#ooooooh i'm insane

[n0spins]

     WHAT  SHAPE  DOES  YOUR  PAIN  TAKE  ?

          *  MASK  ;     you hide your pain behind a mask. maybe you feel you can't be helped, maybe you think no one cares, maybe you don't want to hurt anyone else with it, you're afraid of being judged, or maybe there's another reason. but whatever the reason, you fake a smile and try to function normally even though you're one step away from falling apart. secretly, you wish someone would notice it's a mask, ask you if you're really okay, see right through and make it be okay somehow. you're hurt and a little angry that no one's noticed yet, but you'll never admit it. 

     white lies, not that bad...  are they ?

    *  TAGGED  BY ;  @g4slit

    *  TAGGING  ;  @mori3d ,  @obituaried​ ,  @pyrrh1c ,  @holybloom​ ,  @afterchrissy​ ,  and  anybody  who  sees  this  &  wants  to  partake  !!

[tunastime]

A Gear of the Heart, Starting

just a little something I wrote for somebody's (@shepscapades) birthday back in November :3 after I asked what etho and bdubs would've been like shortly after etho's deviation. this is the few times before last life where bdubs realizes etho might be a good friend, and how their relationship changes. comes right before A Gear of the Heart, Turning! (4653 words)

Etho remembers quite a bit.

He remembers the ricochet of the explosion through his left side. He remembers a dozen errors across his vision, showing every unit damaged by the blast, the fractals of fracturing snaking up his arm, the shattered remains of his central programming lingering like a livewire. 

Over and over he can remember the pitch of Bdubs’ voice and had to wonder his own diagnosis at that moment. Bdubs watching his android die in his name—he remembers that, too. Bdubs didn’t even ask for that. It was something Etho gave to him. He’s not sure he could even say why, either. 

It remained a bitter flavor he couldn't identify, even as Xisuma assured him he was okay. Something had happened then, sitting on that floor, thirium in hand. Some movement in his chest he couldn’t place. It wasn’t anything physical, but it felt like some gear of his nonexistent heart had started, turned—rotated. And all he could do was ask himself why. What’s he supposed to do with that?

He doesn’t know. Fine. 

Etho goes back to work at someone’s request. Not even his own request, either, so he has to wonder if maybe Doc put him up to it. Him being Bdubs. Him being Bdubs who shifted back and forth on his feet at Etho’s door—a facade of a base in the process of being designed. If one could even call it a base, yet.

And even though he was increasingly certain that Bdubs had been told to ask—and Etho asked him if he’d been asked to help, and he was adamant about asking by himself, that’s what he said. He said: “You think I gotta be told to ask people for help? I can’t just be doin’ things on my own?” and it had felt so much like doublespeak that Etho didn’t even fight to differentiate his tone. 

But Bdubs had asked if he wanted to help with the horse course. Terraforming—it should be right up his alley, if he’s still into that kind of stuff. Figured he was the expert—or so it goes. Etho had nodded. He wasn’t sure what else he was supposed to do. He supposes he could have easily said no. 

But every part of him yearned to say yes.

So he did.

The dust sifts through his fingers.

Etho perches in the grass, partially hunched as he leans over his line of redstone, shrouded by the hill half-built around him. He’d spent most of the week prior carving out the lines of the track, setting posts for buildings, laying out blueprints for Bdubs to finalize. Today, he lays his line meticulously, dust shifting in his hands. They still shake a bit—nothing a human would notice, nothing that disrupted the flow of his lines, but the overworked gears still shifted in protest as he worked. He could see the faded overlay of the project in his vision if he focused. It crackled, slightly blue-yellow, orange glowing indicators where action was needed, where there were mistakes to be corrected.

It isn’t his redstone to fix. The lines under his hands were—freshly laid by his near-expert technique—but the deeper lines, noteblock announcements, droppers, doorgates, the flourish of the house course, weren’t. Etho smooths out the line he was standing near with his thumb. 

There was nothing wrong with the laid redstone, really. It’s just. Well. It’s not even. It takes up so much space. It lacks the efficiency and tidiness he practiced to a precision. It radiated Bdubs in an overpowering way, one that might turn a gear of the heart—one he didn’t have, of course. Etho’s lines are neat, rigid, conforming to his perfect mental map. 

He lets down his section of dust, drifting over to the dispenser system. He pushes a line further into place, brushing dust back from the side. Further on, where the line crosses, he readjusts it, he smooths them from start to end of line. His hands work where his mind recalculates, looking for errors along the redstone already laid out by Bdubs. Programs bubble up to assist; he dismisses a message, and another as he works. The line straightens from source to sink. 

As he passes, searching for another correction, he hears someone above him. In the corner of his vision, another message notification pings: from Bdubs.

They’re all from Bdubs, actually, now that he notices in full. He blinks, mouth twisting into a frown. Whoops.

He hears someone—Bdubs, he realizes, as he notes the fall of his feet, and the sigh he hops down from his horse, the shuffle of said horse, hooves on grass—clear their throat. Bdubs shuffles around as Etho moves back over to his finished redstone, dusting his hands on the sides of his pants. He lifts the small bag of dust, twisting the tie shut around his fingers as he travels back up the line to recheck the connections. 

“Etho?” Bdubs calls. Etho straightens, just on instinct alone, glancing up at the stretch of sky he can see. It’s bright blue, barely dotted with clouds, and the grass looks warm with sun. He fixes where the dust starts as he sections off the end, tossing the rest of the redstone over to his sling bag.

“Under the hill!”

Bdubs leans over the edge, tilting his head at Etho as he peers into the dark. It takes him a moment to find Etho’s face, partially obscured by black fabric and the fluff of wool around his collar. Etho tilts his head, raising his eyebrows.

“Did you need something?” he asks, arm hanging loosely by his side. Bdubs frowns, too, watching Etho’s expression. As his eyes seem to adjust to the dark, his gaze falls on the lines of redstone. He pauses there for a long moment. In that moment, Etho feels something in his chest grind, almost to a noticeable ache. If he could pull in a breath to settle it, he might have, but the sensation and minute sound passes as soon as he moves his hand to press flat against his regulator. Bdubs is gone when he looks up, reappearing only as he drops into the cavern, catching himself on the wall. He readjusts his cloak around his shoulders, shuffling into the low-light.

“Etho,” he says, still frowning. Etho looks him over. He watches Bdubs set his hands on his hips, but his heart rate stays even and his temperature level. The only thing that changes is the tone of his voice, fluctuating with a pattern Etho recognizes as forcing something. Bdubs takes a long breath in and lets it out. Etho’s eyes find the twitch of his fingers as he folds his arms, rather than the sharp curve of his mouth.

“Yes?” Etho asks. He feels his pump work a little harder. It kind of hurts still, whatever’s stopped working in his chest. He flicks his eyes, recalling a diagnostic, setting it to run in the background as he closes out of the overlays and the world returns to yellowish-grey. Bdubs is still frowning.

“You mind tellin’ me what’s wrong with this redstone?”

Etho blinks. The diagnostic comes up clear.

“What do you mean?” he says, his expression shifting into something copying amusement. He’s trying. He’s at least trying to mimic the emotions he sees. Soon enough it’ll feel natural, he’s certain. “What’s wrong with it?”

Bdubs snorts, which turns into a laugh, which turns into Etho smiling a bit wider, a bit more confusion lingering in his expression as he leans around Bdubs to check his meticulously placed line. Bdubs turns away from him, facing the system, the clock that linked the start gates to the timer below.

“What’s—” Bdubs scoffs, shaking his head. “What’s wrong with it? Etho—” he holds out his hand, waving Etho over. Etho lingers at his shoulder as he steps forward, peering over the curve of it and the moss and small leaves and flowers draped over his neck. “It’s too perfect.”

