#or I'll properly pick up paradise lost

[john-bitchester]

Ciel I am literally screaming. This made me go 'I should read the bible so I can think about SPN better' I am very tired, so not all words entered my brain, but the whole 'rinse and repeat' is too good.

The fact that John is god bc they made him god, but also the fact that God/John made cain and abel, made Sam and Dean, made sin itself. The fact that the only reason they hold their status is because of the 'sin' that is comitted. They were God already, but they cannot settle into that role until they have an anti-pole: sin gives them importance and weight. Without that first step of the sacrifice, of the betrayal, the first crack between the brothers, God/John would never have gained the weight they hold, because it is that crack that gives them their importance.

It makes me think of paradise lost (translated translated quote) 'who doesn't know me, must be unknown themselves'

They can never truly understand the essence of who they are, without understanding the essence of the rinse and repeat story, they are unknown for the Cain and Abel story is a display of misgivings (God loves Abel more than he loves me) and until they know themselves, they cannot know how the story will end.

To go on with Milton: (translated translation) The spirit itself is a place that can make heaven to hell, and hell to heaven.

This is Satan himself, which makes me think of Lucifer in what I think is Swan song (I'm working off off my untrustworthy memory) saying 'God made me as I am'

Which to me fits so neatly in the whole mess of it all, because God did make lucifer as he was, rinse and repeat. Without Cain and Abel no Lucifer and Michael, no Sam and Dean. It is their versions of God that make them repeat, it's their own belief system and mistrust that creates heaven and hell, it is their very essence, their story, doomed by the narrative, that puts them in this position where they repeat this story.

I can't remember exactly if it's post se5 or not, so not sure if you will see it as canon, but we see heaven at some point, and it is a collection of their best memories, with the major difference being that what for Sam is a great memory, is a horrific one to Dean, it's another proof of who they are and the roles they have been cast into. Where Sam needs freedom and to be his own, Dean needs approval and to be seen. Their heaven is quite literally their hell, as dictated by the spirit.

If it wasn’t for cain and abel they would not get divided in the same manner, but as it stands now, it is that backstory creating them (the spirit) into whom they are, making their hell to heaven, for the other and vice versa

always so intrigued how sam's forgiveness and acceptance of john coincides with his loss of faith in the christian god, and dean's loss of faith in john coincides with his growing suspicion that god might be real. like it's fine guys you can just say your daddy is your religion

[itscuppicakes]

This is something I put together bc haha toxic parents go brrrr

Donnie X Reader: Gaslighting parents

TW: emotionally abusive parents, vent, cursing

You sat on your bed, writing whatever thinks came into your mind. Your trash can halfway full of crumbled up papers with run on sentences and imperfect writings.

"You're just looking for things to be mad about!"

Those words flooded your mind, like waves from the oceans trying to fit into a single water bottle.

You always felt like you were overreacting over something that hurt you, but this was different.

You don't know if it was because you've been visiting your sister a lot more, or maybe it's the trama that took away that innocent thought that your mother is always right, making you realize that your feels are vaild.

You were talking to your mom about a character from a story that you liked, and pulling a joke about how you where falling for characters that are not anywhere near your type.

"You DO know that they're fictional, right?" Those words fell out of her mouth and into your ears, and it felt horrible.

Your mother always asked this question when you talked about the characters you admired, and this was the last straw.

"Yes, mom. I promise you, I'm not crazy," I chuckled awkwardly, trying to play it off. That didn't go so well.

"I never said that! Don't put words in my mouth, little girl."

You hated when she called you that, acting like she's always in the right. She's the good guy.

'God f*cking damnit,' You thought.

"Well Mom, that kinda hurt my feelings."

The woman scoffed, "Okay." She uttered, continuing to play her game on her cellphone.

You look over at your stepfather mom's husband, and he chuckled. 'Enjoying the show, A-hole?'

You stood up and headed to your bedroom to blow of some steam in peace. You weren't in the mood today.

"I love you." Those guilt tripping words stung like a bee, but the bee would be paradise compared to this.

"You too." You forced the words out of your mouth and they fell face flat onto the carpet.

"Are you mad at me now?" She asked in a snarky manner. You turned around, and looked at her.

"WELL, Mom. Yes I am, I'm not gonna lie."

