#or maybe a lot of people do live in window-less basements... idk i just have dirt walls and floors under my house and we knocked down a wal

[neverdoingmuch]

the issue with what-about-ism is that it should have been an excellent opportunity to challenge someone's stance by introducing another point of view and expanding the bubble that people live in, and instead it's become an opportunity to suggest extreme edge cases that are treated as a joke rather than an additional voice in the matter (and yeah, most of the time it does feel like a joke if not just a sign of someone missing the point).

[imafrickinglion]

idk this post is a rats nest

We close on my old house tomorrow. The one mom bought on husband 2, not even husband 3 (and current real legit father, thanks for adopting me bucko).

I wasn't so young that I've forgotten everywhere we lived before then. I can clearly remember the home on mechanic street where we lost husband 1. He stole our cat and our money jar, our fish tank, and oddly the door frame that we measured me against and penciled in the ages. I don't remember that dad a lot. He forced mom for visitation and he took me to this other house a couple of times that I have flashbacks about because good things didn't happen there. Eventually she sued him and I never had to go there again.

But there are good times in that old place. Painting my bedroom pink, various renters we had in the 3rd bedroom, parties, our first Atari, our first Hurricane. Pumpkin carving one year. The old washing machine with the squeezey thingie and washboard we used for a while.

After that we moved into a duplex in another city for a while. I have clear memories of good times there, too. We still helped people out in our church community by letting them live in our basement sometimes. I had a huge fish tank in my bedroom window and we had to use pastry rollers to get it into the bathroom to wash it. We had parties there, a tree house. One year a couple of kids sold us some of our favorite handmade Christmas ornaments on our back porch.

So it's not like this third house is the only family house we ever lived in. But it's the first house I lived in with my sisters. It's the house they mostly grew up in. It's the house we *all* grew into adulthood in. And it's a house that all three of us have moved back into here and there to take refuge from bad situations.

Seeing it so empty was difficult. But I could not take care of it. It was a broken down husk of a house by the time I got to it. A contracting situation never resolved. I spent from 2017 to 2023 freezing to death in my own kitchen and living room. We had no idea how *awful* the air was until we left it (lots of open walls, open ceilings, old house dust, construction dust, dirt that just magically came from nowhere and never cleaned).

I never could take care of the overgrown gardens, or trim the lilac bush my mother picked out and had specially planted, or take care of the red Japanese Maple she did the same with.

I'm sad, and I feel like I'm hitting the end of things I can focus on to distract myself from finally facing the truth of all this. It feels like standing on the edge of a cliff, with less and less things to stop you from falling.

But also I hope the investors make it beautiful again. I hope they clean it up and put new floors and open up the living space and make the bathroom shine again. I hope they put that gorgeous farm style kitchen in that'd make that small kitchen shine and that some small family or couple just starting out cook together in it and create great memories, like we did, baking pies and cooking for thanksgiving and new year's parties. I hope someone makes the gardens pretty again.

I hope whoever buys it takes such, such good care of it.

And that's kind of the best thing I can hope for. It makes it bittersweet. I couldn't take care of this family home but another small family might. I hope they do. I hope they fill that house with joy instead of misery and shame. I hope they build fires in the fireplace and snuggle up cozy in the winter. I hope they get a couple of pets, too. Maybe put in a new fence and get some dogs. We used to have this huge gorgeous black lab named Beauty, and when she had puppies, we also kept one named Ralph. We've had mice in that house, hamsters that escaped and got lost (but always found again). More than one or even three black cats.

I just... I hope the house gets loved again. I hope it gets used again. And that the next people can keep up with it and it never feels neglected again. Through mostly no fault of my mother or my own, it got neglected so much. You could feel it giving up, just like I did. I want the spirit of the house to be proud again.

So yeah, just... thoughts.

[bokunosimpfiction]

Yandere!Heisenberg x Reader Pt 3

A/N: Since y’all demanded a plot that’s what you’ll get. Will it be good? No. I’ve never written anything with a plot in my entire life. Ever. Not even when I did Nanowrimo or whatever. I just bullshitted the whole thing. Like I’ll do with this fic. Y’all are going to have to remind me to update because I have the attention span of a goat. I’ll try to update this on Saturdays??? IDK at this point. ALSO, WHY THE FUCK IS THIS SO POPULAR?????????? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY NOTES THIS HAS ON AO3???? 69????SIXITY FUCKING NINE??? I HATE EVERYTHING MY LEGACY WILL BE READER CALLING HEISENBERG DOOFSCHMIRTZ I HATE EVRYTHING DSHFUGSADFJ

Synopsis: You have totally, %100, given up on escaping. Totally. You haven't been gathering supplies for one, final last hurray. Nope. Totally not. All you have to do is persuade Heisenberg of that so you can change your mind at the last minute. Y’all know the trigger warning for this series but if you don’t tw:kidnapping (implied)

Taglist: it’s exclusivly @localdepressedvampire​  so if you want to be on it for just this story or for all my pieces fill out the google doc in my pinned post or dm me and I’ll put you on it. :)

             You’ve made a breakthrough in your long-term plan of escapism. Even with the mini escape attempts that were really about exploring the factory and less about actually trying to get out, you hadn’t made a lot of progress: until now.

