#or I'd drop everything and buy a cow

[cultivating-wildflowers]

🌲

[oneatlatime]

Appa's Lost Days

Dare I hope?

You know, if ten year old me had turned on my TV to watch my weekly dose of Avatar and been greeted with a nearly two minute long uninterrupted sequence of a frightened and distressed animal being mistreated, that TV would have turned right back off again.

I don't buy that a ten tonne bison who has the leverage of his own weight as well as his airbending abilities would succumb to so few people.

Name one other character that Avatar has presented as so thoroughly without any redeeming characteristics. Even Zhao was at least kind of funny. Everything about the chucklehead on the left is rotten to the core. "What's your dad going to do when he finds out we broke his stuff while doing crime?" "Nothing. It's not his stuff; it's previous crime."

I thought beetle-headed was a commentary on their intelligence, but it's actually a description.

I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that I should have waited to get my hopes up until I came to an episode called Appa's Found Days. Is this whole thing going to be a series of near misses with the Gaang?

You know, if I had a nickel for every time an animal companion on this show has been threatened with a trip to the butcher's, I'd have two nickels. In the space of two episodes.

This is not fun to watch guys.

Not if I break you first asshole.

The way this Nurse Ratched type circus guy says "earn it" is chilling.

Of course the Fire Nation would find a way to turn bending into animal abuse. Of course.

a) that cage is way too small b) who knew cabbage suction could be so cute?

Completely unsubtle parallel with the boy here, right down to the complete disregard they show to the threats thrown their way.

Stubborn and wilful are not adjectives I would use to describe Appa this episode, or ever.

Wind buffalo. Wind Buffalo. Really? Was Fart Cow taken?

That's a very relatable facial expression.

That makeup and costume is awful.

Now that's satisfying.

Is the Fire Nation kid voiced by Aang's voice actor?

Nevermind. THAT'S satisfying.

I was right - this episode is Appa always being a step behind the Gaang.

Baby Appas! This almost makes this episode worth it!

It's funny how a single feature can contribute so much to a character's design. Arrowless Aang is just some kid. Let me rephrase that, since such a big part of Aang's character is the fact that he's just some goofy kid. Arrowless Aang is indistinguishable from other kids for the first time this series, because every other time we've seen him on screen he's either the only child airbender with his arrows, or the only airbender left.

Lady monks. Nuns? I don't think I've seen those before.

Appa and Aang share a dreamscape? That could be useful.

There's dumb, there's really dumb, and then there's 'wake a completely asleep and therefore harmless unknown creature with threats of violence' dumb.

Close call for Iroh. Do you think he's suspected that Appa (and presumably the Avatar) haven been in Ba Sing Se this whole time?

Bipedal Appa is strange. A very effective fighter, but strange to look at.

I'm amazed that giant boar thing walked away from that.

And now they're hitting me with an 'Appa's given Up' montage. Someone who works on this show hates me.

*Heroically refrains from ranting about the impracticality of using white fabric for an active warrior's glove.*

"This could be our most important mission yet." Foreshadowing?

Did Suki and Appa actually meet at any point in the Warriors of Kyoshi episode?

Turns out 'Aang' is a magic word.

Appa kisses!

Appa is apparently legally banned from having anything good for more than five minutes. Although it's good writing that they're using a previously established weakness - Appa's shedding - to bring the danger ladies back in.

I guess they have Azula drop the line about her brother to remind the audience of who she is, but surely Suki's like "Who are you? Who's your brother? Why should I care?"

Azula going after the Kyoshi warriors is completely unnecessary right? The Avatar isn't there. Neither are Zuko and Iroh. It doesn't even net her Appa. She's just looking for someone to beat up.

WOW this is bad writing. Like really bad. My Immortal levels of bad.

Would it be too much to ask for the Kyoshi warriors to do even slightly ok against the Azula ladies? Couldn't they at least get a couple of hits in?

Kudos to Suki for essentially sacrificing herself and her warriors to save Appa. 'Most important mission yet' was a bit on the nose.

Out of options, Appa goes home. Ouch.

Someone explain this to me. Air Bison teething ring?

My what a human sounding cough you have buddy.

This is why you don't use Air Bison as guard dogs.

I like what this Guru is saying. Fear displacing trust but not love feels more accurate than how I usually see the consequences of trauma discussed.

The music playing throughout this sequence fits so well. I think it's some sort of metal thing you hit - I want to say a variation on tubular bells, and maybe something Glockenspiel adjacent? It's unlike anything I've heard in this show before and it fits so well that I'm nerding out a bit.

Disney princess Guru. Aang has Disney princess moments too. Maybe it's an Air Nomad thing?

No wonder the monks built a temple here. Even destroyed, it's gorgeous.

And Appa decides to trust again. I love it when an animal visibly comes to a decision about your trustworthiness.

This energy reading stuff makes sense given that Aang and Appa already share a dreamscape.

He IS a great beast. The best!

OH COME ON

Someone whip up a wanted poster for Long Feng: Cattle Rustler. It had also never occurred to me that he was an earthbender.

That flip move with the earthbending platform must have caused Appa to land on his back. I bet that hurt.

One of the times I am very grateful that the closing credits music is so upbeat.

Final Thoughts

@aboutiroh I see why you recommended I save my chocolate for this episode.

The Tale of Momo was really just a preparatory taste of things to come, huh? Almost a microcosm of this episode.

This is the first episode where I had to take breaks while watching. Especially the circus sequence, I think I got up twice to do things like get a cup of tea and stare randomly out windows at squirrels. I didn't even have to do that with Zuko Alone, despite freaking out a lot about it, because at least that episode took breaks from the child abuse to check in with Aang being miserable. This episode was unrelenting.

