#one time he caught a sea cucumber and it had live fish inside it that poked out and started whipping around

[emmanuel-josephine]

No one else is making videos as simultaneously wholesome and fucked as Masaru the diver. He butchered and ate everything here because hes a madlad and I'm obsessed with what he does. Who else is going to fillet a forbidden creature? Who else is going to make deepsea fish mucus ASMR?? He ate that fucking random blue hunk of fat. (it felt like silicone and tasted disgusting.)

[awed-frog]

Stuff I Never Learned In Uni and Now I’m Gonna Sue:

When he was young, Plato used to wear a ridiculous earring and everybody made fun of him behind his back. Also his original name was Aristocles: ‘Plato’ (= Broady) is a nickname his trainer gave him because he was so stupidly buff.

Aristotle was fond of flashy clothes and flashier rings and spent ages doing his hair.

Socrates used to turn a stick into a pretend horse to amuse his children.

Alcibiades and his friends once got high on stolen Pythia’s herbs and risked the death penalty.

Plutarch literally said “Sex is nice, but have you tried reading Aristobulos?” (his books are now lost, btw, and that goes on my list ‘things to be furious and sad about’)

Empedocles, a vegetarian who won the Olympics, made an ox out of frankincense and myrrh and sacrificed it as a tribute to the gods instead of a real animal. Pythagoras also sacrificed an ox-shaped cake to the gods when he discovered that hypotenuse thing.

Sophist Anchimolus happily survived on figs and water, but people avoided him at the baths because he just stank so much.

Philoxenus and Gnathon the Sicilian used to blow their noses over the best dishes of a buffet, so that other guests wouldn’t eat them first.

The philosopher Crates was called ‘the Door-Opener’ because he had this habit of randomly walk into people’s houses and offer them unwanted and unsolicited advice.

Alcibiades once sent Socrates a gigantic cake for sex-related reasons, and Socrates’ wife was so mad she threw it on the floor and trampled it.

(As a reminder, Alcibiades tried everything he knew to get into Socrates’ pants but the guy just. never. shut. up. and Alcibiades would usually fell into a stupor and sleep.)

Many statues had little umbrellas on their heads so birds wouldn’t poop on them.

A guy once invited King Philip (Alexander’s dad) for dinner, but forgot kings usually travel with dozens of people. When Philip realized his host was embarrassed because there wasn’t enough food for everyone, he discreetly told his companions to leave room for cake. People ate very little in expectation of a glorious dessert, and so there was enough for everyone.

“Dreaming about cakes without cheese is a good omen, but cheesecakes signify deceit and trickery.” (Artemidorus, who totally wasn’t pulling things out of his own ass)

Proving nothing ever really changes and time is an illusion, Plutarch complained that the guides at Delphi would bore everyone to death by reading every single inscription while their audience baked in the sun.

“If a cucumber is bitter, just throw it away...Don’t go and complain Why do such things exist in this world?” (Marcus Aurelius, unproblematic fave; also filed under ‘does it spark joy?’)

Wine jars had a piece of wood inside it, so the mice who fell in could climb back out (a Most Civilised custom imo).

“Those drunk on wine fall on their faces; those drunk on beer fall on their backs.” (this from Aristotle, I dare hope from personal experience)

Empedocles once attended a party where the host told his guests they could either drink or be drenched in wine. The next day, he had the man executed. “This was the beginning of his career in politics”.

Alexander put collars on a number of deer to determine how long they lived. When they were caught, more than a hundred years later, they had not aged a day. (*stanning intensifies*)

A good method to stop children from crying: fasten a sponge on a jar of honey and give it to them. Probably also doubles as a good method for making their teeth fall out.

Several people tried to pass laws against children’s tantrums.

A flying pig once devastated the Ionic city of Clazomenae.

Greek divers had snorkels so they could stay longer underwater.

“The students nod to each other about charioteers, or mime-actors, or horses, or dancers, or about some gladiatorial fight; some just stand there like a block of stone, others pick their noses...Anything is preferable to paying attention to their teacher.” (Libanius, #bless; he also complained that students would rather handle snakes than touch their textbooks)

Aristotle made fun of Herodotus for saying a black man’s semen must also be black.

When Gelon, the future tyrant of Syracuse, was a boy, a wolf came into his classroom and stole his writing tablet. Gelon ran after him, and as soon as he’d stepped outside the school there was an earthquake: all the other children and their teacher died.

Archimedes once built a big-ass ship for king Hieron of Syracuse. It had a gymnasium, gardens, a library, a seawater pond full of fish and mosaics detailing the entire Iliad.

There was a rumor Sophocles died when he tried to recite his Antigone and couldn’t stop for breath because he never used commas. (#KarmaIsABitch)

In Sparta, all the girls and young men who were unmarried were locked together in a dark room. The men then grabbed a girl, and whoever they grabbed, they had to marry. Lysander, the famous Spartan general, was fined for abandoning the girl he caught and scheming to marry a prettier one.

Crocodile dung was considered an essential ingredient in face masks, but dishonest sellers would often present starling dung as crocodile’s.

There were beauty contests in several cities, both for men and for women. Some cities also held modesty contests for women.

The only valid reasons for being late at the Olmypics were illness, shipwreck and capture by pirates.

Pythagoras was shocked by how women lend each other clothes and jewelry without paperwork or a witness to the transaction.

Demosthenes refused to pay the prostitute Lais (a man) half a million dollars to sleep with him, declaring “I don’t buy regret at such a high price”. 

