#or ignore idc it's up to you but it's here if ya wanna :)

[davy-zeppeli]

might do another Guitar Corner tonight lads, get your requests in now if you wanna perhaps have a recording

[ceruleanchillin]

141 x Reader: Biker!AU

Note(s) -

1.) Nobody asked for this, but here I am combining two obsessions. Congrats, you’re a biker’s old lady now 🎉.

Any media with hot guys in a group should have outlaw MC AUs

2.) I love roughneck Simon. Please give me more of him. I wanna talk about the guys in this AU so badly, don’t (DO) feed my inbox. BlueCollar!Simon, Mafia!Simon, Mechanic!Simon, Idc I love it all. 

3.) If you saw this before, no you didn’t (plus I added more to it). I decided to keep them all together, and it’ll just be long as hell. A long fic stored under a cut never hurt nobody.🤷🏾‍♀️

Simon

Nobody can get him as soft as you. There’s a 3-ringed barrier around his heart. Outsiders < The Club < You.

He loves doing mundane things with you, the kind of things he never saw for himself when he swore to stay single in this life. Like, after a good run fattens his wallet, letting you run wild in the shops.

“C’mon on then lovie, give us a spin.”

You squealed, spinning so the soft fabric fanned around your upper thighs. “I love it! But Si, it’s too much.”

“You let me worry about that sweetheart. Just let me see how it looks comin’ offa ya.” He gripped the very thighs you teased him with, eager for his favorite part besides your smile.

He’d pick up as many extra runs as it took to keep you in small luxuries, as long as he was the one that got to keep that look on your face.

They all have tattoos, but Simon is the king. His body art is top notch, because he’s very discerning with his artists. He’s had the best from Europe to the States. Now, he only trusts Price’s old lady, Johnny, and you. 

In fact, that’s how you met. You started your apprenticeship under an asshole who bailed before it was over, and took a chance on the dangerous shop everyone warned you away from. Mrs. Price was everything you were afraid of AT FIRST. You later understood it was because the shop is 141 affiliated, and she had to be harshly discerning to protect herself and her family.

Once you got over that phase, she was unendingly sweet, and dedicated to helping you hone your craft. 

Simon saw you when he came to fix the sink in the shop’s little kitchen. You were the only one there, intensely focused on a practice skin arm.

You were beautiful, hair wild from you tugging at in concentration, and your tongue poking out slightly. How long had you been working here?

“I knew you needed a hand around here, but that’s a bit far isn’t it?”

You jumped, startled out of your practice, the buzz of the tattoo gun stopping. “Oh my god! I don’t know what scared me more, you, or that joke.”

The two of you kept each other company in your respective tasks, until he was done. In admitting you were aching to do a real tattoo again, he found himself volunteering on instinct. 

At first you resisted, worried about the ethics in your mentor’s shop, and he came up with the genius idea of going back to your place. Smooth Simon.

By the end of the night he was sure he’d never need another artist again.

He’s often as busy as Price, sometimes more so. It takes a lot to run a charter as is, but to establish a table so far from home calls on him more than any other era in his time with the club. On top of that, he often pulls double duty, acting as an enforcer with Konig.

That’s where he really appreciates you understanding, and accepting, his lifestyle. You’ve made a home for him, and he only hopes he conveys how much he appreciates that.

—

He comes home with a headache taking up residence in every corner of his head more and more these days. It was all he could do to kick his boots off, and not collapse on the nearest thing that could hold his weight. His room felt miles away. Downside of living in the dorms.

He drug himself to the clubhouse kitchen, prepared to dig around for some painkillers, when he saw a post-it note on the island next to a napkin with two pills.

Ignore if not Si!

Dinner in the fridge + cake in the dish on the counter. Eat and get your ass in bed with me.

:)

He chuckled, headache long forgotten when he realized you were in his bed. However, his heart and stomach wouldn’t let him ignore the home cooked meal in the fridge, and once he’d savored every bite, he was a blur on his way to his room.

You were curled up in one of his shirts, sleeping soundly on the side of the bed he favored. He stripped, leaving his clothes on the floor, only stopping to deposit his kutte on the dresser, before scooping you into his arms.

“Si..” you murmured sleepily, burying your face in his chest, seeking something to lay on after being picked up.

“‘s alright sweet pea.”

“Glad you’re home, don’t let go.” You were slightly more awake now, but not by much.

“Was never an option.” He got into bed, relaxing in the warm spot you left behind, and situated you next to him in his arms. 

Assuming big spoon position, his hands roamed your form, finding momentary purchase wherever they could. He felt a little guilty for further waking you up, but it occurred to him that you must have seen the day he’d had, and had taken the time to attempt to make it a little better. You could be home in your own bed, but you chose to be there for him. He was starving for you.

His lips created the same desperate patterns across your cheek and neck that his hands created on your body. He gripped your thigh, giving the plush skin a squeeze, before hooking your leg back over his.

There was a sharp inhale of air from you, and you pushed back against him, undoubtedly feeling him firming.

He laid his other arm under your head, letting you lay your cheek against his arm as he grasped your face. He tilted it up to grant more access to your skin for his lips.

“Taking care of me pretty bird?”

“It’s what you deserve, baby.” You slurred, squirming in sensory overload at all of his attention.

“Swear m’ going flat hunting tomorrow.” His fingers skimmed over your covered heat, grinning when your lower half bucked.

“‘s what you deserve sweetheart. Somewhere to put all your nesting to good use.”

You moaned rolling your hips back into your solid wall of a man. “Don’t tease me, I can’t help it.”

“Oh, m’not teasing pretty bird, m’ appreciating.”

He’s been called on to do many dark things for the club. Price doesn’t leave room at the table for anyone not to pull their weight, and he’s even tougher on his titled men. However, the darker jobs fall on Simon more often than anyone else, because he’s thorough, and can put the deed away somewhere, somehow, every time. 

When he pulls on his mask, and just surrenders to being no one but Ghost, he’s ready to work. He never cared what anyone thought about his actions, he never had to, until you. 

You’d been around rough crowds in your lifetime, but Simon was a career criminal, and so was his found family. He was sure some recollection of his deeds would reach you, and that’d be your line. In fact, he was waiting on it.

He was shocked, truly floored, to find that wasn’t what triggered you. It was how you felt he was being utilized. You didn’t like, what you felt, was the unequal distribution of the extreme jobs, and you told him as much.

When he got over his shock, his reaction was fiercely defensive of the club. It was your turn for shock, but he couldn’t help it. He felt judged about the family that owned his loyalty, by the woman that owned his heart. 

You were taken aback by his ferocity, but it didn’t change your view. It created a hotbed of tension that threatened what the two of you had built, until he understood why you felt so strongly. Simon was the one taken aback when he realized your intensity came from your love for him, not a judgement of the 141. He still couldn’t wrap his head around someone loving him to that degree. In his heart of hearts, he didn’t think he was worthy of that. That’s how he was supposed to, and did, love you.

He admitted as much when the tired topic reached a fever pitch.

Simon’s close cropped blonde hair was riddled with evidence he’d been running long, frustrated fingers through it. Those same fingers pulled a cigarette from his pack,, and lit it with a calmness that didn’t reflect the current mood.

“So now you tell me what I can and can’t do? That it then?”

You snapped at the accusation, breaking the promise you’d made to yourself not to raise your voice. “I’m not telling you what you can and can’t do, stop reframing what I fucking say!”

“Grow the fuck up, you’re not a bloody baby. You knew what I did when we got together. I protect the group, I’m meant to be the first line of defense. I pull my weight, my life be damned!”

Your eyes widened in shock at the underlying implication of his words. His own expression wasn’t familiar enough to you for you to place.

“The table doesn’t make me do the ugly bits, most times I volunteer.” He flicked ash onto the pavement, his finger tapping with more force than necessary. “Whether I die, or get pinched, I can be replaced. ‘s my job to stand in front of the ones that can’t.”

His chest heaved with trapped frustration, voice guttural, raw with emotion. “That’s my use.”

You couldn’t place a time where your heart had ever hurt for anyone the way it hurt for him in that moment. It was a physical pain, pin pricking across your chest in a wave, and momentarily halting your ability to speak. You loved this man, fuck the moon, he hung galaxies in your eyes, and that’s what he thought of himself?

Simon, studying your expression and not liking the shame it made him feel, turned away. He didn’t know what to do with shame, especially in front of you. He’d said too much, and his mind was racing to find a way to undo it. Stiffening at the feeling of your arms barely meeting around his large form, he fought the urge to pull away.

Your voice was shaky, laden with the tears you didn’t bother fighting the fruitless fight to stop. “I wish I could get you to understand how untrue that is. I wish I knew where to start.”

He turned back around, but refused to meet your eyes. That startled you. Simon had never been afraid to lock eyes with you. He backed down from no one.

“Wasn’t an answer you liked then lovie? Sorry to disappoint.” He said quietly, taking a last drag before he ended the cigarette under his boot, and walked off back towards the clubhouse.

Tears streamed down your face at a faster rate now, and you tried in vain to swipe them away quickly. You weren’t sure what to say. Not then, too much was in the air as it was, and things needed to cool, but this clearly wasn’t settled

You only knew what you wanted to do. Hold him. Hold him until he saw how fucked his outlook was, and how much worth he really had.

Long out of town rides to create a bubble with just you and him. No specific destination, you just ride until you can both believe you’re the only two people you know.

He throws you a surprise party when you get certified as a tattoo artist, and Mrs. Price releases you from your apprenticeship to a chair of your own.

No one can believe Ghost is throwing someone any kind of party, but they don’t dare deny him as he enlists them in different tasks. He took the whole thing very seriously, and left no room for mistakes. No one, not even Soap, was careless enough to spoil the surprise. Simon wanted perfection.

It was obvious to anyone who watched his love struck gaze follow you when you were around, but if anyone doubted it before, they didn’t now. This man loves you.

Simon sometimes comes to you with a design he’s made for his next tattoo. It’s never elaborate, and it’s usually more utilitarian than aesthetic. He trusts you to make it pretty, he knows you will. He just wants to better convey his idea, or so you think.

In reality, he just likes when you praise him, and he can be part of your passion. He’s constantly amazed by your artistry, and humbled that you let him be a part of it. Essentially, you two collaborate on his tattoos in an undeniably intimate way.

He unceremoniously comes to you with a scrap of paper, something he’s sketched over the past few days.

“Somethin’ f’ya to look over when you get the chance.” He mutters before giving you a long kiss and leaving the shop.

You study the lines, shaky but serviceable, and the design clear. Your mind immediately began to think of ways to tie it into his existing tattoo’s style and his tastes. All the while, you kicked your feet, ecstatic that once again, the most complex person you knew was trusting you with this responsibility.

Si had some serious, high quality pieces on his body, and he thought enough of your hand to add to that.

Simon is usually more affectionate when you’re alone. In public, it’s mostly gliding fingers across your back, or a quick brush of his lips across your forehead. BUT, sometimes his intrusive thoughts win, and he has to slap your ass. This can happen anywhere, anytime.

You’re bent over the tattoo chair, disinfecting and scrubbing, and you swear you hear his hand cutting through air before you feel the smack.

“Si!”

“You put it there sweetheart.”

Shooting range dates. You’ve been judged by some of your more…conventional friends, but you’re a gun girlie (which turns Simon on like nothing he’s ever experienced), and you don’t care. They tried to make you feel like he was being inconsiderate taking you there. Meanwhile, it was damn near your demand.

Simon loves having friendly competitions, random kisses, and exchanging shitty jokes. Seeing you get excited, and engaging in a little tech/spec talk about a gun you love, gets Simon bricked up in 10 seconds flat.

You truly believe he’s taken you in hidden parts of the range more than either of your beds at this point.

Makes you keep track of football season when he’s away. Almost put you in a box and mailed you far away from him when you assumed he meant American football season.

“Don’t ever hurt me like that again lovie, I won’t be held responsible.”

Punishes you with edging and cockwarming if you miss any important details. It’s especially excruciating when he’s just returned, and all you want is him to stretch you out. Simon is a mean dom, and he won’t be moved by sympathy.

“Please Si, I only missed one game.” you whined, trying to get him to come back to where he’d just spent time building you up to fall on his tongue, only to pull away at the last second.

He smirked, rising to his feet which clued you into the fact that he really wasn’t going to finish you off then. “That’s a bad girl. Have the missing orgasm to match.”

——-

Gaz:

Lives for where you live. Your little house is his home away from home. Sometimes the gang can be on business that keeps them on the road for weeks, and the last thing he wants when he comes back, is to continue to be locked in close quarters with other guys.

That’s when you know he’s skipping clubhouse life to crash with you for a while. You love it as much as him.

Scented candles and incense, sweet laundry detergent, soft materials, home cooked meals. It’s such a soft juxtaposition to his previous journey. 

Your hands are all over him, soothing bruises and kissing him over in mapped out patterns only known to you.

Kyle may not know the difference between a single thing on your beauty table, or much about the things in your bathroom cabinets, but he knows he loves how it all smells/looks on you when he’s running his nose across your skin.

“Baby, I gotta get ready for work.” 

Kyle hummed in acknowledgement, but kept you pinned to the overstuffed couch, kissing your thighs in his own personal ritual. The two of you had been sequestered away for two days since he’d been back, but he still couldn’t get enough of you.

“Be good for me love, I won’t make you late.”

“Liar.” You giggled when he pinched you in retaliation. “If you do what it feels like you’re about to do, I won’t make it to the shop until noon.”

“Not a liar babe, you know that better than anyone else.” He pushed your knees up until they pressed against your chest. “I promise, you’ll be the first one there. Can’t say in what state though.”

Being the club secretary, it may seem like Kyle has the plushier job at the table. Wrong. He sees as much action as the other guys, and he likes to stay in shape. That’s fine by you, because you reap the benefits when you get to watch him working out at your place.

Kyle Garrick doing burpees and up-downs in your tiny backyard, clad in nothing but gray sweat shorts, and a thin gold chain against his chest, isn’t a sight that should be free. Yet, after Kyle has finished his mission of witnessing you walk funny at least once, it’s a sight you’re treated to when he sinks back into his home routine.

You somehow think you’re safe to creep-watch from the back doorway while you enjoy your green tea, even though Kyle catches you every time. He just always knew when your eyes were on him.

Without even turning to give you a look he called your name, laughing softly. “I should start charging admission.”

“I was thinking the same thing!” You stuck your tongue out at his back, slamming the door when he revealed he somehow saw that too.

Kyle comes to the salon and hangs with you between appointments. Sometimes he watches you work, and fake flirts with customers to get you more money. He’s great for business.

“Cost a little extra, yeah? But myself, I love a bird that sweats the details.” Kyle’s brown eyes and bright smile were a lethal combination against free will, you knew this for a fact.

The soccer mom in your chair ducks her head under his attention, cheeks filling in with red, as she tells you she changed her mind about the rhinestones.

You appreciate the efforts towards fattening your wallet, but sometimes he’s so effective, you get annoyed and drag him to the break room to remind him you own him.

When you ride with him, he loves looking down and seeing the pretty designs of your nails grasping his chest. Something about the contrast of hot pink, or pearlescent purple against the black leather of his kutte does it for him.

Kyle is definitely on the calmer side most times, especially for his lifestyle, but the fastest way to break that is someone meaning you harm.

You were out at a crowded club with the 141, their ladies, and some friends of the club. It was a celebration of good finances and a successful legal dodge. 

The guys clung to a dark VIP section, there for the drinks and victory lap more than the dancing. On the other hand, you and the other girls were not there to sit idle. 

After a tense few months, the cause of your respective relationship ups and downs with the guys, you guys deserved to cut loose. The table agreed, with your men shouting words of encouragement and flirtatious innuendo to hype you up.

The whole bar was enthralled by you and the other girl’s dancing, singing, and general untethered energy. It was contagious. You especially, you had a few drinks in you, and all that could currently keep your attention was the music.

There was, unfortunately, one outsider who got a little too enthralled with the performance.

When you peeled away from the group, following the uptempo rhythm, he thought that was his time to make his move.

You felt him press up against you while your eyes were closed, assuming it was Kyle, you almost ground back against him. Then you smelt the liquor. Kyle liked a drink like everyone else, and you’d even seen him drunk, but this was someone who’d been at it for a while. Disgustingly sour, too close, and ultimately not your man.

You sent a sharp hit back with your elbow, turning to confirm what you knew. It wasn’t Kyle. He grunted, but pushed forward again making you hold your hand up in a warning.

“I don’t think so.” you waved him off, laughing at the prospect of entertaining him.

Angered by your laughter, he got bolder, shouting to be heard. “Well I think so, but I’m real interested in knowing why you don’t.”

“Because I said what I said, and I have a man.” You were tipsy, but there was an underlying fire to your words lending them solidity. “Fuck off!”

He bristled at another dismissal. “Bitc-“

Kyle had appeared, most likely having started making his way to you once the man got too close, and clapped him on the shoulder. His expression said that he had heard at least some of what was said.

“Hi baby!” You shouted, a little loud even for the club, but that made it endearing. “That’s my man.” You told the asshole.

“Use your ears before I send you home carrying them.” He was gripping the man’s shoulder so tightly you should see the sharp knuckle bones flexing, his rings catching the light.

The man looked at the kutte, and the expression on Kyle’s face, and the exact moment he realized the man would act on the threat literally became apparent.

If that wasn’t enough, you had the ladies at your back, and the table alert and waiting for the call. It was over for the bastard before it even started.

He raised his hands and scurried into the crowd, aiming for the door.

“I love you baby.” You crooned, throwing your arms around him and covering his face with kisses.

He laughed. “I love you too, even when I know I’m going to be holding your pretty hair back all day.”

When the gang has to have a tense table vote in a briefing, their equivalent to some other mc’s “church”, you always wait for Kyle. As secretary, it’s his job to gather information on other gangs, as well as any important changes in the area, and his council is called on first.

You’re waiting for him right after, inviting him back to your house for the night, knowing he won’t want to stay in his dorm. He won’t show it then, but he’s disappointed, and when you get him home, you let him vent to his mind’s content.

All the while, you’re drawing him a bath, doing a light skin routine on his face, greasing his scalp, and curling up on the couch with his back against your chest.

You know his brothers have his best interest at heart, and respect his role in the club, but sometimes he can get in his head about it, and that’s when you step in.

——-

Soap:

Johnny kept his lifestyle a secret from you at first. You’d only been hooking up for a couple of weeks before you both confessed to wanting more.

The crew had mocked him relentlessly about his inability to keep a relationship casual. 

“Give it up mate, you ain’t even foolin’ yourself!” Gaz had clapped him on the back, laughing right in his face. “You start up with a girl right, and it’s over. You’re looking for a house by sunup.”

“Och, piss off with ya! I can keep it casual!” Indignant, and maybe a little drunk, he elbowed the man on the other side of him. “Tell em’ Ghost.”

Simon glanced at him sideways, bourbon halfway to his lips, careful it didn’t spill due to the prodding. “Johnny, some pretty bird starts chirpin’ in your ear and it’s curtains. Now fuck off.”

He couldn’t believe his friends, no — brothers, had such little faith in him.

Cut to a few days later, with him balls deep in you, confessing he wanted more. 

“I’ll be good to ya bon, I swear it. I’m all for ya, just be for me?”

The only thing that lessened the embarrassment of proving his friends right, was that you seemed relieved, and admitted it was what you wanted too.

He couldn’t help it. Ever since he’d been patched in, besides the camaraderie, he was enamored with the relationship between Price and his old lady. There were plenty of solid old lady/old man pairings around him, but something about the way the club queen cared for her man, kept the other girls in order, and still maintained a life for herself was astounding to watch.

He couldn’t help chasing that in every girl he’d gotten with since he’d joined up. So many girls wanted the mystique of a sexy biker, but that’s all he was for them. Either a living dildo, or an attraction they could make their friends jealous with. Things never got very far outside of the bedroom. Except once, but that didn’t go over so well in the end.

He wanted that ride or die bond so badly, he couldn’t wait to have the perfect old lady to wife up and fill a house with brats. 

With you, he prayed he was it for you, because you had quickly become it for him. 

You were a good girl. Specifically, his good girl now. He felt it was highly unlikely you would go for his lifestyle, and so he kept it under wraps at first. He knew he had to tell you at some point, but he wanted to soak up as much time as he could in case you checked out.

“Nah sweetheart, it’s nah like that. We get a little rough, but mainly, we just appreciate bikes.”

“Do ya think I have what it takes to be in a criminal organization? And with ya not knowin’ no less!?”

“Let’s talk about something else bon, did ya ken your thighs look cute warming my ears?”

Guilt eating through him like acid, especially when the club picks up on the fact that he hasn’t brought you around. Anytime Soap has a girl in his bed more than once, he’s parading around the club with her in no time. They know there’s something special about you, and that baffles them even more. Soap claims it’s because you live one town over, which you do, but Gaz calls him on his shit.

He’s hyper defensive, and fights until he’s blue in the face before he admits it’s true. He’s afraid you’ll turn out like the others, or reject him all together. He’s so far gone at this point, he’d rather you use him than leave him.

Price doesn’t like it, and councils him against lying to you any further for numerous reasons. Soap promises he’ll tell you soon, but he’s trying to convince himself as well as his president.

Eventually he couldn’t hide it anymore, but it wasn’t exactly his choice when the curtain got pulled back. 

The two of you had been to a late movie, Johnny finally having had time to squeeze in a date with you after a series of back-to-back runs. You’d suggested coming to him for once to take the burden off. Before he could object, you’d admitted that you were already in town, and he’d rushed to meet you. 

Though he was nervous about you hearing something, or seeing someone off-color that he knew, he couldn’t deny he loved the day he spent with you.

He never needed a reason to want to kiss you, but something about your soft smile under the parking lot lights compelled him right then. Maybe because your expression said just how content you were to be with him, and he buried that in his heart.

“Wait a minute.” He stopped you, lips on yours before you could ask why.

Parking lots didn’t exactly get safer as they got darker, and emptier, but he couldn’t stop once his lips touched yours. Then you started tugging on the curly hair of his Mohawk like you did when you’d really gotten into things.

He was just about to suggest he stay over at your place, when you were interrupted by a cop. You assumed he was going to warn you about loitering and apologized, but he and Johnny knew that wasn’t what it was about. He called Johnny “Soap”, and you were confused as to how they knew each other.

“Oh, Scotboy here goes back with the law a long ways back home.” The cop tried to clap Johnny on the shoulder only for him to violently dodge it. “Easy. I’m not booking you on anything…tonight.”

You were at a loss for what the cop thought he could book Johnny on, and called it out as harassment. Johnny knew, by the sick expression on his face, that the cop was eager to spill it all once he realized how little you knew about the man you were clutching. He tried to prevent that from happening.

“Yeah well, you’re just wastin’ time then, and we have a drive.” Johnny’s arm tightened around your shoulder as he started to lead you away.

“Sweetheart, I don’t know what he’s told you, but if you were my daughter I’d want you to know. That’s a dangerous man you’re on the arm of.”

“Shut up.” Johnny growled, and he knew you had to be thinking about how you’d never seen him like this, but he’d also never been this angry around you.

“Johnny…” you pushed at him to try and get him to move, but he was rooted in rage.

He knew where the cop was taking it.

“This was when you were a prospect back in England right? The number you did on the guys from that other charter…interpol still talks about it. Oh wait…they never proved it was you did they?”

Johnny thumbed his nose and sniffed, jutting out his chin in utter opposition of the man in front of him. “Nah, wasnae even in the country at the time.”

“That’s right. You’ll have to forgive me, I’ve only read the reports our precinct got when you boys moved to town.” The obnoxious officer bounced his palm off his forehead in a mock gesture.

Johnny felt you squeeze his arm, grounding him for the moment, and he thought you might be saying something. His ears sounded like the Grand Rapids ran through them. A hot rage was settling into his chest, and spilling into other parts of his being.

The smug expression of the cop, one of the ones on the force who’d made things personal with the club was

“Johnny!” You shook him, finally getting through to him. “I want to leave.”

He exhaled, softening at your expression. Little tremors of adrenaline wracked through him, but he still led you towards his bike by a firm grip.

“You know, they included pictures in those files they sent over. What you did to those guys..” The cop whistled from behind you.

Johnny helped you into your helmet, watching as your eyes raced with questions, but you were so good for him. You would wait to ask him. 

He brushed his thumbs over the apples of your cheeks. “Ignore him bon. Whatever he says, please.”

“But, the real shame is what happened to Anna.” The cop continued.

In a straight shot, Johnny launched himself at him. “Shut your fuckin’ mouth!”

“They cut her up pretty bad. Was her nose always on the side of her-”

—

He knew it was bait, and he admitted as much later, but he’d taken the active grenade in his hand all the same. The wounds that piece of shit poked were too raw not to, on top of probably killing everything between you and him. 

Everything was designed to hit a critical point in him. His past deeds, Anna, and most importantly, you.

All he could think about was if he was going to lose you after tonight, there was no way he wasn’t going to make it count all over the bastard’s face.

The local police had been looking for something, anything, to get the club on, but they’d been too careful. That’s what Price had told you on the way to the precinct. Johnny had dialed for you while the cop was getting back to his feet.

“Was any of what he said true?” You were clutching your purse the way you had since you’d gotten into the car with Price and the club’s lawyer.

“I don’t know what you mean love?” Price looked at you cooly, not giving anything away, though you were sure he knew what you meant.

“Never mind.” You shook your head. “I know it’s true. Did Johnny really hurt those guys? Who’s Anna?”

Price kept his eyes on the road, while the lawyer kept his attention on his phone. The air couldn’t have been more tense,

“You should talk to your boy sweetheart. Don’t let some future desk-riding prick make you doubt the man who’d rip out his own heart just to show you it’s yours.”

You swallowed, hard, and didn’t say anything else until you got to the station.

“Um…I think I’m just going to Uber home. Tell Johnny I’ll call him.”

Price nodded, but his look was disapproving. “‘m sorry to hear that,” he adjusted his dark beanie. “But if that’s what you think is best.”

You did not call him. Not later when you were sure he had been released, and not the next day. You wouldn’t even open the never-ending text thread between you two.

He texted you early enough to be apologetic about it, and you had to push your phone to the far side of your bed to stop yourself from responding.

You went about your daily routine, getting ready for your shift at the diner. Your one room apartment didn’t allow you the luxury of pretending your phone wasn’t blowing up with text messages, but you were too afraid you’d cave if you saw the screen while attempting to silence it.

He showed up at the diner, and you pretended to be too busy in the back until he left.

He waited outside of your place, but you wouldn’t come down, going so far as to turn off the lights when you realized he was there.

No call was answered, no text replied to.

Johnny was a wreck. So much so, that as furious as Price and Ghost had been, as much as they’d come down on him, they weren’t sure he’d even heard it. They saw his regret, he did have his brothers and their families in mind, along with the fact that he was a higher ranked member who set a piss poor example for prospects and basic members. 

The fact that his stunt could’ve cost them their freedom. He saw all of that.

But he was HURTING. Physically, mentally, emotionally. It was all Johnny could do to roll out of bed and do the basics before he crawled back again. 

All the club girls dropped by his dorm. Some to be flirtatious, which he lashed out at, some to show sympathy. 

Mrs. Price and Ghost’s girl were especially gentle. It’s the darkest period in Johnny’s life, even when factoring in the Anna situation. It’s clear to all around him, you’re it for him. His soul is yours, and he’s dying without you.

It was Simon who came to you and changed your mind. He couldn't take seeing Johnny that way. The whole table was worried, but Johnny was a little brother to the taciturn specter. He’d only see him like this once before, and this was ten times worse.

In the early afternoon, the diner’s customers were nothing but truckers and elderly folks. So when the 6’4 blond with trunk-thick arms, and a permanent scowl walked in, there was no ignoring him. You noticed the kutte, and thought about making a break for the back, but his look said ‘try it’, and you thought better of it.

Instead, you wound up in a back booth with him, taking your 15 minute break. 

“‘m not the preachin’ sort, so I’ll get on with it.” He stared right through you, lighting a cigarette. “‘s no business of mine what you and Johnny decide to do, but you need to talk to him.”

You started to tell him no smoking, but didn’t feel like exerting the effort. Let your boss deal with it if it mattered.

Your hands trembled, so you put them beneath the table in your lap. “If it’s none of your business, then why are you here?”

”Because, it’s destroying him. You’re destroying him.” He turned for a moment to exhale away from your face, and then his gaze was cutting right back to you. “Lad’s a mess and a half without you. We’ve tried to sort him out, but it’s gonna take you.”

”He lied to me!“ the exclamation left your mouth without a thought to volume control, and you pointedly ignored the stares you knew were at your back.

”You knew.” he said simply. “You may not have known the specifics, and we told him not to do it that way, but you knew.”

Your mouth opened and closed repeatedly, trying to express the million thoughts in your head.

”You may be a town over, but our name gets around. I know you’ve heard somethin’.” He tipped the ash in the glass of water you’d gotten him. “You’re a smart bird by Johnny’s account.”

“If you told him not to lie, then why are you telling me not to be upset?”

“‘m not, ‘m tellin’ you to hear him out. Put him out of his misery, whatever you decide.”

The man left the booth, standing back to his full height and casting a shadow over the booth.

“He’s a right fuckin’ mess. Loves you more than life.”

“More than Anna?” The name that had been swirling around in your mind came out in a semi-bitter question.

