#ooc[ 𝟎𝟏 ] ── * 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗖𝗔𝗡𝗢𝗡𝗦 { to tear the stars from the heavens }

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Thief-era Jill is so incredibly different from Jill pre-RE1 onwards . During her time as a thief , she was brought up mainly through going out there and doing things & her father employed a very "learn through the hard way" with her, he never quite expressly forbade her to do things but instead allowed her to find out on her own . She tended be super irresponsible , cocky and had a very large disdain towards authority figures that weren't her father , and typically tended to be super snarky towards some . Going to the military is what mellowed her out and made her much more responsible & serious about things .

Might make a verse for Thief!Jill in where she never really goes to the military but sticks as a thief and gains a lot of noteriety for it , or something similar

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PINNED POST

established 23.09.24

AND HERE YOU COME;

WITH A SHIELD FOR A HEART,

╭・ AND A SWORD FOR A TONGUE.

#𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍-𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐕𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄 , an independant roleplay blog for 𝐉𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄 of resident evil/biohazard .

A STUDY ON : resilience | betrayal | blinding revenge | loyalty to the point of self sacrifice | retribution for the sin of hubris | always finding your way back home | being dragged down to the underworld | rediscovering your identity | fates worse than death | a not so quite big bad wolf | cursed to never forget | grief vs. memory | a raven visiting late at night .

╭・ 𝖡𝖫𝖮𝖦 𝖣𝖨𝖱𝖤𝖢𝖳𝖮𝖱𝖸 + 𝖢𝖱𝖴𝖢𝖨𝖠𝖫 𝖨𝖭𝖥𝖮𝖱𝖬𝖠𝖳𝖨𝖮𝖭

𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐔𝐌 - 𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇 activity | analysis based all blog graphics are my own .

╭・BLOGROLL .

𝐨𝐜 𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞 at @sworn-in-blood

𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐱 𝐰𝐞𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐫 at @prometheus-folly

𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐭 at @artemis-unearthed

𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐝 / 𝐣𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫 / 𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐬 at @buriedhonor

𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 : @harperhydra ; @auratold ; @burns7de ; @superboyandtheinvisiblegirls ; @infecdead

───・✧ˎˊ˗ 𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐕𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄

definition : finding someone after ,

a long time of seperation ,

╭・ rediscovery

rules under the cut , please read before interacting

───・✧ˎˊ˗ 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋

one . #𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍-𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐕𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄 is a single-muse , independant , selective roleplay blog . I am mutuals only and I will only write with those 18 and over , but I love getting to meet new people !! i LOVE plotting and will happily welcome anything into my inbox - don't feel hesitant to drop in and ask for a plot/send in a starter meme or anything similar - I promise I don't bite ! That being said , don't be an asshole , over anon or anywhere else.

two . some info surrounding me : hey ! my name is ryxon , i'm 20 , queer , i have adhd and go by they/them exclusively . i tend to be rather busy , as i am a fulltime farmer and firefighter / SAR operator , and i work at a mechanic shop on some weekends . i am very interested in poetry and character analysis , and use them as references when it comes to my writing , as a significant part of my jill interpretation stems from certain pieces of poetry that resonate with her . i tend to use birds as the biggest inspiration/motif when it comes to her - most prominently sparrows and crows , but wolves are also common alongside this . my jill is heavily headcanon based and i recommend reading the carrd BIO page due to the way i interpret her character . Discord is available for mutuals on request .

three . i do not tolerate AI of any kind , and I will not hesitate to block if I find similar media or content on your page . Please do not send AI generated media or content to this blog . Do not use this blog to train AI .

four . i do not write sexually explicit threads . i am okay with suggestive content, but that being said , i don't write that stuff with everyone . that being said , this blog contains several canon-typical themes , including heavy violence , body horror, medical experimentation , and death . this blog also occasionally deals with the events and aftermath of mind control as canon typical within resident evil 5 . these will be tagged accordingly . follow at your own discretion .

five . this goes without saying but do not interact if you are homophobic , transphobic , fall under the categories of inc*st , p*dophilia, noncon/dubcon , or any other gross stuff similar to this . i do not support any ai-generated media alongside this , and i will not interact with those that do . please do not send this blog NSFW asks or request those kinds of threads with me . I am very liberal with the block button and anything of the above will warrant it.

six . i am perfectly happy with any sort of blog following me , be it main/personal or roleplay , though i ask that threads aren't reblogged except by the people directly involved . though i am perfectly fine if others want to follow them/read them as they go . i do not mind any sort of interaction with any of my other posts , but my headcanons and analysis are exclusive to my interpretation of jill valentine , and my portrayal relies very heavily on those . they are crafted specifically for my portrayal , so please keep that in mind .

