Harry's text. I simply turned the sound off and put my phone away, leaning against the back of the couch.

"Come here."

My eyes found Niall again and I smiled sadly when he moved his arm up. I cuddled his side quickly and we started watching the movie in silence. I hated my phone and at that exact moment, I was pissed at Harry. I had no reason to, I knew pretty well that nothing would have happened between Niall and I, but I felt like no matter what we did, something or mostly someone was always getting between us. I just wanted to kidnap him and fly to a deserted island, or throw both of our phones away and lock all the doors of his house. I knew it was impossible and I didn't say anything but after half an hour of his body warming mine, I looked up at him. Fuck, I wanted to run my fingertips on his cheek more than anything.

"I suspect you like these movies as much as I do."

He laughed and looked down at me, raising his eyebrows in an amused way.

"Yea? Well you're wrong. I mean, they're alright." he pointed out. "But I accept to watch them over and over again just because I know it makes you happy."

"No better best friend than you." I whispered, making him smile more.

"No better best friend than you." he repeated as I turned my face to kiss his upper arm, over his shirt.

His smile fell but he just cleared his throat and put his attention back to the movie. I stared at him for a few more seconds before doing the same but it was so hard concentrating on the movie when all I could think about was how good his body felt against mine, how i seemed to mold with him perfectly, how happy I was around him. I knew I had to get over it... I had to get over him. And although I was anxious about that date, I knew that there was a possibility my heart would be broken on that day and perhaps it was what I needed to get over Niall and give Harry a chance.

I didn't want to tell him I was stressed but I didn't know why. I used to tell Niall everything except that I was in love with him, what had changed?

"I'm nervous about that double date." I just said, not getting into details about the reasons.

"Don't be, it'll be fine, I promise." he tried to reassure me. "And if you're too uncomfortable we can just cut it short and leave. How about we decide on a word to say and if the other says it, then we find a way to get out of there as soon as we can?"

I chuckled at his idea and sat up to look at him better. I loved that he was caring with me and he implied himself in it, meaning that he could be the one who wanted this whole date to stop. It made me feel less like a loser.

"Perfect!" I let out, turning his way and sitting cross-legged on the sofa. "What's the word?"

He seemed to think for a second and then smiled at me.

"Honey."

[herestheteaig]

What should I do??

Hi, I don’t really know if anyone will see this but I'm gonna try, just incase. If you do choose to respond, you can be as brutally honest & unbiased as you’d like, I’m not easily offended.

I am f19, and have been in a relationship with m18 for almost 6 years. For the sake of his privacy lets call him Joe.

lets call me Mina.

Backstory:

- Joe & I have been together since we were 13, we went to the same secondary school & college (for Americans, same middle school & high school)

- we had been close friends since we were like 11, very visibly super close friends in school.

- when we started dating at the end of our second year, we spent the entire summer together.

- when we got back he just... pretended I didn't exist????

- like tf?

- anyway, we were still hanging out outside of school, but my school separate the year based on grades in third year, so I was placed in X and he was placed in Y, therefore we had 0 classes together

- though, in the corridors, at lunch, at break, etc, he’d pretend I didn't exist???

- he also told me not to tell anyone we were dating???

- this lasted maybe 2 years? until I got really mad and he started acknowledging me in our final year of secondary school & people knew we were dating.

- his mum ended up convincing me to apply to the same college as him, we did different courses so rarely saw each other, but occasionally took the train together on one of our mutual starting times.

- now, I go to university about 2 hours away from our hometown and live there, he doesn’t go to university at all.

the catfish:

- of course the initial: “don’t tell anyone we’re dating”

- when I was still 13, I did something SUPER childish, though no regrets and made a fake iMessage account so he’d think someone was texting him.

- I used Loren Gray’s picture because this boy had NO social medias, he was SO anti it.

- anyway, pretended I had gotten his number on Facebook, and that I had seen him at athletics (he’s an athlete) and I thought he was attractive and asked if he had a girlfriend

- then we went through this long “no I don't” “jk I do” back and forth bullshit. 

