#or maybe I'll just log off for the rest of the night . maybe delete the app off of my phone . i did that when silas was making me cry like

[angeltism]

I should deactivate actually

[nevaroonie]

I'll Regret It Tomorrow

TW - Very DETAILED make-out session, CHEATING, Suggestive remember how my page is 17+ AN - Soo... WC - 1120 Part 1

The tension could be cut with a knife.

 Milo’s mate dropped him off a couple of hours ago. They wanted him to hang out with Ash. Milo was against the idea but they were persistent. He didn’t know why; that was a lie.. He knew why. They saw the way they looked at each other at that party. Maybe this was them giving up. 

Telling him to be with the one he truly loved. To be with the one who had his heart. While they only held a faction. He didn’t know what hurt more. The fact that they were right in that assumption. Or the fact they’ve given up. Was he really using them as a placeholder? A temporary fix?

Yes. 

Now he sat here on the couch. One that belongs to the man who had and still has his heart. The same man who awkwardly let him inside. Who agreed to let him stay.` Who looked like he had his heart crushed. And yet he still stepped away to make snacks, while setting up a movie night for the both of them. 

This wasn’t fair, not fair to any of the parties involved. 

Milos's thoughts were interrupted by Asher walking back into the living room. 

‘’ sorry.. I didn’t have much on stand-by.. ‘’  it was true. Asher wasn’t expecting any guests and he’d eaten most of his snacks the night of the house party. 

‘’ you’re fine.. ‘’  

‘’ so.. Did.. you have a movie in mind? ‘’ Asher wanted to cut the tension. But it’s hard to cut year-old tension. 

‘’n...no.. not really.. ‘’  and Milo wanted to be anywhere but here. He can’t do this. 

‘’ I heard.. Brokeback Mountain is good.. ‘’ 

‘’ lets.. Go with that.. ‘’ Milo just wanted this conversation to be over. 

Asher walked over to turn on the Xbox and went to join Milo on the couch. It was going to be a long night. And he knew that.. As the Xbox powered on. He couldn’t help but glance at Milo. His soulmate sitting this close to him. Was the idea of being alone with him that enjoyable? 

Yes. 

They hadn’t been this close since.. That night. He didn’t want to think about that. Not tonight. This could finally be his chance to.. Make things right. To apologize.. When the green screen went black.. And eventually to the profile segment. 

Milo was flashed with his Xbox account. He remembered making it when Ash first got it. He’d thought he would have gotten rid of it. This made him wonder if he deleted his switch account off his switch. If the Xbox account was still here probably not. 

Asher logged in, going to the video section. And finding Netflix, hoping Milo would fall asleep during the movie. So he could just go hide in his room for the rest of the night. But he knew Milo and that wasn’t going to happen easily. But he could only hope. 

‘’ so.. ‘’ Milo attempted a conversation. Though he wouldn’t know what to do with a response. 

Ash didn’t respond. He didn’t know what to say. He just pretended not to hear him.. Maybe if he just focused on finding this movie he’d be fine. 

Milo took that as a sign to shut up. I mean he technically did show up on his doorstep. Without warning.. Adding on the fact they haven’t had a proper conversation in years. They hadn’t been this close in months. Even at pack meetings, Asher kept his distance. 

Milo couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t ignore the burning in his chest. He couldn’t push those feelings down.. He couldn’t do it. Not while he was sitting next to him. Movie be damned. He wanted him.. No he needed him. The marking on his chest only proved the universe wanted them together too. 

‘’ Ash.. ‘’ Milo palmed the controller out of his hands. 

‘’ what.. Milo .. ‘’ the sudden contact caused him to freeze. The marking that littered his shoulder started to burn. He couldn’t do this.. 

‘’  t…thats my name.. ‘’ 

‘’  I.. need you to be honest with me.. ‘’ Milo was laying all his cards on the table. If he was going to risk this.. It wasn’t going to be for nothing.     

