#opening song is 'I'll Be Your Girl' by Carly Rae Jepsen

[snowedinpodcast]

Transcript and content warning under the cut~~~

Let’s Walk: I Am a Location [Transcript]

[Content Warning: possibly graphic body descriptions (organs are "piles of meat," etc), sexual acts spoken of in metaphor, heavy wind sounds throughout]

"You're my baby! Come to bed, I'll be your girl" 

Phew. It's cloudy and I do not have a raincoat. This is risky business. It's also been a long time since I went outside. I am pretty behind on ... on classwork right now, I will admit that. And so ... I just haven't been out here. Bird calls are so majestic. [Sigh]. This suburban street is just blowing my mind. There's so many little sounds. [Bird calls and breathing].

I mean it all sounds so loud now, this ambient noise all around me, but technically it's never ever really quiet, is it? 'Cause your breathing makes noise and so does the thrumming of blood through your veins. So does your gastrointestinal system. So you kind of never experience honest-to-God silence. In order to do so, you would have to experience detachment from the very forces that keep you alive ... and that just can't happen. We haven't found a way to do it yet. 

[Wind sounds]. Hello. [Soft chimes]. That's a bell. Breezes and bells, it takes me right back to, to the [Inari] shrine at Nara [Note: I meant the Fushimi Inari Taisha in Kyoto]. Isn't it great how these little details can just pull forth whole swaths of memory? Human brains are complicated piles of meat. Okay, alright, okay. Let's ... go. [Laughs].

The other day I was holding my cat. His name is Joey, he's got his little tuxedo and his white paws and his bright white whiskers against his dark face. Beautiful contrast, love him. He's a very cuddly little man ... and it occurred to me that my arms are a location. I am a person, I am also a place—which are two of the categories under the subcategory noun, y'know, a person, place, or thing. So I guess this isn't earth-shattering but it, it meant something to me. [Car passes]. I'd never thought of myself as a place before. [Car passes]. In fact, the phrasing of the definition of a noun—a person, place, OR thing—it implies you can only ever be one, at least at a given time. But when I hold my cat, I am both a person—a creature with its own consciousness—and the location where another consciousness rests. My arms are a container.

It's the same thing as when you hug somebody. Although, I think that one's a bit more complex—with Joey, I can hold his body completely on my person without relying on any other surfaces, so ... he is 100% located upon me. I am his location, in that moment. When I hug somebody, their feet are still planted on the ground—although, I guess, maybe I could be giving them a piggyback ride or something and clinging to them in that way, which would be more akin to the cat example but … going with the more complex example—if their feet are planted on the ground, but their … abdomen is what is in my arms, then where are they? We're both in a room, or outside, or something, but then we are also partly embodying one another's space. We are both located in each other. 

... Which you can also take in a very sensual direction if you wanna think about penetration! That's another way in which human bodies are locations in which you can be—very literally! We're not gonna get too much farther into that, don't worry. Get it? Farther in? Ha! [Laughs]. But y'know, that's actually—that's another interesting, complex one, because part of your body enters another human or part of another human enters your body, but then another part of that entered person is still ... not completely in your body, right? So where are they? Are they in two locations at once? 

This also makes me think of the Four Corners in the United States, it's .... aaaaaaah, I don't know. Utah, Wyoming, ... [car passes] Nevada? I wanna say Colorado is the last one but I've been wrong before and I'll be wrong again [Note: It's actually Colorado, Utah, Arizona, and New Mexico]. But—oh, look at this cute little crocus. Hi, little buddy. It's purple, it's a—almost lilac, a pale purple, with this bright, orangey-yellow, fluffy stalk in the middle. That's great. I love crocus leaves, too. I like that they're spiky but then you actually touch 'em and they're soft and bendy, and uh, they're dark green with this white stripe up the center, just emphasizing that spike formation. I wonder why they're not bigger because it must be kinda hard to get—[laughs] I almost said serotonin. It must be kinda hard to get [car passes] a lot of sunlight if you don't have a lot of surface area, but maybe crocuses are just very efficient with their energy distribution* and they don't need giant leaves to amass as much sunlight for chlorophyll as possible. Anyway. Carry on. Where was I? [Laughs]. Aaaaaaaah. Um.

People are locations. Yes. True. Yeah … What does it mean to be trusted by someone to the degree where you either allow them to enter you—metaphorically or literally—and also they, they allow themselves to enter you, y’know? It’s mutual trust. [Car passes]. 

And yet, it’s really easy? Joey did not like being picked up when we first adopted him. He was pretty skittish about it and the way he acted, it was like he didn’t understand what being picked up meant? And that he was more afraid of it than anything else. Like, I would scoop him up and his limbs would be still and he would push against my chest with his little hands and his eyes would get all big and he’d just sort of freeze for maybe 10 seconds, and then he would start to scramble and squirm and try to get out, so I’d put him down, but. Over time, as I picked him up more and more often and let him down when he had enough, 15 seconds later, I think he kind of figured out what it means? I think he figured out that I reached down to pick him up and bring him closer to my face—and bring him into the location that is me—because I want closeness with him, and that closeness is affectionate. And it’s vulnerable! I mean, having-having a creature with claws placed right under your chin, resting on your heart, basically, that’s … that’s vulnerable! [Laughs]. So I think, I think he kind of figured it out? And he’s now accepted this as a symbol of closeness, a symbol of togetherness that he also draws meaning from. 

