#or give me some song reccs

[lansolot]

ough. rough night

[montagne-russe]

could i get a rinzler pretty please!!

Now my tender heart has hardened, I'm takin' walks in my dead garden... (♪ Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde by Ezra Furman)

[gorbongweedman]

oh!!! i have a HLVRAI playlist if you guys wanna listen (i am not asking. i am posting and you will listen (i am mind controlling you))

listen to it in order or i will kill you !!! (/j) (if you listen to my playlist ily 4ever and ever)

[chqnified]

1L of prosecco later

[causenessus]

Love Languages. | Bungou Stray Dogs

inc: dazai, chuuya, akutagawa, tecchou, jouno

written in 2nd pov (female reader implied)

song recc: do you love by trish toledo & baby bash

word count: 2324 words

pretty sure everything is written in lowercase except for names if they didn't look ugly capitalized bc aesthetics !!! had tons of fun writing this I apologize, this is barely proofread and for literally every character I got too caught up in specific examples and scenarios and just kept building off of it but I think they're kind of sweet so I hope u enjoy <3

dazai osamu - acts of service

“she peels an orange for us in the morning / she woke me up to give me half” golden girl - frank ocean

he’s terrible at taking care of himself, so someone who takes the time to care for him just makes every wall crumble

he’s probably horrible at remembering to eat as well, so if you make something for him he’ll treasure it forever

bonus points if your job requires you to wake up earlier than him (which isn’t hard, he def comes in a little later than his coworkers) and you leave something for him to eat when he wakes up or to take with him to work (or both <3)

he’ll start to look forward to waking up in the mornings in hope that you’ve made him something

never asks you if you’ll make something in specific or if you’ll even make him something at all. he adores anything you make and doesn’t want to make you feel obliged to do something if you happen to be tired and don’t want to cook tomorrow

voices all his appreciation for you when you both have laid down to go to sleep

“bella, I can’t tell you how much it means to me, all that you do. you really don’t have to make me anything if it’s a hassle in the morning or when you get home. you already work so hard.”

you turned onto your other side to face him, pushing a stray lock of hair behind his ear as you smiled, “I do it because I want to, ‘Samu. and because I love you. if I can’t spend the day with you because we’re both at work, at least I can take care of you.”

his chest buzzed with so much happiness his eyes stung for a moment. he held himself back from saying that he didn’t deserve you. saying something like that wouldn’t solve anything. instead, he’d make himself worthy of you by helping out as well

he probably can’t cook very well but he finds other ways to help, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, getting groceries, and cleaning the place so that there’s less on your plate

ask him to do anything and he’ll get it done for you as soon as possible <3

I think that for him, receiving such sweet love without any words is foreign to him but is just what he needs. he’d rather show how much he loves you than say it (although he loves to tell you it as well). getting out of bed could be so difficult for him some days, yet having a goal for himself has motivated him to become a better person. he wakes up, excited for what you may have made him and ready to do whatever he can for you

nakahara chuuya - gift giving

“they asked, ‘do you love her to death?’ I said, ‘speak of her over my grave and watch how she brings me back to life.’” - mahmoud darwish

it’s easier for him to express how much you mean to him by giving you everything you want and everything he thinks you would like

he still tells you that he loves you every chance he gets, but oftentimes it is accompanied by a gift, no matter how small it may be, from just a single rose to a whole garden

for him, it gives a new purpose in his work; he’s working in order to get you whatever your pretty heart desires

he’s proud to use his hard-earned money to buy you things (rather than spending it all on wine <3 ily chuuya)

the easiest thing he can always get you is a favorite snack or drink and he’s got a whole system for it

he knows every store it’s available at and many of the clerks are familiar with him from the sheer amount of times he’s visited them to buy something for you. it never grows old for him, his favorite thing to do is buy you something on his way home from work or during the day when he’s planning to surprise you with a visit

he keeps a mental list of what your favorite things are. you’ll tell him about something you like without thinking anything of it but he’s already planned out when and how to give the item to you. it’s always on his mind what he’ll buy you each day, and it’s always worth it seeing you enjoy whatever he’s bought you

sometimes it’s as simple as a coffee and he’ll drop by your work to give it to you in person

“hanging in there, Angel? need a little pick-me-up?” he has the biggest smile on his face every time he sees you, and bringing a gift for you with him only adds to his excitement

“you spoil me, Chuuya,” you wrap your arms around his neck, leaning further into him as he holds you in his arms.

“what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t?” he responds, rubbing your back as you sigh.

receiving gifts from you is just as sweet. no one has ever given him as many gifts as he’s given others–which is fine with him–it’s not about what he’ll get in return and he knows that not everyone expresses their love the way he does

but he’s touched whenever you get him something. since giving gifts is so meaningful to him, it means even more that someone would go through the trouble to give something back to him

he’ll keep whatever you get him close to him at all times and smile every time he sees it or remembers it

once, you bought him a new chain for his hat and he hasn’t changed it since. it only made the hat more special to him now that it reflects two people that had changed his life

akutagawa ryunosuke - words of affirmation

“my love, you are worth it all.”

we all know how the boy responded to dazai’s praise or even simply just the words “dazai wants to talk to you”

to hear a person who has persisted through his stubborn, aggressive defense say they still love him causes him to start to soften for you

he’s been surrounded by harsh words and people who have exploited him and brushed him to the side whenever he wasn’t needed all his life, so it stirs his heart to hear someone notice things about him and who tells him that they want to stay with him

it’s something reserved for solitary moments just between the two of you for sure, but that makes the time all the more special because he can let down his guard and just be with you

his past has made it hard for him to believe he is worthy of anything other than the murderous skills he’s harnessed in order to get him to where he is in the Mafia, but you’ve shown him that there’s more to him than just how well he can use Rashomon

he never bothers to try and listen to what other people are saying but he always gives his full attention to anything you have to say

he doesn’t even like to hear compliments from anyone else, he doesn’t trust them at all but he trusts and believes anything you tell him, knowing you have the purest intentions of loving and supporting him

after a job, all he wants to do is go home. by the end of the day, he’s sick of everyone around him so on the rare occasion that you decide to visit him, he won’t even notice until you call out to him

he had just finished a job, it was successful, but it had gotten messy. Mori had already told him off and he didn’t want to hear anything from anyone else. he stormed past every piece of vermin that had decided to get in his way, their whispers just barely reaching his ears

“Ryu!” you called out from amongst them, waiting by a door.

“What?” he hadn’t meant to snap, especially when he realized it was you talking to him and his face immediately relaxed when he saw you.

