#one of my friends did not pick up on any fruity vibes from the first ep of agatha all along - HELLO?! did you not even see aubrey's ch?! GA

[starspangledsteeve]

between marvel throwing aubrey plaza's freaky fruity rio vidal and florence pugh's yelena belova with that gay little haircut in the span of less than 7 days, I have lots of feelings and none of them are straight

[stellewriites]

cw: soft & sweet, stud gaz, ace gaz

thank you to woolie who practically wrote half of this fic with me on discord and to birdy who continues to get me hyped and inspired about butch 141 as a whole <3 ily guys

the bar wasn’t new, but you’d never been inside despite how your friends had raved about it in the group chat over the last few months.

you weren’t one to go out late often, your work kept you busy and tired more often than not, and the rest of the time you just didn’t like to have to explain that you don’t drink.

but it was a gay bar, a good gay bar from what you’d heard, and your friends had reassured you that the alcohol-free menu was more than just a glass of oj or a can of coke. so you went.

it didn’t take them long to recognise other regulars there, each of your friends nipping off one by one with a quick, “i’ll be right back, i just want to say hi,�� until you were stood alone. you debated joining one of them, making new friends with any of the numerous people they knew already, but ultimately decided to head to the bar first and grab yourself a drink before joining whoever was nearest when you turned around.

the place was smoky, low lit, like something out of an old movie; and with its live band and carefully curated secondhand furniture, you’d have been tempted to call it pretentious if the authenticity wasn’t really working for the vibes of the place.

you hopped onto a barstool and picked up a little menu, humming in disappointment when you couldn’t find the alcohol free section. you noticed the lack of prices on the other drinks however and sucked your teeth, recognising it as a sign of an expensive establishment; you knew your pockets would be woefully empty by the end of the night.

“can i help you with a recommendation?” a smooth voice had you looking up into gorgeous, deep brown eyes. even the bartender looked like she belonged on the big screen with the way her locs framed her slim face. your breath caught. “i bet you like something sweet,” she continued now that she had your attention. “fruity?”

“do you have a non alcoholic beer?” you asked. you’d be paying through the nose for it in comparison to the other dives you usually haunt, but it’d give you a baseline for how much anything else would be costing.

the bartender winced. “sorry, honey, we’ve only got a local brewery’s ipa on tap.”

you looked back to the menu as if it will have suddenly spawned the information you wanted.

“prefer something earthy then? hint of spice?” she asked you. “we have a few non alcoholic gins.”

it was your turn to wince. “i like something with a bit of bite,” you admitted.

she grinned. “i’ve got just the thing,” she said and turned to start making your drink. “i’m gaz, by the way.”

you introduced yourself and she grinned over her shoulder, her attitude was infectious and you felt yourself relax as you sat there.

“did you come alone tonight?”

“no, i came with some friends but they’re just saying hi to a few people so i figured i’d check out the menu while they were busy,” you said.

“there you go,” she placed your drink down in front of you. it was a deep red that faded in to orange, garnished with a slice of lemon. “clean whiskey sour.”

you took a sip and felt your eyes widen. she laughed at your expression and dusted her hands off exaggeratedly.

“wow, that’s amazing. how much was that? think i’ve found my drink for the night,” you chuckled.

“mocktail so it’s cheaper than the real stuff,” she said and gave you the price. you ordered a second as you pulled out your purse and handed her a note.

you turned to see if you could locate one of your friends and pursed your lips as you saw them all engaged midway through their conversations. it’s maybe be a little awkward to go and interrupt to join now, but you didn’t want to sit alone all night either.

“hey, honey,” gaz called gently. you turned back to her and she reached forward with an empty hand towards your ear, you didn’t have time to frown or flinch before she was pulling it back in front of your face, a £2 coin suddenly perched between her fingers.

you blinked before you processed that the hot bartender had just given you your change via sleight of hand magic.

fucking hell. as if you weren’t already interested in her.

you bit back your budding smile and gently took your change, your grin breaking free when you made eye contact with her and she waggled her eyebrows.

“that part of the usual service or does it come with the ‘sour?” you asked as she placed the second glass in front of you.

she moved to clean up what she’d used to make your drink with a casual shrug. “reserved for my more interesting customers.”

you hummed.

her eyes flickered to the booths dotted around, the thin crowd sat at your back.

“i know you probably have your friends to go find soon,” she started coyly. “but if you don’t think they’ll miss you too much, i’d enjoy having some good company for once.”

she came to stand in front of you again, placing her palms on the bar-top and broadening her already impressive, toned shoulders. you were glad it was warm inside and that she’d decided to go sleeveless for her shift if only for the current view of her as she leant ever so closer into your space. “it’s a slow night; if you’re willing to stick around here with me it might keep me from going stir crazy.”

“we can’t have that,” you said, playing along. “who would make me another one of these if you started climbing the walls?”

“exactly,” she agreed. “it’s a public service you’d be doing really. without me, the bar would close.”

“oh is that so? your boss know you have such a high opinion of your drink making skills?” you joked.

“i own the bar, babes,” she said with a gloating grin. “and you don’t think i deserve to talk big?” she nodded to your almost empty glass and you pursed your lips.

“ok, yeah,” you admitted. “and it’s pretty impressive that this place is yours too.”

“yeah?” she asked with a teasing grin.

“i think i need to test your knowledge, though, to see if it’s all for show or not,” you pushed back, not letting her gain the upper hand in the flirty conversation.

“go ahead, honey, i’m ready,” she curved her fingers in a bring it on motion.

“ok, how do you make a mojito?” you asked pulling your phone out.

she reeled off the ingredients one by one confidently and you checked she was correct via google as she laughed.