I’m—I’m kind of projecting onto Joey a little, which … run with me, though. Because now when I pick him up— … okay, so you know how when cats are comfortable they, uh, they’re more willing to close their eyes, um, and they, like, they tuck their limbs under their body—you may have heard the term “catloaf”? In Japanese it’s kobako, which, um. Hako is a word that’s very similar to that and hako means “box,” ‘cause it looks like the cat just sorta turns themselves into a little box with, with corners for where their feet are tucked in. Um. I also made up—at least, I think I made it up. Someone else may have come up with this before me, but I made up another way to talk about that cat stance where they’re all tucked in. I call it ashi nashi: ashi meaning “feet” and nashi being, uh, a conjugation of nai which means “lack of” or “none.” So, no feet! But it also rhymes—ashi nashi!—and I think it’s funny. Nashi, uh, just by itself, can also mean “pear”—like, as a noun, not as as a conjugation of a [wind wounds] verb—so ashi nashi could also mean “pear feet,” which is equally funny, [laughs] so … don’t mind me, just making puns that are incoherent but very enjoyable. 

Anyway, yeah. So, cats, cats will sort of let their guard down and … Tucking in their feet and being willing to close their eyes or look away from you—and not be watching out for potential attacks at all times—those are signs of trust and comfortableness in cats. So, every time I pick Joey up these days, he almost immediately tucks one of his hands under his body while he’s rested on my chest. And he does, y’know, blink his eyes and close them on occasion and he starts to purr. And purring isn’t always an indication of cat happiness, I mean, contrary to popular belief, like—cats that are in labor purr, cats that are operated on can purr, um … purring is just like a—it’s a response that a cat either does when they’re in a stress situation and they want to calm down or if they are very pleased and they’re having a, a good time, y’know? Um, so, if, if a cat’s purring, it’s either having a great time or it’s having a bad time and you gotta use context clues to figure out which one it is [laughs]. Um. But yeah, yeah, Joey does multiple signs of what humans have thus far understood as cat comfort. So I think he does recognize being picked up as love and I think he has also taken that to mean love. Like, he understands that when I pick him up I am showing him love and more than just that, he also accepts being picked up as love. He receives that love [now, compared to] when previously, before he understood what it meant, he didn’t receive that love—d-does that make sense? 

Also you can understand that someone is trying to do a loving thing for you but not accept it that way. Like—like you see where they’re coming from but it is not for you. For me, that would be gift-giving. I try to be … I try to say “thank you” anyway ‘cause I understand people mean well when they give gifts but unless it’s something that they’ve asked me about or something that I specifically mentioned—and we’re close enough that I know they’re not gonna hold it against me somehow, or, like, they’re not gonna have these great expectations of reciprocation and make a big thing out of it—I just have such a hard time receiving gifts, they are not my love language. They, they symbolize stress rather than love, for me, and they symbolize work, like, now I need to keep track of this thing you’ve given me and make sure I give you something back of equal value. And it becomes more about performing affection than actually … giving and receiving affection. [Huff]. So I recognize that gifts are used to indicate love … but I do not feel loved when I receive them. Or, at least, I try to and often fail. 

It seems like in Joe’s case, he has … he has learned to accept the love of being picked up? ‘Cause he could kick me, y’know. [Car passes] I try not to be a dick about it. If he really doesn’t want—like, even after, like, I dunno, five minutes of being paraded around the kitchen in my arms, if he gets tired of it, he will sorta kick around a little and like, sometimes he mews, too. And then I put him down. I try not to force him to be in the location that is me for longer than he actually is willing to stay there. So y’know, if he kicked at me from the get go, I wouldn’t pick him up [car passes] but that is pretty rarely the case. Most of the time he’s [car passes] rather docile about it [car passes].

This is to say, how do I feel about being located in other people? [Car passes] I used to ride horses so that is a kind of—in that scenario, I am Joey and the horse is me. The horse is the location that I am now occupying. And we are traveling together to get to another location, whether that’s circling back to the barn after, y’know, going on a trail or like in Red Dead Redemption 2, Arthur riding his various horses to do missions, to get to certain people’s houses and shoot things and draw flowers in his journal. [Laughs]. Arthur, a man of many talents. Arthur Morgan. [Taps chest] proud to be related to this man. But yeah, in that way, I guess horses are kind of liminal spaces in that they are a location you can be at that is a mode of transportation, a mode of connection from one location to another location. Maybe that’s why it’s so weird to me to think of horses as locations, or as myself as a location for Joey. I am a liminal space. I connect Joey from upstairs to downstairs, I take him down there all the time. 

Whoa. I am a corridor. I am the atrium of a beautiful hall. I am a courtyard. I have many venues through which I can enter and exit. 

This is both physical and metaphorical, right, like, think about all the ways that you—that your body carries you through life, and all the paths you ignore and all the ones you choose. Wacky. I guess, in a way, you could think of your own body, like, this meat carcass, as a location that you constantly live in … Yeah. ‘Cause my arms are a container that Joey sometimes occupies, but I occupy my own arms all the time. All the time. 

… Huh. I guess this depends on what your definition of where you are … is. Ooh, that sentence did not hit right. I think some people envision selfhood as centered in the brain—although there have been studies that show that … mmm, similar connections … lemme start that sentence over. There are studies that show that your, your guts, your stomach, uh, [taps body twice, keys jingle]—I dunno if it’s that it has neurons or if some of the connections or energy or something that happens down there are involved with brain decision-making. I can’t remember what it is but there’s something about your gut [taps body twice again] being involved** with stuff your brain does more so than just the digestive tract. Yeah, something like that, I guess [laughs].