             Well, two, really… Okay, maybe 1 ½. Firstly, you found a sawed-off two-barrel shotgun. With ammo. In fact, there was a various amount of ammo around the factory, but no actual gun. Until now. The second discovery, which is nowhere near as useful, was a window. Which was probably 50 or more feet up from the ground. You didn’t get a chance to inspect it that much, considering as soon as you saw it and got a glimpse at the far-off ground, you had to run again from Lycans.

             Which gives you a basic idea of a way to escape. You knew where the ammo was, you knew where the gun was and had a route to the edge of the building, and hopefully could find stairs at the end of the hallway. Now all you had to do was find a time where you could be gone long enough to get a decent head start before, he notices you’re even gone. Even when he was in the workshop, he kept a close eye on you, keeping you in arms-length to the point where it taxed on both of your mental health.

             And even then, in that chair in the small room, you watch him work in the finer details on something the size of your head and torso. You try not to look at the phone in your lap, he doesn’t even know you have it, much less how great the reception is in the building. How did he not know about his old phone that was still working fine? Oh well, he doesn’t need to know you’re looking at memes and reading feel-good wolf-star fanfic on ao3.

             The best idea you had was to leave him while he was asleep, but there were two some issues with that: he clung to you like his life depended on it, your back to his chest and arms around you almost tight enough to keep you awake; it was dark as hell in the hallways of the factory as is, but it would be impossible to navigate safely with the lights; and the Lycans were most active outside at night, which was where you were trying to go. They’ve tried to eat you before as they show no discrimination on food.

             The only way to get a good enough head start would be to leave while he didn’t notice you were gone, and wouldn’t notice for a long, long time. And that when it hit you. The only time he ever left you by yourself was when he had to deal with the other three lords. And while he left you in that basement that you originally woke up in, you had memorized your way out and found that going up five flights of stairs took you to that faithful widow.

             Would you have enough time to explore and look for an actual exit/entrance, or should you play it safe and find a way to go out that window. You wanted to laugh to yourself, you’d never think that going down a 50ft plus drop would be considered safe, but here you were, kidnapped and held hostage by one of the people your late grandmother warned you not to associate with, or even go near. The letter you received directly quoted “the four lords and their mother, Mother Miranda, are not to be approached or associated with at any costs. You’ll know them when you see them, they smell like death and money. See them and run.”

             You can’t help but find that ironic, considering that you did try to run, heeded her warning, and still faced the consequences that were far worse than she had warned you about. You regretted coming here, to this small village, when you first arrived: no friends, and even those you tried to approach held you to her standard and expected them to be just like her. You were far from her kind and optimistic nature (at least that’s what you heard of her; you hadn’t even known of her whereabouts until she was dead).

             Even the duke, who had helped smuggle you into the village, didn’t seem fond of you. It was a shame, you tried so hard to impress him. But he saw you to a point where you could easily reach her old cottage without having too many issues, turned his cart around, and left without a good-bye. It bothered you to no end that your only companion for about a year or so was an elderly outside cat and the creaking noises the walls made at night.

             And then the cat died and not even a week later you got kidnapped. You never considered yourself lucky, but damn if that wasn’t the worst streak of luck you’ve had in a long time.

             You pretend to turn a page in your book and scroll through your Instagram feed, seeing friends having fun at the beach, or studying at the library, or your old best friend taking selfies in provocative clothing to your ex-boyfriend. Did she forget he cheated on you? She wasn’t always the smartest, but she brought that heartbreak upon herself. You see a photo of your mom, she had posted a picture of a black and white photo of her with her mom, you’re guessing, you have no idea who that old woman is.

             This is the last photo I had with my mom before she died. We lost contact after I moved out. I wish we parted on better terms, Nana.

             She’s in a prairie dress, holding an ancient-looking key in one hand, and the other wrapped around her mom, a middle-aged woman with long hair in two braids and a face that had too many stress wrinkles. You guess your mom was as bad as you were in college. The background looks dreary. You would have guessed it to be the quality of the photo if you hadn’t recognized the house behind them as the house you lived in used to live in.

