#or 2... when im struggling with layout LMAO

[lokh]

proof of concept. this is what my draft sketches look like (when I actually do them)

[ofjcnnys]

jenny thewlis psych evaluation : 061401

layout is a little different than erin’s, still long as hell im so sorry.

When their door opens again Jenny has taken to their spot in the bathroom again. Arms wrapped around their knees as they sat in the small space between the toilet and the wall. They weren’t totally convinced there wasn’t another camera in that spot, but in this moment they had accepted they were being watched. They kept their face stony as they tried to think and scanned the room for anything that might help them. The sound of the door opening was a little surprising, leaning forward to look around the wall and look at who had entered the room.

As they explained what was going to happen, what sort of questions they were going to ask, Jenny didn’t move forward from their spot but they didn’t back away either. Just like everything else, they assumed they had to cooperate to avoid another shot to the arm. So they nodded, to show they understood, adjusting their seat a little so they were slightly more visible, arms wrapping around their legs again, their chin on top of their knees.

Jenny is not going to answer the questions. They sit quietly, avoid eye contact, and maybe shrug their shoulders if you’re lucky. They have something to say at the end but all these answers are completely OOC third person answers.

trigger warnings for all of Jenny’s bs lmao

Physical Health

1. Tell me about your sleeping habits over the past month. Have you noticed any changes? Difficulty sleeping? Restlessness? What was it like before you were on the island?

As we know Jenny has always had trouble sleeping. Insomnia being a very present symptom of their anxiety and paranoia. In New York they struggled, forcing themselves to stay awake even when they could fall asleep with copious caffeine and activities. On the island the longest they stayed awake for was four days in a row. They didn’t sleep well or restfully until after their psychotic episode on night nine. They slept better with Shane but it was still restless and hard to come by compared to normal sleeping routine. Getting worse towards the end and not sleeping the final two nights. In the bunker they slept the first night due to the sedative but will not sleep the second night. 

2. How would you describe your appetite over the past 5 weeks? Have your eating habits changed in any way? What was it like before you were on the island?

Jenny eats for survival. They did before the island too. They like food, but they are not fussy they are not picky. They take what they can get. In their moments of worse mental health, they forget to eat. It happened multiple times on the island and it happened constantly at home. Even when they’re hungry, they’re too occupied with their mental health to even think about eating. In a very backwards and not healthy at all way, they were sort of lucky to already have worse for wear eating habits. Their body was used to sustaining them on little nutrients and it wasn’t as much of a shock to their system. In the bunker they are barely touching their food. Only eating fractions of it and only after poking and prodding at it for a good ten minutes beforehand.

Wellbeing

1. Prior to the island, could you tell me about any times over the past few months that you’ve been bothered by low feelings, stress, or sadness?

UH. So their best friend died lmao. It was almost a year before the island but that event was still severely impacting their life a few months ago, and still is in many ways. They were in and out of paranoid and often psychotic episodes. Nearly had charges pressed against them by Mia’s family. And finally broke their arm during a psychotic episode starting a fight with someone they would never be able to beat. After they broke their arm, they were on vicodin and while it stopped the psychotic episodes, it did not stop the deep, deep depression they entered. A result of their grief finally hitting them and the chemical downfall from a highly stimulating event such as multiple psychotic episodes. They were barely moving from their bed, they were barely eating, they were barely showering. They were going to school but it was all robotic. They weren’t present, because they could find no point in being present. 

2. How frequently have you had little pleasure or interest in the activities you usually enjoy? Would you tell me more?

For a long time. Jenny hasn’t really had interest in or found pleasure in the activities they usually enjoy since before Mia died. Before her death, everything Jenny did was tied to Mia so when she died they couldn’t do anything at all without thinking of her. It wasn’t until they were on the island that they were able to start to shed that toxic connection and start doing things for themselves and actually truly for other people.

Autonomy, Choice, and Control

1. How often during the past few months have you felt as though your moods, or your life, were under your control?

Not often. Dealing with psychotic episodes as a result of extreme anxiety, insomnia, and paranoia caused by stress and grief and then a depression, also caused by all those things has left their moods and life largely out of their own control. They have worked on breathing exercises and grounding techniques with their mom but they feel as though its bullshit. On the island they had tiny moments of feeling in control, or feeling like they had to control and bottle things up for the benefit of the others but in the long run it affected them negatively. 