───・✧ˎˊ˗ 𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘

seven . I prefer writing with partners who are at least semi-literate to literate , but I will not ever pressure someone into writing more than they want to . I myself write literate - novella , but I tend to match the length of my partners . i do not expect essays , i myself am very much focused on quality over quantity , and aim to build a well-made story first and foremost . my responses can be slow at times , and i ask reminders are only sent after two weeks without a response . i can sometimes be slow when it comes to responding to messages / inbox so please be patient with me. no godmodding , please . asks that don't specify a specific verse will be treated as mainline verse unless they've been plotted/specified beforehand - if you want an AU verse , specify !

eight . i am more than happy to accomodate if you require a different format of writing , or something similar . just message me and i will do my best .

nine . this blog is multimuse && oc friendly , i am more than happy to write with either . i am also open to writing in any setting , or aus , but my main universe is typically the resident evil canon game universe as it is at the moment .

ten . if you reblog a meme or a prompt from me , please send one in return . otherwise , please reblog them from the source . memes / inbox are the best way to start interactions with me but i don't mind doing starters .

───・✧ˎˊ˗ 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆

eleven . this blog is multi-ship , and i am perfectly happy to write different ships with muns , though they aren't the main focus of the blog . i will not , however , write weskertine or nemestine - though other ships are more than welcome . my jill is unlabelled , though tends to lean more towards feminine-presenting individuals . please message and ask if you would like to write any sort of ship with me . i ship chemistry , and do not do forced ships . i really , really enjoy dynamic , complex bonds , and am always down to discuss any sort of relationships , whether it be romantic , platonic , antagonistic etc !

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you heard it here first folks jill would be a fucking MENACE in a snowball fight if her weapon aim is anything to go by

you're halfway across the field and she's playing like it's a real tac exercise and nails you from somewhere you can't even see

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In your headcanons, did Jill or Chris destroy the Tyrant at the end of RE1, during the fight on the mansions helipad? Brad yelling, "Go for it Jill! You're our amazon!" Always stuck with me.

For this blog , Jill did ! RE3 then on was an escalation of the original Tyrant , and it makes sense for me personally that because she's faced the original & managed to take it down , that it played a lot into her confidence dealing with Nemesis as she's already encountered something similar and knows it's gonna take a lot more than a standard weapon to take it down. Another part of it is on this blog I heavily headcanon that Jill was a bigger rival to Wesker than Chris was due to a lot of factors , and so it also made sense to me that she would have been the one to end his legacy right there and then (even if he did technically survive) .

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what is your muse's most prized possession?

Definitely her necklace . It's the last thing that she has of her father since he was incarcerated , and is from a better time - she was given it when she joined the military , and it was made from one of her first lockpicks . Jill isn't really religious - she wasn't the one who inscribed it with the verse , but her father grew up Catholic . He hasn't really followed it for several years, but it was a surprise that he made for her - and it's actually the reason behind why she uses Sparrow as a callsign within the B.S.A.A. instead of her military one .

She misses him a lot and sometimes wishes that she could have a chance to talk with him again , but with everything that goes on, she just doesn't really have that opportunity . She tries as much as she can , though.

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Meta + recovery

Going to cut this because I have an insane amount of thoughts on this.

She was pretty much forced to recover and cope in different ways from what she would have usually done, and find support in something different.

Jill would have tried to cope by doing whatever work she could, or just keeping herself more isolated so she could work through things easier, because her trust and control issues were SO much worse after RE5, and she would have found being able to choose anything and everything for herself something she would have used to help work through the trauma she experienced.

If she couldn't be in the field - and this is what I already headcanon for her - she would have requested files and paperwork, anything she could work on and do within the BSAA, acting more as a backup/support agent, even though she would have absolutely despised it; just to help herself work through it.

Not only did she have the mental reminders of what she had been forced to do, constantly rethinking them over and over again, but she also had the physical reminders. Her now-blonde hair, and the scars on her chest especially.

