#or all of the above while screaming at me that im a parasite because i’ve been out of the world cause’ve my seizures

[anarchypumpkincowboy]

one day I will live somewhere where I’m never forced to bite my tongue when I’m deadnamed or misgendered or screamed at for things outside of my control. one day I will be free from all my family that does this. one day I won’t have to bite my cheek so hard it bleeds to keep tears at bay while they berate me for being human. one day

[ashby389]

Let’s get married when we turn 18

So angst tuesday is the theme here we go by the way again it’s a little long please bear with it I cried while writing this

Takemicchi stood in front of Mikey who was sitting on a pile of debris the first thing he noticed about him was how thin he was. Mikey wasn’t the same person he was when he left after defeating Valhalla. He looked resigned bags under his eyes and no light in his eyes. If Mikey is here where is S/O? They were inseparable “Never one without the other” as the quote goes. “Mikey......Have you been well”? he asked. Mikey stared at him there was something wrong the look in his eyes were off some how. “Yeah” was his only reply. Takemicchi started to feel overwhelmed and try as he might he felt the familiar burning behind his eyes. “I’m sorry” he blurted out. Trying to wipe the tears away so he didn’t make more of a fool of himself. “Still the same crybaby you never change huh” said Mikey. (I’m not trying to plagiarize so I’m tweaking a few of the word) Takemicchi looked up at Mikey again he was resting his chin on the palm of his hand with a smile on his face. Takemicchi grinned back at him he was happy to se that smile again. Mikey stood up and put his hands in his pockets he felt the cool metal of the gun he had in one of the pockets. “I brought you here because I need to ask you for a favor ”he said. This confused Takemicchi because normally Mikey either asked Draken or S/O to do things for him. Which again is the question Where is S/O. Naoto had no information on their where about for the last year. “A favor”? he asked. Mikey looked around with a sadder smile. “I brought S/O a couple of times to tell and show her things about Shinichiro it was nostalgic for a time. When we were young we fought we learned things laughed and cried together. That’s how Toman grew” he said with a closed eye smile. Takemicchi stared at Mikey with hope and a smile on his face. Mikey in his eyes was still the same there is no way he killed Mitsuya and the others. The Mikey of now is still the Mikey I got to know in Toman he didn’t change. Mikey looked up at the sky through the opening from above clouds moved so slowly his eyes went blank for a second. “Toman changed so much” he mumbled. This shocked Takemicchi he gave Mikey a confused look. “Huh”? Mikey looked back at him with a smile. “Hey Takemitchy why did you leave Toman? I wanted us to stay together I wanted you to stay with me like a big brother would” “W-w-what”? He left Toman? Why would he- “I tried to fix everything myself without S/O’s help they were stressed enough but I couldn’t control everything. It made me realize I’m never going to be like I was in the past” he said. “Mikey what do you mean”?. Mikey’s hair covered his eyes tht wer filled with the same darkness he used to fight to keep at bay. “ I tried to stop you from leaving Toman but Mitsuya and Draken tried to stop me which was a mistake” he said. (I know im skipping the flash back but yall wanna know what happened to S/O) No no no no no is the only words going through Takemicchi’s head when he realized what that meant. “Those two-” “Were the last.....I’m the one that killed them. The Toman from before is gone I made sure of it ” Does that mean he killed S/O too no way he would never! They were talking about actually getting married when they turned eighteen but Mikey didn’t have a ring or anything. What the hell kind of reality did we create? Thoughts just kept running in his mind. “That’s why I want you to stop me” Mikey walked down from the debris and stood right in front of him. With a smile he said. “Kill me” “What happened to S/O” he asked. A light sparked in Mikey’s eyes but just as quick as it came it was gone. “I want it all to end here. My dream” “Mikey what happened to S/O what did you do to them? I just wanted to see you again and now your asking me to kill you! Where is S/O why aren’t they here with you”? Mikey started to feel his heart shattering the more Takemicchi said their name. It made him remember their smile how they would call him my love unless he was in trouble then it was Manjiro. “Hakkai said the same thing before I killed him. I remember when I first killed someone I felt nothing. It worried S/O they tried over nd over again to get me to talk They stayed with me even after finding out that I killed all of our friends. When I told them that things were easier when you kill those who get in our way” Takemicchi grabbed Mikey’s shoulders and stared at him tears falling. “No it’s not true you haven’t changed S/O would have stopped you they would never have let you do all those things! So why are you talking about murder and all that bullshit! S/O would have- Mikey flipped him over his shoulder slamming him on the ground taking out his gun her pushed it against his cheek and glared down at Takemitchy. “Don’t you get it? I killed S/O” he declared. That shook Takemicchi to his core but if what he said about the others was true. Mikey put another gun next to him. ”Take the gun because if you don’t kill me I will kill you” he said. Mikey had tears in his eyes they fell on his cheeks everything mikey was doing was contradicting with what he told Takemicchi.  “We can’t go back in time no matter how much we want to” BANG!! Mikey felt the burning of the bullet as it went into the side of his head(I don’t know medical stuff so please don’t ding me for this) Mikey blacked out for a couple of seconds he heard someone screaming his name. Opening his eyes again he saw Takemicchi holding him it made him happy not to be alone. “Thank you Tachibana Naoto, Takemitchy wouldn’t have been able to do it....Finally” “Mikey please tell me where S/O is I can call them to meet us” said Takemicchi. Mikey had the saddest look in his eyes as tears fell from his eyes. “They’re gone Takemicchi- “You would never have hurt them- “I lied when I said I killed them but I might as well have” The wound was bleeding more the blood spread down Takemicchi’s fingers onto the dirt floor. Mikey looked to the side Takemicchi’s eyes followed to the spot next to them there was dried blood next to them. How? How didn’t he notice it? Mikey reached out and touched the spot.