If I had seen this episode when I was the age of the target audience, this may well have turned me off the show for good. If my Mom had seen this episode, I would have been banned from watching the show entirely. Not a decision I'd agree with, but my Mom is the type of person who banned her kids from watching Bambi.

To watch through all of that unrelenting animal (at best) unhappiness, and still not get Appa back at the end of the episode? That's a bit much. It's not often that this show ends its episodes without at least a little bit of something positive.

Once again, the music did a lot of heavy lifting this episode. The animal noises weren't quite as emotive as the ones in Momo's Tale, but Appa's face is more expressive, and more was shown through his expression than through Momo's, so I feel like this episode had just as much non-verbal animal communication as Momo's Tale.

I think I'm renaming season 2 "the Suki redemption arc." I really didn't like the Warriors of Kyoshi episode, and I didn't like what her character did in that episode. But every time Suki appears in season 2? She absolutely nails it.

The show since losing Appa has taken to wallowing. Even with bright spots like the poetry bouncer, the overall tone since Appa's appanapping has been ever more dark. If this keeps up for many more episodes, it will no longer be fun to watch.

Somehow I don't think this one is going on my rewatch list.

[josphitia]

Josie's CowHRT Journey Part 2 - Telling the Husband

“You want to be… a cow?” Jojer asked with equal parts incredulity and curiosity. My husband was looking up at me from their chair, dealing with the brick I had just dropped onto their lap. I know it wasn't the best way to broach the subject, but I also know it was the only way I could.

Some history on us: We actually met at a nonbinary support group that Jojer was running. I'm not nonbinary, but it was the closest trans support group I could find. I ended up meeting a lot of wonderful and unique people there. Me and Jojer immediately hit it off and before we knew it, every free moment was an excuse to text or hang out with each other.

We were the best of friends for years, we helped each other in any ways we could. I was already on Estrogen and blockers when I attended that first meeting, but I helped Jojer to get on Testosterone. We helped each other get our names legally changed. So when the time came that we both found ourselves single, is it any wonder we jumped at the opportunity? We dated for a year and decided to get married. Jojer’s my they/them husband and I couldn't be happier.

Everything since then has been the mundane life of a married couple. That is until the past few weeks when I've been keeping to myself more, my nose glued to my screen as I process my newfound sense of self. Which leads us to this moment, to when I dropped my hopes and dreams for the future, to my husband asking with a puzzled face: “You want to be… a cow?”

“Yeah! W-well I mean, I think I've always been a cow. I wanna get on Animal HRT and help to see the bovine in the mirror that I am inside.”

“Okay, is this like a kink thing? Because I'm alright with us exploring more in the bedroom. Get you a cow print bikini or something and-”

“No! I mean, the bikini sounds cute, but it's not a kink thing… Not that it doesn't make me really happy thinking of myself like that and being intimate… But it's more than that, so much more. The idea of being a cow just feels like it's me, it's who I am. Like I can finally see myself as a complete person.”

“And you'd, what, be in some field all day munching grass? I also don't think a cow would fall under the pets policy of our apartment.”

“I wouldn't be, what do they call it… a ’feral’ cow. Though some people do go that route! I'd be more in-between than that. I've been reading all about it and what they can achieve with hormones nowadays is amazing and I'd finally have cute horns and a tail and even hooves!”

“Can't we just buy you some horns online if that's what you're wanting? And I know I've seen people with clip-on tails, we can get you some of those too.”

“It's not a costume I want to just wear at home or around you… it's who I want to be. Who I feel I am. Who I need help to be. Who I want to be with you.”

“Why haven't you opened up about this before? You're so sure this is who you are but you've never made any indication you've been unhappy just being a human woman. Now you're dropping this in my lap right before we're going to bed.”

“Because I didn't have the words for it… I didn't even realize it was a thing I could be. But I've seen other girls posting about this and it was so illuminating, it's like these girls had access to a dictionary I never knew existed. But their thoughts, their feelings, their journeys, it's like reading about myself in all but name. And it's not fair to you, but I've been so scared to bring this up to you… I know you're kind and understanding, but there's so many horror stories of people being shunned by their partners over this. Of people losing their partners over this because they weren't accepted… I love you and don't want to lose you but I also can't live my life without trying this…”

“Okay, okay. I don't completely get it yet but I can tell you've been putting a lot of thought into this. I don't want to give you the impression I'm not supportive, I am, this is just so new. I love you, Josie.”

*Sniff* “I love you too Jojer…”

“So, what would the first steps be?”

“It's basically like what we've already been through. See a therapist, get a letter, then going to a supportive endocrinologist who'll fill the prescription. And I even already have the name of a therapist who can help me! But, uh, I'm hoping you can help me with actually making the phone call… You know how I am…”

“Of course honey. C’mon, let's get ready for bed. You can talk to me more about how you're feeling when we're laying down. I do have to admit though, you're right about one thing.”

“Yeah?”

“You'd look really cute with horns~”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Josie's Cow HRT Journey

First|Previous|Next

[fizzingwizard]

I got to play Life and Death a little more last night. Game was still super slow in live mode, even after I moved to a smaller household (just two sims). Better than a large family at least. The large family is unplayable right now.

I was mostly building so I didn't get to experience much of the new gameplay - although I did get a popup from a ghost who needed two whole paragraphs to tell me about the mysterious inheritance she was leaving me. Half of her speech was literally a tutorial about Life and Death. Obnoxious. I just declined the inheritance.

I did give my new lot the "hallowed grounds" trait but so far nothing's happened. It's a community lot though so that may be why.