She would have had to work so much to conceal those, just because she didn't want any kind of reminder of what had happened to her. She would have had to dye her hair - and every time the blonde showed through it was yet another reminder when she was just starting to forget; and she would have to redye it again all while working through her own reactions to it.

Same thing with her chest scar, she can't really wear the clothing she was used to, she would have had to wear shirts with high collars, anything she could pull up or use to hide the thick scarring there, because she didn't want to remember and she didn't want anyone else to see. Jill would have kept it secret from everyone except the people who already knew - and would never reveal it to anyone with the exception of very few .

Every time she got dressed, every time she looked in the mirror she would see that scar, and it would bring back those horrible memories she kept repressed.

There could be a strong possibility she would have suffered with a lot of body dysmorphia after the whole P30 event, like she would look in the mirror and have to affirm that this is her, it's really her, that she has control specifically and nobody else has control.

For three years she was the only one to hold onto her own sanity and her own humanity which had been taken from her due to the P30, she would have spent every night exhausted but unable to sleep.

During the first year, she would have held on so much to that hope and been the only person to help herself, every night would have been spent unable to sleep even when she went through rigorous training every single day until her body got used to the p30, so eventually she just got so exhausted to the point she struggled to keep herself awake.

She was the only one who would let herself be treated by, after every training session, and even after she was rescued, she wouldn't really allow anyone to patch her up or try and help her because she got too used to that independance.

Her trust is fragile and shatters so easily, it takes forever to build her trust but it's fragile, it can break in a split second. She never talks about the events of Kijuju except to those she trusts the most .

When it comes to her first half year or so of recovery , Jill was extremely hostile towards those she didn't already know super closely , and for once had the chance to refuse things, and it led to her basically denying all medical treatment by people that she didn't know , and medications were alongside this as well. A lot of them just simply don't work on her anymore after everything she's been exposed to , and even when it came to those she knew - Rebecca specifically , Jill would tell her that she could only come into her ward if she came in as a friend and not as a doctor .

She was pretty sick of all the poking and prodding and it didn't exactly help, especially after that was the entirety of those three years when she was being experimented on/controlled, and has huge , huge issues when it comes to control nowadays - she has issues when people outright command her to do stuff, and tends to be hostile right back. She often feels like she needs to know that she's in control of the situation, and that choice is still freely hers .

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Meta + STARS

The biggest headcanon/meta I have when it comes to S.T.A.R.S is this , specifically surrounding a lot when it comes to Jill's rivalry against Albert Wesker & some details of her time that she spent there . I'm someone who much prefers the rivalry there being in between Jill & Wesker mostly because she's much more qualified / a risk than he is, but that's just my own personal opinion HDJSHS when it comes to this blog / portrayal specifically that's what I tend to adjust a little/lean on .

Otherwise , during her time in S.T.A.R.S. Jill didn't really go out of her way to make bonds or to share more than she really had to. There were a few exceptions to this - mostly Chris , Rebecca , Barry and Brad , with only Chris really getting the occasional in-depth of her military experience & just some parts of her history in general . She worked as their B&E / E.O.D specialist , but also worked on their vehicles as a mechanic thanks to her history in that vein . The only officers she really interacted with any sort of frequency was Kevin Ryman and Marvin Branagh - the latter because he was one of the few she really could get along with, and the former mostly because she often saw him at the bar she frequented, and due to his constant in and out of the S.T.A.R.S. testing.

She often did her own thing - she got paperwork done rather efficiently , despite it being not her favourite thing in the world. Jill launched several of her own investigations during the time she was in S.T.A.R.S , mostly when it came to cases she held more interest in - and actually had several leads towards something fishy going on a few weeks before Arklay, but didn't have enough time to finalize connecting the dots to Albert Wesker and Brian Irons before the Mansion incident , where she fully realized a good ways in .

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[META] Chris

Chris is one of Jill's closest friends , and probably the closest out of all of them. He's been there since the very start and Jill puts a lot of value into both him and his capability , but is still someone who's not afraid to clearly voice her opinion if she doesn't like something he wants to do , or if she disagrees with him in any capacity . During their first while of knowing each other , they bonded over their past military history, and often poked fun at each other for their respective branches in teasing , especially with the reputation the Air Force already had within the Army .

