#op you are so kind and nice and patient in how you say this

[walkergirlsposts]

It’s so pathetic that people try to act like Jared is a dick when he has probably the most positive accounts of fans meeting him of SPN people.

I’ve "met" Jared a few times now, and he’s just really lovely, and he finds ways to make you feel like he’s really paying attention to you.

The next nicest person in my interactions I’ve met is probably Rob Benedict. I don’t love how much he gives in to the destiel loser side of fandom, but he is sweet with fans in person.

Misha is a dick. Plain and simple. I’ve met him twice and he’s super condescending.

Jensen is polite enough, but he really perks up if you complement him.

Mark S and Alex C are snarky, but fun.

Ruth and Sam Smith were nice.

But out of all of them, Jared has engaged the most in my experience. He was patient and took any time I spoke to him seriously. And he doesn’t deserve the shit he gets. At all.

Like I always say, there's a reason he was so sought after by CBS and he keeps getting his conditions met for his projects. He's not this asshole his haters make him out to be. If he was, he never would have been offered Walker. They really need to think about that before they continue living in their little bubble. I've heard how much attention he pays to a fan and put them at ease. You can tell by the ops. His kindness shines through.

[laylainalaska]

Watched 8x03 "Guerrilla My Dreams" with @sheronwrites , and have not stopped speculating since then on when in the episode, exactly, the three-way roommate collusion started happening.

Charles is definitely in cahoots with the other two by the chess game at the end. I love how BJ obliquely tells Charles that they need him to stall for time without tipping off Park.

Park: Doc, how is our patient? BJ: Oh, not well at all. These things take time, you know.

Charles flicks a little glance at BJ when he says that - it happens so fast that I couldn't manage to get a cap of it - and it's shortly after this that he starts trying to disrupt Park's playing to slow the game down. He knows perfectly well what Hawkeye and BJ are up to; you can even see him try to grab Park when Park jumps up from the table, although he misses.

Anyway, so he's fully on board with the Plan by this point and knows what his part in it is supposed to be, but I would love to know when they came up with this and how much of it was collaborative from the beginning.

(Further caps and speculation under the cut.)

I feel like there's a good chance the chess conversation earlier in the episode, when they find out that Park plays chess and Charles offers to play it with him, was spontaneous. Actually it's kind of hard to tell how much of what Charles is doing there Hawkeye is aware of at first. When Park mentions chess, you can see Charles immediately become interested; in fact they all do.

Hawkeye flicks a glance over his shoulder ...

... And Charles immediately, conspicuously looks away and doesn't look back until Hawkeye's attention is elsewhere.

It's right after that that he moves around Hawkeye - love his little touch to Hawkeye's arm, which is impossible to screencap properly because he's behind him at the time ...

And takes Park aside and tells him that it's nice to find someone else around here who likes chess and might make a worthy opponent.

What I'm not sure about is if they had talked about it at all beforehand - if they already had a sort of plan, just need a distraction, and Hawkeye's quick glance at Charles is a sort of signal that this is the opening they need - or if Charles did this spontaneously on his own because he recognized that this was a way to subtly get Park out of the way so that Hawkeye can do whatever he wants.

I think it's at least possible at this point that BJ, at least, thinks Charles is serious about wanting to spend time with the guy.

Hawkeye, though, keeps looking back and forth between them - at BJ and then at Charles - and this of course is when Charles signals his true intentions here.

A distraction!

I like how Hawkeye stares at him for a minute and then tosses a speculative glance at BJ.

They definitely all three talked about it at some point after this but before the chess game - they had to, because Charles is clearly aware of the timing of what Hawkeye and BJ are doing in post-op.

But I'm really curious if this was Charles's idea initially - that he could use this as a distraction to give Hawkeye a chance to do whatever Hawkeye is going to do - or if Hawkeye cued him.

I would also love to know if Charles volunteered his cognac as part of the distraction or if they stole it! tbh I could go about 50-50 either way, leaning probably towards Charles knowing about it beforehand (probably at least SLIGHTLY under duress, but we already know that he has exactly 0 defenses against Hawkeye asking him for things).

Which is really his entire reason for being involved at all. He has no particular investment in the situation himself, but Hawkeye really wants this patient away from Park, and Charles knows that. It's not about the principle of the thing for him, it's just about helping Hawkeye.

(Forever mildly annoyed that the show is so subtle about it, because you have to pay close attention to realize that Charles is helping them and not amusing himself with Park at Hawkeye and his patient's expense.)

[cebwrites]

since you wanted some uncommon character requests; could i request some sfw and nsfw relationship headcanons for penguin x reader and shachi x reader? If they're not too out of the way for you (～￣▽￣)～ I rarely see those two requested for, so I'd love to see you're take on them! [I'd ask off anon but i can't ask from a non-primary blog - I'll be reblogging to @remisloves if you wanted an identity (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)b ]

a/n: surprisingly they aren't around these parts, I've gotten quite a few requests for the boys lol - but since you asked nicely, sure <3 [thank you so much for including your blog too, it feels nice to actually put usernames to people （；´д｀）ゞ]

Relationship Headcanons (Penguin, Shachi)

gn reader, trans penguin, nsfw under the cut self-indulgence unrelated to pen and shach at the end cw; blood, funky OP-verse sex toys word count: 1.1k

Penguin

Penguin was the oldest of the original Heart Pirates quartet, he's always been the oldest even when it was just him and Shachi, before and after the tsunami that left them with Shachi's horrible, horrible relatives

It's made him protective over the people he holds dear, incredibly worrisome even if he tries to hide it, but also surprisingly nurturing for someone who seemingly goofs off as much as his counterpart does

He makes snacks, he checks up on the crew, and has a bad habit of taking too much onto himself, although not nearly as badly as the notorious Heart captain, Penguin still struggles with that "eldest sibling" mentality even if most of the crew is quite a bit older than him; he vehemently denies any teasing you or the crew give him about passing on those traits to Law

When it comes to you, Pen likes to keep a close eye on you even when things are calm and everyone's having fun, not that he doesn't trust you to take care of yourself, but he'd just like to make sure no one's getting hurt or too carried away when his crew mates' usual brand of shenanigans kick into high gear

There's a cute kind of shyness when he opens up to you for the first time; yeah agreeing to being in a relationship is one thing but it's another to actually know the person you love and with Penguin, it's tentative, almost scared, but genuine

He's hesitant to let you come too close at first, become too physical, an insecurity that you do your best to quell but it isn't easy, Pen's become used to protecting himself and his own so much that vulnerability is alien

Being topless with the guys on the Tang's deck, whacking each other on the ass with freshly laundered towels is one thing, but being intimate with his partner in a private room is another entirely

Still, you're patient with him, you don't react poorly when he gets overwhelmed at the protective layers of clothes hitting the floor, you allow him space, and eventually, maybe even agonizingly slowly, he lets you in - starting with a held pinky while Penguin catches his breath with his shirt off, his nerves getting the best of him after getting a little more handsy than usual that day

When the dam finally breaks, when he's comfortable showing himself to you in his entirety, you're surprised at how ravenous Penguin actually is - he's insatiable, betraying the composure he carries himself with throughout the day

In the bedroom, against the wall, in the communal bathroom and over the Tang's railing when everyone's asleep, hell, even in an alleyway once when the both of you had time to kill on a random island while everyone else was getting wasted, he can't keep his hands off you

Penguin loves watching you eat him out, one hand in your hair while the other shakily props himself up, but what he loves more is the view he gets when you're sucking him off

The Grand Line is.... an anomaly, neither you or Pen are here to dispute that - weird as it is, however, it's often resourceful once you can get past the initial recoil; all that to say—Penguin got his hands on seeds that, once "planted" between his vulva, allowed him to temporarily grow a fully functioning phallus

By god, Pen loves the way you look bouncing on it

He digs his nails into your waist, laps up the sweat on your skin, his grip is hard enough to bruise but you're no better, egging him on to take you after you've done such good work prepping his cock, prepping yourself for him

And really how could he say no after all that

Shachi

The MOST live in your hoodies mf to ever; he's clingy, he's affectionate, he mock-whines if you've been apart from him for too long like a pup with separation anxiety

To some degree you both know it's an act he puts on to vie for your attention, but there's also a real part of him that worries if he lets his hold on you slip a little too much, you'll disappear

I like to think Shachi's part fishman too, so there's a quiet part of him that worries his partner would leave if they found out, or couldn't handle the treatment you'd get by proxy of being so close to a fishman, even if he wasn't full-blooded - yet every day you find ways to reassure him that'll never happen

In return, he'll climb to the top of the Tang's mast to yell about how much he loves you and how perfect you are, he's a little obnoxious in the Maes Hughes "look at my adorable family" kind of way but you can forgive the mild embarrassment when he flashes his award-winning smile full of razor-sharp chompers

Shachi takes incredible pride in being the one who takes care of the Heart Pirates' hair, his little summer job on Swallow Island for the few years that he spent as a stylist really did turn into a passion for him, even if his occupation on paper is "pirate", but hey, who's keeping track anyways?

Despite his enthusiasm about most everything else, he's incredibly delicate with you initially, constantly checking in to see if you're alright, making sure boundaries aren't crossed, confirming that you are, in fact, enjoying yourself like the big shell-conchus dweeb he is, Shachi just wants to make sure you're alright

Not that he doesn't still check up on you now, he absolutely does, but now with a decent amount of shared time between you two, he's a lot less jumpy about things, more confident in his stride - or rather stroke, I should say

He's loud, peppers you in kisses all over, hell if other people can hear, Shachi needs you to know that he adores every part of you - it does result in an addition of both of your chores (takes two to tango), so whenever the sub drops anchor the both of you try to sneak off to a love hotel given the option of free roam at least once if possible

Shachi answers to you completely, he marks you up at your command and eases whenever you show the slightest discomfort; still, when you do manage to convince him to let loose, he definitely takes the phrase leaving his mark literally - with those exact teeth

He laps at the wounds he leaves as he makes love to you, smearing crimson and words of praise against your body like hymns of devotion, pulling you impossibly close and sharing your taste when you pull him in for a kiss, still trying to hold back that animal desire

The aftercare is just as tender, just as sweet, but maybe a little awkward the first time around when he has to explain to Law why he's sneaking medical supplies away while you sit in the middle of blood stained sheets like you're the victim of a murder

And a bonus for me since writing this had me thinking about it-

I know Law goes down on their man like a champ; inexperienced initially? Yes, but they learn quickly and spite from being teased is a good motivator as any, plus, pleasing their partner, of course

Kirin's got his dick out? Not a problem, they're making him beg for it, the E, As, and T on their fingers might not see the light for hours, not until they're satisfied with edging Kirin until he cries

The only one who beats them at that is Zoro but realistically, no one's topping the King of Cock, not unless Zoro finds it in his heart to not power-bottom Sanji for the night

[sokkastyles]

This is the post that I mentioned in my previous ask, if you still want to take a crack at it.

And this is the reblog.

OP put in a few picture from the comic which I haven't put here, but I'm sure you could guess which ones they are.

Sigh. The thing about this "Oh, they assumed she was dangerous because stigmatization of mental illness, they didn't ask her who she was seeing, blah blah" argument is that they don't assume she is dangerous because she is seeing things or acting irrationally or exhibiting signs of mental illness. They assume she is dangerous because she has attacked them in the past and continues to do so, and is the defeated princess of an imperialist nation who tried to commit genocide. Her entire worldview makes her dangerous. There's no reason for them to stop and consider that Azula's behavior is out of the ordinary because to them, it isn't. The idea that people who Azula has personally victimized need to stop and ask her why she's trying to kill them and should be blamed for not doing that is ridiculous.

I actually do find the depiction of mental illness in this comic distasteful, but that's because it's unnecessary as an explanation for Azula's violence, not because a person with mentall illness is being wrongfully depicted as violent. That's also why no one asks her what's going on, because they already know why she might want to kill them. Her whole motivation in this comic could have been easily explained without any of the mentall illness stuff. I can believe she might want to kill Ursa, who she has fixated on as the source of all of her problems in lieu of admitting that her father was at fault, without the hallucinations. In fact, it diminishes the compelling story of the family drama and Azula's feelings of resentment towards her mother to have Ursa show up as a hallucination that torments her because then it makes the conflict about her mentall illness instead of her actual relationship with her mother. Nobody asks Azula what is going on with her because none of her behavior in this comic is surprising. She was always mean, vicious, cruel, violent, and manipulative and that hasn't changed, except she's maybe crueler and sloppier, but that comes from being in a diminished position that she resents being in. These people act like Azula was a nice, happy person before being put in the asylum who has no reason to feel resentment towards the gaang so it must be that she was abused. Of course she is angry and hateful and not getting better, she's a cruel, arrogant person who was taken down from the privileged position from which she lived most of her life and not allowed to get away with being cruel and arrogant anymore, and she hates that.

There is also NO proof she was in a straight jacket "24/7" and these people state it like it's a fact. It's not. It's not even implied. We see Azula in one when she's in the company of people she wants to hurt, and one other patient in the background who is also being transported in the open. I don't give a shit about whatever "realism" people want to try to apply, this is a fantasy cartoon and it's ridiculous to apply realism to ATLA's concept of chi blocking, not to mention that Azula can create fire with her hands, which, you know, might factor in to why she is in a straight jacket to begin with.

She also did not get chi blocked "for no reason." She got chi blocked because she hit Zuko with the tea tray he gave her because he was trying to be kind to her. She attacked the Fire Lord. Even so, Zuko protests, because he wants to help his sister even at risk to himself, but Ty Lee sure has ample reason to want to protect herself and the people around her from Azula, and also says in the comic that she is still afraid of her. And how does Azula respond to her former friend? Does she say "Ty Lee, my dear friend, how could you do this to me?" Nope. Instead she wants to know how Ty Lee "lost her fear" of Azula. Wow, what a nice person and great friend who does not deserve such treatment! I know, I know, the stans will say this is Yang "demonizing" Azula and isn't what the "real" Azula would do, but then point to other things Yang wrote as one hundred percent canon and evidence of abuse. Guess it's only canon if you can make it look like Azula is a victim, huh? They probably might also try to play the mental illness card here to explain Azula's attitude toward her friend, except Azula treated Ty Lee with the same dismissiveness and controlling behavior always.

And lol, how does Ozai have better conditions? Maybe Ozai is being abused offscreen just like they think Azula is? Something also tells me that if Azula had her bending taken away and was imprisoned and shown to look as bedraggled as Ozai, these same people would be foaming at the mouth about the "abusive" conditions.

Azula also wanted to commit genocide in the Earth Kingdom, had no intention of stopping the war, and cheered about Zuko being burned and made fun of his scar twice. It's also ridiculous to act like Azula is getting unfairly punished for being "crazy" in comparison to freaking Ozai, because homeboy is characterized as pretty off his rocker and nobody even suggests that he needs any mental help. And Zhao? Are you serious? Are we saying Zhao is characterized as sane and not made fun of by the show for it? We're also not gonna argue about how Azula "didn't do anything worse" than Zuko or Iroh again, because the key, once again, is that they stopped trying to hurt people and Azula did not.

I can think of a few women in media who are similar to Azula, in that they become abusers because of being abused by male relatives, and tbh, I'm tired of seeing tumblr go to bat for abusers and try and call it feminism. Trying to compare this to women being abused in real life is actually disgusting.

Also lololol at the first "evidence" of the abuse in the asylum being that Azula complained sarcastically about the food! She's a princess of a powerful nation who is used to having servants do everything for her and she hates the asylum in general because she does not want to be there, thinks there is nothing wrong with her, and resents having to face consequences for her crimes. Even if the food were less than what she might be used to as a princess, that's hardly evidence for abuse and the attempts at appeal to authority OP makes are laughable. But it's hardly surprising that Azula would complain about anything given to her in the institution, since she resents being there.

Again on the point about straight jackets, even if this wasn't a ridiculous overanalysis of a few panels, it's still trying to make real world comparisons to a fantasy setting and a villain who can create fire with her hands. There are obvious reasons why Azula is restrained so comparing this to real cases of abuse is hugely trivializing the real world issue of the abuse of mentally ill patients.

I also really dislike the way these people always argue that Azula did the other patients such a favor by breaking them out, when the panel where she says this is this one:

Where she's talking about how much these women owe her because she broke them out and so they have to do her bidding. She's emotionally manipulating and using a group of women who probably had nowhere else to go. This isn't evidence of how horrible the asylum is, it's evidence that Azula is still the same manipulative person who is willing to blackmail others into doing her dirty work. You want to talk about abuse of the mentally ill? Maybe we should talk about this.

I also don't wanna hear that shit about Zuko "projecting his negative feelings towards Ozai onto Azula." Zuko has good reason to feel negatively towards Azula for the ways she treated him and the ways she sided with Ozai against him and continues to do so. These people do not get to talk about abuse and then say things that callous and dense.

[qedmirage]

Well, that was a ride. Unmarked spoilers below the cut.

Took me about 5 months to clear episode 8, and three days to clear episode 9. Episode, well, where to begin. I'll admit that I read too many spoilers myself on major plot elements, undercutting some of it. Still, it was neat to see just how hard Deathless Black Snake is into a kind of violent nationalism, possibly even fascist thought?

Favorite moment is without a doubt Alina's death in R8-9 After, and abject refusal to allow Talulah to know her killers. Because Talulah will take revenge if given a chance, will let anger consume her, will fall to Kaschey's arts and hateful manner of thinking - even if the arts weren't there, it would be a path of violence for her.

The white-haired Draco keeps trudging on in the cold, endless snowfield. On her back, the Elafia girl trembles away, pausing only to take in deep breaths now and then. Snow drops down from the Elafia's horns. As Talulah slogs along, the snow-covered trees behind her begin to burn alight in silence. She has unknowingly begun to set her path ablaze.