The worst is the crows!!! I was soooo excited for the crows. The nighttime sounds in Ravenwood are great (I'm over the moon about the loon calls, it's so atmospheric), and the crow calls really add to it magnificently. BUT... again, I was playing on a community lot. I put a crow there and couldn't feed it!

This drives me crazy. It's like how you can't have sheep or cows on community lots because you're unable to care for them. Why?? Why can't I make a community farm so sims who live in apartments or whatever can enjoy animals... Since horses and cats and dogs are "sims," I understand why that's not possible. But sheep, goats, cows, llamas, and now crows are OBJECTS. As objects, they actually seem to do worse than the other animals when left alone - if you leave a household with a horse in it for a full sim year, when you go back to the house, the horse will have full needs anyway.

But the cow? I made a residential lot for a sim and gave her a cow. Then I played a different family and brought them to visit the first sim to make friends. The in-game time difference was mere minutes and the cow had been freshly fed and cleaned when I left the first house. When I arrived with the second sim... the shed was filthy, the cow was starving, AND there was nothing I could do about without switching back to the first sim! (Which if I'd done it, then the moment I switched back to the second sim the cow would have been dirty again, or very soon to be. I honestly don't know if this is a bug or just how it's supposed to be. It's dumb either way.)

Other Sims should be able to at least care for animals on a residential lot. That or the household sims should be programmed to drop everything to care for their animals. They don't. I do think ranch hands usually do their job. But this is an issue of crosspack gameplay. Who has a ranch hand outside of the Horse Ranch world (forgot its name)? But of course the Sims team does not seem Sims 4 as a single game - it sees it as a bunch of overpriced mini-games under the same umbrella. Why would someone in Willow Creek want a horse, lol? Why would a player think it's funny to have a rabbit hole from Cottage Living in their City Living apartment penthouse? It's the players who are Doing It Wrong!

anyway back to the crow.

The upside of sheep and goats, at least, is that they're small, so you can "put in inventory" and carry them to community lots. Since they're yours, you can then care for them on the community lot. I expected it would be the same for crows, because they're small and can fly... I was even hopeful they might like ride around on your shoulder or something (omg rein it in Fizz!, don't get such fanciful ideas). But at LEAST I thought they'd be able to go in your inventory.

Nnnnnnoooooope!!!

So I can't even buy a crow at home and carry it with me to the community lot. I CAN buy the crow FOR the community lot - but why is that even an option!? Why are crows purchasable in build mode IF YOU CAN'T CARE FOR THEM ON COMMUNITY LOTS? Sheep and goats need to be ordered in live mode! You can buy the cow/llama shed but you have to then order the animals themselves in live mode too! Same for chickens!

Not crows! You can just... buy them anywhere! And let them starve! Why???????????

For what's it's worth I did try buying a crow in my sim's own private lot where it's supposed to work... And I couldn't feed THAT crow either. That crow was not hungry, however, so that could be why. There was literally no "feed" option of any sort in the menu so I'm not sure if it's broken or it just only shows up when the crow is hungry.

Also I read that you can buy a crow with no hungry need (the deluxe crow) from Waylon in Ravenwood. But... it will be delivered to your household inventory. So still a no-go for community lots. It doesn't seem like an unlockable in build mode. but it's possible I could find it in debug maybe and put it on community lots - will have to look into that)

I know this has got to seem like an infinitesimally small thing to the Sims team (and probably every other player). But guyssss the combo of the crow with those loons at night was AMAZING. It's so far my favorite part of the pack. I'm all about the aesthetic do you get me. ;_; just let me have crows!!!!

update: I think Ravenwood night sounds might just include crow sounds actually. I haven't played long enough to say for sure. But yeah night in Ravenwood is really great. Also I did find the deluxe crow in the debug menu so we'll see how that goes on the community lot.

[signs-of-blossoming]

Thoughts 💭, Romance 🌹 & Feather 🪶

Thank u for the ask! I got a bit too into writing out my thoughts teehee

Thoughts 💭 - What do you think your f/o thinks about you when you're not around?

I like the idea of coming up in a lot of their small thoughts throughout the day. Madara walking past a cafe while traveling abroad and thinking "Oh, they would love going there". Tatsumi going through submissions for his advice radio show and secretly hoping each next one could be from me. Also, sounds a bit funny, but a big cornerstone of our relationship is mutual worry for each others wellbeing at the end of the day, so both Madara and Tattsun probably think a lot about stuff like "Are they doing okay?" "Did they eat enough today?" "I should drop by and check up on them"....

Romance 🌹 - What's the most romantic thing your f/o has done for you? Furthermore, what's the most romantic thing you have done for your f/o?

Probably not surprising, given what reply I gave above ⬆⬆⬆, but i think small consistent acts of kindness are... very romantic... to me... I often come over when MaM or Alkaloid are having practice with extra snacks and drinks to make sure they don't forget about proper breaks... For days when Madara stays over for the night, I braid his hair in the morning :3c Also I sneak little love letters and notes to Tattsun, I think he'd enjoy those teehee :3c Madara really likes taking me to local festivals, fairs and events and buying me snacks to try / winning me prize plushies! And Tattsun often brings me fresh herbs and vegetables Gardenia circle grows!! aughhh im thinking about fresh basil now,,,,,,,,, hope this makes sense

Feather 🪶 - If you and your f/o were animals, which animals would you be and why?

Ooh, love this question yayy ^-^ I would be a fox, since my name, Lis, literally means "a fox" and its one of my favouritest animals... I tend to draw/picrew myself with fox ears already teehee Madara is a bison, I won't argue with his canonically assigned volcanic bison fursona :3c Look at him with his horns and everything :3c If i *had* to choose something different for the sake of the ask, I'd go with a cow then,,, he's my little moo moo,,,

Tatsumi is literally so sheep. He always has very gentle eyes which make me think of domestic animals, and I'd imagine his hair would be very fluffy too... And mainly, there's the religious significance of a sheep for christianity that really makes it an obvious choice. Flipping him around and shearing him every summer <- not something normal people say. sorry.