"Ugh, you're just looking for things to be mad about!"

"Okay, mom. Whatever." You walked to your bedroom upstair and closed the door.

You grabbed your phone and texted your purple-wearing-turtle boyfriend. Your fingers scattered across the keyboard, trying to put together words that don't come across as rude.

He responded quickly, as usual.

"Ofc. Want me to pick you up?"

"Yes, please."

"Okay,, I'll be there in exactly 8 minutes and 23 seconds."

"Thanks, Dee. Love you, see you in a few💜"

"You too, Babe."

You tried to act as subtle as possible, trying not to make him worry, but Donnie knew something was up.

8 minutes and 23 seconds after you texted him, you heard a knock on your window. You opened it and saw your boyfriend standing on the fire escape with a hoodie on and his hands in his kangaroo pocket.

Snow was everywhere from the snow storm New York had the night before. The cool air was creeping into your bedroom, sending chills down your spine.

"You called?" You sighed. "Hi, Babe," you mumbled as you get your laptop from it's charging port and stuffed it in your dufflebag, which was full of clothes for the night and tomorrow.

"You wanna talk about it or want to wait until we get to the lair?"

You paused for a second and continued packing. "Just get me the f*ck away from this hellhole."

"Okay." Donnie knew when to push and when to not push, and you cussing and face red gave him the idea of what not to do.

He kisses your head to comfort you, grabbed your hand and helped you out of the window so you won't fall.

A few minutes have passed and he had his arm around your shoulders as you two walked the back strets of the city. You played with his digits, lost in thought.

"Did you eat before I got you?" "..Didn't want to down there." "Okay, we'll order something from somewhere and take it home. It's my turn to get dinner anyways."

"I want to never go back there.."

"I know, Babe."

Donnie knew about your situation at home. All of the Mad Dogs did. They really hated your parents for it.

You are the sweetest person and you never want to hurt others that didn't hurt you. But oh god, you counted the days until you could move in with April in the apartment you two are saving up for.

Your boyfriend has been taking you away from your apartment more and more, and it hurts him to see you like this.

"She tried to gaslight me again."

"Why does that not surprise me? What did she say?"

You sighed, recalling the argument. After you tell him, he rubs your small hand that's in his.

"So you were just making friendly conversation and when she said something that offended you, she got mad at you for telling her your feelings?"

"Yep." "She's the crazy person." "What else is new?"

"I'm so f*cking tired of all this bullsh*t, Donnie. I'm so stressed because I have exams tomorrow, and the past two weeks have drained me. I'm tired, I have bags under my eyes and I'm not eating properly. Hell, I'll be lucky if I get a glass of water in me."

He hated seeing you like this. He wanted to help you, but he can't just tell your parents off. He's a turtle and they don't even know that you a boyfriend.

"Have you called your sister?" "She said I can come over next week." "Good."

Once you two ordered the food for everyone, you started to walk in the sewers.

"Hey, Y/n?" "Hm," you hummed as you eat the mcflurry Donnie and you are sharing. "Do you know one of the things I love about you," He asked as he ate a fry covered in ice cream at the end. "Don't get sappy with me, Purple." "Shut up, I'm giving you a compliment." He said in his monotone voice, ignoring your annoyance. "It's that you keep fighting through this. You go through the bullsh*t they put you through eveyday and yet you're still here. You're a fighter."

You blushed and looked at you turtle boyfriend. "I do that because you and the guys are there for me. And plus the day I move out, I plan on giving my mom and her husband an earful." Donnie chuckled.

He lifted your chin and kissed you. He never really kissed you in public place, let alone the entrance of the lair.

He didn't care if his brothers saw. You needed it.

"I love you, Babe." "Love you too, Dee."

[finnwolfhard7137]

The Art of Falling in Love-Finn Wolfhard × Reader

Chapter Three is here...

Chapter Four: Paradise

Word Count 2.4k

Warnings: some fluff

_____________________________________

Oakes wakes you and Miles up by shaking the both of you like rag dolls.

Oakes "GUYS!" 

"Huh? What's going on?" You look at Finn who is still behind you and he is laughing his ass off.

Finn "We literally just slept outside all night." You face-palm and laugh.