- oh he also didn't tell me about her until I said she had messaged me, but whatever idc but that's the first piece of info. 

Sabrina:

- next, I must've been 15?? idk exactly how old I am

- I do not and have NEVER cared who my boyfriend talks to, girl, boy, non-binary, whatever, I don't give a shit. 

- so I'm on his phone, taking snapchats to save to his memories and I kept seeing this girls name pop up. 

- let’s call her Sabrina.

- I had noticed he talks to her a LOT, but he never had mentioned her, but eh its whatever... probably just one of his friends, right?

- I used to just message his friends on his phone so I went onto her chat intending to be like “heyyyy bro, nice to meet you my name is Mina, do you wanna be friends?”

- but I'm seeing messages talking about: “what age would you have sex?”

- side note: he and I both lost our virginities when we were 15, later this year but at this point we had both been “handsy” down there??? 

- anyway she says “18″, he says “you know its legal at 16 tho right?

- “yeah, but still 18″

- “why not 16″

- whatever I don't remember the entire convo.

- so I was like hmm this is a bit sus and scrolled up to see their messages. 

- “do you have a girlfriend” “no” “actually yes” “im joking, no.”

- so im like wait what???

- anyway, I don't mention it for like 7 months? he denies it before saying what he said was innocent and he was just curious in a friendly way. 

- I let it go.

Kendall:

- I was probably 16 or almost 17 at this point 

- again, for privacy, we’ll call this girl Kendall.

- Kendall and I have a mutual friend, we’ll call her Tiana.

- Tiana and I were best friends.

- One day, Tiana messaged me and said hey, my friend Kendall was speaking to  Joe & realised wait isn't that Mina’s boyfriend and sent me these screenshots as soon as she realised.

- I had probably seen her name in his recent chats but didn't care enough to ask about it.

- anyway, the screenshots were just him being super flirty with emojis? like sounds childish but you know what I mean.

- and he was joking about “go to bed its past your bed time” and she was like “no why are you chatting, you’re up too”

- then. THEN. THIS BOI HAS THE AUDACITY.

- “shush and listen to your daddy”

- wHAT.

- I immediately confront him and he denies knowing anyone of that name at first, before saying oh I didn't mean it like that, it was like a mum/ dad joke we have

- so again, I let it go

Adrien:

- back in school, my maths teacher sent myself and this boy to the study area which is an open space in the school, visible from all levels.

- lets call him Adrien.

- note: adrien and I were both quite smart and in top set for most classes, our surnames are next to eachother on the register so were often seated beside each other. 

- we were very very close FRIENDS

- so we’re doing work, chatting a bit- whatever

- at some point, he jokingly pushes my head away, idk what I said, I do not remember. 

- note: the entire school is IN CLASS.

- a few seconds later, I feel my phone vibrate, sneak it out of my pocket to see a text from Joe: “why is Adrien touching your face?”

- I look around and no ones there, anyway he still gets mad about it now.

Other stuff:

- he used to threaten to kill himself if i broke up with him

- or if we were arguing he’d say he can do this anymore, imply suicide, the leave his phone for ages and get super mad if I contacted his sister or mum to find out if he was safe.

- sometimes i’d see him joking around on his sisters snapchat story when I'm panicking because he said he’d kill himself.

- I'm not materialistic, but the fact that he rarely would get me bday/xmas presents was kinda upsetting. (he has a lot of money, my family is broke but I make the BIGGEST deal out of xmas and his bday and everything)

- would work extra hours so he’d feel so so spoiled on xmas and his bday. 

- once he got me just a xmas themed toilet roll on Christmas, last year he gave me a small jar of vegan candies.

- I think he acknowledged valentines day twice in our relationship? 

- which was sad because pre-relationship, valentines was my fave day of the year & I'd hand out heart shaped chocolates to everyone at school.

- often blames his mental health on me.

