#one time in like 7th grade i actually pinned my girlfriend at the time after taking 1 class. which was formative for sure

[butchlifeguard]

2025 i might take a class so i can do something that isn't just school. hockey or jiu jitsu vote now on yr phones!

[dearsubconscious]

If you haven’t already, I highly recommend reading my very first post on this page before continuing. This story has themes of emotionsl/psychological/narcissistic abuse. This is my true story. Readers be advised.

Sifting Through the Memories: Part One

Dear Subconscious,

6 years. It took you 6 years to tell me the truth. I don’t think you understand how impactful that actually is. Maybe you thought that you were helping me. Maybe you thought that the walls of ignorance that you had built were keeping me safe. I don’t think I will ever really know. However, those 6 years managed to do just as much damage to my life, if not more that the years prior, all because I didn’t understand.

Those 6 years were so confusing. I found the courage to leave her in fall of 2013, senior year of high school, but you waited until 2019 to explain what really happened during that 5-year-long relationship during my most vulnerable years. In the process of waiting all of that time, I had no real understanding of why I had these horrible habits or these self-destructive tendencies that ruined nearly all aspects of my life.

I knew and understood a lot about depression from middle school and high school; from class discussions on the topic; from the people I was close to at the time that suffered greatly from it; from the people that I helped through the dark via deep and open conversations late into the night over text; from the people I care about most struggling through it; perhaps most of all, from my own struggles with it.

I wasn’t really sure at the time why I was depressed, however. I tried to pin it on my apathy for school, which caused my bad grades. Deep down, I always knew that was actually a consequence of my depression, among other reasons, not a cause. I thought maybe it was because of my family situation at home that had been ever changing from around 4th grade on: parent divorces and marriages, arguments, moving houses and changing schools, new step siblings (I was an only child), destructive, alcoholic step parents. These things may have initiated some depression early on, and they may have been contributing factors over time, but I never really felt that any of these events were ultimately what led to my darkest moments in life. I always knew people my age going through worse things than I was, and they seemed to be keeping themselves together better than I was. So why was I having such a difficult time in life? Why couldn’t I keep up with everyone else? Why was my self esteem so low? My parents were always good at supporting me and giving me love and attention, so how could I feel so low? I just never actually knew until recently. Until it was beyond too late.

I was always taught to try to reach out and always be there to help those in need when they need it most and be a helping hand. It could save a life. And I know that I helped save some of my friends lives. I wasn’t looking for praise or to be a hero. I just wanted to make sure that everyone around me was okay. Maybe I was always hopeful that the favor would be returned should I ever need it. I still hold these values today, as I know that so many people just need to be heard to be saved.

Just like me.

Most of my friends knew that I didnt sleep well in high school. I didn’t know it at the time, but it turns out that was a symptom of my body and mind being in fight-or-flight mode at all times. I was too afraid to sleep for fear of making my girlfriend mad. This still affects my sleep habits to this day. More on that later. This, however, meant that all of my friends also knew that they could text me at just about any time, 24 hours a day, and I would most likely respond. For much of high school, it definitely seemed like I was talking to someone every night, helping them sort their thoughts out and generally letting them vent or open up about their emotions. These talks also, occasionally, had me talking people “back from the ledge” when things got really bad for several of my deeply depressed friends. I always remained anonymous about it for their sake, but I was always glad that I could be there to help in the middle of the night when they were at their darkest. I distinctly remember, in one week, for some reason, three of my friends from three different “walks of life,” unrelated from one another, had all gone through deeply traumatic events and I found myself texting and calling them late through the nights to keep them from making the ultimate decision. All of these years later and I am happy to say that nobody that I knew in high school has taken their own life to this day. It definitely feels a bit miraculous, since I know that my younger step siblings have each lost several friends to suicide during their high school years.

Being young an naive and constantly empathetic toward everyone around me meant that I also left myself very vulnerable and very easy to push around. I never saw it that way at the time, though. Again, naive. I left my empathetic ways open to be used. I didn’t think that anybody could use my kindness against me with malicious intent. Why would they? How could they? I was just being nice.

I suppose that should lead us back to 7th grade, where the real story began. In theater class, an elective I enjoyed in high school, I got to know people better that I hadn’t known before. I had started at a new school where I knew virtually nobody in 6th grade, and the experience of 6th grade didn’t leave much time to get to know anybody yet (though I did meet my best friend in 6th grade). The 7th grade schedule allowed us more time to meet and learn about people in our classes, and theater in particular was a class all about getting to know people so that you could perform characters well together.

This was where I really met her.

We had one other class together, French, but that class had a very strict teacher that allows no time for talking amongst ourselves, so seeing each other’s personalities in theater class meant much more. I remember she always wore the same sweater jacket everyday, just like me. She was small, shy and quiet and she tended to use the sleeves on her jacket to cover her hands. She would wrap her fingers over the ends of the sleeves, gripping tight as if it was protecting her, like some kind of shield. We had to present mini performances often in that class and I could tell that she was very nervous for one of her first ones. She was trying hard to recall her lines and was gripping hard and fidgeting with her sleeve trying to protect herself. I saw a lot of myself in her at the time and I had a lot of empathy for her in that moment. I tried to motion to her to let go of her sleeves so that she could appear more confident. She noticed my sitting in the back motioning, but I think I just looked crazy to her at the time. My use of empathy here should have been the first sign that I was approaching this relationship all wrong. I saw her as someone I could help because I could relate well to.

We started talking a bit in that class. Eventually I managed to convince her to chat with me on yahoo messenger after school so that we could talk more. Our phone plan at the time did not include texting or data, so I was stuck with using yahoo messenger at home on my desktop. We made this work though. I found out quickly that her mom had just gotten married without telling her to a man she didn’t like with two daughters that she did not get along well with. While I don’t entirely blame her for those feelings, even now, her deep apathy for this still probably should have been a red flag at the time, but I was too young and naive to see it at the time. Plus, I was going through something very similar at the time so we had a lot of connection through that. Our conversations were long and we learned a lot about each other. We would trade off asking each other simple questions, like what our favorite song was, or who our favorite family member was. I think this made us feel closer than we were, and at the time we didn’t feel so alone in a strange and lonely life.

She started venting to me about the, supposedly, traumatizing things that she had been going through with her moms marriage and the new people in her house. I should her a lot of sympathy during that time. This probably made her feel like she had someone that would listen to her deepest problems, but it was also the start of her use of my own empathy against me. She would start to use it to trap me in a conversation. Making me feel a little guilty if had to leave for dinner or homework. She didn’t really get angry, but I would always apologize a lot for leaving so she started to get annoyed with the frequency of my interruptions. At the time I thought absolutely nothing about this.

