#or is this person calling me trash? which is an exceptional commentary on an addictive habit so i have to assume that’s not the case

[m00sebaby]

Fucking morning starting vaping in the first place. It’s not like we haven’t known for decades what nicotine does. Fucking TRASH!

go off, my friend

[drethanramslay]

High

Pairing: M! Sam Dalton x MC( Malaika Agarwal)

Word count: 4.7 K words

Masterlist

WARNING: DIRTY TALK, SMUT AND NS*W!! IF YOU CLICK ON THE READ MORE TAG,THEN YOU ARE CONSENTING THAT YOU ARE 18+ AND ARE CAN VIEW SUCH WORKS 

Permanent Tag list: @trappedinfandoms​ @oofchoices​ @agent-breakdance​ @dailydoseofchoices​ @colossalpainintheass​ @siaramsey​ @theeccentricbibliophile​ @ac27dj​ @ramseysno1rookie​ @justanotherrookie​ @openheart12​ @jamespotterthefirst​ @checkurwindow​ @chasingrobbie​  @junggoku​

Sam x MC Taglist: @lulaortega @hatescapsicum @theodorepjames4 @noboundariesplease @datynasuha @sanchita012 @choices-addict @the-trash-bandito @peregrinaflor @drakewalkerfantasy @itsmechoicesfanaf @crazynutella @rookiemarsswiftie @magicalshepherdtreeprofessor @ethandaddyramsey @mvalentine @the-pale-goddess @pixelberryownsme @lucy-268 @ohramsey @fleur-de-jasmin-fdj​ @edgiestwinter​

Songs: I see red by Everybody Loves an Outlaw and High by Dua Lipa and Whethan

forgive me if there are any mistakes

Coming to the engagement party was a bad idea.

Malaika knew from the very beginning that working for one of the hottest and most elligible CEO would have been a disaster. She knew that kissing him against the kitchen counter of his own home would have been catastrophic. His deft fingers running and teasing against the heat of her pussy in the backseat of the limo was problematic.

Don't even get her started on the blunder that happened on the dancefloor. She still remembered the way they were close to each other in borderline obscene ways.

But lately, these series of bad decisions have been one of the happiest moments of her life.

Yes you can call me boo boo the fool. Malaika thought to herself as she emptied the contents of another glass of champagne, to drown her misery and boredom.

The soft waltz music died down and she heard the feedback from the mic. She looked up and saw barbie doll standing there with her perfect nails and her perfect life.

"Thanks for coming to our fabulous party. This night is a dream come true for us. Sam is a dream come true for me." She raised her flute towards Sam's direction and fluttered her eyelashes.

Malaika scoffed. Is she for real? Did her fake eyelash poke her eyeballs that she if fluttering them like that?

Malaika was never one to be a bitch, hell she wouldn't even hurt a fly unintentionally, but the sexual frustration, her own feelings and the smooth champagne is not a good combination.

"This is so boring." Robin piqued as he took a sip of his whiskey.

"Ugh... Hard same. Is she always like this?"

"Yep. This is very serious business for Sofia. I heard that she even hired a ghost writer for the toast."

"Wow. That's pathetic. I mean how hard is it to write a toast for the person you 'love'?" Malaika asked, making air quotes with her free hand on the word love.

Especially when that person is Sam Dalton.

"It's only easy if you remotely like the person."

Sophia continued her monologue. " Same and I have been dating for only..." She proceeded to check her notes.

"Are you kidding me? Who the hell forgets when you start dating?"

"I know right? She even has her 'I love you' written down too. Imagine what we could've tricked her into saying if we'd swapped out her cards." Robin said with a mischievous glint in his eye.

Malaika giggled. "I can definitely see that happening."

As Sofia continued to drone on about how much she loved him and yada yada, Robin provided her with whispered commentary which had her laughing so hard that tears streamed down her face.

Thank god for waterproof mascara.

They continued bullshiting each other when from the corner of her eye, she saw Sam step up near Sofia and kiss her cheek before proceeding to give his speech.

"Thank you Sofia and thank you to all of you for coming here to join us in celebrating our love."

Robin turned around to see him and scoffed, not even lowering his voice. "More like an arrangement."

Malaika's eyes widened. "Shhh Robin. I am not getting into trouble because of you."

"But you wouldn't mind getting in trouble for other reasons?" He asked cheekily.