2. How frequently have you been bothered by not being able to stop worrying?

Very frequently. They are a chronic overthinker and worrier and have been for most of their life, despite often calm disposition. It’s never lead anywhere good but they can’t stop. They try really hard to not let it affect them but it often gets under their skin. It happened a lot on the island. It came in waves and eventually, in the last few days, they were drowning. 

Self-Perception

1. Tell me about how confident you have been feeling in your capabilities recently.

It depends what is meant by capabilities. Physically, when Jenny is in a calm state of mind at least, they are very aware of what they can and can’t do. They are aware of their body and its limits. Emotionally, mentally– it’s a different story. It’s not about confidence, only that they feel they have to do everything. They have to be up to everything, because its what they owe the world and everyone in it. So they’re not confident, not at all, but it doesn’t matter. 

2. Let’s talk about how often you have felt satisfied with yourself over the past few months.

I am realising that similarly to Erin’s answers I’m going to repeat myself but uh, big old no. Jenny probably scoffed quietly at the question. Because, yeah, looking at their last few months there’s not much opportunity to feel satisfied with themselves. They put their family through hell, they put Mia’s family through hell, they nearly dropped out and wracked up multiple expensive hospital bills in the meantime. This attitude largely followed them to the island. Feeling more like a burden than finding anything to feel satisfied about. But they had their moments. They felt satisfied when they started the fire with Shane. They felt satisfied when they found the cave with Divya. They felt satisfied (to a certain degree, lesser than they would have if they had been in a better state) when they caught the raccoon with Oona. They were on the right path to starting to have a positive relationship with themselves but the seams of their sanity were plucked at just a bit too much.

Hope and Hopelessness

1. How often over the past few weeks have you felt the future was bleak?

After the last question, Jenny would have managed to keep the scoff to themselves. But very, very often. The only time they didn’t feel that the future was bleak was when they were with Shane and they were talking about their possible future together. 

2. Can you tell me about your hopes and dreams for the future? What feelings have you had recently about working toward those goals?

Before the island, all their hopes and dreams for the future were tied up with Mia. Mia wanted to travel the world and Jenny wanted to go with her, Jenny wanted to be with her and be her best friend forever. On the island the hopes and dreams they developed were tied up with Shane. The dream of moving in together and living some beautiful life together after the island, not needing anyone else. The last time they had a hope or dream just for themselves was when they were 8, the day before they looked up how much work and money went into becoming an astronaut. For the most part, they felt hopeful about their future with Shane, the way the two of them talked about it and talked about meeting each other’s families and visiting her at work. It felt real. They had their moments of self doubt, the last day struggling to believe that anything was real at all. 

Relationships and Belonging

1. Describe how ‘supported’ you feel by others around you – your friends, family, or otherwise.

Jenny is very supported by their family, especially considering their circumstances. And they feel very supported by them, they know their family is making so much effort to help them and support them. They just don’t feel their family understands what they were going through. They also attended multiple community support groups. Recommended to them by both their school guidance counsellor (who they had to see once a week), and court assigned mental health professional. But they didn’t really feel supported in those groups. No one there was going through what they were, they felt. They only went to keep their family happy. As for friends? They didn’t have any. Mia was their only real friend and she did not really offer Jenny that much support even when she was alive.

2. What is it different on the island? Did you feel more or less supported?

More supported. By bucketloads. Sure, the Eves didn’t always necessarily understand what they were going through, its not like they allowed any of them to. But they felt that the others tried even when they didn’t know. It wasn’t that same obligation they felt their family felt for them. That if they weren’t related their family wouldn’t support them the way they did. The Eves had no obligation to them and still cared for them, aand still looked after them. The first moment they really knew that was when Shane and Joss came after them and looked after them in the cave. Many more moments with Shane following along with moments with a lot of them. They hadn’t ever had a friend group like that, support like that.

3. Let’s discuss how you have been feeling about your relationships recently. Did you make any significant relationships on the island? How do you feel about them?

