#or an entirely unobtainable fictional man

[waterdeep-weavemoss]

merry christmas loves 💜

[samble-moved]

Sayaka is Biyaka (or, a Lesbian Tries to Disprove the "Sayaka is a Lesbian With Comphet" Bi Erasure Theory)

For some reason, there's a loooot of belief in the PMMM fandom (this was especially bad in the mid 2010s) that Sayaka isn't bi (despite her canon, on screen romantic interested in both Kyosuke, a guy, and Kyoko, a girl), she's "just" a lesbian struggling with compulsive heterosexuality.

While many lesbians do struggle with comphet, erasing Sayaka's status as bi/pan/omni/mspec to claim she's a lesbian is...not great!

Usual signs of comphet include, but are not limited to:

Only attraction to guys involves ones who are entirely unobtainable (ex. a celebrity, fictional, etc)

Any man you fantasize about is faceless/nameless

Interest in men in theory, but not practice

"Choosing" a man to have a crush on to seem "normal", or because it's expected

Attraction based on logic, not actual emotion (ex. because your parents would approve)

Liking a guy until they return the interest

Being attracted to certain guys just because of something like a talent

(...and more examples here!)

However, Sayaka's attraction to Kyosuke doesn't seem based on any of these, but seems more to be genuine attraction/interest.

For one, Sayaka has been close to Kyosuke ever since she was a child. They're described and shown as childhood friends, and he isn't a guy Sayaka "just met" and "chose" to be into.

Sayaka also just isn't into Kyosuke at a surface level. If she held no true attraction towards him, why would she willingly trade her relatively safe, happy life for his happiness? Her wish was to heal his hand. While this was the stated wish, it's outright shown that Sayaka didn't just want that. It's outright shown canonically that, while not fully said, Sayaka wants Kyosuke's appreciation and recognition for this. She wants him to know the miracle was her doing, and wants him to love her for doing it.

The various interpretions of this won't be majorly touched here, as whether or not Sayaka's thinking there is "selfish" isn't important. What is important is that Sayaka shows a true level of attraction to Kyosuke, and wishes it was reciprocated.

It's not that she "just" likes him for his skills (she still visits him in the hospital, even during a time where it's implied that he won't be able to play his violin again). It's not that he's a guy out of reach — he's a childhood friend. She's not being pressured into liking guys. She literally jokes about Madoka being her wife in front of Hitomi, publicly.

Her feelings are obvious and genuine enough that Hitomi tells Sayaka that, if she wants, she will give Sayaka a day to confess to Kyosuke before Hitomi does.

A bisexual person who ends up later liking someone of the same gender later on isn't "actually gay" instead. A bisexual person with a preference isn't "choosing a side". Erasing a canon bisexual character's identity to claim "ummm, akshully, 🤓 they're Really X sexuality instead" is biphobic!

I'm probably not the best person to make this post, as I am a lesbian, not bisexual. However, people erasing a bi character's sexuality to call them a lesbian instead is not okay, and it wouldn't be okay the other way around either. It's not "progressive" to insist a bi character can't possibly be bi, they have to be gay. Sayaka shows no sign of comphet, no sign of "just" likely Kyosuke because she feels it's "right". She shows actual, real interest in him and Kyoko, and that doesn't make her "actually a lesbian". She's bisexual. A character being bi isn't some stepping stone to them being "really" gay later on, and it isn't a dirty word to call them bi! It's an identity like any other.

Most fans ignore Kyosuke. This isn't something I think is a major issue, as Sayaka seems to lose interest in him after Rebellion (saying Hitomi deserves better). He's probably not the best guy. But that's not an excuse to erase Sayaka's identity, because she liked a not-so-great dude. A lesbian with a shitty ex isn't suddenly not a lesbian, and a bisexual person with a less than stellar former crush isn't suddenly not bisexual due to it.

Tl;dr:

[catbountry]

Does anybody else remember Pandora? Not the box, or the fictional planet where James Cameron's blue alien cat people live where there's a literal mineral called "unobtanium" that can only be harvested from that particular planet. My man literally called that shit "unobtanium," fucking portmanteau of "unobtainable" and the "-ium" suffix for newer elements. No. That has absolutely nothing to do with anything else I'm writing beyond this point. This is a post about music.

This is a post about the customizable internet radio station Pandora. And also it's going to briefly cover ClickRadio, it's going to talk about my experiences with YouTube Music, Spotify, my own iPod and how I find and listen to music, and how it's a core part of my creative process and I put a bunch of music references in pretty much all of my creative work. None of it being musical, by the way. I can barely carry a tune and I can't play any instruments more complicated than a kazoo.

It also got really long and rambly, look, I'm high, I'm sorry. You've been warned.

It's 2001. I'm in high school. My life looks like this drawing I made a few weeks ago.

Music is a big part of my life. The internet was a lot slower. It would take several minutes to download an .mp3 file of a song that was only about three and a half minutes long, so I would listen to the radio a lot. But the thing about listening tuning into radio is that it's not the internet. You can't pick which song to listen to whenever you want. If you want that, your best bet is to own the songs you want on their physical CD releases, or risk exposing your mom's computer to a million viruses. But in order to skip a song, you have to press a physical button to skip a song. And of course, if you're listening to the radio where you can discover new songs, you can't skip the latest Limp Bizkit or Disturbed track with the vain hope that maybe they'll play "One-Armed Scissor" by At The Drive-In or "Go With the Flow" by Queens of the Stone Age, or any single off of Kid A. Everything you hated the most, hated more than Britney Spears or the Backstreet Boys, was all lumped together under the formless "alternative rock" label, which weirdly included hip-hop artists like Eminem, House of Pain, Beastie Boys, Cypress Hill, Gorillaz and Outkast; all stuff that I guess radio stations looked at and thought "yeah, this can appeal to white people."

You know I heard Dynamite Hack's version of "Boyz N The Hood" before I ever heard Eazy-E's? That should be a crime. That should be considered a human right's violation. Fuck you, Dynamite Hack for introducing the entire world to the concept of ironic hipster covers hip-hop songs which led to the fucking white people with ukeleles versions of Tupac songs. I am so glad that we, as a society, have all come together against these dynamite hacks and decided this was cringe and something that belongs in the past.

But this isn't an essay on awful YouTube music trends of the early 2010's, this is listening to music in the internet age in the early 2000's.

In 2001, ClickRadio launched. It was a desktop application that allowed you to listen to radio stations via the internet, but it had something real radio stations did not; if a song like, say, Dynamite Hack's cover of "Boys N The Hood" came on, you could click a thumbs down button and it would let out this cartoonishly loud "thud" and then that station would never play that song for you again. And if they played a song you really liked? You could click a thumb's up button and it would play that song more often.

I cannot understate how fucking mindblowing an idea this was in the early 2000's. Yes, ClickRadio would slow down your computer as the Neopets Flash games you would play gringing for Neopoints to get a Halloween brush for your Lupe that you named after a member of your favorite band. Anybody else do that?

No? Just me? Okay then.

ClickRadio would quickly get enshittificated, within only about a year or two being filled with more and more unskippable ads. I went back to just loading up MP3s in Winamp and playing music that way by the time I was in college, but it was a pain having to listen to whatever song I had physically on my hard drive, or a few years later, going to YouTube to see if somebody uploaded a crusty version of a NoMeansNo song with a Spanish-speaking DJ speaking in the opening bits of the video. Not ideal.

But then Pandora showed up.

I don't remember where I first heard about Pandora, but after Napster, there were a bunch of music start-ups hoping to be legitimate in the eyes of artists and record labels. Clickradio was just a radio station. But Pandora... was an experiment of The Algorithm.

You see, Pandora started what is known as the Music Genome Project, a way of organizing music into hundreds of different subgenres across five large umbrella genres; Pop/Rock, Hip Hop/Electronica, Jazz, World Music and Classical. What Pandora did was use this as a way to allow users to craft their own custom radio stations. And not only would it play the stuff you liked, but it would be tailored to a seed artist or song; you put in Nirvana, you get a lot of 90's alt rock radio faire, but then maybe it plays Mudhoney. Maybe it plays Sonic Youth. Maybe it plays Melvins, and you like it. And when you give a thumbs up, you hear more and more artists in similar subgenres. And let's say you've been looking into obscure or underground music for years before you start using Pandora, and suddenly you're introduced to artists you never would have come across more organically. And buddy, you'd bet my Pandora station was a fucking hodgepodge of hundreds of seeds, which allowed me to discover highly influential /mu/ core bands like Swans, Animal Collective and Neutral Milk Hotel, but also bands that are so obscure that their Spotify listens are in the lower four digits at maximum and maybe a couple tens of thousands of views on YouTube. So many songs I found through Pandora are from bands that I very rarely hear a lot of people talk about, but they've made songs that have just lived in my brain for decades.

And for a couple years, I'd be listening to Pandora radio while writing up new TF2 fanfiction to terrorize TF2chan with. Certain songs would come up so often because I specifically bookmarked them. I didn't really know a lot about shoegaze before Pandora, but now I own a physical copy of all three of Slowdive's albums, and you fucking bet "When the Sun Hits" was in heavy rotation while I was writing Respawn of the Dead.

Yes, this was playing while I was writing out Respawn of the Dead, chapter by chapter. And so was "Beautiful Plateau" by Sonic Youth, "The Sound" by Swans, "Dead Flag Blues" by Godspeed You! Black Emperor and "End of the Line" by Murder By Death. And also this song by a band called The Clock Work Army, which split up and reformed into another band called Calico Horses, and I know this because I found this out while trying to track down a song that would play constantly on my Pandora station and it has, as of writing this sentence, 2,588 listens. And it might have more by the time you read this because I might just put it on loop because oh my god, I love this song so much, it hits so perfect for me, why don't more people know about this song?

It's not on YouTube, where I usually tend to listen to music, since I'll go through a rotation of songs that I call "work songs." I put on music while I write, and some songs are just so perfect that I can listen to them on loop with a very select number of songs that just never, ever get old for me. My neurons in my brain light up as though I was hearing it again for the first time.

Swans, Sigur Ros and The Dillinger Escape Plan are all artists who I found through Pandora that I've had the privilege to see live. By the time I was just discovering bands because I had a bunch of friends and mutuals with similar taste in music to mine, Pandora was slowly getting more and more ads. It was getting to the point where the free service would, if you were lucky, play only three or four songs before playing an ad. And when the length of those songs can span anywhere from less than three minutes for much of my beloved 80's and early 90's punk, to up to a half an hour for post-rock, noise, or ambient music. And the number of ads that played between songs had increased. What was just one every half an hour or so was now two to three for what could potentially be only after seven minutes of music. Pandora really doesn't like it if the music you like includes a lot of songs that are longer than an episode of The Simpsons.

I never hear anybody talk about Pandora anymore. Spotify is THE name in internet music streaming, and it favors listens of entire albums and other people's playlists. I don't like Spotify; sometimes I just want a specific song from a specific album. I could make a playlist of these "work songs," but I like when YouTube notices that I'm listening to music, and in the recommendeds, there's another song that I've listened to on repeat. Why yes, I would like you to play "Classical Homicide" by Dälek for me again. What's that? An hour loop of Deadmau5's "Professional Griefers" featuring Gerard Way? Yes please. I apologize for nothing. That dude's way better than Skrillex.

God, do you guys remember the Deadmau5/Skrillex shipping that was all over Tumblr in the early 2010's. I remember it. I remember it so hard. Everybody shipping them and the members of Daft Punk, posting Steam Powered Giraffe (blech) and Die Antwoord (lol) on my dashboard. In Die Antwoord's defense, they had some pretty funny music videos.

I got AdBlocker for YouTube, so the ads aren't a problem there. I mean, I could make a playlist for Spotify of my go-to songs, but I'd have to deal with ads. And there's something nice about YouTube's robots that sell my precious data to faceless corporations at least having the courtesy to be like "You look like you could use another stream of 'Anything (Viva!)' by Foetus. Or Scraping Foetus off the Wheel. Or... whatever, fuck it, it's J.G. Thirwell's band, okay? It's the guy that does the music for Venture Brothers."

Foetus was introduced to me through a friend but it was Pandora serving me up more of their music that made their albums "nail" and "Flow" ones that got the honor of Being Downloaded onto my iPod so I can Listen to This in my Car. I still use my iPod and even if there's albums that I haven't gone back to in years on there, I like having them there. I haven't listened to the soundtrack for Panty and Stocking in ages but having access to it so that I can FLY AWAY NOW, FLY AWAY NOW, FLY AWAAAYYYY on a long drive? I like having that option.

I still buy CDs so I can burn albums onto my iPod. My iPod doesn't have ads and switching between artists doesn't mean I have to flip through a CD binder. I also try to buy albums off of Bandcamp. Especially for smaller artists, or artists whose work I love enough to want to give them my money. I don't want to listen to ads. It throws off my workflow, shakes me out of the trance-like state that is pure, focused creativity. Whether it's working on comics or thinking about things I want to do in those comics, I'm usually listening to music. Sometimes the same album, hundreds of times over. I admit I haven't listened to that much King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, but I've listened to Nonagon Infinity front to back more times than I can count.