Etho makes a sound like a scoff now, a caught sound in his vocal unit, a stuttering start to his sentence that doesn’t form right away. He’s trying for surprise, the pitch of his voice rising unexpectedly.

“It’s too perfect?” he asks. 

Bdubs nods. After a moment, Etho thinks he sees his expression shift, the high of his cheek rising. When Bdubs turns his head to look at him, just for a second, Bdubs is smiling.

“Bdubs,” Etho says, sighing, turning away from him, to his bag on the far side of the room. He shakes his head. That something-nothing in his chest flutters and fades and disappears all at once, instead replaced with the urge to smile back. Bdubs laughs, and Etho can imagine him tipping his head back, mouth curved up as he giggles to himself. Etho shakes his head. As he starts to pull away from Bdubs, he feels him catch his sleeve, holding fast to his elbow.

“Etho, wait—” Bdubs giggles. “It looks really good.”

Etho raises his eyebrows. Caught in Bdubs grasp, all he can do is look at him, head tilted, trying not to let the amusement show on his face. Bdubs giggles, face breaking again as he does.

“Etho…” he tries again, fighting back a smile. Etho tilts his head the other way, as if to prompt him further, looking for anything. He stays silent. Bdubs hand lowers slowly, that smile faltering just a fraction. Maybe he thinks Etho’s upset with him. There’s a flicker of recognition in his eyes. “You gonna say anythin’? Or you just gonna stand there?”

Etho smiles, finally. He shrugs a little, glancing over at the fixed lines of redstone.

“I fixed your redstone,” he says cooly, sticking his free hand in his pocket. Bdubs blinks. He jerks away as Etho’s smile grows, shoving him hard in his shoulder. Etho wobbles for a moment, smiling to himself, scrunching up his face as Bdubs’ expression morphs. He does laugh, after a beat, poking Etho in the shoulder as he does. Etho hopes he can see the smile in his eyes. He saves, logs, keeps this moment. He’s sure in the low light that his LED spins yellow for a moment. It feels right. If there’s any feeling to catalog.

Bdubs huffs. Etho thinks he hears him say something under his breath. It sounds a lot like thank you.

It’s out of habit, rather than obligation, that Etho finds himself back at the horse course. Of course he ends up here, his feet moving him about as if his brain-not-brain had no thoughts of its own. Man. Some days, it really felt human.

He wanders across the plain, eyes lingering on fully-built buildings, knowing the schematics and plans, watching as those plans-now-buildings stretched higher above his head, where they nearly threatened to pop the sky wide open. 

Bdubs had sat down with him earlier that week, papers spread out between them. He’d stopped by, actually—worked his way up the mountain to the base Etho had finally finished, papers in hand, looking like he was on the verge of collapse. He’d dropped the blueprints on the largest table Etho had managed to clear, spreading out the designs for huge, complex buildings. Etho watched him explain, listened for the inflection of when to offer suggestions, heard the way Bdubs’ voice grew quieter, almost conspiratorial, as he explained his palette. There was something methodical in the way Bdubs spoke, not only in the approach to his colors, but to his style. As much as it seemed eclectic and strange, he watched the pieces fall together as Bdubs spoke of his gradients. There was something deeper there, a precision that Etho, all of a sudden, in that room, craved to emulate. To write to disk. To save. To do more than just copy. 

He’d built the horse stable first—all to his own specifications. It was Bdubs later who came in to detail, tilling up the dirt around to plant grass and flowers, sectioning off parts of the empty stable. It was almost difficult to compartmentalize that Bdubs was finished with it now. That they’d worked each line of the redstone and Etho had supervised the first steps of building, and now he could look up and see the very top, or almost, if he were to strain, of the spikes above the buildings. 

And in just a few weeks, Bdubs was onto another project. Etho smiles to himself. He can’t help it. There was something rather comforting about that. Something about Bdubs dragging him along to help, pointing him toward the thing he was good at, and asking for help. Bdubs showing up at his door with plans. Bdubs cracking jokes with him, and looking for a laugh Etho couldn’t replicate yet. It’s like something clicked. Or was just on the breach of it. And Etho liked it.

Etho clears his field of view, taking in, instead, the stretch of sky where it met the ocean, along the line of hills and grass and flowers, and further still, to the smudge that looked like Bdubs. He blends in too well—the green of his coat barely noticeable against the field of grass that splayed out from the side of his build. There were still materials strewn about—chests half opened, shulkers stacked waist high. 

Bdubs stands to the side of a dark grey and white horse, one hand placed on its nose, the other digging through his bag. Etho watches for a moment. Bdubs fishes around for that entire second that he lingers, searching for something, until he pulls out an apple. Another falls to the ground, rolling away from him. He holds out the fruit for the horse as Etho clears his throat. 

“Hiya, Bdubs—” he says as Bdubs startles, twisting around to see him. He huffs, an immediate frown coming to his face. Bdubs turns to fetch the dropped apple, holding it high above his head as the grey horse nudges its nose into his empty hand. He pats it instead.

“Etho,” he says, tone thin. He sighs, shaking his head. “Scared the life outta me, you know that? You gotta make some noise when you’re walkin’ around.”

Etho smiles, a nice and easy reaction to the annoyance in Bdubs’ voice. It’s getting easier. At least a bit. The smiling part, that is. The inflection that comes with being happy.

“I’ll try next time,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. His hands find his pockets as he looks around, eyes following the path around the buildings. He’s sure the pollen and moss will be stuck to his clothes for days before he gets them out.

“Mm,” Bdubs hums, unconvinced. “I’m sure you will. Now, what’re you doin’ here? You don’t have anything better to do?”

“That’s a good question,” Etho says.

Bdubs turns back to him for a second, just a glance over his shoulder as he cocks his head to the side. He raises his eyebrows before he turns back to the horse, who’s started to nose at his bag. He drags his hand down its nose.

“You’re tellin’ me you don’t have an objective right now?”

“I never have an objective, Bdubs.”

Bdubs snorts again . Etho steps over, slow, minding the horse. It sniffs as Etho holds out his hand, nosing his gloved palm. He pats the horse's nose, somewhat stilted, smoothing over the soft bridge of his nose.

“Right,” Bdubs hums. When Etho glances over to him, Bdubs glances away, as if he’d lingered as Etho stepped over. He’s not moved from Etho’s side, which. Makes something fit into Etho’s chest in a way he isn’t expecting. He rests his hand on the horse's head, looking over at Bdubs in full.

“I can’t come see how the horse course is looking, now that you’re done?” he asks. Bdubs makes an embarrassed sounding noise, watching the rise of the buildings to their left. The horse sniffs, and Etho lifts his hand away, letting it fall to his side.

“I—I got excited about it,” Bdubs mutters. If Etho leans enough, he can see the beginnings of a flush creep over his cheeks, up the shell of his ear. Something about that, too. Etho looks beyond him, though, studying the rise of the buildings as Bdubs does. He nods to himself.

“I can tell,” he says, amusement slipping into his voice, almost naturally. Immediately, Bdubs whips around again, face twisted in offense.

“Hey!” he snaps. “You makin’ fun of me?”

Etho shakes his head, spreading his hands out in front of him as he does.

“No, no. Not at all,” he says, hoping the smile he’s giving is reaching his eyes. “I’m saying we make a pretty good team.”

Bdubs makes a little huff of a sound, but his posture and expression softens. Etho studies it from the moment it appears, trying to place the emotion behind it. He seems upset—but not from anything Etho said. He almost looks guilty.

“We’ve always made a good team,” Bdubs mumbles. Etho blinks.

“Since when have we been a team?”

