#or make people feel defensive or bad about their film tastes in any way

[whiskerknittles]

Y’ever watch a movie that’s bad

[tears-and-smiles-ao3]

In His Space

Steddie, rated T, cw: smoking

Eddie was driving him insane, sucking hard on a popsicle while leaning on the counter of Family Video.

His leather jacket squeaked against the wood, and each tiny suck noise rattled around Steve’s brain like a pinball machine.

It was infuriating how Eddie could do this to him, yet the thought of sending him away wasn’t an option.

They’d been friends since spring, when Vecna had once again tried to take over their town, and now hanging out just seemed like a normal thing to do.

Sure, they didn’t have much in common except their shared experiences of the Upside Down, but when everyone in town treated Eddie like an evil murderer, well, it wasn’t hard for Steve to step up and suggest they hang out.

He liked hanging out with Eddie. He was fun, and interesting.

It didn’t change the fact that this infernal noise was driving him mad.

He just couldn’t say why it was driving him mad. Robin often brought in popsicles and Steve didn’t think he’d had the same reaction then.

Maybe it was the fact that Eddie had been here all afternoon but wasn’t staying beyond five. In about 20 minutes, Gareth would drop by and pick Eddie up for band practice and it was probably one of the only nights Steve would manage the store alone.

Usually, they’d spend those lonely weekday nights together, Eddie talking for hours about some obscure film he’d watched, or teasing Steve about his ‘mundane’ choices in films.

Just because he loved Footloose didn’t make it mundane, thank you very much. His taste in films wasn’t bad, no matter what Eddie said.

Today though, he’d be alone again and that strange feeling in his gut was playing on his mind.

Was he jealous? Of Gareth? Of band practice? Surely not.

Eddie hadn’t picked up on his mood, seemingly content just to watch Steve rewind the tapes, his eyes boring into Steve’s back like a knife.

“Stop staring.”

Eddie pulled the popsicle out of his mouth with a loud slurp, a noise that sent a shiver through Steve.

“At what? You, lover boy?” Eddie purred.

Steve turned, hands on his hips in that motherly look he’d been teased about many times before.

Eddie raised his eyebrows, his right hand swinging the popsicle in a loose circle. Steve watched, enticed as the sticky substance skimmed dangerously close to his curls.

“Well, mom, are you going to tell me off?”

“No, no, ” Steve muttered, defensively at first, then softer. He watched Eddie lick his lips, feeling his breath hitch as he took the popsicle back into his mouth and gave it a gentle suck.

Behind Steve, the video player clicked, making him jump a little.

Eddie chuckled, going back to sucking loudly and driving Steve insane once more.

Sighing, Steve ejected the tape and put it away in its box, dropping it onto a large pile of videos to put back onto the shelves.

“Need a hand?” Eddie asked, but Steve shook his head.

“Nah, I’m good. Besides, you don’t work here.”

“That I don’t,” Eddie laughed, watching as Steve walked out from behind the counter, his arms full.

He took the long way round, ducking behind the shelves whenever he could to avoid looking at Eddie with that stupid popsicle in his mouth. Maybe if he couldn’t see it, he wouldn’t have to think about how it made him squirm.

Yes, it was much better to focus on the videos. Back To The Future and The Breakfast Club go here. Five copies of The Goonies go over there.

It was easy work, really. Especially when most people went for the same movies over and over. It was almost autopilot to put them away.

Ah, Too Scared To Scream. Steve walked over to the horror movie shelves and squinted, looking for where this tape should sit.

Huh? There didn’t seem to be any space left for it. Steve scratched his head as he stared at the shelves packed with videos.

“Need help, big boy?” Eddie whispered, leaning against Steve’s back. He draped his arms over his shoulders, putting the popsicle in his hand mere inches away from Steve’s face.

“Watch what you’re doing with that,” Steve hissed, trying to keep himself steady with Eddie’s weight on him.

Eddie chuckled, waving the popsicle about. This close, the scent of strawberry filled the air.

“What this little thing?” Eddie taunted Steve, bringing it closer to his lips.

Automatically, Steve felt his breath hitch at the closeness. Eddie was all around him, hanging over him. He could feel his breath ghosting against his cheek.

Something in his brain was trying to get his attention but Steve couldn’t focus when Eddie was everywhere.

Eddie was right there, holding his popsicle up close to his lips, and Steve hadn’t shaken him off yet.

“You should try it,” Eddie murmured.

His voice was like silk and it made Steve feel off kilter.

Slowly, Steve stuck out his tongue and licked a small stripe along the spherical shape. The flavour filled his mouth and Steve swallowed harder than he needed to before opening his eyes.

“Hmmm, it’s nice, huh?” Eddie asked.

Steve swivelled his eyes to look at him. It was difficult with how close they were, but he needed to see the smirk he thought Eddie would be wearing.

Eddie wasn’t smirking. His eyes were wide, maybe a little shocked, and they looked at each other for a long breath.

That was until Eddie broke the spell.

“Um, that video goes there,” Eddie said, drawing Steve’s attention down Eddie’s arm towards the shelves.

Oh. Oh, right. Steve looked at the last tape in his hand. He went to move, but stopped when he remembered Eddie’s popsicle.

Instead of asking him to move, though, Steve opened his mouth and took it into his mouth, then closed his lips. It sat like a small weight on his tongue.

Eddie inhaled sharply, but Steve couldn’t focus on that.

No, he leaned forward, dragging Eddie with him, and placed the tape on the shelf.

The intimate positioning was consuming Steve’s mind, but he wasn’t going to let Eddie get one up on him.

Steve sucked harder on the popsicle.

“Oh,” Eddie gasped, and Steve wanted to chuckle.

It was then that the door chime went off, and Eddie jumped back, letting go of the popsicle.

“Hey, Gareth,” Eddie called out. “Man, aren’t you late?”

Steve stood up straight, stretching out his shoulders. He walked by the desk, where Eddie and Gareth were talking nerd shit. He shook his head, smiling as he moved the popsicle around his mouth with his tongue.

At least Eddie wouldn’t be making those goddamn sucking noises anymore. He could finally relax. Maybe he could even enjoy the last few hours of his shift.

If Eddie’s eyes swivelled to the popsicle he stole while they rented a video, Steve didn’t even bother to hide the grin from his face.

-

Picking up Robin for school was one of the most routine things Steve did. He was always bright and early, waiting on Robin dragging herself out of bed and throwing on some clothes.

Sometimes, he had to wait ages for Robin to appear, leaving him with nothing to do except drum his fingers against the steering wheel.

That was until this morning when Eddie walked towards the car.

“Hey, big boy,” Eddie greeted, leaning his arms against the open car window. His curly hair blew in the wind, catching in his lips as he spoke.

“Hi,” Steve stumbled out, his throat suddenly drying up when Eddie fucking Munson poked his head inside, his face mere inches from his own.

What was it about Eddie and his lack of personal space?

“Nice ride, man. Robin’s lucky she gets first class service every day.”

“Uh," is all Seve could say, his brain short circuiting. Seriously, he should've been used to Eddie being up close and personal by now.

“Man, you’re a little tense.”

Steve scoffed. "I'm not."

Then he turned, glancing over at Robin’s house to hide his face, which suddenly felt very hot indeed.

"She's not out yet huh?" Eddie murmured close to Steve's ear while Steve did everything he could not to react.

He kept his eyes trained on the front door, which was still shut tight.

Damn. Hurry up, Robin. She was going to be late at this rate.

“You know, you’re heading my way,” Eddie purred, his fingers tapping inside the car down while he leaned further in.

Steve turned back, his eyes barely able to focus on Eddie’s face with how close he was.

Fuck, Steve couldn’t even concentrate on anything but their proximity. For a long time, he just stared into Eddie's large brown eyes.

The passenger car door opened, and Robin slid into her seat.

“Hey dingus, we need to get going.”

“And whose fault is that?” Steve snapped, pushing all his tension into the only available release.

Robin stared at him, fury in her eyes as she forced down the visor with a thud. She pulled out her makeup bag and threw it down on her lap rather dramatically.

“Oh, ho, ho, someone’s in a mood," Eddie needled, a smirk on his face.

Steve turned to Eddie fast, their noses almost touching, and whispered, “I’d drop that if you want a lift.”

“Ooooh, King Harrington will give The Freak a lift. How generous.”

“Just get in,” snapped Robin.

Steve sighed. Well, this was going to be a tense drive. He couldn’t even figure out why they were all snapping at each other this morning.

Eddie got in and sprawled across the back, one of his legs vibrating while he chewed on his nails.

If that wasn’t distracting enough, Eddie also winked when Steve used the mirror to check behind him before setting off.

Swallowing hard, Steve turned the radio up. Manic Monday blasts loudly into the car and two things happen.

“Hell, yeah,” Robin yells, dancing in her seat as she continues to put on her mascara.

“Fuck, no,” Eddie moans, covering his ears with his hands and staring menacingly at the ceiling.

“This is just like today: manic,” Robin chatters idly, and Steve lets out a small laugh.

“It’s not even Monday, Buckley,” Eddie deadpans. “Ugh, this was such a bad idea.”

“Would you prefer to walk?” Steve asks, feeling brave enough to look back at Eddie.

Eddie is just groaning continuously. Robin ends up turning the radio up louder to compensate.

“Hey, I’d like to not get tinnitus, thanks,” Steve snaps, turning it back down, but not enough to appease Eddie.

There was a line here, something that Steve felt he needed to address, but he wasn’t sure what. Perhaps it was just payback for Eddie making him feel hot all over earlier.

If only he could figure out why.

Still, he was glad when both his temporary charges left his car. If he glanced into the mirror to see if Eddie was looking at him, no one needed to know.

Especially not Robin.

-

Robin had talked him into this, and Steve was starting to regret it. The sheer number of shrieking kids, the dazzling lights and the loud music at Hawkins High school disco was overwhelming.

Man, he was getting old.

It hadn’t been like this when he’d been a school, and that wasn’t that long ago.

Christ, maybe he really was turning into a mom.

Sighing, Steve rearranged the juice boxes one more time. Being stuck on refreshments duty was probably the easiest job, but it sure was boring.

“Hey, dingus,” Robin called, her hip banging against the table as she leaned on it. The cartons rattled, and Steve bit his lip to stop complaining.

If Robin was here, it meant her nerves were stopping her from talking to Vickie.

“Things not going well?” Steve asked, because if he’d learnt one thing it was just to get straight to the point.

Robin sighed, grabbing a juice box and ripping off the straw, ignoring Steve’s raised eyebrow.

“It’s not that easy,” she said, taking a sip. “Vickie’s just not in my league.”

“Oh, come on, Robin. You know that’s not true.”

“Says the King. Honestly, Steve, do you even need to try?”

“Sometimes,” Steve admitted, his eyes misting over.

Robin snorted. “That’s a lie. Ain’t nobody you’ve struggled to get.”

“Stop changing the subject, Robin. I think Vickie likes you too. Look, she’s watching you.”

“Or, she’s watching you.”

“I can’t win," Steve complained dramatically, throwing his hands in the air.

“What can’t we win?” Dustin asked as he skipped up to them.

“Uh, everything,” Steve griped. He couldn’t pinpoint it, but something was irritating him. “I think I need some air.”

-

It was a relief when he stepped out into the dark schoolyard and felt the cold air hit his lungs. It lifted that burning sensation, the one that made him feel like choking.

“Hey, babe.”

Steve jumped, spinning around at hearing Eddie’s voice and nearly knocking his head against the wall.

“Eddie? I thought you weren’t coming.”

“I’m just here on business,” Eddie stated, a small laugh leaving his lips.

He leaned against the wall, taking a long drag of a cigarette. Steve watched as Eddie’s lips puckered around it, cataloguing how he inhaled deeply, holding his breath for a second, then exhaled, puffing out a haze of smoke slowly.

Eddie licked his lips once, his eyes on Steve, then took around slow drag, and Steve felt himself almost fall forward as he tried to lean closer.

“You want some, Stevie?” Eddie asked softly, turning to face him entirely now.

Steve shook his head, patting his pockets and about to say he had his own, when he realised.

“Shit.” He’d left his new cigarettes at Robin’s. Man, was this night getting worse.

Eddie looked over his face, as if assessing him, then he smiled coyly.

“I have a solution,” he said, stepping into Steve’s space and pushing him back against the wall.

Eddie stared into Steve’s eyes as he put the cigarette into his mouth and took a deep inhale. The embers flared brighter for a second, and Steve felt entranced, just watching Eddie breath.

Then Eddie’s face was right in front of his and he opened his lips, exhaling slowly right over Steve’s mouth.

Oh. Steve’s brain clicked on and he opened his mouth, inhaling as much of it as he could.

It hit him like a smack in the face. His blood buzzed from the nicotine, and he grabbed Eddie’s waist to keep him steady.

The soft fabric of Eddie’s cotton t-shirt felt soothing against his fingers, like a lifeline in a tumultuous sea.

“Do it again,” Steve asked, his voice so quiet. “Please.”

He wasn’t sure why he felt like putty in Eddie’s hands, but he did. Everything Eddie did unmoored him and right now, in the same place Steve had kissed many girls after his own school discos, he was adrift.

Eddie let out that little throaty laugh of his and took a deep, long drag. He leaned forward, his lips a hair’s width from Steve’s own, and breathed out slowly.

Steve gasped, pulling Eddie closer into him as he gulped down as much intoxicating smoke as he could.

It was then that it happened, and how, with them pressed so close together, had Steve expected anything else.

Eddie’s lips brushed against his so softly, accidentally so, and Steve whined. He goddamn whined.

Without thinking, not even caring who saw, he acted on pure impulse.

A hand grabbed onto Eddie’s neck, pulling him closer still, and then Steve’s lips were on Eddie’s properly and nothing else mattered.

The world faded away, it was just them and their lips moving against one another. The taste of Eddie’s tongue, a mixture of smoke and strawberry, filled his mouth and Steve gulped it down.

Eddie pressed harder into him, leaning one arm up against the wall while his other hand grabbed on tight onto Steve’s ass.

Fuck, this was the hottest kiss Steve had experienced in a long time. None of his recent dates had turned him on this much. He just wanted more.

It was at that point Steve’s brain switched on and he realised he was kissing Eddie and was liking it.

He was kissing Eddie. He was. Right now. Right here.

Steve’s body must’ve flinched or something, because suddenly Eddie pulled back and they were back to looking at each other, but this time Eddie looked concerned.

“Should we stop?” he asked in a whisper.

The hammering in Steve’s heart threatened to make him collapse. Why on earth would they stop?

Oh, that’s right, he’s meant to be straight.

Was he? He had no idea right now and all he could think of was kissing Eddie some more.

“No. Please don’t stop.”

The smile that spread across Eddie’s face was the most beautiful thing Steve had ever seen. The way it made his eyes shine was breathtaking.

Then Eddie's face fell, suddenly unsure.

“Wish I could, babe, but I’ve got business and you’ll need to head back inside like the good boy you are.”

Steve clutched onto Eddie’s jacket as he pulled back.

“One more kiss, please,” Steve begged.

Fuck, when had he become so needy? Yet, right now, as Eddie pressed his lips against his once more, Steve didn’t care.

He let himself melt one more time, let himself moan into the kisses, let himself float.

Figuring himself out and what this meant could happen tomorrow.

Right now, all that mattered was Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.

[moa-broke-me]

Like, someone criticizing something you like doesn't mean they're saying you're not allowed to like it. There's a difference between someone just shitting on a piece of art upon hearing you like it purely because they want to be a dick to you and/or make you feel lesser than for liking it, and someone talking candidly about why they, personally, don't like something, which you just so happen to love.

I get that there's a culture of bad faith criticism perpetuated by clickbait and outrage farms (*cough cough* cinemasins *cough cough*) and it's made a lot of people get defensive when it comes to their particular fandom's media. But you're not helping anything by pretending a flawed book, movie, tv show, whatever, is actually perfect with zero problems and if you disagree then you're just a meanie-head who hates fun and wants the entire fandom to get hit by a truck.

There's actually something very enlightening and ultimately freeing about the moment you stop trying to defend everything you like against every single criticism and flaw pointed out, when you let go of your need for the media you enjoy to be perfect. The moment you read a post saying "I don't like x thing and here's why" and you go yeah. Ok. I can see how this part could've been stronger, how this part doesn't make sense with the themes of the story, and yeah, the dialogue was kind of repetitive and no, that character arc shouldn't've been resolved the way it was. And guess what? I like it anyway.

That moment, or rather, those moments (because they WILL happen multiple times, and not just about your taste in shows and films and books, but your taste in fashion, and food, and partners. Not just the art you consume, but the art you create as well), little by little, build up your resilience, your confidence. Your emotional immune system, if you will. Good faith critics will respect you because you are able to respect them, engage with them and their points without mudslinging. Bad faith critics will either leave you alone, or cease to matter, their pointless words fading into background noise as you go on about your life.

In the end, you're not winning by drawing your sword against those who can't hurt you. You're winning by putting it back in its sheath, and moving the fuck on.

Also, and I know this is unrelated to the rest of my rant, but don't like; don't read was originally meant as a handy way of saying 'hey, this piece of art I made contains x, y, and z. If you can't handle that, leave instead of airing out your grievances in the comment section'. Sort of a cousin to 'make your own post'

It was never meant to be a get out of jail free card for any and all critique.

this anti-criticism/critical analysis wave some of y'all like to be on is making some of you bitches soft. 'don't like, don't watch, don't like, don't read, if you didn't like the game then why did you play it?'

maybe some of us come into a piece of art hopeful and excited for the possibilities, and are disappointed when it falls short. maybe some of us want to critique parts of the art that could have been stronger. is that going to kill you. will you die due to not seeing a constant stream of smoke blown up the creator's ass.

[animebw]

In my defense, my scoring system has always been incredibly confusing even to me, lol.

Actually, this would probably be a good time to talk about how I score things. Because despite how long I’ve been writing for this blog, I don’t think I’ve ever actually explained that part. Like, yeah, high numbers good, low numbers bad and all that, but I don’t necessarily score shows based on how “good” I think they are. The way I come up with the exact numerical value to give a show or movie is a little different than most people, I think. And that difference explains why I can respect a show like Kaiji for all its many strengths, but still not rate it as highly as some other shows.

Put simply: the way I score shows is based on how much I value them.

The fact of the matter is, rating anime on the success of their component parts has never worked for me. I can compare and contrast different ways shows can succeed and fail until I’m blue in the face- this anime had more likable characters! This anime had a more interesting fantasy world! This anime had more unique and creative animation- but ultimately, trying to compartmentalize my criticism like that won’t get at the heart of how each and every show succeeds or fails at connecting with me. I could give Kaiji a higher rating on the basis of it just being an incredibly solid show with no obvious weaknesses, and plenty of anime I’ve rated higher than Kaiji have much more glaring flaws. But when I look down into the core of my being and compare Kaiji against, say, The Day I Became a God, a deeply flawed show I’ve nevertheless given a 7/10? If you asked me which anime means more to me? Which one left me with more positive things to chew on? I would have to choose Jun Maeda’s imperfect, seriously problematic ode to learning how to be a caretaker for your disabled loved ones over Kaiji’s smarter, more mature storytelling that nevertheless didn’t engage me on such a visceral level.

I’ve been watching anime for a long time, and after lots of trial and error, this is the only system that really makes sense to me. All art is subjective, after all, and the only way I can think to objectively quantify my subjective taste is to be honest about that subjectivity. Is Beyond the Boundary a mess of a story that falls apart unless you watch the sequel film? Yes, but the colors are gorgeous and the KyoAni aesthetic activates my neurons, so it gets to be a 7/10. Is Symphogear full of bad writing decisions and overwrought emotional drama? Yes, but it’s such a lightning-in-a-bottle masterclass of everything that makes anime special to me in the first place that I have no choice but to award it a full 10/10. Is Kaiji objectively a much better written show than either of those in terms of basic logic, coherency, planting and payoff? I’d say yes... but it’s nowhere near as special to me. It doesn’t offer me nearly as much that I really, truly love. And if I rated it any higher, I know it would feel constantly out of place among other anime with the same writing that may not be as technically proficient as it, but that I nevertheless care far more about.

To put it another way, I don’t score anime by saying “Hm, this show did X, Y, and Z, therefore it’s good/bad/just okay.” I score anime by saying “Hm, I really loved/hated/didn’t care about this show. I wonder if it’s because it did X, Y, and Z.” Ultimately, the only thing I can trust to measure my taste in anime is how I, personally, reacted to it, even if the reasons aren’t always immediately clear or reasonable. If that means giving a good show a lower rating because it didn’t mean as much to be as something that spoke more personally to me? Then so be it. After watching anime for five years and counting, that’s the only way judging it fairly makes sense to me anymore.

Also, keep in mind that 6.5 is still a good rating. I’m not one of those weirdos who only uses 5 through 10 and sees the lower half of my scoring system as basically nonexistent. I’ve liked plenty of shows I’ve given an even worse rating than Kaiji, and my 6,5/10s are full of shows I have a lot of respect for. Gurren Lagann, Aharen-san wa Hakarenai, Carole and Tuesday, Zankyou no Terror, Welcome to the NHK, Princess Principal, Akame ga Kill (it’s better than you remember, trust me)... trust me, Kaiji only being a 6,5/10 still puts it in some very good company.

[wavyhairedbabyy]

Idiots - Part 1

Karl Jacobs x gn!reader

tldr: They’ve both got a crush. Sucks, since they’re the only ones oblivious to it. (Slow Burn!)

CW: some swearing(not at each other), fluffy as a teddy bear.

a/n: I got a random influx of followers ;-; Tysm for enjoying my works and sharing them. I haven’t written in 6 years, in case it wasn’t obvious lmao, so even one is super meaningful to me :) this ended up being way longer than I intended it to be so I’m splitting it into 2 parts. 

edited yet: yes - let me know if I missed anything!

Part 1 - Part 2

Y/n and Karl met when Karl was still going to college in New York before dropping things to move to North Carolina. They met the fall of their sophomore year at the campus café when Karl was trying to shoot a piece of paper into a trash can. The problem was he couldn’t aim and it landed right in y/n’s mug of coffee, quickly dissolving into a paper coffee soup. For anyone else it would’ve been okay but being that coffee was y/n’s life line, especially during finals, it most definitely was not.

“You’re buying me another, right?” they asked, “I would highly recommend it or you might see a side of me you don’t want to see.”

Being the good guy he was, and the slight fear of their bad side, he did with no questions.

“So, since there’s a side of you I don’t want to see, and I bought you a new coffee, do I get to see the side of you that I do want to see?”

“Find me next semester and you might.”

And he did.

***

“Karl, if you don’t give me that sword, I’m going to hurt you!” Y/n screamed as they lunged toward him. It was y/n, Karl, and Chris hanging out at Karl’s place until it was time to leave for a Mr. Beast project. They sat in his living room, Karl with a foam sword that y/n was desperate to take from him.

“That’s the problem! If I give it to you, you will hurt me with it!” He yelled back, jumping out of their reach.

“Okay children, why don’t I just take the sword so we can end all of this?” Chris intervened in an attempt to stop the ruckus.

Both of them paused, looking at him in disbelief. They shook their head and in unison scoffed, “No!”

The two continued their play fighting, one holding on to the sword for a short period of time before the other pulled it from their grasp. This went on until it was time to leave the house.

While this was all going down, Chris watched Karl’s behavior. He noticed how he let y/n hold on to the sword a little longer, even when he could’ve easily reached out to grab it from their hands. He noticed how he was much more careful with his movements, almost scared to be too rough with them.

With anyone else, Chris knew Karl’s pride would have taken over in this situation. He thought back to any other time he had any of his SMP friends over. With Nick or Alex, he would have hogged the sword and brutally whacked either of them with it as much as he could. He would happily tacked them and pinned them to the ground. With y/n though... there was a gentleness with them, and Chris did not fail on picking that up.

“Okay lame-os, let’s get on over to the warehouse. Y/n, you coming?” Chris asked.

Y/n shook their head, “Nah. I’m gonna unpack my stuff and relax from the flight. Plus, word on the street says that tomorrow is when the cool stuff is happening so I’ll come then.” they replied.

“Well the street is right, but they’re still a dummy,” Chris looked at Karl for reference.

“Hey...” Karl faked a sad look before staring at y/n for defense.

Y/n giggle and just shrugged, waving goodbye to the both of them, “If you don’t bring me back Burger King fries, don’t bother coming back at all!”

***

Chris and Karl sat in the car, Chris driving and Karl in the passenger seat. With some music on in the background, the two were discussing the plan of action for what was going to be filmed for the day.

“Do you know how long it’s going to take?” Karl asked, “I feel bad leaving y/n by themselves so I want to try to get out as early as humanly possible.”

“I’m not really sure. I’m sure Jimmy wouldn’t mind you scootin’ out a little early,” Chris replied. He took the opportunity and leaned over to his friend, “Speakin’ of y/n, anything going on there? Y’know, anything special?”

“Uhh- whaddya mean special?” Karl haphazardly, “We’re best friends. I think that’s pretty special.”

“No, idiot. I mean is there anything there besides just being best friends,” Chris paused for a second, “I dunno. I just noticed you’re different with them, man. You know you would never treat Nick or Alex the way you treated them.”

Karl paused, trying to think of a response but failing. He sighed, “Yeah, there’s definitely something there on my end. I mean, I’ve been attracted to them since we first met. I just don’t think they reciprocate it.”

“You never know if you don’t try. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“I’d rather not think about it,” Karl sunk into his seat, thinking of all the bad endings that could happen if he told y/n his feelings.

***

Meanwhile this was happening, y/n was making themselves comfortable in Karl’s guest room. They planned on staying for a week and a half which meant packing a month’s worth of clothes. Before starting to unpack their things into the dresser, they FaceTimed their other best friend that was back in New York to keep them company.

“You’re calling me now? Your flight landed 4 hours ago! I was sure you crashed in the middle of the ocean - gone like that Malaysia flight,” y/bff answered.

“Hi to you too,” y/n responded as they started to place their clothes in the closet, “ You are so dramatic. My flight didn’t even go over the ocean. And don’t act like you weren’t tracking my flight. You knew damn well I was fine.”

“All this worrying and caring, and this is how I’m being treated?” Y/bff shook their head as the wiped their fake tears away “The disrespect.”

“Pft, the only disrespect I’m seeing here is the lack of questions about my day,” y/n said, “I had a great flight. I got those yummy blue chips and had a nice drive from the airport in a Tesla.”

Y/bff gasped, “What kind of Uber driver is driving around a Tesla? We need more of those people up here.”

“Dude, it was Karl,” y/n replied, “I was shocked. Last time I saw this kid he was driving a hunk of junk. One year down here and he’s driving around like he’s Elon Musk.”

“Well, I’ll tell you this now. If you don’t cuff him, I will!” Their laugh echoed through the phone

Y/n rolled their eyes, “Oh please, if he doesn’t like me like that then you’re in no good luck.”