The final climax of chapter 8 is also some great otaku-ass nonsense as Amiya, our cute soft bunny CEO, has a powerset almost perfectly geared to ruin the Deathless Black Snake's day. And she knows it

The introduction of Priestess, and her vow to Doctor was also really neat:

and I liked the story beat that Kaschey is still inside Talulah, still tempting her. Fuel for my anarchist reading of the story;

It's this urge for control, for power, for violent revenge that undergirds why Reunion goes wrong. The pull towards authoritarianism, towards unchecked violence, is what destroys the liberation movement. as for mechanics, wow. Boy I hate ursus civilians. Ep 8 was probably the high water mark of difficulty in arknights, and I feel like from here I can handle anything. I gotta say Talulah was really a pile of nonsense, but with her Burning Breath mechanic defanged, she's pretty tractable. The basic core of my strategy going into her final fight was to use Gravel and Projekt Red, who have 17 sec redeploy timers, to bait her breath move with its 19 sec cycle time. Absent that mechanic, the rest of her fight is...not easy, but manageable. On the other end of things, ep9.

This one was a much smaller scale story, and I appreciated that! It was shorter too, which in some ways worked against it - the guys Outcast faces off against scream jobber - but it worked. It's also notable as being an episode who's plot almost doesn't feature Rhodes Island - the focus characters are instead Horn (Rita Skamandros), Bagpipe (Fiona Young), and Saileach (Jane Williams), with a little bit of time in Reed (Lougshinny)'s head. Notable is that none of those are part of the feline majority race in Victoria, and the first three all to some degree believe in a pluralistic, welcoming vision of Victoria instead of the oppressive one they have. High points gotta be watching Saileach go from "the nice girl Janie who is nice to everyone and takes care of the flag" to "Me and this entire hospital ward are gonna beat your ass if you harm one hair on a patient's head", and Outcast's whole deal. Like, back in prior chapters we've seen Elite RI ops show up, paradrop without chutes, tear buildings apart with telekinesis, so you know the old lady's gonna be dangerous. And she is and the payoff's great! Great old lady cowboy character. Also, found a bit I liked:

Janie: But it's not… the whole story. After the conversation we had, I remembered some things from ages ago I'd forgotten. My da's a lawyer, and he used to tell me stories about how my grandda's grandda came to Victoria with nothing. He went from rags to riches. The Victoria he described was an advanced, open-minded, prosperous country. Here, technology and capital conquered savagery. The people's hard work and wealth wouldn't be destroyed just like that by Catastrophes or racial conflict. In making it to such a magnificent land, we Vouivre were able to live a "civilized" life, compared to one of barbarism and violence in the old country. Outcast: Victoria was the most advanced industrialized nation in the world, for a very long time.. Janie: But we had to give up a lot, in order to become Victorians… When I was five, I climbed to the top of the tallest tree in our garden. My da caught me having a blast and gave me a good scolding. Then he locked me in my room and gave me dozens of books to read. The next day, he hired a Leithanien piano teacher for me. I missed the view from the top of the tree, but I didn't give it much thought. I knew my da was doing it for my own good. Outcast: He was helping you to get used to the rules. Janie: That's right. Books, piano, the garden… He understood that those were all things we'd need to know, in order to enjoy the life we had.

Janie's family had to work hard to fit in, to not express their racial traits, to shape themselves to the society around them. Similarly, people know and sense that Victoria's glory days are past - but they don't quite grasp just how soon, how fast, the whole thing may end up unraveling. A few characters note that the fire started in County Hillock may destroy the nation, but for people like the Colonel, the magnates who wish to meet Dublinn, it's not understood - these are quite possibly Victoria's last days.

Mechanics and gameplay wise, ep 9...knocked it out of the park! It wasn't too hard, the Dublinn guys had some interesting mechanics that kept any one thing from being stale, there wasn't anything that felt like I was getting smacked with a wall of pain. I will note that 9-14, with all the pre-deployed jerks, I had to use a support Fiametta to funnel all the enemies into her bombardment kill box. The tattered pillars mechanic is kinda tricky sometimes, with how it actively reshapes the map, but it opens the door for a lot more engaging strategies. I kinda hope it comes back now and again. Mandragora's a fun boss. I had Nearl The Radiant tank her phase 1 (shield this, loser!) and then just kinda threw random fast-redeploys and snipers at her in phase 2 including tex alter to drop pillars on her. Part of my line broke and it was nearly a fail but I got the 3* clear! A fun time.

(Edited 11/2 to fix Saileach's legal name and a capitalization error on Victoria)

[marley-manson]

More on Post Op

The return of Jerry Moody was also nice, though he didn't get much to do. But hey, a scene where he talks about beating up some racists while Hawkeye encourages him is still enjoyable to watch.

The vignette with the patient who incessantly harasses Margaret for like 3 straight minutes was annoying but the punchline was worth it honestly. Repeating his stock opening line to another nurse when she leaves, who turns out to be Klinger, who repeats Margaret's "Do you have any idea how often I've heard that line?" response just as exasperatedly... man that delivery was funny lol. And as far as man in a dress jokes go, the dude dealing with the exact same shit as the women around him is one of the better kinds imo.

The moustache subplot was adorable of course.

And Frank's monologue about hiring detectives to spy on his wife was a comedic masterpiece as usual. God I'm gonna miss him so fucking much when this season is over. They are so lucky they got DOS because no one else on the show even approaches Larry Linville in terms of comic genius. At least not once Margaret stopped being a villain. Like ilu Alan Alda but you're not making me laugh out loud just with the way you say a word here.

And finally, this is just a tiny little detail and I know I'm preaching to the choir here lol, but the scene with Hawkeye and the dude who got shot in the ass was a nice little microcosm of Hawkeye's attitude towards everything imo. Hawkeye makes a few jokes about it to make the dude feel better and less self-conscious about it, dude laughs and says, "Don't make me laugh," and then Hawkeye quickly swaps to a serious line. "We're talking about your body being invaded by a bullet. There's nothing amusing about that."

Like it's a solid demonstration of how Hawkeye is very capable of making jokes and also of not making jokes and taking things seriously, in the very same scenes even, according to whichever attitude is called for. He knows the things he jokes about aren't actually funny and he can treat them with gravity just as easily.

There's another line in an episode where he's joking while performing surgery and someone, I think Margaret, says, "I wish I had your sense of humour," and Hawkeye says, "I wish I did too." And again it's just a good acknowledgement that the things Hawkeye jokes about are serious and he's very aware of that. He actively chooses to make the jokes, to insert the humour where there is none, to make himself and others feel better.

[perriedoestheirbest]

Pin post cause I wanna set ground rules before I do anything on here

Updated: 1/10/2025 :3

I spell things wrong and grammar is atrocious but please remember I am doing my best as my user handler suggests

Make sure to read the DNI part, that part’s important

I will give you a gold star if you manage to get through this

You ready? Mkay.

🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀

- Main info

Hi! I’m perry, it’s short for Peregrine :3

I’m a minor

I change a buncha stuff nothing is final

I use this blog to express myself, so I do indeed vent I’m tags. Even if it’s in little codes or maybe it’s a simple vent post, my vent tag is Perrie vents (or something similar) feel free to block the tag.

I follow and like interact with likes from my main but I ALWAYS reblog before any of that.

I don’t rlly like the idea of ppl finding my main but those who dig enough, it’s not hard to find.

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I study psychology and some history for fun.

I really enjoy theories, analyzing things, and headcanons

I usually enjoy horror but in this blog, this is my safe spot where I can take a breather from that stuff cause it’s nice to take a break every once in a while :]

Please be patient with me :>

I find a lot of comfort in nostalgia so I’ll either reblog stim boards or stuff from early 2010’s. Rarely anything else but I’ll indulge in art and fanfiction too if it’s safe for work.

I’m still pretty clueless about the tagging system and will mess up so telling me about it helps loads

I’m trans, transmasc, and genderfluid, I go by he/him or they/them, and I’m also on the a-spec!^^

This blog was originally made for Agere, but because I’m unfamiliar with Agere accounts on tumblr especially it’s gonna take me a hot minute to really post anything, and I most likely won’t.

I do dream regression (idk if that’s the correct term, I’m still new to this). I try to actually regress but it’s hard, so I don’t have much of a small age. I’m still a minor, but my big age IS 10+

I’m interested in the indie film industry, and I enjoy art :3

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- Extra info

My favorite color is pink! :]

I believe cringe culture is dead

I enjoy lemon demon and jack stauber and I make references of them a LOT.

I enjoy over analyzing everything so I’ll mostly reblog headcanons

This blog is completely sfw.

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I’m an older brother

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I might attempt to draw but I won’t draw often.

Cringe culture is pretty much dead and whoever is keeping cringe culture alive are clearly people who don’t belong on this blog or my main blog either

DMs are ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS closed, again, I’m a minor and I’m uncomfortable interacting with strangers especially on the internet, if I DM you it’s either on accident or because I know you irl

I don’t talk much while I’m in this partial headspace so I don’t talk much. There won’t be much tags, and a very bad tagging system, or lack there of, I should say.

💫💫💫💫💫

- Tagging system so you know what to block or read

Perrie vents — venting tag

🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷

- Hyperfixations

CoD (MW2 and Cold War Black ops) (somehow, 18+ content CoD fans DNI!!!!)

Spiderverse Itsv & atsv

Death Note (the anime)

Attack on Titan (also the anime)

Sally face

Minecraft

Undertale

Underverse

Sans AUs

FNaF (the games and the movie)

DHMIS

Mr. Plant (by Ashur Gharavi)

Bugsnax

Fran bow

TF2/Team Fortress 2

Little misfortune

MCSM

Psychology

The paranormal

Gravity Falls

Analysis of any sort

Video essays

ARGs

Art

💤💤💤💤💤

⚠️‼️DNI‼️⚠️

Zi0n1sts

Z00philes

P3dophiles

R@cists

N@zis/neo N@zis (lmk if I need to update this part cause it’s been awhile since I last did research on this)

NSFW

LGBTphobes

MAP (not the art collab but the other thing)

Anti-antis

Proshippers/comshippers

Shotacons (of any variant, I’m just using this one as an example cause this is the one I remember)

Furry haters/Anti-furrys

Anti-therians/therian haters

AB/DL

DD/LG (of any variant.)

K1nk blogs

Transmed

Radical exclusionists

Anti-age/pet regression

Stanc*st/pinec*st shippers

Tc*st shippers

Inc*st in its entirety. I will hunt you down if you interact.

Able1sts

Anti-xenogenders/neopronouns/xenopronouns(<- do we still use this term or was this never a thing?)

Man, that was a long list. Hope that didn’t overwhelm you.

I know there’s a lot but I can’t fully relax without knowing there’s some wall rigidly keeping me from being face to face with actual creeps and strangers I don’t know, so this is my version of a safe space and stability.

💥💥💥💥💥

The end.

I’ll update the main info or extra info if I need too, but this is mostly it for now.

Did you read it? Did you read all of it?

If so, here is a gold star.

⭐️

like I promised :3

[wirewitchviolet]

So I was already sitting down to ramble about something, and turns out this post and this big reply under it tie in pretty well, so, here we go.

There are enough bespoke issues trans people justifiably feel very passionate about, and enough different experiences different trans people have that it is damn easy to end up in a huge fight because one person tried to make a nice simple statement for a clueless cis audience, but viewed through another person's lens it reads like some kind of attack. And it certainly never helps that bigots are actively out there constantly trying to co-op messages and sew infighting that any statement no matter how clear and good WILL get weaponized.

Before I get into the above, the go-to example I was planning to use was "you don't have to transition to be trans." There's a ton of ways you can read that which are great and worth echoing. For instance, "hey, if you've worked out that people got your gender wrong, you are trans and can come hang out in the trans clubhouse and ask for advice and all that without proving it through medical intervention."

Or, "hey don't be a weird gatekeeping creep who only recognizes people's gender if they don't jump through a particular medical hoop like taking a particular medication or get a particular surgery, which might not be something they even want due to risks, side effects, or not seeing it as a problem to begin with, and/or might not be something they CAN do anything about, because the typical medical treatment would not work on them for any number of reasons/is prohibitively expensive/too socially dangerous to go forward with in their current situation/is only even done by like a couple dozen specialists in the world who are booked out years in advance and many of whom actively discriminate against all sorts of potential patients."

You can see how it's nice to have a short catchy phrase. BUT it's absolutely a reality that awful bigots these days are going with the wildly bad faith and not even remotely true reading of "it's OK to deny transition-related care to trans people, because they don't actually NEED it!"

And you know, regardless of where you're encountering this phrase, you should always bear in mind those points about being totally valid and welcome in the community without a signed doctor's note, and how it's completely valid to be, oh, a woman who's hung like a horse and proud of it and such women shouldn't be treated like they need to go see someone about that, give people the benefit of the doubt that they're using it in such a sense if there's any chance they are, and at the same time be on the lookout for bad faith creeps misusing it and taking whatever steps are necessary to prevent them from to or about any trans person again unless/until they somehow manage to stop being a hateful piece of garbage and somehow become a decent human being.

Phew. All THAT out of the, way, I take a fair deal of issue with seeing the comment above me saying "the 'not transgender' people in the poster are clearly intersex" because holy hell is that a bad faith reading. All the concerns regarding intersex kids following that jumping off point are super valid and worth mention, of course. Doctors are constantly looking at baby's junk, going "huh, that doesn't look right, lemme do a quick surgery I'm not even necessarily trained in to get this looking more like whichever configuration I personally prefer the aesthetics of here, that probably won't cause any long term memory problems or trauma and there's almost a 50/50 shot I'm guessing right about what this kid'll want things looking like down here in a couple decades!" And that is just incredibly messed up. As is the practice of just throwing, say, testosterone boosters at someone perceived to be a teenage boy who doesn't seem "manly enough" to someone, which is a general queer kid concern, sure.

But none of that is going on in this poster. What's going on is kids getting hit with puberty-related symptoms they do not want (specifically boobs beards and voice changes), clearly stating this, and asking for medical help to make them not happen. If we wanna play Occam's Razor with the kids plainly labelled as "not transgender," boys growing breasts is called gynecomastia and a quick Google search confirms that... it is completely useless as a search engine because it's giving me 20 conflicting reputable-looking sources ranging from 1% to 70% of teenage boys. Facial hair on cis women is also really freaking common, to a point where it being relatively rare if you're white specifically makes it feel more like a racism thing than anything.

The real thing to remember though is that the obvious reason this poster exists is to get people who are completely uneducated on any of this and have been steadily exposed to propaganda from transphobes for their entire lives to the point where they have a hard time imagining trans people as actual human beings to consider the concept of HRT from a clear perspective by taking us out of the equation for a moment and just making them try to empathise with kids dealing with some of the same stuff, and it has to make that point in less time than it takes someone to finish walking past this telephone pole or wherever else someone might place this. And... OK if I'm really honest it's probably still too wordy and reliant on people having SOME idea of what being trans even means, but it's pretty good within those restrictions! Don't overthink it! Really don't project stuff that absolutely is not actually on there onto it! Focus more on actual bigots and doing something about what they're doing than nitpicking people who are doing good effective activism work you'd phrase differently!

This is the first time i’ve seen a pro-trans poster in a long time and i hope whoever put it up is having a good day, it made me feel a little less alone.

Hamilton, New Zealand

[waitwiah]

"It was his hat Mr. Krabs; he was number 1!"

\Post04\: What is going on waitwiah fam!

Ope – First let me put a lil’ disclaimer: this is not a motivational post (not for everyone at least).

**TRIGGER WARNING: Talks of *llness (not sure if this counts as a trigger but just in case)

You know that feeling when the vibe is just not right? Like everything feels kind of off, but in a weird way? That is kind of how I’m feeling right now. I’m rummaging through the confines of my mind trying to figure out why I’m receiving rejection after rejection from doctors held in such high esteem. These are top tier doctors from top tier research hospitals. Allegedly.

I find it so very odd that physicians with PhDs in research or those who currently run research studies are not jumping at the chance to solve Ms. Mystery over here. There are so many underdiagnosed diseases (and over diagnosed) that do not have known cures. So. Many. There are people researching the cure to a cancer that affects less than 20 people per year; people researching diseases that only exist in remote populations in one corner of the world. So I know these clinicians exist – the clinicians willing to go the extra mile for their patients, who do not care about riches or fame, those that just want to put good into the world.

However, let me appeal to the money-hungry clinicians for a second: why would you not want the chance to say that you were the person who solved the “unsolvable”? The “too mysterious” condition? To actually find the etiology of the disease of “unknown etiology”? To be the one who publishes that paper, who does those major interviews, the one on the news enjoying the perks that come with making a novel discovery – wouldn’t that be nice? What a dream it would be to find that one person willing to go all Buzz Lightyear for me just to make sure I live past the age of 30… Well – I did find that person.

I found the one group of clinicians (2 to 4) willing to not turn me away or claim that I am merely a lost cause. A waste of hospital funds. A waste of grant money. A waste of time – time that could be spent helping patients with “real diseases”. The doctor I met said he would not stop until he was able to provide me with at least some answers if not a cure or treatment. But something. Something tangible to say, “look! I’m not making this up! I’m in excruciating pain every day of my existence and it's hard to live because of this! See! 120lbs didn’t just disappear for no reason! My intestines don’t work due to this!” But there I go again asking for a little too much. I do have to travel from coast to coast just to see these physicians, but beggars can’t be choosers. In my case, I can never be a chooser of my own clinicians anyway (that’s a story for another time I think).