There was something that could have possibly been a flinch, but you weren’t sure. It made you regret mentioning it either way.

He stubbed out the cigarette. “He’ll be round yours by the time you get off.”

He was. Looking completely unconfident and nervous about being there. His eyes were bloodshot, and his beloved mohawk showed signs of too many anxious tugs. 

This wasn’t what you were used to with the confident man, and you didn’t like it. You understood, you looked the same way, but you didn’t like it.

He was apologizing constantly, between spilling streams of exposition that only served to confuse you, instead of clearing things up. You finally had to tell him it would just be easier if you could ask questions instead, and he sat back and became an open book.

It went all evening, and then well into the morning. Every question led into lengthy conversation.

—

“Who’s Anna?”

“...A good lass who didn’t deserve what she got.”

—

“So it’s definitely more than just appreciating bikes. Why?”

“They’re my family, and they’ve always had my back while lettin’ me be myself. If I have to do somethin’ a lil dodgy now and then, that’s a small price to pay.”

—

“I don’t doubt you love me Johnny, you make it impossible to, but how can I trust you after this?”

“By takin’ the chance to believe me when I say I’d rather die than go through this again. If honesty brings you back to me, I’ll never leave it out again.”

The sun is rising by the time the two of you are talked out. You make him stay, seeing that his sleep deprivation was starting to collect its due. It was you who didn’t sleep while you pet his hair from where he laid on your lap, and thought over your feelings.

He wakes when you inform him he has a phone call. He tells you to answer it, and you realize it’s a gesture towards the honest leaf turn. 

He took the time to honesty dump with you, so you admit to him that while you’re still hurt, your mind's made up about taking him back.

It should have frightened you how quickly you sank back into things with Johnny, but what actually frightened you was the reason why. You realized you were just as addicted to him as he was to you. How had you lasted the past couple of weeks?

It’s a mutual obsession, only strengthened by a period of absence. Something he vowed would never happen again.

You let him give you your first tattoo, and you even let him pick the design. He couldn’t believe you trusted him with the honor, and he wound up asking if you were sure five times.

“Baby, yes!” you laughed, squeezing his cheeks as a form of cute aggression over his heart eyes. 

This was such an intimate act for him, that he made sure you were completely alone in his dorm room when the day came. The room is spotless for once, sanitized to government standards. You can’t help but notice that he’s lit candles in your favorite scent, and his playlist is all soft music for once.

He spent weeks sketching the perfect concept, and even created variations for your choosing. He went through soooo many pages, unwilling to settle when it came to his girl.

In the end, it was decided, and he got to work on the inner wrist tattoo. All the while, he was checking in with you to make sure you were good.

“It’s just a small piece baby, I’m ok.” You always pressed a kiss to his nose to reassure him and get him back to work.

He looked so handsome, locked in concentration, that it almost completely distracted from the pain. You’d seen him work before, and you loved it, but this wasn’t just work right now. He was giving you something important, and you sensed that. 

When he finally finished, he sheepishly, almost fearfully, asked you what you thought.

“It’s everything Johnny. When everyone asks who’s the talent behind it, I can’t wait to say he’s my man.”

Soap has no regard for anyone or any place when he wants you, which is all the time. You’re all over the clubhouse together. The couches, the hallways, the armory. Officially, clubhouse outer-walls are your spots during cookouts.

Gaz walked into the storage room, focused on finding a part for a customer. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed you through the empty space on a tall shelf.

“Hi, eh, Kyle!” All that was visible was your face, and he wondered for a second why you were out of breath.

“Hey (Y/N), what’re you doing back here?” He gave you a side glance and smile, his attention mainly on the organized shelves.

“I’m..” you bit your lip, unable to form another word as your eyes rolled back.

Kyle froze, realizing what was happening. “Are you fuckin’ kidding me mate?!”

“You walked in on us!” Johnny’s indignant cry came from below his line of vision.

Sooo many lunch break dates. Technically, Johnny is on shift at the garage, and should be preparing for the next day’s run, but his best girl needs him :( . You work so hard at that cafe, and they never appreciate you. Not like he does.

So when he takes the work pickup truck to get you, knowing Price has told him a million times it’s not for that, he can’t be bothered to care.

“Johnny, tell me you did not go across town to buy me this sandwich.” You already knew the answer, and you wanted to scold him for neglecting himself again. “You’re gonna be late getting back to the shop!”

“You love it though. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t take care of ya.” 

“That’s not the point, you-“

“You’re so pretty baby.”

And you melt and forget to be upset.

You can’t stay mad at Johnny with heart eyes and loving, grabby hands. Especially when those grabby hands start to get a little more focused…

What happens in the work truck, stays in the work truck. Until he gets drunk and brags at a club party….

The fun times were well and good, but Soap knew that the day would come when you got a glimpse at the uglier parts of the life. He barely got you back, and you throwing up your hands and declaring it was all too much was all he could think about.

They’d been having issues with the Shadows MC, and it was starting to boil over. They didn’t like the 141 moving in on their territory, but his table had made it clear that wasn’t up to them. This resulted in many skirmishes he could keep under wraps, but then it came to a head.

They’d hit the Shadows hard at one of their core locations, and in preparation for retaliation, Price and Ghost had called a lockdown. This meant all old ladies, kids, and friends of the club were to hunker down at the club compound until they gave the ok.

The day was here, and he’d been dreading it. He couldn’t very well leave you out there, he hadn’t exactly been subtle that you were his girl, but surely you wouldn’t go for it.

Nothing had been asked of you so far, and he was trying his best to keep from burdening you like the typical old lady. He felt you’d be less likely to leave if he kept the weightier things from you.

He must have paced up and down your street in the dark for over an hour. His phone was blowing up with demands he ‘get his ass back to the compound’ with you, ‘NOW’, but he had to do it right. It wasn’t easy to say “We mowed down some of our enemies, and destroyed their operation, and some guys could make you pay for that.”

He could lose you tonight. He could relive his past.

When he finally did get up the nerve to tell you, he was shocked at how well you took it. He knew you were scared, and you couldn’t have been too happy either, but he loved you for your strength in that moment. 

All you did was quietly pack, while his mouth ran a mile-a- minute. Swinging wildly between telling jokes, assuring you you’d fit in just fine with the other old ladies, and apologizing. You kept telling him you were fine, but your smile didn’t reach your eyes.

It took a week to beat the Shadows back. In that time Johnny had been in and out of safe houses, with barely a spare minute to check in with you. If he was being honest, he was terrified.

He couldn’t shake the feeling that when he got back to the compound, you wouldn’t be there. You’d be long gone, and when he went to your place, the things he’d left (so sneakily) would be in a box waiting on the doorstep.

He was so sure of this, that he wanted to go by your place first, but his bone-weary brothers were barely sitting upright on their bikes. Battered and bruised to hell, he couldn’t ask them to indulge his paranoia. The table didn’t like to be too far from each other until they were fully assured they were whole back home.

He was the last to walk through the door, to the shock of his brothers, but he didn’t want to tell them he was probably about to scream his throat raw when he saw you weren’t there. 

He clenched and unclenched his aching fists in anxiety. ‘Just look around the room you daft fucker!’ He mentally scolded himself.

He didn’t get a chance to. You barreled into him, arms locking around his neck. He stumbled back, weariness and shock combining to make his footing unstable, but his back hit the solid metal door behind him.

“I was so fucking worried.” You whispered into his neck, and he felt his neck dampen with what he presumed were tears.

“I was too…” he admitted, finding it in him to grip you to his person with a desperate strength.

Relief flooded his body when you started pressing kisses all over his face, and all he could do was stand there. Receiving your love.

“Oh!” You tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let you. “Johnny put me down, the girls told me about how tired you guys are when something like this happens. You should be resting.”

“I’ll get to that bonnie, just keep kissing me like that.” He whispered, hands slipping into the back pocket of your jeans to keep you close.

You took over as soon as you got him back to his dorm room. You helped him undress, made sure he didn’t collapse in the shower, and even straightened his precious Mohawk while he struggled to pull on the sweats you’d grabbed him. All the while, awkward apologies from him. From you, excited recollections of all the things you’d learned from the strong women around you over the week.

Johnny supposed he had them to thank. In the back of his mind he’d been wondering what flipped the switch, and gifted him the kind of welcome home he used to envy the taken members of the club for getting. You were the best girlfriend he ever had, but an old lady was something else, yet here you were, excelling at that too.

And later, in his room after the hot shower, he collapsed face first on the bed. It took one, deep inhale of the fresh linen to know someone had done laundry. He exhaled with a hum, openly appreciating the clean scent.

“Yeah, you can thank me later.” You laughed, entering the room from his bathroom.

Johnny heard the sound of a lid pop, but was too far gone to look back and see what it was. Then you straddled his back, your soft hands kneading out a week’s worth of tension, self-inflicted and otherwise. He groaned, feeling the soothing lotion follow your hands over the peaks and valleys of his muscular frame.

“Addin’ this to my tab then?” He slurred, half in the dream realm, half with the love of his life.

“Yep, but I know you’re good for it.” You leaned down, nipping his ear, and making him mewl in frustration as he hardened against the mattress, knowing there’d be nothing he could do about it at the moment.

He used the last of what he had to flip you over, mentally cataloging the adorable squeak you let out. Cupping your cheeks, he shared a soft look with you for just a moment, before he sealed his lips over yours. All he could do was hope you could feel everything he wanted to say behind the movement of his lips.

Judging by your soft sighs, he guessed you could.

He pulled away, settling half on you, half off. “I’m settlin’ my debts soon as I’m up hen. Bet on it.”

He makes Ghost promise to take care of you if something ever happens to him. 

“Johnny, shut fuck up,” Ghost glared at him, faint facial scars following his frown. “You’ll outlive us all.”

Johnny stared at him from across the meeting table, more serious than a personification of the sun had any right to be. They were the only two in the briefing room, for some reason the place felt sacred enough to Soap for such a request.

“‘m serious VP, that’s ma heart, I love her.” His accent thickened with emotion, and he sipped his bar as if to wash it back. 

                                                                                                                               His fingers flexed around the sweating glass. “‘m gonna marry her.”

“Lads and I knew that the first time you talked about her.”

Soap smiled at that, but his expression quickly returned to its serious state. “Sweet girl and me have been talkin’ about kids, preferably after.”

A fond quiet bloomed between them at that admission. The two of you had told no one else, and Johnny felt guilty violating your pillow talk confessionals, but he hoped it would get Ghost to agree.

“Want that more than anythin’ VP, but I can’t pull the trigger until I know they’ll be looked after.”

“The club-“

“Not just the club!” He ran a hand through his mohawk in frustration. 

Why couldn’t the stubborn fucking giant just agree?

“I know the club will look after them in general. I know I can trust our table, hope I can trust the other charters.” He sighed, refocusing. “You’re my best friend Simon. I just have to know my girl, and my bairn, would always have you at their back. If I died.”

“Wouldn’t happen. I’d lay my life down so you could make it back-“

Johnny shook his head, choosing not to repeat himself. Instead, he gave his friend a pleading look.

He could see a storm of thoughts and emotions competing for dominance in his friend’s mind. His expression didn’t change much, but it was in his eyes if you knew him.

He saw why Simon was resisting, he didn’t feel worthy of being looked to in that way.

Finally, Ghost responded after grinding his cigarette out in the dish on the table. “Promise the same f’me then. I’ve fucked her life up enough, shouldn’t still be doin’ it when I’m gone.” 

“On my honor.” Soap didn’t even have to think, it was an instinct.

“Then tell your missus you’re ready. I’ll cover my end.”

———

Price:

Head honcho. Chief. The Boss. Captain of the ship. It’s all the same no matter who calls him what, President Price is in charge.

He founded the club after leaving his original due to lack of loyalty, and thoughtless endeavors. He works overtime to make sure his club doesn’t fall in the same way. His code of ethics may not make a lick of sense to anyone outside of the outlaw life, but they’ve garnered the respect and admiration of some of the toughest men around the globe.

They’d follow him through hell because they know he’d be the first one in.

When they’re on a run, selling guns or attending a meeting in neutral territory, John’s mind is all business until business is done. Then it’s all you. He loves hearing his guys talk about how they’re going to spend their new check, or swapping stories about their old ladies. Sometimes, he even joins in.

But what he really wants to do is celebrate with you. Most times you’re already up at the compound. Seeing to the legitimate businesses, taking care of the girls, helping the member’s families, etc.

He respects what you do, what you’re capable of, beyond borders. However, he can’t help but be jealous. You always come to him first, tight hug and a long soft kiss, but then you’re quickly looking over his guys. The men revel in it, almost becoming kittens under your motherly ministrations. Especially Soap and Gaz, who you’re in the same age group as, but you scold all the same.

When the last man has been sent on his way, he’s dragging you away to the little bedroom off his office. He knows you find it amusing, to see his selfishness win out over any tiredness he’s feeling.

Before the door can even close, he’s pulling you close and kissing you his favorite way. A kiss he didn’t know he was capable of until you became his wife. Anytime he was gone too long, you did something that knocked him off his feet, or your affection wasn’t directed solely at him, he kissed you that way.

He cradled your head, holding you steady when he pressed his lips to yours. He left no room for there to be room between the two of you. Rough thumbs slid under your chin, tilting your head up slightly before he slid his tongue between your lips. He knew he had to release you soon, let you remember how to breathe, but it was hard to fight the hunger.

“Nothing flatters me like my big biker husband being unable to share me for two seconds.” you teased, but your teasing came out in short puffs, as your lungs weren’t cooperating with you at the moment.

He could feel you swaying, going dizzy, and he brushed his beard over your ear to make you squirm before he said. “Jump love.”

You did, feeling his heavy hands grasp your thighs seconds later. He slid your legs over his hips, encouraging you to lock down around his waist.

“I’m just making sure you take care of what’s yours.” he thrust upward, hardness touching. “I promised it to you that first time.”

He laid you across the bed, staring down at you with a darkened smirk. “Take some responsibility for the state of your possessions.”

He’s the head of an organization that now exists in several countries. All that responsibility is tiring, even for a man so skilled at navigating it, and there’s been many a day when all he can do is lay his head down for the pain of the headaches.

You can’t count how many times you’ve come up to the club when he didn’t come home, only to find him furiously puffing a cigar and downing shots to dull the pain. 

The guys had families to feed, there were good men behind bars for them that needed to be taken care of, he had tables back home that needed guidance, there were property expenses, legal retainer fees, and more. Much more.

That meant more risky non-legit work, which meant stretching the legitimate business to cover what that brought in. He had to know when it was time to expand, when it was time to halt, and when it was time to move to something else.

But he’s just a man, one man, and you’re there to remind him of that. 

“John?” You had been expecting to find him in his office, but the moment you stepped into the club house, you saw him at the bar.

He wasn’t alone. 

Phillip Graves, president of the Shadows MC finished off his drink and clapped John on the back. 

“We’ll talk again.” He nodded his head towards you with a wink and a smile. “Ma’am.”

Your narrowed eyes followed him out of the door, remaining there until his motorcycle’s engine was a distant roar. At that point, you turned back to your husband.

He was gripping his forehead, lit cigar balanced on the heavy crystal ashtray next to him. The last remnants of whisky mingled with the melting ice in his glass, which he threw back before attempting a fake smile.

”Hello darling, you just close up shop?”

”Yeah, and I got home to find my husband wasn’t there. What the fuck John? You said you were going to work on this.” 

You tossed your purse on the counter. “And Graves?! I can’t even-“

”(Y/N), don’t start.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I do not have that in me right now.”

Sighing, you placed one hand on his back, using the other to put out his cigar. He protested with a disapproving grunt, but was too tired to do more than that. Your face softened at that realization.

He pushed back from the bar a little, allowing you to slide onto his lap, legs splitting over his thighs. “I’m just worried. You can lead a table, you can lead the whole organization, but you can’t carry the whole thing on your back.”

You cupped his head like he often did to yours, and massaged the base of his skull. His eyes slid shut, body going lax, and he practically purred.

Leaning down, you scattered gentle kisses on his face, careful to leave no spot untouched, before going in for a whiskery kiss. It was here John took over, thanking you for the attention.

“You know that it’s not you I don’t trust right?” you asked between kisses. “It’s him.”

“I know, and you know I value your judgment.” He got underneath your shirt, hands rubbing your sides slowly. 

There was a moment of domestic peace and quiet. You massaging his temple, and he massaging your sides. Though you trusted the capable man going soft under your hands, you hoped he wouldn’t regret whatever Graves was bringing to your door.

John doesn’t come to your shop often, but it’s not because he doesn’t support your career. It’s because he can’t watch you work for very long without wanting you biblically on every surface.

You love his open attraction to you, so it’s not exactly the easiest thing to ignore. No matter how much you try to stay focused on the job, the man is the love of your life, and he looks handcrafted by god.

Hunched over a client’s thigh, your brows were drawn in concentration on the elaborate Victorian cameo piece.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see John lounging in the plush desk chair he’d dragged over. A good distance to respect your client, but close enough, he could keep eyes on his favorite person.

Your client was amused, laughing through a wince, she nodded in John’s direction. “You’ve got a not-so-secret admirer.”

“I’ve been caught lovely, what to do now?”

”Ignore you.” You quipped before glancing up at your client. “He’s my husband.”

”Oh,” she hummed. “That explains the heart eyes.”

At that, you did have to look up, instantly wishing you hadn’t. It was a visual trap. 

John, sitting there like the king he was, manspreading with no shame. Black beanie, tight jeans, dark sweater with his royal kutte draped over the sweater, and leather boots. You told him more than once he could model, to which he feigned offense. 

“Focus on your work.” John admonished, but the smirk he said it though was pure sin.

Your eyes had strayed below the belt, and John was fully aware of this. Reveling in it really.

”Don’t you have a bike to fix? A prospect to bottle feed?”

”Nope,” his arms crossed behind his head, an action you saw out of the corner of your eye. “I belong to my missus this evening.”

Your client cooed, undoubtedly enjoying the banter between you and John. You did too, too much, and his bit about belonging to you made you have to pause and readjust yourself.

”Every evening really.”

”That’s nice John.” You hissed, lifting the gun from her skin to wave him off.

Your client laughed, trying hard to hold herself steady for you.

“Don’t encourage him.” you turned yourself at an angle slightly, trying and failing to ignore him. 

“Well, it’s really far more than just evenings isn’t i-“

You lifted your foot from the pedal, and placed the tattoo gun on the tray next to you. 

“Kitchen, now.” You gave your client a sheepish smile. “We were due for a break anyway hun. Can I get you anything?”

She was visibly entertained by you and John, after all, the two of you had become a legendary couple in these parts for a reason.

“I’m good, take your time.”

John winked at your client, strolling behind you into the back. You waited until he was in the kitchenette before sliding the door closed.

”You’re such an ass.” But your hands were already under his sweater, running up and down his chest.

You appreciated that he took up so much space in the little room, forcing the two of you together. You could blame the room’s dimensions for being all over him, and not your unwavering attraction to the man.

“I haven’t seen you in 15 hours, yes, I counted. I’m always counting when it comes to you. You can’t ask me to behave.” 

Large hands slid into your hair, fingers interlocking to cradle your head. He didn’t even have to pull you in to kiss you, and he grinned, clearly also appreciating the size of the space.

“You think she’s a big enough fan to give us thirty?”

You actually have three rings. Your engagement ring, your wedding ring, and one of John’s rings that he gave you the first night you fucked.

In the quiet of the briefing room, somewhere you were surprised to be, you sat on his lap. The two of you soaked up the afterglow, the party raging outside fading to a dull noise outside of your own world. Coming down from your high, you let out a soft noise of surprise when John gripped your hair to kiss you with one hand. The other hand grasped your own, the one that had come to rest on his chest when you’d ridden him into his throne.

He slid the silver, braided band onto your ring finger, promising. “The first to come”

He loves to get in the ring and show off for you. Sometimes, there’s a loud mouth from a visiting club, or another table visiting, and John takes them to the ring they have in the back of the club’s compound. 

Usually, it’s Konig’s or Simon’s domain, but it’s not because John doesn’t love dishing it out as much as them. That becomes apparent when he delivers careful, strategically brutal, blows to his opponent. Enough to win, and then a few more to humble.

You had long ago stopped lying to yourself about how much it turned you on. So when John emerged from the ring, panting, abs catching the compound’s lights on a sheen of sweat, you always dragged him off. Under the guise of cleaning him up of course ;).

John’s breeding kink goes wild when he sees you with a baby, or any kid really. He’s been around the club life long enough to see many couples welcome kids. One of the first outings the two of you made as an official thing was to the hospital to see the birth of a member’s baby.

His old lady bonded with you, and you were quickly given child holding privileges. It came so naturally to you, and John felt what he figured the two of you would get to eventually quickly build itself a home in his chest. New Kink unlocked: breed you on any surface he could find.

He couldn’t tear his eyes away, it was hypnotizing. His family around him saw it for what it was. Their president had this future scene, starring you and him, written all over him.

He thought the intensity of it was something he had to keep under wraps until he noticed you had the same feelings. 

Baby showers, shopping for 141 babies, school drives and charities the club did for the local youth, seeing cute kids on social media. It didn’t matter, John caught on to the fact that you fucked him like a feral rabbit whenever you got that maternal glint in your eye. He didn’t call you on it until after you were married. The day when your shop receptionist went on maternity leave. 

You’d been going on all through dinner, and then while doing the dishes, about how cute the kid would be, and you loved helping her with her nursery, and how she was already glowing. The more you ranted, the harder he got, until finally, he trapped you against the counter.

“I reckon it’d be easier to just say you want to be a mum.” he lifted one leg to his waist, and bucked against your clothed heat. “Say it.”

You stammered, eyes wide, pupils blown. “J-John..”

“Say it.” his voice somehow found a lower octave to sink to, choked with desire.

“What are you talking about?” you whined, embarrassed at being found out.

“Don’t be embarrassed. I’m hard as steel love, you feel that?” he grabbed your wrist, kissing the knuckles before quickly brushing them over his length. 

“That’s how bad I want to make you a mum, can’t you just admit it too?”

Tilting your chin up, he placed tiny kisses under your chin, purposely dragging his beard across the soft skin after each kiss. 

“C’mon then, tell your husband the truth so I can give us what we both want”

You whimpered, clutching the fabric of his t-shirt. “John..”

“Go on, invite me in.” he slipped his index finger in the top of your panties just enough to play with the elastic. Stretching it until it threatened to fly back against your skin before he eased it back in place.

You moved forward in an attempt to make his finger slip lower, and he laughed darkly, holding you in place. Shaking his head, he repeated his precious statement.

“Give me a baby John.” you huffed, frustration rising until all that you could do was spill the truth. 

Gasping, you felt the cold tile of the counter beneath your thighs. You tried to process how he’d gotten you up there so fast, but your mind didn’t want to focus on anything other than your husband kneeling before you with the most determined look you’d ever seen.

As he slipped your panties and pajama shorts down your legs, he whispered how it’d be best if you prepared an excuse for work while you could still think straight.

[hrryshoney]

i don’t wanna be your friend, i wanna kiss your neck

A/N: here’s a matty sick!fic for you. i’m a sucker for friends to lovers, so sorry to be annoying but here’s that! maybe switching povs, i’m tired so give me a break.

warnings: kinda suggestive maybe if you squint real hard, matty’s in loveeee but readers oblivious, matty’s a little shit. religion? kind of? not really at all, but talks of God is in there. bad writing, idk n idc.

prompt: “can you kiss me? i’m sure i’ll feel wayy better if you do,”

edit: pt. 2 now posted here

You and Matty were friends. Well, maybe best friends. You definitely thought so. You’d been beside him for as long as you can remember. So, you think you’ve earned that title.

Besides him being your, talented, smart, funny, witty and incredibly good-looking friend, he was also your insufferable rockstar friend. The cocky, arrogant one. The one who would tease you until you could feel your face get hot.

And, the one with the weak immune system, apparently.

“Darling?” You heard his call from his bedroom. He had rung your phone at promptly 7:30 AM earlier today. Telling you how he was positively dying, and how you must come over and take care of me, angel. You really must.

“Yes, your Royal Highness?” You say teasingly with a roll of your eyes, walking into his room. He looked positively pathetic. Lying down, wrapped in his white comforter.

Matty pouts a bit at that. “I’m being serious, yeah? Don’t make fun of me, this is awful.”

“Mhm, I can imagine.” You give a little pout, a feigned wave of sympathy. “Did ya need something?”

“How about some empathy?” He scoffs at you, all in good nature of course. Matty needs to get that final banter in. Anything to rile you up, even when he’s sick.

“We all get sick, Matty.” You roll your eyes with a giggle. “I know how you feel, trust me.” You move to sit on the edge of the bed. He unravels his hands to reach out for you, but you move farther away.

“What’s with that, then? Don’t love me anymore? Hm?” He maneuvers his body to be closer to yours.

“Don’t be stupid, I’m not trying to get sick.” You ignore the butterflies that roll in your stomach from his grin. From the use of the word ‘love’. Of course you’ve said it to each other before. You’ve known him for almost 10 years, and he’s your best friend. But you can’t help but wish for it in a different context.

“Wouldn’t get sick for me, love?” He laughs and lays back, a little cough accompanied by it.

“Do ya want some water? Cough doesn’t sound too hot.”

“I sound hot without the cough though, right?” He winks, and you cast your gaze to the floor. You let out an unconvincing laugh. It doesn’t get easier as time passes, that’s for sure.

“You’re corny, Healy.” Your lame response feels bitter on the tongue. “Seriously, do you need anything? If not, I’ll go back to the living room and get some work in.”

He gets a gleam in his eye, and his lip quirks up. Whatever comes out of his mouth won’t be good, you just know it. So, you mentally prepare yourself.

“Can you kiss me? I’m sure I’ll feel way better if you do.” He gives that signature smirk of his, like he’s enjoying this all too much. His eyes trace from yours, to your lips, and then back up. You definitely weren’t prepared for that, though.

You feel the heat spread all over your body. Why am I friends with him, again? You glare at him. “Funny.” You say monotonous, unwavering.

“Hey, I’m being serious, darling. The offer is there.” He shrugs noncommittally. Is he joking? Like, seriously?

You never let your hopes get too high. You brush off all his flirting as jokes. He’s got supermodels and singers knocking at his door. You never thought you would genuinely be his type. Just friendly banter.

“Okay, Matty.” You brush it off once again. You don’t want your mind to wander there. Wander there like it had so many sleepless nights. Lying in bed, panting, thinking of him.

“Then come plant one on me, won’t ya?” He taps against his lips with his pointer finger, the biggest smile on his face. You wonder, is this all a joke to him?

“You ask all your friends to kiss you when your sick?” You deflect quickly, not wanting to deal with this.

“Only the pretty girls who are my best friends that come over at eight in the morning for me.” He shrugs with an easy smirk. He really is a little shit. “‘Sides, not even that sick. Don’t think you’d catch a bug from a little peck.”

“Oh, no? Thought you were ‘positively dying, darling. It’s dreadful, innit?’?” You lower your voice a few tones and put on a bad british accent to mock him.

He feigns offense with his gasp. “I do not sound like that! You’re kidding, that’s blasphemous.”

“Ah, yes. Because you’re so holy?” You let out a laugh.

“Mhm, I can have you crying out to God if you give me a kiss?” The look on his face is vile. You want to kiss it away. Smack it away. Do anything then have it taunt you like this, really. You move in your spot on the bed.

“Maybe the fever is getting to your head, Matty.” There’s only so many more poor deflections you can make. He has to notice.

“Awh, you think so?” He pouts in faux sympathy, moving closer. You feel dizzy. You scooch back on the bed.

“Yeah- yeah, think so.”

He smirks. That bastard and his smirk. “Right, what a shame, terrible, really.” He’s up close and personal now. Right next to you. Hand on your face. He brushes a stray piece of hair to the back of your head. You two are looking at each other now. All eye contact.

“I- Matty.” You breathe out. This is all too much right now.

“Yes, what?” Matty sounds annoyed. Obviously wanting to have kissed you before you moved your neck back.

“Don’t think we can- think we should, you know. Don’t wanna ruin anything.”

He sighs. “Who made those shit rules up, huh? Maybe I wanna ruin our friendship? Ruin you, yeah?” His head falls into the crook of your neck, you feel his hot breath. “Think we should just stop with the bullshit. Wouldn’t mind being something other than friends.”

“Matty-“ “Y/N?” He interrupts your unheard sentence.

“Do ya like me? I’m being serious now, angel. Honest, do you fancy me or no?” You’re getting whiplash from this conversation. How is this happening. Why now? How, now?

“I- Matty, I think you know the answer.” you furrow your brows at him and pout. He has to be fucking with you, right?

“Maybe I wanna hear you say it?” He smirks, again. You’re sick of that smirk. You really do wanna kiss it off.

“Jesus, yes, I like you. Of course I do, Matty.”

“Hm, good. That’s good. ‘Cause I like you too, angel.” He gives a grin that makes him glow. A grin that is the personification of happiness. Matty leans in.

[lukecastellan]

nine people i'd like to get to know better

Tagged by @jeaniefranklins

Last Song: "All Around the World" by Oasis which is *embarassed sigh* my favorite band.

Favorite Color: Light pink! Like ballet slipper pink!