“oh, [y/n].” he immediately started to make his way towards you, the pounding in his head slowly starting to disappear the closer

“I came to pick you up, I’m glad I had good timing,” you smiled, offering your hand.

he took it gently, giving it a soft squeeze, “I’m sorry I responded so rudely, I didn’t–”

“you’re okay, Ryu,” you placed your other hand on top of it, looking him straight in the eyes, keeping a loving smile on your face, “you don’t ever have to be sorry. you’re doing just fine. even better, actually. I’m so proud of all your work and I’m sure you’re tired after everything today. it looked busy.”

the words erased every memory of Mori’s scolding that his head had latched on to in order to beat himself down later on. he felt his cheeks warm a little as he looked away, “you’re too kind to me, [y/n].”

tries his best to also put into words his appreciation but it’s so hard for him to verbally say it; sometimes it comes out wrong

instead, he’s opted for notes most of the time, leaving them on your bedside or in your bag, telling you how thankful he is for you and that he loves you

suehiro tecchou - quality time

“on the train we swapped seats, you wanted the window and I wanted to look at you.” - mahmoud darwish

my boy is always so busy

as soon as he’s off work he just wants to be wherever you’re at

he’d doesn’t mind silence and doesn’t care where he is as long as he’s with you

sometimes gets off work and if you’re not home yet just sneaks into your workplace to be around you

adores following you around and doesn’t always know exactly what you’re doing but he’s just happy to tag along

grocery store dates are some of his favorite moments with you

he loves everything about convenience stores

he loves food and the endless aisles of colorful packages and choices

(it gives him ideas for new food combinations <3)

once bought a himalayan salt shaker simply because

“look [y/n]! they make pink salt :0”

later put said pink salt on top of strawberry ice cream bc they were both pink

he also loves getting to look around the store all the while following you. he admires your organized grocery lists and how you’ve already planned out what you’re going to buy

once you tried to send him out to grab something in an area you’d already passed so that you could continue going down the list

“can you go grab some carrots for me, love? sorry, I forgot to pick them up when we were in the produce section.”

“of course 🙂” his heart is shattering inside of him at the thought of being separated from you.

“do you want to stay with me and we’ll go back later?” you ask, looking up at him with a knowing smile.

“yes pls”

groceries stores are not the only place you guys go tho i promise

if you’re still in school, he’ll accompany you on study dates 

never bothers you under any circumstances and if he is and you tell him he’ll stop right away

he could spend all day looking at your pretty face even if you never once looked at him <3

jouno saigiku - physical touch

“you kiss the back of my legs and I want to cry / the sun has come this close, only the sun” “GPS” - Shauan Barbosa

although he can’t see you, he knows your body by heart <3

he’s spent so much time tracing it over and over with his hands

i think his favorite thing to do, especially after a long day at work is flop onto you and just listen to your heartbeat. probably also intertwines one of his hands with yours, often runs other across your skin

loves when you touch him just as much

if he’s lying on top of you and you decide to run a hand through his hair, all of his problems have just melted away

you both have definitely fallen asleep like that countless times no matter what time of day it is

he’s always finding ways to be in close contact with you, making sure that you’re safe and near him

again, he loves loves loves to hold your hand, he’ll reach for it any chance he gets

will also settle for an arm around your shoulder though as long as you’re close to him

definitely the type to also rest his head on top of yours or on your shoulder every chance he gets

if he needs to fidget he won’t even play with his own fingers he’ll just play with yours

i think that with the loss of one sense, the other senses hold so much meaning for him

it’s easier and more meaningful for him to show his love and how much he trusts you through touch rather than just saying it out loud

comes up from behind you to hug you a lot, especially in the kitchen or when you’ve just come home he’s there immediately, hugging you to recharge

“how was your day, my love?”

you always relax in his arms, turning your head slightly to kiss his face which he’s let rest on your shoulder, “it was missing you.”

he placed a chaste kiss on your lips, “i’ll make it all up to you now, darling.”

there was one time that he let you do his hair

he’s never told you how much he enjoyed it; he didn’t even know what you had done to it, but being near your warmth is all he needs and can ask for <3

[lxvsiick]

THE STARS ARE ALL ASLEEP | HAN TAESAN X READER

PAIRING: idol! han taesan x non!idol! fem! reader

SUMMARY: The loss and regret Taesan feels, trying to hold on to the memories of Y/n despite the pain

GENRE: angst, breakup, taesan is kinda an ass, imagine, short story

WORDCOUNT: 5.9k

A/N: ngl, did i procrastinate during my lecture to write this? yes . . . i wrote this after listening to 星星都睡了 by PPlin x Zhen Li -- I'm basically giving you guys song reccs to listen to -- the song is really good!... enjoy the story!

★🎸🎧⋆｡ °⋆

I can take care of myself, you don’t need to keep worrying about me.

I don’t smile anymore.

The clock on the wall ticked away the late hours of the evening as Y/n sat curled up on the couch, her legs tucked beneath her, staring blankly at the TV. She wasn’t really watching, her mind too preoccupied with the events of the day. Work had been a disaster. Her boss had been harsher than usual, throwing out unreasonable demands and critiques that left her feeling drained and upset.

She sighed, glancing at her phone. No messages from Taesan. It wasn’t unusual—he was busy, always on the go with rehearsals, interviews, and performances. Being a famous idol meant long hours and even longer nights. Still, they shared this apartment, and she always tried to stay awake to talk to him when he came home.

Her heart lifted slightly when she heard the soft jingle of keys at the door. The lock clicked, and Taesan stepped inside, his hood pulled low over his face, slumping with exhaustion as he kicked off his shoes. He barely glanced in her direction as he made his way into the living room.

She straightened up on the couch, hoping for just a moment of his attention. “Hey, you’re home,” she greeted softly, forcing a small smile. “How was your day?”

“Long,” he muttered, not meeting her eyes as he walked past, heading straight for the kitchen to grab a drink. His tone was flat, his movements sluggish.

Y/n watched him, her heart sinking. “I had the worst day today,” she said, trying again to start a conversation. “My boss was being such a—”

“Not now,” he interrupted, his voice edged with weariness as he leaned against the counter, rubbing his temples. “I’m tired. I don’t want to talk.”

She froze, the words hanging in the air between them, heavier than she expected. She had been waiting all day to tell him about what happened, hoping he would listen, hoping she could find some comfort in his presence. But his dismissal felt like a slap to the face.

Her throat tightened as she swallowed her emotions. “Oh,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “Okay.”

The silence stretched out uncomfortably as Taesan took a sip of his drink, still not looking at her. She tried to keep her disappointment from showing, but it was too late. The lump in her throat made it hard to speak, and the weight of the day, combined with his coldness, felt suffocating.

She stood up quietly, wrapping her arms around herself as if to shield against the sudden chill between them. “I’ll... leave you alone, then,” she murmured, backing away toward the bedroom. She didn’t wait for his response. He didn’t offer one.

As she turned, her steps slow and deliberate, her heart ached. This wasn’t how she imagined the night going. She had wanted to vent, to share her frustrations with the one person who mattered most to her. But now, she felt more alone than she had all day.

When she closed the bedroom door behind her, the click sounded louder than usual in the quiet apartment. She sat on the edge of the bed, staring at her hands, wondering if he even noticed how much she needed him right now.

Back in the living room, Taesan let out a deep sigh, closing his eyes as the weight of the day pressed down on him. He hadn’t meant to be so cold, but he was just too tired. Too tired to think, to listen, to be anything but worn out.

But in the silence that followed, something gnawed at him—a faint sense of guilt that he couldn’t quite shake, knowing she had wanted to talk, knowing she had needed him.

And he hadn’t been there.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

I don’t want to think about you all the time.

We tried our hardest to hurt everything between us, and now it’s impossible to repair.

The sun was beginning to set, casting a warm, orange glow over the city streets. Y/n sat on the bench at the bus stop, nervously checking her phone for what felt like the hundredth time. Her heart was filled with a mixture of excitement and impatience—today was supposed to be special. Their anniversary.

Taesan had promised to take her on a date after his interview, a rare moment in their hectic lives where they could celebrate together. She’d dressed up, her heart racing with anticipation, hoping for some time alone with him. But now, as the minutes dragged on, she couldn’t help but feel the growing sense of unease.

She scrolled through her phone again, the unanswered messages staring back at her: "Hey, interview over yet?" "Are you still coming?" "Let me know if you're running late."

No response. No calls. Nothing.