So I guess you could make the argument that your selfhood is located in your gut. And then some people even transcend the body with their idea of selfhood, and they’re like, well, it’s this nebulous thing. Like yeah, sure, you inhabit your body but it’s also possible to be very much alienated from your body. I’m thinking of, like, trans experience here, where people can fall on a spectrum of being totally in love with and fully, fully embodied by their, their meat existence—[laughs] meat existence. You’re welcome. While other people really struggle with their features and feel like these features do not accurately portray the gender identity—person—that they know themselves to be in this other nebulous, nonphysical way. 

The body is a home—OH, places versus homes, that’s a whole other thought. Ok. [Laughs]. [Car passes] that might be a lot, for now. Maybe we should put a pin in that. I think we should put a pin in that. Phew. Ok. Alright. Good talk! Thank you for this. That was exciting. I appreciate it. Thank you for letting me talk about my cat, he’s just, he’s such a sweetheart. Always adopt, adopt cats, you find the coolest little weirdos and they’re great. Alright [tongue click] I will catch you on the next [car passes].

*It turns out I'm a little right, but also wrong; a 2017 study found that leaf size is connected to risk of overheating and freezing. A plentiful batch of narrow leaves, like what crocuses make, can collect enough energy to fuel their growth while also surviving chilly nights; they can withstand temperatures as low as 14 degrees F or -10 degrees C (Source: atlasobscura.com, plants.ces.ncsu.edu).

**I was right this time! The link between our brains and guts is referred to as the Brain-Gut Connection or the enteric nervous system (ENS). It’s mainly in charge of digestion but it’s also been shown to send signals to the brain that cause emotional shifts (Source: hopkinsmedicine.org).

[spaceytingz]

you temporarily gain Beyoncé's vocal abilities, stamina and dancing expertise for one purpose: you have to sing 25 Carly Rae Jepsen songs at a concert of your own. Which songs do you pick? And where are you performing?

Ooh, 25, me likeyyyy

NOTE: idc if this makes no sense story-wise

lemme see:

1. I'm obviously opening with Run Away With Me, it's tradition.

2. Making The Most Of The Night (I adore this song, imagine being able to sing it properly) - Storywise, we're flung into the beginning of a fling.

3. I Know You Have A Girlfriend - It starts out as an affair, but she just can't help herself (also the reason this made the cut out of all the other Kiss songs is the "I THINK I THINK I THINK I WANT IT WAAYYY TOOO MUUUUUUUCH" part)

4. Want You In My Room (this was the last minute addition)

5. Body Language - They start having problems, and Carly (or is it me??? who knows) thinks everything will be okay, they just have to fuck it overfhdsjfdfsd

6. This Is What They Say - She feels amazing, post nut clarity is a friend.

7. Curiosity - But we do have to remember, he has a girlfriend. And he's kind of an ass. (This is one of my fave Carly songs of all time, it's so good)

8. Cry - Continuing with the emotional unavailability with probably her objectively best song of all time

9. Love Me Like That - I have such a soft spot for this song, it's literally perfect, it's so dramatic and emotional. Realisation that this relationship can't work out.

10. Wildflowers - Leaving. This song made the cut cause of the whole DON'T YOU THINK IT'S EASY FOR ME OH ALL THE THINGS I'VE TRIED TO BE part

END OF ACT 1

11. Let's Get Lost - Honestly, I'd sell my soul just to be able to sing this once, this song is so fucking good. Start of something new

12. LA Hallucinations - The relationship starts and continues, finding an anchor in someone else.

13. Fever - Sudden and tragic end, this is the #1 song along with Cut To The Feeling that I would answer this question with

INTERLUDE - "TAKE ME INTO YOUR ARMS AGAIN" from LAH plays four times, getting distorted in the process

14. I'll Be Your Girl - Descent into madness hehe, this song would be so fun live with Beyoncé's vocal abilities, stamina and dancing expertise.

INTERLUDE - "SHAKE ME FROM LA HALLUCINATIONS" from LAH plays four times, getting distorted in the process

15. Little Of Mine - Continuing the descent into madness.

INTERLUDE - "TAKE ME" FROM LA HALLUCINATIONS STARTS PLAYING ON LOOP, GETTING MORE DISTORTED IN THE PROCESS UNTIL IT SUDDENLY STOPS.

16. Your Type - Moving on

17. Roses - Moving on again (this song specifically made the cut cause of the DRUNK ON CIGARETTES LAST YEAR SILHOUETTES part)

18. Too Much - Self acceptance

19. When I Needed You - Obviously

20. Store - Except the Store is a metaphor for the club lol

END OF ACT 2

21. I Didn't Just Come Here To Dance - Finding someone new at the club, this song FUCKS SO HARD

22. Happy Not Knowing - After everything that's happened, reluctance to get into something new

23. Third to last, we got The One. Contuination of HNK with her finally giving in a) it's frankly criminal this song has never been performed live, b) it's fucking god tier, c) I really wanna sing it with some sort of hesitation and self-destructiveness ROMANCE IS FINE POUR ME SOME WINE and d) it sets up the final songs

24. Second to last, we got Stay Away. a) I adore this song to bits, it's so high energy and it just makes me wanna dance and b) storywise, it's Carly (or is it me???) getting over herself and realising she wants something more with this person

25. Closing with the most euphoric song known to man, Cut To The Feeling

[thequibblah]

hi so i'm looking for some new music to listen to and i thought you could help because you have great taste!

if this helps, i'll tell you what i normally listen to, which is very basic & basically the same few artists over and over lol

- mostly just taylor swift, she makes up 70+% of my listening probably haha and if i had to pick a favorite genre of hers it would be the folkmore style

- some other pop, like olivia rodrigo and conan gray and lorde & some doja cat but i'm not a huge fan of doja's lyrics

- lyrics are really big for me, so is having a pretty voice and nice melodies

- i love your playlists but the old songs are usually not my style (there's been some though that i really like, ty for that !! <3)

- ceremonials is my favorite florence album

- liability is my favorite lorde song

no problem if u don't want to!