“ok, that was an easy one.” you sniffed, squinting your eyes jokingly. “now the real challenge begins.”

you continued to quiz her in between the orders made further down the bar until one of your friends tapped you on the shoulder.

“hey, i came to collect you, you strayed from the group for a while there,” vanessa teased.

“oh i was just having fun with gaz,” you said and grinned at the bartender. “keeping each other company.”

“making sure i know my stuff,” gaz added with a wink sent your way. “i think i convinced you enough for one night. go have fun with your friends, honey.”

you reluctantly stood from your stool, but when you grabbed your drink - a non-alcoholic mai tai gaz had made without hesitation when you said the recipe had sounded yummy - you realised you’d not paid for your last two drinks. turning back to the bar you moved to pull out your card but gaz was already at the other side, serving someone else.

you sat down with your friends and made a note to pay later in the evening, but when time came to corral your drunk group into the taxi, the thought never crossed your mind and you didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to her.

——

next time you go, it’s a weekend and a lot busier.

your plan to sit with gaz, reacquaint yourself and pay her back for the drinks goes out the window.

by a stroke of luck you manage to get to the bar as she’s serving instead of her colleague mixing drinks at the other end.

“hey,” she greeted you happily, tipping the brim of her cap up an inch to better see you looking up through her lashes as she half-focused on the drink in her hands. “same as last time?”

you glowed at the idea of her remembering what you’d had over a week ago, but you shook your head.

“surprise me,” you offered, felling butterflies run rampant when she grinned in return.

“take a seat,” she offered before setting to work. you pulled out one of the stools that had been tucked beneath the bar and sat patiently as she mixed your drink. it was a deep blue when she brought it over but she poured the final ingredient in and the top half turned a shimmery purple. she plopped in a straw for you and you took a sip, pleased to find that she’d stuck to non-alcoholic for you again.

“mm, that might be my favourite so far,” you gushed, biting your lip when she grinned at you. her upper lip glinted in the low light and you paused, noticing the new philtrum piercing. “you got a piercing? it’s cute.”

gaz raised a cocky eyebrow and licked her plush lips. “noticed that quick. did you spend that long staring at my lips last time you were in here, babes? cute.”

you flushed, unable to deny it, and took a flustered sip of your drink to give you time to gather your thoughts.

she chuckled and went to deal with another customer, talking to you over the raised voices of the busy bar as she started fixing the drink.

“it’s still healing but i’ll be swapping it to a gold sun when i can,” she said as she came closer again to grab a slice of lime.

“oh? we’ll be matching, look!” you said without a second thought. grinning, you pulled up a moon shaped necklace from beneath your shirt. “bought it on a whim the other day, must be fate,” you teased and snorted a quiet laugh. gaz weakly laughed along.

“must be,” she said softly, her deep eyes heavy and focused solely on you. she cleared her throat before moving to finish up the drink, leaving you alone again for a moment.

your eyes followed her along until you heard a mean snicker from your left, a muttered, unbelievable. you turned and saw another woman clearing her throat and covering her mouth with her palm, her eyes darting away from yours when you turned your head.

a bout of self-consciousness hit and you faced back towards your drink with hot cheeks. you’d not thought twice before speaking to gaz, it was second nature to be genuine with her since it’s what she gave back, but thinking back on it you could see why calling your jewellery matching would be cringey. possibly even seen as desperate on your end.

you swallowed and stood from the stool and separated from the crowd around the bar with your drink in hand. you found a small table near the edge of the room and took a seat, watched gaz from afar instead as she made the orders proficiently.

it didn’t take you long to notice how gaz didn’t linger with the other customers like she did with you; she knocked back clear flirty attempts for her attention and turned away other gorgeous women.

you watched the lemon slice go around and around as you stirred the melting ice in your cup. the fact that gaz’s gaze didn’t linger for a moment on those beautiful women had a stray thought that maybe she wasn’t interested in women flicker to life in the back of your head.

“refill?” you looked up from your glass to see gaz hovering by your table. she put down a second drink and took the first from your hands. “on the house, my treat.”

“oh, thanks,” you said with a shy smile. “busy night.”

“mm.” her hum was noncommittal. “is that why you moved seats?”

“felt like i was getting in the way,” you shrugged, avoiding her eyes. “i was thinking of leaving soon anyway, i’ll finish this off and probably head home.”

her free hand rose to pet your cheek. “i’ll save you a seat next time. i prefer it when you’re smiling at me while i work.”

“even when i make it awkward?” you couldn’t help but ask.

she frowned. putting her serving tray on the table between you, she pulled a chair close to yours and sat. “when have you made things awkward, babes?”

“that thing i said about fate, it was silly.” you tried to move past it, rolling your eyes at yourself.

“i liked it.” that shut you up quick. “a pretty girl calling me her soulmate? you think i’m letting you take that back now?” she joked, leaning in so that your shoulders knocked. “me and you are like this, now.” she crossed her fingers in front of you. “whether you like it or not.”

you snorted. “i can deal with that,” you hummed. “thanks for the drink, gaz.”

she nodded and stood reluctantly to go back to the bar, noticing her coworker growing flustered on their own. “i need to get back, but enjoy. stay as long as you want.”

though you appreciated her offer, you left soon after. you made sure to pause where she could see you and wave to her on your way out and she held up her crossed fingers again with a grin. you felt a giddy feeling bubble at the back of your throat as you headed home.