                                               FLASHBACK

S/O walked into the same place Mikey and Takemicchi were on the phone. “Listen we don’t have much time left can you do this one last favor for me”? “Yes I know but I need to get Mikey away from them I knew Kisaki was a piece of shit but that other bastard pun intended is worse than him! He’s twisting Mikey up so badly that he doesn’t know left from right” S/O looked at her hand Mikey had proposed to then a couple of nights ago and that solidified their stance they need to leave Japan with Mikey even if they have to drug him. He can be as mad as he wants with them away from the parasites known as Izana  Kurokawa and Tetta Kisaki. “Look if this fails i’ll take the heat for it Mikey might have done horrible things but he would never kill me even if Izana and Kisaki told him too. I gotta go Mikey’s supposed to meet me here soon I’ll broch the topic when I see him for now get everything ready” They hung up sighing it’s for the best after all the bullshit they went though. Clapping came out of nowhere turning they saw said parasites both with big grins Izana clapping. “Wouldn’t have said it better myself unfortunately your right he wont kill you no matter how many times we tell him too” said Kisaki. S/O shrugged putting their phone away. “Being their S/O and best friend since before Draken comes with the territory but tell me something. Have either of you ever had that someone that is your person? That you didn’t have to break to be loyal and love you they just did out of reflex. The one you can always count on to have your back? Someone that will be in the cell next door of you get caught with a plan that gets both of you out or neither of you? That person that will walk through hell with a smile on their face while holding you hand the whole time. Or go to the heavens and laugh with you talking about the good time the bad and the complicated. Your ride or die? Or someone that will always choose you over everyone else no matter what? That is who Mikey and I are to each other so whatever your scheming now to try and break us up again it won’t work. Mikey will never leave me for you” they said glaring at them. The more she spoke the more hatred they had of S/O. Kisaki because of Hinata, Izana because of how deep the loyalty and love Mikey had for S/O. Izana chuckled and stood right in front of them taking a step back S/O was met with a wall they looked up Kakucho Hitto. HE looked sad because at one point they had started to become real friends They glared at Izana. “So you brought your lap dog with you too” they hissed. “Now that’s just mean S/O you might hurt his feelings” said Kisaki with a smirk. “I’m sorry” said Izana looking right in their eyes. This baffled S/O Izana  Kurokawa apologizing it wasn’t just them Kisaki and Kakucho looked confused as well. “I’ve been a terrible brother in law I know it’s a little sudden but now that Mikey proposed maybe we could start over”? he asked smiling. BULLSHIT came to mind Izana always made it very clear that he wanted them gone. At the same time though they had to think about the plan if this was legit it will be easier to get Mikey out. “What are you playing at Izana”? demanded Kisaki teeth clenched enraged. “Shinichiro would have wanted us to get along and be there for Mikey” was the only thing he said. He spread out his arms with a smile. “We should hug it out like families do” he said. They felt movement behind them and they looked at Kisaki he was grinning. S/O felt the air move and heard the crunching of the dirt they moved. Kakucho had a knife in his hand whirling out of the way they spun kicked Kakucho in the rids as hard s they could. Oh the joy they felt when they heard the crunching of his ribs and the snarling pain he felt. S/O made tried to run this was an assassination they realized. They weren’t fast enough Kisaki body slammed then into the dirt dragging them up. S/O kicked wildly screaming as loud as they could trying to elbow Kisaki to let them go. The hope was Mikey would already be near by and would hear that they were in trouble. Mikey had just arrived