#only doing this bc it’s winter and i’ve already achieved everything i wanted to achieve this season

[gaylotusthatexists]

in my stardew valley interior decorator arc and this shit is hard how do people have such nice looking houses

[karasunovolleygays]

UshiIwa Fic Recs

(that nobody asked for)

Hello! It’s my distinct pleasure to welcome you all to UshiIwa hell! I’ve been malingering here for years, but with new developments in canon, it looks like I am no longer stuck on Gilligan’s Island (me plus the six other sad bastards i’m stranded with). 

As a long time sufferer of this ship, I would like to introduce you to some of my favorite UshiIwa stories, including a few of my own bc tag smol. :’)

Rating: G/T

I Lose Control by voices_in_my_head Tags: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, OMC (Coach) Summary: "He looks to the bench, where Iwaizumi’s eyes dance from player to player." Words: 1,538 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: this is an interesting study of how Ushijima would deal with an injury at a crucial moment when everyone is counting on him, plus a dose of priority.

Cordially Uninvited by Karasuno Volleygays (that’s me) Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Possible Current Manga Spoilers, Established Relationship, Paparazzi Summary: Paparazzi haunting notable people has always been a problem, but Hajime and Wakatoshi opt to clear the air on their own terms. Words: 1,279 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: I thought it would be interesting to see how Ushijima would deal with celebrity and subsequently strangers poking their noses in his personal business.

Three Doors Down by Karasuno Volleygays Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Fluff, More Fluff, pretty bara men bonding over dogs Summary: When Ushijima inherited a property that had seen better days, he found himself spending a lot of time and effort in a new part of town restoring the house to its former glory. However, he didn't expect a litter of puppies in a yard a few houses over to revive his spirit, as well.

He certainly didn't anticipate their owner stirring something to life within him, either, but that was a development he didn't need much coaxing to get used to. Words: 13,145 Chapters: 2/2 My notes: I have no excuses for how fluffy this is.

you're good, too quickly admitted by pyrality Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Coffeeshop AU, College AU, Fluff, Getting Together, Awkward Flirting Summary: Iwaizumi sits back in the chair, "Oikawa thinks I could do better."

Ushijima swallows, eyes still on his laptop screen, "And what do you think?"

"I think I'd like to go out to lunch with you sometime."

He looks up at the other boy, feeling warm at the sight of Iwaizumi's crooked, barely there smile, a challenging twinkle in his eye.

"Oh," Ushijima manages before he recomposes himself, "I'd like that.” Words: 2,731 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: UshiIwa dating to spite Oikawa is too good to turn down.

Alight by Karasuno Volleygays Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Time Skips, Rivals to Lovers Summary: Iwaizumi Hajime can't believe his soulmate is the guy who just wiped the floor with his team, but there is no denying the fact that he is irrevocably linked to Ushijima Wakatoshi. Words: 4,504 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: If you’re interested in them getting to know each other through their failures and vulnerable moments, this is probably your jam.

Baby It's Cold Outside by RarePairGremlin Tags: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Winter, Cuddling, light grinding, hints to smut but nothing is described, jaw kiss, Kissing, Fluff, Established Relationship Summary: The childish grin spread over his lips again as he faced them, his gaze roaming up them slowly as an idea formed. Ushijima, ever prepared, was fully dressed in thick socks a pair of blue sweats, which they had tucked into their socks like the crime against fashion they are, and a thick hoodie. He knew for a fact, since he’s stolen it enough times, that the hoodie was fuzzy and soft on the inside. Beside them lay a steaming cup of tea, the bag still steeping inside as they liked their tea strong, and the aforementioned throw lay comfortably across their lap. A perfect image of warm and cozy.

It would be a shame if someone was to disturb that now wouldn’t it? Words: 1,471 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: This is exactly what it says on the tin, plus a bonus NB Ushijima!

the ghost in your room by mousecat Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Unrequited Love, Unrequited IwaOi, oikawa is a bit of a dick Summary: Hajime finds a way to get over Oikawa Words: 1,173 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: It’s an oddly pleasurable mixture of fluff and a punch in the throat.

Good Graces by Karasuno Volleygays Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Established Relationship, Arguments, Mending Fences Summary: Hajime is pissed at Wakatoshi for something he admits he did until he finds out the real reason he did it. Then he feels like a jackass. Hopefully, his live-in boyfriend is up for a good old fashioned groveling session. Words: 2,059 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: Making your otp mad at each other is hard and it hurts, but the communication afterward is so important. 

lit the very fuse by mousecat Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Getting Together, Unrequited Love, Christmas Eve, Mostly Fluff, ushiwaka is a soft boy, you can never convince me otherwise Summary: Hajime isn't sure what he and Ushijima are to each other, but he knows he's still stuck on Oikawa. Words: 2,609 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: If you like FWB to Lovers, step right up and scream into the void with me. 

Once An Enemy. by BGee93 Tags: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Getting Together, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Friends, Aged-Up Character(s), Slow Burn, Misunderstandings, Not Beta Read, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluffy Ending, Volleyball, Volleyball Dorks in Love, Volleyball Dorks & Nerds, volleyball mentioned not played, Getting to Know Each Other, Love, Love Confessions, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Declarations Of Love, Dorks in Love, Confessions, Enemies to Lovers, Sharing a Bed, Literal Sleeping Together, Coffee Shops, Bakery and Coffee Shop, Coffee, First Dates, Awkward Dates, Aobajousai, Shiratorizawa, boyfriend sweater, Confusion, Cliche, cliches, Awkward RomanceAwkward Meetings, meme team - Freeform, Slow Build, Slow Romance, very slow burn, Sleeping Together, Sleepovers, Bonding, Forced Bonding Summary: 'It took several minutes to catch his breath again and to stop hissing through his teeth at the areas that throbbed, until they were just a dull ache. Once Iwaizumi felt he was able to move again he slid his hands up the strangers chest, ignoring the ripple and twitches his touch caused since the situation was already awkward enough without Iwaizumi appreciating the well toned muscle under his fingertips, as he pushed himself up till he was able to look at the persons face. There was more lighting on the bottom floor, as it was closer to the illuminating street lamps outside, so he was able to make out exactly who the man was within mere seconds despite the face still being quite shadowed. And the identity shocked him into stilling every joint, muscle and fiber of his being.

Oh hell no.' Words: 20,130 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: This was written for me as a gift in an exchange a while back. Have I stopped screaming about it? Not bloody likely.

Rating: M

Focus (On Me) by Verbrennung Tags: Underage, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ushijima is a 1st year, lots of staring, and looming, and crowding, Seijou!Ushijima, rated for ~makin' out~ Summary: Nobody had foreseen future Super Ace Ushijima Wakatoshi transferring from Shiratorizawa to Aoba Johsai for high school. Everyone's curious to know why, and as Iwaizumi discovers, some of his reasons are... unexpected.

An AU in which everything is mostly the same except Ushijima is a first year at Aoba Johsai and has a huge, looming crush on Iwaizumi. Words: 12,454 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: This should probably be rated T instead, but whatever. If you ever wanted to know how much of an awkward bastard both of them are when they’re into someone, this is your jam.

Point Blank by Karasuno Volleygays Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Future Fic, Brief (but pertinent) Mention of Homophobia, Slow Burn, Financial shenanigans, Scary Men with Guns, Minor Character Death Summary: Iwaizumi Hajime accepted a position at a company that was going places, and he knew he had a bright future ahead of him if he just kept his head down and worked hard — a future his family desperately needed him to achieve. He didn't count on an old rival working in the same building, nor Ushijima Wakatoshi's surprisingly cordial demeanor, yet he managed to make an unlikely friend and an even more unlikely roommate.

But when Iwaizumi climbed up the company ladder and into some of the more shadowy recesses of the corporate realm, he knew they would both get more than they bargained for, and the only person he knew he could trust was Ushijima. Words: 44,981 Chapters: 12/12 My notes: This was my first UshiIwa and I still think about it a lot. Imagining these guys in regular jobs is strange, but kind of endearing when you get a feel for how they live their lives after volleyball.

Rating: E

Flare by fish_wifey Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, From dislike to like, Tension, Sex Toys, Anal Sex, Dressing Room Sex, Topping from the Bottom, Orgasm Delay/Denial Summary: Ushijima's forwardness makes Iwaizumi edgy, but after they figure their shit out, it's Iwaizumi who brings Ushijima on edge. Words: 7,687 Chapters: 2/2 My notes: Enemies to lovers speed run ahoy!