Of course, the obvious, they formed a significant relationship with Shane. The two formed a bond over not being able to sleep those first couple of nights and the bond only got stronger with time forming a genuine romantic relationship with her. They would do anything for her, and most of the time they feel like she would do anything for them too. The others they got closest too, in their opinion, were Oona and Grace. With both Oona and Grace though they didn’t talk all that much, they felt understood and comfortable around them. They felt that way around most of the girls, but it especially stood out to them with Those three. They miss the group like crazy. They feel crazy without them. At this point they are trying to figure out how to get back to them. Because they know they need them.

Activity

1. Tell me about any important activities or projects that you’ve been involved with recently. How much enjoyment do you get from these?

Literally nothing lmao. Before the island everything was routine, and just doing it so their family didn’t think they were going to go crazy again. There was no enjoyment. There was what they had to do. What they were supposed to do. The last time they were working on something and enjoyed it pre-island was when Mia was alive.

2. Were you particularly involved with activities on the island? Did you want to be?

They were very much a follower and a tag along-er on the island. If something needed to be done, they’d do it. If someone was going to do something and needed company, they’d volunteer. They didn’t like to just sit and think , they liked to keep busy. They liked to have an occupied mind and they liked to feel like they were giving back to these girls that were supporting them so much. They wanted to be involved, and they were to a large degree. But they didn’t often come up with the ideas themselves. 

3. How frequently have you been doing things that mean something to you or your life?

When they were struggling with Mia’s death and having psychotic episodes from the stress of it, everything they were doing felt important. Like they were digging, and digging, and digging for the truth and if they just caused enough upset, poked enough at the bear, someone would crack and they would find out the truth. After breaking their arm, they realised none of it mattered. Nothing about Mia or anything else. Just nothing. The depression captured them and it wasn’t until they were fighting for their life on the island that they were finally feeling like the things thye were doing had meaning, and had worth.

Jenny doesn’t know if the questions are over or if they finally gave up after 16 questions but they noticed a shift in the room after the last questions. Like it was over. They lifted their head a little from their knees, watching the person shift, and looking to the door to see someone on the window on the other side. It was over. It was over? Fuck. They sat up a little straighter, they knew how these things worked. Or how what they assumed this was worked. They cleared their throat, the evaluator’s eyes coming back to them. “ I know how this works. ” They said, voice dry but not quite cracking. “ This stuff, like the questions, ” They said, lifting their hand from their knee a little gesturing into empty space as they clarified. “ The whole, making sure I’m not a danger to myself or others. ” That was the big phrase. The one that they heard that court assigned mother fucker say over and over in the hallway by their bed in the hospital. They didn’t know if they weren’t supposed to hear it, but they felt they were. The court bitch wanted them to hear how their mother assured that the family would keep them on the right path, they would keep them from deviating. She doesn’t need to be committed, we’ll look after her. 

“ I’m not. ”

Believe me.

“ I just want to see them. ”

[radbutsafe]

ALL FUCKIN 35 OF THEM SKLNWESDJFPXO

I SHOULDVE EXPECTED THIS FROM YOU

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

A three! I think I’m mid range cause I ain’t terrible but there is still shit I gotta improve and grow in my writing

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

to manifest what canon won’t give me and to write more! (though yes it is mainly about the smooching and the— I’ll stop there LOL)

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

Hm! My weird research details? I’m that “fun fact, did you know...” in my fics sometimes LOL! I plan on giving a penthouse for erina in a fic and I went through penthouse listings in Japan for floor layouts and locations💀 my research gives me inspo and depth to stuff I think I lack in comparison to others sometimes.

4. Are there any writers that inspire you?

In terms of fellow fic writers, one of them I can’t name here but she’s an inspiration with her exceptional gift for prose period and her lovely skill at comedy! I want to be as funny as her when I write, I love her ironic situational humor. Other fic writers are @takoyakitenchou, @royaldragonsevgisi15 who I always love sharing ideas with and motivate me to create more! For non-fic writers it would be V.E. Schwab, Leigh Bardugo, Oda, and Horikoshi! The last two may be mangaka, however they are writers as well to create their stories! The depth these creators have given their worlds and interesting characters theyve given life to are all what I aspire to be like!

