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bitchin-beskar · 4 years ago

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love story

Rating: M (this was only supposed to have a little bit of smut, but... uh... I have no self control, apparently)

Warnings: smut. and apparently a breeding kink? i guess? who knows. certainly not me.

Word Count: 3k

Paring: Frankie x Reader

A/N: so I was listening to the folklore album, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about Frankie, so I impulsively decided to ignore my other WIPs for the night and instead write a marriedlife!drabble that takes place after the events of my folklore story. If you wanna re-read any of those chapters, they’re listed both in original posting order and chronological order on my masterlist, here. Enjoy my shameless self-indulgent ramblings!

Also, shameless shoutout to @mxndoscyarika, who’s my partner-in-crime when it comes to PNW!Frankie, her and I spent a fair bit of time rambling about all the things Frankie would love in the PNW, and Seattle, Washington specifically. It was those ramblings that helped inspire this fic! Check out some of her work!

Also, also, another shameless shoutout to @perropascal who fangirls with me about Frankie and Taylor Swift all the time. She’s got her own folklore fic with Frankie that y’all should definitely check out, along with some amazing stuff for Pedro’s other characters!

Also, also, also, I had the privilege of seeing Hamilton at the Paramount in Seattle in 2018, and it was an amazing experience, and I think some of that excitement shows in this story... sorry not sorry.

Tags: @theocatkov, @cosmicbug379, @marydjarin, @perropascal, @mxndoscyarika, @hayley-the-comet, @phoenixhalliwell, @ahopelessromanticwritersworld, @cryptkeepersoul

Please fill out this survey if you’d like to be tagged in any future works!

Biting your lip, you danced around your room in excitement, eagerly throwing the last of your toiletries in the duffel bag. You’d been hoping that you’d be able to surprise Frankie while the two of you were on your anniversary trip, and it looked like things were gonna go the way you were hoping.

A chuckle came from the doorway behind you, and you spun around, a sheepish grin on your face. Frankie stood in the doorway, his arms crossed over his green button-up, his tattered baseball cap dangling from one of his hands.

His eyes were soft as he watched you, and when you turned to face him, he uncrossed his arms, holding one of his hands out to you. Taking it, he pulled you into a hug, tucking his face into the side of your neck, breathing deeply.

You wrapped your arms around him, squeezing tightly. You tried to school your features into a more neutral mask, but you couldn’t help the secret smile that spread across your lips.

“What’s got you so excited, princesa?”

You pulled back to look up at your husband, still in awe of the fact that you were actually married to this man, even though it had been three years already.

“It’s our anniversary Francisco, I think I’m allowed to be a little excited.”

Frankie looked down at you, sliding one of his hands into the back pocket of your jeans, tugging you closer against him. “Oh, you want to celebrate three years of being married to me? Is that a good thing?”

The joking tone of his voice was clear, but you smacked him lightly upside the head anyways. “Of course it’s a good thing, Francisco,” you muttered, tugging gently on his hair to pull him down to your level so that you could kiss him.

You’d intended for just a quick peck, but as you tried to pull away, Frankie cupped the back of your head and kept your lips pressed to his. You grinned, letting Frankie control the kiss for awhile before you finally–and reluctantly–pulled away.

“Frankie, mmh– Francisco, we’re going to be late– for our flight–” You mumbled your protests as Frankie kept pressing kisses against your lips, trapping your words. You finally had to push on his chest with both your hands to get him to stop. “Frankie! I’m serious!”

He grinned unashamedly. “I can always fly us there if we miss our plane, sweetheart.”

You rolled your eyes. “Not the point, Frankie.”

***

Frankie had been the one to suggest Seattle, Washington for your anniversary this year. He’d spent some time there when he was a little boy, and he’d gone back a couple times as he’d gotten older, and he’d always had nothing but good things to tell you about the city. He loved the weather, the sights, the community, and you were excited to get to finally visit the place your husband loved so much.

The two of you had discussed the idea of moving in the not-so-distant future, and depending on how this trip went, you were thinking about suggesting Seattle as a possible location to look into. Your husband clearly loved it, and as long as you did too–which, to be honest, you were expecting to–then you’d have no problems moving to the Evergreen State.

The flight wasn’t too long, and before you knew it, you were landing at SeaTac International Airport. Frankie had graciously given you the window seat, and you were eagerly looking out the tiny airplane window, taking in the scenery.

You were almost in a daze as Frankie led you through the airport, gathering your luggage and hailing a cab. From everything you’d heard, Washington sounded amazing, and you were so excited to get to experience all the sights.

Frankie had planned the weekend for the two of you, eagerly describing all the different places he wanted to take you. Pike Place Market, The Space Needle, The Gum Wall, the Seattle Aquarium, and the Woodland Park Zoo were just a few of the things that Frankie wanted the two of you to do.

He’d also told you that he had a surprise planned, and no matter how much you begged, he refused to tell you what it was. But, now you were mere hours from finding out, and it just added to your excitement.

The ride wasn’t supposed to take very long, but with the Seattle traffic, a seventeen minute trip turned into an almost forty-five minute trip. Thankfully, the cabbie seemed used to the traffic, and he expertly drove through the confusing twists and turns of downtown Seattle.

Arriving at the Hyatt Regency Hotel, Frankie tipped the cabbie generously, helping you to gather the luggage before heading in to check-in.

Looking around the lobby, you could immediately tell that it was a nicer hotel than the two of you usually stayed in. From the furniture to the chandeliers, everything felt very elegant and upper class.

“Frankie, how expensive was this?” You hissed under your breath, feeling more than a little out of place.

His hand was on the small of your back as he led you towards the reception desk. “Not as bad as you’re thinking, princesa, I promise. I know a guy from the military, he was able to get us a good deal.”

You quirked an eyebrow, but Frankie just smiled innocently.

***

You were in shock.

You stared at the two tickets Frankie had just handed you, your brain trying to process what your eyes were seeing.

“Hamilton?” You whispered. “You got us tickets to see Hamilton?”

Your eyes darted up to see your husband standing in front of you, a guarded look on his face. “Are you... excited?”

The tickets fluttered to the ground as you threw yourself at Frankie, your arms winding around his neck and your lips crashing against his.

He caught you easily, one arm wrapping around your waist as you wrapped both your legs around him. He held you up with ease, and you gripped his cheeks as you kissed him breathless.

When you pulled away, his cheeks were flushed, and the look in his eyes as he gazed up at your face made you smile. “I’m ecstatic, I can’t even describe how happy I am.”

Frankie kissed you softly once more before letting you unwind your legs from around his waist, helping you to stand on solid ground. You pecked him quickly on the cheek before turning to bend down and grab the tickets from where you dropped them.

A sharp smack on your ass made you squeak, and you jumped, turning to glare at your husband’s mock-innocent look. “You’d better get ready, baby. We have dinner reservations in an hour, and then the play.”

You tried to maintain your glare, but it was impossible with how happy you were. You placed the tickets down on the bed before heading to your suitcase to grab a change of clothes.

***

The play had been amazing. There were no other words to describe it. The Paramount Theatre was beautiful, and the show was fantastic. The cast, the songs, the set, the acting, all of it was better than you’d ever dreamed. Along with the fact that you were getting to experience it with the love of your life made it one of the best nights you’d had in a long time.

You’d even been able to participate in a stage-door experience, where you waited outside the stage exit to the street, and some of the actors came out to sign programs.

The entire walk back to the hotel–which, granted, was only about five minutes–you ranted to Frankie about all of the things you loved from the play. He hummed and hawed as you talked, letting you ramble. Whenever you got excited like this, it was easier to let you rant for a little bit to get the excitement out of your system before trying to actually carry on a conversation.

You’d run out of steam by the time the two of you had gotten into an elevator, and you turned to Frankie. “What did you think?” You asked, a breathless grin overtaking your features.

He stared at you for a moment, and you were about to repeat yourself when he cupped your cheeks and kissed you.

This kiss was different, rougher, and more desperate than the kisses from earlier. You’d had many years to get to know all of Frankie’s kisses, and you knew exactly what this kiss meant.

“Frankie!” You gasped, panting as his lips left yours, instead latching onto the skin over your pulse. “Frankie, we’re in a public elev–” you cut off, moaning as your husband’s wandering hands groped at your ass, kneading the flesh over the fabric of your dress.

He pulled away abruptly, leaving you wanting. You stared up at him, the dark look in his eyes going straight to your core, leaving you rubbing your thighs together to try and get some relief.

The doors opened with a soft ding, startling the two of you. Thankfully, you didn’t encounter anyone in the hallway, and you were able to enter your room without having to answer any awkward questions.

You barely had time to drop your clutch on a side table before Frankie was on you, his arms wrapping around your waist as he renewed his attack on your neck, grinding his erection into your ass.

Tilting your head to allow him better access, you ran your fingers through his hair, tugging at the strands as he nipped at your skin with his teeth. His hands roamed over your dress, cupping your breasts and dipping under your skirt to cup your pussy through your rapidly-soaking panties.

The moans leaving your lips are rapidly growing in volume. Frankie knows just how to touch you to make you scream and he’s already causing the heat in your belly to pool, the tightening in your core causing you to whimper and moan.

“Sweetheart, if you don’t want this dress to get ruined, you should take it off.”

You grin at the heat in your husband’s voice, reaching behind you to grip the zipper, lowering it slowly. You allow the dress to slowly slide off your form, your grin widening at the frustrated growl behind you.

As the dress finally pools at your feet, Frankie grips you around the waist and bodily throws you on the bed, his fingers undoing the buttons on his dress shirt as he stalks after you. He sheds his shirt, and quickly strips off his dress pants, leaving him in just his boxers.

You smirk at your husband as he climbs onto the bed and on top of you, his body pressing yours down into the mattress. He claims your lips again, and you gladly surrender to him. Everything he’s done for you, already this weekend is perfect, and it’s only the first night.

You’re so giddy, so amazingly content, you decide that now is the perfect time to give Frankie his present. You push gently on his bare chest, getting him to back off for just a moment.

“I want to give you your anniversary present,” You murmur, smiling at the confused look that flashes across Frankie’s face.

“Really, baby? Right now?” He emphasizes his words by grinding into you, and you have to bite your lip to hold back a moan.

“Yes, Francisco, now. It’s not something you can unwrap, though.” He looks down at you, confused. “We’ve talked about it before, and we never really decided to try, but, um...” You take one of Frankie’s hands and bring it to rest over your bare stomach. “In about nine months, you’re gonna be a daddy.”

Your eyes eagerly watch Frankie’s face for his reaction, and you’re not disappointed. His eyes widen in shock, darting between your face and his hand on your stomach, and you watch as a hopeful smile grows on his face.

“R–Really? You’re–You’re pregnant? We’re gonna have a–a baby?”

When you nod, Frankie kisses you harshly, pressing his lips so tightly against yours, you’re almost worried the skin might bruise, before he pulls away, crawling down your body so his face is level with your stomach.

“Hi, baby,” he whispers, and you feel tears spring to your eyes. “I’m your daddy.” His voice is breathless, and you feel wet droplets on your skin from his tears. You run your fingers through his hair, cradling his head as he speaks to your unborn child.

“You better treat your mama real good, you hear me? She loves you so, so much already, and she’s gonna bring you into this world, so you’ve gotta be real nice to her.”

Now you’re crying, hearing Frankie speak to your baby with such love and devotion, you can’t even begin to put your joy into words. You’d had no doubts that Frankie would be anything other than absolutely thrilled, but hearing him speak brings it home that you both really are excited beyond belief.

Frankie crawls back up the bed, kissing you again and again and again. “You’re amazing, mi amor.” His voice is reverent, adoring, and filled with desire. “God, I want you so much.”

He pauses, his eyes dropping to your belly, and you can see the unspoken fear in his dark eyes. “Frankie, Francisco, look at me,” you grip his chin, forcing his gaze back to you. “Sex isn’t going to hurt the baby.”

“You promise?”

You chuckle softly. “I promise. Sex can be really beneficial for pregnant women.”

He raises an eyebrow, almost incredulously. When you nod, reassuring him once more, his grin in response is almost feral.

“You’re having my baby.”

The possessive tone in your husband’s voice sends shivers down your spine. He’d talked about wanting kids before, but this... this was new. And you most certainly weren’t going to complain.

He rolled the two of you suddenly, so that you were straddling his waist as he lay on the bed. He plucked at the ties on the sides of your underwear. “I’ve gotta say, I really like these,” he muttered, quickly undoing the ties, helping you to remove the offending undergarments.

They end up somewhere on the floor, but you’re not really focused on their final location. Instead, your attention is captured by your husband as he helps you slowly sink down on his cock.

You both groan in unison as he’s seated fully inside you. You stay still on top of him for a moment, still not used to his size, no matter how long the two of you have been doing this.

Frankie’s fingers are slowly stroking over the skin of your belly, and you bite your lip, looking down to see him staring at the path his fingers are taking.

“Fuck,” he whispers. “You’re pregnant. With my baby.”

You clench your inner muscles, smirking at the groan that leaves his lips. “Do you like that? Do you like that you got me pregnant?” Frankie’s hips give an involuntary little thrust, and it’s your turn to moan.

“Yeah, I did, didn’t I?” Frankie’s words are distant, almost like he’s not even talking to you, but muttering to himself. He thrusts up again, and you gasp, again. “I got you pregnant.” Another thrust. “You’re gonna have my kid.” His next thrust is harder, and you bounce slightly on his lap.

“Oh god, Frankie,” your moan is loud, and unashamed. You don’t care who hears, you’re not focused on anything other than your husband.

His hands grip your hips, guiding you to ride him, bouncing you on his lap. “That’s it, sweetheart. Fuck, you feel so good, look so pretty riding my cock.” You throw your head back, raking your nails down Frankie’s chest as you’re chasing your release.

“‘M gonna watch your belly get so big,” he murmured, his gaze focused on your stomach. “You’re gonna look radiant, baby. So pretty, so fucking gorgeous.”

Your mouth falls open as he thrusts up harder while grinding you down as he does so. You unclasp your bra, throwing it off to the side as you play with your breasts, panting as your pleasure grows.

Frankie sits up, nudging one of your hands away with his nose, taking your nipple into his mouth. You cup the back of his head as he suckles at your breast, your other hand resting on Frankie’s thigh as he continues to fuck you.