Tangled Webs by Karasuno Volleygays (Restricted) Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Black Widow AU, Assassin Iwaizumi, Crime boss Ushijima, alcohol use, Drugging, dubcon elements, Angst Summary: Iwaizumi Hajime is a seasoned killer, with wit sharp enough to cut and reflexes to match. He's never missed a kill. That is, of course, until he meets his new mark — Ushijima Wakatoshi.

Can Ushijima offer Iwaizumi what he truly desires, on top of a night of heated passion that can only end one way? Words: 4,120 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: This was some fucked up stuff, but sweet baby jesus it was a wild ride to write.

Unraveled by Karasuno Volleygays (Restricted) Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Bondage, Knife Play, Edging, Rough Sex, Flogging, Breathplay, Toys, Dubious Morality Summary: After his liberation from his past life, Iwaizumi adjusts to life with Ushijima. But something is missing, and Ushijima picks the strangest (and most erotic) way to give it to him. Words: 5,145 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: It’s cute that I thought the first fic in this series was fucked up. This one was clearly more so, but noragerts.

Poly/Multiship ft. UshiIwa

4 AM by ApparentlyAda Rating: T Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, this is so stupid, I'm Sorry, Oikawa and Ushijima talk about dogs, Iwaizumi is Oikawa and Ushiwaka Trash #1 Relationship: UshiIwaOi Summary: "Ushiwaka."

"Yes?"

"What if one day you woke up as a chicken?"

"What if one day you shut the fuck up?", interrupts Hajime groggily.

(Or, simply put, the awful(ly amazing) conversations these three dorks have during sleepless nights) Words: 1,064 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: I hope you like banter and Oikawa roastage haha

Bridge the Gap by FindingSchmomo Rating: T Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Polyamory, Established Relationship, Divorce, Past Child Abuse, Lawyer! Oikawa, Police officer iwaizumi, Flower Shop Owner Ushijima, child kageyama, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Domestic Fluff, Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Meet the Family, chap 6 is the familys ongoing mission to keep kags hydrated, chap 7 is meet the parents edition, Internalized Homophobia, just a touch of it really Relationship: UshiIwaOi Summary: Iwaizumi Hajime, Oikawa Tooru and Ushijijma Wakatoshi love each other more than anything, but sometimes that’s not enough, especially in a world that doesn’t love them back. Tiny cracks begin to widen, ever so slowly, until the gaps they leave seem insurmountable.

They find their answers with each other, and surprisingly enough, with the little boy loitering outside their window.

—-

Or, a story of disconnects and the love it takes to bridge them. Words: 121,443 Chapters: 18/18 My notes: It’s long with a lot of heavy themes, but if you look at the tags and think you can get through them, it’s so worth it.

a taste of heaven by beatboxbmo Rating: T Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Polyamory, Birthday baking, Cuddles, Established Relationship, Aged-Up Character(s) Relationship: UshiIwaOi Summary: tooru comes home early on his birthday to see his two boyfriends asleep on the couch. they baked him a surprise. Words: 2,141 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: This is exactly as warm and gooey as it sounds.

Three's A Crowd by FindingSchmomo Rating: T Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Romance, Comedy, Romantic Comedy, Miscommunication, Dating, First Kiss, a mess, These Boys are a MESS, Chatlogs, Light Angst, Polyamory, OT3 Relationship: UshiIwaOi Summary: Iwaizumi loves Oikawa.

Oikawa loves Iwaizumi.

Neither of them will say anything.

Then, suddenly, Ushijima is there.

And things get very complicated. Words: 32,385 Chapters: 9/10 My notes: Normally I don’t put WIPs on rec lists, but this one is close to completion and it’s so, so worth it. Boys are dumb and you should appreciate them.

adolescence and all its glory by pageleaf Rating: E Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Established Relationship, Developing Relationship, Wooing, Future Fic, College/University, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Fluff, Flirting, Established Iwaoi, eventual OT3, Threesome - M/M/M, Manga Spoilers Summary: Iwaizumi was supposed to meet new people. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do, when you go to a different university from your best friend? Now that his life isn’t filled with Oikawa, he should have been making new friends, trying new things, whatever.

Instead, he shows up barely on time to his anatomy class, hears a small noise from beside him, and turns around to see Ushijima Wakatoshi. Words: 20,024 Chapters: 2/2 Relationship: UshiIwaOi My notes: Accidental rivals to lovers? Enjoy the sound of me screaming into the abyss, and the abyss screams back.

Close For Comfort by Leryline Rating: E Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, NSFW, ushioi - Freeform, really sinful but great, Angst, it has a happy ending i promise, iwaoi - Freeform, Phone Sex, Rough Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Romance, Threesome, Double Penetration, Spitroasting, Bottom Oikawa Tooru, Cheating, but look it's integral to the plot ok, ROMANC E AHGHGNJD it's so gay, turning a oneshot into a multi-chap out of spite: a novel by me, also: don't cheat on people irl my dudes it's not cool. not cool.like legit please DO NOT Summary: Oikawa Tōru has always seen his future with Iwaizumi Hajime - solely, utterly, completely. After all, Iwaizumi is his pillar, the only person he needs in the world.

...right?

[or: Ushijima Wakatoshi comes in and fucks everything up, as usual, but Oikawa has never given in easily, and neither has Iwaizumi, for that matter.] Words:61041 Chapters: 15/15 Relationship: UshiIwaOi My notes: If infidelity makes you uncomfortable, even if it has a happy ending all around, I would pass on this one. The smuts, however, are top shelf.

Privacy by plumtrees Rating: E Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, House Party, Alternate Universe - College/University, Future Fic, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Riding, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Spanking, Partner Swapping Summary: Iwaizumi reaches for the knob by his hip, easily twisting it open and getting them both inside. They stumble in with their lips still sealed over each other’s, silent giggles passing between mouths as Oikawa hurries to flatten his hand against the door to shut it and crowd Iwaizumi against the surface, other hand winding around his waist to pull him close, keep him there—

But then an alarmed noise rips from Iwaizumi’s throat, the hand steady on his shoulder suddenly pushing him away Iwaizumi’s looking behind him, expression a mix of shock and mild horror and Oikawa follows a split second later, just in time for a moan to resonate past the muffled music being carried over from downstairs.

“Oikawa.” Ushijima greets, only the slightest tremor to his voice as Shirabu sinks down on his cock. “Tendou didn’t mention you’d be here.” English Words: 9,736 Chapters: 1/1 Relationship: UshiShiraIwaOi My notes: Good lord this is spicy. This is ‘swinging’ in its truest form.

Show Me You Own Me by preciousghouls Rating: E Tags: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Threesome - M/M/M, Threesome, Rimming, Barebacking, BDSM, Daddy Kink, on oikawa's part, Dom/sub, Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, Multiple Orgasms, Bottom!Iwaizumi, bottom!Oikawa, top!oikawa, top!ushijima, switch hitter oikawa, Established Relationship, Developing Relationship, i have sinned, sleeping drug in five lines, Consensual, Begging, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Petplay, Collars, Cuffs, Butt Slapping, Spanking, Butt Plugs, domestic AU, Crossdressing Summary: It's Oikawa's idea, of course. But Iwaizumi finds himself loving the way Ushijima has Oikawa wrapped around his fingers, and before long they're both moaning at the hands of Ushijima.

aka the kinkiest shit I've ever written in my life. Words: 20,819 Chapters: 4/4 Relationship: UshiIwaOi My notes: Sometimes wanting to be dommed by ushiwaka is a communal mood, ya know?

Tumblr Fics

(mostly not rated/tagged; proceed with caution and at your own discretion)

Untitled by notsuchasecret

Untitled by worthlesspride (this is definitely E)

Untitled by worthlesspride (this is definitely E)

Untitled by raspberrydevil

Untitled by raspberrydevil

Untitled by deathbelle

Comfortable by raspberrydevil Relationship: ushiiwaoi

Morning Kisses by raspberrydevil Relationship: ushiiwaoi

Meet My Nephew by raspberrydevil Relationship: ushiiwaoi

[wanderinglotus7]

The Legacy Continues

Well, I made it! I made it. There are three days left of 2020 until we roll into 2021. This year has been a game changer. Game changer doesn’t seen correct...life altering sounds better. My life drastically changed within the past month. Though these events threw me off my game, I recovered and bounced back even stronger. This speaks to my tremendous strength in the Lord & within myself. I continue to tell myself that the fortune teller I spoke with summer 2019 has been spot on y’all. August 2020 to now, adjust to my new life has been challenging, but I don’t regret my decision moving to Massachusetts. This decision is part of the life-course God has plan for me.