but he didn’t hear S/O screaming. “Hmm I wonder why wifey wanted to meet here” he asked himself happily. He was so excited finally after waiting all this time since thy were kids he knew that S/O would be the one he would spend the rest of his life with. They would marry have children grandchildren. He knew he didn’t deserve to be happy after all the terrible things he did but he wanted to be selfish and be happy for once after so long. The best part he’s marrying his soulmate cheesy yes but true. He started walking in the building. “Izana please don’t do this to him”! they yelled. Izana walked over to where kakucho was laying glaring down at him Izana picked up the knife. Kakuch scrambled to get up he helped kisaki steady them “No Kakucho please please your not like them! He won’t survive this please” they begged screaming and crying. Kakucho couldn’t meet their eyes a lump forming in his throat and a familiar burn in his eyes. “Wow what a change of heart after that passionate speech S/O” said Izana walking towards them. “Izana please don’t do this Mikey is your brother” they begged. “Yes but like you said he will always choose you over me and I can’t have that. He is my Shinichiro” he said glaring. “The real Shinichiro and Emma would never have wanted this- A horrible burning sensation went through her mid section. They looked down Izana stabbed them pulling out the knife he plunged it in again and again and again. S/O had never seen so much of their blood until now. Kakucho and Kisaki dropped S/O who fell to their knees. Izana held the knife admiring it and the blood. That’s the scene Mikey walked into his heart dropped when he saw S/O drop to the ground coughing up blood. Izana saw mikey still smiling he said. “Hello brother don’t worry everything will be fine now” he said. Mikey ran to S/O falling to his knees he picked them up there was blood everywhere. “We should leave let them say goodbye see you soon little brother I hope now you understand i’m the only family you have left” said izana smirking. Kisaki followed him. Kakucho stood the for a moment and bowed he was so full of regret he thought S/O was a good person but in the end good people in their world never last long. “Hey wifey wake up please” he begged quietly crying. S/O opened their eyes and looked at Mikey. “What took you my love”? “Ha I was asleep i’m sorry baby” he said. “You will always be a child my love that’s what made me fall in love with you that and when you would hold me just like this I always felt safe and protected” thy whispered. “I couldn’t protect you this time” he cried. S/O smiled gently they raised their hand to touch his cheek. “Silly love you couldn’t have known that they would be here” “I should have guessed they always hated you” “Manjiro enough” He looked into S/O’s eyes the bright lights in them dulling. “I want you to promise me three things” they said. Mikey took their hand and kissed their knuckles nodding, “One don’t go after Kisaki or Izana” S/O- “No- they started to cough with more blood. “Okay okay” he said trying to calm them down. “Second Find Takemicchi make sure he is okay I don’t trust them not to hurt him” “Ha of course you would think about the cry baby hero” he said with a watery smile. “He was my favorite after you and Draken I spoiled you three equally....mostly you” “You are my wifey so obligations fall on you” That made S/O smile they loved Mikey so much it just hurts so badly that they didn’t even get married and now they are going to leave Mikey behind. “The last thing”? he asked. “Escape from them leave Japan there is a number on my phone I as going to tell you we should leave together but looks like it’ll just be you this time my love”  Their breathing was getting labored they stopped feeling pain a minute again. “Hey Mikey”? “Yes wifey”? “In our next life let’s get married when we turn eighteen”? He closed his eyes in agony he could hear them as a child in middle school and high school saying it again and again. When he opened them the light in their eyes was gone they had stopped breathing. He held them closer. They were gone. “AHHHHHHHHHHH”!!!!!!!!!