             The loops on the handle of the key look familiar. You spread your fingers apart to zoom in and see the blurry engravings on the side. It was the payment you gave to sneak into the village. You thought it was a worthless family heirloom at most and found it strange that he had even found interest in the key, or even valued it deeper than money in general. Maybe this photo or other photos of you and your family would help out.

             Why is that key suddenly piquing your interest? Were you that bored, as to sit there and think about a key that was at least twice your age? A key that you didn’t even have. You needed a hobby besides escapism and rejecting your captor’s sexual advances. You look up at him again, only to find him leaning against the desk, hat off and sunglass placed on his forehead, his gaze on you. It wasn’t his normal piercing one, that studied you and calculated your every move, but soft and lazy. His current gaze was dreamy; he was daydreaming about you. You found that equally undaring s it was unnerving.

             “Karl.”

             “Yes, Sweetiepea?” Honestly, what the fuck.

             “Firstly, why are you staring at me like that? Secondly, that is the most disgusting way to use that pet name. I need to take a shower after you called me that.”

             He chuckles light-heartedly. Even his softer more genuine, happy chuckles are booming and loud. “Okay… Sugarplum!” And he busts out laughing.

             Clearly dodging the first question and focusing on the second. You can’t believe you gave him ammo for his annoying-you-gun. And you thought you’d grown immune to most of his… less-savory traits. Were you growing used to him? Next thing you know you’re going to like him and develop Stockholm syndrome!

             “You’re a shit head, hobo magneto…” You turn your head away and let your hair cover half your face so he can’t see you smile. You’ll miss him when you escape and get the duke to smuggle you back to your home in Bucharest. But only a little. Just because calling Heisenberg these names are funny.

             “Why don’t you call me by my name, I know you know it.”

             “You sure about that?” You quip back.

             “You’ve lived with me for at least two months now!”

             “Hm…. I think I know your name! It’s uh…” You are totally faking not knowing his name. “It’s… Heidi Carlson? Yeah, that sounds about right!”

             “It’s Karl Heisenberg!”

             “Quit being so silly, Heidi! Maybe it’s nap-time!” This was a little too fun.

             He looks back at his project for a moment and genuinely considers it. “I know you’re being antagonistic but you’re probably right.” And with that, he walks towards you and goes to scoop you up. You have to shut your book quickly in order for him not to notice the phone in between its pages before you let him pick you up.

             He immediately notices that. “Are… Are you sick?”

             “No! Of course not!” Because you genuinely aren’t sick, and he’s already up in your business as-is, you don’t need him dotting on you because he thinks you’re sick or something. You’ll go fucking crazy.

             “You’ve put in zero effort into anything remotely physical since your last little failed escape attempt.” He gave it a little bit of thought. “You’ve given up, haven’t you, and you’re just depressed about it aren’t you?”

             You want to say no, you really do, but if Heisenberg thinks you’ve given up on escaping, perhaps it’ll give you enough space to plan the big one. The reverse heist so to speak. “No- I… okay maybe I have but I still don’t like you.

             He leans down and presses a kiss to your forehead. “Good girl. Now let’s get us that well-deserved nap.”

             You plug your nose and turn away as a joke. “You’ve gotta take a bath first, you smell like oil and sweat.” You don’t fight it, because you have to play the part, but you still have to act a little bit like yourself.

             “Okay, fine doll, but don’t think you’ve escaped my barrage of affection, because as soon as I get out of the shower-“

             You bonk him. And he looks at you so confused before he smiles and leans down to nuzzle his nose against yours. You try to hold the bile back in your mouth and lean forward and peck his lips before leaning back. You failed at trying to not visibly gag.

             “Ew… I can’t believe I just kissed you.”

             “Well, I guess someone caught feelings… Didn’t they?”

[rowaning]

The Complete Fiction of HP Lovecraft rated by me, someone who read them all* but has a terrible memory

The Beast in The Cave: uh a guy goes on a cave tour and finds a creature that was like a human that got lost and adapted to its surroundings. 0/10 just because im pretty sure there was another one with this exact premise and neither of them were memorable at all.