Yes, I miss my family. However, my experiences of attending Bridgewater College and traveling to Thailand has prepared me for this moment in my life. Because of covid I haven’t really been active in my new environment, but I try to take advantage of the opportunities I do have to explore my surroundings. Last week I took a nice walk and ended up exploring another part of Newton and almost ended up in the inner city of Boston (I think I walked about 8 miles in total). I took another walk into town and walked into HomeGoods on my way to Starbucks. Leaving and returning to Boston, I took the train and was able to get myself to and from the Logan airport. Small victories in my book! I am in no rush to try to experience everything all at once. I have around 4 to 5 years to embrace Boston as my new home. I already feel like it is anyway. This is my true testimony to see if I can really be responsible for myself. So far, I feel confident in achieving/excelling in this area of my life. My upbringing has prepared me, yet again, for the challenges of [young] adulthood. 

I am getting ahead of myself. I have to rewind a bit give y’all an update. December 18th was the last day of classes and finals week. I have successfully finished my first semester of grad school!!! YEAH ME!!!!! I’m telling you the hard work paid off. I did have my moments of doubt and feelings of not being good enough. I was overwhelmed. I felt like I was drowning trying to balance school, work, and my internship. On top of that, I am trying to balance a relationship along with working on my mental health. My mind & body is always on the go. No time for rest...actually there are moments of rest, but I chose not to rest instead. I have a bad habit of pushing through and bulldozing my way through my life. I don’t take the necessary time to be present and focus on what is in front of me. Sometimes, I get too focused on the future and forget to enjoy the present. I have been in this mode since mid October to the 18th. Midterms kicked me in the ass because that was around the same time I began working at chipotle. Even before Chipotle, I was falling behind on the readings and assignments for my classes. On the other hand, my internship with Amirah is not a stressor in my life because it is an experience that I am passionate about. I’m not bothered having to wake up early and end my days late when it comes to my internship because I am that committed. Being overwhelmed and stressed I passed all my midterms with good grades (all As and one B)! Then the unexpected happened...

October 29th at 11:18pm, I received a phone call from my mother informing me that my Grandmother Shirley unexpected passed away. I think they determined her cause of death was because of a heart attack. I’m not sure. Honestly, I don’t think I really want to know. I’m hoping she passed away peaceful. The news sent me into shock. I just couldn’t believe it. I still can’t believe it. I just had a conversation with that previous Thursday or Saturday, and the conversation went so well. She was so proud of me. She was excited for me to be home for Christmas and all these other things. It’s not the same, but at least we were able to say “I love you” before she passed. Who would’ve known that would be the last time I will ever speak to her again. And this had to happen around the holidays and around the same time that Laura Mae (my great grandmother passed away). In less than three weeks, I received a phone call and text early in the morning from my Grandma Louise and my dad telling me that my granddaddy unexpectedly passed away too. Two grandparents removed from my life at the snap of the finger.

With help from my family, I was able to fly to Virginia for both funeral services. This time I said my final good-byes unlike with Laura Mae. I didn’t want to live with that guilt. Everyone has been very compassionate, understanding, and accommodating to my situation and has given me time to grieve & heal especially regarding BC, Amirah, & Chipotle. I missed a few classes and had to receive a few extensions on a couple of assignments. I pulled through the best way I could manage in my emotional state. My emotional state didn’t get any better dealing with my relationship during this time. Some of my boyfriend’s recent decisions added more unnecessary stress in my life. I was already stressed about me introducing him to my entire family because the timeline got rushed and I wasn’t for sure if I wanted him around while I’m going through a mental & emotional meltdown. At the end of the day, he wanted to be there for me to provide his live and support and I wasn’t going to deny him of doing so. It would’ve been selfish of me to tell him “No”. Everything happens for a reason. Instead of spending maybe two weeks together, my boyfriend and I spent basically all of November together bouncing between Gloucester and Woodstock. It sucked that it had to be under sad circumstances.

Decisions, decisions, decisions that is where my mind was at. Only a few individuals gave me the needed space to focus & process my emotions. From all angles I was being pressured to make some permanent decisions in which my mind was not in the right mind frame to be thinking. I did reach out and have been receiving counseling services from the university which has been helpful. I am in the process of searching for a therapist outside of the university for long-term treatment. Though I tell myself sometimes I feel like quitting, I decided to remain a full time student, declared my concentration, and completed my field placement application for 2021-2022 academic year. I’m on tract to graduating Spring 2022. Being blessed again, I was able to receive extensions on two of my finals and on my field placement assignments. I passed all my finals! I received all As and one B+. I ended the semester with a 3.6 GPA. Not too shabby (lol). I know my grandparents are very proud of me.

I’m proud of myself! I didn’t surrender and take the easy way out. I turned 24 on the 7th which is another milestone in my life. I was shown much love that exceeded my expectations. I spent the Christmas alone, but I made the best out of my situation & was still able to connect with my loved ones. Since the 18th I devoted my downtime, and overall winter break taking better care of myself. The last week I was home, I noticed that I’ve been severely neglecting myself and it was heavily damaging my well-being. I’m growing in setting and maintaining my boundaries, learning to be present with emotions & resting, being okay with saying “no” and not feeling guilty about it. The most important lesson is not overworking myself in every aspect of my life. I am no good to myself or others if I am completely burnt out. 

I am praying that 2021 isn’t a continuation of this year. Yet, 2020 has not been all too horrible. I have been able to grow in so many ways that I am becoming a better individual. Most important, I’m continuing to learn how to be a better person for myself!

[lesbeet]

this might be a strange question but what goes into becoming a teacher? i've been thinking about becoming a teacher and i'm nervous even though it's something i really think i want to do and i'm curious as to how you go about becoming one like what courses/requirements do you need to take and how do you come up with a lesson plan and everything? and how did you know teaching was something you wanted to do or realize it was something you would be good at?

hm well i can only tell you about my own experience, which i would say is probably pretty unorthodox, but it’s been working really well for me! 

so i’ve been working on a masters in teaching for english/language arts grades 5-12 from western governors university, which is an (accredited) online program for aspiring teachers who need to be licensed as teachers in general as well as certified/endorsed in their particular subject areas. depending on what you want to teach, there are a couple of undergrad teaching degrees they offer (i believe it’s elementary ed, special ed, and a couple of different math and science programs), but to do like language arts or social studies etc, you’d need to have a bachelors degree to qualify -- though i also did my bachelors at wgu (in business management sdklfdjskdflsjd i hated it) so it doesnt need to be education-related or anything

if you wanna know more about my particular program let me know, bc it works fairly unusually but is a legitimate post-secondary educational institution and is also incredibly affordable, and idk what i’d be doing if i hadnt found out that it existed lmao

but so yeah idk what an education undergrad would consist of, but for my program in particular there were a lot of english content classes, obviously, like secondary disciplinary literacy, english pedagogy, secondary reading instruction and interventions, stuff like that

and then there were a lot of more generalized pedagogical courses, like educational assessment, foundational perspectives of education, classroom management, fundamentals of diversity and inclusion, principles of psychology: child and adolescent development, and stuff like that

again, this is just based on my own experience, but re: lesson plans, i actually just had some assignments for my courses where i had to write them and justify the thought process behind the decisions i made! like in my english pedagogy course, i had to write 3 essays (one for a literature-based lesson, one for a grammar-based lesson, and one for a writing-based lesson), and in each essay there was a section where i had to plan an entire lesson using their lesson plan format, and then explain and justify why i made each choice that i made. 

i’m starting student-teaching next semester, as soon as we get back from winter break, and i assume i’ll get more practice with lesson-planning through that, but basically it kind of comes down to like...figuring out the standards your students are supposed to reach, then figuring out how you’re going to break them down into a curriculum, and then for each lesson you figure out what objectives/goals you want your students to reach by the end, and you figure out how to present the material and then assess in some way whether or not the students understand it. once you know what the purpose of a lesson plan is (whether re: the idea of lesson plans in general, or a specific lesson plan you’re working on), the rest is just figuring out how to achieve that purpose. and it comes with practice! and trial and error, and figuring out what works and doesnt work with your own teaching style and in your classroom, etc. ik that’s super vague but so much of it depends of the parameters you’re given—like while i’m student-teaching i won’t be picking the books we read, so i’ll already have that requirement figured out for me, yknow?