“So you told him then?”

“No, not yet,” y/n paused, “I dunno. We’ve been friends for 3, almost 4, years now. If he liked me, he would’ve said something by now. Plus we live so far away from each other now. I just don’t wanna ruin a good thing, y’know?”

“Well, I still say do it. You can tell him and spend your life in peace knowing his answer, or keep it to you yourself and spend the rest of your life wondering ‘what if?’ And I’ll tell you now, the latter always ends with regret. With the first answer, you’ll at least have a chance of a happy ending.”

Y/n shrugged, putting away the last piece of clothing from their luggage, “I know, I know. I’ll think about it. Thanks for the chat, but I’m gonna go relax now before he gets back. I love and miss you already.”

They exchanged their goodbyes and hung up. Y/n flattened their luggage and slid it under the bed. Moving back to the dresser, they found some comfortable clothes to change into after a shower.

Y/n knew y/bff was right. They just couldn’t bring themselves to share their feelings. What if Karl didn’t feel the same way? Would it ruin their friendship? Would this be the last time they ever saw each other? No, y/n knew it wouldn’t end their friendship, but it would make it awkward for a little while. They moved to the bathroom. Maybe a shower would help them compose their thoughts.

***

“I’m back!” Karl shouted as he kicked the door shut behind him. The project took a few hours so the sun had set and nighttime was settling itself in North Carolina. There was no response. Karl continued, “And I have Burger King fries!”

“You should’ve started out with that! Coming!” Y/n yelled from down the hall. Karl rolled his eyes and walked over to the living room table. He started making room for the food when he heard fast footsteps coming toward him.

“Incoming!” Y/n yelled, tackling him to the floor with a hug. They were giggling as if they just pulled the best prank in the world.

“Hi to you too,” he groaned from his body hitting the floor. Y/n continued to chuckle as they got up, grabbing Karl’s hand to help him up too. They sat on the couch, looking at the food in front of them.

“A whole whopper meal? What did I do to get the honors, Mr. Jacobs?” Y/n remarked in a posh accent, popping a fry into their mouth.

“You existed,” Karl giggled out. Y/n smiled, but the butterflies in their stomach couldn’t feign their excitement. It was small shit like that that made y/n fall for Karl. He continued, “Plus I didn’t know if you ate or not so I thought better safer than sorry.”

“Aw, you’re the sweetest,” they gave him a tight hug before returning to the spot they were in on the couch, “So, what’s the plan, Stan?”

“I’m kind of tired from filming, I hope you don’t mind-”

“Actually, I completely mind” y/n replied sarcastically. Karl shook his head at them.

“So, I was thinking we could just watch a movie or watch a show,”

“Ah yes, head empty activities. I’m down. Can we watch a movie though? Not in the mood for a show right now,” y/n replied.

“Sure let’s scroll through and find something,” Karl switched on the TV and the two munched on their food while they decided what they were going to watch. After 20 minutes of scrolling, which really was 20 minutes of fighting over who had better taste in movies, they finally agreed on Wall-E.

Before the movie started, y/n looked over to Karl. Their hands were in the shape of finger guns, pointed to each other and the tips of their index fingers touching. They had a pout on their face when they asked, “Can we cuddle while we watch?”

“No,” Karl shook his head quickly, keeping a stoic, straight face. Y/n’s pout got bigger. He continued, “I absolutely hate physical touch.”

They both immediately broke out into giggles, y/n grabbing the nearest pillow and smacking him with it, “You are so lame.”

Karl continued with his fit of giggle, “The day I say that and mean it is the day hell freezes over.”

As the intro to the movie played, the two came closer, y/n’s legs tangling up with Karl’s. When they finished up their food, they moved closer with Karl’s arm around y/n’s shoulders and their head laying on his chest.

Y/n gave a playful scoff, reminiscing on their past memories together, “This reminds me of the time we had a Disney movie marathon before spring break.”

Karl laughed, “Yeah, and you made my old roommate cry beforehand because he wasn’t doing his dishes all semester.”

“In my defense, I gave him warnings. He didn’t wanna listen and there’s no way I was letting you live in a house with a sink full of fruit flies.”

“I’m not sure if you did that for me or because you practically lived with us.”

“Don’t get it mixed up, pretty boy. That was for you.” Karl smiled at those words, looking down at the person laying on their chest. He wanted to believe there was more than friendship behind those words. The warm feeling he would always get with them filled his chest as he turned his focus back to the movie.

“I really missed you.” He whispered.

“I really missed you too.”

***

Part 2

[potato-with-hair]

Fake News

First tumblr Story Ever

As the newest Avenger it seemed that Tony Stark and Captain Rogers were more than comfortable sending you out on all of the shit missions, granted, you could use the time in with your new teammates to learn their little quirks and start working to meld your abilities with theirs so that you could start working together seamlessly, but it was getting ridiculous. You were half expecting to start getting told to go out and help the NYFD rescue kittens from trees and helping the NYPD direct traffic on Broadway in Manhattan during rush hour. Y/N was a technopath, which was a fancy name for someone who could control technology and anything mechanical with their mind, or if you wanted to be technical about it, according to the official S.H.I.E.L.D. dossier:

Y/L/N, Y/N: Main Ability: Technology Manipulation

User can manipulate technology, the sum of techniques, skills, methods, and

processes used in the production of goods or services or in the accomplishment

of objectives. However, most users only can exert control over technological

constructs, such as computers, robots, hardware, and other devices that can be

termed as "technology", in any way. Manifested as a special form of electrical/telekinetic manipulation, a special form of "morphing" which allows physical interaction with machines, or even a psychic ability that allows mental interface with computer data.

Also Called:

· Cyberkinesis

· Cyberpathy

· Mechanokinesis

· Technokinesis

· Technopathy

Pretty cool, huh? Anyway, spring was coming to a close and summer was just around the corner. Tony asked me and Sam Wilson, you may know him as Falcon, to head to midtown

Manhattan because there were some “unsavory” characters hanging around Grand Central Station.

Turns out it was some low-level HYDRA minions that were basically trying to see what kind of trouble they could cause, they had planted a pipe bomb in a waste bin in the middle of the station and it was a Friday when thousands of people would be traveling through the station heading to and from work and school. I think that HYDRA was more or less just testing us Avengers out to what abilities we had and see if there are any hidden capabilities we possessed before they come at us for a full-scale attack.

Sam and I arrived and were able to find the pipe bomb relatively quickly, part of my ability is being able to read the signatures of different technologies and mechanics, and if you don’t think that a bomb countdown timer throws out a red flag, you are mistaken. Anyway, we found it, and rather than call bomb and arson with New York’s Finest, I was able to manipulate the mechanics myself using my mind. I shut down the detonator without ever touching the bomb and made the whole thing inactive within a few minutes time.

Easy peasy, 10 minutes, another fast sweep which took an additional 30 minutes, and Sam and I were finished and ready for our close-ups from the media that always, inevitably followed. We had a small group of media that always showed up whenever a call went out that an Avenger was “working” and there was almost always a small fan base at Grand Central or where ever we were working who would come up to thank us, like we were some sort of rock stars, and as per usual some of the younger men and women took the opportunity to do some flirting with us. Tony told us, unattached Avengers, that any publicity and light flirting and playfulness with the fans was good publicity and would help for the public to relate to us and see us in a positive light. I am not going to lie, I may or may not have had a little thing for our resident speedy Sokovian, but our little flirting in the compound never seemed to go beyond that, flirting. I thought there was a possibility he liked me also, but, so far, nothing. Although I did catch him staring at me quite often and Wanda and some of the guys were always talking to him and then immediately looking in her direction like they were just discussing her. Pietro did seem to always try to be around me and sit near me as often as possible as well. Also when the “fans” would flirt with him, I noticed he never really showed much interest in them, always watching to see what I was doing.

Oh well, time to spend a little time with the crowd before Sam and I headed back to the compound. The New York Times was talking to some travelers about the pipe bomb that was found in the wastebasket and what their thoughts were and how they felt about us being there to “save the day, yet again” when an overzealous “fan” started to get a little handsy with me in the background. He had followed me around and asked me to dinner a few times, flashing cash and his business card a few times, trying to press it into my hand multiple times. I explained I was really bust and thanked him but said I was not interested or available, but he kept perusing me. He was leaning over my shoulder with his hand around my waist from behind, body pulled directly flush with my back and he was in an excited state if you know what I mean, and he was whispering in my ear about some of his fantasies and things that he has dreamt of doing to me. Of course, the camera flashed right as he started to kiss my neck and I had a smile on my face because I was focusing on a sweet 10 year old in front of me asking for my autograph and telling me I was her favorite avenger. If the camera had waited all of 5 seconds more, they would have caught me performing a minor assault on the prick and another 5 seconds would have caught Sam pulling me off of him and flying us out of the station and back to the compound with his hand over my mouth because I let lose a string of explicative’s that would put Wade Wilson to shame.

The next morning I woke up and took a shower, went down to the kitchen and made my normal toast and juice and bowl of fruit, and could not help notice that the Avengers that were there were looking at me strangely, I thought it was because I was still in a sour mood because of that jerk from yesterday and the icky feeling he gave me that I was assaulted by scum. I knew that Rogers, Wanda, Sam, and Nat were on their way to Lagos on a mission. Thor and Banner were MIA since Sokovia, which left Stark, Rhodey, Vision, Pietro and I still here.

“Y/N, so, how was the pipe bomb incident yesterday?” Tony asked seemingly hinting at something

“Uneventful aside from a slight annoyance in the crowd, is there coffee left?” Y/N responded looking at him while rising to get a mug and pour a hot mug to clear the remaining sleep from my head.

“Nothing happened? Nobody special you want to tell us about?” Rhodey chimes in.

“Not that I am aware of or worth mentioning now that it’s done and over with, is there something you would like to tell me about?” Y/N asks looking back and forth to them. “Hey, where’s Speedy, he’s usually down here eating everything that isn’t trying to eat him first.”

Tony looks at Y/N and smirks, “It is strange that you should mention that, he came in about 20 minutes ago, I assume you were in the shower or I am sure you would have heard him, saw the cover of the New York Times, flipped out and, well, here you are, please take a look, we are on pins and needles to know what you think. And I hope you know that all suitors must meet the full team before you becoming an “item” and pass Avenger inspection, and Rogers is particularly tough.” He slid the paper across the kitchen island to where you sat, both he and Rhodey watching your face for a reaction. You unfolded the paper confused and looked at the front cover.

There in black and white at you was a close up of the stranger with his arms around your waist from behind, you leaning slightly forward smiling and the stranger kissing your neck, the little girl you were smiling at was covered by the person being interviewed in the foreground. To someone who was not there and did not know the story, this definitely looked bad, like a very intimate moment caught on film, the headline read ‘Newest Avenger Moving Fast With New York Wall Street Trader’ the article went on to talk about how you just met the guy and did not bother to get his name, but just let him put the moves on you, yadda, yadda, yadda. Apparently, after Sam got you out of there, the “gentleman: in question decided to make a name for himself and gave a short interview making it sound like you approached him and started the whole flirt fest, lead him on, and then abandoned him, with the promise to return. You looked at Tony and Rhodey with wide eyes and a sick feeling in your stomach, “This is the biggest load of shit I have ever read in my life, this is not anything at all what happened. About 3 seconds after this picture was snapped, I basically slapped the taste out of his mouth and would have continued to do so had Sam not gotten me out of there. Flirting? More like this guy assaulted me. This was not consensual or wanted. I told him multiple times I was not interested and refused his advances and invitations to dinner and he kept bothering me. I was talking to a little kid and he pulled this crap when I had my back turned to him.”

Tony went from joking to serious almost instantly, “Okay, we were just going to bust your balls on this a little bit, but this has just become a non-joke. I’ll have Pepper contact someone in Stark Industries legal department to get in touch with the paper to track this guy down, he’ll have had to sign a waiver for publication and we’re going to go after him for liable and harassment. If he tries to come after you for battery for the assault, well, we’ll call that defense, Avenger or not, no one gets to touch you without permission. Y/n we really didn’t know, we were just going to play around with you about this a little, and we had no idea. He didn’t do any weird stuff, right?”

“NO, I mean, I slapped him and Sam pulled me off of him and flew me out of there, anything beyond what he did to me and you would have been getting a call from New York’s finest about bail or my court hearing for homicide. I was shocked, but if it had gone beyond what it was, I would have raged a lot harder than I did. The headline in the paper would have read a lot differently today.” Y/N responded.

“Alright, I know that yesterday was weird and I know that Nat and Wanda have had to deal with crap like this from time to time, unfortunately being an attractive woman on the team seems to let the guys out there think that it is open season to treat you ladies like meat. It is unfair and it sucks and if any of the men on the team are around just say the word and well step in and make sure the guys know it’s not okay, or step back and let you take care of it yourself, whatever you feel more comfortable with. In the meantime, take the weekend off and go to a spa or go shopping or to the movies or whatever you need to do to feel better, charge everything to Stark okay. Just let us know if you need anything alright.” Tony hugged you with one arm and kissed the top of your head. “One thing though, Lightning Legs. He flipped out when he saw this. He thought it was true and got hot and bothered. I would suggest finding him and letting him know what is really going on because the last thing you need right now is a crazy Sokovian kid acting like a jealous boyfriend right now.”

You look us at Tony and across the island to Rhodey, “What is that all about, what is he flipping out about, he brags about all the women he is into and dated back in Sokovia all the time, what does he care about what happens to me?”

“Y/N are you serious? That kid has been crazy in love with you since Sokovia. I swear I was coming close to sending you both on a mission that involved a tropical island and a case of rum soon. If he’s not staring at you, you are staring at him. It’s sickening.” Tony finished with a sarcastic eye roll. Go relax in your room, we'll take care of this. Just try to put it from your mind and well talk soon. With that, you left and headed to the elevator bank to the sleeping quarters level, feeling shitty, but better because you knew Tony would do what he could to help.

You were only in your Bedroom Suite for about half an hour when there was a somewhat frantic knocking at your door. You got up from your bed, put down the book you were currently reading, and made your way to the door, opening it, you found a seemingly tormented Pietro, he entered your quarters without an invitation and started to pace the length of your room, looking at you, Y/N could tell he needed to speak, but he was not sure where or how to start.

“Y/N, I ……. The newspaper, I saw the picture and…… Who is he? Do you like him? I mean does he make you happy? I want you to be happy……… I know that no one will ever be able to………. Not like I do………” Pietro kept starting and stopping sentences, never actually completing any, and getting agitated. You had never seen him this disconcerted before, he was always so unruffled when he would flirt with you before and this was a whole new side to him that you had never seen before. It was like he was unsure of himself and it was not something he was sure of how to process. You walked towards where Pietro was walking seemingly carrying on an argument with himself and reached out for his hands.

“Pietro, please stop, okay, please. It is not what you think, I don’t know that guy. It was fake, it was false, I don’t know him, I did not ask for that, I did not tell him it was okay to touch me or kiss me like that, I was not alright with that, He did that without my permission, and the photographer took a picture and they wrote some fake story to make it seem like I was into it. I did not want that. I don’t know him, I feel disgusted by that.” You start to rub your neck where the creep kissed you, sat down on the plush cushioned ottoman bench at the foot of your bed and start to curl into yourself to make yourself as small as possible as Pietro looks at you taking in your words.

“Wait, moja bohyňa (my goddess,) some guy you do not know came up to you and started to touch you and kiss you without your permission? No, I will not allow this, who is this man; I will go fight him right now. Žiadny odpadok sa nemôže dotknúť mojej bohyne bez jej súhlasu. Nikomu by nemalo byť dovolené pozerať sa na ňu bez toho, aby sa poďakoval bohom, že bola stvorená. (No trash can touch my goddess without her consent. No man should ever be allowed to look on her, without thanking the gods that she was created.) Are you okay?” He sat on the bench next to you giving you plenty of space, not wanting to crowd you. “I will kill this man, why would he think he could touch you, Bohyňa (Goddess,) if I had been there, I would have stopped him immediately, I am so sorry I was not there with you. “ Pietro sat staring forward with a look of disappointment in himself. You leaned over towards him putting your head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around you pulling you into him. You snuggled your face into his chest drawing designs on his stomach and chest with your finger as he kissed your head and held you close.

“Tony is going to get the Legal department of Stark Industries to look into the paper and find out who the guy is and get him charged with harassment, and I may or may not have given him a good slap as soon as I got over my shock and realized what was happening, so I figure I should let the cops know everything in case he decided to try to press charges later for battery saying I attacked him. But I promise Pietro, there is absolutely nothing at all going on with that guy or any other guy in my life because I was sort of waiting for someone I had a sort of thing for to maybe make a move, but I didn’t think that he was interested, so I had basically given up hope and just accepted that we would only be friends, and that was okay, but I really was hoping he would let me know he felt the same.” You continued tracing symbols on Pietro's chest with her fingers nervously

Pietro put his hand gently under Y/Ns chin and raised her face so that his clear blue eyes were looking directly into Y/N/E/C, “Do I know this guy?” He asked finally deciding to go with the advice the rest of the team when they told him that Y/N was definitely into him, and Wanda assured him that yes, Y/N thought about him often and was only too nervous to make the first move, but if Pietro would, she would be receptive.

Y/N looks from Pietro's eyes to his lips and back to his eyes again and states “I am sure you have seen him around here, sometimes he’s hard to spot because he’s pretty fast, but when he stops or slows down and doesn’t try so hard to impress everyone he’s really an amazing guy. I have to say to, he is sexy as hell too, and he has this accent when he talks, uggghhh, it does things to me.” Y/N just smiles at him teasingly.

Pietro chuckles and smiling leans in but says softly before he kisses you, “Prednesiem vám básne a texty, ak ma chcete počuť hovoriť, poviem vám všetky veci, ktoré chcem s vami a s vami urobiť, ale nikdy vám nebudem môcť vyjadriť, ako veľmi vás milujem a uctievam. Teraz si môj, ako ja tvoj, navždy. (I will recite you poetry and lyrics if you want to hear me speak, I will tell you all the things I want to do to you and with you, but I will never be able to express to you, how much I love and worship you. You are mine now as I am your, forever.)” He then lays the softest and most soul-baring kiss on Y/N that she has ever felt. It was as if all the passions in the world could have been transferred to her through that kiss and as he softly caresses her face while peppering gentle kisses on her face, Y/N thinks that maybe this stupid picture is not the worst thing in the world to ever happen to her if it is what FINALLY brought her and Pietro together, she figures if nothing else, this will be a brilliant story to tell their kids someday.

Slovakian substituted for Sokovian

Y/N = Your Name

Y/L/N = Your Last Name

Y/N/E/C = Your Eye Color

[renaerys]

Okay I've got one: Prompt 15 with Reds. 🤣🤣🤣

15. “I can’t hear a word you’re saying, I just keep thinking about how good that mouth feels.”

Somehow they can make even breathing a competition.

Send me a prompt and some characters! Reminder that the challenge is to make everything SFW, so we're getting creative here.

List of prompts

xxx

“So, we’ve called the paramedics and they’re on their way, but until they arrive it’s up to us. Remember the acronym, kids: C-A-B. What’s the first thing you do?”

Aiyeesha Simpson, a gunner in the making destined for academic greatness and social ruin, raised her eager hand. “Find a flat surface to lay him down!”

“Correct.” Blossom took Brick by the shoulders and shoved him down to the floor. A gaggle of Girl Scouts gathered around him as he wheezed for air.

“Ow,” he said.

Blossom patted his chest. “Please choke more quietly.”

I will end you, he thought so loudly he hoped she could hear him through the murder in his eyes. There was community service, and then there was cruel and unusual punishment. When his required hours were up and his record expunged, he was going to write a very negative Yelp review of the local Townsville Girls Scouts of America chapter and tank this year’s cookie sales. Supremely annoying, outrageously petty, and totally legal. That would teach Blossom for sure.

“Place your hands here between the nipples.”

Some of the Cadette Girl Scouts giggled. To be fair, Blossom of all people saying the word nipples in reference to her former mortal enemy as she trained a room full of twelve-year-old girls in CPR using him as the dummy was a perfect storm of absurd and kinky that he did not see coming. And now he was giggling himself, because he was a teenaged boy who thought the word nipples was funny regardless of the very clear contextual cues, and that pubescent shame was on him, one hundred percent.

Blossom, an ancient and inconveniently attractive evil resurrected in a lab for the sole purpose of making his life miserable, did not appreciate his amusement. “Push hard at a rate of 100 to 120 compressions per minute. Remember to put your bodyweight behind it, like this.”

Brick flexed, and Blossom pushed against his heart like she was trying to crush it in her hands. Once, twice, three times she administered compressions, and Brick’s eyes glowed red with impotent rage.

“Assist Blossom with her CPR lessons to her satisfaction, and we can forget this ever happened,” Mayor Bellum had promised Brick when he lost his temper and blew up an (empty) ambulance. Butch didn’t need his Super stomach pumped no matter how much he drank, so the ambulance and the four-figure bill that came with it were completely unnecessary. This defense did not convince the mayor, however.

The promise of the bill forgiven and his record cleared—and the deterrence of Aiyeesha Simpson filming the whole thing to upload to YouTube later—gave Brick the strength not to eye beam Blossom in front of the children.

“Okay, who wants to try chest compressions on the dummy?” Blossom offered to the girls.

You evil bitch, thought the aforementioned dummy.

After the third little girl properly placed her sticky, little girl hands between his nipples, Brick had had enough. “Hey, I’m still dying over here. Can we move on already? Jesus Christ.”

“Of course.” Blossom smiled, and she had never looked more terrifying.

Brick hoped Butch was suffering. He hoped he was hung over so bad he couldn’t piss standing up. He hoped Butch tried going online only to find that Brick had disconnected the Internet and cut him off from all his online games and porn because fuck Butch and his weak-ass stomach.

“Who knows what the next step is? Maybe someone other than Aiyeesha this time?”

None of the other girls seemed willing to stick their hands up. The carpet under Brick had scorched where his power leaked out in his building resentment for this entire situation. The smell of burned polyester just made him feel even more powerless to stop this.

“No? Okay, well, remember the acronym. A is for airway. You want to be careful about a possible neck injury, so gently lift the chin…”

Blossom’s hands were not sticky like the Girl Scouts’ hands, but they were cold where they touched his skin and forced his head back.

“Are the paramedics here yet?”

Brick got a tight fist in his short hair for that one, and he considered it a small victory. “No. Something about a shortage of ambulances, apparently.”

Biiiiiiiitch.

God, he was going to destroy her so bad.

“Once you’ve cleared the airway and confirmed there are no obstructions—”

“Then you kiss!”

Some girls picked up the giggling again. Blossom, ever the professional, cleared her throat. “Mouth to mouth is a life-saving procedure and not something I’d recommend doing to someone you plan to kiss.”

Wow, great advice.

Some girls still giggled and whispered to each other. Brick had a sinking feeling that this was only going to end with his embarrassment: everyone knew that the cold judgment of pre-pubescent girls was the absolute worst type of judgment a person could suffer.

“Are you gonna show us?”

“Well, I don’t think I need to show you all how to breathe—”

“It’s in the manual! You have to demonstrate every step.” Aiyeesha waved the CPR manual, and Brick realized his misjudgment. She was no vapid goody two-shoes in the making, but a future Honors Student with a secret, a Work Hard Party Harder, an Ivy League Early Decision candidate with all of senior spring semester to slack off because no one was ever going to touch her 4.3 GPA.

Aiyeesha beamed a winning smile at Brick, and it was as chilling as Blossom’s.

Jesus Christ, there are two of them.

True to form, Blossom had never been able to defy a good instructions manual. “I suppose if it says so in the manual…”

Locking lips with Blossom was not a big deal. He’d done it before when they were kids, and he could appreciate the irony of a gesture meant to save his life this time rather than end it. She didn’t even try to mess with him by using her ice breath, just went through the motions as described in the instructions. The girls were disappointed with the lack of hormonal fanfare of it all, which was probably for the best. Leave it to Blossom to make mouth to mouth the sexless, medical act it was literally intended to be. He was almost upset, because it felt like she’d won something here, which could only mean he’d lost.

Disappointed but more educated than they’d been when they’d arrived two hours ago, the Girl Scouts dispersed after the lesson, leaving Blossom and Brick to put away the equipment they’d used.

She held a dummy torso, and she was looking at him with that pinched, constipated look she got when she was about to say something especially snobby. Instead, she surprised him. “Brick, thanks for being mature about it. I can honestly say you surprised me.”

He stared at her.

“I’ll talk to Mayor Bellum. I’m sure you’ve done enough to meet your hours quota.”

He had not fulfilled even half of his required community service hours and they both knew it.

“So yeah, thanks. I can finish up here if you want to leave.”

Was she trying to get rid of him? Why?

“Brick? Why are you looking at me like that?”

When Blossom was winning, he was losing. That was simply the way of the world. So, if she was losing, it could only mean he was winning.

“Are you listening to me?”

Brick smiled in what he hoped was a cool, sexy way if he imagined looking at anyone but Blossom. “I can’t hear a word you’re saying. I just keep thinking about how good that mouth feels.”

Blossom stared. “I’m sorry?”

He would make her sorry.

“Yeah, you’re a great teacher. I could really feel your passion for demonstrating the lesson correctly. With your mouth.”

Her staring intensified. “Did you.”

“Oh, yeah.” He leaned his hip against the table like he’d seen in the movies. It worked for Daniel Craig in Casino Royale, and that guy had convinced Eva Green. Iconic. “I could really feel you trying to save me.”

Where was Aiyeesha with her phone to film this? There was so little he could do to rattle Blossom as they got older, and while the challenge delighted him, it was also exhausting being constantly a step behind her. Was this truly her demise? Had he won the Teenage Experience? Was this poetic justice for how she’d once killed him with a mere kiss, only to suffer the same fate in turn? He could have cackled. This was better than trolling the Girl Scouts of America reviews, although he might still do that because it was a genius idea and he had always indulged his own genius ideas when they came to him.

So infatuated was he with his own self-fellating digression that he was slow to react to Blossom sidling up to him. Her hand was still cold on his chin, and it sent a shiver down his spine. “Shall I save you again?”

Brick’s dignity drained with his blood, which was an unfortunate side-effect of being a teenaged boy that he would just have to suffer. But winning was about recognizing one’s weaknesses and working around them. He leaned into her personal space. “Please.”

He wasn’t sure who kissed who first, but it was happening and all he could think was I am better at this than you and I hate you and also Do that again. He tried holding her waist, and she fought back with her fingers in his hair. Not one to be deterred, Brick tried some tongue but pulled back when he tasted thirty degrees below zero. He immediately went back in because he could feel her superiority, her Got you, you horny idiot, but the joke was on her because he liked her cold, always had when it was hot as balls out and he’d make up any excuse to pick a fight with her just for the chance to cool off.