A smirk danced on her lips. "Maybe..?"

Sam continued his speech, tears glinting in his eyes. "As you all know, I lost my first wife about five years ago... and for a long time, didn't think I would ever meet someone else who made me feel the way she did."

His eyes locked with hers and Malaika's breath hitched in her throat.

"But now I feel like I have a second chance at happiness again. I finally met someone who gets me. Someone I can't stop thinking about. Someone who lights up the whole room with her passion."

Sam... Are you even talking about Sofia at this point?

Malaika was frustrated by the 'hot and cold' behaviour Sam showed. One moment he is all over her saying things like 'I want to taste you' and then the next moment say that 'we can't'.

Malaika understood where he was coming from. She understood that this game they were playing was forbidden and dangerous but Malaika was never one to shy away from the adrenaline rush.

And on top of it, he is so possesive about me that he goes wild like a rogue buffalo when he sees me with another guy. Malaika snorted rolling her eyes.

"Awww I love you too boo-bear." Sofia squealed as she hugged him. Sam picked her up and twirled her around not letting go of her.

"Passion is not a word I would use for Sofia." Robin mused turning back to look at Malaika.

"...right." A frown tugged on her lips and and the longer she stared at her arms around Sam, the dizzier she felt.

If he thinks I am some weak bitch who will just sit on the sidelines and cry, then he is wrong.

She turned to Robin, who starts to make another snide remark but stopped short when he saw the determined look on her face.

A small smirk made its way on to his lips. "What? Finally want to join in on the fun? 'Cause you know I am down for anything."

The adrenaline, anger and alcohol surged through her as she came up with a plan.

Was it stupid? Yes.

Was that going to stop her? Nope.

As Sam continued his toast, Malaika turned her full attention to Robin. She placed her hand on Robin's chest and his eyes widened.

"What would you say to upping the ante on your little game with Sam? See how far we can really push him? All in good fun of course."

Robin gave her a thoughtful side-eye while poking his tongue against the inside of his lip. Finally, he chuckled.

"Consequences be damned. Let's do it."

In a fluid motion, he wrapped his hand around her waist and she leaned into him, which did not go unnoticed by Sam.

"As I was saying, Sofia is an incredible woman..."

Robin gave a grin. "Forget Sofia, you're the easiest woman to pretend-flirt with I've ever met."

"Back at ya, my partner-in-crime."

"I am hurt. I thought we could be partners and mor-"

"Shhh Robin, we are on a mission." She lightly slapped his chest.

Robin rolled his eyes. "And pray tell me what is the name of the mission?"

Without thinking Malaika blurted out. "Salty Sam."

Both of them snickered and Malaika punched him playfully. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Sam struggling to get a visual on what was happening between the two.

Sam continued his speech. "But, uh, what I like most about Sofia is... ugh, move, you big oaf."

"What?!" Sofia's smile melted into a scowl.

"Whoops." Robin said with zero guilt.

Realisation dawned on Sam, as he struggled to fix the mess he made. "I said... 'you're smooth as merlot'? Because you've always had such sophisticated taste in everything...? Except men, I suppose."

The crowd chuckled at the joke and Robin shakes his head. "Always manages to stick the landing."

"Let's take it up a notch, shall we?" Malaika asked with a wicked grin.

"I like the sound of that. Didn't know you were so bad."

Malaika opened her mouth to reply when Sam tapped on the mic and sent a death glare Robin's way which sent a shiver down her spine.

"A-hem. I know some of you are busy smooth-talking your 'flavor of the week', but all eyes need to be up here, thanks."

Malaika's eyes narrowed. How fucking dare he, that entitled jackass?

Robin raised a hand in apology as he shifted to face the couple again, but his lips found her ear.

"Uh-oh we are making the boss mad."

"Oops we did it again." Malaika chuckled under her breath.

"But do you know what will make Sam go completely berserk with jealousy?"

"Enlighten me, O' wise one."

"If he saw us leave together."

"Damn Robin... You really went for the throat, huh?"

"That's how we prey Malaika."

"As much as that fulfills your wet dreams, I actually have thought out what we need to do." Malaika reached and smoothly snatched the glass out of Robin's hand.

"Hey! Give it back." Robin reached for it again and he was dangerously close, his cologne surrounding her. Her eyes darted and met furious hazel ones, staring back at her. Sam's speech was long forgotten and his eyes were solely focused on her... And Robin.