“Since—s…” Bdubs blurts, then backtracks, folding his arms over his chest. “Well we’re a team now!”

Etho raises his eyebrows, stepping away from the horse and more around Bdubs’ side. He leans in a bit as he stands by his side, bumping their shoulders together. Bdubs doesn’t recoil. Instead, he pushes back, just for a moment, and they jostle. Bdubs hums, sighing through his nose.

“Are we?” Etho asks. Bdubs nods, short and firm.

“Mhm! ‘Cause I said so.”

Etho nods with him. There’s that thing again, a turning, jostling, in some part of his chest that really shouldn’t turn or jostle. He can feel his temperature tick up just a few degrees, a fan kicking on to settle the temperature, thirium sludging warm to cold through his limbs. A team, huh? He couldn’t beat Bdubs’ conviction, that’s for sure. Maybe it was a bit of guilt, then. Maybe something in Bdubs had realized Etho was much more of a help than a hindrance. Maybe Bdubs wanted a friend. Maybe he just felt bad and the feeling bad got to a point where he had to just do something about it. Etho didn’t know. He didn’t live inside Bdubs’ brain. And picking at Bdubs’ every emotion was a task enough to drive his processor into the ground. He could already feel another spike in temperature, LED glowing yellow-blue. Maybe it wasn’t all bad. Etho sticks his hands in his pockets.

“I’d like that,” he says, finally pushing out the words as his programming jumps into gear, “What’s our next project then?”

Bdubs goes back to jostling him before he turns away, moving from Etho’s side to collect his horse. Gathering the horse's reins in his hands, Bdubs pauses.

“Ooh…” he says, frowning a little. Etho watches the little furrow of his eyebrows—thinking. Bdubs is turning the idea over in his head. Bdubs steps back over with the horse in tow, already walking in the direction of the horse stable. Etho jolts forward, taking several big steps to match Bdubs’ pace. “Well why don’t you come back to the clock and we can talk about it, huh?”

“That sounds nice.”

Bdubs makes an affirmative sound, leading the horse around and into the stable. Etho watches him unlatch the gate, ushering the horse into the pen.

“I can put the kettle on and everything,” Bdubs says. He lifts the bridle out of the horse’s mouth, running his hand along the length of the horse’s nose. Etho doesn’t mean to watch him as he does, but the action is so purposeful. There’s a moment where Bdubs’ expression is unreadable—unreadable as in Etho simply can’t place anything on it. Unreadable in the amount it changes—something softer than he’s seen, something far away. Bdubs’ whole demeanor seems to shift as he stands still for a moment. Etho isn’t sure what to do with himself. He’s just standing in straw and dirt and stones, all of which he can feel under his shoes. He shuffles a bit, back and forth, to make his presence known, before he says:

“You know I can’t drink anything, Bdubs.”

And Bdubs rolls his eyes, squinting over at him, stepping away from the horse to hop the gate.

“Well you can at least fake it,” he grumbles. He folds his arms again, wrinkling his nose at Bdubs as Bdubs leads him out of the pen and into the open field around the horse course. The shadow of the buildings above them hasn’t changed, yet. The sun is still high and warm in the sky.

Etho laughs. At least, he makes a sound that he thinks passes as a laugh. Bdubs laughs too, though, so it must sound pretty convincing. He nods, the smile on his face feeling much more natural than he ever could have expected. 

“I could fake it,” he laughs. “Sure.”

Bdubs grins at him. It’s nice. It makes the walk back to his base a little more bearable.

By the time Etho gets his invitation to the life game, he’s grown accustomed to being at Bdubs’ side again. He wanders around Bdubs’ base like he knows it, makes it a spot he chooses to map, to memorize. Bdubs checks in on him when he isn’t around as much—asks him how his builds are going, wonders if he needs help. Bdubs lingers in his spaces too, like a plant trying to root, gives himself reasons to stand in doorways just a bit longer, just enough to extend their goodbyes. It feels right—in a way that almost gives reason to Etho’s deviation. Maybe, deep down, from their first introduction, Etho had decided to glue himself to Bdubs’ side and not become unstuck. Maybe he’d simply put that decision, his first ever decision, into motion that day. It didn’t matter much as to why anymore.

When Etho gets his letter, he doesn’t open it. He holds it between two fingers, turning it over and over. He doesn’t need to read it to know what it says. There’s a dark red seal on the back, shaped like a heart. He makes a little sound, some sort of click in the back of his mouth, before he stuffs the letter in his pocket, half-folded.

He finds Bdubs exactly where he expects. Bdubs is sitting cross-legged in his garden, hands in the dirt, when Etho arrives at the crescent moon base. If he looks closely enough, Etho can still tell that Bdubs’ own letter sits on his window sill in the kitchen, unopened. But he’s really squinting to notice, so he writes it off for now as a flaw in his own sight. 

Bdubs turns to him as he walks up. His hair is pushed back away from his face with his bandana, and his hands are covered in dirt, and he’s got a streak of black soil across his forehead that Etho tries not to look at for too long. Bdubs shoots him a toothy grin, going back to his bright orange tulips. If Etho looks long enough, he could probably guess the soil mixture, and tell him if it's good enough to be planting orange tulips in, but he doesn’t. Instead, he comes to stand behind him and Bdubs hums in greeting.

“Etho,” he says, looking up again, wiping the dirt from his forehead. “What can I do for you?”

“Oh, nothin’,” Etho says, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He forgets who he picked the gesture up from, but it’s become part of his natural body language patterns now, so he won’t be stopping it anytime soon. “I just came to see how you were doing.”

“How I was doin’, huh?” Bdubs asks, amusement trickling into his voice. Etho smiles, feeling his face pull.

“Mhm,” he says. “That’s right. I can’t come and check up on a friend?”

Bdubs laughs, sticking his spade in the dirt.

“Oh, we’re friends now?” he says, still giggling as he turns around. “I thought we were just a team.”

Etho watches him lean back on his hands, legs coming out from under him. He tries to read Bdubs’ expression and voice for any note of insincerity, or play, or teasing, but doesn’t find anything he normally associates with Bdubs. This just feels true.

“I mean, I figured with how much we’ve been working together…” Etho starts, to which Bdubs startles, waving his hands.

“No, no!” Bdubs yelps. “Etho, I thought the same thing! I just wasn’t expectin’ it from you.”

Etho blinks. It feels owlish, small, almost a wrong reaction to hearing Bdubs say something like that. But it’s what immediately happens, before he tries to open his mouth, and no sound comes out. He waits for a moment. He assumes his LED spins, maybe even red, as Bdubs watches him, face paling.

“Oh,” Etho says quietly.

“We’re friends,” Bdubs says, voice much smaller than Etho’s ever heard it. “‘S that alright with you?”

Etho feels like the proper response would be to laugh, if he could really feel anything at all besides every gear in his chest halting and restarting themselves. He makes a noise that sounds almost like a cough.

“Mhm,” he says. He watches Bdubs’ shoulders relax and finds that his own posture sinks with it. 

“Good,” Bdubs says, nodding along. “Was there anything else you wanted to scare me with?”

Etho knows this tone—playful. Teasing. He works up a smile and fishes the letter from his pocket, slightly bent. Bdubs’ eyes flick right to it, right to the red seal pressed into the paper. Immediately, he scrambles up, reaching for the note in Etho’s hands. Etho lets him grab it in his dirt-covered fingers, even as Bdubs tries frantically to dust off his hands as he notices. Bdubs turns it over itself, glancing up at Etho.

“It’s for you?”

Etho nods.

“It was on my doorstep this morning,” he says. “I can see you’ve got one in your window?”

Bdubs snorts, shaking his head.