OH i basically recommend things for a living so why not music, eh?

so. what i'm getting from this is that you have three big listening buckets: soft acoustic and indie pop and just plain old pop. so i will divide my recs by those broad genres! i too prefer singable music so i will try to lay off on especially dissonant artists, or mark them as such so you can be prepared (LOL)

acoustic/folksy (i'll admit i am a big indie pop girl so this stuff will be a bit sparser)

phoebe bridgers — admittedly she is more alt-rocky, but see garden song, savior complex, moon song, graceland too, prayer in open D

waxahatchee — can't do much (GOD THIS SONG), lilacs, st. cloud

lucy dacus — also more alt-rocky, but here r some softer jams: hot & heavy, christine, green eyes, red face (a jily song)

anything by first aid kit! start with stay gold and the lion's roar

hozier — i feel like most people on the internet have listened to SOME hozier but check out wasteland, baby! (i tried to pick individual songs and ended up listing most of the album LOL)

kacey musgraves — another artist you've probably listened to already, but try golden hour

brittany howard — stay high must be the sweetest song in existence, and basically all of her album jaime

arlo parks — the whole album but especially caroline, hurt, and black dog

lake street dive — i can change, good kisser (a mary song if i've ever heard one), and i adore their hall & oates cover!

anya marina — this whole album has had me by the throat since like 2013

lucius — just the whole album wildewoman, h/t @figg-anon for putting me onto this!

idk what tf genre fiona apple is but try her out as well!

artists i listen to less of but are in this vein: the lumineers, bon iver, vance joy

u know i had to rec some old people shit (LOLLLL), so in this vein, joni mitchell, heart, judee sills, emmylou harris, joan baez, vashti bunyan

one-off songs you might like: hold you now by vampire weekend, big wheel by samia, i eat boys by chloe moriondo, strawberry blond by mitski (i worship at the altar of mitski but she might not be your speed haha), like i used to (acoustic) by sharon van etten & angel olsen, body by julia jacklin, jackie onassis by sammy rae and the friends, cowgirl bebop by HANA

indie pop BELOVED

maggie rogers — ok i cannot recommend this higher like if u like lorde and conan gray drop everything now and mainline maggie's brilliant debut album

HAIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! — they've got poppier songs like want you back and more mellow songs like summer girl, but honestly i would just recommend a deep dive because they have a pretty surprising breadth within their own alt-rock/pop niche

caroline polachek — can sometimes get way out n weird in the pop sense but so hot you're hurting my feelings is a very listenable pop standard (also it's so funny she's such a clever lyricist also this is irrelevant here but she sounds amazing live), also love look at me now and her cover of breathless

charli xcx is more experimental pop but would rec trying out warm (FT HAIM!!!), blame it on your love (FT LIZZO!!), and official

rina sawayama — technically her album is all sorts of genres but especially XS, comme des garcons, paradisin', bad friend, and tokyo love hotel

orla gartland is a lil softer and i love more like you, oh GOD, and did it to myself

king princess — especially cheap queen, 1950, holy, but basically all of cheap queen

more one-offs: kansas by ashe, comeback by CRJ (full paean in her honour to come in the pop section), i am a big fan of other people covering the bleachers (LOL) especially rollercoaster by charli xcx and i wanna get better by tinashe (full tinashe praise to come too), saturdays by twin shadow (FT HAIM!!!), the kiss of venus and 3 nights by dominic fike (also his interlude on halsey's album), aute cuture and milionària by rosalía, young lover by st. vincent (i love her but again might not be for u haha), good days by sza, backyard boy by claire rosinkranz, slow dancing by aly & aj, hot sugar by glass animals

if ur down to try out something weird witchy and cool, kate bush is like the originator of 9 billion pop and rock genres and hounds of love is a masterpiece

pure pop (we can split hairs on what makes pure pop LOL but basically everything here is based on ur enjoyment of doja)

carly rae jepsen — ok if u haven't listened to her non-radio-hits u may be like "what?? call me maybe lady???" to which i say YES, especially window, stay away, no drug like me, and too much

victoria monet — this may or may not be a selling point to you, but victoria is a frequent ariana grande collaborator and you can absolutely hear it in her music (see also: the mattress spring background noises in dive JUST like they are in positions...), and i love experience, go there with you, and we might even be falling in love, and why not throw in her ariana grande collab monopoly

magdalena bay — how to get physical which i am destined, nay, contractually bound, to put in a jily modern AU someday, killshot, stop & go

tinashe — basically ALL of her new album!!! SO good. i also love rascal (superstar), esther, and old jams like company (and i JUST found out she has a chaka khan cover!)

chloe x halle have the most angelic vocals in the world

this might sound actually demented because WHO hasn't heard love on the brain but rly... go give ANTI a re-listen...

tove lo — especially are u gonna tell her, mateo, and jacques

WAIT I FORGOT TO SAY ROBYN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERY ROBYN SONG!!!!!!!

for that throwback poppy sound u may as well go real throwback KJAHKJA and check out donna summer!

one-offs: right to it by louis the child n ashe, serial lover by kehlani (also more by her but im getting lazy now kdjfhgk), missed calls by max n hayley kiyoko, peppers and onions by tierra whack, idk who hasnt heard this song but circles by meg, todo de ti by rauw alejandro (the way i wanted this to be song of the summer so bad ;___;)

hope you enjoy and pls come back and tell me if you really liked any of these!!!! xoxo

[thewickedwizardofoz]

Tagged by @the-100th-witch in a game where I give a song for each letter of my url and then tag as many people as there are letters:

My URL is long (It's like 18 letters) so I'll put it under the cut, and also that's too many people to tag, but if you see this and wanna do it, go ahead! Enjoy my weird ass hodgepodge music tastes :)

T - Ten S And (10s And) by Pentagon, bc I'm obsessed and I'll put it in here even if it technically starts with 1 loool

H - Hikari Are by Burnout Syndromes!!