[stormcrow513]

Just wanted to say,

and to reblog where everyone can see it as a sorta testimonial

again how truly talented you are,

and as one of Hekate's Witches it was truly touching reading through all the care you take,

that's the thing really that I love most about your work, it's so lovingly made,

You put such clear and beautiful effort and attention you put into everything you make,

It also so nice to see a clear outline of why you chose each thing,

Like I might get why you chose cow bon since I know her association with cows,

I've gone Snort a Ty beanie baby bull on my Hekate altar 😆

But I didn't know about the Garnett,

Can't know everything after all,

So I prefer to buy this from people who explain the why of it all, sometimes you learn stuff, and even if you don't it's still nice to know,

Also to anyone on the fence about @lailoken ,

So I grew up on various magic shows, all the Disney movies and shows

Gargoyles being one that actually taught me a thing or two I use as a witch,

Sabrina the teenage witch, charmed, Buffy

So the first time I stepped into a magic store, I was sooo excited I thought I'd be leaving with magic in my hands...

It was a beautiful shop the lady's were very kind, it was nice and peaceful,

It was also not what I'd imagined at all,

I'd picked up sticks off the ground with more life to it,

I've always had a spark of recognition for magic believe me or not, it's why I've been chasing it my whole life,

I'd tired again here and there mostly giving up on finding anyone selling actual magic and not just shiny baubles I'd have to infuse with magic,

Which given my low energy at the moment kinda looking for a boost not a drain,

I finally found that with @lailoken,

the first thing I bought from them the second it was in my hands I could have cried it was such a nice feeling, and I got emotional with each package I've received and know it will be so with everything else I get from them,

Also @lailoken is just straight up good people, I'd buy from them over other people anytime,

So

*deep hypnosis voice*

You want to buy stuff from them

*achoo!*

https://wendingwares.com/

Opps I dropped a shop link how clumsy of me 😉

Devotional Garland of Hekate (For Sale)

This set of devotional beads I am currently selling was created and consecrated in the name of the goddess Hekate.

It was constructed from beads of Jet (a stone powerfully associated with both death and magic), along with counter beads of hand-carved Cow Bone (bovines being among Her sacred animals), which are bracketed with small Garnets (intimately associated with the mysteries of the Underworld.) On one end is secured a silver-plated steel Strophalos charm (an ancient symbol deeply associated with her cult, also called Hekate's Wheel.) On the other end is secured a vintage iron Skeleton Key (keys being one of Her most significant symbols.) Both endpieces were hallowed in a chthonic ritual beneath the Dark Moon (under which propitiatory rites have been undertaken in Her name for thousands of years,) and the entire piece was suffumigated with Storax Smoke (an ancient fumigatory offering that has, likewise, been used in Her offerings for thousands of years.)

I am trying something a bit new, in that, I am putting this piece up as a standardized design that can be commissioned as is by anyone who is interested. Accordingly, each piece (aside from this inaugural garland) will be handmade for clients once ordered, and so I ask for one week following purchase to properly gather and assemble any necessary components. I currently have a collection of vintage Skeleton Keys and Strophaloi charms—all consecrated beneath the Dark Moon—which will be used for these pieces. While every Strophalos is identical, each key is unique, so if you have a particular sort of key you're hoping for, then please reach out to inquire about what's available.

This piece measures approximately 24 inches/61 centimeters long, and all connecting rings and pins are made from silver-plated steel. I am selling it for $69 + shipping, so if interested, either reach out to me through tumblr messenger, or use my webshop to place your order directly.

[bbyquokka]

☁️ — comfort with ot8

➥ pairing: ot8 x GN!reader

➥ genre: fluff | angst

➥ synopsis: how skz would comfort you

➥ warnings: insecurities | mention of exercise in changbin's section | feeling 'under the weather' | off days | self doubt | pet names

➥ words: 3.1k

➥ a/n: ive been feeling a little meh lately. writing this gave me some comfort and i hope you also find comfort in it

Feedback and reblogs are highly advised and appreciated!

➥ m.list – ➥ you can also read it on my ao3

̥۪͙۪◌- ', Chan꒱ ↷

Concerned. He hadn't heard from you in a while, which is odd considering you two are glued to the hip. You've been ignoring his calls and texts, which only lead him to worry even more.

he thought you needed time alone, for what, he doesn't know. He wishes he knew but unless you tell him, he has no idea

he'd be led to think that he did something wrong. Did he say or do something to upset you? the poor man would be worried out of his mind.

After a week of no contact, he would have the courage to stop by your place, but first, he would shop for a bunch of snacks. Once he saw how drained you looked, he would drop everything and wrap his arms around you. "Chan. I haven't bathed for a week, I smell." you'd protest, weakly trying to escape his grip.

He wouldn't care. seeing you so drained and energy less broke his heart. He'd softly scold you for not contacting him, saying it's important that you don't struggle alone whilst rocking you from side to side.

You'd break down. Broken sobs and hiccups shaking your body. His warmth and scent got the better of you, breaking you down. He'd allow you to cry into his chest, not caring you was getting his clothing wet with tears all the while, soothing you softly.

after your little breakdown, you'd feel better. Chan would wipe away your tears and snot with his hands, making you pull a face. Chan would roll his eyes and laugh saying it's nothing.

"I have some snacks. let's shower and watch a movie together. I'm not leaving until I know you're a million percent okay."