“Yeah, I haven’t opened the damn thing. I’m excited up until the point I’m not, ‘cause I know I’m gonna lose again.”

Etho hums. As Bdubs hands him back the letter, Etho rests his hand on his shoulder, giving it a hesitant, light squeeze. Bdubs looks quickly down at it, before he’s back to staring at Etho’s face.

“Don’t worry, Bdubs,” he says, hoping his voice is full of amusement and affection like he feels like it is. “You’ll have me there this time!”

And Bdubs laughs, full and warm in his chest, and Etho jostles him around as he does, until Bdubs is smacking his shoulder and wiggling free. He picks up his fallen hat and his tools, and Etho follows him around the side of the house as he puts things away. As he shuts one of the chest, Bdubs says:

“You mean that, though? You wanna be on a team?”

Etho smiles, feeling his eyes squint, forces every ounce of new feeling into his words when he says:

“I don’t think I wanna team with anyone else, Bdubs.”

And Bdubs’ grin in excitement is more than enough to convince him he’s made the right choice.

It’ll be a long two weeks until the death game starts. When he returns home later that night, Bdubs’ plans for success turning over in his brain, recording for later, Etho reads over the letter enough to commit the page to memory. He keeps it safe internally as the letter finds its way to his bookshelf, half-sealed. Through him, like it’s just under the skin, runs an emotion he’s not yet familiar with. He hopes it's a good one, at the very least. He hopes so, as much as an android, a machine, someone just now familiar with the idea of free will, can hope. 

It feels good, though. And something makes him think that everything will turn out just fine.

[the-algebra-thing]

listening to under pressure and suddenly remembered when the continuing ballet class at my tiny little studio danced to under pressure in the yearly show and it was an insanely transcendent religious experience

[covenists]

✦ LESSON IN IMPRESSION, L. LAWSON

he is her best friend, and she is his too. but if the cupid work hard, then he works harder.

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  ⤷ username because like "treat me like white tee"

  ⤷ username OOOOOOH YEEEEAAAAHHH

yourusername

liked by sza, and 367,912 others

yourusername who love some fruits?

view all 12,685 comments

username IT'S OFFICIAL???????????

username WHY'S SO FASTTTT??

liamlawson30 Why is my hand looks so veiny there?

mickschumacher Exactly a day before valentine's day, great timing.

georgerussell63 I had no idea until lewis talked about this with daniel, thank god I overheard.

  ⤷ lewishamilton YOU OVERHEAD US???

  ⤷ danielricciardo Like it's a surprise

alex_albon Happy for you two, lovebirds!! -L&A

username i know i had this feeling ever since they posted about spending time with each other, and now as i guess, they're officially together. so so happy for you, folks!

heidiberger_ Aww🥹 Daniel used to telling me everything about you guys and now I win.

  ⤷ danielricciardo Why are you telling them heree??

username they're going to be so adorable being a couple

  ⤷ username can't wait for her paddock debut

MEANWHILE Y/N POST FOR LIAM:

yourusername

👤: ＠liamlawson30 466,319 likes

yourusername look at him with his role models. happy valentine's day, mcqueen's apprentice 🥝❤️

view all 22,621 comments

liamlawson30 I love the nickname so much. Happy Valentine's day to you too, My dearest love🥰

  ⤷ username I'M GONNA FUCKING CRY

username HIS POSE R GOOFY AS USUAL I DON'T UNDERSTAND💀💀😔

charles_leclerc I don't aware that they got McQueen in every corner of that lands

  ⤷ yourusername you have to dug deeper then

username SOMEBODY SEDATE MEEEE

username i would love to see mcqueen with my boyfriend on a valentine's day too

username How many white shirt does he have in his wardrobe??

  ⤷ liamlawson30 Definitely not enough

  ⤷ yukitsunoda0511 Even with 100 of it and you could still say it's not enough

[possiblyawesometmblr]

If you had to pick one song for each of your characters from their official playlist (if they have one, if not songs in general) to describe them, what songs would they be?

ooooooh oh this is a hard one. almost every song i throw onto a playlist is there for a reason but i'm gonna DO MY BEST here we go:

arisanna: home (beetlejuice cast recording) - i swear to god every day i am surprised i didn't write her specifically after this song. i like this one even better than dead mom for her overall because dead mom feels more angry, whereas this one feels like desperation and defeat that turns into acceptance. love the arc of this song and thinking about it in an ari context makes me want to cry so hard.

sylph: i love it (icona pop) - not ONLY does this one have sylph vibes in terms of lyrics, but it's funky 2010s dubstep pop. that's so them it hurts. sylph only listens to the most insane pop music of 2010-2014 i truly believe that in my heart

owen: waving through a window (dear evan hansen cast recording) - another win for the broadway bitches. perfect for him both in life and in death, honestly. i particularly love the "did I even make a sound? it's like I never made a sound, will I ever make a sound?" for him because of the idea that his life ended so fast he never got to do anything with it. also, similar to ari, this is a song with so much desperation in it.

rowan: pink pony club (chappell roan) - i actually can't get too much into this one without spoiling things, but know that this song is her to the core. rowan is in fact a chappell roan girly

mal: r.i.p. 2 my youth (the neighborhood) - so this guy doesn't have a playlist yet but something about this song really speaks to me for him. he's gone through some SHIT and i can't wait to get into it in future campaign sessions :D

[charliemwrites]

Do you think that the keeper!141 (-Gaz probably) would do like group spicy stuff 🤨 maybe not straight up orgies or anything and definitely not right off the bat, probably like months after introducing all the pets, long past being comfortable with one another.

But just like, hanging out, maybe sweet thing, obedient, and feral are all just cock warming their keepers while everyone talks or something.

Probably just enjoying everyone's company in a more intimate sense. I can definitely see Johnny getting restless after an hour or so, getting greedy. While Price and Simon probably tease him for not having enough restraint to just enjoy it, all while sweet thing is embarrassed and blushy, hiding in Johnny's neck.

Obedient is sitting SOOO pretty, all cuddled up against Price's chest as he rubs their back. Feral is probably pretty tame, content. Probably nibbling on Simon and tugging at his clothes, squirms here and there but not much.

Maybe they'd do more at a later date, but probably just starts with cock warming or something to start off!

I'm going so insane over this AU 😭😭😭 having soooo many thoughts.

Ooooooh oh oh anon THIS. This is a Though™️

I’m not sure about an all out orgy, but I could see things all happening in the same room. That cockwarming idea is fucking PERFECT and exactly how it would go done.

When Obedient starts to fuss, Price gently shushes her, tells her to settle, and Johnny teases that he’s so mean to her, she should get to have some fun for the special occasion. Price glares, but obedient begs “please please please” which sets sweet thing off into whimpering that she doesn’t want to be the only one that’s not fair.

And feral is shoving at Simon to get kisses, demanding that he stop stalling already, she’s waited long enough through his silly shop talk.

[dceasesd]

Ooooooh you have most excellent taste in fics! I love a good number of them and am looking forward to reading the ones I haven’t hehe! If u have any others to recommend to a Jason fan feel free to share :D

hello my brother i'm sorry i'm responding to this so late it's been a busy week

i'm so glad you liked the recs! i have an absurd number of jason recs because i'm insane about him, so i'm just gonna list as many as possible w/o summaries because that would take too long. the list is in no particular order! i hope you like angst though because that's gonna be like 75% of what's on here T-T enjoy!!! thanks again for the ask xxxx

links under the cut!

furor by envysparkler

one shot, two shots in the night by discowing (ameliafromafairytale)

kiss your knuckles (punch me in the face) by stupidandsad

at me, too, someone is looking by bacondoughnut

say uncle by megaerakles

GO HOME, IDIOT by antebunny

seventeen going under by bonerot19

what's so amazing that keeps us stargazing by cerusee

A WEIGHT OF BEING. by orpheusaki

no one's son by autumnhobbit

refuge of last resort by wildsofmarch

a heart just can't contain all of this empty space by themermaidlord

undead gothamite by indent

minimum height requirement by drag0nst0rm

this time, the loser wins by parkerstorms

eternal soliloquy by renecdote

show me yesterday, for i can't find today by indent

none of his business by snailicorn

I LOST IT ALL WITH MY EYES WIDE OPEN. by orphenusaki

robins and other flightless birds by ionaperidot

let me know if any of the links are buggy and i'll fix them!!!