But is asking for answers too much? Am I going too far? Well, the easiest way to answer this question if you find yourself in a similar predicament is to ask yourself this instead – “Has anyone with a rare disease ever been told they have a rare disease and given its name?” – and if the answer is “fuck yes” (that is the only correct answer actually, sorry), you’re not asking for too damn much. Research for the benefit of a patient is the bare minimum in my opinion. Reading a book to search for answers should come as second nature for a clinician! Maybe that’s a little too motivational…

Before anyone says ANYTHING, I work in the healthcare setting so I see this firsthand – yes, we do have to take into consideration how healthcare in the U.S. is a complete joke, how clinicians are extremely overwhelmed/understaffed/underfunded/underappreciated (amongst other things) and there are some people who really should not be practicing medicine of any kind… The thing is: patients should not have to carry more weight than their own. That right there is actually asking to much. Having a patient wait, like a pot of water on the stove you keep checking on to see if it’s boiling, in a waiting room while you (the clinician, not you beautiful readers of course) are over 90 minutes late to an appointment scheduled months in advance is wild work! Let a patient even think about being 15 minutes late and the whole appointment needs to be rescheduled. This just happened to me last week. Annnnnnd guess what the result was! I bet you didn’t see this coming: the physician was only able to spend 15 brief minutes with me to do a complete body check. This highly sought after physician that schedules out 5 months at a time was only able to spend a little time with me and answer a few of my questions. Then it was on to the next patient who had been waiting close to 2 hours for their appointment to start… That’s not good healthcare. That’s not quality healthcare. That’s rushed, imprecise medicine. That’s not cool.

Ugh – okay, okaaayyyy. I think I have to sprinkle some positivity in here.

Let’s circle back to the “why do physicians keep turning me away?” question.

For me I think it is language used in my medical record that got me and a misdiagnosis that the original physician refuses to change (even after being proved wrong by several tests). I’m a “difficult patient” because I come with my questions prepared or mention an article published in JAMA or something. I “refused treatment” because I could not afford it (group therapy 8 hours per day, 5 days per week) that would force me to QUIT MY JOB, costs $60k USD for the program alone and nearly $10k USD in room and board. And oh yeah – NOT COVERED BY INSURANCE. It took 3 months for Miracle Whip Clinic  (it ain’t safe out here, y’all know that) to amend my medical record to make sure it stated that I did not refuse treatment, but it was that I could not afford it and no payment plans or alternative payment methods were available when asked. But at that point the damage was done.

We will talk about the misdiagnosis thing another time, as that is a long one.

How about I attempt to end this with more positivity: If something is not right in your medical record, or if something just isn’t adding up in that clinic note or your After Visit Summary, ask questions. Speak to your patient advocate. Ask for an amendment to be made or an addendum to be added to your record to correct false information. It’s okay to let a clinician know that certain language can be damaging, or even detrimental to your healthcare and future health. These are the things that are missed by patients because no one takes the time to inform people about their options. Their rights as a patient. Patients are really made to feel like a burden the second a concern is raised and that needs to stop. If only facilities took the time to educate patients about their rights instead of having them sign a 5 page, single-spaced, 8pt font document that reads “YOUR RIGHTS AS A PATIENT” 5 minutes before their appointment starts… I digress.

Remember that you have options. You have the right to raise concerns, even when the clinician rolls their eyes or lets out an exasperated sigh. Your future healthcare team will be using these records to make informed (seemingly so at least) decisions about your care and they will follow you for the rest of your life so they need to be accurate and unbiased. YOU MUST LOOK OUT FOR YOU. Be your #1 advocate. Believe me, there will come a time when that works in your favor exponentially.

As always, you deserve the entire world and then some. ✨❤️

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

Ope an ER guy? Like patient I mean

:OOOOOOOOOOOOO K A L U?????!!?!!??!!!?

W H A T :OOOO???

THEY W I L D I N OVER HERE :OOOO WHAT THE HECK XDD

DANG ALRIGHT LOL

Why does Asher look so excited xD is it him and his tea-seeking lol

That's just what I'm calling it now XD for the most part anyway lol

But dang hi Kalu!! I'll still pretend to be surprised next time I think but still welcome for now xDD

Oh dang he doin well for himself :D good for him :)

Ope yeah lol the assault xD

My brain got confused seeing a quick shot of Eric Winter (that's his name right I'm doubting myself lol) xD I was like wait I recognize him- ohhh yeah

This has happened before when I forgot he existed XD

Anyway lol

OOP yeah Shaun IS a good surgeon :DD

A very good one lol xD

Ooope!!

O.O

Y'all this episode is boutta be INTENSE :OO o.o :DDD

Crazy!!!

Also I just re-watched the promo to make sure I didn't miss anything as I was a tiny bit behind on blogging and saw the top comment and :OO that's right!! Jared never met Lea :OOO!

I hope they do meet :DD it'll be cool seeing him find out how everyone's doing 🥰🥰

Imagine if for some reason he doesn't know about Melendez and we get a Melendez mention 😭😭

We haven't had one in a while and frankly (especially with Danny around now - I would say new people but I just realized it's only new person xdd) we deserve one :'))

ANYWAY!

This (next) episode is gonna be crazy :D

Okay, that's the last of my last thoughts, now it's time for the. . .

REVIEW

I loved this episode :D! I thought it was really great :). It had some good drama but not too much, wasn't too hard to watch at any point lol, and all the storylines were nice :D. Not just oh, a passive nice, but like, good lol. And honestly besides Morgan, we got a pretty good spread of focus, if not plot. Like everyone was still around mainly, even if they didn't have their own storyline going on, and we still saw Morgan :D. Next up for least was Lim and we still saw her quite a bit :). Anyway! The cases were great, and interesting, and everything tied together nicely :D. Even though they mostly weren't really related, I just think they all worked in the episode together :).

Now! Onto the individual parts :D.

First off, Morgan, I missed you 🥰🥰. We didn't get to see her much this episode, but she was a queen, as always :D xD! Her one moment was amazing lol. And it stuck in my head, though it could be partially due to it being the only time we saw her. Eh, anyway :).

Also, I miss Jerome <33, but speaking of nurses, nice to see Hawkes :D! I noticed her when Danny was running past and was kinda like ay :), but her bit at the end was really sweet 😭🥰. Love her :)! But yeah I do miss Jerome lol xD <33. Waiting for my babey to return from the war <3. Not that he hasn't been around a bit but yk lol.

Andrews real quick! He was around for a bit, but mostly he was just supporting others :). I'm glad he thought of Jordan for that meeting :D, and him supporting Perez (for a different kind of meeting LOL) was really sweet to see too :'). Love him, he was great ❤️.

Lim :)). We didn't see her toooo much this episode, but she was great in what we did see :D. I'm glad she made sure Jordan stayed out of it for the most part (stayed out for the most part not glad for the most part) - someone had to lol. I do wish she'd given Jordan a little more time to explain what happened in the muffin scene, but I didn't mind too much. It all worked out in the end :). Also, Lim was as always, amazing at her job 🥰🥰. I love her :DD.

Asher! My boy and his tea-seeking behaviors this episode xD. But, he did amazing work and he had some good funny moments lol. I really liked his scenes with Jordan, as per usual lol - they're my besties your honor :)). Not literally mine, but, yk xD. And like I said, I just find it hilarious when he's literally always 👀 XD. I love him <33.

Park :)! I really loved him this episode :D. We don't often get to see him working with kids (not that I can think of off of the top of my head, but at least not recently I think) so that was really nice :)). He was just so sweet, and good with that kid too <3. Unfortunately I do not remember the kid's name lol. And he was of course amazing at his job :). I'm glad they caught that the kid didn't need chemo! Also, that thing he said about learning to work with other people's view points was really good :)). I loved it 🥰.

Glassman! Aww 😭🥰. Luckily this episode was not as awkward as I feared xD. I loved him this episode, but I am glad he's moving out lol. If only down the hall xd. And honestly, I get why he was doing that stuff. He shouldn't have been, but it was a nice distraction. And, in my opinion, I think it's also a bit of not getting the chance to be a grandfather biologically, and also just, kids in general, you know? It's been a long time since he's had a kid of his own :( <3. There's Shaun, so it's not a totally left behind thing, but he didn't raise Shaun from being a baby. Still, I'm glad he saw what needed to happen and did it, if in a bit of a different way than expected xd. Also that hug scene with Shaun was just 😭😭 AUGH so adorable <333.

Perez! He was great this episode :D. I really liked his plot :). And that running sequence was HILARIOUS lol xD. All his scenes with planning/holding the NA meeting were super sweet :'DD. It was really nice to see him stepping into that leadership position :)). I just really enjoyed it honestly :D. And he was of course good at his job. I love him 🥰❤️.

Lea :D! I loved her 🥰🥰. We didn't actually see her that much, now tha to think about it lol, but she was great when she did :). Despite being a big part of one of the main plots, she was honestly providing a lot of comic relief this episode lol. I mean, it stemmed from her annoyance and such, but yk xD. She had some really great moments lol. Also feeling bad but still wanting him gone is a mood lol! I'm excited to see where everything continues from here with Glassman still kind of around, lol.

Shaun time! He was so adorable in a lot of his scenes, especially that hug with Glassman 😭🥰. And I'm glad he stood up for Lea's needs :)). Also, he was amazing at his job, as always lol. Anyway, seeing him learn about parenting from Park was also amazing :'D. He was just really great this episode! His scenes with Glassman were good, his scenes with Lea were good, and his scenes working on the case were good :)). He could've been a bit more chill with Danny lol, but it wasn't too bad :). And again, he was super cute throughout most of the episode :D. I love him 🥰🥰.

Jordan! She was amazing this episode :'DD. Her scenes with her grandma were sweet sometimes, and sad others, but I'm glad they managed to heal that part of their relationship, and she can start to fix that doubt in herself :). Plus she was great at her job, like coming up with the technique to help save her grandmother :D. And I'm so happy she decided to do the meeting at the end - she deserves it 🥰🥰. But yeah, her issues with her grandmother were so sad 😭😭. Just seeing her frustration, her pain, when all she wanted to do was make her grandma proud and hear her say it - auogh 😭😭💔❤️❤️. But, I'm glad they worked it out :')). And yeah, again, she was just great this episode. I love her ❤️❤️🥰😍.

Overall, I really enjoyed this episode! All the storylines were nice, and there wasn't too much drama. There was a bit, but not enough that I was toooo stressed lol. The cases were great, and it was super cool to meet a member of Jordan's family :D. And it fit in especially well with her being a patient :). But yeah, I really liked all the plots :D. I'm really excited for the next episode!!! It's CRAZY that Kalu's back :DD!!! It's gonna be super cool to see him interacting with everyone, and learning some of the things that have gone on that he doesn't know about! I don't know how much he would know about (for example, Melendez - though I suspect he's more likely to know about him than Claire leaving), but it'll certainly be interesting :D 👀👀👀. It's gonna be W I L D lol :DD!!! I'm super excited, it looks like it'll be a fun episode :). But back to this episode, I just really thought it was amazing :D. There was a bit of drama, but everything worked out, and it was honestly kind of a feel-good episode 🥰.

So yeah! I loved the episode, I thought all the storylines were great. This has been my review of. . .

The Good Doctor, Season 6, Episode 14: Hard Heart

It was really good! I'm super excited for the next episode, it's gonna be a crazy one. I'll be back next week with my review of. . .

The Good Doctor, Season 6, Episode 15: Old Friends

See you then!

[nicorobinmywife]

how they react when you paint their nails.

op characters x GN reader

Summary: you want to paint their nails and ask them to.

Characters: Zoro, Doffy, Boa Hancock, Sanji and Mihawk.

Zoro

he wouldn't let you paint his nails so you kinda painted them when he was taking his daily nap.

you painted his nails green to match his hair.

when he woke up he didn't notice at first, his dumbass spends all day confused wondering why the crew is looking at him and laughing.

he only found out after Sanji teased him by saying "Nice nails, Moss-head."

Zoro blushes and grinds his teeth hiding his hands in his pockets and curses you mentally.

he kind of got used to it, though he'll never admit that he felt pretty with his nails painted.

if he's in a good mood he lets you paint them again.

Doffy

Doffy is a stylish man, of course he would let you paint his nails.

if he's going to use these hands to commit mass crimes at least they have to look pretty, right?

you painted his nails pink, he loves that color.

you almost fainted when your young master praised your work, it's always nice to make him feel prettier.

Boa Hancock

your empress looked reluctant when you asked to paint her nails, but decided to give you a chance.

you painted her nails red or black to match her signature dress.

when you finished your work Luffy came in just in time and said "wow, your nails look so nice hancock!"

your empress got so happy not only because she felt prettier but also won a compliment from Luffy!

she will call you more often to paint her nails, your empress really likes your work.

Sanji

how could he say no to you? Sanji always let you do whatever you want with him.

you painted his beautiful nails blue since he loves that color.

he nosebleeds when you gently hold his hand.

- "oh my dear y/n-swam only you could have done such a beautiful job!" - he spins around with his signature heart-eyes praising your work.

Mihawk

Mihawk is a very open-minded man and doesn't think a swordsman with painted nails is a big deal.

he asked you to paint his nails black.

you blushed when you touched his pale hands, they are so beautiful it doesn't even look like they carry such a lethal and heavy sword.

he doesn't shower you with praise for your work but at least you can tell he got pleased.

----

english is not my native language so please be patient if you find any grammatical errors 😭.

[shinra-makonoid]

I try not to attribute malice into people's words even if I may disagree with them so don't worry about it, as long as you're civil, we're cool.

I would like to know where you or the person you reblogged this from get the idea that we are talking about people who, "scream at you because you did the slightest thing they deemed to be transphobic." OP did not specify they were talking about angry people overreacting at all. We are talking about GNC trans people, people with xenogenders, people who use neopronouns, the MOGAI community. Why do you inherently associate these people with the kind of people who are aggressive and accusatory to (allegedly) innocent/uneducated people? Why do you think a passing binary trans person is not capable of acting the same way? Do you think this immediate assumption has anything to do with an unaddressed internal bias?

OP's point was that "it doesn't matter how conforming and nice you are, transphobes are gonna be mean and transphobic to you".

I can't talk for Bizarro, but my point was that, being nice and conforming does help push the balance towards people being less transphobic in general. It doesn't mean that already transphobic people will stop being transphobic after that (being polarized means it's harder to come back from it), but it means that people who are neutral towards trans people and/or only saw agressive or unconforming trans people might have more positive views upon meeting me and knowing I was trans, compared to meeting a xenogender MOGAI nonconforming person, even if they're civil. People do not like non-conforming people in general.

I don't think being agressive is solely linked to MOGAI/xenogender people, but I do think a lot of non-passing or non-conforming trans people are usually more agressive, because they live through a lot more shit than passing trans people (we'll get back to that later). Anywhere they go they might get attacked, obviously it doesn't make it easier to be nice and patient with ignorant people.

Moreover, I've been in trans circles too. It seems you go from the supposition that I'm from my ivory tower of passing trans people, and that I never interacted with non-passing trans people. I have. I've been harassed by them for "thinking wrongly" (mainly talking about the science behind gender and brains) even though we used to be friends, and I've been treated as a cis person by trans people, called transphobic, and a lot of other things. Is it bias, or is it experience? Which doesn't mean that it's gonna be the case for every non passing trans people. One of my best friend recently started to pass full time, but before that she wasn't and she was never agressive or mean to anyone.

Finally, the ones cis people will see/remember the most are the unreasonable and the angry ones. That's just how it is, because passing/stealth trans people are not recognizable as being trans, so even if they were angry they wouldn't know they were trans and unpassing non agressive trans people will just not be remembered. It's independant of what I think MOGAI/Xenogender are.

Back before I knew I was trans, I said something to a group of trans folks, questioning some logic in accusations of transphobia (against a different person) in good faith, and these trans people completely took my questions in bad faith (assuming I was cis) and Screamed at me until I started crying. That didn't make me hate trans people as an entire group. It made me do more reading and ask more questions until I understood what offended them.

I'm not sure how this compares to someone who is cis and never interacted with a trans person before, isn't interested in trans stuff, and that their first and only experience with them is this kinda of thing you describe.

but it is not the trans person's fault that this on-the-fencer decided to judge a whole group of people by one rotter amongst them

I'm not saying it is either. Just like I don't think it's the other person's fault for having a widespread and known bias that everyone has, even if you insist you personally don't.

What I'm saying is that if that's all that took, that person probably wasn't really "on the fence" so much as "looking for an excuse to be transphobic."

I disagree with that. I don't think victims of abuses who are afraid/hateful against a group of people because of their abuses were just "looking for an excuse to be [phobic]". I think they just try to protect themselves against what's unknown and potentially dangerous based on experience. Sometimes they get recruited into circles/cults that reinforce those ideas, because they are vulnerable victims.

And if they really ARE on the fence and that swayed them over to the side of transphobia, it follows that they could meet a GNC person who treats them with exceptional kindness and sways them back to the side of giving a fuck about actual humans who are different than them. And since I know many GNC people who are kind and are existing happily, I know this is a possibility.

Potentially. The issue is that negative/hurtful experiences are often heavier than positive ones. But yeah, potentially.

Sorry, but that's just not an acceptable argument. You say it's not an excuse, but then you excuse them and yourself for acting on biases and making assumptions.

It's an explanation, not an excuse.

You come from the idea that those reactions are from pure hate/ignorance, and not a defense mechanism, and that probably explains your overall stance.

it's our responsibility to consider the limitations of our understanding and to fight the urge to project our own feelings & beliefs onto people who we do not know intimately enough to do so.

Again, it would make sense from a pure hate/ignorance stance, but it doesn't make sense if you consider it's also our responsability to protect ourselves, more so than realize our biases or give the benefit of the doubt to everyone.

If you've been biten by a dog, you're gonna get scared of dogs, no matter how cute and nice they are, you might also avoid them or be careful when you're with them. Not because you hate them, but because, hey, you've been bitten and you'd like to avoid that in the future.