——

you started to tag along with your friends more and more often when they mentioned gaz’s, always spending a good portion of the evenings sat at the bar with gaz.

and she kept her promise, saving a barstool for you in the corner on even the busiest nights with a fierce scowl and well placed coughs to anyone that tried to sneak into it.

anyone that didn’t get the message would be ignored, no drinks made, until they’d moved again.

on a slow night, when she rolled a pound over her knuckles back and forth you asked her about her magic tricks.

“what even got you into all of that?” you gestured to the coin and then vaguely at her as a whole.

“magic?” you nodded. gaz smiled and looked down at the coin before placing it flat on the bartop between you. “my nan. she was an magician’s assistant when she was younger. she could’ve been the main star with how much she knew, but it was the 50’s. people weren’t willing to bank on the main talent being a black woman,” she scoffed and you nodded along with a sympathetic hum.

“she taught you?” you asked.

“everything i know. i’ve loved it ever since.”

her hand hovered over the pound coin, snapping her fingers on her other hand. your eyes darted away for a split second and when you looked back she was moving her hand away to reveal a penny.

you laughed and picked it up, turning it around as if it would reveal the real coin when it was in your own hand again.

“you’ll have to tell me how you do it,” you said.

she sucked her teeth. “a good magician doesn’t reveal her tricks,” she sing-songed and took the penny back from you, letting her hand hold yours for a second too long to be casual.

“aren’t you two cosy in this corner?” gaz’s coworker asked from over her shoulder. gaz turned and rolled her eyes at chris as he smirked at the two of you. he leant by to grab a chopping board before leaving the pair of you alone. as he left, he spoke, “i’m sure our gaz could show you a trick or two,” he said with heavy innuendo.

you snorted and didn’t notice how gaz stiffened.

“it’s a work night,” she said to you suddenly. “getting late. you’ll be wanting to go home soon, won’t you?”

you blinked at the sudden change in tone and nodded. with only half a drink left, you downed the bitter drink in one and stood from the bar.

“i think the girls are planning on coming in sometime soon again so i’ll see you then?”

gaz’s smile grew less shaky and she wiggled her fingers back at you as you headed out to the carpark.

——

sat at home, cross legged on the couch, you leant over the coffee table and practiced the rudimentary card trick you’d found from an online video.

“and then use the heel of your palm and the pad of your thumb to flip the correct card over the top,” the video said and you bit your lip as you tried it. you huffed when it didn’t work and tried again until the card moved how you wanted it to.

it was far from smooth and the other cards fell to the floor, but you were slowly getting the actions down. it just had to become muscle memory.

it’d take over two more months of practicing before you’d finally feel confident enough to show gaz.

——

you sat at the bar and grinned when she set down your drink. when you sniffed at it, gaz chuckled and answered your question.

“prickly pear flavour, i think you’ll like it,” she said.

you were inclined to agree, she’d not been wrong once so far. taking a sip, you hummed and took a bigger drink. you palmed the pack of cards in your jacket pocket nervously before pulling it out.

“ok don’t laugh, i’ve been practicing.” you spread the pack out in your hands as gaz stared with wide eyes, slowly growing more amused by the second as you fanned the cards out towards her. “pick a card.”

your showmanship was stiff, the words you’d memorised the man on the video saying coming across a little less flamboyant, and you fumbled the trick a little. nerves left your grip a little sweaty, but gaz reached out in time to keep the pack from falling out of your grasp. she cupped your hands and adjusted your fingers, smiling sweetly when she pulled back again and nodded for you to go on.

you cleared your throat and remembered the next step for the trick, pulling out the card fourth from the bottom and presenting it with a little more flourish.

“is this your card?” you asked.

it wasn’t.

“it is,” gaz said with an excited smile and started clapping. too smitten to bring your mood down by telling you where exactly you’d gone wrong, not when you were smiling at her like that and not after you’d obviously put so much effort into this for her.

you grinned triumphantly, ignoring the few people that had looked over at gaz’s enthusiastic applause, and put the pack to the side. you leant over the bar and snatched the sharpie from her shirt pocket; you wrote your number on the back of the card she’d claimed was hers alongside a wonky moon and sun then presented it once more to her with a softer smile.

she laughed and pulled out her phone to add your number in straight away, adding a moon emoji after your name. she rang the number and you pretended to ignore the call with an eye roll to make her laugh.

snatching your phone from you gaz huffed and muttered, “guess i’ll have to add my own cutesy nickname, huh?”

“i can be cutesy,” you argued but didn’t change the name when you saw it. you snorted.

super sexy bartender (the one with the eyes and the smile and the arms and the…)

“would’ve been quicker to type ‘humble bartender’,” you said with a snicker.

“oh, babes has jokes now?”

“i’m a barrel of laughs,” you sniffed. you turned when you heard your friends call for you. “see? i’m missed already.”

“hmm, you’ll be missed here too,” gaz hummed. “go back to your friends, i’ll text you later.”

“promise?”

“‘course.” she smiled widely.

——

the next couple of weeks were filled with you messaging back and forth during your breaks at work and throughout the day on the weekends before the bar opened and gaz got busy until the late evening… or more accurately the early morning.

one day she offhandedly mentioned that her replies might be slow because it was stock day, and her coworker had called in sick so she wouldn’t have anyone to help until their cover arrived at opening time.

you’d quickly offered her a hand (claiming you may not have muscles like her, but you could carry a box or two without sweating) and headed down when she’d eagerly agreed and the pair of you spent the afternoon together just hanging out and fixing up the stock room, music playing tinnily from gaz’s phone.

it became a habit, you going by when she had stock taking to sort out and more often than not she let her staff come in a little later so she’d have the time with you to herself.