as for your last question, my mom has been teaching my whole life, and my dad started teaching when i was about 10. my aunt is also a teacher, and my other aunt is a speech-language pathologist, so. i grew up around teachers kfjsldkfjs

i’ve just always liked explaining things to people and helping them understand them! i think really what it comes down to is that i just have a lot of passion and a lot of things to say sldfksjdkflj like i really do believe that english/language arts in particular is applicable in all parts of life, because all people communicate. i can’t speak for like. calculus or biology or whatever, but 99.9999% of people will need to do some sort of reading, and some sort of writing and/or speaking and/or communication of some type or another, and for all of the “the curtains are just blue!!!” whiners out there, it’s crucial to know how to communicate with others, and to understand what others are attempting to communicate to you, and i can’t think of a single scenario in which that isn’t the case. 

plus like, idk a single person who doesn’t like some form of story, whether through tv shows or movies or books or plays or podcasts or video games etc etc etc, and imo those can all be enhanced and made even better by having some sort of background knowledge of storytelling as an art, or as a process, or as an established medium with its own structures and intertextual lexicon etc! like the more i read about the art and history of storytelling, the more i enjoy movies and tv shows (which i already love and watch frequently), bc storytelling isn’t just a textual medium!

tbh part of the reason i think i’m good at explaining things is because i grew up in an emotionally abusive household, and i learned very early on how to anticipate the way another person (usually my dad lol) would interpret something i said to him, regardless of what i actually meant by it. so i subconsciously learned to apply that skill to other people, and now i’ve got sort of a knack for being able to cater my explanations to different people based on how i think they’ll best understand the information, and not just in a classroom setting—like i sometimes serve as a mediator/”interpreter” when my sister and my dad are having difficult conversations, because i know them both well enough, and the way they think well enough, that when one of them says something, i can usually understand both their intention AND how the other person is going to interpret it, and i can rephrase or explain things so miscommunication doesn’t end up making the problem worse

so in a classroom, i can explain things in several different ways, and if i’m working one-on-one with different kids i can usually figure out what isn’t clicking and can try another way to explain it. also bc my adhd brain processes information by making connections to other things i already know, i’m particularly good at coming up with (often unusual) metaphors or analogies for things, and people are like “oh wow ok that’s a weird way to explain it but i definitely get it now” and stuff

so basically i’ve learned bc of necessity how to communicate more effectively with others, and because i want everyone else to get the enjoyment out of language arts that i do, i’m drawn to teaching because i hope to help the students find at least some area of it that they’re interested in, and to show them that literature/storytelling/communication aren’t just about reading old boring books written by racist white dudes who hated women, but about learning to represent and interpret and take part in the human experience, because the foundation of any sort of society is communication, and that very basic desire to be understood by others

so even when i didnt actively Want To Be A Teacher it was always kinda in the back of my mind like “well if i dont find anything else i wanna do, i can always be an english teacher” bc most of my favorite teachers growing up were english teachers, and even at my absolute worst i did just fine in those classes, even when i hadnt read the books we were discussing (which was most of the time jsdklfsjd which is now kind of a problem for me as a teacher so i do think i shot myself in the foot there but oh well, i was 14)

anyway, as usual that got super long, but i hope it was helpful! lemme know if you have any other questions :)

[quillyfied]

Got tagged in a couple of writing things a while back by @lorienleylines so while I have some time ignoring my responsibilities today, thought I’d tackle them.

2018 Writing Review

Words written in 2018: Let’s see…combining my AO3 wordcount with my NaNo this year, it looks like I managed to churn out over 100k. Holy beans.

Number of short fics/drabbles written in 2018: Looks like about 12.

Number of fic chapters written in 2018: Chapters…none, they’ve all been oneshots.


Number of chaptered fics completed in 2018: Zip.


Fandoms: All of it is Dice, Camera, Action!, baby. It really stoked my creativity the back quarter of the year.


Relationships: Striath and Eveltin, mostly. With lots of friendship thrown in there, too.


Proudest achievements: Besides finishing a NaNoWriMo for the first time EVER, actually writing anything at all was pretty sweet. Think I managed to hit that sweet and mushy spot with more finesse and subtlety this year.


Writing goals for 2019: Do another NaNo. Finish something chaptered. Literally anything chaptered.

Writing Questionnaire

Short stories, novels, or poems? All of the above. Various things at different times, depends on what the story I’m trying to tell needs.


What genre do you prefer reading? Speculative, heavy on the fantasy.


What genre do you prefer writing? Speculative, exclusively fantasy :P I’ve made attempts at other genres but they just aren’t as much fun.
 Though there’s one contemporary fiction piece that has potential, if I could keep interest in the genre for more than five minutes at a time.

Are you a planner or a write-as-I-go kind of person? I like to have an endpoint in mind and some highlights to hit, but otherwise…it’s a journey.


What music do you listen to while writing? If there must be music, something instrumental and usually orchestral. But this year I experimented with white noise and found it much more conducive to tuning everything else out.


Fave books/movies? Oh, no, this is a hard question always. Dragonflight by Anne McCaffrey, Eragon by Christopher Paolini, the Redwall series by Brian Jacques, the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan, the Underland Chronicles by Suzanne Collins; animated Beauty and the Beast, Pacific Rim, A Knight’s Tale, Howl’s Moving Castle, the Lord of the Rings extended editions.


Any current WIPs? Oh, always! Urban fantasy collection has been on the stove for a long time and I hope to finish at least a couple of novellas in that universe (the bones and blood club tag has inspo and info if you’re interested)


If someone were to make a cartoon out of you, what would your standard outfit be? Omg. Probably skinny jeans, combat boots, a graphic tee, and an oversized cardigan.
 That’s been my default this winter.

Create a character description for yourself: (Cue narcissism)

The best word to apply to her overall was “soft.” Soft belly, soft eyes, soft round face—a misshapen sponge cake of a woman, sweet and pleasant but without much structure, her short mousy hair falling in dandelion disarray and big blue eyes obscured behind glasses in desperate need of replacement. Her teeth were like an abandoned cemetery, her skin a pockmarked battlefield of losses against the sun and acne, and though her lips had a pleasing shape, the smile that followed was, in her estimation, an enormous disappointment, though the revelation of the dimple in her cheek was a point in its favor.

Do you like incorporating people you actually know into your writing? Not especially, though I’m sure they find their way in there regardless.

Are you kill-happy with characters? Absolutely not. I really hate doing it, which is probably why the only story I have that I can think of with any character death is a collaboration with one of my best friends and it was her idea XD
 Now, writing about people who are already dead...that’s my cup of tea.

Coffee or tea while writing? Water or hot chocolate, but usually water; hot chocolate tends to be more of a distraction since I want to drink it while it’s still warm.
 Used to be cream soda but my health demanded a change.

Slow or fast writer? Very fast, but sporadic, which is a terrible tradeoff, in my opinion.


Where/who/what do you find inspiration from? Images and concepts are usually pretty big for me, as well as emotions.


If you were put into a fantasy world, what would you be? Well, that depends on the world, but I’ve always considered myself a latent hobbit.


Most fave book cliche? Least fave book cliche? Hmm. I adore found family and absolutely eat up blushing, shy romance. I abhor interpersonal petty dramas and miscommunication. No. Stahp. Grow up, learn to communicate, and let’s go destroy the Big Bad with giant swords.

Fave scenes to write? I love interpersonal scenes in general, bc I’m pretty sure dialog is one of my strengths. Character voices have always been something I can naturally step into with my writing, and I love characters having to talk something out or engaging in witty flirty banter or getting in huge fights. Talking isn’t always direct and it doesn’t always solve the problems, but it’s nice how people try.


Most productive time of day for writing? Night, usually. I’ve always felt most creative at the end of my day, even though in recent years it’s made me more tired, as well.


Reason for writing? Because I have stories to share and I want to share them.

Tagging people is for people who have more energy than I do, so this is my formal invitation to readers to take on the challenge themselves. You can say I tagged you, if that matters to you. I’m too lazy for this.

[thomasmuellerr]

2018 did: that

Hi, 

this is my annual own recap of the year.

I personally feel like I lacked a lot this year, like I really became a human sloth and how nothing was achieved. Still, I have a few things to look back on:

- Fall Out Boy Club Show in Berlin, 3rd Row. That was... something.

- My cat died which gave me a pretty hard hit.