Bald men made money by allowing people to break pots over their heads for fun.

In Southern Italy there was a breed of sheep whose wool was so valuable, shepherds put leather jackets on them so it wouldn’t be ruined by bushes and thorns.

The Gauls used to throw letters on funeral pyres so the dead could read them in their next life.

In Sparta, every year boys were whipped for an entire day on the altar of Artemis. Some died, but the ones enduring it most gracefully received the highest honors.

Plato once gave a public reading of his treatise On the Soul and Aristotle was the only person who stayed until the end.

The statues of unpopular politicians were thrown in the sea or turned into chamber pots.

Apsethus the Libyan trained some parrots to say ‘Apsethus is a god’, and the Libyans, impressed by the miracle, started to worship him. Then a Greek came along and trained the parrots to say ‘Apsethus put me in a cage and forced me to say Apsethus is a god’ so when the Libyans heard that, they seized Apsethus and burned him to death.

An idiot named Marcus insisted in running a race in full armour. He was so slow, at midnight the stadium authorities locked everything up because they mistook him for one of the statues. When they opened up again in the morning, they found he’d finished his first lap.

Athens was plagued with gangs of rich kids running around and stealing the offerings left for the gods. One of them was called The Hard Dicks.

Some many men died in the Peloponnesian War the city of Athens made polygamy legal. Euripides thus had two wives, but wasn’t happy with either of them.

A character in one of Euripides’ plays argued that wealth matters more than morality and the audience got so mad Euripides had to come on stage and beg them to wait for the end of the play - promising the guy would be revealed as the villain and meet a dreadful end.

When Rhodopis, a beautiful prostitute, was taking a bath, an eagle stole her shoe. It carried it all the way to Memphis and dropped it on the lap of Pharaoh Psammetichus, who immediately ordered the whole country to be searched for the owner of such a beautiful and shapely shoe. When Rhodopis was found, he married her.

In Elysium, the fortunate dead enjoy checkers, horse riding, gymnastics and playing the lyre.

[Source: various Greek authors, collected by J.C. McKeown in A Cabinet of Greek Curiosities. Also available: Ancient Medical Curiosties and Roman Curiosities.]

[thelastspeecher]

MerGucket French Fish Girl it be interesting if the Stan had to meet with the council or return of Bill.

*finger guns* You got it!  This takes place pretty much right after Stan turns into a mer in that particular variation of the MerGucket AU.

              “Stanley?” a voice saidsoftly.  Stan groaned.

              “Five more minutes,” he muttered,waving a hand.  The movement encounteredmore resistance than it typically did. He opened his eyes, confused. Angie’s face was a mere few inches away from his.  She beamed broadly.  Stan let out a small yelp of surprise andbacked away.

              “I didn’t mean to startle you,sorry,” Angie said sheepishly.  Stanstared at her.

              “Am I- am I underwater?” Stanasked.  Angie nodded.  “The flower worked?”

              “It sure did!”  Angie watched Stan, a small smile on herface, as he examined himself.  “Like whatyou see?”

              “Um, I- I guess,” Stan stammered,staring down at the webbing between his fingers and his large, extravaganttail.  “Huh.  So, what controls what color scales I get?”

              “Honestly, I don’t know,” Angiesaid, circling him gently.  “Mine, I gotfrom my mama.  But I can tell you thatred is a very rare color.  I haven’t meta single mer with red scales before.  Theclosest I’ve gotten is that my pa saw a red mermaid in passing once.”

              “It’s rare?  Really?”

              “Mm-hmm.”  Angie grinned at him.  “I suppose it makes sense that you got a rarecolor, since you’re a rare person.”

              “You keep calling me that,” Stansaid.  Angie nodded.  “Look, it’s not true.  Guys like me are a dime a dozen.”  Angie sighed.

              “We can argue about this later,dear.  Right now, I need to take you tothe colony council.”

              “The what?”

              “The colony council.  They’re in charge of all the merfolk thatlive in my colony,” Angie explained. Stan’s tail flicked excitedly.

              “They’re the ones that have newson how to get Ford to join, right?” Stan asked. Angie shook her head.

              “No.  Don’t mention anything about Stanford whileyou’re meeting them, okay?  You can’t letthem know that we’ve got a plan to let him join us.”

              “Whattaya talking about?”

              “It wasn’t the council thatfigured out there might be a loophole to let Stanford into the colony,” Angiesaid firmly.  “It was my ma.  Granted, she’s a member of the council, butstill.  The rest of the council can’thear a word from you about letting your brother in.  Or they might revoke your mer status.”

              “But you promise we’ll figure outhow to let Ford in, right?” Stan pressed. Angie nodded.

              “Yes, yes.  My ma will explain everything.  Afterwe meet with the council,” she said firmly. Stan crossed his arms.

              “Good.  Then let’s go.”

—– 

              Angie grabbed Stan’s arm andpulled him.

              “Hey, easy there,” Stan said,yanking his arm out of her grip.  Angieflicked her tail in agitation.

              “It’s not wise to keep thecouncil waiting,” she hissed.  “I’m justtrying to help you get there faster.” Stan scowled at her.

              “I’m going as fast as I can.”

              “You’re slower than a seacucumber!”

              “What the hell is a sea cucumber?” Stan demanded.  Laughter came from somewhere outside ofStan’s field of vision.

              “Aw, do I sense disagreementbetween the two French angelfish?” a voice said.  Angie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

              “Lute!  Cut it out!” she snapped.  A mer finally swam into view, just behindAngie.  He had an amber-orange tail andthe same nose as Angie.