A short time later, I had decided that I definitely liked her because she would connect with and listen to me. I had gotten to know a few of her friends and I had even passed a note to one of her friends that I was thinking about asking her out. Her friend was immediately all over this and wanted me to do it soon. So, one day we were out in groups in theater class, and I remember eaves dropping in her group nearby where her friend was asking her if she likes me. She nodded yes and they discussed a bit. It was a bit of a blur from there, but one way or another I ended up asking her out by the end of that class and she agreed. I was giddy with excitement for weeks, of course. I felt like I couldn’t have asked for things to go better. Puppy love (a term I have come to loath as we called each other puppies for the entirety of the time that we dated. I realized later how she used it as a name to belittle me most of the time). That said, our actual relationship, behaviors and conversations did not change basically at all once we were dating.

Her family was a strict catholic family that taught her to be very uptight about relationships (or so she told me), so we didn’t even hold hands for months. It didn’t even seem like we were in a relationship at all. We were very young anyway, so nobody was really surprised. Summer quickly came around and I was off to see my family in Europe for a month. There was no way for me to communicate with her during that time. With the state of our relationship, that was actually okay. When I returned from that trip, I saw her within the following days and she seemed a bit distant. I asked if we were still together and she agreed, but she seemed a bit apathetic. Our conversations started again on yahoo messenger in the evenings and all seemed normal again.

School soon started again, 8th grade. We only had French class together and we just didn’t seem as connected. I could tell that she was putting some distance on me. I was developing new friends and I became caught up with them more often. Soon (around mid September), she told me that she thought that we should call it off. She felt that we were better off as friends. With the way things were and the fact that we never became very close, I agreed, but it still hurt a little. I had felt good about what we did have at the time, but I couldn’t blame her. I hadn’t helped to close the distance in the weeks before that.

I know, this seems inconsequential on my life up to this point and this clearly wasn’t 5 years, so what really happened. Well, it got a lot more complicated very quickly.

Up to this point, I don’t think that you were blocking much or trying to hide any pain. Not much of the damage had been done yet. You couldn’t have seen what was coming next, so how could I blame you. You didn’t do much to keep me from being very vulnerable around that time, though. You were probably sending up red flags that I didn’t understand because my conscious brain was blind and full of emotions that were blocking you out. I was a teenage boy after all.

To be continued.

Thank you for reading. I only write these when I am going through the low days, often after a PTSD trigger, when I have some sleepless time. It helps me collect myself. Updates to this will not be regular, but I hope that you can follow along. Most of all, I hope that sharing my story can help others that are in or have been in similar situations. This situation has had me feeling incredibly lonely for years. I don’t wish this pain on anyone and I hope that you can keep moving forward like I am. We are stronger together and most importantly: you. are. not. alone.

[purplesurveys]

1128

[created by: pinkchocolate]

When was the last time you were surprised, in a pleasant way? Wednesday when Bea had food delivered to my house. One of our clients was hosting a roundtable session and our task was to order food to be delivered to the attendees’ house, and it turns out she snuck in an order for me as well. 

It was super touching and I tried to do a nice deed yesterday by getting food for her as well; but as I mentioned on my previous survey, I got paired with a scammer delivery guy instead who ended up stealing my order...that I already paid for... :( It was such a flop and I ended up having to give away the surprise to Bea since I had to check if she received it, and that’s when I learned she never got anything. I’ll try again next week or whenever I get my money refunded, hahaha.

What color was the last fruit or vegetable that you ate? Green (green onion).

Is there a compliment you've received, that sticks in your mind? I like it whenever I’m told I write well, since that’s my main talent and it’s always nice to be complimented on my skills.

The last time you received a gift, what did the wrapping paper look like? I have no idea but probably red/green and holiday-themed since it most likely had been a Christmas gift.

What was the last book you read? Did you enjoy it? Not reading anything.

If so, what did you specifically like about it?

Anyone you haven't talked to in a while, that you'd like to hear from? Not really. It’d be cool to hang out with Sofie again because I haven’t seen her since our little trip to Nasugbu, but I’m not necessarily waiting on a message from them.

When you were a kid, did you own any accessories with your name on? Probably a bracelet.

Do you own any items of clothing that you haven't yet worn? Yup. I got a yellow romper from one of my aunts for Christmas, but I haven’t had the chance to wear it yet. It’s short and airy, so I’ll probably pull it out once the climate gets warmer again.

Were you awake before 8am today? Yeah, I got up at 4:30 earlier even though I fell asleep at like midnight. I think my body understands that my brain wants me to get as little sleep as possible during weekends so I can maximize my free time, so it woke me up by then.

Is there any food in your house at the moment, that you're looking forward to eating? I still have some of the chicken wings that Bea ordered for me. She got such a huge order and it’s taking me forever to finish the damn box of wings lol.

Is there anyone you know who dislikes the Internet, technology etc.? My grandma refuses to learn how to use a phone or laptop. Which confuses me because usually she’ll ask my mom to relay a message to one of her friends who are on Facebook, and my mom ends up playing messenger. Like pls just get at least a Facebook account if you want to keep keeping in touch with your acquaintances anyway :(((

Name any item in your bedroom that is blue. Trying to remember what’s in my room since I’m currently staying in the living room...and I think I have push pins that are blue.

Is there an ice-cream flavor that you strongly dislike? Which one? Rocky road and Double Dutch. Marshmallows and/or nuts in my ice cream is a big nope.

Are there any cat cafes in your hometown? There could be but I’ve heard little of them. I’m more aware of existing dog cafes.

Do you own any books with an image of a cat on the front cover? I doubt it.

Does anything you own have an image of a bird on it? It’s possible, but again I’m not in my room to check if that’s the case.

Do you know anyone named Abigail? Yes, my mom.

Do you ever use flavored lip balms? I don’t use lip balms at all.

^ If you do, what flavors do you like the most? Kate once had a peanut butter lip scrub that I loooooved to borrow. Other than that, the strawberry ones are nice too.

Does anyone you know own a spaniel? How about an Irish setter? My great-aunt once had a spaniel. Not sure about Irish setters.

What are your plans for the remainder of today? I wanna eat at La Creperie and spoil myself a litle bit, but we’ll see if I’ll have the energy to drive to the mall today. I’ll also have some work to do since we have a presentation on Monday :(

--

[created by: pinkchocolate]

Have you met somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with? Yeah, ideally that would’ve been the case but they thought differently. I admittedly still feel the same, but I’ve also since been able to move on and move forward. If that makes sense.

Who was your closest friend when you were 7 years old? Do you still speak to that person? I actually met Angela when we were 7. And yes, we’re still the best of friends. I just shot a birthday greeting video for her mom last night.