That might teach you not to fuck around with me.

"Now for the winning stroke... Kiss me."

Robin's eyes widened and his jaw was on the ground. "Seriously? Now?" He whispered back.

"Don't you want to?"

"Hell yeah." With that he pulled her body flush against his and crashed his lips to hers. Malaika grabbed his shoulders to steady herself.

Damn... Robin is a good kisser. Malaika thoughts as he deepened the kiss.

They pulled back and Malaika expected Sam to be on the verge of an exploding, ready to bark at them for the unsolicited PDA, but he wasn't.

He just smirked and the glint in his brown orbs making her wary. He reached for Sofia and pulled her into a passionate kiss, his eyes not leaving Malaika's shocked ones.

Oh...

Robin was calling her name but it sounded far away, as if her head was dunked in a bucket of cold water, the reality chilling into her bones.

She should look away or close her eyes to stop the pain, but she just could not. He could see the pink of his tongue entering Sofia's mouth and she saw red.

"I think I had enough excitement for the night." She mumbled as she got out of Robin's embrace and reached for her champagne flute, and raised it towards Sam's direction, an indication that he won.

Congratulations asshole, you stomped all over the remains of my dignity and heart.

She set the glass down and headed towards the bathroom so that she could have a breakdown in peace.

"Hey you okay?" Robin asked, catching her by the elbow. Malaika managed to out on a smile and patted his hands. "Just peachy. I will just go and get fresh." She turned on her heels and walked.

But even as she walked away, she could feel a pair of eyes staring at her leaving form.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She found the restroom like a oasis in the desert. It was completely empty and she finally was alone after hours of torture.

"It's okay.... You are going to be fine... Breathe in, breathe out." Her manicured nails were clutching the counter, trying to recentre herself. She looked up to see her reflection staring back at herself.

She was greatful for her russet brown skin for it could hide the bags underneath her eyes. Her onyx brown eyes looked tired due to the juggling between her work and her feelings. The only thing which had survived the entire ordeal was her dark hair with light brown undertones.

Under the soft lights of the restroom, her short baby blue dress popped against the deep bronze of her skin.

My life maybe falling apart but at least I look hot.

In midst of her washing her hands she saw Sofia strut in and stand in front of the basin beside her.

There are literally six other basins she could stand and do her gaudy makeup but no. Ever learnt of personal space lady? Malaika rolled her eyes as she continued washing her hands.

The quicker I finish, the faster I can yeet myself out of her highness' presence. Malaika chanted in her head as she reached for the tissue paper.

"He isn't going to love you."

Huh?

Malaika turned towards Sofia, with an incredulous expression in her face.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"I think you are reading too much into this."

"Please. You don't become the most successful heiress to a Multi-Million dollar Company by being an airhead." Sofia said as she reached for her face powder.

"I think the spotlight under which you stand has blinded you." Malaika said as she reached for her lipstick, coating a nice layer of Burgundy on her lips.

Sofia stopped what she was doing and turned towards her, a patronizing smile on her face. "Aw, aren't you cute. You think I didn't see that little game you had going on?"

"I was with Robin, what the hell are you talking about?" Malaika clenched her hand around the lipstick, annoyed by the fact that this bitch could see through her intentions. She maybe fuming on the inside but she had the perfect poker face on the outside.

"Oh naive Malaika. You both were so obvious that even the paparazzi noticed it. But, if you want to be a petulant child and continue living in the state of denial, then okay."

Malaika clenched her jaw. I am so close to yanking of her hair extensions. 

Sofia capped her lipstick and placed it in her clutch. She turned towards Malaika. "See, I don't give a damn about what's going on between you and Sam. But, I have known Sam for a long time and I have known that you are nothing but a momentary infatuation."

Sofia placed her left hand on her waist and the diamond ring glittered an underlying threat.

"Bask in the attention all you want, I am not saying no. But at the end of the day he is marrying me and it's my bed he going to be sleeping in."

Sofia walked up to Malaika and stared her down. Malaika matched the intensity of her stare, her height giving her the advantage of matching the intimidating glare.

"I usually get what I want, be it the good way or the crook's way. Nothing will ever stop me from getting what I want. So go, do your job of a nanny because that's all you will ever be. Ciao!"

Sofia turned on her heels and she walked out of the bathroom, leaving Malaika pissed to another level.