The Alchemist: dude achieves immortality and lives in the narrators basement and has pledged to murder his entire lineage or something. 4/10 the alchemy stuff was actually kind of interesting

The Tomb: im pretty sure this is the one where a guy starts hanging out in a tomb and like travels back in time/becomes one of his ancestors? 5/10 if its the one im thinking of i did enjoy reading it

Dagon: guy lands on a mysterious island with signs of a long dead civilization. 1/10 i do not remember what happened in it

A Reminiscence of Dr. Samuel Johnson: 0/10 i have no memory of this

Polaris: also 0/10 i forgot all about it

Beyond the Wall of Sleep: could be any of the dream focused ones. if its the one about the dude sailing into the void or whatever than 4/10 not too bad

Memory: ironically, i dont remember it. 0/10

Old Bugs: 1/10 for the title god i wish i remembered this one

The Transition of Juan Romero: i got nothing. 0/10

The White Ship: this might also be the one about the dude sailing into the void? i liked that one he lived in a lighthouse and boarded a dream ship and just fucking left it was fun. 4/10

The Street: uh i think really steep street that didnt actually exist. 3/10

The Doom that Came to Sarnath: i wanna say another one of the dream centered ones where a town discovers some old relics and blatantly disrespects them and gets exactly whats coming to it. 5/10 they deserved what they got

The Statement of Randolph Carter: ok this dude shows up several times. i think this one is about how he returns to his childhood home then travels back in time and creates a time loop paradox thing. 1/10 meh

The Terrible Old Man: uh some thieves harrass a weird old guy and get got. 5/10

The Cats of Ulthar: someone is mean to a cat in a dream city, all of the rest of the cats get revenge and are revered for the rest of time. 2/10 (-3 because lovecraft has a specific name he gives to apparently every fictional and real cat he encounters and wow i wish he hadn't)

The Tree: i feel like this is something to do with a person becoming a tree but i cant actually remember. 0/10

Celephais: yeah no i got nothing 0/10

The Picture in the House: also nothing 0/10

The Temple: nope 0/10

Facts Concerning the Late Arthur Jermyn and his Family: is this the one where the dude's great grandfather married an ape? i dont think so but im not sure. 0/10, -5/10 if it is that one cause that one was especially shitty

From Beyond: nope 0/10

Nyarlathotep: charismatic dude shows up and is like get in bitches we're going to the void. i love nyarlathotep cause hes the one who directly interacts with humanity and like wears a human suit or whatever so hes just some dude whos like hey im gonna feed you to azathoth 5/0

The Quest of Iranon: got nothing 0/10

The Music of Erich Zann: narrator makes friends with an old musician whos being hunted by supernatural forces. 2/10 because i remember it but it was just ok

Ex Oblivione: 1/10 for the title but i have no clue what it was about

Sweet Ermengarde: lovecraft's sole attempt at comedy. not to my taste like at all 0/10

The Nameless city: nope 0/10

The Outsider: also nope 0/10

The Moon-Bog: sounds cool, dont remember it. 0/10

The Other Gods: dude tries to find the gods of humanity where they live on a big mountain, actually finds them, is immediately smited by the Other Gods who protect the gods of humanity. 3/10 he deserved it

Azathoth: dont recall, 0/10

Herbert West- Reanimator: Arkham man Herbert West and his assistant ressurect the dead with little thought to the consequences, then get murdered by a band of said resurrected dead. 5/10

Hypnos: nope 0/10

What the Moon Brings: also nope 0/10

The Hound: still nope 0/10

The Lurking Fear: again, nope 0/10

The Rats in the Walls: dude returns to his ancestral home, hears rats, excavates the basement and finds out that his ancestors ate human flesh, eats his friend. 1/10 it was an interesting read but can lovecraft please stop calling cats that.

The Unnameable: no clue 0/10

The Festival: nope 0/10

*Under the Pyramids: ok im pretty sure this is the one with houdini which is the only one i could not read. i went into this mentally prepared for lovecraft's bigotry but i was not mentally prepared for him dropping harry houdini, avid skeptic who absolutely would have beat the shit out of him for this, into the middle of his super racist paranormal horror. -1000/10

The Shunned House: nope 0/10

The Horror at Red Hook: also nope 0/10

He: cool title, no memory of the story. 0/10

In the Vault: wow im bad at this. 0/10

Cool Air: still no 0/10

The Call of Cthulhu: kind of all over the place, there was a thing about artists and then a thing about a cop investigating a cult. 3/10 meh but ill give it a bonus for being a staple of horror fiction.