Last Book: I'm reading Ruthless Vows by Rebecca Ross and I am enjoying it, but it upsets me that current YA fantasy is so tame and restrained. In my day we were reading Vampire Academy where the protagonist had to kill her turned-evil boyfriend and he captured her and locked her up and put her in a vampiresque sexual trance of sorts ffs. What will happen to the children reading all this prudeness honestly!!!!!! I'm also reading a thriller called The Maid's Diary and the last book I finished was another YA, titled Make me a Liar. It was a scy-fi murder mystery and a solid 2/5 stars read. IDK is it just me or last year was really really weak, book-wise? It was very hard for me to actually find new releases that kept me hooked.

Last Movie: Saw Mean Girls at the theater and at home I rewatched D&D Honor Among Thieves. Still a fantastic movie btw.

Last TV Show: I'm watching PJ&O weekly! Also I just returned from a three week trip to Sweden and they had Scrubs available to stream there, which sadly is not true here in Brazil. Anyway I got to watch all of season one before coming home.

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: Savory! Specially if its a little tangy. I love adding lime and salt to stuff lol

Relationship Status: Single

Last Thing I Googled: The website I have to use for work cause I can never remember the link

Current Obsession: So the PJ&O show has definitely rekindled some of the decade old obsession I've had for/with a handful of characters. Also a couple months back I started to write fanfiction again and finally had the guts to put into words stories I fantasied for a long time, for the niche pairing I've secretly read since I was 17. Its scary cause fandom is daunting but wth, right? Which in turn made me want to read even more fanfiction to celebrate fanwork. People are so talented its insane. Also I have been writing some of my own original shit. Oh and its Big Brother Brasil season so I apologize for my capslocked portuguese tweets for the next 3 months because I cannotjust watch something

Looking Forward To: Carnaval is in a couple of weeks, which, love!! And to keep with the theme, let me give you a book, a movie and a show I'm excited for: Show: Severance season 2 whenever that drops Movie: Wicked part 1 baby I will be there in full green paint idc idc Book: *another disappointed sigh* I love Anthony Horowitz's mysteries, especially his self insert ode to himself (the Hawthorne and Horowitz series which is so so good, sadly;) and a new one is coming out in march, apparently. I will be there.

I have to tag nine people which is a lot and idk who likes this sort of thing and who has done it so if this bugs you im sorry so sorry just ignore. Also if you want to do it GO AHEAD and say I tagged you I wanna get to know you. Also why is it impossible for me to just answer something without a whole paragraph. Anyway, tagging @jedlelands @glorianas @pureanonofficial @clytenmestra @kallypsowrites @bisansastarks @darlingwendy @seollem-tm @peppershark

[some-unoriginal-fandom-trash]

Alrighty. Never done one of these but I like my bio so instead we’re making a pinned post.

Hi! I’m Captain, feel free to call me Cap. My pronouns are she/her, I’m currently in the 18-25 age range and will be for the next few years, and uhhhhhh I’m a big fuckin’ loser. Don’t ever listen to anything I say, I have very shit opinions.  Also I swear. A shit ton. 

I usually write, but occasionally I make art. My tags are usually up to date on my current interests, so feel free to go down multiple rabbit holes, and uh “spam like”, idrc. I’m pretty good with tagging triggers. If you want something tagged, you can ask, but I reserve the right to refuse to do so.

If you’re unsure about interacting, here is everything else:

DNI/Immediate Block: Transmeds/Truscum, TERFs, “MAPs/NoMAPs” (you’re a pedophile don’t come fucking near me), racists, homophobes, (always feel kind of silly putting those last two but ya know. Might as well), fatphobes, and I mean. That’s pretty much it. If you want to have a civil conversation/debate about anything feel free to start one, but if you come out of the gate swinging I’m gonna block you, I don’t give a shit. Be a dickwad somewhere else. This includes stuff about proship/anti discourse. You wanna have a conversation about it? Sure. You immediately start calling somebody names? You’ll get a ��fuck off dickhead” and a block. Also, if you’re an NSFW blog, MESSAGE ME or fuckin’ SOMETHING so that I’ll know if you’re a bot or not. You’re allowed to be here, idc, but if you don’t say anything I WILL AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME UR A BOT

Minors can follow/interact, I try to make this a safe space, (meaning I, personally, won’t post/reblog NSFW) but I am an adult. If you see something I post and come to realization “hmm. I probably shouldn’t be seeing this” just unfollow me. I’m not gonna care.

Feel free to message me, despite everything contrary I’m a pretty friendly person. I’m not gonna do a background check on every post I reblog, but if you tell me “hey this particular post is from a Terf” or something I’ll take it down. But do NOT come here airing out drama or baseless accusations about somebody. I can and will most likely ignore you.

[fleurdov]

this is like not a coherent analysis of the chapter at all! I just don’t have enough room in the tags for the things I usually say🤝🏾so first off THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE UPDATE??? IT WAS SO GOOD????????

can i just say the party scene had me stressed with okay like so obvious spoilers ahead but i waited a couple of days and it’s been clawing at my brain and i have to let out my thoughts how much Mc was drinking though like I was sweating thinking she was gonna miss the time to meet with San or somehow let it slip or something. I had to giggle when she was gonna go over to Jongho tho and her looking at Yunho is so real

Also the convo with hwa at the party where he said Mingi definitely wasn’t better off before hand, and how when we tried to leave he hasn’t been the same literally made me :( I know Seonghwa is like the worsttt but I trust him the most out of everyone here so it just makes me remember how this all started with Mingi, but also makes me think about that convo between San and him where Mingi says that he was never the target just a means to get to Mc and that makes me even more nervous. IM SO GLAD WE GOT TO TALK TO HIM THO, though it’s hard for me to trust his words too bc ya know Hongjoong.

“You might not think of me as your best friend anymore, but I value our friendship more than anything else in my life, (Y/n). More than Hongjoong, more than The Answer, more than all of this; you are what I thank God for everyday. If something happened to you, I don’t think I would survive it.”

nvm this had me on the floor sobbing like hello???? minus what he says about the insane man afterwards i choose to ignore that part but this convo was so sweet and i’m glad it was had bc I fear for him like everyday but also now that they are “made up” i’m even more scared

CAN I JUST SAY AS SOON AS SAN SAID HE HAD TO GO BACK MY STOMACH CURLED UP like I knew weren’t escaping but the idea of being alone????? it gave me ptsd to the corn fields like I actually went through it😭AND WHEN SEONGHWA KNOCKED ON THE WINDOW???? my soul left my body i had to literally take a moment before i continued because i knew things were about to not be good

“Why are you crying? Are you leaving?” He sounds so sad that your heart nearly shatters. You're leaving?” He asks again, “without me?” 

shutuoshutuoshutupshutupshutup drunk seonghwa is making me upset and uncomfortable and i wanna hug him but i know it’s a trap but it’s such a good trap. and the fact that he says he won’t tell and repeating that we’ll both be fine if I just come back ALL WHILE CRYING??? this scene is heart wrenching was your goal to hurt my feelings bc my feelings are hurt right now. All i can think of this those characters analysis you’ve posted for Seonghwa about the parallels between him and mc and just knowing that it hurts to see this scene go down even more to me. And the fact that Mc knew that there was so escape??? perfection my soul is rotting.

“You glance at Seonghwa, who still has his back turned to you. He seems to be shaking, but you find it hard to believe that, even in this scenario, he would cry for you. This has to be part of it, right? Part of making you feel guilty?”

STOP(if you haven’t noticed i’m like in love with seonghwa idc if he’s the worst i love him so much)

Can I just say the way you write Hongjoong is brilliant! The scene where he’s about to drag you back through the woods to the barn is I wasn’t scared? but it definitely still felt like waiting for him to snap and that felt even worse? Ooo and Joong calling Mc selfish for self preservation is crazy bc the moral greyness of it all. I’ve found myself being like i don’t want mc to get san or anyone else hurt but then I remembered hey! they got her hurt they brought her here! and when you’re in this i need to escape mode it’s definitely hard to think unselfishly so for her to be called out on it but the most selfish of them all to manipulate at her at one of her lowest is just wowwwww

and before i rant about the ending scene oh my gosh I just- I imagine Jongho just tryna have his alone time and seeing mc and being like 🫥i don’t get paid enough

SEE okay Hongjoong is so good at manipulating that I literally had to pause and be like “no San didn’t kill Hanseul right???” Like bro had me questioning myself he’s so SICK also San calling him a psycho had me giggling cause that definitely was not part of the script

I’m still like in circles that Hongjoong told San to make this escape plan bc like one hand when San first proposed the plan that’s exactly what I thought was going on bc San was so devoted to Hongjoong? But after seeing Sans pov(granted i’m not sure what’s accurate anymore) I’m not convinced of his loyalty to Hongjoong so I chose to believe that he was in a way loyal and looking out for Mc in the best way he knew how I mean the dude is a cult member at the end of the day??? But also I DONT TRUST ANYTHING HONGJOONG SAYS HE LIES FOR FUN THIS WHOLE CULT IS LITERALLY JUST HIM LYING FOR FUn so I’m like??? I don’t believe that San truly is betraying us like this!?? But maybe I’m just foolish and extremely stupid. Like San hasn’t been cruel to us?? and to instigate a conversation on what we would do after escape the cult would be so freaking cruel???? I just i’m fighting between wanting to have some faith left in San because if I don’t that means Hongjoong really is right and I hate a world where Hongjoong is right!!!(Ive also looked at Characters pinterest boards you’ve made more times than I care to admit👉🏾👈🏾and i take those into account so it’s just hard for me to fully believe in san betraying us like this) But again maybe I’m delusional and if that’s the case then me and Joong are like this 🫱🏾‍🫲🏼

Was not expecting Mc to launch herself and beat San tho! Like girl wait!!! But also these men have trapped you here so at the same time? Go girl? But hongjoong is obviously satisfied with this so I feel so much dread and uncomfortableness and I feel so horrible for San even though I know I shouldn’t???? But I definitely feel horrible for Mc and I just wanna give her a hug

“You’re sure that he’s planning on strangling you, there’s a sweet little look in his eyes that tells you everything you need to know.”

OOOO THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGGGGG(mc and hwa) this is so horrible give me 12 more of them! no but actually the fact that mc is just baiting whoever she needs to bait into attempting to off her makes my heart clench this poor girl. I hate it so much she doesn’t deserve this!!!! What I wasn’t expecting was San to start going in on Hwa though! Like if anything solidified San has some sort of messed up love loyalty to Mc it’s this and I dont(do) like it!

“Doesn't this make you feel good? Seeing what San would do for you? Even after it’s all over?” He whispers so close that his breath tickles your ear. “It could always be like this. Everyone could love you like this.” 

“Love? This is love? Your ploy to upset Hongjoong by including Seonghwa failed. If there isn’t love lost between the two of them, then what on earth about this is love? Still, your heart skips a beat”

HONGjoong you’re a sick demented tiny man and i hate you and I hate that this is going according to your plan!

ALSO sEONGHWA AND SAN SOBBING IN THE BACKGROUND WHIKE HWA TURNS AWAY AND SLAPS HONGJOONG HAND AWAY?? Deserved on Hongjoong part but seonghwa baby boy please forgive me! But Then i have to remember that he is actually the worst!

and this man had the nerve to comfort and hug mc after everything. He is- He’s really good like in a way bc throughout this whole story mc has stayed strong in not giving him what he wants and not believing him but this scene just flipped ALL OF THAT?? And that is truly what’s so scary? Her finding his presence grounding and seeing that he’s right it makes me feel so much dread for the upcoming chapters. Like until this moment I never thought that Mc could be fully fully manipulated or turned by Hongjoong but now I fear it may be a possibility and now all of those warning from Seonghwa about the not ifs but when’s are starting to seem scarier now. WE LOVE A DOOMED NARRATIVE

OVERALL I LOVED THIS CHAPTER AND IM FLABBERGASTED!!!! Like I need to think more of the chapter and look make at my previous reblogs and interims to put together better thoughts but for now I just wanted to express how much I loved this!!!!!!!!!

san, seonghwa and joong at the end of the chapter

everyone read The Answer like immediately!

THE ANSWER: XXVIII

Kim Hongjoong doesn’t like the word ‘cult.’ He prefers ‘sect.’ pairing: ateez x fem reader genre: cult au, thriller, angst check warnings on AO3

← previous || next → || masterlist chapter word count: 14,305 chapter warnings: alcohol consumption

Your month drags on. Despite the heightened activity around the farm, nothing much changes in your day-to-day schedule. You wake up at the same time, listen to Hongjoong ramble for the same amount of time, eat the same meals with the same people, and eventually sleep at the same time. Even book club is monotonous, barely even happening— but that might have more to do with the fact that Seonghwa (who conducts most of your lessons) seems even less enthused about having to spend an hour talking to you than you are. 

Which is strange— ish. Not that you expected much different from him, but you had thought that… or, well, at least, you weren’t feeling such a burning hatred for him anymore, so, maybe… 

But that’s silly. Of course Seonghwa still doesn’t give a rat's ass about you, why would he? All you’ve ever done is be a pain in his side. Even when he’s… comforted you in the past… its been to relieve his own discomfort or guilty conscious, not to actually help you. Probably.

You truly have no idea. Seonghwa is an enigma. 

In a way, though, you’re glad that he’s at least mostly off your case. Maybe due to your slight mental breakdown after seeing the… thing… Seonghwa seems to be less eager to poke fun at you. Not nice by any standards, but he’s certainly less devious around you. 

Which also means that he hasn’t been prying into your personal life. Thankfully. With the secret of your escape looming over your every thought, it would be just like you to accidentally slip-up in front of Seonghwa and blow the whole thing. 

Instead, he keeps things very formal. He doesn’t put his hands on you, he doesn’t stare at your face with that scrunched-up look, he doesn’t ask questions about you or your day or San or anything else. He talks to you about The Answer and lets you leave after. 

Though the arrangement is a bit startling at first, you get used to it quickly. Hongjoong appears less and less at these meetings, not even making an appearance in the last two weeks of the month. You have no idea what he could possibly be so busy doing, but you’re not complaining. 

Over the course of the month, there were several more rituals, similar to the tune of the one that you had participated in. Luckily, you were not called to participate in any of them, and no more— and your hesitant to even give whatever happened a name, but— Guardians appear to confuse and scare the everliving fuck out of you. 

More and more, you find yourself absentmindedly reaching to touch the pins on the collar of your shirt, fiddling with them whenever your hands are free. You want to think that it has nothing to do with Hongjoong’s bullshit about the Sign protecting you… and it doesn’t! Not at all! That would be crazy! It’s just a habit. Like spinning a ring or twisting a necklace. 

… You’ll go with that, anyways. 

Occasionally, you still have nightmares about your encounter. What a horrible night that all was. Obviously, there still is nothing in you that can believe that Guardians are real. That would be silly. And insane. But it’s only natural that you’re still upset about the whole situation. Whatever had happened, it had scared the shit out of you. It affected you— it makes sense that your subconscious would be fixated on such a traumatic memory. 

Right…? Or maybe you’re still actively thinking about that night and what the fuck had happened. Could it have been what Hongjoong said? Could he be right? Or were you blitzed out on some mysterious drug and everyone else was just lying about what they saw? Could Hongjoong manage that?

He probably could. It couldn’t be that hard for him to convince the entire cult into gaslighting you into believing that they had all seen the thing, too. But San… He wouldn’t lie to you about it, right? You find that very hard to believe. 

Thinking on it, San had, of course, never outright said that he had seen the same thing as you— you had never spoken in detail with him about it… But he was disturbed enough to set your escape into motion, which must count for something. Maybe he had seen a Guardian and was terrified enough to run. 

These sorts of thoughts dominate your month. 

You had volunteered to help out with the harvest, almost pleading with San for something to do. You were sure that Wooyoung would take your help back in the kitchens, but Hongjoong denied you any opportunity that seemed to come your way. He wanted you with San, where he could see you. 

Which is stupid, in your opinion. Hongjoong has the Followers, all of whom are incredibly devoted to him; any of them would give you up in a heartbeat if they saw you trying anything that you shouldn’t. He could assign literally anyone to watch you while you did a task, and it would achieve the same thing as having San at your side. But no. You were forced to rot in your apartment, glancing over San’s shoulder to his laptop on occasion, hoping to see something that could brighten your mood (or give you more information). 

Most of the time, you watch out your window, hoping to snag another glance at Mingi. There are a few times when you can see him in the field, but the Followers make quick work of the harvest nearest the compound, and move farther and farther away as the month rolls onward. Sometimes, you swear you can see his hair in the distance, reflecting the sun so brightly. It gets harder and harder to remember why you fought. Why you were holding a grudge. Could you really blame him for having your best interests at heart?

Sure, he had been a little possessive and freaky, but, like, he was kind of telling the truth. And he was just trying to make sure that San wasn’t hurting you.

You’re probably just making excuses for him, now, as you miss his company. Here you were, a cult member, locked away in an apartment, all for him— and you don’t even have him. You can’t even speak with him freely. The irony isn’t lost on you. 

Anyways, it doesn’t come as much of a shock when Hongjoong announces that the harvest is complete. Though the month might have been one of the longest of your life, watching the field workers get farther and farther away everyday at least gave you a sense of time passing. When even their tractors were tiny specks that you could hardly see without squinting, it was clear that the work was almost finished. 

The announcement is met with much fanfare, though you’re not sure why. From what you make of it, Halloween is always the date on which the harvest celebration occurs. It shouldn’t be much of a surprise that the harvest is over, especially with the date looming so soon, but the Followers all seem overjoyed. Maybe they’re all just ready to relax after a long, toiling month. 

That said, the day itself comes much faster than you anticipated. Hongjoong made the announcement of the end of the Harvest on the 25th of the month, leaving six days between the sermon for celebration and the actual ceremony itself. 

Which left you with six days to finish your mental preparations for your escape. 

San had refined your plan over the month, including making a timeline of the night and the places you should find yourself. He took over the entire plan, which you really couldn’t be more thankful for. His knowledge of the farm and the workings of the cult provided a level of security that you would have never been able to achieve on your own. 

In essence, the plan remained the same. When the ceremonial party began at 6pm, you would have nothing to worry about… besides socializing for the next nine hours. Just follow the vibes, and you would be okay. San was sure that you would have free reign during the party, that you’d be allowed to be away from a higher-ups side once the alcohol was flowing. At three, you would meet with San near the front doors, trying to not be seen, and make your way into the woods beyond the compound, where San will have stashed your car in the days leading up to the ceremony (it was as he was telling you this that he admitted to having the keys to your car in his office this entire time). 

Despite the simplicity of the plan, you figured that it would probably work. As long as you didn’t raise any suspicions in the coming days, and as long as everything went smoothly on Halloween, there was no reason to dwell on the possibility of it failing. 

Another failed escape attempt was unlikely to be something that you would survive, you knew this. Even with Hongjoong’s delusional belief that you are someone important to him and his religion, you weren’t sure he could tolerate this level of disobedience— at the very least, it would be disastrous if you failed. At worst, you would be leading San and yourself to early graves. 

Maybe Hongjoong’s twisted dependence on you would mean that he couldn’t kill you… But you weren’t going to count on it. He had threatened your life in the past, and you were quite certain that he meant it. He would be able to reason out a way that killing you made sense, if you pissed him off enough.

So. You simply had to make sure that you did not fail. Because you didn’t want to find out what Hongjoong would do with you if you did. 

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。. 

Much like the rest of the month, the few days leading up to Halloween also fly by before you can appreciate the gravity of your situation. 

Your stomach churns all morning. You chalk it up to nerves, the most obvious explanation for an upset stomach, but part of you wonders if there wasn’t something wrong with your dinner last night. 

Hongjoong announces the party to be held that evening during the morning service, like San had said that he would. You wring your hands together at San’s side, avoiding Hongjoong’s eyes. There’s a small part of you that is so sure that he would be able to figure you out entirely if he got a glimpse into your eyes. You just try to focus on the activity at hand, listening to Hongjoong with an impassive look on your face. 

You must do an alright job, as Hongjoong allows you to leave the chapel with San at the conclusion of the service. You’re even able to eat breakfast in peace, which actually does surprise you. Though Hongjoong had been exceedingly busy over the month, he still typically made time to freak you out most days. 

But San and you are able to sneak away after breakfast, back to your apartment, without a word from anyone. 

As soon as San shuts and locks the door behind him, he asks, “Are you still feeling alright? Up to this?” 

You blink across the room at him, hardly needing a moment to assure him that you very much still are ready to make your escape. You ask if he’s feeling the same way, to which he agrees. 

“Just a little nervous, I guess,” he explains, shrugging. “That’s normal, right?” 

“Of course it is.” You’re sure that San is no stranger to Hongjoong’s wrath; you don’t need to wonder why he’s nervous. Once again, you’re struck by emotion as you realize what San is doing for you, what he’s risking and what he’s giving up. 

He smiles. “What should we do, after we’re out of here?” 

You sit down on the couch, thinking through your answer, “I think we should just show up on one of my friend’s doorsteps and freak the shit out of them.” 

San laughs, rolling his eyes. “I meant more long-term, but we can do that, too.” 

Oh… Long-term. You still hadn’t broached the subject about… well, blowing the whistle on this place again, ever since San flipped out when you suggested it. You certainly still planned on doing exactly that, and you really don’t think that you need San’s approval to do so, either. Like, if you escape and just let this be, aren’t you basically an accomplice to all of the crime? 

The last thing you plan to do with your life is go to prison for Hongjoong, so you’re very much resolved in what you have to do… whether San agrees with you or not. 

“Well,” you start, “when’s the last time you saw your parents? Where did you live before you came here?” 

San sighs dramatically, making his way to sit next to you. “Sheesh, don’t remind me. They’re gonna kill me.” 

“They’ll be happy to see you, I’m sure.” You think of your own parents, who will probably also be a little upset… but hopefully mostly pleased that you’re still alive. 

San agrees with you easily enough about his parents, before adding, “Is this a bad time to mention that the Followers have been paying your rent since you went missing?” He asks, “So everything should still be there.” 

You gape at him. “Are you serious? How?” 

You know for a fact that your rent could only be paid through a pain in the ass portal with a very specific and strange ID and password. 

He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “You had the info saved in your phone… so…” 

Puzzled. You are puzzled. Why would they go to such lengths to just keep your shit in your apartment? You had long since assumed that your landlord had probably broken down the door and left your stuff on the curb. 

Well, you remind yourself, it actually hasn’t been that long. Though it feels like you’ve been on this farm for the better part of your life, it has really only been… what, two and a half months? Maybe your landlord would give you some leeway, but… no need to worry about it, you guess. 

But why would they even do that? It’s not like your rent was cheap. What would they gain from keeping your apartment intact? The illusion of life? 

That’s probably it, you realize. Just a front to make it look like you, in fact, weren’t a missing person. Part of you wants to freak out at San, realizing that he must be the person that orchestrated all of this, but you’re too far past that. If you start being mad at him for doing his job, you’re going to have to be mad about a lot of things. Things that you can look past for the fact of what he’s helping you do tonight. 

“Speaking of my phone, can I get that back?” 

San, relieved that you don’t seem mad, smiles. “I’ll grab it tonight.” 

“Can’t I have it now?” 

He hesitates at that, inclining his head in question, “any particular reason?” 

You shouldn’t need to give him a reason, so you shake your head. 

“It’s probably best to keep it where it is, in case someone goes looking for it.” 

… Ominous. Who would be looking for your phone? 

But he’s probably right. And it’s not like there would be much to do on it, anyways. You’re not going to call the cops now, not when your escape is looming closer and closer with each minute that passes. You can’t jeopardize it now. 

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。. 

You’re a little surprised that dinner carries on as normal, without any extra fanfare. Though no one had mentioned one, you had kind of expected there to be another ceremony of sorts. But, no, dinner is normal. You sit with San and Wooyoung, the rest of the table almost awkwardly empty as the three of you eat in relative silence.

How is Wooyoung going to react when he wakes up tomorrow and you’re both gone? He’s going to be pissed. But, maybe, he’ll realize that you wouldn’t leave him here. Surely, after what he told you, he knows that you wouldn’t do that. You couldn’t have it in your heart to let him rot here, knowing what Hongjoong did to bend him to his will… or, at least, having an inkling of an idea. 

Before you know it, Hongjoong is standing at the head of the room, commanding the attention of the cafeteria. The room falls into a hush, no one speaks as Hongjoong starts his speech. 

“Everyone,” he addresses the room, “Loyal Followers of the Answer, it is with great joy that I officially conclude our harvest season.”

The room bursts into a polite applause, smiles shared around the tables as the Followers celebrate their leader’s message. 

“Despite a rocky start, we were very fortunate to remain safe for the duration of the month.” Hongjoong, for the first time that day, finds your eyes. “I put my thanks in the faith of our Followers, those who kept our protections strong all month long. Though it may seem that there was no danger at all, this is only thanks to their courage.” 

San reaches across the table to squeeze your hand, giving you a small smile. 

“As always, we will celebrate our safety and our bountiful harvest— which Jongho assures me will last us through the winter and beyond— tonight. Everyone of age shall participate; I do not expect anyone to hold back on anyone’s account, especially not my own. This success is as much yours as it is mine.

“Please, imbibe freely, socialize freely, celebrate your victory over evil. We start now, and we will not stop until dawn.” Hongjoong grabs his glass from the table behind him, saluting the room with it before downing the amber liquid. 

Again, the room applauds, though more raucously. Wooyoung excuses himself from your table, headed back to the kitchens. Soon after, Followers emerge with trays and trays of various specialty glassware, each filled with their respective (you assume) alcohols. Not long after, Wooyoung exits the kitchen with a rolling cart filled with, perhaps, more bottles of alcohol than you have ever seen in one place at one time (which was saying a lot, considering the bars you had frequented with Mingi in college). 

Without anyone’s encouragement, Followers begin congregating at the front of the room, helping themselves to the multitude of drinks available. You’re even surprised to see that someone brought out a case of Coke, presumably for mixing. When was the last time you saw coke? They must’ve made a run into town recently, you realize, though it couldn’t have had the same importance as when San went. 

You shrug it off. Not like it matters much, anyhow. San stands, offering his hand to you. You take it, graciously, prepared to get this night started. 

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。. 

There is an attempt to pace yourself, considering that you’re going to need to be at least a little coherent later tonight, but… well… it’s been a long time. And you are well aware of the fact that you have, like, basically 10 hours. That’s enough time to get drunk and then sober, if you play your cards right. 

So play them, you do. San sticks to your side like glue for the first couple hours, watching you carefully as you put away more than your fair share of drinks. He drinks, as well, but nowhere near at the speed or quantity you do. You’re vaguely aware that you probably should slow down, but why would you, when you’re surrounded by… like, tons of dudes that would protect you, and you include Hongjoong in that count. 

By nine, you are positively drunk, blissfully unaware of the worries from the morning. What is there to worry about? You’re having the time of your life, do you even want to leave? Why would you leave? The thought makes you laugh, not surprisingly. 

You flit around the cafeteria, having lost San a while ago. Or maybe it was only a few minutes ago… It doesn’t matter. You talk to a lot of people, introducing yourself and smiling when they tell you they know who you are. It almost makes you feel a little guilty, but it mostly makes you happy. So many lovely people know your name and your face and they know that Hongjoong thinks you're so important. How amazing! Tomorrow, you probably wouldn’t be able to repeat a single one of their names, but that doesn’t matter. 

The time flies as you keep talking to new people, your mind completely distracted from the plans you have for later. You do slow down your drinking, eventually, though that’s more so due to the fact that you’re too far away from the bar table to bother going back to it than anything else. 

More than a few times, you find yourself staring at Mingi, and, more often than not, he’s staring at you, as well. Maybe he’s worried about you…? The thought makes you blush. Mingi… Oh, Mingi. He looks so handsome tonight, too. His hair is still red, still bright, and his outfit is beautifully fitted to his bulky body. Phew. You almost need to fan yourself. 

Eventually, sometime, you’re not sure what time, you end up talking with Yunho. He is clearly not even a little bit drunk, you might even say he was stone-cold sober if not for the glass in his hands. Though you thought that he hated your guts, he still seemed a little amused by your presence, a small smile on his face as he has to catch your forearm a couple times. The drunk part of you wonders if you could get away with feeling his biceps, he’s just so tall and so handsome, but even you know it would probably be wrong to feel him up. 

You couldn’t repeat a word of your conversation to anyone, not even seconds after it happened; not that you think it particularly matters. After Yunho, you find Wooyoung and Yeosang, and you can distinctly remember thanking Wooyoung for the incredible selection, but… yeah, that’s about it. 

While you’re about to go talk to Jongho, who looks like he could use some company, a hand wraps around your elbow, tugging you backwards. Not one to argue, you spin around, ready to follow whoever it is. Seonghwa stares down at you, an incredulous expression on his face. 

“Hi, Hwa,” you smile up at him, grabbing his free hand with yours. 

His expression morphs from confusion to disgust. “Do not call me that. How much have you had to drink?” 

You shrug, swinging your conjoined hands back and forth. “Enough to have a good time. What about you?” 

“Certainly less than that,” he tugs you back toward the cafeteria tables that had, apparently, been mostly moved out of the way at one point. “Trust me, you don’t want to bother Jongho tonight.” 

You hadn’t planned on bothering him, just keeping him company, but you figured that Seonghwa wouldn’t see it the same way. 

“What time is it?” You ask him, only remembering that you’re wearing a watch after the words leave your mouth. 

“10:44. Got somewhere to be?” 

“Nope,” you pop the p sound, following his lead as he ushers for you to sit down at the table. 