Releasing your breast with a wet sound, he looks up at you, desire and wonder clear in his eyes. “Can’t wait to watch these grow fat with milk for our baby, princesa.” You whimper, both at his words and at the way he takes you back in his mouth.

Frankie brings you closer to your release, only to slow just as you’re about to fall over the edge. You whimper, trying to grind down, trying to chase your release, but Frankie’s grip on your hips stills your movements.

“Do you want to come, baby?”

You nod frantically, words escaping you as you try to encourage Frankie to let you come.

“Really?”

“YES! Please, Frankie! Please!”

He chuckles, rolling the two of you over once again, not even pausing to allow you to adjust to the new position before he begins to thrust again. Your mouth falls open, panting breaths escaping as Frankie pounds into you.

Before you can really register, you’re at your peak once again, and you’re begging Frankie to allow you your release.

“Oh, oh god, Frankie please, let me come,” you’re clutching at his arms as he’s pounding into you, your back arching, you’re so close.

Frankie bows his head, his dark eyes watching your writhing form. “Come for me, princesa. Come.”

You do, crying out loudly, nails digging into Frankie’s skin. He’s not far behind, thrusting a few more times before he’s coming inside you.

His arms are straining with the effort to hold himself off you, and you gently guide him down, bringing him to lay against you, his face buried in your neck. His arms come up to embrace you, his lips pressing gentle kisses onto your skin.

“I love you, so much, princesa.”

“I love you too, Frankie.”

#folklore #continuation #married life #drabble #not really #ended up being a bit longer than a drabble #hahaha #this is longer than most chapters #but I just love them so much #frankie x reader #Francisco Morales #Triple Frontier #reader fic #Reader #no use of Y/N

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kayliemusing · 4 years ago

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How long until your birthday?: 3 months

Do you have any relatives in the military currently?: No

Who got married at the last wedding you went to?: My cousin

Are you better at math or art?: I wasn’t particularly good at either lol. Art was more relaxing even though I knew I wasn’t good at it. I hated math.

Science or History?: History.

Who was your 4th grade teacher?: Mrs Brander, and she was such a hard ass.

Who was your best friend in 7th grade?: Erika

Where did you go to pre-school, if you went at all?: To the collicutt center. It was like a recreational center so it had the gym, dance classes, swimming pool, etc.

Who was the last person to call you?: My mom

What’s your favorite brand of gum?: I like Juicy Fruit, although it doesn’t last very long. I don’t chew a lot of gum because it always makes me hungry.

Do you own a digital camera?: No

How old is the cellphone you have right now?: Not that old. I have the iPhone 11 Pro. I’m not sure when it came out though. Only a couple years I think?

Do you know anyone named Tyler?: Yes

Are both your parents still living?: No, just one.

What was the last thing you bought?: I think it was McDonalds from skip the dishes haha

Can you do a handstand?: No.

How many funerals have you been to in your lifetime?: Three, I think.

Have you ever had a pet fish?: Yes

Are you taller than your mom?: No.

Are you confused?: Most of the time

Whats on your wish list for your birthday?: I don’t really know. I guess some makeup from colourpop would be nice.

Does the future make you more nervous or excited?: More like crippling fear of being a failure and never amounting to anything and being stuck in a job i hate and living an unfulfilled life and having never reached my potential and living in low income housing where i have an ugly kitchen that hasn’t been updated since the 70s and i never achieved any of my dreams, and then i watch as everyone goes on and lives fabulous lives because they were smart and hardworking but i just could never rise to my full potential.

Something you hate more than anything?: my sister’s bf/soon to be ex-bf. also kanye west.

Did you kiss or hug anyone today?: no

Do you like surprises?: I like really good surprises, but I don’t like feeling shocked. The only downside with surprises is you can get so excited that after it’s over and you’re not excited anymore, it’s like you get a drop in adrenaline and then you get sad or tired after.

Do you think people have any misconceptions about you?: Oh yeah

Do you miss someone?: Yes

Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?: I think if I felt that was the right thing to do, then yes.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?: No, I just think we learn to thrive in spite of it and good can come from it.

Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?: I’m not really friends with her anymore, but mackenzie would have been a good doctor if she wanted to be.

What’s your most favorite scar?: I don’t have cool scars, just lame ones from thinking I was cool as a kid and crashing my bike and falling into a pit of wounded pride and humilation.

When was the last time you flew in a plane?: I’ve actually never been on a plane.

What did the last text message say that you received?: My sister telling me that she’s pretty sure she has ADHD which I can confirm just by being around her lol.

How many kids do you wanna have?: I’ve always felt 3, but I don’t even know if I’ll have kids or get married. I’m not opposed to kids, but I’m also okay if I never have them.

Would you make a good parent?: I think so. I had great parents so I’m sure I would be fine. I suck in the cooking category though lol.

Where was your default picture taken?: My tumblr blogs are all pics of Taylor Swift lol, but on my facebook it’s a selfie I took of myself at my dining room table.

Honestly, whats on your mind right now?: I just feel really tired and bummed. I’m always stressed about how much work I’m not getting done, but when I go to write something down I just get overwhelmed or I don’t know what to say or I don’t have any ideas. I wrote something a few nights ago I was proud of so I think I’m getting better at forcing it out of me and shoving the doubts behind me, but they’re there and they’re rampant some days. Lately, I’m just worried about not rising into my potential and always sitting beneath it and never achieving my goals and dreams.

Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?: Both! It depends on the look I’m going for that day. I like wearing my glasses because it’s less hassle and more comfortable on my eyes, but especially because of masks right now, I like to wear my contacts so I don’t have to deal with my breath fogging them up or if I love my eye makeup/am wearing fake lashes.

When is the last time you received a massage? About a year and a half ago. I never actually went for a full massage, but I had a facial and part of the facial was a leg and foot massage which we beautiful.

Who made you cry?: Recently, my managers when they indirectly accused me of stealing (they said I look suspicious??) from the tills which was totally absurd and I felt kind of betrayed by them in a way that they would think I could do something like that, especially after I’ve been two years of my life to this company.

What was the last tv show you watched? Honestly, I think it was Spongebob lol. It was on tv a few days ago so I watched it. What are your plans for tomorrow?: I need to clean my bathroom really badly lol. I think my mom wants to open her gifts early tomorrow (she’s a christmas baby) so we’re probably going to do that and then at 3:30 I have to work.

#survey

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robinrunsfiction · 5 years ago

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Twelve Days of Christmas Challenge Day 8 - Andy Hurley

Pairing: Andy Hurley x Gender Neutral Reader Rating: General Requested By: None Word Count: ~800 Author’s Note: Oh the angst. Also thanks to Taylor Swift for the inspo on this one. Listen to Afterglow if you haven’t before!

It started with closing the laptop when you walked in the room and a sideways glance. Then it was taking phone calls behind closed doors in a low voice. Then it was not answering his phone when he was out and the guys not being able to vouch for his whereabouts.

You were curious at first. Wondering what he was doing, where he was going, who was he talking to. But that worry led to an anxious voice in your head.

'He's cheating on you!'

'He's gonna leave you!'

'You were never good enough for him anyway!'

And then you started to pull away. At night when he'd reach out to pull you close, you'd squirm away, giving him the cold shoulder. Conversations went silent.

Then one day you couldn't take it anymore. You walked into the living room and he promptly shut his laptop and put it aside.

"Who are they?" You demanded.

"What?" Andy replied, confusion written across his face.

"You know what I mean! Don't play dumb with me! All the sneaking around, secret phone calls, closing your computer when I walk in. Who are you running around with behind my back?"

Andy's jaw dropped as the confusion was replaced with hurt. Your heart had been hammering in your chest as you prepared to confront him, but now you knew something else was wrong.

Andy got up and stormed into the office where you heard drawers opening and slamming shut. He came back out and stuffed a stack of papers in your hands.

"Here, merry fucking Christmas," he said grabbing his jacket and storming out.

You stood there stunned as he slammed the door behind him. You looked down at the papers you held in your shaking hands.

Plane tickets. Hotel reservations. Travel itineraries. Lists of recommended restaurants and attractions with notes in his handwriting in the margins. He had been planning the trip of your dreams, the one you had discussed happily with him before your insecurities started to cloud your judgment.

The tears were streaming down your cheeks before you even realized you were crying. The papers slipped from your shaking hands and scattering onto the floor.

You weren't sure how long you stood there, shaking and crying until you realized the room had gone dark around you. You gathered up the papers in the neatest pile you could muster and set them on the coffee table. You didn't know what to do so you pulled out your phone.

Baby I'm sorry. I realize that you were just trying to surprise me and im so so sorry. This is all on me, this is all my fault. Come home

You got up and started pacing the house, not sure what to do with yourself. Before you knew it, it was almost midnight and he wasn't back and your phone hadn't gone off. You decided to crawl into bed, exhausted.

The next morning when you woke up the next morning, the sun was shining brightly, and for a moment you felt peaceful. Then the reality of the night before crashed down on you. You fumbled for your phone. Your heart sank as you saw there was nothing from Andy.

Please at least let me know youre ok you sent him. About five minutes later you heard your phone ding and scrambled for it.

Hes here with me, hes fine Patrick responded and you let out a sigh of relief.

You decided to try to proceed with your day like normal, but you couldn't shake the sick feeling of guilt. By the time it was evening again you decided you should eat something, having paced and worried all day and accomplished nothing. Then you heard the door open.

"(YN)?" You heard Andy call. You ran out of the kitchen to the front door, but stopped yourself short of throwing yourself in his arms. When you saw him, he looked defeated.

"I'm so sorry, it was all in my head," you sobbed before dropping to your knees, overcome with emotion.

“But why? What made you ever think I would do anything to hurt you?” He asked sitting down next to you. To your surprise he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you against him.

“I didn’t think the worst at first, but then I started to think I’m not good enough for you. And it was the only thing that fit the story I was telling myself. I'm so sorry I hurt you Andy,"

Andy just rocked you against him and kissed the top of your head. "I don't want you to ever think that someone as beautiful and brilliant as you isn't good enough for me."

"But I hurt you," you objected.

"(YN), I forgive you. We'll get through this together. And I think that trip will be exactly what we need."

You looked up, surprised. "You didn't cancel it?"

"Absolutely not," he smiled. "Besides, why punish myself?"

You just rolled your eyes as he laughed at his own joke.

#andy hurley x reader #andy hurley fanfic #andy hurley imagine #andy hurley fan fic #fall out boy fan fiction #fall out boy fanfiction #fall out boy fanfic #fall out boy fan fic

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televinita · 4 years ago

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Library Triage

Not sure if I mentioned it before, but as of May 20th they’re finally letting us return items, though all checkouts’ due dates are still currently extended to at least July 5th (w/ a 3-day grace period before fines so the books can be allowed to sit untouched upon return before being checked in). My hoard topped out at 44, but I still have 32 items out, for various reasons. Let us discuss! (strap in, it gets long. and also, once again, is not really triaged so much as listed in random order, arranged only by format)

Books returned, pending check-in: 2

Books currently reading: 1

Val McDermid books I have read but am hanging onto until I finish the last one, in case I want to refer back to shippy bits: 5

Books I am hanging onto for reference/because they are fun to look at: 2 (Annotated Little Women, Little Women cookbook)

***ACTUAL TBR BOOKS BELOW (the only section that’s actually triaged)***

1. How The Dead Speak - Val McDermid: Last one of hers! Really need to decide if I’m not ready for it to be over until the next book (which is not even on the horizon yet) is out, or if I want the whole series firmly in my head before it becomes inaccessible to me for at least 4 weeks from date of return.

2. Roses Round the Door - Doreen Tovey: the pre-publishing-life memoir of a prolific British author of cat memoirs.

3. Semiprecious - D. Anne Love: Middle grade novel set in the 60s. Looks simple but sweet, about two middle-school-age sisters being dumped at their aunt's house while their mother chases her stardom dreams.

4. The Visitors - Simon Sylvester Because I'm currently in the middle of a K.A. Tucker novel, and the library doesn't have any more but this cover looks similar, even if the style isn’t at all. This is an adult novel, I think, but features a 17-year-old, set on a “remote Scottish island,” and the title people are a girl her own age who arrives with her father. Selkies might be involved or hinted at.

5. The Map of Lost Memories - Kim Fay 1920s. Woman who works at a museum decides to go treasure-hunting after being passed over for curator due to her sex. Kinda feels like a 20th century Blood & Treasure crossed with Evy from The Mummy, if her area of expertise was the Orient rather than Egypt. I am excited!

6. Happiness for Beginners - Katherine Center "Wilderness survival course" in Wyoming in the summer? HELL YEAH. Sounds like a fantastic summer read, and maybe also good motivation to get outside in nature more.

DISCS

[CD] Taylor Swift - Lover: I still have only heard 2 songs on this. I keep thinking that I will finally listen to it when I have a long car trip, as driving is my favorite way to get acquainted w/ new CDs, but I keep forgetting it’s in the car because I rarely drive more than 10 minutes at a time or a half hour a week now. Still, on the chance I drive 20 minutes to a pretty trail or regional park, I’d like the option.

[DVD] 12 Strong: When a military movie goes right, it usually goes really right, and even though I’ve been putting off watching this since January, I still feel like Chris Hemsworth + horses cannot go wrong. I just need to pick a night where I want popcorn. I feel like popcorn would enhance this.

[DVD] Ladybird: I’m finally ready, thanks to Little Women drastically improving my tolerance to Timmy Ski Chalet, but somehow I’m still hesitating?? I think now it’s because I’ve built it up so much in my head I’m afraid of being let down. But I need to watch it, because even though it’s finally on Netflix, I’ll definitely want the special features afterward, and I can’t renew this.

[DVD] Adult Life Skills: Jodie Whittaker playing a reclusive and socially awkward nearly-30-year-old woman who still lives at home was like, MY UNEXPECTED DREAM SCENARIO, but once again I’m too intimidated by how much I think I will love it. Like the 2 above, I’ve had it since Jan. and can’t renew once it is due.

[DVD] Good Omens: There are only 2 people currently on the request list for this, and I haven’t even opened it since I picked it up, but I...just like having the option. This is my 2nd time checking it out so I did see some of the special features already.

[DVD] Little Women (2019): WHY HAS MY DUMB ASS JUST BEEN GLOATING ABOUT HAVING IT AND NOT ACTUALLY REWATCHING IT OR ITS SPECIAL FEATURES YET. I’m running out of time!! There are like 225 people on the request list after me!

