#or at least somewhat Realer than the rest of them

[neodiekido]

something really interesting about tsumugi constantly talking about how "plain" and "boring" she is is that she's likely the only character who hasn't undergone the same backstory fake memory personality things everyone else did. she's the only "real" one there

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

Chapter Five. 

SERIES MASTERLIST | word count: 7.4k 

come talk to me about wtsdg! i’d love to know your thoughts!

December 16, 2017

Soft giggles escaped Luci’s lips as Harry continuously pressed kisses to her cheek and neck. 

They were cuddling on his couch—Luci on her back as Harry was on his side—watching a cooking show they didn’t pay any mind to anymore because all they could do was focus on each other and the other’s lips. They were addicted, to say the least. After their very first kiss, they couldn’t get enough of one another.

 It had been a month since their first date, and each day, they found themselves falling more and more for each other. Kisses and cuddles were a more than great addition to their new relationship, and they both seem to think that the other was amazing at doing those two things. 

Everyday when Harry or Luci had to go into work, or when they weren’t going to see each other for the entire day, they would knock on each other’s doors to spare a few kisses before they headed out to individually take on the world. It was painfully adorable; they were one of those ‘couples’ that people would see on the street and yearn, envy, or simply gag at the sight of their adorableness. 

After a long and grueling eight months of tour, Miss Saigon had wrapped up. She was glad she wasn’t the only person playing the role since Daisy was still casted, but if it were just Luci performing almost every night for eight months, she didn’t know what she would do with herself. The very last night was a bittersweet show; Daisy had performed for their last show—not because she demanded to perform, but because she was scheduled to, and Luci had performed two nights prior to the last show. 

Harry, of course, attended Luci’s last show and the final show with the same amount of support he provided the very first time he watched her perform. Luci always felt a large amount of appreciation for him because he was always so supportive and he made sure to show up to important events for her. She felt somewhat guilty because she’d never been to any events for him because he never asked her if she’d like to accompany him to an event for work. But all he did was chuckle, saying that the school doesn’t do anything fun or special enough to invite a date over because all they really do is have meetings and whatnot; but he told her that he’d make sure to inform her if anything comes up, and that made her smile. 

They were doing great. After their first date, Harry promised many, many more after, to which he’d been fulfilling his promise. It took everything in them to not do anything more than just kiss because they both decided to take it slow. Deciding that was a bit difficult since all they wanted to do was be around and kiss up on each other, they figured it would be for the best because they really liked each other. 

“We’re missing the show,” Luci mentioned in between the kisses Harry was planting on her lips. 

“Do you really think I care about the show? I mean do you?” He pulled away from her face, raising his brows. She giggled because who was she kidding? She didn’t care about the show, so she shook her head no. “Then let me kiss you.” Harry gently kissed her lips, taking in the softness of them. Her heart fluttered every single time their lips connected, and it was a feeling that she wouldn’t get used to nor did she want the fluttering to go away. 

Suddenly, Luci’s phone vibrated against his coffee table. For a moment, she was about to ignore it, and instead, continue kissing the most kissable lips she’d ever touched. But as her phone kept vibrating, she gently started pushing Harry away; he kissed her skin as she reached for her phone. The incoming call was from Samantha, making her sit up immediately on the edge of his couch, slightly gasping. 

“Hello?” She stood up, holding her pointer finger up to him before walking into his room. Harry pouted at her absence as he laid back down on the couch. 

He’d never felt this way before; this feeling was something so new that they almost seemed unfamiliar to him, like he had never experienced it before even in his long-term relationship. That thought scared him because he had only been dating Luci for a month, and his past relationships lasted a year or two. Before letting his mind go into overdrive and cause him to overthink, he instead reveled in that feeling because sometimes, feelings could be good. Humans are allowed to feel and feelings aren’t necessarily bad. You’re supposed to be vulnerable, to open your heart and grab that feeling and enjoy it. So, that was what he was going to do; he didn’t want to live in fear anymore. 

Luci soon came back into the living room, and Harry immediately noticed the way her eyes were glassy, but she had a smile on her face, which didn’t really add up to him. 

“Ci, are you okay?” She was still getting used to that nickname, but she had told him plenty of times that she absolutely loved it, especially if he was the only one who called her that. Harry stood up, walking towards her and she bursted into heart wrenching sobs that harshly pulled at his heart strings. He pulled her into his chest, rubbing her back as he comforted her. He wanted to cry with her, but he needed to keep calm because he had no clue as to what had happened on the phone call just a few minutes ago. 

She pulled her face out of his chest, wiping her cheeks before she started laughing, only confusing Harry even more. 

“I’m sorry.” She sniffled. “I, uh, just got off the phone with Samantha.” Harry opened, not knowing what to say because what she could say next could be bad news, but it was the exact opposite. “Harry, I got the part,” she said in disbelief. 

His eyes widened as he was speechless. Luci nodded, confirming and smiling like crazy before she backed out of his arms, covering her mouth with her hands. She was breathing harshly as the exhalation from her mouth was escaping through the gaps where her hands met her face, making the air blow at her hair. 

“You got the part…” Harry finally said, repeating her words, accepting them for himself; she nodded again. “You got the part,” he said again. The more he said it, the more it didn’t feel real. So, he said it again. “You got the fucking part!” He exclaimed, jumping up and down. Luci screamed, leaping towards him as he caught up. Her legs lifted off the ground as her heels met her butt, afraid she was going to fall, but Harry’s arms were holding her up tightly. 

“Holy shit!” She said into his neck. Harry walked backwards, leading them to his couch. They continued to hug as she straddled him, and his hands trailed up and down her back, noticing how she loved back rubs—no matter what she’s feeling. 

Once she pulled away, facing him, he had a wide and proud smile on his face. “You fucking did that, Ci. You. Fucking. Did. That.” 

Breathing out, she nodded. “I did that.” 

“I’m so happy for you.” 

Luci smiled fondly, thanking him before she leaned in to press a loving kiss to his lips. They stayed in that position for a while—Luci sitting on his thighs as he excitedly listened to every single word she said, repeating what Samantha had told her over the phone. There would be flashes of moments that hit her hard, making her get the chills as tears formed in her eyes but never streamed down her face. This was real life; shit was about to get so much more realer. 

They chatted for a bit; Luci trailing away from the conversation of the big news because she felt like she was talking about herself too much. Instead, they talked about travel plans for the holidays. They were both going back home—Luci back to Massachusetts as Harry had a farther plane ride to England—but they agreed that they were going to spend New Years with one another, so they could celebrate going into the new year together. Plus, it would be too long without seeing each other. 

Harry pulled his phone out and tapped the camera icon. He patted the spot next to him on the couch, and Luci sat there. 

“Gotta take a picture to remember this day.” Luci smiled, nodding excitedly. He extended his arms as they both showed off their bright and excited smiles to the camera. Harry took a few more: one with their tongues out, another with Luci kissing his cheek, and the last one being a candid with them laughing because Luci had laughed while kissing his cheek, making hot air hit his skin. She sent herself the pictures, making the candid picture Harry’s contact photo and the smiling photo her home screen. 

As she looked at the pictures, she knew these were going to be gold someday; the first set of pictures when they found out she was casted for her first Hollywood movie. It was a damn special moment, and she was glad that she could share the news with the person who was special to her. 

December 20, 2017 

They held onto each other tightly as bystanders walked around them, trying to get to their gate as they rolled their eyes at, yet, another couple who was separating for a few weeks. 

With their luggages and duffle bags—since Harry liked to travel with bags instead of luggages—beside them, they shared a few kisses as Luci’s arms were wrapped around Harry’s waist and his were resting comfortably around her shoulders. They were going back home for the holidays, and it would be the longest they were going to go without seeing each other; aside from when they weren’t friends yet. Luci wanted to book their flights together so they were at the same airport, departing at the same time—although Harry would be waiting a tad bit longer since he was flying international. 

“I’m gonna miss you.” Luci looked up at him with a slight pout; Harry leaned in, kissing her frown away. 

“And I’m gonna miss you too, but we’ll be seeing each other soon. But you have to go to check in pretty soon and get through TSA,” he said as he checked the time on his phone. “Don’t want you to miss your flight.” 

She nodded, agreeing. They kissed a few more times, hugged a little tighter, and told each other that they’d see each other soon, as well as making sure the other would text whenever they landed and got home safely. Finally, they separated; Harry watched Luci go up the escalator before he took his time walking to the international departure since he had to wait a couple hours before his flight. 

Once Luci was walking to her gate, Airpods in her ears, her mind had gone completely blank until someone had walked up to her, waving. She took out one Airpod, seeing a woman who was seemingly in her mid-forties with brown wavy hair that landed just below her shoulders; the woman had a friendly smile on her face. 