E - Evidence by Daisy x Daisy, I don't like how Fairy Tail ended, but this song is still a bop. so jot that down.

W - W.I.T.C.H. by Marion Raven

I - I Won't Say (I'm in Love) by Megara from Hercules.

C - Call Me Maybe by Ms Carly Rae Jepsen bc I loudly and proudly loved the song way back in high school before it was cool

K - King of Anything by Sara Barielles

E - Everybody Breaks a Glass by Lights

D - Dr Bebe by Pentagon was ROBBED of WINS.

W - ~Wendy~ It's You by SPYAIR

I - I'm a Hex Girl by the Hex Girls

Z - Zero by Kensho Ono

A - About Last Night by Monsta X

R - Reincarnation by Kiria Kurono (Yoshino Nanjou) from TMS#FE

D - Dreamer by Yuto Adachi bc ofc i gotta support my mans

O - Open Mind by Wonho

F - Free Your Mind by En Vogue

O - Ordinary Day by Vanessa Carlton

Z -Zombie by Day6

[garudabluffs]

Carly Rae Jepsen

Carly Rae Jepsen is a juggernaut pop songwriter. For over a decade she has relentlessly released banger after banger. She's often derided for empty lyrics that reveal very little about herself but that's the genius of CRJ: the ubiquity is the point. She crafts anthems that you can belt from the passenger seat with all the windows down, the kind of unadulterated pop that isn't pressed about being cool. The moment she started to get the recognition she deserved (or at least when Music Twitter began to take her more seriously) was after Emotion and the Emotion B Sides EP were released, but she's been solid since the beginning. Her hooks beg to be chanted and she cranks out earworms on the regular.

It sounds effortless, but it's far from, and that's the mark of a true pop songwriter. She writes a lot: she wrote more than 200 songs before settling on the 12 that would end up on Emotion. She synthesizes ideas about love in all its forms to make the kind of widely palatable, bright, shiny pop that can take on dozens of meanings. Take "Too Much," from her album Dedicated: the "girls just wanna have fun" energy of the chorus could easily be about grappling with obsessive tendencies, depending on the listener's perspective. — Kelsey Adams

'Too Much'

When I party, then I party too much When I feel it, then I feel it too much When I'm thinking, then I'm thinking too much When I'm drinking, then I'm drinking too much I'll do anything to get to the rush Now I'm dancing, and I'm dancing too much So be careful if you're wanting this touch 'Cause if I love you, then I love you too much.

https://www.cbc.ca/music/who-is-the-best-canadian-songwriter-right-now-1.6176130?cmp=FEED_PROG_music

Jessie Reyez

Jessie Reyez is one of the sharpest, hardest-working songwriters in the business, and she's honest about how difficult that life can be. "Make sure you love it, because there's going to be days where it's super hard," she told CBC Music in an interview last summer. "Like, oh, you want to do this because you don't want a regular job? You end up working twice as hard in a creative industry when you're carrying your own business on your back." Her lyrics are at once fiery and vulnerable, able to deftly break open the doors to music industry abuse on "Gatekeeper" or climb into the dark corners of a love you should let go of — but can't — on "Before Love Came to Kill Us." She's won four Juno Awards and been shortlisted for the Polaris Music Prize for her solo work, but she's also in high demand elsewhere: Reyez has written songs for Dua Lipa, Calvin Harris and Normani, among others, and has twice collaborated with Eminem. — Holly Gordon

'Don't waste your mic': Jessie Reyez's advice on mentorship and using your platform for justice

'Before Love Came to Kill Us'

Love you in the worst way  You knock me down like a heavyweight, mm-mm  We fell in love, got a KO, oh no  Too damn young, so we broke up, no go  So much for a wedding date, ha.

Lowell

When a 23-year-old Lowell, real name Elizabeth Boland, burst onto the scene as Arts & Crafts' most exciting new signee in 2014, many of the same stories were told about her and her debut album. Reputable publications like the New York Times and Rolling Stone couldn't get enough of her dancer-turned-student-turned-indie star story, when really it was her songwriting aptitude that immediately set her apart from her newcomer peers. What she'd reveal over the next almost decade was a formidable back pocket of hooks, human lyricism and very little interest in the centre stage at all — shelving her bold, solo persona in favour of life as a meticulous songwriting fairy godmother.

If her pop pen touches a song, magical things can happen. Working with the likes of Madison Beer, Tate McRae, Demi Lovato, Hailee Steinfeld and Lennon Stella, Lowell's penchant for relatable, often heartbroken sentiments is a known commodity, and not limited to those she assists — her own 2020 singles showcase artful and expertly worded reflections on the disoriented state of her world and the world at large. She's lived a lot of life, and can expertly identify other artists who have, too, helping them translate their earthly experiences with care — and sometimes into a certified hit. — JH

'God is a Fascist'

God is a fascist And he holds all the cards He brought us together just to keep us apart And there's nothing more tragic than this thing that we are I'm a hopeless romantic who didn't get the part.