[DVD] Criminal Minds season 2, 3, 7, and 10-15: CM may be drifting back toward the background, but you will pry these away from me on the day they are due and not a second before. I need them always. 13-15 aren’t streaming and they’re my shiny new favorites, and the others have awesome commentary tracks and/or other great special features.

[DVD] Grey’s Anatomy season 8: IDK, I got a craving to rewatch the plane crash episode and its glorious madhouse of pain and tragedy. I never checked out the DVD before so I would like to know if there are any deleted scenes or special features about it. I just picked this up today.

#library triage #first one of 2020 I think

0 notes

lonelyandgone · 7 years ago

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Previous Chapters: Teaser/Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7

Unexpected – Chapter 8

He’s two thirds through a dream consisting of Taylor and Diane Lane when he hears it. A thud, probably louder in the silence than it actually is, followed by a distinctive “Ow.” He opens one eye, his face hard against the pillow, his mind struggling to adjust to the disruption. Everything is a haze.

His body refuses to move, the effects of tequila and Taylor in full force and the vision in his lone open eye is blurry. So blurry that it takes him a good 30 seconds to see the ghostly figure in the far corner of the darkened room.

“Taylor,” he squeaks out, his voice raw and dry.

He sees the figure jerk at his word, turning toward him. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, “ignore that I’m here.”

“Pretty hard to do when you are here.” He tries to chuckle, his voice hitching in his throat and lodging there like a softball. He has to cough to dislodge it, forcing the laughter out in a distorted sound. “Are you still drunk? And lost?”

“No,” she starts to laugh but then cuts herself off. He knows she’s reacting to the silence, that she feels she still needs to be quiet even though he’s the only other person in the house and he is obviously awake.

He turns his body, rustling loudly as he sits up in the bed. He hears her sigh but the darkness still veils her face, leaving her features and expressions hidden to him. “Taylor . . . what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to get a blanket,” she says softly before he hears the sound of something fall to the floor, the noise a stark contrast to the quiet surrounding them, “obviously I’m failing at that but I’m trying.”

Cocking his head to the side, he narrows his eyes, trying to get a better view of her. It doesn’t work. “And why exactly are you getting a blanket,” he asks, his voice still ragged.

She huffs, leaning down he assumes to pick up whatever crashed to the floor. “Because this is where I keep the extra blankets and I need one so I can sleep on the couch.”

“Still not following you . . . ,” he tries to laugh, his body still struggling to adjust to his awakened state.

He finally catches a glimpse of her face when she stands back up, the light from the moon outside caressing her cheeks, illuminating her porcelain skin even more. His body reacts immediately, his mind going back to the night before and the dream he was enjoying when she woke him. He should be used to the physical response she provokes in him but he’s not.

“I had to go to the bathroom,” she sighs, “and when I went back to bed, Dodger and Olivia had made themselves pretty comfortable across my pillows. They look so precious that I can’t bring myself to wake them up. So, I’m going to go downstairs and sleep or watch a movie or something.”

He can feel the smirk inching across his lips as he watches her latch her hands onto her hips, her eyes now fully on him. “So, you’re giving up your warm and cozy bed for my dog and your cat?”

She nods. “Yes.”

“Are you sure you’re not still drunk?”

She snickers at his words, shaking her head. “No. You just didn’t see how precious they look. You wouldn’t be able to wake them either.”

“Yeah, I probably would,” he groans, watching as she smiles and then turns back around, rummaging again in the closet.

“Go back to sleep, Chris. I promise I’m leaving in two seconds.”

He grins when he hears her words and hum’s briefly before spitting out. “One . . Two.” And then chuckling loudly.

He can still barely see her but he hears her huff and notices the outline of her face as she turns toward him. She holds nothing in her hands. “Fine, Captain America, I will let you get back to your beauty sleep and I’ll see if maybe the two divas in my bed will at least let me have the comforter.”

She’s taken maybe five steps toward the door when he leans his body over in the bed, reaching his arm into the darkened space she is in and grasping her arm. He feels her jerk at his touch but he doesn’t loosen his grasp on her.

“C’mon Mrs. Captain America, there is a bed and a blanket right here . . . and while I can’t see the television at this moment I’m sure there is one if you want to watch it.”

Should he have called her Mrs. Captain America? Probably not. But he likes the way those words come off of his tongue, the way they make his heart twinge and shutter, even if he’s only referring to her as a fictitious wife to his fictitious character and using the name she revealed the kids at Leo’s party had called her yesterday..

His hand is still resting on her arm when he realizes she isn’t moving. He tugs gently. “C’mon.”

It’s at that moment when the light sifting through the window moves ever so slightly and rests upon her face. She’s staring at him, her expression light, her eyes soft. He doesn’t know what she’s thinking but damn, he wishes he did. He knows her well enough to know something is going on behind those amazing blue eyes.

It takes her a few seconds to register the warm glow now on her and he watches as she shakes her head and forces a smile. “You want me to sleep with you,” she says before catching herself as she figuratively stumbles over her words, “I mean . . .”

He grins, enjoying this moment far more than he knows he should. “I know what you mean,” he laughs, “And, yes I do. After all, the sex is better with me.” He winks and she lunges forward, grabbing a pillow from the bed and tossing it at his head. He releases her arm just in time to catch it.

“You’re deplorable,” she hisses through her laugh.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He holds his hands up in the air to signify his truce. “How was I not supposed to say something like that when you gave me the perfect opening.” She lowers her head, grinning, and he savors the lightness in the room. “Really Swift, this is your bed. I’m just borrowing it. And since my dog has apparently taken up residence in your other bed, the least I can do is give you this one back.”

“Your dog is a negative influence,” she says as she shifts her body enough to sit on the edge of the bed, “you must have taught him well.”

“Ouch,” Chris cackles, grabbing his heart and feigning hurt.

His grin widens when he sees her kick her feet onto the bed, stretching her long legs out along it. He rakes his eyes along her body, up the length of her exquisite legs to her shorts and then to his Captain America t-shirt. But it’s when he gets to her face, her head now resting back against the headboard, her gaze titled towards him, that he stops. She . . . .well she smirks.

He knows she’s caught him giving her the once over but she doesn’t say anything. Instead she simply smiles softly and then shifts her eyes away. “If I watch tv, will it bother you?”

“No,” he stutters, shifting his own position in the bed, “I sleep with a tv on at home anyway. Dodger likes to watch it through the night.”

“And I thought I spoiled my cats,” she laughs heartily.

He just shakes his head as he watches Taylor reach over and find the remote control on the table beside of her. He closes his eyes briefly when she switches it on, giving himself a moment to adjust to the invasive light. She’s flipping through channels when he opens them back up.

And then it clicks. The gravity of the moment and what it looks like, what it feels like. At least to him. Taylor, beside him in bed, dressed in his t-shirt. It’s that perfectly normal moment, the perfectly right one. And he wishes more than anything that it was his to keep. That it was his to do more with than just gaze upon from the outside.

His eyes flutter shut once more, the headache that was gnawing at him before starting to make itself known again. “You ok,” he hears Taylor asks but he doesn’t open his eyes.

He nods. “Yeah. I just forgot how much tequila makes my head hurt.” He could add that she does too but he doesn’t. That’s not a revelation for now.

Lying his head back, he lifts his chin. His eyes remain closed. “I think maybe I should leave you alone,” she says again, “I can get you some medicine and go downstairs.”

He hears her click the television off and he reaches blindly across the bed to grab her wrist. “Taylor, please don’t.”

“You need sleep and meds,” she starts as she pulls her wrist back.

“No, I need you,” he responds absentmindedly, “I mean. . . . fuck.” He opens his eyes, finding her moonlit gaze upon him. “Just stay, Taylor. Watch your movie. I’m fine. Delirious and unable to speak coherently, maybe, but fine.”

He expects her to press, to perhaps ask what he means by needing her but she doesn’t. She winks instead. “Still drunk?”

He lowers his chin as he chuckles. “No.”

“I beg to differ,” she laughs and he reaches across the bed, swiftly maneuvering his body until he is to her side, his arm across her midsection.

His eyes latch onto hers and he can see the shock simmering in her blue orbs. From the bottom of his vision, he can see her chest rising and falling rapidly, the same happening to his own.

He holds her gaze for one second. Two. Three. “Completely sober,” he says heavily, moving his hand to grab the remote from beside of her and then propelling his body back to its seated position.

Was that dramatic? Yep. Does he care? Not at all.

He raises the remote and starts flipping through the channels, ignoring the pierce of Taylor’s gaze on him. It stays there for a few moments as he continues to surf through infomercials and shopping networks, until he feels her turn away.

He passes over commercials with puppies, old episodes of Forensic Files and The Simpsons before he hears Taylor mutter, “Stop. Go back.”

He flips back, stopping when he realizes what she’s wanting to see. Him. Specifically, him in Before You Go. He shakes his head, the word “fuck” roaming through his head more times than he can count. He almost says it aloud but settles for, “Really Taylor? C’mon.”

“I like this movie,” she proclaims, “I told you that before.”

She did. On the plane to Paris. Her words about his film one of the reasons he decided to ask her to explore the city with him in the first place. Her words leading to so many other words, so many other moments.

To this one.

“I uhh,” he stammers, “I really don’t like watching myself.”

Her blue eyes are gentle on him as she moves her gaze. “It’s a wonderful movie, Chris. You are a wonderful actor. Don’t be ashamed of how amazing you are.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not ashamed, it’s just weird for me. And honestly watching it with you . . .”

Her eyes narrow, her lips pierced briefly before she exhales. “This movie in particular or any movie?”

It’s a valid question. He knows. Completely and totally valid and probably even innocent. But what is he supposed to say to her? That this movie has far too many moments that remind him of her. That he probably could have played this role 100 times better now that she’s showed him exactly what that kind of love and longing feels like.

“Any movie,” he lies, “with anybody.” He lies more.

He knows she doesn’t accept his answer. He can see it written all over her face. But she turns her attention back to the movie, settling her shoulders into the back of the bed. “You can turn it,” she says after a few seconds.

He doesn’t. He settles himself into the bed, placing the remote between them. And he watches himself on screen.

They are ten minutes in when she speaks up again, this time her question surprising him. “You dated her, right?”

He glares at her, but she doesn’t turn, keeping her eyes glued only on the television, her face expressionless. “How’d you know that?”

When she finally does turn to him, she smirks. “I know how to google someone.”

Raising an eyebrow, he opens his mouth in surprise. “You googled me?”

She shrugs, laughing. “Oh c’mon, you haven’t looked me up?”

His mind instantly sifts back to him looking at pictures of her with Tom, of pictures of Tom arriving to see her. He nods. “I might have.”

Her smile broadens and she shakes her head. “And you knew that I dated at least Calvin, even if you didn’t know his real name. But really, she’s beautiful. Why didn’t it work? Did you meet Jenny when you were with her?”

He hesitates briefly, lowering his eyes as he thinks about her question. “Alice is gorgeous. That’s obvious. And we clicked when we were filming but when filming stopped, it was like everything slipped away. I think we got wrapped up in it all because we were pretty much the only people in the movie so we were together all of the time.”

“So, you were lonely,” Taylor presses, causing him to pause. He knows her words. It’s ones they both used to describe their night of passion in Boston. Even if he knows, at least for him, it wasn’t true.

“I guess in some ways. I think on some level we all have the primal desire for intimacy so we consciously and subconsciously seek it out constantly. I liked Alice, she liked me. We connected on a variety of levels but in the end, not on the ones that mattered.”

He watches her as her eyes move to the television and then back down before finally settling back to him. “And what are your levels that matter?”

He’s sure this probably isn’t a conversation for 3:30 in the morning. Probably isn’t one he should be having with his friend’s girlfriend, with the woman he silently loves. But yet he’s drawn to answer.

“The level where you think about them all the time. That you can’t picture your life with anyone else. That you feel like you can talk to them about anything and everything. That even those normal everyday conversations are special to you. That you want to sit on that porch swing at 80 holding their hand.”

“That they are your perfect river,” she interjects, causing his mind to go back to their conversation in Boston. The one that happened just minutes before they ended up wrapped up in each other. The one they later chalked up to being for reasons that they actually weren’t.

“Yeah,” he says, watching as she continues to keep her gaze from him.

She’s quiet for a few minutes, the only movement from her being an occasional clenching and unclenching of her jaw. And then he sees her shake her head, lowering it slightly before she turns her head toward him, a slow, sly smile engaging on her lips.

“You date an awful lot of your costars,” she says before whipping her head back laughing.

And there it is, the wicked sense of humor emerging in the middle of what had been a serious conversation. He’s learning this about her. He’s noticed it several times before. It arriving most when she’s uncomfortable, when she feels she needs to lighten whatever seriousness is going on.

And when the smirk takes over his face, he has to stop himself from saying the words in his head. So does Tom Hiddleston. He knows those aren’t welcome words at the moment and, quite honestly, he can’t fathom seeing the hurt on her face that he would know he caused. So, he keeps that tidbit to himself.

He licks at his bottom lip and then bites it before he responds, waiting long enough for her to finally move her eyes back to his. “What can I say,” he quips, “I love love, even if it turns out not to be love. And I love women. I really love women.” He winks.

Reaching across the space between them, she smacks at his arm.

He holds his hands up in the air, a mischievous grin on his face. “Hey, you’re the one with the player reputation, not me. Tay can’t make em stay.”

He throws his head back in a maniacal laugh when he sees her eyes widen and her mouth fall open.

“Not funny,” she says in between snickers, “just go back to watching yourself on TV. Watching your ex too.”

Lowering his chin, he winks at her again. “Ok, then after this we will watch a Jake Gyllenhaal movie. Do you prefer Brokeback Mountain or Southpaw?”

She winks right back at him just before she answers, “Actually, I prefer Love and Other Drugs.” She winks once more. “Nice to see you have done your research on my love life though.”

He can’t win, he knows this, so he settles for a laugh and then returns his view to the television once Taylor does.

They watch the remainder of the movie without chides, Taylor looking at him once to tell him that it reminded her of their time in Paris. The mere mention of the night bringing forth an assault of images and memories, senses and feelings. And then prompting yet another revisit to their conversations there. But as he thinks and reminisces, she silences, and he occasionally notices her gaze fall to the blanket covering her legs or less occasionally, to him.