- I lost half of my Winter Weekends to a school project with another person in my class, where we did so much of the work for all of the class, and I don’t feel like I have been rewarded enough.

- I’ve been to Berlin many many times. Which is kinda weird, since when I was younger I never went there. And now so often.

- Winter Olympics! They were very emotional looking at my country and what the athletes achieved.

- BIGBANG released Flower Road and I haven’t stopped crying since.

- I signed up for blood and plasma donation.

- Book Fair! I once again spent it with my good friend J, and met up with many friends.

- I f i n a l l y managed to see Marteria. Live. After like 9 years. I had a fever and used about 40 tissues during the concerts...

- I made a friend, only for her to move again soon after rip. L, I miss you haha I hope your studies go well!

- I saw Teen Top which was a weird night.

- I went by myself to a Revolverheld club show. And it was incredible.

- I went to a party exactly once. It’s a disgrace they don’t serve you chicken nuggets at 5.30am tbh.

- I got to see GOT7 live and I can’t believe how I pulled it off to manage the Fanprojects. I am so thankful to everyone who helped.

- We don’t talk about World Cup...

- Casper and Marteria released the Album I waited nearly a decade for.

- Lunar Eclipse and I saw it a bit. Very pretty.

- Immense stress at work. I still have. I was at a really low point. Kinda still am. I also am burdened with some physical pain that comes and goes, with no doctor finding a cause yet.

- KBS Music Bank Berlin. I saw my Stray Kids kids! Also Taemin and Exo wth.

- I had the chance to fly to Japan again. Those two weeks were everything and I needed this bit of time off so much. I got to see things I had missed out on so far like the Ghibli Museum and the Mori Digital Art Museum.

- Went to a WINNER concert. Two times. Even won a Soundcheck Ticket. Still feels unreal. Then I remember crying to no end and 2Seung looking at me like “wtf is this girl ok”. I just can’t describe that day.

- In the late of 2018 I have gotten the feeling I truly lost some... not even friendships. More like people I regularly talked to, but now not anymore. I feel like being forgotten and left behind...

And now we’re here. My ending of 2018 was kinda lame, with things not going as planned, people forgetting about me... My christmas and NYE are as boring and chaotic as always which in itself doesn’t bother me, we never really celebrated it bigly anyways. I tried to motivate myself to do better and get things done, but I feel in a slump, wasting my days away while dozing on my bed.

For 2019? Well, the usual. Pulling myself together. Exams are coming up which I already know will be paired with stress at work. I feel like I have no support here and hope I can push myself through my anxiety. I don’t want to fail. Other than that, who knows what the future holds? I have a few concert tickets bc once that was the only thing bringing me joy, but right now I am not looking forward very much. It’s hard to feel anything good about it anymore when there is no one to share it with. I wish I cold show optimism, but I can’t. I’ll just take it all how it comes.

[gloomstudy]

11 (jk actually 33) questions tag!

rules: answer 11 questions, make 11 of your own, and tag another 11 people.

tagged by @piiess, @narglestudies, @orangeblossomstudies, and many many many others! i can’t find all the other ones that i was tagged in, but i know i was tagged in a bunch of them these past few months and i never got around to doing them ahhh i’m sorry ;; and hoooo boy, it’s been a while since the last time i’ve done a tag on here. hopefully answering these 33 questions will help you all get to know me a little better!

questions from pat:

1. who do you stan and why?

you guys already know that i stan bang chan from stray kids, so i’m gonna talk about someone else. i stan iu (lee jieun)! she’s so pure and gentle, and her vocals are so amazing and heavenly. she’s basically how i imagine what an angel sounds like. it would truly be an honor to meet her someday!

2. how are you today?

i’m alright! i got up kinda late today lol. not much has happened aside from eating breakfast and lunch, watching youtube videos, and setting up my queue for my blogs. now i’m answering these questions!

3. your regular order at the café?

i’ve actually never been to a cafe before, but i’ve been to a few boba places! i either get an ice cream green tea, or a matcha latte. for both, i get 50% sugar, no ice (the drink is usually already cold), boba, and soymilk if it’s available.

4. mint ice cream, yay or nay?

yay, if it’s made well.

5. recommend a place to visit if i were to travel to your state/country?

aside from disneyland, uhhh...come visit my school? ahaha idk. i’d be happy to be your tour guide! afterwards, we can go to daiso since it’s only 2 blocks away from campus, hehe. ^_^

6. favorite prompts/au?

flower shop au will always be my most favorite au and the most wholesome au. i dare you to fight me on this. jk pls don’t actually fight me.

7. top 3 otp’s and brotp’s?

otp’s: scira (teen wolf), finnrey (star wars), gallya (the man from uncle)

brotp’s: changlix (stray kids), woochan (stray kids), iwaoi (haikyuu!!)

8. have you ever visited a dog/cat/animal café? if not, would you like to?

no, i have not. yes, i would love to! there’s this shiba cafe in japan that i really wanna visit someday. :’)

9. opinion about minimalism?

it’s good, and i’m slowly working towards it. you can probably tell in my original content that i usually like to keep things pretty simple and minimal!

10. how is your workspace like?

the other day, i had 5 bottles on my desk with varying levels of water lmao. but now i’ve cleaned them out and put them away, and now my desk is pretty clean and organized! i wanna change up the photos on my wall, though.

11. if you had a superpower/magic, what would it be? and would you become a hero, a villain, or a normal person who use their power in daily life (like… you had magic and you use that to do your housework or sth bc you’re too lazy lol)

i’d like to be able to freeze time! i’m not sure how it would be useful as a hero, so i’d probably stay as a normal person and use it in my daily life. i’d like to have more time to get things done, ahaha.

questions from esther:

1. hogwarts house? (if you haven’t been sorted, describe yourself in 3 words)

hufflepuff!

2. harry potter, percy jackson, lotr, or asoiaf / game of thrones?

percy jackson.

3. favorite book genre? (e.g. fantasy, mystery, romance, etc.)

dystopian, or sci-fi.

4. top travel destination?

someone pls drag me to japan or south korea.

5. your happiest moment this month?

hanging out with my brother at a museum, followed by dragging him with me to muji and buying new stationery, followed by getting milk tea + boba and walking around in a mall. it was a good day. ^_^

6. favorite summer activity?

swimming!

7. how do you stay productive during the summer?

this summer, i’m studying for the gre, picking up japanese again, and practicing violin for my upcoming audition in august. and of course, i’m also working on some new living room sessions, which will be posted soon!

8. an interesting fact about yourself?

i used to do ballet, tap dancing, and gymnastics! unfortunately, now i’m no longer as flexible as i used to be ;;

9. tea or coffee?

tea~

10. favorite food?

sushi!!

11. crazy fast and loopy rollercoasters - yes or no?

YES ABSOLUTELY, but i haven’t been on one in a while.

questions from micky:

1. what’s your favorite flower?

hydrangea!

2. are you currently reading a book? if so, which one?

no :( i haven’t read a book for leisure in a while. i’d like to get into all for the game, though!

3. what’s one goal you have for the coming school year?

stop procrastinating on writing papers lol.

4. what do you do on rainy days?

stay indoors, listen to lo-fi hip-hop, mindlessly scroll through tumblr, watch youtube videos and anime, and drink a hot cup of tea.

5. what’s a habit you can’t stand?

people who chew with their mouths open :/

6. what’s your favorite genre of book or movie?

dystopian and action!

7. what’s the best thing that happened to you last week?

watching the fireworks on the 4th of july!

8. what’s something you are self-conscious about?

my skin :/

9. what are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years?

being done with school, and hopefully achieving some of my goals!!

10. what stereotype do you completely live up to?

a musician who wears black often lol. i own more blue jeans than black jeans, but i wear my black jeans more often since they go with everything! also, my raincoat and the majority of my winter coats are black, ahaha.

11. who inspires you to be better?

family, friends, and you guys!!

my 11 questions for you!

what’s your aesthetic?

which city in the world would you choose to describe yourself and why?

what kind of music do you like to listen to?

what did you have for breakfast today?

what song has been stuck in your head lately?

if you could live in any movie or tv show, which would you choose?

do you play an instrument? which one(s)? if not, which instrument would you like to learn how to play?

quick! name the first meme that comes to mind.

what’s your best piece of life advice?

who are some people you look up to?

are you having a good day today? (if not, i hope it gets better, and tomorrow is another chance to try again!)

tagging: @lavietudier, @ceesdesk, @adelinestudiess, @jynsdesk, @diaryofastemstudent, @ryustudies, @studytune, @moonshinestudies, @hannybstudies, @pltuo, @ahsteria, and anyone else who wants to do this! (sorry if you’ve already done this, and you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to!)