That bitch...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Wow... Pardon my language but that bitch!" Robin exclaimed as they stood near the window, in the hallway talking.

"That's exactly what I said!! See, I fucking topped in biochemistry in NYU. I'm financially independent- I mean as independent as I can be. I already have job offer but it starts after six months and that too, in LA. So that's why I took up this job of a nanny so that I could save up enough money to move, pay off my student loans and have time to work on my thesis."

Robin put his hand on Malaika's shoulder. "I know it's hard M. Hell, I am called Sam's assistant when I am literally the Chief operating officer."

"Fuck the rich. Fuck capitalism. I hate this. I’m sorry for being such a Debbie downer," Malaika grumbled as she crossed her arms and stared at her feet.

"No its okay... I understand. If you need to talk, I'm here okay?"

"What would I do without my partner-in-crime?"

"Probably die of boredom?" They both chuckled. Robin put an arm around Malaika and squeezed her into a side hug. Malaika returned the gesture and laid her head on his shoulder as they stared out of the 40th floor.

"Things will get better M."

"You don't know that." Pessimism ringing clear in her voice.

"But I know you and I know that you are hell of a fighter... And that's why I know you'd be great in bed."

Malaika groaned and pushed him. "Dude, read the room."

Robin laughed and something caught his eye, causing the laughter to die down. "Malaika, Sam is here."

"A'ight, that's my cue to leave. Once again, thank you Robin." Malaika started fast walking down the hallway. There was a deserted service elevator which she could use to get away undetected.

"Malaika!" Sam called out.

Fuck my luck. Malaika cursed as she stopped in her tracks.

"Back off Sam." Robin spoke up stepping in his way.

"Robin, can you kindly fuck off. You are the last person I want to talk to after the stunt you pulled. What the hell were you doing with Malaika?"

"Why does it matter to you?!"

"She is not one of your dates. I won't let you take advantage of her just because she is vulnerable."

Is he on crack?

"Who said he is taking advantage of me?" Malaika angrily spoke up, her eyes blazing with anger.

That seem to motivate Robin because he stood up taller and spoke back. "Yeah, calm down, Mr Big Shot. I'm cleaning up your mess."

Shock coloured his face which infuriated her further. "What is that supposed to mean?"

The sheer audacity to pull the Pikachu face...

"Sam I- I just can't with you. Robin, good bye! I had a lovely time." She threw a smile Robin's way and he waved back at her.

"Malaika, wait up!"

This time she rushed into the open lift and pressed the close button multiple times before it started closing. Sam was still pretty far away so she let out a sigh of relief.

Thank fuc-

The door opened and Sam entered.

Malaika dragged a hand down her face, groaning internally. She was already in a bad mood and she didn't have the bandwidth to deal with mixed signals at the moment.

The next time I meet like luck character, she and I are going to have a nice chat.

"Malaika." Sam said, his eyes focused on her.

"That's my name."

Sam clenched his jaw in annoyance, and Malaika crossed her arms stubbornly. She looked the other way but from the corner of her eye, she saw how the lights of the lift casted shadows on his face, making him look sharp and angular, as if he was cut from granite.

"See Malaika I just wanted to know if you are okay."

"I am in the utmost state of bliss." The words sarcastically dripped of her lips and Sam's eyes narrowed.

"Oh. So is this how we are going to go about this?"

"What's there to go about? I am fucking done and I need to sleep."

"Fine." Sam tuned around and pressed the emergency stop button on the lift and it smoothly came to a stop.

Malaika gripped on to the railing out of surprised and threw a dirty look towards Sam.

"We are not leaving until we talk." Sam said as he stood opposite her. The lift was four feet wide, and the fact that they were in a metal cage, all alone was really distracting Malaika.

"You want to talk? Fine. Let's talk about how I don't need you to protect me. It's a party, and I'm a young, single woman. I could be up to anything or fucking anyone, and it wouldn't be any of your business!"

"I know that but-" Sam said in a perplexed voice.

"Do you though? You hired me to be your nanny, not a girlfriend. That's Sofia's job."

Sam winced. "I..I know that too."

Malaika stepped forward and poked a finger into his chest. "One minute, you pull me onto the dance floor, then the next, I'm watching your engagement speech!"

Sam stood to his towering height, glaring down at her. "And I can't stop thinking about that dance or about the way you were grinding that ass on my dick. Do you know how long it took me to cool down?"