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

so far uh?? hm everything I’m currently writing are wips lol!! im proud of my wip that has been nicknamed ‘soma panics’ that is a multi-chapter fic that spans like probs 20 plus chapters maybe

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

dialogue! it’s so much fun! and character thoughts. I’ve said to people I may be better suited for script writing

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?

I think it’s description, of like setting and showing action. also an expansion of my vocabulary LOL

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

erina! I think it’s because canon has shown us many of her different faces and range of emotion.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

SOMA!! chill ass mofo whos more carefree compared to the common shonen protagonist! for other shokugeki characters I’m not sure just yet because I haven’t flexed my fingers enough for the rest of them.

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for?

I guess I should say romance cause that’s what I mostly write LOL!

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

sorina and I try to get them to smooch eventually KEK and yeah it’s..usually romantic fluff lmao

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

HONESTLY ALL OF THEM but “soma panics” is my brain child

13. First fandom you ever wrote for?

pretty sure it’s digimon....

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for?

currently shokugeki no soma!!!!

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for?

uhhhh I guess SNS? LMAO fandoms...all have their quirks to them.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

characters cuddling!!!! or getting the urge to smooch!!!!

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

unrequited love GOOD FUCKIN BYEEEEEE

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

I have plot ideas thst can be wild potentially but so far nothing fits this criteria so far that I actually have written.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between?

depends on the fandom, but if written well, all of it!

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff?

shippy 100% like I said I like smoochin

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

romantic is...*drumroll* SORINA! platonic, soutaku and erina and alice!

22. Do you listen to anything while you write?

Sometimes! There are times songs will be on loop and times I just shuffle a playlist. and if I’m writing in random bursts it’ll be with no music but it really does depend lmao I think music is when I’m forcing myself to write?

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

completely independent ideas, I’ve realized in the past prompts shoot me in the foot often unless I luckily figure something out. but I’m often driven by my own sporadic self interest with shitty ping ponging attention

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

multi-chap I guess cause I can post without being finished LOLLL but tbh can I really answer? I haven’t finished anything.....

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

I can’t answer this question imo because I haven’t finished a fic yet so technically stuff could all fit in the one fic?

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

MYSTERY AND CRIME! I love the genre and I have plot ideas once a blue moon but I can’t dive in because I want to make details that work and reduce plot holes where suspension of disbelief isn’t as needed. I need to study it more (I need to study all the details for any of my fics imo to be confident sometimes LOL)

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

I don’t think I can say one comment was the nicest because I’ve gotten comments that have given me quite the smiles to my face many times! I know this is a cop out but it’s true!

IS WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY UNTIL REINA SENT ME THE FOLLOWING ON DISCORD LIKE TWENTY MINS AGO:

and also rad. i am never this vocal about my emotions like EVER but this needs to be said your fics are obviously far from perfect, as are mine and everyone else's. but the thing about your works is that they're so well-sanded that it's impossible to find any rough edges or faults in them in terms of cohesion to a plot. your cast is never OOC and the amount of effort you devote to developing your takes on the characters as accurately as possible is unimaginably awe-inspiring.

BITCH I WANNA CRY 😭

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing?

I’d like to believe I take it often well to try and improve because that’s always my goal. if someone is rude lol that’s not constructive snd is unhelpful. If I disagree with criticism I’ll explain why !

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

Not yet, but I have some plot ideas I think will let me test this.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

F L U F F.

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

elliott fuji, a japanese-american award winning photographer who is erina’s boyfriend in ‘soma panics’ which..causes soma’s panic LOL he’s 30 with slightly wavy black hair. I still haven’t pinpointed his personality just yet...he kind of humble brags for sure an artsy fucker and flirts maybe I’ll make him a lil shy though. he teaches sometimes, and becomes an adjunct photography professor in Tokyo so he can be with erina.

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

a cook is unfashionably late in realizing his feelings.

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

I am a slow. so slow. motivation who is she? I also write out of order, unfortunately a bit too often.

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

this should be for the fic ‘soma panics’ it’s either megumi or satoshi talkin to him rn, I’m leaning towards satoshi

“You thought she would always wait for you, didn’t you Soma-kun? To always welcome you home.”