She sighed, biting her lip and glancing down the empty street. The buses came and went, passengers getting on and off, but there was still no sign of him. Her excitement slowly deflated into something more like dread.

A cold breeze picked up, and she pulled her jacket tighter around her. She couldn’t shake the feeling of being stood up, but that couldn’t be true, right? He wouldn’t just forget their anniversary. He wouldn’t break his promise to her.

In an attempt to distract herself, she opened her social media, scrolling absentmindedly through the feed. That’s when she saw it—a post from a fan page featuring Taesan and his group at some event. There he was, smiling and laughing with his bandmates, dressed in an outfit far too formal for just an interview.

Her heart sank. The caption beneath the photo read, "Surprise appearance at the event! BOYNEXTDOOR looking dashing as always."

She stared at the screen, the image of him so happy, so carefree. She felt a knot twist in her chest, anger and sadness mixing together. He wasn’t just late—he had gone somewhere else entirely, without even telling her. He had time for an event but not for their anniversary.

Her fingers hovered over the phone, wanting to call him again, but she knew it wouldn’t change anything. He wasn’t coming.

With a heavy sigh, she stood up, her heart feeling heavier than her feet as she trudged back toward their apartment. Her phone buzzed in her pocket, but she ignored it, knowing it wasn’t from him.

The walk back felt longer than usual, her mind replaying the excitement she’d felt that morning—how she’d looked forward to tonight, how she’d thought this anniversary would be a rare moment where they could be like any other couple. But instead, she was left alone, walking home in the dim light, her hands stuffed in her pockets to keep warm.

Finally, she reached the front door of their apartment building. Pausing for a moment, she glanced back at the empty street, a small part of her still hoping to see him running toward her, apologizing for being late. But the street remained empty, quiet, just like the unanswered messages on her phone.

With a deep breath, she entered the building and climbed the stairs to their apartment. As she unlocked the door and stepped inside, the stillness of the apartment felt colder than the air outside. No flowers, no candles, no sign that today was any different from any other day.

She sank onto the couch, staring blankly at the wall, the weight of disappointment settling in her chest like a stone. All she wanted was to be with him, to feel like she mattered, like they mattered. But tonight, she felt more alone than ever.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

You never cared about trying to get my forgiveness.

Don’t let us be covered in scars.

The apartment was quiet, save for the soft hum of the city outside. Y/n sat on the couch, her knees pulled to her chest, hugging a small black cat stuffed animal that Taesan had won for her on one of their early dates. Her eyes were red-rimmed, tears brimming but not falling. She stared blankly at her phone, an article open on the screen, the words blurring in front of her.

The jingle of keys at the door signaled his arrival. The door creaked open, and Taesan stepped in, exhaustion heavy in his posture. He looked worn from the day, his hair disheveled, still in his stage clothes. He let out a deep sigh as he kicked off his shoes, glancing toward her, not immediately noticing the tension in the air.

"Hey," he mumbled, running a hand through his hair. "I'm home."

Y/n didn’t respond, her gaze locked on him, her lips pressed into a thin line as she clutched the stuffed animal tighter. Her chest ached with the weight of everything unsaid.

He finally noticed her silence, his eyes narrowing in concern. "What’s wrong?" he asked, his voice more annoyed than gentle. He was too tired for this—whatever this was.

She didn’t speak at first, just held out her phone toward him, the screen illuminating her tear-filled eyes. He frowned, walking over to take it from her hand. When he looked at the screen, his expression immediately shifted.

It was a news article—another baseless rumor. His name splashed across the headline alongside another female idol, the two of them speculated to be in a relationship. There were photos from a backstage event, carefully cropped and captioned to imply intimacy where none existed.

He groaned, already dreading the conversation. "You’ve got to be kidding me," he muttered under his breath, tossing the phone onto the coffee table.

"Is this why you’re never around anymore?" Y/n finally spoke, her voice small but laced with hurt. Her eyes, shining with unshed tears, held a mixture of frustration, sadness, and fear. "Because of her?"

His jaw clenched, frustration quickly overtaking his fatigue. "What? No. It’s just a rumor," he snapped, throwing his hands up. "You really believe that crap? I told you not to pay attention to those things."

"But you’re never here anymore!" Her voice cracked as she stood up, still hugging the stuffed cat to her chest. "You’re always too busy, too tired, or too... distant. And then I see this and—" She broke off, shaking her head, tears spilling over now. "How am I supposed to feel? Am I supposed to just ignore it when you’re gone all the time?"

"I’m working!" he fired back, the anger rising in his chest. "I’m busting my ass for this career, for us—but you’re here, worried about some stupid tabloid story? Where’s the trust?"

"Trust?" she repeated, incredulous. "How can I trust you when you don’t even talk to me anymore? When you don’t make time for me at all? Do you even care about this relationship?"

Her words cut deep, but his frustration was too overwhelming to process the hurt beneath them. "Of course I care! But you’re suffocating me with all these doubts. Every time I come home, it’s something like this. You worry too much."

"I worry because I care!" Her voice broke, raw with emotion. "Because I love you, and I feel like I’m losing you—like you’re slipping away and I can’t do anything about it."

The silence that followed was deafening. They stood there, staring at each other, both breathing heavily from the intensity of the argument.

Taesan rubbed his temples, his voice lowering but still tense. "This is ridiculous. It’s just a rumor. I’m tired, and I don’t want to do this right now."

"You never want to do this," she whispered, her voice barely audible. She wiped her tears with the back of her hand, her chest heaving as she tried to control the sobs threatening to spill over. "Fine."

With a quiet, bitter laugh, she turned and walked toward their bedroom. "I’m done with this conversation. Go sleep at your dorm or wherever it is you’d rather be."

His eyes followed her as she disappeared down the hallway, her door closing softly behind her, though the emotional slam still reverberated through him.

He stood there for a long moment, his anger simmering down into guilt, exhaustion pulling at him from all sides. He didn’t want to fight, but it always seemed to end up this way. They always ended up like this—torn apart by his career, by misunderstandings, by everything he didn’t have time to fix.

With a heavy sigh, Taesan grabbed his jacket and keys, heading back toward the door. The silence of the apartment felt unbearable now.

As he stepped out into the cold night air, he shoved his hands into his pockets and walked toward his group’s dorm, his mind filled with everything left unsaid, wondering how they had come to this.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

When the stars in the sky all sleep, I feel so dark, my body feels inexplicably cold

The night air was heavy, thick with a silence that seemed to press down on everything. The small park near their apartment was a place once filled with memories—their late-night walks, quiet conversations, stolen moments—but now it felt distant, like something from another lifetime.

Taesan stood at the edge of the path, hands shoved deep into his pockets, his breath visible in the cool air. He hadn’t been back here in weeks, not since he’d started staying at his group��s dorm. It felt strange now, almost foreign.

His eyes shifted as he saw Y/n approaching slowly from the other side of the park. His heart clenched at the sight of her, though he couldn’t quite place why. She looked…different. Her face was pale, her eyes hollow, the dark bags beneath them evident even in the dim light. The spark, the warmth he always loved in her eyes, was gone. She looked like someone who had been carrying the weight of the world for too long.

She stopped a few steps away from him, the space between them feeling like a chasm.

“What did you want to talk about?” he asked, his voice quiet but carrying an edge of tension. He already had a sinking feeling in his chest, but he wasn’t ready to confront it.

Y/n looked at him for a long moment, her lips parting as if to speak, but no words came out at first. She shifted her weight, wrapping her arms around herself like she was trying to hold herself together.