The Girl Scout troop leader walked in on them competitively making out in the classroom like it was an Olympic sport and put an end to things, leaving them at a frustrating draw for now. They said barely a word to each other when Brick glared at the troop leader so bad she flustered and didn’t even question them before running out of there with some excuse about getting the wrong room.

Later that evening, Brick caved and changed the Internet password back just so Butch would quit whining at him. He Googled kissing techniques and spent the next hour and a half watching YouTube videos and reading GQ articles about How to Please Her Like a Champion, because he was a champion and a winner and he was not going to lose to Blossom in this. Not a chance.

This had to be what they meant when they said kill with kindness.

“I’m going to end you,” he muttered to himself as he read about the top ten highest voted movie kissing scenes, which he would then stream and commit to memory in order to be fully armed and armored for the next time he encountered Blossom alone in a classroom. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe during their shared free period.

Truly, he had the most genius ideas.

xxx

If you enjoy my writing, check out more of my fics on AO3, link in my profile. I’m currently updating Trinity House and The Alchemy of Us. Thanks for reading!

[worldwidebt7]

Hell[L]ing || 05

§ — Pairing: Chimera!Taehyung x Empath!Reader (with mentions of Reader x Other Members)

§ — Genre: SciFi AU, fluff, angst, smut, horror

§ — Wordcount: 2,974

§ — Rating: M § — Warnings: None. Just an awkward AF encounter.

§ — A/N: Gone for so long, but not forgotten! I love this story, and I don't plan on letting it die any time soon~ I need a manager-- I've got way too many projects! Anyone want the job? LOL

Summary: You moved out into the wilderness to live a calm, peaceful life. Your abilities made it impossible to live in crowded places, so even if you wanted to you couldn’t return. But when something happens outside the realm of even your normalcy, you start to think that maybe having everyone else’s emotions bearing down on you isn’t such a bad alternative to being trapped with your own.

You were definitely beginning to question your decision-making skills, or lack thereof. Any sane person would never let a man they met once into their isolated house on a rainy day— it was an exact recipe that stereotypical horror films follow. And you were to be the soon-hunted lead female. Whether or not you get killed milliseconds before the credits started rolling depended on how you treated the situation henceforth.

Standing in your bathroom, you contemplated your options as your fingers ran over the plush fabric of the grey towel you intended to hand to the soaking wet gentleman currently standing in your kitchen. First, you could continue on the path you were currently set on: heading back down the stairs to help the supposedly sick boy dry off and offer him a warm drink. This would most certainly end poorly if your expertise of the genre was anything to go by. Assist the helpless stranger, let his quirky personality charm you, then die. Not preferable.

You could, adversely, call the police or one of your friends to come save you and distract your company until they arrived. This would be the smarter move, though you have your doubts that the situation warrants such a reaction. Besides what your extrasensory abilities allowed you to perceive, your neighbor has done nothing to make you think he holds any ill-will against you. Having him forcibly removed from your home would only certainly sour his opinion of you.

Your last option, from what you could organize from your frayed thoughts, was to expedite option one, in which you dried him off, warmed him up, and sent him on his way before any amount of intimate time passed. You figured that this was the best option, even if it weren’t particularly the safest. You had no reason to suspect the boy of any violence or threat, but he made you inherently uncomfortable either way.

His emotions began to blip at a faster pace— nervousness, worry— were the rate of his emotional markers linked to his heart beat? That was something new. Well, everything dealing with this boy’s emotions was new to you. Taking a deep breath, you turn and leave the bathroom. You suppose your prolonged absence has made your guest begin to panic, and you really didn’t want to have his sporadic emotions to get more intense; you were already feeling the beginnings of a headache.

Scurrying down your wooden stairs, you felt his interest perk at the sound of your footsteps. Anticipation— but gentle anticipation. Warm, welcoming; you almost wanted to hurry to put yourself back in his line of vision, and as you stepped back into the kitchen, you felt the wave of relief that washed over him. His accelerated heartbeat kept the bursts of emotions abrupt, but they were soothed, a welcomed change from the abrasive concern.

His eyes were locked onto your form, taking in every miniscule movement you made. You made sure to avoid his gaze and cleared your throat as you stepped in front of him.

“Here,” You held out the towel for him to take. “You should probably dry yourself off…” He eyed the soft fabric for a moment, a shy gratefulness melding with slight apprehension. You sent him a warm smile when a few moments had passed and nudged the towel towards him a bit. With that, he tentatively reached forward and gently took the cloth from you. You retreated your hand swiftly and as he brought the towel to his chest you sidestepped towards the counter. “I’ll make something warm for you to drink, yeah?”

As you busied yourself, you didn’t see him lift the towel and softly burry his face in it, drying himself. You did, however feel the warm glow of comfort sprout in the air like quickly blooming flowers. With your back turned to him, you didn’t bother hiding the pleased look on your face. Finally— you thought— an emotion from him that didn’t barrage your senses.

With water heating up in your kettle and the packet of cocoa already retrieved from the pantry, you no longer had anything to distract yourself with. In an attempt to make this spontaneous visit less awkward and less unnerving, you turned to make light conversation. To begin, what on earth the sickly boy was doing wandering about in the rain.

“So…” you started, catching his attention immediately, his nerves returning. “Your name is Taehyung, right?” you received a delayed nod. “I’m Y/N. Ah, though you already knew that, right? From last time?” Another nod. Talkative, this one. You supposed you should get straight to your most burning question at the moment. “I gotta ask… I did extend the invitation, but… is there something I can do for you?” He visibly stiffened and the blips of his anxiety sped up with what, you were sure of now, was his increased heart rate. Oh, the headache. Perhaps you should rephrase. “W-what I mean is, since your health is poor, why’d you come over when it was raining of all days?” This seemed to calm him, as the frequency of his beats trickled off.

He didn’t answer you for a long while, opting to look down at the floor in contemplation. You did your best not to stare— you didn’t want to spike his unease once more— but you were finding it difficult to do so, seeing as the wet boy in your kitchen, now that he was up close and personal, was too beautiful to bear. Your previous appraisal of his other-worldly appearance was far too lenient; how could anyone like him possibly exist at all? And his dark hair— curled more from its damp state and hanging further over his obsidian eyes— only seemed to add more depth to the perfection of the features it framed. How utterly unfair it was for someone to be so beautiful.

“I—” you just about jumped at his voice, breaking the silence, but not cutting through it. The melodic depth of it filled the room. “…bad day…” he was pensive with his words— giving you all you needed to know and no more. There was no deception to him, but he was clearly safeguarding information, keeping it locked away.

You gave a thoughtful hum, but you couldn’t hide the shock and confusion you felt. He came to you because he was having a bad day? Someone he didn’t know and only met once before? You couldn’t help but feel this was… odd, for lack of a better term. And he seemed to realize this as well, as his eyes never once met yours. His apprehension was understandable now, and his fear of being turned away— he really had no reason to be here.

Still, your heart warmed at the thought that he had come to you for comfort, as unexpected as it was. And, slowly, the majority of your concerns over the situation began to melt away. Yes, he was a strange boy, yes, there were things about him that were odd and seemed unnatural, but… there was nothing aggressive, or dangerous about his intentions. He seemed more like a child than anything else with how small his large frame looked; like he was trying to curl in on himself.

A sharp whistle pierced the gentle atmosphere and both you and Taehyung jumped nearly out of your skin. You recognized the sound as your kettle quickly after having your nerves fried, but your guest was immediately on the defensive, his fear refusing to subside as he took a pathetic few steps back from the offending object.

“Sorry!” you called out to him and you turned on your heel to remove the kettle from the stove. His confusion was evident, and mixed with the other strong emotions bombarding you, you were almost inclined to say that he’s never heard the shriek of a kettle. The noise subsided as you lifted the item off the heat, turning the burner off in the process. “Phew— that scared me!” At your laughter, his confusion turned into curiosity, and his fear ebbed away.

You emptied the chocolate powder into one of your mugs and promptly drowned it in the hot water from your kettle, the smell of hot chocolate immediately permeating through the air. You se the kettle back down on the stove before stirring the drink, your neighbor’s curiosity only heightening. You turned back to him and beckoned him forward, placing the mug of hot chocolate on the island in front of him in hopes he would sit. When he did nothing, a breathy chuckle escaped you.

“You can sit down if you’d like,” you offered, hoping he would oblige. You realize that this directly opposes your original plan to make this visit as quick as possible, but his uncertainty had found it’s way into your heart. You weren’t sure if it was because he was often ill, but he seemed so unsure of how to interact with other people, like he hasn’t had much social interaction before. It was endearing in a way, and even though there were still some things that concerned you about the readings you got from him, you felt inclined to spend time trying to unravel him.

Or you could simply be suffering from your own solitude.

Either way, you smiled when he slowly made his way over to the counter and seated himself on the stool that the mug sat directly in front of. He still had the towel you had offered him clutched to his chest and seemingly hadn’t dried much more than his face with it. Cautiously, he eyed the mug of steaming liquid.

“Do you not like hot chocolate?” you asked, suddenly aware that it’s possible for people to have different tastes. Or worse, because of his illness he couldn’t drink it at all? “Oh, I’m sorry! Can you even drink hot chocolate? I should have asked before. If there’s something else—”

“No! I—” you blinked, surprised. It was the first time he had spoken so suddenly or with so much conviction. He seemed shocked by his own voice, and immediately receded into himself, almost as if berating himself for his outburst. He chewed on his lower lip, “…I’ve never had it… hot chocolate…” you blinked again.

“Really?” He nodded, and his hand slid forward, reaching for the mug. When you saw his fingers wrap around it, you realized how large his hands were— yet another ridiculously beautiful feature as you couldn’t help but think about how elegant the lines of hands were curved around the dwarfed mug. If he noticed you staring, nothing in his demeanor showed any discomfort at the attention, but you were quick to correct yourself when you became aware of it yourself. “Are you sure you can have it…?” you didn’t want to accidentally poison your neighbor if he was allergic to chocolate. A shake of his head did little to reassure you.

“I’ll drink it,” he said with confidence. He raised the mug, his other hand joining the action as the ceramic was completely eclipsed. It took you a moment to realize that he may not be are of the heat.

“Oh, wait, that’s hot—!” you were too late, and you watched him take a rather large sip from the cup. You blanched, expecting him to burn himself, but he only lowered the mug back to the counter, both hands still firmly encasing it, seemingly unaffected. Huh. Well then, wasn’t that odd?

After a moment of deliberation, excitement burst through the air and Taehyung’s eyes lit up. He quickly took another sip of the drink and from the rush of emotions you knew he was absolutely thrilledby the taste of hot chocolate. You stifled a good-natured laugh, not wanting him to think you were making fun of him, and settled for an endeared smile as you leaned forward to rest against the island counter. Why were you so scared of this boy again?

“I’m going to guess that you like it?” you couldn’t help but tease him a little, and, thankfully, he didn’t seem to take offense; he was far too enraptured by the sweet beverage before him. He nodded happily.

“Thank you,” he said, cheer popping in the air around him, making you want to squeal at his child-like wonder at something so simple. Still, you had to wonder— how is it that he never had hot chocolate before? And if he hadn’t had something so elementary, what else had he not been privy to and why? You suppose you could chalk it up to him being ill often, and if such is the case, he must have been sick for much of his life. You wondered who had been in charge of his health all these years and why they refused him such small pleasures such as hot chocolate, making you again second-guess giving him the cocoa treat. But the pure bliss he exhibited bade you believe that just one cup wouldn’t hurt and that it was surly worth it.

He had been so wrought with nerved when he appeared at your back door that any positive change in his emotions was a welcome one. Perhaps he would leave having a better day than when he came. You could only hope.

“I’m glad you like it,” you said simply before moving on, trying to keep whatever stilted conversation you had going. “I’m surprised you came here if you were having a bad day… did you and Seokjin fight?”

At the mention of his roommate’s name, he stiffened, some of his anxiety returning. You must have hit the nail on the head, because as his fingers fidgeted around the mug he looked off to the side towards the floor. You felt bad immediately, not wanting to sour his mood again.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t pry,” you straightened a bit at your mistake, readying to correct yourself if given the opportunity. “If you want to talk about it, um…” What could you offer him, honestly? Why would he divulge the details of his roommate quarrel with you? He barely knew you. Still, he did come to you— as a source of comfort, as a distraction, or as escape, you’ll never know. You did know that you may be his only choice out here in the remote wilderness and so, to an extent, you felt a certain obligation to offer him support. After all, should something happen to you, he and Seokjin were the only ones in miles that could aid you, and you could only hope that they would do so without hesitation.

However, he shook his head, signaling that he didn’t wish to divulge the issue. More mystery then, it seems. You nodded and gave no further attempts to interrogate despite the burning questions that nagged at you, knowing full well about the need to keeps certain things to yourself.

“I…” he began, suddenly standing. Startled, you too took a step back from the counter as well. “I should go…” he placed your towel on the island next to the half-empty mug after a long moment, seemingly disappointed to part with it. Taehyung hesitated, but eventually took a large step away from where he had been seated and began to make his way to the back door.

His sudden, hurried departure had you reeling. You had wanted a brief, eventless encounter, so letting him leave now would probably be for the best. Yet, despite all your concerns, you were still opening your mouth.

“W-wait!” you called after him, stepping out from behind your countertop. He immediately halted in his tracks, shifting slightly so he could see you out of his peripherals. His uncertainty thrummed in the air like drums, making your otherwise silent home ridiculously loud. “The… the rain…” For the first time in the last ten minutes, you peered outside your window, expecting to see the previous torrential downpour. However, to your surprise, it had calmed to a drizzle at some point during your neighbor’s momentary visit. When had that happened?

Sensing that you didn’t have anything else to say to him, Taehyung continued his journey to your glass doors slowly. You watched him with a rock settling into your stomach— this didn’t feel right to you, and as he opened the door, you called out to him again.

“Taehyung,” this time, at the sound of his name leaving your mouth, his head spun around completely, eyes wide and panic vibrating from him. No, not panic; something akin to panic, but not quite so negative. Something warmer… ugh, trying to decipher his emotions was like learning a new language. So, instead of feeding into your present headache, you continued, immediately embarrassed by what you say. “Come back again sometime… we can have lunch.” You felt the heat in your face from your blush and then, unexpectedly, it was as if the very space around you was placed under a heat lamp and Taehyung’s not-panic set your nerves on fire. What the hell was going on?

You didn’t have time to dwell, because as soon as the shocked, anxious boy recovered, he nodded quickly and slipped out the door, taking his blips of emotions and quickly disappearing into the tree line separating your properties.

With his departure, you could finally breathe, and you found that a tightness that you hadn’t been aware of begun to unravel in your chest. Your migraine, which you were hoping would leave with your neighbor, proceeded to hammer away in your skull. As much as you wanted to dissect your more than odd exchange with the onyx-eyed boy, you couldn’t imagine thinking about much of anything in your present condition.

“Bath…” you groaned, massaging your temples and groggily treaded your way upstairs to soak away the pain in scalding, fragrant water.

Tags:

@sana-b​ @beach-bitch-bitch-beach​ @babbitybabo​ @softmxchi​ @halijahfan @chimchimsauce​ @coolavidreader​ @beesthoughtsblog​ @breadcaaat​ @lucian-kinnder​ @wolfgirl-m​  @sogrossstuff  @kpop-nolife​ @unoriginal-username15432​ @cvbachacbitch​ @rhayad​ @lladyow​ @jiminot7​ @parkminhee​ @ditttiii​ @sathom013​ @megazdl​ @sugabased

[cellard0ors]

Fic: Movement (4/5)

Still working on this for @peachworthy. Should wrap up sometime this week or next and then the full thing'll get posted to AO3. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 here for now!

They decide to do it on a Saturday night.

Link has the weekend off from work and no classes. Rhett’s schedule is also free. They discuss the matter in terse terms, both seeming nervous about the idea, but neither backing down.

As such, Saturday rolls around with little fanfare until late into the evening. An evening that finds Link sitting on the couch, one of his legs jiggling and bouncing about as he waits for Rhett.

Rhett comes out to the living room holding a pillow and he offers it to Link. Link looks at it with some confusion and his friend clears his throat, eyes darting away, “For your lap.”

“My-?” Link looks down and then to Rhett and then…oh. Link colors, realizing that the pillow is to be used in order to cover any potentially ‘arising’ situation on his part. Feel exposed yet stubborn, he remarks dryly, “Don’t think I’ll need that.”

Rhett lets out a loud laugh and pats him in the chest with it, “Trust me. If I’ve done my job right? You will.”

“…point taken,” Link says softly and he takes the pillow, settling it over his crotch. To be fair, he probably will pop wood. After all, he sometimes pops it when Rhett’s full clothed.

Nude?

Yeah.

Link presses down on the pillow harder, even the errant thought of a nude Rhett causing a stirring. Rhett walks to the television and fiddles with the remote.

An app that Link’s noticed before, but never bothered with, is clicked on. Erotes Plus. The screenshots for the videos that come up are…certainly something. Link looks away, almost overwhelmed by all the bare flesh before him. The titles of the videos are also a bit much. Rhett notices and Link can hear the smirk in his voice as he says, “Prude.”

Link scowls and glares back at him and the screen. He is nota prude. However, titles such as ‘Lonely Housewife Squirts for The First Time’ and ‘He Rides His Daddy Dry’ would take anybody aback. At least Link would like to think so – he supposes some people are more immune than others. After all, his own history with porn is on the small side.

During puberty he’d taken his healthy peeks at nude magazines and a few of his friends had snuck out adult VHS tapes to check out, but for the most part it hadn’t interested him. Granted, this was probably due to his eventual discovery that – while he appreciated the female form – it didn’t draw his interest quite like the male one did.

And finding gay porn? Where he grew up? Yeah, pretty much a completely impossibility. And then – when he’d finally managed to snag some – it had, once more, disappointed. It all just seemed so cold and callous. Like a business transaction with a boatload of grunting. Not at all to his tastes.

Rhett, scrolling through the videos, finally finds one titled simply ‘Movement’ and turns to Link with an apprehensive glance, “Still plenty of time to say ‘no’.”

Link’s throat is dry. Unlike some of the other screenshots, this one is vaguer. It’s two forms silhouetted in shadow. One of those forms is Rhett. Link feels numb as he speaks, “I’m good.”

Rhett clicks the video and it begins.

He moves over and sits near Link, lounging against the other side of the couch in an oh-so-casual way. As if an adult video starring him hasn’t just begun to play.

The film opens with a lithe redhead in a yoga outfit doing various poses. While this is being shown the title card appears followed by the starring and since Link highly doubts Rhett goes by ‘Jenessa Star’, he can’t help but chuckle at, “‘Donatello Velvet’?”

“What?” Rhett asks simply and Link gestures to the television, “That’s you, isn’t it?”

“Problem?”

“That’s the screen name you chose?”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Nothing’s wrong with it, I just don’t see you as a ‘Donatello’,” Link grins at him and Rhett laughs, rubbing one finger along his top lip thoughtfully, “What would you’d’ve gone with then?”

“If I was doing adult film?” Link asks and at Rhett’s nod, he crosses his arms and thinks, “I don’t know…Bevin, maybe?”

Rhett tosses his head back and laughs and Link feels a fissure of delight at that sound, just as he always does. He turns back and the redhead’s poses have become…much more complex. Almost painful looking as she contorts herself to degrees Link wouldn’t think possible and then she rises, stretching out and that’s when Rhett enters.

Or maybe it would be better to think of it as Donatello enters. Yes, it’s a little easier that way and Link does his best to cling to that, to try and stay nonchalant as he offers dryly, “Well, well – there’s a familiar lookin’ fella.”

Rhett just hums and they both watch as he walks up to the woman. He runs his hands along her shoulders and down her arms, whispering into her neck huskily, “Good form.”

Link can’t help but let out a snort. Rhett rolls his eyes, “Okay, okay – I know, I know. Dialogue’s a bit-?”

“Bad?”

“…it could use some improvement.”

“Uh huh,” Link just beams and hey, this isn’t so bad. Cheesy and kind of silly and maybe it will just stay like this. Light and fun. For all Link knows, they won’t even watch the whole thing. Maybe just some of it and then they can turn on something els-!

Rhett begins kissing Jenessa’s neck, white teeth visibly dragging along her skin and Link’s whole body tightens. A phantom sting starts along the same side of his neck that Rhett’s touching on Jenessa. Jenessa’s whole throat arches back, a pleasured moan leaving her and Rhett’s tongue is…very pink.

Link’s Adam’s apple bobs as he says (much huskier than he’d like) “N-Nice camera work…”

Rhett just hums, “Mac’s always had a good eye.”

“Mac?”

“Mackenzie, the director of this one.”

Link just lets out a sound of acknowledgement as he watches Rhett reach around Jenessa and tug at her tank top. Tug until her small, pointed breasts pop free. He cups them in his hands and he has…great hands.

They looks so tan against her skin, palms rough and big, and Jenessa lets out a full throttle moan. Rhett teases the pink tips, fingertips agile as they play along the sensitive flesh, as they circle around her areolas.

She whimpers and turns, kisses him fully, passionately, and it’s…messy. Wet. Link can feel his whole heart thump hard at the sight. Janessa’s hair is shorter than Rhett’s – cropped close to her scalp and Rhett’s hands have abandoned her chest to run through the short strands.

Link barely stops himself from reaching up and touching his own hair, instinctively wanting to mimic how that might feel. To imagine Rhett doing it to him.

He tries not to fidget and talking, talking will help, “Surprised this isn’t more, ah, instant.”

Rhett shrugs, “Foreplay’s a thing, man.”

“No, I know,” Link knows his voice pitches a little high at this, defensive, “Just…figured, mean...’s porn…”

“Some of the earlier videos on here are like that, but when EP got bought out, the new owners took the company in a different direction.”

“EP?”

“Erotes Plus. The platform these films are on,” Rhett explains and then he starts mentioning a few things about different production companies and distributors and the like, but Link is too distracted because Jenessa is now fully naked and Rhett is on his knees between her legs, feasting on her moist lower lips.

The silken tip of his tongue is parting her, dancing along the bundle of nerves that is her clit and her head is tossed back on a loud, wild whine.

Her pale body undulates and she’s gripping his long hair so hard. Link feels as if he’s having an out of body experience. This is his roommate. His friend. The man he’s secretly in love with.

And he’s pleasuring this woman with such…focus. With intensity and finesse and when he rises, his erection is clear, straining at the linen pants that are containing it. Link points to the screen weakly, “Hippie clothes.”

The comment is stupid and unhelpful, but Rhett just laughs, “Yeah – kinda the theme of this series. I’m like, a Yoga Instructor or something? Least that's the way it was explained to me, so – linen pants, cotton top – I mean, we’ve had better costumes, but for this shoot-!”

Rhett is talking some more but, again, Link is barely listening. His eyes are transfixed by what’s taking place on the screen. Janessa easily strips off Rhett’s shirt and then his pants and – No. Underwear.

Link is seeing Rhett’s dick. It’s there…thick, but not as big as his own, a visible vein running along one side. Dusky dark and with a blushing pink tip and gently curling hair hiding his full, taunt sack…

“Link? Buddy? You doin’ alright?”

“Fine.”

“Lookin’ like you seen a ghost," Rhett teases, but there’s a breathless quality to his words, “My body all that bad?”

Link just shakes his head and watches as Jenessa strokes Rhett, as his head falls back and he lets out a shuddering gasp that Link feels in his very bones.

Link is suddenly very, very thankful for the pillow that bobs some as it reacts to the situation taking place beneath it. That situation being Link’s own dick perking upwards, making his jeans tight and constrictive.

“You…?” Something Rhett said finally seems to click in Link’s head, “You said this is a series?”

“Yup,” Rhett murmurs and now the film shows him pressing Jenessa against one of the studio walls and she raises one leg high. Insanely high. It’s a very gymnastic level move and Rhett slots his cock up with her opening, sliding hard and deep into her body.

Jenessa lets out a wail of pleasure as he presses in and she holds that leg up – all strength and grace as he begins to move within her at a steady rhythm.

Her hips answer some, but it’s more about how…open she is. And how deep he’s getting. They’re eyes are locked as he picks up his pace, rocketing in and out of her, shaking her whole form with his thrusts, her tiny breasts jiggling with each movement and movement, they call this…

“Got an award for this one.”

Thank God. That one comment draws Link back to some semblance of sanity even as his body quickens with an unspeakable longing, a carnal hunger that aches, “Really?”

“Uh huh,” Rhett says with no small amount of pride, “Best Sex Scene.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I mean, I owe it to her to be honest,” he waves to the screen, “She’s the one turning herself into a pretzel throughout this thing. Same for the rest of ‘em. They kept finding co-stars for me to work with who had had extensive training in this sort of body contortion. It was just my job to, uh, well…”

Rhett waves again and the answer is obvious: to fuck them through it. Link is not at all limber. In fact, he’s kind of a klutz. Nothing to match up with someone like this.

For some reason, this realization leaves him hollow. Cold. His arousal dims some, “Where’d you get the award from?”

“XRCO.”

Link makes some sound that would imply he understands, but he doesn’t. Rhett sighs, “Got nominated for Most Popular Male Performer on Pornhub but lost to Johnny Rockwell. Guy deserved it though. Performance he did that year was nuts.”

Link’s lost in the vocal cacophony that is erupting from the television speakers. Moans, gasps, grunts, cries of sheer ecstasy as Rhett and Janessa really ramp it up.

They’re in a different position now, Jenessa’s body once more arched at a crazy angle and Rhett's just...really getting in there. His hips are pumping double time, like a jackhammer, and she is loving it.

Her blue eyes are flashing with adoration, her lips curled in that moue that speaks to an almost pleasurable pain and Link can’t help but ask, “Are the others with her?”

Rhett takes a moment to process the question and when he realizes Link is asking about the other films in the series, he shakes his head, “Nah, man. You don’t usually have repeating partners. Like I said, they found other people who could bend in weird ways. The sequel to this sees me with Julian St. Croix. Great guy. Really smart. He’s actually working on another doctorate. Plans on working in the tech field when he retires, which – money he’s making, should be pretty damned soon. You want me to dial that up?”

Link just shakes his head. The idea of watching Rhett doing something like this with yet another person and with a man no less…

He feels crappy for, well, feeling crappy. This is Rhett’s job. He shouldn’t take this personally.

Besides, it’s not like Rhett knows how Link feels about him. To him, they’re just friends and he should play the part of friend – be a friend, a good friend, “I can see why you won the award, Rhett. You’re doing a…a great job. Real good acting.”

The sound of the shocked (yet oddly sharp) laughter that leaves Rhett at that actually causes Link to finally look at him.

Rhett’s face is a ruddy red, like he’s embarrassed or something, and he’s looking at Link with a bit of a wildfire in his eyes, “‘Good acting? Are you serious?”