              “Is this a relative of yours?”Stan asked Angie.  She nodded.

              “My clutch-mate and brother.  Lute,” she said.  Lute grinned at Stan, baring his needle-liketeeth.

              “So this is the human that mysister convinced the council could join us,” he said, swimming over to Stan andlooking him up and down.

              “Former human,” Angiecorrected.  Stan’s heart stopped.

              Shit.  She’s right. I’m not human anymore.  God.  What would Ford say if he could see me?

              “Hmm.  I s’ppose he’s all right,” Lute said.  He looked back at Angie.  “The council will be pleased that he’s red.”  Angie nodded.

              “Especially if we have anyguppies that end up red like him,” she added. Lute let out a low whistle.

              “Wow, yer really face over finsfer this one, huh?  Guppy talk?” hesaid.  Angie beamed.  Stan didn’t focus on what the siblings weresaying, instead still thinking about the loss of his humanity.  “Stan?” Stan jerked back to attention.  “Youall right?”

              “Yeah, just, um, just thinkingabout my brother,” Stan said quietly. Lute let out a sinister hiss.

              “Ya best leave talk like thatoutside the council cave,” he said.  “Theywon’t want to hear that yer still stuck on yer homicidal twin.”

              “He was under duress,” Angiesaid.  Lute frowned at her.

              “How the heck are ya defendin’the man what tried to kill ya?”

              “Stan believes in hisgoodness.  So I do, too.”  Angie smiled at Stan.  He smiled hesitantly back.  “Now, let’s go on inside.”

              “Wait, we’re here?” Stanasked.  Angie and Lute nodded.

              “We were swimmin’ this whole timewe were talkin’,” Lute said.  He patted arock wall that Stan hadn’t noticed before. They had arrived outside of an undersea cave.

              “Oh.  Didn’t realize.”

              “Remember, Stan.  You can’t say a word about your brother.  Or at the very least, nothing positive abouthim,” Angie said.  She grabbed hishand.  “Come on.”

              Stan and Angie swam through the caveentrance.  Stan’s eyes widened.  The cave was composed of one very large room,with fluorescent crystals on the ceiling and small shoals of shimmering, silverfish scuttering around the sandy bottom. Only half of the cave was filled with water; the rest was composed of abeach, upon which nine merfolk were sitting, watching the two of them approach.

              “Impressive, isn’t it?” Angiesaid softly.  Stan nodded slightly.

              “Speak,” said one of the merfolkon the beach, a merman with indigo scales and pale hair.  Stan opened his mouth, but no words cameout.  Angie frowned.

              “Carmine, he doesn’t know what tosay,” she said.  A mermaid sitting nearCarmine, who had the same coloration as Angie, leaned forward.

              “Stanley Pines, you come beforeour council as someone granted a life within our colony, the greatest possiblegift that we can bestow upon a human. You were given this chance for saving the life of one of our own, mydaughter, Banjolina.”  Stan looked backat Angie.  She smiled.  “We cannot emphasize enough the significanceof this.  In the time since our colonywas first founded, fourteen thousand years ago, only two other humans have beenallowed to join us.”  Stan directed his attentionto the council again.

              “That’s- um- that’s a really longtime,” Stan stammered.  One of the mermenon the beach rolled his eyes.  “Thank-thank you.”

              “Understand that this gift comeswith conditions,” another mermaid, this one with a green tail and bright redhair, said.  “Should you be seenassociating with humans without intent to feed upon them, you will be exiledand your mer status revoked.”  Stan letout a strangled noise.

              Whatthe fuck?  “Feed upon them”?

              “In addition, your egg-mate andbrother, Stanford Pines, has been charged with a crime of the highest order,”the mermaid continued.  “Attempted murderof a council member’s heir.”  The mermaidthat looked like Angie shifted slightly.

              “Should he be spotted in ourwaters, he will be put upon trial to determine his punishment, then sentenced.”

              “Hang on,” Stan interrupted.  “I thought trials were to determine guilt,before you go to punishment.”  Carmineraised an eyebrow.

              “If he were a mer, perhaps.  But as a human, he has no right to such atrial, particularly given that we all know he’s guilty.”

              “That’s messed up.”

              “Stanley,” Angie whispered.  Stan looked back at her.

              “It is!”

              “We take the threat against ourown very seriously,” the green mermaid from before said firmly.  “Particularly given that Banjolina wasselected as a future council member by her dam. Make no mistake, Stanley Pines, your egg-mate is an outlaw.”

              “But-” Stan started.  Angie grabbed his hand and squeezed.  Stan took a breath.

              Angie said that her folks figuredout a loophole for Ford.  I just gottatrust her.

              “Okay,” he said quietly.  A few members of the council exchangedimpressed looks.

              “We’re glad to see you haveaccepted this,” Carmine said.  “Should yoube caught interacting and/or associating with your egg-mate, you will be put ontrial as well.”  He glowered atStan.  “Do you understand?”  Stan nodded. “Excellent.”  The mermaid thatlooked like Angie smiled.

              “Welcome to our colony, StanleyPines,” she said.  “As you wererepresented by my daughter, I will accompany you to your new home.”  She dove into the water and swam over to Stanand Angie.  Angie embraced her.

              “Thanks, Ma.”

              “Just doing my job, sweetheart.”

              “You’re Angie’s mom?” Stanasked.  The mermaid nodded.  “Then you’re the one who found the-”

              “Yes,” Angie’s mom said.  She glanced back at the rest of the council,still on the shore.  “Let’s talk about thatin private.”