Nowadays it feels like I don't have a lot of friends who share my taste in music. I've so fully entrenched myself in fandom circles that I've been exposed to the average person's taste in music and I'm like "oh yeah, most people aren't as big of a fucking nerd about this as you are." You know how hard it is to get people who aren't music nerds to get into The Residents? Everybody I know that likes them already knew about them before we met, and people who had never heard of them before they met me usually find them deeply weird and never get fucking obsessed with them like I have. I own a physical copy of, not their original version of their album The King and Eye, which is an entire album of them covering Elvis that sounds like this, but the fucking remix of that album that does shit like this to their covers of Elvis songs. And you know what? I love both versions, but that remix of their cover of "Surrender" is a work song.

Listening to music is the only way I can guarantee that I'm actually working on something and not playing with my phone. I guess what I'm saying is... it sure would be nice if Pandora existed like it did back then right now.

Especially because I stopped cleaning up a page of my horrible Deltarune fan comic (MASSIVE Dead Dove warning, not even kidding, the entire story hinges on some very upsetting topics) just to write all this down and make sure there were links to every song in this essay. And like... I've even used the comic as a not-so-clandestine way into tricking them into listening to my music before. Whether it be directly namedropping bands and songs, writing about a specific character's taste in music and using that in the story somehow, or literally just making the title of one of my comic installments... this.

It is really good. 686 listens on YouTube. Absolutely criminal. And the example above? That's me not putting in hundreds of references into the comic and wondering if anybody else has noticed them.

I guess what I'm saying is that I am a huge music nerd, even though I always feel like I'm getting into artists super late (unless they're like Death Grips, but that was only after The Money Store had come out), but I fucking hate Spotify. I want more physical releases that can be preserved digitally, and I don't have the money to get into collecting vinyls as a hobby. All the vinyl I own is toys, and uh... I own a lot of those.

Thank you for reading through pure, uncut music autism mixed in with nostalgia and griping about capitalism because that's apparently where my head is at all the time when I'm not daydreaming my little stories or making up video essays in my head that will never be made. That's why I do stream of consciousness Tumblr essays full of minute details that absolutely are not necessary, but this is how my goddamn ADHD brain works. Now you know what it's like to be in my Discord server.

That post is, of course, pinned in the music channel.

As it should be.

... Fuck Pandora, I don't even fuck with it no more, I miss Grooveshark, weh, my playlist on that site was eight hours long before they shut it down in 2014. Devastated. I was in the middle of using it when it went offline.

Okay now I'm done for real, sorry.

[eien-no-gakusha]

Touken Ranbu:  The Contradictory Tale of Genji

Went in expecting fanservice and just a good time, left impressed.

Part 1/3 - Plot:

The videogame source material has a very barebones plot because it knows what it is:  a gatcha game for fujoshi to collect sword husbandos.  Basically, something evil is trying to change (Japanese) history and make the universe implode.  You, the player, are an onmyoji or priestess who is summoning famous swords like mad to save the world.  The touken danshi themselves basically have the personalities of their famous historical figure owners or forgers coupled with quirks related to random facts and legends surrounding them.  Some come with a Hachiko streak from losing their masters or their service in some darker parts of history.  (only your love can heal them!). Classic gatcha game fare.  In other words, there is a lot of room to be creative with this framework.  Just look at all the sexy derivative works spawned from the thirsty fujoshi.  This aspect of the fandom is surprisingly relevant to the plot of the musical.  Stick around and find out. 

Anyways, the plot of this specific show features a Tale of Genji crossover.  The usual evil is messing with history again and a squad of swords are dispatched to fix it.   The problem of the day is the entire Heian court has been isekai-ed into the novel Tale of Genji.  The author Murasaki Shikibu and her fans have all gotten merged with the characters of the book.  The Heian era swords are unavailable for vague reasons, leaving a bunch of young swords not forged in this era to untangle fact from fiction.

Thus, we start with team Kanesada finding themselves escorting a lady-in-waiting who explains that everyone around her has been suddenly larping Tale of Genji and she’s the only sane person left in court.  They realize they are trapped in the book and reenact all the early chapters as they figure out how to undo the curse.  Some of the more hot-tempered swords try to brute force their way out only to realize that book characters have protagonist halos to protect them from getting KOed.  At the center of this vortex, the titular character Hikaru Genji is effectively an NPC who has gained sentience a la RE:  Creators.  We learn he functions similarly to the sword boys as the embodiment of the book.  Not being a weapon, he can’t do much by way of fighting but he is unkillable and can act as dungeon master in his own story by transferring protagonist status to his victims.  In other words, Genji can possess targets to simulate his story as a substitute while he dicks off.  He uses this power to go OOC and try to retcon his own story.  This is all quite convenient for him since he has a complicated relationship with his author.  He is half reverential of her and half resentful.  This culminates in Genji ultimately killing his own author.  In the merged universe, Murasaki Shikibu and her readership have merged with the female leads of The Tale of Genji with Murasaki taking the role of the unobtainable Fujitsubo no Nyogo, Genji’s true love.  In breaking the story with literal death of the author, all hell breaks loose with Genji going rogue.

As the touken danshi dig deeper, they learn the source of this chaos was a result of toxic fan culture!  While many people enjoy Murasaki’s book and come away from it positively, a stalker fan voices his concerns that this is all vapid fiction with no value nor contribution to reality (the “wake up, loser” argument).  They debate about the point of writing “fake” stories.  While Murasaki understands the man’s point of view, she disagrees and refuses to put down her brush as this work is her passion.  The man becomes so upset he is taken over by the evil powers to cause the time rift and alter history.  His reasoning is if everyone is so obsessed with the book, they may as well live in it rather than face the real world. 

Back in the present, the touken danshi are having a bad time resolving the timeline.  They complain about needing grandpa Mikazuki’s help and keep getting possessed by Genji to reenact chapters while he escapes to cause trouble elsewhere.  However, during the final boss battle with evil Genji, the isekai-ed fangirls come to the rescue!  As they reminisce about their love of the novel (well, it would be equivalent of a serialized magazine at time of publication) and how it was therapeutic or inspiring for their real lives, they begin to return to themselves.  Now it’s important to note that Murasaki’s contemporaries did write derivative works or helped her transcribe chapters to share.  Therefore, these fangirls are effectively ancient Japanese fanfiction authors and thus have power to end Genji as much as the original author does.  But they love him as a character too much so are unable to strike the finishing blow and basically toss the responsibility to young Murasaki, Genji’s second wife who he had kidnapped as a child to groom into the perfect woman.  Unable to bear the suffering and moved by the women in his life both as characters and as his fans, Genji lowers his protagonist’s halo and accepts death.  The touken danshi are able to finally fix history and complete their mission.  When they return to modern day, they hear news that archeologists have found physical evidence that Genji existed as a historical figure and thus a conspiracy theory is born!  The touken danshi take this information with mixed emotions.

What an amazing story.  The theme was deep without being too obtuse.  The climax got meta and opened a lot of discussion about the value of fiction, derivative works, the dangers of escapism, censorship, and even spirituality.  Definitely worth a second viewing to digest all this.

There was a mini-revue number in the end where the cast performed an umbrella dance to anachronistic Touken Ranbu music.  Then the cast descended a staircase in parade order for final bows.  It was a much-needed break from the heavy and complicated plot.  It was also a small nod to the main cast’s Takarazuka roots or hina doll staging, which is a common set design when using Heian costume.  The umbrella dance reminded me of the finale Sakura dance OSK does at the end of their performances.  Perhaps this is a proud Osaka tradition.  I haven’t seen a different Touken Ranbu show (yet) so I don’t know if this is a part of the brand.

[splathousefiction]

On Age Gap Discourse

Finding out that there's a whole ageist discourse about fictional characters is wild, because simultaneously the same people screaming "old man Yaoi!" are upset because a 20 year old laughed at a middle aged mans joke.

For the record now and forever:

My characters and their age ranges are usually in the same decade I am, because it's what I know and it's easiest to write/relate to.

Jack The Warlock is 35 and has gray hair.

Jimothy Schwartz is 30 and easily looks in his early 20s.

Jenazebelle is 39 and both The Warlock and Jim jokingly call her a cougar.

Poppet, The Warlock's alter from another dimension, is 55 and has lived a hard life. He looks much older because of it.

Willard the Ghost Butler is over a hundred years old and is a RAGING cocain addict and alcoholic.

In "Old Man LaCroix", a holiday audio I produced last year, Jack Infernalus (named after the Warlock, his nephew and heavily inspired by a cousin I love dearly) is eleven whole years old. They're not the only child that's been featured in my work, as Kudzu (no last name) was only eight years old before he mutated into a giant evergreen forest.

All of these characters have interacted in a more-or-less same setting. Because that's life. You're gonna meet people older/younger and different from you in a lot of ways and sometimes they become your friends, sometimes you both pass each other like ships in the night, never to speak or see each other again. Sometimes you find shared experiences over the span of years in the count of one, five, ten or twenty and you form a bond you never forget.

Every time a "characters can't interact if they're (arbitrary number of years)" comes up, I'm reminded of one of my IRL friends named Charles who I used to play Magic: The Gathering with. I met Charles when I was 22. Charles was 65 years old and a born-and-bred carolina farmer. He'd gotten interested in the card game because of his grandson and would come every single friday to play cards with us. Charles and I hit it off smoking cigarettes together, and of all the people I wanted to see at the tournament friday, Charles was always the first person I spoke to.

We got beer and dinner together many a time. He'd talk about farming and the pending legalization of weed (which he called his "retirement plan") , and I talked about how badly I wanted to be a writer and radio broadcaster. Charles was one of the first people that heavily encouraged me to chase the dream, however unobtainable it seemed at the time.

I miss him dearly. The entire card shop showed up to his funeral, much to the joy of his family who doted that he always talked about "that group of guys he played cards with". If I'd followed the logic that popular discourse seems to preach, I would have been denied the memory of knowing that man and the many other elders, "big brothers/sisters", mentors, and even "cougars and dilfs" I've been fortunate enough to cross paths with. I never would have used those positive experiences to make the characters you all adore.

I'm not denying there's wolves after us out there; but there comes a point with the often hyperbolic, puritanical thinking of popular discourse that harms rather than reduces harm. You cut off your entire arm to save your finger.

Talk to people. Talk to people like you, but more importantly, talk to people radically different from you as often as you can, every single day. Sure, you're not always gonna agree. Sure, things are gonna be fucking awkward sometimes. But through words and speaking with them, you might just realize we're all a lot more alike than you'd ever imagine.

[impalementation]

spike, angel, buffy & romanticism: part 3

part 1: “When you kiss me I want to die”: Angel and the high school seasons

part 2: “Love isn’t brains, children”: Enter Spike as the id

* 

“Something effulgent”: Season five and the construction of Spike the romantic

Prior to becoming a romantic interest, Spike is everything I discussed in the last section. He is an id and a mirror for Buffy, he’s prone to both romantic exaggeration and cutting realism, and his liminality suggests ambiguity. But outside of “Lovers Walk”, the writing doesn’t actually delve too deeply into Spike’s nature as a romantic. If you stopped the canon at “Restless”, you’d probably think that Spike’s love for Drusilla was intriguing, but that the show hadn’t really gone anywhere with the implications of it, and for all you knew, that might not be an important part of his character anymore. So one of the most interesting things about season five to me, is that in this season in which the writers first consciously, deliberately decide to explore the sexual and romantic tension between Spike and Buffy, they also emphasize Spike’s romanticism more than ever. The choice to define Spike by his romanticism is a choice that follows naturally from everything established about his character, but it was also not an inevitable choice. Therefore, it’s a choice worth looking at in some detail.

Consider everything that “Fool For Love” establishes about Spike, especially the things that contradict what was supposedly canon at the time. It makes Drusilla his sire instead of Angel, meaning that he is sired by a romantic connection, and as a direct result of heartbreak. It makes him a poet living in the middle of the Victorian era, an age at odds with his previous ages of “barely 200” and “126”. Meaning that the writing specifically decides to ignore its canon in order to associate him with an era in which passions would have been repressed (rather than the Romantic era of the early 1800’s or the modern energy of the early 1900’s). Moreover, the episode reveals his entire aesthetic and personality to essentially be a construct. But most tellingly of all, it reveals him to be an idealist. Spike is not just a performance artist; he yearns for the “effulgent”, for something “glowing and glistening” that the “vulgarians” of the world don’t understand. In other words, he yearns for something bigger and more beautiful than life: something romantic. Later, he chases after “death, glory, and sod all else.” Spike may be a “fool for love”, who has a romantic view of romantic love specifically, but the episode is very clear about the fact that he is also a romantic more generally. When Drusilla turns him, she doesn’t tempt him by telling him she’ll love him forever. She tempts him by offering him “something…effulgent”. (Which, in typical Spike form, the episode immediately undercuts by having him say “ow” instead of swooning romantically). The fact that “Fool For Love”, Spike’s major backstory episode, is so determined to paint him as a romantic--and in particular, a disappointed, frustrated romantic--that it is willing to contradict canon to do so, tells you that this choice was important for framing Spike and his new, ongoing thematic role.

I’ve talked in the past about how season five is all about the tension between the mythical and the mortal--between big, grand, sweeping narratives, and the reality of being human. Buffy is the Slayer, but she’s also just a girl who loses her mother. Dawn is the key, but she’s also just a confused and hormonal fourteen-year-old. Willow is a powerful witch, but she also just wants her girlfriend to be okay. Glory is a god, but she’s also a human man named Ben, and finds herself increasingly weakened by his emotions. And Spike embodies this tension perfectly. He’s a soulless vampire with a lifetime of bloodshed behind him, but he’s also this silly, human man who wants to love and be loved. He wants big, grand things, but every time they are frustrated by a Victorian society, a rejection, a chip, a pratfall, or dying with an “ow”. Furthermore, his season five storyline is all about the tension between loving in an exalted, yet often selfish way, versus loving in a “real” or selfless way. 