"I’m tired," she finally said, her voice flat, void of emotion. "I’m tired of waiting for you. Of waiting for us to feel like it used to." Her eyes met his, and the emptiness in them hit him like a punch to the gut. "I can’t keep doing this."

His heart stuttered in his chest, but he didn’t say anything. He just stared at her, trying to process her words, hoping this wasn’t what he thought it was.

“I’m done,” she continued, her voice firmer this time, as if she had rehearsed these words over and over in her head before finally saying them. “I don’t want to have to keep waiting on you, waiting for something to change. I feel like I’m always waiting.”

The silence between them was unbearable now, but he couldn’t find the right words to say. His throat felt tight, like any response he tried to form would only come out broken.

She wasn’t crying—there were no tears. She wasn’t angry. Just…done. It made it worse somehow. He would’ve preferred her to scream at him, to be angry, to throw something, but this quiet resignation was shattering him in a way he hadn’t expected.

“You’re not the same,” she whispered, her voice barely audible but sharp enough to cut through the air between them. "I don’t recognize you anymore. And I know you’re tired too. Tired of me, of this... You don’t need to say it. I can see it every time you walk out the door and don’t come back until late or not at all."

He wanted to protest, to tell her she was wrong, that things could be different, but the words wouldn’t come. Maybe because a part of him knew she was right. He hadn’t been present—not really. His career had consumed him, and in the process, he had let her slip away. He let them slip away.

She let out a shaky breath, her eyes momentarily glancing down at the ground before meeting his gaze again. "I loved you," she said softly. "I still do, but I can’t keep holding onto something that’s already gone."

His chest tightened painfully, and he took a small step forward, as if to reach for her, but stopped himself. He didn’t know how to fix this. He didn’t even know if he could.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, though it was unclear if she was apologizing to him or to herself.

And then, she turned around, her figure illuminated only by the faint glow of the park’s streetlights. She didn’t run. She didn’t storm off. She just walked away, her back to him, her shoulders slightly hunched as if the weight of everything was too much to bear.

He stood there, frozen in place, his heart breaking with every step she took. His mouth opened, but no words came out. He could only watch as she walked further and further away, her silhouette fading into the distance until she was nothing more than a distant memory in the night.

The cold settled into his bones, but he didn’t move. He couldn’t. He felt numb, like everything inside him had shattered and there was nothing left but the aching emptiness where she used to be. The night stretched on, and the only sound that filled the silence was the faint rustling of leaves in the wind, as the world around him continued on, unaware that his had just fallen apart.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

I don’t need the hottest and best car.

I don’t need to be the best pop star.

I want to express myself, but I messed up.

What’s there to lose! My heart’s already half empty.

The studio’s lights were harsh, reflecting off the mirrors that lined the walls. The steady beat of the music thumped through the room, filling the space with energy, but Taesan’s movements felt sluggish, disconnected from the rhythm. He was usually so precise, so in sync with the choreography, but today he couldn’t seem to get it right.

"Again," the instructor called out, clapping their hands sharply, frustration seeping into their voice. "You’re off, Taesan. Focus."

He nodded, wiping the sweat from his brow, though it felt like the sweat wasn’t the problem—it was the weight pressing on his chest. They started the routine again, but halfway through, his steps faltered. His foot missed the mark, his body off-beat. He felt his group members glance at him in concern, but he kept his head down, trying to push through.

"Stop!" the instructor barked, cutting the music abruptly. "Take five. Taesan, get it together."

He didn’t respond, just stood there, panting, his hands on his knees. The others slowly moved to the sides of the room to grab water or stretch. Taesan didn’t move. His mind was spinning, but not about the dance. His thoughts kept drifting to her—Y/n. The look on her face when she walked away, the sound of her voice when she said she was done, the quiet resignation in her eyes. It haunted him.

It was all he could think about.

He pressed his palms against his eyes, trying to clear his head, but it was no use. The more he tried to shake it off, the more the memories flooded back. The last argument, the tension that had been building for months, how he had shrugged her off when she needed him most.

“Hey, man. You good?” Jaehyun asked, cautiously approaching him with a bottle of water in hand.

Taesan shook his head slightly, forcing a deep breath. “I’m fine,” he muttered, though the tightness in his voice said otherwise.

“You’re not,” Leehan said bluntly, walking over with the rest of the group. "You’ve been off all day. What’s going on?"

He opened his mouth to respond with something dismissive, something to brush them off like he always did when things got too personal, but this time, he couldn’t. His chest ached too much. The guilt, the regret—it was all bubbling up inside him, and he couldn’t keep it down any longer.

“I—” His voice cracked, and he quickly looked away, swallowing hard. He hated this. Hated feeling this vulnerable, especially in front of them.

His group members exchanged glances, clearly worried.

“I miss her,” he finally whispered, barely audible.

“What?” Riwoo leaned in closer, frowning.

“I miss her,” he repeated, louder this time, though his voice wavered. “I miss Y/n… so much.”

The room fell into a heavy silence, the usual energy drained as his words settled in.

“I screwed up,” he said, his hands trembling slightly as he raked them through his hair. “I didn’t realize what I had until she was gone. And now—” He paused, his throat tightening, the memories of their breakup flashing in his mind. “Now it’s too late. I hurt her, I wasn’t there when she needed me, and she left. I don’t blame her.”

His eyes burned, but he refused to let the tears fall. Not here. Not in front of them.

“I regret everything,” he admitted, his voice strained, raw. “Everything that led to us falling apart. I pushed her away, I was so wrapped up in my own life that I didn’t see how much I was losing her.” His hand clenched into a fist. "I thought I could balance everything, but… I couldn’t. I failed her.”

His group members stood in stunned silence. Taesan was always the one who kept things together, the one who didn’t let his emotions get the better of him. Seeing him like this, so vulnerable, so broken, was a shock.

“I don’t know how to fix it,” he continued, his voice barely above a whisper now. “I don’t think I can. She’s done with me, and I can’t blame her. I’ve been a terrible boyfriend… and a terrible person.”

Sungho stepped closer, resting a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, man, don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth,” he said bitterly, looking down at the floor. “I still love her. I never stopped. But she’s gone, and it’s all my fault.”

“You’re human, Taesan hyung,” Woonhak said, his tone gentle. “People make mistakes.”

“Not like this,” Taesan muttered, shaking his head. “She waited for me. She was patient, and I took her for granted. I should’ve been there for her.”

His group members shared worried glances, unsure of what to say. They had never seen him like this—so lost, so regretful.

“It’s not too late,” Jaehyun offered hesitantly. “You can still reach out to her, talk to her—”

“She’s done with me,” Taesan interrupted, his voice flat. “She said she’s tired of waiting, and I can’t blame her. I would’ve left me too.”

He slumped down onto the floor, leaning against the mirrored wall, his head in his hands. The silence stretched on for what felt like forever, the only sound being the faint hum of the air conditioning in the studio.

His group members sat down around him, unsure of how to help, but unwilling to leave him alone. They could see how much pain he was in, and it hurt to see their usually composed, confident friend in pieces like this.

“I’m sorry,” Taesan whispered again, more to himself than anyone else. "I’m so sorry, Y/n."

And for the first time in a long time, he let the tears fall.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

Through the whole night, you’re no longer in my sight.

Maybe everyone feels the same, but time goes by too fast.

The air backstage was charged with excitement, a low hum of activity as the staff rushed around making final preparations. Taesan sat quietly in a corner, his hands resting on his lap, staring at the floor as the muffled cheers of the crowd reached his ears. The energy of the arena was palpable, but inside, he felt a familiar weight pressing down on his chest.