> if you’re not busy do you want to come down to the bar later? xx

> around 12? xx

> it’s kinda important xx

< yeah of course! what’s up? xx

> my mums are in town, wondered if you want to meet them? xx

< i’ll be there for 12 xxx

despite just being friends with gaz - though you were self-aware enough to know you’d like more - you were nervous to meet her mums. you wanted to make a good impression. in fact, you wanted to impress them; leave them wheezing with laughter and contemplating your intriguing and thoughtful insights on the hot topics of the afternoon for months to come.

however likely that would be.

gaz seemed nervous too from where she stood outside the bar smoking. she dropped the cig and stubbed it dead with her trainer when she saw you however, and a wide grin overtook her face, her nervous energy calming considerably as you got closer.

“you look gorgeous,” gaz said before you got a chance to say hello. you laughed, flattered and feeling less nervous yourself as she made you do a spin in front of her before you were allowed inside.

you weren’t wearing anything special, but you supposed the last few times you’d seen gaz you’d been dressed practically to help her lift heavy boxes or dressed for your own work. your short denim skirt was maybe a little more daring than you’d first thought, despite the casual way you’d styled it.

“come on in, they’re dying to meet you,” gaz said as she led you in finally. she rubbed a hand nervously over the back of her neck, tugging at two short locs as you got closer to the table her mothers were chatting at. “might’ve talked about you a fair bit.”

“a fair bit? try a hell of a lot,” one of her mum’s said and you turned to them.

they were like chalk and cheese to look at. one dressed head to toe in flowing light cotton - a dress or skirt, you couldn't tell with the way the layers folded and sat - dyed vivid colours that seeped into each other in no particular pattern and complemented her rich skin tone. her hands were adorned in gold rings and her arms rattled with the layers of beaded bracelets she wore up her forearms. her hair, styled in passion twists, was half tied back with what looked to be a scrap piece of glossy ribbon. "i'm jasmine, kyla's mum."

“nice to meet you,” you said cheerfully and shook her hand when she held it out. her returned smile was reserved and her eyes watched you sharply.

you nervously turned to the other woman. her pinstripe suit fit her like a glove, the trousers flaring at the bottom, and her short, natural curls highlighted her round cheeks. she was just as gorgeous as jasmine, but the stern frown she was sending her wife had your hand almost shaking as you reached out for another introduction. your plan to charm them both didn’t seem as realistic as you’d hoped all of a sudden.

she turned to you and her frown broke, a splitting grin like gaz’s spread to flash the gap between her front teeth and she used your hand to pull you close for a tight and warm hug; she cooed excitedly in your ear as she swayed side to side with you still pressed close.

“we’ve been wanting to meet you ever since kyla first mentioned her new friend,” she said and finally let you go to sit down.

“mama,” gaz groaned a little embarrassedly, sitting next to you. her arm slipped to rest on the back of your chair.

“oh calm down, kyla,” jasmine tutted teasingly, swatting a jingling hand over the table at her.

you turned to her and mouthed, ‘yeah, kyla.’

she pouted but managed to hold back a second groan. menace, she thought fondly, a bashful smile tugging her pout loose.

“we were eager to see who caught our baby’s attention enough to be pulling extra shifts,” jasmine said before turning to gaz. “even tho she should be taking more breaks instead,” she finished pointedly at her daughter.

“i tell her this all the time! she works so hard,” you agreed immediately, nudging gaz’s side as if to say, ‘see?’

“not you too, honey, please. i get enough of it from my mum, i don’t need you siding with them.” gaz shrunk in her seat slightly, her hand drifted from your chair back and closer to your neck.

“‘honey’?” imani hummed, eyes bright and flicking between the pair of you with a knowing smile. “mhm.”

it was easy to see how gaz had grown to be so confident given the women she’d been raised by and the community of loving, intelligent women back in her home town that imani and jasmine spoke so fondly of like they were family. they were, really.

you spent the afternoon listening avidly as they told you about how they came to buy the bar with gaz after she finished what would be her second and final tour in the military; their hurdles when getting it set up; how much they missed her at home but loved seeing her grow and thrive here.

kyla reached out and squeezed her mums’ hands at that and you rubbed her back when you saw the glassy shine to her eyes.

“you know i’ll come back to visit soon,” she promised them. “i’m not waiting ‘til christmas again this time,” she huffed.

“your aunties will give you hell if you do,” imani warned with a wink.

“i was thinking of getting a taper and line up since these have grown in a little more anyway, and ty would kill me if she found out i went to anyone else when i could’ve seen her for it,” gaz said with a chuckle, gesturing to her locs. “i won’t leave it long.”

satisfied with her promise of future plans, her mums took advantage of their small audience and for the rest of the conversation showed you photo after photo on their phones of gaz growing up. a photo of her open-mouth smiling with her front teeth missing as a child; dressed in a small, ill-fitting suit at her prom; stood with three men in uniform, her hair shorn shorter then but with the familiar cap on her head; a picture with her mums’, this one more recent, with jasmine wearing a graduation cap and gown stood, in between to the two masculine women.

even as gaz pretended to sigh and groan in embarrassment at the memories shared, you could tell she was enjoying herself. that even if you weren’t wowing her mums like you’d imagined, your first impression had still been a good one.

you spent the afternoon with them and it was only when your stomach grumbled, having only grabbed a small lunch before setting off to meet gaz so you weren’t late, that the conversation stopped. all three women turned to you in concern and you flushed hot under the heavy attention.

“oh kyla, you dragged the poor girl over here and now she’s starving to death,” imani tutted.