“Hello,” Luci greeted kindly but slightly confused. 

“Hi, I’m so sorry to bother you. But you’re Luciana Suki, right?” The woman asked hopefully. 

Luci smiled softly. “Yes, that’s me.” The slight concern had washed away because she thought she was being stopped by the airport’s security or someone from TSA, but the woman had a neck pillow attached to her luggage and was wearing comfortable sweatpants. 

“Oh, wonderful. I just wanted to say that I loved your performance in Miss Saigon!” Luci’s eyes widened. “I usually watch the show when the production goes on tour, so I’m quite familiar with the cast, but can I just say that you’re insanely talented and put on a lovely show.” The woman complimented honestly. 

“Oh, wow. T-That’s…” Luci was having a hard time speaking, let alone, accepting the fact that someone had noticed her outside of the theatre. “Thank you. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much that means to me.” She placed her hand on her heart. “What’s your name?” 

“Victoria.” They shook hands before they chatted for a bit on the side. Victoria couldn’t stop praising her for her wonderful performance, leaving Luci with warm cheeks and an appreciating smile. “Do you mind if I get a picture with you? I wasn’t able to meet you after the show that I went to.” 

“Of course!” 

“Besides, I told my husband, ‘this girl is going places.’ And I want to have this as a keepsake when you do.” She pulled out her phone, flipping the camera towards them. 

“That is so incredibly kind. Thank you so much.” The two women smiled at the camera before Victoria thanked her for the picture. 

Luci took out her phone. “Now, can I get a picture with you? You’re the very first person that’s ever recognized me, and I also want this as a keepsake for this moment.” Victoria was stunned, but immediately said yes before they smiled again for Luci’s phone. 

The two said ‘thank you’ a hundred times more before finally saying goodbye to one another and separating. 

Luci was so happy as she walked to her gate and sat down before sending the picture to Harry. 

This is Victoria. She just stopped me and told me that she recognized me from the show! How fucking cool is that?!

Harry responded immediately with a big smile on his face. 

No way! That’s sooo fucking cool! Literally dating the coolest girl ever.

Always know what to say to get me smiling crazy...

I would be doing something wrong if you weren’t. xx

Still, the smile hadn’t left her face. She noticed that’s all she’d been doing with him because that’s all he made her do. 

Once it was announced that it was time to board, Luci sent Harry another text saying that she was boarding and that she’ll text him when she landed, and told him to have a safe flight if she was still in the air by the time he was on the plane. He sent her a safe flight and many kisses, telling her that they would talk soon. 

When Luci entered her childhood home, she was hit by a wave of nostalgia; it felt like she hadn’t stepped into this home in years. Everything looked the same; the framed pictures on the wall were still the same, the only difference was that their family picture at Luci’s first show was added in a big frame. 

Ren and Beatrice entered the house from the garage as they released a gasp, quickly walking towards her and hugged her tightly. Luci had truly missed her parents, and living without them would never be the same. The three caught up for a moment, asking each other what they’d been up to. Ren had started a garden, but since it had been snowing, he couldn’t really care for it as of now. Beatrice was reading, yet, another book on self-help and love, saying that the information had been really insightful for her; Luci smiled, saying that it was great she was reading that. 

Luci was itching to tell her parents the big news. She would’ve told them over the phone when she found out, but she wanted to surprise them with the news, instead of having a family group facetime. She wanted to hug them as she told them, she wanted to hear those screams and gasps in person. 

Nathan had a few days off, luckily, and was on his way home to spend some time with his family, so whenever he arrived, she’d tell them. 

Walking up the stairs while lugging her luggage up with her, she opened her door and looked around her childhood bedroom. Nothing was moved, different, or added; it was the same as she’d left it all those months ago. Everything seemed to happen quite fast within those nine months, and it was quite bizarre at how much did happen. 

But standing in her bedroom made her feel proud of herself at how much she’d accomplished and all the lessons she had gone through. Her home had just made her much more grounded. 

After a few hours, the sky had gotten dark, and Nathan was home. Luci greeted her brother with a warm hug. The two siblings walked over to the kitchen where their parents were getting dinner ready, and Nathan greeted them. 

Luci rested her arms on the countertop, leaning against them. “So, I have some news…” she announced, making her family whip their heads towards her, looking at her concerningly. 

“You’re pregnant?” Nate guessed. Beatrice looked at him then looked at Luci, asking if it was true. 

“What? No!” She laughed, scoffing slightly. Not only was that a very off guess, but her and Harry hadn’t even had sex yet; they hadn’t even been naked around each other. Plus, her family didn’t even know she was dating Harry anyways. 

“What is it, Lulu?” Her father asked. 

“So, remember when I told you all that I was auditioning for a role—the one Samantha booked me?” They all nodded. As usual, they gave her the famous pep-talk, but it was much more intense since this was for a potential blockbuster movie; they all helped her along the way as well. Luci stayed silent, hoping they’d put the pieces together and figure it out on their own, but as they stared at her clueless, she screamed it. “I got the part!” 

Their eyes went wide as they all screamed, “What?!” Luci nodded, jumping as the news finally hit them. They walked towards her, giving her proud and excited hugs; Beatrice started crying happy tears for her, and Ren had even shed a few tears for his daughter. Her family eagerly asked questions, and Luci was happy to provide them every detail she’d gotten from Samantha. She was incredibly happy that all the most important people in her life finally knew, and she was even happier that they shared the same excitement with her.  

After a family dinner, they watched a movie before everyone went to bed. Luci found herself tossing and turning as she continuously watched the digital time on her nightstand change every minute. She internally groaned, staring at the ceiling wide awake. It was three in the morning when her phone vibrated, and she wasn’t going to check it because then she would be on her phone the entire night, but when it vibrated the second time, she figured that she wasn’t going to get sleep any time soon. So, she picked up her phone and felt her heart skip a beat, seeing Harry’s text on her screen. 

Hi, love. Just landed. x 

Also, hope you’re sleeping well. Sweet dreams, Ci. 

Luci smiled into her pillow as she laid on her side, reading Harry’s text over again. 

Hi, H! Glad to know you made it safely. 

Suddenly, his contact picture came into view for an incoming call from him; Luci sat up slightly, leaning on her elbows as she answered. 

“Hello?” She whispered. 

“Ci, What are you doing up? Isn’t it, like, three a.m there?” His gravelly voice asked through the phone. Harry was waiting for his bags to show up from the carousel; he was quite exhausted from the flight, despite sleeping for most of it. 

“Yeah. I don’t know—I couldn't sleep.” Part of her knew that her mind was racing with the thought of Harry; she also wanted to know if he landed safely, and she felt relief when he texted her. 

“Aww, sorry about that. But luckily, you’re on vacation; you’ll get to sleep in.” She nodded, even though he couldn’t see her. 

They chatted for a bit about his flight and how Gemma was going to pick him up since she was an early riser; and Luci told him about how she announced the big news to her family, which Harry was happy she got the reaction she wanted. 

His voice was silk and smooth—especially when it was from just waking up—as it was lulling her to sleep. Harry could tell that she was drifting off as she wasn’t giving verbal responses; he knew that his voice would eventually make her fall asleep because she’d told him one time that it was relaxing and soothing. 

They bid each other goodnight and sweet dreams, telling one another that they’d talk to each other whenever she woke up, hoping he would still be awake. But they both counted down the days until they would get to see each other before they made the sound of a kissing noise over the speaker, and hung up. 

And they were both going to be dreaming of each other’s lips and touch until they were physically together again.

December 31, 2017

Looking into her full-body mirror, Luci straightened out her outfit as she awaited her date for the evening. 

She’d missed Harry over the holidays, but she was lucky enough to be able to text him throughout whenever they both got the chance—although it was a bit difficult because of the time difference. But Luci had been aching to be in his arms again, to feel his lips on hers to make up for lost time. But throughout the holiday, she’d been a bit on edge as nerves would creep into her body every time she would think about the news she was about to tell Harry—news that was not a discussion through text or on phone when he was miles away. 

Ever since she had gotten the call—a day after she arrived back home for the holidays—she had been all up in her thoughts about what Harry might think about the situation. She was mostly afraid that he would want to stop seeing her; and based on how much she liked him and enjoyed being with him, she really hoped that wasn’t the case. But the anticipation on telling him was killing her and she just wanted to talk to him-

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. She took a deep breath to ease her nerves, but she was more excited to see him. Opening the door, Harry was standing on her doorstep with his bags on his shoulders and an excited smile on his face. He had just gotten back from the airport, which was perfect timing for the party that they were attending. Luci had asked him a million and one times if he was sure he wanted to go, considering that he was literally just arriving from the airport, but he told her that it was okay and he’d be too jetlagged to sleep anyways. 