After the betrayal of S.T.A.R.S. , Jill worked with him as a Private Anti-Bioterrorism Operative , and founded the B.S.A.A. alongside him - during the initial years of the B.S.A.A. , she took him and put him through a rendition of Army basic & put him through her Delta Force training as well , as those skills would far more be useful compared to his basic Air Force training , and would be a lot more indepth . He's one of the very , very few that she'll trust with absolutely anything , and she'll often go to him if she needs anything.

They don't always get along , and both of them are incredibly stubborn in their own right , but both of them are always looking out for each other when they can .

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META + ghosts!

Jill inherently is very , very skeptical when it comes to supernatural occurrences . She doesn't believe in superstition and considers things like ghosts to fall under the fictional category , which is why she tends to find it difficult to wrap her head around them . Jill isn't hostile to the idea, but doesn't pay a lot of heed towards it .

Her ghosts generally are only limited to those she had very strong connections with, and she rarely attracts others . She's killed very , very many , but not all of them haunt her. She's already difficult to deal with as a living person , and that doesn't exactly help when it comes to ghosts .

The ones that do haunt her however , are those like Lou , her best friend from the time she spent in the 75th Rangers , Jack Krauser , who isn't around as often but used to be super close with her , and very limited few others who are willing to put up with her . They tend to follow her around wherever she goes, and especially in the case of Lou , she still tends to try and interact with Jill despite not being able to , especially in times where Jill isn't doing as well .

Jill already had a lot of trouble accepting that they were real and that those from her past decided to stick around with her, and she wouldn't quite know what to think if she found out she was potentially being haunted by others she'd killed . Wouldn't imagine she'd take it well .

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what is Jill’s fashion like? both in her main verse and any alternate verses

She shares a lot of fashion sense from her faceclaim ! A lot of more practical-over-aesthetic clothing , things easy to move around / fight in , anything similar in this vein . Never typically pays very much attention to her dress , but still tends to make somewhat of an effort sometimes - when it comes to more fancy/formal clothing , its suits all the way for her - she tends to feel uncomfortable in dresses . Doesn't often wear ties - when she does , she prefers them loose .

As in the games her dress typically ranges from tube tops to combat wear and a lot of other things in between as well , but I have taken my own creative liberty with some aspects as I'd like to think she has at least something in her closet that isn't either of those two .

A lot of the reference images are like . casual wear at home / mechanic work outfits especially with the tank tops but she'd wear them out in public as long as they're not covered in car soot . Her jackets she prefers light post RE5 & dislikes super heavy clothing . I might gather more references with time but !! this is what I have at the moment

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When it comes to romance and Jill's bonds in general , she tends to find it difficult to fully trust / fully let herself love somebody and allow herself to be loved . She's so well known for being cold , indifferent and crass with everybody at the best of days , but she still has that incredible capacity to be a little softer and open towards the ones she really cares for .

Jill has been betrayed by many , and has seen the effects of betrayal . She has extremely heavy trust issues , and tends to hold an incredibly healthy sense of suspicion towards many people - especially when it comes to people who formerly worked for companies like Umbrella , or work in espionage or anything similar . She's trained herself to keep her walls up all day every day , and only drops them after a long time of connecting to someone , when she knows she can give them her trust and they won't break it .

Especially post-RE5 , Jill has an even harder time returning to her old self . All her walls are back up again , even to the people she cares for - because she was forced to nearly kill the people she cared for mostly because she cared for them , to her, if nobody knows she cares about someone then something like that won't happen again - she pushes them away for their own safety .

During those three years she had nobody to help her but herself - so she taught herself how to handle everything on her own , and tends to be incredibly assertive even while masking her recovery . Post Kijuju , Jill needs choice , she really , really needs the knowledge that she is in control of herself , and that she can freely choose .

Jill really values things like honesty & communication especially - she needs to know that her trust can be held , that she won't be lied to like so many other people have , and that people can properly communicate to her . Jill needs to know that she has people who'll stick with her & won't give up on her - Jill gives all of herself to the people she really cares for . She doesn't often give that care or that love out - she has few people she'd consider close - her biggest weakness is her bleeding heart , and she won't ever stop until she bleeds out entirely . To be loved by Jill Valentine is to be given the key to destroy her entirely , and it's something that very , very few people gain .

