#one of my friends is probably not straight since we were makeout buddies at parties but she never really explored it and now she's married

[lizzieisright]

“Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place.” 

This is a famous quote from the Brooklyn 99, and I love it. 

The world does become a better, more interesting place - for you and for others. 

You see, I'm a boring gay - you can't really tell because I look straight-passing. But I need to compensate, so I'm also a loud gay - meaning once we know each other I won't shut the fuck up about loving women when opportunity presents itself.

And I came out as bi at 13 - you can say it was a soft launch - and not a lot of my classmates really cared. A lot of stuff happened and I didn't focus on this part of my life, but then the year 10 happened (year 12 in British system) and oh boy I couldn't shut up.

Which is kinda hilarious if you know that: a) I live in a homophobic country b) all my classmates were straight and kinda homophobic and c) I have zero sense of self-preservation.

I decided I had nothing to lose back then and I got loud again - this time I kinda knew I had a stronger preference for girls (spoiler alert: I'm a lesbian) and I refused to let my straight friends be comfortable if it meant I had to tone it down. 

And my straight friends had to deal with it - with their homophobia, their stereotypes and assumptions. They had to make peace with me, because being around me was literally inescapable: we were classmates and there were only 10 of us, and 5 of us in a closer circle. So they listened to gay jokes, to thirsts after Rihanna, to why parades are important. 

And now, 10 years later, I have 4 straight traditional women as my closest friends who don't know what outing means and how lesbians have sex because it's not part of their life, but they're accepting and supportive, and I know they will defend queers when it matters. (cough my friend accidentally outing me to her family to prove that gays are okay and just because I'm gay doesn't mean she'll stop being my friend cough it fucking worked)

And I know, if I wasn't loud, if I wasn't thirsting after women out loud, if I didn't answer a lot of their - sometimes offensive out of ignorance - questions, they'd have been as homophobic as possible. And they would raise their kids in homophobic environment, or they wouldn't know how to deal with their kids being queer. But because I was/am loud about being gay, they will know how to handle it. Or, at least, they will have me to talk to about it. 

So be loud. Be proud. You may not change the whole world, but you may change the whole world for someone. 

Some honourable quotes from my friends:

“That's not very christian of you.” My best friend when I came out as a lesbian. (It was a joke, obv, but it's even funnier because this friend is very christian)

“We will see what nickname you'll get when you get a girlfriend.” My other friend (and a namesake) when I made fun of the nickname she got from her fiance. (because we're namesakes, we get the same nicknames). Said in front of her fiance.

“When will you two fuck?” Out of nowhere, when I was talking about my crush. + The same friend crying happy tears when I came out as a lesbian because “you must feel so relieved to finally know your truth”.

“Oh, [my nickname] is at it again.” All of them, collectively, when I accidentally stare at a girl. It happens. I'm embarrassed. 

[datingintampafails]

Chapter 15: Aaron*

After Roger*, I don’t completely leave the app game, but I don’t go on any dates. I talk to a couple guys for a short bit, but nothing really sticks. One guy is kind of creepy, and even drops the “love” bomb on me, and I straight up yikes him. 

I knew when I matched with Aaron* and saw “Conservative” listed on his Bumble profile, that it was not going to work out. However, I was still coming off my fucking with people state, despite this now being the end of June, almost a month after my last date, that had been with Roger*. However, he is a nice looking, all-American looking man. Blonde hair, blue eyes, decently tall, fit but not overly buff, also does jiu-jitsu, so I say fuck it let’s see what happens. 

I even started my first message to him about this: “oh shoot you’re conservative” he asks if that is a problem, which I respond with “depends.” He asks what it depends on, and I say “if you own a maga hat.” He comes back with “Am I in more trouble if I own 2?”

Why would a person need two MAGA hats? I don’t know. This is something I will never know, and I’m okay with that information. He jokes about us both being able to wear one. I say definitely not. He asks why. I explain my DJT sentiments, “He’s constantly running his mouth when he shouldn’t/he has no chill. He’s terrible to women. His interests are biased to benefit businesses/his rich buddies and not the people.” 