Link finally shifts about on the couch (which feels fantastic considering his body has been fighting off a plethora of sensations for a while now) as he fully turns to him, pillow still firmly in place, “Of course! I mean, it-it seems like you’re really into this girl,” he gestures to the screen, “when you’re doing this and I imagine that’d take some acting chops.”

He chews on his bottom lip and lowers his gaze, hands ghosting over the pillow as he talks to it more than Rhett, “Un-unless you really are into her.”

“Into her?” Rhett pokes one finger over to the television, “Into Janessa?”

“Yeah, I mean…if-if you two are a couple or-or were one or-?”

“Me and Janessa?” Rhett asks incredulously and some of the heat seems to leave him. Link gets the impression that Rhett had, for a moment, been mad or affronted by Link’s well intentioned compliment, but now is completely changing track. Now Rhett seems charmingly baffled, “You think I’m into Janessa?”

“I-I was just saying if you’re not into her in this,” Link waves to the screen where (seeing as the volume is dying down) it would seem the film is reaching its conclusion, “Then the acting is good and if you are-!”

“I’m not,” Rhett confirms firmly, “I am very much not, nor was I ever, into Janessa. We’re friendly, but we’d never work as a couple, man. She likes cats.”

Rhett says the last as if it’s a blasphemy and Link can’t help but giggle, suddenly feeling bright and light even though he knows better than to do so, “Problem?”

“Not a big fan of lil demons…”

“Noted, “Link sighs and he feels much, much better. The film is finally over, he’s seen some of Rhett’s work, and he can now say the following with sheer confidence, “I’m proud of you.”

And with that, Rhett freezes. He freezes solid, back going ram rod straight, and his eyes – they’re as round as dinner plates.

Big and green and looking at Link like’s a wild anomaly and Link worries that maybe he, somehow, inadvertently offended him with the remark so he’s quick to explain, “I-I mean it, bo. I’m proud of you. Going out there and-and doing something like this. Being so…so exposed and vulnerable and for anyone to see and yeah, sure, I mean, I guess it’s just for people to-to beat off to or whatever, but when you think about it, it’s something that brings people pleasure, which is a lot better than bringing something bad into people's lives and I know some would argue that porn is like, some gateway into violent dark tendencies or whatever, but for the average person it’s a good thing to explore and the fact you can so freely provide that to them and not be ashamed-!”

Link is blathering.

He’s a blathering idiot.

But he feels like if he stops talking, Rhett might snap at him. Or be mad. Or-!

But instead Rhett just shakes his head and whispers, “You’re unbelievable.”

Link’s diatribe cuts off. His blood stops in his veins. He feels completely seized.

“I’ve been trying so hard…fighting with everything in me,” Rhett breathes and he just…eases forward, eases closer. He’s in Link’s personal space and Link wonders if he should back up or something.

He can feel the heat coming off Rhett’s skin. His breath is bathing Link’s face as he rasps, “But I can’t anymore. You’ll have to forgive me, but…”

Rhett kisses him.

Rhett. Kisses. Him.

Rhett kisses Link.

Their lips meet in the smallest, quickest, sweetest little peck. The sound of it, the quick wet click of their lips…it’s earth shattering, sound-barrier breaking.

And Link feels his whole nervous system lurch at it. And Rhett is still looking at him, searching his eyes wildly. Link blinks and licks his lips and tries to speak, but there’s nothing to say.

Rhett just grins softly, “Bad for business…that’s what you are…”

Link’s gaze dips to Rhett’s mouth. To his lips. Lips that were on his seconds ago. His eyes feel heavy lidded as he gulps and Rhett just huffs as he kisses him again. Again.

Another kiss and this one is more than just a peck. This one? This one is the one Link’s been dreaming of, the one he’s been wishing for.

This kiss is perfect.

[iamthenightcolormeblack]

Pride and Prejudice 1940: "When Pretty Girls T-E-A-S-E-D Men Into Marriage"

Made during the Great Depression, this classic black and white film is loosely based on Austen's novel and is set in what is likely the 1830s rather than the Regency Era (late 18th century to early 19th century). It is an escapist piece which capitalizes on nostalgia for a simpler time by transporting its viewers to a chocolate-box vision of the past, while paying homage to Austen's social satire by delivering plenty of laughs along the way.

Overall Thoughts on the Film:

The first time I watched this movie, I was confused because the plot as well as the setting was revised significantly (the events after Darcy's first proposal are changed to hasten the happy ending; Darcy's letter and Elizabeth's visit to Pemberley are not included in this movie). This changing of plot points makes the 2005 movie a much more faithful adaptation in comparison with this version, in spite of the creative liberties both take with the novel.

Production Design:

The movie is a typical example of Golden Age Hollywood productions, with beautiful actresses and melodramatic flourishes added to increase the drama. Some of the lines are delivered very quickly, in keeping with the comedic style of the time.

The music: definitely not historically accurate. A lot of sentimental, "ye olde timey" string arrangements that emphasize emotions or fast-paced waltz music for balls/parties.

The 1830s costumes are beautiful; it seems as if no expense (or quantity of fabric) was spared in making them. The bonnets are way taller and have more decorations than typical 1830s bonnets. Some of the patterns/fabric choices are very 1930s, and the costumes are exaggerated in such as way as to make the wearers look like fancy turkeys.

Hair and Makeup: very 1930s, with finger/sausage curls, plucked eyebrows, lipstick/lip makeup, and long lashes.

The sets: the dollhouse-like interiors are lavishly gilded and made to look as opulent as possible. Outdoors scenes are lush, with lots of flowers and bushes; the garden in which the second proposal takes place is gorgeous. The set design transports the viewer into an idyllic vision of the bucolic English countryside.

The Lead Actors:

With the exception of Laurence Olivier, the majority of the actors are American, since this is a Hollywood production. Many of the characters in the film's imaginary vision of pastoral Britain speak American or make clumsy attempts to imitate British English.

Greer Garson: while she is definitely too old for the part, she perfectly conveys Elizabeth's intelligence, outspokenness, and sarcasm. Her facial expressions are killer as well; with the arch of an eyebrow along with a snarky side eye, she captivates us all. All in all, Garson effectively shows off Elizabeth's impertinence through her nonverbal acting (this reminds me strongly of Jennifer Ehle's Elizabeth Bennet).

Laurence Olivier: he effectively conveys Darcy's pride while hinting at his deeper feelings beneath the surface (I can see why Colin Firth spoke so highly of Olivier's portrayal of Darcy). Most importantly, the film emphasizes Darcy's intelligence; he is certainly Elizabeth's intellectual equal. While this portrayal of Darcy is very accurate to the book, Darcy's pride does go away pretty quickly (he and Elizabeth form a tentative friendship early on) and his social awkwardness isn't immediately obvious thanks to his charm. Also the unflattering hairstyle with the greasy hair and painted on sideburns makes me sad.

Key Scenes:

Opening scene: The title card appeals directly to the audience's nostalgia for a sentimental, romanticized past: “It happened in OLD ENGLAND (this was actually capitalized), in the village of Meryton…” The Bennet women are at a fabric shop, where they gossip with aunt Phillips about the rich people moving into Netherfield Park.

The carriage race: this scene, which isn’t in the original novel, represents the rivalry between the Bennets and Lucases. The mothers both want their daughters to be the first to snag the rich bachelors.

The first ball: There is a historical anachronism as the music is a waltz by Strauss, who became popular in late 19th century, specifically the Gilded Age; far too early for the Regency Era or 1830s England. Other changes from the original novel include Elizabeth meeting Wickham before Darcy; other events from Aunt Phillips’ ball (which isn’t included in this movie) and Wickham and Darcy’s confrontation are included in this scene.

Elizabeth’s impression of Darcy at the ball: she puts on airs and mocks his casual dismissal of her as tolerable (definitely a parallel with the 1995 version, where Jennifer Ehle does the same, but privately with Jane).

Great comedic change: Darcy introduces himself to Elizabeth after calling her tolerable and asks if she will dance with him (this originally takes place at Mr. Lucas' ball). Right after rejecting Darcy, she instantly agrees to dance with Wickham; in a humorous moment, Darcy evacuates to a corner of the room to sulk while seeing Wickham dance with Elizabeth.

The “Accomplished woman” scene: the dialogue lifted directly from the book for the most part. Darcy, in a departure from his trademark seriousness, shows off his playful side when reacting to Caroline Bingley's "turn about the room." I particularly like this added repartee from Elizabeth Bennet to Darcy, which is clever but also foreshadows her prejudice: “If my departure is any punishment, you are quite right. My character reading is not too brilliant.”

Elizabeth can't stand Mr. Collins: After twirling about his monocle, he pronounces that: “It might interest you to know my taste was formed by lady Catherine de Bourgh.” The best part of this scene is when Elizabeth plucks a wrong note on her harp when Collins gets really annoying.

The Netherfield ball (which is now a garden party):

Elizabeth running away from Mr. Collins: She looks rather ridiculous, almost like an overdressed turkey, in a white dress with puffy sleeves as she runs away from an overeager Collins. Then she hides in the bushes while Darcy helps her to hide, telling Collins he doesn't know where she is. It's fun but most likely not something a proper lady and gentleman would do (two people of the opposite gender out alone, shock!).

The archery scene: Darcy attempts to teach Elizabeth how to shoot a bow and arrow, even though he doesn’t hit the bullseye. She goes on to impress him by perfectly hitting the bullseye every time; Darcy learns his lesson: "Next time I talk to a young lady about archery I won't be so patronizing." Caroline Bingley, very passive aggressive as usual, shows up for her archery lesson right after and it's absolutely perfect.

Mr. Collins attempts to introduce himself to Mr. Darcy: Laurence Olivier captures Darcy so perfectly in this scene (really set the precedent for Colin Firth). When Mr. Collins starts talking (inviting Elizabeth to dance with him) Darcy tries to keep himself well-composed but has a pained expression on his face as if he’s about to pass out. Olivier masters the way Darcy can look so miserable but also disgusted and proud at the same time.

Mr. Collin's proposal to Elizabeth: I like the added touch of Mrs. Bennet pulling Elizabeth back by her skirt when she tries to run out of the room. The dialogue is taken directly from the book, and the scene is made even funnier when Collins holds on to Elizabeth's hand desperately and doesn’t let her get away. My only quibble is that Elizabeth isn’t indignant enough when Mr. Collins doesn't take no for an answer.

Elizabeth and Darcy at Rosings: I like that Olivier subtly indicates that Darcy is clearly affected upon seeing Elizabeth at Rosing, hinting at deeper feelings beneath the surface. I also like how the scriptwriter emphasizes that Darcy indirectly praises Elizabeth and enjoys their conversations, while she remains convinced that he hates her. Sadly, the original dialogue of the piano scene is not included, which is unfortunate as it allows Darcy to reveal his introvert tendencies, calling into question Elizabeth's assertion that he is unpardonably proud.

First proposal: The famous opening lines are mutilated with awkward punctuation: “It’s no use. I’ve struggled in vain. I must tell you how much I admire and love you." While the rest of the dialogue matches up closely with what happens in Austen's novel, both of the actors aren’t emotional enough; instead Elizabeth cries very daintily, and Darcy remains serene, which conflicts with the book's description of both of them being very angry and defensive at each other.

THE SCRIPT:

The first half of the film up to Darcy's first proposal follows the events of the original book closely, though certain blocks of dialogue are moved elsewhere and other events such as Mrs. Phillips' party are skipped over. The most significant changes, besides updating the setting to the 1830s, are made to the second half of the book to squeeze the key events of the story into the movie before delivering the inevitable happy ending.

Brilliant Quotes:

Mr. Bennet's reaction to Mrs. Bennet's despair over the situation of their 5 unmarried daughters: “Perhaps we should have drowned some of them at birth.”

Darcy insists Elizabeth cannot tempt him: “Ugh. Provincial young lady with a lively wit. And there’s that mother of hers.”

Darcy is an arrogant snob: “I’m in no humor tonight to give consequence to the middle classes at play.” (Technically the Bennets are part of the gentry; they just are less wealthy than Darcy).

Elizabeth's reaction to Darcy pronouncing her to be tolerable at best: “What a charming man!”

Elizabeth rebuffs Darcy's offer to dance after overhearing his insult: “I am afraid that the honor of standing up with you is more than I can bear, Mr Darcy.”

Elizabeth favors Wickham after witnessing the bad blood between him and Darcy: “Without knowing anything about it I am on your side.”

Mrs. Bennet's comment after she sends Jane to Netherfield under stormy skies: “There isn’t anything like wet weather for engagements. Your dear father and I became engaged in a thunderstorm.”

Mr. Bennet's reaction to Jane's fever: “Jane must have all the credit for having caught the cold…we’re hoping Elizabeth will catch a cold and stay long enough to get engaged to Mr. Darcy. And if a good snowstorm could be arranged we’d send Kitty over!”

The sisters' description of Mr. Collins: “Oh heavens! what a pudding face.”

Caroline Bingley at the Netherfield garden party: “Entertaining the rustics is not as difficult as I feared. Any simple childish game seems to amuse them excessively.”

Darcy reassuring Elizabeth after helping her escape Mr. Collins: “If the dragon returns St. George will know how to deal with it.”

Darcy learns his lesson after Elizabeth beats him at archery: “The next time I talk to a young lady about archery I won’t be so patronizing.”

Elizabeth comments about a curtain: “Oh that’s pretty. It’s a pity you didn’t make it bigger. You could have put it around Mr. Collins when he becomes a bore.”

Elizabeth on Kitty and Lydia: “2 daughters out of 5, that represents 40% of the noise.”

Elizabeth sees Lady Catherine for the first time: “So that’s the great lady Catherine. Now I see where he learned his manners.”

Lady Catherine's attitude towards philanthropy: “You must learn to draw a firm line between the deserving poor and the undeserving poor.”

Darcy takes Elizabeth's advice: “I’ve thought a great deal about what you said at Netherfield, about laughing more...but it only makes me feel worse."

Elizabeth and Darcy have a conversation with Colonel Fitzwilliam: “He likes the landscape well enough, but the natives, the natives, what boors, what savages … Isn’t that what you think, Mr. Darcy?” With a smile: “It evidently amuses you to think so, Miss Bennet."

CHANGES FROM THE BOOK:

The first half of the film up to Darcy's first proposal follow the events of the original book closely, though certain blocks of dialogue are moved elsewhere and other events such as Mrs. Phillips' party are skipped over. The most significant changes, besides updating the setting to the 1830s, are made to the second half of the book to squeeze the key events of the story into the movie before delivering the inevitable happy ending.

With the exception of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, the portrayals of the characters are (generally) true to the book.

As I said earlier, the film neglects any sort of historical accuracy when setting the story in romanticized "Old England," where genteel people pass simple lives that revolve around dresses, tea parties, social gossip, and marriages. A lot of Austen adaptations present an idealized vision of Regency life, where people are dressed immaculately, flawlessly adhere to "chivalry," and find love in the ballroom. This contributes to the misconception that Austen's novels are shallow chick-lit books with flat characters who live for lavish parties and hot men, instead of stories of unique, complicated women who happen to be well-off but aspire towards love, respect, or independence instead of being content to make economically advantageous marriages. Austen's novels are character novels and she doesn't waste time writing about dresses or tea parties; balls, while exciting, are just another part of daily life for her characters rather than some Extremely Big Special Once In a Blue Moon Event.

Austen's multifaceted view on marriage turns into a game of matchmaking. She recognizes it as necessary for women to survive in the patriarchy, since they cannot provide for themselves unless they marry well, but at the same time, presents marriage as a means for freedom if it is a loving partnership between two people that respect each other. In contrast, marriage is a game of manipulating the partners into wanting to marry (ex. Lady Catherine and Darcy's trickery). Also, it seems to be a given that Elizabeth will marry for love, unlike in the book where it is uncertain whether she will achieve this.

Kitty and Lydia's antics are viewed much more sympathetically as those of young people having fun; in the book, their behavior harms the family's social reputation, reducing the chances the Bennet daughters have of making good marriages.

Louisa Hurst, Georgiana Darcy, and Aunt and Uncle Gardiner are not in the movie.

Wickham is introduced much earlier than in the book; he is friends with Lydia from the very beginning. Interestingly, he doesn't begin to trash-talk Darcy until Bingley leaves; in the book he does so much earlier, before the Netherfield ball.

Darcy is more considerate towards Elizabeth at the Netherfield party (ex. rescuing her from Collins), until he overhears Mrs. Bennet scheming to get the daughters married. Elizabeth forms a tentative friendship with him until finding out that he separated Jane from Bingley.

Jane is more obviously heartbroken over Bingley's departure than in the book, where she keeps her pain to herself. In the movie, she runs away to cry, which is uncharacteristic of her.

Collins is a librarian instead of a clergyman. I dislike this change because some Austen scholars/fans think that Collins being a clergyman is a deliberate choice as part of Austen's social criticism. Collins is representative of how hypocritical the Church is, since he worships Lady Catherine's wealth instead of God, and preaches moral lessons instead of actually using religion to help people. My theory is that the change was made because of the Hays Code, which led to the censorship of movies for "unwholesome" or "indecent" things; the religious criticism could have been offensive.

Elizabeth reacts rather too kindly to Charlotte marrying Collins by showing concern for the loveless marriage. While she does worry about the lack of love in the marriage, initially she is extremely surprised, outright shocked, and confused.

The scene where Darcy tries and fails to talk to Elizabeth (the "charming house" scene in the 2005 movie) just before the proposal is removed.

Darcy's letter is skipped over and Elizabeth overcomes her prejudice of Darcy very quickly, as shown when she tells Jane she regrets rejecting his proposal. This is contrary to the book, where overcoming her prejudice is an emotionally exhausting and slow process that continues all the way up until the second proposal.

The Pemberley visit is removed; instead, Elizabeth returns home to the news that Lydia has eloped. Visiting Pemberley is very important as part of Elizabeth's re-evaluation of Darcy's character and provides an opportunity for Darcy to show Elizabeth that he has changed for her. The visit is key in increasing Elizabeth's love for Darcy, and removing it means that the characters have less personal growth (also wouldn't it have been great for the audience to be treated to another gorgeous estate of "Old England?"). Instead, Darcy visits Longbourn on his own and offers his help in finding Lydia. When the news comes that Wickham accepts very little money in exchange for marrying Lydia, it isn't as shocking as it is in the book because Darcy had already expressed his intentions of helping Elizabeth earlier.

Here's the change that bugs me the most: Lady Catherine becomes good; though she is a busybody, her main priority is Darcy's happiness. Her confrontation of Elizabeth is a scheme hatched between her and Darcy as a test to be certain of Elizabeth's love. This does not make sense on so many levels: first, Darcy insists that "disguise of every sort is my abhorrence," so why would he resort to trickery, however well-intentioned, to find out if Elizabeth still loves him? Second, Lady Catherine is a social snob and objects to Elizabeth's low connections; also she has an arranged marriage planned for Darcy. Third, in the book, because Elizabeth likes Pemberley and gets along really well with his sister Georgiana, Darcy would have had some evidence that Elizabeth, in the very least, cared for him. And the added claim that Lady Catherine approves of Elizabeth because she likes rudeness and thinks Darcy needs a humorous wife irritates me further because the marriage of Elizabeth and Darcy is revolutionary since it was made in defiance of societal rules!!! Why, why, why in the name of comedy did they have to do this?!

Darcy kisses Elizabeth (in a stagey and melodramatic way) after she accepts his second proposal. Seems a bit uncharacteristic of him.

All the sisters get married at the end. Happily ever after.

CONCLUSION

This movie certainly was not aiming for faithfulness to Austen's novel; it ignores her detailed portrait of Regency era society and its attitudes and focuses on the "light, bright, and sparkling" aspect of Pride and Prejudice that gives the story its timeless appeal.

All in all, this comedy of manners is definitely a classic thanks to the clever dialogue and jokes within the script, along with some great acting.

@appleinducedsleep @dahlia-coccinea @princesssarisa @colonelfitzwilliams @austengivesmeserotonin

[spidercakes]

Have some type of AU where Peter and Tony have met online (although its never specified where), but when they choose to meet in person its a little um. Different, from the usual.

Warnings: (canon typical but Peter is 19) age difference, bondage, blindfolds, (sort of) anonymous sex, slightly under negotiated kink, 

*

Peter can’t believe he’s doing this, laying on a bed with his head and chest on the mattress and his ass up in the air. His hands aren’t tied down at the moment but he’s already managed to get the restraints on the bed so each cuff is sitting in the corner looking lonely. He might have gotten a little ahead of himself anyway if it were possible to cuff both his hands but also he doesn’t want to screw himself over if he has to like, go to the bathroom or something.

Or if he gets stood up, not that he wants to think of that at the moment. He doesn’t think Tony would anyway, there’s not a whole lot of reason to miss a booty call. He can’t help but be a little paranoid at the moment when he’s wearing nothing but a butt plug, a pink blindfold, and a pink collar. The cuffs are pink too, because he kind of has an obsession with the color. That’d been partially what started this whole thing, that and his taste in sex toys.

More accurately he has expensive taste in toys and a small wallet, not that he tells people that. But he’s managed to acquire a rather large collection over the last couple years with what he can spare here and there plus a few more expensive additions from Tony. Its not the kind of thing Peter would normally do but he’d indulged Tony too much pretty much right away and in his defense it paid off. It might have helped that the first thing Tony did was compliment the Batman poster he’d vandalized in the background of one of his pictures. He likes to think he’s funny and no one ever comments on the surroundings in his pictures, just his body, so it’d been something new.

That’s how Tony ended up seeing his collection, which is how he ended up adding to it, and how they ended up in regular communication. He shouldn’t be nervous after all the stuff he’s done with Tony anyway, but also none of that was in person. Its one thing filming yourself jerking off for someone and sending them a video, its another to actually sleep with them. But the difference makes Peter giddy as he waits.

It feels like forever but its probably only a couple minutes before Tony shows up, Peter had timed it like that on purpose because that’s what they talked about. Peter works not to wiggle in anticipation or nervousness as the door to the room opens and in theory it could be anybody. Its not lost on him, the danger he could be in but that’s all part of the fantasy. He’d always been a little ashamed of this fantasy of his, wanting to be used by a total stranger he’s never even met previous to the encounter, but Tony had reacted immediately well to it. Peter had warmed to him after that and when Tony sent what he’d do to him back Peter had gotten hard pretty fucking quick.

He’s hard now too, a little desperate to be touched but Tony hasn’t come closer yet. He can hear fabric sliding against fabric, presumably Tony taking his jacket off, but he doesn’t get much more than that at first. Once again he suppresses the urge to squirm around and he can’t tell if its some misguided pride or if its some desire to behave for Tony. Either way he manages to suppress the need to shift around uncomfortably in his spot as he listens for any kind of noise that’ll indicate what’s going on.

It takes a moment for the foot falls on the carpet but when Peter hears it he lets out a soft noise that thankfully goes unheard. Its not until a hand lands on his back that he jumps a little from the unexpected contact. “Okay?” a soft, deep voice asks. Peter recognizes it from the videos Tony has sent him and relaxes some.

“Yeah,” he says softly, shivering a little when Tony touches him again. He slides his hand down Peter’s back until he circles his hand around the back of Peter’s neck for a moment, pushing his head further into the mattress before letting go and sliding his hand back up Peter’s back and over his ass.

“Pretty little ass like that, you're begging to be fucked,” Tony murmurs, voice low and attractive. He gives Peter’s ass a sharp smack that makes him gasp slightly. He pulls away again but his touch reappears fast at his wrists. He lets Tony move his wrist the way he wants it, wrapping the cuff around it before closing it tightly. He can hear Tony walk around the bed as he makes his way to his other wrist, doing pretty much the same thing. He circles back, stopping in the middle of the bed before Peter feels the telltale feeling of someone crawling into bed. Tony feels at his ass when he reaches Peter, grabbing at his cheeks greedily as he spreads them apart.

When he lets go of Peter’s cheeks he starts toying with the plug and Peter moans softly and then a little louder as Tony pulls it out a little and back in. “That looks like a pretty big plug, baby,” Tony says. 

“I like to feel stretched out,” he admits, moaning as Tony pulls the plug out a little more this time before pushing it back in. Peter loves the feeling of being stretched out over the plug as Tony fucks him with it, moving it in and out of his hole quickly.

“Fuck, I bet you take cock real good,” Tony murmurs, running a hand up and down Peter’s ass. “Bet you’re still tight, too.”

“Fuck me and find out,” Peter tells him, getting antsy for it.

Tony laughs, pulling out the plug but leaving Peter empty long enough that he makes a disgruntled noise. “Shh, baby, I’ll take care of you,” he says, fingers swiping his hole a few times before he fucks his fingers into Peter. “Mmm, yeah you’re going to feel fucking amazing on my cock. You do this a lot, let strangers fuck your hole?” Tony asks.

He knows Peter has never done anything like this before, but he hasn’t filled Tony in on all the details of his sex life. Just the ones he thought Tony would find hot. He nods, “used to have a thing for hookup apps,” he says. Shortly after moving out of May’s he decided he liked his freedom and he liked that he had his own room with no risk of anyone walking in. He maybe abused that a little for awhile.

“So you’re a slut,” Tony states, not asks. Peter doesn’t expect the sharp feeling of arousal at that but his cock twitches anyway. “You like that, hmm? Being called a slut?” He nods because unexpected or not he likes the way it feels when Tony calls him that. Tony pulls his fingers out of Peter’s ass, “with a body like that I’m grateful you aren’t too picky about who fucks you.”

Peter moans, “please.” He’s not sure what he’s asking for but he knows he wants it bad.

“Desperate for it, aren’t you, baby?” Tony asks him, running a hand over his ass.

He nods, “please, Mr. Stark.” He knows Tony likes it, he’s pulled that on him before and it always goes well. This time it results in Tony leaning over his back and curling a hand around his neck, pinning him harshly to the bed as he grinds into Peter’s ass. His cock is hard and Peter moans just feeling it through what feels like dress pants.

Tony lets up for a moment, just long enough to unzip his pants and pull himself out Peter is hoping, but when he leans back in he gets his answer. Tony presses into him almost roughly, hand on Peter’s hip to steady himself as he fucks into him. Tony’s cock is thick and Peter moans as he feels himself stretch over it, and he can’t help the small noise of pleasure he lets out as he feels Tony throb inside him.

“That’s right, take my cock,” Tony tells him. “Pretty little slut, you’re going to love this,” he adds, fucking into Peter faster. Tony leans forward, pressing a hand into his back and pushing him into the mattress as he moans. “You feel fucking amazing,” Tony says, “so damn tight.”

Peter relaxes fully and lets Tony fuck him however he wants, taking what he needs from his hole. Tony fucks him fast and rough, clearly after his own pleasure and it makes Peter’s cock twitch, thinking about Tony fucking his hole for his own pleasure. He doesn’t mind when Tony fucks him harder, easing up on his back for a moment before Tony moves his hand into Peter’s hair. He grips the strands tight and Peter isn’t expecting the extra weight added to it as Tony forces his head further into the mattress but it results in him squirming.

