#or is it like.the arguably much worse equivalent of 'i only get to feel things when im probably doomed'?
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#every time a significant obstacle to living a happy life is removed i feel so empty#like i don't get it. is it that my life is just nothing anyways and the lack of immediate worries makes that obvious??#or is it like.the arguably much worse equivalent of 'i only get to feel things when im probably doomed'?#im so tired.#attempted suicide once this week got very close to doing it again and now here i am at the start of a new one with nothing.#everything is worthless#no amount of 'self betterment' or new experiences or being present or escapism or anything is helping.#i am being fucking flensed by the desire to be something better more optimistic more able to be happy#or to just not be anything anymore
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