[rajrules1412]

"Excuses me, sorry for interrupting your class, but can I please talk to Jacob outside?" The blond lady, who looked like how you imagine a receptionist to look said from the door to old Mr. Whittle, who nodded his assent

I walked out, all eyes on me as I did so. The lady was already walking. I knew her as the new receptionist for the principals office but didn't know her name. She gestured for me to follow her down the hall towards the exit. Confused, I began to follow, glad to have been taken out of class. When we reached the double doors that led outside, she held one door open for me and her waved her hand -- the universal gesture of "please proceed before me as I look amazing and polite in front of you."

I walked past her with a shrug, stepping out into the sunny day on to the dark concrete--

I was suddenly in a massive hall with thousands of people. I still felt like I was tripping and tried to steady myself. I saw the people around me staring at me and realized I looked like I was skateboarding on a fake skateboard, completely steady on the ground with my arms outstretched, looking like an imbecile. I turned around to look for my school door and get back to sanity, but saw more people popping into the place; just magically appearing and doing the same balancing act.

I looked at the guy next to me, a buff teenager with dark hair. "Um, hi, do you know what's going on...?"

"No idea, dude. I'm as confused you are, as we all are... Is this a dream of some sort or am I going crazy?" He laughed nervously.

"Whatever it is... Maybe we should stick together? Like I just met you, and this is crazy -- and I'm not singing the Carly Rae Jepsen song," I continued in the tune of the song, "But I'm gonna trust you, maybe."

He laughed genuinely. "I guess I'll trust you too! My name's Simon." He extended a hand.

"Jacob," I shook his hand.

A loud snap pulled both our attention to the front again where on a stage, two people appeared from; one from the right and from the left, like hosts of a televised film award show. Behind them on a wall that seemed to extend on both sides forever was a massive screen with camera focused on the two hosts faces. I looked around... And saw no cameras.

"Simon, there aren't any cameras," I said, pointing at the screen.

Before the shock fully registered on his face the two began speaking. One was a girl in her mid twenties. She wore a simple gold summer dress that went well with her long luscious blond hair. Her face was beautiful... Like that of an elf from Lord of the Rings or Eragon; otherworldly. Bright blue eyes were in perfect contrast with her rosy cheeks and even redder lips. The man next to her looked the same age. But he was dressed like a typical goth. Dark choppy hair, black eyes lined with eye liner and dark clothes with bright logos of fires and guns and skulls.

"Hello and welcome to the trials!" The woman began, with a soft, enchanting voice that carried throughout the hall, without a microphone. "We are Life and Death. The Old gods have all perished, their lives ending with chaos and misery. They brought it upon themselves, due to the discord running rampant among them. However, the universe cannot exist without their control. You are the chosen few. You will take part in the The Trials of Godhood to rightfully take your place amongst us! There will be tests, but only one can claim the position! The rest of you who fail will remember this only as a strange dream. Let the Trials begin!"

"Before we continue, here's a question," the man spoke, he had the same soft, enchanting voice, only deeper. "Which one of us Life and which one Death?"

It was obvious wasn't it? The lady was Life and the man was Death. After all, the legends always portray them so. But this was a test for godhood, it couldn't be that simple. Whatever answer I chose, it had to have an explanation. I had no doubt this was true and not a prank. How could it not? How did the sudden teleportation to whatever place this is happen?

Maybe the way they were dressed was just a disguise. A way to confuse us, by making us associate human assumptions to revered and feared beings. Or maybe it could be that life was the man as he provided the seed for life, while death was the woman to balance him. But it had to be deeper than that. Was Death joyful like the woman because death was a certainty and life was dark because it was a miracle? Maybe judging them on their outward appearance was wrong; the happy woman could be sad inside and the man happy. Maybe life was sad because he knew it had to end someday, and death was happy because she gave life its meaning?

Before I could think it through, murmuring broke out across the hall. Just as fast as it had started, it stopped. Almost all the people in the hall vanished. The crowd was much smaller, yet in the thousands. The walls of the hall formed around us, making the hall smaller.

"I don't remember smoking, but I think I'm high as a kite," Simon whispered to me.

"I feel the same way dude," I whispered back.

"There was no need of discussion. All those who vanished were people who failed. They discussed it or believed us to be fake or dreaming or guessed wrong. I am Life, and those of you who guessed right shall move on to the trials," the man said and snapped his fingers. Suddenly they were both dressed casually in a T-shirt and jeans. He grinned, snapping his fingers again. "Let the actual trials begin!"

-----

The same weird feeling, that I felt when I was brought here occurred. But this time, I was dressed in armour and holding a sword. I was in a what looked like a map for Call of Duty. Weapons were strewn about, military jeeps were scattered away, and all the buildings had broken windows and graffiti all over them. It looked like a neighborhood turned into a warzone. Looking around I saw some of the people with me dressed like me, all of them as confused as I was. Abruptly, there was a loud horn blast and the place turned to chaos. Everyone charged each other, going for killing blows. Every time a sword struck home, that person vanished. Someone had picked up an assault riffle and was firing away. I ran.

This was the first test and I had to survive somehow. I headed for the closest dilapidated building, but before I could make it, a large woman jumped in front of me and brought her sword down in arc towards my head. I raised my sword and parried, the shock of the impact running through my arm. The lady was equally surprised. In that short span I swung my sword, aiming for her neck. Just before it hit I stopped.