“‘M’gunna cum,” he says, gasping harshly as Tony fucks him hard. “Oh my god I’m gunna cum!”

“Like being used like that, don’t you baby? Like knowing that your tight little hole makes my cock feel good?” Tony asks, sounding a little breathless. 

“Yes!” Peter says enthusiastically. “Yes please, m’so close Mr. Stark.”

Tony stammers in his rhythm and Peter makes a disgruntled noise. “Fuck, you’re a hot little tease, aren’t you? Keep that up and I’ll cum inside you,” Tony tells him, fingers in his hair tightening for a moment.

“Cum in me,” Peter tells him, “fuck, please Mr. Stark I need it please.”

Tony swears loudly and fucks into him faster, “that what you want baby, you want me to cum inside you?”

“Mr. Stark, please,” Peter says, voice almost whining but he can’t help it.

If Tony minds he doesn’t say anything, he just presses Peter’s head a little further into the mattress and fucks into him hard. “Gunna cum,” Tony tells him, “fuck, you’re good.”

Peter doesn’t expect to cum at that but he does, moaning loudly as his toes curl. He pants harshly, having a hard time catching his breath as Tony fucks into him. Tony cums too, fucking into him deep as he moans.

*

Peter is sitting in his desk chair spinning around aimlessly when his phone vibrates. He picks it up idly, spinning around in his chair again as he looks at who text him. He grins when he sees Tony’s name.

How are you doing baby?

He’d been worried that Tony would lose interest after their little encounter but he hasn’t. If anything he’s more interested than he was before. Peter bites his lip and texts back.

Would be better with you inside me ;)

[monkey-network]

Why Shrek IS The Best

Tastes can change, you know? And it’s less about “What’s good about this now compared to before”, more of “Why would you like this now as opposed to before”? Unless allergic, you didn’t get why dark cola or hot chips tasted bad to you as a child, but when you grow up you can come to understand and appreciate it. Shouldn’t pressure yourself, that makes things worse, but things can certainly align in helping this newfound respect you get for something you’d believe you would never want again. That really is where I stand with Dreamworks’ Shrek. As a kid, while Toy Story left me traumatized for a while, Shrek left me side-eyeing with how crass and ugly it looked and I never wanted to think of it. But, as I grew up to respect animation a lot more, 2018 was where I looked back at Shrek and soon come to understand how wrong I was and how much greatness it has that I now consider it an all time great. And with it getting inducted into the Library of Congress, I thought it was finally time to present what I see in this film. Let’s do this right with...

The SOMEBODY

Now this frame has been meme’d to death. If there’s anything iconic about this film, ‘bout the franchise as a whole, it’s the exact moment when our main character charges out of his outhouse as Smash Mouth’s ‘All Star’ gets going. But this honestly just says a lot about Dreamworks’ direction from its previous films where compared to Disney that’ll take their time making the setup before getting into the hype point for its lead, Shrek gets going in one minute if we don’t count the logo intro. Not even The Emperor’s New Groove, which was going for the same tone before Shrek even released, took more of it’s time with the fairy tale aspect of it in its intro. Shrek literally wipes his ass with the fairy tale aspect before giving us the SOMEBODY, all around a minute. This frame really shows that this is sticking to the Disney formula in some way because it’s wasting no time getting into it. It represents the more brisk pace Shrek has with pulling you into what it’s gonna be about. This overall frame works in its thematic and parody aspect and I’ve yet to see anything top this exact moment, not even the greatest films I’ll ever remember.

But enough about the fact that I made a whole paragraph about this one frame of the movie. Let’s dive into what I say is a piece of the heart for this film.

The Earnestness

Speaking of Disney, you probably notice that their films have some cushioning in their presentation, like they generally don’t show things with a straightforward lens; there’s some theatrics in the way their best movies present themselves. That’s not a problem, mind you, but that helped me understand how Shrek does things very differently whether you consider it parody or not. While it throws mockery at the played out conventions associated with fairy tales, especially its most subtle jab at copyright, it doesn’t full on say fairy tales are annoying and bad. Hell, the film IS a fairy tale adapted from a fairy tale about a fookin’ OGRE that can eat lightning and kills with farts. But, it’s an accurate and earnest way to view a fairy tale from a somewhat realistic lens. Let’s take Shrek’s journey for instance.

Typically, the main character would want to experience something more; explore new horizons, prove themselves, find their calling. Shrek off the bat doesn’t need or desire any of that. He’s content with his life, beside the angry mob he casually scares off, and throughout the film he’s not interested in anything else outside getting the squatters out his swamp. He happily makes a deal with the villain of the film to exile those innocent refugees off his land so he could then build a wall to keep everybody out. Bringing up Emperor’s New Groove again, Shrek and Kuzco are the few characters I know that are actively antagonistic even when they’re forced into their situation from outside forces. However unlike Kuzco that gets to be emperor again but learns humility, Shrek is in the same spot as before but learns that there are people out here that can love him for who he is. I can’t say there’s anything grand about that, but it doesn’t need to be unlike the many Disney or any film that tries to shower you with the grandest themes. The relationships Shrek has with Donkey and Fiona are the most grounded I’ve ever seen because they’re not only natural, they’re hardly dolled up with the bells and whistles made to either drum up the biggest laughs or tug the heart strings viciously. When I think about it, I honestly could see myself in Shrek. He isn’t made to be a legend, he isn’t some secret genius or lost prince, he’s just an every-man ogre that wants to live peacefully or meet SOMEBODY that doesn’t treat as someone to be feared or disgusted at. Everything Shrek says is something anybody could or would say if they were his shoes because he, and the film in general, is the most grounded without making it all distractedly meta or genre-savvy. This is generally helped by...

The Dounkaey

Everyone’s talked about how Donkey is the best confidant for Shrek and Fiona. How he’s most true to himself to where he’s the most openly musical character in the film, and how he’s the most balanced here with his comedic vs serious moments. But I gotta say it too: Donkey is one of the greatest sidekicks ever. He’s a motormouth, but is never annoying to where you wish he left the film. The couple times he is purposefully annoying, not for a joke, is when he knows Shrek isn’t being truthful. He truly gets to know Shrek on this journey, and is the character Shrek gets to capacity to actually loosen up to, so it’s fitting that he’d be the one to push Shrek when the ogre’s sounding more vague than usual. Even when he’s harshly insulted, Donkey doesn’t take it as bad as when Shrek kept trying to shut him out again in the 3rd act after the Hallejulah sequence which is the scene in every Shrek movie where’s there a super sad song because Shrek is alone and yadda ya. I’ll get to it in a bit, but he is as much responsible in providing Fiona that seed of doubt that Shrek wouldn’t love her as the ogre she is. Donkey is the greatest friend because he wants to be there for those who are okay with him being around, and while you could give and take sidekick animals in your notable films with them in it, this film really wouldn’t have happened without him. Speaking of Fiona, I won’t retread what’s been said before like with Donkey but I did want to bring up something I haven’t seen many talk about,,,

The Love for An Ogre

I’ve seen many say the scene where Shrek overhears Fiona talk about “Who could love an ugly beast?” and misinterprets that as her talking about him as a cliched or contrived downside to the film, but I feel that a defense can be made. It personally makes sense that Shrek would misinterpret that and take it personally because 1) Who else would Fiona be talking about? 2) How would he know she was talking with Donkey? 3) Why would he just barge in on her? 4) Has no one considered that this moment is parallel to when Fiona overhears Shrek’s conversation with Donkey the night before?

Fiona is very much the antithesis to Shrek’s character where she can very much be open about what she wants but is scared at the idea of anyone figuring out who she really is. She’ll gladly be gross, kick ass, eat the young of a bird she let explode, but won’t let anyone see her true face. That’s why her curse makes sense, and why Shrek would take a fondness to her despite her initial disdain of him rescuing her. Fiona’s a character where the surface level beauty is her weakness as opposed to Shrek where it’s internal. Which is why when she overhears Shrek open up to Donkey about his societal isolation, she’s soon more comfortable around him. And it’s why when she opens up to Donkey about her looks, Shrek would unfortunately take it personal enough. I ask again, why would Shrek barge in on a conversation he wasn’t aware of or who she was talking about to not take it about anything else but him when what he heard such a cut so deep, especially from a character that bears his similar issues? It also helps that Donkey was in on it, as Shrek feels reasonably betrayed by the only other person he’s come to appreciate in his life. Contrived as it seems, it’s thematically important and appropriate to the conflict of Shrek’s character and the film overall. Don’t know how this could be conveyed any other way because it adds up at least.

I just wanna know how Shrek got to Faarquard’s and back by sunrise like did he run cuz that looked like a huge distance to travel on foot but anyways...

I’m sure things could’ve worked out if Shrek knew, either by barging in that night or through Donkey, but I think it’s fitting that the climax takes place at the wedding. After Shrek and Donkey understand their friendship, after Donkey reciprocates the Dragon’s love (more ways than one), and when Shrek grasps the mistake he made to charge over to Fuccquad’s chapel, we get to...

The End

After everything, we get to the moment where Shrek and Fiona get to share their first kiss, Fiona permanently transforms into an ogre, and we get this exchange. One of my favorite exchanges in the whole film:

Shrek: “Are you all right?” Fiona: “Well yes. But I don’t understand... I’m supposed to be beautiful.”

Shrek: “But you ARE beautiful”

We don’t need any other vows to understand their relationship was built up to this. This moment where Shrek can reaffirm Fiona’s feelings of being able to be herself in every way, because she allowed him to be himself in every way before. That’s that mutual love, baby, that just gets me every time and makes this film one of the best romance stories I know as well, even when it isn’t solely about the romance. This is Shrek’s story, and there’s nothing more touching than seeing this outcast not only get another to view him as a friend, not only someone to love, but people, if only a couple, to actually wanted to get to know him. I know Shrek 2 expands on this more, and it’s considered a golden sequel, but I will always cherish the first movie for how much it tells us off the bat while appearing as a “Take That” to Disney films. This is the genesis of Shrek feeling more accepted for himself and society and it just bears so much good commentary while being a good adventure nonetheless. Like you could say this film indeed has... dimensions? “You were trying to meme about la-”

The Conclusion

Mentioning it, I always had this thought with the conversation Shrek and Donkey had of why Shrek didn’t just “be an ogre” and pillage Fuccnut’s fortress. It’s possible Shrek could’ve taken out Faarquid himself, but that would mean being the beast he knows people have shunned him for, grabbed the torches and pitchfolks for, made him feel worse for. Shrek enjoys being an ogre, but he doesn’t like how society makes him feel lesser as an ogre. That really is what the four films have been about for him and what I’ve come to appreciate about these films personally. It can be easy to love yourself even when there are others out here that stand against you, but it’s hard to consider that anyone else could love you for who you are in spite of how you try to present yourself. But if there’s anything Shrek showed me, it’s that it’s possible. There can/will be people out here who appreciate the real you, will be there as much as you want to for them, and can help you realize more about yourself as opposed to suffering to silence eternally. Generally ideal, I know, but this film in the least offered me that thought in the most balanced way possible. It’s incredible how much of a tightrope this film has in its parody and sincerity and that makes its induction in the National Film Registry and being the first ever Best Animated Award winner pretty justified all things considered.

I know this film, the character, has been a meme over the years. As Schaffrillas mentions in his video, the direction Dreamworks made because of Shrek’s success kinda turned it into a heel people clowned on because, in theory, it was nothing but a joke with the onions and the swamp and IT’S NEVER OGRE. Then again, like I said in the beginning, tastes change. I’d say with Schaff’s masterful analyses on the film series and 3GI’s Shrek Retold and Shrekfest, the perception of the film sure enough shifted like the perception of Megamind. It’s one thing for a movie to blow people away or leave them thinking it’s horrible beyond belief, it’s another to take the time to then look back and see how those feelings have changed. For Shrek, it’s a film that was able to trudge out of the meme era to be a film many consider a strong, rewatchable, and unique. Like the beauty of Spongebob, Shrek is a considered a classic because as in the times as it appeared when it released, this film actually stood on its own with the most enjoyable and meaningful timelessness, exploring the desired love for the self, that deserves to be recognized. What else can I say, people?

It’s The Best

[buzzdixonwriter]

Don’t Let The Screen Door Hit You On The Way Out

”It’s never the crime, it’s always the cover-up.” Watergate Lesson #1

Y’know, some bastards need to be cancelled.

The liars, the hypocrites, the betrayers of trust public and private.

The “do as I say, not as I do” anusoids.

Dropkick those bozologists right outta here.

The problem is not people who screw up -- people screw up all the time.

It’s not ideas that later prove to be in error or just plain bad -- all of us at one time or another believed something we now know to be wrong.

No, the problem is those who set themselves us as moral exemplars and then betray the very moral example they proclaim.

Ska-rue those dips.

Cast them into the outer void.

Cast in point: The drugging rapist comedian spent their entire professional career stressing high principles and values, openly saying “look at what I did and do likewise” while deriding members of their own community for not obtaining the heights they did.

A good hunk of that time they spent drugging and raping victims, paying them off to keep silent so they could drug and rape more victims.

Look, back in the day Bob Hope was a notorious philanderer but he and his wife had an understanding and Hope never promoted himself as a moral exemplar (quite the opposite!).

So to find out Hope engaged in consensual adultery with the tacit approval of his wife is neither a big shock not does it undermine any message he sought to convey.

On the other hand, the drugging rapist comedian did espouse a message that millions saw as valid, and they held themselves up as an example for their fans to aspire to.

If we learned said comedian was a garden variety philanderer like Bob Hope, their message and example would be somewhat tarnished but not destroyed; consensual sex gets a tsk-tsk and nothing more, especially if the spouse doesn’t object (and said comedian’s spouse damn well knew what was going on yet didn’t think raping victims drugged into unconsciousness was a deal breaker of a marriage ender).

Some people today hope to this disgraced comedian will die soon so their comedy can be enjoyed publicly again.

Why?

Any good from this rapist’s life has already been done in whatever charitable donations and scholarships they provided, whatever inspiration they gave audiences to help them better themselves before learning of their crimes, and stylistic / topical insights gleaned by other comedians.

The rapist’s comedy routines and TV shows -- all family friendly and morally high minded -- now ring hollow and taste sour.  Whatever comedic insights the rapist had to offer have long since been absorbed by those who followed.

Leni Riefenstahl created two monstrous documentaries -- Triumph Of The Will and Olympiad -- that glorified Nazism while at the same time inventing the cinematic language for depicting mass movements and covering sporting events.

Nobody today ever need watch her original films in order to learn those lessons; thousands of film makers and videographers have applied them elsewhere and the technical lessons remain valid even when divorced from their racist origins.

So be it with the rapist comedian.

Let those who learned from their routines reinterpret those lessons in a form that noi longer contains a poison pill.

Case in point: The comic-turned-film maker presented their work -- no matter how funny the material – as a serious examination of modern moral values.

And, dang, the c-t-f certainly fooled a lot of us.

In their defense, the c-t-f always claimed in public to be a really terrible person, but this was all just c-y-a.

Of course those public admissions were all self-depreciating self-mockery, look how thoughtful and complex the c-t-f films were, how they examined modern life, look how they laid bare the contradictions and conundrums of the human condition.

Then it turns out the c-t-f could not keep their own knickers up and wreaked havoc on a dozen or more lives, rendering all their opinions and observations as worth less that a wadded of soiled toilet paper.

Yeah, the rapist comedian’s crime are worse by at least two orders of magnitude, but the c-t-f only misses a charge of incest by the barest of technicalities.

And it doesn’t matter that c-t-f’s spouse at the time is a batshit crazy homewrecker themselves -- c-t-f knew this then and chose them as a spouse and contributed to the chaos being wreaked in that family.

So, no, you can’t pose your films as Important Serious Examinations Of Modern Morals when you’re acting in a way that would get Dr. Freud to say, “That’s some seriously fucked up shit.” 

Open reprobates like John Waters and Russ Meyer never need worry about failing audience expectations; they’re upfront and honest about their perversions and peccadillos (and to be fair to them, they never screwed up the lives of others the way the c-t-f did).

I used to love the c-t-f’s work and eagerly looked forward to each new one.

Not any more.

You can never trust that viewpoint again, and even the earlier, funnier work is now called into question.

Case in point: This one is smaller, more localized, but I have personal knowledge of it and it’s emblemic of a far larger, far more vast problem.

The retired pastor tried to stay busy, volunteering at their local church and nearby nursing homes, and proposing an outreach for runaway abused teen girls.

It came as quite a shock to learn the retired preacher had been caught in a classic honey trap sex sting:  They texted what they thought was a 16 year old girl but turned out to be an adult investigator trolling for sexual predators.

The retired pastor got probation and registered as a sex offender.  There was a big public confession and an apology to their church, a contrite promise of repentance, and a big heaping helping of forgiveness all around.

There but for the grace of God, right…?

The retired pastor wanted to resume the runaway abused teen girl project.

Oh, they would have nothing to do with it directly, of course.

Just be available to advise others as needed…

Well, that waved more red flags than a May Day celebration in Tiananmen Square.  Even assuming the retired pastor was incredibly naïve -- more naïve than any retired pastor has a right to be -- the sheer optics alone would be incredibly bad.

And the chance of somebody finding out and filing a complaint for reasons real or suspected would put the church sponsoring it at terrible risk.

Dude, you screwed up.   That door is shut to you.

Organized religions are imploding right now, and no matter what faith or denomination, the reason is inevitably the same:  Predators of all stripes infiltrate the structure to find victims.

Sexual abuse ranks high, but there’s also financial abuse, emotional abuse, and just plain old abuse of power.  

It’s ultimately the exact same problem as that of the rapist comedian and the comic-turned-film maker:  Hypocrisy.

Religious leaders are as human as anyone else, few are the plaster saints we make them out to be.

And there are those who make mistakes, and those who hide their personal peccadillos from others (word among the BDSM community is that quite a few religious leaders enjoy those reindeer games), but those have the common fucking sense not to videotape themselves (remember, if you make a copy of anything you’re giving the universe tacit permission to share it and if the copy is digital, the sharing is compulsory).

The worst part is that the very victims of these predators are not only quicky to forgive these abuses and let them continue, but viciously turn on those victims that dare speak out against their abuse!

This is the reason organized religion is collapsing:  It’s become a cesspool of sexual predators and con artists.

Church leaders who decry the declining numbers are eager to blame a lack of spiritual discipline, a loss of faith, cultural influence, and of course that ol’ standby, Satan hizzowndamsef.

But when you ask people who left why they left, the answer is almost always they grew tired of being taken advantage of.

Physician, heal thyself. 

The problem we face today is that too many people impose standards on others they are not merely incapable of following themselves (which would be a sad but typically human failure) but are utterly unwilling to even make the attempt.

We need so-called cancel culture.  We need to expose hypocrites, denounce their hypocrisy, and deny them access to new victims.

Don’t feel sorry for the bastards who get caught, get angry over the harm they inflict.

    © Buzz Dixon

[revchainsaw]

Bumblebee (2018)

Good Evening worshippers, and welcome! Today the Cult of Cult goes a little more mainstream than usual. It's been a while since i've tackled a big Hollywood superhero film. But I do believe that these sorts of films will be remembered fondly my small groups of people in the future, especially the smaller films that are being overshadowed by the big bad MCU, films like 2018s Bumblebee.

The Messsage

Bumblebee was originally released as a prequel to the Transformers franchise that had started all the way back in 2007. However, reboots had really hit the market as a way to breath new life into struggling franchises, and the Transformers series had already gone to just about every absurd extreme you could imagine. No changes were made to the movie as it was released, but with it's more childish and heartfelt tone, and a new aesthetic that was softer, smoother, and all around just generally more pleasing to the eye, I think it was a wise choice to rebrand Bumblebee as a new beginning.

Our story is of two friends from two very different worlds and how they came together. Our first character is Bumblebee, then known as B- number sign/it doesn't really matter. Not yet Bumblebee is a soldier set with securing a safe location for the Autobots to regroup and make their home as they suffer a pretty serious defeat on cybertron at the hands of the tyrannical Decepticons. Optimus Prime, here again voiced by Peter Cullen and looking so much more like himself, assigns this task to Bumblebee promising him that they will meet him there when the time comes. Then Optimus fucks off for the rest of the run time making way for our little hero.

Bumblebee lands on Earth and is immediately set upon by John Cena and his military goon squad. It probably would have been wise for Bumblebee to avoid John Cena but in his defense, he couldn't see him. Hardy har har. In his attempt to flee his voice box is damaged, he seeks sanctuary by taking the form of a run down little VW bug, and suffers from amnesia.

Then we have Charlie. Charlie is not like other girls. She likes cars, all the retro music, which wasn't retro when the movie takes place, so I'm supposed to just think she's a rocker but it kinda seems like she'll listen to just about anything. I think in 2018 liking Motorhead and The Smiths (who are used ad nauseum in this movie) is perfectly common, but I feel like in the 80s that was a much different and much older attitude to take.

Anyway Charlie's poor family lives in a super fucking nice house and are poor because the dialogue keeps insisting they are so it must be true despite all the shit they have that actually poor people would sell blood and teeth to attain, but hell, this is Hollywood and Hollywood poor is like regular people upper middle class. Charlies family is so poor that instead of giving her a one time graduation/birthday present to buy a part for a car she already has, they just give her a moped, She also spends all her time at a pull apart where the manager (who might be her uncle that wasn't super clear) is willing to just give her a Volkswagen so I don't understand why she didn't already have the project car up and running. Whatever, it's a plot contrivance. All you need to know is that Charlie is tenacious and hard around the edges cuz her dad is dead and she's not yet mature enough to process that in a healthy way. Maybe her character arch will teach her to let others in, we'll have to find out.

There's also a wacky nerd named Memo, and some bad guys, and John Cena. They are all also pretty archetypal and contrived and don't really do anything of note that isn't just filling a beat that this kind of movie needs to walk. Charlie starts Bumblebee up, discovers he's a robot and the two begin to bond. Charlie learns to make a friend, and bumblebee is learning about himself. They get into hijinks and get revenge on a bully girl who makes Regina George look like a saint, she pretty much only picks on Charlie exclusively for having a dead dad.

The moment Bumblebee is woken back up, some technology goof em up that both he and Charlie are unaware of brings two Decepticon baddies into the picture. I don't remember their names, but since I love The Venture Brothers let's say they can be "Jet Boy and Jet Girl". Jet Boy and Jet Girl are sometimes cars, sometimes various flying military vehicles, and they make friends with the deep state and plan to get all the adrenochrome from all the orphans, or just to go find Bumblebee and beat his ass good cuz their bad guys. Let me tell y'all though, Jet Boy and Jet Girl are so bad that they don't even care that the government is listening when they reveal that they are planning on bringing a Decepticon Invasion and after they rough up Bumblebee real good they are going to destroy all life on this planet. So they start by killing a military scientist.

John Cena is after Bumblebee and he's homies with Jet Boy and Jet Girl until the military scientist butt dials him and he hears the evil plan. John Cena goes from heel to face and helps Bumblebee and Charlie save the day. It's a giant CG clusterfuck climax a la any superhero film in the last 10 years and I basically stopped watching. BumbleBee pulls a Hellraiser on Jet Boy, and then he hits Jet Girl with a freaking boat. Charlie uses her diving skills do dive down and save him, but he's a Giant Robot and he was okay and it was literally pointless for her to to except as a way to show that her character has completed her arch by doing the thing that was representative of her connection with her lost father.

Bumblebee turns into the Camaro from the first movie, meets up with Optimus prime, and the stage is set for this prequel to squeeze more prequels out. So it wasn't very creative, but was it bad? Let's find out.

Please Stand to receive the Benediction.

Best Aspect: Transform the Franchise

Bumblebee was directed by Travis Knight of Laika fame and it shows. This movie marks a stylistic change in the transformers franchise, as in it doesn't look like utter dog shit, but it also represents in many ways a tonal shift. It does hold on to a lot of gross sleaze that has unfortunately been forcibly jammed into the DNA of the franchise but it also attempts to be a more heartfelt entry. The characters of Bumblebee might all be sort of a waste of time, but at least they are doing something with emotions, even if the emotions of the characters are only explored as deeply as a children's cartoon I'm glad they are there. In the previous installments the only thing the characters did between running from action piece to seizure inducing action piece was drool over underage girls like a bunch of chimpanzees at the facility where they test experimental E.D. meds. It was nice to see that at least somewhat tampered. This transformers movie feels more like it's for kids and young teenagers, and strangely that more friendly tone makes for a much less juvenile product.

Worst Aspect: Remember I Love the 80s from the 2000s

I hope you really like Stranger Things. I do, but because Stranger Things was so successful it' s going to be everywhere. Not true Stranger Things just 80s nostalgia porn. This 80s nostalgia is going to be forced on you whether you like it or not, and it's not going to be fun. It's gonna be in your shows, in your music, in your Sunday like Bacon in 2010. It's that or Marvel Franchise Brand Whedonisms. Bumblebee is that brave movie that says, "Why not both?" It would seem fitting that a property as quintessentially 80s as Transformers should feel completely comfortable doing a period piece set in the 80's but it's so fucking half hearted it's depressing. It wasn't done to appreciate the roots of the IP, it was done to cash in on a trend and it feels it. All they did was throw up a date and insufferably force an 80s soundtrack down your throat as if that was enough to convince you that this movie needed to be set during this time. Other than that you could have told me this film was set in 2007 and I couldn't tell you any different.

Best Character: Charlie's an Angel

I liked Charlie. Sure her Arc is predictable, her taste is dumb, and she isn't exactly a master of her own destiny to any degree. But at least she is a woman in a transformers movie who's got something going on. Sure she's defined entirely by grief, but that sure is better than pretending that being able to work on cars is a feminist character trait instead of a weird fetish thing. They certainly do that thing with Charlie, but at least it's not the only thing they throw at the wall. Bumblebee is by no means out of the woods in this department, but it garners a lot of goodwill for trying. Like a racist uncle who just started his journey out of ignorance, but hasn't yet realized he has to stop asking mortifying questions to the barista at Starbucks. Okay, maybe that's an extreme metaphor. I'm saying that perhaps Charlie is not a great character but she's a great character for a Transfomers movie.

Worst Character: It's JOOOOHHHNNNN CEEEENA!!!!

Why is John Cena in this movie? I don't hate the guy, but his character seems pointless. You could remove him from the movie completely and replace him with any one of the random military goons at any point and it changes nothing. What was with that dumb salute at the end? It seems like they put him in this movie in post and it was just to pump up cast list. I wish he was given anything to work with. I can't remember his characters name, and it's not like John Cena did a bad job, I was just annoyed every time they kept giving him hero shots. I felt like I was watching a trailer for a different movie.

Best Actor: Optimal Primo!