                                          PRESENT TIME

Takemichhi couldn’t breath they murdered S/O infront of mikey. “That was a week ago” “That’s why you wanted me to kill you” he whimpered. “I just want to see their face one more time even if I never see them again after” mikey as crying from a broken soul. “It’s over all my life I have been suffering it was worse when S/O was gone even breathing became it’s own hell” “No Mikey I can change it all I can go back in time and bring S/O back Please don’t say such sad things” Mikey looked to the side and he saw a blur then he saw them with wide eyes. S/O was standing there they were so young in their middle school uniform with a black jacket over their shoulders smiling at him. He looked back at Takemicchi he stopped feeling pain and that was a good thing. With a breathy laugh he leaned closer to takemicchi. “You word comforted me even if they are beautiful lies....your hand is so warm” he said. The next thing Mikey knew he was standing in front of S/O confused but happy he held S/O in one of his octopus hugs like they called them. “You came back” he whispered. Shaking their head they touched his blonde hair. “Huh”? he asked touching his hair. He was in his Toman uniform he spun around and round confused. “My love stop” they giggled. “Wait if your here and I’m a kid again- He looked over and he saw takemicchi holding his body. S/O wrapped their arms around Mikey’s waist pressing their head in his back. “I died” he said. Nodding S/O kissed his back sadly. He turned to them with a sad look in his eyes he wished he didn’t do this to Takemitchy. “You waited for me”? he asked. “As your wifey I have obligations like waiting for your lazy butt” they laughed. He laughed kissing them then deepening the kiss until they couldn’t breath. (I know they died but they aren’t vampires that’s another fic) “ We should go” they said. Mikey hesitated because he knew they might be separated again. S/O scoffed knowing what he was thinking. “Manjiro stop talking” they said “I didn’t say- “Your thinking so loud I’m sure the llorona heard you” (weeping lady) “We aren’t separating not ever again but there are some people that wanna see you they missed you so much but first sit your butt down and let me fix your hair” He complied laughing she pulled his blonde locks back to the way it was before he cut it short. As they stood looked over at Takemicchi, Naoto was comforting him as he cried over Mikey’s body. S/O took his hand and pulled him away there was a huge bright light they looked over at him. “Ready”? they asked. Mikey interlocked their fingers holding tight. “Always” he said happily. “Oh wait no your not” they said. This made Mikey freak out will they separated what what what was he missing!!!. S/O took off the jacket and held it out to him. “Huh”? he asked. “What’s a president and or commander without his uniform”? they asked cheekily. “You brat you scared me “he exclaimed. “You knew I was a brat the moment we started dating and got engaged no take backs” they said wagging their finger at him. He pretended to bite at their finger putting on the jacket. It felt weird wearing it but at the same time it felt right. He grabbed their hand again smiling they pulled him into the light. Mikey opened his eyes and looked a round confused he was standing in the shrine. “S/O what is this”? he asked. He looked around they were gone he started panicking no no no not again he thought. “Oy Mikey” that voice. It made him freeze on the spot. “I think you broke him” said another familiar voice. Mikey turned there stood Draken, Emma, Baji, Chifuyu and the others. He had tears in his eyes but he didn’t care they were here. “My love you look shocked” said S/O pulling a man forward. Shinichiro smiled at his brother he knew the pain Mikey went through and he had so many regrets. “ Hey little brother” he said Mikey lost it he rand and jumped on his brother. The others were watching happily knowing this is the most emotion Mikey has ever displayed in front of them. “It’s alright now stop crying your embarrassing me” Shinichiro laughed. Emma smiled hugging S/O she was so happy to have her family back. When they stood Mikey looked at his friends the ones he killed. “I’m sorry” he said bowing to them. Draken had a tick on his forehead. “Oy Mikey stop apologizing your a president you don’t bow to anyone” he snarled. Mikey froze and looked up they were all smiling at him. He was never more grateful to have a family like this more then this moment. Baji got tired of the mushy stuff and punched Mitsuya on the shoulder. “What the fuck” “Hey I’m happy deal with it”! “You wanna go”! They started fighting in the background. Emma hugged Mikey as tight as she could. “They are both Octopie Octopuses I don’t fucking now but they are” said Draken. “Your right they are it’s cute though” said S/O Draken couldn’t argue there he missed his best friends now they’re all together laughing and just being happy. “By the way my love you only bow to one person” said S/O. Mikey let Emma go and stood in front of them. Emma went next to Draken he rapped an arm around her shoulder both blushing. “Oh yeah who is that”? he asked pulling them close. “Me” the said kissing him. Wolf whistles and cat calls is all they got separating. He held them from behind resting his chin on their shoulder. “My love”?  “Hmmm yes wifey” he looked at them “Let’s get married when we turn eighteen”            Fin

[abused-sides]

When do you think Remus/Janus said "I love you" to Logan the first time? Or Logan to them? (Or even when they said it to each other cause im sure it was long before they even met Logan)

Tw: this au follows the sides as abuse survivors.