“take her out for an early dinner,” jasmine said, deciding your time together was finished. “we’ll meet you back home later, there’s a few things we wanted to do before the evening anyway.”

gaz turned to you with a hopeful glint in her eyes. “wanna go grab some food? my treat.”

you nodded.

“that settles it!” imani pulled you into another long, tight hug when she stood to leave, rubbing the tops of your arms and smiling at you. “it was lovely to meet you, i can see why she’s so smitten,” she said, causing your stomach to flip and your smile to falter momentarily before widening again bashfully.

gaz was too busy grinning at her mum to hear her mama gossip, and you smiled softly at the pair as jasmine cupped her daughters cheeks and pet the soft skin beneath her eyes gently. jasmine looked the gentlest she had all afternoon, her edges softened.

she turned to you and you expected her gaze to harden a little like it had when she’d sat opposite you across the table, but she stayed soft and took your hands in hers while imani pulled gaz down for a kiss on the cheek and the forehead.

“you’re not what i’d expected,” she admitted, then moved her hand to pull our your moon necklace from beneath your shirt. her smile became knowing and satisfied, like she’d confirmed what she’d already thought true. “have a lovely dinner.”

“thank you,” you said and let her pull you in for a quick hug. “you too.”

you waved as gaz led the pair out, lingering only for a moment at the door before turning back to you.

“got a place in mind?” you asked, grabbing your jacket and bag.

“how does thai sound?” gaz asked as she opened the door for you again.

“perfect.”

——

“so you were in the military?” you asked as you ate. gaz nodded and put her chopsticks down as she spoke about her time with the 141.

“they’re still in the service but they visit when they can,” she said with a shrug. “that’s reminded me actually, johnny should be down soon enough. pretty sure he mentioned having a few weeks of leave coming up. he’s a bit full on, like a puppy, but you’d get on with him.”

you snorted. “i can’t wait to meet him.”

gaz laughed along with you as a warm, gooey feeling spread in her chest.

you walked back to her bar afterwards and lingered outside for a moment.

“want to come in?”

you shook your head. “i shouldn’t. work night and i’ve got laundry to put away when i get back.”

“ooh exciting,” she teased.

you stubbed the toe of your trainer against hers with a roll of your eyes.

“i had fun, we should do this again,” you said.

“yeah, we should,” she stepped a little closer. “thanks for coming to meet my mums, they’ve been hounding me about it.”

“oh really?” you asked with raised eyebrows and an expectant smirk.

gaz licked her lips and nodded. “yeah.”

you noticed her lidded eyes and slow breathing and sucked up the courage to make a move. you lifted a hand to rest on her hip and began to lean in to kiss her, when her eyes widened and she stepped back.

your hand hung in the air for a damning second before dropping.

“sorry, i should get inside. people will be arriving soon and i’m behind on the opening procedure because of dinner, need to cut some lemons,” she joked weakly.

“right,” you agreed faintly. “uhm, of course. sorry. i’ll see you around then.”

“i’ll text,” she said before slipping inside.

you stood there for a moment, a heavy frown settling in as dread and regret pooled low in your stomach.

you turned on your feet and walked to where you’d parked your car and headed home with an uneasy feeling roiling in your gut.

had you read it all wrong? had gaz ever really given you a signal that she was into you or where you only suddenly confident in her interest after her mums mentioned it teasingly?

you spent the evening pissed off and frustrated at yourself, roughly folding your laundry and when you were still full of an anxious energy after you’d finished, you vacuumed, changed your bedding and wiped down all of your kitchen until it was sparkling.

you collapsed on your sofa hours later with an exhausted sigh but when you closed your eyes that nervous energy still buzzed under your skin. so much for an early night before work.

“fuuuuuck it,” you threw yourself back up onto your feet and stormed to the front door, shoving on your shoes, grabbing your jacket and your keys and leaving without a second thought to how sweaty and unkempt you looked after your manic cleaning spree.

you arrived at the bar and bit your lip when you saw how busy it was, unusual for a sunday night, but maybe there was a bank holiday you were unaware of. it wasn’t as if your work gave you them off.

you pushed through the crowd and leant against the bar, waiting for gaz to notice you.

her eyes widened and her lips twitched up in a smile, faltering when you only frowned back.

“what’s up?” she asked, concern slowly bleeding into her tone.

“have i been reading this wrong?” you asked bluntly, not wanting to skirt around the topic any longer. you gestured between the two of you. “have i been pushing for something you don’t want?”

gaz shook her head and put the glass bottle she was holding down on the bar top with a thunk. her eyes were sad as she swallowed and she looked at her coworker behind the bar serving the crowd before deciding she had a moment to spare.

“full disclosure? i’m ace,” she said with a shrug. “and i guess i’ve felt like i’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop with you.”

“oh.” you nodded. she nodded too, looking resigned. “‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’, you like me that much, huh?” you grinned and she looked taken aback. “does being ace mean you don’t like kissing?”

gaz blinked before stuttering out a reply. “n-no i do, i just— it’s the rest of it i could go without.”

you nodded again and tapped your fingers on the bar as you pushed closer, your stomach pressing into the wood.

“were you going to kiss me earlier? outside?” you gestured to the front door and bit your lip.

“yeah,” she said softly, her eyes dipping to you mouth before flitting between your eyes.

“because you like me?”

“yeah, babes,” she laughed.

“and i like you,” you confirmed eagerly, excitedly, as she leant in on her elbows.

she slowly grinned, her piercing shifting and glinting under the smoky lights. “yeah.”

“great. well. stop me if i’m wrong then.” you leant over the last few inches of the bar and kissed her, cupping her face with one hand and using the other to balance yourself. you felt her own hand trail along the back of your hand as she kissed back fervently.