There was a fascinating piece a ways back that discussed how Spike’s attempts to woo Buffy in season five almost perfectly match the romantic narratives of Courtly Love. In the words of the author:

The term "Courtly Love" is used to describe a certain kind of relationship common in romantic medieval literature. The Knight/Lover finds himself desperately and piteously enamored of a divinely beautiful but unobtainable woman. After a period of distressed introspection, he offers himself as her faithful servant and goes forth to perform brave deeds in her honor. His desire to impress her and to be found worthy of her gradually transforms and ennobles him; his sufferings -- inner turmoil, doubts as to the lady's care of him, as well as physical travails -- ultimately lends him wisdom, patience, and virtue and his acts themselves worldly renown.

You can see for yourself how well that description fits Spike’s arc. He fixates on the torturous, abject nature of his love, and has it in his head that he can perform deeds and demonstrate virtue, and this will prove to Buffy that he is worthy of her. But despite Spike’s gradual ennobling over the course of the season, I think it would be a mistake to see the season as using the Courtly Love narrative uncritically, or even just ironically. The same way it would be a mistake to see season two as using the Gothic uncritically. Spike is as much Don Quixote as he is Lancelot. He is a character that deliberately tries to act out romantic tropes, giving the writing an opportunity to satirize those tropes, including the tropes of chivalric romance. In particular, the writing criticizes Spike’s (very chivalric) fixation on love as a personal agony, something that is more about pain--and specifically, his pain--than building a real relationship. Over and over in season five, he is forced to abandon these sorts of flattering romantic mindsets in favor of a more complicated reality. 

So at first, Spike’s “deeds” tend to be shallow and vaguely transactional. He tries to help Buffy in “Checkpoint” even though she doesn’t want it (and insults her when she doesn’t appreciate it), he asks “what the hell does it take?” when Buffy is unimpressed by him not feeding on “bleeding disaster victims” in “Triangle”, he rants bitterly at a mannequin when Buffy fails to be grateful to him for taking her to Riley in “Into the Woods”, and he is angry and confused when Buffy is unmoved by his offer to stake Drusilla in “Crush”. While these attempts to symbolically reject his evilness are startling for a soulless vampire, and although Spike certainly feels like he is fundamentally altering himself for Buffy’s sake, none of it is based on understanding or supporting Buffy in a way that she would actually find substantial. Moreover, he lashes out when his gestures fail to win her attention or affection. He has an idea in his head of how their romantic scenes should play out, and reacts petulantly when reality fails to live up to it. 

But these incidents of self-interested narrativizing are also continuously contrasted with scenes in which Spike reacts with real generosity, or is surprised when he realizes he’s touched something emotionally genuine. When Buffy seeks him out in “Checkpoint”, his mannerisms instantly change when he realizes she actually needs real help (“You’re the only one strong enough to protect them”), rather than the performed help he offered at the beginning of the episode. At the end of “Fool For Love” he’s struck dumb by Buffy’s grief, and his antagonistic posturing all evening melts away. He abandons his romantic vision of their erotic, life-and-death rivalry in favor of real, awkward emotional intimacy. In “Forever” he tries to anonymously leave flowers for Joyce, and reacts angrily when he’s denied—but this time not because he wanted something from Buffy. Simply because he wanted to do something meaningful. 

This contradictory behavior comes to a head in “Intervention”, the episode in which Spike finally begins to understand the difference between real and transactional generosity. Up until that point, Spike has been reacting both selfishly and unselfishly, but he hasn’t been able to truly distinguish between them, which is why he keeps repeating the same mistakes. Although he touches something real at the end of “Fool For Love”, for instance, he goes on to rifle through Buffy’s intimates in the very next episode. And so “Intervention” has Spike go to extremes of fakeness and reality. He gives up on having the real Buffy, and seeks out an artificial substitute that lets him live out his cheesiest romance novel scripts. It’s important that the Buffybot isn’t just a sexbot, even if he does have sex with her. She’s a bot he plays out romantic scenarios with the way he played them with Harmony in “Crush”, allowing him to almost literally live within a fiction. But then he “gives up” on having Buffy in a way that’s actually real, by offering up his life. He lets himself be tortured, and potentially killed, for no other reason than that to do otherwise would cause Buffy pain. The focus is on her pain, not his. For the first time, he acts like the Knight he’s been trying to be all along. He performs a grand, heroic deed that causes the object of his affection to see him in a different light, and even grant him a kiss. Yet ironically, as part of learning the difference between real and fake, he ceases to press for Buffy’s reciprocation. Through the end of season five, Spike continues to act the selfless Knight, assisting Buffy in her heroism without asking for anything in return. Which culminates in his declaration that he knows Buffy “will never love him”, even after he’s promised her the deed of protecting Dawn, and even though she allows a kind of intimacy by letting him back in her house. He proves that he sees those gestures for what they are, rather than in a transactional light. The irony of the way Spike fulfills the narrative of chivalric romance, is that his ennobling involves letting aspects of that narrative go. 

In a Courtly Love narrative, the object of the Knight’s affection is fundamentally pedestalized. The Knight himself might be flawed, but the woman he pines after is not. She is “divinely beautiful” and “unobtainable”, something above him and almost more than human. This is why it’s so comic that in Don Quixote, which was a direct satire of chivalric romance, Alonso Quixano’s “lady love” is a vulgar peasant farmgirl who has no idea who he is. (Think of the way Spike asks if Buffy is tough in “School Hard” or threatens to “take her apart” despite “how brilliant she is” in “The Initiative”, followed by scenes where Buffy is acting like the teenage girl she is. Or how Giles in “Checkpoint” says that Buffy has “acquired a remarkable focus” before cutting to Buffy yawning.). Although it’s true that Buffy is beautiful, and supernatural, and profoundly moral, she is also very human, and the writing is very concerned with that humanity. Season five in particular, as I’ve mentioned, is preoccupied with the duality of Buffy’s mythic and mortal nature. Thus it becomes significant that Buffy is assigned such a heightened role in Spike’s chivalric narrative. Just Spike is at once Lancelot and Don Quixote, Buffy is at once Achilles, Dulcinea, and a coming-of-age protagonist. 

And part of the “lesson” of Spike’s arc is for him to see both sides of the roles they embody. One of my favorite things about the scene in Buffy’s house in “The Gift” is how adroitly it conveys the dualities of both Buffy and Spike with simple, but poetic imagery and language. Buffy stands above Spike on her steps, conveying her elevated role, and Spike honors the way her heroic status has inspired him by physically looking up to her as he explains that he expects nothing from her. But by expecting nothing from her, and promising to protect her sister, he also honors the fact that she is a real person with no obligation to him, and a younger sister she cares about more than anything. He also honors his own duality by at once making Knightly promises, and acknowledging that he sees through his former delusions: “I know that I’m a monster, but you treat me like a man.” In “Fool For Love” he tried to acknowledge the same duality of realism and romance, by declaring to Cecily that “I know I’m a bad poet, but I’m a good man.” But at the time, he was an innocent, whose desire to be seen, and whose romantic avoidance of “dark, ugly things”, left him unprepared to understand how Cecily really saw him (similar to Spike’s insistence in “Crush” that what he and Buffy have “isn’t pretty, but it’s real” just before Buffy locks him out). Spike is a character defined simultaneously by continuous disillusionment and dogged aspiration, which is why he makes perfect sense as a character to embody a season torn between the pain of being human, and the wonder of the gift of love.

Fittingly, the season ends with Spike’s most devastating loss of innocence of all. He fails to be the hero for Buffy or Dawn (note that Knightly language he uses on the tower: “I made a promise to a lady”), and he loses the woman he loves. He may have become more virtuous, but unlike in a chivalric romance, that virtue wins him neither Buffy, nor something flattering like “world reknown.” The climax of the “The Gift” is full of romance—a god, a troll hammer, a damsel on a tower, a heroic self-sacrifice, a vampire transformed into a Knight—but the end result is that Buffy is dead, in part because he wasn’t good enough, and all that he and the Scoobies can do is grieve. Stories got Spike nothing, even when reality finally lived up to them. It is a swan song to the myths of childhood, and on the other side of Glory’s portal, Spike and the other characters will have to confront a world where those myths have been left behind.

part 4: “But I can’t fool myself. Or Spike, for some reason.”: Buffy and Spike as a blended self

[decennia]

Ok I just gave up catching up on my dash full stop because Clementine and George and Wildest Dreams got my brain like this:

I feel I desperately need to make an OC for George but he is YOUR precious lol

So instead while I'm here, give me and I mean GIVE all your George and Clementine headcanon

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I WAS FINISHING UP SOME GIFS ✨

First things first, that image lives in my mind rent free.

Second things second, please create an OC for George holy shit please yes?! George has already been romantically (or at least sexually, because Sable is a hoe) linked to Ellis Grant from @chlobenet (nothing ever came of it, George developed an infatuation and was perpetually rebuffed by our Lord and Saviour Miss Grant), @perfectlystiles' Laurel Chase, and @randomestfandoms-ocs' Reese Masrani. It is my goal to accumulate enough George Cassidy romantic interests that I can make a Wives of Henry the Eighth edit, so literally go nuts. Everyone, Create An OC To Thirst Over George Cassidy Challenge!

The best thing about George and the other Corpsemen is that the only thing that makes them Jurassic World OCs is that they happen to be hired there. It is by no means their entire story, and although they've been around for literally three days (?!) I keep thinking of more and more things about them and I keep building their backstories to the point where dinosaurs are literally the least craziest thing they've experienced.

If I were to sum up Clem and George's relationship in a gif, though:

(This got hella out of hand so keep reading under the cut if you want to know more about George and Clementine.)

A brief history on George "Sable" Cassidy and Clementine "Calico" Roscoe:

He is known as "George" to his friends, and "Cassidy" to his enemies. "Sable" when he's on the job, and "hers" when they're alone.

But it wasn't always like that. I'm not going to bore you with the details about George's fatherless upbringing, or his reasons for joining the British military, or how he'd always been a bit of a troubled kid. Where his story really begins is when he directly disobeys orders and murders the military hostages who were responsible for the attack on his unit. He is dishonourably discharged, and is sent back to the U.K. to await trial for murder and treason.

He manages an escape and goes dark; during which time, Clementine Roscoe, an agent at Interpol, is assigned his case. Unfortunately, after a year of searching (one close call where he was literally within breathing distance of Roscoe ) and a thousand too many mistaken sightings after that, the case goes cold, and she is assigned another case, one which results in the death of her entire family.

Clementine resigns from her position after she is denied leave to pursue the murderers, and spends the next few years methodically hunting down and executing the list of people she knew to be responsible. It was enough to impress Malcolm Drake, who located and recruited her into the Corpse Corporals (aka Gucci Suicide Squad).

All this time, Cassidy had been residing in Southern Africa, making a hefty living as a poacher under ever-changing pseudonyms (I had to make y'all understand that Sable is a bad man but y'all be forgiving Tom for murder and incest so here we are but honestly did it even work because here I am, being fooled, alongside you 😭). He runs a pretty decent operation, also dabbling in the smuggling of weaponry, and he lives a comfortable life. That is, until he is betrayed by his business partners (a brother-sister duo, FCs Megan Fox and Aidan Turner? Idk, still debating) and pushed out of the business under threat of death.

He is rescued by Malcolm, who has managed to track him down, and in exchange for his life spared, he agrees to work for Malcolm. His reunion with Clem is incredibly tense, with both of them pulling their guns on each other and refusing to work together. Malcolm snaps some sense into them (that, and the sum of the payload which had so many 0's added to the end, you couldn't be sure what the number really was other than "a lot") and they swallow their pride and work together.

They would continue to work together as Calico and Sable for the years to come, and when I say it is a slow burn, I do mean THE SLOWEST OF THE SLOW. But there is definitely a fuck ton of sexual tension thrown in there for angst, and a couple of near brushes with death (hazard of the job, really).

George is a prolific man whore, and he's bisexual and proud. So Clem has gotten used to an endless slew of people of all genders cumming coming and going from his hotel room, especially during the long cons where the Corpsemen go deep undercover for months at a time (Hector doesn't come on those jobs, he's got a family to worry about. He taps out at a month, max, if he doesn't get to leave to see his family).

George Cassidy is not a man who is used to not getting what he wants, but Clementine Roscoe is the only exception to that rule. He has come to view her as "unobtainable," this irreverent forbidden thing that he must not ruin. By the time the heat of their mutual hate had dissipated, it had turned into a friendship, and although there was an undeniable electric tension between them, they have never done anything about it. But it has that "will definitely be the best sex of your life" kinda energy.

They fight quite a lot, and disagree on almost everything. Have they tried to kill each other? Oh, absolutely. But they're also professionals, and although Clementine and George may be going at it, it never bothers Malcolm, because he knows that Calico and Sable will put those differences aside and do the damn job.

Clem only involves herself in George's sex life when it comes to people who she considers friends. She has the warnings already mentally scripted, because the thing about George Cassidy is that he cares about no one but himself, and nothing but his holy trinity: blood, money, and sex. He's an emotionally devoid sociopath at the best of times, and at the worst, he's a well oiled and dangerous killing machine.