- will cut me off and then act like I'm the one not listening to HIS problems. 

- if another guy has a crush on ME, then he gets mad at me?

- every boy in my college class admitted to having a crush on me at some point, awkward but my course was reliant on group projects so I couldn't just block them??? they all knew I had a bf

Extra:

- I have never orgasmed ONCE in my entire life... rip

- when I say he is ACTUALLY jealous, I mean like ACTUALLY jealous of me having a crush on like... cartoon characters?? (& also anime characters)

- has said sexist and transphobic things, that I DRAGGED him for.

- I think he's very manipulative and also immature. 

- hates that I'm smart

- HATES that my love language is acts of service. like HATES it.

- there's more but I won't bore you.

mini story:

- we went to Paris for my 18th birthday. 

- he tried to break up with me right before because “he feels like shit compared to other guys”

- I was crying down the phone (I never ever cry) begging him to reconsider

- we went to Paris, it was nice. 

- note: we also had sex there

- and then we get back and he says: “I hated you the entire time” and other stuff but I don't remember

this is according to him:

- I think I'm right all the time and think im little miss perfect

- I put in no effort

- I do not listen

- I just need to realise that all my male friends are only my friends because they want to fuck me.

- I do not care about anything

- I assume things 

- I compare him to other guys????

- I make him feel like shit 

(his words, though I disagree)

- we have been in a relationship for almost 6 years

- he’s my friend

- I love his family so much, I've watched his nephew grow up and I text his sister and I just love them.

- though he isn’t my type on paper, I do find him attractive 

- we have somewhat similar kinks

- my family seem to like him

- not gonna lie, we’d make cute babies.

- we both enjoy sports and also he sometimes plays video games with me (I'm an avid gamer, I twitch stream and play PC, PS4 & Switch, he sometimes will play fortnite or Mario kart with me)

- we have this cute cheerleader/ athlete thing which I like

- oh, right, pls don't judge this but its important to me to raise my children plant-based until they're old enough to decide for themselves- he isn't plant-based but is 100% onboard which is very important to me.

- has done cute things for me before like turn up at my house with my fave candy or buy an extra pack of gum/ drink for me.

- this sounds irrelevant, but I DO love to party/rave but I do not drink alcohol, I actually have a weird phobia of it, though I would 100% get high

- Joe and I both do not drink and although that's not something id look for in a s/o, it made me feel like I wasn't the only one lmao. 

- my first & only relationship

ANWYAY, we’ve been arguing for months, if you see this what do you think I should do? would it be overreacting to break up? I would still wanna be his friend because I care but I dunno what to do

[stardcw-moved]

tag dump

@euhtak n @krogan-tadpole tagged me in some stuff!!! i’m lazy so they’re all in one post lol

i’m tagging @euhtak @krogan-tadpole @sookiestjames @elosgf @xiadz @spookyplums @mirassugarbaby n i literally tag the same people every time so im also tagging whoever sees this!!! (u don’t have to do any of these or you can do whichever ones you want lol)

☆ name: samantha ☆ nickname: sam, samii, w/e w/e idc lol ☆ gender: female ☆ sexual orientation: (: ☆ hogwarts house: slytherin ☆ favorite color: green ☆ favorite animal: bears n foxes n stuff ☆ hours of sleep: like 2 that’s it 2 ☆ cat or dog person: both but i luv me cat ☆ favorite fictional character: sally owens from practical magic (also me countless video game lovers) ☆ number of blankets you sleep with: right now since it’s warm, only 3 ☆ dream trip: i wanna go to italy bc family but like... i wanna go everywhere ☆ dream job: translation/interpreter maybe ☆ when was your blog created: this blog was like half a year ago i think ☆ current number of followers: not all my mutuals followed me back on this one so like... 200 :( ☆ what made you create your blog: the first one was bc me friend had one and i was like omg i want one

1. are you named after someone? no :( i was told “u can be named after whoever u wanna be” so probably an old gf of me dad’s

2. when is the last time you cried? like literally yesterday

3. do you like your handwriting? ya!