[miunya]

I've been battling with my personal demons of weight gain and struggling weight loss/ body image. I have put on a lot of weight since I stopped working out with my PT brother since before college a year ago and even after college I am not working out like I should. I've not gone back to where I was but im back to a doughy out of shape blob rather than a semi toned decent blob I managed to achieve despite how hard it is for me to lose weight (metabolism and hormones are against me). I want to go back to my weight loss lifestyle again as it alleviates my pcos issues and overall feel like a better person but the winter vibe is killing my motivation and life is a little hectic rn bc im always going between jobs, I am getting over a nasty cold, general stressing and yeah... Im a bit lost. I cant get a good workout in at home due to lack of space and other factors. I hope I can go to the gym with my mom as soon as Christmas is over bc damn it im using xmas as an excuse to eat rough right now and its not doing my gut any favours, I already dislike everything I wear again when I only started to feel more comfortable in my own skin its like going back to the hellish nightmare I was once trapped in. I just needed to vent and hope I will gain motivation again soon as the weather improves...

[tinkiisms]

TIME TO DROP SOME OPINIONS....about the popular fairy fanbase ships.

yes i am. be prepared.

okay im not genuinely meaning to ship-bash, these are just full honest opinions 

fawn/nyx

far from the worst, it’s actually quite a nice ship to build off of the antagonistic-beginning-turned-to-love trope. but there is a very real criticism to be made of “legend of the neverbeast” in that they changed fawn’s personality drastically from all the previous films/books/games/canon. from her abandoned tomboyishness to her ill-advised curiosity and willingness to break rules. her attitudes are much more akin to tinker bell in the earlier films.

remember when fawn hesitated to help tink try out new talents, or to understand tink’s curiosity about the winter woods, or humans...yeah, imo “neverbeast” would have made more sense for their characters if tink had been the one to approach a dangerous animal out of curiosity and gone to fawn for help, idk what they were thinking. “let’s give fawn a rounder face, a spiky dress and tinker bell’s personality, no one will notice!” (except tink herself. she invented that look.)

while fawn/nyx could definitely be it’s own thing and a unique dynamic, i think if you’re shipping fawn/nyx based on fawn’s personality in the last film you’re practically shipping tink/nyx at heart. which i do. fawn is already in love with rosetta, too, read the book.

tink/vidia

unlike fawn and nyx’s antagonism which was born of a specific situation/set of circumstances, tink and vidia’s began by vidia simply being extremely, unnecessarily rude and cruel to tink simply for being annoyed by her. i do enjoy this ship based on...headcanons, idk. but the way they interact really does not lend itself to a healthy basis for a relationship. i know everyone adores vidia’s change of heart after the events of “great fairy rescue,” and i too appreciate the sour/sweet dynamic, but it still doesn’t convince me that they’d be compatible on a real level besides the easy banter of friends.

what happens when they get into a fight again over one of their major differences and have the stakes of a relationship involved? meanwhile in the book series, we see that they absolutely still cannot stand one another, and maybe it’s just ‘cause i’m a book purist but i enjoy that dynamic more? i find it more interesting. tink/silvermist and vidia/prilla are much better, healthier starting places for a loving ship.

zarina/james

i don’t think i should need to explain why it’s messed up. he emotionally manipulated her for an entire year and then literally tried to murder her. but i don’t see people exploring this intrinsic and toxic part of their relationship, i see them glossing over it and romanticizing them, pretending james actually had feelings for her so they can ship it, while the only canon we got says otherwise...

tink/zarina is so much healthier, tink literally traded everything for zarina and supported her and wanted her to come home the whole time, z admired her from the beginning, there is so much room for both fluff and angst in their plot and it’s just wonderful.

tink/bobble

the fanbase makes the ship ugly. it didn’t have to be like this. it could be a cute tinker/tinker ship and i enjoy the possible shenanigans. but i’ve seen so many fans that seem to ship this specifically to spite the fact that tink and terence were implied by the narrative, and they hate terence for no good reason. i can’t count how many people say he has no personality, boring is “just a pretty boy” etc like??? that’s their prerogative to think so, but they then ship her with bobble who perfectly fits their “cute nerdy” stereotype, but do they ever ship her with clank? hmm? (spoiler alert: no. he’s not the right kind of nerdy attractive for them.)

they also ignore that bobble and clank literally live together and are...imho probably gay-coded with the way they’re always together, hugging, even acting like an old married couple. but that’s speculation. so i don’t Hate tink/bobble but i have my Feelings.

clarion/milori

this ship isn’t really a problem, but i just personally find it really boring. it came out of nowhere--there was no such thing as a lord of winter before “secret of the wings“ because there was a minister of winter who took care of that season’s duties. replacing the female minister with a male to push the contrived love story seems a little unnecessary but obviously disney does what it does.

i think queen ree was a fine character NOT to have a romance, having so much more to occupy her time and interests, and lord milori is an interesting character enough on his own bc of his broken wing subplot. the “forbidden love” aspect to mirror tink and peri’s would have interested me more if clarion had her own sibling, not a romance. “we were born of the same laugh.”

but again, it’s not a bad ship, it’s just not my personal preference. i’d have liked clarion with fairy mary or one of her actual ministers if they were going to do a romance, so it was hinted/built over more time.

rosetta/sled

again not bad, and i love that they both have that southern charm and like each other which i find adorable, but i have preferences over this. sled is a gentle but fun-loving animal talent--he takes rosetta on an owl ride in one comic which she doesn’t enjoy. reminds me of the frog-riding fawn did with rosetta once, only sled didn’t seem to notice ro’s being upset while fawn was very concerned in her case. imo sled/ro just feels unnecessarily heterosexual* when basically the same (if not better) dynamic could be achieved with rosetta and fawn.

ro and fawn also have clashing personalities in what they’re interested in, but it’s not like tink/vidia where they have deep ideological differences, they’re both loyal and loving and already best friends. that said, i do enjoy rosetta/sled, it’s just not the best option for me.

*unnecessarily heterosexual could describe rosetta’s character lol she’s had the most romances of all the characters, all boys, and yet i’m like “rosetta likes girls??? yes???” that’s just my fault for trying to force every character i like to be gay.

tink/terence

there are definitely aspects of their relationship i can see being reasons people wouldn’t ship them. the fact that terence is overbearingly “helpful” toward tink when she’s working, the fact that tink doesn’t communicate that she’s annoyed to him before exploding, the fact that they both held a grudge over the fight for a while at least. but that’s also something i find interesting that makes their relationship realistically imperfect--they’re never intentionally cruel to one another but they have some communication issues and pride to deal with, which they both work through by the end of “lost treasure” and come out the other with a stronger friendship/bond. in the end, they both make mistakes but they’re best friends and love each other.

in the books he’s hopelessly in love with her and she intentionally suppresses her own feelings for a long time which is also a little messy, but it’s never presented as terence being “friendzoned” and feeling like he deserves tink’s love even if he wants it, he is happy to be her actual friend, and i think that itself is a healthy portrayal of an unrequited-best-friend-crush that people ignore for some reason.

i think silvermist and tink have an equal amount of chemistry and best-friendship but the world is too oblivious to see it. one day you will all know.