If it were any other day, Malaika’s brain would have short-circuited with the words he spoke, but not today. Today she was pissed, hurt and ready to beat the hell out of someone.

She grew up in fucking Brooklyn, she isn't some weak bitch you can trample on.

Another jab.

"Here is your big fucking chance to talk so go ahead and let me have it! Tell me how ‘sorry’ you are or how ‘wrong’ this is."

"Don't provoke me, Malaika." Sam spoke through clenched teeth.

She didn't care. Another step closer, another jab to the chest.

"Why did you really want me here tonight? Did you want me to be here and see her all over you? To see you playing tonsil hockey game with her? Sorry sir, but that is not covered in my pay-check."

She raised her finger to jab him again but this time Sam grabbed her finger tightly.

Wonder how would that feel aro-

Not the time brain. Malaika chided her inner thot.

"No of course not! I just- I just wanted you to stay. For once in my life, I wasn't thinking ahead."

The alcohol and the day's frustration had caught up to her and she didn't care if she sounded snarky and rude. He already deals with Sofia’s jabs, so how could I be any worse? "Wow, what an earth shattering revelation. Yeah well, let me make it easy for you and quit."

"Don't fucking do that." Sam rushed.

Malaika sighed, leaning her head in his broad strong shoulders. She looked up and spoke. "Face the facts. It'd be a lot easier for both of us if we don't have to see each other every day."

"I'm trying Malaika..." He said as his touch ran down her arms, changing from hard restraint to a gentle caress, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

Even though I am angry, how does this man manage to get butterflies in my stomach.

"Every day, I'm fighting not to let myself get carried away. I'm fighting not to touch you. I'm fighting not to do this..." He buried his head into her neck and placed a hot, wet kiss at her jugular, knowing that it's the one spot that drives her absolutely mad.

"...or do this..." His hands slid from her waist to her ass, groping them. A gasp left her lips and her eyes fluttered shut, feeling the sensation of his lips kissing the crook of her neck, his hands wandering and sqeezing and his growing erection against her stomach.

"...and I definitely missed doing this." He pulled her hair, forcing her to look at him as he crashed his lips against hers, an avalanche of desire unleashed.

Malaika returned the kiss with equal fervour. She reached to loop her hands around his neck to pull him so close that she was literally painted on him.

But that wasn't enough for Sam.

He pushed her against the wall, his broad and sculpted body completely covering her frame. His hands unhooked her dainty ones and pushed them against the wall, locking them in place.

"I want to fuck you until I can feel that sweet little pussy clenching around my cock." He whispered in her ear, before catching her earlobe in his teeth and tugging.

Malaika let out a moan her stomach involuntarily clenched, desire lighting up each inch of her body, as if a matchstick was thrown into a pool of gasoline.

"Keep making those noises. Can't wait to make you scream my name until your throat is sore." Sam spoke in a husky voice, his hand letting her go and reaching for the zip on the back of her dress.

Malaika reached to help him but he just pushed her hand away. "Just relax and let me do what I'm good at." Sam started kneeling down, and that sent her imagination into overdrive.

"And what would that be?" Malaika asked, her eyes wanton as he unclasped her bra, showing off her plump breasts.

Sam then proceeded to remove her soaked panties, and holding them near his nose to inhale her scent before snapping his dark eyes towards her.

"To devour you. To worship you. To make you come hard."

Malaika clenched her thighs and Sam stood up, smirking at the effect his dirty talk had on her. He stood back up, his hand running along her smooth calf, thighs and stopped to rest on her hipbone, gently massaging it.

His other hand cupped her face, his thumb running along the cushion of her bottom lip. "Is that what you want, baby girl?"

Malaika was an outgoing woman and rarely found herself tongue tied but here she was, at a complete loss of words.

Oh god...

So instead of saying, she showed. Her hand reached for his erection, and palmed him through his trousers. Sam's eyes darkened and he descended on her mouth with such passion which had her breathless.

And as if that wasn't enough, his fingers found their way to her pussy, which was throbbing with a heartbeat of it own.

It was a fight for dominance. A fight to see who could get the other to bend at their will. Malaika's hand flew through the buttons of his tacky suit, exposing his strong, broad chest with sparse chest hair. Sam hooked her leg against his hip so that he could get better access to her, his hands running along the smooth supple skin.