[buckgasms]

I just read Dirty Doctor Barnes once again and I absolutely love it😩 I was wondering if you could write another one where they finally get some alone time to themselves

Ooooooh what about a PDR Dr Barnes Style???

He tells you to block out an entire afternoon for your annual review so by the time it rolls around you are full of nerves and excitement because you know it's not going to be a straight forward, form filling exercise.

📝

So actually you are quite disappointed when you walk into his office and see a form on his desk and he's fully dressed and looks a little....bored.

But when he sees you he smiles, first sweet then dark. It already has your tummy fluttering as you take a seat opposite him.

"So... You've been with me for a full year now. Have you enjoyed your time so far?"

"Oh yeah, I've learnt a lot and it's been a lot of fun" you giggle as he raises his eyebrows taking notes. Feeling frustrated with the lack of contact you stand up and scoot round the table and slide into his lap, "let me take the notes doctor..."

He chuckles in your ear and drags you further into his lap, gripping your thighs in his firm hands.

You clear your throat and look at the first box. "Performance?" You twist a little and he smirks at you before dragging his laptop forward and tapping on the space bar. It blinks to life and there is a paused video of you and Bucky which, after another tap, springs to life.

Blood rushes to your ears and he wraps his arms tighter around your waist. You had no idea he'd been filming this whole time.

"Tell me what you think angel? Do you think you give a good performance?"

He's made some sort of filthy compilation of your best moments. You have to say, given the look of bliss on his face as you suck his cock in the clip that you do in fact give a good performance.

"Ahem, the employer is supposed to answer those questions" you say trying to sound indignant, but it's more squeaky than you hoped. He presses a kiss on your neck and pulls up your skirt, slipping his fingers into your folds and rubbing at your wet heat.

"That's right... Well then I would say, performance is excellent. Takes direction well and... Baby take this down..." He chides as his fingers sink into you making you moan. With shaking hands you manage to scrawl down what you remember and lean your head back on his shoulder when you're done.

"Ok what's next? Communication? Oh well let's have a listen shall we?" He turns up the volume and the room is filled with your moans.

"Please Bucky... Right there.... More, please more... I'm yours...."

You had no idea you were so vocal but the evidence is there. He continues to play with your pussy and makes a mess of you as the film plays.

"Write this down baby, very good communicator, expresses opinion openly which is appreciated." He reaches forward and finds another clip. "Let's see about your listening shall we?"

This time the film shows you following his orders, moving this way and that, sucking and fucking as his voice demands off screen. You see your eyes are filled with tears of frustration as he tells you over and over to hold your orgasm, don't be selfish, don't be naughty, be good and you can come.

You remember how torturous that afternoon was even now as he plays with you. "Look how good you were sweet girl. Taking my instructions even when you wanna come on my cock hmmm?" You nod and gasp and his fingers pump into you, the sound of your wetness mixing with the moans from the movie.

You manage to scribble something down as he flicks back to the dirty compilation, skipping between clips of you, seeing yourself being fucked in the most delicious and insane positions in his examination chair.

"Employee strengths? Let's say, a flexible approach to work, willingness to learn and the ability to take on big loads..." He tines that last comment with a clip of you having his come pumped over your pretty face.

Your giggle turns into a gasp as he flicks your clit and pumps his fingers fast so you can't hold in your orgasm, making your writhe and moan on his lap.

📝

Of course the form includes 'Areas for Improvement' so Dr Barnes takes it upon himself to remind you of your selfish need to come all the time and how cross you get when a patient enjoys her appointment.

For that you get draped across the table, hands tied and tears streaming down your cheeks as he spanks you. He also presses a vibrator to your pussy to challenge you to prove you can indeed control your greedy cunt. It doesn't work, of course, because this man knows how to work your body and on the tenth spank you have come, desire running down your legs as he tuts. It earns you ten more spanks.

📝

Finally for being such a model employee he straps you up in his chair and gives you a good pounding, this time with the added excitement of wondering if he's been filming all this as well.

When your pussy is sore and used he spends time kissing it all over, sucking and licking until you are squealing at the pleasure and pain of the sensitivity. He growls as your come drenches his chin, your body twitching as each of his heavy pants is enough to make you flutter.

He finishes off the review by pumping you full, spreading his load across your pussy and tummy until he's satisfied with the mess you are.

Your body goes slack as you relax in the restraints and he moves around to press kisses to your cheeks and lips. He smiles at you and your beam back, and he plants another kiss on your lips.

"I'd say a very informative performance review wouldn't you sweetie?"

[obsidianpen]

So I read incendiary and was immediately gone for it like the idea of tomarry and grindledore all being around the same age AND all ending up in the tournament is an insane premise and I have no idea how you're going to get Harry entered into it but god am I excited to read it. And since incendiary is an unofficial hauntingly sequel I decided to read that series and holy goddamn shit I went in knowing the ending would involve them going through the veil so I completely expected to be devastated but I was mostly caught of guard by how very very funny the fic was. Like some of the harrymort conversations ("you are temperature" had me laughing even though I knew something was going to go wrong soon), the drinking game with malfoy, the entire idea of Harry living with malfoy and snape, hermione mocking snape while looking like bellatrix, the potterwatch broadcast, the giant pink elephant in the room like yes this fic had such a bittersweet ending (Harry's drunken intro for the draco's book had me in tears) but god did I laugh while I read it. And obviously I had to follow that up with draco malfoy and the master of death and his patronus being a STAG and then ginny's reaction to it was so damn tragic I really did love hinny's "in another life" vibe because I really do love them . Also both fics ending with Draco and Tom jumping the same way into the next life was absolutely perfect

And then I went and reread incendiary because reading it as a sequel does give it a different vibe. Though since it's an unofficial sequel i guess the events of hauntingly wont really effect the story?? Considering how long hauntingly was the "slowest slow burn" tag has me wondering how long this fic is going to be and I'm very excited to see where you go with it

ooooooh I love to go on an incendiary tangent. And also thank you for reading hauntingly, I will never not love that fic. ❤️

but no, not really is the answer to your question. There will be some fun Easter egg type things but nothing that majorly effects anything. If I ever get back to it I plan on it being long but also involving a big time jump after the tournament school year

[jadetheblueartist]

WHATVE YOU FOUND ON THE WEBSITE!? I WANNA KNOW!!! THAT WEBSITE IS SO COOL IINDVFI)JKCNSDKNCSKJSNDC

AHHHHHHHH I NEED TO READ THE BOOK OF BILL MY BRO STILL HAS IT SO I HAVE TO WAIT IUSDNIUWEFFNJKWENDJKWENDKJEWNKDJWENKJDEWNKJ

Okay okay I’m gonna share my most favorite thing from the website (that doesn’t really interfere with the book bc OOOOOOH SOME OF THE BOOK CODES ARE CRAZY ON THE WEBSITE ASHHDJDJSJS) but when you put Stan in the computer repeatedly it takes you to different eBay pages. First to brass knuckles, then to gold chains for old men, and so on and so forth a few more pages. That is until you get to the “wheel of shame.” It’s a little page with different drop downs relegating shameful parts of Stan’s past and stuff. I’ll put a cut here if you wanna check it out yourself without spoilers.