“met your bloody mums and then you had me thinking i was going crazy for thinking you wanted this,” you grumbled when she pulled back for a second.

“i’ll make it up to you,” she promised with a peck to your lips again. “prickly pear?”

your eyes brightened and your pour was immediately replaced with a grin.

“oh, yes please!” you tapped your hands on the bar again, no longer full of an anxious energy but an excited one instead.

gaz leant in for another quick kiss, her lips twisting into a fond smile against yours. when she pulled back she lifted a hand to your ear and twisted it, revealing an orange slice held between her fingers.

“christ, it’s unfair how sexy that is,” you whined. “but that better not be the one going in my drink.”

butch/stud masterlist

and the moodboard!

[aleksadnezz]

Sweet Night 5

Jae x Reader

“I’m sorry.” I said while still damping the tissue on his wet hoodie.

“It’s okay. What were you saying again?” He took the tissue from me and he do it on his own.

“Oh I was just gonna ask if you are?” I raised my lanyard to show the keychain to him. His small eyes widen when he saw it.

“How did you now?” He asked. So it’s true??? OMG!!!! My lips formed a big smile. I can’t believe, I’m going to tell it to Ara she would be excited.

“I saw your stuff animals’ collection.” I said cheerfully and pointed his shelves.

He looked at It and returned his eyes on me. He still looked confused so I tried to explain what I mean.

“I actually have a friend, she gave me this and she told me it’s a merch from a kpop group, you have the same so I assumed that you are..” He looked at me waiting me to continue speaking. I can clearly see the nervousness from his eyes. He might think that I’ll tell to other people what I know.

“You are a fan too.”

“Please don’t tell it to other people-“

We spoke at the same time but I heard what he said. He softly laughed and scratched the back of his nape.

“Yeah.. that’s right.. I’m a fan too.” He shyly said.

“Don’t worry I won’t say it.” I said, now I’m hesitating if I’m gonna share this to Ara. I bet she would be happy if I told her that I have a fanboy friend. It’s still weird for me to have a neighbor that is my friend too because I’m not that friendly. What in a bigbang theory is this, except that we’re both introverts and he don’t have a Sheldon.

“Uh have you seen or heard anything about that group?” He suddenly asked. I shook my head.

“Nah. I only know that they’re one of the kpop groups.” I said. I heard him laughed so I looked at him. “Why?”did I said something wrong?

“Nothing. I think they’re more of a kband than a kpop but that’s okay.” He explained. I know nothing about any of that but I like bands for sure I would like them. I almost forgot about the group that Ara said to me earlier, I’ll try to listen to them maybe I would like them too, the thing is I forgot their group name, I’ll just ask Jae if he knows it.

“By the way you know a kpop group that has kids in their name?”

“Stray Kids?”

“Yeah! that’s right, Stray Kids.”

“You like them?”

“Not really I’ll just start listening to them actually.” He nodded. “My friend will bring me to their concert so..”

“Really? That’s awesome.”

“You can come too. I will tell to my friend.” I suggest. Since he’s a fan too might as well invite him to their concert. “Have you attended a concert before? Because I haven’t” I laughed.

“Yeah I’ve been into some concerts, I perform there.” He said the last words under his breath so I didn’t hear it clearly.

“Ha?” I asked but he only shook his head and smiled at me.

“I’ll try to join you with your friend in the concert.”

“Cool!! I’d let you know..” I said. I wonder if he has other socials, but I still don’t know how his name spelled so it’s hard to find him. “Anyway, I think my job here is done so I’m now gonna head out. I have to feed the cat.”

We walked over his opened door. Before I turn and bid him goodbye he spoke.

“How’s Minnie by the way. I haven’t seen her.” He said. Of course you haven’t, you didn’t leave your room for a week.

“She eats a lot and whines a lot. So if you heard her in the middle of the night please don’t knock on my door.” He let out a smiley laugh where I can see his pearly white teeth and the disappearance of his eyes.

“It’s a cute cat. I won’t get mad.” He assures.

“I’ll keep that in my mind.” I raised my finger and pointed my head. I glance at his stretched lips, and that smile. what? I didn’t say that.

Today is Friday and I got off from work extra early. When this happens usually Ara and I would go to mall to window shop or I just accompany her but today she told me that she has something to go to. Also, I didn’t tell Ara about Jae yet, maybe soon if he agrees to come with us to the concert.

I went straight home after my shift so I can go to market. Minnie is running out of cat food supply and I’m running out of food too. I also want to have a chill night where I’d lay on my bed while I watch sum movies. I quickly changed my polo into a shirt and sweats. I wore the glasses that I only wear when I use my computer or phone. I went in front of my mirror to check myself. I stared at my reflection for a long time trying to examine what seems weird. Was it my face? I don’t have dirt on my face and I don’t look tired either. It’s the clothes. I look like Jae. Sweats and glasses, I look comfy as heck.

I don’t want to spend time just to change so I’ll just ignore that I accidentally dressed up as my neighbor, as if that I would bump into him today, I barely see that guy. I carry my tote bag with my phone and wallet in it, and I wore my slides. I left my apartment and locked it.

“You’re going out too?”

I jolted when I heard a voice. Speaking of my neighbor, in fact I don’t even have to turn around just to know who it is. Still, I turned around to face him.

“Yeah, just grocery and you?” Thank g he’s wearing a black hoodie while mine’s gray.

“I need to pick up something.” He said while he’s locking his door.

“Where do you grocery shop?” He asked. I waited him so we can walk together.

“Emart.”

“My way is also there; do you want a ride? I already booked a grab.” He showed me his phone with the said grab. I mean free ride? Of course I do.