It had been a few months since the breakup. Since the day she’d said she was done. He hadn’t realized how hard it would hit him—how much he’d miss her. Even now, the thought of her still tugged at his heart, the hurt still raw even though time had passed.

"Taesan, you good?" Sungho asked, breaking through his thoughts as they finished a huddle nearby.

He glanced up, forcing a small smile. "Yeah, I’m fine."

They’d asked him that a lot lately, and every time he said the same thing. He had to be fine. He had no other choice. Being an idol meant putting on a perfect face, no matter what was going on behind the scenes. It was all part of the job, and he owed it to his fans to give them everything he had. But the truth was, no matter how much time passed, she never really left his mind.

A staff member approached, headset in place, clipboard in hand. "Five minutes until showtime."

His group gave a collective nod, standing up to stretch and prepare. Taesan rose to his feet, brushing off his outfit, and took a deep breath. He could feel the adrenaline starting to build, the anticipation of the stage waiting for him. This was his world now—his stage, his music, his fans. He had to focus on that.

But as his mind drifted back to her—her smile, the sound of her laugh, the way she used to wait up for him—his chest tightened again. The ache that hadn’t fully healed throbbed beneath the surface, a constant reminder of what he’d lost.

"Focus," he whispered to himself, closing his eyes for a moment. He couldn’t let this affect him now. Not here. Not when the world was watching.

The fans were already screaming, chanting their names, and he knew the second he stepped onto that stage, he had to be the idol they all adored—the one who smiled for them, who gave them his all, no matter what was happening in his personal life.

A deep breath. He opened his eyes as the staff gave the signal.

“It’s time,” one of his group members said, nudging him gently. "Let’s go."

He nodded, shaking off the last traces of his wandering thoughts. Putting on his best smile—the smile that had charmed millions—he stepped in line with his group as they prepared to walk onto the stage.

The music swelled through the speakers, and the moment the curtains parted, a wave of sound crashed over them. The roar of the crowd, the flashing lights, the sea of fans waving lightsticks—it was everything he’d worked for, everything he loved.

He couldn’t let them down.

As they walked out, the fans’ cheers grew louder, the energy electric. He felt it surge through him, pushing the heaviness of his emotions to the back of his mind. The stage was where he belonged, and for now, that had to be enough.

But even as he smiled, danced, and sang, giving his all to the performance, a part of him still carried her with him—her memory, her absence. He knew he had to move on, but it wasn’t that simple. She had been a part of him for so long, and the love he had for her didn’t just disappear. He was still learning how to live with that ache.

As the music thumped in his ears and the fans sang along to every word, he forced himself to be present, to let the performance carry him. But every now and then, between the beats, he could feel her shadow lingering in the back of his mind.

And when the concert was over, and the adrenaline faded, he knew she’d be there waiting in the back of his mind—just as she always had been.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

Finally, the wounds have scabbed over, but am I still thinking about it?

The room was dimly lit by the slivers of moonlight that slipped through the half-drawn blinds. The quiet hum of the air conditioner was the only sound breaking the silence of the night. Taesan lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling with a contemplative expression. The shadows cast by the moonlight danced across the walls, but his focus remained on the blank expanse above him.

He was in his shared dorm room with Woonhak, who was already fast asleep, snoring softly. Taesan had been lying awake for hours, his mind racing through thoughts he couldn’t seem to quiet.

It had been five months since the breakup. He had made significant progress—he wasn’t as heartbroken as he once was, and his days were filled with the busyness of his idol life. But despite all that, thoughts of Y/n still occupied a corner of his mind.

He wondered about her often. What was she doing now? Was she happier without him? Was she moving on with her life, creating new memories, and finding joy in things that didn’t include him? The questions lingered, and even though he tried to push them away, they always seemed to return.

He remembered their last conversation, the look in her eyes when she had ended things. It wasn’t anger or resentment but a calm, resolute sadness. He had always wished he could go back and fix things, do better, be the person she deserved.

Turning his head slightly, he glanced over at the small bedside clock—it was well past midnight. He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he shifted uncomfortably. The ache of missing her wasn’t as sharp as it once was, but it was still there, a gentle, persistent throb that reminded him of the love they had shared.

He recalled the little moments they had—walking in the park, sharing secrets, the way she used to laugh at his jokes, the sparkle in her eyes when she listened to his songs. Those memories were bittersweet now, tinged with the sadness of knowing that those times were in the past.

He wondered if she ever thought about him. Did she ever look back and remember the good times? Did she ever miss him, even just a little? The curiosity gnawed at him, but he didn’t have any answers. He had made the decision to give her space, to let her heal and move on, but it didn’t make the longing any easier.

He closed his eyes, imagining what it would be like to see her again, to talk to her, to hear her voice. He hoped that wherever she was, she was happy. He hoped she had found the peace and joy that they both deserved.

As he lay there, the weight of his thoughts became a little heavier. He had learned to live with the separation, to accept it as part of his journey, but that didn’t mean it was easy. The nights like these were the hardest—when the world was quiet, and the only thing he had was the memory of what once was.

Eventually, he forced himself to turn away from the ceiling, pulling the covers closer as he tried to settle into a more comfortable position. It was a futile attempt to silence his racing mind, but he knew that some things would take time to fully resolve.

For now, he would focus on his work, on the present, and try to hold onto the hope that things would get better. And maybe, just maybe, someday he would get the closure he needed. Until then, he would carry on, living his life while cherishing the memories of what they once had.

He finally drifted off to sleep, the thoughts of her slowly fading into the background, though never completely out of reach.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

I realize I can live without you, but I once decided to grow old with you.

How much loneliness and struggle remain pierced in my heart.

The crisp autumn air was cool against his skin as Taesan and his group members strolled down the street. Their faces were concealed behind masks and sunglasses, a necessary precaution to avoid being recognized. Despite their disguises, the atmosphere was relaxed, and they enjoyed the rare chance to go out incognito.

They chatted casually, their conversation punctuated by laughter as they approached a quaint café they had heard good things about. The cozy little place had a warm glow that contrasted with the chilly evening air.

As they reached the entrance, Taesan was the last to go inside. Just as he was about to cross the threshold, the door swung open and someone bumped into him.

Startled, he looked down, his heart skipping a beat when he saw who it was.

It was her. Y/n.

She looked different—brighter, happier. Her hair was shorter, framing her face in a way that seemed to enhance her natural beauty. And her eyes—those eyes that used to be so full of sadness—were now sparkling with a joy he hadn’t seen in a long time.

They locked eyes for a split second, and he felt a pang of something he couldn’t quite place—hope, regret, longing. He stood frozen, caught between the urge to speak and the overwhelming surge of emotions.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed, her voice warm and apologetic as she quickly stepped back. She didn’t seem to recognize him, her focus more on the minor collision than on the person she bumped into.

“No problem,” he managed to say, his voice barely above a whisper.

She flashed him a quick, polite smile before turning and walking away, her figure gradually diminishing as she moved down the street.

Taesan stood there, watching her retreat, his heart pounding. The moment felt surreal—seeing her like this, so changed, so content. It was as if the universe had given him one more chance to make things right, and he wasn’t sure if he should let it slip away.

“Hey, what’s taking you so long?” Riwoo called out from inside the café. “Let’s go!”

Still reeling from the encounter, Taesan snapped back to reality. He turned towards the café, where his friends waited, but something inside him urged him to follow her—to find out if this new version of her was truly as happy as she seemed.