Soma drags his palms down his face and groans. He doesn’t like this at all. He doesn’t shy from confrontation but this is a whole different ballgame. Soma doesn’t play any ball.

“I guess..?” Is his reply, because he thinks he isn’t sure how to answer that.

“You guess?”

Just being questioned again is enough to crack Soma’s pathetic facade as if it was dropped chinaware and he lets out the longest sigh.

“No.”

Coming home means coming home to Nakiri Erina too.

Nakiri Erina is his forever.

this is @takoyakitenchou’s excerpt she’s most proud of that I’ve written, which is also from you guessed it, the long fic soma panics

SOMA: I am, I mean I will be, I swear I will always come home to you, not spend as much time abroad, once I’m done with work I’ll come right back. I’ll make sure to message you. Nakiri, I’m in love you with you. Maybe for a really long time. You know how I say I dedicate my food to you? My dad—my dad said that the key to become a good chef is to find someone to dedicate your cooking to. A special someone. For my dad it was my mom, you know? For me it’s...

(this is a good piece of dialogue tbh so I am also proud of this)

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I’ve mentioned it throughout this but the WIP I’ve nicknamed ‘soma panics’ is something I’m super excited to write, but it’s going on slowly...and almost completely out of order. out of all of my writing it showed off that particular habit of mine, along with “what is this, a shoujo manga?!” though the latter is currently being written chronologically now that I’ve posted chapter one and is pretty solid in direction. it was originally supposed to be a one shot but I got impatient and wanted to post at least something for the sorina / soueri fandom.

however, because ‘soma panics’ (I won’t call it that LOL) is my baby I want to keep true to my rule of refusing to post it until I have a draft of the entire fic finished and I’m satisfied with the main points pretty much. due to my writing out of order, I’m worried I’ll change my mind about scenes or want to reflect things in earlier chapters for later ones etc etc

I joined the SnS fandom extremely late, as season five was airing. I was a fan of the manga five years ago and dropped it because I forgot to check for updates when I caught up 😔 I really want to bang out the different fics and aus for sorina that I have before the fandom fizzles out entirely but tbh I’m writing for myself, I’m manifesting what I want to see and I’ll just share it with all my friends to read if no one else will. cause I’m slow broski I dunno what writing fast even is like LMAO I do really want to write faster though, so I can contribute more and let the words free from the discord dms....

[meme-loving-stuck]

"well if its so hard to find work, go to the local job center"

oh you mean the local job center that is only open once every 3 months on a full moon on a weekday when youre in class, whose help consists entirely of "teaching you" how to make a resume even more shitty and unreadable than yours already is, which you have had multiple prospective employers tell you they didnt like the layout of?

there are NO real resources for finding a job if youre queer, mentally ill, and dont have a degree. even in the golden state of california where apparently everything is magical and socialist and there are so many ways to get help. go on welfare? go on fucking food stamps??

you can't get welfare just because you're unemployed.

are you a college student with no car and never had a job before? do you have to live with others because you literally cannot afford rent anywhere in your state?

you better be taking 5 college courses, have less than $30 in your bank account at all times, proof that you pay utility bills, AND somehow have time to attend their "job training" and interviews (while having a 2 hour commute to school and being in class 6+ hours every single weekday)

because if you can't do all that? youre shit fucking out of luck, pal. youre cut off after one month of groceries.

if you dont know someone who works there, youre not getting hired. if you're mentally ill and dont have "the right papers" so they can put that stamp on you and get tax breaks for affirmative action or whatever, youre not getting hired.

if youre noticeably queer, youre not getting hired. what about that really good, ~progressive company that totally hires gay people? if youre not the cis, white, neurotypical "palatable gay person with blue undercut" you are not getting hired

unless a store is literally DESPERATE for workers and you somehow live in a city where there are NO adults who can't afford higher education and end up working minimum wage AND literally no teenagers in the population at all, finding work is fucking impossible

im speaking from experience and yes I'm kind of venting because I'm "not eligible" for financial aid for college so I have literally no way of making money lmao but seriously I can't be the only person who is struggling with this.

but "just work retail" right??? just "stop being picky!! just get any job that will take you! go to hiring events and job fairs" fuck off