#or just continue getting worse healthwise every fucking month

[q-kanbas]

not to be a debbie downer but getting let go from what i banked on being a steady job with literally 0 warning the instant that shitass company decided art for their product was done and we were wrung dry of our immediate usefulness is making me legitimately consider just killing myself out of spite

[female-presenting-bacteriophage]

God jesus fuck okay I was gonna make this next post about the ER visit but something is making itself MUCH MORE PRESSING so we're gonna talk about this instead.

So, here's the thing: my poor wife had a UTI for a couple months that progressed into a kidney infection and it's a whole thing, she's not doin better healthwise than me. I, on the other hand, Probably Don't have a UTI as per my last urinalysis. Instead, I just have a really bitchy bladder and/or weak pelvic floor muscles. When I went to the ER they said it was bladder spasms, so let's go with that. Every so often my bladder decides it's going to scream and holler for me to void... and keep screaming... on and on... long after my wretched piss sack has nothing left to give. Usually, though, it does resolve within a couple hours.

Today, my body decides to spice things up a little. I have entered and exited the bath several times over the course of the day. As of now, I've been staying in for about 4 hours so far. The torment continues.

I actually started writing this post earlier on in the process, because it is an ongoing ride of discomfort and pain. Every minute or so, I feel intense physiological pressure to try to squeeze more out. The longer I try to avoid it, the more my bladder yells at me. My urinary tract stings ambiently and it gets worse 1) when I am in the act of pissing and 2) when I am in the act of consciously trying not to piss. Basically, I've been reduced to revolving around a single bodily function until this hell subsides.

Hence why I have taken to Tumblr dot wumblr with my plight. Because I have nothing better to do but scroll aimlessly on my phone and scream into the void until I am at last permitted to stumble back to bed... my old friend whose face I've now forgotten. My whole life is flashing and fading before me...

Yeah ok I'm being melodramatic but I'm so fed up. At least if my body were doing something stupid in self-service, I could respect it a little. Nothing is helped even a little bit by it trying to push out urine I don't even have, though. Please stop, you fuckmuppet of a meatsuit.

- jVVG