More trigger warnings for homophobic parents, sexual implications, something could be seen as dubious consent (not sexual) but i don’t think so, repression of feelings, ignoring self care

Oh, Remus and Janus definitely said it to each other long before they met Logan.

[

]

Remus often escaped his house by spending night after night at Janus’. His parents weren’t exactly thrilled- They didn’t like the way Remus presented himself, the way he talked, his psychosis scared them, they suspected he was gay, among other things -but Remus was so kind to them and insisted on helping around the house that they couldn’t find it in their hearts to kick him out.

Janus and Remus had to hide their relationship, because Janus’ parents were severely homophobic, and it actually scared Janus to have Remus over so often because he knows Remus doesn’t have a filter, and it would be very, very bad if Remus were to spill about either their relationship or Janus’ sexuality.

One night, they had Janus’ door locked, and the two of them were cuddling in Janus’ bed (they never fell asleep cuddled together, as Remus had a blow-up mattress he was supposed to sleep in, but they cuddled every night before going to bed) and Remus mentioned that when Janus left for the bathroom, his parents cornered Remus about their sexualities and their relationship.

Janus stiffened. He was certain that this was a warning, that they had to get out of there as soon as possible. “What did you say?”

“I told them that you’re my best friend and sucking your dick would be disgusting.”

Janus laughed weakly as Remus puctuated his words by grabbing him. Janus pushed his hand away and pulled him closer.

“Thank you. That’s... That’s good. But...” The colour was quickly draining from his face. His mind flashed with every lie he could come up with to derail their attention. “But they suspect, they’re going to-“

“They don’t suspect shit.”

Janus paused. “What? How?”

“I told them about all the hetero sex you’re having.”

Janus dissolved into weak snickers, burying his face in Remus’ hair. “You didn’t.”

“I did. It was all I could think of. I’m not as good of a liar as you are.”

“Well, I can’t say that I’m looking forward to that conversation... But it’s miles better than the alternative. Thank you, darling.”

Remus reached up and kissed him, aiming for the mouth but largely missing. Janus grinned and cupped his face, pressing their foreheads together.

“Remus.” Janus’ voice was such a quiet whisper than Remus almost didn’t hear. “I love you. I hope you know that.”

Remus hesitated. He tried to keep his voice as quiet as Janus’, but it wavered. “Like... Like- Like you’re in love with me?”

Janus laughed and brushed his hair back. “Yes. Like I’m in love with you.”

“I’m in love with you, too!” Remus whisper-screamed, and launched forward to kiss him again.

Janus laughed and wrapped his arms around Remus’ back, kissing him softly.

Janus and Remus telling Logan they loved them came much, much later, long after they met him.

Logan had snuck over to their apartment again when they couldn’t sleep (the two gave them a spare key long ago) and walked in on them making out with music playing.

Logan clicked off the music and gave them a look. “The entire building can hear this, you know.”

“Good!” Remus shouted while Janus asked, “Did it keep you up?”

“No.” Logan sat at the edge of the bed, body turned towards them. “That was something else.”

Janus took note of Logan’s body language, the way they opened themselves up to the two of them, their choice in clothes- Their boxers and a tank top -and, above all, the way they looked at the two of them.

Janus grinned. It was one of those types of nights. Because Logan would never in a million years ask for it, never admit they needed it, Janus scooted over so there was a space between him and Remus, and opened his arms.

Logan blushed, and stumbled over a refusal the way they always did the first time, a formality Janus and Remus hated. They waited patiently for them to decide some human contact wouldn’t actually kill them or make any less of them, and they crawled into the open space.

Remus latched onto Logan like a parasite, tangling their legs together and winding his arms around Logan’s waist, under their tanktop. Janus draped an arm around their shoulders and rubbed their exposed tummy. Logan flushed bright red and adjusted to the contact as Remus found a documentary they would all enjoy.

They didn’t pay too much attention to it. Remus buried his face in Logan’s neck, and Janus’ fingers had found their hair, rubbing and scratching slowly on their scalp, rendering them mostly limp.