Who was the last male you talked to? Does he have facial hair? Technically it was Cooper, but the last male person had been my dad. He does but for the most part he keeps it to a stubble.

How many times does the letter 'R' occur in your full name? Twice; in my first name and in my surname.

Is there anyone you love, whose name starts with 'S'? Sure, I can think of a couple of relatives whose names start with S.

What color is your TV remote? I haven’t used a remote in ages lmao, but if I remember correctly ours is mainly black.

When was the last time you went to a wedding? Who got married? 2007. My uncle and his then-girlfriend, who of course became my aunt when they wed. We’ve since had relatives who got married after that period, but for all those occasions only my parents received an invitation. It’s understandable though, I know they want to save up on costs and stuff.

Name a band you like, that starts with the 2nd letter of your name. One Direction is the only group coming to mind.

Have you ever dressed up as a Disney character? Which one? My 7th birthday gown was inspired by Cinderella’s, but it wasn’t the same exact dress as it was orange.

Have you ever played chess? If so, are you good at it? No. I’ve never been able to understand the rules.

If I wanted to buy you a chocolate bar, what kind should I NOT get? Mr. Goodbar has always been the least exciting chocolate to get hahaha.

Of all your close friends, who have you known the longest? Angela.

Do you own anything that has an image of a butterfly on it? Again, I could. I can’t think of any particular item, though.

Has anyone told you recently that they miss you? Yes, orgmates for the most part.

What was the last song you heard, that made you feel emotional? HYD by Hayley Williams.

What color are the socks you're currently wearing? I’m not wearing any socks right now. < Me neither.

How many friends do you have whose name starts with the letter 'R'? Just Rita.

How many vowels are there in your first name? One. Two if you count y.

When was the last time you took a selfie? Last Saturday, I think.

Name someone you know who has curly hair. Andi.

Have you ever worn orange eye-shadow? Never tried.

Name a song that reminds you of someone close to you. Be Alright by Dean Lewis.

Has anyone ever walked out of your life with no explanation? Yeah but they tried very poorly to keep in touch. It ended up being detrimental to me more than anything else so I took the initiative to be one step ahead and cut ties altogether.

Do you know anyone else with the same first name as you? I can think of one Robyn and one Robin.

Think back to 10 years ago. What TV show(s) were you into? Wrestling programs were all I watched as a 13 year old.

Do you have a favorite T-shirt? What color is it? Yes, one of my wrestling shirts. It’s predominantly white but it has some black and red on it as well.

As a child, did you ever have any scented gel pens or markers? Yessssssss. I spent more time sniffing them than writing with them too, lol.

Name an alcoholic beverage that you dislike. I find whiskey pretty nasty. I hate beer as well but sometimes I gotta drink it, especially when socializing.

Do you own anything that previously belonged to someone else? I wouldn’t say I own them; they do belong to the original owner and I’m just still borrowing them.

Who is the 8th contact in your phone? How did you meet them? That would be Angela haha; we met when we got assigned to be seatmates in 1st grade since our surnames were arranged alphabetically in class.

Is there anyone who sends you messages to say good morning/night? No.

Can you recall the last time you were on a dance floor? March 2020, at a club with mostly Hans’s friends.

Have you ever let someone go, and then regretted it? No.

Do you own any color changing mood jewelry? Nope and I don’t believe in those either so I don’t see a reason why I should get my own.

--

[created by: pinkchocolate]

Was there anything that you planned to do today, but didn't? It’s only 7:06 AM so I’ll refer to my plans yesterday instead – I wanted to continue working on a Google Slides presentation by nighttime, but I was so tired from my shift yesterday and even got a migraine that I never got around to it. I’ll have to work on it this weekend instead.

Is there anyone you interact with often on social media but not in person? I mean, hasn’t this been the case over the last year with the pandemic? I communicate mainly through social media now, if not through IM apps like Viber.

What color box does your favorite cereal come in? Don’t really like cereal. The closest thing I have to a ‘favorite,’ Cookie Crisps, comes in a white box, though.

Do you have any plates, dishes, mugs etc. with pretty illustrations on them? Nah, don’t really like printed stuff. Angela had a customized Friends-themed mug made for me but I wouldn’t call it an ~illustration, since the main design is just my name styled in the Friends logo.

Does anywhere on your body currently hurt, or feel sore? I actually took a break from this survey to take Cooper for a walk, and I think I can confirm that I definitely have some kind of allergy to grass. My legs were super irritated the whole time and my skin has since turned reddish.

What is your favorite snack to eat with a hot beverage? Croissants.

Is there any advice you have been given, that sticks in your mind? “Let your healing take time,” from Andi. He also accompanied it the advice with an anecdote about this basketball player who insisted on playing even while he was still dealing with an injury, and playing only aggravated that injury so he was forced to sit out for an even longer time than what was initially set for him. That was really helpful and I keep it close to me to this day.

What's the nicest advice you have ever been given about love/relationships? Know when it’s enough and when to leave, and be kind to yourself.

Do you own any adult coloring books? What kind(s) do you like? Yeah, I have like three thick ones. I just haven’t gotten the chance to touch them because for the meantime I only have cheap coloring pencils that start to get dull after a few strokes. I’ve yet to buy a more premium set of pencils.

When was the last time you got some new headphones? Headphones would be 2013 when my dad got me a pair of Beats. Not a big user so I haven’t felt the need to get new ones.

Is there a lamp in your living room? What color is its shade? No but my mom has wanting to get one for a while. She just can’t seem to find one that she likes.

Do you know anyone whose name starts with the letter X? I went to high school with a Xenia. Super nice guy; we were close friends for a while since we were seatmates, and our friend groups also overlapped.

Have you eaten any rice or pasta today? Not yet. I will definitely be eating rice though, because Philippines.

Name a food that you dislike the texture of. I don’t like rice pudding at all, or oatmeal. But those are also taste issues as well as texture issues. < Oooh, oatmeal is a good one. I also could never enjoy marshmallows in my ice cream.

Which of your friends do you confide in the most? Angela.

Have you ever fallen out of love with someone? I wouldn’t say that. There will still always be a part of me that has some sort of feelings for my exes. But the extent to which I love them/care about them fades over time, thankfully. < Yeah, exactly.

^ If so, why do you think that happened?

If you have pets, do you talk to them? Sure.

Are there any TV shows that you strongly dislike, but others seem to love? I tried to get into Grey’s Anatomy or Glee on Netflix, because they were “popular”, but I tried a few episodes, and just couldn’t seem to get into them. < OMG same again, especially with Grey’s??? I tried watching it a couple of weeks ago but I noped out as soon as I heard how poppish the theme song was. I’ve always thought it was a serious drama show but it turned out to have so many teen show elements to it that I was definitely taken aback. The script and some of the acting also kind of sucked, so that was a letdown.