Oakes "Not going to lie...that's fucking goals." Finn laughed even harder and pulled you tighter into his side.

Oakes "Did you guys not go into your trailers all night?"

You both "No."

Finn "I honestly didn't wake up at all last night."

"Neither did I and I always wake up at least once during the night-"

Finn "Me too."

Oakes "Well, you two lovebirds...it's 6:30, let's eat before we have to film." You both agree and get off of the ground.

"Shit...I got your hoodie dirty." You look at the sleeves and sigh.

Finn "Don't worry about it, I can wash it. I wouldn't change anything about last night for the world." You blush and lean into him. You spot Oakes chuckle at you two, to which you kiddingly flip him off. He repays the favor and you both just laugh like three children. 

You get taken into your trailer first for makeup and hair because you take the longest to get done, Finn and Oakes just relaxed while you were gone. Oakes noticed that Finn watched as you left and hit him on the shoulder.

Finn "What?!"

Oakes "You love her don't you?"

Finn "I sure as hell like her. What's not to like?"

Oakes "She is pretty great, you two look good together."

Finn "I haven't asked her yet, Oakes. I don't wanna rush her into anything."

Oakes "I think that she likes you too, Finn. If that is what you are worried about, you are crazy."

Finn "I just don't want to mess anything up with her, she isn't like anyone I have ever met, she is like...perfect! Y/n is like the girl that I have always imagined being with..I don't know how to explain it-"

Oakes "I know what you mean dude. You don't need to explain it, I totally get it."

Finn simply nods and takes a drink of his water.

Oakes "Just ask her dude, she's gonna say yes."

Finn "I will eventually, Oakes." Oakes rolls his eyes and he punches him in the arm and starts to laugh, "You are so pushy!" 

Oakes "Hey, I just support it! My two best friend's together...like fuck yeah I want it to happen!"

Finn "Thank you, that means a lot. I want to ask her properly...maybe I'll take her somewhere beautiful, other than the desert. Make it memorable, ya know."

Oakes "Yeah, that would be good." They continued to talk until it was their turn to get ready for the day. When you came out, Finn was walking towards his trailer which happened to be right next to yours and winks at you. You almost trip on the last step because he is just so damn cute.

…

You read your script and today, you go to school with Oakes and Boris: He doesn't leave yours and Oakes' side the whole school day, he rides with you on the bus and afterwards, you and Oakes go to his house. It sounds really fun from how the script put it so today is going to be exciting. When he comes out of his trailer, he is wearing a black blazer with a skateboarding graphic t-shirt. He honestly looks so good that you almost drool! You look away so that you don't get caught staring, in a few moments you feel his arms wrap around your neck, across your chest in a warm embrace. You can't help but smile and grab his arm in acceptance.

Finn "Well don't you look beautiful!"

"I have this stupid prosthetic on..how can I be beautiful?"

Finn "You are! Makeup, no makeup..prosthetic or no prosthetic. And hey, you won't have to wear it the whole time." 

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to future scenes.." he let go of you and crouches down in front of you and smiles. "What?"

Finn "Stop..just stop being self conscious, you are fucking perfect so stop." You smile and pull him up to you to give him a hug. You want to do more but you want him to make the first move...obviously. He hugs you tighter and you just melt. 

__________________________________

John "Action!" 

Theo "Boris, Pippa is going to join us today."

Boris "Is she really? Excellent!"

Theo "Yeah but she's worried about ya know...getting bullied."

Boris "I like her, I won't let them pick on her. She cannot help it." You come into the view and Finn smiles down at you. 

"Hey Boris."

Boris "Hey! You've been good, yes?"

"Yes." 

Theo "Come on, we are gonna be late to first period." When you get in the classroom, the classroom stared at your head. Some girls were even laughing. Boris noticed and got in front of you.

Boris "You got a problem, ay?! This woman survived a fucking bombing, show her some respect." The girls immediately started to apologize. All you were told to do was shake your head and take a seat next to Finn which you do. 

"Thank you."

Boris "Of course." Theo looked behind him and saw you two talking and gave Boris a smile like, thank you. 

John "Cut! Perfect guys." You immediately go back to your normal self as soon as he yelled 'cut' and took a deep breath. Growing up as a kid, you used to get bullied so to have to reenact what you really had to go through, was rough mentally. 