[winchesterprincessbride]

Political Animals-Dean and Jo

This is an A/B/O AU. 

Masterlist

Political Animals-Sam and Reader(Part 1 all parts are linked)

Your name is Jo Harvelle, and you are an Omega working in your mother’s bar part time while you go to school. On a busy night at the bar, sparks fly between you and a gorgeous Alpha, but your best friend and co-worker warns you of his hard partying, lady-killer reputation.  He’s clearly interested, but you don’t have time in your life for drama.  

Characters: Alpha! Dean Winchester, Omega! Jo Winchester, Alpha! John Winchester, Alpha! Sam Winchester, Omega! Jessica Moore, Beta! Bobby Singer, Beta! Ellen Harvelle, Beta! Melanie Rivera (OC), Beta! Benny Lafitte

One of the drawbacks of being the daughter of the owner of a bar is that my Mom expected me to cover shifts when her waitresses called out.  April was an Omega like me and her heat had come on early and she obviously couldn’t work. So here I was, slinging beers on a Thursday night instead of studying like I planned.

My Mom’s bar, Harvelle’s, was two blocks from the campus of NYU so it was always packed on the weekends.  My Dad had died when I was ten so Mom had been running the bar on her own since then.  Mom is the strongest, most capable woman I know.

I ran into the bar, tossing my purse under the counter and grabbing a clean apron from off the hook.  It was a madhouse already, and it was only eight.

“Hey Mom, I got here as quick as I could,” I said, kissing her cheek. 

“Thanks, Jo. I owe you big.” She told me, pulling beers with both hands. “Can you take section 3?”

“Yep, got it,” I told her as I grabbed a tray and order pad off the bar.  I waved to my best friend Melanie who was also working tonight.

I hurried over to my first table where two guys were sitting.  My section was full and I was already behind.  This was gonna be a long night.

 “Sorry for the wait, guys.  What can I get you?” I said quickly, eyes focused on my order pad.

“Oh your definitely worth the wait, Sweetheart.” A deep voice said, and I immediately looked up, meeting a pair of green eyes framing a face so perfect it was almost pretty.  And then I smelled him. Alpha. He smelled so delicious it made my toes curl.

I recovered quickly. “I bet you say that to all the girls who bring you a beer.“

"He does, actually.” His friend said with a grin.

“Shut up, Benny. We’ll have a pitcher of Coors, a plate of nachos and a dozen hot wings.” Green eyes said with a smirk.

"Got it," I said quickly, jotting their order down and moving to the next table. I flew between the bar, kitchen, and tables like a whirlwind in an effort to get caught up.  Mel and I were both waiting for food at the window so I got a minute to catch my breath.

“Did you see the Alpha at table 14?  He’s gorgeous!” I whispered to Mel over the hum of voices and laughter.

She glanced over in their direction quickly.  “Don’t look!” I hissed.

Her eyes immediately got wide.  “Oh Chica, you don’t want any part of that.  Do you know who that is?” She asked.

I shook my head.  “No, should I?”

She grabbed the steaming plates of food as they came off the line and put them on her tray.  “You remember my friend Jess Moore from my art class? Her boyfriend Sam?”

I nodded as a plate of nachos was slammed on the counter and I grabbed it and put it on my tray.  “Really tall, dimples? Pre-law? Yeah, what about him?”

Mel leaned over and whispered in my ear.  “That’s Sam’s older brother Dean. He got kicked out of school last year for fighting.  He almost killed another Alpha.  It was all swept under the rug because his Dad is the Police Commissioner. He is bad news, Chica.”

Mel lifted her tray and headed off to deliver her orders.  I grabbed the rest of my food and made the rounds to my tables.  When I got to 14 I saw that the guy named Benny now had a giggly blond perched in his lap.

“Dean wants more beer and your phone number,” Benny announced.  He and the blond were both pretty buzzed and acting stupid.

“Knock it off, Benny. I mean it.” Dean growled at his friend. His voice alone was doing all kinds of things to my insides.  What the hell was wrong with me? I had never had this sort of reaction to any Alpha before, and I was nowhere near my heat. 

“Another pitcher, then?” I said through gritted teeth as I made a grab for the empty pitcher.  Just as my hand closed around it, Dean’s fingers closed around my wrist.  

As soon as he touched me, it felt like my blood was on fire. I felt his touch all the way to my toes.  He immediately pulled his hand away as though he had been burned and we just stared at each other as the pitcher rolled off the table and fell to the floor.

I grabbed the pitcher off the floor and headed for the bar.  I could feel his eyes boring into my back the entire way. I headed over to my mother.  She had a sixth sense for when I was lying so I prayed she was too preoccupied to notice.

“Mom, can I take a quick break and eat something?” I asked. “I never got a chance to have dinner before I came and I’m feeling lightheaded.”

She glanced over at me quickly.  “Sure, Hon.  Take 30.  Mel and Sue can split your tables.”

I grabbed some fries and headed into the tiny office in the back.  My heart was pounding and my hands were shaking.  What the hell had just happened? When I went back out after my break a bunch of girls were sitting at table 14 and I breathed a sigh of relief.

“So what the heck was that, Jo?” Mel asked me as soon as she saw me. 

I gave her a puzzled look.  “Huh?”

“You ran out of here like a scalded cat, and Dean Winchester looked like he’d been hit over the head or something.  When I took the pitcher to his table, he asked me what your name was, and if you were coming back.”

“What did you tell him?” I asked, worried.