“Harry!” She jumped in his arms as he wrapped his around her waist. Luci took in his scent as she pressed kisses against his neck. 

He giggled. “Hi, love. I’ve missed you,” he mumbled against her shoulder. 

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you too.” 

“Yeah?” He set her down on her feet, taking her face in the palms of his warm hands. “Let me give you a proper kiss then. It’s been too long since I’ve kissed these lips that I might’ve forgotten what they feel like.” 

Luci fake gasped, amusing him. “Then please kiss me because we can’t have that happening, ever.” 

Harry chuckled, leaning in to take her lips in with his. Giving her gentle and tender kisses, they both smiled against each other’s lips, relief taking over them since it’d been too long since they’d felt each other. Harry was always impressed at how perfectly Luci’s lips seemed to fit his; he also loved how his body felt whenever he received a kiss from her as chills would rush down his skin and his heart would pump a few extra times. It was a feeling that he looked forward to every time she was around or showed him any type of affection. 

Pulling away, they smiled at one another before giggling. He finally got to have a look at her outfit that he knew she spent a few hours deciding on. Luci was wearing a satin bralette top, a zebra print skirt that hugged her hips with black stockings underneath; and a black coat over a knitted beanie and leather gloves since it was still dangerously cold. 

“You looked absolutely stunning, Ci.” She bashfully smiled, looking down at her outfit. “I mean it…wow.” He pulled her into his body as his face immediately went into the crook of her neck. He placed kisses against her skin, nibbling gently as she let out a soft and quiet moan. “Wanna skip this party?” 

Luci pushed at his shoulders. “Really?” She was down for the idea of spending and celebrating the new year inside, snuggling up with some blankets, and kissing each other into the new year. 

“Maybe? Wanna kiss you everywhere.” He put emphasis on where he wanted to kiss her, and that just wasn’t her lips, making her bite her bottom lip at the idea. He was horny, he had to admit; the eagerness to feel her against her with her hands all over his body was like a broken record in his mind. And just by the look in her eyes, she had been thinking about it too because how could she not? But Harry would tease her a bit—make her admit it. “Actually, let’s just go to the party because I wanna show off my girl.” 

Her eyes widened as pursed her lips, refraining from a smile at how the words ‘my girl’ sounded from his mouth; and she quite liked the idea of being his girl.  “Are you sure?” He nodded. “Okay. Wait, uh, can we talk for a second? I need to tell you something.” 

He nodded as his expression changed to a slight concerned one. Luci led him to her couch, not letting go of his hand. 

“So, uh, Samantha called me during the holidays. And I know I should’ve mentioned it to you, but I didn’t want to tell you over the phone-”

“Baby, breathe, yeah? Slow down; I’m not going anywhere.” He reassured her, caressing the back of her hand with his thumb. Her mind had solely focused on the new nickname, and it made her heart flutter, but she shook that thought out of her head, knowing that she needed to tell him now. 

So, she nodded and exhaled. “She told me that we’re filming for the movie pretty soon.” 

His brows raised. “Really?! When?” 

“Mid January…” he sensed a ‘but’ coming, so he patiently waited. “But I’m supposed to be in California by the sixth.” Harry noticed her mood had faltered a bit; even in her gorgeous outfit and the way she did her makeup, he would always think she was beautiful despite her mood.

“Hey, isn’t that great? This is what you’ve been wanting to do.” He rubbed her thigh comfortingly.

“It’s just…I have to be there for four months, maybe five. That’s a really long time.” She looked at him with a sad look, and the slight sadness broke his heart because all he ever wanted her to feel was happiness. 

He finally understood what she was saying—four or five months was a long time; they were going to be on opposite sides of the country. But who was he to tell her not to go? He didn’t have any say in her career choices nor does he want to make any choices for her because that was her career. All he could do was be supportive of her, and that was exactly what he was going to do. 

“Ci, tell me what’s on your mind,” he requested softly, not wanting his tone to portray aggressively. 

She sighed deeply. “We’re gonna be apart for a long time when we’re supposed to be together. I mean we just started dating, so I would understand if you wanted out,” she explained honestly.

Pouting, he could see the pain that she held while saying those words as she hoped he would want to stay with her. 

“I don’t want out,” he stated immediately. “Five months is gonna go by quickly. There’s FaceTime, texting, and calling. It’s gonna be fine!” He nodded his head for some extra reassurance. 

The guilt was still resting in Luci’s head that his words hadn’t processed yet. “I just feel bad…” 

“Don’t be. This is your job, and I can’t and don’t want to get in the way with that. Don’t worry about me, alright? Everything’s gonna be fine.” Harry pulled her into his side and kissed the side of her head. His words seemed to settle in her mind as she constantly repeated them back to herself. “Now, let me go and get changed, and I’ll be right back so we can head out.” 

With one last kiss to her cheek, Harry headed out of Luci’s apartment and into his to get changed. He decided on just wearing black skinny jeans and a flowy and thin velvet tan button down with red and green stitching that swirled throughout the shirt. He went back to her apartment to find her fully ready with her shiny leather boots; her mood had slightly lifted as she thanked him for being so supportive and kind, and he simply brushed it off, saying that it was the only way to act—which earned him several of kisses to his lips that made him rethink the fact that he wanted to go to the party and wanting to tease her at said party. But she pulled away and dragged him out of her place as they headed towards the Lower East Side. 

Nina had invited Harry and Luci to Moon Room, a hip nightclub that was filled with dancing like you were living in the eighties. The vintage decorated club was carefree, a judgement-free zone, and a place to truly have fun. Luci remembered that the last time she had gone to the club was after the second show of Miss Saigon; she was making out with some guy that she met there until he excused himself to throw up, and she never saw that guy again. Looking back at that memory, she mentally gagged but also chuckled. 

The club was hot and filled with people, which was expected since there was an hour and a half left till midnight. People were trying to find a place that would let them in without waiting in line just so they could get a proper drink and countdown and kiss strangers. There were several TVs above the bar and in the corners, all on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve that was currently happening in Time Square, but the music on the speaker had drowned out the volume on the television. 

Luci and Harry found Nina and her group of friends in a booth in the corner where the walls were covered in wallpaper of bright green leaves. Nina was quick to notice how the two were holding hands, making Nina tease Harry, saying that he had finally had the balls to make a move but he was quick to correct her and tell Nina that it was Luci who had made the move first; and that earned a clap and nudge for Luci. 

Drinks started to flow as the dancing had picked up. A Roddy Ricch song was playing as Luci’s back was against Harry’s chest, his hands on her waist as they moved in sync. She grinded her ass against him, making his hands squeeze her hips as his mouth leaned in against her ear. 

“Mm, you’re driving me fucking insane,” his deep voice said in her ear, making chills run down her body as well as ignite the heat between her legs. 

His hands were everything; she could feel him everywhere. She continued her movements, swaying her hips as she sang the lyrics to a rap song; Harry turned her around, catching her by surprise. His hands immediately found her lower back, but one of his hands had trailed down to the top of her ass, making her smirk but her heart swooned because she knew he was being a gentleman to move any further. His arms wrapped around his neck as their hips moved together, their fronts pressed together. Luci could feel the slight hard on Harry was growing inside of his pants, and it only made her want to touch him even more, to maybe tease him. 

“Want you, baby” Luci breathed out through the loud music. Harry blushed at the pet name before he smirked, and she licked a stripe up his neck, tasting the slight sweat on his skin, before nibbling on the spot under his jaw, making him bite his lip and press her tighter against his body. 

They both had similar ideas and minds to tease each other tonight, maybe that was why they weren’t getting plastered because they both knew where this night would end, and they wanted to be sober for every single second of it. 

But the fruity cocktails that Luci was heavily sipping and ordering were starting to hit her since it tasted so much like fruit punch. From what Harry could tell, she was starting to get giggly, touchy, and overall more goofier; he adored her nonetheless. 

When there were exactly seven minutes until midnight, Luci dragged Harry off the dance floor and to the corner of the club. Thinking that they were going to have a hot makeout session, which Harry made no move to stop her, Luci stopped right in front of the free photobooth the club provided. 

“Can we take pictures?” She asked; Harry nodded. “Let’s take individual pictures first! You go first.” Luci gently pushed Harry into the photobooth before dragging the curtain for privacy. 

Harry chuckled, pressing start before a voice started counting down from three; he gave the camera a toothless smile, stuck his tongue out, opened his mouth as his eyes went wide, and pointed his chin upwards as he held a peace sign up. When he got out of the booth, Luci clapped before getting in after him; her drunken mind had taken over and for the first picture, she grabbed her breasts and slightly pushed them up before winking and sticking her tongue out. For the rest, she gave her stunning smile, puckered her lips up as she closed her eyes, and held up a peace sign while smiling. 