I think it's sane to be on the fence with trans people if all you saw before were agressive trans people, just like I think it's sane to be on the fence with cis people, if all you saw before were dumbass cis people following gender roles like it was the bible.

Furthermore, NOT everyone is like this. That is an assumption you are making about every single human uncritically. Again, I've had things that I'm on the fence about socially/politically/morally, but I don't judge those issues based on the behavior of a couple people from related groups. I've been unlearning my own racial biases and learning media literacy for far too long to fall for that trick of oppression! It is extremely easy to fall into it, though, if you are uneducated about it and not actively working against it, so I will give you that.

I think even with education it is difficult to deal with it, because it doesn't just come from ignorance or lack of education, it comes from the environment, the system, your experiences, your traumas, and in general your brain tendencies to do that.

You think you're above it, cool, I don't think you are, example shown above in regards to how you consider that most of your everyday people's reaction come solely from hate/ignorance rather than fear because of past experiences.

I know that there are LOTS of cis people who can be stupid about gender. Many cis people Do Not Get It and Do Not Want To. But if you're assuming that ALL cis people are going to be like that right off the bat and you avoid them altogether, you'll never find the ones who are cool and do get it and can hold their own in gender conversations.

I haven't said I avoided cis people. Only that when meeting some, I am careful about what I tell people on me. I think that's what Bizarro's post was about too.

The last group I met, were from friends I was playing with for months, seemed cool and all. The first night, one dude (who turned out to be a dudebro and I hate him now) explained how he beat off a gay dude (and his car) because he was flirting with him and touched him without his consent. Nobody said anything negative about the story that happened at all. And like, that group is still cool, I appreciate a lot of people, but I'm not gonna come out to them or talk about LGBT stuff to them because they are not safe.

I also know some cool cis people who are normal about gender and with whom I have no issue at all. I'm less naive today and know that this is more like the exception to the rule rather than the rule itself.

Like, I'm not saying you can avoid all the uninformed/bigoted/transphobic cis people for all time, but it's definitely easier to curate the people you see the most in your life when you get to my age (31). I'm saying don't give the light of day to people who are rude about your gender stuff, be patient with people who are clearly just trying to learn, and embrace the people who are allies -- no conditions required.

But I like those people too. The friend group I will never come out to, I like them, I have good memories with them, I enjoy playing with them, I enjoyed most of my stay with them. I can see them for more than them being weird about gender roles. I don't need to talk about my gender or LGBT things with everyone I know, I have plenty of other things to bond over.

I don't need to curate my friend group to only keep the allies and the people who I think are good enough about gender for me. Because their ignorance or fear about LGBT people don't define them, no more than my transness defines me. They are more than that, and I am more than a trans person.

And sure, I'd love to come out to people to see their face once in a while you know, because it would be incredibly funny, but other than that, I don't really care about it.

Obviously, if someone was radicalized to hating trans people constantly and would talk about that to me all the time, I'd cut them off, but usually people are neutral or ignorant (because they never met a trans person from their perspective, or have ideas from vague things on the internet).

This feels like a limited perspective that you're assuming is universal. My 66-year-old cis male boss respects me as a member of the gender I present. He doesn't fully understand it, but he fully respects it. My cis college friends, who knew me pre-transition, had no trouble accepting and understanding my gender experience and absolutely treat me just like all the other guys, even though I only "pass" some of the time. I don't mean that that's how it goes with everyone.

Of course for some people it won't matter, I'm not saying it will for everyone on all the planet, again I know some people who are normal about it too. But for a lot of people, it will matter and they just won't tell you. I'm on the other side, again, I see a lot (more and more with the years unfortunately) people knowing trans people and discussing it with what they think are all cis people (except I'm here but stealth).

I know what it's like to have my gender disrespected and othered. And the "not quite like them" feeling has been ongoing my whole life because of the autism and family neglect, so I empathize. I don't think the solution is to assimilate. And I don't think being respected by cis people is really even in my Top 10 Transgender Goals of All Time, but to be fair, as mentioned, I'm already armed with the ability to Cope with the Othering.

I don't think you should assimilate, just like I don't think anyone's goal should be to be respected by cis people. I'm just saying that the only way it can happen is through stealth. Moreover, as long as you're not stealth, you don't have access to all the things cis people say behind trans people's back.

However, I think there is a misunderstanding of the GNC experience here. Not everyone is afraid of the backlash. Some people are, indeed, looking for a fight.

I'm sorry but with that argument, how can you be surprised people think that a part of non-assimilated trans people are agressive on the get go?

You shouldn't hide those parts of yourself or go stealth or tone down your gender to make the bigots around you comfortable. You should only present your gender in a way that makes you feel comfortable moving around in the world. People will either accept you or not, and there might be consequences to your deviation from the norm -- or not. That's just how life works.

That I agree with.

And YES, transphobes are going to hate you for expressing gender "incorrectly" and, YES, having any amount of perceived genderfuckery (EVEN FOR CIS PEOPLE WHO "DON'T LOOK CIS ENOUGH") can get you targeted in a transphobic hate crime. But the amount that someone wants to deal with that is up to the individual dealing with it. Well, and partially whether it's even possible for the individual to pass in the first place.

Agreed, and agree in general with the paragraph.

The other point is that going stealth does NOT guarantee your safety. Stealth trans folks also have to go to the doctor and can be pretty easily figured out depending on what they're in for. The courts would have records of their legal document changes and past records. Going stealth only protects you as far as it goes undiscovered, and could even get you into some tricky social situations if it ever is discovered. That's not to say that there aren't benefits to going stealth -- there's a whole pros and cons list I'm sure everyone could make for themselves based on their own priorities. It's just that! There are pros and cons to going stealth, there are pros and cons to being gnc/visibly trans, and everyone is going to come to a different conclusion.

It's safer in regards to transphobia compared to not being stealth in all of what you mentioned there, which was the topic.

On what science is your doubt based? Which study are you about to cite and blow me away with?

If MY assumptions are correct, this doubt is based on a gut feeling, or something that you have perceived about your lived experience that leads you to believe this is true, but has not necessarily been studied. If that assumption is false, then my apologies. I also make judgements (it's very human). If that assumption is correct, then please consider that this may be coming from a place of internalized biases against gender weird people.

I wouldn't say it's based on gut feeling, while yeah I didn't have any study or evidence in hand before looking for it for this post. Gut feeling would be like, intuition, or taking a guess, and that's not really what I've done. It's been known for example that GNC people have a harder time in society. I've lived not-stealth and also stealth, it at least partly comes from experience, but also the experience of the people around me, or testimonies online. While it's not as valuable as a full study, it's not really a gut feeling either.

But I still looked for it:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passing_(gender)

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5044929/

This echoes transphobic classics like "Trans people are all mentally ill! They need to be fixed! That way they'll be normal and happier!"

It really doesn't? Like, you can turn it on a "transphobic people will use that as to say it's being trans that's fundamentally the issue", but that's not what I've been saying. People in society treat non-conforming people (in general) very badly, which also causes more trauma and more mental health issues.

why aren't we standing by them and helping protect them from that shit? Why not encourage people to be themselves and do our part to make the world a little safer for them, just like they do their part to make it a little safer for us? Maybe that would improve the mental health of the group of people you were (in my opinion) quite uncharitable to at the beginning of your reply before turning it into concern for their safety.

We all do that in our ways. But each of us are comfortable with different topics and different ways to help that some people won't like/understand/agree with. And most of all, it's kinda unfair to ask anyone that they should have to actually help to change society. Some of us just want to have a quiet life, and not have our lives to be turned into a political feud. I try to advocate for weirdos everywhere on the web, I advocated for many groups of people some people consider awful. I won't do that IRL because I don't want it to impact my personal life, and I don't want to be killed/abused over it, that's my right.

Like as much as I'd love to make a point about trans people by outing myself to my dumb coworkers or the shrink at group therapy, and trust me I'd laugh so much about it, it's not gonna make my life easier, might have dire consequences against me, and might put me into unecessary danger. My life shouldn't be political because other like me or people who are different to me are also suffering.

I don't think I was uncharitable, I think I simply took the stance of someone who has had bad experiences with trans people, and tried to put myself in their shoes.

I think xenogender/GNC trans people/neopronoun users/MOGAI etc etc folks are some of the ones who are pushing against the way things currently are, and who are not conforming to society's standards.

That I'm not sure I agree with. Especially when you often see posts from them saying "gender is fake actually" "it's all made up", and the overall hate against men, which is way closer to a radfem take than what Bizarro have been saying, and which is why there's been a lot of turnover from "tucutes" to "radfems" historically.

If you WANT to change the way things are, we need them to be alive and thriving and living out loud. If you WANT to release the pressure to conform to society's standards, then you cannot apply social pressure to get people to conform based on your personal comfort level.

Saying "you'd be safer if you're stealth", doesn't mean you should conform at all, you do you. What I want is irrelevant in this case.

And if you TRUST THEM to handle themselves and you don't write them all off as people who immediately get unreasonable and angry, or who have no idea what they're getting into, then maybe we can get somewhere.

I do think it's unreasonable to ask for neopronouns and having a gender that's not in the typical "male/female/agender" idea tbh (and I'm stretching it for agender but I can see the usage of it for society in some ways). Doesn't mean I'm gonna hate on anyone for it, or harass or insult someone who is like this, but if I think it's unreasonable, I think it's understandable cis people think so too. And if that's enough to make someone angry, which it often is, then you can't really blame anyone for having those ideas either.

Personally, I'd say that it's actually very easy to say he was wrong with what he said. It's presumptive, fearmongering bullshit that prioritizes one extremely limited perspective over the lived experiences of countless gender weird people. It's asking people to deny themselves the right to make a decision they might regret, which is an extremely pervasive anti-trans talking point to deny trans people hormones & surgery because they "might regret it." It reminds me of the radfem take that if transmascs go on testosterone, their bodies will be ruined and they'll regret it (implied: when they change their mind), so we have to protect them by taking away the choice altogether.

I think you're putting words in his mouth because he just said that stealth was the only way to not be burdened by transphobia in your everyday life. Which it is. If that's enough to make people think they shouldn't transition, then maybe they shouldn't have transitioned to begin with, because that's part of the package. I didn't choose to transition, in the sense that I was in a lot of pain by not doing it and I was very unhappy by not doing it. There was no choice, and transphobia was better than being unhappy and dysphoric.

He didn't talk about regret either, he just said that to be safe from being targeted by your everyday transphobia, you needed to be stealth.

”Oh if we didn’t have xenogenders/GNC trans people/neopronouns/MOGAI/etc etc etc then transphobes would respect us.” Untrue. Most transphobes are so insanely vitriolic that you could be the most standard, decent, agreeable trans person, and they would still hate you.

I’m a fairly basic trans man, online and off. I tone my gender down even more for work. I have short hair, facial hair, I wear pretty standard non-fitted pants and t shirts with some manner of compressive undergarment underneath, and I go by my fairly basic, common masc name. The only difference between me and my cis coworkers is that I openly engage in good-faith discussions about my being transgender when brought up, and I have a “he/him” pronoun pin I like to wear.

I have one coworker who I’m well aware has never gendered me correctly. I have assumed it was an intentional, bad-faith decision (because of other, unrelated-to-me conversations he has had with coworkers), but I’ve never really cared enough to bring it up to him. I figured, “if this is intentional, that’s his issue. I’m not interested in trying to change his mind.” I’ve reached a point in my transition to where I don’t really care that much if some random person doesn’t respect me or my gender, because I don’t need every stranger’s approval to be happy with myself.

With all that being said, I’ve treated him the same as I have every other coworker. I’ve been civil, I’ve been agreeable, I’ve still been friendly to him and haven’t gone around the workplace intending to smear his name. (Yes, I have discussed his behavior to those close to me who have asked, but I’ve kept it very private and said that as long as he doesn’t say anything outwardly malicious, I don’t really care about his behavior.) He has been outwardly friendly to me, too, telling me about his past careers, showing me pictures of his family, we’ve talked about our hobbies and other things we enjoy.

Still, after all of this, he has given up the ghost and decided to gossip about me negatively to coworkers. I won’t go into detail about what I’ve been told he said, but it was all explicitly transphobic and pretty aggressive. I’ve never gone out of my way to make him mad, relating to my gender or not, so it’s a little out of nowhere. I’m not particularly surprised by this, but I’m more surprised that he would be bold enough to say everything out loud when working for a company that has explicit protections for trans people in place. He was reported fairly quickly, without me ever knowing what occurred. The only reason I found out about everything is because I overheard a manager discussing it with a concerned coworker from my department.

So, if you take anything away from this, let it be that no amount of friendliness, gender-conformity, or civilness with stop a transphobe from taking their transphobia out on you, and it’s not your fault or any other trans person’s fault. Don’t victim blame trans people who become the subject of someone’s transphobic hate, because a transphobe is dedicated to harming trans people regardless of whether they blend in with cis people or not. Don’t use a transphobe’s needlessly malicious behavior as a reason to harass other trans, GNC, nonbinary, or otherwise gender diverse people.

[landwriter]

I just. Need to get this out of my head. We all see Hob as a university level teacher but what if he wasn't? What if he was an elementary, or even kindergarten/preschool, teacher. He didn't exactly plan to become an Offical Wrangler of 20 Human equivalent of cats, but it lets him showcase his random knowledge and get even more excited about seeing the future.

Get it outta your head, put it into mine, yes, this is the meta I welcome and adore!!! I think my views on Hob tend to run a little bit sharper and darker than the average fandom take. I've never seen him as someone whose chief trait is hope, yanno? It's hunger for me! Never thought, oh yeah, that is a labrador retriever in human form. I have never associated him with a little classroom that has posters about weather and seasons and a map of the world.

And YET. After getting this ask and thinking about it. I am fucking sold and now I will sell you all too. He would be a brilliant teacher of younger kids. Because I don't think you need to be sunny or kind or friendly to be a good teacher of small children. It’s nice. But I do believe you have to be curious. And sensitive. And patient. And those are some of the traits that characterize Hob to me.

He knows more of the variations of life than can be earned in a mortal lifetime alone. He knows loneliness. He knows losing family. He knows poverty. He knows about moving and leaving what feels like your whole life behind you, when you never wanted to go. He would inherently understand why it's better to talk about 'grownups at home' than 'parents', and why you shouldn't make kids share with the class what they did on their summer vacation. 

He is always curious - not just of the world in a way that allows him to passionately transmit that knowledge to his classes like you say OP - but also of his kids. About their dreams and hopes and fears. About how childhood has changed so much. He loves the small stuff. He wants to hear it all. A class of 20 enthusiastic kids might be like herding cats, but it’s also 20 entire lives, mornings and nights and houses and siblings and pets and chaos and weird kid observations and beliefs, and it sates Hob’s bottomless hunger for the human experience far more than a lecture hall filled with a bunch of young adults who are only there three hours a week, whose extent of conversation with him is usually limited to emails asking for paper extensions that he grants each and every time.

He also has this insane sensitivity that you see even in 1389 in the way he pulls back earnestness with humour to match the mood of the room. He is always watching, always feeling, always adjusting. Think of all the little expressions of expectation and irritation and hurt and hope when talking with Dream! I have no doubt he’d ensure each of his students felt seen and understood, even if it's hard at first. Even if it takes a long time to get there. It’s taken him a long time, after all. He is this exquisitely tuned instrument to talk carefully to kids, and to give them back tenfold the sort of validation that a part of him always howled for in those early meetings.

He's good at being earnest. He's good at big feelings. He's good at being funny. He's good at noticing. He's good at these things, in large part, because he's not normal at all.

He’s also as stubborn as a child, but as frighteningly patient as, well, an immortal. It’s probably uncanny to his colleagues. They tell Hob he’s got the patience of a saint, and he thinks, privately, More like the faith of a martyr. But he does. He’s got both.

I think he doesn't get it all right at first. But I think within ten years he’s got so many teaching awards he needs to put up a special shelf for them. Below it, though, are several shelves, already full to bursting, with letters and thank-yous and birthday cards and ‘look at me now’ life updates from former students. Because that is the kind of teacher Hob wants to be.

[wishesunderthestars]

Eunoia // Ch. 14

eunoia (noun): beautiful thinking, the possession of a well-balanced mind, which exhibits goodwill and kindness

Pairings: Hybrid! BTS x reader

Summary: You are a world famous director and you have dedicated your life to your job.You have everything you could ever dream of; wealth, recognition, talent, your friends and family. But loneliness ins’t cured by success. So what happens when you somehow rescue seven hybrids? Can they fill the void?

Genre: Angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, eventual smut

Word Count: 15k+

Warnings: Abuse and violence, past sexual abuse, derogetory language, sexual harassment

Masterlist

Chapter 1, Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13

It has been a long time, I know. Thanks for being patient with me. This was supposed to be the last chapter of Yoongi and Hoseok’s part but I just couldn’t fit everything that needed to happen inside or it would turn into a 30k chapter and be even more late, so I divided it into two.

The taglist is now closed.

Four days felt like a much smaller amount of time than when you had first been informed of your break.  When you heard the alarm the morning you had to go back to work, you were tempted to ignore it and cover your head with the sheets. This was strange for two reasons. You always woke up before your alarm and it was impossible for you to fall asleep again after waking up, even when you were exhausted. But your eyes were heavy and sleep was clinging to your bones.

You reached for your phone and turned off the alarm. The hybrids were waiting for you in the kitchen, breakfast already served. You thanked Seokjin, who looked the most awake. Jimin and Jungkook were leaning against each other with their eyes half closed, small yawns escaping them every few minutes. It was a little earlier than the time you usually left but you had to do some work in the company building before you could go to the studios. Hoseok's injuries were much better, you didn't need to check on them twice a day anymore so you avoided going to their room and waking them up.