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What would Jill’s Spotify Wrapped be?

top five songs :

1. Dead End Justice

2. Talking In Your Sleep

3. Hate Myself For Loving You

4. Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

5. I Love Playin' With Fire

top five artists :

1. The Runaways

2. Joan Jett & The Blackhearts

3. Guns n' Roses

4. The Smiths

5. The Romantics

top five albums:

1. The Runaways

2. The Queen Is Dead

3. Hatful Of Hollow

4. Up Your Alley

5. Bad Reputation

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As of her time with the B.S.A.A. and her decades of experience as a mechanic , Jill has gotten to the point where oftentimes she'll interrupt people shortly into the describing of the issue and be able to tell them what's wrong with the vehicle/tool/whatever they've brought in and then fix it subsequently .

She also has pretty thick skin on her arms from all that work , and is generally capable of moving around with a warm engine as it's cool enough not to burn , but it varies depending on how much its been used lately / how long it's been on . Jill also has several burn scars on her forearms / back of her hand from brushing against hot car parts .

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Jill still keeps up with her mechanics even during her mercenary verse . Here , she tends to only really service/modify/maintain her own vehicle , but often does the same for the other mercenaries that she works with - mostly Catalina and Leandro . She tends to be the one to repair/build/modify most of the gear , and still keeps up with her usual tendency to head to her garage after a rough contract . Most of the time , when not researching , working , or actively involved in something , the garage is where she can be found - there's no shortage of things to fix up and mess around with .

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VIRUSES PART ONE .

long post , so going to cut it here

on p30 :

Within my interpretation of Jill Valentine and what she went through in Resident Evil 5 , I do not consider the P30 to be purely a chemical like Capcom says it was . It simply doesn't behave like one - it rather imitates a parasite in my view , and where there is a chemical , one of the main parts involves a heavily modified Las Plagas parasite similar to what can be seen in Resident Evil 4 . This in itself is due to the chemical's tendency to metabolise rather quickly - it takes only a few hours for it to fully flush out of one's system , as noted by Wesker in one of the files . With a chemical that metabolises that quickly and the extremely high dosages required to keep Jill in line , the volume of the device simply is just not large enough to feasibly hold enough of the substance necessary to do so - she already has an incredibly strong immune system and can fight it for periods of time depending on how much time she's already been exposed to the chemical and how much of it's already been sent into her bloodstream .

The idea of it being a parasite is further supported by the fact that upon removal of the injector , all effects essentially cease immediately - and as seen in Resident Evil 4 , Las Plagas tends to heighten negative emotions , and can tend to induce a far more volatile temper , which I've already headcanoned for Jill post-re5 .

Thanks to the significantly strong immune system developed alongside her exposure to the T-Virus , T-Abyss , Progenitor and briefly Uroboros samples , normally it wouldn't have taken an inordinate amount of time for that immune system to kill off the parasite , or at least hinder it enough so that it wouldn't impede her as much , considering that her blood was potent enough to decrease the severity and effects of Uroboros significantly .

She is immune to all Progenitor-based viruses - due to her antibodies and general traces of those viruses in her bloodstream , her body recognizes it as familiar . The device was intended to provide a steady circulation of Progenitor , in order to acclimatize the parasite + the strength-enhancing P30 to her body better , and so it would have more trouble recognizing what it was that she needed to fight off . She can have bouts of time where she can fight it to the extent of breaking out of it entirely - this is when the doses fluctuate primarily . It doesn't necessarily function in a way that would have made her "a passenger in her own body" so to speak - my version essentially works in the way that it significantly affects her decision-making and lucidity via clouding her head and heightening senses , commands more so feel like intrusive urges she can't ignore rather than puppeteering her body . This is also a significant part of her guilt post Kijuju as she doesn't have that excuse (not that she would consider it an excuse) of not knowing what she was doing or having taken a backseat during the whole situation , instead she was an active part of it even when she wasn't entirely herself / her reasoning capability was heavily affected .