Expecting him to debate with me with some bullshit, instead, he says I have fair criticism and agrees with my first point. We talk more politics, I say the party system itself sucks, which he admits he thinks we are closer politically than he thought. He purposely changes the subject, with the all wonderful “what are you looking for on here?” question. Blah blah blah.

He said he says I have a good plan and he “matched with [me] cause [I’m] cute and seemed like [I’d] be fun to play some vidya with.” We then talk games and systems for a bit. He asks me for my Snapchat username, then our conversations continue strictly on there for the foreseeable future. He mentions something about feeding his dogs raw chicken, and due to my job working in veterinary medicine, I let him know that isn’t a good idea. He tries to mansplain me, and I clap back, saying that whereas raw red meat is fine for them, raw chicken isn’t and I’ve seen a lot of dogs get sick. He thanks me for the information and drops it. I respect how he backs off and listens.

We set up a date for a Wednesday, but then the day of, I get some news that my coworker I work closely with at one of my jobs, may have contracted coronavirus. I let him know that I don’t want to risk it, just in case I may have gotten it. Instead, I suggest we do a video chat instead. 

Video chat actually ends up being pretty fun and is a nice way to get to know each other without going out out. He has two dogs and I get to see them. He mentions that he played World of Warcraft and I’m surprised. He looks more like a pretty boy type and not nerdy like that, despite us talking about other video games previously. I then suggest we play some video games together for the rest of the night. We even add each other on discord/Battlenet (Blizzard Games) and play Heroes of the Storms together. He and I actually work very well as a team and opt to play a character together which requires complete teamwork as you share a body with different powers. It’s a difficult character to play, so normally I don’t play it, even with my friends. This gives me a glimmer of, hey maybe I could make this work: naive. 

I decide one day I should ask some non-superficial questions to get to know if the MAGA thing is something I can ignore for better qualities. I ask him about his goals and his future.

He mentions he wants to own a lot of land and grow his own food, have some cows. So basically he wants to be a farmer? Definitely not a life I could see myself in. I mention as well that my future doesn’t involve kids. He says he definitely would want to have kids. 

I ask him why he feels the need to have children. He simply says, “Idk it’s just what you do.” TO which, I intelligently let him know, “just because it’s what you do, doesn’t mean it’s what YOU do.” Essentially, fuck societal rules, live your life as your own. He sticks to his guns, which are his rights. I kinda just remove myself from the conversation as it doesn’t go anywhere. 

At the same time, I’m also chatting with another guy. This guy is way more compatible personality-wise, but he isn’t really physically attractive to me. I feel bad as I am practically stringing him along. I even had a video chat date with him around the same time as Aaron*, but whereas he is nice, I don’t see him as a romantic prospect, which makes me more confused. 

Despite our conversation that would seem like an end-all for the relationship continuing, Aaron* continues to send me Snapchats, which are nice eye candy. He goes to the gym and would send me pictures of him in the sauna, ie shirtless pictures. He asks me out again, and I confirm that he is still interested. He asks fairly if he has indicated in any way that he was no longer interested. Also adds he wants to see where things go and at least give it a shot and is willing to risk the possibility of my coronavirus exposure. Fair enough. 

We reschedule essentially the date we were gonna have earlier that week, going to the same Greek restaurant. I get there first and wait in my car. Somehow I am not paying attention when he arrives, and he says he is there but doesn’t see me inside. So I walk up to him in the restaurant and give him a hug. He is the only one there, so it is easy to spot him. We share a platter of hummus and veggies, just talk, and have a good time. I get a sense, as I did during the video chat as well, that he is more introverted than I am and on the quieter side. The restaurant is closing for the day, and we are done eating, so we head out. Walking to our cars, he asks if I wanna come over and meet his dogs since he lives ten minutes away. I agree. 

I half follow google maps with the address he gives me, half just follow him. Jokingly when we arrive and we start to walk in, I ask him if he’s going to murder me. He laughs and says no. As I add “not this time at least.” 

I get to meet his dogs, one is definitely a wild child. We play Super Smash Bros on his Switch, and after only winning one round and getting obliterated otherwise, I ask if we can play something more co-op. We bring out Mario Party but are kind of confused about how anything works. Instead, we opt to just watch a movie instead. We cuddle and watch Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

At the end of the movie, it is late and I say that I’m gonna head out. He walks me to our car and we kiss goodnight a couple of times. Unfortunately for me, I was happy to kiss him goodnight. I do ask him that he actually give me his number, though he had given me a similar story like Darren*, saying his service isn’t good and he chats primarily via Snapchat. 