Time continues to fly by, though Seonghwa isn’t as good of a conversation partner as the other people you’ve been spending your time with. He also doesn’t let you drink anymore, instead insisting that you drink water, refilling your glass every time you empty it. Lame. 

As the minutes pass, though, you can feel yourself coming back to reality. You definitely aren’t sober, very far from sober, but the lights stop being bright and you stop being amused by everything that Seonghwa says and does pretty quickly. You also excuse yourself to the restroom more than a few times, though you dutifully return to the same table each time. 

The night progresses, and you find yourself making eye contact with Mingi more and more. Like, seriously, basically everytime that you happen to look at him, he’s already looking at you. Besides the one time you look over and see him engaged in conversation with Hongjoong, you appear to have his rapt attention. 

You try to look around the room for San, but there are so many Followers and it’s kind of dark and you’re still not in your right mind, so you give up pretty quickly. You have no idea what it is that he could be doing, besides preparing for your escape, so you just let it be. Better to not ask after him and then have the others asking the same questions. 

Though he had stopped you from drinking, Seonghwa had not stopped himself. He paces himself much better than you had, but he keeps drinking as the night wears on, eventually starting to open up a bit more with you. He also lets you get another drink, which you happily allow yourself, as you start to feel much too aware of your situation once more. 

“You know,” Seonghwa mutters, leaning closer to you, “this is, essentially, Hongjoong’s birthday party.”

You pull away from him, confusion evident on your face. “It’s his birthday?” 

“In a week.” He sips his drink, grimacing at the taste. “But he doesn’t make a big deal of it on the actual day, so here we are.” 

You’re actually rather surprised to hear this, and from Seonghwa no less. It’s strange that Hongjoong doesn’t want his birthday to be a huge thing considering his, you know, enormous ego and narcissism issue. Maybe he doesn’t like everyone knowing how old he is. Kind of takes away the appeal, knowing that he’s… how old is he? He can’t be much older than you, just given what you know about him and Seonghwa (who you know to be the same age). You’d ask Seonghwa, but it kind of seems like he wants you to ask, so you’re not going to. 

Instead, you sip your own drink, trying to look like you’re thoughtfully processing and tucking this information away for later. Why would you ever need to remember Hongjoong’s birthday, especially after tonight? Your stomach rolls over as you have this thought, the reminder of your plan being truly nauseating. 

“When's your birthday?” You ask instead, propping your elbow onto the table. 

Seonghwa looks momentarily taken aback, but responds easily enough, “April third.” 

“Far away, then,” you frown. Another realization hits you. “You’re older than Hongjoong.” 

He shrugs, “Believe it or not.” 

For whatever reason, this is, in fact, slightly disconcerting. 

But you ignore that feeling, opting to look around the crowded room. Hongjoong himself is mingling with Yeosang and Wooyoung, both of whom look incredibly pleased to have their leader's attention. Wooyoung is not shy with his hands, clutching the Hongjoong’s arm close to his chest as they speak. Vaguely, you wonder if he’s feeling okay. You’re still not sure how he can be so loyal to someone that apparently had him… what? Tortured? Who even knows. Stockholm syndrome is a real thing, you guess. For once, Hongjoong doesn't sense your gaze, staying completely unaware until your eyes shift away. 

Immediately, perhaps unsurprisingly, at this point, you make eye contact with Mingi. You hold it this time, tilting your head in question as if asking him if he needs something. He’s certainly acting like it, with all this staring, but he looks away from you, resuming his conversation with a Follower you haven't met before. Like everyone else, he still sports a drink in his hand, dutifully sipping it every lull. 

“Princess, can I ask you a question?” Seonghwa speaks across from you, calling your attention back to him. You incline your head in the affirmative, and he asks, “Why did it take you so long to come after him?” 

The question takes you off guard, probably for the fact that you wonder it yourself. You take another drink, looking down at the wood grain on the table. 

“Too personal? I figured.” Seonghwa takes your silence as an unwillingness to respond.

“No,” you're quick to deny him, “it's not that. I just don't know the answer.” 

As horrible as it sounds, the real answer to the question is simply… you were busy. Life happened. You didn’t have any reason to suspect that he disappeared due to malicious circumstances. Finishing university was your top priority— plenty of your friendships fell to the wayside as you wrapped up your degree. And, by the time you graduated, it didn’t seem pertinent. You always figured that, if you reached out, he would answer. Hell, his mom told you where he was, if she knew about this place, at least to some extent, you couldn’t blame yourself for not knowing what it would end up being. 

If you had known the truth, you think, you would’ve come sooner. Of course you would have. There is no universe where you let Mingi go through this terror alone… though that’s essentially what’s happened since your argument and the rift in your relationship. 

Whatever the case, it seems silly to worry about now. You're here. There were a few months where Mingi was here alone, and the idea of those few months horrifies you. Knowing that Mingi went through a Choosing ceremony without any kind of internal support system makes you feel sick… but, you have to admit, he did pretty alright. Sure, he's traumatized and changed and brainwashed, but at least he has friends and a purpose and, well, he seems happy… ish. There's nothing you could've done if you had been here earlier, so it's no use dreading on it. You still would've been kept apart, and there still would've been the same circumstances. 

You take a look at your watch, sighing as it informs you that the time is 11:52 p.m., not nearly as late as you were hoping that it would be. 

Seonghwa huffs at your non-answer, tucking his hair away from his face to stare at you harder. “Sometimes I feel like I can hear your thoughts just from watching your expression change. Mingi wasn’t better off before you got here, if that is what you were thinking.” 

It wasn’t, but, like, that’s kind of close. 

You shake your head, sliding your drink across the table between your hands. “It’s not that I think he was better off… Just that he did alright for himself in the meantime.” 

His face twists, though you’re not sure what emotion he’s trying to convey. “Do you even remember what happened when you tried to leave?” 

Your eyes meet his. 

“He had you back for, what, two days, and then completely broke down.” Seonghwa glances back over at Mingi. “I don’t think he’s been the same since you did that.” 

“You can’t guilt trip me into forgetting my need for self-preservation,” you say, hoping your voice doesn’t betray any sense of, well, guilt. 

He rolls his eyes, looking back at you. “In case you haven’t noticed, Princess, you are very much still alive.” He mutters something else under his breath as he picks up his drink, taking quite a few consecutive swallows. 

You mirror his actions. Hopefully, you can keep it that way.

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。. 

In a stroke of luck, Seonghwa let you keep drinking until you found yourself teetering between tipsy and drunk, again. He kept drinking, but he didn’t really keep entertaining you, instead wandering off to do his own socializing. You do try to keep yourself under control, though considering that it’s almost time. 

You take a look at your watch, surprised to see that it’s already 2:15. Blinking through the haze of your tipsiness, it sure seems like 2:15 is an okay time to get a move on, right? Like, surely no one will notice if you slip out now instead of in, like, twenty minutes or whenever you and San had agreed he would grab you. 

Plus, if anyone did notice, you could just say that you needed some air. It wouldn’t be hard to believe, looking at the state of you. You would quite enjoy a nice breath of fresh air. You could always come back inside if it felt like it was too early, or if you got a bad feeling. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to sneak off for just a moment. 

In a brief look around the room, you don’t find anyone paying any particular attention to yourself. In fact, you can see Hongjoong and Seonghwa engrossed in conversation, about as far away as could be. Seonghwa’s hand rests on Hongjoong’s shoulder, a demure smile on his face as he listens to Hongjoong speak. Most of the other Followers in the room all seem significantly more drunk than yourself, with hardly a person meeting your eyes for any longer than a second. 

No one will notice, you’re positive. 

As you begin your attempt to shuffle your way through the crowd toward the hall, a hand grasps your elbow, stopping you in place, for the second time that night. 

Despite the looks that he had been giving you all night, you’re still a bit surprised to see Mingi looking down at you when you spin around to see who the hand belongs to. Your plans to go get a breath of fresh air fall out the window at the sight of him. Why would you need fresh air when Mingi is standing in front of you? He has just about the same effect on you. 

At first, he doesn’t seem to have anything to say, but, if you know anything about Mingi, it’s that he yaps when he’s drunk. And he clearly is, judging from the rosy tinge of his face and the awkward smile he wears as he looks at you, a smile that sends you straight back to college. It’s as if he’s completely forgotten everything that’s happened in the past couple months, forgotten the arguments and the anger and the time that has passed. 

“Hey,” he greets you, having to raise his voice over the din of the party. 

“Hey,” you greet him in turn, politely waiting for him to continue. 

“Can I—” he stops, opting to lean his head closer to yours so that he can talk into your ear. His hand stays on your elbow, locking you in place (not that you would’ve moved away from him, anyways, being tipsy and all). “Can we talk in private?” He asks, his voice deep in a way that you had almost forgotten. 

Nodding, you allow him to retract himself and lead you away, toward the hall that you had originally been aiming for. When the door shuts behind the two of you, the party sounds fade; the two of you isolated from the rest of the world. 

Well, the two of you and a few other Followers that linger in the hall, but close enough. Mingi doesn’t seem bothered by their presence, and you really aren’t either. You’re sure that you haven’t had a truly private conversation with Mingi since before he went missing, given that he apparently seeks Hongjoong’s advice for everything. Anyways, the presence of a few stragglers doesn’t worry you. 

Mingi drops your arm, awkwardly smoothing his dress shirt. “You look nice. Pretty.” 

“Thanks,” you smile, leaning your back against the wall— partly in an effort to keep your balance.  “What did you wanna talk about?” 

He shrugs, observing the hallway like he had never seen it before. “Just wanted to talk. We haven’t talked in a looooooonnngggggggggg time.” 

Part of you wants to ask him who’s fault that is, but that would be cruel, so you don’t. “It has been a while now.” You agree instead, glancing at your watch. 2:22… which is basically 2:25, which is basically 2:30… already. Nerves wash over you again as you clench your hands in front of you. 

“If I’m being honest— and I always want to be honest with you, you know— Hongjoong said that I should talk to you because he thought it would be good for you to hear my thoughts about the situation and also because he said that he thought that you seemed bummed out that we haven’t been talking and that made me sad so I’m taking his advice and talking to you.” Mingi says after taking one deep breath, not stopping for a moment. “Also Yunho said that you still seemed kind of mad and I can’t take the thought of you being mad at me anymore so basically what I wanted to say was that I’m sorry.” 

Blinking, a pout forms on your face at his explanation. He had been worrying about you and your relationship. You could’ve reached out to him at any point in the last month, but hadn’t out of fear that he was still upset with you. And here he was, apologizing. 

“Mingi,” you wring your hands harder together, “it really isn’t important anymore. I stopped being angry a long time ago.” 

He shakes his head, closing his eyes. “It is important, (Y/n), I don’t want this to go unsaid. I’m sorry for confronting you and acting like a douchebag, I’m sorry for scaring you, I’m sorry for questioning you about San, which was absolutely none of my business, I’m sorry for yelling and fighting him and ignoring you for weeks and sending San dirty looks whenever I saw him.” He pauses. “You probably didn’t know about that last one, but, still, I’m sorry.” 

Your frown only grows deeper with each apology, your eyes starting to sting. You don’t want to cry, not when you’re sure that this night will steal plenty of tears already, but Mingi is making it hard. If you had known that he was beating himself up equally as hard as you had been, you would’ve apologized a long, long time ago. If you had known… isn’t that just the statement of your life? 

“When you were attacked at the start of the month, I was terrified.” He swallows. “I wanted to be at your side, but Hongjoong wouldn’t allow it, and I was sure that you would be pissed if you woke up and I was there, so I left. But that solitude left me a lot of time to think, to think about who you are and what you mean to me.

“You might not think of me as your best friend anymore, but I value our friendship more than anything else in my life, (Y/n). More than Hongjoong, more than The Answer, more than all of this; you are what I thank God for everyday. If something happened to you, I don’t think I would survive it.” Mingi swallows again, harder, tearing up himself. “I’m so glad that you’re here. I know you still are on the fence about Hongjoong, but I need you to trust me when I say that he loves us and he lives to make us better people.” 

Finally, you allow a few stray tears to spill onto your cheeks. Mingi’s confession is touching, truly, making your stomach do all sorts of gymnastics, but Hongjoong. How does he weasel his way into absolutely everything? Again, you’re struck by the thought that Mingi will be plagued by Hongjoong for the rest of his life. This… grip he has on Mingi won’t disappear overnight. 

Thankful for the wall behind you, considering your dizziness, you lift a hand to wipe at your cheeks before responding. “Mingi, no matter what happens or how much we fight or if I’m here or not, you’ll always be my best friend.” You smile weakly, hoping that he doesn’t read too deeply into your words. “Nothing can come between us for long.” 

Mingi wipes at his own tears, sniffling. “Can I hug you?” 

Before you can fully nod your head yes, Mingi is pulling you away from the wall and into his arms, crushing you to his chest. You’re quick to reciprocate, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist, savoring the feeling. You hadn’t been able to hug him in ages, but his arms feel just like you remember them— if not a little bit more muscled. Inhaling deeply, you rub your face against his shirt, probably ruining the crisp-ness that he had been trying to preserve. His tears wet your scalp, but you don’t mind as you only squeeze him tighter. 

The moment could not be more perfect; reconciling with Mingi fills your heart with such a certainty that you’re doing the right thing. Knowing that he isn’t upset with you, isn’t harboring any ill-will any longer reassures you that it will all be okay. He knows that you wouldn’t just leave him behind— he’ll know that you’re coming back for him (if he ever even finds out that you’ve left). 

That is, of course, ignoring the bit of his speech where he encouraged you to stay and adapt to Hongjoong, but, like, whatever. It’ll be irrelevant in a few hours, now. He’ll be thankful, eventually. 

But no moment can be perfect and last forever. 

A throat clearing from behind Mingi calls your attention back to the world. The two of you separate, though Mingi puts a hand on your cheek as you pull away, wiping away your tears with a tight smile. 

San looks behind Mingi’s shoulder, his face hard as he watches the two of you. You could almost chuckle at his jealousy, but the seriousness of the situation suddenly rises into your awareness once again. 

“I'm sorry, Mingi, you'll have to excuse us,” San says, despite the fact that Mingi hasn't acknowledged his presence. 

Mingi leans close to press a kiss to your forehead. “Thank you,” he says, quietly enough so that you're the only one who hears. 

Nodding, you untangle yourself from his arms, taking a few steps towards San before offering your hand to him. 

He takes it, offering no final remarks to Mingi as he pulls you further away from the cafeteria. Further away from Hongjoong and Seonghwa and Mingi and the rest of them. Closer to the forest and your car and freedom. 

Your heartbeat picks up in your chest again. Had you lost track of time talking with Mingi? Were you running behind? Why does it seem like San is in such a rush to get you away? It’s almost hard to keep up with his stride, your boots feeling heavier with each step that you take. 

Vaguely, you find yourself worrying over if Mingi will get in trouble for being the last one to speak to you. Surely not… How would he know what you were planning? There wouldn’t be a way for him to… unless they suspected that you had confided your plans to him. 

Which you hadn’t done, but if they were desperate enough to need a scapegoat… No. Hongjoong wouldn’t go that far. He may never even find out that you had the conversation in the first place. Mingi might mention it, but he probably wouldn’t have the opportunity to in the chaos that is sure to ensue when your absence was realized. 

They were bound to figure out what had happened easily enough; they wouldn’t have to interrogate your friends to come to the most obvious conclusion: that you and San had run away in the night, without outside help. 

Before you know it, San is opening the front door, ushering you into the night. 

As you had suspected, the cool air does feel amazing on your skin. Lacking a coat, you know that you’ll grow colder the longer that you’re outside. It’s almost November, now, the air is almost strikingly cold after the stuffiness of the cafeteria. Even the hallway had hardly felt relieving compared to this. 

Taking a few deep breaths, you allow San to continue wordlessly leading you forward. If you weren’t still rather tipsy, maybe you would question his silence. But it doesn’t bother you very much, if you’re being honest. He probably just doesn’t want to risk drawing any unnecessary attention…

He had assured you that there would be absolutely no one outside of the compound at this point in the night, though… 

But, still, he has his reasons, you’re sure. Instead of continuing to walk in front of the building, he veers dramatically to the right, walking the distance until you both turn the corner to round to the side and eventually the back.

Though you had never seen the woods at the back of the compound directly, you had known it was there. The ancient, old-growth trees loomed from behind the building, their leaves able to be seen from a far distance, even from the road. To actually be in front of them was a new sensation, a new emotion. The sight of their trunks startled you into realization.

This is real. You’re doing this. You’re running. You’re getting out of here. 

San stops at the edge of the trees, finally turning to address you in a low voice, “You still want to do this?” 

Nodding, you squeeze his hand in yours, bringing your free hand to grip your joined hands as well. 

He looks at the dirt, kicking a loose pebble at his feet. “Don’t look too hard at anything you might see in these trees, (Y/n).” 

However foreboding that is, you agree with his request, “I won’t take my eyes off of you.” 

San allows himself a small smile, squeezing your hands back. 

Whatever it is that San doesn’t want you seeing, you don’t think you ever had any hope of being able to see in the trees, anyways. It’s pitch black outside, the moon doing little to help you as you walk deeper and deeper. 

You’re almost kind of amazed that he’s able to lead you so confidently. He must not have consumed anywhere near the same quantity of alcohol as everyone else. Which actually makes quite a bit of sense, considering you hadn’t seen him very much at all following dinner. What had he been up to? Was Hongjoong not suspicious of his absence? He must’ve made something up… explained it away… 

More than a few times, you stumble over a tree root or loose brush, twigs snapping underfoot with each step that you take. San holds you steady, slowing his pace when you need it. 

After what feels like forever, but is probably more like a couple minutes, you reach a clearing. At first, you think that you spot your car right away… but then you realize that you can’t be sure. In the clearing, there’s no fewer than twenty vehicles, of all makes and models and sizes. Some look like they haven’t run in years, a thick, dusty coat over their windshields that you can even see in the dark. 

San doesn’t pause to let you take in the clearing for very long, however. He quickly pulls you along with him, between a row of cars, before you’re able to find your own. It looks just as you remember it, albeit a bit dirty. Your heart leaps as you realize what this means.

You’re at your car. Your car. It’s right here, right in front of you. You’re going to fucking get out of here. Holy shit. 

San lets go of your hand, fishing into his pocket before pulling out the keys and handing them to you. “We don’t lock the cars, but…” 

Clutching the keys in your hands, you can’t help but smile. “I can’t believe this is happening.” 

He awkwardly mirrors your smile, glancing behind you before pointing it out. You turn to look, not all that surprised to see that the clearing opens to a dirt road, leading back off into the trees. “We’ll go that way. It meets up with the main road after a couple miles.” 

Nodding, you turn back to your car, almost giddy as you approach the passenger’s side door. Gently, you pull on the handle, hoping the door doesn’t creak too loud as you do so. Thankfully, it’s no louder than normal, and you eagerly sit yourself down in the seat. San stands in the door, his hands resting on either side of the opening. “Ready, then?” He chuckles as you settle yourself into the seat, adjusting the recline to lay back. 

“Let’s go.” 

He gives you a thumbs up, pushing himself off of the car before patting at his pockets. 

His smile falls, his face paling. 

Your heart drops into your stomach, “What is it?” You ask, sitting back up. “Is something wrong?” 

San blinks, twisting to look back the way that you came. “I have to go back.” 

“What?” You almost shout, “Are you crazy? You can’t go back!” 

He shakes his head, leaning down toward you. He grips both of your shoulders tight in his hands, looking in your eyes, “It’ll be fine. I will be right back, I promise.” 

“San, no,” you gape at him, “what could possibly be so important?” 

San closes his eyes, shaking his head at your question. “It’s hard to explain, I— Just, I,” his eyes open as he squeezes you one last time before dropping your shoulders. “I’ll be back, I swear.” 

“Let me come with you,” you plead, attempting to grab one of his hands as he pulls away. “Don’t leave me here, alone, please, San.” 

Shushing you, he shakes his head again. “You’ll slow me down. I swear, (Y/n), it will be fine. I’ll see you in a minute.” 

He takes a step back, shutting the door before you can come up with a response. You’re too dumbfounded to even attempt to open the door again, too confused to try and follow. What could possibly be so important to him? What if someone finds you here? How are you going to explain that, huh? 

But the possibility of that is so remote. No one knows that you’re out here, how could they? Even if someone notices your absence at the party, they’ll just assume that you’ve retired to your room, right? And even if they feel inclined to check, that’ll take a few minutes, in which time San should return to you and get a move on. 

Still, you find it very hard to swallow your panic. 

What if this is it? What if you die because San had to go back for something that he wouldn’t even tell you about? Your breathing grows shallow with each new terrible thought that invades your mind. You can see it now, Hongjoong walking into the clearing, rage in his eyes, knife in his hands. Making you grovel and beg and plead with him only to end it right then and there, anyways. San would come back and find your still-warm body, soon to join you in death. 

You try to blink away the images that flit across your mind, realizing that your eyes burn as if you’d been crying. Your hand flies to your cheek, unsurprised to find it wet. Taking a deep breath, you do anything you can think of to distract yourself. 

The air in your car is so stale, your months old air-freshener doing little to help the dry, bitter smell. You fumble with the glove box, pulling it open while praying that there is anything in it that can distract you from the horror of the moment. 

Papers spill out as you indiscriminately pull everything out, ushering it onto your lap. You throw aside the car manuals and your outdated insurance, searching for just one thing, anything that could remind you of what you were enduring these terrors for. 

A brochure for The Bean slides out, your own face smiling from behind the coffee bar. Adam can be seen in the background. It almost makes you sick, that horrible reminder of the life that you had been forced to give up. You keep sliding the papers around, cutting your finger in your desperation. 

Sucking your paper cut into your mouth, you realize that you're not going to find anything in the glove box. You make a half hearted attempt to shove everything back inside before deciding that it's not worth it. 

Tears still pouring down your face, you reach for the driver's side sun visor, flicking it down to reveal the photos you kept in the sunglass clip. 

On top is a picture of Jungeun and yourself, embracing with your faces pressed together. You quickly slide it back, knowing for certain that you have a picture of Mingi in the stack. 

Seeing the picture will wake you up, you're certain. It will give you the courage to keep going. 

Finally, a polaroid emerges. It's the first picture you had clipped to the visor, a testament to how much time had passed before you started looking for Mingi. How had you waited so long? You pry the polaroid free, it having stuck to the metal after so long. 

Though your hands shake, you don't really need to see the photo in detail to appreciate it. Mingi stands in the center, a peace sign next to his eyes. He's not smiling, rather giving you a sour look. He wasn't pleased to be the first test subject of his gift to you. The second photo was of yourself, taken by him, you remember. The third was a selfie of the both of you. 

You don't have either of the other photos, but you have this one. Something compels you to protect the picture, to keep it on you, so you slide it into your waistline and pray that your pants don't distort it too much. 

A knock on the window almost kills you on the spot, with the way your heart leaps into your throat.

The shock of who you see through the window makes you gag. 

No sooner after seeing his face does he open the door, falling onto his knees next to the car to be eye level with you. 

Seonghwa is drunk, much more drunk than he had been when you were with him earlier, you realize this very quickly with the way his voice wavers as he asks, “What are you doing?”

You have no response. You open and close your mouth a few times, but only choked sounds of fear come out. 

He grabs your hands, holding them in your lap. “Why are you crying? Are you leaving?” 

He sounds so sad that your heart nearly shatters. Your heart should shatter, now, knowing that escape is impossible. But you can only focus on Seonghwa, on his knees, in front of you. 

His bangs brush his eyelids. “You're leaving?” He asks again, “without me?” 

Seonghwa hiccups, frowning. The question is so absurd you can't pay any mind to it. Why would you bring Seonghwa with you? His forehead comes to rest on your thigh. 

“Seonghwa, go back to the party,” you manage to get out, clearing your throat after. 

“I can't,” he pouts, “Hongjoong is mad at me. I can't tell why.” 

You think Hongjoong always seems a little mad at Seonghwa, but you're not going to say that to him now.

“Please, Seonghwa, go.” 

He shifts his face and blinks up at you, his eyes reflecting the moonlight so prettily it almost hurts. “Come with me, then.” 

Seonghwa gets to his feet, but he doesn't release your hands. They dangle between the two of you, the height different causing yours to float up. “We can fix this. Just come with me,” he says. 

You're shaking your head before you realize it. “I can't go back. I can't do this anymore.” 

Seonghwa bites his lip, looking around. “This isn't going to end well; please,” he looks back at you, “just come back with me. I won't say anything, Hongjoong will never know, we'll both be fine. We'll be fine. Nothing has to change.” 

“I can't go back.” Your heart beats wildly in your chest, you can feel its thrum. When San returns, what will he do about Seonghwa? How will he possibly get past him? Seonghwa won't let you leave, but you have to. To what length would San go to get you free? 

You don't want Seonghwa hurt. You realize now, staring up at him, that you care about him. More than you would've ever thought you would. Who is Seonghwa if not the ultimate victim? Is he not just a reflection of yourself?

“Get in the car, Seonghwa.”

He frowns again, pouting his lower lip. “I can't leave Hongjoong.” 

“Yes, you can. Get in the car.”

You don't give a second thought to your proposition, nodding your head toward the back seat.

“I won't leave Hongjoong.” Seonghwa clarifies, dropping your hands. They smack down onto your thighs, stinging. 

You'd question him, start yelling at him if you could. But you can hardly form a coherent thought and every word feels like risking the contents of your stomach coming up. Instead, you frown, looking down at your lap rather than at his confused face. 

“You can't leave Hongjoong, either,” he says. “Even if you run, he'll find you, always. You'd come back on your own, you won't know how to live without him anymore.” He tells you this eerily flat. “Just come back with me, he doesn't have to know about this.” 

Seonghwa is speaking nonsense. Even your flurried mind understands this.

“Please.” He begs. “(Y/n), please.” 

You shake your head. 

He squeezes his eyes shut, shaking his head as singular tears run down his cheeks. “I'm sorry. I tried to help you, I did.” 

Seonghwa turns away from the car as the sinking feeling in your stomach solidifies into a rock of dread. 

Of course, you knew what it meant to see Seonghwa out here. There was never any chance, not after he had found you. If he knew where you were, Hongjoong did, too. Surely, he wouldn’t risk you getting away. He would drag the moment on, though. Making Seonghwa come here, making him plead with you, what sort of torture was that? What was the point? Isn’t he just going to kill you, now? 

Why is it that, when Hongjoong enters the clearing, you aren’t scared? You hardly feel anything. You knew this was coming. You knew that this would happen, didn’t you? There wasn’t any other possible ending to this night. You wanted to believe that it was possible, that you could escape, but it was futile. It was never a possibility. Even with San’s help. You knew it, deep down. 

Like Seongwha said, there is no getting away from Hongjoong. You were foolish to think that you could, and you know it, now. 

Instead of watching Hongjoong approach, you watch Seonghwa slink away. He doesn’t go far, stopping to rest his head against the roof of a car a few down from your own. You can imagine how good the cool metal must feel. 

You snivel, wiping at your eyes as Hongjoong stops in front of you, standing where San had stood, where Seonghwa kneeled. He’s silent. You don’t look up at him, instead focusing on his hands as they hang at his sides. They’re empty, though clenched into tight fists. 

“You have ignored every. Single. Opportunity. I have given you.” He emphasizes each word. “Chances I gave you to make the right decision.” 

It’s not even worth your energy to respond, is it? Obviously, you should’ve known that the various conversations you had over the night were warnings. How else would everyone manage to bring up something that would make you want to stay? And Seonghwa… 

How humiliating. 

“I’m disappointed in you.” Hongjoong says, and it’s so much worse than if he had been screaming and violent. “I thought you were starting to fit in.” 

You glance at Seonghwa, who still has his back turned to you. He seems to be shaking, but you find it hard to believe that, even in this scenario, he would cry for you. This has to be part of it, right? Part of making you feel guilty? 

Looking at him is a mistake, though. Hongjoong harshly grabs your chin, forcing you to look up at him. “Look at me when I'm speaking to you.”

You still have no idea what to say to him. It all seems so stupid, in retrospect. 

It's only as you look up at Hongjoong that you start to wonder where San is. If you asked, you'd surely get your ass handed to you. But the terrible feeling in your stomach only gets worse. What if he comes back to this scene? How will he react? Poor San, he was so desperate for you. How will he feel, with the plan destroyed? Does Hongjoong know the depth of his involvement? 

So, you break your silence. It couldn’t get much worse, could it? “Where is San?” You ask. 

Hongjoong lets go of your face, but only to bury a hand in your hair, yanking you into standing. Instinctively you bring your hands to his, crying out in pain. He only smirks, releasing his grasp on you. 

You collapse onto your knees, catching yourself with your hands at his feet. Your nice pants, they're dirty, now, you catch yourself thinking. Like that's the biggest issue right now. 

“Where is San?” He repeats your question, spitting the words out like they leave a vile taste in his mouth. 

Reduced to a heap at his feet, you can't bring yourself to look up at him. This night has turned up just as your last failure had. You're not all that surprised when Hongjoong's boot comes down on your hand, though not hard enough to hurt. “Look at me.” 

You do. From even further beneath him, he looks more Biblical than ever. 

“Who do you think told me where you were?” 

Ah. 

Of course. 

That makes sense. 

Your face contorts, though with what emotion, you’re not sure. 