The last little drop down is “how he beat me.” When you first click it, it says (presumably from Bill) “He didn’t beat me. I’m still here, sucker.” If you go out and click it again, it says the same thing. But if you continue to click it, the messages of Bill get more angry and desperate and the notes descend into madness and screaming and then there is a page saying “WHAT ARE TOU DOING TO ME?” then “DO YOU EVEN FATHOM HOW MUCH PAIN IM” then “SOMETIMES WHEN I CLOSE MY EYE I CAN” then “I CAN STILL SEE (followed by four different codes which roughly translates to “through everyone I’ve ever-“)” then “I CANT TURN IT OFF” then “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

Then finally the glitching disappears and it’s just Stan’s symbol on fire with the following written:

“Stanley Pines, the conman clown,

Always dragged his family down.

One mistake, disowned, denied,

Only thing to do was hide.

One way out: the open road.

Reinvent, retry, reload.

A girdle, eyepatch, fathers fez,

"I'm a new man!" so he says

Couldn't outrun life's regrets,

Just kept placing bigger bets.

Changed his haircut, switched hotels-

Truth is just whatever sells.

When you've lost track of your lies,

When the poison starts to rise,

When the walls are closing in,

When its clear you cannot win,

When your actions make it worse,

When they see you as a curse,

Give the wheel one last spin,

Take your chips and go all in,

And Lucky Stan- the roll's on black,

He got his life and family back.

His big break, it finally came,

Redemption from a life of shame.

You really think you won the day.

You packed your bags and sailed away.

You think you left the past behind.

But trust me, I’m still on your mind.”

So yeah this part makes me go insane, especially after watching some theory videos (here’s the playlist but it has spoilers for everything) about what Bill said could mean exactly (like the pain thing and I can still see)

Video one, two, and three (I can’t remember which one covers what I talked about but I think it’s one or both of the last two)

BUT YEAH IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU TO READ THE BOOK ITS SO GOOD IM IN THE MIDST OF DECODING EVERYTHING AND AHHHHHH

[eerna]

so how's fourth wing so far :]

CHECK IN TIME! OK so I am on chapter 22, which is the 51% mark of the book. I continue to be disappointed, but now I have read enough of the book to know I'm not overreacting or judging too early.

Anachronisms continue to run rampant. At one point the MC uses the expression "Are our wires crossed?", which is an explicit reference to telephones, meaning this world has telephones but not pens. This could have easily been a modern fantasy and better for it, there is 0 reason for keeping it a historical setting.

I am on chapter 22 approximately because I actually accidentally fell asleep during Amber's trial and it was so insanely ridiculous I just signed off, and then rewinded to the beginning of the chapter when I woke up. Dain not believing his best freind in the entire world and a bunch of other people because "AMBER LOVES RULES TOO MUCH TO BREAK THEM!!" is one of the funniest scenes I've ever seen.

The characters.... Good lord literally everyone is just an empty shell of a person, someone who serves a certain role in the story and nothing else. It's been a while since I read a book where not a single character gave me anything to work with. That includes bad things I could complain about, or flaws. No one dares step a toe outside the stereotypical roles - wow, here's the Petite Delicate MC With Hidden Power, her Overprotective Childhood Best Friend (well ok he is depicted as bad in this one but more on that later), her Fun Extroverted New Best Friend, the Mysterious Brooding Dark Haired Bad Boy, the Evil Bitch, the Craaaaazy Murderous Competitor....... Like damn give me SOMETHING.

The deaths that people say raise the stakes and feel brutal and realistic are really funny to me because it is Super Obvious who is gonna be next to die. Why are we suddenly focusing on this random background character? Because they are gonna perish next page. Please pretend to be shocked when it happens. Rinse and repeat.

Ngl the "our dragons are mates and that means we are gonna be serving the army together for the rest of their lives also gotta learn how to work together" as a forced proximity method is an absolutely amazing idea. Too bad I feel nothing for this specific combination of characters.

The romance is so immature. It's not even SJM level relationship development. So Violet is in love with her childhood best friend, but then decides she doesn't want to be with him because there is no "spark" when they kiss. Not because he is controlling and belittles her and has no faith in her. Oh no. It's about how she can't even look at Xaden without getting horny!!!! It's about how she hates him as a person but his BODYYY WOWWWW YUMMMMM!!!! PLENTY of sparks!! At one point she describes his cousin and feels the need to specify the two look similar, but she is NOT physically attracted to him, which is just so funny. The book is still painfully straight and treats me to the "Big Burly Muscular Man and his Tiny Dainty Little Woman" shtick.

It's the EPITOME of those "imagine a book where..." tiktoks. Ohhhh the villain is KILLIN PEOPLE to SAVE THE MC even though she thought HE HATED HER..... Oooohhh he has DARK HAIR and ENCOURAGES HER TO BE STRONG....... Ooooooh the MC has bnded to THE STRONGEST DRAGON EVER and also HAS TWO BONDED DRAGONS which has NEVERRR HAPPENED BEFORE...... It feels like a collection of out-of-context quotes meant to be shown as a greenscreen backdrop while the reader pretends to be screaming into their hand in the foreground.

All in all. I am still not enraged angry the way some other books from the book club have made me, but we still haven't reached the smut so there's plenty of time for the nosedive. I'm just reading this and wondering why this specifically was chosen as the next Big Thing. What makes it special??? I see Nothing. Maybe I will find out if I keep going - I don't personally have to like it, but I'd like to figure out why so many other people do.

[cairoscene]

playing shadow of the erdtree: oh shit. OH FUCK. goddamn it. ooooooh beautiful. SUCK MY DICK!!!! oh god what now. THEY WERE INSANE FOR THIS!!!!!! i want to go home. wtf so pretty! WE ARE SO BACK. IT IS SO OVER. WE ARE SO BACK. I'M GOING TO DIE. I'VE GOT THIS. gottem. what's next? oh. oh......... oh. oh no.

[equinox-dust]

Eleggtroswing Fan-Made Lyrics

-Intro-

"Hiya best friend!"

"Wouldn't you know it, after all this time, you still haven't survived until 6 AM!"

"But if you ever do, I'll finally let you leave!~"

"Until then, friends...?"

"Let's... PLAY."

-beat drop-

♬Hi everybody!

My name's Flumpty!

Your one and only best friend!~♬

[UNENTHUSIASTICALLY, NOT SINGING TO THE MUSIC]

"... Hey..."

"I'm Blam..."

"My friends and I decided to sing you one final song!"

("I didn't agree to this.")

"Now without any further ado, take it away, Blam!"

-verse 1-

♬Welcome to Flumpty Bumpty's, it's your time:

To beat the egg and leave this place behind.

Your brain is feeling scrambled, the end is out of sight!

But if you hold on longer, you might survive the night.♬

-Instrumental-

[THE GANG ARE CLAPPING THEIR HANDS TO THE BEAT]

-verse 2-

♬Come and dance with me!

No, don't you flee,

why can't you see?

Let's all have fun... in,

Flumpty's jamboree!♬

-chorus-

[THE GANG CHIMES IN]

("What's his name again?")

♬It's Flumpty Bumpty!

It's Flumpty Bumpty!

Oooooh, ooooooh, ooooh!♬

[THE GANG CHIMES IN AGAIN]

("Say that one more time!")

♬It's Flumpty Bumpty!

It's Flumpty Bumpty!

Oooooh, ooooooh, ooooh!♬

[CAM 6 MASSACRE]

♬Come... one, come... all!