He is not a good man, Clementine knows, but sometimes, you don't want a good man.

I have a gifset in store involving the two of them, and I'm busy compiling a list of headcanons as we speak. If you want, I can tag you in it :)

But this is everything about their past and a bit of their present, so if you want to create an OC please do and tag me so I can write up a crossover and make some gifs 💕

(And before anyone comes for me, yes, I am aware of the fact that George "Sable" Cassidy is a very toxic and fucking despicable man, I created him, and I made him that way. I am not condoning his actions, nor would I want to be in a relationship with him in real life, but this is fiction. It is not meant to be taken seriously, if you don't like my hot mercenary boyfriend, then please unfollow me, because he is my current obsession, and I cannot promise that I will not be thirsting for him on my TL at any and all hours).

[summerwritesfics]

🎧Song Inspired Shorts - Want You Bad

Pairing & Characters: Hanzo Hasashi/Kuai Liang Length: 717 Words Rating: Mature Content/Warnings: College AU, Body Modification/Nipple Piercings, Shirtless Male, Bad Boy/Good Boy Clique Song: Want You Bad - The Offspring

Song Inspired Shorts Masterlist

Your one vice, Is you're too nice, Come around now, can't you see? I want you, all tattooed, I want you bad, Complete me, mistreat me, Want you to be bad, bad, bad, bad, bad

Hanzo refused to acknowledge this tired out old clique.

The college's bad boy who was always in trouble falling for the straight A student? No Johnny, this isn't exactly like some stupid rom-com you watched once, shut the fuck up! Kuai Liang wasn't even his type! Too clean cut, kind and caring. Way too many soft sweaters and no where near enough leather and tight ripped jeans. No dog collars or tattoo's or piercings.

And yet Hanzo couldn't help but think about how good Kuai would look with all those things.

No. No we're not doing this, this it not what's happening here. Hanzo needed to find a way to prove to himself that it was just attraction, that there was no way that an emotional connection could ever form. Such contrasting personalities couldn't work in real life. And as much as Hanzo liked the idea of corruption in fiction, it seemed cruel and unfair to ask Kuai to change his entire personality just to suit him.

That was why he was now in front of Kuai's dorm room, knocking on the door. He needed to spend time with him, he needed to know this was all just an unobtainable fantasy. He was surprised when Kuai answered the door without a shirt on.

“Oh, Hanzo. Do you need something?” Kuai asked, hands on his hips. Hanzo felt his mouth go dry, which was stupid because it wasn't as if he'd never seen other men without their shirts on before.

“Uh, yeah, you-” He stopped when his eyes flicked downwards and had to mentally stop his jaw from dropping. Either side of both Kuai's nipples were two small metallic blue balls. Oh Jesus, oh fuck, he has his nipples pierced. He tried to hold it together, he had to hold it together. “I was... Having trouble with some of... the reading... So, figured you're the smartest guy in class so...”

“I know I'm short,” Kuai said and Hanzo frowned because that had nothing to do with what he just said, “but your eyes are a little too low to be looking at my face.”

Hanzo's eyes shot up to meet Kuai's, who was looking at him with a confused expression on his has. He hadn't realised he'd been staring, but how could he help it?

“S-Sorry I just... Wasn't expecting...” His eyes lowered once more only to hear a short cough from Kuai and he looked back up. “You have your nipples pierced.”

“Oh shit, do I? When did that happen?” Kuai replied sarcastically, and Hanzo shook his head.

“No I mean... Why do you have your nipples pierced?” Hanzo asked, holding out his hands in front of him as if he were begging for food. Why the hell did this kind sweet man have actual nipple piercings?

“Because I wanted to?” he replied in a confused tone.

Oh no. Oh no no, this changes everything! Hanzo felt a creeping panic. Abort mission. ABORT MISSION!

“Anyway, if you want help with the reading, I'm free tonight if that's good for you,” Kuai continued and Hanzo had in his panic almost forgotten about his bullshit story. His panic now was replaced with curiosity, because if Kuai was hiding this under his oversized clothes, what else could he be hiding under his sweet personality?

“Yes. Tonight is good.” He cursed when he answered just a little too quickly but Kuai didn't seem phased.

“Great, see you then,” Kuai confirmed with a smile, going to close the door.

“Wait,” Hanzo said before Kuai could shut him out. He had no idea why, but he ended up saying “You know you'd look really good in a leather jacket right?”

Kuai paused, his expression was rather unreadable, but what Hanzo could see was the way his cheeks seemed to be turning a light shade of pink. “Oh? Um... Suggestion noted?”

Hanzo just nodded before swiftly turning away, seconds later hearing the door click shut. Hanzo kept walking down the corridor, ignoring the way he screamed internally at what he'd just said, and hoping to crawl into his own dorm room as quickly as possible so he could repeatedly slam his head against his desk.

Maybe I really am in a fucking rom-com.

[lifeisdabubbles-undersalmondean]

La Pomme ~ Chapter 14

Pairing: Sam x OC (eventual Dean x OC and Dean x Castiel. And I mean eventual.)

Series summary: George is a casual French-Mistake-universe Supernatural fan living in no-COVID 2020, who's life is upended when she's suddenly launched between realities, two years into the boys' past (S13E22). What begins as an insane, immersive fan experience turns into more when Jack goes missing and George offers up her AU information to help track him down. Soon it's discovered that she and Sam may actually have history. But that's impossible, right?

Word Count: 5,800

Warnings: {smut, fluff, angst, show level violence, swearing, mentions of suicide} ***Detailed warnings will be tagged for specific chapters.

A/N: Following the events of my prequel Paradise and second story From My Eyes Off. Reading those first gives context but isn’t necessary to start this one.

As annoyed as she'd been about Cas leaving against her better judgement, it felt good to be back on the road again. What she'd done yesterday, running away and searching for her family, had felt simultaneously necessary and awful the entire time she was doing it; like her nerves were sliding up against a cheese grater the wrong way. Worse than her standard feelings of unease. Being back in the car with Sam and Dean, finally headed once again toward Jack on their rescue mission, gave her a sense of peace and a strange kind of pain relief from the prior day's grating.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now a threesome, Sam, Dean, and George had set sail again on their mission to find Jack. Everyone in the car--including George, surprisingly--seemed comfortable with Dean's music filling the silence for the first few hours.

That being said, at the moment there was a throng of angry butterflies swooping through her abdomen. Cas and Sam had said they trusted her, by which she was flattered, but she felt immeasurably guilty. Should they trust her? Sure, she knew she was leading them the right way to find Jack, but was she supposed to be leading them at all? For all she knew, she had disrupted their destined timeline and was causing all kinds of unknowable consequences that would come back to bite them all in the ass eventually. She was starting to wonder whether her intentions were purely altruistic or if she was really just being selfish.

They had a short way left to go when they stopped for a quick, light gas station lunch and Dean decided to get some shut eye. He denied it, but Sam was almost positive he needed to sleep off all the crap he'd been consuming. When they got back in the car, Dean laid down in the back, Sam drove, and George sat in the passenger's seat.

It was her first time in the passenger's seat of Baby and she was strangely giddy about it. Her eyes roamed over every inch of the infamous car, taking in the surreal experience. Sam's arm adjusting on the steering wheel caught her attention and her head snapped sideways to look at him. A memory of a dream she'd had years ago filled her sight and the Sam sitting next to her was 10 years younger, with shorter hair and a baby face, but he had the same expression on it. It was a strange kind of worried uncertainty, like he was trying to figure out a riddle he already knew the answer to.

The vision felt so real and before she could stop herself she blurted, "Sam?"

He turned to look at her quickly and in a blink he was back to the older, bearded version she was used to. She could tell she had startled him out of his thoughts. Quickly she covered, "Uh, can I ask you something?" He nodded with a quiet noise of permission and she asked, "What you and Cas said earlier… about 'trusting' me? Uh… were you serious about that?"

"Yeah?" He wondered why she seemed so stupefied.

"Well," George had to take a moment to figure out how to articulately ask her question, "Why? I mean what makes you believe you should?" The look on Sam's face made her chuckle, letting out a nervous breath she'd been holding; she quickly clarified, "Don't get me wrong, you definitely should trust me and I'm honored, truly. But, I'm a mysterious woman who showed up in the bunker one day with no provable explanation and now is claiming to have inside information about the location of your missing adult-son-angel-human? I should be a walking red flag to a Winchester. Like, at least as a safety precaution, you shouldn't trust me until you know me, right?"

"I know you--er, enough," Came falling out before he could stop himself. Quickly he stumbled to add, "I mean, I feel like I know you enough to know you aren't lying to me���? Anymore, I mean," He added upon remembering she'd lied about her origins when they first met. He didn't think that counted, exactly; he would have done the same thing in her situation.

"But… why? What makes you feel that way?" George pressed. She still didn't understand. What made him so quick to trust her?

Sam was quiet for a while, turning a pale shade of green, before answering, "Same reason I was able to find you at the hotel, I guess?" He glanced at her with a serious expression and could tell by her gulp that she knew exactly what he was talking about. The pull; she felt it too. He exhaled deeply and reminded her, "Good instincts?"

Staring at him curiously, she imitated him, "Yea… that must be it."

The air around them felt strangely electrified as they both sat in silence. They were each fighting their own internal struggles about what it all meant. She wanted to ask him what he meant, ask him what this feeling was and if he was feeling the same thing. He wanted to know what she knew about his dream. As Dean let out a sharp snore, they both debated whether it was the right time or place.

"Do you trust me?" He asked her suddenly and it surprised her.

"Uhhhh, yea? I mean…" She paused, seriously considering it for the first time, then nodded definitively, "Yes."

"Why?" He pressed with a smile.

Understanding his point, she rolled her eyes, "That's--"

Cutting her off, Sam admitted with a smile, "OK, maybe it's a little different, but… you trust me because I remind you of someone who you know to be trustworthy, right?" She nodded slowly and he shrugged, "It's kind of the same thing for me."

George's eyebrows furrowed at him, starting to get concerned that she already did understand what he meant. Still, she asked, "Oh-kay, but... the person you remind me of is Sam Winchester… and you just so happen to be Sam Winchester, soooo-"

"OK, I don't know exactly how to explain it without sounding crazy, but I feel a connection to you," He finally admitted. Each word scratched and clawed resistantly on their way out of his mouth while he squirmed in his seat.

"A connection? To me?" She was surprised. And not. He affirmed with a quick nod and she began to fidget nervously. What did he mean? Did she already know? Is it what she's been feeling, too? He couldn't possibly feel the same connection she felt, surely; what she felt was easily explainable by her having been a fan of the show. But then what 'connection' was he talking about?

Trying to gather her thoughts she blurted, "Why?"

Sam gripped the steering wheel tightly and admitted, "OK, uh, about ten years ago I had this... dream." His eyes were glued to the road, so he didn't notice George suddenly stiffen tightly, whipping around to look at him. She instantly remembered her memory flash from earlier and a strange tingling sensation in her gut told her she knew exactly what dream Sam was referring to. She knew this feeling had nothing to do with the show.

Of course she'd had lots of dreams about him, and countless other fictional or otherwise unobtainable people before, but the dream that sprang to mind had been… different. It had saved her life.

"A dream?" she croaked, sweat forming on her cool skin. Was it her or was it suddenly sweltering in the car? She was desperate to take off her hoodie, but felt like this was the wrong time to be stripping.

"It was right after Dean had died--and, at the time, I thought he was gone for good. I was trying to fix it but it was taking a long time. Things got pretty dark. And then one night I…" He hesitated for a moment and then said quickly, "I had a dream. In it I met a woman in a bar and she… well, she was trustworthy. She helped me... find the light again," He finished vaguely with a wistful, if slightly embarrassed smile.

George felt as though the world around her were still moving but everything about her was in suspended animation; her body, her thoughts, her functions, like someone hit pause on her.

The night she'd had The Dream™, she'd been left at the altar by her would-be-high school sweetheart, who ran off with her best friend, the maid of honor. The heartache had felt unbearable and she happened to have had access to some serious pain pills. In her grief, she assumed they, coupled with a few bottles of tequila, would be enough to end her pain. But instead she'd had an indescribably intense dream about a man who made her feel ridiculous about throwing her life away over a dipwad like Greg. And--purely coincidentally, she'd always assumed--the man from her dream had been Sam Winchester.

While her dream had been incredibly significant to her, it's not something she'd even thought about until this moment. Why would she? It was just her pill and booze induced dream haze, randomly manifesting a hot, loving, perfect person to help her see that life was worth living. Of course, she had always known it wasn't real, that she hadn't actually dreamt about the real Sam Winchester.

Obviously, that's ridiculous! Because, he's not re- She paused her thoughts when the man in question's anxious throat clearing snapped her back to the moment. Blinking finally, she looked at him closely and noticed that he was avoiding looking at her. He was white as a sheet and his jaw was clenched so tight, she felt sympathy pain in her teeth. A burning sensation in her lungs reminded her that she couldn't remember when she'd last breathed in.

With a quick, deliberate inhale she asked, "And I... remind you of this woman?"

The serious tone of her voice made Sam finally turn to look at her. Her expression told him his instincts were right but he couldn't believe it. The two of them stared at each other in shock for longer than was safe to be driving. Neither knew what to say.

The car swerved slightly when Sam was startled by a loud, screeching 80s guitar solo suddenly emanating from the backseat.