When she was finished, she grabbed Harry’s arm and pulled him inside the booth. He comfortably sat down next to her as she put her legs over his thighs before pressing start once more. Everyone in the bar had already been counting down from thirty, and usually, Harry would want to count down with them, but he could care less about the countdown as his favorite girl was right next to him and he was having a great time with her. They smiled sweetly for the first one, and Luci kissed his cheek for the second one. 

Once Luci pulled away, he looked at her deeply in the eyes, putting his hand on her cheek, and said, “Be mine? As in my girlfriend, officially.” Luci’s eyes widened, not expecting those words; the camera had caught that exact moment for their third picture. 

A loud ‘3…2…1…Happy New Year!’ was heard from outside of the photobooth, but Harry and Luci were in their own world. 

She nodded, smiling before answering, “Yes!” Harry quickly kissed her as if they had been wedded, and the photobooth had taken their last picture of the two kissing. 

The happiness they had felt was an over-the-moon type of happiness, and they genuinely felt disconnected from the rest of the world because they had just made their own planet to live on. They felt drunk on each other, drunk on the kisses, and if this was what being intoxicated really felt like, they would never be sober. 

Pulling away, they gave each other a loving smile—one that expressed their emotions quite well. Harry kissed her forehead and her cheeks as he couldn’t get enough of her before pulling her out of the booth. 

“Happy New Year, H.” 

“Happy New Year, Ci,” he responded, putting his arm around her shoulder as she hugged his waist, head against his chest where his heart was erratically pounding, giving away how he truly felt about her. 

He grabbed their strips of pictures before they both looked at them. Harry curled his lips into his mouth, shifting his weight to his other leg once he saw the very first picture of Luci because fuck, she looked incredibly sexy, he thought. They smiled fondly at their pictures together, glad that they had gotten that moment on camera. Luckily, the photobooth printed two strips, so they both could have one each. 

Luci led Harry back to their table, where they greeted everyone a happy new year; Nina waved at them, pouring them a drink from the pitcher that contained a mix of pineapple juice and tequila, to drink into the new year. After a few more cupfuls, Luci and Harry called it a night as it was nearing two in the morning, which may seem early considering it was the new year, but they were both quite exhausted and sleepy. So, Harry booked an Uber back home to Brooklyn that arrived exceptionally fast. 

They walked hand in hand to their apartments; Harry waited for her to open her door so she got in safely, but when Luci noticed that he wasn’t following her inside, she had a frown on her face. 

“Where are you going?” She asked. 

“Oh, uh, to my place” 

“Do you wanna sleepover? I thought you were going to.” 

“Do you want me to?” He asked, not sure that he was actually going to sleepover. 

She smiled, nodding. “Of course. Wanna spend the first morning of the new year with my boyfriend,” she answered; Harry’s heart flipped. 

“Okay. Let me just get changed and I’ll be there.” 

“Don’t keep me waiting,” Luci said seductively, leaving a small gap between the door and the frame. Harry gulped, overthinking her words because she could’ve meant anything, but her face said otherwise as she teasingly bit her lip and practically undressed him with her eyes. 

With her words in mind, Harry quickly changed into his silk striped blue pajama pants with a black sweater over his torso, since it was still freezing inside the building, and he brushed his teeth and washed his face before walking back over to Luci’s place and locking it. Excitement flowed through him as he walked to her bedroom, thinking about the possibilities of what their night would contain. But as he entered her bedroom, there she was—his beautiful girlfriend—sleeping under the covers. She managed to change into her sleepwear, which was just a t-shirt and sweats, but she hadn’t taken off her makeup yet, and she was going to hate herself for it in the morning. 

Harry smiled as his eagerness to be on top of her and touch her body had faltered while he watched her. He walked to the restroom to grab a makeup wipe, and he kneeled on the floor to carefully wipe the contents of makeup off her face; the cold cloth that rubbed against her skin caused her to wake from her sleep. 

“Harry?” 

“I’m here, love. Just getting the makeup off your face.” He continued wiping her face, folding the wipe in half for the cleaner side. 

Luci smiled lazily at him. “Thank you. We could still have sex—sorry I fell asleep.” Harry held in his laugh. 

“Don’t worry about it.” He pressed a kiss to her temple. 

“You don’t want to have sex anymore?” Her voice slightly cracked, thinking he had completely made up his mind about it. 

“I do, trust me, I still want to, but not right now. Some other time, yeah? We’re both exhausted, and I think you’re a little drunk.” He chuckled. “So let’s not force it, is that alright?” 

His answer seemed to satisfy her as she nodded, closing her eyes again as sleep took over. Once Harry was done, he threw the makeup wipe away before he grabbed a small towel cloth, dampening it with warm water before lightly wiping her face to take away the extra makeup that was left and the weird feeling of the makeup wipe. He then grabbed her moisturizer—her skincare routine he’d watched multiple times—before smoothing it out on her skin; he also applied chapstick and put some on her lips because she had told him once that when her lips go chapped, it always distracted her and overall hated when her lips were dry. 

When he was finished, he quickly grabbed a glass of water, downing it as he sighed in relief because he’d felt so dehydrated since their night had started; Harry also grabbed a glass for Luci, setting it on her bedside table just in case she woke up parched. He got under the covers next to her, shifting over to Luci’s side of the bed and resting his head on the same pillow as her. He wrapped his arm around her waist and buried his face in the back of her neck, taking in her intoxicating scent that he always loved. 

For a few minutes, Harry tried to fall asleep, but he wasn’t himself; instead, his mind had replayed the events at the club—when he asked the girl in his arms to be his girlfriend. He liked Luci…a lot; and something had taken over his mind that was screaming at him, telling him to just ask because it was the perfect moment to, and he was so glad that he did because she said ‘yes’ and she was his. 

His heart hadn’t stopped flipping ever since that moment. But if he was being honest, though, he was scared. The overthinking had only arrived once he laid his head on the soft but firm pillow as his mind went into overdrive. He thought about the conversation prior to leaving for the club, where Luci told him that she was going to be gone for four to five months to film and that he had an out if he wanted it. In different lifetimes or events, maybe he would’ve called it quits—to end it before either of them got attached, although they were already quite attached to one another—but he didn’t. He told her that he was going to support her, that he wanted to be with her. He was afraid, even though she didn’t have a clue that he was scared, but he was. Neither of them knew what the universe had in line for them, and maybe this relationship was going to be a bad idea later on. But if you continuously hold onto that fear, you’d never know the beauty and all of the good things in a relationship.  

Neither Luci or Harry knew what was coming for them, but they were going in head first. 

Asking Luci to be his girlfriend had broken him out of a hard protective shell because ultimately, he didn’t want to live in fear anymore. He wanted to push away the nagging voice that was living in the back of his mind out of his head. Life was too damn short to be living in fear, he’d learned. Experiences and life awaited until he stepped outside of that box. 

He wanted to be present, so that was exactly what he was going to do; he would leave the future conversations and events for the future since those events respectively occurred in a different time. But this was now; he’d gotten the most beautiful woman he had ever laid his eyes on, and that beautiful woman was his girlfriend. 

Luci slightly groaned, turning around in his arms. Her eyes were still closed but she mumbled, “Harry.” 

“Yes, Ci?” 

“Hold me tighter,” she softly murmured against his chest. 

As much as he was already hugging her, he complied and tightened his arms around her as she softly snored against him, completely unaware of the brief conversation that had just occurred. 

“I’ll hold onto you for as long as you want me to.” 

allll the feels :’) come talk to me about your thoughts, feelings, and your favorite scenes and moments! thank you for reading <3 next chapter will be up next saturday!

[alarawriting]

Inktober 2020 #17: Storm

Iris was laughing as she got in the car. “Weather reports say it’s gonna be a big one!”

Caitlyn had just met this woman. This was a ridiculous idea. Chasing a violent thunderstorm had to be the dumbest idea any human ever had, surpassed only by chasing tornados, which apparently Iris also did when she was further west. There was no way in which it was a good idea to get into the passenger seat of the car.

Caitlyn slid into the passenger seat. “Just so you know, I feel like this is probably a dumb idea.”

“Of course it’s a dumb idea!” Iris started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot. “Humanity only progresses by having dumb ideas!”

Her laughter, her cheer, was infectious. Iris was nearly six feet tall and easily two hundred eighty pounds, her hair buzzed short and her arms tattooed. She was everything Caitlyn’s mother would have told her to be wary of. She was also sunlight in human form. Her force of personality was blinding, overwhelming, but warm, and it lit up the world.