"I won't be the reason you failed," I told her.

"No shared feeling," she said and brought the sword down straight for my shoulder. Before the sword touched me, before I felt the sting of betrayal, I got the same teleportation feeling.

This time, I was at a desk. All around me were similar desks, arranged like a classroom, and all of them had people on it. There was a large clock in front of me. The walls and the floor were pitch black, almost invisible, creating an illusion of floating in darkness. Yet i felt the floor beneath me. There weren't any lights but I could see all the desks and people clearly. The illusion was distracting, yet strangely had an effect of making me concentrate. On the desk was stationary and an exam sheet. Death appeared at the head of the class told us to begin. It was a general knowledge and IQ test.

Every few minutes people started vanishing. Even if one answer was wrong they vanish. The questions just kept on coming, the paper seemed infinitely long, but everyone someone flipped the page they either vanished or continued the paper. Riddles, math, trick language questions, science, logic, morals, tough decisions, anything that pushed the brain to its limit was there. The test kept going, and each question was harder than the one before. After what seemed like fifty questions I looked around to see about a dozen people left. This question stumped me. It needed chemistry and trigonometry. I knew how to solve it, but knew I might get the answer wrong; it had too many decimals -- I probably made a tiny error when adding, but I couldn't be sure. I went through the question again and again but didn't see any problem. I flipped the paper and a red light flashed at me... And I saw it. In my haste I accidentally changed a plus to a minus and got the wrong answer. Before I could exclaim at my stupidity I teleported again.

I was in a basket ball court dressed like Michael Jordan. Someone from my team passed the ball to me. I braced to catch it and head towards the basket. But I hadn't expected its speed. I caught it but my hands couldn't stop the ball as it ploughed into me throwing me off my feet and flinging me six metres away. Before I landed though I teleported again.

I was playing cricket. The ball hit me and I teleported again.

I was playing soccer. The ball hit me and I teleported again.

I was playing rugby. The ball hit me and I teleported again.

Rinse and repeat, for so many sports I began feeling bad at how much I sucked at sports. The balls were extremely fast, moving like oversized bullets. The funny thing was, I wasn't half as bad, just average, sort of like the jack-of-all-sports.

Finally, I found myself with a badminton racket. Now this I could handle. We played singles and doubles, my partner being someone I knew; Simon.

"Hey there buddy," he exclaimed when he saw me. "So glad you got this far!"

"I'm glad to see you too bro," I say with a grin. "Funny how we've literally had one conversation before this. I failed most of the sports though... Don't know if I will make it."

"No worries dude, I failed most of them too," he twirled his racket in his fingers. "This though? This I can own."

"No way dude, I'm great at badminton too! I guess its great we're partners though," I said, realizing we were wearing the same coloured jersey.

"Yeah bro that's awesome," he said with a bright smile.

We in fact, were really amazing at the game. Singles, doubles it didn't matter we kept on eliminating people and heading towards the finals. The rules were simple: don't drop the shuttlecock -- you drop it you get teleported. This time I wasn't afraid of winning against people, because I knew they would just move on to another test. Or do they?

Alas, it wasn't meant to be though. When only a bunch of people were left, the best of the best, we all had to face the hardest duo: Life and Death. They were too fast and too strong, they played all the players at the same time and bested all the players (including us) right after we served, except for one pair who managed to return their smash. Just before I teleported, I shouted to Simon that we would hopefully meet again.

The next sport was archery. I was an archer so this was a piece of cake. That was my mistake. When I got into the final round with Life and Death, my overconfidence caused me miss an arrow, while they got a dozen Robinhoods in a row.

This time, I was teleported into a bar with live music. Life was there lounging on a bar stool. "Dance, play music, serve drinks, the choice is yours. However, one misstep, one wrong note, one drop too much or too little, and you fail."

I couldn't serve drinks. I knew how to dance, but there was something I knew better: playing guitar. I immediately headed for the stage, and grabbed the Fender, slung it on and waited. The song began playing. I knew it and joined the band, playing the chords. Another song played after the first. And another. And another. I lost track of how many songs I played. My fingers were burning as if they were playing guitar for the first time. I played on and on. At the umpteenth song, I finally made my first mistake: I played the wrong chord. Before I could even correct myself, the music and dancing stopped and I was teleported into the next test.

Test after test after test. I was sitting and listening to music once. I was staring at a blank wall. I had to dress a model for the ramp. Random scenario after random scenario, with one random central task. It was exhausting.

Finally I appeared in a room with dark red walls. There was a massive circular desk in the middle with a more than hundreds of seats already filled. One side was a screen the size of a wall. On the other side, Life and Death sat, stern faced and rigid on two ornately carved chairs.

"Welcome Jacob, you're the last one here, please take your seat," Death said, as I sat in the empty chair in front of me, next to a grinning Simon. "All of you have gotten to this point, the final test. You shall discus what you shall see and make a decision as a group."

The screen began playing a movie. It was the story of two women. One was a pregnant teenager in America, the other an Afghani woman married to, and forcefully impregnated by a member of a terrorist organization. She was saved by some British soldiers. The teenager was given the chance to abort her child, while the Afghani woman was told that if she wishes to settle in the UK away from violence she must abort her child.

Life stood up. "This is a real life situation happening on earth. Your decision will influence those of the two women. Only one can abort the child, if one is chosen the other must have the child. One more thing we shall tell you. The American girl's child will grow up to be a terrorist and that of the Afghani woman will be a genius that cures cancer. Tell us where we should head. For if you choose Life for one, Death must head for the other. You have one hour, at the end if which if no decision has been reached, you all will have failed."