Pickman's Model: uh artist sees some wild shit and draws it and then it eats him. 2/10 i forget the details

The Strange High House in the Mist: if this is the one im thinking of, dude does a dangerous climb to find a mysterious house and meet the inhabitant who is kind of interdimensional and also being hunted by interdimensional things. also maybe the house eats people? 2/10

The Silver Key: another Randolph Carter one, and i think this is actually the one about him travelling back in time so idk what the other one was. 3/10

The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath: randolph carter goes on a quest in the dream world to find the gods of humanity and ask why they wont let him check out this cool city he can see from his window. lots of action and very wordy and went a lot of different places. 4/10 good read but extremely xenophobic

The Case of Charles Dexter Ward: guy investigates his ancestor who looks disturbingly like him, ancestor comes back to life and kills him and takes his place and a bunch of other stuff happens. mostly a dramatized genealogical study. 3/10 not bad, very suspenseful

The Colour Out Of Space: meteor lands on a farm, scientists get weirded out by it, everything in the area gets weird then dead, alien thing gets enough power from draining nearby life-forms to escape earth. fun twist ending. 4/10 bonus for being one of the better ones, detraction for writing out a 'rural accent'

The Descendant: nope, 0/10

The Very Old Folk: nope again, 0/10

History of the Necronomicon: very dry. fake history of lovecraft's fake book thats super important to a lot of the stories. 0/10

The Dunwich Horror: isolated witchy family has a kid who no one likes that grows up real fast. graphic descriptions of renovation. a horror gets unleashed on the area and the local folklore scholars have to deal with it. 1/10 nothing good enough to counter the xenophobia

Ibid: i remember this one. no idea what it's deal was. pseudo-bibliography? it was weird. 0/10

The Whisperer in Darkness: guy has a correspondance with another guy about local folk legends based on evil crab things. other guy gets straight up replaced by an evil crab thing and first guy doesnt even notice. imagine if you followed up on a scam email and didnt realize anything was up until you saw that the face of the dude you were talking to in person was a mask. 4/10 for the comedy this guy would not last in the internet age at all

At The Mountains of Madness: guy whines about penguins and how awful it would be if there were civilizations that predated humanity. also commits grave desecration. i get hit by the realization that if lovecraft was less of a racist coward he wouldve made a great speculative sci fi author. 3/10 i would love to watch that old asshole get absolutely torn to shreds by the monster fucker community

The Shadow over Innsmouth: Fish People! Leave Them Alone! Or Else! 5/10 the protagonist gets to live the dream by escaping human society and becoming an immortal fish person

The Dreams in the Witch House: dude rents an objectively haunted room, doesnt listen to people trying to help him, gets murdered by a weird rat. later they find a shit ton of bones in the attic. 2/10 meh

Through The Gates of the Silver Key: Randolph Carter transcends time and space, then de-transcends time and space and immediately gets stuck on another planet in the distant past, makes a long and difficult journey back to earth to find that his estate is being divided amongst his heirs. the comedy potential of a man stuck in an alien body dealing with a legal system that has declared him dead is not examined. 2/10

The Thing on the Doorstep: narrator's good friend marries a fish person witch who steals his body. thats basically it. 3/10. at this point im like wow these narrators really refuse to believe the heavily foreshadowed supernatural explanations that turn out to be correct huh.

The Evil Clergyman: dude is in a room. some ghosts (?) show up. dude has a UV light for some reason. Gets his face stolen i guess and just has to live with it. 5/10 for being absolutely buck wild and refusing to explain anything

The Book: nope 0/10

The Shadow Out Of Time: dude gets his body stolen by ancient scholar species. agonizes about it for a while. finds archaeological evidence of said species. finds a book he wrote while living with said species. almost gets eaten by something. 3/10 more cool speculative sci fi but lame protagonist

The Haunter of the Dark: you'd think id remember it bc this was the last one and i read it last night. oh wait, nvm i do remember it. dude finds an old box in a run down culty church and unleashes a horror that then comes and fucks him up. 1/10 meh.

[makiema]

I was just reading Snk 123 again and somehow I’m just so sad that Isayama literally flipped Levi out of Eren’s life just like that. I mean this has been hard to accept for a long time now but with all the miscommunication between AM and Eren in this chapter, it is even harder to take in. Levi has played such a big role in Eren’s development and has always understood Eren better than anybody. His pov is extremely important at this point. And I’m just a lot frustrated at how Isayama keeps pushing him out of the whole conundrum. So basically I wanted to write a meta but I was just too sad to write a meta so below the cut is just a whole rant about Levi and Eren and why we need Levi back in Eren’s life. Eh, it’s like really long but I just had to get this off my chest.