4. what is your favorite lunch meat? chicken!!!!

5. do you have kids? just me CAT but she’s my friend

6. if you were another person, would you be friends with you? knowing what i know now.... n...o....

7. do you use sarcasm? only as a second language

8. do you still have your tonsils? ya!!! shoulda got them out bc they tried to kill me but i just got steroids to bring the swelling down

9. what is your favourite kind of cereal? anything pebbles!!! fruity n cocoa!!!

10. do you untie your shoes when you take them off? ya bc they all go up past my ankles lol

11. do you think you’re a strong person? well i can deadlift 85 so that’s kind of a big deal for my weak self

12. what is your favourite ice cream flavour? blitzburgh crunch!! but out of normal flavors, it’s mint lol

13. what is the first thing you notice about people? their height

14. red or pink? pink!!!!

15. what is the least favourite physical thing you like about yourself? my stomach lol, love me thighs tho

16. what colour pants and shoes are you wearing now? some flannel stuff that’s like red n black n grey and im only wearing socks

17. what was the last thing you ate? chicken from when i went out to eat w/ the dudes earlier

18. what are you listening to right now? some commercial about old ppl

19. if you were a crayon, what colour would you be? i took a quiz n it told me i’d be a green crayon but i wanna be coral red or peach ??

20. favorite smell? rain!!!!!

21. who was the last person you talked to on the phone? my mama!

22. favourite sport to watch? n...one.....

23. hair color? it’s all diff shades of brown n a lil bit of red lol

24. eye colour? i was about 2 start ranting about how everybody has brown eyes n some ppl lack melanin... but they blue/grey even tho my work bff thought they were green since we met

25. do you wear contacts? i wish bc glasses are a pain lol n also my prescription is whack bc i have anisometropic amblyopia so

26. favourite food to eat? chicken wings!!!

27. scary movies or comedy? probs commedy idk idk i like both even tho im easily spooked

28. last movie you watched? before i fall!!

29. what colour shirt are you wearing? it’s heather black or w/e

30. summer or winter? i luv winter bc i can’t do heat but since i started driving myself places i luv summer lol

31. hugs or kisses? probs kisses idk

32. what book are you currently reading? i started like 42 books my b

33. who do you miss right now? i’ve never met kim taehyung but i miss him

34. what is on your mouse pad? i don’t have a mouse pad lol im on a laptop

35. what is the last tv program you watched? the middle

36. what is the best sound? um shinee’s ring ding dong? gosh

37. rolling stones or the beatles? idk way back when it was the beatles lol

38. what is the farthest you’ve ever traveled? illinois i think bc i can’t remember if i’ve been to colorado or not

39. do you have a special talent? i can destroy all relationships of mine in 12 minutes :))) nah but i can do the ballet stances

40. where were you born? pennsylvania !

a. - age: 21 b. - biggest fear: spiders n the dark n Old Age :) c. - current time: 10:36pm d. - drink you last had: water e. - everyday starts with: playin on my phone for 2 hrs before i tell ppl im awak elol f. - favorite song: skin to skin by luhan! g. - ghosts, are they real: yES h. - hometown: somewhere in pennsylvania lol i. - in love with: well there’s me bf taehyung, me husband jjong, me sidepiece jjong, n miyavi... the one that got away.... j. - jealous of: me friends gf dsklfjslsfds k. - killed someone: u a cop? l. - last time you cried: yESTERDAY m. - middle name: marie! n. - number of siblings: 1.5 sibling o. - one wish: 2 have that cash money p. - person i last called/texted: called me mom, texted me boi q. - question you’re always asked: “what’s wrong?” r. - reason to smile: shinee s. - song last sang: freal luv by far east movement t. - time you woke up: 9:30am u. - underwear color: white v. - vacation destination: italy still but also like s korea w. - worst habit: overthinking n overreacting lol x. - x-rays you’ve had: my lungs in the 4th grade bc i had pneumonia y. - your favorite food: chicken wings z. - zodiac: cancer

rules: put your playlist on shuffle and write down the first ten songs then tag ten mutuals ✨

fake - maximum the hormone

one night - lil yachty

heart attack - exo

i get off - halestorm

rear view - zayn

too fast - royal pirates

anaconda - nicki minaj

schism - tool

lonesome rider - volbeat

spring day - bts

[lhassinu]