‘’ honest about what.. ‘’ 

‘’ Me. ‘’ 

Asher looked at his friend. What did he mean be honest? 

‘’ Tell.. me what… you wanted to say all those years ago..’’ Milo held his hands in his ‘’ tell me.. What.. you failed to tell me then.. ‘’ his eye watered as he remembered that day. He needed to hear Ash say he loved him. He loved his partner but Asher would always have his heart. 

Fuck. It. 

‘’ Milo.. I want to be your everything.. I want to be the person you wake up too. I need to be the person you hold when you’re down. I need that.. But i need that with you.. You Milo Greer. ‘’ 

Asher couldn’t believe the words that left his mouth. And he couldn’t believe Milo either.. He had a partner. Someone who loved him.. Someone he fell for. And yet here he sat. in front of him. Begging to hear some words that never left his mouth. Words he promised would never leave his mouth. 

And maybe in a moment of passion and desperation. Milo kissed him. And he kissed him back. Pulling him onto his lap; were they really about to do this? 

Yes.                  

For once in his life Asher stopped thinking and let his body take control. And god did it feel good. Milo's warm body against his, lips intertwined. God he didn’t want this to end. He didn’t know when he’d feel this warmth again. 

And he wasn’t going to waste it. Not again. Not ever.. 

Asher pulled away, causing Milo to open his eyes. He was confused.. 

‘’ I need you to tell me this..is what you want..I Need you to tell me.. You won’t regret this. ‘’ 

Asher was getting desperate. He needed him.. But he needed to know for sure. This is what he wanted too. 

‘’ I won’t.. Whatever happens after.. I’ll deal with it. Just, please.. ‘’ 

Once again lips met skin.. And god the noises that escaped his mouth were just as good as he imagined. He bet his partner couldn’t make him feel like this. Asher made his way down Milo’s neck while he made music under him. 

He needed more. 

‘’ clothes.. I.. need to feel.. More.. ‘’ Asher whined in his ear. And Milo gladly offered a solution. 

As he slid his shirt over his head. And Asher eyed his tattoo. The one they shared. The one that let him know. Milo Greer was his. And smiled. 

Though Milo lied. 

He’d Regret It Tomorrow. 

He knows he will. But god did it feel good. 

[magpies4nights]

GUYS DONT PRESS P ON THE TITLE SCREEN WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE (Dev log #15)

AT LAST, SUMMER IS HERE!!!!! I am so excited I can finally rest I- oh right. Summer classes. Sigh. Well, they don’t take up the whole day thank god and I don’t need to be there, but It’s still not exciting. Oh well. Maybe I’ll play the sims 4 again and check on how my poor little torture victims are doing/j Jk jk, I don’t torture my sims. Unless you consider naming them things probably EA wouldn't approve of, then yeah I guess I am a horrible person.

But yeah, on the week I released the demo (which by the way, thanks for the 58 views!!!! thas crazy) I was putting up with finals. Some of my classes had to be pushed to the next week, and that was INFURIATING. It was kinda agony because I just wanted everything to be done and over with and I was practically exhausted. Like sleeping at 7 pm exhausted. Yeah......Well, should I even talk about how my life is going? I flunked the review for my major. Thank god, honestly. I mean, I didn't do it on purpose, and I am sad in a way that I flunked it, but I didn't want to continue on the route I was going on. I feel kinda stupid for even trying but I guess it's ok to make mistakes in your early 20's rather than your 30's... for some reason.