On the interstate, the miles per hour crossed the 55 line and continued to go up. “Where are we going?” Caitlyn asked. “I mean, yeah, a thunderstorm, but physically where?”

“We’re going south to intercept it. Probably hit it near the Maryland border, so we’ll take the bypass to the wild side of Delaware and follow it down on local roads.”

“This is crazy. You know that, right? It’s just a storm.”

“They’re never just storms, Caity.” Caitlyn could have gone a long time not knowing how Iris was spelling that, but unfortunately, Iris had addressed her by name in the text she’d sent to provide her number and email address. “Storms can kill people. They don’t have to be hurricanes. They knock down trees, they take out the power, they cause accidents. So I hunt them down.”

“That… really doesn’t make any sense.”

“Oh, you’ll see! It’ll be fun, I haven’t had a friend along on one of these trips in a year!”

Iris cut off a tractor trailer, causing the bellow of an air horn behind them. Small wonder no one wanted to go with her. “What happened with the last friend?”

“We broke up. She thought I was reckless! Can you imagine?” The smile Iris briefly flashed at Caitlyn before turning back to the road knew exactly why her ex thought her reckless, and was self-mocking about it.

“No, I can’t imagine it,” Caitlyn said, deadpan.

“But you know I’m reckless and you got in the car with me anyway, so if sometime in the future you say to me, ‘you’re too reckless’, I can say, ‘you knew that about me on the first date.’”

“This is a date?”

Iris’s laughter this time was almost a bark. “Pretty sure it must be! You’re not in love with storm chasing and you don’t like the way I drive, so you must have gotten in the car on the strength of my beauty and charisma, or something.”

“Something,” Caitlyn agreed, though in fact that was exactly why she got in the car. There was no way Iris could be considered beautiful by airbrushed Hollywood standards, but Caitlyn had always thought those women seemed somehow plastic, unreal, and now she knew why. Iris was realer than real, larger than life, and since they’d met and started talking at the mixer less than an hour ago, she’d known she was willing to get in Iris’s car and go anywhere. Including to Maryland to find a thunderstorm.

“You must be looking to add some chaos and recklessness to your life. Every woman who gets in my car is looking for that, or they wouldn’t get in the car.”

“How many women have gotten in your car like that?” Caitlyn asked, somewhat taken aback.

“Oh, only three.” Iris wove in and out of a wolfpack of cars. “Four, now, counting you. I don’t exactly run around luring all the women in with my siren song.” She laughed. “How about you, any ex-girlfriends? Or boyfriends, I don’t judge.”

“One boyfriend when I was fifteen, back before I knew I was a lesbian. One girlfriend. We were together for ten years.”

“Oh no! What happened?”

Caitlyn shrugged. “She thought I was boring. And not very good in bed. She wasn’t rude enough to say it in those words, but I can read between the lines.” Strange; Caitlyn hadn’t told anyone else that, and would normally have thought it oversharing. She wasn’t entirely sure why she was telling Iris, now. It didn’t seem like a great idea to warn a woman you were interested in that your last girlfriend thought you were boring in bed.

“Well, my philosophy is, if your girlfriend is bad in bed, it’s usually because you’re a lousy communicator and you never told her what you wanted, or else you’re a picky picky princess and you have a very narrow range of tolerance for what you like. At least, if she’s a cool human being in the first place, which you seem like you probably are.”

“No, it – she was wilder than me, and she wanted more than I could give.”

“Then it just sounds like you were incompatible,” Iris declared.

She glanced down at her tablet. “Huh. It’s changing course. We’re going to take the highway all the way down, Caity, be faster that way. I think we’ll be able to intersect it at Delaware House.”

“At where?”

“It’s a rest stop on I-95 near the Maryland border. I’m gonna need somewhere to pull over and it’s not a great idea to do that on the highway itself if you have any choice in the matter.”

“What’re you going to do when you catch it?” Caitlyn asked.

“I’m gonna punch it in the nose!” Iris laughed.

Caitlyn chuckled. “Okay, but seriously. You take pictures of them? Do you send them to NOAA or something? What do you do when you catch the storm you’re chasing?”

“You’ll see!”

***

An hour later and they were inside the storm, according to Iris’ tablet, which was set to a live feed of satellite imaging from weather.com or someplace. They’d just crossed the Delaware Memorial Bridge, and it was raining hard. The tablet said it was eleven minutes to Delaware House, but that was probably assuming normal highway speed, and despite the rain, Iris was still driving at least 75 miles an hour.

“So you wanna get some food or something after we’re done here? Delaware House has a Popeye’s, we could get fried chicken.”

“Sure, why not.” Caitlyn had spent the past hour talking about herself, which was weird, because usually she was quiet and would hang back in any conversation, and she usually preferred to listen rather than talk. And you’d think Iris’ boisterousness would make it so she’d always be the one talking, but in fact she’d said almost nothing about herself. She’d talked a lot, but mostly questions for Caitlyn, who’d found herself as a result telling Iris her entire life story. “Maybe you can tell me some things about yourself. I feel like I’ve been talking and talking. You must be sick of hearing my voice.”

“I would never get sick of that voice, Caity. You have a lovely voice.”

“Most people don’t think so. They think I’m quiet and monotonous. Or, sometimes, loud and monotonous.”

“Some people have no grasp of subtlety,” Iris said. “Oh, good, the timing’s perfect. Looks like the center of the storm’s going to be passing over here in minutes. If I speed up just a little, we should get to Delaware House in time.”

“Why is the center of the storm so important? Does it look any different than the rest of the storm?”

“Not to most people,” Iris said cryptically, and leaned forward like a race car driver, her foot presumably turning into a block of lead from how the car sped up.

“Uh, aren’t you worried about hydroplaning?” Caitlyn yelled over the sound of the engine revving as they accelerated.

“Water knows better than to do that to me!” Iris yelled back, grinning.

“No, but seriously--!”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve got the car under control!”

Caitlyn held onto the handle above the car door, awkwardly – it really wasn’t positioned well to be a safety handle – as Iris raced through the storm, only slowing down when she reached Delaware House. She coasted onto the left-side exit and allowed momentum to carry her to the parking lot, only braking once she was there.

As she pulled into a parking spot in the back, she said, “I don’t know if you wanna stay in the car or come out with me, but you can do whatever you like. I gotta get a move on, though, the storm center’s almost here.”

“I’ll stay in the car for now,” Caitlyn said, wondering if all of this was a terrible mistake. Maybe Iris was right and she was looking to add some recklessness and chaos to her life, but maybe this was too much.

“Okay.” Iris got out of the car, and looked up at the sky. The rain was coming down in sheets so thick, it was hard for Caitlyn to actually see her through it – she was a blob of color, not a clear human shape. But she heard Iris’ voice with surprising clarity.

“OKAY, MOTHERFUCKER! IT’S ON, NOW!”

What.

“COME ON, YOU LITTLE PISS TRICKLE! YOU CALL THIS RAIN, MY MOMMA DUMPED MORE WATER DOWN MY THROAT WHEN SHE GAVE ME A SIPPY CUP TO DRINK FROM! GET OVER HERE, YOU COWARD, AND FACE ME!”

The wind moaned, making the car creak.

“YEAH? YOU WANNA SAY THAT TO MY FACE, YOU DUMB SHIT? COME ON! LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!”

And then, as Caitlyn stared in absolute shock, Iris punched the sky… and the sky reeled, the clouds parting for a bare moment, before thunder rolled and lightning slammed down, hitting a nearby tree.

“YOUR AIM’S WORSE THAN A BLIND GRANDMA THROWING A DISHRAG! THINK YOU CAN HIT ME? COME AT ME, FUCKER!” Iris punched the clouds again – impossibly, because they were however many thousands of feet in the air and she was here on the ground, but the clouds roiled as if they’d been struck. Then she went to the ground, rolling, and came up to a sitting position next to an oversized pickup truck. Lightning struck the truck, and Iris sprang up and swung her fists at the sky again, her body language suggesting that she was putting all of her body’s force into the punches, and meeting resistance. One, two, three punches, and a gap opened in the clouds and stayed that way. Lightning came down again and hit a tree in the picnic area.

“OH, YEAH! GOTCHA ON THE ROPES NOW! GIVE IT UP, YOU SUMBITCH, IT’S ALL OVER FOR YOU!”

She swung her left arm out in a blocking gesture. A moment later, lightning struck inches away from the arm. Iris followed up with multiple punches, clearing more of the sky. The rain had significantly diminished, making it much easier to see what she was doing. “GET OUT OF MY GODDAMN SKY, MOFO! DID I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO BE HERE? WELL, DID I, DIPSHIT?” More punches, more clear sky. Another lightning strike, and an increase in the wind, blowing hard enough that the car actually rocked in it. And then Iris swung her arm out against the wind, and it dissipated. “THAT’S RIGHT, YOU LITTLE SHIT CREEK, WHO’S YOUR MAMA? WHO’S YOUR MAMA? I’M THE GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING RAINBOW, KIDDO, NOW GET BACK TO YOUR FUCKING PLAYPEN AND DRINK YOUR BABA!”