I got tagged by @brewka like eons ago and for once this is not a meme that just got buried in my likes but i..i honestly had such a hard time choosing?? and im still not completely happy with it but oh well it was so interesting to think about it and so much fun to do tho! thank you very much for taggin me!!!! <333

Me in 3 characters:

Todd Chavez (Bojack Horseman) aka of fuckin course 

Miyako Inoue (Digimon Adventure 02) aka ‘are you still relating to frikin digimon from your childhood?!’ no! ..maybe.. ......yes....... yes i am.

Yvan (L’Art) aka the one for which holioc severs all ties with me because she shares one of the masterpieces of the French drama with me and i make it into a meme.......................... imsorry pls dont leave me

some explanation and honorable mentions under the cut cuz this is just ShameTM but before that i tag @ghostspies @holioc @imaginesharks @mouthface @serpuns-a-lot @trinuska @nomadicplanets @vanishshi @velvetbaguette @aseriesofgayevents and anyone who wants to! (((im sorry for tagging so many people you dont have to read/like my shitty post i just really love this meme and wanna see what people do with it! and make it more or less fandomy thrash as you feel it!!! you dont have to do it if ya dont want to obviously!)))

okay so lets get this trainwreck rolling! everyone managed to explain it in few lines, not me, i just want to share personal info with strangers on the internet! :D

>>>Todd oh my god Todd, this goofball was the first one i came up with and the only one who actually stayed there until the end. i didnt relate to him THAT much in the first two seasons, i mean i did but im Very against drugs so i didnt really think about it but the 3rd one oh myyy it all just clicked... 

ok so almost the same age and obviously the childish side, that goes without sayin -_-

i try my best to be upbeat and excited (i have way too much love in my heart and i just cant contain it like a frikin 5 year old gddamnt)

pretty friendly too? and tryin to avoid conflict so much im unable to decide anything

WELL MEANING but fuckin up in the end ah ha ha.. yea.. 

lazy slacker too (though not yet to the point of living on a stranger’s couch for 5+ years welp we never know what future brings right) and im more than able to fuck up all my progress just cuz i got addicted to tumblr a videogame haha another thing that totally didnt happen to me right

and!!! the asexual part!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’ve binge watched the last two BH seasons and i planned to do the same for the 3rd one.. and then todd acted like he did and it was just hitting so close to home (lmao bonus points for sad irl stuff happening that got me waaaay more sensitive to ace stuff n generally realizing im ace) and i just Related so much but at the same time?? why would he be actually ace lol kao dont be stupid they would either play it off for laughs or just forget to deal with it.. I literally had to stop watching for a few weeks because i was just so sure he wont be ace but i didnt want to be heartbroken by one of my fav shows. AND THEN THEY DIDNT FORGET AND PUT THAT BEAUTIFUL DIALOGUE IN THE *FINALE*  ALL RESPECTFUL AND NOT AT ALL JUST A JOKE just.. validation ;u; 

>>>welp that got emo although i tried not to, lets focus on not spilling every detail about my personal life in the next one~ Miyako! 

she is so!!!! Excite!!!!! :D and always ready to cheer up her friends (tho she cant actually deal with anything worse than “im feeling a little unmotivated today :c”) 

she cant hide her emotions AT ALL!!  and so expressive!! is she sad? you bet your ass she will complain! but also she is always okay with the others doing the same although she is pretty jealous of people who CAN pretend everything is okay (at this point i could start using the ‘I’ pronoun instead of she/her lmao) 

all these random english catchphrases lmaooo i’ve managed to chill now but i still use some french/english ones in the irl talk you can pry ‘bref’ from my dead cold hands

not the Worst Fashion Disaster but close.. especially when left to her own devices in the digital world................. oh and glasses!