When the credits start to roll, she turns her body slightly, shrugging when his eyes meet hers. “I should probably go see if I have a pillow now.”

“Are you sleepy,” he asks.

She shakes her head slowly. “No.”

“Then I have a better idea,” he smiles and then pushes himself out of the bed. He takes her hand and pulls her up when he reaches her side, nodding toward the door when he does. “Get some pants on.”

Her nose crinkles up as she narrows her eyes on him. But she smiles. “Why?”

Placing his hands on his hips, he licks at his bottom lip. “Do you trust me?” She nods but says nothing. “Then go get some pants on.”

They pull into his driveway thirty-five minutes later. After ten questions from Taylor about where they are going at this time of the morning and a five-minute conversation with Taylor emphatically proclaiming that Dodger didn’t need to be woke and brought with them, that he was sleeping far too peacefully in her bed.

“You brought me to your house,” she says when she realizes where they are, her voice more amused than irritated.

“We aren’t going in,” he responds before pushing the door open and slipping out. He’s halfway around the car to open her door when she beats him to the punch and steps out.

She glares at him, hands on hips, looking far more adorable than anyone should with a partial hangover and virtually no sleep. He shakes the thought from his head the second it enters it. “So . . . . you brought me to your house to not go in and to . . . . help me out here, Chris.”

He can only laugh at her question, at the confusion that sets in on her beautiful features. Before she can question him further, he turns around, pressing a button on the garage door opener he brought from the car.

“Oh, so we’re gonna hang out in your garage,” she says behind him, amused.

Shaking his head, he chuckles, “No.” He takes a few steps toward the opening, stopping just outside the space and turning to her, holding his hand out to the side as he does. “We’re just changing modes of transportation.”

She gets it then, he quizzing blue eyes roving behind him until they stop suddenly. He smiles when he sees the look of confusion grow on her face.

“A motorcycle,” she says, tapering her gaze.

He nods, glancing back at the black bike he rides not nearly enough parked behind him. “Yeah.”

He’s still looking there when he hears her speak again. “Why?”

“Because,” he starts, taking a long, deep breath, “Because you said it . . . . . In Paris. It was one of your wishes.”

He keeps his view from her, keeps it focused on the bike, though his mind is nowhere near it. He believes if he listens close enough, he can hear his words processing in Taylor’s head.

“You remember that,” she asks after a few long seconds pass, her voice so delicate now that he feels it could break in the gentle blowing breeze.

He turns to her then, his own baby blues meeting hers and settling there for a few moments. He can see the questions beneath the soft sheen. When he doesn’t immediately say anything, she narrows her gaze on him and he nods. “Taylor,” he says softly, his voice wavering more than he wants, “You said you wanted to ride a motorcycle. Not fake rides like you’ve done in videos.” He hesitates once more, taking a deep breath and running a hand through his hair before he rests his view on her and huffs. “I remember everything about every conversation we’ve had. Your words are stuck in my head and I can’t get them out. Sometimes I wish I could.” He turns then, not wanting to give her more, not wanting to reveal more. Like that he remembers the exact way her lips start to curve when she’s giving him the smile he knows is meant just for him. How when she’s held his hand, he’s noticed how she tightens her fingers around his and then loosens them, like the smallest of hugs. He could tell her that he thinks he’s memorized the rhythm of her heartbeat, as cheesy and corny as he knows it sounds. He could tell her a lot more but he doesn’t. Instead, he takes a few more steps into the garage, grabs a helmet sitting on a shelf and turns around to reach it out to her.

She lingers briefly, her expression muddled, and then slowly steps forward, taking the helmet from him.

He expects her to ask more questions about why he’s doing this or, at the very least, where they are going but she doesn’t. She simply follows his lead when he gets on the motorcycle, positioning her body behind him with her hands on his waist.

There is a hint of coolness in the California air as they ride off into the darkness and he can occasionally feel her body shudder behind him, what he’s unsure of is if it the chill or him that is causing it. He tells himself that it’s definitely not the latter. That friends don’t elicit responses like that from friends even though he’s well aware that most friendships aren’t like his and Taylor’s. Not even close.

They ride along the narrow streets from his house, onto the wider lanes around the city until they eventually reach the PCH. She nestles in closer to his back when they do and he can vaguely hear her whisper the word “beautiful” as the waves of the Pacific Ocean crash against the pristine beaches under a blanket of sparkling diamonds and the bright luminescence of the moon.

This is how he chooses to love California. In the darkened quiet, void of smog and cars, honking horns and incessant chatter. He discovered years ago that at this time of the morning, before the earth awakens again, that the PCH is virtually vacant, the beach empty, the atmosphere perfect. On nights where sleep doesn’t find him, he sometimes does just this. Rides his motorcycle along the perfectly paved roads of the pacific coast highway to the place where he is taking Taylor now. Sometimes he leaves the motorcycle at home, letting Dodger ride shotgun as they enjoy the night and morning.

Eventually they make it to the small dirt road he’s driven down several times before. He feels Taylor tense up behind him when they start their descent down the narrow path, descending for a few minutes before they reach a gate. Knocking the kickstand down, he moves his body off his cycle and then glances at Taylor, holding up his finger. “One second.”

Walking a few feet, he punches in a code on the gate, swings it open and then gets back on the bike. He drives 50 yards in before he stops again and cuts the engine off, the stark contrast of the rumbling of the motorcycle against the utter silence of the land around them immediately settling in, causing a slight murmuring in his ears. He pulls his helmet off before he swings his leg over and reaches for Taylor’s hand. She takes it without hesitation and he pulls her closer to him, placing his fingers under her chin to slip off the strap of the helmet and pull it gently from her head.

“Did you enjoy the ride,” he asks as he places her helmet on the handlebar of the motorcycle.

She smiles freely, her answer widely evident across her face. “It was beautiful,” she whispers before moving her gaze behind him, to part of the reason he brought her here, “this is beautiful.” He follows her gaze, to the moonlit beach and the long dock jetting into the ocean, it’s expanse darkened by the night sky, the light from the moon barely gracing it.

She finds him again, whipping her body around to lay her eyes on him. “How do you know about this place?”

He shrugs, stepping forward to stand beside of her as he looks out at the view before him. He can hear the waves crashing against the shore, see them sparkling under their moonlit illumination. It’s a dreamlike sight.

“I learned about this place the first year I lived in LA.” He glances at her and then turns back to the ocean. “It wasn’t a good year. I had struggled to make ends meet, hated the three roommates I had and wasn’t getting nearly the work I had hoped to get. Or at least the quality work I had hoped to get. I spent most of my down time at clubs or bars and that didn’t help. One night I ended up at this bar in West Hollywood and was drinking my sorrows away. I started talking to this older man, probably in his 60’s who had sat down beside me. I told him that I hated LA. I hated California. That all there was here was temptation and sin.” He chuckles at the memory. “Yes, I told him sin. And he listened patiently to me whine and moan and then he told me that if all I ever looked for was temptation and sin, that’s all I would ever find. I wasn’t drunk enough to not understand what he meant.”

“And,” she prompts, springing his gaze back to hers. She nods, urging him on.

“And before he left that night, he got a pen from the bartender and he wrote some things on a napkin. It was notes on how to get here, complete with a drawing of where the little dirt road was and asterisks telling me that if I saw Jordan’s Crab Shack, I had gone too far. He added some numbers at the bottom for the gate and a message saying I hope you enjoy my own little piece of heaven.” He takes a deep breath before he continues on. “Anyway, it took me four hours the next night to actually find it. But I’m pretty glad I did. Because had I not, I probably would have never stayed in LA and who knows what I’d be doing now.”

He glances at her and then takes her hand in his, “C’mon, I want to show you something.” He moves her through the sand and onto the dock, listening as the old wooden boards creak as they make their way across them, listening to the gentle nuances of the ocean as it rakes against the structure. It’s a sound that soothes him, one that he relishes.

When they reach the end, he stops, releasing her hand and stuffing his own into his pockets. He stares out at the ocean that is surrounding them now. “This place gives me perspective,” he says, “it makes me realize how small I am in this world, how insignificant the problems I’ve blown up in my head really are. I sat here that night and realized I had been looking at the world so wrong for so long. It wasn’t full of temptation and sin, only my life was because I had let it in. What I hadn’t let in was this . . . . the serene, the peace, the realization that I’m one tiny spec on this planet and how if I was going to get the most out of my time here, I was going to have to let go of how important my life was and embrace how important living is. So, I changed my life and stopped focusing on the little things, stopped fretting over things that didn’t matter and started enjoying myself more. And when I feel myself starting to get overwhelmed, starting to fall back into the negativity, I come here and I watch the ocean and I stare at the stars in the sky and I find my balance again.”

His words fall between them, sifting through the salty ocean breeze. He knows she’s thinking. It’s one of the things he’s noticed and loves about her. How she takes every syllable he says and considers it, attaching it to his life as well as her own.

“I’m sorry I lost my perspective yesterday,” she says softly after a few minutes, her eyes on the water, “and that I drug you into my unbalanced world when I let myself become overcome by the negativity.”

“We’re human, Taylor. It’s impossible not to falter sometimes. You just have to realize that no matter what this world throws at you, you are amazing and you have to realize that no matter what happens, you have to continue living. So, isn’t it better to continue to live life on the positive side and enjoy it rather than on a negative slope and fall into an abyss?’”

He moves his body to the side, hitting his arm against hers. “Besides, you stumbled briefly but you didn’t fall. I’ve done my google homework, I know that you never fall Ms. Swift.”

She laughs, shaking her head. “If only that were true. But maybe now if I feel like I might fall, I’ll come here.” Her eyes move to him, her smile widening. “If I could actually find it again. . . . and get in the gate.”

“I’ll make you a deal,” he says, his own grin falling from his cheeks, “if you ever feel like you are going to fall, or that you need perspective or that you need anything, call me. I’ll bring you here or give you a shoulder or a pep talk.”

“Or tequila and ice cream,” she gleams.

He shrugs, his smile returning. “Or that too.”

Growing quiet again, she waits a few moments before her soft voice settles back between them. “Thank you,” she says, “for bringing me here. For giving me all your words of wisdom. For being my friend.”

Friend, he thinks, the word jabbing into his stomach and heart. He never thought he’d ever consider the word to be hurtful. “I’ll be whatever you need me to be, Taylor,” he returns painfully, hoping his voice doesn’t show it, and then he plants his eyes on the rustling ocean.

A few minutes pass before he glances behind him and recognizes the soft orange hue starting to tinge the sky above the bluffs. He reaches for her then, placing his hands on her arms and turning her body completely around.

“Sit down,” he says, moving his own body to a sitting position on the dock. When Taylor follows suit, he places his arms around her shoulders. “Lean back.”

Without any question, she does what he asks, falling back onto his arm as he guides them both to lay on the dock. “A different perspective,” he says softly, nodding toward the sun just starting to rise over the land.

They watch the sunrise over the bluffs in silence, both seemingly content in the moment, in the quiet and solitude stretching between them. Both enraptured in their moment. Their moment. She mutters an occasional “wow” and then “beautiful” and he watches as her lips rise and fall in grins and smiles.

Once the sun is set slightly farther in the sky and its light starts to caress the ocean like a blanket, he hears her delicate voice. “My mom always calls sunrises new beginnings. She never calls them sunrises. When I was growing up and going to school, she’d get me up right as the sun was coming up. She’d dance into my bedroom singing some song about good morning sunshine and she’d open the curtains, killing my eyes, and she’d say today’s a new beginning Taylor, a new opportunity. She’s always been such an optimist. I love that about her.”

He grins at her admission. “I like hearing your stories. Learning about the Taylor before I met you.”

She smiles, turning her head toward him on the dock. “Yeah, I’m looking forward to Mama E’s stories too. I’m sure she has some good ones.”

“She does,” he snickers before allowing the noise to fall off, finding himself once again mesmerized by the sunrise taking place, the majesty of it all.

“Is this going to be our thing,” she says after a few more minutes, her words catching him off guard. He glances toward her but she doesn’t return his gaze. Instead, she raises up into a sitting position on the dock. “Sunrises,” she says again, “Paris. Here. You keep giving me these. Each one beautiful but different.”

“Yeah,” he nods to himself before pushing his body up to sit beside of her.

“I’ve seen the sun rise so many times in Rhode Island, sitting on the terrace and feeling it’s warmth as it makes itself known. This is the first time I’ve ever seen it rise like this.”

He stares at her, surprised at her words. “You have a house this close and you’ve never seen a Malibu sunrise?”

She shakes her head, not removing her eyes from the slowly emerging sun. “No. I’ve never seen a California sunrise.”

“Adam never brought you?” He’s not sure where the question comes from, likely from knowing her most committed relationship in the past had been with him and that he had been the reason she had stayed in LA as long as she had. Or perhaps from the knowledge that had he ever been in his shoes and knew of her love for sunrises, he would have brought her to see it as often as he could.

She shakes her head again. “No.”

“Do you want this to be our thing,” he asks, his mind roving back to her question moments before.

She looks at him then, her eyes light, her expression tranquil. He can tell that she’s thinking, that her mind is roaming and roving and processing. Her tongue jets from her mouth, running along her bottom lip before she tugs at it one time.

And then she moves, carefully moving her body forward until she reaches him and her lips caress onto his. It’s so unexpected that he doesn’t react, his body rigid from shock. She pulls back almost as soon as it happens, turning away from him and moving her hand to press a strand of hair behind her ear.

He knows she’s about to apologize and he knows that’s the last thing he wants her to do so before any syllables can escape her mouth, he tugs onto her arm, bringing her against him again. “This can be our thing,” he murmurs against her forehead, “kisses at sunrise.” He tucks his chin, pressing his lips to hers again, this time allowing his body to relax, his arms to envelope her.

She responds instantaneously, slipping her tongue between his lips to deepen the kiss, moving her body to position herself fully against him. His hands slide around her waist and onto her back and he tightens his grasp, lifting her and moving her until she is sitting in his lap, her legs around his torso.

“Is this another condition of our friendship,” she asks breathlessly, removing her mouth from his only to replace it again. And then again.

He smiles against her lips. “I like this condition. So yes.”

Before he knows it, his hands are in her hair, hers discovering the muscles of his back. And then almost as quickly, a picture of Tom flashes in his mind. A hard reminder of where he is who he is with.