"Jesus!" George yelped, jumping out of her skin.

Dean rolled over and sat up with a grumble, "Close. Jimi Hendrix." He held his noisy phone up and dismissed the alarm, "Did I miss any stimulating conversation?" Sam and George both looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes before simultaneously mumbling vague denials. Dean was attune to their odd behavior but when he noticed a road sign for The Trees of Enigma, he opted to ask instead, "Where are we?"

"Oh, uh--'bout 20 miles from False Klamath. What's the plan?" Sam instantly switched to work mode when he realized they were getting close.

Dean raised an annoyed eyebrow, "Are we already that close? Didn't we talk about stopping at the last town for a motel first?"

"Er--uh, oh--right," Sam groaned and his eyes rolled back into his head in embarrassment. He was furious with himself; Dean had mentioned that plan at their last stop but Sam hadn't exactly been giving his brother his full attention.

"What?" George asked curiously. "When was this conversation?"

"At the gas station," Dean said matter of factly, watching as she narrowed her eyes at him. "It was just before we left. I wasn't hiding it from you; I mentioned it when you were walking back to the car. Remember, you got distracted trying to fish out that M&M that went down your top," He chuckled in amusement, looking to share the joke with Sam but finding him looking oddly guilty instead.

"Oh, yeah," She responded slowly. Looking down and pulling her top away from her chest, she muttered, "Did I ever get that out?" Dean snorted and then watched Sam glance over as she hooked a finger down her top to go fishing again, realizing why his brother had missed the motel plan in the first place.

"George, it's not--it's not like that--" Dean began but stopped short, not knowing what to say to comfort her.

When George's head suddenly popped up again, Sam jumped, his head jerking toward the road and Dean stifled a laugh.

Looking back at him, she asked, "Ok, but why would we stop at a motel when we're this close? It's the middle of the day, the place is still open." Looking back and forth between them, she saw their expressions slowly turn guilty and she realized. With a mildly offended huff, she stated matter of factly, "Oh, you were going to leave me at the motel while the two of you went to go look for Jack alone. Got it." Crossing her arms over her chest, she turned to look out the window. Dean and Sam shared a guilty, 'oh, shit' expression.

"It's just that..." Sam tried to pick up where his brother left off, wanting to explain, but he froze too. He couldn't stop kicking himself for being distracted by her--er, their conversation. He should have been paying closer attention and now they faced nothing but bad options. Options that put her life in more danger. "...Well, it's just-"

"Oh, calm down," She cut him off softly with a small eye roll, looking back at them. She sneered like a spoiled teenager, "It's fine; I'm fragile and weak and have no monster fighting skills to speak of. I'm a baby sans trench coat. It would be too dangerous and irresponsible to let me come with you, so you had a plan. I get it. Liking it is another story, but I get it. At least now I know how Jack feels," She lobbed, giving Sam an annoyed smirk, to which his head hung slightly. With a deep calming breath, she explained in a more poised tone, "I'm not upset, I'm just frustrated that there's nothing I can do about it; I know how fucking pig headed the two of you are when you're right."

"Even worse when we're wrong," Dean added empathetically after a beat and Sam nodded apologetically.

George snorted in agreement and sighed, "Alright, well your offensively infantilizing, yet totally justified plan to forcefully protect me has failed, so now what?"

Dean rubbed his eyes, letting out some thoughtful grumbles and trying to clear the sleep fog from his brain, "Uhm, well we just gotta keep driving to the next town, find a safe place for you there and then double back; start looking for Jack."

As Dean spoke, George allowed herself to focus on her instincts and there was suddenly a fire alarm going off in her head. There was a sense of urgency she couldn't shake. Jack was in trouble.

Looking directly at Sam, George begged, "The nearest town is nearly 20 miles away! We have to find Jack, now. We're this close and I don't think we have time to waste. I've got a bad feeling," Either because they were getting closer to where she believed Jack to be or because she was finally paying attention to something other than Sam, she could sense how much danger the kid was in. But Dean was shaking his head dismissively, not listening beyond her request to stop. She tried offering sweetly, "We can at least stop since it's right here and you guys can take ten minutes to ask around and see if they've seen him? Do your little detective cosplay, strictly recon--I'm not sure if I'm using that term right but it sounds cool, so just go with it. I will stay in the car! Please!"

Dean looked like he was considering it but quickly shook his head, "George, I don't think that's a good idea; you'd be completely vulnerable and we can't be distracted worrying about you when we're trying to find Jack." He then squinted at her, offended. "And it's not cosplay. We're hunters, not LARPers."

"OK, I've seen you LARP and I know for a FACT you fucking love it, Mr. Braveheart!" Dean gave her a shocked glare, forgetting again that she knew more about their lives than a woman he'd met mere days ago normally would. She continued before he could respond, "And seriously, you guys I have a really bad feeling," She held her abdomen for emphasis, "Jack's in trouble! Please, I'll stay in the car with all the doors locked and one of your big giant knives. I'll be OK! I stabbed you didn't I?!" George reminded Dean, though she knew she was grasping at straws now.

Dean's eyes narrowed, "OK, first of all, you sliced me a little an-"

"Enough! Dean's right, we're not risking your life, Georgia. It's too dangerous," Sam's tone was startlingly definitive and both she and Dean were a bit stunned. Now that he realized who she was--who she had to be--there was no fucking way Sam was putting her in anymore danger. He'd made enough lapses in judgment since she'd showed up, any number of which could have already gotten her killed. He was done taking risks with her life.

As they saw the 'coming up' sign for "The Trees of Enigma", he pushed his foot down, speeding up just enough to make his point.

"Sam, please listen to me! Jack is here and he's in danger! What about protecting him?!" Both Sam and Dean shared an uneasy look; she could see they were torn she just didn't know how to convince them. Desperately, she reasoned, "I will be fine in the car! I promise! I'm from the future, God damnit! Don't you think I would know if I'd died on an old episode of Supernatural?!"

"I can't take that chance," Sam replied sternly, gripping the steering wheel tightly. Dean and she shared a confused expression and George huffed.

When they spotted the giant Johnny Appleseed statue around the bend, her stomach dropped. She could tell by the look on Sam's face there was no use and she began to panic, pleading with him. He was resolute about continuing, but as they were coming up on the turn in for the parking lot, he suddenly felt the steering wheel pulling against him. The whole car started thumping hard on the left hand driver's side. It took them a second to realize they'd gotten a flat tire and Sam knew he had no choice but to pull off the mountain highway and into the tourist spot's parking lot.

As he safely maneuvered the car into a distant parking spot and shut Baby off, George couldn't help but thank her lucky stars.

"Motherfucker," Sam landed a punch on the steering wheel.

"Hey, hey, hey! Don't you take this out on her!" Dean shouted angrily. "A car is only as good as its driver."

"Oh, you know what?! Yo--" Sam began but he was cut off by George's impatience.

"It doesn't matter, stop fighting!" Her tone was authoritative. "We're here and we aren't going anywhere anytime soon. So, why don't you boys go be hunters while I put the spare on the car? I'll be preoccupied with the car, it'll give you a chance to gather some intel on Jack, and by the time you come out you'll be able to take me to a motel--Not like that, Dean." She cut him off when she saw a smart ass expression burst onto his face at her words.

"You can change a tire?" He asked skeptically instead.

"Yes, Dean, I can change a tire. Ya know, women can also vote and take birth control now, too!"

"No, I know women can, I'm asking: can you?"

She shoved him gently and opened her car door, ordering, "just get out and show me where the spare is!" When she exited, a grateful shiver ran through her at the piercingly crisp Oregon climate. She was thankful for the relief from her earlier panic sweating.

Sam and Dean both exchanged identical "I-don't-like-this" looks before getting out of the car after her and popping the trunk. Dean lifted the trunk and then grabbed the false bottom that held some of their weaponry, exposing the spare and equipment underneath.

"OK, here's the jack and the lug wrench," he handed her the two tools and then reached back in for the tire. "Lemme pull the spare out for you."

"Stop wasting time, I can pull a tire out of a trunk."

"No, really, it's probably going to take one person just to hold the weapons up." Sam gently nudged her out of the way and leaned in to grab the spare while Dean held up the armory. Sam set it down next to the flat and then shoved the jack into position underneath the car with ease.

"Hey, knock it off. I told you I can change a tire," She grabbed Sam's wrist and tugged him back from the car, gently shoving him and Dean toward the visitor center and gift shop. "Now go! Go find out what you can about Jack. The sooner you go, the sooner you'll be back." Sam and Dean exchanged nervous looks, hesitating. "I'll be fine. Go. Bring me back some salt-water taffy!" She joked, trying to distract them.

"Wait," Dean walked back over and flipped back down the weapons shelf in the trunk and pulled a 17" bowing knife from some hidden pocket. Holding it out to her hilt first, he said, "The biggest knife we have. Don't hurt yourself."

"Jesus," She gulped. "OK. That's… big." She took it from his outstretched hand, nodding apprehensively, trying to psych herself up should she need to use it.

"I get that a lot." As Dean winked, George let out a small laugh and brandished the sheathed knife at him, faux menacingly.

Sam took a step towards her and pointed his hands at her in prayer position, "Hey, the second you get the spare on, you get in that car, lock all the doors, and watch for us, OK? Don't leave the car for any reason. Promise?" Now he was pleading with her.

"What if I have to pee?" She joked half-heartedly, starting to feel nervous and selfishly not wanting him to go.

"You could always try using that empty Pepsi bottle you had your eye on the other day," Sam cracked a small smile.

"Don't. Don't do that." Dean interjected in a serious tone. "Let's go, Sammy," Dean had to pull Sam away with a rough tug and the brothers headed for the gift shop while George checked that the jack was in place and began wrenching it up.

When she finally finished changing the tire about an hour later, she was sweating again and even more grateful for the nice, cool outside air. She lowered the car to the ground, then picked up the jack and lug wrench, placing them in the trunk. When she turned around to grab the flat, a beautiful woman with long dark brown hair was standing practically where George had just been standing herself.

"Jesus!" George startled upon seeing her, reeling backwards into the trunk a little.

"No, I'm Duma. Are you with the Winchesters?" She got right to the point. George suddenly felt all the hairs on her arms stand on end; this woman definitely seemed familiar, but was she a demon or an angel? Or something else? George couldn't remember. She noticed that Duma was standing between her and the knife, which she'd stupidly left on the ground on the other side of the discarded tire.

Shit.

"The who?" George played dumb, trying to figure out what to do. The boys would be back any minute right? Duma was starting to give her a funny look, like she was studying her.

"What…" Duma paused, squinting her eyes and looking her slowly up and down, "what are you?"

"Excuse me?" George replied, a little dumbstruck--not to mention offended--by the question. She slowly placed her hand casually on the lip of the open trunk. She tried to dart her eyes down imperceptibly to where her hand was, searching for any weapons she might be able to grab. Duma started to slowly step closer to her, seemingly not noticing George's fingers moving toward the 3" tactical blade strapped just within reach.

"What are you?" Duma reached for her and George whipped the knife out of its holster, slicing it at her and causing her to jump back.

The little tourist shop was surprisingly busy. As Officers Page and Plant waited patiently to speak with the manager they'd asked for going on 20 minutes ago, Dean watched Sam closely.

"Not in the mood," George said, swiping at her again and taking a confident step forward as Duma retreated. "Now back off." George didn't notice the nameless angel minion that had appeared behind her and never saw the cosmic knockout coming.

-----

Finally Sam noticed and raised a perturbed eyebrow, "What?"

Dean smiled knowingly and shook his head, "Nothing."

"Good, then keep your eyes to yourself," Sam sneered at him. He was reeling from his last conversation with George. Despite his earlier convincing, he was now nearly positive she was the woman from his dream and it wasn't anything he wanted to discuss with Dean. Though, he felt like his brother could see the scarlet letter on his chest and it was putting him on edge.

Just then an aged, grey haired black man appeared at the counter and waved them over. He was tall with a little more weight around the middle than the rest of him and just the slightest hint of wrinkles along the sides of his face, denoting that the wide, friendly smile he was giving them was a typical look for him.

Dean chuckled and muttered, "Ooh, smitten Sammy is salty," as they walked up to the counter and flashed their badges at the man. Sam narrowed his eyes, biting back his response to focus on the job at hand.

"Can I help you, Officers?" The wrinkle-faced man asked, eyes scanning the police badges curiously.

"We're looking for a missing person," Dean stated as Sam held up his phone with a picture of Jack for the man to see. "There's a chance he's in some real danger. Have you seen him?"

The man looked carefully at the photo and then shook his head apologetically, "No sir, I don't believe I have. But there's a separate shack for our walking tour tickets. Molly's been out there working the window all day. If he came through she'll know."

"Thank you, how do we--?" Sam asked quickly, putting his phone away.

"Just go back out the way you came, follow the wooden fence along to the left, and you'll see a path for the walking tour," The man pointed the way with a renewed, jovial smile and they thanked him.

Exiting out the door, the brothers followed the man's directions until they found the walking tour shack. Behind the plexiglass window was an older woman they could only describe as a redneck hippie. What they could see of her outfit was jean overalls and a cotton tie-dye shirt. She had the tanned leathery skin of a woman who spent her life either working in or enjoying the outdoors, her bleach blonde hair was hair sprayed to heaven, had dark black roots, and her teeth were a muddy shade of smoker yellow. On the tip of her nose sat a pair of small, round, purple tinted glasses attached to a beaded chain around her neck and her overalls were covered in an eccentric mishmash of flair that included the NRA and the Grateful Dead.