when stressed she tends to overreact and do the opposite of what she should be doing 

her ideal future was eating lotta cake, if this isnt relatable! (okay there was some deeper meaning but shoosh)

crushes...on everyone.... so easily..... also Painfully obvious :’’’D

my digisona is also this Intense girl with a serious digimon keeping her outta trouble 

>>> and Yvan! again im so sorry to every French person (see? i used a capital F that shows i mean it!) reading this cuz im probably just horribly disrespecting everything about this play... 

but just the way he introduced himself i was like “if this isnt me” from the start!  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

stressed desperately lookin for somethin he JUST HAD A SECOND AGO and “je suis un garçon.....uhmmmmmmm...sympatique?” 

Conclusion: Yvan is relatable

tbh i feel v much like 80% his lines (”Si cela lui fait plaisiiiiiiiir” or “Calme-toi est la pire chose que tu puisses dire à quelqu’un qui a perdu son calme” hONESTLY)

and his self esteem and the way he talks about himself :’)

trying his best to stay neutral and help calm both sides, failing miserably

white lies are good for your health (spoilers: they are not and we never learn)

generally has no idea how to deal with bullshit (press A to run away press B to try more useless talking) 

pls dont leave the decision on me pls i dont want to have an Opinion

he forgives every bad treatment in a span of going down the stairs

im worried ill relate to his professional situation :’D

oh and hypochondriac 

OversharesTM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cries all the time which is abnormal for a boy of his age

Honorable mention goes to!!! some more digimons because apparently i mostly relate to stuff im currently being hyped about

Emil Nekola (YOI) because of his ~~Czech~~ nationality, fondness of hugs, positive friendly attitude and the fact that this boy has not a single clue whats going on my dude he has not a slightest idea my guy he is just confused 24/7 (and doesnt understand there is drama going on or drama in general) 

Joe (Digimon Tri) lmao i wish, he is more like goals tbh but still, that dialogue with Mimi hit waaaaayyyy too close to home for comfort...

Gazimon (Digimon) because i, too, am a lazy furry who is hecka supportive of her friends and just wants to spend all her time sunbathing/ fucking on computer/eating

i had some more but i didnt write them down and forgot..

[letters-iwillnevergiveyou]

New Years Eve Bulls7$*t

Dec. 31 2018

    So you did the unthinkable, the unimaginable. You actually left me on New Years Eve at home by myself. I knew there was a big possibility this would happen. You said you had business to take care of but after I asked you not to leave me alone on New Years you ended up telling me you were staying home because I couldn't go with you to take care of this business. I don't understand you. You always tell me that but then I find out you pick up D.J. and she goes all over with you. So you leave me home alone constantly and take someone else with you, all while telling me you are alone. And you wonder why I can't trust you. You also said you were alone yesterday and couldn't call me. Come to find out that too was a lie. D.J. was with you. You could have called me all along you just didn't.