[gardenbiriety]

bad feeligns below lol

so like tw for self harm, sui ideation, gender dysporia, anxiety/depression? generally Not Good Feels, parents being yikes, transphobia, ableism, grottiness

so like i feel so shit and every time i get to an okay kind of place the tiniest thing happens and it’s like i’ all the way back at the start? why can’t i just be neurotypical already?

so i ‘m gonna be legally changing my name soon and my parents don’t want me too and while i don’t think they are going to actively stop me i’m worried that they are goign to be make it more shitty to live at home but i can’t go anywhere else? like i am in the midst of yr 12 and having to learn how a new household works and their schedule would fuck me up so bad? plus i wouldn’t want ot burden anyone like that

like i’m really fucking scared? but i’m more scared of what i’ll do to myself if i don’t change my name? like i think about hurting myself every single day and the urge to do it is so fucking strong like? what’s stopping me? nothing? i could fuckign slice my hips open and nobody would ever know it’s winter

i’m just very very scared and very tired and even tho i know my friends love me and support me but like? my family doesn’t. like they ‘’’support me’’’ by only verbally critizing me and not actively standing in my way when i do things (generally) and i’m jsut so fucking tired of it? like i want out but i don’t wanna financailly cripple myself and it’s not like i’m ever going to amount to anything anyway? i mean? for fucks sake? who is going to hire a sad shy ~~~ special snowflake ~~ child? like? i am never going to be employed? nothing i do will be judged based ont he actual action it will always be about me being genderqueer like??? everything will come back to that and i don’t want to? live like that? i’m so fucking mad but also exhausted so mostly i’m sad and i’ve had enough? is it too much to ask to be accepted and love by my family? am i really that? diffficult to love? like? that’s literally all i want is for them to actually love me and support me and it’s not even that hard right? i don’t understand why they are like this ?

i am also goign to fucking fail school, i’m nto doing maths but i still won’t get the score i need to get into the courses i want that don’t have math ass a pre req, but with maths i would get like a 40 study score so? i’m fuCked there isn’t even any point anymore i’ve had enough honestly

like i am such a lost cause i can’t even handle sitting in a room? and making myself actually do homework? in that room in school time set aside specifically for that? like how fucking lazy do you have to be? why can’t i just? fucking? do it? i am actually smart but because i am fucking incapable of putting in any sort of effort i’m gonna fucking fail year 12 lmao what even is the point?

i’m just so tired i never want to do anythign again i just want to be gone for fucks sake? if i wasn’t such a wuss i would be already lol

i keep trying to be lik e’ don’t be mean to urself it’s just ur MI making you like this, don’t walk on a broken leg, ecct.” but like? that’s just me trying to shift rresponsibilty for my own actions off myself why can’t i jut grow up and hold myself accountable lmao?

okAy and also like? my parents say i don’t talk to them but when i do they always get mad at me? like i was telling my dad about how i’m dropping maths but i might be allowed to be able to sit in the class room (my friendss are in the class and i’m good friends with the teacher too) and even tho i’m not actually a part of the class i could study/do homework there instead of in the study center (which fucks me up and i have panic attacks in there like every otehr day lol kms) which would be so fucking good like? i would be so productive and yet? my dad was like ? y don’t u jsut stay in maths then?” and gave me the biggest greasie and i legit had to leave bc i HAtE fighting with my dad bc he scares the shit out of me lol? like my ma i know she loves me even if she is a dickhead sometimes and that she will listen if i write things down and don’t be too confrontational but my dad? i’m terrified he will hit me and like? u know that voice ppl use when they speak to a dog that’s being bad? he uses the same voice to talk to me and my brothers when we do something he disapproves of and i fucking hate it so much like?  i hate it i hate it i hate it and i hate how he will hurt my brothers and i can’t do anything bc if i say anything i’l  make it worse and one of them has adhd and my parents are both super harsh on him all the time and like? nothing they do actually helps him ti’s just easy for them to be mad and have him be scared into doing what they want rahter than actually being responsible and growing and being a good person and i’m so mad bc my brother is literally an angel and he thinks he’s st*pid bc my dad called him (idk hwo to censor it but like? basically he insults his interlligence all the fucking time ) and they yell at him when he doesn’t answer right away and it makes me so fucking mad like he tries his best and they have no understanding what so everr like they don’t even? i’m really fucking mad i love my brother so much and they are shit as too him and i really dont want him to end up like me bc if he does if he ever says anything my dad would probably actually beat him up and i’m terrified for him? is that silly? idk since i think abt sui like all the time i’m just scared he might also get like me but bc he’s not ‘’’’a girl’’’’ (i’m not but that s why feelings are ok bc females are weak appaz lmoa) and they will jsut tell him to get over it and i’m so?

i’m so fucking scared and i dont want to feel like this anymore but it won’t stop and i dont’ know what i’m supposed to do i literally cannot continue like this but i can’t cchange anythign bc i’m so powerless and weak and i fucking? why can’t i jsut be okay ffor more than a few hours at a time is that to much to ask? i jsut want to be fucking happy and i’m never going to be able to achieve that? i’m never going to get into the uni i want, i’m nto gonna be able to go to the places i want, i’m not going to be able to live how i want i’m not going to be able to do anyting? my life is just gonna be under the thumb of my parents until i fucking die and i’m too weak to change anything and i hate myself lmao

i cannot even look in the mirror it’s so fucking? painful? like i just want to be recognised as myself is that oo much to fucking ask? for people to use the right name and the right pronousna dn to not invite me to fucking girls nights ever again.

i feel like a clown with makeup on and i feel like a boy with pants on and i hate both i hate it i hate it i hate my long hair and i dont want to get it bleached againa nd i don’t want to keep it but i’m too sccared to fucking cut it off bc my ma will hate it and i hate the way half of my shirts cling and show off my boobs and i hate my boobs but at the same time they are really nice boobs? i’m proud? i hate the way my cheeks are pudgy and my jaw isn’t sharp and my forehead is too big and my chin is covered in pimples and so it my back and my shoulders and my feet are bony and weird and have big veiws and my hips are too big and my arms are disgusting and my ribs stick out funny and my fingers are always msising skin and i have scabs on my scalp from where i’ve scratched it oo much and i hate how sometimes i can’t wash my hair bc there are too many cuts on my fingers and it’s too painful and i just wish i could fucking? not be like this i wish i could work out without being embarssed, i would i could put my msuic on in the car without beeing embarssed, i wish i could fucking exist in any sort of space outside my bedroom without beign embarassed i wish i could push through that embarassment and o things i want to do i wish i could fucking do something? literally anything? just? do ? something? i wish i wasn’t such a piece of shit

[kitkatdana]

Random questions

1. Do you bite or lick ice cream? Now that I’m thinking about it... i don’t know

2. What is home to you? I don’t really have one.

3. What was the last lie you told? My mom told me to go to bed early because I need to sleep more and I said I would

4. Does everyone deserve the truth? Yes - I don’t know why I can’t deliver it though.

5. What is the creepiest toy ever made? idk?

6. Describe a moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation. Uhhhhhh

7. List two things that are more easily done than said. (No, I didn't mix them up.) I... don’t know.

8. When was the last time you worked really hard to achieve something? I worked really really really hard to be a drum major. Not many people really get what it takes to earn the position and to maintain it.

9. How many all nighters have you pulled? Maybe 1-2. I normally make myself go to bed by 3.

10. If humans didn't evolve to laugh or smile, how would we express our happiness instead? a good-old-fashioned thumbs up

11. How many romantic "things" or "flings" have you had? shhhhhhhhh

12. What is your paradise? honestly? being in the car alone. it’s the only space i have to myself, which is why i really really really hate how close i live to everything (which yes, is a very annoying thing for me to hate. i’m sorry).

13. What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) soft rain

14. How many hearts do you think you have broken? 0 i’m too ugly for that shit

15. What is the most important thing about electronics? What does this say about you? They keep us connected and keep us curious and informed about the world around us. This just says that I’ve heard way too many engineers talk about why they chose their field. 

16. Why do people care about celebrities? Do you care about celebrities? Because they see themselves in them maybe? I don’t really (that’s not to say I haven’t before)

17. What is the most annoying thing someone can do to you? Act like nothing happened when they did/do something that I literally can’t stop thinking about for days (hahahahahahaha in this case months)

18. Do you overexaggerate? What are the pros and cons of this? Yes. pros: i... don’t know. cons: i lie i guess in a way

19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments? I’ve played the clarinet for 6 years whoop-whoop

20. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not? no i’m fucking ugly

21. List 3 things you like about yourself? literally nothing. i guess i’m an okay writer when i actually try but i don���t like sharing my personal writing with other people.

22. What is the best advice someone has ever given you? to push myself do things that i didn’t think i could or had the guts to.

23. Do you have what it takes to raise a child? Why or why not? no... probably not. i’m way too easily distracted and easily get emotionally worn out

24. How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? i don’t. i just disassociate 

25. When was the last time you felt awkward? today when came home and had to tell my parents that i lost my wallet that had my id, car insurance card, and debit card in it :)))

26. Are you introverted or extroverted? Or a mixture of both? introverted

27. What constitutes a good friend? they listen and know when to give you space

28. Would you rather have a lot of friends to hang out with or just one best friend? one i guess idk

29. In a regular day, what do you not want to hear? people fucking chewing that shit’s nasty

30. What is your dream job? an astronomer or an astronaut.

31. Is it better to be lazy but smart or hardworking but unintelligent? hardworking but unintelligent

32. What is a truth about yourself that others find hard to believe? some people don’t believe me when i tell them that i’m a dumbass

33. What have you always wondered about the other gender? idk

34. Which fantasy world would you like to visit the most? idk

35. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. this one girl... oh my god. she was very lowkey mentally abusive and didn’t like when i would hang out with other people and would even talk bad about me because of that? 