Dean gave a charming smile and began, "Officers Page and Plant. Molly, I presume?"

"Hello Gentlemen," She greeted happily with a wide, appreciative smile, removing her glasses from her nose and laying them against her chest. When they lifted up their badges she raised a brow, "Oh, 'Officers,' I see."

"Everyday of my life. How can I be of service?" She was sizing them both up carefully, appraising them.

"We're looking for someone," Dean repeated as Sam held the phone up for Molly to see. "Have it on good authority he might have gone through here. Any chance you've seen him?"

Molly reached up and grabbed her glasses again. Slipping them on quickly, she leaned closer to the glass and inspected the photo.

"Hard to say," She started, squinting her eyes a bit. "But there was a baby faced young man that came through with his sister a little bit ago. Could be the same guy, but my eyes just ain't what they used ta be."

"How long ago?" Dean asked seriously.

"Maybe an hour?"

"How did he seem?"

"Quiet and moody," Molly shrugged, "typical for your average young boy dragged here by their family. Didn't think much of it, honestly."

"What did his sister look like?"

"Shorter than him, but just as pale. Long brown hair, brown eyes I think? I'd say mid-twenties. She looked about as thrilled to be here as he did."

"Did they buy tickets?" Sam asked quickly.

"Sure did," Molly nodded. "Paid cash, asked for the fastest route to the wilderness trail." She picked up a map sitting in the display case in front of her, then grabbed a pen and drew out directions quickly, as though she'd done it a thousand times before. Handing the map through the small cutout in her window, she stated, "These are the directions I gave them."

"Thank you very much for your assistance, Molly," Sam said sincerely, grabbing the map and taking a few steps back, ready to head toward Jack.

"No problem, Officer," Molly said with a sweet smile, then turned to Dean and said, "Listen, I have a granddaughter you'd be perfect for." Dean raised an intrigued eyebrow, a charming smile appearing on his face as Molly reached up above the plexiglass and yanked a photo down from the shelf. Holding it out for Dean to see, she suggested, "Maybe the two of us can figure out a way to get her away from her no good, crank dealing boyfriend, eh?"

Initially interested, Dean moved closer to the photo and then wrenched back quickly, "Molly… Uh… how old is--"

"Sheila. She'll be 17 in October. Ain't she a beauty?" Molly grinned proudly. Dean and Sam both tried to hold back grimaces.

"Oh, of course, I understand," Molly nodded quickly and grabbed up a pen and another map, scribbling a note and handing it through the plexiglass. "Here's her SnapChat. She's always looking for new friends!"

"Well, she certainly takes after her grandmother, doesn't she?" Was all Dean could think to say. Luckily Molly was clearly flattered and he added quickly, "But, uh, we're on official police business right now, so I can't real--"

Dean, masking his horror like a pro, took the glossy, folded piece of evidence and nodded, "Thanks, Molly. You've been a real help."

"Anything for you, Officer!" She called after them as he took a few steps to catch up with Sam and the two of them began heading down the trail.

After tossing Dean's map in the first trash can they could find out of eye-shot of Molly, they followed Sam's map for about a mile along the trail before coming to a split. The two of them looked first left then right. The left path went straight around the mountain, the right path wound up the mountain in a zigzag pattern.

Sam checked the map again, "OK, she directed them this way," he pointed toward the left.

"Hold on," Dean said, having turned around. He was now facing about 90 degrees to the left of the left path. "You see this?" Sam turned to look and saw a line in the surrounding ground ivy that looked like a man made path. It clearly wasn't as used as the other two and it wasn't on the map.

"What about it? Molly sai-"

"Look," Dean instructed, pointing into the forest. As Sam scanned the area Dean was pointing at, Dean started slowly following the small, easily missable path. He followed him, still not seeing anything of interest, and they walked about 40 feet before Sam finally noticed a patch of dark green that looked decidedly unnatural against the normal foliage.

As they got closer it became clear that what they were seeing was a dark green nylon winter coat. The coat was attached to a body that was crumpled on its side, as though tossed into the vegetation in a hasty effort to hide it. Drawing their weapons, they approached carefully. Dean got there first, finding a small, fair skinned, brown haired woman.

"Jack's 'sister'?" Dean asked bending down to place two fingers on the young woman's neck, though she was very clearly dead.

"That's Tilly!" Sam said sharply, finally catching up.

"You mean, it was Tilly," Dean looked at him curiously.

Sam grimaced and explained, "Another refugee. She's been training with us. I thought she was on a Wraith hunt with Steiner and Green."

"So, what's she doing here?" Dean asked, standing up straight again.

"And why did Jack come with her? They hardly know each other." The two of them quickly swept the immediate area for any clues but found nothing more. Moving her body farther out of sight for the time being, they then continued cautiously forward along the path.

[retphienix]

OH.

OKAY.

I was counting on “Replay 100% the normal way but being able to visit the few locations this time around to get the extra ending” not “Nier Automata NG+” and I am THOROUGHLY pleased.

Nier Automata is a game that blew my mind and left me a broken man, and part of that was how the story was told- and here we are. A year or so prior to Automata’s release and it’d doing it too where the NG+ is actually an entirely different story.

I WAS ALREADY INVESTED AND IN LOVE WITH THIS GAME BUT THEN IT DOES THIS HOLY HECK.

*ahem* Anyway.

I’m a broken man again because they are killing off my favorite characters, they made me endure a different demise of the plant girl without letting me collect her seed, a small annoying part of me is telling me I won’t get to get all the achievements because I noticed one of them sounds unobtainable if I do this without replaying all the way through AGAIN which, after getting the best ending that isn’t going to happen.

THE GAME MADE ME CONFRONT MY INTERNAL BELIEFS ON THE VALUE OF FICTION BY FORCING ME TO TELL NIKO THAT EVERYTHING IS JUST A GAME IN A SIMPLE YES/NO QUESTION WHEN IN REALITY I’D SAY SOMETHING MORE DEVELOPED LIKE “YES, BUT THAT DOESN’T DECREASE THE VALUE OF THESE CHARACTERS AND THEIR EXISTENCE WITHIN THE GAME” OR SOME OTHER FLOWERY NONSENSE MY FEEBLE AND DELICATE MIND DEMANDS I BELIEVE IN ORDER TO ATTACH INCREASED IMPORTANCE ON PERCEIVED RELATIONSHIPS OR INTERACTIONS WITHIN FICTION ETC.

And overall I’m just feeling incredible and defeated and I’m filled with determination to do my best for a truly ‘good’ ending for everyone, even if it instead blows up in my face and makes me cry. Let’s do this!

[theglguidetowebcomics]

The Webcomic Graveyard

There are plenty of amazing comics on the internet, but for every good one there seems to be 3 abandoned ones. You never know when one of your favourite comics will be dropped or even simply deleted, and if you’ve read a few webcomics it’s probably happened to you a few times. But, even if unfinished they’re interesting in their own way. So, why not take a short look at some these dead webcomics?

Firstly, the biggest problem with unearthing abandoned comics is they’re quite difficult to find, especially if they’re from the 2000′s or even early 2010′s. Because if they’re old, abandoned and on the internet, the lists that featured them or even the comics themselves can be long gone in hosting archives or lost with the domain, which isn’t a bad thing. They’re dead comics. But if I’m trying to find those neon coloured wonky lined GL stories where Amazons hang out; Main characters abruptly die in flames while everyone gives up on the quest in act 1; or love interests fly around knocking out angsty protagonists with alien comets left right and centre… Digging up the remains of some of these is going to be a challenge.

But that being said, let’s have a look at some of the good, the bad, and the tragic of abandoned WLW webcomics. And let’s see if digging these up is as fun as I thought.

Roxie and the Magic Taco

Years: 2015 - 2017 Pages: 114 Reason: Unexplained

First of all, of course there’s a GL comic about a magic taco. Second of all, what a title. This comic is all kinds of weird. it’s art style is painfully 2000′s with the grey shading, gradient backgrounds, geometric yet empty landscapes, and pixelated line work. And this was presumably made in 2015. Everything about this feels and looks like a competent 2000′s comic (minus the furries), but by far the weirdest thing about this comic was that even if I read it twice a while ago, I had NO idea I had only ever read a third of it until a researched it for this list. It went on a small hiatus in the start of 2016 posting a small how it was made list instead of a page which sent you to another part of the website if you clicked on it, so there was a whole year after that update which I had never read because I kept getting stuck on that damn update page without knowing. So I finally go to finish act 1 of this comic after 3 years, and man, what a page to end on. This comic started out as a small yet surprisingly sweet romance between two characters. Princess a heavily sheltered model(?) who’s father controls her day by the minute, and has lived that way all her life except for the few minutes a day where she takes off all her femme apparel and is allowed to wander around due to a lenient body guard. Think a reverse Hannah Montana if Hannah Monatana was secretly a butchy punk lesbian. And Roxie the stuck in the dead end job for 4 years cashier, who works for an insane grandpa who talks to a “Magic Taco” and has a huge crush on the supermodel princess, well, at least her celebrity persona. And the characters are weirdly… interesting. The plot as batshit as it is is alright, there’s clear conflicts for the characters and the twist before the comic ended revealed the “magic taco” actually existing? There’s definitley a few cons to it too, the art is awkward at times, The backgrounds are weird, and there feels like there’s something missing in the story. But weirdly enough, I still kinda want to know what happens next. But with what comes next though act I wrapped up on the 23rd of April 2017 with a message saying it would update again in June the same year. It never did. No more updates. No hiatus notices. Just an empty Tumblr, Facebook page, and badly designed website. Apparently act 2 had already been written, so who knows the story behind that one. An orphaned series.

Amazoness!

Years: 2007 - 2010 Pages: unobtainable Reason: Unknown/unobtainable

Alright, we’ve finally come across a comic that’s domain has been deleted (most likely due to the bills on the domain not being paid for a few years) and subsequently has had it’s entire archive destroyed (bar a few blurry Jpegs floating around). So information about this one is going to have to rely on what I can remember from 5 years ago. So… Buckle up, let’s horribly stumble through this one! If Roxie and the Magic Taco felt like a little like 2000′s comic Amazoness! by comparison eat’s and breaths 2000′s. From the early anime influences, bold colours, and ms paint vibes coming from every pore (not that ms paint is inherently bad. More that i’s used particularly). And, I swear, every abandoned comic has a bizarre premise and plot. So what is the plot? Good question. I’m not entirely sure myself. Amazoness! is set in 559 BC in a fictional Amazonian empire. Think wonder woman but ms paint, a little anime, and a whole lot more lesbian. They live in a women only empire with a giant infamous army, and generally despise men, which makes finding husbands difficult, they’re also basically all lesbians, which  makes finding a husband very difficult. Enter the main character (Left in the panels provided), she’s small and weak compared to her Amazonian peers, which as the next Queen, is a bit of a problem. So she goes on adventures around the ancient world (and by world I mean Greece before being cancelled). It’s a fantasy story with a lot of the 2000′s brand humour, blandish characters, and weird plot. It’s as 2000′s as it gets. But it did have a lot of standout jokes including the dark brooding Amazonian who was originally an ancient goth accidentally starting modern goth fashion in ancient Greece. There was also possibly a trans character, but being the comic that it was, whether that was their gender or whether they were going to become a cross dresser butt of the joke character is up for debate. Considering it was 2007 I’m not the most optimistic about that bit. All in all though it was the standard 2000′s fantasy comedy genre with some nice jokes, a few starts to some promising romances, a few bludges on some touchy subject material, and pretty forgettable art. Who knew what this comic would have become, as a young teen I wanted to find out, but now it’s just another orphaned series, lost to time. This is not a series that’s sorely missed, But maybe foggily remembered. Oh well.

Mora and Stima Apei

Years: 2016 - 2017 Episodes: 27 (Including specials + QAs) Reasons: Hiatus. Moving, free time, and starting another comic

What’s this? A webcomic that doesn’t look like it wears baggy jeans, plays snake on a flip phone, and bedazzle tamagotchis in it’s spare time? And I was this close to have a theme here. But, no. Mora and Stima Apei isn’t from the 2000′s or even 2000′s themed. It’s very modern from its story telling, to its art, to the fact that the authors are qualified in relevant fields. And rather than being specifically abandoned it’s been publicly put on hiatus with a notice and reason why. It’s always nice when creators do that. Whether it will actually be completed story though is still anyone’s guess. It’s still a webcomic. The comic however is pretty interesting, the visuals are a little rough at the start but greatly improve later on. The characters are beautifully designed, the colours are thought out, the tone is pretty clear, and the monsters are dark and twisted. And I’m always up for dark and twisted monsters. Con wise though is it’s a little wordy and poetic at times. Which I do understand is a style choice here, but at the same time I very much in the show don’t tell camp with things like this. It doesn’t do that all the time though. Plot wise though the comic is pretty straight forward, a women wakes up, can’t remember who she is, has a rotten arm, a elf lady in the room, and a skull on her head. Why? We haven’t gotten to the why yet. The art later on is gorgeous, and the mystery is enticing. But there isn’t enough yet to get a grasp on how good it will be, it doesn’t use it’s time well. Its not a bad comic though, it’s mystery and art is very well done. But, still can’t tell what it’s going to be from what there is. On the other hand though their newer comic is still coming out (albeit in early pages) and is extremely well done with nice art, visual story telling, and an intriguing plot. So as long as they keep making comics like that, I don’t mind how long this stays on hiatus at all.