The fox hybrid had been opening up more and he looked more at ease with his surroundings. After eating dinner with you on the first night of your break, he had timidly asked if they could join you again. His whole face lit up when you told him they would always be welcome. Dinners had turned into lunches too, claiming that way you didn't have to carry the trays to their room every day.

You weren't surprised at how well he got along with Jimin. His heart-shaped smile had even charmed Namjoon. He was fascinated with every little thing and you made use of your break to show him around the house. It could be a little overwhelming, so you stuck to the basics at first. The kitchen, the upstairs living room, the library (where at least one of you could be found most times) and the cinema room. He looked at everything in wonder, his red tail wagging behind him. Yoongi trailed after you, the bored expression on his face slipping at how happy and excited Hoseok was.

The second day of your break Jimin announced that you would all be watching a movie. He would accept no complaints, not that there were any. You made enough popcorn for a whole movie theater while Seokjin and Jungkook made pizza. You strictly forbade them from putting on one of your movies. You were so deeply involved and connected with them you had trouble watching them without overthinking every scene, line and camera angle. Jimin pouted, joined by Jungkook and a more subtle Hoseok. But you didn’t budge. Jimin huffed and selected a comedy with an actor Seokjin liked.

It was the third day of your break and Jimin had dragged you with him to the guest suite, saying he needed his daily cuddles. You were laying together in his bed as you played with his blond strands. His hair was growing longer and he was complaining that it was falling in his eyes but you loved running your hands through it, your fingers getting lost inside. Jimin snuggled into your side, his tail wrapped around your waist.

“You are very affectionate today,” you said. Jimin let out an unsatisfied noise when you stopped massaging his scalp, so you moved your hand upwards, scratching behind his cat ears, eliciting a small moan from him.

“I am always affectionate,” he said, nuzzling against your collarbones. “You’re just not here and you’re tired when you come back.”

You placed a kiss on the crown of his head. “Sorry.” It was your job. You shouldn’t feel guilty. And yet…

Jimin raised his head, your hand falling from his hair to rest on his cheek. “Don’t be. I just wish you were here more. With us. But your job is important.”

“I guess,” you said caressing his cheek, the cat hybrid leaning into your touch. “I’ll try to get some more time off when I go back to work.” It would be difficult but not impossible. There were often breaks for a couple of days in the filming schedule but you usually spent those revising scripts or reviewing the work of the various departments or attending meetings. Many of those things weren’t actually your responsibilities, they weren’t in your contract, you did them because you wanted everything to be perfect. You could take a step back for once and make up for it later.

Jimin leaned against you, purring happily at the prospect of spending more time with you. He had been clinging to you in the past days after your week-long absence. The first night after making up with Jungkook he had slept with him in their room and you’d thought he would sleep there from now on. But the next night you had come out of the shower to find him laying in your bed.

A talk show was playing on the TV, filling the comfortable silence of the room. Jimin whispering your name had you looking away from the screen. “Hoseok is doing better, right?”

“He is. He’s recovering fast. Why are you asking?” you asked, worried that he had noticed something you hadn’t. Hybrids had much more developed senses than humans that could have detected something you had missed.

“He’s nice,” he said, playing with the fake buttons of your shirt. “He looks so happy all the time and he’s so energetic.”

“He is. See? He’s really getting better.” That didn’t seem to satisfy Jimin.

“What if they want to leave now that he’s better?”

You cooed at him, pulling him closer. “Is that what’s brought this on? If they want to leave we can’t stop them. The door is always open if they don’t want to be here anymore. They only came here because Hoseok was injured and he couldn’t go to the hospital.”

“But can they stay?” His eyes were shining as he looked up at you. “Please.”

“They can stay for as long as they want. But I can’t force them to stay.”

Jimin didn’t say anything more, hiding into your side. Last night at dinner, Jimin had been quiet and withdrawn, glancing at Yoongi every few minutes. There was history between them, one that ran deep and cut just as hard. From little clues and pieces and what Jimin himself had told you, you had pieced together an image of Jimin’s past but you had trouble finding where exactly Yoongi fit.

You hadn’t forgotten Jimin’s words in your office the day you had invited the two hybrids in your house. Yoongi once belonged to the same man Jimin did. They had done something to him and Jimin had been left to the adoption center he had escaped from. Yoongi had been left somewhere else, you guessed a less savory place. But you couldn’t figure out what they could have done to be kicked out. Something Jimin still felt guilty about. Betrayal was a strong and sticky word and it was hard to associate it with sweet Jimin, even when that man deserved that and more.

Yoongi was a mystery surrounded by several brick walls. Only a wrecking ball could break them down. You were the kind of person to knock on a wall and wait for it to crumble by itself when it came to people. At work, if the only way to get through an obstacle was a wrecking ball, you would bring a wrecking ball.

Surprises weren’t uncommon for you (see: Virginia earthquake), you had learnt to face them head on and control the consequences. But that hadn’t prepared you for the string of surprises during your break and the days after that.

The first surprise came with how well Hoseok was getting along with the other hybrids. His endearing excitement about anything and everything didn’t fail to amuse them. He would curl up on the grass, bathing in sunlight, often joined by Jimin who had developed the same habit when spring first arrived. He was curious about everything, asking question after question with his red fluffy tail wagging behind him like an overexcited puppy. All of you couldn’t help but humor him and try to answer his questions to the best of your abilities.

The second surprise shocked you more than the first. It was the third night the two hybrids were eating dinner with you in the backyard. Yoongi usually didn’t talk, opting to focus on his food while observing the progression of the meal. Thus when he spoke, everyone fell silent. He didn’t say much, it only took him a couple of seconds to compliment Jin’s cooking then become quiet again. Jin stuttered through his thanks, flustered at the unexpected compliment. The panther hybrid didn’t talk again for the rest of the meal.

The third surprise was seeing Yoongi and Jimin sitting next to each other, sometimes in silence and sometimes talking. Being pulled to each other like a moth to the flame. It made Hoseok all too happy to spend time with both of them.

The fourth surprise came in the form of a text from a contact you hadn’t interacted with since Christmas. You laid back on your bed, staring at the paragraphs-long text and forgetting about anything else. You stared and stared as if the letters would rearrange themselves, or better yet disappear if you stared long enough.

You didn’t notice how much time you had spent there unmoving until there was a knock on the door.

“Open,” you called.

The door was pushed open and Namjoon walked into the room, his gray hair falling in his face. In the mornings he looked younger. “Breakfast is ready.”

“Yeah,” you said, not moving. They never had to call you for breakfast. Your schedules had become so in sync you arrived for breakfast the moment it was ready or a few minutes early.

“What happened?” Namjoon asked. He approached, sitting down next to you on the bed.

“Nothing happened, I guess. It’s an invitation.” The text had been sent late last night but you had missed it, leaving your phone to charge upon coming back home and not looking at it again. “It’s from my parents. For a gala.”

“Your parents?” The surprise was evident in his face. You didn’t talk much about your parents, those were conversations you didn’t tend to enjoy. Your parents were a topic you weren’t well-versed in and your lack of confidence was irritating.

You looked at the text again, black letters surrounded by gray. “They invited me to a fashion gala. They would really appreciate it if I could attend.” Reading the text again, you wondered if your mother had asked someone else to write it before deeming it persuasive enough to send. “It’s held in Beverly Hills.”

“When?” Namjoon asked.

“Saturday. In less than a week.” It was Tuesday.

Namjoon glanced at your phone. “Do you want to go?”

The answer was more complicated than you would have liked. You didn’t feel like buying a new gown (god forbid if you wore a dress you had worn before at such an event), having your makeup and hair done and plastering a smile on your face while exchanging pleasantries with people you didn’t know for the whole night. But it wasn’t that easy. You hadn’t attended the Christmas event your mother had organized, using work as an excuse, not feeling like showing up at an event in the mindset you had fallen into. Although she didn’t show it, your mother had been offended.

You couldn’t skip another event.

You threw an arm over your eyes, groaning. “I can’t not go. My mother organized the gala, it will look bad if I’m not there.”

“I could come with you,” Namjoon offered.

It would be nice having someone there with you. Namjoon had a way of calming you down and settling your worries but actually remembering those galas made you change your mind. The rich and mighty loved showing off their wealth and power and hybrids were part of that allure. You wouldn’t subject Namjoon to that. You weren’t sure how he would react. You didn’t want to subject him to your parents’ scrutiny either.

“It would be better if I went alone,” you said. Namjoon threaded his fingers with yours in understanding. He pulled on your hand until you were sitting up on the bed, facing him.

“If you don’t want to go, you shouldn’t.”

Only that it wasn’t so simple. Or it was just your human nature making this overcomplicated.

“My mother will be really disappointed if I don’t go. I didn’t go to her last event, either. It will look bad if I don’t go to this one too.” Namjoon squeezed your hand, urging you to continue. “I’m just tired of them. Galas, events, they are all the same and not in a good way. Sure, there are some people worth talking too. I’ve had some great conversations there, but those are far and few in between. Most people are just trying to outshine the one next to them. And my mother only wants me there to complete the picture.”

The powerful and influential couple with their successful daughter. It was an image that haunted you. Most times you tried to ignore it because it wasn’t fair of you to judge your parents like that. They never made you attend those events, they didn’t get angry when you couldn’t make it. But it left a sour taste in your mouth when those events were the only times you saw them anymore.

“You don’t have to be alone there.” Namjoon brought your hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss in the middle of your palm. “I’m always here if you change your mind. It would feel better if you weren’t alone.”

“It isn’t that I don’t want you there. I do,” you said. “But that isn’t a world you want to be a part of, it isn’t really my world either. There, hybrids are just expensive accessories and I don’t want people to look at you like that. Like you are something to be had.”

Namjoon’s eyes were soft on you as he cupped your cheek with the hand that wasn’t holding yours. “That’s how most people look at us. It isn’t something new. You don’t have to worry about me, I’m used to it.”

“But it isn’t right.” You sounded like a five-year-old complaining that the world wasn’t fair because her parents didn’t buy her ice cream but you couldn’t help it. “And it isn’t just the other people, the guests. I’m not sure about my parents either. They don’t know I’ve adopted you. Actually, they don’t know about anything that has happened in my life this year.”

“I understand if you don’t want them to know about us.”

“It isn’t that,” you said. “Not exactly. I don’t want them involved in my business and judging my choices. They- They are my parents and I guess they care about me in their own way but I won’t be able to stay calm if they look at you like they are estimating your price tag.”

Namjoon leaned closer, bringing your foreheads together. You closed your eyes, surrounded by his warmth. “All I care about is for you to feel comfortable and if my presence there will make things worse then I won’t come with you. But if you change your mind, I’ll be right here. Whatever you want, I’m here.”

You tilted your head, waiting for his lips to touch yours. You shared a sweet kiss before there was another knock at the door.

“Namjoon! Did you wake her up?” Seokjin shouted from the other side of the door. “The breakfast is getting cold! I woke up at the crack of dawn to make it!”

You giggled as you separated.

“Let’s go before he decides we don’t deserve food,” Namjoon said.

♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

 You had to readjust your schedule for the gala. There were many things you had to do in the five days leading up to it. Your mother was so pleased you accepted the invitation she called you the very next day to tell you how happy she was you would be attending. She hadn’t organized a fashion gala in years and it meant a lot that you would be there to support her. The gala was all about the importance of fashion and the unique interpretations of old and new big names in the industry. It would be one of the grandest events of the year, even if your mother was as clueless about fashion as she was about your life. She enjoyed watching the glorious parts and giving compliments, but rarely got more involved than that.

She had arranged for you to meet with one of the designers featured at the event. You could choose a dress from his collection that would be showcased at the gala. Your mother reassured you that they would do everything so your dress would be fitted to your exact measurements and ready for you to wear on time. You didn’t complain. It would be otherwise impossible to find a dress of the caliber your mother expected in such a short time.

The designer came to your house himself with his assistants. He was a nice young man with a tilted accent revealing that he wasn’t originally from the United States. You made small talk about the different kinds of art characterizing your jobs. They took your measurements and presented you with a few options the designer had selected for you. Some were more eccentric than others but all of them were beautiful.

After discussing with him and listening to his opinions, you selected a piece with gold and red embroidery and a flowy skirt. He was very pleased with your choice, going on and on about how good it would look on you. You felt fluttered at how excited he was for you to wear his design.

You had to meet him again a few days later for the first fitting. He offered to come to your house again but it would be easier for the alterations to be at his studio, where all of his tools were.

Jimin had seen the opportunity to spend more time with you and put on his most convincing puppy eyes asking you to take him with you to the fashion studio. You had no reason to refuse, you wanted to spend more time with him too. Somehow Jimin roped Seokjin into coming with you as well. They waited for you outside until the alterations were done. You couldn’t resist spoiling them while you were out so you took them for waffles. From Seokjin’s stuffed face it was safe to say he enjoyed them.

You had to go back to work after the fitting but Jimin was clinging to you not letting you go, which was how you ended up with the two of them at the final table-reading for the first episode of the Raven Cycle. They both quietly watched the actors delivering their lines. Jimin leaned forward in his seat as he got more and more invested in the scenes, snapping out of it whenever one scene ended and you discussed corrections and suggestions.

The atmosphere was light and friendly. You were professionals and you believed in maintaining a healthy environment of communication and mutual respect that left space for jokes and friendships to develop. The chemistry between the actors was important and you found that when they were friends and had a bond in real life too, it showed.

“Okay, that was great. I liked Ronan’s extra lines, we should keep that in.” The writer next to you wrote it down. “It’s getting late so let’s take a small break for a few minutes and move on to scene fifteen and sixteen and we’re completely done with episode one.” Everyone agreed with you and soon chatter was filling the room. You stretched your arms behind you, your body was complaining after sitting for too many hours.

The snacks and refreshments on the table against the wall were dwindling as the table-reading went on. All the important people in the project were there; the executive producers, the writers, the heads of the various departments and of course all the main actors of the first episode. The room with the large table and the many couches and chairs was large enough for everyone.

Three more days of table reading, which was mainly for revisions, and you would be done, leaving around a week before filming was scheduled to start. Just on time. Despite unfortunate surprises and earthquakes, you were on time. Next week you would be back in the studios standing behind the cameras watching years of work and planning coming to life. The first moments of filming in every movie or TV show whispered to you in silver and gold lines that you couldn’t describe as anything else than magic.

You picked up a bottle of water and a sandwich from the snack table, getting caught up in a short conversation with one of the producers. Your scalp was beginning to hurt from the tight ponytail your hair was trapped in. With a pat on your shoulder, the producer left to find the head of the costume department.

Jimin and Jin were sitting on the smallest couch, away from the table in the middle of the room. Jimin’s ears twitched as you settled on the armrest. You handed him the sandwich.

“For me?”

“You have been looking at it as much as you have been looking at the actors.”

Jimin still didn’t take a bite. “I already ate two.”

“And now you will eat one more.” You nudged the sandwich closer to his face. “They are quite small. I think Will has eaten seven since we started.” You glanced at your assistant, he was talking with two of the actors.

Jimin smiled at you like you were sharing a secret before diving into his sandwich. You opened your water bottle and gulped down half of it in seconds.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go? It’s past eight and it will take at least one more hour to finish the last two scenes and wrap everything up.” You had asked them if they wanted to leave three times since you’d arrived and the answer had been the same each time.

“It’s eight?” Jin asked, pulling out his phone from his pocket. You leaned over Jimin to peek at the screen seeing a few texts from Namjoon and Jungkook and notifications from the various apps Jin used. You had texted Namjoon earlier so he wouldn’t worry that Jin and Jimin hadn’t returned home.

“And it will be at least nine by the time I’m done,” you said.

“We’ve been here for three hours. We can wait for you one more.” Jin opened the messages app reading the texts, a smile appearing on his face.

Jimin had eaten more than half of the sandwich, crumbs sticking at the sides of his mouth. “I want to see what happens at the end. Pretty please?”

“We will wait for you,” Jin said. “We don’t have anything better to do,” he added, to which Jimin agreed enthusiastically. You scratched the cat hybrid's ears while he devoured the rest of the sandwich.

What you hadn’t considered before taking them with you was that the table reading would give away many spoilers for the show. Spoilers were the bane of your existence. Not everyone minded them but you disliked them with passion. You had almost strangled Zayn when he had told you a spoiler he had seen on Twitter for the ending of Avengers: Infinity War,  minutes before the movie started. Zayn had been very lucky the lights hadn’t gone out yet. The suspense was one of your favorite parts and that was ruined for you when you knew what would happen.

At least it was the first episode but there was a lot of discussion on how certain parts or pieces of dialogue would connect with later episodes. The fact that it was an adaptation also changed things. You had been adamant about staying true to the original story and keeping in as many scenes from the book as you could. Your additions revolved around character development, the relationships between the characters, and some conflicts that hadn’t been in the book but you had discussed in length with Maggie. In this case, you didn’t know exactly how to define spoilers.

As expected, you finished the table reading twenty minutes past nine. Gathering all your folders from the table, the scripts, and various notes from the writers and producers, you hid them all away in your backpack. Henrietta and the magical forest were coming to life from their voices alone. You could already imagine how captivating it would be on screen.

Jimin was laying his head on Jin’s shoulder with his arm wrapped around the older’s waist. It had taken some time for them to relax in the room full of strangers, some of who hadn’t been subtle about staring. One look from you and their gazes had darted away. It still wasn’t common to have a hybrid, much less three, but you didn’t care how curious they were if they were making Jimin and Jin uncomfortable.

During the first break, early at the table reading, you had been roped into a debate about a possible change in one of the scenes. The two hybrids had kept to themselves, staying quiet and watching. The actress playing Blue had walked up to them with a wide smile and introduced herself. The remaining tension in them was released when she struck up a conversation with them.