I just want Levi to talk with Eren once more before the manga concludes. His POV is extremely important rn, more than ever, given that he was the only one who acknowledged Eren for his whole self ( yes both his darker side and the baby side). Additionally he was the only one who talked to Eren in his language (like freedom and choice) something that would later influence Eren’s outlook and consequently his speeches too. I don’t have anything against AM (in fact I love both of them a lot) but really the fact that they CHOSE to see only one side of Eren is something that’s undesirable and unfortunate. I mean, every living person has a darker twist associated with them. Nobody is flawless and it’s important for us as well as people around us to acknowledge the flaws, to accept a person for who he is. Choosing to ignore the darker aspects and accepting only the idealised version of someone is rather naive and immature behaviour.

And here I just wanna point out how Levi was always aware about the darkness that Eren possesses inside him. He has always spoken in terms of duality when it came to Eren like to him, Eren was both a “tameless monster” that might be dangerous and also his “source of all miracles” ,i.e., his hope. Levi is someone who never had a Romantic perception of Eren. But for AM, it was just the opposite. Could it be because AM were somewhat afraid that if they chose to see Eren’s darkness it might make them love him less and also shatter the idealism they associate with him? And am I blaming AM for having this outlook? Hell no. It’s a personal take but tbh as teenagers that’s not uncommon. I mean we do like to think that the people closest to us are absolutely perfect. We like to believe that they can never be in the wrong, specially when it comes to family and childhood friends who’ve been there for us since forever. It’s hard to accept that they might have a darker side to them. AM love Eren so much that it makes them turn a blind eye to reality and they “did not want to see” the slow transformation in Eren because that could lead them to confront Eren’s demons. 

However, coming back to Levi, he really foreshadowed Eren’s whole character arc in his understanding of Eren’s nature. Yes, Eren does have a darker psychological side: he is essentially a monster that cannot be hold in check by anybody. Mikasa and Armin tried in 112, but sadly they couldn’t get through to him. And also, let’s talk about the difference in approaching Eren when it comes to AM and Levi. Armin, in all the instances he managed to talk Eren out of his delirious state, has always made references to the outside world and elaborated on the beauty and variety that lies there. It was kind of like projecting his own dreams onto Eren and not realizing that Eren doesn’t care about oceans or mountains or deserts or anything. For Eren, it is not about the beauty of the world or the variety in it, it is the FREEDOM and the FREEDOM OF CHOICE that a person who’s not oppressed has when it comes to seeing and experiencing the world. In contrast to Armin’s way, we have Levi’s way of approaching Eren where he talks about the different taste in air outside the walls because the outside has what BOTH OF THEM value: FREEDOM. Levi also talked about how hellish the outside is, in contrast to Armin always associating beauty with it. And when Eren later talks to Falco he tells that what awaits him might just be another hell, but it could be hope too- the hope of finally being free. Levi has a superior understanding of Eren, of what he needs to hear, etc.- something that can’t be just thrown out of the window. (Isayama did just that by denying any involvement from Levi when it comes to Eren’s recent actions/attitude. He denied us the talk that was much needed)

Now the VN isn’t exactly canon given that it wasn’t written by Isayama but we can consider it semi-canon as it required Isayama’s approval. So, the whole thing highlighted the message that “Humanity’s strongest understands Eren Jaeger very well” and yeah, even going by the manga we know Levi is integral in Eren’s development and is the only one who saw through the duality in Eren, understood his drive and his will. So why all the focus on Levi’s understanding of Eren if it is supposed to amount to nothing in the end? I get that Isayama wanted to set it up like Levi’s role in Eren’s life is over but it is just so abrupt?? I mean, okay I accept that when Levi said “He’s fifteen. Everyone has a phase like that”, it was an indirect reference to the fact that Eren is in the teenage phase™️ where he wants to be left alone with only his friends and therefore, Hange shouldn’t be so inquisitive (and maybe Levi too should not concern himself with Eren as much as he used to before??) Like, if we look at this way, it justifies Levi’s distance from Eren post the basement revelation. Since then, we got no other moment of conversation between them while before that, there’d be plenty. I get Isayama’s motif of taking Levi out of Eren’s life to add fuel to Eren’s gradual isolation from everybody but then why did he bother to put so much emphasis on Levi’s understanding of Eren in the beginning? It should have some ulterior purpose right? If the Rumbling does happen and the world is really destroyed (i’m not ruling out the possibility of the world destruction not happening im just considering the situation if it really does comes to the worst), there has to be someone who reproaches Eren, someone who berates him in a way that he understands and reflects on what he has done; someone who brings up the topic of if this is really what freedom demands and actually gives us the answer to the pertinent question: if this was the only way? And I cant think about anyone else really suited for this other than Levi- someone who realized the potential for danger that Eren holds? someone who always realized his desire for freedom? (Also, Levi and Hange are the only senior officers left right now so it ideally should be either of them but because Levi played a greater role in Eren’s life compared to Hange, I side more for him being the one to deal with Eren.)