“I asked him why he wanted to know. I got your back, girl.” She said with a grin.

“What did he say?”

“He said forget it. He and his friend left a few minutes later.  He didn’t look happy.  Stay away from him, Chica.  I know he’s pretty to look at, but according to Jess, he has a wandering eye.  Are you sure your okay?” Melanie looked worried as she said this.

“Yes Mother Riviera, I am fine.  Now stop worrying.” I teased.

Things had calmed down enough by 11 that my Mom said I could go.  She knew I had been working on my essay that was due for my English Lit class but she also knew I never said no when she asked me to come and help.

Ellen Harvelle had worked many nights in the bar so I could even go to college so I would help here whenever she asked.

After making plans to meet Mel for coffee tomorrow, I hugged my Mom goodbye, fished my purse out from under the bar and headed out.

We only lived a few blocks from the bar, so when Mom called, it was quickest to walk.  Once I presented as Omega, Mom made sure I knew how to protect myself from dumbass Alphas who tended to think with their “downstairs brain”. She wouldn’t let me work in the bar until I had taken some self-defense classes and she was sure I could take on whatever a drunk Alpha could dish out.

As I walked I thought about what had happened tonight, and about what Mel had said about Dean Winchester.  I could still feel his hand wrapped around my wrist, and the reaction it had produced. I thought about those green eyes of his, and that face......... 

I mentally shook myself. You heard Mel you idiot!  He’s trouble, and trouble is something I don’t need.  So why do I want to see him again so badly?

@skybinx-blog @percywinchester27 @a-sea-of-fandoms @dorky-and-i-know-it@fangirl1802 @pinknerdpanda  @atc74  @moonlitskinwalker @we-are-band-sexuals@jayankles   @notnaturalanahi  @ariannalikescake @growningupgeek  @itsummertime22  @roseblood11   @demondeansdomme@cantchoosejustonefandom @ferferelli @midnightjazzmine @dr-dean@clairese1980 @moonstonemystyk @obsessedtmifangirl @bailieinabottle@mesomisha54 @agoodold-fashionedvillain @brewsthespirit-blog  @fucking-grapefruit @typicalweirdbookworm @the-strandedgypsy@meganwinchester1999 @maddieburcham1 @diabetus-swag @bohowitch@mizzezm @winchestergirl-love @vixenvindictive@theoriginalvicki @ayeeitsemry @kittenofdoomage@oriona75 @jotink78 @the-cucumber-who-lived @magickal-angel @gecko9596 @winchester-writes @valynsia @ronnie248-blog @inuhimesblog @phoenixia67 @afanofmanystuffs@sassy-losechester @mariairwin666@essie1876@shell-fire @becaamm @aalexandra2712 @stone-met@maxsaturdayhatesnarwhals@thelittleredwhocould@just-another-busy-fangirl@sunriserose1023 @blacktithe7@ajspencer1892 @mamabear82nd@notateenbeachmovie @i-just-wanna-live-gc @calicat79 @lovisathelins@evyiione@captainradicalpassion@scrumptiouswinnie@millaraysuyai@keelzythe2nd@disneymarina @blackcat995@mrswhozeewhatsis

[myseareels]

Chasing Winter Silver

On a blustery and damp Monday night in February, I find myself searching for silver. The ‘Tamar Tarpon’ (I unfortunately can’t take credit for that excellent nickname) aka the Atlantic herring, rumoured to be in the river in huge numbers. An LRF angling opportunity on my doorstep I’d be a fool to miss. Not one to sit bored watching television, I ready the rod and make my way to the river.

I don’t fish the Tamar often enough, it’s the river that divides Devon and Cornwall neatly almost the entirety of the border. The lower reaches and the mouth of this river are only a two minute walk from my house, yet in my own desire for wilder climbs I often ignore it. Not this night though, tonight I’m embracing my local, if not exactly picturesque, fishing marks.

Drizzle, wind and low temperatures, what else could you possibly desire?

The sun is long gone and the only illumination left is the orange glow of streetlights. The cloud is low and reflects the light pollution, almost gives the impression there’s embers burning behind it. I’m at my first mark and it’s as far removed from the more poetically beautiful coastline, only a few miles away, as you can get. North Corner Pontoon in Devonport. It’s grubby, ugly and home to many a rat, but I love it. I caught my first fish here, a tiny ballan wrasse, so I’ll always have a soft spot for it. It’s a popular mark and there are already two anglers bait fishing on the pontoon.

I���m not interested in fishing from the pontoon though, I require a casting point where light hits the water. To the right there is a large accessible ledge with a streetlight beaming onto the surface. I know this to be a fish magnet, any area with artificial light on the water at night, provides a great chance of holding fish. The wind is strong, though not consistent, so I opt for a heavier jighead than I’d ideally like. Three grams might not seem like a lot, but it falls a little too quick through the water column for my liking, but it’s the only way to get the lure out there in this wind so I persevere. I lift the rod tip constantly to slow the fall but I’m cautious not to be too erratic.

Small ‘ballzy worm’ lures bring small plucks and hits but nothing concrete. I switch over to an inch of the ever reliable Power Isome and it brings instant results. I use a slow pulsing retrieve through the artificially lit water and a fish is on. The spirited dive with no real power gives up the perpetrator immediately, a tiny pollack. Quickly I follow it up with two more. The silver fish are eluding me!

Fishing at night and quality photos do not go hand in hand, but these micro pollack deserve a little limelight, they save many a blank!