“Time to get going,” you said. Jimin looked up at you, blinking drowsily. “Should I tell John to carry you to the car?”

“We’re leaving?” he asked, rubbing at his eyes.

“Thankfully yes so you need to get up.” You had wrapped everything up, saying goodbye to everyone and you were ready to go.

Jin kissed Jimin’s blond curls. “Let’s go and get you into an actual bed.” He got up and pulled Jimin with him, the younger hybrid was clinging to his back like a koala from the hallway where you met up with John to the parking lot.

In the car, you looked at them through the rear-view mirror. Jimin’s eyes were closed, laying his head on Jin’s shoulder.

“Hard day?” John asked, moving the gear shift to the left and then up.

“I’m a little afraid that my scenario might be a little boring,” you said glancing behind you. “It’s too early for him to be falling asleep.”

The car started moving, leaving the dimly lit parking lot behind. “He’s not used to being out for that long,” Jin said smoothing down Jimin’s hair with care. Jin cared for you with everything he had, you tried to do the same but it was close to impossible with how busy you were.

“If it’s my scenario though, I need to rewrite that thing from beginning to end.”

John chuckled. “Good luck telling that to the writers and the producers. They’ll love it.”

They’d love it as much as cats loved swimming.

 ♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

 You took the day of the gala off. If you went to the gala tired after work, you wouldn’t be able to put a smile on your face and keep it there. It wasn’t so much that the galas were awful but that you felt out of place in them. Your mother had many connections and she would invite the “best” of her world. Some faces had become familiar, a steady fixture in your mother’s guest lists. Some faces you should be able to recognize but you didn’t, resulting in interactions based on pretending.

At the after-parties of award shows and premieres, you were more at ease. The designer dresses and suits were the same, worn by rich and influential people, but it was people you knew and respected. Your skin wasn’t prickling at the tension, lost somewhere between remembering a name or a company and ignoring the jabs at other guests or the rumors spreading like vines.

The last event you had attended was in New York last September, it had been the event of the year according to your mother. Jacob had accompanied you, hugging your mother and shaking hands with your father. He had stayed next to you from the moment you stepped into the place to the moment you got into the car to leave. You had to somewhat agree with your mother. A lot of interesting people were in attendance, famous writers and journalists, and you succeeded in ignoring the less favorable situations.

Your parents had changed a lot, or maybe it was just the circumstances that had changed and the different perspective you had as an adult. You used to cast them as the absentee parents, an overused trope you didn't find much merit in. It was too simple, too straightforward. They didn't disappear from one day to the next, cutting all contact with you. It was more like the times they were there grew fewer and fewer until they had moved permanently to New York by the time you were eight. Your father had been offered a position he couldn't refuse and your mother loved him too much to leave him alone there. She tried, she tried to stay for you but she had been trying to find a reason to leave your hometown since she was a teenager. The penthouses and neat offices fit her far better than the beaches and town squares ever did.

It started as a few weeks at first. Your father would be staying in the city for some meetings and your mother wanted to join him. His job involved a lot of traveling and in most of your memories, he was holding a suitcase. A few weeks turned into a month the next time, then into a few months you had to stay with your aunt and your cousins. After you turned eight, they were coming back only for a few weeks every year.

When you were ten you stopped answering their calls and refused to talk to them. Your mother still tried, even traveled back to be with you. Instead of staying at your house with her, you stayed with your aunt. Your mother left defeated. It took a year for you to speak to them again. Childish, but you couldn't blame your past self. The cracks in your relationship with your parents were still there. As an attempt to prevent them from widening and growing, you at least tried to attend the events your mother invited you to.

Another one to add to the list.

"Does the duck look ready to you?" you asked Jin. Roasted duck wasn't a dish you had experience with but that wasn't the only reason you called for Jin. Being home for the day you had offered to help Jin cook lunch. Cooking helped take your mind off, focusing on the recipe and chatting with Jin.

Jin left the lettuce he was washing in the bowl and dried his hands in a towel. His steps were careful and measured, one of his hands holding on the counter.

"It looks good," he said. "You can take it out."

You opened the oven, pulling back last minute so the heat wouldn't burn your face. "It smells incredible! I think I got ten times hungrier just smelling this."

Jin chuckled but it was strained. "I'm too good at this." He was still holding onto the counter.

"You won't catch me complaining."

He went back to the lettuce in the sink, his bangs falling into his face and covering his eyes. You wrapped the chicken breasts in foil and let them rest for a few minutes. The figs were caramelized and the potatoes fried until golden. That was about it for the main dish.

Jin was cutting the lettuce so you occupied yourself with making the salad dressing. You worked in silence. It wasn't for the lack of anything to say but a flinch from Jin earlier, while you had been talking, had you lowering your voice and then closing your mouth when you were finished with that sentence. It was only for a moment before he turned away, but it was enough for you to notice. You had asked him if he was alright twice and both times the answer had been the same. After that, it was clear he wouldn't tell you anything else regardless of how many times you asked.

A thud echoed in the room followed, not a second after, by the sound of metal clattering on wood. The spoon you used to mix the ingredients of the salad dressing stilled in your hand. Jin had fallen to his knees on the floor, holding the counted with one hand and his head with the other. The knife laid abandoned on the cutting board next to the lettuce.

For a moment your surroundings blurred from the surprise before coming into crystal clear focus. You rushed to Jin's side, who was trying to pull himself back up to his feet.

"I'm alright. I slipped," he said.

"You slipped? Seriously?" You had one arm around his waist and it stayed there as he leaned back against the counter. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just a little dizzy," Jin muttered. That close to him, only a breath away, you could see how pale he was, the dark circles under his eyes standing out against the white of his skin.

"You haven't been alright since we started cooking. You aren't just a little dizzy, that's not how someone is when they're a little dizzy."

Jin turned his head to the side, avoiding your gaze. "Let it go, please. Only the salad is left. I'll rest after we eat."

"Jin, that's not..." Clueless about how to continue, you pressed your palm to his forehead. In winter your hands were always freezing cold, it didn't matter if the temperature wasn't that low they would turn into popsicles mere seconds after going outside. Only that it wasn’t winter but spring and your hands were as warm as they could be, that’s why it was that much more concerning that his forehead was warmer than it should be under your touch. “You’re burning up. How are you still standing?”

“It isn’t that bad,” Jin said. He wasn’t looking at you.

“It isn’t that bad?” you repeated in disbelief. “Forget about the salad, I’m taking you to your room.”

You were about to turn around when Jin gripped your elbow weakly. “You don’t need to, really, I can finish up here, it isn’t the first time. I can do it.” The sweat that was gathering on his forehead and his tired eyes told a different story.

“You have been cooking while feeling sick?” you asked. Being out of the house almost all day it wouldn’t have been hard to miss and when you came back at night you weren’t that aware of your surroundings, but the other hybrids would have been able to see past Jin’s pretenses.

“Not here,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

That’s something you should have expected. You had never met his previous owners but you couldn’t stop yourself from hating them for what they had done to him. Hate was too strong of a word but you didn’t have any other name for the burning in your chest whenever you witnessed how insecure and self-conscious Jin had become of them.

You cupped his cheek in your palm turning his head to face you and you rested your forehead against his, your noses bumping. At the touch his shoulders slumped, his back muscles unraveling under your hand. Jin joked that it was weird that his scent glands weren’t in the same places as other hybrids’ but in strange places like his forehead. You couldn’t agree with him because standing there with your foreheads touching it was just as intimate.

The walk to his room was silent. You opened the door for him and watched him hide under the covers, between the countless pillows and stuffed animals. Before leaving, you placed a kiss on his forehead your lips warming up because of his fever. You wanted to stay there with him and with the way he was holding your hand he wanted the same but the lettuce was waiting for you back in the kitchen and there were five hybrids you had to feed.

Finishing up the meal was a matter of minutes. The dressing for the salad had been made and you only had to finish cutting the lettuce and a few fresh tomatoes before mixing everything in a large bowl. You unwrapped the foil from around the duck breasts and arranged them in plates, adding the figs with the pan juices and the fried potatoes. It looked like something you would order at a five-star restaurant, most of Jin’s cooking did.

The mouth-watering aroma must have drifted downstairs because as you were putting the last touches on the plates two sets of feet were running up the staircase. Jimin looked like he had been lured into the kitchen by some magical force, transfixed on the plates on the counter. He sniffed, making tiny happy noises.

“This smells so good. I’m hungry!” he whined.

Jungkook followed behind, taking a look at the plates and turning to you with pleading eyes. “When are we eating?”

You shook your head at their antics. “I just finished up, you can take them down if you want so stop looking at me like that.”

Jimin pouted, his shoulders raising. “Looking at you like what?”

“Stop that, I know what you’re doing.”

Jimin continued on, batting his eyelashes at you. “What am I doing? Am I not doing good?”

You pinched his cheek, making him giggle. “I thought you were hungry but apparently you aren’t hungry enough if you’re still here instead of taking the food down.” At that Jungkook was quick to take out the large trays and fill them with the plates and bowls.

Jimin went to help before pausing. “Where is Jinnie?”

Jin was always in the kitchen before meals, helping the two youngest carry the trays to the backyard. You didn’t want to worry Jimin, he was very sensitive to how others were feeling. His emotional walls were so thin that your blues and grays bled into his yellow. “He’s in his room resting, he’s feeling a little under the weather today.”

“But…How didn’t we notice anything?” Jimin asked.

You patted his shoulder. “I didn’t either until we were cooking lunch. He just needs to rest and he will be better in no time.” Jimin gazed at the food like it could give him the answers he was looking for, you continued. “The duck is his recipe, he only went to his room after the food was ready.” You didn’t mention how he had collapsed while cutting the lettuce, a knife in his hand and way too many grievous possibilities.

Jungkook picked up the nicest plate, you had made it last and having used the previous six ones as practice it had come out looking the best. “Can I take it to him?” It was well-known that he had a soft spot for Jin, sneaking into his room the nights he was running away chased by guilt. Jin had been the only one he had let in then. But again, they all had a soft spot for each other, it may translate differently into actions but it was the same at the core.

You pulled out a smaller bowl from the cupboard. Let me put some salad in this first.” This was one of the only salads everyone liked, even Jimin who was firmly against eating most greens (Namjoon didn’t like them much either but at least he was trying). You filled a glass with water as well and placed it on the smaller tray Jungkook had prepared. “Don’t wake him up if he’s sleeping, he looked really tired.”

“I’ll be quiet,” Jungkook promised picking up the tray and leaving for Jin’s room.

Jimin went back to arranging the plates on the trays. “He’ll be alright soon, right?”

“Of course he will,” you reassured him. “In no time he will be shouting at Jungkook for eating his ingredients and having fights with any insects that find their way to the garden. Now, let’s take these down because having the food right in front of me and not eating it is killing me.”

♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

 Jin had a terrible headache, that’s where everything had started. He had woken up and instantly wanted to roll to his other side and fall asleep again covering his head with the blanket. His eyes refused to stay open and everything around him was like he was in a fog. His body wasn’t his own, it was like watching someone else execute each move he commanded, like he had lost parts of his senses. Everything was duller.

Powering through, he got up and made his bed, throwing the blankets over it with less precision than usual and arranging his stuffed animals against the pillows. It was your day off because of the gala and he had to make breakfast for you and the other hybrids.

It was enough that he got a few more hours of sleep as a result of the lack of your morning schedule. He could deal with the world being a little blurry at the edges and his body not cooperating every few minutes.

He made an easy breakfast for the day, which was a little disappointing when you were able to sit and enjoy it for once, but he was physically unable to do anything more. Sitting down would help. After breakfast, he would lay down on the couch and he would be better in no time.

Breakfast came and went and in a few hours, he had to start making lunch. Your offer to help was a godsend with his feet feeling like jelly. He thought he had it under control, that he could get through lunch then go to his room and hide under the covers where no one could see him. Until his legs gave up on him.

The knife slipped out of his hand and he watched its slow descent to the cutting board. In a blink he was on his knees, he blinked again and you were next to him helping him up. Hybrids weren’t supposed to get sick, scientists had engineered their whole being down to the color of their hair and eyes, they could strengthen their immune system as well. His past owners used to say that it was in his head because he was living with humans, that if he got sick the center must have given them a problematic hybrid and that couldn’t be true. He had paid a lot for Jin.

The door opened just enough for you to poke your head in. “Jin?” you whispered, quiet enough to not wake him up if he had been sleeping but loud enough for his hearing to pick up while awake. He lowered the blankets from his face. “Hey, did you finish with your food?”

“Yeah, it’s…” He pointed to the tray on the nightstand, he didn’t have enough strength to take it to the desk. You didn’t comment on the food that was left on the plates.

“Are you feeling any better?” you asked. His head still hurt and the heaviness of his body didn’t subside, but it was much better than when he had been standing so he nodded. “Do you need anything else? I brought some medicine if you want, I read that it’s alright for hybrids to take.” Despite the pain and the weariness of his body, he smiled at you and your research. The way you cared about them was endearing. You pulled out a packet from your back pocket.

“I think I’ll take one.” The constant drumming behind his temples and the back of his head was getting too much. It was so bad it wouldn’t let him sleep.

“I’ll go get some water for you.” You left the packet on the nightstand and picked up the tray with the leftovers.

Jin rolled to his back staring at the ceiling. He didn’t get sick often and he hated how his body was betraying him. You returned with a glass filled with water in one hand and a jug in the other.

“There you go,” you said handing him the glass. You opened the medicine packet and pressed a white tablet out. It was light in his palm, almost as if it wasn’t there. He put it in his mouth and washed it down with water. “You’ll feel better in no time.” You stroked his hair and he had to hold himself back from purring. Being sick he craved affection more than ever before.

“Don’t come too close, you’ll get sick too.”

You didn’t pull back. “Then I’ll have a reason to stay at home. It doesn’t sound so bad.” You tugged at the blanket. “Fancy some company?” Jin scooted to the side, letting you slip in next to him. Something inside him rejoiced at having you in his nest with him. It was ridiculous, having the need to nest was ridiculous, but he couldn’t suppress it. You turned around to face him, your head on a light blue pillow you had picked up from the pile. “Do you mind if I stay here for a bit?”

In the absence of words, he nodded his head. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. You weren’t wearing makeup today in anticipation of the heavy makeup you would have to wear for the gala. The shadows under your eyes, concealed any other day, were threatening to spill over the rest of your face. The late nights had been many in the past few days, making up for the breaks you were taking. More and more he came to realize that work was your life and you were like a fish escaping water pushing it back.

You didn’t speak, basking in the silent company of each other. Jin let his worries go and, thanks to the medicine, his headache got duller until he couldn’t feel it. He didn’t notice when he fell asleep, waking up to voices.

“…feeling better, the medicine must have kicked in. His temperature has gone back to normal too,” you whispered.

“Okay, that’s good. Our Jinnie is strong,” the other voice said and heat traveled up to the top of Jin’s ears. The voice was unmistakably Namjoon’s and it was so warm Jin wanted to wrap it around himself and never let go. “I think we woke him up.”

“Oh no,” you complained, still whispering. “Jin?”

He opened his eyes, abandoning the comfort of the familiar darkness. You leaning on your forearm peering at him. His heart was beating faster.

“We woke you up, didn’t we?” you asked, looking guilty.

“It’s alright.” He could hear how rough his voice was from sleep. “What time is it?”

“Five,” you said.

He had been sleeping for more than three hours.

Namjoon took a step forward from the door. “I brought you some tea and biscuits,” he said, placing the tray on the now-empty nightstand.

Jin sat up on the bed with his back against the headboard. “Thank you. Can you…?” You picked up the steaming mug and handed it to him, holding it carefully so he wouldn’t burn himself. The plate of biscuits was placed on his lap over the blankets. It was a warm day but the air-conditioning was on in Jin’s room, the weight of the blankets over him promised safety and he didn’t want to be sweating from the heat.

“I’ll be going then,” Namjoon said with a small smile, the two of you exchanging a look.

“Wait.” Namjoon stopped in his tracks. Jin blamed his impulsiveness on the part of him that was controlled by the sugar-glider’s nature. Namjoon shouldn’t be leaving. Namjoon was pack and he should be with him when he wasn’t well, he should be taking care of Jin. One followed the other and it didn’t listen to logic. But he was tired and although the headache was gone, his head was still hazy, so he gave in. “Can you stay?”

The soft smile on Namjoon’s face was enough to wipe away any of his lingering doubts. “Of course I can.” Jin pulled up the blankets inviting him in. Namjoon pulled him closer bringing his forehead to his. The mug shook in Jin’s hold, you covered his hand with yours steading it. Jin realized it wasn’t only his hands shaking as Namjoon scented him tenderly. He felt so weak between the two of you.

 ♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

  The makeup artist asked you to close your eyes again to finish your eyeliner. Your makeup had to compliment your dress, like you were a model on the runway and your purpose was to sell the design. You had to admit that it looked beautiful so far, the gold eyeshadow and the dramatic eyeliner. She completed the look with a matte red lipstick while the hairstylist was releasing the last loose curl from the curling wand. You looked like someone out of a movie and tonight you would have to own that.

They helped you put on the dress like you were incapable of doing it on your own. In these cases, everything had to be perfect, including the most mundane of things. The jewelry was modest as not to take the attention away from the dress but enhance the look. A golden necklace with a ruby surrounded by tiny diamonds to decorate the skin the plunging neckline left bare, small diamond earrings, and golden bracelets.

Half an hour left before the gala and you were ready. The charm was arriving a little late so you had to wait before leaving. The stylists took their leave but you stayed at the fitting room/styling section of the closet, which was right under the actual master closet.