Also, Armin pointed out how he always thought he understood Eren even more than Mikasa but it turned out that he actually didn’t; the same went for Mikasa in 123 when she accepted that she’s been seeing only one side of Eren. Both of them could never accept the plausibility of Eren doing something so monstrous. But, Levi could. From the very beginning. Not that it made him love Eren any less I mean, he did say that he’d willingly go to war again to protect Eren. Besides the vow he made to Erwin, the fact that Zeke could be controlling Eren and it’s Zeke’s fault that the higher-ups don’t trust Eren, also became a crucial factor for Levi to decide going against authority and killing Zeke. That’s how much Levi still loves Eren, even after Liberio. So all I am saying is that Levi should be let in Eren’s life once this all is over and the manga concludes because imo there is no one better qualified to address Eren and talk to him as he is now. Only someone who had a vague idea about Eren’s darkness can and also should talk him down. If the Rumbling really happens, and all hell is really let loose, then is this really the freedom that Eren wanted? Is this a price worth paying? Given that Levi is the only one who has spoken explicitly about freedom to Eren, his take on this becomes extremely important and that’s why we need a Levi-Eren talk or at least Levi’s pov on Eren and the Rumbling. 

The manga has established that Levi understands Eren’s drive for freedom and his monstrous essence better than anybody else. In fact, it is an undeniably important aspect of his character arc and unless he gets to have a final conversation with Eren then his arc will never really get a proper closure. At least, this is how I feel and I’m also sad that Isa made him so non-inclusive in Eren’s life just like that and in his place, AM couldn’t understand Eren at all. I mean let’s face it he is Eren’s mentor and his influence on Eren is so visible that this cutting away of Levi from Eren’s life just doesn’t sit well with me. Maybe it’s because I’m biased idk but I strongly feel like Levi should get a final say on Eren and his behaviour, because right now, as it stands, he is the only one who got the closest to understanding Eren, all of him.

[celsidebottom]

I relistened to Confession and Desecrated when I saw people pondering about the various powers at play in Father Burroughs’ actions, given that Hilltop Road is already such a hotspot for the Web and the Desolation, and the Spiral is super involved in this statement as well.  However, as I listened, I realized that his experiences involve almost all of the powers, even if only briefly mentioned (and some of them might be a stretch).  I went through the transcripts and put down the bits that seem relevant to each entity.

The Web:

It won’t let him say certain holy words, such as “Lord,” “Jesus,” “God.”

Something forcing him to speak while blessing Hilltop Road – “I felt my lips move.  They made no sound that I could hear, but I felt them form every syllable… My mouth continued to speak for me…”  (When Lensik uproots the tree)

“I had never before felt a… a presence within myself, inside my being… like a reflex reaction, your muscles moving without any instruction from your mind, but rather than a quick twitch of the leg, it’s a slow movement of your jaw, your lips, forming your mouth into words.”

His actions at the ‘mass’ – “it didn’t feel like at the time I could have made any other choice” (despite him saying that he could have left, that his “will and actions were [his] own.”)

The Spiral:

Honestly like the whole statement is very Spiral given that neither he nor Bethany could really trust their own senses, but specifically…

Bethany “believed that she was no longer in control of her own mind.”

Bethany trying to eat a rock because she didn’t realize it was in fact an actual rock

The painted word “Mentis” in her bedroom (and Bethany not even being able to see that it was painted there)

College records stating that Bethany didn’t actually live off campus on Bullingdon Road, but that she lived in halls, and that she attacked a porter with the knife, instead of a housemate.

Nobody living at 89 Bullingdon Road while she was supposedly there.

The missing sacrificial Muscatel wine – “had never really been to my taste, but looking back I can’t really be sure what I was drinking.”

Burroughs’ bible showing a different passage from a different gospel; the words around said passage was unreadable and obscured

“The faces on each crucifix and painting I passed seemed to twist and sneer at me as I walked… the painted blood glistened as though it was still wet.”

Talking to ‘Father Singh’ and then later passing Father Singh in the hallway (mainly Stranger, mentioned below)

The altar server not speaking but “all that came from his throat was the single tolling sound of that bell… the same thing happened for the second reading, that long, drawn out chime.”

Burroughs himself only being able to speak as a chiming bell

“I don’t even know where I was, some dingy basement from what it seemed when the light fell from my eyes and I returned to reality.  At least, I assume this is reality.  I dream, sometimes, that perhaps this is the illusion – my arrest and imprisonment merely a hallucination.”