For whom... the bell tolls!

Sun... rise... won't... shine!

Now meet... demise!♬

♬Really think that I will let you go?

No escaping your own... Purgatorio!

Once, or twice, or thrice;

Nothing will suffice-

My avarice, for your suffering has no... price!♬

[TIME REVERSES AND TURNS TO FLUMPTY NIGHT]

[TO THE TUNE OF 6 AM]

♬Now you'll face me:

One dozen of us Flumpties!

My, myself, and I are...

Ready to get bloody!♬

♬No sense trying,

I'm time and space defying!

Holy egg divining!

No defining!♬

-Insane piano solo-

♬Impossible, unfeasible,

Impractical, irrational,

Unworkable, illogical

Ludicrous, ridiculous!

Unbearable, intractable,

Maddening, saddening,

Oh, such a buffet of frights,

for you this evening!♬

[DEAD SOULS OF FLUMPTY'S FRIENDS]

♬Come on!

Come on!

Let's end... this show!♬

♬Now just sit still, you will never win!

'Cause this is the Eleggtroswing!

This... is the... E... legg... tro... swiiiiiing!!!♬

[6 AM CHIMES]

[fiannalover]

bweirdOCtober Day 8 - Dislikes

Customer Service

“My skin feels so dry. The winter weather is awful for me.”

“Worry not. Given what you told me, I'm sure this moisturizer will fix everything.”

“My family gave me too much chocolate and now my acne is flaring up. Do you have anything for that?”

“Of course! Apply this cream before taking a shower, once a day. You'll be able to enjoy your sweets with no guilt.”

“... You? Really?”

“You want something or not?”

“... The humidity is fucking up my hair.”

“I'm no poor man’s hair stylist. But I think I got something.”

“Do you have anti-agi-”

“No.”

------

“Oh my GOSH your skin is SPARKLING. What is your secret?”

“I got a new product! You know that potion girlie in journalism? Her stuff is the real deal.”

“Ooooooh do you think she can whip up a blush? My last one was a real disappointment.”

“You know, I could use some powder myself.”

“Maybe if I get some lipstick…”

------

“What? No. I don't deal with those kinds of make-up or similar cosmetics.” Medeia flatly replied. “My focus is on medicinal benefits first and foremost. It'd take me a couple months to learn how to make any of the things you're requesting.”

“Come ooooon!”

“I'm sure you can try!”

“There is this cute cat in Psych 101 I GOTTA fish!”

“I need some hair dye too…”

“I'm telling you, I can't. Chemistry and potion making are dangerous. If I use the wrong substance, I could make something that would severely hurt- are you listening?” Medeia rambled, before realizing her convictions were severely outmatched here.

The customers steadily approached. 

“C-come on everyone. Hold on. Hold on!”

“HOLD OOOOOOOOOOOOON!”

------

Lucas leisurely walked towards Medeia’s side of the campus’ dorms, carrying some notes he borrowed and a bottle to be refilled, letting his tail freely hang in the wind as he moved forwards.

Hehehe, he had a tail~ Swish, swoosh, swish, swoosh~

Campus was usually pretty chill and somewhat empty at this time of the day, which is why he was surprised to see… a noisy crowd by the door of his friend's building? What was-

“Lucas! Get over here!”

“Whoa!”

Pulled to a conveniently placed bush, the boy’s confusion and panic settled to just confusion upon seeing who grabbed him and did a shhhhhh signal asking him to be quiet. “Medeia? What are you doing here?” He asked softly.

“I have been hounded by my customers this entire day, Lu. Entire. Day.” She replied, stealing a look towards the direction of her dorm, groaning as her fanclub remained there. “Some of them started asking for make-up, for some reason, and suddenly demand increased exponentially for something I don't know how to do.”

“You have no makeshift recipes that could work?”

“Just the usual moisturizer and the like. I mess with dangerous stuff, and I'd rather not mix up an improvised something that melts people's face off.” She explained. “And now I can't go hoooooome! They have been blocking the entrance forever! I can't go home, Luuuuu!” Sighing, she stop shaking him and conceded. “Then again, not like it is that good of a home, what with my current roommate.”

“Is she that bad?”

“She's an astrologist, Lu.”

“Oh no. That's awful.”

“I knooooow!” Groaning in annoyance, she said. “I'm probably too close to them. The customers, that is. My uncle was always well isolated in the suburbs, so people had to go out of their way to find him. Since I'm super convenient in every way, surely I can do anything, they think.”

That was interesting. She rarely mentioned her family. “Is your uncle’s house… not home?”

“Not really. I haven't went back since I began college.”

“Huge fight?”

“No. More of an ideological disagreement. You'd probably find me silly in an insane way for it.” She said, elaborating no further. “The dorms here are free of charge and I got my bartender job early on to cover my expenses, so I just never had to go back.”

Huh. Made sense. “I mean, that's fair. My parents are ok with me being-” Lucas gestured to his tail. “But I still have relatives who refuse to talk to me.”

“Sorry about that, Lu.”

“It's fine. I have enough people on my side.”

Medeia nodded, then returned to sighing and resting her back against the leaves. Come to think of it, he doesn't think she ever mentioned leaving for vacation or anything. If her only house was here, then why would she?

“... we could live together.” He proposed.

“What?”

“We could live together. You have your job, I got that big name internship recently, we should have enough money to split an ok apartment between us.” He explained, his friend's eyes lighting up with each word. “We are in the down season for house hunting, so we could probably find someplace affordable decently close.” 

“It would give me distance from them and a roommate I like, aaaaaaaah, Lu, I'd love that!” Immediately, she hugged him, both of them laughing out of pure cheer. “It's gonna be great. We gotta find somewhere with a good enough kitchen for my stuff. Oh, are you ok with me doing my potions and what not?”

“As long as you are ok with me during shedding season.”

“It will be completely worth it.” She declared, and the two immediately began rambling off plans.

Yeah. This was gonna be beyond great.

“Hey, your room is on the second floor at the back, right?”

“Yeah- oh! Think you can give me a boost?”

“Maybe?”

“Only one way to know. Let's go!”

(Roommates!!!!!)

[waitmyturtles]

I Feel You Linger in the Air, episode 7. Tee Bundit, BACK on his bullshit. The episodes keep getting better.

Ooooooh, I am so full with this episode that I'm not sure I can conjure meaningful anaaaaalysis per se, so let me just yelp at a lot of the themes and elements that I took note of that I really appreciated seeing, and I hope this comes together.

So many oppressed people in this story. Fong Kaew, forced to marry to Robert, will stay with him to investigate the crimes against her family (FK was a TEN in this episode). Maey, sold into prostitution and abused. Eaeung Phueng (EP), likely arranged in marriage to Robert before Fong Kaew came on the scene. Nara, the character in the book that Yai reads to Jom, forced into marriage for her family's livelihood. Yai, comparing himself to Nara, talking about his own oppression vis à vis filial piety -- knowing that if he were to live his truth, he would be the reason for his family's ruin, as was hinted towards again and again in this episode.

Yai says to Jom, "if I had the opportunity to choose my own path, I would just want to spend time with the person I love." Even for a privileged individual like Yai -- his life, just like that of a servant in 1920s Chiang Mai, is prescribed for him. His path is determined. He must lead a straight and narrow life for the sake of his family's present and future.

Jom's life is also, interestingly, prescribed for him as a servant. Despite Yai's love for him, Yai has MANY competing pressures. Yai must dance with Uncle Dech's daughter at his father's promotional party. We are assuming now that that daughter will be Yai's future arranged bride. Yai also must see Jom as his servant, because -- well, Jom's his servant, and Yai asks Jom to continue playing with little Lek because, well, that's Jom's job. Jom clearly has already had enough of having his life prescribed for him -- we already know from earlier episodes that he wants Yai to think about the rights of the servants, and whether or not servitude is even ethical. But.... Yai's a son of 1920s Chiang Mai, and is just not there in his thinking yet.