We talk some more and set up another date. I invite him over for dinner. When he arrives he tries to kiss me at his car side when I greet him which catches me off guard. I’m not huge into PDA so I don’t really know what to do. He seems fine when I instead give him a kiss hello when we get inside. I make the food and all seems good. He gets along with my dog very well and they’re having fun. We eat our food then decide to go to the couch to watch a movie. We settle on Toy Story 4 as I determine that he should see it since he hasn’t. During the movie, he initiates kissing a few times. At some point though, it gets a little more heated as kissing becomes a true makeout session, and he lays me down on the couch. His kisses are a little more hungry, and honestly, I’m not super into his style and feel more like I’m just kind of there. I stop him and say “can w talk about something really quick?” I can tell that he is trying to lead up to things, and given the fact that we are on very different paths for the future, though it would be a good time to discuss where we are at. I pause the movie officially. I say I like him and ask him what his realistic expectations for us would be. He says that given our opposite feelings towards children, that “well we wouldn’t get married, but I definitely want whatever is the next step under that. Until I’m ready for something more serious with a person that would want kids” I simply respond that I am looking for something that would be potentially more serious, and don’t think we want the same things. I make a joke about him not wanting to get married, and that I already have the venue picked out, Sabrina has a flower girl dress, etc. Just to lighten the mood. He laughs and we continue watching the movies.

At the end of the movie he again initiates kissing me. I’m confused, I thought we had essentially ended whatever was going on via our conversation. He then just asks me, “hey would you want to fool around a little before I leave?” Again, given the conversation we had just had, I don’t think this man really understands where I am at. “No, I don’t really wanna do that now,” I say to him. We watch some short skits and then I say it’s probably time for him to go. I ask that he lets me know when he gets back home. 

We video game together a couple more times, he sends me more shirtless pics, I just kind of ignore him/don’t respond as much, as especially after his reaction of trying to sleep with me, I am officially no longer interested.

We went from #1 best Snapchat friends with a 12-day streak to nada, but oh well. He still looks at my stories sometimes but never initiates contact. I wish him the best and hope he gets what he wants.

[alonelily]

Who the hell is Frank?

Matt sits up on the bed (the way people sit up when they’ve been caught making out with someone but are trying to make it seem like everything’s normal and they didn’t actually have someone else’s tongue down their throat two literal seconds ago) and says: “Oh, this is my roommate Foggy”, while gesturing at Foggy, and then “Foggy, this is my husband, Frank”. “Hi,” says Frank. “What,” says Foggy.

----------

Foggy has known Matt for a while now, which just makes it all the more confusing to find out that Matt is freaking married.

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14849588

College is not what Foggy expected. He’s always had a really specific image of what university would be like. He imagined that it would be a place of learning, filled with sophisticated, intellectual people. He imagined that it would be a place riddled with social opportunities: classmates, clubs and expansive friend groups. Reality is somewhat different. For one, people aren’t very sophisticated at all. It turns out Columbia is mostly filled with the same type of people he went to high school with, just with more money and legal access to alcohol. College also isn’t turning out to be the grand social experience Foggy hoped it would be. Maybe there are interesting clubs to join, or cool classmates to hang out with, but Foggy wouldn’t know. Foggy does not have time to socialise. Foggy has five essays due by the end of this week. He has written zero essays so far this week. It is Thursday.

But not all of the many surprises of college are turning out to be bad. For example, Foggy wasn’t expecting to find pre-law this interesting. When he filled out his application he’d picked the topic more or less on a whim, and he hadn’t been sure it would suit him. It would in some ways have been much easier to simply follow the career path his mother had so meticulously laid out for him. He still thinks he would have made a good butcher, but also, he’s starting to figure out that law does suit him, and that’s a pretty exciting feeling. One that’s worth more to him than free cured meats.