Without a word, he pulled his mask and glasses off and turned on his heel, rushing out of the café. His group members called after him, confusion evident in their voices, but he ignored them, his focus entirely on the woman who had just walked away.

He sprinted down the street, glancing around, his heart racing as he searched for any sign of her. The sight of her figure, walking away with a spring in her step, seemed to guide him forward, pushing him to bridge the gap that had grown between them.

Every step felt heavy with anticipation, each breath a mix of excitement and anxiety. He didn’t know what he’d say or what he hoped to find, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that this was a chance he couldn’t let slip by.

Finally, he spotted her again, standing on the corner, waiting for a bus. With a deep breath, he approached, trying to steady his racing heart.

“Y/n!” he called out, trying to keep his voice calm and steady.

She turned, a look of surprise crossing her face as she recognized the urgency in his voice. Her eyes widened as they met his, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still. Everything around them seemed to disappear and it was only them there. Y/n’s look of surprise turns into a smile, her sparkling eyes meeting him.

“Hi.”

★🎸🎧⋆｡ °⋆

PART TWO VER.1 -- VER.2 | MASTERLIST

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, lxvsiick, 2024

[doyoulikethisanimesong-poll]

I have finally caught up with my Ask inbox!

After having my inbox closed for probably a month or so (I really should note this shit down), I have finally reached the latest ask and queued it up.

Shits Changing

After having a couple weeks of going through your submissions, I had some ideas on how to improve this system because it wasn't working for me and wasn't working for many of you either (as evidenced by the confusion from some people when the 17th Zetsubou song came on). I tried to mitigate this by putting a day or two between songs from the same artist or anime but it wasn't perfect and didn't fix the issues I was having on my end (namely that I just don't want to listen to an animes whole ost for an hour)

From now onwards I will be doing submissions through google forms (or some kind of alternative if something catches my attention. If you have any reccs, lemme know). I will have the submission form open until I get roughly 50 songs (subject to change if I think its too many or too little) and there will only be one song per submission. You will have to be logged into google to make your submission although I will get no data about who sent what, its just a way to stop people from making 17 submissions under the same email. If you want to game the system, I'm gonna make you put atleast a little bit of effort into it.

However do not be discouraged, it doesn't mean you get one submission ever, it just means you only get one submission per submission period. At a rough estimate of how many songs I queue up a week, you will probably get about one submission a week/fortnight.

Here is the current submission form:

The latest submission form will always be amongst the blogs links thing (if you can't tell at this point, I am not particularly good at tumblr and honestly have no idea what half the stuff is called.)

I'll just post a picture and hopefully it will make more sense. I will also be making a post everytime a new submission form is made as well.

Right there in the middle called Submission Form #1, thats what I'm talking about and hopefully is accessible to all of you (I really do not understand how this site works).

But what about my submission, I haven't heard it yet?

If you haven't heard your submission by Poll #493, that means I haven't queued it up. This can be for multiple reasons. The biggest one is that you didn't give me enough information and I could not be fucked scouring the internet trying to decipher your submission so I will be making certain info required for future submissions. Don't be discouraged if you didn't hear your song at that point, it doesn't mean that I hate it and never want to listen to it again, just resubmit it in the new submisssion form with the required information and I will happily throw it in the queue.

Back to the Asks

The ask feature will now go back to being used as intended, namely to ask me personal questions and blog related questions. Any submissions sent through it will just be ignored and deleted but if you want to ask me about my favourite food, favourite anime or my opinion on anything, I will happily answer.

This is my last paragraph, please put up with my last ramblings

From Poll #500 to #510, I will be testing a new poll layout. This is due to people wanting certain options on the poll that I did not originally add due to the limited amount of votes. Now that a poll gains roughly 300 votes at mininum though, I feel its a good time to test a couple extra polling options.

[chaikachi]

Hi Chai! I don't know if you remember but an anon asked you for song recommendations since they were making a RoseGarden themed Spotify playlist. That anon... was me!

And I am glad to announce that the playlist has reached 101 songs! And I do plan on adding more eventually, moving the goalpost up to a whopping 200!

But for now, enjoy 6 hours and 16 minutes of RG themed music!

Half of the songs here were based on your reccs and from some RG friends too!

YO!!! THIS IS SO COOL. Thanks so much for putting that together omg, I'll have to give it a listen some time soon 💕

[ghostboyhood]

got a shit ton of black t shirts... give me some bleach dye ideasss.. maybe song or movie idea reccs

here r three ive made in the past (the last one isnt the finished shirt but u get the idea)

[konoko]

i'm bored. send me ask please! talk to me about your day or just recc me a song! i'll give you some love in return:) thank you

[rocksibblingsau]

so i dont know if youre taking serious recommendations but i have to introduce you to Our Last Night!! Im obsessed with this band. They dont make any bad songs, and a few of them (Common Ground, Tongue Tied, Home, Younger Dreams, Same Old War) really bring to mind Branch and Brozone.

(Plus, OLN’s Ivory Tower is SUCH a Rock-aligned World Tour Branch song, if his self-loathing has been transformed into justified rage toward Pop)

I do take recommendations, but I can't guarantee any songs will make it in.

Common Ground is good, I can definitely see that as reflective as either his relationship with BroZone or the Pop Trolls in general. Home gives me some very, very good ideas.

TY for the reccs!

[lackablazeical]

haiiiii!!!! I've been vv scatter brained, bUT. I HAVE SONGS-

they aren't all specific to characters, so you can pick n choose who gets what n where

The Ballad of Sara Berry: unsure of why i feel this, I'm thinking Mikey. the whole story of trying to be the best till you eventually decide I'm automatically the best if my competition are dead, and they're all bitches anyway.

Hadestown, but specifically the song "Word to the Wise" (at 59:55 in the video) gives me April w the gossip mill energy

Beetlejuice the Musical, specifically That Beautiful Sound (and the Girl Scout song if u wanna see what lead up to T.B.S). I get Donnie w Razor Sharp Grin w this because why not revel in the midst of fearful and distressful screams that you are responsible for.

Mean Girls Musical, World Burn. it gives pyromaniac Mikey w the burning, fire, destructive aspects (same Mikey-). and it could work w April as well w the gossip mill and airing dirty laundry when necessary.

Slap a Btch, Rico Nasty. Ralph. that's it, all I got, some parts of it lyrically works w him, but it's also just the general vibe he's got. like Jade West w her "I'll pop ur head like a pimple." but he can also be kinda like soft Blue's Clues energy.

Super Psycho Love gives Leo, unsure as to why cause like. idk, the genre doesn't fit w the puzzle pieces of his character that I have-

also just. Partners in Crime. that is all-

Hiiiii music <33

For the first one I definitely get both Leo and Mikey vibes. Honestly lowkey all the Hamatos LMAO like

Well, Sara Berry was a popular bitch // Hot bod', hot boy, cheer captain, plus she was rich

You taste the silver Sara, you taste the crown // You thirst for blood from the roses in hand // Whoa, you spoil for sash and scepter, music to dance

Some girls are rational but Sara was not // She stared in mirrors thinking one single thought (Julie) // There's seven reasons this crown's not good as got (Anne, Eunice, Raquel, Marianna) // And so the night of prom, mercy, thus went her plot (Patricia, Quiara)

ALL OF THESE MAKE ME THINK OF THE HAMATOS WISHWKSNS

And the April one is so real my girlfriend LOVES hadestown so I appreciate the recc >:]]

I need to listen to more of the Beetlejuice musical too cus you're spot on w/ the Donnie idea- these Lyrics are SO him

The sound of a scream, is music to me // A sound that says fifteen years full-time therapy // Trauma and fear, it sings in my ear // Ain't it the sweetest noise around, that beautiful sound?