“Sure.” The lift opens so we enter. From 15 floor going to ground floor is a long ride so I made myself busy by observing every single thing that I see here inside the lift. When we entered there are already sum people inside, 2 guys and a couple who can’t keep their hands off each other. Not that I’m judging them, but from what I can see, what they’re doing considered PDA already. Hugging, laughing and teasing like there’s no tomorrow.

I don’t know if those guys are annoyed too and just trying to ignore them or maybe it’s just only me. I glanced to Jae to see what he’s doing, looks like he’s not bothered at all. His left hand slipped inside the pocket of his pants; other hand is on his phone.

Another person entered the lift. I moved backwards so she can have space. The couple moves backwards too so they’re now standing beside me, I can even feel her bag nudging my arm but I tried to ignore it. Within a hot minute her arm hit my side causing me to bumped Jae. I looked at the couple as calm as I can possibly can.

“I’m sorry miss.” “sorry miss.” They both said in union.

“It’s okay.” I said calmy and showed my nicest smile. I want my afternoon to be chill and stress free plus I may see them again I want to protect my pure reputation as a good neighbor. Suddenly I felt a hand on my elbow that slowly pulled me closer to him. I felt an electric shock that send shivers all over my body. I stood frozen next to him because of how close we are. I can even smell his perfume, it’s like a mixture of fresh fruity and baby powder. I wonder where he bought it.

He let go of my arm when we reached the ground floor. We walked towards the entrance of the building but I stayed walking behind him. He looked back at me and stopped walking so I can catch up with him. When we got out the building, we can see that there’s a car already waiting. Jae made me get on first and I thought that he would sit beside the driver but he sat next to me.

It’s rush hour already and we we’re caught by traffic. I stared outside the car window like I always do when I commute. There’s time where I’m channeling my main character vibes when I look outside the window. None of us is taking and the sound from the cardio radio playing sum R&B soul songs was the only noise. Jae was busy scrolling through his phone, though I don’t want to bother him but I feel like I should speak.

“So where are you heading to?” I blurted out. I tried not to look at him directly so I stared at the driver’s seat.

“Somewhere near the TBD Company”

“Isn’t that where most celebrity’s hangout or sumthin?” I’ve never been into that area and I know that, that place is one of the richest districts.

“Well not all because I go there all the time.” He said before he turned off his phone and looked at me.

“Have you ever bumped to a celebrity?” I asked. For sure he had at least once, especially when he said that he have been there a lot.

“Just some of them. I’ve always seen Mark Tuan in a coffee shop that I go to, you know him?” Is he kidding? I think he’s the only famous person that I could remember that Ara ever told me. She showed me a video clip of him dancing and I think I forgot to breathe for a sec, plus he got the cutest smile. I must admit that prolly have a thing for people’s smile.

“You mean the very good-looking guy?” I said in awe and he laughed at my reaction. Well, I only said what know is true.

“Yeah, that very good-looking guy.” He said casually as if that he knows him but he’s still laughing. Wait if he seen some celeb then he might have seen his Kpop Idols.

“How about your favorite Kband? Day6?” I’m honestly just guessing, but I believe most of the company’s are located there so assume that they work there. Instead of answering me he let out a fake cough.

I immediately understood what he’s trying to say so I leaned to him and whispered. “Okay I won’t mention in public that you’re a Kpop fan.”I assure him. I find it funny that he’s getting conscious and shy about other people knowing that he’s a fanboy.

“No actually.. yeah alright, I’ll just take that.” Yeah, whatever Jae. I looked outside and saw that we’re almost near the market, I turned to Jae and poked him.

“You can drop me off here.” He nodded.

“Mr. can you pull over to the next street.” Jae said.

“Thank you for the ride Jae.”

“No worries, what time you will be done?”

“I don’t know I may take a while.” I may take a while since I don’t have a grocery list so I’ll prolly have to go to every aisle to remember all the stuff that I needed, a life hack that I learned when I started living on my own.

The driver pulled the car off the road. I turned to Jae before I opened the door.

“Thank you again.” I said and he smiled. I opened the door and got off the car. I waited for them to leave before I enter the market.

1 2 3 4 5

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

[kaylorrehabcenter]

Rating Every Song on Fearless Based on How Gay it is

Hello friends! I still have a few song analyses in the pipeline (and one on Lover the album) but today in honor of Fearless (Taylor’s Edition) being announced and Love Story being released in a few hours I thought I’d do something fun to celebrate!

And you know what? Fuck my usual disclaimer, I am the word of god here. Try and change my mind about any of these. I dare you. (I kid I kid this isn’t that serious and you’re free to disagree <3)

1. Fearless 15/10

Everything about this song is so fucking gay oh my god. This isn’t a fruit, this is a whole ass edible arrangement. As a small rural town Gay (my hometown has a population of less that 4,000 and where I’m living now has a population of 2,500) this uh. Hits.

“And I don't know how it gets better than this/You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless”

Y’ALL

The idea of falling in love with someone who makes you less afraid of your homophobic small town…….it’s getting to me.

“My hands shake, I'm not usually this way but/You pull me in and I'm a little more brave/It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really something/It's fearless”

This is making me emotional, I'll be honest. I see so much of my friends and my experience in high school in this song. 

This quote I found on genius is from when the album was released on BMR’s website.

“When I wrote ‘Fearless,’ I wasn’t dating anyone. I wasn’t even in the beginning stages of dating anybody. I really was all by myself out on tour and I got this idea for a song about the best first date. I think sometimes when you’re writing love songs, you don’t write them about what you’re going through at the moment, you write about what you wish you had. So, this song is about the best first date I haven’t had yet.”