Every time Peter Cullen speaks I want to listen. There's a reason they haven't had Chris Pratt or somebody with a bigger name come in and take over the role at this point. He's why the audience keep coming back. Peter Cullen IS Optimus Prime, and there's no changing that. He also wins twice. He's the best actor in the movie AND he's barely in the movie. Good call Peter.

Worst Actor: Mean Girls 2, Meaner and Girlier

I don't want to be cruel so I'm not going to go into to much detail, but there's an actress in this film who's performance is so mustache twirlingly evil and stupid that it ruined my suspension of disbelief when i knew going in that i was about to endure a 2 hour toy commercial about robots that turn into cars. Beldar Conehead was a more convincing human being than Tina.

Best Effect: Goo Be Gone

I really appreciated when the bad guys shot the government nerd into a blast of snot. That was pretty fun for me. Best part of the movie hands down.

Worst Effect: Live Action?

Bumblebee is a cartoon. It's a great looking cartoon but it doesn't sell itself that way. If we were doing a Roger Rabbit thing I'd have no gripes. However, I think CG is just getting worse. I'm criticizing this and it's still lightyears better than the previous entry's on the franchise. No transformation or fight sequence in Bumble Bee had me straining to make sense of what I was looking at. I think it was a great idea to start using some basic shapes and outlines to these characters, and return somewhat to their 80s designs. But at certain points, especially when there were no humans in the shot, i was pretty convinced I was watching Clone Wars. There may not be anyway around this, as the Transformers concept might not be able to be pulled off in any more effective manner. It's a minor gripe, but I just didn't think it looked like anything other than a very expensive cartoon, and in this franchise that's a compliment, because it least it looked like SOMETHING!

Best Scene: Space Opera

I am not a Transformers fan. I missed the boat on the cartoon as a kid. I would sometimes catch it at friends houses but I was more into Batman, Star Wars, and Ninja Turtles. By the time I came onto the scene the world had moved on to Beast Wars. I did one day arbitrarily decide that my favorite Transformer was Sound Wave. He looked great in this. I am a big fan of the return to form with a lot of the character designs in this. They really did keep the things that worked from the other adaptations, and they are steadily removing the things that didn't. For this reason, the scenes on Cybertron, particularly the battle with Soundwave (i prefer for personal reasons) looked great and were exciting to watch. I remember thinking Cybertron used to look like a Marilyn Manson shot a music video from inside to dumpster. This is so much better.

Worst Scene: Blocking the Box

There's a scene in Bumblebee where Charlie's family decides the best way to save their daughter was to cause a pile up of vehicles in an intersection, and it's pure contrived writing that saved any character in that sequence from being killed in a horrific traffic accident. It was stupid, played for laughs, and it wasn't exciting as much as it was anxiety inducing. I also thought that there was no reason the covert military group covering up extraterrestrial life wouldn't just disappear this family of fucking morons in their little piece of shit car. The logic of the scene was just so childish like, "No they won't hit me, I'm a good person."

Summary

Bumblebee may be remembered fondly in a decade. I think especially if the Transformers franchise were to end here. It didn't get the publicity of the other films, and that really is a shame. For my money, this was the best Transformers movie so far. I was very tempted to give Bumblebee a C, it does just enough to right what was wrong from the other movies to make me appreciate all that work. This movie has heart, and if you are at all into Transformers then l think you should see it. It's still pretty stupid, and pretty basic. It's not offering anything new to the genre, and it feels like a commercial for more movies. I really wish we could just get movies that want to tell a story. I thought it over and decided that it wasn't fair not to grade Bumblebee on it's own merits. Bumblebee is substantially better than the films that preceded it, but that's not saying a lot, when the films that preceded it are joyless exercises in self abuse.

Overall Grade: D

[jimlingss]

The Colour of Our Voices [15]

Chapter 14 - Chapter 15 - Chapter 16

➜ Words: 4k

➜ Genres: 98% Fluff, 2% Angst, Slice of Life, Broadway!AU

➜ Summary: He wasn’t supposed to hear. He wasn't supposed to know. But the instant Jimin came into your life and pulled the curtains back, you couldn't hide backstage anymore. You were no longer merely a phantom of the opera.

cr.

Every relationship has its own set of difficulties, its ups and downs.   It’s just painful that you can’t be together when you want to. You never knew there’d come a point where your goals, dreams, and ambitions would contend with your relationship. It seems like it’s either one or the other and you don’t know if you can pick — if he would choose what you would.   You hope that with time, it’ll pass.    You try not to show how hurt you are over the missed date night incident even though it makes you overwhelmingly sad. But you can laugh at it a little when you’re faced with a different kind of reaction instead of sadness — rage.   “He fucking forgot?!” Yeonjeon is hysterical and her disgust is practically tangible. “Oh my god. I’m going to kill him.”   She gets up, but you pull her arm down with a laugh. Jimin’s at work. She probably wouldn’t know where to look for him even if she tried. “Hey, don’t kill him, I still love him.”   “Yeah, and it’s a mistake,” the actress says right out and rolls her eyes. “God, I can’t believe I had a crush on that motherfucker. All men are pigs, aren’t they? What an asshole!”   “It was an accident.” You shrug.   “Uh-huh. Pathetic is what it is.”   “He’s been really tired lately.”   “Umm, don’t defend him in my house.” She’s personally offended and is still fuming. “He can’t even remember a date. Does he have one brain cell?”   “No. He has at least two,” you giggle.   Yeonjeon shakes her head, but softens. Suddenly, she puts her hands on your shoulders, making you look at her. “Listen, Y/N. Just dump Jimin.”   Immediately, you burst out laughing. “I love him too much to dump him.”   “Well, fame changes people,” she states coldly. “He probably thinks he’s some kind of big shot now because he’s has some stupid role in a movie.”   You smile at her sheepishly.   It doesn’t seem like fame changed him. More like fame changed his life. It changed yours too — if you could even call it fame.   “Anyways, enough about that jerk—”   “Yeonjeon,” you warn her with a pout. He’s your boyfriend after all so you’ll defend him till the end.   “—how’s your own projects going so far?”   “They’re going fine. Rapunzel doesn’t have that many lines and she doesn’t actually sing any lyrics, but in the scenes that she is in, they’re pretty important. I’m having fun. Plus the people there are really nice to work with too.”   “You know what?” She snaps her fingers. “Now that I think about it. Rapunzel fits you perfectly.” You laugh at her and she eyes you. “What? It just does.”   Someone else had told you that — a boy that you miss dearly. 

Jimin’s been having a recurring nightmare recently — one where he’s a four year old again and he’s stacking blocks as high as he can.    It doesn’t sound so bad, but always when he has the last block in his hand and goes to top off the tower, he can see it teeter. He knows what’s about to happen, He can see it right in front of him. But no matter what he does, how carefully he deals with the blocks, he can’t stop it from tumbling down.   The worst part is knowing the inevitable, but being unable to stop it. To see the collapse before it happens.   “Going home already, Park?”   The corner of Jungkook’s mouth curls, eyes flickering down to how Jimin’s gathering his belongings. His bag and coat are slung over his arms as if he’s being chased by debt collectors and needs to run out as soon as possible.   “Why so soon?” Chanyeol throws his arm around the younger’s shoulder, pulling him in. “I thought we were gonna go out for drinks again tonight.”   “I’m good.” Jimin slyly and discreetly moves the actor’s arm off of him. “I think I’m gonna head home early. I’m pretty tired.”   “Oh come on. Don’t be a downer. We even have our day off tomorrow. We should celebrate, don’t you think?” Chanyeol grins and looks across the set. “Hey, Director! You want to come with us again?”   Yoongi, the camera director looks up from what he’s doing and shrugs. “Sure.”   “See? Even Min’s coming. What are you waiting for?”   It’s not rare to drink with the other cast members after a long day of filming. Usually outings can range from three to four people to every person on the set. They’re a good bunch but he wishes there weren't so many eyes on him right now.   “What else would you be doing at home?”   “He’s whipped for some girl at home, that’s why,” Jungkook says with a laugh. “Let him go if he really doesn’t want to come.”   “That so?” Chanyeol raises his brows. “You can invite her.”   “No, she works fairly early. She’s probably asleep right now.”   “Then what are you going home for? Come on,” he insists, and Jimin succumbs to the pressure.   //   They’re huddled in a private room at the back of the fancy nightclub. It’s exclusive, sofas softer than expected, the back light of the walls creating a sensual ambiance and everything he drinks feels expensive. Jimin guesses this is what fame and fortune buys you.   One of the girls working at the nightclub comes over with a tray of drinks, gorgeous with her dress that’s too small and too short, and her cleavage practically spilling out. Chanyeol whistles, tipping her with a pretty bill which she smiles to, and the actor notices the way Jimin diverts his eyes.   “This girl of yours must be one hell of a woman,” he comments out of the blue and has Jimin’s eyes widening.   “Me?”   “Yeah, you, Park. Who else would I be talking about?” The handsome actor laughs boisterously, perhaps having taken one too many drinks.   “Apparently they’re neighbours,” Jungkook pipes up, remembering the story Jimin told a few weeks ago.   “Oof, brutal.” Chanyeol shakes his head. “If you guys break up, you’re gonna have to definitely move.”   “We’re not going to break up,” Jimin instinctively states. It’s almost defensive in a way and he hopes they don’t notice the nervous tick in his fingers.   There’s an exchange of expressions around the table. “You’re going to get married to her then?”   “I don’t know. Maybe. Probably.”   “Ooh, he is whipped,” Chanyeol sing-songs, but it also sounds sharp.   Jungkook frowns. “You really want to tie yourself down so soon? I mean, it’s not a bad thing.”   “It is a bad thing,” the other actor corrects, “Jimin’s young and good looking. You shouldn’t tie yourself down so early. You haven’t even begun to experience what kind of girls are out there….”   Jimin doesn’t say anything. He takes the shot that’s in front of him. It’s bitter in his mouth, disgusting, but he ignores the actual taste to chase after the free feeling it gives him instead.   “You’re cute — girls like that sort of thing. Trust me, you’ll be missing out if you tie yourself down now, Park. You have the rest of your life to be serious,” Chanyeol continues before his eyes flicker to the person across from him. “Right, Min?”   Yoongi sighs and Chanyeol laughs, explaining, “He’s divorced. His ex-wife’s some critic who runs her own blog. They had to reach a huge settlement and it took two years in court, but get this, she didn’t change her last name back. She kept Min just to fuck with him.”   “That’s enough,” Yoongi pipes up, cat-like eyes narrowed in on his drink. He throws it back and exhales afterwards. “I don’t want to talk about it.”   The actor smiles, gripping his glass. “I got married to my high school sweetheart, and it’s an absolute nightmare.” Chanyeol grins and shakes his head, lighthearted in the way he talks and it makes Jimin’s own mouth quirk. “She’s bat shit insane.”   Jungkook grins. “Didn’t she key your car?”   “Broke my windshield too with a fucking brick.”   Jimin blinks hard, unable to believe it. “Christ.”   “They’re not crazy at the start, trust me. Everything’s always nice at the beginning — everyone’s in love, doesn’t matter that they like to call up their ex, that they want to forgo condoms and skip their birth control….”   Jungkook snickers at Chanyeol’s woes and even Yoongi is amused. “I was an idiot, to say the least,” he sighs. “Not that I didn’t have my own problems, but I rushed into it way too quickly. What can you do, right? It would be bearable if not for the nagging.”   “This is why I don’t do relationships,” Jungkook comments with his lips tightly drawn in a line.   “Smart man.” He lifts his glass and they clink their drinks together. Jimin’s persuaded to take another shot. “Don’t you ever feel held down by her?” Chanyeol asks, smacking his lips. “Doesn’t she nag or anything?”   “I wouldn’t say that….” Jimin considers it and his intoxication makes the words slip out recklessly. “She asks where I’m going. She texts me to ask when I’m coming home. She complains when I’m out late...sometimes.” The brunette shrugs. “She just worries about me.”   “Sounds like a burden to me,” Chanyeol remarks.   Suddenly Yoongi’s silence is broken. His eyes perceive more than they let on. “Does she ever make you feel bad for doing what you want?”   “That’s a good point.” Jungkook nods and leans over to look at the brunette, propping his elbow on the table, chin in his hand. “You shouldn’t feel bad about doing what you want.”   Jimin remains quiet. He drinks.   It’s silent for a while, unsettlingly so and as each person waits for him to answer, Jimin never speaks. He never lifts his eyes away from the table. Chanyeol ends up clearing his throat.    “What’s with this somber mood? Let’s change the subject! Come on, I’m getting too sober to be around you ugly motherfuckers. Shots, people!” They clink glasses together, laughing and moving on from the heavy topic of conversation.   But they’re unknowing to just how it resonates with Jimin more than it should.   He wants to be here — but you make him feel like he should be at home instead. He wants to perform, on screen or on Broadway — but you make him feel bad for being so busy. He loves you, but he feels guilty for your conflicting schedules, for not seeing you enough, even though this is all he’s been dreaming of, this is what he wanted…   Jimin drinks and swallows past the thick lump forming in his throat.   //   The slamming door shakes you from your slumber. You turn around in your sheets, listening to the oncoming stomping footsteps, an irregular pattern instead of a consistent beat as if someone’s stumbling. The bedroom door creaks open and then Jimin dives into the sheets.   He opens his arms and falls to his front, his arm hitting your shoulder.   “What are you doing?” You rub your eyes and with a sigh, you sit up. You reach over to flicker the bedside lamp on. “Did you drink?”   You can smell the alcohol radiating off of him, and it’s stronger than ever before. It’s surprising considering he’s usually a responsible drinker who always knows how to pace himself.   One side of Jimin’s face is squished into the sheets, the other facing you. One of his eyes open. The pair of you stare at each other.    “I love you.” The words slur and he exhales. “But goddamn ‘s hard sometimes.”   You sigh again, getting up to take off his shoes as he lays there. You peel off his socks too, throwing them onto the ground for him to deal with it himself in the morning. “You didn’t even take off your jacket.”   At least it’s his day off tomorrow, so he can get plenty of rest and recover — it doesn’t look like he’ll have a pleasant time in the morning. Unfortunately, the case is not the same for you. You have to wake up in three hours, so you’re not impressed to say the least.   You climb over top of him, taking off his coat. Jimin’s arms are limp like noodles and he turns his head to stare straight at you. “‘Hy do you make me feel bad…’bout doing what I want, huh?”   “What are you talking about, Jimin?”   You go to unbutton his stained dress shirt reeking of spilled alcohol, but he abruptly shoves his hands off of him. “‘Could get so many girls….”   “You could get so many girls?” Your eyebrow cocks. “Do you want to get girls?”   “Dunno.”   “Alright, Casanova.” You smile. “Let’s get you changed and to bed, ‘kay?”   As you’re unbuttoning his shirt, peaceful silence settles around. Jimin savours the warmth of your hands on his skin, gazing at how your eyes are concentrated but still sleepy, how messy your hair is from twisting in the bed sheets and turning against the pillow. Your edges are soft in the yellow, dim light of the lamp. You’re practically glowing.   “’re gonna break up, aren’t we?”   The reaction is immediate. Your hands halt. Your lips fall. Your blood runs cold.   “What?”    “We’re gonna break up,” Jimin says it like he’s announcing it, like he’s decided himself.   Your bottom lips tremble, hands quivering, and you quickly get off of him to collect yourself. You want to brush it off that he’s intoxicated, that doesn’t know what he’s saying. But drunk words are sober thoughts.   “What are you saying?”   “Do you know who I am?” His tongue slurs heavily, syllables melted together, and the man sits up slowly, swaying from side to side.   “Who are you?” Your voice cracks against your will, eyes glossy and looking into his.   “Cute — ‘Andsome — young — Park J-Jimin…..” He giggles with a finger in the air and he points at you. “‘M missing out by being with you, did ya know that? ‘Nd why do you make me feel guilty for doing what I want, huh? I wanna to go out and party and drink and meet girls and perform, but I gotta go home to you….sucks, man.”   “It sucks, huh?” You swallow hard, fist curling tight into the sheets. “So you want to break up with me?”   “’Ts gonna end anyways. Look at us.” Jimin falls onto his back again, cozying up in the sheets. “Don’t even see each other anymore.”   “So this is it?” You ask again and again, not knowing where this is coming from, unable to believe that it’s happening.   “Where else it gonna go?”   You’re silent. You remove yourself from him, bringing your shaking hands into your lap. He lays there like a dead body, but he doesn’t fall asleep just yet despite the temptation being so strong.   “What happened to the Jimin I first met?” you ask quietly, a mere whisper leaving your parted lips. You don’t know who this arrogant asshole is — a stranger has entered your home.   “’S not here no more,” he mumbles, “Fame changed me. ’M not some sad dude pinning after you anymore.”   “Go to bed, Jimin,” you spit out the command harsher than you thought was possible. It goes silent and you watch him sprawl in your bed, limbs spread freely and his chest rising and falling as he snores. You reach over to turn off the lamp and grab your pillow, shoving his head off of it.    You wipe your eyes with the back of your hand and try to sleep out on the couch for the remaining hours. But it’s hard when you’re so restless.   //   The sunlight pierces through the window and into his eyes. He groans, shaken awake and brought to consciousness and to his head throbbing. His head aches and he feels sickly, the world swirling around him.    Jimin gets up and stumbles to the bathroom to relieve his bladder. He tries to wash his face afterwards and brush his teeth. When he leaves, he holds onto the door frame to brace himself and he hears noisy clanging in the kitchen that makes him wince.   He staggers out, shocked to see you. “What are you doing here?”   Jimin’s voice cracks and he moves to get water to quench his painful thirst. Your back stays turned to him.    “It’s one in the afternoon,” you state rather coldly, mumbling from the corner of your mouth. “I asked to come home early. I remembered I’m allowed to do that.”   He raises a brow and finishes drinking an entire bottle. “Are you still mad at me for forgetting our date night?”   It goes quiet. You don’t spare him a glance, simply putting the dishes away. The loud clanging has him flinching.   “I already said I’m sorry,” he reasons, “I got you flowers!”   You don’t know what he’s talking about and you don’t care to learn.   “Y/N.”   You came home to talk to him but now that he’s here, you know that you’ll regret what wants to come out. “Y/N.”   “Y/N,” Jimin repeats for the third time. He approaches and secures his hands on your shoulders, forcibly turning you around to face him. “Are you ignoring me?”   “Don’t touch me.” You shove his hands off of you, stepping back. His eyes frantically search your hurt expression and he’s utterly confused. “Please. Just don’t.”   “W-What’s wrong?”   “You don’t remember anything about last night?” you ask him, loudly, enough to strain your own voice.   Jimin winces again. “Can you not shout at me? I have a headache.”   “You said….you wanted to break up with me,” you whisper, unable to believe it yourself. When you say it with your own mouth, it stings and you want to burst out crying. Jimin watches the way your expression crumples and he pales.    It slowly comes back to him in waves, vague but he begins to remember bits and pieces, enough to know what he’s done.   “Hey.” Jimin reaches out, stepping closer. But he retracts his hand. “I’m sorry.”   “You always are.”   Maybe it shouldn’t be a big deal. He was drunk, inebriated, not in full control of his words — but to know he was even thinking about it, to know that he’s lined up the reasons for his dissatisfaction with your relationship, to hear it be said aloud, hurts.    “I’m sorry. I really am.” He searches the floor and musters the courage to lift his eyes. “You don’t believe me?”   “It’s not that I don’t believe you aren’t sorry,” you murmur, “I just think you’re sorry that I know what you think now.”   “Oh come on, babe. Y/N.” Jimin follows you to the living room. “I didn’t mean it.”   “Really?” You stop on your heel. You hate this — hate being upset and angry, hate feeling at a loss, hate spiraling out of control. “Not the part where you think I’m basically a huge burden to you now? Not the part where you want to get girls and go to parties and how I make you feel bad about doing the things you want? Not the part where you’re no longer pathetic enough to love me? Or what was it that you said, oh yeah, you’re not some sad guy pinning after me anymore.”   “I was drunk.”   “Were you? Or were they your sober thoughts?”   He sighs in frustration. Your loud voice is worsening his headache. And this isn’t what he wanted to do first thing he woke up — he doesn’t want to argue with you. But he doesn’t know how to make it stop.   “I think that it’s unfair you’re using this against me when I was wasted.”   “You told me that we should break up because we don’t even see each other anymore. Because what else was supposed to happen to us,” you softly whisper, crossing your arms, holding yourself. Now that he can answer clearly, now he’s not drunk anymore, there are no excuses. “So what is that you want from us, Jimin? Do I really make you feel guilty for doing the things you want to do? Is that how you feel about me now?”   “No, that’s not it. I’m...I’m sorry.”   “You’re selfish,” you say, spitefully. “That’s what you are. Always have been.”   Jimin scoffs outright. “Selfish?”   “All you think about is yourself. What you want. What you don’t have. What you’re missing out on. You’re supposed to think about the other person in a relationship. We’re supposed to sacrifice, compromise — and you’re not willing to do that. You don’t think about me for a second, Jimin.”   “Are you kidding me? I am trying my best! Everything I do is for us and our future together—”   “Really? I thought we didn’t have a future in your plans.”   He ignores your low jab. “I took care of you when you hated me. How’s that sacrifice for you?”   “Well nobody asked! Did they?”   “I love you!” Jimin shouts at the top of his lungs, making his throat dry again. “I’ve loved you longer than you loved me. Even when you were jealous of me, when you hated me, I loved you. And I still love you!”   “Then why did you tell me that I make you feel bad for doing what you want?!” you’re sobbing as the last word comes out, holding your face in your hands. Guilt swallows him whole.   “Because it does. I feel bad that I don’t get enough to spend enough time with you. I feel bad that we’re always waiting for the other person to come home. I feel bad about going out with the cast when I should be having fun and for taking on roles when I know it’ll be time consuming even though that’s been my dream.”   You’re sobbing, shaking your head. “W-What do you want me to do?”   “I don’t know.”    He can’t find a solution, and he’s most certainly not going to make you give up your dream. Jimin’s not going to ask or make you do anything.    Everything caused by ill timing. Caused by stress.    What’s the point of being in a relationship when you can’t even see each other?   It always seems like you have to choose each other or choose your ambitions.   Jimin wants to say boldly that he’ll figure it out with you — that he’ll find a way to do both. He wants to hug you, to embrace you, let you cry into his shoulder as he makes more meaningless apologies. He wants to say that with time, it’ll pass, that your schedules will clear up, that the pair of you will overcome this obstacle.   But he can’t bring himself to say it or to step forward.   “Maybe we should take a break.”   You’re taken aback.   A break? So he can do whatever he wants and thinks he can still have you?   “What’s that supposed to mean?”   “I don’t know,” Jimin admits. “I think we just need some time away from each other to figure this out.”   Without the obligation of having to see you, of having to maintain this relationship, the guilt would disappear. Maybe neither of you would have to feel so bad about yourselves.   But you persist in your questions. “Figure what out? Us?”   Jimin’s frustrated at why you don’t understand. “Well if you don’t like it, then maybe we should just cleanly break it off with one another. If that makes more sense to you.”   “Fine,” you hiss out of unadulterated spite.   His eyes widening, mouth dropping open. He’s shocked at your quick answer.   Jimin’s rendered speechless, breathless. “F-Fine then…”   “Get out of my apartment, Jimin.” You sniffle with your chest heaving.   He can’t believe it’s happening. Everything in his mind screams for him to stop, but his body moves on its own. Then the door slams shut.

[danwhobrowses]

AEW - Best and Worst Booking Decisions from Double or Nothing 2020 to 2021

As I promised back in my WWE Post Reviewing the Booking of Mania 35-36 it is time for me to run down AEW's booking over the last year.

Double or Nothing 2020 was AEW's first PPV of the Empty Arena Era, which they pulled off with the inaugural TNT champion being Cody'd, Brian Cage's debut and murder of Darby Allin, Hikaru Shida began her mammoth title reign, Moxley and Brodie Lee put on a fantastic show with their short build and we finished off with the wacky Stadium Stampede. But since then, it's had some ups and downs.

As I said with the WWE one, these are my opinions: some of which will act within hindsight rather than within the moment.

There will also be spoilers from the Dynamite after DoN 2020 to the end of DoN 2021, you have been warned

May 2020 Best - FTR They told us one day they would wrestle the Bucks and the world shall rejoice, and after several teases on BTE following The Revival's release from the E, FTR arrived and the division got even more stacked because of it.

Worst - Mike Tyson loses to his shirt AEW did try with Tyson, pushing for some shared history with Jericho as they began to stand off with one another. But his struggle to cleanly tear off his shirt really made the confrontation awkward and it wouldn't go anywhere.

Best - Baker becomes the Roll Model Baker's injury was a huge blow given how she was finally getting over thanks to her heel turn and bloody battle with Shida. It would've very easily killed her momentum to be off TV, but AEW instead played into Baker's injury by making her flaunt her heelish hilarity, starting with her being a wheelchair-riding 'roll model', this would begin Baker's time entertaining in spite of injury.

Worst - Allie and QT begin What was this huh? Now Allie in a red dress was a sight to behold but the whole romance angle where a very married Allie had a brief period as a babyface and pairing with the also very married QT Marshall. We all knew it was gonna lead to Butcher and Blade jumping the Natural Nightmares, but it really overstayed its welcome.

Best - The TNT Open Challenge We will get more on this but Cody's win of the TNT title was met with concern given the monster push of Lance Archer - not to mention the dismal design of the championship itself. But Cody did his best to add prestige via the weekly Open Challenge, which would showcase a lot of talent in a similar way to Cena's US title Open Challenge.

June 2020 Best - Brodie goes on the Recruitment Prowl Being the leader of the Dark Order, Mr. Brodie Lee needed a new direction after being felled by Jon Moxley. What he decided was to add to his ranks; bringing in Dark Standout Alan Angels, enticing Colt Cabana and extending a hand to Anna Jay. These choices bolstered the Dark Order's ranks to last much longer, especially with their segments in BTE showing all their comedic flair.

Worst - Sammy Guevara eats his words The Speaking Out movement affected AEW just as it did most of wrestling, leading to the release of Jimmy Havoc. But Sammy Guevara also got done in by his egregiously vulgar comments he made regarding his attraction WWE's Sasha Banks in an old interview that had now surfaced. While this isn't a booking decision per se, it was the fault of AEW to have not caught this on their background check. Sammy would rightfully be suspended with a full apology, seminars taken and a direct conversation with Banks herself to make amends.

Best - Red Velvet stirs in Red Velvet would debut on Dark in June, showcasing talent which would later be enhanced and explored later in the year, adding Red Velvet did indeed bolster the women's division a bit more, showing AEW's dedication towards building new stars was still alive.

Best - Wardlow vs Luchasaurus rocks the house Lumberjack matches are more miss than hit, but the long-awaited match between Wardlow and Luchasaurus was a sleeper hit for the month. Big time spots of athletic hosses slapping meat and flipping feet continued to showcase Wardlow's dominance with a big win over the Dino-man, just a good wrestling match worth the wait.