You want to think that there might be an explanation, one that doesn’t involve San betraying you to a homicidal maniac, but you know that there isn’t. Instantly, you know. 

He never meant to help you. He never cared about you. He had laid a pretty trap for you, at Hongjoong’s request, and had sprung it just as planned.

And he couldn’t even be here to see the fruits of his labor. Pathetic. Your mind swims with everything you had told him, everything you confessed to him, the times you had been warned about him. You fought with Mingi over him, you defended him to Mingi. 

“Yes,” Hongjoong smiles down at you. “All of this has been planned since the day I made you live with him.” 

You nod up at him, realizing that he must want something else from you. 

“You must understand, (Y/n), that I control everything. You can’t trust in anything besides this fact.” Hongjoong kneels to meet your eye line, inadvertently crushing your hand under his foot as his weight shifts. 

Gritting your teeth, you suck in any sound of pain that threatens to escape. The last thing you plan on doing tonight is letting Hongjoong realize the depths of your pain. 

He tilts his head in question. “Do you have anything you want to say to me?” 

Even in your haze of emotions, you can hardly resist spitting a few choice curses at him. “Fuck you.” 

He grimaces, though he’s clearly not actually affected. “Not what I was thinking, Princess, but I’ll give you a pass.”

His hands are suddenly gripping into your shirt at the shoulders, yanking you onto your feet. He hardly allows you to catch yourself before he begins dragging you across the clearing, away from your car, into the trees, away from your last shred of dignity. 

There isn’t a single thing on your mind as he pulls you through the trees and eventually back around to the front of the compound. He’s groveling under his breath, probably cursing you out in any and every way that he knows how. And you deserve it. You deserve every stumble of your feet, every tear burning your cheeks, every horrible thing that Hongjoong can fling at you. 

You failed. Not only yourself, but everyone stuck here in this cult. You’ve utterly failed. No one is going to be rescued, no one is going to be saved. You cling onto Hongjoong’s blazer as he guides you to the barns, having no idea what could be waiting for you there.

Maybe this is it, huh? Maybe he has finally realized that you’re more trouble than you’re worth. For a second there, it had looked like he was going to keep you alive, but maybe not. That was probably just wishful thinking. He’s probably delivering you to Jongho, too disgusted to even deal with you himself. 

Hongjoong releases you to throw open the barn doors. You have to catch yourself on the siding to remain standing, but Hongjoong quickly returns his grip on you, hauling you further inside the barn. 

It’s the animal barn. He walks you into the center aisle, dropping you unceremoniously. You fall into a heap at his feet. Again.

You can hardly hear Hongjoong over the general animal sounds, but especially over the oinking of the pigs. “I’m going to leave you here,” he starts, glaring down at you. “When I come back, you’re going to still be in this building.”

Sniffling, you nod in agreement. 

He scoffs. “You’re lucky, (Y/n), very lucky. If you had made it even an inch down that road, what do you think would’ve happened to you? To Mingi? Haseul?”

There isn’t anything for you to say. The pigs fill the silence. 

“Selfish. Utterly, disgustingly, selfish.” Hongjoong spits. “Stay here— before you try and lure anyone else to their certain deaths.” 

With that, he turns on his heel and exits the barn, shutting the door behind him. The overhead lights remained on, but you barely even found yourself capable of caring. The dark wouldn’t make any difference. You failed.

And Hongjoong was right. You are selfish. Even though you knew the truth about San’s intentions now, you hadn’t known before. You had thought he was risking his life to help you, and you had been fine with it. What was wrong with you? Why is this just occurring to you now? Had you really been so desperate as to involve another person? What’s the matter with you? Have you no shame? No consideration? Were you such a narcissist that you would put your freedom above someone’s life?

Your heart beats rapidly in your chest as you wipe your cheeks with your hands. The sensation is calming, allowing you to take a few deep breaths as you collect your bearings. As hard as it is, you should try to keep your head on straight… there’s still no telling how the night will end, and something tells you that it’s far from over. 

One thing you know for certain, though, is that you cannot do this again. You can’t. No matter what. Something else will have to give. There is no more escape. There is no more saving yourself. How the fuck could you, after this? 

Standing, you brush your hands off on your pants. Hongjoong hadn’t said anything about not moving from the spot. Might as well look at the animals. Animals can be calming, right? Therapeutic? Maybe?

Wishful thinking. 

Your tears keep flowing, but you find your breathing to be coming back to your control. You stumble with your first step, but quickly regain your balance, tottering over to the nearest animal pen— which happens to be the pigs.

This is where you had confronted Jongho about Haneul. How long ago was that, now? That horrible confrontation lingers as you grip the metal fencing keeping the pigs in place. The bar is cooling, demanding your attention. You realize now that the air itself, though warmed by the animals' presence, is getting rather chilly, as well. 

Tugging your sleeves lower over your hands, you peer down at the animals. Some of them are sleeping, but most of them aren’t. Each sow is separated from the next, in neat, orderly rows. Last time you had seen them, there weren’t individual pens. Jongho had been feeding them in one huge, disorderly mess. It had been rather disgusting. 

You had also fought with Mingi, that day. About so many things that just seem stupid, now. What was there to even be mad about? Mingi is just Mingi. You can’t fault him for being a victim.

And the fact that he was just looking out for you, and, in fact, turned out to be absolutely correct. 

As you turn to walk to a different pen, the feeling of the polaroid at your waist recaptures your attention. Stopping in place, you fish it out of your waistline, cupping it in your hands. 

Thankfully, it doesn’t seem to be damaged. You stare down at it once more. It couldn’t have been more than thirty minutes since you had put it in your pants, and, yet, here you are. Completely changed. 

Mingi’s face frowns up at you, but your eyes catch on something outside of the photo. Your own expression melts into a frown as you lower your hands, shoving the picture back into your pants. 

Wiping your tears again, you kneel down to the ground next to the pen. 

What had caught your attention was a scrap of white, so starkly bright against the packed dirt floor of the barn. 

You reach out to grab it, suddenly overcome with an even worse feeling of dread. Your scalp goes cold, a shiver spreading across your body as you touch the… fabric. 

Fabric. 

Blinking your tears away as fast as you can manage, you pull, feeling your stomach drop as the piece grows into a cuff. Buttons and all. A white cuff. 

There’s nothing that you can do to stop yourself from thinking the thoughts that come— attacking you at nearly instantaneous moments. 

It’s Haseul’s. This is from Haseul’s shirt. What did Hongjoong say would happen? About the pigs? The pigs? Haseul? This is Haseul’s shirt? It can’t be. She’s in her room. She’s been in her room this whole time. This could belong to anyone. This could’ve been cut off of anyone’s shirt. It doesn’t have to be hers. It could be anyone’s. Why would it be hers? It isn’t possible. San said she was fine. He failed, but she was fine. Hongjoong said she was fine. Mingi said— what did he say? Did he say something? Anything? It doesn’t matter. San said—

“You shouldn’t be in here,” a familiar voice calls from behind you. 

You fall onto your butt, forgoing your pants. They were ruined, anyway. Clutching the cuff in your hand, you don’t even reply to Jongho’s warning. Your breathing is out of control, again. Each breath you take is tighter, harder, less satisfying, more panic inducing. The fabric in your hand burns with the tightness of your grip. 

Jongho grabs your shoulder. “Can you even hear me?” 

A fully-fledged sob leaves you as you look up at him. 

His eyebrows furrow in some emotion— probably disgust— as he frowns at you. “Get out of here.”

Shaking your head, you try to say even a single word about Hongjoong telling you to stay here, but you can’t get anything out. If anything, you cry harder, shaking your head back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, shutting your eyes as tightly as you can. 

This cannot be real. This can’t be happening. It can’t be Haseul’s shirt. Even if it is, it doesn’t mean that she’s—

No, you won’t even think it. You just keep shaking your head. It can’t be. It cannot be. 

Jongho’s hand leaves your shoulder.

“This is your punishment, (Y/n).” Hongjoong’s voice booms from behind you. It’s so shocking that you open your eyes, spinning around in the dirt to face him. He’s not alone. Seonghwa and San are with him, both of them looking incredibly uncomfortable. 

Seeing San doesn’t relieve you at all. Seonghwa’s face is puffy, his clothing disheveled and dirty. Neither of them look at you, instead looking at the ground in front of them. Jongho remains at your side, seemingly caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

You don’t know what Hongjoong means, though. Or, rather, your mind completely refuses to see what is in front of it until it is irrefutable. There is still hope, now. There is hope. The cuff doesn’t mean anything until Hongjoong says that it does. There is nothing in you that can accept this until… 

“Haseul is dead.” Hongjoong says. “And San killed her.” 

The wind is completely knocked out of your lungs as you fall onto your hands, heaving. 

Though you can’t see San, you can hear him. His protests are immediate, “What? Hongjoong, why would you say that? I didn’t do that. I didn’t even touch her. I swear, (Y/n), why would I lie—”

“Not to mention that he orchestrated your entire escape attempt at my request,” Hongjoong’s voice cuts through San’s pleas to be heard. 

The reminder calls you back into your body. Hongjoong had to say it in front of San, you realize, he had to make sure San knew that you knew of his betrayal. You look up at the three men in front of you as you gasp for air. The cuff lays in the dirt before you, momentarily forgotten. 

San is gaping at Hongjoong, his hands outstretched as if he was in the middle of trying to reach for you. “Are you fucking crazy?” San barely squeezes out in his apparent anger. 

“I am, in fact.” Hongjoong replies, though he doesn’t bother to address San. He smiles down at you instead, watching your facial expression change from one of despair to one of hatred. 

Your eye twitches as you stare at San, who starts to plead for you to hear him out once more. 

“I swear, (Y/n), it wasn’t like that! You heard him! He’s crazy! He only has something to gain if you don’t trust me, right? Why would I ever do that? I love you, you kno—” 

San had been crouching down to your level as he made this speech, which was probably a horrible idea. Using your hands as your leverage, you launch yourself at him, toppling him over into the dirt. 

Pinning him to the ground with your weight, you stare down at his (very surprised) face. 

It takes you all of five seconds to realize what you couldn’t in the past month. 

Hongjoong is right. Again. 

Your tears drip down onto his own face. San tries to speak, but evidently can’t think of anything to say to you. 

Hongjoong laughs at your side. 

You pull your hand back, bringing it back down and slapping San as hard as you can muster across his face. The smack rings through the barn, your hand stinging all the way up your forearm. 

San tries to clutch his cheek, but your knees keep his arms at his sides, and he instead looks up at you, stunned. 

“Say something.” You demand, finding your voice. 

He opens and closes his mouth, grasping for anything to say. “He’s lying to you— I swear it, I had nothing to do with Haseul, and I would never set you up, I would never, you can’t trust him, can’t trust anything that he says, (Y/n), really—” 

You hit him again. This time, he exclaims in pain as you feel your hand go numb. Seonghwa flinches in your peripheral vision and Hongjoong laughs once more.

“Fuck you.” You blink, more tears falling. “Fuck you.” You lean back, freeing his arms, which immediately come up to rest on your waist. “Hit me.” 

San’s face contorts, confused, “why would I hit you?” 

Absurdly, you smile. You smile wide. “Hit me. Do it.” You hit him in the chest, though lighter than you had his face. “What? Are you a coward? You can kill my best friend, but you can’t hit me?” Your voice raises, reaching a shrilling quality. “Come on! Hit me! Do anything!” 

San’s hands remain holding your waist, not moving. 

“Hit me so that I don’t fucking kill you! Hit me to show you at least think your miserable life is worth living! Hit me! Hit me! Hit me! Hi—”

“That’s really enough, (Y/n),” Seonghwa’s voice cuts in as he grabs your arm, keeping you from landing another blow to San’s chest. “You’re being childish.” 

You scoff, but it devolves into a laugh. “Childish? I’m being CHILDISH?” You wrench your hand out of Seonghwa’s grip. “Tell me, Seonghwa, please, how is someone supposed to react in this situation? What is the normal reaction? Enlighten me, please!” 

When Seonghwa doesn’t respond, you stand, turning your full attention to him. San’s hands easily slide off of you, though you remain hovering over him. He finally starts cradling his red cheeks. 

Seonghwa looms over you, his back to Hongjoong as he stares over his shoulder at you. You feel guilty for lashing out at Seonghwa, somehow, but it doesn’t stop you from fanning the flames. There’s nothing that could stop you, not in this moment, from bringing anyone else to your level. 

You make eye contact with Hongjoong, who has his arms crossed nonchalantly, an enormous smile on his face. You imagine that this night is just going peachy for him. Just how he wanted it to. Maybe, just maybe, you can ruin his fun. 

At Seonghwa’s expense. You hardly feel bad about it, though, as your eyes snap back to Seonghwa’s. 

“Without turning around, take a guess. Is Hongjoong watching you, his perfect little whore, or me, the spoiled brat who doesn’t behave?” 

Seonghwa sneers, a small laugh escaping him. Of course, he plays right into your hands. He exhales one shaky breath before grabbing your shoulders, using the grip to shove you as hard as he can, sending you falling back to the floor. You practically land on top of San, your legs resting over his waist, but you can only laugh. 

Seonghwa falls onto his knees in front of you, crawling until he can reach your legs. He grabs you by your calves, pulling you off of San until you’re practically underneath himself. You’re sure that he’s planning on strangling you, there’s a sweet little look in his eyes that tells you everything you need to know.

And you’re excited, you want him to kill you, you realize. Your laughing becomes intermixed with your sobbing as Seonghwa puts his weight on your stomach, the fury in his eyes blazing harder with each sound you make. 

Before you can truly get your way, though, San is grabbing Seonghwa by the back of his shirt, using all of his strength to pull him off of you. You hear the fabric rip as Seonghwa sprawls onto his back in front of you, and San takes the same position that Seonghwa had just had on you. 

You can’t find it in yourself to sit up, so you opt to just turn your head until you can see San. Vaguely, you can hear the sound of him hitting Seonghwa as you had just pleaded with him to do to you, and this only makes you cry harder. 

You turn your head in the opposite direction, and you’re greeted with the image of Hongjoong, still sitting contentedly. He glances down at you, but he doesn’t betray anything.

“Can’t you just kill me?” You whisper to him, hoping the others can’t hear it, “won’t you please just kill me?” 

Hongjoong frowns, then, slowly rising to his feet to come to your side. He holds his hand out, waiting for you to take it. 

You don’t at first, opting to continue looking pathetically up at him. From this angle, with the blurriness of your tears and the extreme perspective, Hongjoong really does look… ethereal. Angelic. Godly. Whatever the word is. You take his hand, allowing him to heave you into a sitting position just in time to see San land the punch that you’re sure breaks Seonghwa’s nose. 

It’s only in this moment that you realize San is screaming at Seonghwa, mostly incomprehensible phrases of anger. Seonghwa is trying to fight back, his hands clenching onto San’s shirt, slapping at his shoulders and face, thrashing underneath him, but San is too pissed to let any of it stop him. 

Hongjoong squats at your side, resting one of his knees on the floor. He doesn’t drop your hand, instead using it to pull you closer to him. He puts his face next to yours, making sure you’re watching the scene unfolding in front of you. 

“Doesn't this make you feel good? Seeing what San would do for you? Even after it’s all over?” He whispers so close that his breath tickles your ear. “It could always be like this. Everyone could love you like this.” 

Love? This is love? Your ploy to upset Hongjoong by including Seonghwa failed. If there isn’t love lost between the two of them, then what on earth about this is love?

Still, your heart skips a beat. 

You had completely forgotten (or, maybe, ignored) Jongho’s presence until Hongjoong turns to give him some sort of look that must tell him to stop whatever is going on. In the next moment, Jongho is resting a hand on San’s shoulder, barely having to pull at him to get him to cease his movements. 

Seonghwa turns his face toward you and Hongjoong, blood pouring from his nose and split lips. 

A sob escapes him, this time, before he turns to face the other direction. 

You really hadn’t meant for Seonghwa to get hurt from this. You just wanted to goad someone into giving you what you wanted, and he was easiest. You avert your eyes from him, wanting to give him the privacy he clearly desires. 

Hongjoong doesn’t care. He drops your hand, standing to go to Seonghwa. 

You look at San and Jongho. San is also sobbing, his knuckles torn to shreds in his lap. 

You don’t feel bad for him. You don’t feel anything for him. You’re sure the upset will come in the next few days. The bomb will drop, the emotions will explode, but now, in this moment, you couldn’t care less if he lived or died. 

Frankly, you couldn’t even care less about your own life. Haseul is dead. She’s dead. And she’s never coming back. You’ll never see her smile again, never text her that you’re bored at work, never hear her complain about her parents arguing again. Her parents. Her own parents. They’ll never see her again, and it’s your fault. Entirely. 

You look back at Seonghwa and Hongjoong just in time to see Seonghwa slap Hongjoong’s hand away from him, groaning as he turns his body to fully face away from his God. 

That can’t be a good sign. 

Hongjoong sighs, crossing his arms over his chest before turning on his heel to come back to you. 

Great. Just what you wanted. 

“Is she really dead?” You can’t help the question, squeezing your eyes shut as they fill with more tears. 

Hongjoong sits beside you, taking both of your hands in his this time. “She is.” 

“For how long?” You don’t open your eyes.

He takes a few seconds to answer, as if contemplating whether you should hear the truth or not. “She died the day she arrived.” 

You’re not sure if this is the best or the worst news that he could’ve given you. You’d believed lies for weeks, but at least she hadn’t been suffering the entire time, like you pictured. 

“Was it really San?” You still had a hard time believing it. Could San kill? Had you really shared a bed with him for over a month, not knowing that he had killed Haseul himself, believing that he hadn’t?

“No,” He admits, letting go of one of your hands, using his newly freed hand to rest on your cheek. You open your eyes, feeling your lips quivering with… every emotion on this goddamn planet. Anger. Fear. Sadness. Whatever. “Jongho killed her, and humanely at that. But San helped with the mess. I didn’t want it to be like this, (Y/n), I warned you.” 

And what could you say. He warned you. Very plainly. And you had disobeyed him. And look at what it cost. 

Hongjoong moves his hand away from your face, using it to wrap around you and pull you back into a hug. 

There's nothing to do anymore. Nothing to say. You cry into his shoulder, finally wrapping your own arms around him in acceptance. 

He rocks you, there, on the ground. “It might be hard to understand now, (Y/n), but everything I do, I do for you.” 

You nod. “Please don't make me see him again.” 

Hongjoong knows who. He strokes your head, smoothing your hair, “Of course, love. Of course.” 

Though you know that this is all because of Hongjoong, you still find his words comforting, his embrace grounding. You squeeze him tighter to you, appreciating the feeling of having at least one person on your side. He’s right, he’s so right, you can’t trust anyone else, not when this is how it turns out. 

← previous || next → || masterlist

[probablyamuppet]

Some NYE 2022 Thoughts

A few things that happened this year:

- I think I’m back on tumblr un-ironically for the first time since 2015. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but this hellscape of a platform is actually a nice respite from the doom scrolling on tiktok and insta. Just wanna see funny posts or something pretty to reblog and live my life. (Hopefully, spend less time on screens this year anyway).

- Played my first live gig as a solo artist

- Got back into reading (mostly fantasy and YA but idc, a win’s a win)

- Didn’t lose any weight. The year before that, gained like 50 lbs. No one says anything, obviously, but I think about it a lot. Sometimes, weight gain is a necessary part of healing. I know for me it was. Sometimes, people are just fat. Sometimes, people don’t want to lose weight. Letting go of diet culture and really understanding how pervasive and insidious it can be, like, on a societal level, was really like leaving the matrix. Except you walk around and everyone you know is still in it, so you have these really weird conversations about hyper restrictive eating tendencies and what someone “deserves” to eat or not based on how much they moved... but you don’t believe in it anymore??? IDK I have so many thoughts about this, ignore me. 

- If it’s not something you can sustain a lifetime, it’s not a reasonable habit. I know that wanting to try something can be fun, but trying to let go of the outcome is freeing. This year, I’d like to focus more on the lifestyle I currently have, and build off of that, rather than invent 15 ways I’m going to change my life over night. I’ve worked really hard on finding sustainable practices this year, and I think I’d like to just dial those up, and maybe try a handful of new things just to see if they may fit in. If not, we drop it without shame or guilt, or adjust as necessary. 

- Said yes to some things that my anxiety would have told me to never do (being filmed for a popular youtube channel, knowing that the internet would have plenty to say about what I did or didn’t do or say, and on top of that having to see my body in HD... something I think I wasn’t ready for a year ago. It isn’t great now, like, didn’t particularly love it, but I’m pretty neutral about my body now).

- Anyway... no point to this. Hope y’all are being gentle with yourselves and focusing on all you achieved rather than what you didn’t. All movement is good movement, you made a meal at home, but ordered out the rest of the week? Good for you! Focusing on tiny improvements we can make is a lifelong journey, not a new year’s specific endeavor. 

p.s. didn’t mean for this to be all about food, body, exercise, etc., but that’s kind of my main situation atm. Tried to add the right TW tags. Again, I haven’t been on here in almost 8 years, so I’m sorry if this ends up in front of the wrong eyes.

[hakkais-hoe]

Love your aggressive s/o x Bonten headcanons lol

If possible can we get a version where they find out the only freaking reason she's so aggressive is because she's literally hungry and sleepy... Like all the time? Like she'd need food in her hand 24/7 and constantly eating something (or napping) in order to not go off on someone for breathing wrong for more than an hour lol (you can ignore this if you'd like idc I just think it's hilarious to see them with what's essentially the equivalent to a pissed and grouchy cat lol)

Bonten x reader with hanger issues n a food complex.

'm glad ya liked em :)

love this idea too

Warnings: swearing, blood, fighting, gun references, drug reference (sanzu ofc).

Bonten: Mikey, Sanzu, Koko, Ran, Rindo, Kaku.

Mikey-

finds you rummaging through your bag after a fight

after you come back with nothing from it and a sour look on your face he cant help but ask

"What's up with you now?"

notices your similar to him after he hasn't had a snack for a while

if you ignore he'll leave you to your little tantrum as usual

after a long bonten meeting you're sat drifting off in your chair when someone bursts through the door

you do one of those freaky slow look ups a glare as cold as ice on your face

"You're really gonna come shouting in here n wake me up you fucker?! I'm fucking tired and hungry af n you have the balls to do this shit. I'm gonna cave ya head in dickhead."

'oh' Mikey knows exactly what the problem is now

he grabs a dorayaki out of his stash n throws it to you

you grumble a bit before going silent and munching on the treat

promptly moving to a couch and taking a nap

from then on Mikey keeps extra snacks for the both of you and you take regular naps in his office, sometimes with him.

your aggressive little attitude seems to get a lot better which keeps the rest of the executives calm.

Sanzu-

tbh i don't think he'll realise, he likes it when you're a bit psycho n that

takes Takeomi or Mochi telling him that you seem calmer when you have snacks for him to realise

straight up asks you

"Soooo you got like a food complex or something babe? Cos I get it I get antsy when I don't have a pill for a while, I can get those food supplement drugs if ya want love."

like boy no who tf wants ur shitty drugs

"I want snacks motherfucker not some boring ass supplements, actual food n several naps a day."

our boy only gets it when you spell it out n will buy you all the snacks n food you want

also keeps a blanket n pillow in his office so you can take a nap with him

watches you sleep like a creep can't lie

whips random snacks out when you get n attitude during meetings

loves it when you have a little anger tantrum cos you wanna nap n lets you drag him down onto the couch to use him as a pillow

probably can't sleep cos of the drugs but good effort

"Think you should take a chill pill on the drugs, love."

"Which one's that is it in my bottle? Is it a downer? They're boring baby."

sir you have a problem >_>

Kakucho-

chances are he already clocked it after the first few times he saw you beat a bitch then walk straight into a shop n buy snacks

wont actually mention it he just makes you take scheduled naps under the pretence that he needs one

will gently massage your kneecaps during meetings when you start to get grumpy

pulls random snacks and drinks out of his pockets

tries to keep you calm all the time

practically throws a blanket at you when you get ratty

will bundle you up even in meetings n make you take a nap on his lap

human burrito

very devoted to looking after you

will let you fight when you're really angry but prefers to keep you as docile as he can

"Love, enough. C'mon come sit down wit me and have a snack leave that piece of shit there."

ur surprisingly obedient when he's waving your favourite snack at you

Kokonoi

honestly he just thinks you're a bit nuts plus you spend too much time with sanzu according to him

most of the time he just lets you do your thing n he doesn't get involved

only realises that there's something odd when the Bonten executives plus the boss go out for a meal after a meeting

you're silent for once n you even seem calm as you practically bounce in your seat with all the food in front of you

once he realises that you're a lot calmer with food he offers you his

will send someone to buy snacks as soon as he sees a hit of aggression coming from you

you fall asleep on his shoulder later in the evening

Koko adjusts you slightly to keep you comfortable

hears your light muttering about nonsense

he ignores the conversation that all the executives are having in favour of listening to you sleep talk

he can make out your quiet words at some points which cause him to chuckle

until you mutter about how much you love him

an unusually soft smile on the both of your faces is there until late into the night

tries to make you take naps often after that just so he can listen to you sleep talk

feeds your grumpy self often he orders some expensive snacks just to see your reaction.

Rindo-

if you think this cocky shit would ever question your angry self you have another thing coming

he enjoys watching you beat the living daylight out of anyone

coincidentally brings you some snacks during a meeting one day

usually you'd be snapping and threatening to fight sanzu by now but you're silent for once

he stops listening to Kaku's report to observe you n notices that you're only silent cos ur stuffing snacks in you mouth

"Uh babe? Did you actually just calm down cos I brought you food? If I'd known it was that easy I woulda brought you a whole ass shop."

"Mhm buy me a whole convenience shop n I'll marry you."

the boy definitely does a Koko n buys you way too much to keep in his office and your apartment

please let him pamper you

he realises that he enjoys your happy food enjoying self more than the little psycho you usually are

comes into every meeting with food

when you sleep on his office couch n wake up even calmer than with food he encourages you to sleep more

buys an expensive ass weighted blanket for his office

bless him he heard that they keep people calm from Ran

sometimes sits at the couch reading paperwork with your head on his lap

strokes your hair to help you sleep better

"Love ya Rin..."

your sleep talk is his favourite thing

Ran-

already knew

this man is very aware of everything you do

he may seem lackadaisical but he knows everything that you like and everything that keeps you calm

he plays it off as a coincidence that he started bringing snacks 3 weeks after you started

when he figures out your favourite he keeps them in his office 24/7

also like Rin he has a giant weighted blanket in a cabinet for you

has it out as soon as you come into his office

leaves it so that you can wrap yourself up in it when you're both going through paperwork

you ofc inevitably fall asleep in it

your boyfriend gets you all comfy and lays down with you for a quick nap

he wakes up wot you gently brushing his now messed up hair away from his face

you seem gentle and calm for once as you smile down at him

"Hi handsome. Did you have a nice nap?"

he's shocked ngl

falls in love with you all over again

"You look like an angel my love."

pampers you and makes you sleep a lot in his office just so you can wake up and be calm with him

he wants all your calm attention

will still cheer you on when you have a "tantrum" as Rin calls them

[dumbgothbunny]

So I see we’re having a very Blue day over here, huh?

Idk man— I dunno if I wanna wreck him or be wrecked but honestly??? Either is fine by me idc

Tho, I can’t help but imagine what he’d be like with someone sweet but a little unhinged themselves (think Harley Quinn) and is always ✨feisty and flirty✨ toward him...

Idk why but I’m picturing a little flirt-fest that ends with you wrecking each other’s shit in his office, loud and without a care as to what you break in the room or who hears you and it’s rough because you’re wrestling each other—

Ok bye now *is carted off to horny jail*

Bro I love that fucking offended look he gets lmaoo what a piece of shit. But AHHH

Okay so you’re a quiet sweet little thing, but you’ve been obsessing over Blue for MONTHS. you want him to notice you- you wear only blue outfits, usually pastel, occasionally darker. You sing like an angel, dance like you were born for it, and you swear he ignores it on purpose.

One night you hear one of the girls talking about how great his dick was, that he’d called her into his office the other night and completely railed her. You slam your compact shut so hard it shatters. And then you stab her in the cheek with one of the jagged parts. 🤷🏻‍♀️ she obviously calls you an insane whore, which leads to you pushing her over and pummeling her with your fists while wearing heels and sexy Angel costume (oops?) Blue literally rips you off her by the hair and marches you to his office.

He’s sitting in his chair, arms across Ed that pouty fucking look on his face, and the first words that come from him are “Baby who do you think you think you are? And you just stride over to him, flop on his lap, your lace covered breasts pressing right up to him. “I’m (whatever the fuck you wanna be called) nice to meet’cha”

He just grins wide, settles his hands on your hips, and pulls your lover half over his lap, bringing you right up against him.

“I dont like bad girls. We don’t fight here.”

His voice is faux serious, as if he’s toying with you. You just grin at him.

“Oh I Promise ya, Mr B-“ you lean in very close.

“I can be very very good”

🫣

And then there’s sounds of things breaking, sounds of pounding, you’re getting totally wrecked, but you’re also giving Blue a run for his money.