Another pleasant surprise regarding college is Foggy’s roommate. Before coming here he heard all sorts of horror stories about the dorms, which, yeah, a lot of them are true—it’s been a good two weeks since there wasn’t a brain-numbingly loud party in the room across from theirs going on well into morning—but Matt is turning out to be a pretty great roommate. Actually, he’s turning out to be a pretty great friend. Really, he’s kind of Foggy’s only friend, but still. Even if Foggy had other friends, he’s still pretty sure Matt would be his best friend.

They’re going into their second term now, so they’ve known each other for almost six months, a fact which is cheerfully celebrated by taking a few hours’ break from furious essay writing and going out for drinks. Maybe it’s the alcohol, or maybe it’s the three consecutive all-nighters Foggy’s pulled, but he’s feeling slightly sentimental about the occasion. As their friend-semi-anniversary rolls around, Foggy can’t help but remember the good times they’ve had this past semester: all the parties that neither of them were invited to, the nights spent in, the nights spent out, all the times Foggy tried (and the few times he succeeded) to talk Matt into hustling frat boys at pool (how a blind guy can be such a genius at pool, Foggy still doesn’t know). Foggy remembers talking to Matt about everything from the dumb small stuff to the big heavy stuff. He remembers drunkenly confessing his weird insecurities and feelings of inadequacy, and he remembers Matt just as drunkenly assuring him that he’s “like, the best guy ever. Seriously, just like such a great guy, and if people can’t see that then they’ve gotta be blind or something” before they both realised what he said and fell into a fit of giggles.

So they’re friends. Not the kind who hang out a lot in college and then never talk to each other again after graduation. No, they’re going to be stuck with each other for a long time. Forever, Foggy suspects, and doesn’t mind a damn bit. The point is, it’s safe to say that they know each other pretty well by now, which is why Foggy is just a little bit surprised to find out, six months into their friendship, that Matt’s fucking married.

Here’s how the revelation happens: it’s the day after Matt and Foggy’s friend-semi-anniversary. Pretty normal day. Standard classes. Standard migraine-inducing stress. The normalness of the day begins to taper off when Foggy arrives back at their dorm room in the afternoon. He doesn’t knock, because he hasn’t knocked in the six months he’s lived there, they don’t knock, and because he lives here so why would he knock? He doesn’t knock. He opens the door and is immediately witness to a quite intense makeout session transpiring between Matt and another guy, on Matt’s bed. This, in itself, is not weird. Rare? Yes. Unprecedented? Yes. But not weird. Foggy knows that Matt’s gay so it’s no surprise that he would be having romanticness with another guy, and he’s never mentioned anything about being asexual so Foggy’s not surprised that he’s having romanticness in the first place. It’s not weird that Matt’s making out with a guy. It’s maybe a little awkward that Foggy walked in on it. This awkwardness is exacerbated when the only response Foggy can think of to the situation is an oh so eloquent: “um, hi”, which startles both Matt and the guy and is generally just an awful thing to say to two people who are in the process of sharing saliva.

This is awkward (wake-up-in-a-cold-sweat-ten-years-later-to-have-a-cringe-attack-about-it levels of awkward), but it’s not weird. The weirdness sets in when Matt sits up on the bed (the way people sit up when they’ve been caught making out with someone but are trying to make it seem like everything’s normal and they didn’t actually have someone else’s tongue down their throat two literal seconds ago) and says: “Oh, this is my roommate Foggy”, while gesturing at Foggy, and then “Foggy, this is my husband, Frank”.

“Hi,” says Frank.

“What,” says Foggy.

“I’m so glad you two are finally meeting,” says Matt cheerfully, all the while smiling like the world makes any sense at all.

“Uh, buddy, how drunk did we get last night?” is the perfectly reasonable question Foggy asks.

“What do you mean?” Matt says, frowning like the world doesn’t make that much sense after all. Good, Foggy thinks vindictively, he shouldn’t be the only one confused by this entire exchange.

“I mean did you at any point last night get drunk married to a stranger and then take him home with you?” Foggy clarifies.

“No,” Matt says, and that’s good, okay, maybe Foggy just misheard him earlier, maybe this is all just some misunderstanding and— “I can’t get drunk married to a stranger. I’m already married to Frank.” Foggy feels a deep headache take root behind his eyes.

“Matt?”

“Yeah?”