It’s very clearly obvious the herring aren’t here so I move on. I head to probably my least favourite mark in Plymouth, Mount Wise. I have no real reason not to like it, the area holds fish and regularly throws up great catches yet I can’t get on with it. It’s a very open and exposed promenade with few obvious features besides streetlights. I suppose it doesn’t help that it holds a greater selection of trolleys and baskets than your average Tesco! It’s these snags that make me thankful I’m using a cheap AGM jighead tonight, I can afford to lose two or three of these.

These cheap AGM jigheads are perfect when fishing snaggy areas, combined with a length of Power Isome you will always find fish.

There’s three fishermen bait fishing on the most prominent spot, a small pier that juts out a couple of metres to either side. To the right of me at the end there is an angler fishing LRF under the streetlamp. Unfortunately the spot I wanted to try but alas I’ll try left. I make my casts into the dark, the random gusts of wind blow me off balance. It’s not easy to keep in touch with my lure at times. This is both the frustration and joy of winter LRF, the conditions are awful but the satisfaction when you catch a fish is addictive. I keep casting, trying out different depths but, with only one stray hit to work with, it’s uninspiring stuff!

The three guys fishing on the pier have moved and I’m wasting no time in trying there. The gap between one side of the pier and the inside wall is well lit and calm. If there’s fish anywhere they must be here. I cast out and then twitch it back, keeping it about a metre under the surface. A solid hit! Then another. The hits continue without a hook up right until it’s under the rod tip. I cut down the Isome so it barely extends past the hook and recast. The hit is instant again but this time I connect. The fish feels rather strong and it’s definitely not a pollack. It is a few metres out and is dogged in it’s fight against me. Though not large enough to take line, I’m relieved when I see silver. Unfortunately though, not silver enough to be a herring. I get it on land and it’s revealed to be a sand smelt, a rather large one too.

A chunky little sand smelt, a welcome sight on chilly nights!

Sand smelt are a small species of pelagic shoaling fish. They are unusual in that they are not particularly slimy and smell rather pleasant. It can only be described as cucumber-like. The one I hold in my hands is certainly the chunkiest I’ve ever caught, though still only about five inches long. I try to contain it’s wriggling for two seconds to take a picture, not easy in the wind and drizzle. After a couple of satisfactory photos it is returned to swim again.

I really want a herring now and subsequent casts have brought me only more smelt. As lovely as they are I want a real pull on the rod, something that right now only a herring or a bass is going to provide. The LRF’er on the end looks like he’s packing up, so I figure he’s worth chatting to, perhaps he’s had more luck with the herring than I. I walk over and on the floor in a plastic bag is my answer, it’s full of herring (and a little annoyingly, an undersize pollack, but I’m not in the mood to pick a fight). The chap is leaving but says there’s plenty of herring here still, which is music to my silver deprived ears.

The streetlight beams directly onto the water here and you can occasionally see fish flashing under the surface. I put on a slightly longer piece of Isome and cast out just beyond the light. I twitch it back for immediate results. A real pull back, then another, then I strike and connect. This fish is no smelt! It’s turbo-charged and takes line handsomely then shakes the hook. This happens again twice. The fourth fish is truly on and I yank it in just so I can see it.

This photo really shows the varied colour palette in the herring. True disco balls in fish form.

The ‘Tamar Tarpon’ in all it’s iridescent glory, those silver scales reflecting blues, pinks and lilacs at me. A true disco ball of a fish. Their mouth is incredibly thin and it’s easy to see how the hook pulls out so often. Trying to take pictures of such a lively fish, whilst also trying not to shake any of it’s scales off is a test. Their beautiful large scales seem to be held on by a thread, they lose them so easy and I’m careful to minimise touching the fish. Unlike the angler before me I require no food for the pot, just the simple joy of catching such a beautiful thing. I quickly return it.

With that tarpon-like mouth and slim, streamlined build, it’s no wonder these fish fight so well.

I’m now hooking fish after fish, a lot are shaking the hook right at the end. This suits me as I’m only here for the fight. With the drag set light the herring rocket off! Some go deep and fight like a scad, others do their best impression of a garfish and leap from the water. In difficult wind and a constant drizzle, it’s a relief to find such electric sport. I milk each fight and there are many, I lose count but it’s easily over twenty in only fifteen minutes. Only mackerel can rival this species for sheer numbers, greed and outright speed!

With a massive smile on my face I head home, my lust for silver abated. As I drive home I see the flickering of televisions on curtains, I imagine the people inside, warm but numbingly watching television. I’m chilled to the bone and smell of herring, but I know who had the more memorable of nights.

If you enjoyed this post then take a look at my blog.

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[kathyprior4200]

Fish are Friends (fanfiction)

(I do not own any of the characters. All rights belong to Disney and Pixar. No copyright intended.)

Somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, a great white shark swam alone. He had left his home after he could not meet his father’s expectations. For this shark named Lenny, kelp and seaweed were his choice of food. In fact, he often thought about befriending fish instead of eating them. Seafood tasted disgusting to Lenny. His father Don Lino, however, was not pleased that his son was a vegetarian. He was proud of his older son Frankie who did everything he was supposed to do. Frankie enjoyed killing his prey and picking on his younger brother. Lenny could still hear his father’s criticizing words, “Son, you’re going to learn how to be a shark, whether you like it or not.”