36. Imagine that you have switched bodies with someone you don't know. You can't switch back. What do you do? send them an apology letter for getting put into such a disgusting person’s body

37. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? burn it. can’t let that shit get in the wrong hands

38. What is the most important, applicable class you have ever taken? psychology in 9th grade was pretty cool. so was current events.

39. Name the last book you read. the great gatsby for the millionth time jesus

40. Imagine that you are unable to express emotion. How would this affect your world? just me personally? not much.

41. When was the last time you made the first move? literally never oops

42. What is your opinion on electronic music such as dubstep or trap? thanks i’m good

43. What was the last movie you watched? i haven’t sat down and watched a movie since i saw star wars in theaters in december

44. Do you like and appreciate your life? i appreciate aspects of it at times but i know that i personally have no purpose or significance.

45. Do you like and appreciate yourself? nope

46. When was the last time you cried? less than an hour ago

47. What are you scared of? heights; any fucking bug; snakes; rejection; debt; disappointing others

48. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? live

49. What are some of your hobbies? playing the clarinet; crying; writing; photography

50. What is a superficial yet annoying mistake you constantly make? idk what that means. i guess i’m really bad at remembering names? does that count?

51. Are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a bad friend? i am a really bad friend bc i’m never there for people when they need me and always take shit too personally and let it effect my relationships

52. Do you honestly learn from your mistakes? yes

53. What have you learned the hard way? that not everything will just come to you - some things, you have to go out and get. don’t miss an opportunity to do something with someone you love. always say goodbye to those you love. never take someone’s appreciation of you for granted.

54. What is the most important thing to have in order to attain happiness? support

55. Which medium do you use for expressing your artistic emotions? (Singing, writing, etc.) writing and tbh this sounds so nerdy but playing my instrument i am able to add emotion to music to make it beautiful when i really want to try

56. Are you a creative or a logical thinker? logical

57. What is the smartest thing you have ever done? idk i guess my psat scores were ok

58. What is your ideal meal? a sandwich & some lemonade

59. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date? insult you

60. Do you like animals? Which kind is your favorite? i like most animals. dogs.

61. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? open-carry

62. Do you have any guilty pleasures? idk. eating chocolate?

63. What is the best thing that the internet has ever created? the ability to share your writing and art

64. Do you like playing video games? Which video games? i guess every once in a while with my dad and brother i’ll play mario kart or something simple like that.

65. What is your opinion on beauty in today's society?

66. Are you a morning person? When do you usually wake up? sure - 7-7:30 (more around 9 over the summer)

67. Do you have a favorite Disney movie? Character? uh CARS!???? 

68. Would you rather live in the city or in the countryside? countryside - i prefer silence

69. Would you rather live near the ocean or in the mountains? mountains

70. What are the best things about winter? i can excuse staying in bed all day because it’s cold

71. What scares you most about the future? isolation and failure

72. What makes you feel old? watching movies from my childhood

73. How many hours do you spend on the computer or phone on average? idk i don’t keep track

74. What are some of your New Year's resolutions? to get over this feeling that’s been dragging me down for years

75. What is your life story in 6 words? the fuck i don’t know bitch

76. Describe yourself in one word. worthless

77. What bad habits do you do? i don’t eat for long periods of time and then eat really shitty food once i finally do; i sleep for only 3-6 hours a night; i take online quizzes and tags rather than writing history essays that are due the next day

78. What genre of music do you listen to? anything but country and metal

79. Most prominent childhood memory? my first dog dying

80. Imagine if you had an older brother. If you already have one, what is it like? If you don't, how would this change your life? idk he’d probably be mean and annoying and hate myself even more

81. Spirit animal? idk

82. Do you believe in horoscopes? not really but they’re fun

83. What is the worst advice you've ever been given? to smile

84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now. my dad, my friends, my crush, idk, there’s more than 3 i guess

85. Favorite memory of your family. we were in nyc on christmas eve at rockefeller center, about to go to dinner, and it started snowing. it was the most fucking magical and beautiful thing i’ve ever experienced, to be quite honest. idk why. but. it makes me nostalgic.

86. What do you look for in a relationship? mutual respect and love

87. Do you have a role model? Why or why not? yeah a few

88. What is your opinion on social media? i mean i use it a lot so i guess i like it.

i89. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? i’m pessimistic about most things but optimistic about dumb things

90. List some things that you think are overpriced? college; fresh food

91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience? too many to count

92. What superpower would ruin the world? is immorality one

93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? procrastinate

94. What lessons have you learned from movies and which movies were they? about time taught me that love - whether it’s platonic or romantic - is important to express, and that you will regret not doing so as you grow older. it also taught me to not take life for granted (but it obviously hasn’t stuck) and that there is beauty in everyday things.

95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? antartica

96. How do you approach people? awkwardly

97. What is your opinion on first impressions? they’re important but you can recover if you try hard enough

98. What are some things you did as a child that you no longer do? idk

99. What languages can you speak? english

100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years? fucked up

101. What do you do on your lazy days? sleep and watch star wars

102. What ended your last relationship? shhhhhhh

103. Favorite food? don’t really have one

104. What is the most terrifying dream you've ever had? well i had a series of dreams for a few months where i would come out to my crush and they would literally run away or ignore me or tell me i was wrong

105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? today at myself for losing my wallet

106. What was the last friendship you broke? i can’t remember i’m really bad at keeping friends i’m a jerk

107. Do you have any pet peeves? loud chewing; talking loud right into my ear; idk; lots

108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to? my dad

109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed? right now

110. What part of your personality do you want to change? all of it

111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now? one of my pals

112. What is your biggest motivation? death

113. What did you want to be when you were little? astronaut

114. What are some things that you are good at? nothing

115. What is one thing you want to be good at? writing & doodling

116. What distracts you the most, especially when you're trying to work? social media and text messages

117. How important is privacy to you? very

118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be? idk this is a weird question

119. What's the craziest lie you've ever told? i can’t remember

120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties? i don’t go to parties i hate social shit

121. What is the lamest thing that you have seen someone do? some of these questions are really weird.

122. What is the stupidest thing you've done to impress someone? lots of things

123. What is your morning routine? wake up, eat breakfast, brush teeth, change, make lunch, leave

124. What's the last thing you did that is worth remembering? idk

125. If karma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you? hurt very badly

126. What is your opinion on playing "hard to get?" it’s really fucking annoying

127. What are the pros and cons of straightforward? pros: u get ur point across. cons: u may not get the outcome u’d like.

128. What do you consider "leading" someone on? do NOT get me started on this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

129. Are you the friendzoner or the friendzoned? hahahahahaha the friendzoned

130. What do you admire most about your friends? their beauty and intelligence

131. What do you admire most about your family? their lack of anxiety

132. What is your opinion on "going with the flow?" i wish i could say i was able to do that but nah

133. Do you enjoy talking or listening? both

134. When is it time to end a friendship? when it becomes emotionally draining, or you aren’t gaining any benefit from the conversations you have with them

135. What is the worst excuse you've ever come up with? idk

136. If GPA didn't matter, what courses would you have taken? yearbook x3809423

137. What are your favorite baby names? idk??

138. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? this morning

139. What instantly ruins a conversation? memes

140. Biggest turn ons and turn on offs. idk i like it when people are kind and smile and make eye contact for a lil too long and don’t mind being close. i hate when people are rude and talk over someone else

141. Biggest disappointment. myself

142. Do you have any self-restraint? nah

143. When did you last do something outside of your comfort zone? idk

144. Prized possession(s)? letters from a pal and my haim/borns t-shirts

145. What is your opinion on second chances? i’m not sure

146. Text or call? i like calling some people - hearing their voice makes me feel warm or safe. other people i prefer texting because it gives me less anxiety and i can think about what i want to type out.

147. What do you like about the 21st century? that’s a weird question idk

148. What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago? get some sleep, child

149. How organized are you? most of the time i’m organized but lately i’ve been a complete disaster

150. Favorite mode of transportation. my car