There was, in fact, a rainbow glittering in the sky, as the storm turned to mist.

Iris pulled the car door open. She was completely drenched. “Well, I kicked that thing’s ass,” she reported gleefully. “You up for fried chicken?”

“How – how did you –”

“Hon. You are the Greek mythology expert. How do you think? I said I was the goddamn rainbow, and I know you heard me, right?” She grinned widely.

“Iris was the goddess of the rainbow, and messenger of the gods,” Caitlyn said, mechanically, “but there was nothing in mythology about her fighting storms.”

“That’s because the Greeks were a bunch of patriarchal assholes. They saw Zeus throw some lightning bolts around one time and decided he was the god of storms. Never thought about the fact that rainbows come out after a storm’s over, did they?” She took a step back from the car and shook herself, like a dog, sending raindrops flying everywhere. “So. Do I drive you home now or do we go get fried chicken?”

Caitlyn took a deep breath. “Fried chicken. I have so many questions.”

“And I’ve got so many answers, so this will work out great!”

The storm had turned into nothing but a misty drizzle. Caitlyn got out of the car and followed Iris toward the glassed-in building that was Delaware House.

------------------------------------------------

While this is far from the only story idea of mine inspired by it, I definitely do have to credit “Fear for the Storm” by Jessica Best, from the podcast series “Starship Iris”, for inspiring this story. Also the Holly Near song “How Bold”, but with a happier outcome.

[qqueenofhades]

Jack/Sam: "We're not going to die." Make of that what you will XD

Sutherland, Scotland

April 1748

The tiny, ancient, roofless church was the only shelter formiles, in the low ground between the rugged munros and towering stacks ofgranite, swept by lonely winds and open to the elements. It was the bleakestbloody place that Sam had ever seen; after leaving the last croft, they hadwalked for three days without encountering another human. Most unfortunately,the next human had been a redcoat patrol. Apparently they had made it up from Invernessand were making the rounds to ensure strict adherence to the Act ofProscription, the Dress Act, the Disarming Act, the Heritable JurisdictionsAct, and the other armada of punitive legislation that Parliament had passed inthe wake of the Jacobites’ defeat at Culloden two years ago, and no part of theHighlands was getting away from it. Nor were the redcoats terribly conscientiousabout checking whether a given Scottish croft had actually had a damn thing todo with Bonnie Prince Charlie before they commenced beating and burning theplace and shaking it down for any miserly half-pennies they could be arsed toseize. No wonder Jack had plenty to do.

That, however, had led them to their current place ofrefuge, and Sam wasn’t sure how much longer it would remain one. The night was bitterlycold, and Jack had been perched in the remnants of the roof beams for at leastan hour, tensely watching the redcoats’ camp half a mile down the glen, justvisible by the pinprick of its fire. They didn’t think the soldiers were going to march off in the middle of the nightinto the remote Scottish wilderness – they had heard howling from the highground earlier, there were wolves here – but they couldn’t be sure. Likewise,fugitives could claim sanctuary from their pursuers in an intact church, but itwas a point of contention as to whether that flimsy legal right extended to a ruinedone. They hadn’t had anything to eat in two days. Sam could practically feelhis stomach withering to a husk.

“Come down,” he said at last, his voice sounding loud in thehush. “I’m freezing.”

Jack glanced down at him with a wry smile. “I’m sorrythis is – well. What it is.”

“Funnily enough, I didn’t think that sneaking through theHighlands for you to perform secret medical assistance on people the Englishhave unjustly beat up was going to be glamorous.” Sam gingerly stretched hislegs, then stopped. “But down here by myself, it really is terrible.”

Jack sighed, his breath making cold silver clouds in thehalf-light, and stole a final look down the valley. “I don’t think they’removing. Hopefully we can sneak out of here in the morning.”

“If we don’t get eaten by wolves.” They had one rather balkyflintlock musket to their name – the carrying of all guns had been strictlyoutlawed in the Highlands, and they were running enough of a risk with that –and Sam didn’t see that being a terrible deterrence to a frothing pack,probably as hungry as the rest of this place. Periodic scars of smoke rose tothe horizon wherever the redcoats were burning fields and crofts, ruining thesubsistence harvest on which these people depended. For a moment, Sam felt thesame all-consuming hatred of the British that had driven his family, particularly hisgrandfather and then his father, in their war. Why do they always get to do this, and we can’t even really fight back?

“I promise.” Jack jumped down from the beam, landing with apuff of dust and dirt. “I will not let you get eaten by wolves or shot by redcoats.”

To Sam’s mind, this still left plenty of potential deaths,not least freezing solid, but he held his arms out, shivering, and Jack came tosit down close next to him, gathering Sam onto his lap and resting hischin on his head. He pulled his cloak around both of them, sharing whatmeager heat they had; they couldn’t risk a fire of their own. Finally he said, “Thankyou. For being – being here.”

Sam didn’t answer immediately, tracing a finger across Jack’schest. Despite the considerable and obvious drawbacks – viz. sitting in afreezing, roofless church up the arse-end of the Highlands, death of one sortor another too uncomfortably close at hand – he didn’t want to be anywhereelse, not really. Even as nice as warm Georgia sounded – hell, even drizzlyEdinburgh would be a sight for sore eyes – here was where Jack was. Here washim helping people who had nothing else, being the most gentle and patient andempathetic that Sam had ever seen him, putting that medical education to work.He didn’t want to go. Not now. Not ever.

Something that was almost definitely a wolf howled. Not faroff.

“If we…” Sam didn’t know what he was asking, exactly,but it bubbled to his lips. “If we do die tonight…”

“We’re not going to die.” Jack looked down at him fiercely. “Remember?”

“Aye, but…” Sam threaded their cold fingers together,feeling Jack’s calluses, the long, elegant hands he loved so well, that couldsew up a little girl’s hands torn by a spindle or a young man on the wrong endof a redcoat’s musket. “I’d like to die as your…well. Yours.”

“You are mine.” Jack kissed his hair lightly. “And I’myours. Always.”

“Yes, but…” Sam glanced up at their surroundings – thestark, haunted church open to the sky, the altar crumbling to stones and moss,the ghosts of long-ago worshipers – Viking raiders from Orkney, perhaps, ormedieval lords in their tunics and brooches, anyone else who had foundthemselves here in the night and mist and wilds. “We are in a church. And forbloody sure nobody else is going to do it for us, so…”

“Sam.” Jack put a hand under his chin. “What are you asking?”

“Will you…” Sam screwed up all his courage, pushing pastthe small, frightened part of him that always expected rejection, even andespecially from someone he loved past all reason, to distraction, to here, tothis. “Will you marry me?”

Jack stared at him, then laughed in surprise. “Marry you,eh?”

“I just thought… it’s stupid, but – ”

Jack cut him off, as he could tend to do when Sam startedprattling, with a firm and comprehensive kiss. It felt somewhat less cold whenthey finally pulled apart, though not to do with any improvement in the weather,as Jack shifted Sam off his lap and tugged him to his feet, as they stoodrather self-consciously before the broken altar. They stared at each other fora long moment, and then Jack cleared his throat. “Do you, Samuel James Jones,take me, Jack Bellamy, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to holdfrom this day forward, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as longas we both should live?”

“Yes.” Sam had never heard anything he needed to think aboutless, wanted to say it again. “I do. I do. I do.”

Jack smiled at him gently, as if reminding him that it onlytook one, and Sam steadied himself. “Do you, Jack Bellamy, take me, SamuelJames Jones, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from thisday forward, for richer or poorer, in sick – sickness and in health, as long as.. . we both… we both should live?”

Jack looked at him as if trying to memorize his face,everything about this. This, after all, was not his first wedding – he hadmarried Charlotte Goode in a Marylebone parish church in May 1738, as part of aneffort for both of them to escape London and try to reunite with Charlotte’sreal lover, Alix St. Clair – and Sam had to fight a brief fear that of coursethat one would have been better somehow. Realer, deeper, truer, even thoughJack and Charlotte had had their marriage cordially annulled seven years ago,and had never been lovers in a carnal sense. But it was with face and eyes andvoice and breath full of Sam that Jack said tenderly, “I do.”