About twenty minutes in, Remus had sighed, warm breath fanning across Logan’s neck and making them shiver. “I love you,” he said. “You’re my second first favourite person.”

Janus held back a sigh as Logan’s eyes snapped open, their body tense. “Remus, we talked about this. We were waiting for them to come to us.” No use hiding it now.

“But they’re never going to, and if I don’t tell them now, I’ll explode!”

Janus pulled his hands away to give Logan some of their mind back, and shooed at Remus to pull off, as well.

“I’m sorry, what?” Logan managed.

Janus sighed again and tipped Logan’s head to meet his eyes. “You’re the dumbest, most dense human I’ve ever met. Are you really surprised?”

“That Remus, uh...”

“That we both love you.” Logan leaned into Janus’ touch, so he ran his thumb across their cheekbone. “That we’ve loved you for a while, and we were waiting for you to realize that having feelings for another person doesn’t make you weak.”

They fell silent, letting Logan process. Finally, they said, “You both love me?” They both nodded, Remus giggling. “So you... You want...”

Janus forced Logan to meet his eyes. “We want you to be our partner. Or, if it would make you more comfortable, we could call you our boyfriend in front of the others.”

“This can’t surprise you,” Remus insisted, and found Logan’s hand. He laced their fingers, and Logan squeezed his hand. “I mean... I don’t know about Jan-Jan, but I’m not subtle.”

“You don’t have to say you love us back,” Janus said softly. “We’re not expecting that of you. But think, have we ever made fun of you? Ever took advantage of your vulnerability?” Logan was quickly relaxing. They shook their head. “Do you want to be with us?”

Logan slowly nodded. “Um... Yes. I would- I would enjoy- enjoy that.”

Remus squealed and nuzzled into their neck, startling a weak laugh out of Logan.

“I love you,” Janus said softly. “You don’t have to say it back if you can’t.”

“Can we kiss you?” Remus asked impatiently, shaking their hand.

Logan laughed a little and leaned back against the bedframe, nodding shakily. Remus kissed them hard on the mouth, tangling his hands in their hair and pulling them close. Janus watched with an eye roll as Remus practically devoured them, pulling away to leave Logan with flushed skin and glassy eyes.

They flicked an expectant gaze to Janus. Janus didn’t move. “Are you sure? It’s okay if this isn’t what you want-“

“I want this.” Logan pursed their lips and looked away. “I- I do... Want this. Don’t get that confused with my... Problems.”

Janus stroked down the side of their face and brought them close. He kissed the tip of their nose, and then their mouth, lightly, pulling away only for Logan to chase after him.

The three of them traded kisses for a while, until Logan was completely relaxed and receptive, and they resumed their favourite cuddle position.

It was a few months before Logan was comfortable enough to say it back. They spent twelve hours at the library working on their freelance work, to the point where Remus and Janus dragged them out of there and made them eat and shower. Logan didn’t bother going back to their own apartment, just fell into bed with them, already half asleep.

“Goodnight, Lo-Lo,” Remus whispered, kissing the back of their neck and spooning them.

Janus brushed their hair back and kissed their forehead. “Tomorrow, you’re taking the day off. We can go to the planetarium you like.”

“I have deadlines,” Logan murmured.

“Your body has deadlines on when it needs to eat, but you sure had no problems ignoring that today.”

Logan was too tired to blush, but Janus recognized the embarrassed wrinkle of their nose.

“Get some sleep,” Janus whispered. “We love you.”

“I love you, too.”

It was half mumbled, and the two of them almost missed it. Remus squealed quietly and laughter bubbled from Janus’ lips. They held Logan tightly between them, giving them soft kisses before settling in to sleep.

// so this ended up being 10 times longer than i thought it would be. I’m a sl*t for intruloceit, please enjoy.