[koulia]

hi babes <3 back to request another protective headcanon 🙏🏽

oikawa, iwaizumi, yamaguchi, and atsumu being protective of their fem!s/o when someone else is being very pushy/ignoring boundaries

no rush and thank you! :)

lmk if this wasn’t clear enough

𝐁𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄

𖤐 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ➮ cursing , not proofread when is it ever , mention of murder [nobody dies dw]

𖤐 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 ➮ angst to fluff[??] oikawa , iwaizumi , yamaguchi , atsumu x fem!black!reader [seperate]

𖤐 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 ➮ i,, i am so sorry this came out so late 😶 um🧍🏾‍♀️ also these are disgustingly short i’m sorry #writersblock

𖤐 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 ➮ oikawa , iwaizumi , yamaguchi , & atsumu noticing their s/o’s boundaries are being pushed

𝐓𝐨𝐨𝐫𝐮 𝐎𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚

pls this man

he would honestly be shocked someone would do that shit

100% would say “oh? who’s this, y/n” while glaring at the man

after they finally walk away he turns to look at you and asks if you’re okay

“what happened? he didn’t touch you did they?”

in the chance he doesn’t walk away, best believe he’s gonna annoy them until he does

“don’t you think y/n here is…how do i put this.. out of your league?” he would say with that trademark smirk of his

will hold ur hand after the whole ordeal

most definitely gets your favorite food [even if he doesn’t like it] to cheer you up

he’s a dumbass , but he’s your dumbass <3

𝐇𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐈𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐳𝐮𝐦𝐢

definition of “fight now talk later” when it comes to ur safety 😶

BUT if it’s in a space where he can’t beat they ass , he’ll resort to intimidation

i mean who wouldn’t be scared of him

iwa would cross his arms in front of his chest while walking up to you two

muscles on full display

he would put rest his hand on your lower back and lightly pulls you into his side and just stares

if looks could kill, iwaizumi would be a murder at this point

when the man walks away, his expression loosens and gazes at you with the softest eyes ever

he’ll wrap you in a hug [if you allow him to] and rock u side to side

whispers an “i love you” whilst doing so

soft iwa soft iwa soft iwa <33

𝐓𝐚𝐝𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐘𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐢

yams <3

will try to deescalate the situation and leave

when he sees your uncomfortable expression towards the man in front of you , he comes over as fast as he can

“y/n, do you know them?” he says as if the mans not there

definitely holds your hand and rubs the word “love” on your palm

is it to calm you down or him? the world may never know /j it’s for you

i bet that yams would do the stank face at him LMFAOO

“um.. do you mind leaving us alone..?” *cue the face*

after he leaves, you both let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in

he would be so nervous if ur okay or not pls :(

“is everything okay? are you hurt? do you wanna talk about it?”

reassure him that everything’s okay <33

𝐀𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮 𝐌𝐢𝐲𝐚

asshole

would be so condescending about it

“ooh, i don’t think y/n would settle for someone that looks like ya, bud”

he would say with his trademark annoying smirk

he WILL wrap his arm around/across your shoulder

plants a small kiss on your temple before continuing,

“i’d suggest you move along, you pig” his smirk that he wore dropped, instead replacing it with a glare

if his glares not aggressive enough, hell push the man in front of you with his free hand

after he leaves, atsumu instantly hug you idc idc

he was secretly worried about your safety

don’t mention it or he’ll deny it

but you and him both know it’s true <3

[chaotically-cas]

Tombstone spoilers

- - -

Oh my god. This is my raw reaction (I’m posting in the morning) to finishing Tombstone at 3:30 am. I finished it less than a minute ago. I’m in shock. I’m still crying oh my god. Literally crying.

I did not expect to enjoy a western cowboy movie that fucking much???? But I did??? I don’t even know where to start. I’m not sure if the acting from Wyatt Earp’s actor was good or bad. I genuinely can’t tell. But I thought that Val Kilmer fucking carried that movie dear lord is he so beyond talented oh my god. He is so good in these kinds of roles (Jim Morrison) I swear I literally got goosebumps so so many times. I think he is an incredibly underrated actor & that movie is excited why. Jesus fuck he was incredible it felt so real. It was one of the best performances I’ve seen on that type of role from anyone I can’t. The acting overall was for the most part down right magnificent.

The absolute heart wrenching showing of tuberculosis too omg. Especially in lines as small as ‘forgive me if I don’t shake hands’ to his beautifully the makeup department & Val did with showing how physical the disease was. I’m not sure what else to complement besides the fact that ‘the dying man’ is such a common character but I don’t think you can really do much better at all in this case. Top marks.

& the way it was filmed & the shots were so beautiful. It was so timely & cinematic oh my god I can’t describe it. They used close up shots & far away shots both so beautifully & in such a meaningful way I wanna give the director I high five man.

Jesus even Johnny Ringo’s character was absolutely perfect. I don’t remember the actors name off the top of my head but he is absolutely brilliant as well as the rest of the cast. Including Russell who practically directed the entire thing. Jeez I think he was incredible in that role. Even Ike was a fantastic character I’m sorry but I can’t lie.

I could talk about the scene where Johnny Ringo & Doc Holliday first met forever I think. Not only did they but probably two of the best actors in the movie the same room together. But it’s probably one of the most well known scenes too. Just the belligerence & the absolute wit between the both of them, especially Holliday, is mesmerizing. I love the way he turns to his girlfriend & talks to himself over whether the fact he should hate him or not. & he ends up deciding to hate him because he reminds him of himself. Which is again brought up so fucking incredibly later on in the movie. I think it’s amazing they didn’t let that aspect of their characters fall though. I think that scene is just magnificent. The way Doc is so sly & coy with a simple shot glass. Just the way the own shots are mocking themselves as well as the characters in a way is just. God. It’s unmatched. & the way they bring back the ‘he’s drunk’ later in the movie too as such a juxtaposition is just. Shit man. It’s beyond brilliant.

The scene where they all were at a draw & then Doc just winks. & you can see the other actors face go from fear to anger. & then wyatt realizes. Good it’s just a greatly filmed & directed scene everything about it is perfect from the reactions to the shots.

Now. Here is where I might be getting a bit controversial. This movie is gay. It’s fucking gay.

It’s a love story between Earp & Holliday. I said it. From the very very beginning when they first see each other again I could tell that Holliday was pining, he was crushing. & Wyatt was too except he didn’t know it. It was in the ways he cared for his well being & if he needed anything. They both just supported each other & were such good friends throughout it all even in the small things. But the big gestures is where it gets me.

The first being the multiple times Holliday stood up & actually took a deadly fight for Earp. All whole literally dying himself. He was literally willing to do fucking anything for him he was in love idc. & the second being the scene where he is saying goodbye oh my god. & Earp gives him the fucking book ‘my friend Doc Holliday’ oh my god. That’s when I started crying. Cause it was Doc saying that if Wyatt really loved him he would have to let him go & be happy. & then he died clutching the little book his best friend gave him omg. I cried. & of course Wyatt had to fulfill his best friends last wish. That killed me.

There was even a deleted scene between Doc & his girl where she is asking him why he is leaving again. & she is like ‘it’s Wyatt, isn’t it? It’s always Wyatt’ or something to that effect. & dear god I wish that scene was included because it only further shows how close they were. Both did & his girl also went to the lengths of pushing at the fact that he could & wouldn’t mind dying from him. I just think that’s interesting. He literally would do anything for his friend & his girl knows it (as she called herself.)

But what strikes me most is both times Wyatt was walking away from Doc, thinking he would never see him again, he give him something. Like pretty important too. Idk it really got me in my feels & I’m kind of glad it was so subtextual as well as implied through the clearly more than friendly gestures. I don’t think they could have portrayed the fact that they were so sadly in love any better. In my opinion. God I cannot it’s so sad. & the fact that they stayed by each other. The. Whole. Time. Through literally everything. I can’t describe it. They deserved better but at the same time it was so perfectly heartbreaking.

The way he looked down at his feet at the end & laughs right before he died breaks my fucking heard. Because he thought he would be dying down the road or honestly anywhere else. With his boots on. With his friends. I can’t it just kills me. It’s such a small & missable detail but holy shit if you notice it it hurts like a bitch.

I just. I can’t. I really loved this movie. I didn’t expect to like it a bit. I expected to be bored. But the action sequences were amazing. Everything was beautifully filmed. The dialogue was amazing (see quotes below) & just. Overall it was a great movie. I can see why it’s so a-claimed. I understand Dean Winchester so naturally I have to watch the tombstone supernatural episode again. Ah.

I strongly suggest the movie. Obviously with consideration of heavy gun violence & death. But yea it was incredible. Val Kilmer is god I’m pretty sure. I will most definitely be watching this again & sobbing.

- - -

“There’s no normal life. Wyatt. Theres just life. Now get on with it.”

“Don’t know how.”

“Sure you do. Say goodbye to me.”

- - -

“Live Wyatt. Live for me. Wyatt if you were ever my friend. If you ever had the slightest feelin for me. Leave now. Please.”

- - -

“What does he need?”

“Revenge”

“For what?”

“Being born.”

- - -

“I was just foolin’ about.”

“I wasn’t.”

- - -

“Apparently Mr. Ringo is an educated man. Now I really hate him.”

- -

“You’re so drunk, in fact, you’re probably seeing double”

“I have two Guns. One for each of ya”

- - -

“Maybe pokers just not your game, Ike. I know. Let’s have a spelling contest.”

- - -

“You’re no daisy. You’re no daisy at all. Pour soul. You were just too high strung.”

- - -

“You’re a daisy if you do.”

- - -

“What you doing this for anyway?”

“Wyatt Earp is my friend”

“Hell, I got lots of friends.”

“I don’t.”

- - -

“I’m your huckleberry”

- - -

“Not me. I’m in my prime.”

- - -

God I could quote this whole movie.

But lastly y’all when they were playing cards on his death bed & Doc was like ‘I don’t wanna play anymore’. Yeah. That broke my heart. That scene is 10x more sad imo than Jack’s death in titanic.

& just the fact that his very very last moments alive were spent thinking about his friends future just shows how much they cared for each other. My heart hurts. Such a beautiful portrayal.

& yes I’m going on again about Val’s acting in this because he deserved a fucking Oscar. God. His sophisticated sarcastic & overall ugh everything of the role was absolutely perfection. It’s most definitely my favorite performance by him & maybe actually one of my top ever performances. He is so talented I cannot stress this enough.

-

I was tying fast. Ignore any typos.

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 28+29.12.20 lbs

ok we just gonna skimmmmmmmmmmmmm through these eps real quick, coz i wanna get back to reading my Bridgerton books.

28.12.20

i ship this so much, it fuckin hurtsssssss. GIVE ME THE KILLING EVE-ESQUE SAPPHIC ROMANCE I WANT, TELLYWOOD, STOP BEING SUCH FUCKING COWARDSSSSSSSSSSSSS

aaaaaaand she’s disappeared.

................... coz angre got his hands on her. angre i swear to god if you don’t unhand her and go back to just simping for your wife...........

lmao she bit him and ran away.

................ straightttttttttt into vansh’s arms.

oh shit. i ship this too????? fuck, this show is just too chock-full with ridiculously good looking people and i need them all to kiss each other’s necks.

ok, maybe not. BAAT BAAT PE YEH MANHOOS CHAAKU KYUN NIKAAL LETA HAI?!!?!? HAVE YOU NOT HEARD THAT THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE POCKET-CHAKKU?!!?!?

anyway, ahaana’s got a brain and just started screaming her head offfff for riddhima. which is what a normal person (read, anyone NOT RIDDHIMA) would do.

hein who this curly haired girl????

anyway, ahaana like i gots a secrettttt to tellll you. ABOUT VANSHHHHHHHH.

kabir a messyass bitch like me and is like ooooooooooooh ab aayega mazzaaaa.

iss sab ke beech ishani like heyyyy, this is my dress!!!!!! SIS, NO ONE CARES, WE ABOUT TO GET SOME HELLA GOOD GOSSIP. JESUS. PRIORITIES!!!

ahaana like someone wants to killllllllllllllllllll meeeeeeeeeeeeeee, and riddhima is like huh what who why they wanna kill you???? and sis, i think you know from living in this murder-house that ppl don’t particularly need a reason as such to wanna kill you. they just like homicide as a hobby.

vansh like I SHALLLLLLLLLLL PROTECT YOUUUUUUUUUU, YOU SHALL LIVE HERE. sir, i’m pretty sure it’s YOU that she’s talking about that wants to kill her.

riddhima like uhhhhhhhhh??? the fuck is going on? why you promising security to this chick who wanted to phodofy your bhaanda????

SOMEONE TELL ME WHO THAT CURLY HAIR GIRL IS, HAVE I FORGOTTEN A WHOLEASS CHARACTER OF THIS SHOW COZ I DIDN’T WATCH FOR 2 DAYS???????

anyway riddhima like WHOOOOOOOO IS SHEEEEE, YOU KNOW EACH OTHER FROM BEFORE????????? like damn, your psycho murderous ex is living in this house thanks to you, and vansh can’t even know a woman that’s not you????/

ahaana going on and on about this stupid SECRET and omg just spit it out or gtfo. i have 8 books of regency era sexy shenanigans to read, and i’m wasting time here on this nonsense.

ok. she saved his life. and did “seva” it seems. lmao the mental image i have.

“vansh, apna vaada yaad hai na? ki tum mera karz chukaaoge; keemat ya shakl jo bhi ho.” oh???????? big promise from vansh, if true.

vansh beginning to regret making such lofty vows.

(also mmmmmmm, what else dat pouty mouth do, baby???)

dadi has taken over and is like you saved my vansh‘s lifeeeeeeee, i shall make sure vansh keeps his promise, blah blah. lord WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALLLLLLL THISSSSSS?!?!?

riddhima like, why did you call me if you wanted to get in touch with him? why not just call him directly????

shaaaaaady reactions from vansh/ahaana at that. lightttttt goes out.

comes back on, and angre like fuck all this, let’s celebrate the new yearrrrrrrr. not sus at all. y’all are alllllllllllllll so fucking shady man. god, ahaana, just bust my girl ridz outta here and go to alaska and eat spaghetti together. iykyk.

and they all just started ballroom dancing as if they’re in beauty and the beast. attention span of a fucking gnat these ppl have. ek baat pe dhyaan nahi tiktiiii.

i’m here for this also. i just want all the sexy ppl to be with each other. idc who is with whom. just put any two of them together and i’m happy.

these two throwing some chabayaa hua dhamkis at each other. I DON’T CAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE UNLESS YOU SPILLING SPECIFIC DEEEEEEEEEEETS.

iske dimaag ke ghode kentucky derby mein daudne lage hain.

and hubs fullllllllllllly knows. he wanted exactly that.

she tries to ask questions and as usual, he shuts her down with ainvayi ki philosophy. MAN WHAT WILL IT FUCKING TAKE FOR YOU TO ANSWER A QUESTION STRAIGHT?????

big talk about pyaaaar and vishwaaaas and bro, i fully know what you’re doing here, you fucking bastard. bloody gaslighting her into ignoring her own instincts in the name of trusting you. like yes, she’s like extraaaa with the jasoosi, but she’s asking RELEVANT, PERTINENT QUESTIONS.

meanwhile this rakshason ki toli has got their hands on the “yes okay i’m a spy!!!!!!!!!!!!!” recording that siya had. great. wonderful. best.

they decide to wait for right moment to use it and show vansh. oh you fucking dumbasses................... he already knows. this is the problem; no one bothers to fucking communicate in this family. 

kabir trying to get the goss outta ahaana, but vansh ne mundi se ishaara kiya and angre just threw a drink on K, so he had to leave to go change.

i like her.

lol she called him a loser. never has a character been more right about all the men of this stupid show.

ahaana staring at vansh in a real strange way. oh bro, kya kaand kiya tha iske saath????? sach sach bolllllllllll.

these two seem have slid into each other’s inboxes already???? oh yeaaaaaaaaah.

ishani has come back with one V for Vendetta mask and is smirking some more about how riddhima is going down. *sigh* same old, same old. 

more ainvayi ka dancing. man, what a waste of a filler episode.

at the dinner table, riddhima finds a chit saying your life is in danger, come meet me out in the backyard. ishani and aryan and chachi making real weird faces. did they send the note or did ahaana???? either way, this not gonna end well for riddhima. as per always.

it’s got to the point where EVEN riddhima is calling out the plotholes in the damn show out loud; saying ahaana said HER life was in danger, now how the fuck is this all about MY life being in danger???

anyway the dumbass goes to investigate.

she got shoved into a car by V for Vendetta (that’s what they should call the show.) which is now filling up with smoke. wonderful.

———————————————————————

29.12.20

she’s so fucking stupid. there’s no way the car doors can be locked from the outside in such a way that they cannot be opened from the inside. peeche ke doors pe child-lock hain bhi, toh she can just climb to the front and open the front doors and jump out. honestly riddhima.

ishani trying to distract vansh from going to look for riddhima with chocolate cake.

vansh is me. cake pakda diya toh duniya ki koi parwaah nahi. it just meeeeeeeeeee and my cake, made for each other, truuueeeeeee loveee.

ALSO LMAO WHY DOES THIS DUDE EAT CAKE LIKE THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

riddhima still choking and struggling like a dumbass.

cake done, vansh off to look for his wife. gotta say, he’s got his priorities straight.

ishani making shady faces with Guy Fawkes mask. godddddd. who cares who cares who caresssss?

after 19023019283092130912390 moments of suspense, he finally found her and broke her outta the car.

some loving scolding for wandering off without telling him. dude’s she’s a grownass woman, not a toddler/pet.

anyway she told him someone shoved her in the car and he’s clenching his jaw most magnificently mmmmmmm that jawwww.

ab yeh kaunsi nayi musibat hai???

he’s promising to find and punish whoever and she’s thinking omg it kabir?!?!?!!!!!!!! as if noooooone else in the house wants to murder her.

she’s like you saved me again!!!!!!!! and he’s literally like stop playing khatron ke khiladi up in here every day and i won’t have to, bitch.

ishani literalllllly flaunting that mask on her arm and riddhima like OUFF YEH KHOOONI NANAD BAAZ NAHI AATI.

side mein dekha toh kabir also has one like that.

lmao everyyyyyyone has one of these masks.

R like i need to gtfo here from the presence of all these assholes, k byeeeeee.

she’s confronting ahaana ki why you call me outside and not show up yourself????

ahaana like, bitch tf you talking about? i didn’t call you or send any chit??!?!! get used to it ahaana, iss ghar mein rahogi toh yeh hourly occurance hai, aisa random chutiyaapa. tumhein toh aadat hogi hi, pichle janam mein oberois ke saath jo rahi ho.

riddhima bringing up vansh and ahaana like YOUR MAN SHADYYYYY AF. YOU SHOULDN’T TRUST HIM SO MUCH. iss ek line se hi i have gotten it ki ahaana has been planted by vansh and he’s trying to see if riddhima falls for anyone else’s hearsay again.

riddhima is giving speech about how much she trusts vansh and they’re each others’ parchhaai or some such shit, and lmaoooooooooooooo ahaana’s face......

same, sis. absolutely saaaame.

ahaana like “zindagi mein har bimaari ki dawaai hai, par galatfehmi ki nahi.” snortttttttt.

ahaana going heavy on “vansh don’t love you, he wants to killll your ass” speech and ouff....... ofc riddhima won’t listen. dumbass.

there is not ONE wrong thing ahaana is saying about vansh. not ONE. literally all of it is true. i mean, maybe he does “love” her or whatever, but kya hi karein aise bekaar roz roz life ruin karne waale pyaar ka? isse achcha toh naa hi kare pyaar.

aaaaaaaaand she got slapped for truth-telling. fuck. riddhima, you are such a fucking dumbass. where all this slappiness for your damn husband who was lying to your face for monthssssss, huh????

ugh mera pati mera ishq bhashaan. this chick deserves to be murdered. blindass.................. she’s doing the exact same shit she did with kabir, total blindddddd faith without listening to any reason. she deserves to be fucked over if she refused to learn anything from that kaand and won’t use her fucking brain even now.

honestly this sanctimonious speech she’s giving ahaana........

but for once she’s using her MAALKIN OF THE HOUSE rutba and telling to ahaana to gtfo the house.

lmao ahaana like tell vansh to throw me out, and i’ll go.

cut to......... riddhima is randomly staring at a ladder. as one does.

helllllllllllllllllllllllo. 😏😏😏

riddhima trying to tell vansh ki ahaana is off her rocker and....

well okay then! no more talking about ahaana! 🥰🥰🥰

great. all that was buttering up for the trust test he has set up for her.

climb the ladder, it seems. oh boy. i know what’s coming............

lmaooooo she climbs it and is like ok now you know that i trust you??? can i come back down now??? LOL DUMBASS HOW DID YOU NOT GUESS WHAT HE WANTED FROM THE MOMENT HE TOLD YOU TO CLIMB???????? dimaag ghutno mein hai iss ladki ki.

he’s telling her to jump. ofc. fucking asshole. tereko shauk hai random high places se chhalaang maarne ko toh you’ll make everyone do it or what?

HE’S ACTUALLY GETTING MAD AT HER HESITATION AND ALL I’LL CATCH YOU, DO YOU NOT TRUST ME?????? main hoti toh kehti ki bro, it’s not you that i don’t trust, i just know gravity as a force is more powerful than you are.

stupid stupiddddd bitch. she’s doing it also. DUDE, THIS IS A CLASSIC ABUSIVE TECHNIQUE, WHY DON’T YOU KNOW ANYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG RIDDHIMAAAAA?!!?!?!? LIKE........................ THIS IS WHY PEOPLE SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO GET MARRIED BEFORE THE AGE OF 30. THEIR BRAINS ARE JUST NOT GROWN ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how self satisfied she looks. fucking dumbass.

while his face is like ‘i can’t believe the twit actually did it.’

some more talk about how she trusts him mosttttttttttttttttttttttttt in the world, while he gets horny for it. god, what a pair of boring dysfunctional fucks. i liked it better when he was vihaan and had a bondage kink.

bharosa talk bharosa talk and oh my god it’s sooooooo fucking obvious he’s planted ahaana to test her and her trust. aaj yeh toh bas level 1 tha. the chutiyaapa just gonna go up from here.

she’s like i don’t like ahaana, why does she have to stay here? he’s turning it back on her and saying if we trust each other, what does it matter if she stays here or says whatever????? which ....... is just some reallyyyyyyyyyyyyy manipulative BS.

he’s saying she has some “issues” that he’ll handle. oh lord. ahaana in danger of getting murdered by this fucker too.

riddhima giving some more vaasta of her neverending trust.........

while this asshole makes these very TRUSTWORTHY faces.

aaaaaaaaaaaaand someone watches them. as per usual. no wonder vansh made sure to go far far far far away from this house to get some nookie. idhar karte toh it would be like those olden days royal weddings, where the whole court would come and sit and watch the marriage being consummated.

[yikeswtfmate]

(1) New Message from Unknown Number

main masterlist // (1) New Message Masterlist // next part

Summary: Y/N is drunk and can’t remember her ex’s number.

A/N: Hello, it is I, the idiot who writes Social Media AUs when she’s drunk but is too lazy to put them in the proper format and just leaves them to die somewhere on her laptop

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Social Media AU - that’s a lie, it’s actually just texts in Word format 🤡)

Warnings: swearing, dumbassery

Unknown Number: Hey asshat so listen

Unknown Number: I kno we hvnt spoken since like

Unknown Number: High school but whateve idc

Unknown Number: U’re an asshle so I dnt even care that its like…

Unknown Number: 3 in the morning nvrmd

Unknown Number: Ive ben dared to txt my hottest ex by these evil witchS so

Unknown Number: Here u go

Unknown Number: At least u had decent abs so congrats on tht jfc

Unknown Number:  also u dnt get to complain abt this txt bc like

Unknown Number: u dated me for 6 months on a dare so U KNOW WHat this shuold feel like ya

Unknown Number: Wow dude that sounds like a dick move

Unknown Number: Seriously who the hell dates someone for 6 months on a dare?

Unknown Number: Doesn’t that only happen in movies though?

Unknown Number: hey bitchass dont act like u don’t kno what im talkinG abt

Unknown Number: Oh shit yeah, sorry. I don’t know who this asshole of an ex is but I sure as hell am not him

Unknown Number: Dude sounds like a complete waste of human space

Unknown Number: And I think I wouldn’t get to live it down if my friends would hear I did something that shitty

Unknown Number: Wait lemme ask Sam

Unknown Number: Nah, he says Steve would’ve beaten my ass if I were to do that so there u go

Unknown Number: m sorry who tf are u

Unknown Number: Bucky

Unknown Number: what kind of stupid name is bucky

Unknown Number: Shit man, u’re the one blowing up my phone at 3 in the morning, sending me weird ass messages when I don’t even know u and u dare say my name is stupid???

Unknown Number: Sheit srry

Unknown Number: Is been A long night

Unknown Number: nd week

Unknown Number: Actlly make thAt the whle entire fuckin month

Girl with asshole ex: Srry fr bothering u

Unknown Number: It‘s cool

Girl with asshole ex: Hey the witches ask if ure hot

Bonky: Yeah

Girl with asshole ex: WHAT THE FCK MAN AT LEST BE A LIL BIT HUMBLE SMH

Bonky: U wanted me to lie?

Girl with asshole ex: Fair point

Girl with asshole ex: They wnt a pic

Girl with asshole ex: Pic or it didn’t happen punk

Girl with asshole ex: Tht was nat

Bonky: What kind of party are u at that you can constantly text me?

Girl with asshole ex: Wanda’s place

Girl with asshole ex: Girls night

Girl with asshole ex: Getting hammered on wine BITCH

Girl with asshole ex: Also dnt change the subject

Bonky: I don’t even know your name

Girl with asshole ex: Why would I tell u my name I just want to see a suppsdly hot asssd

Bonky: You know mine and now you want me to send u a pic of me

Bonky: Bit of a disadvantage here babe

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: BABE?

Girl with asshole ex: Fine

Girl with asshole ex: BABE if I tell u my name will u send a pic of u so we kno u arnt a 60yr old perv

Bonky: I’ll think about it

Girl with asshole ex: Hey fuck u

Girl with asshole ex: Not fair

Bonky: How do I know you’re not the 60yr old perv?

Girl with asshole ex: Cuz she got big tiddies to prove

Girl with asshole ex: And that was wanda

Girl with asshole ex: So now u know my fridsn

Bonky: Still don’t know your name tho babe

Bonky: Also tell Wanda she shouldn’t give out this type of info to strangers

Girl with asshole ex: ure not a stranger anymore bonky

Girl with asshole ex: ure my babe nao

Bonky: I’m going to let that Bonky slide just bc u’re cute

Bonky: But I’m also going to stop replying until you tell me your name

Girl with asshole ex: U think im cute?

Girl with asshole ex: 

Girl with asshole ex: I mean u havnt even seen me but thats fair

Girl with asshole ex: Wand and nat say its true so ill believe u rnt lying to me rn

Girl with asshole ex: But I wanna see if ure cute

Girl with asshole ex: Wait why r u up st 3 in the mrng I mean we re drunk but wht r u doing

Girl with asshole ex: Babe u need to take better care of urself

Girl with asshole ex: Babe

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: BABE?

Girl with asshole ex: Ph shit ure actually ignoring me

Girl with asshole ex: I dont like this

Girl with asshole ex: I actually like talking to u

Girl with asshole ex: Pls stop ignoring me

Girl with asshole ex: COME BACK AND LOBE ME

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: Fine

Girl with asshole ex: It’s Y/N

Bonky: Now, that wasn’t so hard was it? 

Babe: fcuk u

Bonky: I’m up at 3 bc we ordered pizza and decided it’s time to beat Sam’s ass in Mario Kart once and for all

Babe: Nd how’s that going for ya?

Bonky: Bitch has been beating us for the past 3 hours

Bonky: Thor is the only one getting at least close to him now so we’re about to give up

Babe: Wait shit how r u replying so fast if ure playing Mario kart tho

Bonky: I gave up two hours ago

Babe: Quitter

Bonky: Just gotta know which fights to pick babe

Babe: Heads up I might be fallin asleep soon

Bonky: Drink some water before that, maybe get some food in u as well to soak up all the alcohol and have an advil close for tomorrow

Babe: Ok MOM

Bonky: Hey Wanda willingly told me you have “big tiddies” so your friends don’t seem to be doing a good job of taking care of you

Bonky: Might as well let me do it so you don’t die tmrw

Babe: Ohhhh so u careeeee babe im touched

Babe: Kkkkkk Ill talk tu u tmrw ill be dead soon

Babe: Nd I do have big tiddies

Bonky: Good night babe

*

Babe: What the shit

Bonky: I see you survived

Babe: Barely

Babe: My head might explode soon and I feel like I’ve vomited for an entire lifetime

Babe: TMI sorry

Bonky: I’d like to point out I’m glad I don’t have to decipher your texts anymore and that you can actually spell properly

Babe: Fuck you Buckaroo

Bonky: I would also like to remind you that I have on good authority that you have “big tiddies” so don’t make me use that against you

Babe: I am going to kill Wanda

Babe:Ugh I need coffee

Babe: I’ll talk to you later

Bonky: I’ll be waiting for you babe

*

Babe: So

Babe: BABE

Bonky: Yes baby?

Babe: 

Bonky: Nah, you love it

Babe: Fine

Babe: You still haven’t sent a pic of you though. I might be able to rise Nat and Wanda from the dead if you do

Bonky: What do I get in return?

Babe: The promise that I will keep replying even though you might turn out to be an ugly orc?