Is there anything you haven't done lately, that you'd like to do soon? Coloring.

Do you own any T-shirts with brand logos on them? Yes, my dad got me a Vegemite shirt from his last contract abroad hahah. He was staying in Australia and I asked him to get a jar of Vegemite so I can finally have a taste, but I think he was scared that I’d hate it and end up throwing out the whole jar so he just got me a shirt instead lol. I’ve also got a Nike shirt somewhere in my closet.

Have you experienced any kind of food cravings lately? Surprisingly not. I’ve been longing to eat at La Creperie again but I’m not craving for anything particular.

Have you watched or read the news today? I watch the news every weeknight since we have it on during dinner.

Describe the cover illustration of the book closest to you. Can’t see any books near me.

Are there any take-away or fast food places close to your house? There’s a McDonald’s literally beside our village, and beside it are a Shakey’s and a Dunkin’ Donuts. There’s also a Burger King right across. If you drive for like five more seconds, there’ll also be a Starbucks.

^ If so, do you ever order food from any of them? Only from Starbucks. I don’t really get fast food anymore.

Is there anything happening tomorrow, that you're looking forward to? Nothing yet so far.

[thicctransboi]

Newspaper (Sam and Grizz)

Prompt by @bystudying @alliesrules

Monday, 3pm, One week before the Homecoming Game

Grizz was stood in front of his locker, gathering his books and supplies and loading them into his backpack. He made sure to grab his copy of "The Count of Monte Cristo" before heading to BookClub. His locker was sat directly across from the school newspaper's workroom, which is why he found himself every Monday lingering by his locker for 15 minutes before BookClub started. Not because he had a fascination with newspaper, but because of a particular student that was part of the school newspaper: Sam Eliot was a junior, about 5'8, and had auburn ginger hair. His eyes were so blue, they almost appeared translucent, and freckles scattered amongst his chiseled features. Sam was popular, but not in a prep sort of way. Sam was popular and well known for two reasons; He was deaf, and he also just so happened to be gay. West Ham's sole out and proud homosexual, who was part of the school newspaper, a ginger, and deaf. Basically, he was a target for attention. Negative attention.

But not from Grizz; Grizz had been pinning after the younger boy ever since his 7th grade year when he first laid eyes on him. He found the young man fascinating, not just because of his disability, which he had proved didn't enable him in any way, but because of his vibe. Sam Eliot had this magnetic pull to him, something about the ginger kid pulled Grizz in and made him want to learn more about him. But, he couldn't. If he were to befriend Sam, people would talk. They would assume. And Grizz wasn't sure if he was ready for people to assume the truth about him; he was gay. He worked hard to hide it; star athlete, in both football and hockey, dedicated bookworm and stoner, and had made sure to regularly date girls. None of which he had ever lusted after nor cared for in a romantic way. But oh, how he longed to get to know Sam, to have some excuse to talk to him. He had considered joining the newspaper, but he had chickened out last minute in fear of making an ass of himself in front of his crush.

Becca Gelb, Sam's best and only friend, and Sam had shown up to one Bookclub meeting, but never came to another one. Grizz had been so excited that first meeting, and horribly disappointed when they didn't return.

Checking the time on his phone, Grizz made his way to BookClub.

*

Becca and Sam sat side by side in their newspaper club meeting, Becca interpreting their next assignment to Sam:

The homecoming game was Friday, and the teacher was assigning roles. Sam was in charge of interviews, Becca in charge of photos. It made sense on Becca's part, she also did photos for the yearbook. But, Sam conducting interviews? With asshole, dimwitted, football players? Sam could speak, he often had to. But that didn't mean he wasn't insecure about his speech. He was often made fun of for it. But, Becca reassured him that she would help.

Becca began conducting a list of all of the football players, and assigning both of them players to interview. Becca had the majority, while Sam had Luke, Jason, Clark, and Gareth Visser, aka "Grizz".

"You picked him on purpose!" Sam signed to Becca, pointing at Grizz's name.

They had often resulted to signing and not speaking when talking to each other for privacy.

"Maybe I did, he's one of the few with a brain. Plus, he's totally your type. I want to see you turn red."

Sam waved a hand of dismissal at his friend, "He is not my 'type'. I don't have a 'type'. Even if I did, it wouldn't be him. Besides, why Clark? He's one of the dumbest of the bunch."

Becca laughed, "Yes but he's one of the nicer ones. I gave you the ones who I thought wouldn't give you any trouble. Grizz, definitely won't, especially considering he always checks you out."

Sam's eyes went wide, "What are you talking about?"

Becca rolled her eyes at her friends obliviousness, "He's always staring at you, either from across the hall by his locker right there," she pointed out of the hallway to where Grizz's locker was, "Or in the hallways, at school events. He's totally crushing on you. Which, of all the football players to have the hots for you, he's definitely the best one. Not only Is he hot, but he's actually super smart. He's on in NHS, leader of the book club, and attends every school play and musical. I have AP English with him, he's a total nerd. So, exactly your type."

Sam waved her away, "Whatever, you're delusional. lets come up with some interview questions."

***

Friday Night, Homecoming Game, West Ham's Football stadium.

"WEST HAM WINS! Gareth 'Grizz" Visser scores the winning touchdown!"

The stadium was alive with cheers, screams, and applause of joy and celebration at the sight and announcement of West Ham winning the homecoming game. Students faces painted in red and gold face paint, school flags wrapped around peoples shoulders, confetti flying through the air in flakes of red and gold; it basically looked like school spirit had thrown up all over them. But, Sam and Becca ignored the commotion, easier said for Sam, and they made their way through the crowd, down the bleacher steps, and towards the field to conduct their interviews.

Becca turned her nose up at the sight of the sweat soaked air head jocks all body slamming each other, some pouring gatorades over each other's heads, and Luke and Clark had Grizz on their shoulders; Sam couldn't take his eyes off of him in that moment, his long brown hair sticking up in every direction, some of it sticking to his face from sweat. His fist pumping in the air, and sweat pouring down his face, dripping down his angular jaw, and disappearing into his football jersey... Sam was snapped out of his thoughts by Becca roughly elbowing him.

"Snap out of it, you're drooling." Becca signed, a smirk on her face.

Sam rolled his eyes, "Come on, lets get started."

The interviews seemed to go on forever. They had to interview every player, even the ones who didn't make it onto the field. Most of them Becca took the reins, asking their questions while Sam held the voice recorder on her phone for her. Then snapping a picture of them at the end. Player after player, dumber and dumber, and the two were almost happy to finally get to the star players; Luke, Clarke, Jason, and Grizz. Sam suddenly felt anxious about having to speak, but Becca gave him a reassuring smile as she tugged him towards Clark.

