#or maybe capitalism has twisted my actions so people feel inherently gross about them and feel like I'm like... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sol1loqu1st · 3 months ago

Text

re: my tags on that last post that's actually something I've been thinking about a lot. I mostly show my love by doing things and showing up (either materially or emotionally) for other people when I recognize there's a need, and 1. a lot of people like to deny out of politeness or think I'm doing it with an expectation that it's transactional, and 2. most people don't really seem to show up for me like that. which is... fine, again I don't expect it to be transactional, but--especially when people get used to it and it becomes an expectation rather than a gift, it can really start to feel like I'm being taken advantage of. Idk how to tell people that without making it seem like I don't want to do things for them!!! Because I do!! I just want to be appreciated for it. An offer to pay for gas money (which I'll deny), a "hey if you ever need help with (x) hmu," even just a genuine thank you (especially if your resources are stretched thin--sometimes people can't offer anything and that's ok)--just like... idk, I want to know people appreciate me and a lot of times it feels like they don't

#idk maybe it's egocentric of me to want to be appreciated and I should just give myself and my time to people regardless of if they care?#or maybe capitalism has twisted my actions so people feel inherently gross about them and feel like I'm like...#priming them up to ask a Big Favor #which is why I try to stress that it's not transactional it's how I show my love for people!! but then I think people get it in their heads #that they can just expect that I'll do things for them and never give anything in return #and that doesn't. really feel great.#when I say it's not transactional I don't mean I never want to feel appreciated or supported I just mean I don't expect compensation #for every little gesture of kindness

3 notes · View notes