Bonky: Not enough

Babe: Fine. I’ll keep talking to you until you want me to stop. Or until I get bored of you

Bonky: Eh, you can do better

Babe: What do you WANT?

Bonky: A pic of you in return

Babe: I’m not sending you nudes, perv

Bonky: If I wanted to see you naked and be a dick about it, I could’ve asked last night, don’t worry

Bonky: But if you’ll know how I look it’s only fair I should know how you look

Babe: That sounds reasonable

Bonky: I’d say it’s a fair exchange

Babe: Fine, you first then

Bonky: If you don’t send me a pic of you afterwards babe I will stop replying, just so you know

Bonky:

Babe: Did you type super hot guy with the most beautiful eyes in the world in Google or something?

Bonky: I’m touched but no. Sam took that photo at a work event

Babe: Bitch do you really expect me to believe this is you? That looks like a guy who just stepped out of a magazine, I highly doubt I would have the luck to text him instead of my ex when drunk

Bonky:

Bonky: Are you always this annoying?

Babe: …

Bonky: What? Do you want me to take a selfie with the fucking newspaper now? I read the news online babe, I’m not getting off of this couch just so I can buy a stupid newspaper to prove it’s me

Babe: Do you have one in a suit?

Bonky: …why am I putting up with this?

Bonky: Hold on

Bonky:

Bonky: It’s been 5 minutes, are you going to reply?

Bonky: You still have to send me a picture of you though, a deal is a deal you know

Bonky: Fine, I warned you

Babe: Shit sorry

Babe: Hi Bucky, this is Natasha

Bonky: Hi Natasha. Is Y/N alright?

Babe: Uhm how should I put this?

Babe: Y/N is crying right now and she can’t reply herself

Bonky: What? What happened? Is she okay?

Babe: Oh yeah

Babe: She’s just crying because (and I’m quoting here) you’re “so beautiful, it’s like all my wet dreams and fantasies have come together. I swear this is some cosmic joke, this is not happening”

Babe: I’m not sure if she’s laughing or crying now

Babe: But she keeps yelling at me that I have to send you the most perfect picture of herself that has ever existed or you will stop talking to her

Babe: I think she started crying again because “I will never live up to that level of perfection, he told me that I have to know which fights to pick”

Babe: Uh yeah so here

Babe: 1 Photo Attached

Bonky: Hey Nat, could you tell Y/N that I would like to talk to her now?

Babe: Sure

Babe: Hey

Bonky: Baby?

Babe: Yeah?

Bonky: You picked the wrong fight if you think “you will never live up to this level of perfection”

Babe: Oh God

Bonky: Stop being an idiot

Bonky: And listen to me

Bonky: I would really like to keep talking to you. Mainly because you’re an idiot who makes me laugh, but it’s also the fact that you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my entire life

Babe:

[kingofbr00klyn]

Newsies prompts! Yeah! Um... 1. Jack being a big brother to Race. 2. Crutchie and Racetrack getting into some trouble together. 3. Jack and Spot caring for some of the littles. Pick one or write them all idc. Can’t wait to read!

Hi this took me like 4 days to write, I thought it was longer than that but okay, I have loads of other stuff in the works, this is just the first one I finished. Sorry for the wait. So this is for the prompt we’re Crutchie and Race get into trouble.

I tried to mix both 1992sies and livesies in this, but I don’t think it really comes across. Also, this story is ever so slightly exaggerated, but oh well. But it’s been a while since I’ve written anything, so this probably isn’t the best.

This will also be found on my AO3 account.

"Remind me ta never listen ta you again."

"How was I'se suppost ta know this would 'appen?"

"Well, I dunno. But now I’m in trouble because a’ summing I didn’t even do."

“Oh c’mon! Nuthin’ bad happened. I came out worse than you did. You get to go home scot-free.”

“But still. This is all your fault an’ I’m gonna make sure everyone knows it.”

"Wow, Crutch, whatta' way to throw a pal under da bus."

"You'se deserve it."

Race rolled his eyes and sulked further down into his chair, only to regret it when the hard plastic rubbed uncomfortably into his back. He glanced at his companion, who looked just about as shit as he felt. Crutchie kept nervously running a hand through his hair and fidgeting with the helm of his shirt, he looked like someone who had just been caught doing something illegal. Oh wait, that's because he had. Let's take a step back, shall we?

2 hours earlier.

Crutchie stood outside his door step, awaiting Race's arrival. The two had decided to spend the evening together, since none of their other friends were available. Race had said he would pick him up at 6. After Crutchie's watch ticked 6:15, Race's old TP Cruiser pulled up. He wore a bright, cheeky grin as he leaned over to open the passenger side door. "Get in loser, we're going shopping!" Crutchie gleefully obliged, grabbing his crutch and sliding into the front seat.

"Are you ready for the funnest night of yer life?" Race asked, a unlit cigar hanging loosely from his mouth.

Crutchie laughed. "We'se just goin' ta the diner on 4th, ain't we?"

"Nope," Race grabbed something from the cupholder beside him and handed it to Crutchie. "Just got this from my guy. Thought we'd treat ourselves tonight." It was a fake ID.

Antonio Higgings

11/12l1997

XXX XXXX XXX

XX/XX/XX

XX/XX/XX

"Yer guy?" Crutchie snorted, handing the card back. "You'se mean Albert."

"Maybe I do. Anyway, I'm low on cigs and shit, so I thought we'se stop by a corner shop and see how well this baby works." Starting the engine, Race pulled out of Crutchie's drive and set off for the nearest place that would give them what they wanted.

"What if we'se get caught? I don't wanna be done just because you'se got a nicotine addiction." Crutchie offered, messing with the diles for the radio.

"Then I punch Albert in the face," Race resorted. That drew a snicker from the blonde. "But seriously, don't worry 'bout it. Everthin's gonna be a-okay!"

Spolier altert; it wasn't.

After 10 or so minutes of driving, Race pulled to a stop and poorly parked the car. "Eh, good enough." He got out, with Crutchie tailing right behind him.

"You don't gotta come in. Ya know, cuz yer so scared of gettin' caught." The taller boy mocked.

Crutchie retaliated by hitting Race in the leg with his crutch. "I'm comin' wit' cha so you don't get punched in the face." Race forged offence, but waved off the comment.

The shop was small, just your regular off-licence, cheap booze with an even cheaper taste, the perfect thing to fuel Race's needs. A little bell rang as they opened the door, there weren't many people inside the shop, Crutchie noted the few middle aged men who were likely in there for similar reasons as themselves. Race swaggered to the front counter, an air of confidence around him. The shop clerk, a young man with a stoic expression, rolled his eyes at the tall blonde.

"What can I get you?" The clerk's tone was as cheerful as expected.

Race grinned cockily. "A smile would be a start, sweetheart," The shop clerk didn't respond, but continued to glare the boy down. "Okay then… A box o' ya finest Corona's and summa that scotch ya got up there." Race slapped $50 on the counter, along with his fake ID.

The clerk picked the card up, eying it suspiciously. Crutchie had a feeling this wouldn’t end well. “Yah think you’re funny, kid? Think I don’t know what a fake ID looks like?” The clerk said. “I’m gonna have to call the cops, you know.”

Race’s expression floored. Disbelief and fear quickly made itself at home. Crutchie felt a similar dread rise up in his stomach, he looked to Race for an inkling of what to do next, but the tall boy just continued to stare dumbly. Until he finally said, “I’m gonna fuckin’ kill Albert.”

As it turns out, the shop had an undercover officer outside the shop to deal with instances like this. The clerk called him in, and he escorted Crutchie and Race to the local station. Luckily, they had pretty much just been given a slap on the wrist and a call home. Except, since this wasn’t Race’s first offence, so he had also been slapped with a $50 fine.

The boys anxiously awaited the arrival of the parents. Race had already had a million and one messages from his brother, Jack. The sonva’ was having a field day with this. Text after text about how much trouble Race would be in, how he was grounded and how much shit Jack’s going to give him for this. Race ignored his brother, instead opting for spamming Albert with a variety of angry messages in all caps.

GottaGoFast - RedHeadHoe

19:05

GottaGoFast: ALBERT FUCKING DASILVA

GottaGoFast: U FUCKING BITCH

GottaGoFast: IM SO GOING TO KILL U

RedHeadHoe: ???

GottaGoFast: im at the police station

RadHeadHoe: oh what did u do now???

RedHeadHoe: OH

RedHeadHoe: YOU GOT CAUGHT

RedHeadHoe: HA

GottaGoFast: YEAH AND ITS ALL UR FAULT

RedHeadHoe: how is it my fault???

GottaGoFast: BECAUSE UR THE 1 WHO GAVE ME THE ID

RedHeadHoe: dude u didnt have to use it

RedHeadHoe: also i dont make them so it aint my fault

RedHeadHoe: blame my guy

GottaGoFast: ur guy?????

RedHeadHoe: ye

RedHeadHoe: skittery

GottaGoFast: ok but ur still dead

RedHeadHoe: cool

GottaGoFast: dentys gonna be here soon so gotta go

RedHeadHoe: good luck my dude

GottaGoFast: fuck u

RedHeadHoe: :)

Race slipped his phone into his pocket, just in time to see some familiar faces walk though the station door. Bryan Denton, Race’s foster father, walked up to the receptionist desk, before being pointed towards where the boys were sitting. Race looked at Crutchie, before straightening his back and putting on his most charming smile. "Heya Denty!" Race beamed, hoping to the gods above that this would go in his favour. Bryan didn't look particularly mad, but Denton never really got mad. It was like the man was incapable of it, it was great, and Race had done a lot of things that would cause any parent to flip their shit.

"Race," Bryan started, calm and collected as always."What were you thinking?" Okay, maybe it wasn't as great as Race thought, Denton's tranquill state was quite unsettling at the moment, Race had no idea what he was thinking.

"We'se just wanted to have a bit a' fun, ya know, teenage stuff," The blonde rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Did they'se tell ya 'bout da fine?"

"Yeah, they told me over the phone," Denton said. "I'll pay it and then we'll go home. Jack's waiting for us in the car.”

Race rolled his eyes. "Oh yay."

Crutchie didn't really pay much attention to the scene in front of him, he was too caught up in his own head. Fear and worry filled his thoughts, his grandmother wasn't the most forgiving then it came to things like this. Crutchie remembered once when he was 7 and snuck out of his room in the middle of the night to get one of the freshly baked cookies his grandmother had made that day, the elderly woman had found out about his midnight snack and boy was there hell to pay. She wasn't particularly mean or nasty, she could just be strict at times.

Times like these, Crutchie thought as he saw his grandmother barrel towards him with an expression that would make the toughest of men wet themselves. "Charles Andrew Morris! You are in so much trouble, young man!" Oh no, she used his full name. He really was a goner.

"Race, I don't think I'm comin' outta this alive…” Crutchie said.

Race snorted. "Don't worry, my dude, I got this." Crutchie didn't have time to ask what 'this' was, as Race stepped in front of him and greeted his grandmother.

"Mrs Morris, so good ta see ya 'gain," Race started. That diverted the woman from her path of destruction, as she instead gave the blonde a striking glare. The Italian tried not to shrink under her gaze, opting to continue with his sentence. "So um, ya see, Ma'am. It wasn't actually Crutchie's fault, it was mine. So, err, don't punish him for my mistake."

What?

Crutchie was in complete disbelief. And he wasn't the only one, Bryan shared a similar expression. While Race was a good friend, he was also a bit of an asshole, so him taking all the blame for this (even though it was his fault), was a surprise.

Crutchie’s grandmother eyed the boy suspiciously, before she turned on her heels and walked away. “Come on, Charlie, it’s time to go home.”

Crutchie was slightly dumbfounded, but didn’t question as he hugged Race. “Thanks man.”

Race winked and smiled. “No problem, Crutch. Text me if you ain’t dead!”

“Will do!”

RiceCrutchies - Racer

21:35

RiceCrutchies: Guess who aint dead :)))

Racer: yayyyy

Racer: so what happened

RiceCrutchies: Gran wasn’t very happy but she wasnt too mad

RiceCrutchies: Im grounded for 2 weeks tho

Racer: oh well at least we had 1 last night of fun before that

RiceCrutchies: Yea so how’d it go with Denton???

Racer: not too bad

Racer: im also grounded but they took my cigs at the police station so i need to get more from Albert

RiceCrutchies: You think you would have learnt your lesson but ok

Racer: 👌

Racer: i gotta go crutch see you in school???

RiceCrutchies: Yeah, see you and try not to do anything illegal between then

Racer: no promises

RiceCrutchies: 🤦‍

[seokmattchuus]

Fuck Away The Pain - Hyungwon

A/n: I don’t even know what this is, ngl. It kinda sucks, but ya girl’s sad from an ex and I’m deep in my Hyungwon feels so this happened. Let it flop, idc, tbh. I just wanted to write it. Also, issa long one, sorry.

“Y/n..” - 10:47 pm

“I know this is uncalled for, but” - 10:47 pm

“I really miss you.” - 10:48 pm

“I really wanna see you. Can I come by later?” - 10:49 pm

“Can we try again?” - 10:50 pm

You stood there, staring at your phone, tears welling in your eyes as you shoved you phone into your pocket and quickly wiped at your eyes. Of course, your ex, Min, would pick the best timing to try to ‘fix’ things.

It was movie night at the Monsta X dorm. You’d never been, but your best friend, Hyungwon had invited you this time, knowing that you’d needed some kind of comfort while you went through your breakup. He figured inviting you over for a movie would be best since you weren’t the clubbing type.

And of course, Min had to ruin that too.

You were in the middle of scooping ice cream into bowls with Hyungwon to put in the freezer for later when your phone went off. 

You ignored it of course, thinking it was some spam calls since everyone knew you were busy tonight. But it wasn’t until when Hoseok, Jooheon, and Hyunwoo came back from the store with all the snacks that you checked it, not wanting the constant sound to bother anyone.

You excused yourself to the restroom so you could check your phone in private, but rolled your eyes when you saw that it was Min that called.

A good amount of times. 

When you hadn’t answered, he resorted to text messages, which led you to your current situation.

Crying against the sink in your best friend’s shared dorm.

It wasn’t really an “I missed you” kind of crying, but more of a “what fucking nerve do you have to message me this kind of shit” kind of crying.

Min had ended things just shy of a month ago. It wasn’t like you didn’t see it coming, you just refused to think about him wanting to break off your three year relationship. You just couldn’t, well, more like you didn’t, want to see it. 

Until you’re birthday came around and he hadn’t planed anything. 

It wasn’t that you wanted him to do anything big or extravagant, a simple acknowledgement would’ve sufficed. But no. He hadn’t texted or called at all throughout the day.

It wasn’t until later that night when you and your friends posed for a picture to post on your Instagram that he finally texted you.

“So you’re out with that guy again?”

Had it not been for your male friends, including Hyungwon, he probably wouldn’t have contacted you at all.

It was that moment that you realized everything was falling apart. He didn’t care anymore. He didn’t love you. Not to mention that he spent that whole day with some girl from his workplace. Your friend being the one to tell you the day after your birthday, not wanting to kill your mood.

It was a week after that when he finally ended things. Claiming that you just weren’t good enough for him anymore. That he needed something new, more exciting. To be put simply, that he was just bored of you after being with you for so long.

You had no objections, nor arguments. There was no point. There was nothing in your relationship worth saving. You just went home and packed all the things he left at your house while he packed yours, traded off the next day, and that was that. He hadn’t contacted you since, and for him to finally text you after this whole time, what was he expecting? For you to jump at the opportunity? Welcome him back with open arms?

When you finally managed to get your feelings under control, you turned to look at yourself in the mirror, cringing at how puffy your eyes were. How were you supposed to go back out there? You’d already been in the restroom for a good while, if you stayed any longer-

“Y/n, you okay?” Your train of thought was cut off as Hyungwon knocked on the door.

You sniffled and cleared your throat. “Yeah! Be out in a minute.” You called out before rinsing off your face and drying it on the towel. “You can do this.” You whispered to yourself.

When you walked out, Hyungwon was standing in front of the door, his hand out to stop you from walking past him.

“You’re not okay.” He stated. “You sniffled and your voice sounds like you were crying.”

“I’m fine, Hyungwon.” You sighed. “Min’s just being an asshole, that’s all.”

“What’d he say?” His tone changed.

“Basically that he misses me, and wants to come by later and try to work things out.” You shook your head. “I don’t want to ruin your movie night, but I don’t want to go home either. What am I supposed to do if he comes by?”

“You can stay here tonight. I’ll lend you some clothes.” He said nonchalantly.

“I could-” You started, but were cut off.

“Y/n. We’ve been friends since middle school.” He started. “This is nothing. I’ll sleep on the floor, or on the couch if you want me to. But I don’t want you going back to your place if he’s gonna show up. He doesn’t deserve a chance to even think about you after everything he’s done.”

“B-”

“No ‘but’s.” He shook his head. “You’re staying here, and that’s final. Now hurry up before they start the movie without us.” He smiled, pulling you into a big hug, his scent engulfing you.

You weren’t gonna lie, hugging him was more than comforting at this point, and you wanted nothing more than to stay like this, but sadly, you had to pull away.

“C’mon, let’s go.” He smiled, dropping his arms so you could both make your way back to the living room where Kihyun was setting a movie order while Minhyuk and Changkyun were setting up the living room to make it more comfy.

“And they didn’t go off to fuck, you owe me $15.” Hoseok laughed at Hyunwoo.

“Cut it out.” Hyungwon glared. “Even if we did, I sure as hell wouldn’t do it around you dumbasses.”

You felt the heat rise to cheeks. Sure, Hyungwon was attractive, but you’d never thought of him like that.

Or at least that you wanted to acknowledge.

“Okay!” Kihyun clapped from his spot. “I finally have an order.” He said happily. “Now let’s move everything to the coffee table so we can start.”

-

After everything was situated, you, Hyungwon and Minhyuk sat on the couch with you in the middle. Hyunwoo and Jooheon took the recliners, and the rest made themselves comfortable on the floor.

You were halfway into the movie when Minhyuk moved from his spot beside you to go to the restroom, causing you to lean a little too close into Hyungwon’s side in an effort to get comfortable. Which also caused him to shift a little, you brushing it off as him trying to adjust.

-

After the first movie, Changkyun had asked Jooheon and Hyunwoo to help him get the ice cream.

“Do you feel any better?” Hyungwon leaned down to whisper.

“Kinda?” You whispered back. “I just can’t get him out of my mind.” You shrugged. 

“Give me your phone.” He said, pulling away from you and holding his hand out. 

“Why?” 

“Just give it to me.” He smiled.

You were hesitant, but reached into your pocket, and gave it to him nonetheless.

“I’ll take care of it later, I promise.” He smiled down at you as the guys came back with bowls of ice cream.

-

“Kihyun…” Hoseok whispered, poking the boy with his foot lightly, laughing as he tipped over. “Are you seriously asleep right now?”

“Bro, we did just watch like, four movies in a row.” Changkyun yawned. “Hyunwoo and Minhyuk fell asleep too. Let’s just call it a night.”

“But we still have one more to watch.” Hoseok pouted.

“Well you can watch it yourself.” Hyungwon stated, stretching as he got off the couch, helping you up. “Y/n’s spending the night by the way.”

“Hmmm.” Hoseok wiggled his brows, earning a pillow thrown at him.

“Like I said before, cut it out.” He said flatly. “Next time it won’t be a pillow.” Hyungwon threatened before walking to his room.

“Night guys.” You whispered before following Hyungwon to his room, where he pulled out some boxers and a long flannel, holding them out to you.

“You can go change in the restroom if you want.” He smiled softly.

“Are you sure it’s okay for me to stay here?” You shied away from his offer.

“Yes. I’m sure.” He said while shoving you towards the bathroom. “Now go change.” He said, dropping the clothes into your hands.

With a huff, you did as you were told, and changed into the long flannel that smelled like Hyungwon’s favorite cologne, and slipped into the boxers. After changing, and folding your clothes, you looked in the mirror, feeling slightly unsure of yourself.

It wasn’t like this was new. You and Hyungwon weren’t strangers. You had plenty of movie nights throughout high school where he let you wear his hoodies for comfort.

You’d always been close so this was nothing out of the ordinary for you. But something just felt different, and you couldn’t figure it out.

Maybe it was the way his members seemed to keep pushing the thought of you two. Or maybe since you were still upset over Min, staying with Hyungwon seemed different. 

Maybe because you weren’t in high school anymore.

Maybe because it wasn’t just his hoodie this time.

“You’re just a mess right now, y/n. It’s nothing.” You whispered to yourself, shaking your head while you ran a stressed hand through your hair before walking out of the restroom and back to Hyungwon’s room, deciding to lighten the mood, you struck a pose at his doorway.

“How do I look?” You quirked a brow, and Hyungwon’s eyes raked over your frame, and lingered a little too long on your exposed legs before meeting your eyes with a smile.

“Like a model.” He laughed, and pulled out your phone. “Should we do a photo shoot to make it real?”

“Wow, Mr. Model wants to give me a photo shoot?” You wiped a fake tear. “I feel honored.” You smiled. “But I can’t pose for shit.”

“Just do what you were just doing.” He said, holding your phone dramatically, while positioning himself on the floor, waiting for you to pose, snapping the picture once you did. “Not so bad, Miss. Newbie.” He smiled, getting up and showing you the picture. “How about you smile, though?” He suggested.

“I was smiling though.” You pouted.

“You need to smile bigger. Like you’re laughing.” He mocked your pout as he positioned the camera again. “Hurry up, my arm’s getting tired.” He laughed.

-

You took a total of ten pictures, all directed by Hyungwon and in all honesty, as you both sat on the floor looking through them, they weren’t that bad.

“I like this one the most.” You pointed to the one that had you pouting at the lens.

“Well, I like this one the most.” He pointed to the one with you smiling while your head rested on your arm.

“Well,” You started. “Thank you for the photo shoot, Mr. Chae.” You laughed. “It made me feel better.”

“That’s what friends are for.” He smiled back at you. “It’s getting late, you should probably sleep.” He said, getting up. “I still haven’t changed, so let me grab my clothes and I’ll be out of your way.” He smiled, going to his drawers and pulling out a pair of pajama pants and making his way out to change.

“Hyungwon,” You called out before he left the room fully. “You don’t have to sleep on the couch, or the floor. I can instead.” You offered, getting up.

“You know I won’t let you.” He said softly.

“But I feel bad. It’s your bed, after all.” You shrugged.

“Then we can just share it?” He questioned, looking over at you.

“I guess we could.” You avoided his gaze, looking down at the bed, and back at him.

“Guess I need a shirt then.” He said, walking towards his closet and grabbing a shirt.

“You don’t sleep with a shirt on?” You quirked a brow at him.

“Not really. It’s uncomfortable.” He shrugged, walking out to go change.

You sighed and sat on the bed, moving the covers to the side so you could make a spot for yourself and tracing random nothing’s onto his comforter.

Maybe things were different this time. Here you were, after a breakup, laying in your best friend’s bed, wearing his clothes, while you were about to sleep in his bed.

“Comfortable?” His voice pulled you out of your thoughts.

“Huh? Yeah.” You looked up at him. “Your blanket’s really soft.” You mumbled softly.

“That’s why I bought it.” He laughed at your statement before pulling the cover up and sliding under, too. 

“I know you need music to sleep, so is there anything you wanna hear?” He said, pulling your phone out, looking through your playlist.

“Why don’t you sing for me?” You asked. “It’s been a while since I’ve heard your voice.”

A hint of red tinted his cheeks at the statement and you smiled.

“You know your voice is my favorite.” You moved so your head laid on the back of your hands and you looked at him.

“Don’t look at me.” He smirked. “It makes me shy.”

“Mr. Model gets shy?” You quirked a brow. “Interesting.” You smiled before closing your eyes. “I’m still gonna face this way, though.”

“Stubborn little thing.” He chuckled before clearing his throat. “Any recommendations?” He whispered. 

“Surprise me.” You smiled.

“Why can’t you just make things easy for me for once?” He laughed lightly. “Hmm. What kind of genre?”

“Surprise~” You whined.

“Do you know how many songs there are?” He looked at you, though you couldn’t see him. “You just love making things hard for me.” He grumbled before clearing his throat again before singing Dreamer. 

-

“Did you really fall asleep?” He whispered after singing the song. “You were probably tired.” He sighed, grabbing your phone and connecting it to his charger, an idea popping into his head.

He scooted closer to you and held your camera above the both of you so it looked like you were cuddling into him, took the picture, then scooted back to his initial spot and looked at you again before confirming his plan.

He opened your messages and found Min’s, typing a quick message and attaching the picture of you sleeping, not even hesitating to hit send before leaving your phone on his bedside counter to charge, not bothering to check the vibrate signaling Min’s response.

-

You woke up feeling warm. Too warm. When you tried to move, you realized your arm was wrapped around something and you opened your eyes in realization of your current position. Looking up at Hyungwon’s still sleeping form, your arms wrapped around his waist, and your head on his chest.

You mentally cursed yourself as you slowly let him go and face palmed. Of all the damn nights for you to want to cuddle.

“It’s too early.” Hyungwon grumbled, his voice raspy. “Stay in bed.”

“Were you awake this whole time?” You looked at him with eyes wide.

“No. I woke up when you moved your head.” He mumbled. “The warmth was nice.”

“What time is it?” You said, ignoring his statement.

He grabbed your phone. “5:58 AM.” He whined. “Let’s just go back to sleep.” He rolled towards you, arms open.

“You’re such a baby when you’re tired.” You tsked. “We’re not cuddling again. We weren’t supposed to anyways.”

“You’re the one that woke me up. Take responsibility.” He yawned out, with grabby hands. “If you don’t come willingly, I’m gonna pull you in.”

“You wouldn-” You were cut off by Hyungwon grabbing your wrist and pulling you back into him, his arms wrapping around your waist. 

“Shut up and sleep.” He grumbled. “Hyunwoo’s alarm doesn’t go off for another two hours and if you wake up before then, we’re gonna fight.”

You didn’t bother fighting him and relaxed into his hold. It wasn’t all that bad. The way his body covered yours and the way he held you made you feel safe and warm.

Made you feel comfortable.

-

You don’t know when you fell back asleep, but you woke up to Hyungwon shaking you lightly.

“C’mon.” He whispered. “Now, it’s time to get up.” He chuckled.

You sat up and stretched. “Do I really have to get up?”

“I was gonna take you home so you could get some clean clothes, then maybe come back.” He started. “But if you’re down to stay dressed like that the whole day.” He shrugged.

“No, going to get clothes sounds nice.” You piped up. “Why would we come back here though?”

“Is it such a shame to want you to make friends with my group mates?”

“Good point.” You stated, getting up and picking up your clothes from yesterday.

“I’ll leave, you can change in here.” He stopped you, making his way past you. “It’s windy out.” He smiled. “So keep the flannel on.” He said as he walked out.

-

The ride back to your place was a comfortable silence and that’s when you noticed your phone’s bluetooth didn’t connect to his car.

“Won, where’s my phone?”

“I charged it for you, so if you didn’t get it, it’s probably still on my counter.” He said calmly.

“We’re going back anyways.” You said as he pulled up to your place.

“You go freshen up. I’ll just chill in the kitchen and steal snacks.” He smiled as he put the car in a park and got out.

“Sounds like a plan.” You laughed as you made your way to the door, unlocking it.

“Just don’t take a long ass shower.” He tsked. “Or I might end up eating all your snacks out of boredom like last time.” 

“Don’t remind me.” You glared at the memory. “God forbid I leave you alone for more than thirty minutes.” You kept your glare as you placed your keys on the kitchen counter. 

“Just some food for thought.” He chuckled as he opened your cabinet, looking for something.

"Just don’t eat everything.” You groaned and made your way to your room. “I really don’t feel like going shopping just because you can’t control yourself.” Your voice faded the longer you walked and you barely heard Hyungwon’s noise of agreement.

You didn’t really pay much attention to the clothes you picked out, thinking of just grabbing some leggings and keeping Hyungwon’s flannel as your top. Given that it wasn’t too baggy, but not too tight, you figured it had that ‘at home’ look, which was perfect because you didn’t wanna look like you were trying too hard to come up with an outfit.

You reached for your speaker on instinct, but put it down once you remembered you didn’t have your phone and grumbled to yourself, grabbing your towel and heading towards your restroom.

-

“Well that was fast.” Hyungwon spoke with a mouth full of Pringles.

“Let’s just say I miss my phone.” You smiled, rolling his shirt sleeves up, along with your hair.

“You still wearing my shirt.” He smirked.

“It’s comfy.” You shrugged, sitting across from him. “And it smells nice.” You added, reaching for a chip. 

“You always did like my cologne.” He smirked to himself. “I guess I make good choices.”

“You picked one good cologne, don’t get cocky.” You glared, pointing your chip at him, him sticking his tongue back at you in return.

“Are you sure you really wanna meet the guys?” He cocked a brow at you while he chewed his chip. “They might be too much to handle.”

“You’re too much to handle and I do just fine.” You stated matter-of-factly.

“Okay but now like, there’s six more of me.”

“You started it by inviting me over for movies. Plus it was your idea.” You smiled.

“Good point, but you didn’t have to agree.” He pointed his chip at you before eating it. “But let’s go after we eat.”

-

Hyungwon’s definition of ‘after we eat’ ended up being ‘after we eat and watch a movie or two.’ So by the time you were getting ready to leave, it was about to be 2 pm.