The dress fit you like a glove, bringing attention to all the right areas and burying any imperfections. It was the kind of Cinderella transformation the protagonists in older movies used to go through before getting the guy, but it happened all the time to you. A spy in an action movie, a confident heroine knowing how to use her looks, a girl going to a party to have fun and get drunk, that’s more along the lines of the characters you liked to imagine yourself as. You were far from being any of those characters but it was fun to daydream sometimes.

One last look in the mirror and you climbed up the spiral staircase to your closet, turning off the lights behind you. The designer you had met had been pleasant and your conversations hadn’t been awkward. If the rest of the guests, or at least the majority, were like him then the night could be fun.

The hybrids were all in the living room, even Hoseok and Yoongi. Yoongi wasn’t sitting far from them, in a separate sphere, but next to Jimin who was pointing at something in a book. They all looked at you when you came in, the back of the dress sweeping the floor behind you.

“How does it look?” you asked, doing a twirl. The response was delayed by a few moments.

Namjoon snapped out of it first, coming closer to you and taking your hand. “You look beautiful.” He leaned in for your neck before his face scrunched up in displeasure.

“What?” you asked.

He sniffed at the air. “You…”

“Oh, oh,” you said in realization. “It’s the perfume, it’s quite strong, isn’t it? It’s a Christmas gift from my mother, she said she really liked it so I thought I would wear it for her.”

Namjoon tamed his expression but the frown didn’t disappear. “It’s a little overwhelming. It overpowers everything else.” The perfume was too much for you too, it wasn’t surprising that it was too much for the keen noses of the hybrids. The perfume you wore day to day in spring was a lot lighter and you didn’t put on a lot. You had never stopped to think about how perfumes would affect the hybrids.

“I’ll be sure to not wear it again then,” you said, giving his hand a squeeze.

“That isn’t what I meant.” Namjoon scratched the back of his neck. “You can wear it if you like it. It’s just a little much.”

“Well,” you looked at him and the other hybrids conspiratorially, “it isn’t my favorite, either, and if it affects you like that why would I keep wearing it?” Namjoon’s face smoothed out and you noticed Hoseok looking at you with amazement.

You opened the leather clutch and put in your phone and your keys. Your lipstick and powder were already inside along with a pack of tissues. It didn’t fit any more things.

“I’ll be going now. I’m fashionably late enough.” Before going, Jungkook and Jimin kissed you on each cheek careful not to ruin your makeup. Jin had fallen asleep again and none of you were willing to wake him up.

The night could become difficult so you ignored Yoongi’s eyes on you. You didn’t need any more people judging you.

A limousine was waiting for you outside, limousines were practically part of the dress code in these events. John wasn’t with you this time, you had given him the night off. These kinds of events starred in his nightmares, standing in the corner all night not saying a word. That’s how they kept up the illusion. Regardless of how many times you told him you didn’t care about it, he would follow what was expected of him.

The bright lights blinded you when you arrived. Everyone seemed to want to take a look at you. Your heels sunk into the red carpet at the entrance hall, large paintings in golden frames hanging from the walls. You were led up a grand staircase to the hall the gala was taking place. And so the night began…

You listened through speeches about fashion and the vision of the fashion industry and each individual designer. A few parts were quite interesting, but most of them failed to do anything more than repeat the same old ideas again and again. However, the champagne did make everything a little more tolerable. Your mother had been very happy to see you there and she had told you at least three times how beautiful you were. Your father smiled at you, a smile that looked way too political to be for his daughter, the same smile he would put on when greeting the president.

After the speeches were finished, your mother linked your elbows. It was time for the introductions. You put on your camera smile and shook more hands than you ever did at work. The compliments on your work were many, which ones were genuine was a mystery. But it did feel good when the daughter of one of your father’s associates told you how much she loved the finale of season 4 of Paper Hearts and asked you about Six of Crows.

You said goodbye to an older couple and your mother led you to the buffet. A sculpture of a man pinning fabrics on a mannequin stood proudly in the middle, surrounded by plates of food so perfect that it looked more fake than the decorative food pieces you used on set.

Your mother took another flute of champagne from a waiter. “Mr. Jones will be retiring soon but his son doesn’t want to take over the company. It causes a lot of family drama. I heard they only exchange a few words when they meet but Mr. Jones isn’t backing down.” You had no idea what company they had or who their son was but you nodded. “Ah, I wanted to ask you. You didn’t say anything about adopting hybrids.”

Your hand stilled before you could taste the hors d' oeuvres that looked like a sandwich but was too fancy to call it that. “Hybrids?” you repeated.

“I didn’t know you were interested in them,” your mother continued, unaware of how tense you had become. “Certainly not interested enough to adopt four. Are you making a collection?” She laughed at her joke but you only felt ill.

“No, I wouldn’t say that.” You took a bite of the food, trying to swallow it down. You had lost your appetite.

Your mother sipped on her champagne. “That would be a unique one, it could be showcased.” The churning in your stomach got worse. You left the piece that looked like a sandwich aside.

“How did you learn of it?”

“Don’t you read any magazines? It was front-page news.” You had expected that the information would be published sooner or later, you hadn’t been exactly hiding it, but sooner or later was in the future not now. “You should have told me, I would have looked for some high-quality places to buy them from. There are some very beautiful exotic pieces I have seen. Mrs. Anderson, do you remember her? She couldn’t make it this time but she was at the charity event last September.” You didn’t remember her but you nodded again. “She has such a cute chinchilla hybrid and he’s so well-trained too. I hope yours were trained well, I heard it’s difficult to train them yourself. Where did you adopt them from?”

You swallowed down the lump in your throat. “An adoption center in Los Angeles,” you lied easily. Spending hours and hours every day with actors, instructing them about how each scene would seem more natural, you had picked up a few tricks. “I just really liked them and they were already a pack, I didn’t want to break them up.”

Your mother arched a single perfectly-drawn eyebrow, a skill you had sadly not inherited. “A pack? Does that actually exist? Dear, the center must have been trying to give you four hybrids instead of one. Pack,” she tried out the word and she didn’t particularly like the results. “That certainly sounds like some kind of con. What are they? Are all of them wolves?”

“No, they aren’t all wolves. And it was three hybrids, I adopted the other one later from Tennessee with Taylor.”

Taylor’s name brought a spark to your mother. “Oh, how is Taylor? Such a sweet girl, I should have invited her. I will next time.” Your mother had met Taylor exactly once during one of the few of your movie premieres she had actually attended. “Which one did you adopt from there?”

You gritted your teeth, debating how much information was wise to give your mother. “Jin, he’s a sugar glider hybrid.”

That seemed to please her. “Sugar glider? That sounds fancy. I would like to see him up close.” Like you would ever allow that to happen. “He must be a rare breed.”

“He is.”

“Of course, I should have expected that my daughter would decide on a rare breed,” she said as if she was congratulating herself. “I insist you bring him to the next event. I was never that interested in hybrids, too much work, but one would look good in photos.”

“Yeah, I guess he would.” You took a deep breath, it wasn’t the time to throw a tantrum like you were five years old again or puke all over your expensive dress and shoes.

The expression on your mother’s face grew somber. “But four hybrids are a lot, I don’t think I know anyone who owns that many.” She twirled the flute in her hand, waves of the golden liquor hitting the glass and bubbles rising to the surface. “After what happened with Jacob I understand you have been feeling lonely, but hybrids aren’t good substitutes for human company, dear. You can’t rely on them as you relied on him or another man.”

A waiter offered you a glass of champagne from a golden tray. You couldn’t drink too much and risk your tongue loosening but you could allow yourself one more glass to get through this. “I’m not trying to replace him. They aren’t some kind of rebound.”

By her pinched expression, she didn’t believe you. “It’s alright to look for company somewhere else when you feel lonely. I don’t want you to think I’m judging your choices, you are an adult and free to make your own decisions but I’m your mother and I’m worried. You and Jacob were together for so long, we were sure he was the one for you. He was so nice and he took care of you. Your father and I were so happy for you.”

“Not all good relationships last. People change, they grow apart.”

“That’s true. It’s difficult getting out of a relationship after being together for so many years and getting back to your feet. That’s why I understand. I understand that you don’t want to be alone right now but don’t put all of your energy into hybrids. It just isn’t the same. Whatever some people like to say, hybrids are hybrids. They are different from us, they are on a different level. You can’t have the same connection with someone you own.”

Her words continued ringing in your mind for the rest of the night. Your father soon called you to introduce you to one of his colleagues, a successful businessman and politician you had never heard of. The glass of champagne was replaced by another one. You promised yourself it was the last. The owner of a luxurious brand talked with your mother about his plan to expand to more countries and the rehearsed and repeated vision to connect the world through fashion.

You peered at the other guests, all mingling, talking, and laughing. A man only a few feet away from you slapped a girl’s ass. You couldn’t believe your eyes, stuff like that didn’t happen at an event like this. You expected a scene, shouting and screaming and everything in between. Nothing happened. The man that had his arm around her waist only laughed. That’s when you noticed the black fluffy ears on top of her head, they were the same color as her hair and easy to miss. She didn’t have a tail. A silver collar with blue stones the same shade as her dress was secured around her neck. Her shoulders were tense and her head lowered.

In any other situation, any other time, you would have done something. You would have walked up to them and said something, anything you could think of on the spot, even talked to her, made a few minutes more tolerable. You did none of those things. Your parents were there and you had avoided embarrassing them all your life.

The guilt was eating you up, wrapping around all your organs and squeezing, hissing, and calling for your attention, not letting you forget. You had done nothing. If someone had touched your hybrids like that you would have cut their hands off. But that hadn’t been your hybrid, it hadn’t been your place. It hadn’t been your place like it hadn’t been your place to adopt Jin and go against his owner, like it hadn’t been your place to get involved with Namjoon’s pack or Yoongi and Hoseok for that matter. Maybe you had been tricking yourself all along, hiding your selfishness and fear behind the pretense of “not my place”.

Your mother was wrong, you hadn’t been looking for company when you and Jacob broke up. On the contrary, you disregarded everything except work, distancing yourself from all of your friends. It was easy with how busy you were at the time. You would have continued hiding in the Castle and spent your break alone if you hadn’t asked John to stop the car that night. They were what you didn’t know you needed. You had to stop being alone first to realize how lonely you had been.

You couldn’t go back to living like that, waking up and returning to an empty house, having no warm meal and warmer hugs waiting for you. That’s what your life had been like for the longest time and you wondered how you used to live like that. The hybrids were so tangled up in your life you couldn’t find where each thread ended or started. They merged and divided, connecting you all in ways you couldn’t describe.

Taylor had asked you about any crushes when you had been in Virginia, everyone was expecting you to find a new boyfriend after six months or at least start dating but you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. No one had piqued your interest and it wasn’t for lack of meeting new people. It would feel wrong going on a date with someone when the hybrids were waiting for you back home. And that’s where the problem was; it shouldn’t feel wrong. Many people who had hybrids went on dates, couples adopted hybrids together and it should be like that for you. But it wasn’t.

Overthinking was one of your talents and you had avoided like you were being chased by wild dogs. You weren’t one to simply go with the flow but Namjoon’s lips on your own had changed your mind. You were too afraid of losing that that you hadn’t allowed yourself to analyze what you were doing, what that meant for you. Namjoon was your hybrid, you may not act like it or think of him like that but you were his owner in the papers. And it wasn’t only Namjoon, the way you cared about the hybrids was different from the way you felt about anyone else. It was all-consuming and too bright. You felt more for them than you had ever felt about Jacob and that was dangerous.

You excused yourself from the event as soon as it was proper for you to do so. Tomorrow morning you had to wake up early for work and you couldn’t stay late into the night. It was true but not the reason you left. Your mother hugged you and thanked you for coming, inviting you once again to their house in New York. She had been inviting you every time you met and you hadn’t once been to their house.

The window of the limousine was cold against your cheek, your foundation staining the glass. Maybe your mother wasn’t that wrong. You didn’t dare put a name to your feelings but you couldn’t deny that they were there. Were you really that lonely that your mind was playing tricks on you? Groaning, you knocked your head against the glass, hard enough to hear a small thud. You shouldn’t be thinking of them like that, it was wrong, so wrong.

Was it the way the world viewed hybrids messing with you, bleeding into your subconscious? They were presented as the answer to any and all desires, transformed into wet dreams. The media had the power to influence behaviors and thoughts little by little without the person noticing. You had thought you were too clever to fall victim to their molded reality. You knocked your head against the glass again, the driver must have been thinking you were crazy.

The limousine parked in front of the Castle. On other nights the lights would have been turned off by now but tonight they were all shinning, welcoming you home. You fished your keys out of your bag and unlocked the door. The lights were on in the living room in the lowest setting.

“Welcome.” You jumped, almost tumbling to the floor at being startled while taking off your heels.

“Every. Single. Time.” Namjoon laughed quietly. “How do you do this every single time?”

“I was already here, I couldn’t make any more noise.” He got up from the couch, extending a hand to you. You took it and he guided you to the couch. ��Did you have a good time?”

The dress wrinkled as you pulled one foot under you but you couldn’t care less. “It was… bearable. I didn’t-” You let your head fall on the back of the couch. Seeing Namjoon up close after the night you had, looking at you with soft eyes like you held the sky in the palm of your hand, everything was coming back. What were you doing here? Your heart shouldn’t be racing like that when you were thinking about the wolf hybrid, your hands shouldn’t be itching to touch him.

“You’re here now, you can relax,” he said trailing his hand from your arm to your shoulder and up your neck. Goosebumps raised on your bare skin. “You’re home.” His breath tickled your face, his lips were so close and you wanted, you wanted… You pushed him back.

“I should go take off my makeup. I’m exhausted.”

Namjoon frowned but he didn’t question you. “Okay,” he said softly. “Your bed must be calling your name.”

“It is,” you said slipping away from him. The absence of his touch left a void inside you. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

You went to your room with a heavy heart, leaving Namjoon alone in the living room.

♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

 You found the offending magazine in a store close to the studios. Copies of it filled a whole stand. The cover was a photo of you with Jin and Jimin in front of the waffle place the day you had taken them with you to the table-reading. It really was front-page news.

In A Stunning Display of Power And Wealth Y/N Y/L/N Adopts Four Hybrids

Straight to the point, every word chosen precisely to attract attention. A display of power and wealth. Of course, that’s what sold copies. That’s what people wanted to read; how one of the richest and most famous directors of your generation was showing off their wealth and power. Hybrids continued to be a sign of money. To adopt four hybrids meant you were crazy rich, but people already knew that when similar headlines had swept all tabloids just a year ago, brought on by the outrageous purchase of the Castle.

Four pages were dedicated to you and your hybrids, completed with more photos of the same day and quotes from “insider sources”. You closed the magazine and went to the counter. The cashier scanned it without glancing at your face, which saved you some trouble. You almost thought you would have to re-enact the comedic scene of the cashier looking at the magazine, then at you, then back at the magazine, then back at you like a robot that had stopped working. You shoved the magazine in your bag, self-conscious of anyone seeing it on you, and went back to the studios.

Filming would begin very soon, which meant you were swamped with work. Everything had to be perfect because that’s the kind of director you were. A perfectionist. If it also gave you an excuse not to think about the hybrids and all of the implications of the flutter of your heart when you were with them, you weren’t complaining. And if you were a little more distant, that could easily be attributed to your work too.

Sleepless nights became too common, your head was too loud and Jimin laying next to you only made it louder.

Filming started and your schedule changed. Most days you still woke up early and returned late at night, but because each scene required a specific time of the day there were nights you came back hours after midnight. You had promised the hybrids you would take them with you on set but every morning you got in the car alone.

Fourth day of filming and unexpected rain forced you to cancel the outside shooting. You only had outside filming that day. You rushed to make adjustments and switch to scenes that could be filmed inside the studios. The crew would need time to prepare everything for the filming so you had been left with the morning off.

You unlocked the door, hiding inside the house from the rain. It hadn’t rained like that in a long time. The heavens had opened up and the rain refused to stop coming down like it was determined to turn Los Angeles into a gigantic lake. Your shoes left puddles wherever you stepped, you would have to mop the floors later. You took them off and placed them by the door. They had suffered the most, the rest of yourself was relatively dry with the exception of the lower part of your pants.

No one was attacking you with hugs as you closed the umbrella someone from the staff had handed you, the hybrids mustn’t have heard you coming in. If they had heard you, you would have had an armful of Jimin and Jungkook by now.

“Oh, hey Yoongi,” you greeted the panther hybrid coming out of the kitchen. Your tactic with Yoongi was to act like you were talking to someone who didn’t strongly dislike you. The scowls and the sneers had decreased turning into a plastic sort of indifference and that’s what made you pause. His scowl could cut you like a knife. “Are you alright?”

Yoongi stalked past you. “What are doing back?” he asked harshly.

You were taken aback for a moment. He hadn’t spoken like that to you since before you had left for Virginia. “I have the morning off because of the rain. Did something happen here?”

“Why do you care?” Yoongi stood by the staircase, his black tail unmoving behind him.

“Why would I not care?” you shot back. The rain had already ruined your plans for the day and caused you enough stress to last you for a few more, you didn’t have enough energy to deal with Yoongi. “Seriously, what happened? Is Hoseok alright?”

A low growl vibrated through the room, you almost took a step back at the threatening sound. “Don’t you speak his name. Was caring for him another way to make you feel powerful? Is this some kind of sick way for you to gain power over someone?”

You were too tired to handle this delicately as you should, you recognized that and proceeded to ignore it. “What the hell is this about? I just came back from work.”

Yoongi scoffed, it was an ugly sound. “Because you have brainwashed everyone else, don’t think I don’t see you for who you are. Have you sold our story yet? About how you saved Hoseok and nursed him back to health? I am sure that will sell many magazines. Show them all how all-powerful you are.”

Through the haze of the day, the words started to click. “You found the magazine.”