As soon as he said it, the two disappeared and the room broke into discussion. I weighed both sides of the story. Aborting the Afghani child would mean a great life for her, but a great loss for humanity, as the person destined to cure cancer wouldn't be born and a terrorist would who will kill hundreds would be, not to mention a difficult life for the American teenager. A great loss for humanity and win for Death. Aborting the American child would mean a great life for herself with an education and freedom from responsibility until she could handle it, but a life of suffering for the Afghani woman and her child, until they escape and the child cures cancer. A great win for humanity and Life. But the fact was, it wasn't about Life or Death winning; they couldn't exist without each other. It was about balance. Who knew what would happen to the child? That wasn't in our hands; they could forge their own destiny. But the consequences of each action were made certain by Life and Death. There wasn't a right or wrong answer only a choice, kind of like the famous "Trolley problem" where one has to choose whether to kill one person or five because of an out of control train. There was also another angle to this. If the Afghani child was selected for birth, fewer lives would be lost, which in essence meant longer lives for people, leading to a higher population on earth. This would strain the resources because of the overpopulation, leading to further loss of life in the near future. The American child would cause death and suffering and people would die of cancer, but human kind would live for longer. But all humans had potential; potential that shouldn't be destroyed because of a distant future. Some would say abortion is wrong, taking a life is wrong while others would say the child is unborn and the parents have a right to give birth to it or not, if not saving the child from a horrible life and preventing overpopulation. Especially knowing the consequences of each child's birth, abortion wasn't a bad option at all. I knew my decision.

"What do you think Simon?" I asked.

"This is tough, I'm still thinking... You?"

"If I was the one making the choice, it would be the Afghani child I would save."

"They would both suffer."

"Yes and so do thousands of people. It would teach them the value of life and the value of basic amenities; food, money, etc. and make the child dream to save the world. The teenager would also live a more successful life."

"The teenager willingly got pregnant, knowing she shouldn't have, the Afghani was forced."

"The circumstances don't matter anymore; what's happened has happened, now only the decision can be made and the consequences dealt with."

"You know what Jacob? You're right. I was kinda veering for saving the Afghani child anyway -- you just made me realize it. Thanks."

"No worries bro."

We sat and tailed about nothing in particular, getting to know each other as the others discussed. We already knew what we wanted. The clock ticking down the time was nearing its end. We knew our decision I hope these people made theirs and it was unanimous; no need to waste time convince others to choose the Afghani child.

"Can everyone here me?" A timid little girl shouted in a high pitched, shaky voice. It was clear she didn't like the attention. "We only have a few minuted left and we can't keep arguing, we need to make a decision now. How about a vote?" All in favour of saving the American child?" Quite a number raised their hands, as the girl counted them. "All in favour of saving the Afghani child?" The rest of the hands were raised. "Fifty eight for the American child and 82 for the Afghani child. I guess we'll save the Afghani child."

Before any argument could be made, Life and Death appeared. "The decision has been made," Death said. "I will head for the American child, while Life will go for the Afghani one."

The room disappeared and we were back at the hall. I all saw everyone who was in the red room with me standing around me and Life and Death on the stage. Life clapped and everyone vanished. I was alone. A clock appeared above the stage, showing 00.00 and began ticking. I had nothing to do except explore the bleak hall. I kept glancing at the clock. Time seemed to go extremely slow. What felt like an hour was only 5 minutes. Time seemed slower whether I was looking at the clock or not. After an excruciating 14 minutes and 12 seconds (which felt like 2 hours and 12 minutes) The Duo of Life and Death appeared.

"Come on to the stage Jacob," Death said with a smile. I climbed the stage.

"We both agree you have great potential," Life said. "Potential to be a god. But the thing is we both want you. I want you as the Reincarnator; you select the new body of a soul who has been deemed worthy of having a second chance. And Death wants you to collect souls for her who were not good enough for Heaven, but not bad enough for Hell."

"Normally, the decision would be yours," Death said, "but we both want you, which means none of us can have you. Its sad to see so much lost potential." She raised her hand to snap her fingers.

"Wait!" I shouted. "If I have to pick 'Medium Souls,' who can't go to Heaven or Hell, aren't these souls destined for a second life? I mean I don't personally don't know which religion to go by, after all I am participating in tryouts for being a god, but the jobs both of you want me for are essentially the same aren't they?"

"That was your final test Jacob," Life said with a smile.

"We lied the time in the red room," Death laughed.

"You have passed the trials successfully," they both said in unison with a solemn voice. "You are now the God of Rebirth and Second Chances. You will work with the all the Gods of Life and Death as you are one of us. The Gods of Judgment among other gods, who will guide you, but you must choose too and form the destiny of souls meant for rebirth."

I felt the same, nothing changed in me. No power, or a sense of incredible power or shiny aura.

"You will become a god once you die," Death said. "You must lose your human form. You'll get a chance to say goodbye to your loved ones before you die in an accident three days from now. Any questions?"

"Did Simon make it?" I asked after managing to close my mouth which had fallen wide open after learning of my impending death and meeting my loved ones for one last time."

Simon popped into existence. "I did buddy, guess what god I am? I'm one of the Judgement Gods!"

"Oh cool, I'm Rebirth, I'll be working close with you." I said.

"See you in three days," Life and Death said in unison said as they snapped their fingers.

The Old Gods are dead. New Gods must be chosen, so Death and Life have designed several trials for hand-picked individuals to see if they are worthy of becoming New Gods. You have just been plucked from your school to stand as one of the candidates.