The Desolation:

During his blessings, he started burning up – “I was starting to grow very hot, as though the room was heating up very rapidly… it continued, though, and soon I was sweating through my shirt.  I began to cough, and I could smell smoke, even though I couldn’t see any or any fire, for that matter… I felt my skin began to crackle and burn.”  (Just before Lensik uproots the tree)

 The Flesh:

The murder and mutilation of the two students.  “Cause of death was listed as blood loss from multiple lacerations all over their legs and torso, as well as removal of both their faces with a sharp blade, possibly a scalpel.  The face of James Mann was found to have been partially eaten by Father Burroughs.”

The Corruption:

Throwing up after leaving Hilltop Road

His stole during the ‘mass’ – “it was a pale, sickly yellow.”

“the thin, bony arm of the altar server”  (Maybe??)

The congregation – “their skin was fevered, jaundiced yellow.  The eyes of every man, woman and child stared blankly forward, and their mouths hung open, wide and smiling, like their jaws had locked in silent rictus.” (Also possibly Stranger, given that they’re almost people but not quite; addressed below)

“My hands felt strange and clammy as I held [the communion wafers and the wine]”

 The Vast:

the congregation – Burroughs “was met with only that oppressive, wide-mouthed silence, a jarring void that tightened the fear I felt gripping my soul.”  (Maybe??  I’m not great at determining the Vast from the Lonely in a lot of cases so this might be wrong idk)

“I noticed fewer and fewer of the parishioners seemed to be in the pews.”

 The Stranger:

Father Singh – the list of past transgressions he shouldn’t know; “He had always had a quite a strong accent but the voice that spoke now to read my litany of wrongdoing had no trace of it.  It was a clipped and crisp RP accent, though in tone it seemed to match that of my friend.”; “In the hallway I ran past two other priests… One of them was Father Singh.”

The congregation – “the thought of these people, these things…”

The Oratory “received delivery of a pale, yellow stole, which apparently vanished less than a day after they signed for it… the package was handed to them by a company called Breekon and Hope Deliveries.”

 The End:

The deaths of Bethany O’Connor, Christopher Bilham, and James Mann

Burroughs seems to resist it - “I will not commit the further sin of ending my life”

Perhaps a stretch, but with both Burroughs and the mysterious altar server, when they try to speak there is only the sound of a bell, and it makes me think of that work that goes “send not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.”

 The Eye:

Bethany during her exorcism – “there was instead just… silence, as she stared at me with a look, almost seemed like pity… At last, Bethany locked eyes with me and slowly shook her head.” (Maybe??)

At the Oratory – “The church’s large round window shifted as I watched, as though there were a tremendous eye that were turning to focus upon me.”

 The Lonely:

“Occasionally, I would see figures standing or walking at the end of the narrow streets, but they were shadowy, silhouetted against what little light there was, and were always gone when I approached.”

“I saw roads that I had travelled a hundred times, but they seemed different… and at each turn I found I did not know where I was going or what place it would take me to.  The world I knew had become alien to me, and I simply didn’t know what to do.”

 The following four I’ve extrapolated a lot and taken just a line here and there, so I’m not sure how valid they are

 The Dark:

From the wiki – “A manifestation… of what lies beyond what we can sense.”  Maybe not Dark, possibly more Web or Stranger, but this part at Hilltop Road kind of fits that description: “I felt something answer me… something else answered my call for protection.”

While reading his bible - “Wherever there were words that might give me comfort, I found them obscured by dark stains.”

“It was dark when I left the presbytery.”

 The Slaughter:

Bethany attacking her housemate “with a kitchen knife” and “falling head first into a full-length mirror, cutting herself very badly” – facial lacerations

Bethany thrashing in pain, biting into her tongue, brain hemorrhage, blow to the head

The lacerations inflicted upon the two students that Burroughs apparently killed

 The Buried:

The fact that the word Mentis “had been painted on the wall and then covered up with layers of wallpaper over the years” (Maybe??)

“There seemed a safety in stillness, as though inaction could do no harm.”  (This is again a stretch, but it reminds me of Hezekiah Wakely in Episode 152 and how he felt calm and at peace while sleeping in the graves)

 The Hunt:

imo the biggest stretch I make, but it seems like Burroughs was indeed the prey of something here, being driven to extreme ends and being hunted for his fear the whole time?

I’m not entirely sure what all this means, but I think Hilltop Road is way more important than just a headquarters for the Web.  We’ve all been talking about Millbank Prison as the location for the Watcher’s Crown etc because it potentially has a place for all the Entities, which I think is still totally valid and very likely, but it also seems like all of the Entities might be involved at Hilltop Road too....