 After Frankie was crushed by an anchor, Lenny was devastated. Even after Frankie slapped him and called him a moron just before his death, Lenny could not stop bawling. Lenny believed that he did the right thing by saving a blue and yellow fish from being eaten. However, he still blamed himself for his brother’s death. If he had eaten the fish, perhaps Frankie would still be alive. He had not felt this sad since his mother had passed away. If only Frankie could have taken over their family business and Lenny could live freely among the fish. If Lino and the rest of the sharks were not accepting of his odd tastes so to speak, they would really not accept him now, after what happened.

 Lenny swam some more and came across an old sunken ship, much like the one his family lived in. The hull was rusted and there was a hole that split the long ship in the middle. Around the ship, Lenny saw depth charges that looked like metal balls. They were supported by chains that came from the seafloor. Lenny peeked into the ship to see what was inside. There were no treasure chests or a fancy restaurant like the one back at his home. Rusted pipes snaked up to the cracked ceiling and grates lined the floor. He was about to swim away when he heard some noises close by. He looked through a hole and could not believe his eyes.

 A great white shark swam to the ship. He looked bigger than Lenny’s father and his rows of sharp teeth could have scared the fins off Franke. Lenny looked in shock at what the shark was carrying with his fins. In one fin was a blue tang with yellow fins. She stared off into space and let herself be carried along as if a friend were taking her to a party. In his other fin was a smaller orange clownfish with white stripes. His eyes were wide with fear and he looked around for an escape. “Anchor! Chum!” the great white called. A copper colored hammerhead shark and a black and white mako shark appeared from inside the hole. “There you are, Bruce finally called the hammerhead.” “We’ve got company,” Bruce said with a big grin. The two sharks pushed each other to try and get the fish.

 ‘Oh no,’ thought Lenny, ‘those sharks are going to eat those poor fish.’ As the fish got closer to the sharks, Lenny worked up his courage to confront the sharks. “Hey leave those fish alone,” yelled Lenny, putting himself between Bruce and his shark friends. The two sharks looked at each other confused and Bruce asked, “Whoa calm down,” said Bruce holding his fin up and releasing the fish. “I am just introducing them to my friends!” “You were about to eat them.” Lenny yelled. He went up to the fish to comfort them, but the orange one swam back in fear and the blue one was looking around. Bruce rang a bell, swam up to a rusted sink he used as a podium and called the room to order.

 “All right, this meeting has officially come to order,” he said. “Now let’s all say the pledge.” He and the other sharks raised their right fins and even the blue tang joined in, getting a bewildered look from the clownfish. They cited, “I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself. Fish are friends, not food.” “Except stinkin’ dolphins,” said Anchor. “Dolphins” asked Chum, “Yeah I think they’re so cute!” He then did a funny dolphin impression. “’Oh look at me, I’m a flippin’ little dolphin, let me flip for you!’”

 ‘Wow,’ Lenny thought. ‘There are really sharks like me’? He never imagined that there would be sharks who did not eat fish. Were they vegetarian like he was? Bruce spoke up again, “Now today’s meeting is step five: bring a fish friend. Now do you all have your friends?” “I’ve got mine” said Anchor, lifting his fin and revealing a small terrified green fish. “Hi there,” Dory said with a wave at the green fish. “What about you Chum,” asked Bruce. “Right, well,” he stuttered, “I seemed to have misplaced my… um… friend…”  He revealed fish bones between his teeth and sucked them back in. “It’s alright Chum,” said Bruce with a laugh. “I had a feeling this would be your biggest step. You can hang out with one of our friends.” “Oh thanks mate,” said Chum, flipping Marlin with his fin. Lenny noticed that the little green fish had swum out into the ocean. Bruce looked over at Lenny and said, “How about you?” “Well,” said Lenny. “I actually saved one fish from being eaten by my brother. I couldn’t bring him here but I’m sure…”

 His words were cut off by some noise coming from outside. Lenny slowly looked outside to see a fish… dancing on the top of the ship? It was not just any fish but the same blue and yellow one that Lenny had saved. The other sharks started to swim out but Lenny put his black fin in front of them, holding them back. The fish looked like he was mixing dancing and karate moves together. “Ah yeah,” he said. “No shark is gonna mess with me. I’m Oscar, the Shark slayer! Wham! Pow! Hi-ya!” He punched and kicked the water, yelling fighting noises. Bruce put his fin to his face and Marlin rolled his eyes. Dory was trying not to laugh. “Yeah, that would be my friend,” sighed Lenny. Oscar swam down and danced some more. He turned around and saw the sharks. With a scream, he sped off into the distance, bubbles appearing then vanished. Lenny was about to go after him, but Bruce said. “Wait mate. Let’s let that crazy fish go off on his own. He will be fine.” Lenny knew that this Oscar fish was no shark slayer. He knew that the anchor had killed his brother and that he was trying to gain attention. Lenny sighed and swam back down to the meeting area.

 “Okay, I’ll start with the testimonies,” Bruce said, back up at the sink. “Hello, my name is Bruce.” “Hello Bruce,” said the sharks in a boring tone. It was clear that the sharks had heard his speeches many times. “It’s been three weeks since my last fish, on my honor, I’ll have it chopped up and made into soup.” The sharks clapped their fins. “You’re an inspiration to all of us,” said Chum admiringly. “Yeah mate,” said Anchor. “Right then, who’s next,” asked Bruce. “Oh oh oh, pick me, pick me!” said the blue tang. Bruce moved aside for the fish and she went up and faced the audience. “Hi, I’m Dory,” she said. “Hello, Dory,” said everyone. “Well, I don’t think I have ever eaten a fish,” she said. She was met with claps and cheers. “Wow, that’s incredible!” exclaimed Chum. “Good on ya, mate!” Bruce cheered. Dory sighed with relief, “I am glad I got that off my chest.”