July 2020

Best - Open Challenge Opens Doors Cody's open challenges started with the AEW roster, but they soon expanded to being for indy talent and cross-promotional challengers too: Enter Eddie Kingston. The Mad King made an instant impact in his hardcore challenge against Cody, which quickly earned him a contract with the company. Also among the challengers was Ricky Starks - who would also get a contract - and Warhorse, who had rallied the fans into giving him a shot - and AEW did play into his popularity, having an answer for a lot of Cody's offense until he hurt his leg for the finish. It was smart booking even if Cody was bound to win.

Worst - Cardona's time is Radio Silence You gotta feel bad for Matt Cardona, he has all the makings to be a great star, but he just suffers from either company disinterest, injury or poor timing. The latter was the case for his AEW time, since AEW were having to deal with WWE's COVID outbreak by extension of any partners, Cardona only had a rare appearance backing up Cody a few times and while he did find himself in Impact, it's sadly not as green as the other side.

Best - Sue is Over The Best Friends as babyfaces walk the line perfectly of being a group of goofball man-children but also legitimate and talented wrestlers. The cherry on the top though was the Friends' entrance to Fyter Fest in Trent's mom Sue's mini-van for their tag title match, immediately getting Sue over with fans. Sue would also be a cult figure for BTE in her skits with the Dark Order, being the only person ever to make Brodie Lee break character and corpse.

Worst - Cody cannot elevate Hager Cody's defenses led to Hager (and his wife) looking for a title match, the sale of it being a more legitimate bout with the weigh in and packages didn't pull off in the match though, being quite slow and simplistic. Hager still remains a wrestler who lacks any more potential than what he has now but knows the right people.

Best - Taz promos around Mox's COVID absence Due to the aforementioned outbreak, AEW were forced to reschedule their main event when Renee Young had contracted the virus, exposing their world champion Jon Moxley by extension. This meant that Brian Cage would have to wait longer for their match (though not as long as UK fans are waiting for AEW to come overseas), so AEW decided to let Taz carry them over this predicament, which he did marvelously by reviving his FTW title and handing it to Cage. It added some extra heat and something for Cage to carry around as if he had won the personal victory over Moxley already, and it would lead us into the following week's rescheduled Main Event at Fight for the Fallen.

August 2020 Best - Brodie Destroys Cody After a lot of defenses and Cody getting the 'finished product' TNT title, fans wondered how Cody's defense against Mr. Brodie Lee would go. And boy did we get a spectacle, the Exalted One demolished Cody, Anna Jay then choked out Brandi as the rest of the Dark Order held the Nightmare Family at bay, and we were left with the visual of Brodie on top and Cody and Brandi at their feet, covered in the shredded remains of the old TNT title that Cody had reigned with. It was great storytelling and a great way to elevate Brodie as well as finally putting the Dark Order over, the stable rode the highest they had been since their debut while Cody disappeared to film for the Go Big Show.

Worst - Bea and Sadie get released, Mel stays AEW did their best to keep as many people they could during the Pandemic, but due to the travel restrictions Bea Priestley was very much land locked and Sadie Gibbs was not getting a second chance at her botched debut. It was a shame because of how talented both women were, Bea especially since rumor has it she might be en route to the E. What was baffling was that Mel, of the failed Nightmare Collective, remains on AEW's payroll despite not having appeared for over a year, hard to add that up.

Best - Thunder Rosa makes her challenge Before the Forbidden Door, NWA opened their doors to AEW while the pandemic prevented them from filming shows. With champion Hikaru Shida lacking a built-up challenger, fans were interested in Thunder Rosa's intrigue about Shida's challenge, and would be pleased to see AEW roll with it too. Rosa and Shida made for a great cross-promotional feud which'd lead to a great match in the following month. To this very day, Thunder Rosa's appearance on AEW is one of the brand's most vital steps in terms of strengthening their women's division.

Worst - The Deadly Draw is on Youtube Speaking of the Women's Division, AEW had also decided to have an all-women's tournament called the Deadly Draw. 'Random' tag teams would be forged in a tag tournament that'd give women some time to show their stuff. Unfortunately, this would mostly be on Youtube - save for the Finals - and be dominated by Fans' disdain that Allie and Brandi were making the finals. The method of picking was not handled well since we didn't really get any mismatch teams aside from Nyla, and the amount of women we got were not all spectacular with Rache Chanel and the former Cameron being a part of it. While Ivelisse and Diamante would win too they only got some crappy medals, all of which leaves a bitter taste following Ivelisse's release.

Best - Deadly Draw gives us Conti, Diamante and Savoy That being said, the Deadly Draw had its saving graces. For one the use of Veda Scott on commentary, Madusa as the host and Shaul Guerrero as the announcer were nice touches, we also got to see Tay Conti, Diamante, Ivelisse and Nicole Savoy wrestle - the middle two win. Conti would turn out to be the most important of the lot with her team and friendship with Dark Order's Anna Jay, getting over because of their chemistry and making it to the semi-finals.

Worst - Conti to Dark Order doesn't develop Conti and Anna's friendship meant that soon after, Jay had extended an offer for her friend to join the stable. For weeks we saw Conti carry around this invitation but then: nothing. Conti never joined Dark Order and this didn't beget any friction between the friends either - in the end it became a missed opportunity as Conti dances on the edge of being supported by the Dark Order but not a part of the Dark Order.

Best - Jericho and Cassidy Debate With Mike Tyson unable to appear more to feud with Jericho, AEW slotted over-as-fuck Orange Cassidy to face Jericho. While Jericho got the win in the first match, we were graced with a fun 'debate' hosted by Schiavone and with a guest appearance of Eric Bischoff. Cassidy's monologue during the debate was great too.

Worst - Cassidy's first win over Jericho isn't as big as it should be Unfortunately, when Cassidy did get the win over Jericho was not as good as the first, getting clunky at times with some miscommunication and slow pacing. They would have their rubber match in the gimmicky Mimosa Mayhem which would also be a bit of a mixed bag.

Best - Hardy and the Mad King Squad Up Despite solid starts, Private Party, Lucha Bros and Butcher & the Blade had struggled a little to find success in AEW, but they would gain some benefit by associating with Matt Hardy and Eddie Kingston. Hardy worked well as a mentor to the similar styled tag team to his younger years, while Kingston's evil grin to the camera did signal that Kingston's new squad would be up to no good.

Best - Moxley and Allin make another classic Allin and Moxley somehow just click, they click so well that you could put them in a match every week and people wouldn't complain, hell there's fanart of Moxley essentially adopting Allin in the same vein as Shota 'Shooter' Umino. Anyway, Allin vs Moxley is always fantastic, and it made sense for the feud that was growing.

Best - You're Out of the Elite! Hangman's slow burn storytelling has been sublime, and it was at a new height when FTR started sniffing around Hangman like lions around a wounded gazelle. Feeding into Hangman's alcoholism - established since his inability to beat Jericho or PAC in his hunt to be world champion - FTR exposed doubt within Page that the Bucks were ousting him out and would soon turn on him. All of which were mind games to sow discontent between him and Omega in their bid for the tag titles. The cherry on the top came with Hangman's removal from the Elite, after a stellar feud in Revolution being brought up, Hangman impulsively screwed out the Bucks from getting another title match, after a dressing down and being kicked out of the group we pan to a shot of Hangman staring into a mirror cracked - perfect storytelling.

Best - MJF campaigns against Moxley MJF had been undefeated and fans have wondered when rather than if he would get his shot. And when he set his eyes on Moxley it is spectacular. The faux presidential campaign was right up MJF's alley as he looked to write out Moxley's go-to finish of the Paradigm Shift, this also had great easter eggs like MJF emulating Samoa Joe's shove on him to one of his entourage, as well as his lawyer Sterling being a good addition for the feud.

September 2020 Best - Allin/Starks, Johnson/Carter are bangers September came out with some very impressive matches, for Dynamite it was the culmination of Allin and Starks' feuding but on Dark we got unsigned Lee Johnson and Ben Carter blow the roof off, immediately both names were a topic of scouting and it remains a top level match.

Worst - Billy Mitchell's cameo Early into Miro's debut we got some vignettes of 'The Best Man' enjoying his other past-time as a gamer. While this wasn't the right way to go in hindsight, the cameo of Billy Mitchell - a controversial figure in Arcade Gaming - was quite out of place for AEW as well, many having to look up who the dude was anyway and why many gamers were disgruntled about it. 'Celebrity' Cameos can only really work if you know who they are.

Best - Kingston stories a weird finish into a Title Match It would've been a Worst moment on this list when Eddie Kingston lost a battle royale for a title shot by being pushed off the turnbuckle despite leaving to the apron via the middle rope. However, when winner Archer came down with COVID, AEW was put in a reverse Fyter Fest scenario, a champion but no opponent. This allowed Kingston an in to use the fact that he never technically went over the top rope to barter a title match, which he used to impressive effect.

Worst - Sydal Slips The Shooting Star Press is a difficult move to pull off, and dangerous to botch. It had also been the staple of Matt Sydal, who was the Joker in the Casino Battle Royale of All Out, but when he did his Shooting Star he slipped and faceplanted. While it's not a booking decision it is a sore spot, Sydal has partly recovered as a full time worker and a mini-feud with Nakazawa to save face on the botch, but he has only once tried the move again.

Best - Will Hobbs impresses When Sydal botched and hit the floor though, Will Hobbs was the one you saw roll over inconspicuously to check he wasn't hurt. The youngster had already been impressing on AEW Dark on a regular basis and his appearance alone in the Battle Royale was an encouraging sign. Hobbs would also put on a strong performance in that match, which would lean in on being more utilized on Dynamite, his momentum would also carry to Double or Nothing with another strong run in a Battle Royale mostly pitted against Christian Cage.

Worst - The Matt Hardy incident Perhaps the lowest point of All Out was the Broken Rules Match. Hardy and Sydal had overshot their spear spot from a forklift to a table and Hardy hit his head hard. Hardy wobbled with signs of concussion as the match to and fro'd about being called off, Hardy though was having none of it - since the stipulation would have him retire had he lost - he would continue for a scaffolding spot for the finish but it did put a lot of heat on Guevara and AEW for allowing the match to continue. Matt would make a recovery and have a cinematic match with Sammy to finish the tainted feud, but from there BROKEN Matt Hardy was seldom seen.

Best - Deeb arrives Serena Deeb is one of the most technically gifted women on wrestling. Someone so grossly underutilized by WWE that it's baffling that the best thing they would do with her on the main roster is shave her head for the admittedly great Straight Edge Society but then release her for not keeping up kayfabe in her personal life. This was the month though that the current NWA Women's Champion debuted on AEW Dark and would later get signed, Deeb adds veteran experience and technical mastery to AEW's women's roster and she is a cert to be AEW Women's Champion someday.

Worst - Fans fight Tooth and Nail but Swole/Baker doesn't deliver Despite Britt Baker's rise to superstardom, her return feud with Big Swole became a bit of a mishit. The build was fine with Swole often getting the better of the wheelchair-bound Baker, so for Baker's return AEW had set a cinematic match in her dentist's office. The match was placed on the Buy-In, which pissed a lot of fans off and had them strong-arm Khan into putting it as the opener, and it didn't pay off. The match was par at best, ending with Baker losing as well, while the quickly-put-together match of Private Party vs Silver & Reynolds shone brightly on the Buy In in the spot this match should've taken. Listening to fans is of course good but AEW had the hindsight to judge whether the match was worth it in the eyes of the fans and they picked wrong.

Best - Parking Lot Brawl But for every par match AEW has they always sneak in a blinder, and it was Best Friends' 5-Star Parking Lot Brawl against Santana & Ortiz that pulled it off. With Orange Cassidy coming out of the boot of the car, Santana & Ortiz's Dead Presidents' appearance and Sue getting a brand new minivan and flipping off the Inner Circle duo at the end, the match was a fantastic closer for the night.

October 2020 Best - Brandon Cutler gets the W Brandon Cutler had AEW's longest losing streak, and they loved to ham it up, except Peter Avalon also had AEW's longest losing streak too. They had tried working together but couldn't find the common ground, so when Avalon turned on Cutler we were set for one of these men to get the win. After two no contests due to double count outs and double disqualifications, Cutler and Avalon had a no rules rubber match on Dark and it was great. Cutler got his win in probably AEW Dark's best feud storytelling - though it probably should've been on Dynamite or even the Buy In of the PPV - giving a payoff years in the making.

Worst - Nyla/Shida II is built on Dark Hikaru Shida had gone through the majority of the Women's Roster, so with new manager Vickie Guerrero, Nyla Rose wanted her title back. The problem however was that all of Vickie's calling out of Shida after a Nyla squash was on Dark, so the match was poorly built. You feel bad for Tony Khan because he tried this so more eyes would go on Dark but it was also a reminder that title matches should be built on the Main Show.

Best - MJF and Jericho get musical MJF had decided once again to try and get in with the Inner Circle, only this time he was faring better thanks to his chemistry with Chris Jericho. What we got was Le Dinner Debonair, a pompous, broadway-esque musical scene that fit the larger than life and delusional heel aura of both men's ego. While some people called it 'too goofy', it was also named one of the best TV moments of the year.

Worst - Miro feuds over an Arcade Machine Fans wanted one thing from Miro: the beast, but AEW did not lead with that. Instead they had him feud with Best Friends because they were thrown into an Arcade Machine he was playing. While it's not the level of feuding over shampoo, it was still rather dumb and contrived given how the rest of this weak feud was telegraphed leading up to Kip and Penelope's wedding - despite Miro's attempts to subvert Wrestling Wedding Tropes.

Best - Leyla legitimately impresses In October, 'Legit' Leyla Hirsch came out of nowhere and made the best of her moment. A non-title debut against champion Hikaru Shida on Dark proved an extremely entertaining affair as Hirsch got to showcase her physicality, and then that was followed instantly by a NWA Women's Title shot against Deeb on Dynamite - which she also really impressed in. While it took a while for AEW to announce Leyla as a signing, it was a definite plus to see Olympic qualities in the Women's Division.

Worst - Jericho can't get Luther over When Jericho got a whole Dynamite to celebrate 30 years in the business he had a lot on his plate, several cameos from Slash and Hiroshi Tanahashi made it a special moment but the Main Event didn't work. Luther is sadly another one of those Brutus Beefcake cases of knowing the right people, and while Luther could probably go when he was younger, currently he isn't the best. People wondered if Jericho could carry Luther in his match with Chaos Project but unfortunately it didn't land, Luther after all has his place on the undercard throwing Serpentico around, he doesn't need any more than that.

Best - The Cleaner shows signs of returning After an Anniversary Show meant that Moxley had gone through another opponent in his mammoth title reign, AEW had set up a tournament to name the new Number 1 Contender. At this time as well FTR had already dealt with Hangman and Omega but their post-match embrace was not reciprocated by Omega, who had more or less washed his hands with his partner. The two were in different places, Page had descended further into the bottom of a drink without any of his friends while Kenny had become focused upon being a singles competitor again. Metaphorically winking to the hard cam, Omega would enter in an over the top fashion with cheerleaders of the Jacksonville Jaguars dancing with brooms to hark the slow arrival of the Cleaner. His disgruntled face after squashing Sonny Kiss was also meme quality.

Worst - Brodie's Reign is cut short Brodie Lee's TNT title reign was great, it had put the Dark Order on top and his segments on BTE were extremely entertaining too. An emphatic return of the dark haired Cody Rhodes did invite a rematch which would be a more brutal affair than Cody's prior squashing, but sadly Brodie would not retain. His reign only lasted a month and in hindsight that would be the only time Brodie held gold, while he stated he had no regrets on how short his reign was it was not great booking to put it immediately back on Cody as if Brodie only held it because Cody had another show to record.

Best - Dog Collar Match was great Result notwithstanding though, the Dog Collar match proved as brutal as it was entertaining. Another match that elevated the TNT title's prestige, Lee and Cody tore into each other in a match that could've easily screamed Vince Russo late-WCW failure. But the men pulled it off with their raw talent and nobody looked bad out of it.

November 2020 Best - Kenny vs Hangman I Since AEW's inception, Hangman Page has been on a slow course to squaring off against Kenny Omega. This came to a head in the finals of the No.1 Contendership Tournament, the confident Kenny vs the angsty Page proved an effective opener which further spiralled Hangman into depression while Kenny would return to the top of the card.

Worst - Hornswoggle in a nappy? The Inner Circle's Vegas skit was probably too much, it had some good moments like Hager and Wardlow continually staring at each other as they beat up people in the club, also the appearance of an Elvis Impersonator and Konnan. But the bit finished on a weird note trying to homage The Hangover by having WWE's former Hornswoggle appear in a baby's nappy, it was just weird no ways around it.

Best - Cargill and Top Flight make an impression November saw the debuts of new members of the Women's and Tag Division. The Martin brothers impressed as the new vibrant and athletic tag team, putting on a wild show against The Bucks. Jade Cargill would start AEW by confronting Cody with the tease of one Shaquille O'Neal, but the moment the camera panned to Cargill she had one word printed on her and it was 'Star'. While Top Flight are halved by injury, Cargill has continued to show her growth.

Worst - Shida vs Abadon has a short build When Abadon debuted on AEW Dark she put on an impressive match with then-not-champion Hikaru Shida, the story being that Shida was weirded out by the Living Dead Girl. Since then, Abadon had been undefeated in her sporadic appearances - partly delayed by injury - so she was put on a course to reignite this storyline with Shida. However, they didn't get enough time, only a couple segments of Shida trying to prove herself not scared and an AEW Dark segment when Abadon jumped Shida and hit a Cemetery Drive on her. A decent match would follow, but we could've done a lot more.

Best - Hobbs turns to FTW Will Hobbs had grown more and more impressive with each appearance, put over as well in promo by Jon Moxley too gave him a lot of credit. During Darby's feud with Team Taz, Hobbs had often come to make the save to prevent Darby from being injured, however he did have a habit of arriving a little late. This proved to be intentional when Hobbs turned heel, aligning with Team Taz to learn under the ECW Legend. While Hobbs has yet to taste gold, he has of recent found himself elevated by the feud with Christian Cage and should Brian Cage move away from Team Taz, he would clearly be the top choice to take the FTW belt from him.

Worst - Cody Hogan's his title loss When it was time for Cody to drop the TNT belt again, fans would hope that it would be a similar case of Cody putting someone over red hot like he did Brodie. However, instead Darby defeated Cody with a series of roll ups which Cody kicked out in 3.1, a very Hogan vs Warrior title change with Cody also having to keep the spotlight on him by handing the belt to Darby before Darby's moment was further interrupted by Team Taz's attack.

Best - Darby has gold At the very least, Darby being crowned TNT champion after finally beating Cody was a perfect narrative for the talented and albeit batshit crazy masochist Emo Skater Boy. Darby's reign would also be consistently good and maintain Allin's star aura against opponents of all shapes and sizes.

Best - PAC is BAC Due to COVID, several of AEW's international talents were land-locked and unable to appear, but when the UK's borders loosened slightly The Bastard PAC made an emphatic return to reestablish Death Triangle. This had also come off the heels of Eddie Kingston trying to sway Penta away from his brother and kick Fénix out of his group. PAC's mini-feud with Kingston would remind the world that AEW had some world class talent to put in against Kenny Omega as well as reminding the world that PAC is just amazing as a wrestler.

Best - Bunkhouse match blows the roof off Dustin Rhodes seems to have carved an interesting spot for himself as the 'Obscure Gimmick Match Master'. Currently teasing a Bullrope match with Nick Comoroto, he shone brightly in the culmination of the long-winded QT/Allie storyline which lead to a Bunkhouse Match against the Butcher and the Blade. It had old school qualities with amazing spots that continued a long chain of AEW pulling off impressive gimmick matches even if the feud wasn't as impressive itself.

Best - Mox and Kingston, Feud of the Year 2020 You know what was an impressive feud though? Jon Moxley and Eddie Kingston. Imagine winning feud of the year for something set up in September to November? And most of it was promo, but these were two of the best promo guys in the world, touching on their roots, their former friendship, the lengths either would go and all coming to a head in an I Quit Match. Kingston made you believe every word he said when he declared that he would never quit and he wouldn't stop until he was champion but come the match Moxley proved more resilient than words can be. Getting Feud of the Year is not bad going for what originally started as a one-off title match because Archer got COVID.

December 2020 Best - Brodie Lee Memorial Show Near the end of December the wrestling world was shocked by the death of Brodie Lee, the Exalted One was someone fans really wanted to see be a major world champion someday, but he had tragically succumbed to a Lung condition. At this time too AEW were promoting a 2-part special of New Year's Dash, but delayed the shows a week to put on a memorial show for Brodie. With matches picked by Brodie's eldest son, AEW did perhaps the perfect tribute show, with a perfect blend of clips and tributes paired with matches that honored the Big Rig. Brodie's influence was shown with Silver emulating Brodie's outfit, Eric Redbeard appearing, FTR renaming their Goodnight Express to the Big Rig, and the TNT title being handed to Brodie Lee Jr. - who became AEW's youngest signing - and a special t-shirt being the highest selling t-shirt of 2020, with proceeds going to Brodie's wife, Amanda. Brodie's influence still reigns in AEW as the Dark Order have become somewhat gatekeepers to the TNT title and the quote 'It's [day], and you know what that means' being frequently used or displayed via signs to start off an AEW show.

Worst - Ben Carter slips through their fingers Ben Carter had proven a sensational talent on his AEW showings, quickly having rose to having a match on Dynamite. However, AEW did not get his signature on the dotted line, and the E came a-callin'. The loss of the now-Nathan Frazer was a rough blow for AEW business since it showed that WWE could still outbid them if they wanted someone enough, and AEW made the mistake of not signing him before other companies started sniffing around.

Best - IT'S STIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING! The 'Winter is Coming' special had many big things happen, but one of the biggest of all was the return of Sting. Instantly Sting's T-Shirt sales broke records in AEW (until the Brodie shirt would break Sting's) as the WCW legend had made his return to TNT in a veil of snow staring down Darby Allin, nostalgia was high on this moment.

Worst - STIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING does nothing for a month But. There was a problem with Sting's arrival on AEW, he wasn't exactly spry in his 60s and AEW were cautious in wanting him to come back into the ring despite being classed as an active talent. AEW did miss a mark by promoting Sting to just do the same interview over and over, more than once in fact, you gotta do something with Sting to get the fans excited.

Best - Taz chokes out Cody While feuding with Darby, Cody became involved when he dropped the TNT title to Darby and got attacked by Team Taz all the same. When this led to a verbose conflict between Cody and Taz over the legitimacy of the FTW championship, Cody made the mistake of turning his back on Taz after diminishing his philosophy because Taz's son Hook was training under his factory rather than his father. Jake the Snake did warn him not to turn your back on someone you respect, but maybe he should've warned him to not turn your back on a Human Suplex Machine, because Taz immediately put him in the Tazmission - to a huge pop from fans - choking out the younger Rhodes to further personalize their feud.

Worst - Dynamite Diamond Ring doesn't change MJF had used the Dynamite Diamond Ring sporadically as a weapon to cheat in matches, but it anything it was a glorified brass knuckles that had limited prestige. When AEW had the chance to give it new prestige by having it fought over a year after MJF won it, they decided to simply keep it on MJF's pinky finger. As a result we had a battle royale and a match that kinda went nowhere narratively, and AEW should've really just made the ring a one-off or given it to someone else to signify a young up-and-coming talent getting a rub.

Best - The Acclaimed prove they're not all talk Not to be outdone by Top Flight, who they seem destined to have an eternal rivalry with, The Acclaimed put on an impressive showing in their title match with the Bucks too. Max Caster's diss tracks continue to slowly win fans over but this was the moment the Acclaimed turned into a mainstay of AEW's tag division.

Worst - TNT ask for no more surprises While reported months later, fans were alerted that after Sting's debut, TNT had asked AEW to not do any more surprises. Business-wise it made sense since they wanted to promote any big moments on the show for a greater viewership, but Wrestling-wise eliminating the shock factor would be a detriment to the business as a whole. AEW have managed to work their way around such things by promoting 'mystery entrants' or debuting surprise characters between other promoted segments but it is still a questionable decision by TNT to request such a thing.

Best - This is Bear Country Next on the 'XX impress on Dark, get signed up' is the tag team of Bear Country. Different to Top Flight's flippy talent and the Acclaimed's knack for mind games and more technical wrestling was two big hoss men running roughshot War Machine-style, there's not much else you need to sell with that, Bear Country was just good stuff and provided another style AEW's tag division could use.

January 2021 Best - Negative One With Brodie Lee Jr. now signed to AEW, he started to make appearances as Dark Order's new leader 'Negative One'. And instantly, Brodie Jr had become an excellent presence. With great understanding of the business for such a young age, Negative One would delight audiences on Dark and Elevation be it on commentary or simply being the feral prince that often accompanied Preston Vance, Anna Jay and/or Tay Conti. The kid was having the time of his life too.

Worst - TNT title doesn't get revamped enough With the original finished product of the TNT title handed to Brodie Jr, there was an opening to make a new TNT title which learned from the criticisms that the original had. Unfortunately we did not have this, we mostly just got a Black strap. Granted COVID would've been a part of that but given how long Darby's reign was, we could've put work towards giving us a better looking TNT championship.

Best - Dark Order turn face, help the Hangman On BTE Dark Order found their feet with their flair for comedy, one of the segments that began this was Evil Uno's selling of Brodie's throwing of papers, the bit originated from Lee discovering that Hangman had once reached out to the Dark Order website sometime at the beginning of his depression spiral. Because of the rejection, the Dark Order had fostered an animosity against Page with frequent 'Fuck Hangman' chants, and yet Hangman would sporadically appear in their hangout, starting his own 'Fuck Hangman' chant when kicked out of the Elite in a brutal show of Page's self-loathing. From there though the Dark Order had softened to the Anxious Millennial Cowboy and after a face turn they had grown to become AEW's most popular faction and a much-needed friend for Page. While Hangman wouldn't officially join the Dark Order, it definitely proved to be an entertaining chapter in Page's story from an unlikely source.

Worst - Team Taz will jump Darby, but not Sting During their feud, Team Taz were seen to jump Darby Allin whenever they could, didn't matter if he had Cody or Moxley on his side they would still try to get the upper hand on the TNT champion. But now that Sting has arrived, Team Taz decided to stop doing that. As much as it was AEW protecting Sting from bumps, it really diminished Team Taz as well because five men that included Ricky Starks, Powerhouse Hobbs and Brian Cage were scurrying away from a lone 60 year old with a baseball bat.

Best - Bullet Club in AEW Tama Tonga might refute it, but the appearance of Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson in AEW was big, and their arrival to aid Kenny and then to two sweet him with the Bucks was an image definitely worthy of closing the night. From Gallows and Anderson's arrival to AEW led to Impact's doors being opened, which has recently led to Omega being the Belt Collector.