[pendingoomething]

The Webcomic Graveyard

There are plenty of amazing comics on the internet, but for every good one there seems to be 3 abandoned ones. You never know when one of your favourite comics will be dropped or even simply deleted, and if you’ve read a few webcomics it’s probably happened to you a few times. But, even if unfinished they’re interesting in their own way. So, why not take a short look at some these dead webcomics? 

Firstly, the biggest problem with unearthing abandoned comics is they’re quite difficult to find, especially if they’re from the 2000′s or even early 2010′s. Because if they’re old, abandoned and on the internet, the lists that featured them or even the comics themselves can be long gone in hosting archives or lost with the domain, which isn’t a bad thing. They’re dead comics. But if I’m trying to find those neon coloured wonky lined GL stories where Amazons hang out; Main characters abruptly die in flames while everyone gives up on the quest in act 1; or love interests fly around knocking out angsty protagonists with alien comets left right and centre... Digging up the remains of some of these is going to be a challenge. 

But that being said, let’s have a look at some of the good, the bad, and the tragic of abandoned WLW webcomics. And let’s see if digging these up is as fun as I thought.

Roxie and the Magic Taco

Years: 2015 - 2017 Pages: 114 Reason: Unexplained

First of all, of course there’s a GL comic about a magic taco. Second of all, what a title. This comic is all kinds of weird. it’s art style is painfully 2000′s with the grey shading, gradient backgrounds, geometric yet empty landscapes, and pixelated line work. And this was presumably made in 2015. Everything about this feels and looks like a competent 2000′s comic (minus the furries), but by far the weirdest thing about this comic was that even if I read it twice a while ago, I had NO idea I had only ever read a third of it until a researched it for this list. It went on a small hiatus in the start of 2016 posting a small how it was made list instead of a page which sent you to another part of the website if you clicked on it, so there was a whole year after that update which I had never read because I kept getting stuck on that damn update page without knowing. So I finally go to finish act 1 of this comic after 3 years, and man, what a page to end on.  This comic started out as a small yet surprisingly sweet romance between two characters. Princess a heavily sheltered model(?) who’s father controls her day by the minute, and has lived that way all her life except for the few minutes a day where she takes off all her femme apparel and is allowed to wander around due to a lenient body guard. Think a reverse Hannah Montana if Hannah Monatana was secretly a butchy punk lesbian. And Roxie the stuck in the dead end job for 4 years cashier, who works for an insane grandpa who talks to a “Magic Taco” and has a huge crush on the supermodel princess, well, at least her celebrity persona. And the characters are weirdly... interesting. The plot as batshit as it is is alright, there’s clear conflicts for the characters and the twist before the comic ended revealed the “magic taco” actually existing? There’s definitley a few cons to it too, the art is awkward at times, The backgrounds are weird, and there feels like there’s something missing in the story. But weirdly enough, I still kinda want to know what happens next.  But with what comes next though act I wrapped up on the 23rd of April 2017 with a message saying it would update again in June the same year. It never did. No more updates. No hiatus notices. Just an empty Tumblr, Facebook page, and badly designed website. Apparently act 2 had already been written, so who knows the story behind that one. An orphaned series.

Amazoness!

Years: 2007 - 2010 Pages: unobtainable Reason: Unknown/unobtainable

Alright, we’ve finally come across a comic that’s domain has been deleted (most likely due to the bills on the domain not being paid for a few years) and subsequently has had it’s entire archive destroyed (bar a few blurry Jpegs floating around). So information about this one is going to have to rely on what I can remember from 5 years ago. So... Buckle up, let’s horribly stumble through this one! If Roxie and the Magic Taco felt like a little like 2000′s comic Amazoness! by comparison eat’s and breaths 2000′s. From the early anime influences, bold colours, and ms paint vibes coming from every pore (not that ms paint is inherently bad. More that i’s used particularly). And, I swear, every abandoned comic has a bizarre premise and plot. So what is the plot? Good question. I’m not entirely sure myself.  Amazoness! is set in 559 BC in a fictional Amazonian empire. Think wonder woman but ms paint, a little anime, and a whole lot more lesbian. They live in a women only empire with a giant infamous army, and generally despise men, which makes finding husbands difficult, they’re also basically all lesbians, which  makes finding a husband very difficult. Enter the main character (Left in the panels provided), she’s small and weak compared to her Amazonian peers, which as the next Queen, is a bit of a problem. So she goes on adventures around the ancient world (and by world I mean Greece before being cancelled). It’s a fantasy story with a lot of the 2000′s brand humour, blandish characters, and weird plot. It’s as 2000′s as it gets. But it did have a lot of standout jokes including the dark brooding Amazonian who was originally an ancient goth accidentally starting modern goth fashion in ancient Greece. There was also possibly a trans character, but being the comic that it was, whether that was their gender or whether they were going to become a cross dresser butt of the joke character is up for debate. Considering it was 2007 I’m not the most optimistic about that bit.  All in all though it was the standard 2000′s fantasy comedy genre with some nice jokes, a few starts to some promising romances, a few bludges on some touchy subject material, and pretty forgettable art. Who knew what this comic would have become, as a young teen I wanted to find out, but now it’s just another orphaned series, lost to time. This is not a series that’s sorely missed, But maybe foggily remembered. Oh well. 

Mora and Stima Apei

Years: 2016 - 2017 Episodes: 27 (Including specials + QAs) Reasons: Hiatus. Moving, free time, and starting another comic

What’s this? A webcomic that doesn’t look like it wears baggy jeans, plays snake on a flip phone, and bedazzle tamagotchis in it’s spare time? And I was this close to have a theme here.  But, no. Mora and Stima Apei isn’t from the 2000′s or even 2000′s themed. It’s very modern from its story telling, to its art, to the fact that the authors are qualified in relevant fields. And rather than being specifically abandoned it’s been publicly put on hiatus with a notice and reason why. It’s always nice when creators do that. Whether it will actually be completed story though is still anyone’s guess. It’s still a webcomic.  The comic however is pretty interesting, the visuals are a little rough at the start but greatly improve later on. The characters are beautifully designed, the colours are thought out, the tone is pretty clear, and the monsters are dark and twisted. And I’m always up for dark and twisted monsters. Con wise though is it’s a little wordy and poetic at times. Which I do understand is a style choice here, but at the same time I very much in the show don’t tell camp with things like this. It doesn’t do that all the time though.  Plot wise though the comic is pretty straight forward, a women wakes up, can’t remember who she is, has a rotten arm, a elf lady in the room, and a skull on her head. Why?  We haven’t gotten to the why yet.  The art later on is gorgeous, and the mystery is enticing. But there isn’t enough yet to get a grasp on how good it will be, it doesn’t use it’s time well. Its not a bad comic though, it’s mystery and art is very well done. But, still can’t tell what it’s going to be from what there is.  On the other hand though their newer comic is still coming out (albeit in early pages) and is extremely well done with nice art, visual story telling, and an intriguing plot.  So as long as they keep making comics like that, I don’t mind how long this stays on hiatus at all. 

[allthebest20]

Kindred

by Octavia Butler (1979)

This was easily one of the best books I’ve read in a while.  I finished it in only a few days.  It’s a 9/10, maybe even a 10/10.

The writing style feels almost made-for-the-screen, as it is pretty dialogue heavy, but also very plot driven.  (Note: there is no movie, but there is a graphic novel). There is not a lot of descriptive paragraphs, but the writing is still very vivid and detailed, giving just enough information at just the right times for your brain to see the scene clearly, but not be distracted from the plot.  Sometimes the dialogue felt a little bit unnatural, but only because the events of the book (fantastical time-travel) are quite unnatural.

The publisher, on the back cover, claims this book is Science Fiction / African American literature, but I think I might disagree.  I mean, it’s definitely A. A. lit, but I’m not sure it’s science fiction? There is no time machine or other works of science involved.  Instead, what connects Dana to the past is her own history, her own spiritual connection to her ancestors, specifically her great-grandmother and grandfather, Alice and Rufus.  I think that makes this book fantasy and historical fiction.  Obviously, Butler did a lot of research to make the book’s setting in Antebellum Maryland historically accurate, and in some ways, it reminded me of The Land by Mildred Taylor.  I loved that book when I first read it in 7th grade, before we read it in class, and I think it had a big impact on the way that I think about race.  That book was so sad, so vivid, so real, and it introduced me to the feeling of being stuck in a system stacked against you.  Similarly, Kindred helps one understand how slavery could never have ended with just one proclamation or even one lost war.  The ideals of slavery were so forced on both white, black, and mixed people that extricating oneself from it was nearly impossible, especially for white folks.  It was never an individual problem, it was always societal.  Even Rufus, who had all the ingredients to be a “good white man,” couldn’t even do the bare minimum for Dana or Alice, woman he claimed he loved. 

At the same time, Rufus could have made a positive difference in the lives of the people he owned, and I think it says a lot about the white psyche, even today, that we so often say we want to do good things, but ultimately feel as though we cannot be expected to act outside our own best interest.  I feel that for myself sometimes: like it is so ingrained that we must do what’s best for ourselves, and that we should expect everyone else to do the same, and somehow that will equal out to having things be best for all.  Sure, in an ideal world that MIGHT be true (I’m not sure what an ideal world would even look like), but unfortunately, there’s almost always a power dynamic or some other unevenness.  Rufus was de-facto put in charge of all these people, even though he never asked for that, never qualified for that, and I think that must be one of the excuses he uses to justify his actions.

The book explores the difference between White Sadness and Black Sadness. Here, the black sadness is everywhere: Sarah losing her children, but keeping one and living for that girl; all the other people who lose family members forever to causal slave sales and the fear that they could be punished in that way at anytime; the way the field hands dislike Alice, Dana, and Sarah for their proximity to whiteness; the patrollers and the precarious position of even the free Black people; the hopelessness of trying to run away; the constant threat of rape and then the dispensability that comes when the white man is no longer interested; the violent punishment and the over-working; the total lack of control over one’s circumstances, one’s job, one’s religion and education, one’s family, even one’s own morals; and the idea that no one can enact revenge on the slave owners without hurting everyone else.  |I mean, I could go on, the book is steeped in sadness for the characters and anger for the readers at the apparent helplessness of these strong, smart people.  Dana says it best when she talks about how she does not have the endurance, the strength, that the enslaved people do, because I feel the same way.  I do not have the will to live like some of these people do.  I’d rather be dead than enslaved, but Butler shows how the enslaved people both do and do not feel that way.  It brought up so much anger in me when Dana kept saving Rufus, and he kept treating her like shit.  Made me want to kill that little fucker myself.  But, at the same time, she simply cannot do that until her grandmother is born. This is very similar to the position Alice or Sarah is in: “I would kill that fucking devil, but that would tear apart my family and the family of everyone I know, and definitely come back on my kids.”  What a genius way to portray this.

There’s a lot to be said about what’s wrong with Rufus, but I think one of his driving motives is his sadness.  This is why Dana is called to him in the first place, I think, because he is sad and reckless.  He does not feel loved by his father, who arguably had never been shown love by his own white parents. He was probably raised by black woman who he was simultaneously taught to disrespect.  That’s probably also why he has no respect for Rufus’ mother, and why, in turn, Rufus also has no respect for her.  She probably also did very little of the work to raise Rufus, even if she tries to be there for him.  Her own psyche is so damaged by the messages of slavery and misogyny that her weak brain cannot possibly understand her place in the world or how to feel about it. It’s funny that after her husband dies, Margret is able to be friendlier, more open, and even less racist. Rufus’ only friends seem to be black people, who are probably a bit weary and cautious around him, because their little “friend’s” father can decide to beat or sell them or their families at any time.  So Rufus never learns true friendship, true love.  He doesn’t understand and cannot work on the different parts of himself because he does not have the vocabulary or the experiences to differentiate selfishness, empathy, and justice.  This makes him sad, lonely, and angry.  He should have listened to Dana, but there is no space in his head to understand a smart Black woman.  I don’t mean to sound like I’m excusing him in anyway, he’s the devil, but Butler made him a very dimensional character in a way that makes me reflect on my own whiteness and how I experience whiteness in the world.  Still, it is mind boggling how Rufus again and again has a chance to make the right choice, or a better choice, and chooses something else.  It is clear that he has no sense of morality or objectiveness, only his perception, his desires.  His father, on the other hand, is painted to be a much more close-minded, violent, and cold man, but he still has intacted, yet warped, sense of morality, at least towards other white people. At least, Dana and Rufus seem to believe this, but there is very little evidence of it in the book.

Being white is all about mixed and purposefully misleading messages.  My favorite is how we are taught to fear black men, even though most violence enacted on white woman is from white men.  However, the fear of blackness keeps us from suspecting the white pedophiles, abusers, and rapists in our midst.

It would not be a proper remembering of this novel if I didn’t at least briefly mention Kevin, the white husband.  In 2020, we are no longer marrying dudes that doubt our intuition, who makes us unpack all the boxes, who hold their career success over us so that they can hopefully cajole us into doing their secretary work.  Like the fact he didn’t even consider coming back with her again, even though she was in much more danger their then he would be.  All around, I found him unimpressive.