Malaika's head rolled and rested on the cool surface of the elevator, lost in the pleasure of his fingers rubbing her clit. She was so wet and she knew that his hands would be dripping with her arousal.

Two digits entered her and her back arched against the wall, her breasts making contact with his naked chest.

"Do you feel it Malaika? Do you feel how wet you are for me? Do you know how sexy you look right now?" He spoke lowly, his voice husky with desire.

"Yes sir." Malaika choked out as his thumb brushed the hood of her sensitive clit.

"I'm... Gonna come." She panted out which was a mistake because he withdrew his fingers.

"Asshole." She sweated.

"And what about it? You wanted to quit didn't you? I did it-" Sam was interrupted by Malaika grabbing his ugly floral tie and pulling him towards her.

"With all due respect, fuck me, hard. Don't hold back one bit otherwise I swear to god, I won't let you come."

"Turn around, baby girl." She obeyed, almost giddy that she was finally gonna be dicked down.

He grabbed her wrists which made her yelp. He took his tie and tied it around them, securing them in their place. It was just perfect, not too tight nor too loose.

Sam moved her hair to one side placed hot fiery kissed on her neck, lapping up the moisture accumulated. "Look at you... What a delectable sight. You will forget your fucking name after I'm done with you."

"I'm holding you to it sir."

"The more you use sir, the more it feels like an insult." Sam said, his erection digging into her backside

"You do you sir."

Spreading her legs, she heard Sam's belt unbuckling, which made her excited and increase her yearning to feel him. The moment Sam saw her twitching, he slapped her ass which caused her to let out a breathless moan. He massage the spot where he spanked her leading her to get impatient.

What’s the fucking hold up?

"Stop fucking standing there with your junk in your hand you- holllyy shitt." She was interrupted as she felt Sam's dick rub against her walls, coating them with her arousal.

Grabbing her waist tightly, he entered and Sam rumbled in approval, enjoying the way her walls clenched and unclenched around him.

"You feels so good Malaika. Almost heavenly."

Malaika pressed her forehead against the cool surface and let out a moan, a flux of pain and pleasure cursing through her veins.

"Oh lord..." She moaned.

He moved slowly initially, so that she could get used to his size. But once Malaika started get fidgety and begged him to fuck him harder, it awoke something in him. Something primal and something which motivated him to snap his hips and pummel into her.

In. Out. In. out. A steady punishing rhythm was set which had Malaika crying, from ecstasy. Sam's hand reached to grab her breast and roll her nipple, making them erect and heavy with need. His other hand reached to rub her which had her screaming due to the override of stimulation.

"Please don't stop... pounding my pussy... please." Malaika begged, feeling her climax coming closer and closer as she soared above.

Sam grunted, his lower spine tingling and his abs clenching, his need to release fueling his motions further. His thrusts became shorter and faster, which was just enough to push them over the edge.

Malaika screamed, failing to be quiet while Sam moaned out loud, and sunk his teeth into her shoulder to muffle it. The bliss lasted for what seemed like eternity, both of them clutching on to each other as they slowly floated down from cloud nine. Malaika was leaning against the wall of the elevator, her legs feeling like jelly.

Sam unbound her hands and pulled put of her, causing her to wince at the sudden emptiness. He turned her towards him, hugging her in his muscular arms. He ran his fingers through her head as Malaika sought solace in his embrace, her breath becoming normal after a while.

Sam kissed her forehead. "We will try, Malaika."

"Yeah... I am not giving up on you Sam."

"Thank you for having faith in me baby girl. Its a mess but, I am not giving up on you either.” Malaika smiled, feeling some sort of peace in a very long time.

okay so um yeah... here is your flask of holy water

this would have to be the filthiest thing I have ever written sike

I hope you liked it heheheh

like, comment, reblog and let me know what you think <3

[shenmeizhuang-blog]

legend of the dragon pearl: the indistinguishable road – midway musings

(This is a 90-episode drama, so at this point, I’m really up to Ep 45. Exactly, right smack in the middle of this show.)

Yes, that’s right – in order to retain the greatest accuracy and objectivity, I resisted temptation with three released episodes left unwatched – all for the sake of this post and you, the readers.