They looked at each other for a long moment, having ageneral recollection that there was usually more to weddings – prayers andpronouncements, blessings and vows, the affirmation of witnesses, a lot oftaradiddle from the priest about why the estate of matrimony had been created,so on and so forth. But there was nothing familiar about this, nothing ordinaryor usual, nothing sanctioned by the church or the world at large, and so,somehow and simply, that was enough. To pledge their troth and make theirpromise, the affirmation of a life they had already been living for the betterpart of a decade already. There was not really just one of them anymore, orrather there was, but as two halves of a whole, rather than any separatecreature. This was all they needed.

At last, as the moon broke out from behind an anvil of cloudand shone down on them in a soft silver light, Sam Jones and Jack Bellamy steppedforward, took hold of each other’s faces, and kissed, soft and musingly andsweet and slow, in joy and grief at once. They pulled back, but only to restcheeks and noses and foreheads together, to kiss again, and stand there likeone of the church’s broken pillars. They grinned at each other shakily, morethan a little tearily, and Jack brought Sam’s hand to his lips and kissed it. “God,”he said roughly. “God, I love you.”

Sam didn’t even want to answer just yet, wanted to hold thewords against his heart, as they stood there in each other’s arms, then sankback down into the dubious shelter of the broken bricks. It was not much of awedding night, and trying to turn it into one would probably result in severalpertinent bits being frozen off, but he didn’t care. All he wanted was this, andalways had. Me. Mine. Ours.

Sam Jones-Bellamy laid his head against his husband’sshoulder, and waited for eternity.

[perstephonebartusisyphus]

A part apart.

It

s

am

am a time where a reflection of a turned off light fixture in a window masquerades as a dim golden firefly in an oak tree. Where the farts of yesterday have become rancid from not resting. From discovering and feeling the scouring pad of a full moon brush the folded recesses of the psyche and turning it out in the multiflora of the gut.

Somethings not quite attuned at the moment, say the dimensional languaging of the higher-self prospect. 4.33 am allowing, oh pardon, granting permission to the automatic formatting of this word program somewhat guide how this piece of dredged out fartery is going to turn out, format-wise, and 4.33 am keen to the curiosity of where this will lead, so the aimless typing is coming along so there's no directed portal of consciousness to align with to direct the attention in the cauldron of words, bubbling under the fire of some distant creation emerging like old starlight onto the skies of the mind.

Now is moth-minute, fluttering around the secluded monastery that has been made for a previously dissociated sense of registering a self that can be described with words. Looking at the contents of the current structures in the moment of coagulating together to gather up what has previously fomented into some ingredients to get cooking, combining,creating, stirring, again. Shaking some things up in a corridor that had become dusty, right the woo-woo core-i-door of a part apart has recently renimated, bursting through the fluttering heart of the moth pacing. It's pretty neat a moth can pace with its wings beating flutters electromagnetic frequency to electromagnetic frequency.

What's on the floor, some soil sodden clothing that don't make it to the laundry cause their current comfort is in the wearing and building of the sunshine and the soil and the rain into their fabrics, acyrlic how in the moth brain does one spell acrylic what the fuck does that even mean other than in this associative bin oh “plastic” pitched together from old plastic bottles manufactures and rewoven together in some... maybe say structure or building, but is likely a post-modern nightmare of manufacturing and labor of the hands and hearts of people far away, churning out bottles into tshirts and of all ironies putting  print of a planet on it Earth Now!

And some sticks poking out next to the clothes that were originally undertaken as an intuitve meditation, picked from the trash after a house was being turned to be flipped and that usually means the previous tenant or homeowner or deed holder or whatever this beuracracy shuffles in its papers to say something dedicated, also means turning over the previous human spending time in that space over some period of time on this planet likely has some plants and relationship with those plants, and in the case of these plants, unfortunate forsythias who had been let loose to bloom got shaped into those flat cube like orderliness that seems so peculiar in nature. Box forsythias haha, so I picked up the trash that were more like twigs and got them in a cart and walked them to the earth I has dug out to build raised beds and laid the branches into the depressions I dug to build up the mounds because I didn't have much dirt because it was all grass. Shaking the soil off the grass onto the branches, and the mound raised pretty quickly but there was lots of leftover green branches because the plants got pruned right before they burst so there is now wonderfully amusing forsythia coming up out of the mound amidst the intentional plantings. So I imagined I'd make some baskets with what didn't get used for building beds, but now I mostly use the sticks to prop up houseplants.

On the couch there is a drop spindle that is currently in the process of spinning some wool from a class. There are many yards of this wool left to spin, and have ben finding my focus is best for about 9 yards at a time, just in time to get into a flow, but then tired or distracted by any number of the common creeping anxieties that sometimes come up in the process of cooking.

An unmade bed that's easy to make becasuse all that needs to happen is to take the blanket and put it in a basket right by the bed, and before tussing it out for some sleep or if not sleep, some shut eye or a little walk in the park behind the close of the eyes, putting out the blanket and spritzing it with some water and rosemary. On the armstand of the couch, a baking tray and a glass plate of drying linden tree flowers awaiting to be jarred up. Remembering the bath from the two days previous of steeping in bathwater witth a tea made from the flowersand coming out of the water feeling like a little green leafed tongue, sensistive and excited about the night to come. A dream journal filled with nightly adventures from 2013 on, and upon opening and reentering the dreamscapes, checking out the murmurs to which the spirit unfurls its dimensions and tasks to complete. Sometimes feeling like a video game and sometimes feeling too much realer than what happens day to day but perhaps that's escapist, but being in a monastery for the past year or so it feels a if the dimensional texture to the experience of life has shifted to the type of space where dreaming and waking blend to such a degree that there's very little distinction between which is when or how to know. Except that what broughtupon this sleeplessness was actually a dream, and the birds are coming, how sweet their rising and incentive to begin before the sun changes the tune of the energetic harmonica of the hours to come. The dream was about being around lots of carrots, and day before conversations about old dog beginning to crave fruit through discovering a curious pattern of her literally harvesting single carrots to snack on. Somehow pulling up single carrots from a planting to enjoy. And the carrots in the dream were planted all around angelica and queen anne's lace so they could blend in. it's usually miraculous, or at the very least, to refrain from hyperbole, joyous to witness the way some plants growing together take on each other's leaf shape's and textures. At first I smugly surmised it could be because they didn't want to be weeded or pulled by a human, but the more I spend time with the plants the more I'm finding that they just like to learn and share with each other. The coolest leaf blendings/form/shape shifting planting that I visit is with some vinca vine and milkweed. Some of the vinca vine stands erect like the milkweed, and some of the leaves of a couple of the milkweed plants have the similar hues and patterns as the vinca vine. In another dream, there were cherry blossoms that people kept saying were crabapples, and in another that passionflower was mullein, and who was I to contest? So when the milkweed-vinca, and the vinca-milkweed are sharing light, shade density, nutrients, and rainfall, and are obviously letting each other in the known of their ways of being, I lose particularly all interest in trying to describe to anyone what these plants are “useful for” because I feel like I've only just begun feeling the way the light becomes the morning and which flower where sparkles from the inside in the bursting of a particular moment of light with them enough for it to come through me to ask them what they want to be called.

[homalfaut]

Dream recount 8/20/18

I was walking down a street after hanging with Marc.

It’s a main street,

very similar to Broad Street…

But not Broad Street.

Judging by the height of the sun

I wanna say it’s about 3 o’clock,

prime busy time.

A dark skin man whose health is seeming to come closer to it’s expiration date with each rotation of the sun approaches us.

The wrinkles on his skin read about a mid 40 with his height being barely over 5 ft.

His smile is very warm and welcoming,

in an off-putting way due to his sun orange teeth (which he seems to be missing 5 of).

We had a short ,dry conversation that seemed to blend in with the rest of the noises in the background.

Roaring car engines,

Unruly teenagers,

entitled college students,

this conversation blends in with it all,

but feels different.

Only when you’re part of it. At least.

I don’t remember what was discussed or any details of the conversation.

Just that he approached me the way you’d expect a homeless person to approach you before telling their rehearsed sob story.

But upon opening his mouth I realized he knew something about the universe that I didn’t.

A secret.

And that the person he was looking around for… Was me.

There is one part of the conversation that never escaped my memory though.

He told me, “I’ll be seeing you again”, through very promising eyes.

And that’s where it began.

Time-lapse

I’m at the restaurant I work at.

The place looks somewhat similar to my actual job but it’s more fancy and polished.

Bundles of people with a gay air about them are steadily streaming in and out of the restaurant.

It wasn’t overflowing but it wasn’t empty.

My coworkers seem to be very fond of me, managers included.

This day at work feels very bright and upbeat.

Maybe my mood has too turned merry, possibly in correlation with the incoming customers.

My coworkers are around discussing what they are going to be doing once work has ended.