“Who the hell is Frank?” Matt looks like Foggy’s just kicked his puppy. Frank snorts. Foggy turns to him. “Who the hell are you?!” He bursts out. Frank does not answer Foggy. Instead he says to Matt:

“Red, you know people can’t just psychically know that you’re married. You gotta tell ‘em.” His voice is laced with amusement. Or at least Foggy thinks it is. He doesn’t know what Frank sounds like when he’s amused. He still doesn’t know who Frank is or what he’s actually doing here. Maybe he’s an actor and this is all just one of those prank TV shows, one of those ones with really elaborate pranks where they hire actors to make out with your best friend and pretend to be their husbands.

“No, but I told him about it— I definitely told you about it!” Matt exclaims.

“Um, I’m pretty sure I’d remember you telling me you’re married,” Foggy says.

“Well, okay,” Matt says, slightly less excited this time, “this is my husband, Frank.”

“Yeah, I think I got that part,” says Foggy. Also, “Okay, but why have I actually never met your husband before today? We spend all our time together; how could I not have met him?!” This is when the so far seemingly useless Frank finally decides to step in instead of just laughing quietly at Foggy and Matt’s expense.

“I’m a marine. You haven’t met me cause I’m staying at the base. I’m here because I finally got some time off to visit Red.”

“Oh,” Foggy says. That makes sense, but also what the hell. “So, um, when did you guys get married?” he asks, because he’s got nothing better to say.

“Straight out of high school,” Matt says, “we kind of grew up together.” He’s got a small smile on his face now, probably thinking back to precious childhood memories. Frank kisses his temple. It’s actually kind of cute. But still hands down the weirdest thing that Foggy has ever experienced. It’s just a lot to process, his best friend having an accidentally secret husband who can just kiss his temple whenever he feels like it.

It’s still kind of awkward for a while after that, but it fades out, as does the weirdness. They all get takeout that evening and hang out in the dorm room. Matt’s face turns as red as his hair and he protests loudly as Frank recounts, in excruciating detail, what a weirdo he was a kid, to Foggy’s great entertainment. All in all, it’s a pretty decent evening, at the end of which Foggy feels slightly more inclined to accept his best friend’s secret husband. As long as he keeps those embarrassing stories coming, Foggy decides he’ll let him stay.

[rowdyholtzy]

Since coming across this post, I’ve been wanting to watch Jennifer’s Body, so I thought I’d do so while writing a Tumblr recap post because... well honestly it’s just fun. And I’ll be watching it as a representation of being a closeted lesbian...

I’m only 3 minutes in and I would already read the shit out of this book if it were a book and I were my 15-year old self. Basically Amanda Seyfried is in prison and talking about how she gets fanmail from creepers, and fanatics who say she’ll be fixed if she just accepts Jesus into her heart but no one’s saved her yet. That’s honestly a pretty accurate description of the response the word “lesbian” gets - either fetishization or criminalization/expectation of “repentance”.

She ends up in solitary and flashbacks to life “before the killings began” - she, her bf, and Jennifer were all bffs and “normal” high school students.

“People found it hard to believe that a babe like Jennifer would associate with a a dork like me” - I know this is a horror movie, but Ow My Heart...

As Cheerleader Jennifer waves to glasses-wearing Anita sitting in the bleachers, the girl sitting behind Anita teases her for being all “LesbiGay” and Anita’s all “What? She’s my best friend!” Mmhmm Sure...

But also, I appreciate showing this because when two girls are close like that they can get teased and that puts them on the defensive possibly before they can even sort out their own feelings. It like forces them to prove themselves as straight girls/just bffs before they even know if that’s accurate...

Anyway, Jennifer invites Anita to a concert and Anita (being the shy nerd because Glasses! and Half-Ponytail!) is hesitant but agrees. Jennifer gives Anita the hungriest look I’ve ever seen one woman give another outside of The L Word:

and says “wear something cute”. Anita then watches Jennifer walk away.

GIRL

I know this is a horror movie, but I secretly want this to be the first scene in an adorable lesbian romcom.

Cut to Anita getting dressed for the concert and her boyfriend feeling insecure about her showing some above-jean-tum. They start making out but then Anita senses Jennifer’s presence. That’s some next-level lesbian ESP and I’m so here for it.