JUST KIDDING! It turns out that in the case of Longzhu (the pinyin of this show’s [shortened] native name, as the full title, 龙珠传奇之无间道, is a bit too cumbersome), wherever I stop to provide “commentary” really doesn’t matter. In fact, in trying (admittedly not very hard) to write this post, it became apparent that the best meta viewers can create for this is either live-blogging or the snarkiest recaps ever. Because let’s be real – there’s really nothing to analyze or synthesize at all (yet? Eh, I highly doubt so.)

So, of course, I’m doing neither. Let’s start from the basics. From what I’ve gathered, the “plot” is something like this (maybe?):

SYNOPSIS: Lots of weird mix-ups happen, resulting in a Ming Dynasty princess with a terminal illness (supposedly curable by the emperor’s tears) with no idea of her real identity and betrothed to a fake Crown Prince entering the Forbidden City to help this secret organization overthrow the Qing Dynasty. Naturally, she and the young Emperor Kangxi fall in love, but, 45 episodes into the show, apparently not yet, because everyone is stuck dealing with corrupt officials both in the palace and in the countryside.

Comments and comparisons on the web have revealed this as essentially really this weird mash-up of Princess Huai Yu (identity and love-line with Kangxi), Mischievous Princess (fallen princess + wild personality & young emperor + attempting to overthrow the new dynasty), and The Duke of Mountain Deer or The Deer and the Cauldron (anti-Qing organization, (b)romance with Kangxi, finding some key treasure, helping Kangxi defeat Oboi). But since I’m a relatively newer drama watcher who hasn’t seen these shows at all, I’ll give the scriptwriter the benefit of the doubt and accredit these plot points and bits of humor to the writer herself (spoilers and lots of roasting below the cut):

To be brutally straightforward: Longzhu is really a visceral mess. If I really bothered to pick out all the show’s flaws and plot holes, I would have more than enough material to write my own 90-episode drama. But from basic things from the questionable costuming (see: our protagonist Li Yihuan’s fugly “prostitute” outfit, the concubines’ hairstyles, or really overall a clear low budget) and shaky execution to ridiculous mistakes such as thinking Oboi’s (鳌���) last name is “鳌” or “O” (lmao…), even when he’s clearly part of a prominent Manchurian clan under the Eight Banners (I’m especially sensitive about historical accuracy when it comes to the Qing Dynasty), or just the very many plot holes riddled everywhere, I must say I’ve dropped better shows.

(There’s also the matter of watching The Firmament of the Pleiades alongside this, which definitely highlights a lot more flaws than usual. For one, both shows deal with a young emperor trying to assume full power, but the way either show deals with such really speaks measures of the genre differences.)

Another thing that’s been nagging me for the longest time is: why go with this plan – training these kids lots of weird stuff like espionage – at all, instead of mobilizing the masses? Why endanger important people like the Crown Prince in this “dangerpous plan”? If Zhu Cixuan is so smart, why would he so easily display his amazing medicinal abilities, rather than display himself as “good enough to become an imperial doctor, but not the best” to avoid suspicion? Why hasn’t there been suspicion?

So what’s the saving grace? Throughout the sometimes decently interesting “missions” our leads, or the recruits of the secret anti-Qing organization 明珠谷, accept, there are indeed moments of hilarity.

There’s no denying it; it’s a nice show to get a good laugh out of, be it from sheer stupidity or mostly Yihuan’s quirky and adorable persona.

The plot goes by both quickly and frankly nowhere, making each episode easy to breeze past without much thought; given the amount that I fast-forward through, I tend to watch it 5 or 6 episodes at a time. Frankly, the show should be grateful that my Chinese is decent enough/the language is simple enough that I can watch this at 1.5x and 2x speed, because otherwise I’d definitely be dropping this. I think. I guess the producers and promoters really didn’t have high expectations for this, either – they’re actually dropping 12 episodes at once for Premium Youku and Tencent Video users every Sunday, which I find a strange format.

Even so, I’m still not quite sure how this is supposed to be 90 episodes. Although, since Princess Huai Yu was apparently 105 episodes long, maybe, just maybe, it’ll all work out.

Yet already Longzhu is showing signs of some dragginess – I guess out of ideas after the whole initial set-up and Oboi arc, the writer decided to pull a In The Name of the People and have our characters leave the palace in disguise and deal with corrupt officials in the countryside … for the freaking past 20 episodes, and judging from the YouTube thumbnails, it’s not going for a while. (I know the show is trying to depict Kangxi as this super awesome emperor who really cares for the well-being of the common people, and does crazy things like copy Buddhist scriptures with his own blood to end a drought, and honestly this was never going to be a good palace drama, so it’s not too bad, I guess.)