Drinking,

Smoking,

Hanging out at a bar, conventional late night past times.

But what do they accomplish through this other than temporary happiness?

The high goes away,

The drunk goes away and 95% of the conversations won’t even be remembered.

They all involve hours of small talk, just to have an animated conversation that won’t make it

past the setting of the moon.

Not that I don’t enjoy these pleasures as well… I just get very reclusive sometimes so I tend to avoid them.

I don’t contribute much to the conversation, I never do, but I know that there’s a lovely lady I am to be expecting after.

That’s my pleasurable vice,

women that look like they could kill me.

I catch myself daydreaming about her.

She’s the sister of a friend.

I can’t seem to recall if he’s a close friend…

Or any other details about him.

But the thoughts were never about him anyway, they were about her.

She was very attractive,very unorthodox features.

Naturally silver, almost crystal, sparkling hair

Eyes a shade of blue that seemed to not exist before she did.

Skin almost pale enough for her to be translucent,

She just seemed to be unre-

“Everything okay Bernard? You’ve been just standing there for a couple minutes now.” my manager chimes

“Yeah, I’m fine, just had something on my mind.”

“Oh, well the night’s dying down, so you’re good to go for the night.”

“Gotcha, thank you!”

I had never been more elated upon clocking out in my entire experience working here.

Usually it’s kinda bittersweet, my coworkers are very wholesome people and every second around them just feels refreshing.

But today I had a more uplifting experience ahead of me. Or so I thought.

Time-lapse

I’m hanging out with the girl and her brother at… I actually don’t know where we are.

Me and her are laying down with each other on the dark-beige carpet with a blanket over top of us.

Our bodies in some oddly perfect unison with each other, like the sun and the moon in constant orbit.

She devours my attention making me void of the world around me.

Nobody but us exists in this moment…and her brother who could intervene at any second.

I have this recurring problem of never letting myself fall into any moment when there’s any possibility of an external force breaching it.

But I told myself I should feel more free than that, that nobody can take you out of your moments except yourself.

I don’t know how much time we’ve already spent together by this point in time or how long we’ve even known each other for

But I can tell the answer to both of those questions isn’t as long as it should be before you get as intimate as we were without one force being scared of the other.

But the moment was perfect, it felt like we’d already known each other for a lifetime,

Like we’ve had conversations that had preceded the existence of any living creature,

Almost as if our sole existence in this fabricated universe was for each other.

Something like… Destiny.

As perfect as it was though i can’t seem to remember a single word shared between us.

I just remember at some point our conversation was replace with a fragile embrace from her lips to mine.

Make note it was her lips to mine.

More fragile kisses were shared between our glass lips knowing very well one of us could break in this moment.

Soon her fingers begin to cascade down my chest to my stomach

they reach my waist and suddenly i hear her brothers footsteps.

She remains unflinching and the only response i can manage is “Are you okay with this?”

Referring not to me being with his sister but to me having this moment almost in front of his very eyes.

He gives permission and expresses no discontent with the affair happening before his eyes then proceeds back up an adjacent staircase.

Yet another thing that struck me as weird during this whole experience.

Everything happened between us seemed to be a blur except one part

We never reached the point of having sex, but some form of pleasure happened that night.

I’ve always been more in love with the girls I never ended up having sex with than the ones I did.

Maybe because I felt more obliged to chase them,

Maybe because the lack of sexual intimacy was filled up with other forms of intimacy that couldn’t be replicated,

Maybe because we were more compatible romantically than we were sexually,

I’ll never know so I don’t ponder on it.

We went back to kisses that were less fragile this time for we have long lost the fear of breaking.

She invited me to her house in hopes of us seeing each other again.

I was more than reluctant to meet her again, but I couldn’t shake the ominous feeling that grew within in me as soon as I agreed.

Time-lapse

I’m at my house

It’s the type of place you’d see in the Jetsons

The building itself is beyond the height of a skyscraper,but my room is a very big bubble room

It’s doesn’t have any futuristic characteristics like the Jetsons but has a metallic baby blue color to it.

Kinda like the one you’d see in a sci-fi film.

There’s a huge window opposite of my bed,

It’s wide enough to look like a movie projector screen you’d see in a movie theater.

Another weird factor to mention is that I don’t remember the view from the window, if it was the sky or if it was a cityscape, or even worse,

If it was nothing.

Some subtle aspects of feng-shui are present.

Usually hang outs are held at my place, but you can tell why.

I’m with another girl.

Her features are more normal and demonstrate that she’s made from the earth in its purest form.

Her skin a dark shade of brown that is also reflected in her eyes as if both were summoned from the very core of the earth herself.

Soft dark curly hair gently caresses her face,

She exists as if every beautiful part of nature came together to create one person.

I can’t remember any dialogue shared between me and her but knew we were both there for an affair.

I had felt a safer and realer feeling with this girl than the other one but couldn’t bring myself to get into her

It’s that feeling of being attracted to something that you know isn’t good for you.

You feel like it would make your life more interesting as opposed to something that will probably help you out more in the long run.

I don’t remember what occurred between me and her during our time together other than an obscure conversation that consisted of me dodging our true purpose for being there.

But nothing pertaining to a sexual experience happened here.

Time-lapse

I arrive at her place

Correction: I’m in her place

I have no recollection of how I got there or even entering i just know I’m in there.

The only people that reside here are her, her Dad and her brother.

The house itself produces a very strange aura.

The best way to describe how i felt here was like how Alice felt when she fell down the rabbit-hole into Wonderland

Very lost, confused, slightly terrified…

and surreal.

For some reason the house felt small and continuously shrinking yet i seem to fit perfectly within the house at all times.

We started talking, but it felt as if she were trying to lure me into her.

As if her sole existence in my life was to be some kind of lure into an ingenious trap of the universe.

The unison wasn’t  there any more. it was more like i was the ocean

Flowing, naturally

And she’s the moon

Pulling me to flow harder but almost towards her in a way that I couldn’t resist.

Then she started changing.

And i don’t mean the type of changing like when you’re dating someone for a long time and over time they start becoming comfortable and changing,

I mean her entire physical appearance was morphing before my very eyes in a matter of seconds.

her eyes started becoming black lines spiraling around their sockets,

Wrinkles cascaded the surface of her face on all ends,

Her almost transparent skin glowed and became suddenly translucent,

her jaw dropped long enough that you could fit a soccer ball in her mouth,

And there were no teeth or tongue that belonged to her mouth either but now it was an endless black abyss.

You could easily sink in there and not come back. Ever.

I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what was happening to me too.

As this transformation is happening she is saying something… Something that no matter how hard i try to recall my brain just refuses to do it.

As if i’m better off just never truly remembering what she said.

Maybe I am.

Suddenly two guys in beige suits with white button up shirts underneath and black ties come in and pull me out of the room.

They’re faces were ridden with distress and urgency, as if they had feared for my life more than i had.

I was still in shock and my face could only manage a blank facial expression

Time-lapse

I’m in the office with the guys.

A couple days have passed since the incident but I still haven’t fully let it sink in.

My eyes are weary and droopy, you can tell i haven’t had any proper sleep (if any at all) since the incident.

Me and the men are discussing the scenario from start to finish, and every detail of every second from top to bottom.

I remembered what she said at that moment and told them what she said.

We were able to decipher that she wasn’t a creature of our society, we didn’t know what she was or what she would’ve done with me but we all knew it wouldn’t have been good for me to stay in that situation.

I was easily able to decipher what she was saying and the meaning behind it but i told the men that i had to withdraw from the investigation.

I already felt as if I was a huge target and that wouldn’t be my last encounter with her or her species.

Continuing in this investigation would only increase my name being in some type of spotlight and their chances of coming into contact with me again.

Time-lapse

Me and Marc are at the nearby mall.

Marc has yet another “fool-proof” plan about how we can shoplift a couple of things we don’t really need without the mall security guard noticing.

Malls in this world aren’t like malls in the real world.

They’re in the similar shape as my room which makes them feel slightly futuristic in a sense.

Stores are spread out side by side in one giant culdesac formation.

Also, You kinda just get your stuff from the individual stores but it’s not like the individual stores have security or anything at the front.

There’s only one entrance to the whole mall so you can only walk in that way and walk out that way.

We gathered up the stuff from the stores we wanted and then we’re heading out hoping the security guard doesn’t investigate us, because ya know, sometimes they don’t apparently.

Our hopes were wrong.

He questions us about the things we have but in this society you don’t necessarily get arrested for attempting to shoplift, you just kinda look like an idiot.

As he’s rummaging through the stuff he also tells us to beware of this guy.

He fits the description of the exact man from the beginning of the dream.

Suddenly i turn around and the man says “Glad to see you again.”

Then I woke up.