[thoughtbot-tinyrobots]

[screaming]

neamonitakis: I’ve also had a pretty gnarly rat :tm: experience at one apartment in Brooklyn

neamonitakis: so I can understand how hard it is when your home is infested

neamonitakis: I lived in an historic building in BK Heights and the garbage room was getting completely gutted to put in a compactor thing.

neamonitakis: so this displaced an entire colony of rats

neamonitakis: I lived on the third floor, so I figured I was fine

neamonitakis: I was not.

neamonitakis: Simultaneously, we were having an issue in our bathroom. A leak had broken the ceiling apart just above our bathtub, a tiny little hole

neamonitakis: Or so we thought....

neamonitakis: so I’m just hanging one night, watching some TV, and I heard a weird thud, followed by some odd scratching sounds

neamonitakis: open the bathroom and the ceiling caved into the bathtub completely

neamonitakis: and theres like a foot long rat

eunjee: DONT FINISH THAT SENTENCE

neamonitakis: just sitting in the bathtub]

louis: TOO LATE

neamonitakis: and I’m like

neamonitakis: you gotta be kidding me

neamonitakis: it does not end here though

mjankowski: you’re going to have mutant powers at the end of this story right?

neamonitakis: totally.

eunjee: i cannot look away

neamonitakis: so basically

neamonitakis: now I am like

neamonitakis: ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ wtf

neamonitakis: and I am like making sure the door is shut

neamonitakis: while I look for a device to pick it up with? thro wit out the window?

neamonitakis: like I dont even know what to do

neamonitakis: eventually I’m like, let me call the super!

neamonitakis: he shows up

neamonitakis: and is like

neamonitakis: nope.

neamonitakis: im not doing that

neamonitakis: call animal control

neamonitakis: CALL ANIMAL CONTROL

neamonitakis: we did not do that

neamonitakis: because like, its in my damn apartment NOW

eric: when I was living in a tent in New Orleans we had to dig a rat moat so we could sleep at night this is my story okay thanks

neamonitakis: omg I wish i had a moat

neamonitakis: sadly all I had was a paper towel, some organic almond butter and a cardboard box

neamonitakis: so I baited it

eliza: damn this is better than late night tv

neamonitakis: the lil rat LOVED the almond butter

neamonitakis: and was eating it up

neamonitakis: this gave me enough time to slam the box shut and start running down to the street

neamonitakis: OR SO I THOUGH

neamonitakis: So I’m on the 3rd floor and I am straight up sprinting down the stairs

neamonitakis: holding this GROSS creature

neamonitakis: and I get to the 2nd floor

neamonitakis: and I see A HAND EMERGE

neamonitakis: A PAW?

neamonitakis: A HAND?

neamonitakis: i dunno

eunjee: with your hand with paper towel as a glove...? in the cardboard box?

sharplet: A CLAW

neamonitakis: nope

neamonitakis: I was just holding the box at this point running

neamonitakis: and I am freaking out cause now I see 2 of them and its definitely climbing out

neamonitakis: so now im like shit i have to do something

neamonitakis: and the building I was in was interesting

neamonitakis: each floor was like a tiny balcony

eliza: omg did you throw it over the side?!?! epic

neamonitakis: I launched that little rat

neamonitakis: right over the side

neamonitakis: because I was NOT gonna start a fist fight with a rat

Jeff Stolz: Did it have wings?

neamonitakis: dude

neamonitakis: it flew

neamonitakis: it made it all the way to the street

neamonitakis: and bounced

neamonitakis: I felt AWFUL

neamonitakis: so I ran down to make sure it was okay

neamonitakis: and it was like passed out

neamonitakis: and then it heard me

neamonitakis: and like shook its head and ran away

neamonitakis: it was totally fine

neamonitakis: it scurried off but man

neamonitakis: the adrenaline was pumping at this point

neamonitakis: but really, it wasn’t over

eliza: jfc

neamonitakis: the rat left us a treat

eric: oh damn

neamonitakis: RAT MITES

neamonitakis: a new thing I got to learn about

neamonitakis: when I saw these black spots jumping around our bathroom

neamonitakis: and thought I was going NUTS

sharplet: you are cursed

neamonitakis: yup, apparently this thing was nasty and feral

eliza: good thing you didn’t let it bite you.

neamonitakis: exactly

eliza: super powers for sure

eunjee: > What are rat mites? Rat mites, scientific name ornithonyssus bacoti, are tiny parasites that live on rats and inside their nests and feed off of rat blood. But sometimes, when they can't find rats to infest, they resort to making a meal out of the blood of humans.

neamonitakis: YUP

neamonitakis: definitely were biting me

louis: …did they like almond butter, too?

neamonitakis: I think just the blood

neamonitakis: well thanks for coming to my TED talk

neamonitakis: I definitely have a photo of the bathtub somewhere

neamonitakis: with the rat in it

neamonitakis: I can’t locate it right now though lol