Ok, dev time. I decided to take a break from making sprites for a bit. So I worked on a part of the game that I would have left a secret, but I think it’s quite funky hehehe

I like old computers. I would have replicated the windows XP thing because I have so many memories of it, but I'm scared Windows might snipe me or something. I once was lying on the couch my parents turned into a bed (I think I was sick at the time), and it was late at night, and the computer was shutting down (it played this sound: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb2jGy76v0Y) and for some reason the noise absolutely scared the absolute living shit out of me (I think I was like 4-5 years old and I was terrified of bassy sounds). I do not remember ever having any positive relationships with computers before I turned 6 lol. I’m pretty sure I used to think I could live without them. Oh you poor bastard. If you saw me now not only would you not understand a single word I’m saying, you would be incredibly disappointed with how dependent I am on computers. I think once I'm done with that I'll try to fix whatever is going on outside scene, because that's the only scene that causes the game to crash. I'm pretty sure it's because there's too many objects, because when I turned off the animations and the visibility it still took forever to load (like, nearly 2 seconds. The scene takes 4 seconds to load, and normally a scene would take me less than a second to load). soooo, uh yeah, I'm trying to find an occlusion culling equivalent to solve this because that's a 3d game thing, and this is a 2d game lol. I'm thinking of turning off visibility for when they're outside the viewing frustrum (player's line of sight, or more like rectangle) because it cuts down half the time for when the scene loads. If nothing works I guess it's just deleting and re-adding the child back into the scene every time the camera is on them... sigh. If it ticks me off too much I'll probably return to doing sprites because there's still a lot to do lol.

Well.... I so far got no other ideas for references in this game, so I guess I'll put in the inspiration of the outro (which is the Portal outro)

(not my video)

I know, I know. Cheesy. BUT instead of it being in the antagonist's view, it's the protagonist's view instead. I tried singing for the song, but every time I do I make Jojo Siwa sound like a professional vocalist (I don't even know why she still sings. Didn't she bust one of her vocal chords already? Or is that a rumor? Either way that's already gotta be a sign that you probably shouldn't continue on the route you're on.) I literally had 5 attempts on my computer and they all sound horrible. I'm not going to put them on the internet for my sake and your sake too. So yeah, no vocals. But the lyrics will still be there. They won't have the typing effect though.

I once had a strange dream that I was looking through the itch.io comments and someone kept spamming about how they headcannoned Xandra to be a trans man and were like honestly I don't know how my brain combined those several factors together but I find that funny.

yes its the caseoh meme. no i will not apologize

[chochote-sijali]

I'm going to be logging off and deleting my app after New Year's. Social media could've easily played a big part in my worsening depression. I'm worse off this year than I was last year.

Does anybody really know what it feels like to have a glimpse of happiness protrude from deep within your chest just for you to physically remove it like it's some type of devil? I can bet a lot of people with depression know this feeling. The void of not knowing whether to be happy or not because feeling that means feeling anger, disgust, and sadness. That emptiness that comes with stifling all types of different emotions because you're afraid of another anxiety or panic attack where emotions start running wild.

Yes, I do get this weird feeling in my chest, and I immediately look for distractions (like Tumblr or reading) or force myself not to think just so I can will away that weirdness. If it's easier to try to paint how I see it, I guess it looks like a bleeping red light in the middle of a light-less dimension. And the darkness tries to swallow it.

I tell myself it feels better that way. But at the same time, I beg to go back in time where I could feel my emotions properly again.

And that time...was before Tumblr. "The Time Before Tumblr". That's gonna be my movie scene. But really, that was also "The Dark Pinterknight" scene (and yes, that works, okay? You rest at night, soooo Pinterknight..........disregard my bad pun....)

Mmm and I shouldn't forget to add the terrible memory I've had the rest of the year. Not only has my short-term memory suffered (more than it already had lol) but I've lost some of my old memories as well. The more uninterested you become in things, the more you forget the things that meant something to you. Go figure. I guess that not only means the people you once loved (as in, tending less towards them) but the memories you built over the years as well.

Anyhoo, as I've mentioned up there, I'll be gone after New Year's. If you want to PM me or drop a comment, do so before...maybe, the 5th? I'll see when we get closer to the New Year's. Ask me anything if you want.

Ehh I apologize for the boring, probably uncoordinated writing. However badly this post sucks, I hope you guys still have a good holiday.