Jennifer gives Anita’s bf serious stinkeye. They head to a divebar to see this band because Jennifer is stalking the lead singer. Setting your sights on the most unattainable dude you can find and dragging your bff along for no reason (after telling her to wear something cute) is pretty gay... #JustSayin’

Bert-Macklin-FBI shows up and seems to be Jennifer’s boyfriend. So far Jennifer’s given no one else the hungry looks she gives Anita. She briefly drools over the lead singer and drags Anita over so she can introduce herself all giggly and baby-voiced. She’s serving serious FuckMe eyes though to be honest it’s hard to tell what’s genuine and what’s her performance so she can get what she wants. Also, is this all an elaborate plan to make Anita so jealous she finally makes a move? That’s the gayest possibility...

Jennifer goes to get them drinks and Anita wanders off to play pinball. She overhears the singer talking to his buddy about how Anita is definitely a virgin because “girls like that like to show it off but not give it up” and I’m thinking they’ve got demon-possession on their mind and of course Anita is all “how dare you talk about my best friend like that”

Anita tells Jennifer about the creepy/sexist conversation, and Jennifer rolls her eyes all “in no way am I a virgin”. Anita wants to leave but Jennifer is still googly-eyed over the lead singer, and the band starts playing. Jennifer slides her hand into Anita’s and grins the purest grin. Anita smiles too but after watching Jennifer stare at the singer, Anita’s smile falters and she pulls her hand away. Girl, you so JealousGay rn...

Suddenly a fire starts devouring the bar and the lead singer stops and smirks... wtf? Jennifer is still staring trance-like at him, so Anita grabs her and runs out. Jennifer is still in a trance, and the singer suddenly appears all “hey let’s go somewhere safer”. Anita’s all WTF DUDE? but he gives Jennifer something to drink and practically pours it down her throat. Jennifer agrees to go to the singer’s van, and Anita watches helplessly as she climbs in. She rushes home and calls her bf freaking out. Understandable so - she just saw a bunch of people burn alive and then her best friend got kidnapped. Her doorbell rings but no one is there. THEN she hangs up with her boyfriend. When she senses someone else in the house she doesn’t call her boyfriend again (or anyone else) she just slowly walks around the house. Smart move.

Anyway, she turns around to see Jennifer dead-eyed and covered in blood. Instead of answering Anita’s questions, Jennifer just stares, and grins to show a bloody mouth. Then she walks over to the fridge and starts devouring a chicken before puking up a lot of something dark that looks like blood but briefly moves on its own. Anita runs away but Jennifer catches her. Jennifer goes to bite her neck but seems to be stopped by Anita’s necklace (it’s one of those BFFheart ones). She runs off, leaving Anita sobbing. Cut to science class, where school gossip about the concert is flying around and Anita is flashbacking to a playground scene where Jennifer gets stabbed by a nail but asks Anita not to tell her mom so she won’t get a shot. Anita says “I never tell on you”

Cut back to science class, where Jennifer walks up to Anita and teases her like normal. Anita’s all WTF? Jennifer is serving serious MeanGirl, not giving a fuck about (and mocking) the people that died at the bar and basically calling Anita a weirdo who overreacts.

Cut to BabyVoice!Jennifer fake-sympathizing with a FootballDude grieving over his best friend who died in the fire. She brings him into the woods and while they makeout all the woodland creatures come out to watch. Pretty soon she unhinges her jaw and her teeth go all sharp and yeah he’s a goner. Jennifer goes for a swim in the lake, while one of the teachers finds FootballDude’s disemboweled body in the forest.

Between both tragedies, everyone’s mourning and dressed in black. Except Jennifer who’s literally wearing heart earrings and strutting like a supermodel down the school hall. A month later, it’s announced that Low Shoulder (the band that was playing at the bar and kidnapped Jennifer) will donate 3% of sales from one song to families affected by the fire. Anita’s like “that’s bullshit because what about the other 97%” but everyone’s like “NO THEY ARE HEROES”. Jennifer is noticeably grouchy, and pale, with bags under her eyes and chapped lips. I’m guessing she’s hungry. Anita’s asks if she’s PMSing and she responds with this doozy: “PMS isn’t real. It was invented by the boy-run media to make us seem crazy”

(While hormonal fluctuations during our cycle obviously are real) I APPRECIATE YOUR POINT GURL YAS.