Clark was nice enough, but it was obvious his head was full of rocks. Sam had resulted to writing down his simple answers, while Becca interpreted for him what Clark was saying. He didn't take Becca's note to speak slowly. His adrenaline was pumping too fast to do so.

Jason, who looked like a model out of Baywatch, was just as dumb as Clark it seemed, but he always spoke slowly, probably due to pot, so it helped Sam to understand what he was saying better.

Luke, on the other hand, was always kind. His girlfriend, Helena, at his side. While they both were a bit stuck up, they both still had a kindness to them that gave Sam some comfort. Helena bragged on Luke's behalf, unsurprisingly to Becca or Sam, and Becca snapped a picture of the couple before they departed to celebrate.

"Hey, I have to head out soon, mom wants me home. Will you be okay with me snapping a picture of Grizz first then you doing the interview yourself?" Becca asked Sam.

Sam suddenly felt sick to his stomach with nerves, "But I'll have to speak!" He hadn't had to speak once that night, Becca had done it for him.

She gave him a squeeze on his shoulder, "You'll do fine. I've talked to Grizz before, he's nice. Come on, he's over there."

Sam followed Becca as they approached Grizz; he was sat alone now on a bench, drinking water. His jersey and gear tossed aside, clad in only a pair of tights and a tank top. He was soaked in sweat, and Sam felt his mouth water. But he also couldn't help but wonder, why was he alone?

"Hey Grizz, We're from the newspaper. Well, the yearbook too. Mind if I take a picture and Sam here conducts a short interview?" Becca asks Grizz, signing along with her words for Sam to be able to understand.

Grizz perked up suddenly, glancing at Sam. He looked handsome tonight, Grizz thought. A pair of well fitted blue jeans, that hugged his slender legs perfectly. A red t-shirt, and a brown bomber jacket. His ginger hair slicked back slightly, and his eyes caught the fluorescent bright lights of the stadium beautifully.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah that's fine." Grizz stammered out, standing up to have his photo taken.

Becca crouched slightly to capture one picture, and stepped back to get the next. Grizz giving a large faux smile each time.

Becca checked her camera before placing it back in its case. "Perfect! I've gotta fly, but Sam here will be interviewing you for the paper." she turned to Grizz, "Speak slowly and with diction so he can read your lips, and be nice. You've been warned." She then turned to Sam and signed, "Don't nut too soon." Before departing.

Sam felt himself go red, but shook the feeling away as he approached Grizz, siting next to him on the bench. The football players were a few yards away, but were still yelling and whooping loudly, fans and students surrounded them, creating even more noise. It made Grizz's head hurt.

"Why are you not celebrating with them?" Sam asked, signing with his words.

"What?" Grizz asked, unable to hear him over the noise.

Sam sighed, suddenly feeling embarrassed, "Sorry, I don't speak very well. I asked why you weren't celebrating with the rest of the team." Sam spoke, forcing more air into his words to make them louder. Making sure to annunciate with his lips and tongue.

Grizz suddenly felt embarrassed himself, realizing he had insulted Sam unintentionally. "No, no you speak fine!" Grizz reassured, speaking slowly, "It's just really loud over here. To answer your question, I often get really overwhelmed after games, I don't like to involve myself in crowds if I can avoid it."

Sam took in his words, his heart being warmed by Grizz's comment on his speech. His compliment.

Grizz was a nervous wreck, finally talking to the boy he had been pinning after for years.

"We could go somewhere less loud if that will help you." Sam suggested.

Grizz gave a nervous glance towards his teammates. But they were all caught up in their own world.

"Okay."

[hyucksoftie]

rose | jeno

genre: angst & some fluff

words. 2.1k+

requested: yes

desc: he's the bad boy everyone warns you about, to you he's the love of your life, but to himself he's the boy that's been hurt one too many times.

a/n: this is long can y'all tell who my bias is 👽 anyways sorry for not posting for like 3 days

—

He was like a rose, beautiful and delicate. A rose could go through a harsh winter and still make it out; similar to how Jeno could be hurt over and over and still stay standing. He was a strong soul, and no matter how good the intentions are, Jeno knows to protect himself. It's the rose comparison again. Just like the honey haired boy, a rose had its thorns. You'd have to cut away at them to be able to finally hold the pretty red flower. You'd have to break down at his walls to be able to finally get close to him.

Maybe that's why you were drawn to him. Drawn to his dark leather jacket and soft vanilla scent. You'd always see him with the same 5 people, never straying from his tight knit group. Jeno kept to himself mostly, the only words he'd say to others being 'thank you' or 'excuse me.'

Rumors would usually float around about the boy, talking about how cold and rude he was or asking if you heard that he sells drugs in the shady part of town. Jeno knew when people were talking about him. He'd act oblivious to all the glances and whispers that were sent his way.

The one person he would notice, was you. You were different to him. You felt different. Your group of friends would talk about him as you'd glance over, a look of curiosity on your face. He always preferred you from everyone else. You were nice.

When he walked to his classes, you would smile if you crossed paths, even offering him a small wave. Jeno would be too frozen up to smile or wave back, your figure disappearing before he could collect himself. Once when you caught him smoking behind the school, you didn't run off and tell everyone so you could degrade him. Instead you frowned, even asking him 'why are you doing that to yourself?' It made Jeno feel bad, you had looked genuinely upset.

Instead of distancing yourself from him like most suggested, you found yourself wanting to get to know him. Was he really like they said he was? Or was he the total opposite, an innocent victim of judgmental classmates that liked to spread lies?

One thing was for sure. Jeno did not live up to his bad boy name. He looked soft, too nice to hurt a fly. He was quiet, he did his work and didn't cause distractions in class. It's always been like that. Jeno's always been that way. So why the name?

It all started with a lie, as everything about him does. Some girl Jeno liked at the time gave him a chance and when she realized she didn't like him, she dropped him just like that. To make matters worse, she told everyone he played with her and forced her to do bad things with him.

Everyone quickly turned against Jeno, giving him dirty looks as he walked down the halls.

As always, not you. You'd softly whisper, asking if he's okay. Jeno's eyes would be glued to the floor, not paying you any mind. Despite constantly ignoring you (unintentionally) and your efforts to befriend him, you never gave up or got mad at him. He was a challenge you were willing to take.

It wasn't until you talked with one of his friends, Renjun, that you realized how similar Jeno was to a rose. Thorny, delicate and pretty. Renjun told you all about Jeno, already knowing you from the handful of times he'd talk about you. He knew your intentions were nothing short of genuine.