    Anyway getting off track. Tonight. We go to the post office to send off records I'm selling. My dead husbands records I might add. To help us fund this trip to Belize. You didn't get tracking numbers, or a receipt. I'm totally screwed. All these people are expecting a product and by a certain time. I'm already a month late because of you. You couldn't go back in and get the numbers because they closed. Then you take me to get food. Finally. I told you I was hungry at 12. It was after 6 by this time. Then we go home. You took your apartment key off the ring so I could get inside, telling me you were going to finish hooking up your stereo. I stupidly listened and believed you. After I went inside you took off. The only reason I knew is because I was using your mobile hotspot and when it disconnected I looked outside and you were gone. Now here I am with no phone, my boyfriend ditched me, my car that you have been using while yours has been broke down is now broke down, and I'm fucked again. How can you not see how fucked up this is? I should have taken your car and left you here to sit a couple days with no phone, no transportation and no money. I bet you wouldn't like it. What is wrong with you? How can you treat any human being like this let alone someone you supposedly love? I don't understand. I keep thinking maybe you just went up the street to your buddys house. Maybe you just needed a minute away. Maybe you will make sure to be back before midnight and kiss me, bring in the new year with me, the woman you love and want to do life with. But honestly, you don't do life with me now. You lead a triple life. There is the life you have with me. The one where I am like this secret. You talk a little, have sex with me, then immediately take a shower and off you go. You either stay in the bathroom on the phone or getting high, or you leave. There is the life of the drug dealer. You hang out with your friends and get high. You drive all over the place and do favors for people if there is money or drugs in it for you. Then there is the nice sweet man you pretend to be to the rest of the world. The man you tried to trick me into thinking you were. The one who says the right stuff and pretends to care about you and what you have been through. The guy who anticipates your needs and is there for you when you need him. He is a good dad and just misunderstood. He doesn't exist. He only exists in the 16 dating apps he is signed up in. You know the ones you told me were a "hobby" that you would give up when I told you it hurt me for you to talk to other women that way. Yeah those. I wonder if Sandy ever even cheated on you or if it was you that cheated. I have her number I should find out. Oh who cares I guess. It doesn't matter. You have hurt me more emotionally than I have ever been hurt in my life. I read an article online about signs that you are emotionally abused. Check it out. It's eerily familiar....

10 Brutal Signs Your Man Is An Emotionally Abusive Jerk

By  Dr Annie Kaszina

How do you spot an emotional abuser? Most likely when a guy first comes a-wooing, he won’t be carrying his, “I’m an emotionally abusive man” placard. So how do you identify him before you get hurt?

Here are the tell tale signs that he is an emotionally abusive man:

1. He shows a lack of respect. Not all emotionally abusive men will show you a lack of respect from Day 1. Some will turn on the charm for a while — others won’t.  But how do they behave toward other people and speak about them? If your boyfriend is critical or contemptuous of other people, be very aware that you have a short shelf life before you become those other people.

2. He always tells incredible hard luck stories about his past. Every emotionally abuser worth his salt has a great hard luck story about his tough past — and, boy, does he tell it well. Telling you his hard luck story is a neat ploy. You only have to respond like the uber-caring, empathic, trusting person you are for him to know you are his perfect… prey.

3. You notice worrying back stories about women. Yep, he’s the one who’s suffered at the hands of women who didn’t understand nor appreciate him. He’s been let down, treated badly, exploited, and robbed blind by past wives and/or girlfriends. His bitterness about these predatory b**ches sends a clear message about how he wants you to behave: no demands, no expectations, just 100% commitment to healing his hurts.

4. He has a bad behavior — or three — that needs to be fixed. That could include drug taking, alcohol abuse, leering at women, tight-fistedness, or anger issues. He’s a little bit broken, but hey, your middle name is Ms. Fix-Him.

5. He’s domineering, and/or jealous, controlling and self-centered. You can tell yourself he’s just “being a man,” but the reality is that he is establishing a power (im)balance in the relationship. It works on the principle that he has the lion’s share of the power, and you get the lion’s share of responsibility.

6. He gets star billing in the relationship — with all that, that entails — while you get to play the bit parts. He gets most of the airplay, and the limelight, etc. as befits the star. It won’t be too long before he lets you know that your job is to keep his trailer nice and tidy.

7. He has a short fuse. “Slow to anger,” “quick to forgive and forget,” and willing to own up to his own mistakes, are NOT accurate descriptions of him.  He’s easily upset, he overreacts, and as he tells it, the problem was not of his making in the first place — so, he rarely has to get his head around the “S” word  (that’s “SORRY” to you and me). He may well be a “potty mouth.” He certainly doesn’t react in a measured, adult way when he feels peeved and aggrieved.