 “All right, anyone else?” Bruce asked. Lenny raised his fin. “Go on up, mate” said Bruce to Lenny. Dory swam back and Lenny took the stage. “Hi, I’m Lenny. “Hello Lenny,” they said. “Don’t laugh at me, but I have never eaten a fish. I’m a vegetarian.” The sharks stood in silence with their mouths open surprise. Even Dory was serious for a moment. Then Lenny got a big round of applause from everyone. “Wow, unbelievable!” said Bruce. “He should be the next leader,” exclaimed Chum who got a glare from Bruce. Lenny smiled, finally feeling like he fit in.

 “Who’s next,” asked Bruce. “How about you, mate? What’s your problem?” he asked, looking at the orange fish. “Oh, I don’t have a problem.” “Oh okay,” said Bruce sarcastically. “Denial!” the sharks said at the same time, knocking Marlin to the front with their fins. “Just start with your name,” said Bruce. The frightened fish was shaking but managed to say “Okay, uh, hello. My name is Marlin. I’m a clownfish.” “A clownfish? Really,” asked Bruce. The three sharks swam up close as Bruce said, “Go on. Tell us a joke!” “Oh, I love jokes!” said Chum. “Well, I do know one that’s pretty good,” stuttered Marlin. “There’s a mollusk and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally they don’t talk but in a joke, everyone talks. So the mollusk says to the sea cucumber…”

 Marlin looked at a green and black scuba mask hanging on a pole. “Nemo,” Marlin suddenly said, swimming upward. “Nemo, ha ha Nemo,” Chum laughed, clapping his fins then fell silent. ‘The clownfish is not that funny,” mumbled Bruce. “No no, he’s my son. He was taken by these divers.” “Oh you poor fish,” said Dory sadly. Bruce looked like he was about to cry. “Now there is a father, looking for his little boy…” Marlin and Dory were reading the writing on the mask.  Frustrated, Marlin asked “What do these markings mean?” “I never knew my father!” Bruce sobbed then broke down. Chum, Anchor and Lenny gave him hugs. “I’m so sorry,’ said Lenny. “I know how it feels to lose a family member.” Lenny looked off to the side. ‘I bet those beings that killed his dad also killed Frankie,’ Lenny thought.  

  “I can’t read human,” said Marlin. “Then we better find a fish who does,” said Dory. Lenny looked down and saw Marlin and Dory fighting over the mask. “Hey, that’s mine, give it back,” said Dory. The mask snapped back and hit Dory in the face. “Ow,” she yelled. She held her nose and Marlin said “I’m so so sorry.” “You really caught me there. Am I bleeding?”  Blood floated from Dory and into Bruce’s nostrils. “Dory are you oka…ohhh that’s good,” he moaned, sniffing the blood. “Intervention,” yelled Chum and Anchor, looking at each other, then rushing at Bruce. “Just a bite,” said Bruce in a frenzy, thrashing against the wall. Anchor and Chum were holding them down, but Bruce was moving fast. “Fish are friends, not food,” they said but Bruce broke free of their grip. “Lenny slapped Bruce and yelled “Get a hold of yourself!” He was met with a hard shove as Bruce rushed past him and yelled “Food!” Marlin and Dory swam was fast as their fins could carry them.  Bruce crashed through a grate and cried, “I’m having fish tonight!” Chum shouted advice, but they didn’t seem to hear.

  Lenny was horrified. Those sharks were fine at first, but Bruce had turned as violent and hungry as Frankie did, perhaps even more. He hoped that the fish had safely escaped. After a while, Lenny spotted the fish again. Bruce had them trapped in a hole with a torpedo! Bruce tried again and again to bite them, but he was too big to reach them. The other sharks tried to help. Bruce banged against the hole, trying to catch the fish. “Sorry about…” Bang! “…Bruce, mate” Chum said to the fish. Anchor soon joined in, dodging Bruce’s movements. “He’s really…” Bang! “…a nice guy!” Bang! “I need to get that mask,” said Marlin. “You want the mask?” asked Dory. They screamed as part of the torpedo moved into Bruce’s mouth. “Quick, grab the mask, grab it!” shouted Marlin. Dory grabbed it and they both swam to safety.

 Bruce thrashed, trying to get the torpedo out of his mouth. The torpedo flew out and slowly floated down to the floor. “Oh no. Bruce…” Chum muttered with concern. “What?” asked Bruce, coming out of his frenzy. The torpedo was floating toward a metal ball. Bruce gasped and shouted “Swim away! Swim away!” The sharks quickly swam off, while the two fish made their way from their hiding spot. “Aww, is the party over?” groaned Dory. The torpedo touched the ball and it exploded, along with the other depth charges. After the explosions ended, Lenny swam off into the direction that Oscar went. Lenny would befriend him and hopefully he would be accepted by the other fish. He hoped that he would be free to be himself and not have to worry about meeting his father’s expectations. He saw Oscar hide in some kelp and quietly went to join him. “Lenny,” a shark called. “Lenny,” the shark called again in a louder voice. He got slapped by another shark swimming by. “Hey, quiet down! There’s a shark slayer out here! Do you wanna be next?” “Oh,” the first shark said, realizing his mistake. “Lenny, Lenny” he whispered as the second shark rolled his eyes.  The sharks swam out of sight. “That was close,” Oscar whispered. “Super close,” said Lenny. Oscar froze in place and slowly looked up.  

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