You learned that Jeno's mother had passed away early in his life, ending up stuck with his angry hurt father. His dad put the blame on Jeno, convinced his mother was gone because of him. Because of those thoughts, Jeno would often get beat by someone that was supposed to care for him. He never tried to fight back, he stood there silently and let his dad let out his hurt on him every single time.

You learned that in 7th grade, someone Jeno considered a friend turned his back on him. The person went from friend to bully.

Jeno has gotten messed with too many times, Renjun would say. The boy was practically immune to the hurt now. It has happened so many times, he could say he was used to it.

Things took a turn for the better when you were finally able to break down Jeno's walls. For the first time in a long time, he was feeling something other than hurt.

"What's it feel like?"

"What does what feel like? Being disliked even though you did quite literally nothing?"

"No silly, I was going to say what's it feel like being cute but if you want to be deep..."

Jeno chuckles, tilting his head so he's facing you. "You should know better than anyone. You're the cutest." You smile and reach for his hand, giving it a squeeze. "Thanks."

He squeezes your hand back, sighing softly. "My pleasure." The stars were bright tonight, but to you Jeno shined the brightest. He rivaled the night sky. You were so in love with him, you would do anything to make him smile that cute smile.

It hasn't been long since you finally gained Jeno's attention, but you knew you were head over heels for the boy.

He was so much better than the rumors you would constantly hear, so much. Your suspicions were right. Jeno was completely and utterly a total softie. He'd blush when you held his hand, refusing to look you in the eye when you brought up the redness in his cheeks.

"Jeno?" His eyes were still on you, humming out a response. "If you don't let anyone in, why did you let me?

Jeno smiles and scoots over to you, wrapping his arms around your frame. "Since day one, I knew you were different from the others. I could feel your niceness from a mile away." You dug your head in his leather clad chest, letting his vanilla scent overtake your nose. He looked good, he smelled good, could Jeno be any more perfect?

"You would ignore me though, I thought you hated me... I hated thinking I was contributing to your hurt." Jeno runs his hands through your hair, shaking his head.

"I never hated you; never will. And you didn't do anything, nothing at all. I've learned to ignore the stares and whispers anyways. I just naturally ignore everything, I guess. It's what comes with constant backstabbing. I don't let myself get close to anyone."

He looks down at you and kisses your temple, "but you're different. My conscious knew you were worth it."

You smile at his words, feeling all giddy inside. Different. He knew you were different from everyone else. That made you happy.

"The guys and I are hanging out tomorrow, I was thinking you could tag along?" You sit up and look down at Jeno, brows furrowed. "Won't I be a bother? Hangouts are supposed to be for friends, not friends plus girlfriend..." Jeno copies your movements and sits up, leaning on his outstretched arms.

He smiles at you and intertwines your hands.

"Don't be silly, Y/N! We all like you. Well- I obviously like you more but the point is! Everyone enjoys your company, you should totally come with." You smile back and nod, "okay sure." Jeno does a cute silent cheer, rocking your intertwined hands. His actions make you laugh.

He hugs your waist, making sure there's no space between the two of you. Jeno would never admit it but he loved skinship with you. "Great. Wait for me after school, we're leaving right after the bell rings~"

You do as Jeno said, you stand at your locker waiting for him to come. The bell had rung, most of the students already gone or waiting for their rides outside.

Jeno still hadn't arrived, you assume he was being held back by a teacher or something.

Someone grabs your hand and you smile assuming it's your boyfriend. But when you turn around you're not met with his sweet chocolate eyes, instead you see the eyes of the last person you wanted to see. Hwang Hyunjin: your ex boyfriend. Your smile immediately drops, guts filling with nerves, awkwardness. What did he want now?

"It's been a while, yeah?" You don't respond, only looking down at your fiddling thumbs.

Hyunjin pins you against the lockers, both of his hands trapping you between him. You tense up, cringing backwards to stay as far from him as possible. "I hear you're with that fuckboy no one likes. I think his name was Jeno? I don't really care enough to be sure." Gulping, you gather the courage to look him in the eye. "Shut the fuck up, Hyunjin. Leave him alone."

He smirks at your words, leaning closer to you. Even though you knew it wouldn't make a difference, you backed up. "Aw, you're defending him. How cute."

You don't know what he's up to or what he wants. All you know was that Hwang Hyunjin was trouble; he was way worse than Jeno but yet people stuck to him and praised him as if he were better. So why did you, the nice goody two shoes who was against all kinds of negativity, go out with the actual devil himself? You were dumb, naive. Dense.

You had a stupid crush and he knew it. He loved playing with you like you were a dumb little rag doll. His personal toy. Hyunjin loved that feeling of power. Especially over someone like you.

"What do you want, Hyunjin?"

He looks down at you and smirks. "Could it be any more obvious, Y/N?"

You glare. "Just spit it out."

Hyunjin's eyes are dark as he looks at you, his tongue licking over his pillowy lips. "I want you." Before you can say anything or push him off, the boy's lips are on yours. His kiss was rough, horrible compared to Jeno. Jeno was sweet, took his time and always mad you feel loved. With Hyunjin you just felt like an object. Something of no importance.

"What the actual fuck?" A familiar voice snaps you out of your frozen state. Finally acknowledging the situation, you glare at Hyunjin and push him off. "Jeno I-"

Jeno shakes his head, eyes glossy and lip quivering. He was used to feeling hurt but fuck, something about seeing you attached to someone else pained him. He never expected you to become a part of the list of all the people who've hurt him.

"Of course. You're just like the rest. You fucked me over just like the rest! I should've known you were the same. You just wanted to lead on poor little Lee Jeno! Have a story to tell to all your friends."

You open your mouth and try to let out words but none were coming out. Hyunjin stood to the side, watching with a smirk.

"Well congrats Y/N, you did it. You made me fall in love with you, go ahead and tell everyone how you played me. I'm sure everyone will love it. Stay the fuck away from me." Jeno walks past you, his form shaking and eyes pouring out tears. The sight broke you. The fact that you added more reasons for him to be suspicious of everyone broke you. You broke him. "Jeno wait!" You shout but to no avail.

Jeno leaves the school building, hugging himself. When he nears his friends they all quiet down, curious of what happened. "Jeno what's the-" He gives Jaemin a teary eyed glare, shutting him up. "Let's just go."

"What about Y/-" Jeno doesn't even want to hear your name right now. "I said let's go!" They all quiet down and pile into the car, not dragging the situation further.

As Jeno rode away, you stayed at the school, not wanting to accept the fact that the love of your life had just pushed you away. "It's okay, doll. I'm here for you. I'll treat you much better than him." Hyunjin puts on his best reassuring voice, pulling you into his chest. You're too frozen up to react.

You hurt Jeno. You thought you could open him up, slowly make him stop being so cautious of everyone. But instead you'd hurt him.