“Fuck,” he says as he pulls back, pushing her shoulders away ever so slightly. He studies her face, her swollen lips and wide eyes, the breath going in and out of her lips feverishly. “Fuck Taylor, one of these days I’m not going to be able to stop kissing you. I’m not going to be able to pull back,” he admits.

As if she finally realizes what he’s saying, realizes what they’ve been doing, she nods her head emphatically and then pulls her legs up, lifting off him briskly. She’s up from the floor of the dock and walking away from him within milliseconds, before he can even register her movements.

“Why do we keep doing this,” she says hastily, her back to him, her legs moving quickly. He pushes himself up, taking a few steps along the dock to get closer to her. “Why do we keep kissing and touching and placing conditions on our friendship? Why do you keep remembering our conversations and my wishes and making them happen? You’re too perfect to me. What are you doing? What are we doing?”

“We’re living, Taylor,” he says impulsively, tossing his hands into the air just in time for her to turn and see them.

“Maybe. But it’s not right when we’re hurting other people. Or no, we aren’t even hurting other people, we’re just betraying them.” Her frantic gaze softens a hint, resting fully on him. “Friends don’t kiss each other like that.”

“I’ll stop kissing you,” he says, not knowing how to deal with the situation between them.

She shakes her head. “I kissed you.”

Nodding, he shrugs. “Then you’ll stop kissing me.”

She moves her head from one side to the other, a look of pain taking over her features and then just as she’s about to say something else, a noise pierces through the air between them.

His phone.

He wants to ignore it, wants to more than anything, but he’s also well aware that it’s very early in the morning and there is no way this is anything but an important call. No one would call him at this time if it wasn’t.

She turns away when he pulls the phone from his pocket, glancing down to see his managers name upon it.

“Yeah,” he says, rushed, as he puts the phone to his ear.

He listens to him speak, hears what he has to say, but he never removes his eyes from Taylor standing a few feet away, just off of the dock now. She doesn’t turn to look at him until he says goodbye.

“Is everything ok,” she asks, her voice raw and shaky, an obvious result of their indiscretion and words just minutes before.

He nods and then slowly shakes his head. “Not really. Uh, I was supposed to fly to South Africa in a week but apparently I’m flying today.”

“Oh, ok,” she stutters, her expression unreadable, “so I guess we need to go.” Her voice is shaky. Off.

Placing the phone back in his pocket, he nods, his mind now filling with tasks and chores required before he can leave, adding to the mess already there. “Yeah. I’ll need to pack and get some financial things in order before I go. And find a kennel for Dodger since I won’t have time to get him to my mom or sisters.” He places his fingers to pinch his nose and closes his eyes, his head starting to pound yet again. He rubs there for a few moments and then finds Taylor when he opens his eyes again. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting this.”

She leans her head, directing it toward the motorcycle. “Ok,” she stammers, “Let’s go.”

He nods. “Ok. We will go to my house first so I can get the car. I’ll need it to bring Dodger back.” He’s talking primarily to himself, creating a checklist in his head of things he has to do before his flight in a few hours.

She places her hand on his arm them, stopping his movement just before he is about to get on the motorcycle. “Just drop me off. Brandon can bring Dodger to you after. Let you get some things done before you have to deal with that.”

He cocks an eyebrow at her. “You sure?”

Nodding, she puts her helmet on and follows him onto the motorcycle.

The next few minutes pass by in a blur as they head off back down the PCH toward her house, his mind racing as he thinks of more and more things he needs to do, more items to add to his checklist. They are about halfway there when he feels something different. Her head is now resting against his back, her body pressed completely against his, her hands on his stomach. It’s completely different from the ride to Malibu where she felt tense and pensive, her hands never leaving his sides. It makes him instantly forget about checklists and tasks.

As if on instinct, he releases one hand from the handlebar and brings it to his waist, rubbing it against Taylor’s delicate skin until he reaches her hand. When he squeezes it, he believes he feels her move even closer to his back.

They continue this way, her feeling as if she is simply an extension of him, the remainder of the trip back. And when he kicks the stand down on the bike and turns it off, she doesn’t immediately move. Neither does he. Instead, he leans his head back, nestling it against the cheek she has resting on his shoulder. He moves his hand along her arm again until it rests just above hers and he laces their fingers together.

He closes his eyes, taking in the closeness, the feel of the moment, the warmth of her body against his.

He knows how taboo this is, knows how wrong. He knows she’s aware too. She’s already expressed to him how they are hurting other people. And he knows she’s referring primarily to Tom, even if he’s also aware that she still thinks he’s hurting Jenny. But if she’s giving him this, he’s not going to stop her. There’s no way he ever could.

It’s only Dodger’s barking at the front door a couple minutes later that separates them. The invasion seeming to snap Taylor back to her senses as she pulls away from him and slips off the motorcycle. He half expects her to look upset but she doesn’t. She looks . . . . blank.

“I, uh,” she stumbles, her eyes roaming around his but not settling there, “I was thinking that maybe Dodger can stay here. If you want. If you don’t, that’s fine too but I wouldn’t mind.”

“I’m going to be gone for at least two months, Taylor,” he says softly, surprised by her question but his heart also warming at the thought of her wanting to take care of his most prized responsibility.

She furrows her eyebrows, pulling her lip into a bite. “That’s a long time,” she laughs slightly, “but I’m still ok with it. But only if you are.”

He moves his eyes to look toward her front door, Dodger still barking behind it. “What about your cats?”

Her shrug is visible from the corner of his eye. “They will be fine with him, they love my mom and brother’s dogs. Or at least Olivia does, Mer just does what she wants but doesn’t bother them.”

“And what about you? I know you have tons of things to do over the next two months? Won’t having a dog to tote around hinder that?” He wants to ask if it will hinder seeing Tom. He doesn’t though.

“Does it hinder you,” she questions, snickering softly, “Dodger is obviously ok with travelling so he can go with me. I just plan to work. I don’t have any elaborate vacations planned and if I go anywhere, it will be brief and he can either go with me or stay with whoever keeps Olivia and Meredith. But really, it’s just an offer, Chris . . . . so, if you don’t want me to keep him, it won’t hurt my feelings.”

She places her hand on his arm and squeezes it before she starts walking toward the front door. She turns around, continuing her backward movement, “But . . .” She reaches the front door, pulling it open and allowing Dodger to sprint out. Much to his surprise, and possible chagrin, Dodger immediately jumps to Taylor, not to him. She kneels down as he does, raking her hand across the dog’s head. When she places her arm around his neck, she turns to face him. “I think perhaps Dodger agrees that I should keep him.” And with that, they both provide him with their best puppy dog faces, Taylor’s tugging at his heart more than he can ever care to admit.

“Ok,” he relents, tossing his hands up in defeat, “ok, you win. Dodger can stay with you.”

His dog leaps at him then, causing him to fall to his knees as he’s covered with wet licks and dog love. His laughter is joined by Taylor’s.

“Ok buddy. . . . it looks like you get to have fun with the cats for a while longer.” He rubs heavily atop Dodger’s head and then raises up, finding Taylor staring at the scene he’s putting on. “I just have to run upstairs and get my watch from the guest bedroom. I forgot it this morning. And when I get to the house, I’ll get Dodger’s stuff together to send over here. If I can’t find someone to bring it though, I’ll call you to see if maybe Brandon or someone can pick it up. I doubt I’ll have time before I leave.”

She nods, her smile fading slightly. “Ok.”

He doesn’t allow himself time to think about her expression or how his stomach drops telling her he’s leaving, forcing himself to push past her into the house and sprint up the stairs toward the bedroom. But when he gets to the top, he doesn’t move toward the guest room, like he knows he should. For some reason, he’s pulled the other way, toward the open door of Taylor’s room. He stops just outside the door to the room, laughing when he sees Meredith and Olivia sprawled across the pillows, the blanket strewn haphazardly, a result he has no doubt is due to Dodger. He notices something then that he hadn’t thought of during the entire time they’ve been together that morning. Her phone, still sitting on the dresser along the right wall, still plugged in from being charged overnight. It’s the first time he allows himself to remember the text message he sent her hours ago, before he fell into his short sleep. A text message that he now realizes she hasn’t seen yet.

He steps inside, briefly considering picking her phone up and deleting the message. Not giving a thought to the fact that she likely has a security code on it. He’s not really sure what he’s doing. Why he continues to walk inside. But he does.

He glances at her phone, it’s screen blank and dark, to the cats on the bed and then back to the phone. Beside of it, he notices something else. A book.

He runs his fingers along the cover. Q&A A Day: 5-Year Journal. He flips open the cover, his eyes latching on a handwritten note upon the first page.

Life and love are a journey. To the woman I love who has an amazing way with words, may this journal capture 5 years of that magic. – Tom

His heart hurts as he reads his friend’s note to Taylor, his gaze focusing over and over again on the words “to the woman I love.” The woman he loves.

He reads the note again, whispering “I know how you feel” over Tom’s declaration as he does. But what he doesn’t know, he realizes, is how it feels to have that love returned. Tom does. Tom knows because he’s the one on the journey of love with her. Love is their journey.

He, he thinks, is just a minor part of her life journey. A friend to her, as fucked up and confusing as their relationship is, she’s never bestowed any word but friend to that relationship.

His fingers strum along the pages of the book, stopping a few pages in, his eyes scanning over the question there, dated in August 2016. What can you smell right now? He can’t help but chuckle a little at the strangeness of the question.

Below it, in handwriting he recognizes as just like the writing on the back of the painting she did for him, is her answer.

Tom, his scent still lingering on my bed though he’s not in it. The woodsy musk feeling as if it’s suffocating me because he is gone. It’s a rag over my mouth. A sensory attack to my soul. He’s gone but he’s not. His smell assaults me.

He squints at the words, his heart confused as to their meaning. But he doesn’t want to think about it. He absolutely doesn’t. So, he flips some more, his fingers stopping on another page with her handwriting upon it, this one dated in November 2016.

If you could go on vacation tomorrow, where would you go?

Block Island. To the little cottage I went to when I was 18, on my first vacation alone. I would enjoy the solitude, the exquisite beauty of complete and utter silence. I would sit in the swing on the front porch and write songs and poems. I would turn my cell phone off as I paint and bake. Then in the evening, I would take a walk along the beach, stopping to collect seashells and watch seagulls. Just like I did before. Just like I loved before.

He smiles as he reads over her words again, imagining her doing just as she says. A picture of Taylor, hair pulled up in a ponytail, a light sweater covering her frame, vividly painted in his mind.

He flips a couple more times, stopping on questions dated January 27, 2017 and April 3, 2017 and reading over her answers. He smiles as he does, taking each tidbit of information she provides about her thoughts and feelings and planting them in the back of his mind.

Flipping one more time, he stops on a page closer to the bookmark she has tucked inside.

If you could use one sentence to describe how you feel right now, what would it be?

Her response stops his breath, trapping it in his chest like a prison. He recognizes the words. Recognizes them well because he’s the one who said them. It’s a line from Before You Go.

If you’re committed to someone, you don’t allow yourself to find perfection in anyone else.

His eyes fall shut the moment he reads her answer, his head and his heart swirling. She had told him she liked the movie. She had on the airplane going to Paris even before tonight. That’s one thing. But that line, that line . . . .that’s the one he equates to her. Not because he was committed to Jenny and found perfection in Taylor, which he did, but because since he’s met her, he can’t find anything near perfection in anyone else. How in the world could he? Not when comparing them to her.

But that’s him, not her. What was Taylor referring to when she wrote those words, that line? Who was she talking about? Why did she choose that quote to describe how she was feeling at that moment?

He opens his eyes to the top of the page, his chest heaving heavily as he reads the date. June 24, 2017. June 24th, he repeats to himself, the date lodging into his mind like a dagger. It’s the date he left Watch Hill. The date Tom arrived there.

He closes the book, his heart surging in his chest. And he closes his eyes again, confusion raking all through his mind and body.

One. Two. Three. Breathe. One. Two. Three. He counts silently in his head and then jumps when he hears Dodger bark downstairs.

He’s already forgotten what he came up here for and he runs a hand down his face while he thinks. Watch, he tells himself, to get his watch. And get yourself together, he adds silently, you don’t even know what any of it means. And it likely means nothing to you.

He heads out of her bedroom, grabs his watch in the guest room and then bounds back down the stairs, stepping inside the living room to find Taylor presenting Dodger with what appears to be a new cat toy. She glances up at him. “I know it’s probably not his cup of tea but it will do until later.” Chris watches as Dodger snatches the small plastic mouse out of her hand and runs off.

His mind is still shaking, rattling with thoughts and emotions he can’t explain or even being to comprehend. He knows though that he can’t show her that.

“So, two months,” she says, teetering back and forth on her feet, “you think he will prefer me to you by then?”

“Probably,” he forces out, struggling to find his voice, “I think he kinda already does.” Not that he blames him, he thinks, not that he blames him at all.

She smiles, removing her eyes from his. “And uh, any costars I should be concerned about?” She clenches her eyes closed, shaking her head and laughing hastily, “I didn’t mean it that way. I meant it to be a joke.” She huffs. “But I do know that Michiel Huisman is hot . . . . but married.” Her wicked sense of humor arriving as a distraction once again.

He grins at her, the tiniest bit of clarity sifting through him. “I see you’ve googled my new movie.”

She shifts her head, her smile and laugh more genuine. “Guilty. I can’t be trusted with a cell phone on nights that I can’t sleep.”

A cell phone, he thinks. Glancing behind him toward the stairs before looking back to Taylor, a sudden barrage of memories from the night before invading his mind. “Listen, I sent you a text last night,” he flinches, “I know you haven’t seen it and I know that you don’t want to talk about what was said during our game and probably not what was done and said today, but I want you to know that what I said in that text is true.”

Her expression eases, the smile on her lips diminishing a touch. She’s considering his admission but she’s not asking about it. “Ok,” she responds with a slow nod.

Dodger bounds back into the room then, coming to a skating stop just beside of his legs. He chuckles as he looks down at his best friend. “I’m gonna miss you buddy but I have a feeling you’re gonna have more fun than me.” He throws a quick glance toward Taylor. “You be good for her, ok.” Dodger barks. “And play nice with Meredith and Olivia.” He howls then, prompting both of them to laugh, settling a hint of ease between them.

“I guess I should go,” he says softly, raising his head so that his eyes meet Taylor’s.

She nods, “Then I guess this is goodbye.”