̥۪͙۪◌- ', Minho ꒱ ↷

He has his own love language. it's subtle. He doesn't buy you chocolates or roses and you're okay with that. Sometimes, he finds it a little challenging to show that he loves you, feeling worried that you might not feel it.

but you do. Minho knows you well, too well. He knows you better than anyone else, which is scary but also good. He caught the signs way before you did.

your irritation. sudden outbursts. low moods. no motivation – he recognised it all before you even realized, which is why he came prepared.

"I really don't want to go out, lino. I cannot be bothered."  Minho would protest, whining softly. you didn't have energy to go out in public and be social, it's hard enough to get out off bed in the mornings.

You became suspicious when Minho drove you to the countryside, nothing but trees and hills could be seen as well as small cottages. You'd question Minho but only receive a "you will see when we get there. be patient kitten." 

Soon, you'd stop by a small farm, a small bubble of excitement bubbling in your stomach. So this is why Minho told you to wear your Welly boots! 

Minho knows you adorable animals so he surprised you with a trip to the local farm, which was run by a family. You spent the day petting the cows, feeding lambs and holding chickens. You bought some local groceries, supporting the business. 

Your eyes lit up, a smile never leaving your lips the whole time. This is what Minho loved, he felt proud knowing that he was able to cheer you up again – even if it was just something small.

"I knew you were feeling a little under the weather, so I thought I'd surprise you to help cheer you up again. I hope you loved it, kitten." 

̥۪͙۪◌- ', Changbin ꒱ ↷

You're a fresh couple, dating for only 2 months, however, you have known him for 4 years. Changbin is your workout partner, you both never skip leg day.

However, when you message Changbin out of the blue, claiming you didn't want to exercise, he became concerned. He stopped by your place to be greeted by a sullen looking you. 

"off day?"  Changbin just knew. He's observant, he knows and remembers the littlest details about you. Your cute habits he adores and he can spot when your moods change so it's not much of a surprise to him when he learnt you're feeling under the weather.

He'd wrap his strong arms around you, squeezing you gently. Oddly, his chest would feel soft and squishy despite the fact he works out a lot, but you love it. You have extra pillows in the form of changbin's chest.

"I'm sorry for skipping today. I really want to do something though." a soft, sad mumble. Changbin would shake his head, exclaiming it's okay. As a suggestion, he would say you could take a walk instead.

You'd smile weakly, agreeing before getting changed into something warmer. You'd take a walk up the mountains, Changbin's warm hands always holding yours, fingers interlocked.

He wouldn't want you to leave his side. You'd take cute selfies together, pick some fresh berries whilst talking about this and that. You'd explain how you were feeling and why you were feeling that way. Changbin is a good listener so he would be listening very carefully whilst also giving you advice.

Feeling your fingers turning ice cold, he'd shove his hand and yours into his pocket, a small giggle escaping your lips. Changbin would smile at the blissful sounds, kissing your lips softly.

"That's my love. I'm always with you, babe. Don't be afraid to call me when you feel like this, no matter what time of day it is." 

̥۪͙۪◌- ', Hyunjin ꒱ ↷

You miss Hyunjin. He was away for some art convention, showcasing his works. Of course, you're insanely proud of him for his accomplishments, but you couldn't help but feel a little insecure.

Hyunjin has talent and you felt like you didn't have any. You didn't understand why Hyunjin loves someone like you. You're a simple person, liking the simplest and smallest of things. The littlest of things brings you the most happiness.

you work a standard job, money isn't great but it'll do. Feeling like there are better people out there for Hyunjin left you dwelling on your thoughts which only forced you deeper and deeper into the dark hole of despair.

Sadly, Hyunjin would be away for a few days meaning he would be sleeping at a hotel. a few days is typically nothing, but when you need him, it feels like forever.

you would facetime on the daily, mainly at night when everything was done for the day. You faked being happy, smiling and putting on a show for Hyunjin. You didn't want him to worry about you, he's so busy that you didn't want to add an extra load on top.

he would show you the artwork he planned on showing next, and whilst you felt incredibly proud of him, you couldn't help but also feel jealous and insecure. you started questioning his choice of picking you and your own abilities. So deep in thought, Hyunjin became a distant sound, his words sounding fuzzy.

Your vision blurred with tears. Hyunjin would call your name several times, concerned and worried about you after noticing the way you looked so sad 

"Am i– Am I good enough..?"   the barrier you formed around yourself – cracked. Tears streaming down your cheeks, broken sobs shook your figure. Hyunjin was speechless at first. He'd compose himself, soothing you through your phone screen.

You'd tell him everything that had been playing on your mind, ultimately getting everything off your chest. Hyunjin would sit and listen, nodding slowly, his own heart breaking at the sight of you. He'd do anything to be by your side right now but he can't.

You'd calm down with the help of Hyunjin, snot and tears coating your skin. Hyunjin would spend hours convincing you that you're more than enough for him, telling you that you're capable of anything and everything.

he'd tell you to never doubt yourself, you're perfect the way you are. He'd ask you where Kkami is. you'd point your phone down, Kkami curled up on your lap as you sniffled.

"Whenever I'm away, hug Kkami. That way, I will always be with you, no matter the distance." 

̥۪͙۪◌- ', Jisung ꒱ ↷

Stressed. Your part time job was getting to you, your work colleagues and customers constantly screaming in your face, telling you what you should and shouldn't do – you always managed to do something wrong, even when it was right.

On top of work, you were swamped in your studies. Deadlines after deadlines after deadlines. The teachers assumed you just don't like having spare time or have a life at all. You barely had enough time for yourself. You couldn't indulge in your hobbies, Indulge in self care because you were either too stressed or too tired.