He was a rose, and just like a rose that's been through too much, he stopped being strong. Like a weakening rose in winter, he'd finally given in and let the winter storm engulf him. You'd been the last straw.

[kylieryanette]

Life and Decisions

I want to start this blog by apologizing for the delay. We took my son on vacation for his birthday and it took a very big toll on me. I was in flare up for a little over a week and basically just slept the entire time as my blood pressure was hovering around 80/50 and my pulse was struggling to get above 50. These flare ups take a lot out of me, but thankfully I have a wonderful family, son, boyfriend, and best friend who all helped to take care of me and made sure I was ok. Thankfully I was able to pull out of it on my own and I didn't have to go to the ER for fluids this time, progress! So, I've talked a lot about Dirk's side of the family, so I'd like to introduce you to my mother's side.

My grandmother, Carlene, grew up in Bloomfield, IA and was an honors english teacher for years. She passed away on June 24th, 2019, after fighting a thoracic aneurysm. She married my grandpa, Phil, on Christmas day 1965, right before he was deployed to Vietnam. Grandpa was also raised in Bloomfield. They had 3 children, my mom, my aunt Trisha, and finally, their son, Chad (you will find out why I refuse to call him "uncle" later in my blog). They grew up very poor, but full of family love and friendship. Everyone got together for birthdays, holidays, and when we moved to Bloomfield, we would have family dinners on Sundays. It was during this time that I met a lot of the people who would influence my life and decisions later in life. One of these people would have more of an impact than I could even imagine.

I met Austin Owen when I was 3 months old, right after he was born. Our mother's were best friends in high school, and she dated his uncle, Michael, all throughout her high school years. We were also around his paternal family, the Finneran's, quite often during my first few years of life. We would reconnect during the summer between my 6th and 7th grade years, at 12 years old, and we fell in love that summer. A love that would not let go until April 2020, at age 32, 20 years. When we moved back to Bloomfield in December 2002, we decided that we would be together, and we were, for about a year. He broke up with my right before homecoming 2003, and right after my life started to really unravel.

In October 2003, we lost our home in Glenwood, IA to a complete loss fire. Dirk had still been staying there during the week as both of our labradors, Lacy and Drake, were still there and he was still working in Omaha. He had been in Bloomfield that weekend, and the fire happened late Sunday night, after he had gotten home and gotten to bed. Thankfully, the dogs were able to wake him up and alert him of the fire. This should have been the end, but of course, it wasn't. The insurance company refused to pay, and instead, had the fire marshall investigate, and they brought Dirk up on arson and insurance fraud charges, something that would prevent them from getting a mortgage in Bloomfield until the charges were cleared up. This would prove to be the start of the end of my parents marriage.

My mother spent hours upon hours researching, reading the court transcripts and expert reports, doing more work than the lawyers. While she was doing this, Dirk had a girlfriend in Glenwood, and another in Des Moines, which was not anything new as this was a pretty constant thing for him, and he never really tried to hide it, from any of us. At one point, Dirk left while Kaitie and I were at school, draining the bank account, and just disappearing for a while, just to come back a week or so later with gifts, the typical Dirk way of apologizing without actually saying "I'm sorry". Right after this incident came the final straw for my mother. She and Dirk were in a verbal altercation in the living room of our rental house on N. West street in Bloomfield. I was in my bedroom trying to drown out the noise, until I heard Dirk say "you're a fucking cunt". That was it, I was DONE! I came out of my room, pissed as hell, and proceeded to chuck the remote control at his head. I missed, my aim for throwing was never any good. He came barreling at me and I ran into my bedroom, slamming my door behind me. He ripped my door off, pinned me down on my bed, all 120lbs of me underneath his hulking 250+lbs body. He had my by the throat with one hand and his other he had drawn back into a fist, I braced myself for what was coming. Thankfully, my mother came in screaming at him that she was going to call the police. She actually had to insert herself between his fist and me. He released my throat after what seemed like forever, and walked out of the front door. I remember having to remind myself to breathe, as I had been holding my breath during the entire altercation. I cried, she cried, we cried together on my bed holding each other, another bullet thankfully missed because of the quick actions of my mother.

Shortly after this, I started dating a man named Brock. He was smart, funny, and athletic, which is what I wanted at that time. I was so excited to have him meet my family, as Dirk had been back for a couple of days. I brought Brock into the front door and was greeted by mom and Dirk sitting on the couch, Dirks bags and suitcases all packed and ready to go. The first and only thing Dirk said was "I'm leaving", I turned to Brock and said "This is my family", not sure whether to be sad, embarrassed, happy, I had so many emotions flowing through me, it was a lot for my 17 year old mind to process in that instant. Even though I had been miserable, I had always feared being a "statistic", being in a divorce situation, splitting holidays (which turned out to never be an issue), having step-parents/siblings. What would life look like now? How would we do being on our own? He wasn't going to stick around Bloomfield, he made that perfectly clear. He ended up moving to Des Moines, in with a woman who he was proud to have "turned" from being a lesbian to being with him, *insert eye roll here*. He was also seeing a woman named Dawn, from Glenwood during this time. This would be the last time we would all be together under the same roof as a "family".

After Dirk left for good, mom took a job at the local newspaper so that she could be around more and could continue coaching us and being there for everything. This took a huge financial toll on her, and I had gotten my CNA during my junior year in high school, so I got a job at the local care center, working 2-10 on weekends and making around $12/hr, which was amazing for a high school kid. I tried to pay for anything I wanted beyond the essentials. My aunts Jodi and Gina, were gracious enough to pay for my senior pictures, class ring, and graduation materials, as we could not afford it. I continued to maintain my 4.3 GPA, remained active in all of my activities, clubs, choir etc. I took a lot of college classes my junior and senior year, graduating high school as a first semester sophomore in college. I was a very busy kid, but it kept my mind busy so I didn't have to deal with the mental and emotional pain, the physical pain from my medical conditions was still plaguing me, but I'd always been told to "rub some dirt in it and walk it off", so that's the approach I took to every aspect of life. Much easier said than done. I made some horrible decisions during this time.

My last year of high school and first year of college were a big party that included drinking, a lot, smoking pot when I could, smoking cigarettes, sneaking out, and sleeping around trying to find love and connection in anyone I could. I hated myself for a long time because of these decisions, decisions that I have now forgiven myself for because I know where they came from. No, I AM NOT condoning these actions, I'm just giving myself some grace, something I struggled with for years and years. Grace is such a powerful thing, not only to receive, but to give as well. It is amazing how much you can achieve when you learn about grace and its impact in your life. Grace saved me, and it continues to save me every day.