Taking a few steps, she walks into the foyer and then opens the front door. Chris and Dodger follow behind. At the bottom of the steps, she stops. “Be careful,” she says as she turns to him, “stay safe. Have fun. Don’t forget about your dog.”

“Or you,” he adds with a tentative laugh, his mouth betraying him yet again.

If it makes her uneasy, she doesn’t show it. “Well since I’m taking care of your dog, yes me.” She leans forward then, leaning into him and wrapping her arms loosely around his. He doesn’t hesitate to accept her embrace, sulking into her and clutching her tightly. Her arms move to his neck and she squeezes.

“Bye, Chris,” she whispers, her voice tickling his ear and sending a shiver down his body.

Before he can stop himself, he plants a kiss on her temple. “Bye Taylor.” He wants to take it further, to kiss her the way he did earlier, but he knows he can’t. That he shouldn’t, at least. Not after he promised to stop kissing her.

So, he turns, rustling his hand on Dodger’s head one more time before he heads toward his motorcycle and puts his helmet on. He starts it, slowly starts his movement and then throws one final glance behind him, to Taylor and Dodger standing on the steps, watching him as he leaves.

His heart hurts more than he ever imagined it ever could.

He doesn’t remember the actual ride to his house. Doesn’t remember parking his motorcycle in the garage or using his key to open the front door.

He doesn’t remember packing one suitcase, much less three. Nor does he recall calling his business manager to make sure that everything is squared away with his accounts before he has to leave.

He does recall gathering Dodger’s things. His food, toys and favorite pillow. And then texting Scott to see if he would be around to take them to Taylor. His brother, fairly typically, said he had plans but could do it the next day if he needed him to. He responded with a simple he’d take care of it.

He’s about to call Taylor and see if Brandon can come by and pick it up when he hears the knock on his front door followed by a familiar voice calling his name down the hallway.

“You do realize that you left your door open,” Jeremy says as he enters the kitchen, “Not that I’m concerned about your safety or anything but I don’t think that’s the best of things to do. Have you ever garnered a look online at the craziness of your own fans?”

On a normal day, he would have seriously laughed at that question because he has and he knows his friend is right. But not today. Not with all of the thoughts rummaging through his mind incessantly.

He notices Jeremy’s eyes shifting around the room. To the pile of things for Dodger and the suitcases lining the wall. “You kill somebody and going on the run?”

He fakes a laugh. “No.”

“Well then what’s going on? I thought we had made plans a few days ago to play golf today. I just bought some new clubs.”

He’s right. They had. And Chris, well he had forgotten all about it between everything with Taylor and the news that he needed to be on a flight in, he glances at the clock, in a little over an hour.

“I’m sorry. I forgot about it and I found out this morning that they want me in South Africa earlier than I had anticipated.”

He can feel Jeremy’s eyes narrow on him and then sees him place his hands on his hips. “Is that why you seem so frazzled? Cause this isn’t the first time you’ve had to bail on plans with me and I don’t recall you ever being this messed up about it before. And the last I heard, you were excited about going to South Africa so you should love getting to go earlier than you thought.”

He shakes his head, planting his hands on the counter in front of him. “I am looking forward to it, kinda, and I’m not really concerned about bailing on you. Sorry. I just got a lot on my mind and I’m trying to get everything organized to go.” Turning around, he glances at the bags along the wall and then to Dodger’s things. “Speaking of which, since I’ve ruined your plans for the day. Do you think there is any chance that you can drop these things off at Taylor’s for Dodger?”

Jeremy’s eyebrow cocks up instantly, a gleam noticeable in his eyes. “Taylor? As in Taylor Swift?”

Shaking his head, he hopes to ward off where he knows the conversation is veering. “Yes. All of this was so sudden and she offered to keep him and I agreed.”

Jeremy scoffs, throwing his head back laughing. “You agreed? I have to say I’m a bit surprised. You are so unbelievably protective of that dog. You normally only leave him with family or with Jenny. Not with the girlfriend of your friend.”

He ignores the thought that pops into his head. That Jeremy has obviously seen something that has told him that Taylor and Tom are back together. Instead, he throws a look towards him and a slight, forced smile. “She’s my friend. You know that. You were in Boston.”

Jeremy simply smiles, a crooked and probably knowing smile that irritates the shit out of him. “Ok,” he laughs, “and sure. I like the idea of visiting Ms. Swift at her house anyway.”

He can feel the hotness flare up in his cheeks, his gaze narrowing on his friend, his jaw locking. Without hesitation, Jeremy notices. “Woah, there buddy,” he cackles, wiggling his eyebrows, “you have a thing for her, don’t you? I mean I thought so in Boston but you looked like you were two seconds from ripping my head off right there and you know I’m only playing.”

He rubs one hand along his tired eyes before he leans forward, resting his elbows on the counter and his head in his opened hands. He knows that right now, he doesn’t have the time or energy to combat Jeremy’s words.

“It’s more than a thing,” he huffs, “I actually really wish it was just a thing. My life would be a whole lot simpler right now if it was.”

Across the counter, Jeremy pulls up a stool. His expression softens. “What do you mean?”

He shakes his head within his hands and then raises up, moving his palms to the counter and pressing into them. He lowers his eyes to stare at Dodger’s things. “I just left them at Taylor’s house and I turn around and look one last time and she’s there with Dodger standing beside of her. Now that image is stuck in my head. And you know what really sucks?”

“What,” Jeremy questions.

“That for the first time in my entire career, I’m not excited to leave and start filming. It felt like a mistake walking away from them. Even though she’s not even mine.” He laughs at himself, at the ridiculousness of his words and feelings. “For the first time, I felt something stronger telling me I should stay here. And I know I’m crazy to even think that.”

Jeremy’s quiet for a few seconds and then clears his throat. “What’s crazy about loving someone and wanting more out of your life?”

“It’s crazy when I can’t even have her. I can’t have that life that I’ve now got stuck in my head.”

“Because of Tom Hiddleston,” Jeremy asks, his eyebrows raised.

“Because she’s in love with someone else,” he says, not wanting to say Tom’s name.

He raises his view, settling on his friend across the way. He watches as Jeremy’s jaw tightens once and then he loosens it. “Have you told her how you feel about her?”

He shakes his head, scoffing, “Of course not.”

“Well then how do you know she’s not in love with you too?” Jeremy smiles.

He won’t allow Jeremy’s words to settle in his mind, won’t allow himself to even consider them. He knows he can’t. For his own sanity. For his own heart. He can’t. Because the thought of allowing him to think she may love him too only for her to choose Tom breaks his heart more than thinking she doesn’t love him at all.

“Listen. . . I’d love to sit and chat with you about this and about how fucked up my head is right now but I have a plane that I’m going to miss if I don’t haul ass to LAX,” Chris retorts, swinging his head back and forth and then turning to move closer to his bags. He raises with one in his hand, turning back toward Jeremy. “Can you please take this stuff to Taylor later?”

Jeremy grins. “You give me her address and I’d be happy to drop by.”

Chris raises his finger on his free hand, turning it toward his friend. “Do not try to hit on her or, better yet, do not try to get information from her. Give her Dodger’s stuff and leave.”

“Aye, aye Captain America,” Jeremy cackles, raising his hand to his head and saluting Chris.

He grabs another suitcase, shakes his head, and walks toward the door.

He lands in South Africa hours later, his head still hurting. It’s not tequila to blame at all this time. It’s totally Taylor and the confusion and confliction that she constantly brings to his head.

He spent his time on the airplane revisiting every detail of the previous 48 hours. Their revelations, their kisses, the book, the words.

He figured nothing out. If anything, he feels even farther from figuring anything out.

He’s in the car on his way to the hotel when he remembers to turn his phone on, it beeping instantly when it loads.

He clicks through texts from his mom and Carly, ignoring Jeremy’s when he sees one from Taylor. His heart warms when he taps on it.

A picture of Dodger sleeping, his head on her lap. The caption?

I wish I had met Dodger first. A heart emoji follows it followed then by a heartbreak emoji.

He smiles, completely envious of his lucky bastard of a dog.

He knows now, without question, this is gonna be the longest two months of his life.

Typing a message into the box, he hits send. It’s a message back to Taylor.

The heart emoji followed by the heartbreak emoji.

His life in two icons.

Two fucking icons.

His head and his heart hurting once again.

#taylor swift fanfiction #chris evans fanfiction #unexpected #chapter 8

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midnightsaoty · 7 years ago

Text

In honor of reputation coming out in 7 days, I decided to share with you my favorite lyrics from every song (91!) from all her released albums.

Taylor Swift

Tim Mcgraw : When you think happiness, I hope you think “that little black dress”

Picture to burn : So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time. As far as I’m concerned you’re ust another picture to burn

A Place in this World : Don’t know what’s down this road. I’m just walking trying to see through the rain coming down

Cold As You : Every smile you fake is so condescending, countin’ all the scars you’ve made

The Outside : I tried to take the road less traveled by, but nothin’ seems to work the first few times

Tied Together with a Smile : You’re tied together with a smile, but you’re coming undone

Stay Beautiful : If you and I are a story that never gets told, if what you are is a daydream I’ll never get to hold, at least you’ll know

Should’ve Said No : I can’t resist, before you go, tell me this : was it worth it? Was she worth this?

Mary’s Song : And I’ll be eighty-seven, you’ll be eighty-nine. I’ll still look at you like the stars that shine in the sky

Our Song : He’s got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel, the other on my heart

I’m Only Me When I’m With You : I don’t try to hide my tears, my secrets or my deepest fears. Through it all nobody gets me like you do

Invisible : Like shadows in a faded light, we’re invisible. I just wanna open your eyes and make you realize.

A Perfectly Good Heart : Maybe I should’ve seen the signs, should’ve read the writing on the wall and realized by the distance in your eyes that I would be the one to fall

Teardrops On My Guitar : So I drive home alone, as I turn off the light, I’ll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight

Fearless

Jump Then Fall : I had time to think it all over and all I can say is come closer, take a deep breath and jump then fall into me

Untouchable : Untouchable, burning brighter than the sun and when you’re close I feel like coming undone

Forever & Always : So here’s to everything coming down to nothing, here’s to silence that cuts me to the core

Come In With The Rain : I’ll leave my window open ‘cause I’m too tired tonight to call your name. Just know I’m right here hoping that you’ll come in with the rain

SuperStar : And I knew from the first note played, I’d be breaking all my rules to see you

The Other Side Of The Door : Me and my stupid pride are sitting here alone, going through the photographs, staring at the phone

Fearless : In this moment now capture it remember it

Fifteen : When all you wanted was to be wanted, wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

Love Story : I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around. My faith in you was fading when I met you on the outskirts of town

Hey Stephen : The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name It’s beautiful, wonderful, don’t you ever change

White Horse : I was a dreamer before you went and let me down

You Belong With Me : And you’ve got a smile that could light up this whole town, I haven’t seen it in a while since she brought you down

Breathe : Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt. Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve

Tell Me Why : Why do you have to make me feel small so you can feel whole inside? Why do you have to put down my dreams so you’re the only thing on my mind?

You’re Not Sorry : Could’ve loved you all my life if you hadn’t left me waiting in the cold

The Way I Loved You : Breakin’ down and comin’ undone, it’s a roller-coaster kinda rush, and I never knew I could feel that much

The Best Day : I know you were on my side even when I was wrong

Change : So we’ve been outnumbered, raided and now cornered. It’s hard to fight when the fight ain’t fair

Speak Now

Sparks Fly : The way you move is like a full on rainstorm and I’m a house of cards

Back To December : It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you, wishing I’d realized what I had when you were mine

Speak Now : Horrified looks from everyone in the room, but I’m only lookin’ at you

Dear John : I took your matches before fire could catch me so don’t look now. I’m shining like fireworks over your sad empty town

Mean : You, with your switching sides and your wildfire lies and your humiliation, you have pointed out my flaws again as if I don’t already see them

The Story Of Us : You held your pride like you should have held me

Never Grow Up : And no one’s ever burned you, nothing’s ever left you scarred. And even though you want to, just try to never grow up

Enchanted : Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy vanished when I saw your face

Better Than Revenge : She thinks I’m psycho ‘cause I like to rhyme her name with things

Innocent : I guess you really did it this time : left yourself in your warpath.Lost your balance on a tightrope. Lost your mind tryin’ to get it back

Haunted : You and I walk a fragile line. I have known it all this time but I never thought I’d live to see it break

Last Kiss : So I’ll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep and I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe

Long Live : Long live the walls we crashed through. All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

Ours : The verdict comes from those with nothing else to do. The jury’s out, and my choice is you.

If This Was A Movie : Maybe I’ve been going back too much lately when time stood still and I had you

Superman : I’m far away but I never let you go. I’m lovestruck and looking out the window. Don’t forget, don’t forget where I’ll be

Mine : You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter

RED

State Of Grace : So you were never a saint and I loved in shades of wrong

Red : Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong

Treacherous : Put your lips close to mine, as long as they don’t touch. Out of focus, eye to eye, till the gravity’s too much

I Knew You Were Trouble : And the saddest fear comes creeping in : that you never loved me or her, or anyone, or anything

All Too Well : You call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest. I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here

22 : We’re happy free confused and lonely at the same time. It’s miserable and magical

I Almost Do : I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can’t say “Hello” to you and risk another goodbye.

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together : I’m really gonna miss you picking fights, and me falling for it screaming that I’m right, and you would hide away and find your peace of mind with some indie record that’s much cooler than mine

Stay Stay Stay : All those times that you didn’t leave; It’s been occurring to me I’d like to hang out with you for my whole life.

The Last Time : You wear your best apology, but I was there to watch you leave

Holy Ground : We blocked the noise with the sound of ‘I need you’, and for the first time I had something to lose,

Sad Beautiful Tragic : Distance, timing, breakdown, fighting, silence, this train runs off its tracks. Kiss me, try to fix it, could you just try to listen?

The Lucky One : And they tell you that you’re lucky but you’re so confused, ‘cause you don’t feel pretty, you just feel used.

Everything Has Changed : And all my walls stood tall painted blue, but I’ll take ‘em down and open up the door for you

Starlight : Look at you, worrying too much about things you can’t change. You’ll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way.

Begin Again : I’ve been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end

The Moment I Knew : You called me later and said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t make it, ” and I said, “I’m sorry too, ”. And that was the moment I knew.