Panic and stress // Oh ain't it the best? // The sound of heart // Exploding inside a chest // It fills you with pride // We're ruining lives

AND WORLD BURN- OOUGH- How I didn't see April and Mikey is BEYOND ME WKBWKWNS

My name is Regina George and I am a massive deal // I will grind you to sand beneath my Louboutin heel // This is what I get for helping, helping someone lame fit in

I wanna watch the world burn, I got the gasoline // I wanna watch the world burn and everyone get mean

Because you took me down // But you didn't finish me off // My name is Regina George // And in case you're keeping score // Cady may have won the battle // But I will win the war

For Smack a Bitch, I get Raph vibe wise but also it's SUCH a Mikey vibe like oh my GOD so I'll just add it to both their playlists snrk

I get what you mean about Leo tho!!! Like some are a lil funky but like. These lines are so real

You're gonna // Be with me // I know you want me too // I think you want me too // Please say you want me too // Because you're going to // Say that you want me every day // That you want me every way

And of COURSE Partners in Crime is the Hamatos Be REALLLLLLL

[causenessus]

try again

part 0.075. PROLOGUE

“she feels a little childish, sometimes, thinking about him like this. like she’s still a kid; thinking of people as friends and best friends. but it’s what he was. he was her best friend, and she would always consider him as such, ‘til the very end. she will refer to him as her “old best friend” for as long as she lives. it will be her answer whenever someone asks what she's thinking about, because he is always there, inside her head. she will think of him fondly, despite the fact that he left, because she can't bring herself to be angry or upset with him; she only misses him. she has her headphones over her ears, tuning out the rest of the world as she walks to work. and then she sees him on a screen and ends up stopping. he will be in her head, always. because he was her other half. without him, she is not whole. she never will be. never again.”

there are three types of people that will enter your life.

there are the kind of people who are like leaves; they will come into your life for a season, but they are not there to stay. they will take what they need and when it starts to get cold, they will disappear, leaving you all

all

all

alone. 

again.

the second kind of people are the branch people. they are stronger than leaves, but they may still break on you. you may be walking along a thin line, with them as your only support–the only way you'll make it across to the other side when suddenly–

snap!

you’re falling.

.

.

.

falling

.

.

.

falling

.

.

.

left all alone at the bottom

.

.

.

again.

lastly, there are the root people. roots give life to everything above. they’re hidden below the ground, not always recognized for what they do, yet they don’t ask to be seen. not even the branches and the leaves realize how important the roots are. they are on the surface, and they think that they're the reason for their own survival and success; they're the ones taking in the sun's rays and stealing from others whatever else they need to satisfy their superficial needs. but in reality, without their roots, even the branches and leaves will break, fall, and disappear. sometimes not even you will realize how important a root is in your life, until they stay with you when it matters the most. when everyone else has left,

they don’t disappear.

and they don’t break on you.

they stay.

time and time.

again.

and she’s still not sure what kind of person he is. she’s spent countless nights thinking about it. when the ache in her heart hurts too much, and she's flipping her pillow onto the other side, hoping a cool side against her face will clear her head, and allow her to sleep, numbing her from everything else. but it never works, because all she can think about is how much she misses him. she tries to think about what she did wrong, if maybe it was something about the way she looked, that he didn't want to be seen hanging around her, or if she was just too much. because she wants to believe he was more than just a leaf or a branch. she sees him on magazines and over her twitter all day, which doesn't help. she can only stare at his face and ask the question silently, "what are you? what were you to me?"

did he take what he need and leave?

did he stay for a little while, but break from her when it got too difficult?

or was he a root? still out there somewhere, still having an impact? for some forsaken reason, she continued to hope and believe he was a root. she would never consider herself an optimist, yet it was like every day she went out, hoping that maybe she’d trip over a root, and he’d be there to catch her.

and they’d try again.

prev. | m.list | next

extras <3

working a little backwards!! thank u to ree who supported this decision <3

song reccs this smau will be in the form of small little excerpts, once we get going they'll be much more?? regular in a way?? and easier to understand? but we're not there yet </3 so in this little excerpt, the song is linked within the paragraph and the lyrics are referenced throughout it in green if that makes sense <3

it's an ugly green!! but it's itachiyama's green except desaturated and a little darker and just think of it as a plant stem kind of green too :) go plants!!!

this whole kind of poem thing is heavily based off of something originally said by wilmer l todd. i found it on instagram <3

intros will be out next and probably soon! i just wrote this last night and decided if it was ready to go ahead and post it :)

taglist: @eggyrocks @wyrcan @guitarstringed-scars @strawberryuri @violetesensou @glmge @heytheredemonsss @bemebiu @daszy @kakeru-eem @mollyrolls @snail-squasher @thiisisntlovely @todorokiskitten @rory-cakes @hyenagoated @iatethemochi @yuminako @savemebrazilhinata @kismyscars @bokutoko @nobodybutnnoorr @0moonii @wolffmaiden @daisy-room @softpia @lees-chaotic-brain @v3nusplanetofluv @crispchocolates @phoenix-eclipses @hhoneyhan @encrypta @rockleeisbaeeee @cr4yolaas @zombriesworld @localgaytrainwreck @moucheslove @hibernatinghamster @notverymarley @certaindreampost @akaakeis @ciderscape @lucien-luna @strawbrinkofdeath @wave2mia @samuel1004 @01trickster10 @dazqa @cosmiicdust @chemiru

[hogarthwrites]

safety

pairing: samuel drake/reader (m/f)(m/m)

genre: fluff, comfort, romance

words: 1,038

summary:

Sam comes home with a nasty flu.

note: song recc: Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran (sorry)

for reference: 38.6°C is 101.48°F

Sam knew something was wrong the moment he walked through the door and his throat felt like it was on fire and all he wanted to do was crawl into bed. It started in the middle of the night when he woke up shivering and he couldn’t breathe through his nose. 

“Great,” he sniffled when he saw his temperature: 38.6°C.

He put on his thickest sweater and climbed back into bed, but he found that trying to go back to sleep was harder than he thought. It didn’t matter what position he was in, he just couldn’t breathe. It got to a point where his head started to hurt from his sleepiness and the congestion, and he didn’t know if he was just going to give up on sleep.

He grabbed his phone to check the time, but he couldn’t help but smile a little when he saw his wallpaper of you and him on vacation at the lakes. Sam couldn’t help but wish you were there with him right now, but he didn’t want to wake you or bother you with a silly little cold. He eventually fell into a very shallow sleep, sitting up against the headboard.

It was around 8 a.m. when you got to Sam’s apartment, excited to see him after he’d been gone on a trip for weeks. You found him slumped on his dining table, wrapped in blankets and a bowl of soggy cereal in front of him.

“Oh, my god, Sam, are you okay?” You quickly took your scarf and your jacket off, then walked over to him and placed your hand on his forehead. “You’re burning up.”

All he could reply was a little grunt as he sniffled.

“Did you sleep at all?” You took the bowl of cereal to the kitchen and Sam shook his head.

“Barely,” his voice was deeper than usual and you noticed he was breathing through his mouth.

“Oh, Sam,” you walked back to him and helped him move to the sofa.