[purplesurveys]

599

[ONE] Do you have a common first name? Robyn/Robin isn’t very common. I know only a handful of people I’ve interacted with that has the same name. Do you like your middle name or your first name more? I like both, but I’ve liked my second name for a longer time. It took me until getting into college to warm up to Robyn. What year would/did you turn 21? 2019. What was popular when you were a kid? Depends what period... you’re a kid for 12 whole years lmao. I’m too young to remember the 90s, but during my time as a kid, the trends included Pokemon, Gameboy, Grand Theft Auto, PSP/PS2, TeenNick, Hannah Montana, Drake and Josh, That’s so Raven, Pogs, Beyblades, Uggs, skirts paired with leggings, cropped vests, etc. Do you wear more rings or necklaces? I wear neither but I’d rather put on necklaces. I’ve never taken a liking to rings.

Have you ever been engaged? I have not. Can you see your veins through your skin? On some parts of my body – mostly on my hands and wrists. Do you have a certain song you sing aloud often? I like singing along to songs that are within my range, so that includes songs like In The Mourning or 26 by Paramore, and more recently, everything i wanted by Billie Eilish. Do you concern yourself with what's in? Only so that I can keep up in conversations and because it generally helps to be aware of stuff that are timely, but there are instances wherein I don’t necessarily care about the trends. Do you worry about having good grammar online? I think I have a good grasp of grammar so this doesn’t worry me a lot. [TWO] Do you know anyone with a lazy eye? Gab’s lazy eye sticks out sometimes. Did your parents let you have pets when you were a kid? Yes, but they kept it limited to goldfish at first. Eventually they let us branch out to have a rabbit, lovebirds, and chicks, and finally a dog. Would you rather live in an apartment or a duplex? We lived in a duplex before, so I’m ready to try out something new with an apartment. Have you ever seen Boondock Saints? No. Do you like spicy chips? They’re a hit or miss, but I wouldn’t say no if I was offered them. Do you have any 'different' keychains on your keys/purse? No. I only have one, and it’s a Ferrari keychain JM gave all of us when he went to Singapore last September to watch the Grand Prix. Do you collect pins? No; never really got the appeal. They’re cute though. What band was on the last band t-shirt you wore? Paramore, I’m guessing. They’re the only band I have a shirt of. Do you wear more pink or yellow? I only have one article clothing of either color, so I can’t really pick a winner. [THREE] What's the last movie you watched at a friend's house? I have no idea. I don’t go to friends’ houses to watch movies that often. Have you ever been out of the state you were born in? We have provinces, not states. And yes, I’ve been in different provinces several times. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Nope. Have you ever owned or known someone who owned a black cat? I know my aunt has one. When was the last time you felt jealous? Maybe in the last week? I always see people in campus holding hands and are obviously a couple and it always makes me sad and jealous. What's the last thing you bought besides food/drink? I bought five pieces of bond paper that I needed for my layout class. What album is the last song you listened to from? Riot!, by Paramore. Do you know what the word lumiere means? Yep, and it’s a very overused French word at that. Do you own a tea pot? I don’t think we do. [FOUR] Who scheduled your last doctor visit? My dad, but man that was nearly four years ago. What's the last video game you played? If phone games count, then it was Mario Kart Tour. If we’re strictly talking consoles, it has to be The Sims 4 if I remember correctly. Do you have anything on your wrists right now? [slight trigger warning: self-harm] Some scars, but it’s been a while and they look healthier these days. It’s still quite visible when under direct light, though. Do you have any holiday theme'd socks? I don’t. What kind of accent do you have? I speak good English but it has a very slight Filipino accent to it, and there are words that are a pain to pronounce for me, like beautiful or bureaucracy. What's the last funny movie you watched? 13 Going on 30, if that counts as funny. It was the last movie I caught on TV recently (my mom was watching). Can you remember your parents' birthdays? January 31 for my dad’s, September 2 for my mom’s. Is there anyone who you just absolutely cannot STAND being around? Yeah these days it would probably be Kyelle and Al.

What is the design on your shirt? It’s a blank brown top. [FIVE] Do you know anyone who just flat-out fails at life? No. Are you a Ghoulscout? No idea what you mean. Do you know someone who's just always wrong about everything? Tito fucking Sotto, a religious, conservative, misogynist, rapist dipshit who managed to become senate president in this big dumpster of a country. Do you make fun of people often? No? That’s mean. Do you read your friend's surveys? Yeah, I follow a handful of people on here and I read their answers often whether I decide to borrow their survey or not haha. If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you pick? My dog’s pawprints. How do you feel about band tattoos? As long as it’s not a cringey logo like someone’s actual face, I don’t have a problem with it. I may actually want to have Paramore’s 3 bars logo tattooed on me someday. Do you know anyone with a glass eye? Nope. How much are you willing to pay for a pair of sunglasses? If money were no object, I’d probs pay up until ₱15,000 for a pair lmao. [SIX] Did you have a GI Joe when you were a kid? No. I think I came too late to be able to play with those toys. What is the origin of your last name? Like, its etymology? I’m pretty sure it’s Spanish. Do you ever use the n-word? When there still wasn’t a lot of conversation about slurs or race in general like a decade ago, I’d say the word when it was sang or rapped in songs – it didn’t help that I had a big Beyoncé phase, and she’d occasionally include it in her lyrics. Eventually my dad sat me down and told me it was wrong, so I never muttered the word again. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? I don’t care for piercings, and only mind them if they were somewhere unusual, like on the nipples or genitalia. What brand of hair dye do you prefer to use? I don’t dye my hair. What county do you live in? We don’t have counties. Did/do you ride the bus to and from school? Yeah, I took the bus service.  Do you prefer beef, chicken or steak? Did you mean pork instead of steak lol? Anyway, my favorite meat is beef. What is your salad dressing of choice? I don’t eat a lot of salad other than spicy tuna salad, so I guess that makes Japanese mayo by dressing of choice by default. [SEVEN] Do you know anyone who's a really funny type of weird? Gabie hahahaha Do you make faces at certain people? Only when they’ve ENTIRELY pissed me off and only behind their backs. But this is a shitty thing to do and I always try not to do it. Is there something you won't let one of your friends live down? Yeah – back in 7th grade when we went stargazing for an overnight school activity, Gab made me watch a movie in our tent called Straightheads because her newest favorite actress at the time, Gillian Anderson, was in it. Long story short, within the first ten minutes of the movie, we already saw a pair of nipples. It felt awkward for a bit but we got over it shortly after haha. Are you any good at applying make up? I am soooo not any good at it. Do you know anyone whose hair looks like a wig? Nope. Do you misuse commas? Sometimes I’ll notice that I do, so I always try to correct them. Have you ever bitten your dentist? I don’t think so. Are you someone who likes to make simple things difficult? lol Who makes you laugh the most? My girlfriend.