Come Back Be Here : I told myself don’t get attached, but in my mind I play it back, spinning faster than the plane that took you,

Girl At Home : And it would be a fine proposition if I was a stupid girl, but honey I am no-one’s exception, this I have previously learned.

1989

Welcome To New York : Took our broken hearts and put them in a drawer

Blank Space : Magic, madness, heaven, sin. Saw you there and I thought “Oh my God, look at that face. You look like my next mistake”

Style : I should just tell you to leave 'cause I know exactly where it leads but I watch it go round and round each time

Out Of The Woods : The rest of the world was black and white, but we were in screaming color

All You Had To Do Was Stay : The more I think about it now the less I know. All I know is that you drove us off the road

Shade If Off : The haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

I Wish You Would : We were a crooked love in a straight line down

Bad Blood : Band-aids don’t fix bullet holes

Wildest Dreams : You see me in hindsight tangled up with you all night

How You Get The Girl : Stand there like a ghost shaking come the rain

This Love : Clear blue water, high tide came and brought you in

I Know Places : Lose lips sink ships all the damn time

Clean : Rain came pouring down when I was drowning, that’s when I could finally breathe

Wonderland : You search the world for something else to make you feel like what we had

You Are In Love : You understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars, and why I’ve spent my whole life try to put it into words

New Romantics : I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me

#taylor swift #taylornation #taylurking #fearless #speak now #red #1989 #can't wait to add reputation to the list #mine #reputation #took me 3h to make this #feeling nostalgic

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benjaminwatchworld · 5 years ago

Text

My review of the decade is kicking off my first blog of 2020, still debating if I should do a review of 2019 it’s self. Anyway, where to start is a bit of a problem but I have to write this and it’s supposed to be long but I will make it short since a few of my readers complain about the length of my write-ups.

I am going to do more of outlining those special events that happened this ending decade and will surely impact the starting decade. Will start with 2013 when Benedict XVI shocked the world in February when he became the first pope to resign in almost 600 years Which makes us a special generation to have been a life when that historical event happened. After the guys did the surprise announcement all the attention shifted so fast to the succession, and the election of the new Pope, Francis. In the next decade one question will maybe fully be answered, “why did Benedict quit?”

Before going to the rest of the world, my Uganda should come first, the decade has been doted by a raise of violence in the pearl of Africa some that were a result of political events since we hard two elections in there that were more of scripted unless in the last on the biggest opposition figure took the oath of office for presidency on his own inspiring Kenya an the likes of Venezuela where it seemed to have worked that side in the initial stages making Dr. Besigye more of a world experiment since his work to work events were more of a blueprint for the Arab spring. It’s laughable but sad, the cries of human rights violations with the talks of safe houses and torture as a mode of investigation, murders and assassinations have been trend of the decade which started with religious clerics then a judge and later there was an Amy office, a member of Parliament and two high ranking police officers all done in a MOSSAD style.

Let me speed through the bad ones but are their goods the oil production has still not yet started, middle-income delusion has not materialized. There are memorable ones, like Uganda making 50 years of independence, and hosting the biggest number of refugees in the world because of the instabilities that are around us, we have our brothers coming from South Sudan, Burundi, DRC and many from the Horn of Africa putting our hospitality to a whole new level that other countries are coming into a benchmark on our methods only that along the way the UN found out that the numbers were being exaggerated for some reason that would need there own blog.

In this ending decade, there a few sporting achievements that really united the county but the government seemed to learn nothing from the results of the events. In the 2012 London Olympics Uganda managed to get a Gold medal taking the country by storm since it was like 4 decades since it last happened, I was not there am not sure if it’s even true. Then again after about 3 decades the Uganda Cranes the National Football team qualified for the African Cup of Nations which to me is still a dream I have to wake up from. World Cup is not a statement related to Uganda but the She Cranes has been able to go for two world events in the last ten years. Those sports moments made Ugandans feel like one. The other event that made Uganda feel like it was not in a milky way was a political event, the second of the two presidential candidates debates before an election.

Moving to other things away from Uganda that will always be remembered about the decade which started with South Africa host the 2010 FIFA world cup on the continent for the first time. The aftermath of the seven resulted in the change of leadership at the Football organization because of serious crimes in how money was moving around.

The United States of America has a Russian agent as President am joking but the truth is that Donald Trump is the head of the Free world crazy just like the predicted end of the world in December 2012 but when you take a close look we are not far from a Mad max situation going to the next decade.

This decade has seen the most advancement in tech, can you believe it that before this ending decade there was no iPad first came out this decade, and many other companies joined the Apple revolution. When it first comes out, it was quite a special tech item but now we are using them to play Fruit Ninja. Companies like SpaceX, Boeing shaped a lot of the technology of the decade. Then come to the raid hailing apps for transport that in Uganda we even use them for boda bodas. Hybrid and fully electronic cars are no longer things for the future.

But with all the technological achievements it’s this decade when our phones track our every activity and location that a Malaysia Airlines passenger jet disappeared without a trace in early 2014, the fate of the plane and the 239 passengers and crew on board has become one of the biggest aviation mysteries. The missing plane captured the attention of millions around the world, triggering a multinational search and plenty of conspiracy theories. In the middle of last year, The Atlantic gave us a report of what could have happened the plane was likely intentionally crashed by the pilot which I don’t want to believe.

This decade has also been a roller coaster in the entertainment industry and for me my mark was boyhood but there was a whole range of movies, TV shows and music albums that will surely be classics. From 2012 to 2013 was truly the time of viral videos and Ylvis’ “The Fox” was truly the strangest one to ever become an internet hit. Then the Oscars Twelve years of Slaves was special for Africa because Lupita, the movement of Oscars are so white which I don’t feel was justified followed by Oscars are so male, I can’t imagine a woman or black person playing Hitler just saying. Leonardo finally got a win at the 88th Academy Awards in 2016 when he awarded Best Actor for his role in The Revenant, and I still believe he put upper a better show in The Wolf at Wall Street but the academy decided to give him an award for a role he barely sides anything all movie. This decade saw the end of Harry Potter and the Massive Game of Thrones a TV show that really had an impact on television history.

In the last decade, there has been some very nice Music coming from the likes of Adele, Ed screen, Beyonce, Sam Smith, Taylor Swift, Common and John Legend, Cold Play to the Renegades but the song of the decade fell from nowhere pictures a man doing horse-riding-like dance in July 2012 all the way from South Korea called Psy released a new song called Gangnam Style and it’s the only song on YouTube with a billion views.

It was that decade when The Harlem Shake happened in 2013, thousands of bizarre 30second versions of the “Harlem Shake” a dance set to the electronic song by DJ Baauer were being uploaded on the daily, from sports clubs to military men, to government officials.

What am I living out, sports a lot happened, from that World Cup in South Africa to Japan beating up South Africa in a rugby world cup tipping tables in the sport to the Golden State Warriors taking the NBA by storm but for me, my moment was Leicester City winning the English Premier League. It has become a turn of some sort we a now calling surprises “A Leicester City”.

About 19 million tweets kicked of the Me Too campaign leading to widespread awareness and discussion of the topic of sexual assault against women and have since then become a historic feminist movement, it’s another thing we can partly credit to the internet and technology.

It was that decade when the rainbow was everywhere in the world every single day after Same-sex marriage became legal in the U.S.A on June 26, 2015, it opened another door for LGBTQ+ Community in the whole world. So that past decade we were lucky to witness two royal weddings the one in 2011 and the last one in 2018 that seemed to be more special because many things about it rewrote human history.

In that last decade Hosni Mubarak of Egypt, Moammar Gadhafi of Libya, Ali Abdullah Saleh of Yemen and Zine El Abidine Ben Ali of Tunisia all went out of office in the same year in what came to be known as the Arab spring. Later down the decade, Omar Bashir of Sudan was overthrown a prior to him Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe also left office.

I will end with war in Syria, it’s a Civil war against the government of Assad, it’s a proxy war between Russia and America, it’s a religious war with between the Sunni and Shia Muslims who are backing a president from the Alwhyt side of Islam and its an international war against the self-proclaimed Caliphate called ISIS that has seen almost every nation on the planet get involved. Since 2011 the end is not yet in sight producing the greatest numbers of refugees since the Second world war making it the climax of the third world war generation. War is war.

The greatest thing of the decade is the awareness concerning climate change even if it has come at a very high cost at least for now everyone on the planet knows what we have got ourselves into going to the next 10 years.

I will end with a light one but it still fascinates me to this date. Never before has the world been so divided over something so simple as the color of a dress but that’s exactly what happened back in February 2015 when a picture of a dress originally posted on Tumblr suddenly went viral overnight. To me “The dress is gold and white”

That Decade My review of the decade is kicking off my first blog of 2020, still debating if I should do a review of 2019 it’s self.

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alwaysjaimee · 8 years ago

Note

1-100 ;)

wow alright!!

1) Sexuality?

Straight

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Alison Sudol, Emily Blunt, Taylor Swift, Emma Watson

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

‘forehead. If it hadn’t been for Voldemort, Harry would still….’ - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - J.K. Rowling

4) What do you think about most?

Everything. Anything I can stress or worry about mostly

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?

its the crying face emoji…

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with Pjs

7) What’s your strangest talent?

um I don’t even know tbh

8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)

‘Girls can conquer the world’

‘Boys can drive you insane’

LOL

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Not that I know about

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?

prob yesterday in the car to annoy my friend

11) Do you have any strange phobias?

I don’t think any of them are necessarily strange… Although I have a fear of Hyenas yet there are none anywhere near me or have I ever really been around any…

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

I don’t think so..

13) What’s your religion?

technically atheist. but I do think there is a god out there

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Reading or hanging out with friends or my dog

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

I like both

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

A Fine Frenzy. That counts as a band right?

17) What was the last lie you told?

Im not actually sure

18) Do you believe in karma?

Yeah a little

19) What does your URL mean?

‘Always’ is from Harry Potter and ‘Jaimee’ is my name

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

I think my greatest weakness is; animals (

I think my greatest strength is; my judge of character

21) Who is your celebrity crush?

Eddie Redmayne and Zac Efron

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23) How do you vent your anger?

many ways. Song writing, dart throwing, crying and sleeping etc. depending on the situation also bottling it up for later

24) Do you have a collection of anything?

I have a collection of snow globes and keyrings from places I’ve been. I also have a few Pop Vinyls. I also collect all the movie tickets and concert tickets that I’ve attended.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Depends on the person

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

sort of. I don’t think Im fully to the point I want to be just yet

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

Hate; Balloons popping, scrapping of forks/spoons on plates, nails on a chalkboard etc

Love; waves crashing against the shore, pianos, acoustic guitars, laughter etc

28) What’s your biggest “what if”?

‘What if I had the courage to do that’

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes to a degree

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm; Book

Left arm; Pillow

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?

The coconut ‘Victoria Secret mist’ I sprayed earlier

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

um idk

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?

of America? or Australia?

America; Seen the West Coast, not the East so ill go with East

Australia: East

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Voice wise Michael Buble

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?

Love. Family and Friends

36) Define Art.

Everything. The essence of the world. A way to make everything okay, even for a little while

37) Do you believe in luck?

sort of

38) What’s the weather like right now?

coldish

39) What time is it?

1:55am

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Yes I do drive. NO I haven’t crashed

41) What was the last book you read?

Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?

sort of

43) Do you have any nicknames?

Scout

44) What was the last movie you saw?

Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them

45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

cracked my head open

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Ive had them land on me but not ‘caught’ them

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?

Im low key obsessed with Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them

48) What’s your sexual orientation?

straight

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

yes

50) Do you believe in magic?

Yes. Makes you believe anything is possible.

‘Without even the possibility of magic, you’ll never find it’

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

If what they did was bad enough, then yes

52) What is your astrological sign?

Aries

53) Do you save money or spend it?

spend. but if I have something to save for I’m generally quite good

54) What’s the last thing you purchased?

a birthday present for a friend and face wash (riveting I know)

55) Love or lust?

Love

56) In a relationship?

not right now

57) How many relationships have you had?

none that were very important

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nope

59) Where were you yesterday?

Out for lunch and shopping with one of my friends

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

my slippers, iPad, pillow, lamp and a box

61) Are you wearing socks right now?

Nope

62) What’s your favorite animal?

Dog

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

humor/wit/sarcasm

64) Where is your best friend?

at her house asleep

65) Spit or swallow?

LOL

66) What is your heritage?

Australian, New Zealand, English, Irish, Scottish

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Watching Youtube videos

68) What do you think is Satan’s last name?

um wtf

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

some questions just shouldn’t be asked

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I think so

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog. Couldn’t live with that guilt. If your boss still fires you after that, they’re not a good person to work for

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) Thats hard. I think maybe? but then thats a lot to put onto someone

b) Spend as much time with everyone as possible. See nature, read, try new foods etc

c) To an extent, hell yes

73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

GAH THATS HARD.

love. if someone really loves you they will strive for your trust and vis versa

74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

‘Blow Away’ A Fine Frenzy

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Trust, love, communication

77) How can I win your heart?

Being genuine, funny, kind hearted and trustworthy

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?

honestly it can

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

moving on

80) What size shoes do you wear?

between a 9-10

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

something like

‘family and friend. kind to everyone’ or something

82) What is your favorite word?

Serendipity

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

break

(darker than I would have thought)

84) What is a saying you say a lot?

‘bless’ and ‘anyway’

85) What’s the last song you listened to?

‘Lifesize’ - A Fine Frenzy

86) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?

Purple, blue, light green/pastel green, pink, black

87) What is your current desktop picture?

iMac; Golden Gate Bridge at sunset surrounded by cloud

Laptop; Yosemite with a pink/purple sky

Phone; Me and my friend before she left to move to London

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

wow. um no one. well I mean, no one Im actually gonna write…

89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

hmm thats tough

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

scream and cry without a doubt

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Telekinesis

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

probably something with my parents when I was younger. Like a party or game night or something like that.

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

the stuff that happened in 2012

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Does Zac Efron count?

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

London

96) Do you have any relatives in jail?

Not that Im aware of

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?

I don’t think actually in the car. but outside the door, yes

98) Ever been on a plane?