A seemingly-friendly goth dude asks Jennifer out and Jennifer has the look every lesbian has when a guy asks her out:

Until Anita says “I think he’s nice” and Jennifer gives her serious hungry eyes before accepting GothDude’s invitation.

GothDude pulls up to what he thinks is Jennifer’s house but turns out to be a creepy-ass house with plastic sheets everywhere and ravens flying through it.

Meanwhile, Anita and her bf are having sex at his place.

Back at NotJennifer’sHouse, she’s seducing GothDude before attacking him.

Mid-sex, Anita is having hallucinations of blood dripping from the ceiling and the dead footballer with Jennifer. She freaks out and goes home. She crawls into bed and screams when she realizes Jennifer is there. She yells at her to get out but Jennifer is all “we always share your bed when we have slumber parties”

Jennifer makes out with her and things start to get steamy and not to get all deep about a makeout scene but it’s noticeably different from when Jennifer is seducing a guy. With guys, she talks a lot and always stays in control. Her movements are forceful and aggressive. With Anita, she stops talking as soon as they start kissing. She doesn’t even manipulate Anita’s body. She kisses her, then lies back on Anita’s bed so Anita can climb on top of her. To me, this indicates that her intentions are not necessarily to feed on Anita like it was with all the boys. And she just fed, so It seems more like she wants to celebrate with Anita than to feed on her.

Eventually (though also too soon) Anita jumps off Jennifer and is like “WTF YOU’RE A MURDERER”. Minus the murdery part, I feel like this is a pretty common experience for queer girls: crossing a line with the best friend you have a crush on and she freaks out and sees you as a monster...

Jennifer’s all “BFFs don’t keep secrets so remember that night that evil band kidnapped me?” and flashback to her being in the van and seeing books on satanism all over the floor. They drive her deep into the forest and she tries to run but they tie her up and take her to the giant waterfall that ends nowhere (which by the way is the the big landmark of the town). She begs them to let her go and the lead singer mansplains how hard it is to be an indie band these days because there are just so many and it’s impossible to stand out, so “Satan is our only hope”. 

He stabs her repeatedly, and throws the knife into the waterfall.

Cut back to Jennifer and Anita in her bedroom and Anita’s all “IDK what happened after that I just came to and found my way to you”. My feels are so confused because there’s OwMyHeart but also EwSheEatsPeople and I realize this is probably how fans of Twilight feel about Edward, except Jennifer is actually Anita’s best friend instead of a creepy pedo-stalker.

Anywho, apparently when Jennifer’s full she’s invincible. She stabs herself and it heals up like nothing happened. Anita’s like “OMG... wait what do you mean by full?” As she pieces things together, she orders Jennifer to leave. Jennifer begs her to stay and literally says “we can play boyfriend/girlfriend like we used to”

But Anita is having none of it. She orders Jennifer to leave again, and tears start to fill up Jennifer’s eyes as she jumps out Anita’s second story window and disappears.

Anita does Dark!Forbidden! research and apparently if a virgin sacrifice is not a virgin than the demon resides in the non-virgin. They’re weakest when they’re hungry and a blade through the heart will kill it. She tells all this to her boyfriend as her reasoning for not wanting to go to the school dance (being afraid that the dance will be like a buffet for Jennifer). Yeah girl, that’s much better than just making up an excuse why you don’t want to go. Tell your boyfriend you’re convinced your best friend is possessed by a boy-eating demon.

He responds all “maybe you should see a shrink” because well obviously.

Cut to everyone getting ready for the big dance. In an interesting genderswap kind of scene, Anita’s bf’s mom gives him pepper spray because “there’s a sicko out there who likes boys”. Because I read too deeply into everything, I’m going to take this as a feminist commentary on how more energy is spent “teaching” women how to protect themselves than actually catching and detaining predators.

Jennifer is brushing her hair at home and clumps are coming off in her hands. Cut to Anita at the dance, not seeing her boyfriend or Jennifer.

That’s because Jennifer stopped Anita’s bf on his way to the dance. You think she’s gonna go all demon-face on him but instead she tells him that Anita slept with FootballDude. Then she kisses him and they’re just making out no demon-face.