You hated how jisung had a carefree life, how he was able to do the things he loves. You love him more than anything in this world, however, seeing him sitting on the wood floor, controller in hand and his tongue sticking out for concentrating – you hated his carefree lifestyle.

Jisung knew you were stressed and exhausted, he just didn't know how to approach you. He has thought of things that he thinks would make you stress free but once he thought back to it, it seemed like a terrible idea.

He looked back over his shoulder into the office room, seeing you stressed, your eyes darting around your laptop screen. He paused his game, standing up and leaning against the door frame.

"I don't have time to play your silly games, Jisung! can't you see I'm swamped in work! Not everyone can have a stress-free life like you!!" 

your eyes widen in shock, mouth opening and closing as nothing but splutters come out. You couldn't speak, you were too shocked. Jisung didn't say a word. He gave you a single nod of his head and walked away. You'd call for him but he never looked back.

Once alone, your anger would bubble to the surface once again, hot tears streaming down your face and blurring your vision. Surprisingly, you no longer wanted to study. Instead, you burst into silent sobs. You didn't want Jisung to hear you, so you'd muffle your cries with your hand.

Snot, tears and saliva ruining your face. Cheeks and eye puffy, calling yourself an idiot. It's not Jisung's fault you're so stressed but he was just there. He, unfortunately, became the target of your outburst and you hated that. 

It wasn't until you heard the sounds of things falling and crashing as well as a frustrated Jisung muttering "fuck" that you decided to go see what was going on. You were stopped in your tracks when your eyes fell onto a makeshift den, a projector showing stars on the walls and ceiling. 

TV and games console inside the den along with a range of pillows and soft blankets, snacks, drinks, fairy lights, plushies. You would be reduced to tears once again, but this time, tears of joy.

Jisung stood next to the den, gaming controller in hand, loving smile on his lips and wearing nothing but sweatpants (he knows how much you love skin ship). He'd walk to you, wiping away your tears and kiss you softly. You'd go to apologize for your outburst earlier but he would have none of it – he understands you're under a lot of stress

"I know you're under a lot of stress lately. I thought we could spend the time gaming and eating whilst cuddling. Maybe it will help you wind down a little." 

̥۪͙۪◌- ', Felix ꒱ ↷

Sunshine Felix. He is warm and comforting. He has a way with words that instantly makes you feel better, but sometimes, it doesn't always work.

Stuck in a rut. Same routine day in, day out. You didn't know how to break this cycle. Eat, sleep, work, repeat. It's draining to you to the point where you don't have energy anymore

everything you loved, your hobbies, favourite things such as movies, food, etc, became dull and boring to you. You couldn't be bothered to get out off bed, simply because you knew what the day was going to hold.

Felix knew something was wrong. He hasn't seen or heard from you for a while. He knew something was wrong when you sent him a blank text with no kiss at the end. "im fine lix." 

He'd take it upon himself to go to your apartment and let himself in.

He'd walk to your bedroom, gently shaking your figure. You'd sigh softly, explaining you didn't want to leave you bed. Felix furrowed his brows, before disappearing to the bathroom to run you a hot bath. He'd pick out some clean clothing for you before picking you up bridal style and placing you in the tub

He'd wash your hair, giving you a massage in the process, whilst you wash your body. He'd help you dry, put on your clothing and help you with your beauty routine. He'd clean your apartment for you before deciding that it's time to bake.

You'd spend the entire afternoon together, baking an array of sweet treats. Your apartment smelt and looked like a bakery by the time you were both done. Later on, you'd both be curled up on the sofa, Felix holding you close to him.

Sweet treats in one hand and a glass of milk in the other. A fluffy blanket covering you both, skin on skin. His warmth radiates onto you, making you feel at home. Felix is your home. You'd soon fall asleep in his arms, feeling happy and content at long last.

"sleep well, my love. I'll be here in the morning. I love you for eternity." 

̥۪͙۪◌- ', Seungmin ꒱ ↷

He seems like the type to not understand nor like skin ship, however, he is smart. He clicks on and understands instantly. He knows your patterns in behaviour and as soon as he notices a blip, he's quick to catch on.

however, he doesn't press you about it. he has learnt not to. He has learnt that you will come to him when the time is right – when you need him – and he will always be there for you, with open arms. And that day finally came.

Seungmin decided to take you out on a little trip, nothing too fancy, just a nice, casual day out together. You visited bookstores, sports shops and more. You soon both had handfuls of shopping bags, with Seungmin carrying most of yours.

You both decided to stop by the local café. It was small, but cosy. They have the best coffee and desserts in your town, plus, you both preferred going to smaller café chains – you like to support those smaller, feeling like Starbucks and Costa drown out the smaller businesses.

Seungmin and you got talking and it wasn't until you started talking about your week that you realised how lonely you had been feeling. With the days being shorter and nights getting colder, all you wanted was Seungmin. You wanted his warmth, his arms wrapped around you. To see his goofy smile and hear his adorable laugh.

You missed him and you had been ignoring it, drowning it out by overworking yourself. The more you spoke about how you felt, the more real it became. It wasn't until Seungmin reached across the table and took your hand in his, that you realised you were crying.

You would laugh softly, wiping away your tears and apologies to which Seungmin would shake his head at you and say it's all okay. He'd stand up and walk to you, gently lifting you up by your hand and pull you into his chest.

His scent, that warm, cinnamon scent would make you whimper, cling onto him and bury your face into his chest. He didn't care where you both were, he knew you needed him there and then. He couldn't wait to get home and hold you – not yet at least. He'd sway with you slowly, kissing the top of your head as you would let out gently and soft sobs 

"Shh, my darling. I'm here now. you won't ever feel alone every again. I promise to stay by your side, no matter what."