Alice was also interesting.  It was almost as if Dana felt more kinship with Rufus than with Alice, which makes sense given her circumstance -- that she was called to the past by Rufus’ potential deaths.  Still, sometimes I forget that Alice is Dana’s great-grandmother, because she doesn’t seem to connect with her as inimitably.  At the same time, Dana knows that she is doing Alice a disservice, knows that there are things worse than death, and still, plays a role in creating Alice’s hell to save Dana’s family’s own existence.  Perhaps that is why she cannot be as close to Alice, just like some of the people who work in the fields hate Sarah and Dana.  Perhaps it is a way to illustrate the contentious relationships between black people in that era created by the white people or more specifically, created by the white people’s power and privilege.  I read some on the internet about black unity and black community, and it seems like some of these trends still play out today.  I read on sishi.rose’s instagram today about how when she spoke out about racism in her workplace, black people where some of the most skeptical.  Even today, there is issues in the black community regarding proximity to whiteness on both sides (ie both “your too close to whiteness” and also “I want to be close to whiteness”).  I can’t really speak much more about that, but I haven’t read many narratives about the negative aspects of intra-slave relationships.  It was also interesting to hear about how they created justice within their enslaved communities.  Obviously, the want justice between themselves and the whites, but because that was unobtainable, it felt so... vindicating? empowering? surprising? in the plot when they got to do that in their own community.  A few of them beat up the woman who tattles on Dana when she runs away -- that woman, too, displays more morality in her pinky finger than Rufus has in his entire body when she refrains from telling on her attackers.  Is she scared of being attacked again or being ostracized for her actions? Or does she know that telling on them could lead to their deaths or their movement away from the plantation -- is morality innate or enforced by our surroundings?  Either way.  When that man gets sold and his family blames it on Dana, I think it is Alice who later sets them straight.

All in all, it is a riveting story, that makes a lot of points about race relations in America not only 200 years ago, but today.

[shodansbabygirl]

idk why its such a hard concept to grasp but like.

if the only men your attracted to are 100% unnobtainable i.e. celebrities, fictional characters, married men. you probably aren’t attracted to men.

i know for a fact i am ““attracted”“ to fictional male characters because guess what

they aren’t real

they’re fake.

because of that i can project whatever i want onto them.

however in reality i am not attracted to men and am a lesbian.

because real men, are real people, who i am not attracted to because they are real actual human beings and not a blank fictional canvas i can shape to fit my ENTIRELY IMPOSSIBLE standards for what constitutes an even vaguely attractive man.

because i am a lesbian.

since i am a lesbian, real men obtainable will never be attractive to me. however, fictional ones and even some celebrities will be, because they are idealized men, they aren’t real. ((i mean male celebrities are real people dont treat them like fictional characters but like the way they portray themselves to the press makes them appear kind of fictional to us non-famous people, but thats a different topic))

so again: if the only men you are attracted to are unobtainable and idealized. you probably aren’t attracted to men.

[segadores-y-soldados]

Thinking Globally: Chu’s presentation at GDC 2017

http://www.gdcvault.com/play/1024266/Thinking-Globally-Building-the-Optimistic @kerrigore pointed me in the direction of this and said that I should watch this presentation.  I must say, it was well-worth my time: it’s a little bit over an hour long, but Michael Chu goes into an interesting discussion on three main things:

Creating the world and background setting of Overwatch

Developing the characters and their personalities from their gameplay mechanics

Translating 1 and 2 into the game, comics, animations, and videos (”how we tied it all together in one crazy team-up story”)

I think I’m gonna end up making separate posts on the different parts that stick out the most to me but for some interesting sound bites:

Chu outlined the major “guiding principles” of the entire development team’s process: 1) make it “a future worth fighting for,” 2) “focus on heroes...lots of heroes,” 3) “context in game, story outside.”  Number 1 is focusing on an idealized sort of future that is both realistic (grounded in the real world) and sci-fi based (based on sci-fi technologies).  He said that the team wanted a vision of the Earth that was not “unobtainable” as many sci-fi stories are (aka set “two-thousan years in the future”), but they didn’t want the “gritty, dark” versions of present day Earth that many other video games present.  So they settled on something more halfway (”60 years in the future”).

“Trust your audience” - this one was interesting because Chu said this was the rationale behind why the team presents its story as they do.  He argues that “trusting your audience” to solve the mysteries is more rewarding and engaging than just handing out the lore when the game launches.  While I agree with the principle of the idea (trusting your audience to be smart and witty enough to put pieces together), I don’t fully agree with Blizzard’s current methods for releasing lore, especially the pace at which it is released.  There’s “trusting your audience” and then “leaving them hanging.”

Simplicity - split a complex (mechanics-wise) hero into multiple, simpler (mechanics) heroes.  This is pretty obvious given the fact that the original Reaper had Junkrat’s frag launcher in the Museum Heist short.

“Firm” Science Fiction - the world of Overwatch sits inbetween “soft sci-fi” and “hard sci-fi” with a psuedo-“firm sci-fi.”  This means giving things cool, but easy-to-understand names and mechanics, but not working out the technological details (aka, you’re never gonna get an explanation for how Hard Light works).

Diversity - Chu says that the team is committed to making a diverse cast of characters.  The team understands that “nationality alone is not the same thing as diversity” and that “each character is a combination of traits people identify with.”  

What Makes a Hero - Abilities, Personality, Backstory, Challenges/Goals, Nationality, Relationships, Voice.  IMO, the last one is very, VERY interesting, considering how influential some of the voice actors and actresses have become in the fandom.

Relationships - Chu specifically talks about the relationship between Fareeha and Ana, as well as Fareeha’s inspirations from “her world around her” (other heroes, in particular Reinhardt, her idealism, her sense of justice, etc).  He shows the picture of Fareeha at dinner with an older man from the Reflections comic, while saying that “I don’t just mean romantic relationships - you take a character like Pharah.  She’s defined by her relationships with her family (cuts to pictures of the Strike team + young Fareeha + young Angela + young Jesse, and picture from Reflections), particularly from her mother, Ana.”

7, continued: “She also has an awesome relationship with Reinhardt... She’s much better at ice-fishing than he is.”

HERE’S THE ONE MY FOLLOWERS WANT: (34 minutes) Cuts to a picture of the Old Soldiers - Gabriel, Jack, and Ana - the one that is dropped at the end of the Old Soldier comic and which Jack looks at in the Uprising comic.  “And then I’d like to talk about one of my favorite relationships in the Overwatch universe, which is the one between Gabriel Reyes - now Reaper - Jack Morrison - now Soldier: 76 - and Ana Amari.  Cause it’s a story about power, friendship, and how a changing world can bring people together and split them apart.  It’s a relationship that defines the story of Overwatch, and how Overwatch grew as an organization, and even now today, what they’re all now up to is important to driving forward the current story of the game.  And what I really like about it is that it’s a deep, complex relationship that’s not necessarily only driven by romance, and it highlights how different people can see and experience different events, which brings me to... (changes slide to Sombra with the caption of “Perspective”) Perspective.”

9, continued: alright.  So it’s not “a lot.”  But seriously.  Please watch the segment.  I might be nitpicking words and intentions here, but considering that: 1) Chu emphasizes Fareeha’s relationship with Ana and Reinhardt literally seconds before he switches to the Old Soldiers trio, 2) Chu has retweeted lowkey Anahardt content on his twitter, and 3) “it’s a deep, complex relationship that’s not necessarily only driven by romance” all seem to indicate, however subtly, that Ana is NOT the romantic interest of either Gabriel or Jack.  In any other “similar situation” (two male friends/rivals, one “strong, single female character”) the outcome would be a given - the female character would eventually “choose” a romantic partner and the rejected male character would...ostensibly “go bad.”  In fact, Old Soldiers almost seems to imply that’s what happens - Ana “takes Jack’s side” in the fight between Reaper and Soldier: 76, but the interesting thing is that Reaper is not mad about him losing her, but rather remains mad that “he did this to me.  They left me to become this thing.” (emphasis from comic itself).

9, continued: also important is the idea that “different people can see and experience different events” and how that shapes their perspectives of the world.  Which like: http://segadores-y-soldados.tumblr.com/post/159512959195/alright-so-the-subject-of-ana-being-the-source-of   This particular post talks about.  More specifically, it talks about how these exact three characters can potentially have three extremely different interpretations of the exact same event (Ana’s “death”) and how this might have contributed to the fall out between Gabriel and Jack.

Immediately following the Old Soldiers discussion: “One of the things that we really like doing with Overwatch is playing with perspective.  We utilize perspective when we tell stories about what characters are thinking, what their goals are - and we have a lot of unreliable narrators.”  This is...a very big deal.  I think many of us in the fandom knew each character had a unique perspective on shared events, but this confirms that Blizzard is 100% aware of how they are conveying characters, the character’s motivations, their goals, their flaws, etc.  “We want people to pay careful attention to what characters think about in particular situations.”  Please, see Point 11 again.  “When [Sombra] is telling you something, she’s serving her own ends too.”  Soldier: 76 - “You can take a character like Soldier: 76 - like obviously, he has this mission that he’s on, that he believes is good (Chu’s emphasis), he seems to be willing to sometimes do things which are...maybe not super heroic, and so it makes him complicated.”

Junkrat and Roadhog: Chu has a great section on their two characters, and how they have been affected by their lives and perspectives.

Villains: “What’s important to us is that their motivations are not purely rooted in being evil, despite how they might seem on the surface.  As we reveal more about these characters, we want people to be able to empathize and understand their beliefs.  Because sometimes what makes a villain a villain is the extent to which they’re willing to go to reach their goals.  And one thing that we find most important (Chu’s emphasis) when we’re talking about our villain characters is that there is nothing (Chu’s emphasis) to say that a villain cannot be as charismatic or more (Chu’s emphasis) charismatic or as likeable as a hero character - because, like the old saying goes, ‘every villain is the hero of their own story.’” (Gee I wonder who this section was about)

Character dialogue spectrum: Chu shows a spectrum of characters while discussing their dialogue style.  Ranges from "exaggerate/silly” to “military/serious.”  From Exaggerated/silly over it goes: Junkrat, D.Va, Mei, Zenyatta (middle), Ana, Reaper, Pharah, Soldier: 76.

Timeline: Chu gives a (not detailed) rough timeline of the lore, including where the comics are placed.  

Tracer: the very last thing Chu talks about is Lena Oxton/Tracer.  And for my followers who are feeling concerned about the fact that Blizzard revealed Lena is lesbian/wlw but hasn’t done anything since, I would like to encourage you to watch the end of the presentation.  Chu talks about the team’s commitment to gender and sexuality diversity in the game’s cast, and how Lena represents their starting point for this - that she is a hero we can all aspire to be, and that she has a girlfriend at the same time.  On twitter, Chu has been very public about his support of Korra/Asami, and how excited he is for the next Avatar comic to come out.

Tracer, continued: “From early on, Overwatch has been committed to diversity of all sorts - not just nationality and gender and body type, but also sexuality.”  This, along with their repeated statements that more LGBT+ characters will be confirmed in due time, does give me some small hope that we will see 1) more of Emily (much like with Brigitte, I suspect Emily will show up, but it will take time to see her), and 2) more LGBT+ characters will be revealed or confirmed. 

“What we have always striven to do with the Overwatch universe is to make diversity seem like the fabric of the world, as it is in our world.”  Chu’s commitment to this statement can be found in the Uprising dialogue, both in the game and in the comic, in with Lena plays a major role.  In the comic, she helps convince Commander Morrison to “do the right thing” and send in the Strike Team to rescue the hostages, and in the game mode, she is the fun, cheerful, focused voice of optimism compared to the other more cautionary members.  

Again, I would highly encourage everyone to watch some or all of the presentation.  Super interesting, very thought-provoking.  While I don’t totally love Blizzard’s approach to handling and releasing the story of Overwatch, I do respect and appreciate the perspectives behind the building of it.  Many of Chu’s principles to world-building, character-development, and story-telling are similar to my own (and @kerrigore, who feels the same way about his approach to storytelling).  

[overgrown-earth]

Hands

so this is like... a fan fiction I guess????? 

Phan One Shot

Word count: 281

Summary: Dan loves phil. Phil is oblivious. Dans pov

Everything is blue. The water, the lights everything is blue and it reminds me of his eyes. Full and bright and blue like a clear sky. And suddenly he’s there his sunshine smile lighting the room and his hand stretched out. I took it and followed Phil. His hand was soft gentle and light like a cloud. I was filled with his unending warmth. He was like the sun so bright and warm and absolutely unobtainable. The entire solar system is made of thing constantly falling towards the sun, but none of them ever reach it. I’m a planet or an asteroid, constantly falling for the warm beautiful sun. And so I followed Phil's hand as he pulled me through the aquarium. Like I always did, like I always will. He was talking, smiling and laughing, and I was mesmerized by the sound. It was like deep, rich, symphonic music echoing through me. The laughter rolled off him in waves filling me with an indescribable feeling. I felt cheated every time his voice quieted. I was sure that he had somehow taken a vital part of me. But soon the air around me was again filled with his perfect sound. So we went, for what could have been a second or an eternity, Phil leading me, hypnotizing me with his perfection. And then I felt the soft warmth that had quickly become part of my own skin slip away. Phil withdrew his hand and I found myself lost. He had slipped away from me again. He always did. And yet I always hoped, always held on. He was the unattainable, this beautiful man. And he slipped away. Right through my fingers.