Sam was shivering and he felt exhausted as he watched you go into his bedroom, listening to the sound of you rustling around in his closet. You eventually came out with a light blanket that you wrapped around him. 

“Is that better?” You asked and Sam nodded. You stuck the thermometer into his mouth to check his temperature and he took your hand as you waited. His hand was warmer than usual and you couldn’t help but give him a kiss on the cheek.

He still had a fever and you frowned.

“Take your sweater off,” you ordered.

“What for?”

“You still have a fever, Sam. You need to cool down.”

He didn’t say anything as you helped him out of his sweater. You noticed he had a hazy look in his eyes and he could barely keep them open.

“I’ll make you some congee. It doesn’t seem like you’ve eaten at all.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Sam mumbled. “I’ll be fine. Really. And I don’t want you getting sick too.”

You ignored him as you went to the kitchen, prepping the soup. A pang of guilt hit Sam as he heard you humming in the kitchen. He didn’t think he was worth you wasting a perfectly good Sunday taking care of him. After all, he’s gotten through thousands of colds and fevers before with no one to dote on him the way you were doing that moment. Still, a warm feeling spread through his chest as you started softly singing, and he knew that wasn’t the fever.

Sam groaned as he put a spoonful of rice in his mouth.

“What? Is it bad?” You asked.

He shook his head. “I can’t really taste anything right now, baby, but…” Sam sniffled.

“But?”

“I can’t…” He put the spoon down. “I can’t breathe when I’m eating.”

“Sam,” you placed a hand on his cheek. “You have to eat.”

He groaned again and you took the spoon, scooping up a little of the congee and held it up.

“Open up, buttercup,” you pushed the tip of the spoon against his lips and Sam rolled his eyes before taking in the food and quickly swallowing it.

He wouldn’t admit it, but it felt a little nice to have some warm food go down his aching throat, he just didn’t know how he felt about you spoon feeding him.

“You really don’t have to spoon feed me,” he pouted.

“Pfft,” you waved him off before scooping up more food. “If I don’t force feed you, you’re not going to eat. I know you, Sam. You’re stubborn.”

Sam opened his mouth to say something, but found he couldn’t say anything.

“Just let me take care of you, okay?” You pushed back some hair off his face. 

Tired, he simply nodded and let you feed him more porridge.

After some food and a cup of hot ginger-lemon tea, Sam was feeling a little better. He watched as you came back from the kitchen with a cool, damp cloth and wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you onto his lap. 

“Thank you,” he whispered as you placed the cloth on his forehead. 

“You know I’ll do anything for you, right?” You gently caressed his cheek. 

“I can never understand why.”

You kissed him softly. 

“Babe,” Sam pulled away. “You’ll get sick.”

“I’ll be fine,” you replied.

Sam smiled at you. “You’re just as stubborn as me, you know that, right?”

“That’s why you love me.”

“Can’t deny that,” he laughed before bursting into a coughing fit. “Oh, I feel like shit.”

You climbed off his lap and helped him lie down on the couch. “Get some sleep, my love.”

Sam simply nodded as he laid his head on the soft pillow under him. He closed his eyes, but he still couldn’t breathe. He turned to his side, then the other side, but it wasn’t any better. 

You noticed him fidgeting around and you sat down on the sofa.

“Come here,” you guided his head in your lap, stroking his head. 

Exhausted, Sam just gave in, the feeling of your hand on his head and the warmth of your lap finally lulling him to sleep. 

[blissfullyecho]

hey beautiful, i just read your rebranding post and if i may ask you a question about where can i find suggestions about some good songs that’s full of self love and positivity 💕?

listening to better songs during your self development journey

songs specifically i don’t really pay too much attention to— i pay attention to the vibes that each song gives out. so i don’t know any specific song (that i personally like) that talks about self love and positivity.

what i do is i listen to songs that make me feel ethereal, beautiful, loved (not by me or anyone specifically, just loved), calm, etc.

i don’t know what kind of music you listen to but i’ll give an example: video games by lana del rey makes me feel feminine, enchanted, beautiful, romanced, etc. even though the lyrics are mostly talking to/about the other person, it’s her aura, voice, and instrumentals that make me feel that way.

i prefer songs with no cursing, no demeaning ourselves, no demeaning anyone else. basically, i like songs that aren’t aggressive.

another example in a different genre would be into you by fabolous and ashanti. the lyrics makes me feel like i’m the girl he’s talking about and his lyrics in this song makes me feel good, wanted, loved, romanced, etc. his other songs might not make me feel so good, but this song is another example.

essentially i just want to listen to music that allows me to think i’m “that girl” but i don’t want word pollution (cursing, demeaning words towards self or others, etc).

for actual song reccs, search on youtube “playlist that makes you feel like ________” and there are a TON of playlist creators made with specific songs that fit into the vibe.

i hope i kinda helped 🤍

[chambers003]

frothing at the mouth song reccs???

uhhh. i dont know what you usually listen to but i can give you an assortment of what i listen to

artists:

drive45 (pretty much all albums i love them all. except system format. d45 i love you but that album was incredibly mid)

will wood/will wood and the tapeworms (normal album my beloved)

the crane wives

lemon demon

the happy fits

ghost and pals (its been a hot minute since i listened to their music but it dominated my braincells for a hot minute)

kikuo (hatsune miku supreme)

ajr (some people hate them, some people love them, im kinda in the middle)

rabbitology (they have like 5 songs total but i love all of them)

jack stauber/jack stauber's micropop

cavetown (its. been a WHILE)

omori soundtrack

minecraft soundtrack

specific songs: (i put 'japanese' so that if you search for these, you dont get jumpscared by song names in a language you cant read ripp)

rollin girl by wowaka (iconic)/(japanese)

do your worst by the happy fits

juliet by cavetown

99 luftballons by nena (sorta old song but good)

2econd 2ight 2eer by will wood

road to nowhere by the talking heads

digital silence by peter mcpoland

nothing's working out by meiyo (japanese)

bitter chocolate decoration by syudou (japanese)

cicada days by will wood

curses by the crane wives (this is prolly a given but. oh well)

fine by lemon demon

tongues and teeth by the crane wives (another given LMAO)

a mask of my own face by lemon demon

candleburn by rabbitology

buzzcut season by lorde

the dumb song by ajr

fighting with the melody by jimmy urine

partner in crime by madilyn mei (if theres any here i recc the most its this one)

november by sparkbird

avenues by drive45

puppet boy by devo

hansel by sodikken

mary by the happy fits

little one by the happy fits

bernadette by iamx

aurora borealis by lemon demon

dramaturgy by eve (japanese)

brutus by the buttress

im at the beach today by drive45

do it all the time by idkhbtfm

suburbia overture by will wood

laplace's angel by will wood

blackboxwarrior by will wood

mr capgras by will wood and the tapeworms

hand me my shovel im going in by will wood and the tapeworms

the cave by siames

the wolf by siames

canary in a coal mine by the crane wives

ground vision by drive45

special eggs by drive45

f ck you im going underground by grand commander

waterloo by abba

deceptacon by le tigre

wrow ok this got super long man im sorry 😭😭

i. if i could put a 'read more' cut in an ask i would (in all honesty if you end up liking one(1) song from this list ill feel achieved. if youre living off your parent's music tastes this might be a leap LMAOO)

(NOOO I SPEND HALF AN HOUR WRITING THIS CHAMBERS IM SO SORRY)

OHHH MY GOD this is a treasure trove thank you

AND i see artists and songs on here that i do actually know!! and some that i even listen to!! i will make my way through these… thank you so much…