̥۪͙۪◌- ', Jeongin꒱ ↷

Sweet Jeongin. Skin ship is not his favourite thing in the world – at least when it comes to his members. You knew he wasn't keen on skin ship and that was okay with you, however, sometimes, you wish he was.

Sometimes, you wish he would be the one to initiate a hug or hold your hand or just a simple peck on the cheek. You love him and you knew from the start he didn't like skin ship, however you couldn't help but feel agitated and annoyed.

"Why is it always me that's has to be the one to initiate it? why can't you??" you'd snap. You'd have a rough day wanting nothing more than to come home and melt into your partner's arms – but you knew that wasn't going to happen.

As soon as you saw him chewing his bottom lip, nervously, you'd insistently feel guilty, stupid. This is Jeongin, your boyfriend. You love him no matter what, he is perfect to you! You'd apologise deeply and Jeongin being a kind soul, would accept your apology and move on.

Months later, the same situation happened. It was like déjà vu all over again. However, Jeongin was prepared this time. He saw how you came home in a huff, brows pinched together, frustration noticeable on your face.

You noticed he wanted to do something, you could tell by the way he was nervously hanging around you. You brushed it off as nothing – he would have done it by now if it was important.

By the time it was bed time, your frustrations were still apparent. They hadn't subsided like you hoped they would, you even took a shower in hopes it would help relax you – but it didn't. You had your back to Jeongin, trying to fall asleep. Jeongin felt anxious. It's not like he doesn't like skin ship, it's just, he doesn't know how to approach you when it comes to it.

He wants to hold you, to kiss you and have you melt into him, he's just shy. He's never done this before, he's never had a long term partner before so all this – is new to him. You'd feel him shifting around, his arm slowly sliding  and draping over your side. You'd be shocked, blushing softly when you feel him pulling you flush against his chest, crotch against your ass, back against his chest.

He'd hold you tight, his warmth surrounding you. He'd take your hand in his, stroke it slowly as he gains confidence. Soft kisses on the back of your neck, hums of contentment. You liked this and so did he. You felt all your frustrations melt away.

"Its not a case of me not liking skin ship, I do, especially with you. It's just, I'm shy. All this is new to me but I promise you, I will hold you and never let you go." 

[nancypullen]

IT'S AUGUST!

You guys, we're just a short walk to the "ber" months! If this month zips by like the last couple, we'll be smack dab in September before we know it! I love that. I 'm not wishing my life away, but I sure am wishing this summer away. With Tennessee still at a 30-something percent vaccination rate, we haven't really gone anywhere or done anything. No baseball games, no festivals, no fun. Sure, we're vaccinated but that shot is meant to keep us from severe COVID, hospitalization, and death. I don't want it at all. I've got friends who had it, never ended up in the hospital, but months later are still battling symptoms. No thanks. Soooo, on Saturday night we got real fancy and picked up a sack of Taco Bell and went to the drive-in to see Jungle Cruise. The movie was bad, but the company was excellent and the nachos were delicious. No regrets.

What can I say? I'm a cheap date. Before I forget- I've had some questions about the refrigerator pickles. Yes, they were a success. When the first jar was ready for the frig I had the mister taste one and critique the flavor. He said there wasn't enough of a vinegar bite. I added an extra tablespoon of vinegar to each jar and after that he deemed them perfect. In fact, he's enjoyed them so much that he's mowed through the whole batch (4 jars). Today I'll be picking and pickling some more. After that I may pull up the cucumber plants. They're starting to look like they've lived a good life. Besides, IT'S AUGUST. We're nearly finished with summer! Can I get an amen? The bell peppers still have plenty of production time, I've had a pretty good crop and there are still lots of baby peppers on the plants. I'll give them a stay of execution for now. I've been at my desk making cards again. No special occasions, just nonsense.

Today I plan to make one for someone special who is battling health issues and maybe a couple of back-to-school cards for teacher friends. It would be kinder just to send them haz-mat suits. That's it, you're all caught up on the fast-paced life we're living - drive-ins, pickles, and paper crafts. In about three weeks we'll mask up and FLY to Baltimore. This will be the first time I've been on a plane since February of 2020. Holy cow! Eighteen months feels like a lifetime. Anyway, we've got a meeting with a builder, we plan to visit a couple more towns that we missed the first time we went exploring, and hopefully, HOPEFULLY make a final decision of some sort - even if it's just agreeing on a spot. We've had zoom meetings with the builder and have been going over floorplans and options - I'm still not convinced it's our wisest choice. I'd love a sparkling new home with hand-picked finishes, but there are a lot of hidden costs. We built this house in 1999 and it was all pretty straight forward and we knew exactly what we were getting for our sale price. This time around everything is an "option". Oh, you want a light above the kitchen island? That's another $800. What's that, you want steps to the front porch? We can do that for $1800. Every extra window is $500 or more, and (surprise!) most rooms only have one. The optional stone fireplace is $7,000. They don't sound like much one at a time, but added together it's a bundle. Buying finishes through the builder is very convenient, but far more costly. The same granite or quartz kitchen counters the builder will install are a thousand dollars more than Lowe's or Home Depot - the very same granite! And you know darn well that the builder is buying them at a contractor's price. The catch is that you must have a countertop in order to close. So if you have them install a basic laminate and choose to replace it with granite of your choosing, then you're paying the new installers extra to remove and haul away the laminate that you didn't want in the first place. Ugh. We've also remembered that we are not HOA people. The neighborhood we are considering is really lovely - it sits on a golf course (we don't golf) and has a community pool, fitness center, etc. Of course, there's a fee for all of that. That fee also includes trash pickup and lawn maintenance. Mickey would never mow again! He likes that. BUT, and for me this is a big but, they control every shrub or tree you might want to plant. No trees with a trunk diameter over 12 inches. They also hit you for $650 every January for maintenance of water and sewer. They're on public sewer and water, so I'm not sure what that covers. Of course, we can always purchase a lot elsewhere and build on that, but odds are that would entail having a well and septic put in and I am not a fan of that at all. The allure of building is that we could control the timeline (pretty much). If we broke ground in September or October could list our house in the spring and make our move. That gives us time to book a moving company and have a schedule that doesn't create panic. Our other options are to keep scouring real estate and jump on a house that meets our needs, list our house, close on our house and the new house in a timely manner, cross our fingers we can hire a reputable moving company on short notice, and drive to Maryland with two cats...or...list our house, close, hire a moving company, drive to Maryland with two cats, put everything in storage, rent a place until we find what we love, then hire movers again to get everything from storage to the new place. I'll be honest, the worst part of both scenarios is the idea of driving with two cats. They may have to be drugged. I'm currently liking this house in Ocean Pines. It's a little wonky-looking, but the interior and the lot are appealing (that dappled shade is perfect for hydrangeas!). I'm crazy about that screened room. https://www.homesnap.com/homes/for_sale/MD/Ocean-Pines/p_(21,21266)/c_38.381705,-75.146285/z_12/m_7,107492455 I've