Finn "I almost lost my shit…"

"Oh really?"

Finn "Yeah, I hate bullies."

"Me too, but thankfully it's just for the movie." He agreed but before he could say anything, John yelled 'action'.

….

The school day is over and you all get on the same bus. Finn and Oakes sit next to each other and you sit by yourself on the next row.

Boris "Did you enjoy school today?"

"Kinda."

Theo "Well you did good for your first day back, Pippa."

"Thanks-"

Boris "How about you both come over my house? I have drinks."

Theo "Drinks?"

Boris "Yeah, I have beer at my house. You two should come over."

Theo "Do you want too?"

"Yeah, I don't mind."

Boris "Good. Hey, I didn't tell you earlier but um, I think that you look very pretty today Pippa."

"R-really?"

Boris "Of course." Theo nudges him so hard that he almost fell off of his seat, he immediately shoved him back but even harder. Earning a laugh from you, making Oakes look at you with a shock on his face.

Theo "Y-you laughed!"

Boris "So? Everyone laughs."

Theo "No...you don't get it. Pippa hasn't laughed since the bombing." Finn looks over at you and smiles from ear to ear, making you happy. 

"You guys make me happy. No one else does." Finn grabbed your hand from across the aisle. You don't remember that being in the script but you really don't care. 

John "Cut." The school bus stops and you all get out of the bus. 

John "Lunch break guys, you did good."

"Can I get the prosthetic off? It is starting to hurt."

John "Of course, Y/n. Next week, the movie skips a month in advance so you won't have to wear it anymore. Just hang in there for two more days and it'll be off for good."

"Alright, awesome. Thank you!" Finn walks up to you and kisses your forehead.

"Ima get this thing off, you can join me if you want." 

Finn "After you." 

Bill "oohh it started to come off."

...

"Is that why it started to hurt?"

Bill "yeah, the glue was pulling on your fine hairs."

Finn "Prosthetics hurt in general."

Bill "This is true. I have never had a client be excited to get them applied."

"I was on the first day, not anymore." You three laugh. 

It takes a good minute to get it all taken off and your hair fixed up. Finn didn't leave the seat next to you the whole time, he just talked to you and complimented you on today's performance so far. He has been your biggest supporter all week and it never gets old: hearing one of your idols tell you how amazing you are doing...doesn't get better in this line of work. 

Oakes comes in, "They got a whole buffet...you guys are missing out!"

Finn looks at you so intensely that you burst out laughing. He picks you up and carries you out of the trailer, running all of the way to the free buffet. 

John "Hungry?"

Finn "uh...a little-" he says grabbing a whole plate full of food. 

Oakes "look at him, he's a freakin' giraffe! He needs his food.." Finn almost chokes on his food from laughing so hard. Finn is really tall, especially in person. 

"You aren't wrong!" He sits down and pulls you onto his lap. John and the rest of the film crew just smile at the sight. 

__________________________________

When you three got to the house, the camera's started rolling when you guys sat down in his unfilled pool with beers and cigarettes.

John "Action." 

Boris "Would you like vodka?"

You and Theo "No thanks."

Boris "My dad drinks it all the time, so much he can not feel his feet. Literally, it has a name."

"Is it just you two here?"

Boris "Yes. My mother is dead."

Theo "Mine too."

Boris "Mine was alchie...got drunk and fell out the window."

"Jesus."

Boris "Did you lose anyone...ya know. When Theo did."

"My uncle. He took me because it was for my birthday, I just wanted to see the beautiful art with him and then..well you know. It is all my fault."

Theo "Hey, it isn't your fault."

"You blame yourself too, Theo."

Boris "You both are wrong. Don't blame yourselves! You guys didn't know that that was going to happen."

"Change the subject." Finn thought for a moment.

Boris "What is your favorite art piece in the museum."

"It is a piece called The Goldfinch."

Theo "That is where I met her, we were all looking at that painting before it all happened."

Boris "Wow...All I gotta say is that I am glad that you are here, Pippa. With you and Theo here, it is a lot less lonely."

"I am glad much happier here. You wouldn't think that the desert is better than a city but it is to me. Especially now, it is much quieter."

Theo "It will be easier for you to heal."