Worst - Callis' feud with the Bucks is gimmicky When Kenny won the AEW World Title at Winter is Coming, he had began a full on chaotic turn with Don Callis as his manager of sorts. The Young Bucks however were still firm babyfaces and were perturbed by Callis' actions that were ousting the Jackson brothers out of Kenny's social circles. Some bits were good, Callis really laying in thick the fact that he felt the Bucks had lost their edge, but the majority of it was a bit too much soap opera for my liking, the fake shiner was probably where it jumped the shark.

Best - Tay Conti shows her improvement against Deeb Tay Conti had grown a lot as a wrestler since her debut, and when set to challenge Serena Deeb for the NWA Women's Championship we had the story of 'Jack of All Trades vs Master of One'. Leaning more into her Judo and martial arts background, Tay Conti showed the wrestling world that she had arrived as a wrestler thanks to the AEW machine. WWE's loss had officially become AEW's gain as Tay Conti continues her rise to perhaps being one of the biggest female stars in the company.

Worst - Archer can't win a feud Having lost to Cody in May and then Moxley on the Anniversary episode, Archer was put in a no-win situation by feuding with Eddie Kingston. Now Kingston is great, but the problem was that both men desperately needed to win a feud for credibility, and Archer was the one who lost. Archer continues to be sold as a monster but also someone who will lose all his major feuds. Suffice to say, more can be done with the Murderhawk Monster.

Best - MJF sows seeds of discontent Having officially gotten in with the Inner Circle, MJF now had Chris Jericho's ear and he was ready to spread his poison. This started with the ousting of Sammy Guevara - Jericho's protege of sorts - before moving on to sowing tension between Jericho and Santana & Ortiz. This would be the beginnings of an excellent swerve by AEW, which we will get to later.

Worst - Santana and Ortiz aren't even the Inner Circle's tag team? Because of MJF's sowing though, we had a weird scenario where the Inner Circle were debating who was their official tag team? Debating between Jericho and MJF the singles competitors, Sammy and Hager the singles competitors or Santana & Ortiz the tag team. In this as well MJF and Jericho won, which was more sowing on MJF's part but it does still leave the worrying sense that AEW's tag division is perhaps too big as Tony Khan waits for the right moment to introduce a Trios title.

Best - Wardlow vs Hager was surprisingly good Another recurring narrative of MJF joining the Inner Circle was Jake Hager and Wardlow staring each other off whenever they could. In order to 'bury the hatchet', Hager challenged the War Dog to a match, and surprisingly this was Hager's best match in an AEW ring so far, big men slapping meat with the right conclusion of Wardlow winning.

Worst - The Waiting Room fades out While Britt Baker was injured but not Wheelchair bound she had started an interview show on Dark called 'The Waiting Room', it had a few flaws here and there but eventually it showed on Dynamite to decent effect. But after that it was gone, which is a shame because it could've easily been a longstanding segment for either of AEW's shows at the time to give some promo segments or interviews to AEW's talent.

Best - Private Party are leeched After working under the wing of 'Big Money' Matt Hardy, Private Party turned heel to compliment Hardy's newfound persona as the Company Leech. The heel turn has somewhat revitalized the once-promising tag team and proved they can play either side, it even got them an Impact Tag Title shot and an impressive match on the PPV.

Worst - Whatever Snoop Dogg was doing Snoop Dogg made an AEW appearance where he was insistent on doing a spot, but it didn't really work - much like it didn't really work when he tried it in WWE. Snoop as a guest wasn't the worst idea in the world and it is good that he's willing to bump on the show, but could does not always mean should.

Best - Jungle Boy and Dax put on a masterclass In the middle of FTR's midcard feud with Jurassic Express - the one that'd involve Marko Stunt being kidnapped - Dax Harwood and Jungle Boy crossed paths in an excellently technical match. The match received high praise that'd further put Jungle Boy over while also giving worthy praise for Harwood's wrestling ability.

Best - Jungle Boy gets some Baltimora While on the subject of Jungle Jack Perry, Tony Khan had decided that he had a library of songs he owned or could own and use as entrance themes for some of AEW's more earmarked talent. This would begin with Jungle Boy, who was given Baltimora's 'Tarzan Boy' per the suggestion of Joey Janela. Immediately Jungle Boy had something the fans could use to rally behind, a chantable song that embraced all that Jungle Boy's character was.

February 2021 Best - JD Drake makes an impression JD Drake does not look like AEW's typical wrestler, but that's the point. On his debut on Dark he surprised many with his great offense and agility, even able to pull off a moonsault. Quickly Drake was signed and becomes the odd one out but also the oft-ignored voice of common sense in the Wingmen faction of prettyboys. He's having a lot of fun with it too and has put on good matches, recently against Rocky Romero.

Worst - Women's Eliminator Tournament partly goes on Youtube The Women's Eliminator Tournament opened up the Women's Division in a big way, but COVID meant that not all of it could be filmed in Jacksonville. So like the Deadly Draw, the tournament had to spend some of its time on Youtube. Now I have no problem with Youtube being used, it's a wider medium that can be accessed at any time, but it did mimic the downsides of the Deadly Draw and alienate the TNT-only audience, especially since Dynamite rarely showed highlights of the tournament progress.

Best - Women's Eliminator Tournament exceeds expectations That is however, the only criticism with hindsight one can give the Eliminator Tournament. Because not only did it give us the return of Riho, Yuka Sakazaki, Ryo Mizunami, Emi Sakura and Aja Kong, but it also graced us with the talented debuts of Maki Itoh, VENY (aka Asuka, who also wore Hana Kimura's robe) and Mei Suruga. In addition Shida provided Japanese commentary for the Joshi matches sporting a strikingly beautiful white suit. The tournament did not have a bad match at all; with VENY vs Sakura, Suruga vs Sakazaki, Sakazaki vs Sakura (which had Sakura perform a fantastic entrance), Serena Deeb vs Riho, Leyla Hirsch vs Thunder Rosa, Riho vs Rosa, Baker vs Nyla, Conti vs Nyla and the finals were all great and unique matches. The non-tournament 6-woman joshi tag match was also excellent and so was the surprise winner of Ryo Mizunami and her title shot against Shida at Revolution.

Best - Moxley brings the IWGP US Championship Jon Moxley may've lost the AEW World Championship, he still had a title on hand he could use: the IWGP US Championship. While NJPW had intended to keep it mainly on NJPW Strong during COVID, New Japan also allowed Moxley to bring his title on rare occasions to AEW, later to the point where he could defend it. It was definite good business and the next thing is why it was such a big deal.

Best - THE FORBIDDEN DOOR OPENS! 'New Japan will not work with AEW' - that was what we were told in the early stages of AEW, but we held out hope. We got more hope when Harold Meij stepped down from NJPW but still the 'Forbidden Door' remained shut, all the way until Beach Break when a hooded figure came up to Jon Moxley, hit a GTS and revealed himself. KENTA, the holder of the IWGP US Championship Briefcase he won in the inaugural New Japan Cup USA tournament. The internet went wild, the forbidden door was open and there was no way fans will let it close again.

March 2021 Best - Sting debuts cinematically Team Taz's feud with Darby came to a head with a Tag Team Street Fight. It was Sting's first AEW match and fans were concerned on how many bumps he could take - memory of his 'career-ending' match with Rollins echoing in the mind. AEW though would not make that mistake, deciding to go cinematic to protect Sting and give him time to recover from any bumps caused - as well as win the match like one HHH refused to do - the match itself was fantastic with Team Taz and Darby fitting in a ton of extreme spots and Brian Cage just flexing all over the place.

Worst - Archer feuds(?) with Sting After said Street Fight though, Sting continued said momentum with: Interviews. Worse yet these interviews started being interrupted by Lance Archer, who wanted to take Sting's TV time from him. This amounted to nothing as well because after Sting put an endorsement on Archer, the Murderhawk Monster would decide not to fight for a spot and come in to save Sting and Darby from time to time. If we were gonna establish this alliance we could've done more with it, sadly AEW keep on following up Sting wrestling with a ton of Sting talking.

Best - The Pinnacle debut MJF's snaking in on the Inner Circle was paying off dividends, but after an unsuccessful challenge for the tag titles, the Inner Circle had announced a 'War Council' to discuss their future. It looked as though MJF was gonna completely oust out Jericho from his own group, but out came Sammy Guevara. Absent since leaving the group, Guevara had unraveled MJF, revealing that the Inner Circle was wise to MJF's plot all along: except they weren't. MJF had played 5 steps ahead of the Inner Circle, because he wasn't trying to steal his faction, he was setting up his own. FTR, Spears, Wardlow and MJF swarmed the Inner Circle for an epic debut which would be known as the Pinnacle.

Worst - Cody beats Penta despite a shoulder injury At this point fans were beginning to wonder how Cody Rhodes would write himself off of TV. His wife Brandi was halfway through pregnancy and the Rhodes had announced a Miz & Mrs-esque reality show too. So when Cody was kayfabing a shoulder injury and pitted against Penta El 0M, fans were hoping that this time Cody could not finagle his way into defeating a charismatic and popular member of the roster who could use the rub and has a history of kayfabe breaking arms, and yet he did. The feud set up ended up being a one-off that harmed Penta more than it did good, he had done the arm breaker but Cody just shrugged it off and won anyway. It was growing all too apparent that clean Cody losses will remain to be few and far between.

Best - Penta Says that Alex is a Great Hype Man There is one saving grace to the Penta/Cody mini feud though and it's that pseudo-Dark Order member, Spanish announcer and interviewer Alex Abrahantes had been paired with Penta as his translator/hype man. Sporting some Rollins-esque outfitting of gloves and jackets, Abrahantes added extra venom to his translations which of course gave Penta a lot more vibrance. Alex as well seems to be having a whale of a time doing so.

Worst - Team Taz Dissension starts, but will pause for 2 months In the aftermath of their Street Fight defeat, Cage had drawn the ire of his Team Taz comrades by showing Sting some respect. This led to some light tension between Cage and the rest of the team, especially Ricky Starks. While this could've worked towards a Cage face turn, the tension fizzled out, only reigniting recently.

Best - Jade, Velvet and Shaq impress at a Crossroads The special episode 'The Crossroads' had been set up to promote a mixed tag match which served as Jade Cargill and Shaq's AEW wrestling debut. Competing against Cody and Red Velvet, the match did put fan minds at ease by keeping Shaq's spots simple but classic, while Velvet and Cargill ran the show in the ring. Shaq took a table bump as well which was cool and the match started Jade's star-level momentum on a high.

Worst - Shaq just, disappears In the aftermath of the table spot Shaq was put on a stretcher and into an ambulance, but when we went backstage to get some comments from Shaq before being sent off we found that the ambulance was empty. A weird thing considering that in a few days Shaq would be back on TNT anyway like that had no continuity, it was a strange decision nonetheless.

Best - Exploding. Barbed Wire. Deathmatch! AEW and their penchant for gimmick matches is an interesting relationship, but the moment this match was announced it had garnered a lot of hype. I mean it's not every day you see an Exploding Barbed Wire Deathmatch, and Kenny and Mox had already tore into each other in Full Gear to the point where they legitimately broke state laws. The match was every bit as brutal as promised, homaging Onita many a time through Mox but also with the wired up baseball bat, 99% of the match was freaking awesome.

Worst - Fizzling. Barbed Wire. Deathmatch. Sadly, that 1% that wasn't would be the final visual of the PPV. Moxley is defeated and the whole ring is gonna blow, Kenny and co have scurried and Mox is handcuffed and KO'd in the middle of the ring. Disregarding the warnings of the Butcher, Blade and Bunny, Eddie Kingston rushes in to help his former friend, past enmity be damned, he cannot free Mox in time and in a narratively pivotal act of self-sacrifice drapes himself over Moxley to take the blow. And all we got was a fizzle, a few sparklers and fireworks would end the night unfulfilled, undoing all the good the match had delivered. It would be AEW's most unsatisfying moment caused by a botched ending that could never be undone.

Best - Mox and Kingston reunite to rule the promos Although they could not take back the botched finish, the storyline still allowed a new dynamic of Moxley and Kingston reuniting as chaotic street brothers eyeing up the Elite for a fight. One King of Promo would be enough but two was just fantastic, you could watch Kingston and Moxley bounce off of each other all day and still remain thoroughly entertained.

Worst - Kingston doesn't get a crack at Kenny It was however a shame that draping your body over your friend to protect him from an intended explosion was not enough to validate a feud between said person and the creator of the explosive device. Kingston looked all but set to try and avenge his friend by facing Kenny, but it would not turn out to be. The closest we got was a jump and a One Winged Angel, which is a shame because Kingston vs Kenny would've been fantastic - but alas, Mox and Kingston jumped over Kenny and just went for the tag teams instead.

Best - AEW support Cezar Bononi and his wife Cezar Bononi was doing fine as part of the Undercard faction of the Wingmen with Pretty Peter Avalon, Ryan Nemeth and JD Drake. Behind the curtain though Bononi's wife Camila was suffering from Leukemia and needed a Bone Marrow transplant, her sister was a match but she was in Brazil so they needed an emergency visa so to do the transplant on time. Thanks to the collective efforts of fans and the continued exposure AEW provided for Bononi, Camila's sister would make it in time and Camila herself got her transplant and seems to be doing well.

Worst - Big Money Matt loses his quarter, but it doesn't go anywhere In the conclusion of the chapter where Matt Hardy tried to leech his way into Hangman Page's profits, Hangman had defeated Hardy in a 'Big Money' match which meant that Page had won all of Hardy's money over the last quarter. This opened an avenue to see what Big Money Matt could be like with No Money, but it amounted to very little. In fact the worst we got from Matt was eating olives, a missed opportunity for sure, we could've even had Matt be hounded by loan sharks and debt collectors but alas, it didn't dent his money in the end, at the very least Hangman got his lawnmower.

Best - Elevation elevates Mizunami, Leyla and Limelight In March, AEW debuted a more canonized version of Dark called Elevation, which'd be used to show off a bit of the undercard and allow more opportunity to climb the rankings. In the first month of Elevation, we were graced with several good matches, usually including one of three Elevation Regulars. The Eliminator Tournament Winner Ryo Mizunami would go on a series of bouts with female talent such as Tesha Price and KiLynn King where she effortlessly fit into the role of AEW's women's division gatekeeper, meaning that whoever beat her would get a solid rub - and Abadon did. When Mizunami returned to Japan, one of the people she felled took over from her duties and that was Leyla Hirsch, Hirsch had teamed successfully with Mizunami a couple of times as well and has effectively used her spot to get some wins in. On the men's side, NJPW Strong regular Danny Limelight was given his namesake with some high profile matches including Jungle Boy, Frankie Kazarian and Dark Order's 10, not to mention Takeshita, Omega, Kingston and Moxley in later months, the Team Filthy member definitely taking the show's name to heart.

Best - Cassidy wonders where his mind is Not long after Jungle Boy had obtained Baltimora, plans had been made to give Orange Cassidy a new theme too. The pick was an inspired one with The Pixies' 'Where is My Mind?' - which many would be familiar with as the ending song to Fight Club - the song suited Cassidy really well, and after positive testing on Dark it was used for the next Dynamite to close off the night.

Best - Arcade Anarchy delivers in spite of a weak feud It should probably be a word of caution to not face the Best Friends in a gimmick match in AEW, because they hit a new gear whenever they do. The feud with Miro and Kip was poor, and fans were more than happy for it to end on the PPV when Miro got his win, but AEW insisted on one more match: Arcade Anarchy - agreed to by Kip. In spite of fears this match ruled: Trent's return with Sue was great, Kris Statlander's return was a huge surprise, it took all 3 Best Friends to keep Miro down and we finished the night with Where is My Mind playing us off. Despite the weak feud, AEW had finished strongly which made reheating Miro a lot easier.

Best - Tully Blanchard wrestles in 2021 The culmination of Jurassic Express vs FTR came in the Crossroads in a 6-Man tag match. Made extra bonkers because Tully Blanchard was FTR's third man in the match. They of course limited his spots and a Shawn Spears return would prove the difference, but it's an entertainingly ridiculous thing that Tully Blanchard both wrestled in 2021 and won: wrestling is just crazy.

Best - Final 4 of Casino Tag Royale put on a Show AEW have played around with the 'Casino' concept for a few stipulations; regular battle royale for men and women, ladder match, and then tag royale. This royale finished strongly though with the final 4; John Silver, Fénix, PAC and Jungle Boy. Four absolutely over stars brawling out in mini-matches that left fans salivating for more, after Silver and PAC were eliminated Fénix and JB put on an absolute treat of a finale, which ended with Fénix getting the win for Death Triangle to face the Bucks.

Best - Silver earns Sting's respect with a Dislocated Shoulder John Silver was voted by Dark Order to take Darby Allin's open challenge for the TNT title - offered because it was the anniversary of Brodie's debut. Silver vs Allin became a great match, made even more impressive since Silver dislocated his shoulder early in the match and kept going. While Silver couldn't bring the title home to the Dark Order, he got a show of respect from Sting - which in turn would lead to the Dark Order coming to Darby and Sting's aid at times.

Best - Maki Itoh breaks America Fans of TJPW or twitter's tdegifs were very familiar with the charismatic foul-mouthed hard-headed former idol Maki Itoh, and seeing her in the Women's Eliminator tournament paid dividends despite her first round elimination. Itoh's popularity skyrocketed, she had an It factor which pissed off Jim Cornette for extra adulation, and come Revolution's Buy-In, Maki Itoh had arrived in Jacksonville for one of the biggest pops of the night. Itoh proved charming and entertaining even though she was aligned with the heels, to the point where she even main evented the inaugural Elevation against Riho. Sadly Itoh would have to return to Japan and unsuccessfully challenge for Rika Tatsumi's TJPW Princess of Princess Championship (her tag partner/former longstanding rival/sauce boss/Pink Striker Miyu Yamashita would however win), have her twitter hacked and set up a new division of her faction 'Saitama Itoh Respect Army 2021' with Yuki Kamifuku and Marika Kobashi, but she had made her mark and then some, the world was a simp for Maki Itoh, and she allowed it because she needed the monies.

Best - Rosa/Baker break the ceiling Itoh vs Riho wasn't the only cross-promotional women's main event AEW gave us, because 2 days later on St. Patrick's Day Smash, Britt Baker and Thunder Rosa's unsanctioned match would deliver on one of the highest rated matches in modern women's wrestling. A bloody and fantastic affair instantly rose Baker and Rosa's stakes in a fitting end to their rivalry, but one that also didn't cost Baker any standing because it technically 'didn't count'. It remains to this day AEW's best match in the women's division.

April 2021 Best - Miro ditches Kip After months of hanging with Kip Sabian and Penelope Ford, Miro had become fed up with Superbad. The acceptance against his wishes to fight the Arcade Anarchy proved the last straw as Miro set his focus on capturing any and every title within his reach, with or without Kip. After a few weeks of not seeing Sabian, Miro attacked him, writing Sabian out of action with a legitimate wrist injury while Ford was dealing with an allergic reaction to her eyelashes, with Kip gone Miro could finally be who we were waiting for: at freaking last.

Worst - Interference finishes beget questions of Faction Bloat Although not as bad as WWE, many matches on AEW seemed to end one way or another with factions fighting one another, clean finish or not. This did of course grind on fans and cause questions to arise that perhaps there are too many factions in AEW, they have a point, though easily fixable without splitting any factions up.

Best - Bucks descend to heeldom Don Callis had been a thorn in the Bucks' side for a while, but his words had got in their head, they were indeed the most successful when they were cocky assholes. Although they did save Moxley from being swarmed one time, the six-man tag proved too much for them: they didn't want to see the feral Moxley take out their old and storied friend and so they chose Kenny over morality. No longer annoyed by Callis, the Bucks became absolute shiteating heels again, which benefits the climate of the tag division.

Best - Jade is elevated by being sought out While Jade Cargill would only sporadically appear for squashes, AEW have done well to slow burn her star power by having managers try to get her as a client. It's simple storytelling but effective, because people want Jade it means that Jade is desirable and that makes her more important as a talent.

Best - Baker DeManDs her title shot Because the Unsanctioned Match 'didn't count' Britt Baker had carried the acclaim of that match even in defeat. Baker had stopped dossing around too, legitimately rising up the ranks to the Number 1 spot like a looming shadow to have her crack at Shida's title. It could've been easy to give her a shot by virtue of her performance but AEW did it right - and gave Tay Conti her shot in the process - which made Baker much more valued in her title hunt.

Best - Cage upsets the Hangman At the Number 1 Spot, Hangman Page looked like he was on course to fight Kenny Omega, but when asked about this prospect Page dodged the subject entirely. The thought though would weigh on his mind in his match against Cage, where he was practically squashed in an upset fashion, it was a surprising plot twist and delays Page's clash with Kenny while also adds to Cage's reputation.

May 2021 Best - Varsity Blonds add some Hart The Varsity Blonds had done well considering that they started as being an undercard pair-up and grew into a talented young combo homaging Brian Pillman and Steve Austin's team of the Hollywood Blonds. But adding Nightmare Factory upstart Julia Hart just added the missing piece for the blonds, as a trio they look the part, and their rise feels earned as they put on a great showing against the Bucks.

Worst - QT loses to Cody after all that Cody's Ace Problem had transitioned to the point where QT Marshall was picked to turn on him next, collecting a small portion of the Nightmare Factory who felt that the students were secondary to Cody's ego. When it came to the exhibition Cody won by DQ, but got assaulted by the Factory, so when they had a proper match we had a choice: elevate this new faction or have their leader lose, guess which they chose? QT tapped out to the Figure Four and Cody prevailed.

Best - SCU put it on the line For several months, SCU had put a challenge on themselves that if they lost in tag competition (not singles or battle royales) they would split up. It had worked well because they were undefeated since, but being at the top of the rankings with a heel Young Bucks signalled the inevitable clash between the two teams. The question would be could the Bucks really end the team they welcomed to AEW on Day 1, their friends, the first World Tag Champions of their company, and the answer was yes. A bloodied affair of near falls and the Bucks hamming up any emotional bonds they once had led to a fantastic match that has put a tragic end to SCU.

Worst - SCU's embrace is cut short But immediately after that we cut to Mox and Eddie trashing their locker room. AEW would return to show SCU's final embrace but a 'previously on' is not as effective as seeing it when the wound is fresh, it was the end of a partnership that had spanned a decade, all the way back to Fortune, Bad Influence and then The Addiction, it deserved the time to linger.

Best - Blood and Guts! Last year it was planned that the Elite would face the Inner Circle in a WarGames-esque match called Blood and Guts. But COVID had prevented this, so we changed to Stadium Stampede. With the Inner Circle feuding with the newfly formed Pinnacle, AEW made the right call in bringing Blood and Guts back a year later to clash the two factions against one another. And it truly did live up to its names, a brutish match which cemented the Pinnacle as one of AEW's top factions.

Worst - Blood and Guts (nor Stadium Stampede II) doesn't finish the feud Big gimmick matches like these should be feud enders, but AEW wanted to put the two factions at odds again. With the threat of disbanding, the Inner Circle got a rematch for Double or Nothing for Stadium Stampede and while it wasn't bad fans did feel that the feud should've ended at Blood and Guts. In addition, Stadium Stampede wouldn't even finish their beef as they look to divide into 3 mini-feuds again.

Best - Miro crushes Darby Without Kip, Miro was a monster and he immediately went for gold. A perfect usurper for Darby Allin's TNT title reign, Miro destroyed the fearless and near-indestructible daredevil - who was protected from the squash because Ethan Page and Scorpio Sky had thrown him down some stairs last week - his look over to Sting as they both accepted that they were likely losing this match was a great moment between Miro's destructive force. And as TNT champion Miro is great, his thanking of God for various things are both charming and hilarious but he also manages to pair it with psychotic menace, long may the Best Man reign.

Worst - Cody's American Dream wins over Ogogo's valid points After submitting QT in his match, Cody's celebrations were cut off by Anthony Ogogo, the Olympic Bronze Medallist and former Boxer in QT's Factory, who KO'd Cody and covered him with the UK flag. A feud with Ogogo could've been the saving face moment for the Factory but instead Cody opted to zone in on the flag thing. Painting Ogogo as the 'Anti-American Foreign Heel' did not sit well for anyone who wasn't an uber-American 'Patriot' since the concept was heavily outdated, in addition Ogogo was making real valid points about why he disliked America: pointing out the gross flaws in the country's healthcare system and Cody would reply with how his pregnant wife and unborn daughter were black, choking up his words to garner sympathy. This all falls flat given how Ogogo is also black and never once implied that Cody was a racist. With the chance to put over the Factory with a charismatic young competitor, Cody instead decided to win without even using a finisher - because it was Memorial Day Weekend and America always wins, at this point the Factory remain pretty tainted now since Cody has beaten every member he's faced (and Dustin beat the other one). Saying things worked out on 'Focus Groups' didn't help Cody's defense as to why the feud went the way it did either, it was an outdated narrative with a result that all but screws over the Factory.

Best - The Forbidden Door opens again While none have risen the heights of KENTA's shocking arrival, the Forbidden Door did remain open for some more appearances from NJPW's personnel. Yuji Nagata made a big return to TNT to fight Moxley for the IWGP US Championship but also Ren Narita and Rocky Romero made appearances, the latter having a mini Roppongi Vice reunion with Trent. AEW had also extended the forbidden door to DDT with Konosuke Takeshita impressing on AEW's first house show and on Elevation, and recently a Joker Card appearance for Lio Rush.

Best - Shida gets recognized, and a revamped title After a year of holding the AEW Women's Championship Hikaru Shida had been the subject of criticism from neckbeards acting like she was the 'female Brock Lesnar'. Some were annoyed that Shida's title reign had lasted so long and were blind to the fact that this was clearly intended so Baker could win in front of a crowd. The Dynamite before Double or Nothing though AEW did right by recognizing Shida's work ethic and title reign and by presenting her with a new and larger Women's Championship. While people may complain that they could've unveiled this new title at the PPV I felt it was right to at least let Shida enter the PPV with this title considering how long she had held the Women's Division down. Some poor builds aside, Shida had carried the division with strong matches and worked behind the scenes as well for improving the division, as well as producing the Women's Eliminator Tournament. In this house we do not disrespect Hikaru Shida.

Best - Double or Nothing 2021 And we end on the crescendo, and what a crescendo. The full-time return of fans were graced with an excellently feel-good PPV - aside from Cody beating Ogogo - which had all the competitors perform at a high level. Starting hot, giving Jungle Boy a big unexpected win, Mark Henry debuting and topping it off with Stadium Stampede signed off a big and entertaining year for AEW and closing off with the returning crowd chanting Judas: masterful chef kiss level idea.

The aftermath of DoN while mentioned will probably not be touched on next year because damn were these posts long, but at the very least I did it for WWE and AEW as I said I would. Let's hope that both companies can rise to higher heights and avoid lower lows in the next year when we retread these ppvs again.