“You didn’t try to hide it.” You couldn’t remember where you had left it, it had probably ended up in the stack of magazines under the living room table. “I knew no one would take four hybrids in out of the goodness of their hearts. Did it work? Was it worth it or are you already getting bored? Maybe you should adopt a couple more. Make more headlines.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” you gritted out.

“That’s what you’d like to think,” Yoongi sneered. “All of you are the same. Hiding in your mansions and looking for the next chance to brandish your name. It’s a constant chase of power and standing, isn’t it? And you’ll use anyone you’ll find in your way to climb higher. I know how it is. You can’t fool me. I’ve been dealing with people like you for years!”

Your pants and your wet socks were sticking uncomfortably to your skin. Your head was buzzing. It hurt because that’s everything you had been trying to avoid. Everything you had promised yourself not to become. Everything you had criticized your parents and their circle for. You weren’t like them. You had never been like them.

“You don’t know me, don’t pretend you do,” you said forcefully. “Do you really think that’s how magazines work? I just call them and tell them I want them to write about me? Put me on the front cover? That’s not it. Even if it was, why would I do that? I couldn’t care less about the power-plays you’re talking about. I’m a director and my work speaks for itself. I don’t need magazines to brandish my name because my movies and my shows are more than enough. The paparazzi saw the chance and they took it. Their goal is to sell and their headlines showcase exactly that; what people would buy. I never hid the fact that I adopted hybrids but I wasn’t flaunting it to the media either.”

“Why should I believe you?” Yoongi growled.

You sighed, a sound full of frustration. “Frankly, I don’t see what else I could do to make you believe me! I tended to Hoseok. I didn’t ask any questions. I tried hard not to cross any boundaries and to make you feel welcome. What more do you want me to do?”

“Nothing,” Yoongi said simply. “Nothing you do can change my mind.”

It was like a stone dropped in the pit of your stomach. You shouldn’t have expected anything else. Yoongi had been through a lot, that much was clear, but it was unfair that he was taking out everything on you. You were paying for the scars other humans had inflicted on him.

“I’m not who you think I am.”

“You don’t know what I think.”

“It’s pretty clear,” you muttered. “Alright, I can’t change your mind, I won’t even try. I know how to pick my battles. But if you really despise me so much then why bother? Nothing you say will change anything. Are you trying to uncover some hidden truth about me and how evil I am? Then what?”

The fur on Yoongi’s tail and ears stood on end. “I don’t care. I don’t care about you, about what you have done and what you will do as long as we’re gone from here. I don’t care for your charity or your pity. Did it ever occur to you that I never wanted to be here in the first place?”

You swallowed, willing your heart rate to calm down. “Then tell Hoseok and Jimin yourself. The keys are by the door.”

You didn’t wait for Yoongi to say anything else, turning around and locking yourself in your room. You laid down on your bed, your hands gripping your hair. The exhaustion this time was beyond physical, beyond mental. Your hands retreated from your hair, sliding down your cheeks. Your fingers were wet.

Later when Jimin and Jungkook knocked on the door, you had to open the door or risk worrying them. They jumped on the bed and snuggled close to you. You held your phone waiting for the call to go to the studios.

You didn’t face any new problems with filming. The actors were all incredible, seemingly one with their characters. You did a lot of filming at 300 Fox Way, the psychic’s house with its mystic aura and weirdly compelling assortment of objects. You instructed the actors, talked with the crew, and analyzed the script down to each comma. Focusing on anything other than Yoongi’s words and your hybrids had turned into an art form.

The sleepless nights didn’t cease, you and the moonlight had become good friends. Jimin’s visits to your room thinned out. He had noticed you pulling away. You didn’t hug him anymore or kissed his forehead before falling asleep, you couldn’t come to terms with doing that after everything that had happened. You had thought that maybe you would sleep better alone but that had been proved false soon after.

You got out of bed for the fourth night in a row. Every position was uncomfortable. Keeping your steps light you left the room. The large house was eerie at night, the living room area with its glass walls looked endless, combining the actual living room, the dining room, and what the real estate agents had called the family room that was really just another living room.

You couldn’t stay in your room on nights like these, it was too contained. The night air on your skin sent shivers down your frame as you walked out on the balcony. It was two days before the full moon and its glow illuminated the world.

What had you gotten yourself into? You wished you could go back to that morning and decline your mother’s invitation to the gala. Maybe, just maybe, then you would be able to sleep, your head wouldn’t be fighting you at every turn, at every chance.

Little pieces of moonlight shimmered and danced on the lake. The calmness of the world was a stark contrast to the mess in your head. You remembered how Jungkook had looked at the lake in awe that very first night, you had noticed then that he looked at Jimin the same way. You wondered how you looked at them and if anyone had noticed.

The moon had no answers for you.

Two golden eyes were looking up at you from the garden, they shone like the fires that had been extinguished earlier. Namjoon tilted his head, inviting you down. A weird sense of deja vu took over. You had lived something very similar before, a night that had changed so much.

You shouldn’t go. You should stay where you were, alone and safe, away from fluttering heartbeats and dangerous warmth. But the night had its way of calling out the risky nature of people. The thrill was so much more enticing when darkness ruled.

Climbing down the stairs, you kept your steps quiet. You never knew which sound would wake up the hybrids. Namjoon was standing by the flower bushes close to the curtain of vines that lead into the forest. He was wearing a dark blue pair of pajama pants and a simple black T-shirt.

“What are you doing awake so late?” you whispered, like everything around you had ears.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

You shook your head. “I have trouble sleeping, remember?”

Namjoon had caught you a few times wandering the house at night, he was the only one who knew that a lot of nights sleep didn’t come to you willingly. His own nightly adventures were more complicated.

“Why are you awake?” you asked him again. “Please don’t tell me you smelled distress or something again or I’ll freak.”

Namjoon chuckled, you had missed it. Keeping your distance meant you only saw them for barely two hours every day. They all tried to not make too much noise with you in the constant mood of ‘tired and gloomy’.

“No, that’s not it.” He looked up, over the trees. “It’s the full moon.”

“You have to be kidding me. Do you turn into a wolf too?”

Namjoon raised his hands in surrender, his dimples on full display. “I’m joking, I’m joking. I couldn’t sleep either and I like being outside at night like this. It’s peaceful.”

You couldn’t disagree with that. There was something alluring about the quiet of the night. You would describe yourself more as a morning person than a night owl but both of them were true, waking up early for work then staying up late for it too.

“Are you alright?” The smile had fallen from his lips.

You squirmed under the intensity of his gaze. “I’m just tired, that’s all. Filming takes a lot out of me.”

Namjoon sighed. “Are you sure that’s all there is? You have been acting differently, did you think we wouldn’t notice?”

You knew they would notice but you had hoped they would think it was because of your work. Work did take a lot out of you but it also used to be the reason you were so much happier returning home.

“It has been going on for too long. You don’t spend any time outside your room or your office if it isn’t to eat. You are avoiding us. Jimin and Jungkook stopped scenting you because they think they’re making you uncomfortable.”

“It isn’t- They aren’t making me uncomfortable. I’m just tired from work and I don’t-” you tried to deny it but you fell short of excuses.

“You were working before too, but it wasn’t like this,” he pointed out. “You were tired then too. Some nights you came back and I could smell the exhaustion around you like a disease. But you smiled when Jimin and Jungkook ran up to you and didn’t let you go, you laughed at Jin laughing at his own jokes. You came to me when it got too loud here.” He pointed to your head.

“We weren’t filming then.” It was a weak attempt but you had to make it.

Namjoon regarded you carefully. Beams of moonlight got tangled in his gray hair turning it silver. He looked at home right there at that moment, close to the trees with the moon shining on him. He was every bit of magic you had ever witnessed.

“This started before filming did. I knew there was something wrong when you came back from the gala. Something happened there,” Namjoon concluded. “I should have come with you.”

You shook your head vigorously. Imagining him next to you while your mother spoke about hybrids like that was torture. “No, you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t have been with me.” You paused to compose yourself. “It wasn’t good, it was really bad actually. It wasn’t the gala itself, there some interesting people and… My mother…” You took a deep breath. “I don’t think I like my parents very much,” you admitted.

It was hard to say after years of half-hearted attempts at mending your relationship with them. All those years apart you had become very different people. You had trouble remembering what they were like before they left you in your aunt’s care. You couldn’t see any traces of them in yourself, you didn’t enjoy what they enjoyed, your interests and priorities, the way you viewed the world were very different.

In the past few days, you had grown to hate your mother’s voice in your head but you had a feeling that it had been much longer than that. The only difference was that before, you had been able to ignore it.

Namjoon came closer, his hand touching your palm waiting for you to make the first move. You took his hand in yours, laying your head on his chest. “That’s alright. You don’t have to like them, no one is forcing you to.”

“But they are my parents.”

He stroked your back gently. “It doesn’t matter, that isn’t enough of a reason.”

“They aren’t bad people.”

“They don’t need to be bad people for you to dislike them.”

You stayed like that for a few moments, taking in his presence. You had missed being in his arms so much, like an ache that couldn’t go away.

He stopped stroking your back, cupping your cheek and pulling back so you were facing each other. “I’m always here for you. I don’t care about anything else but seeing you happy. I’m here.”

“I missed you,” you admitted like it was a secret.

Namjoon smiled softly. “I missed you too.” His thumb caressed your lower lip. There was a tingling sensation all over your skin. “Can I?” he asked just like the very first time.

You let out a shuddering breath. “Should we be doing this?”

“Do you want to?” he asked carefully.

You bit your lip before nodding. He leaned down connecting your lips. It was soft and careful, all the longing and hurt of the past days poured into the kiss. You pulled him closer and he came willingly. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears.

An awful laugh cut through the night. You pulled away from Namjoon like you had been burnt. Yoongi was one with the night, dark like a shadow.

“So this is it? Is this why you adopted them all? So you can have your pick when you’re in the mood?” The expression on his face was cruel, twisted up in disgust.

Namjoon growled, his sharp canines shinning in the moonlight. In that moment, Namjoon looked more dangerous than ever before. “Shut your mouth.”

“I see she has turned you into her dog. How long did it take to tame you?”

You held Namjoon back before he could lunge at the panther. You were afraid that if you let him go, there would blood on their clothes. “Don’t.”

Yoongi took a tense step forward. “That’s right, listen to your owner. Is that what she has turned all of you into? Her toys? Just for a roof over your head and food?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Namjoon growled. “Don’t you dare talk about her like that. You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.”

Yoongi clenched his fists. There was anger and something else you couldn’t see in the night amidst your panic. “I knew it. I knew no one did what you did without any kind of agenda. Seems like the magazine was right, at least in part. You can’t fool me, even if you managed to fool everyone else.”

With that he was gone, like he was never there.

You couldn’t breathe. Your hand was still wrapped around Namjoon’s wrist and you couldn’t breathe. You counted in your head. One, two, three…

When Namjoon tried to touch your shoulder, you pulled away. “I’m going back to my room,” you said. Your voice sounded shaky to your own ears. Namjoon called out to you but you didn’t stop. He didn’t try to touch you again.

Please comment and reblog it motivates me to keep writing

[runby2]

Hi juice i saw your rice post!! Does that mean that you havent seen rice fields pics? They are gorgeous, you should check them out!!!!! Sometimes farmers even draw things with their plantations!!!! Have a nice week!!💗🦋

Oh! i haven't seen these! They're very pretty. The thing is, that post was actually written to lighten my mood about my past. I was neglected from a lot of information and a solidified understanding of where things came from when I was young. Seeing people be patient with me and give me this new information in a kind light has helped me feel happy about learning and growing. On the other hand, seeing people make fun of me despite my statement of the fact I am not stupid has sort of negatively effected me. Or people saying "OP clearly hasn't ever cooked, this post made me feel worse about humanity" or "OP is uncultured this post makes me angry" has not helped me in the slightest, and I do not find it funny. The post has sort of gotten out of control, but I did want to take the time to say that people calling me stupid due to how I didn't have access to a lot of food information growing up and still have issues grasping it is not cool. To those people: please understand I am a person, I'm not just an 'op' - there is a reason to why I feel and see the world the way I do, and I did not make that post to hate on myself or give an opening for others to do so to me. To those being patient or going along with the post lightheartedly, thank you for being a decent person to me.

[asoiaf-source]

Whether Arya is left or right handed isn’t really the point, this is a novel and so it is GRRM intentions that are the point. If he wanted to make it about Arya not being able to use her left hand, he would mention it.  This scene is exactly as the OP says, a ‘typical’ day for Arya under her Septa’s tutorage. We get the impression that this happens all the time, and as usual because of the Septa ‘authority’ her word is believed over Arya and her feelings and Arya is made to feel ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ for not being able to ‘fit’ in and follow the rules.

A nicer Septa would have instead helped Arya and giving her more attention because she isn’t doing as well and and needs more instruction to get up to the other girls level. I’ve taken knitting and needlework classes off and on for years, after some initial project demo, the teacher moves around the room, giving one-on-one advice and demonstrations depending on the skill level of the individual person. Some are brand new to it and need more help, others take a class just to brush up on old skills and want to get back into it, and some are just there to socialize and work on personal projects with an expert there to help them while they knit a sweater or something difficult. It is meant to be social and fun, but here the Septa makes it uncomfortable for everyone by reprimanding Arya so harshly. Like OP said, it was probably so common place that everyone except the guests just take it in stride or laugh. Like, I’m sure if Arya had been a part of the Tyrell sewing circles someone there would have helped her and been more patient with her. That is a lot more typical at these kinds of gatherings, the Septa here is taking Arya’s inability to a whole new level, especially considering her age.

The way GRRM writes the Septa is like a harsh no-nonsense woman who really can’t tolerate anything outside of ‘normal’ (and Arya is supposed to represent a non-gender conforming girl for the times) and seems to resent how much harder it is to teach Arya because she isn’t good at most things, and is taking out her frustrations on her - which only makes learning harder. It has become so common place that she thinks nothing of behaving this way in front of important guests. We can speculate on why that is so, but ultimately the reasons why are not that important. How Arya is treated and how she is made to feel are, it is what GRRM is highlighting about how miserable Arya is because she doesn’t fit the ‘normal’ standards for a girl. Arya is not treated well under the Septa’s guidance and no one stands up for her which makes Arya feel like there is something wrong with her and she feels like a failure. We can understand that this is atypical by how GRRM writes Myrcella and her ladies being uncomfortable, they would never behave the same way, and Myrcella’s stiches were just as crooked.

The Septa is trying to make herself important, show her power and authority, and highlighting how ‘difficult’ she has it teaching Arya. I’ve seen it before, a teacher is kind and nice to the students she likes or thinks are important (like on the football team, pretty/handsome, or a standout in some way), and everyone else she is a brisk and hardly remembers your name when you ask a question. The Septa, for whatever reasons (you are free to speculate, but again doesn’t matter) has made Arya her ‘punching-bag’, she finds excuses to criticize and reprimand Arya over mostly little nothings, here they are just sewing samplers, and they have important guests - time for levity and best behavior, it is mostly a social gathering to get to know each other. But the Septa looses it and can’t control her temper, because she is used to lashing out at Arya that is has become normalized for her and everyone else - ‘Arya deserves it, typical Arya.’

All of this is to inform us about why Arya feels the way she does, one of the reasons she doesn’t like ‘girl’ activities, is because the teacher isn’t nice to her and doesn’t really help her learn. We know Arya is good at learning, especially when she sets her mind to it, she isn’t afraid to fail or work hard, so her not being able to learn even basics is more telling of her learning environment and how suppressing the restrictions and expectations that were placed on her were. GRRM wants us to understand that being an atypical girl under a strict and traditional system was very difficult, especially if no one stands up for you, and it informs us about where some of Arya’s lack of self-esteem and self-worth issues come from.

Man, I forgot how fucked up the scene was and how malicious Septa Mordane is with Arya specifically. You will have people write about how she is some struggling teacher with a peevish tongue sticking student. But she actually brought a child to tears and tried to force her to be seen sobbing in front of her peers.

1. This is not a helpful teacher going around her students to check their work and give advice. She targets Arya specifically (Marcella's work was also imperfect, but she has no power over Myrcella). Her tirade is straight up theatrical and loud on purpose. She doesn't point out what's wrong and how to fix it. It's all about putting Arya down.

2. Myrcella, a visitor, is made uncomfortable and feels sorry for Arya. But for the girls in Winterfell this seems to be a routine. They have been desensitized to this malicious behaviour (Sansa) or even find it typical entertainment (Jeyne).

3. She brings the little girl to tears. There is nothing worse for a child than to be seen crying, especially with strangers around, so Arya tries to leave. The Septa wants her to stay to endure that further humiliation. She is very visibly crying. No "go calm down and wipe your face and then you can return to your work" as some normal teacher/adult might do in such a situation while remaining stern. This is plain cruel.

4. She weaponizes Myrcella's presence to add up to how Arya is "doing everything wrong". Arya tries to "act right" by taking her leave from the Princess. Myrcella is further made uncomfortable by this whole situation, and how she's pushed at the front this way. And the Septa immediately intercepted before Myrcella could or couldn't give Arya leave by making it clear it wasn't about Myrcella - it's about cruelly keeping Arya there to suffer the humiliation of crying in front of her peers, no ifs or maybes. And, again, that is also at the detriment of the guests' comfort, as they are made uncomfortable already and moreso if they had to stay there to hear/watch this girl cry. Creating Arya discomfort is more important, though.

5. Arya's one bold ("misbehaving") act is the horse shoe bit, but we later find out that in such purely denigrating tirades meant only to make Arya feel bad about herself instead of constructive feedback on how to mend her work, the septa would tell her she has "a blacksmith's hands", turning it into a personal fault rather than the technicality of how to do the work.

Vile.