"Yeah, hopefully."

Boris "Don't you worry, we will all get through our own struggles together."

John "And...cut! Fantastic job guys!" This scene only took one shot to master. You three high five and get undressed because that was it for the day, the rest is for Ansel and Aneurin who play Theo and Boris older in the movie.

…

Aneurin "You make my job hard, Finn...how am I supposed to top that?"

Finn "Oh you can do it, I didn't even do anything."

Aneurin "That is my point!" Ansel joins you, Finn, Aneurin and Oakes.

Ansel "You did great today guys! I'm very impressed." You all thank him. 

Oakes "What are you shooting today?"

Ansel "With Nicole..I'm visiting her after years of not seeing her."

"Oof so an emotional day?"

Ansel "Oh yeah."

Oakes "You've got this. You can cry on command."

"You can?"

Ansel "Mhm."

"If you can cry when I tell you too, I will pay you 20 bucks right now."

Ansel "You are on!"

".....Now!" Sadly..he does in seconds. 

Ansel "Pay up, Y/n!"

"Fuck you." You hand him the 20 dollar bill, laughing in defeat. You didn't know that he could cry that quickly, or that anyone could for that matter.

John "We are shooting in 5!" 

Aneurin "I'll see you guys later." The two boys left and started shooting. 

__________________________________

You three ended up watching them film: taking in their movements and the way they say some words and how they react to comments and such. 

Finn "Hey, it's getting late. Wanna go for a drive?"

"Yeah, I'm down. Oakes, you coming?"

Oakes "Nah, you guys go ahead. Have fun."

Finn smirks at you and runs to his car, opening up the door for you. 

"Where are we going?"

Finn "I know a beautiful place back here, I've been waiting for an opportunity to take you."

"Ohh I'm excited." In the drive there, you text your mother about your amazing day and sing songs with Finn. When you are with him, it is just pure happiness and bliss. You have never experienced this feeling before: crushes yes, dating yes but not actually being in love with someone completely and fully and getting that same energy in return. 

…

Finn "We are almost here. I want you to close your eyes!"

"Really?!"

Finn "Yeah, come on close em." You feel the car stop and you hear him put the gear in park. He gets out of the car and he helps you out. A few steps forward, you can feel the sand beneath your toes.

"The beach?!"

Finn "Just wait." You two walk until he stops. "Okay, open." You open to see the most beautiful sunset over the waves.

"Oh my god. It's so..beautiful."

Finn "I knew that you would love it. I remember when we all went to Chick-fil-a, you told me that you loved the beach."

"I do, it's my paradise." Finn smiles at how amazed you are at your view. But to him, you are his view. You are way more beautiful to him than the ocean. He puts his arms around your waist and watches the waves crash onto the shore with you in his arms.

To be continued...

@moriartysringtone7137 @euphoricsunflowrr @spidey-starky @tysblackswan @strangerev @keeshonds @itlittlefangirl

[helianskies]

thanking you, @maivalkov, for tagging me!

“The game is to post a sneak peak from a WIP (favorite/last line/almost abandoned, dealer’s choice lol).”

i'll be tig-tagging: @96moonfairy and @snowshower with ofc, no obligation, and an extra open invitation for any other mutuals who write to jump on (and make yourselves known!)

i've honestly needed an excuse to share part of this work, i've had it in my drafts for a year - another lockdown venture, and another take on omegaverse that i got sucked into. i read back over quite often, and i enjoy the whole first chapter so it was tough to pick just one segment, but i have bit the bullet and this is what we got! so, here we go: a small part of helia's attempt at an action fic about a group of international assassins...

Cartagena, Colombia

Fun, music, drink, sweat, heat, loud, touch, swig, move, fuck. They were the words that filled what little space was left between dancing, inebriated patrons at the underground club he was sat in. Antonio was at home in such establishments, especially in sweet, sweet Cartagena, and was readily enjoying an array of cocktails, an array of temporary dance partners, an array of tastes left lingering on his lips.

Sometimes, it paid to be a Gamma, a person with all the allure of an Omega, and the confidence of a Beta.

For his current kind of work in particular, it most certainly paid off. A quick wink, a lingering gaze, and he could reel almost anyone he wanted in close enough to finish the hit and claim his prize. There was a magnetism that was only natural, that helped draw them in… Antonio loved what he did, truly. It was a skill.