already decorated it in my mind. It's 5 miles from the beach, the community has 5 pools ( 1 indoor), tennis courts, pickleball courts, walking trails, playgrounds, etc. No hidden fees. Every Saturday there's a farmer's market, and everything we'd need from a good hospital to Home Goods is nearby. The biggest drawback is that it's two hours from the grandgirl. Two hours is much better than our current eleven hours but that's definitely not the easy drop-in we'd hoped for. Arrgh! They'll just have to move. Ha! Alright, I've dumped my brain out on here and I'll leave you to pick through the mess and make sense of it. I have to run out to mail a box, then I'll feed the mister, fold some laundry, and make a couple cards. That's kind of a terrific Tuesday. No complaints from me. Besides, we're now just 89 days from Halloween! The stores have had fake pumpkins out since mid-July, they know the way to my heart. One more reason not to buy a lot outside of a neighborhood- no trick-or-treaters! Can you imagine if this was to be my last official Halloween? Tragedy! Gotta' run. Stay safe. stay well, and be kind to each other. XOXO, Nancy

[kaes-confessions]

We had such a good day yesterday. To save gas I picked him up in my little car and he went boot shopping with me. My Ariats are so worn down the work grip is slick as a dress shoe. They can't be re-soled. And with the Rodeo coming up this weekend I needed a new pair. He's a boot champ. So he went. First store. First pair. Fell in love with them. He insisted I try another pair to make sure. Even insisted on a certain pair of socks for it all.

"Take a walk. A long stroll. Make sure." He talked me through what I liked and disliked about each pair. A girl he went to high school with was working, so he went to chat with her and get help with a couple things. I was in my section, walking, squatting, getting up on my toes. I went to change boots and he came walking back.

"Nope. No. Sit your ass down. I'm doing this. I'm doing this for you."

Sir. Yes, sir.

I bought my pair and then he went looking for himself. He found a shirt he liked, but with the move coming up it was too expensive. Shame. It would have looked good. I'm going back to get it for him for his birthday. He doesn't need to know that though.

And since he was dilly-dallying I found myself in hats.

"No, no. You have to put it on right. You look like a fake cowgirl."

"I've been elbow deep in a cow. Don't call me a fake cowgirl."

"No, no. Let me do it."

I've never had someone putting a hat on me feel so intimate. Forehead first, then let it sit. It's too big. Get the size down.

No. The size down hurt my head.

We argued. I won. Then, walking out to my car, the wind blew it off my head.

See? Told you needed the size down.

After I chased it down I told him, "Boy, we are about to go rounds today."

"One round and I'd win for the day." He smiled. "You'd only last half a round with me anyway."

When I tell you I've never wanted to punch someone while simultaneously thinking about jumping their bones SO DEEPLY.

We got burgers and then went to his house and I opted to hang out for a bit to sit out a storm in my part of the city. We sat on his covered porch watching the horses, talking about trees, sharing memories. Basic conversation. It was a good night. And I went home in a great mood.

Today I almost ruined it. I asked if it would be crossing a line to have him rub out cramps. Yay womanhood. He said it's too intimate and he doesn't want to... get things all mixed up. Because it's not a good recipe.

My response was that he's a liar. We make great friends. Like peas and carrots. I've been doing well at not caving to his sleeping advances and only spending the night when it's literally not safe for me to drive home. He agreed. We do well chilling together. Then I told him to get it while he can since he's moving. But, on the same token, where he's moving is actually 10 minutes closer to my house. Just in the other direction.

I told him I have a girlfriend that lives in that town. Warned him about her. And he said "Where would I meet her?" I immediately told him I'd set them up if he wanted, but she came with a warning. He said he just wanted to know so he could avoid her. And then it got weird.

"Wait. What do you mean? You'd really set me up with someone? I thought you liked me."

So I told him of course I do. Why else would I have to look away every time he smiles at me? I told him if he asked me on an actual date next week I would drop everything to go buy a whole new outfit for it.

It got deep. About how we just want to see each other happy. But he's gotta move, he's gonna need a new job, things are gonna be rough. I have my new job but have to move. It's also rough. But we're getting each other through it. And we need that uplifting support.

He said he's never had a friend buy him anything for his birthday. I'm getting him that shirt.