Of course, throughout all this, we have this complex love heptagon thing with multiple “enemies-to-lovers” relationships, as typical when dealing with people from two different dynasties. There’s been lots of tension and character interactions presented throughout the stupid plot, but weirdly it feels that everyone is pretty much still at square one, with honestly little meaningful development. (When was this show ever about meaningful development?)

(Oh wait, I think I was supposed to talk about this show’s strengths and ended up roasting it again.)

Easily the best thing about Longzhu is the cast’s solid acting and wonderful chemistry – given the mostly flatly written characters, actors for the corrupt officials such as Oboi, Liu Dezhao, and Qiu Gui have managed to give memorable, even adorable, performances. Even very minor roles, such as the suffering peasants, are portrayed with admirable nuance, despite some of their really stupidly made-up names.

Of course, I am largely fond of the leads. From real-life couple Yang Zi (portraying protagonist Li Yihuan) and Qin Jun Jie (Emperor Kangxi)’s sizzling chemistry, as well as Qin Jun Jie’s hilarious and intense expressions, to **Mao Zi Jun **(fake Crown Prince Zhu Cixuan)’s charisma (is that him looking ridiculously hot in the Qing hairstyle? I think I under-appreciated his beautiful face in The Glory of Tang Dynasty, but here I’m half-drooling) and Shu Chang’s phenomenal acting in differentiating (probably long-lost twins) Shu Wanxin and Xue Qincheng, this drama easily fits into the “great cast and acting but trash plot” category. (Also kudos to He Zhonghua for masterfully portraying long-lost twins Li Dingguo and Li De Fu (Eunuch Li), characters who frankly couldn’t be more different.)

(And, yeah, Allen Ren cameos in this…for like ten minutes…)

Combined with my fondness for the actors, the characterization is overall likable (Kangxi might be a bit too pushy and clearly doesn’t really get boundaries – typical of royalty – but I like how he’s motivated, though at times (like most characters in this show) prone to bouts of stupidity), with characters from both the Qing and anti-Qing largely rootable. I also adore certain side characters such as 索额图 and his nephew, so I actually haven’t resorted to looking for an OTP cut.

However, as likable as Yihuan is – I like the whole “jack of all trades, master of none” idea – I can’t help but complain about how Yang Zi seems to almost always be typecast into these sort of roles. Lu Xueqi in Noble Aspirations (Chusen) the notable exception, it seems that most of her roles – even Xiang Xiang from the critically acclaimed Battle of Changsha – are largely “quirky, immature, and adorable foodie with exaggerated expressions”. No one is involved in this production is particularly concerned by this, either – the official promotions actually call Yihuan the “ancient version of Qiu Yingying” (Yang Zi’s character in Ode To Joy).

Another problem is: given that the main appeal is Qin Jun Jie and Yang Zi’s relationship and strong chemistry, the show should know to service us with OTP moments, but apparently they’d rather show the characters dealing with corruption and a revenge plot-line that, frankly speaking, no cares about.

Then when I consider dropping this, they serve up fanservice of all kinds on a platter. The experience is something like:

Me: cringes at the off-putting execution

Longzhu: Look! An Allen Ren***** cameo!

Me: Yeah, I’m not relating with this who anti-Qing revenge plan. Maybe it would be better if I skipped these parts

Longzhu: But look at how likable these leads are!

Me: Okay, this is getting draggy

Longzhu: Hey, it’s a flashback featuring 李嗣兴 (re: RJL cameo)!

Me: They’ve been at this stupid corruption arc for so long; maybe I should drop this

Longzhu: K even though the OTP won’t be mutually admitting of their feelings for a while, it’s fine because we’ll drug them with an aphrodisiac! Then they can have an intense make-out scene!

(& etc.)

Despite being a very flawed show, I think I might actually watch all 90 episodes, and not just for the cast – it’s stupid and cliche (remember: based on the premise that the emperor’s tears can cure our heroine’s terminal illness), but somehow inherently likable and decently addictive. I guess…I’m looking forward to the angst and falling-out?

*****Allen Ren is this bundle of talent, cuteness, and extra-ness with super nice micro-expressions who also is probably the closest person to my bias.