“What happened to ‘after we eat.’” You laughed as you both made your way to the door.

“You can’t just eat and not watch something.” He looked at you like you were clueless.

“You couldn’t just pick a show?”

“Movies are better.” He held his chin high as he opened the door for you, locking it from the inside. “You’re just mad ‘cause I’m keeping you from going back to the dorms.”

“I am not!” You yelled. 

“You totally are.” He glared. “Why? Do you like any of them?” He quirked a brow at you, his tone changing as he closed the door.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.” You shrugged, opening the door to the drivers side.

“It’s Hoseok, isn’t it? Or Hyunwoo?” He tsked. “It’s always one of them.” He mumbled, opening the car door and getting in.

“And if I said I did?” You teased, stepping into the passenger. 

“I’d ban you from going back.” He glared. “They can’t just steal my friend from me.”

“Why can’t I be everyone’s friend?” You quirked your own brow at him.

“The world doesn’t work that way, my clueless little y/n.” He ruffled your hair as he started the car.

“You’re just paranoid that they’ll steal me away.” You glared. 

“And if I am?” He didn’t hesitate to answer.

“It’ll take a lot more than a pretty face to ruin our friendship.” You smiled, ruffling his hair now. “Why do you think Min hated you so much?” You chuckled, only to have it die down soon after. “I guess your ‘idol’ title made you different from the rest of my friends.” You shrugged, shoving the memories of past arguments to the back of your head.

“Look. I know I caused a lot of problems for you tw-”

“Don’t.” You cut him off. “He left because I wasn’t good enough. Let’s just go now.” You spoke quickly, watching as he put the car in ‘drive’.

“He really made you believe that?” He spoke up, his voice soft.

You didn’t answer.

“It’s bullshit, you know.” He spoke louder this time. “Anyone would be lucky enough to have you. Just because he left doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough.”

And that was all he said.

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence, both of you not feeling the need to say anything else, at least not until you were heading up to the dorms again.

“If you flirt with any of them, I might just kick you out.” He threatened as you reached his hall.

“You could never.” You smiled as you poked his side. “You love me too much.” 

You only got a glare in response as he punched in the code to the door, nearly shutting it in your face as payback for your little statement, but you couldn’t complain now that you were back at the dorms.

“She’s back!” Minhyuk yelled from the couch, running over to you.

“We thought he wouldn’t bring you back.” Kihyun chuckled, watching as Hyungwon glared at Minhyuk, who’s hug was lasting a little longer than it should.

“Dude, let her go. She didn’t come to get squished.” Hyungwon grumbled.

“And now he’ll probably never let her come back.” Changkyun laughed while nudging Kihyun.

“Ha. Ha. Ha.” Hyungwon fake laughed. “She wouldn’t even be back here if she didn’t forget her phone.

“So that’s what was going off all day.” Hyunwoo chimed in. “I wasn’t trying to snoop, but it seemed important with how much they kept texting. I think it was a Min?”

“Oh, that’s not important.” You trailed off. “Probably ju-”

“Did you guys order the pizza, yet?” Hyungwon cut you off, trying to change the subject. “And did you get the side of wings?” 

“Yeah, Hoseok and Jooheon went to go get it.” Hyunwoo said. “But you’ve never wanted wings before. What changed?”

“They aren’t for me, they’re for y/n.” Hyungwon said casually, the rest of the guys raising their eyebrows at each other.

“Since when are you so considerate?” Minhyuk spoke out.

“I’m considerate to people.” He stated calmly, before forcing a smile. “Just not you.”

“Rude.” The older pouted, before his phone chimed. “Oh, food’s here!”

-

The day had gone smoother than you thought. You had eaten, watched some shows, played dumb games on the living room floor, and now you were cleaning up.

“It’s late, we should get you home.” Hyungwon spoke up after finishing the dishes.

“Shit, what time is it?” You looked up at him.

“Your phone’s still in my room isn’t it?” He raised a brow.

“Well we were busy, I didn’t really need it.” You shrugged.

He did nothing but sigh and ruffle your hair before leaving to his room to retrieve the device.

By the time he reached the phone, it had just stopped vibrating, and he checked it to see if it was important.

“Min? Again?” He groaned, pressing the home button so he could see how many times he called. “Thirty times?” He scoffed, letting the screen timeout on it’s own. “Does he have nothing better to do?”

“I suggest you hurry up before Minhyuk hides her away.” Changkyun warned, leaving Hyungwon to shove your phone in his pocket, and head back out.

“But make sure you come back. Even if you have to hide it.” Minhyuk whispered the last part.

“The point of whispering is to not be heard.” Hyungwon mimicked Minhyuk, causing you to giggle.

“Let’s go, you grumpy log.” You laughed. “It’s getting late, I don’t want you coming back late.”

-

The drive home was spent with you talking about how much you enjoyed your time guys being even more great - and stupid - than you thought they’d be in person.

“Well, at least you enjoyed your day.” Hyungwon smiled towards you. “You deserve to have better days now that he’s gone.”

“Speaking of,” You piped up. “What do you think he wanted?” 

“Who knows.” He shrugged. “You didn’t check?” He asked, pulling into your driveway, and looking over to you.

“I’m kinda scared to know.” You admitted, unbuckling your seat belt. “I mean, I cried at the ‘let’s try again’ texts, so who’s to say I won’t cry over whatever he’s saying now?”

“Do you want me to read them instead?” He offered, unbuckling his own seat belt.

“As long as you don’t say anything dumb.” You glared, handing him your phone.

“No promises.” He smiled, snatching the phone from you, and unlocking it. “Messagesssss.” He dragged out as he pushed the little emoticon. “Miiinnn.” He repeated as he looked for the man’s contact, tapping on it once it came in sight. “Last message was sometime around…” He trailed off as he scrolled up, turning the phone slightly as the picture he took came into view.

“Why? Is it bad?” You whined at the action.

“No, I just don’t want you to read anything and get upset.” He mumbled. “How about you go in and get ready? I’ll be in when I’m done.” He smiled softly at your frowning face. “You can even order food? And use my card?” He offered, to which you smiled and nodded. “All it takes is food. You’re so easy.” He fake tsked, reaching into his pocket for his wallet. “Just make sure you order something for me, too.” He laughed, waiting for you to walk inside before turning his attention back to your phone.

“So that’s how it’s gonna be?” - 2:07 am

“Why aren’t you answering?” - 2:08 am

“I know you’re getting my messages.” - 2:10 am

“Is it because he’s with you? You’re just gonna replace me like that? With a fucking pretty boy?” - 2:12 am

“And now you’re not gonna respond? You obviously sent that picture for a reason.” - 2:13 am

“Fine. Have it your way. I’m stopping by tomorrow night.” - 2:16 am

Hyungwon scoffed at the messages before deleting them, along with the picture, and throwing the phone in his lap.

What the hell was his problem? Was he really that jealous over you staying at the dorm when he wasn’t even your boyfriend anymore?

The nerve.

Sighing again, he turned the car off and got out, angrily shoving your phone in his pocket before going inside.

“The delivery guy said twenty minutes tops, so it shouldn’t be too long.” You smiled at him.

“All you care about is food, huh?” He joked.

“Well maybe if you didn’t eat all my food all the time, I wouldn’t care so much.” You glared.

-

After eating - and cleaning up - you had suggested watching something scary, more for background noise than entertainment.

“So..” You trailed off. “Was it bad?” You bit your lip.

“Now you ask?” He chuckled, taking a sip of his Monster. “But no, it wasn’t bad. Just obsessive?” He questioned, trying to think of the right word. “Just stuff like ‘oh, you’re not gonna respond?’, and ‘you’re just gonna replace me like that’.” He mocked in a dumb voice.

“Why are guys like that?” You sighed, throwing yourself back onto the couch.

“Like what?” He furrowed his brows. 

“All ‘I don’t want you, but don’t date anyone else.’“ You mocked in a deep voice.

“Who are you dating?” He coughed as he choked on his sip.

“No one, but you know what I mean.” You glared. 

“Well obviously I didn’t.” He coughed some more. “Word yourself better next time and we wouldn’t have a problem.” He grumbled.

“I’ve literally been crying to you about how guys suck. Why would I date another one right now?” You deadpanned. 

“I don’t know. Maybe the whole ‘get over someone by using someone else’ thing.” He mumbled. 

“On another note.” You sighed, ignoring his statement. “You’re a guy, do you know why guys do this shit?”

“I’m not a shitty guy, or at least I don’t think, so I have no idea.” He paused, putting the can to his lips and throwing his head back, finishing it. “But I can fight him for you if you want.” He smirked.

“I appreciate the offer, but the last thing you need is to catch a case.” You laughed lightly. 

“Who said I’d get caught?” He raised a brow.

“Okay feisty one, I’m gonna go throw away the trash which you said you would do.” You giggled, as you got up.

“I was gonna do it after I finished my drink.” He defended himself as you walked away to pick up the trash bag. “Which I just did.”

“Well I already got up, so you’re too late.” You smiled, walking back and taking his empty can, throwing it in the bag before tying it closed. “I’ll be back.” You said, slipping on some sandals before going out, mentally cursing as you realized you left the trashcans on the curb from yesterday.

“If I wasn’t kidnapped, I’d totally not have to walk all the way to the curb.” You grumbled to yourself, as you reached them. “I should’ve just let Hyungwon do it.” You continued to grumble as you lifted the lid.

“So you’re with him now?” You heard a familiar voice speak out from the side, and you froze, the lid falling with a loud thud. “Are you not gonna answer?” He spoke louder this time, slightly slurred.

“No.” You spoke softly, not trying to cause a scene. “But it’s not like it matters to you.” You said coldly, watching as Min laugh sarcastically.

“I just wanna know how long it’s been going on.” He hiccuped. “Since we broke up? Since your birthday? Before then?” He got louder the more he spoke, walking closer.

“You’re drunk.” You swallowed thickly while backing away, slightly scared since you knew this side of him.

“And? Answer my question.” He said, stopping slightly as he realized you were pressed against the trashcan.

“I told you we weren’t together.” You repeated louder this time, hoping Hyungwon would hear.

“Don’t bullshit me, y/n.” He chuckled, raising his voice even more. “We both know you had feelings for him.”

“Whether I did or not doesn’t-”

“Yes it fucking does.” He scoffed, taking a step forward, causing you to push against the trashcan, your face instinctively turning to the side in an attempt to block yourself. 

“If your problem’s with me, then leave her alone.” Hyungwon spoke out, grabbing your wrist and pulling you behind him. “Go inside.” He said sternly, to which you shook your head, and before he could respond, Min spoke up again.

“Oh, so you got him protecting you now? That’s fucking rich.” He laughed again, stepping towards Hyungwon, who only pushed you back. His position staying. “We all knew you’d end up with him anyways.” He spoke bitterly, looking up at the man.

“Like I said.” Hyungwon’s voice threatening as he stepped forward. “If your problem’s with me, leave her out of it.” He glared. 

“How do you know my problem’s with you?” Min laughed.

“My name was in almost every message you sent.” Hyungwon scoffed. “If anyone else read them, they’d think you’re jealous of her, not me.” He took another step. “And you came to her house to ask if me and her were together. It sounds like my presence pisses you off.” He smirked.

Min scoffed before balling his fist.

“I suggest you leave.” Hyungwon spoke up again, his tone holding something you hadn’t heard from him before as he took more steps to back Min into the sidewalk. “If you wanna fight, I suggest you be sober first. Wouldn’t want you making up excuses for losing to a ‘pretty boy’ like me.” He said, pressing a finger to Min’s shoulder and pushing him into the street before turning around and pushing you back towards the door.

“I told you to go inside.” He nearly yelled as he shut the door. “What if something happened? What if he had something? What if I wasn’t here?” He scolded, too lost in his concern to realize you were tearing up.

“What would you would’ve done if-” He stopped talking the second he saw a tear fall and immediately pulled you into his chest. 

It was quiet for a while, neither of you saying anything, or more like him not knowing what to say.

Of course he’d fuck up by yelling at you after everything that’s happened.

Of course he’d snap at you even though none of this was your fault.

Of course he’d let his feelings get the best of him.

“I’m sorry for yelling. I shouldn’t have.” He sighed picking his hand up to run it down your hair. “I’m just worried about you.”

“I’ve never seen you so mad before..” You sniffled, remembering how he sounded, how he got in Min’s face. It wasn’t like him.

“I never planned for you to see me that mad.” He chuckled. “I let my feelings get the best of me. I shouldn’t have acted out like that.”

“What feelings?” You questioned, and he looked down at you in disbelief. His whole face basically saying ‘do you really not know?’

“Are you serious?” He laughed.

“I may have a hint..” You paused. “But I just want you to hear you say it.”

“You really strung me along, huh?” He laughed lightly, looking back up. “Do you know how hard it was to not act on it?”

You looked up at him and chewed your lip in contemplation of whether or not to say what you wanted to. But he already said it, so why couldn’t you?

“No one said you couldn’t act on it.” You bit your lip as he looked down at you. 

“Say that again.” His response was immediate but his tone was different. 

“I said,” You paused, your eyes staring into his. “No one said you couldn-” You were cut off from him pressing his lips to yours, the force strong enough to push your head back, but his hold on you strong enough to keep you in place.

Knowing where to move, he backed you into the couch, turning you both around so he could sit and bring you down on top of him.

His hands never left your hips and when they finally did, they moved up to wrap around the back of your neck, trying to bring you impossibly closer into him while the other hand ran up and down your thigh, squeezing every now and then.

Never did either of you think this would happen. That one of you would finally take that step and remove whatever block was in the way.

But that block only stayed gone for a minute as Hyungwon pulled away, panting and searching your eyes for anything and you could tell he was stopping himself.

“Please, Hyungwon..” You panted, your hands coming up to cup his face. “Don’t stop here.” You whispered, hoping he’d see the sincerity in your eyes.

And though he did, it wasn’t enough for him.

“No, y/n. As much as I’ve wanted to do this, you’re only doing this out of vulnerability. Not because you want me.” He shook his head, trying to get your hands off of him, causing you to tighten your grip.

“But I do want you.” You spoke softly. “I’ve always wanted you…” You trailed off. “I just never thought you’d want me, and Min came along and fucked up my whole mentality on everything.” You took a deep breath. “I wouldn’t tell you to act on your feelings if I didn’t want to act on mine.”

He was quiet, his eyes never leaving yours as you spoke, his hand on the back of your neck rubbing softly while the one that was on your thigh squeezing hard at the mention of him. 

So contradicting.

“This wasn’t how I pictured this happening.” He chuckled bitterly. “But I guess timing doesn’t care for trivial things.”

“Please,” You looked at him, your voice breaking. “I want you for you. Not because I’m sad, but because it’s always been you.” 

He didn’t reply verbally this time, opting to press his lips back against yours, but softer this time, and you pulled back.

“You’re holding back, Hyungwon.” You whispered. “You don’t have to.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” He whispered back. “I came on way too rough the first time.” He laughed.

“Be rough with me, please.” You started. “I want to get lost in you. I only want you on my mind.”

“Of all the things I imagined you saying, that was never one of them.” He chuckled. “Are you sure?” He said, scanning your eyes for any hint of denial.

Instead of speaking up, you nodded your head, but it wasn’t enough for him. 

“Words. I need to hear you say it.”  

“Yes.” You spoke up. “Help me forget him.“

As if a switch flipped, the Hyungwon you had before was back and he was on you as if you’d disappear at any given moment. 

You thought about what he said earlier, the whole ‘using someone to forget someone else’ and now weren’t sure if ‘forget’ was the right word to use, but if wasn’t, you were pretty sure he’d have stopped. 

Maybe he said it because he wanted to be the one to help you forget someone.

Either way, you were reveling in the way his lips moved from yours to trail down your neck, randomly biting while his hands moved down to your thighs, occasionally moving up to play with the hem of your leggings.

“Fuck, Hyungwon.” Your hips rolled against his as he bit a specific spot and he smirked before biting down again, harder this time. 

“Do you know how bad I wanted to do this last night and all damn day?” He rasped out between kisses, sucking a hickey above your collarbone. “Seeing you walk around in my shirt like that.” He whispered before going to the other side of your neck. “God, you look so good.” He growled, roughly sucking hickies onto your skin.

“I wanted nothing more than to fuck you senseless while you wore that damn shirt,” He whispered, his hands rubbing closer to where you wanted him. “Have you screaming my name and letting everyone know who’s really meant for you.” He growled as his fingers rubbed you over your leggings. “I bet you would’ve loved it, huh, babygirl.” He whispered in your ear before nibbling on your lobe.

“Yes, fuck.” You threw your head to the side, bucking your hips into his hand, while his other came around to grab your throat, squeezing harder every time he spoke.

“Have you beg for me to touch you.” He whispered, his hand slipping under your leggings to rub you over your panties. smirking at the wet spot he felt. ”Beg for me to fuck you.” He whispered before rubbing harder. “Beg for me to let you cum.” 

“Fuck, Hyungwon, yes.“ You whined out, your hips trying to press against his fingers for something. Anything. 

But he pulled away with a smug smirk instead. 

“Then get up.”

“Wha-” 

“I said,” He tilted his head. “Get. Up.”

“Hyungw-”

“Get up now, or I’m not touching you again.” He deadpanned, and out of fear he meant it, you got up and stood in front of him. “Sit here instead.” He smiled, moving you over his thigh and you stared at him confused.

“What, baby? Never ridden a thigh before?” He smirked as you blushed. “I’ll help you then.” He smiled, leading you over his leg and letting you get used to the feeling, smirking as your eyes closed from the pressure.

“Doesn’t it feel good?” He spoke up, his voice lower as he flexed his thigh, smirking as you moaned out, your hips moving against him on their own accord. 

“I want more, please.” You whined, rutting against him. 

“Where would the fun in that be?” He cocked a brow, flexing his thigh again.

“Please, I’ll let you do whatever you want to me next time, I just really really really need you right now.” Your voice came out pathetic, but you really couldn’t find it in you to care.

“Be careful what you say, baby.” He teased, getting up abruptly and turning you around so you fell into the couch, leaving you to look up at him with pleading eyes. “Because next time, I might be more than you can handle.”

You didn’t have time to respond before he knelt in front you, his hands grabbing at the hem of your leggings before pulling them off, you lifting your hips to help him.

“Hyungwon please-” You choked out. “I can’t-” You were cut off with a smack to your thigh.

“You can.” He started, staring up at you while he kissed your thigh, making a trail up. “And you will.”

You didn’t respond, instead starting to squirm from anticipation, your hand grabbing at his hair in hopes of getting him to get up, but your plan was ruined as he pulled away.

“Hands.” He said simply holding out his hand.

You shook your head and he reached for your both of your hands, putting your wrists in one hand before continuing his teasing.

“Hyungw-” You were cut off as he bit your thigh, the surprise sting making you jolt.

“Let me have my fun.” Was all he said before kissing higher, switching between the top of your thigh to the inside. 

“Don’t you want me right here?” He asked softly, looking up at you with puppy eyes. “You said you wanted more, and that’s what I’m giving you.”

You had no words, knowing full well you wouldn’t be getting out of this, and you relaxed against the cough in frustration.

“Be a good girl and just enjoy yourself.” He whispered before licking a strip up your clothed slit.

“Oh-Oh my god.” You whimpered, your hips bucking into his face. “Why do you tease so much.” You whined, your arms trying to fight against his grip, only to have it tightened.

“You said you wanted to get lost in me.” He mumbled before licking over you again. “That you wanted me to be the only thing on your mind.” He mumbled, pressing his mouth harder against you. “I think I’m doing a pretty good job at that.” 

At this point, you felt like crying. Of all the times he chose to listen to you, it was the time when all you wanted was for him to finally touch you. 

“I’ll beg, just please. I can’t anymore.” You whined, your hips wiggling as you squirmed. 

“Then let me hear it.” He suggested. “Beg for it.” He teased before going back to licking at your clothed slit.

“Fuck~” You whined. “Please fuck me, touch me, anything. I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll call you whatever you want, I promise I’ll be a good girl for you, just please, for fucks sake, do something.” You whined out, your hands fighting in vain against his hold.

“You sound so pretty when you beg, baby.” He groaned, getting off his knees and helping you up so you were standing in front of him, his hands coming up to the buttons of his flannel, pausing when you tensed up. “It’s okay.” He looked at you. “I’m right here.” He leaned down, pressing his lips to yours again, softer this time while he worked on the buttons, letting the garment fall to the floor before pulling away. 

“So beautiful.” He whispered to himself, bending his head down to take your nipple into his mouth while his hand gave the other attention. “I can’t wait to cover you in my marks one day.” He smiled, dropping to his knees while he kissed down your torso, his hands following by running down your sides, stopping at the hem of your panties before slowly pulling them down and letting them fall so you could step out of them.

“I’m gonna take care of you.” Was all he said before shoving his head into you, his tongue lapping at you like you’d be his last meal.

“Hyungwon-” Your knees buckled, but his hands came up to grasp your thighs, keeping you up while your hands attached themselves to his hair.

You let him have his way until you felt yourself about to cum, the teasing finally catching up to you.

“Hyungwon- I- fuck-” You whimpered as your thighs shook. 

He got the point and got up, only to bend you over the armrest of the couch, your new angle giving him the perfect view of your ass.

“Fuck, I’ve always thought about this.” He groaned, working at his pants. “Making you feel so good, you can’t help but scream.” He said, dropping his pants and boxers, kicking them to the side before grabbing himself and running it up and down your slit. “I wonder how many times you’ve thought about it.” He smirked to himself.

“Please~” You whined, pushing yourself back onto him.

“So needy for me.” He licked his lips as he slid his tip in, reveling in the small moans you let out as he slowly slid in, not giving you time to adjust before pulling out and slamming back into you. “I wonder just how needy you’ve been.”

“So much.” You whined, clenching around him, smiling softly when he hissed.

“Such a naughty girl you’ve been, y/n.” He tsked, his hands moving to hold your hips, stroking slowly. “Keeping your thoughts all to yourself.” He groaned, trying his hardest not to ruin you completely.

“Hyungwon, faster.” You panted, your hands balling into fists by your head.

“What’s the rush, baby?” He teased, leaning over to press a kiss against your shoulder, his strokes speeding up just a bit. “Don’t you wanna enjoy yourself?”

“I want you to ruin me.” You let out in a broken whimper. “Fuck me so hard I’m crying. So hard I don’t know what to do with myself. So hard I have no choice but to take it. So hard I’m forced to just lay here and moan.” You nearly cried. “So hard that your name is the only word I know.”

Your plea seemed to do the trick as you heard him laugh lightly before biting down on your shoulder and speeding up on his thrusts, the pace nearly brutal compared to what he was giving you before.

You had no words, the only thing running through your mind was Hyungwon and how good he was making you feel.

You guess he seemed to notice this as he spoke up again.

“Like this, baby?” He questioned with a pant. “You’re so quiet now.” He smirked to himself. “Let me hear you.”

Your response consisted of a mix of gasps and whimpers, not being able to think straight.

He seemed satisfied given that he didn’t ask again and he gripped your hips harder, holding you in place while he used his full force to fuck into you.

So forceful you’d almost assume he hated you or that he was trying to prove a point.

And maybe he was.

Trying to prove that it should’ve been him this whole time. Him kissing you. Him loving you. Him fucking you.

And the closer he brought you to your orgasm, the more you thought it should’ve been him, too. Especially when his hand came around to rub harsh circles on your clit, your thighs shaking from how close you were.

“Don’t even try holding it.” He growled. “None of that cumming together bullshit.” He panted. “Cum for me. Cum all over me.” He coaxed you, his voice sweet compared to his current actions.

“Hyungwon, I-I- Fuck!” You were cut off by him rubbing harsher circles against you, giving you no choice but to accept it, your thighs giving out as you came.

“That’s it, baby.” He smiled down at your fucked out form, slowing down so you could ride it out before speeding up again, chasing his own orgasm, smirking when you whimpered. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“Can’t take a bit of over stimulation?” 

[princessselene126]

Cliche Chat Fic

So this is the second of the 5 fanfics I’m posting from my old wattpad account. Most of these were written back in 2015, so I apologize for how terrible they are. Minor edits have been made, but nothing drastic. This is a particularly shitty high school au chat. Very ooc ngl. 792 words of confusion. Seriously. So much confusion. I’m confused.

masterlist

(DamselinDistress has now joined chat)

DamselinDistress: anyone here?

(CaptainT has now joined chat)

CaptainT: hey blondie ;)

DamselinDistress: Hi captain

(TheMechanic has now joined chat)

(Trouble126 has now joined chat)

(RedHead18 has now joined chat)

RedHead18: Where r Kai, Wolf, and Jacin?

CaptainT: u should kno where Wolf is...he is ur boyfriend.

RedHead18: u better fuck off unless u want Darla to get totalled

CaptainT: U WOULDN'T DARE HURT MY CAR!

RedHead18: watch me

TheMechanic: I'll help

Trouble126: I'm in too

CaptainT: Cinder ur the one that'll have to fix it

TheMechanic: I know and it's worth it because you’ll have to pay me to >:)

(Redsalpha has now joined chat)

(EmperorK has now joined chat)

(TheGuard has now joined chat)

(Redsalpha changed username to WolfMan)

Redsalpha: Thorne did you change my username again?!?

(Redsalpha changed username to WolfMan)

CaptainT: technically I had Cress hack into ur account so SHE changed it...but that doesn't mean it wasn't my idea >:) and really? WolfMan? that's not any better than Redsalpha

DamselinDistress: um...

WolfMan: idc what u think of my username CADET. and way to throw Cress under the bus. that was a pretty dick move

RedHead18: yeah. why r u being such an ass?

EmperorK: he's naturally like that

TheGuard: this is true

CaptainT: ur all just jelous that I'm more awesome than you.

TheMechanic: not of a person who can't spell jealous

CaptainT: so I accidentally skipped a letter. big deal.

WolfMan: pretty sure it wasn't an accident. I think I'll help with totalling Darla >:)

RedHead18: welcome to the club...we have jackets

DamselinDistress: Scarlet did you just quote mean girls? 0.0

CaptainT: WHY IS EVERYONE GANGING UP ON ME?

DamselinDistress: I'm not...

Trouble126: well that's because--

CaptainT: because what? am I missing something?

TheMechanic: he really is oblivious XD

EmperorK: I thought we already knew that? ;)

TheGuard: we did

RedHead18: LOL

Troube126: hehe

CaptainT: *glares* screw you all

WolfMan: stop being such a wimp

TheMechanic: Good luck with that

EmperorK: Cinder can you come over to work on my car tonight?

CaptainT: OOOOH whatcha gonna do???

TheMechanic: I'm fixing his car. the transmission is shit. seriously kai, why the hell did you buy such a shitty car?!

CaptainT: u sure that's not all youre fixing?

EmperorK: THORNE YOU NEED TO STOP!

RedHead18: yeah, grow up thorne

TheGuard: as much as this conversation entertains me...I gotta go. homework :P

Trouble126: me too. Bye guys.

DamselinDistress: bye :)

(TheGuard has left chat)

(Trouble126 has left chat)

CaptainT: how much u wanna bet theyre doing each other instead of hw?

TheMechanc: we’re gonna ignore that

WolfMan: Where were we?

CaptainT: Cinder and Kai r going to fix his car, if ya kno what i mean ;)

TheMechanic: THORNE!

EmperorK: NO!

RedHead18: Thorne that's enough

CaptainT: u can't control me

DamselinDistress: you should stop thorne. this is getting out of hand.

CaptainT: ...

RedHead18: he's speechless! That's a first.

WolfMan: I don't think I've ever seen him speechless.

TheMechanic: I did once...but it was when he was in the hospital ko-ed. Best week of school ever :D

CaptainT: good to kno you cared that I was blind *rolls eyes*

RedHead18: well ur fine now

EmperorK: not that we ever cared

DamselinDistress: guys...

TheMechanic: This is going to far. Kai I'm not coming over tonight. I have to go. Bye.

(TheMechanic has left chat)

EmperorK: she's mad at me isn't she?

RedHead18: she's totally pissed

WolfMan: ur in the doghouse

DamselinDistress: you should apologize before she gets too upset

CaptainT: hold up! who said he did anything wrong? all he's really done is made snarky comments about me...but so have all of u

DamselinDistress: I haven't

WolfMan: who knows and who cares what you said wrong, Kai. Just say you're sorry and be done with it. sometimes the less u kno the better.

RedHead18: ummm what's that supposed to mean?

EmperorK: this isn't helping

WolfMan: Scarlet just because I said it doesn't mean I speak from experience. But I have to go anyway.

RedHead18: I want answers later. Bye

WolfMan: there's nothing to tell really, Scar

(WolfMan has left chat)

DamselinDistress: so...

EmperorK: thanks so much for the help

CaptainT: I can feel the sarcasm

RedHead18: wolf's right. just apologize and get on with life.

EmperorK: well I guess I gotta go to her house now, don't I? *sigh* alright. adios.

DamselinDistress: good luck

(EmperorK has left chat)

RedHead18: I have to get going too. farm stuff. yay

CaptainT: I sense more sarcasm

RedHead18: I sense your windshield shattering

(RedHead18 has left chat)

CaptainT: so...

DamselinDistress: um...

CaptainT: want to go to a movie tonight?

DamselinDistress: sure.

CaptainT: I'll pick you up @ 6

DamselinDistress: Ok. C u then :)

(DamselinDistress has left chat)

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