P30 essentially serves to eliminate the mental barriers that usually , would prevent someone from overexerting beyond their capability . It increased her speed , stamina and strength significantly due to this , and served to increase blood clotting when it came to wounds , allowing her to heal and recover significantly faster , as well as inducing a higher pain tolerance thanks to the numbness that the chemical tends to spread . This also served a massive role when it came to post-removal effects - it tended to help temper her heart from the overexertion , and without that capability , all of the stress was put directly on her cardiac muscle and overloaded it enough to cause her to go into cardiogenic shock shortly after - she barely made it to Josh's helicopter , and when she did , only minutes earlier she began to go into the aforementioned condition . She was barely brought back , and during the months after , experienced heavy withdrawal symptoms after having been exposed to it for the better part of three years .

The device had been connected very deeply into her nervous system and cardiac region , and due to this - upon the removal of the device she experienced incredibly severe , jarring pain , and still does even now . Combined with the overloaded cardiac system , it caused her to pass out soon after - and she had trouble staying conscious during the escape to the helicopter . Post Kijuju it took her at least several weeks to stabilize under medical supervision .

on viral contagions and subsequent affects :

Jill has been exposed to multiple viruses, contagions and parasites over the course of her life after the Arklay Incident, all which have traces and a hand to play in the chemical makeup of her blood - including the Tyrant Virus, Tyrant-Abyss Virus, P30 and temporarily a strain of Las Plagas and certain strains of Progenitor. Her blood is essentially a goldmine of different viruses and similar attributes - and is prime resource when it comes to bioweapons research , along with her general capability to take hits that most wouldn't be able to . Jill is naturally immune to most if not all strains of Progenitor and Progenitor based viruses .

The T-virus provides her with most of the benefits without the negatives of brain damage and heightened cannabilistic urges, granting her a heavily improved sense of strength, speed, and stamina, alongside survival qualities and reaction time. Endurance also applies here, which is the partial reason behind her survival from the cliff fall, as she was in essentially peak physical performance since she had been infected, and almost superhuman . This wasn't without side effects however , her canines are visibly sharper, and she has a higher preference for meat and meat products . When it comes to side effects from other viruses she's been affected by , Progenitor tends to temper the heavier effects of some of the other chemicals , and the traces of P30 that remains in her bloodstream serve a similar role to it had when she was fully exposed to it - it causes her to have a higher pain tolerance , though she still is sometimes affected by withdrawal symptoms every now and then until enough time has passed for it to fully subside .

Due to her experience being exposed to multiple viral agents as well as different kinds of medication , especially post RE5, Jill has a significantly increased immune resistance to most medications and sedatives . Her immune system tends to fight them off too effectively - the sleep medication she used to rely on doesn't work nowadays , and she despises medical attention when it comes to the aforementioned . She won't take medications without them coming from a trusted individual .

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Examine + Chris Redfield

You look up from your desk to see him walk into your office - he'd been concerned about you ever since you returned from Kijuju. You have stacks of paperwork - you'd been arguing with him for weeks about letting you get out there and actually do something , you couldn't stand another moment of being alone with your thoughts, with the horrible flashbacks and memories you'd been experiencing ever since. You still didn't feel right - you'd been feeling jittery , constantly on edge as you got used to being without the P30 that had kept you running on gasoline for so long , and in your dreams your hands were always stained with crimson that poured down your arms faster than you could stop it.

He takes you by the hand - he's always been one of the closest people in your life - you could even say he was the closest. You could pretend you were alright all you wanted , you could tell him you were fine all you wanted , but he'd known you long enough that he knew it wasn't true .

You're exhausted - it was clear . Sleep never came easy , and he knew it - you knew he wanted to help , but there was no way he could beside hold you when you slept and make sure that nothing came for you during that time . He'd always been someone who'd held all of your trust - both of you were tired of this fight, but you were the only ones who could do it.

He pulls you up and out of your chair , convincing you to leave it alone for a while . You don't have the energy to argue - not tonight , so you let him take you and walk outside . He tells you that you need to see the sunset once in a while , that you can't spend all your time holed up in your office or in your shared bedroom with your work . You know he's right - but you've already made your decision , you need to atone for what you've done , and the work can never be finished until you rectify all the damage you'd caused.

He pulls you in a little closer , and you rest your head on his shoulder for a few moments - you're exhausted , the nightmares had been coming back every time you've tried to sleep, your guilt is still eating at you from the inside out .

You know this isn't a moment that can last forever .