Yep

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

STOP HATING ON EACH OTHER. ACCEPT EACH OTHER. HATRED AND ANGER DOESNT SOLVE ANYTHING. WE ARE ALL HUMAN. WE ALL BREATHE THE SAME, BLEED THE SAME, DREAM THE SAME. NO ONE IS BETTER THAN SOMEONE ELSE SIMPLY BECAUSE OF THEIR GENDER, RACE, SEXUALITY OR ANYTHING ELSE. STOP KILLING EACH OTHER, STOP BULLYING EACH OTHER. LET PEOPLE LOVE WHO THEY WANT. HELP PEOPLE, DONT HURT PEOPLE. PROTECT EACH OTHER. BE KIND TO EACH OTHER. BE KIND TO ANIMALS. PROTECT ANIMALS. PROTECT NATURE. BE KIND TO OUR PLANET, ITS THE ONLY ONE WE’VE GOT

yep basically.

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its-about-the-soul-blog · 8 years ago

Text

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up. Welcome to the family - avenged sevenfold Solitaire unraveling - mushroomhead Were an American band - rob zombie Here to stay - korn Never gunna stop - rob zombie Burn it down - five finger death punch 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Myself, but like from my own perspective if that makes sense. 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. 4) What do you think about most? What consciousness is/means 5) Ever had a poem or song written about you? Yeah 6) Do you have any strange phobias? Mirrors 7) What's your religion? Sacred geometry 8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Walking somewhere 9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Rob zombie 10) What was the last lie you told? That I wasn't hungry 😂😂 11) Do you believe in karma? Oh yeah 12) What does your URL mean? N/A for facebook 13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? Love, ability to adapt 14) Who is your celebrity crush? Jennifer Laurence if I had to have one. 15) How do you vent your anger? Bitch for a few minutes then I'm good 16) Do you have a collection of anything? Regretful decisions 17) Are you happy with the person you've become? Yes and no 18) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? Fingers across dry plastic, that squeaking. I love the sound of wind haha 19) What's your biggest "what if"? What if I was born as someone else, somewhere else. 20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and yes 21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. Couch cushion and then nothingness 22) Smell the air. What do you smell? Nothing really, the smell of home if that makes sense. 23) What's the worst place you have ever been to? Bridgeport 24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender? Idek I don't find many of them very appealing 😂 25) To you, what is the meaning of life? There isn't one really, we are an coincidence and our existence doesn't interfere or effect the rest of the universe in any way. Do with that what you will. 26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Sometimes and no 27) What was the last movie you saw? Why him 28) What's the worst injury you've ever had? Smashed up my nose real bad when I was younger 29) Do you have any obsessions right now? Saving up money to leave with no plan 30) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Of course 31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Depends, not usually. 32) What is your astrological sign? Libra 33) What's the last thing you purchased? Cat food 😂😂 34) Love or lust? Lust but I dream of love 35) In a relationship? Nope 36) How many relationships have you had? 4 serious ones. 37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? When I find out il let you know 38) Where is your best friend(s)? workman ave and my apartment. 39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Laying in bed listening to music 40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Someone who's open minded and free spirited enough to vibe with me 41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Save that fucking dog life isn't negotiable 42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? I tell absolutely nobody but write a detailed letter to be read after I die. I would make sure I make as many people as happy as possible. Id end feuds and make peace. I would not be afraid in the least 43) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Everybodies fucking in a UFO - rob zombie 44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Trust, love, effort. 45) How can I win your heart? You don't want to. 46) Can insanity bring on more creativity? Yes. 47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Apologizing to my mother. Make a plan for myself. 48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? Thats left to those who know me. I mean when I'm gone it's up to those who have memories to tell of me. 49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "heart." Broken 50) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? Darker colors. Non vibrant drull type. Blues and greens 51) What is your current desktop picture? Sacred geometry figure 52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Probably myself. Maybe a Canadian 53) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on. Drug issues I guess. More shameful than afraid. 54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Power to fly 55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? Anytime really between the age of 10-13 56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? N/A don't wanna announce it 57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? Idk Taylor swift she's cute 58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? California. No doubts 59) Ever been on a plane? Yes 60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities. Jesus Christ i don't keep up with celebs enough to form attraction

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blissfulhighh · 7 years ago

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I’m gonna vent a little on here because I got some bad news and I’m sad 😞 & no one knows me personally on here. I’ll call this:

The Life of being a Drug Addicts Sister.

I have three brothers and they’re all on meth. Here’s a little backstory to kind of understand what’s going on now.

My dad married his first wife back when he was 28. They had three boys. The oldest is H, the middle one is G, and the youngest one is C. My dad and his wife had a house in Mexico and my dad would go back and forth from California to Mexico. His wife didn’t have papers, and it took a while to fix her papers. They eventually had their first born in Mexico, (H). When everything was all set for her to enter the U.S. they moved and found a home in California where my dad would work. Soon came their second child, (G). A few years later they had their last child, (C). My dad would work 6 days a week and 12 hours a day. His wife also worked but a part time job, so she can be home with the kids. I believe it was September 24th, early in the morning she unfortunately got into a car accident. She died instantly. She left behind her three babies at the ages of (H) 9 years old , (G) 6 years old, & (C) 2 year old. My dad eventually married my mom, and a year later they had me. Honestly, it was not easy for my mom. The kids (H & G) didn’t want my mom there, which is understandable. They knew who their mom was & didn’t want anyone else taking her spot. My mom had no intentions on ever taking her spot or making them call her mom or anything they didn’t want to do. They eventually warmed up to her. My mom raised them as best as she could & treated/loved them as if they were her own kids.

To be honest, I have the best momories with my three brothers. They NEVER made me feel any different because i had a different mom than them. I remember (C) taught me how to ride my bike without my training wheels but I crashed the first time because I didn’t know how to stop lol I remember (G) telling me funny stories one night because I had a nightmare & how to tie my shoes lol. I remember (H) taught me how to not take shit from anybody, to always stand up for myself. We would all play Pokémon ALL day. We would watch rugrats, spongebob, and rocketpower was our favorite. I remember being traumatized after I watched chucky and threw all my dolls away! Lol

My oldest brother (H) eventually started getting into trouble with the police at the age of 14. He had friends that weren’t the best influences, and they would go around town tagging on walls. Not gonna lie, my brothers graffiti was pretty sick. Lol but ever since then my parents have struggled with trying to get him into the right path. He eventually moved in with his girlfriend and had his apartment, a stable job, things were looking good for him.

My other brother (G), is or I should say was the smartest person I knew. He always had good comments from his teachers and always had straight A’s. He had a bright future ahead of him. He would give me and (C) the best advice for school, life, etc.

The youngest of the three (C), was not the best in school. I’d say he was street smart instead of book smart lol. We were the closest, probably because we were the closest in age. He also taught me to not take shit from anyone. They made me one tough cookie lol.

I grew up such a tomboy lol My brothers wouldn’t let me listen to what they would call “little bitch” music lol thanks to them I grew to love a genre of music that people would be surprised that I listen to now because I eventually became such a girly girl listening to fucken Taylor Swift & Justin Bieber lol.

I still remember the first incident that happened. I was 15 years old when I found out that the oldest (H) was smoking crystal. (H) had moved back home with us because it didn’t work out with the girlfriend he dad. I had just came home from cheer practice & I found (H) & (C) fighting because (H) was tweaking it at the house. I didn’t say anything to my parents because... I don’t know why I didn’t but I should have.. maybe things would be different. Ever since that day, little did I know my life would change forever. One year my parents, (C), & I went to Mexico in December. (C) decided he wanted to go to ATL with his moms sister because he got tired of living in California.

I remember crying and telling (H) to stop doing drugs. It was changing him to someone i didn’t even recognize. I thought that was the worst it would get. I look back now and laugh because it got so much worse. He got so bad sooo fast. He would hang out with his little tweaker friends and bring them to the house. He had this one friend AJ, that’s his real name; I’m telling y’all his real name because fuck him lol. He would STAYYYYY going to the house hella on one. My parents told him relentlessly that he ain’t welcome. Aj obviously doesn’t give a fuck because he kept going. My dad didn’t know what else to do, so he bought him a plane ticket to ATL so he can sober up while he was staying with his moms sister which (C) was also there. (C) eventually came back home because he was homesick, but (H) stayed over there. Let me tell y’all. (H) got sooooooo FAT, I was beyond happy because when he was home with us, he was nothing but bones. I thought it was going to be different, I thought he would change his life for the better. (H) eventually came back home also because he was also homesick. Not going to lie, I was skeptical because he was 2 years sober and I didn’t want him to go back to the way he was. He came back Nov. 29 and TWO weeks later... he started tweaking agian. My heart was shattered, I was completely let down.

During this time, (G) met a girl (X) and eventually they were unseparatable. (G) had a stable job, and (X) did too. They lived together in an apartment in the city. They first had a little fubaby that I adored and loved because my furbaby was his brother lol a little down the road (X) gave us the best news, she was pregnant! the first baby in the family! Little baby (P) was about 8 months when things started to spiral out of control.

At this point, (H) was out of his mind. He had literally first fought everyone at the house at this point including my dad, well besides my mom. I remember (G & C) literally fighting him for him to either stop doing drugs or to get the fuck out. This was in February 2017. The cops were called at least 4 times a week. Things obviously didn’t get better but (H) moved in with my dads sister so things were ok.

Here’s when things get weird.. (G) was being really weird, and paranoid. He always kept saying that people were out to get him. He was building this shed for my dad because he was going to school for construction and wanted to build something. He got really paranoid at work also, saying that they were plotting against him to get him fired. So he quit. He started building that shed full time now. He wouldn’t leave the house till like 3 am. Which my dad was really concerned. I also had a bad feeling, he had never ever acted that way. I should’ve seen the signs they were so clear and I’m my face.. I would find globies & baggies in his trailer where he kept his tools which he was the ONLY one that had keys to it. He would always blame (H) but I should’ve known.. I was in denial. (G) could not be smoking crystal, that would be ridiculous he knows better than that especially dealing with (H). The one thing I never thought would happen, happened. (G) was tweaking it too. Little after that, I found out (C) was too.

One day (G) & (C) & (H) & AJ we’re outside and I was inside with some friends. I hear yelling & I knew they were fighting. So went outside. (H) tried to stab (G) in the eye with scissors. If it wasn’t for (G) wearing glasses, he probably would’ve got stabbed. (G) pressed charges, and (H) was booked in jail. It’s sad to say but I was relieved. There was nights I would go out looking for him to come home. Some days I worried if he would even come back. (G) was wrongfully imprisoned because he was at a certain place at the wrong time. There was a robbery at a bar & (G) walked by & they assaulted him & robbed him too. (G) came home and our house got raided at 3 am because they thought (G) did it. He was in jail for about 2 weeks & was let out July 15. & guess what (H) was let out July 16. It was bittersweet to see (H). I have to be honest. My mom & I did go visit him in jail various times & gave him money so he can buy food because I felt bad because jail food does not sound appetizing. (H) was sober and I thought I was getting through to him. Literally a DAY later they started tweaking again. And once again I was let down, completely and utterly disappointed. (C) was changing dramatically as well. There’s things I’ve seen and heard that I will never forget. I’ve witnessed too many traumatizing situations. I’ve witnessed (G) trying to run over (C). They all changed from day to night so quickly. They all fought all the time. It hurt me so much because they were not the same loving brothers that I fondly remember. I tried so hard and far too many times to try to get them to change. The last fight I had got in was with (C). It tore me apart, it broke me. He said foul things to me but the one thing the ONE thing that pushed me over the edge.. “ I have no sister “ in that moment I couldn’t handle it anymore. My depression was at its worst and hearing that since we were so close destroyed my soul. I went into my room completely numb, just defeated. I overdosed on promethazine. I just wanted everything to be over at the moment. I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore. You know some people wake up from nightmares and realize it was just a dream.. well everyday I would wake up to my nightmare realizing it’s very real. I was transferred to a behavioral center from the hospital which was fucken traumatizing. I was there for 3 days, which were the longest days of my life. But I can say I learned a lot while I was there. I joke about it now, like fuckkkk I actually went to a behavioral center my life is fucken dope. but it all seriousness, for the people that are severely depressed, I recommend going to a center. There are therapist that talk to you on a daily basis & groups that you participate in that you can vent and share what brought you there. Sometimes it’s good to just talk to people that you don’t know who you are and no judgement from what you share. The first thing I did was eat Carl’s Jr. when I was released lol.

(G) was so far gone, he was a completely different person. He would ask us if we were ourselves and ask for our social security numbers to see if it was really us or if we were sent from the government to spy on him. He honestly resembled schizophrenic behavior. I will forever remember what (H) told me.. “HES JUST BEING CREATIVE” (X) put a restraining order on (G) because he was relentlessly harassing her at her home & didn’t want baby (P) to be near (G) because it’s honestly scary to be around someone like that. He violated the restraining order and was thankfully put in jail. During this time I no longer communicated with any of them. I decided that I needed a break from all the drama and sadness. So I bought a plane ticket to Mexico for October 15th. I didn’t tell anyone, besides my parents. (G) was let out October 3rd I believe. It was hard for me but I learned the hard way. I didn’t talk to (H, G, C). I didn’t want to go through the pain again. Because let’s be real. Once you get a taste of that drug and you get hooked on it, there’s not a question if you’ll ever go back on it.. it’s a matter of time WHEN you go back on it. I’m not saying all people can’t sober up from it but from MY experience they always go back.

So here we are December 27. I called (X) and she let me know (G) is back on it. I knew he would eventually but I wanted him to change his life for his daughters. (H, G, C) will never be the same, and I’ve accepted it. My parents, (X), friends, and I have tried numerous times to get them to change but they don’t want to. I learned the hard way that you can’t change people in who you want them to be. I always thought that it was because they lost their mother that they fell into drugs. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a parent, but I know I’m my heart their mother wouldn’t want this life for them.

As for me, I quit my job & I stopped going to school so I could stay home to protect my mother from them just in case they ever did anything. I stopped living my life because I was trying to save theirs. I’m going to try ONE last time to try to get them to go to rehab. But I have to start living my life, I’m 22 years old, I’m too young to be feeling like I’m 40. I’m putting them in Gods hands. Nothing is going to stop me from my plans and dreams. I’m going to work hard, so my parents won’t have to. They’ve been through enough. I am the one who is going to look after my parents when they get old. I can honestly say, this made me a stronger person. I’m no longer in that mentality where I wanted life to just end for me. Life is so beautiful & too precious to be sad. So here’s to 2018, nothing but smiles & happiness.

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