8. He’s not 100 percent reliable, consistent or predictable. “Something comes up” or he’s feeling too tired or he’s been really, really busy. Showing consideration for you, your wishes, and your feelings is not his top priority.

9. He doesn’t let you have boundaries. He asks inappropriate personal questions early on. He rushes you and the relationship. He sets himself up as the authority on every area of your life — including family, friends, your working life, and even your finances.

10. He sets off warning bells in your gut. There was that moment right at the start when, from somewhere deep inside you, there bubbled up the awareness: “YUK. This guy is bad news.” Sadly, that feeling didn’t come with a 20-page PDF report, a government health warning, or even banner headlines anywhere you looked. So what did you? You ignored that feeling. “Listen, if it can’t give me a chapter and verse, why should I pay attention to it? It’s making a lot less noise than he does. Besides, he might be my last chance at happiness, right?” Your intuition doesn’t obsess about the past, or worry about the future. It simply comes to the right conclusion in the present moment. Its predictions are far more clear-sighted than yours are.

If you want to keep yourself safe from emotionally abusive men, you have to learn how to spot them. Emotionally abusive partners create massive mental, emotional and financial havoc in their victims’ lives. This article is here to spare you heartache and disappointment. Don’t be too blind to see them.

.............................................................................Wow. All I can say is wow. So lets break it down.

1. Lack of respect. I don't think I have ever seen you show anyone respect except when you talk about Charlie. Which comes from abuse of your own as a child.

2. Tells hard luck stories. Oh my god I won't even go there. You have a poor woe is me story to excuse every bad behavior.

3. Worrying back stories about other women. Yep! Helloo! The most horrible stories about the women from your past.

4. Bad behavior. Do I even need to go there?

I'll use short answers. Lying, cheating, manipulating, drugs, etc. etc. etc.

5. Domineering and/or jealous controlling and self centered. 150% yes yes yes. You make it very clear you are the boss. All these rules for me that just don't apply to you.

6. Star billing in the relationship. Umm ya. It's all about you. Always is.

7. Easily upset, overreacts, doesn't take responsibility. You get mad at me when I simply tell you how I feel. Or how your actions hurt me. You never apologize. You don't ever take responsibility. It's always someone elses fault or my fault. You will do something fucked up to me and it somehow is my fault. Every fucking time.

8. Not 100% reliable consistent or predictable. This is you. I never know what you are going to do. Even when you try to do better it might only last a day, a week, a month maybe an hour even. Point is, I never know what you are going to do. And you don't show you care about my feelings or needs no matter how clear I relay them to you. I am last on your priority list if I'm there at all. i.e. TONIGHT FOR EXAMPLE

9. The first part of this one eh not so much but the part about you being the authority on every area of my life is spot on. You don't let me have boundaries. You will tell off my entire family if you don't agree with them and my relationship with them. I have ostracized my entire support system because of you. I had it pretty good. My mother in law and I had a great relationship, so did me and my mom and sister. Now I have no one but you. Thanks for that.

10. Sets off warning bells in my gut. Yes, you did. From the very beginning. There was just something always nagging at me telling me you were full of shit. Like how anytime you did something shitty and I would try to talk to you about it, before I could say anything you would distract me by telling me something I wanted to hear. In fact the night you told me you were falling in love with me was one of those times. I was mad at you and said we needed to talk. I was about to tell you whats what when you blurt out you're falling in love with me and that i intimidated you and you didn't know how to act around me. Very fucking smooth.

So there you have it. I am officially the victim of emotional abuse. I never thought I would ever again be in a position to be abused ever again. Yet here I am. The stupid part is that if you were truly remorseful and made an effort I would stay. I would try to make this work. But who am I kidding? You don't love me and I'm not sure you are even capable of loving anyone. J---n lives to love and look after J---n. Ugh I'm fucking done with this entry. Worst New Years Eve I have ever fucking had. If you loved me you would want to be with me.