The adults, very clearly, are also not progressive. They're the dinosaurs that get criticized so often in progressive Thai television (cc: so many of Jojo Tichakorn's works, and the GMMTV Midnight series from earlier this year). But -- the adults are also living their prescribed lives to earn and preserve the power, as Uncle Dech says to Yai's dad, that they've gained from generations past. Uncle Dech warns Yai's dad to keep tabs on anyone in his life that may take a path that risks Yai's dad's career. He asks Yai's dad: "Do you think that Yai is different from the past?"

I want to offer a small clown theory here, as my friends @lurkingshan and @neuroticbookworm both stated that "different" in this case might mean just that Yai is gay, which is highly likely true. However, I read that line the first time as meaning that Yai may have been caught in the past trying something out with someone (and my second clown theory is that that someone is Yai's dad's butler, Chan). I wonder if that's connected to Yai's hesitance about getting physically closer to Jom during the oil scene.

And: boy. That oil scene. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDES. MY HANDS. WERE SLAMMING. THE TABLE. NONKUL. ATE. THAT SCENE. WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW. (And I believe others are writing about the INSANE cinematography of looking at your beloved in mirrors, which happened a lot in this episode. STUNNNNNNINNNNGGGG.)

Nonkul as Jom is communicating just BRILLIANTLY without as many words as we'd expect. Jom's horny, baby -- before he time traveled, he was without his boyfriend, Ohm, for two years. And as a modern gay man, he might be used to things moving a little more quickly and openly, as the acceptance of queerness in modern days is so very much more open (but not entirely legal) in modern Thailand. Yai's certainly inexperienced, but I also read that he's fearful, and hesitant for his position and his future to feel totally comfortable in being open with Jom -- at least until the end of the episode, where (CLEARLY, I HOPE) they run back to the house in the rain and.... ya know. And: considering Yai's considerable immaturity in grabbing Jom at inopportune times to be caught (including within snooping lines of other servants, like LITTLE MISS GOSSIP CHASER, get outta here), Yai's likely going to be the reason as to WHY they'll eventually get caught and punished. And: considering Yai's station vs. Jom's station -- it might be Jom who gets a more severe punishment.... as the show hinted at at the very start of the episode.

(I need to stop my unwinding on the episode for a sec to meditate on a Tee trend. I just want to give him a big hug for this. I'm honestly not sure if Yai's dad, played by Nu Surasak, will change to accept Yai and his lesbian daughter, EP. But remember: Nu Surasak started out as a VERY unaccepting father to Gene in Lovely Writer. And he just ate that role, god, including the dad's revelation to Gene that he, too, was a queer man who struggled with acceptance and had to end a relationship because of the times he lived in, in which living and loving openly as a queer man wasn't acceptable and even safe. I see this theme as one that Tee likes treading; to choose a classic BL elder in Nu Surasak to take this role means a lot. Again, the history of this show will likely not allow Yai's dad to take Gene's dad's path, but this is clearly something Tee likes to play around with.)

Whew. Okay, more. I love when Jom kinda rolled his eyes at Yai during the apology scene in the house -- it is clear that Yai's really inexperienced at all this, and Jom, before time traveling to the 1920s, has had experience, in sex and relationships. I read in that slight exasperation (that melted into love, mind you) that Jom really needs Yai to get his head outta the damn books, and to pay attention to what's in front of him -- which Yai is not doing, as Yai continues to take risks in being with Jom out in the open.

But, dang it. While I was SCREAMING at the dudes to STOP dancing and making out in the open, god, WHAT A SCENE THAT WAS ANYWAY. An acceptance fantasy of dancing in front of their community. Their family and friends clapping in happiness to accept them. (Remember the wedding in Cherry Magic? The joy of having your community celebrate your love. I had so many crying face emojis to share in that moment, watching Jom and Yai dance.)

GOD. Tee covered A LOT IN THIS EPISODE. Secret love, for the ill-fated lesbian couple at the start of the episode, for Jom and Yai, for EP and Maey. Keeping your personal secrets secret for your safety. No hope of acceptance or openness. The literal threat of life lost. The threat of the loss of power among the powerful parental generation. Fates made by parents -- Yai prescribed into marriage, Maey prescribed into prostitution. EP needing to fight Robert at every angle for her own existence. The desire for acceptance. The way GOSSIP is used to harm people, for power, or (in a servant's case) maybe out of misplaced trauma for the servant's OWN station. And more, and more.

I am watching Tee with my Lovely Writer hat firmly on, watching him do a LOT with a LOT, seeing it continue to succeed well into a series, and being VERY hopeful about it. This show is SUMPTUOUS, and is not stepping away from what it needs to handle to tell a holistic and historical story of acceptance, and of Jom's fear and need to protect himself -- which he very well may not be able to do. Let's see what Tee and his source material can conjure for us. I love Only Friends, I do, I do, but IFYLITA is the show I'm looking forward to the most right now.

[lollytea]

You ever wonder if hunter thinks about why his title was golden guard? I mean it could be in terms of purity of gold like how belos wanted, it could be a sick play off of how malleable gold how easily shapen and broken apart it can be and it was a sick joke for belos

Ooooooh this is fun. I never thought about the malleable aspect for why he's called the Golden Guard but I think that is some pungent symbolism, I love it.

I don't really imagine it being intentional on Belos' part tho. But I think that would depend on any given person's interpretation of Belos. Because Hunter was not the original Golden Guard, so it wasn't a joke at his expense.

I definitely think Belos is prone to making inside jokes with himself. Like naming his latest clone Hunter. But I also think that at this point, he's kinda like a dormant volcano. He's usually very numb to all the alleged betrayal and fury he felt because of Caleb, (even though its still buried deep inside of him, occasionally exploding out in angry outbursts) so he's cool with not taking this grimwalker shit seriously and doing immature stuff for shits and giggles. Yknow. To cope.

Also he only has one outlet for talking about these things and it is an omnipotent 8 year old. I'm sure the Collector definitely had an influence on Belos' sense of humor getting progressively more juvenile as the centuries wore on. I know he was like "What if I named him Hunter" and they were all like "Hehehehehe that's funny >:3"

However, I think when Philip Wittebane was neck deep in grimwalker prototypes, he was a different man entirely. He wasn't numb to the pain and anger he was feeling. The wounds were still raw. He was obviously unstable and hadn't learned how to mask his insanity yet. And he had completely gaslit himself into believing that his reasons for building a new version of his brother came from a morally good place. He was trying to save his soul. He was trying to give him a second chance.

I don't imagine him having the self awareness to make the Golden Guard title a sick joke. He's definitely doing this out of some subconscious desire to have a living breathing bleeding punching bag with his brother's face, but he doesn't reflect on himself enough to know that yet.

I do think the title was based on purity. He wanted to recreate Caleb as a servant of God, so he dressed and titled him accordingly.

It's also the usual colour of halos in religious paintings. So it could be Philip already making plans to become a Christlike figure of the demon realm, with Caleb his apostle by his side.

Also found this

But like. Do I think Hunter would think his title was a cruel joke on Belos' part? Yeah, I could absolutely see him coming to that conclusion.

I think Hunter knew Belos better than anyone, but only as the total monster he was during his last sixteen years of life. But he didn't know the person Belos used to be. Nobody does.

He was well and truly out of his mind, but I don't think anyone will ever peel back every individual layer to discover that he was more sick and depraved than they could have ever imagined. He will remain a mystery.