#one of my worst recent hyperfixations i'll admit

[sqvaredpaper]

hello

Long time no see

This isn't going to be a normal post, with the date, and a fun little summary of my day

It's going to be a bit of a rant about my life recently

Nothing too triggering, just me explaining something that happened recently and how I feel about it!

content I will be covering: depression, grieving, neurodivergency

I've been feeling a bit depressed recently, which I thought was weird until i realised one of the reasons was hormonal, and then realised the other reasons. This week was the anniversary of the death of a loved one, and another loved one is starting chemotherapy and I'm at university and won't be there.

Realising why I felt so shitty has helped me feel a bit less shitty, but when the depression was worst I really struggled to keep up with university work. I did my assignments and submitted them on time, early even, but lecture content went over my head and I was zoned out for pretty much all of them

To make matters worse, I have a new hyperfixation that has hit harder than other recent ones for whatever reason, and that has meant what energy I do have has been spent engaging in that - serotonin and dopamine boosts and whatever.

Plus! I've not been sleeping well! Probably due to my flatmates (and their friends) deciding our kitchen is the best one to be in, talking and laughing loudly until 3am.

Anyway, the main reason I made this post was to talk about how I struggled asking for help with my situation. Yes, I complained about it to people, but I always ended it with "I'll be fine".

Today, I admitted my friend how it really helped when he explained the lecture content to me - he was doing it as a revision technique for himself but when I actually focused on it he made much more sense than the lecturer.

So we decided that once a week we will spend a couple hours going over the lecture content in a much more informal fashion, so that we both understand it.

I've also decided I will go to bed earlier and wear my Loop earplugs to sleep better.

We will see how this pans out, but hopefully these small steps will help me get closer to fully understanding my course.