#ooc: I know we talked about them talking after she recovered after re5 and this seemed like a good one to use for it

[oathofpromises]

❛ there’s nothing you could have done. ❜ for jill

Ash and destruction laid all around them, as a whole city wiped out in an instant. Jill Valentine was used to such destruction, Raccoon city. Not like she could ever forget that day, but this could’ve been prevented if only she had been quicker.

“Maybe..but part of me is still to blame for so much. I can’t pretend that I didn't help spread a virus myself, even if it was against my will." whispered Jill, as she carefully stepped over some rocks. Luckily, they had managed to get people to safety but it was a painful reminder that this all started because of human greed.

Jill had so much on her mind, and maybe Claire could tell just by looking at her. Rising her gun, the agent fired a few shots towards a window. A splatter could be heard as a zombie fell to the ground. It was pretty quiet so, it was surprising that the brunette could even hear it from where they were standing.

Slowly Jill hand clenched into a fist, as she glanced out at the ruins of what was once a lively city, filled with life and just like Raccoon it was gone in a blink of an eye. Ever since returning to the front lines, Jill had felt so much more weight on her shoulders. The immense guilt she felt inside her heart, that this was partly her fault. Everyone could sit there and say no one blamed her for the things she did while under Wesker control. That she was still the same Jill they all knew and loved. She was grateful for everyone, but their kindness would never cease the pain inside her chest. The feeling that all of this was her fault.

"Claire..after everything we have been through, the people we lost. It never gets any easier. I try and convince myself that returning to the front lines was a good thing, and I'm happy to be back. However, I can't stop feeling that I could've stopped this way sooner. That my weakness allowed that man to use me. I hurt people..a lot of them. Even though I couldn't control my actions, I still recall every vivid detail. I even tried to hurt Chris. I doubt I'll ever forgive myself for that. You all forgave me so easily. I helped spread a virus...FUCK!"

Jill turned and kicked the nearby broken wall, as it fall over. It took so much not to scream out louder. So many emotions stirring inside her head and heart, yet hardly anyone seemed to notice. The BSAA only cared that one of their best agents was back. Sure, they did tests to make sure she was okay, but in reality they just wanted another able body.

"Claire..I'm so tired. Everyone looks at me like the same Jill Valentine, but am I really? After everything I went through in Africa under his control, can I say that I am really me? That I am not some puppet stilled attached to strings. I’m dangerous and none of you seem to treat me any differently.”