But, for the time being, he was off work. He had recently completed a job in Argentina that had left him utterly exhausted and with the handsome payout, Antonio had decided to indulge himself for once, rather than others. So, the clubs were his destinations most evenings. It was how he made friends, made contacts, and had a bit of fun on the side.

While standing by the bar, he met gaze with someone who had just entered the small establishment. Aha! A familiar face, a familiar Delta. Perhaps he wouldn't have to do much searching tonight after all...

"I haven't seen you in a while," he remarked, smoothing out the Colombian accent he had developed over time, as the Delta came over. He was a year younger than Antonio, a local guy, a real sweetheart. "How've you been?"

The Delta—Nicolás, Nico—smiled at him with a sunny look (agh, he was adorable!) and gave a light shrug. "Busy times. Lots of work."

"Oh? That's good to hear, in a way," Antonio mused, then paused, then asked: "How's the garden?"

Nicolás set his hand on top of Antonio's, and the Gamma took it properly, holding on. "Peaceful."

"Mm… Just the way we like it..."

"I know. Though, I saw a new bird today."

Antonio raised a brow, questioning, and Nicolás gave a slow nod just to confirm his suspicions. The Delta was one of two people in the area that Antonio had enlisted to help him manage his fake address, see; the garden was the city—Eden, Antonio had once called it, the Paradise. The flora that grew there were the people. The birds that came were notices, invites, mail, work… Everything went to a fake address listed as his own (for safety reasons, of course, because working in Latin America was no mean feat) and Nicolás would check in every other day to see if anything had come.

And this new little birdie got Antonio feeling a little bit excited.

He took the other's hands and led him on through the crowd of people, all hot and sweaty and lost to the world. "Ven conmigo," he said with a grin, a sultry gaze, "we need some privacy."

It was a shame that the only privacy he could get came in the form of a bathroom stall. Oh well. He'd done much, much worse. Antonio pulled Nicolás into one of three empty stalls (playing it up, because there were a couple other patrons there, as high, drunk and horny, and he wanted it to be convincing. Not that it needed much effort) and the Delta locked the door behind them. It was a bit cramped, but it would have to do.

Nicolás pulled an envelope from his jeans and handed it over. He received a thanks in turn, and Antonio studied the writing on it very briefly, before turning his back on the Delta and opening it up to read over the contents. Arms wrapped around his waist and he felt lips appear at the skin of his neck, but he was lost to the letter he had been sent, to its bizarre contents, to the absurd brilliance of what it gave him. A golden opportunity. He couldn't help but smile to himself, laugh in his relief.

"What is it?" Nicolás asked him, pulling away from Antonio's neck again to speak.

"An invitation," Antonio told him as he tilted his head aside to give him room, to give him a reward for his light, simple work. "An invitation home."

"Where?"

"Home."

"Mexico, you mean? You're going to leave me behind to go to Mexico?" It was an accusation from a needy Delta. An adorable but incredibly needy Delta. "What does Mexico have that I don't?"

"I'm not going," the elder assured him patiently, with a laugh. "Not to Mexico—"

"Oh, good!"

"—because Mexico isn't home. Tonto."

"It's… not?" Nicolás queried, and Antonio shook his head. He supposed he had never disclosed this information before, but since it was Nicolás and he could make him forget quite easily, he didn't mind sharing. "Then where is…?"

He glanced back at him over hs shoulder and smiled a sweet, wistful smile. "The Old World, my friend. Europa."

Thank you, @spikeface​, for tagging me! The game is to post a sneak peak from a WIP (favorite/last line/almost abandoned, dealer’s choice lol).

I picked one of my favorite scenes from a mckirk fic where them go back to Riverside and Jim has a bit of an existential crisis. I hit a road block with this one because at the time I didn’t know how to finish it and I wasn’t satisfied with a lot of it, but this is still one of my favorite bits, and the older I got (I started writing this in 2016), the more I related to that feeling of not belonging to a childhood home anymore.

ANYWAY

I tag @rein-ette, @rainbowfruitpastilles and @brazilian-hot-mess but if anyone else wants to do it, please feel free!

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