Back at the dance, Low Shoulder is playing. Anita suddenly touches her lips because her LesbianESP senses are tingling because Jennifer’s making out with her boyfriend. She runs to... I’m not sure where? Following her LESP senses like a bloodhound I guess...

Jennifer brought Anita’s bf to a deserted pool. When he refuses to kiss her again, she pushes him into the pool and attempts to drown him.  Hearing him scream, Anita runs into the poolhouse in her big pink poofy princess dance dress and she’s climbing through the thick vines that have grown all over and it feels very Princess Saving Her Prince From The Monster and I fully approve.

(You didn’t think I’d get through this entire post without a Kate gif, did you?)

Jennifer has just started to go all fang-y on the bf, and Anita dives in and fights Jennifer. They have a super catty wit-off before the bf rams a pole through  Jennifer’s stomach and even after she pulls it out the wound keeps bleeding. Jennifer jumps out the window, and the bf collapses because apparently Jennifer did get to bite him before Anita saved him. He dies as Anita sobs.

Cut to Jennifer lying on her bed, using the yearbook as a menu. So the pole wound did eventually heal I guess? Anita crashes through the window and jumps on top of her, holding up a box cutter. Jennifer calls her butch for getting her murder weapon at Home Depot. They struggle, and Anita rips off Jennifer’s BestFriend necklace. That seems to stun Jennifer, and Anita plunges the box cutter into Jennifer’s heart. Jennifer’s mom comes in to see Anita sitting on top of her. Instead of running away, Anita rolls off of Jennifer’s body and lies next to it on the bed, exhausted (it kind of has a post-sex vibe instead of post-murder). Jennifer’s mom sobs. Not to make everything gay but this scene feels representative of the pretty-common gay experience of having a parent walk in on you and the shocked sadness they respond with...

Cut to Anita in prison, explaining how if you get scratched by a demon (she reveals a large scratch on her shoulder) you might absorb some of its abilities. Camera pans out to show her floating up to the small window in her solitary cell. She kicks it open and walks right through the iron fence. Walking through the woods, she notices a stream that seems to be where the endless waterfall empties out, and the knife used to stab Jennifer lying at the bottom. She picks it up and hops in the car that picks her up hitchhiking. She tells the driver she’s following a rock band and “tonight’s going to be their last show”.

Cut to a collage of clips of the band exiting their limo to screaming fans and signing autographs. They’re partying in their massive hotel room until the doorbell rings and then the music changes and there are bloody handprints. Then body bags and crime scene photos. The knife is still in the body of the lead singer. Hotel security footage shows Anita walking away from the hotel room as she looks up at the camera.

Overall, I liked it. It’s entertaining and made me laugh out loud a few times (which is very rare for a movie). The screenwriter and the director are both women and it passes the Bechdel test. And it really works as thinly veiled representation of being a closeted lesbian in high school. I really appreciated the pre-possession scenes because they showed that Jennifer’s sexual/romantic interest in Anita was NOT the demon.

It felt like the demon was just a bloodthirsty carnivore but Jennifer loved Anita so much that she never wanted to hurt her (which is why when she’s starving and has Anita up against a wall she sees Anita’s necklace and runs away instead of biting her). And later when she realizes that feeding makes her basically immortal she climbs into Anita’s bed and then makes out with her. Like this realization of her new immortality gives her the courage to do what she felt like she couldn’t before. And in the final fight scene when Anita rips off Jennifer’s necklace? Jennifer is stunned. She doesn’t move. She lets herself fall back onto the bed and doesn’t defend herself. In that moment it feels like she just loses the will to go on, like she lets Anita stab her.

And there really are so many parallels between Jennifer’s experiences and common closeted teen lesbian experiences: the jealousy of your best friend’s boyfriend, making a move on your friend and maybe she goes along for a few seconds before aggressively rejecting you and seeing you as a monster, being assaulted by men (the sacrificial scene is very reminiscent of gang-rape, and assault is tragically a universal experience for women in general regardless of sexual orientation), having a parent walk in on you and your romantic partner and be shocked/angry/heartbroken... there’s a lot here that translates to representation of the the gay-teen experience. And I respect the filmmakers for that.