This just screams baby Tay writing gay folklore to me, about the gay stories she wish she had. Notice how there are no pronouns in this song??? Fruity I’m telling you.

All that to say. I’m crying because the linear note says “I loved you before I met you” and I want to go listen to Long Story Short and cry now.

2. Fifteen 1/10

Objectively pretty straight as she’s singing about her and Abigail’s dating boys in HS. And Taylor got with a senior guy. Good for her I suppose.

Unless he was one of the shitty ones in which case.

“This is life before you know who you're gonna be”

This however, is a cute line and the whole song makes me warm and nostalgic. You can also hear her crying after the line “and Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind” which makes me emo and I’m sure will take on new depth after Abigail’s divorce and hurt me even more.

Other highlights that make me sob include.

“When all you wanted was to be wanted/Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now/Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday/But I realized some bigger dreams of mine”

Bigger dreams of hers indeed :’)

(Also how can you say she’s a gold star lesbian when this song exists. She was obviously dating boys in high school and even if you think she’s a lesbian. Comp het is a hell of a drug kids.)

3. Love Story 8/10

Tried to change the ending indeed.

This is THE Taylor Swift song, and maybe it’s the nostalgia talking but damn I still love it. Written because she wanted to change the ending of Romeo and Juliet (how anyone likes RandJ enough to want to rewrite I have no clue.) and/or because her parents didn’t approve of a guy she was seeing. (according to genius, it would’ve been too early for Joe J so it could possibly be Boys Like Girls frontman, his image did clash with hers and they did release some cute songs together. However if you want my take it’s probably folklore about Emily, take for what you will)

This song has very oft gay vibes with the ‘They don’t approve of our love angle!’ but uses male pronouns so points redacted for that. HOWEVER this is a very early use of ~the male perspective~ in Taylor’s songs and for that it deserves all the love.

“ So I sneak out to the garden to see you/We keep quiet, 'cause we're dead if they knew/So close your eyes/Escape this town for a little while”

More rural town angst!!!

Nothing gets me more than rural town angst.

“Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel/This love is difficult, but it's real”

Originally the lyric was “this love is different”. Granted I do not remember the source, i’s just lore implanted into my brain, but make of that what you will.

“"Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone/I love you, and that's all I really know/I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress/It's a love story, baby, just say "Yes"”

Marry me Juliet from the male perspective :)

Also worth noting. This is Karlie’s (and Kim K’s lmao) favorite Taylor song which. While basic as hell. Makes this cover sad as hell to this former Kaylor. (thanks @swiftgron-get-married for the tears <3)

Also not to make this about a man AGAIN but the secret message is “Some day I’ll find this” AND SHE DID IM CRYING.

4. Hey Stephen 1/10

The one thing Camilla Cabello and I have in common is loving this song, so I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

This song is very painfully straight.

How can you think this woman is a gold star lesbian.

The only noteworthy thing is that this is one of the few songs she confirms who it’s about. The secret message is “Love and Theft” which is the name of a country music duo who went on to open her Fearless tour. Which, does make me side eye this song a little bit.

Still a cute song.

“Hey Stephen, boy, you might have me believing/I don't always have to be alone”

5. White Horse 1/10

Oh look. It’s track five. 

You know maybe this is just me being a bitch but in my ranking of track fives this is. Pretty low. Maybe on the bottom.

Like I don’t have a lot to say about it. 

She’s going through it over a guy. He was a cheating dickweazel. 

“'Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale/I'm gonna find someone someday/Who might actually treat me well”

“Try and catch me now, oh/It's too late/To catch me now”

These lines hit though!!

And she found Joe!! Who treats her well!!!! And she isn’t the princess, she’s the prince who dropped her sword and knocked on her door!!! But this time if they come for them she’s ready!!!

Yes I will make every song about Long Story Short <3

6. You Belong With Me 5/10

Ah yes. The other THE Taylor Swift song.

You know. If I went to a high school with a cheerleading squad. And I had a crush on a cheerleader. I would blast this song. So for that it gets a 5/10. Otherwise. Fairly straight and fairly iconic.

7. Breathe 8/10

Well. We know this one is about a woman. (Emily Poe for those not in the know. Ha. A rhyme!) That alone has an 8/10. And it’s the first time she has a featured artist so bonus points for that!

It was nominated for a Grammy and it fucking lost to Jason Mraz. When’s the last time you thought about Jason Mraz.

I will not have Kaylor feels on a fucking Fearless song but damn is it VERY easy.

“Never a clean break, no one here to save me/You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand”

“It's 2 A.M, feeling like I just lost a friend/Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me”

Also this bridge? Goes off. HIGHLY underrated. 

8. Tell Me Why 3/10

You know. Maybe this album isn’t as gay as I once thought.

This song does bop though, not as good as her other angry songs on this album. But I can vibe with this you know. Why are you being an asshole mysterious man.

“You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day”

This has to be one of baby Tay’s best burns. Damn. 

“Why do you have to make me feel small/So you can feel whole inside?/Why do you have to put down my dreams/So you're the only thing on my mind?”

Men ain’t shit kids. However, bonus points for the shade. 

9. You’re not Sorry 1/10

Ok, ok. Maybe this was a foolish endeavor.

Because yet again we have a very straight song. A good song. That was on Taylor’s episode of CSI. But oh dear. Very straight. Gets a measly one point. We started this post off so very very gay but damn. We seem to be nearing the end on a very straight note.

10. The Way I Loved You 20/10

Hey Remember what I said about this album being very straight.

WELL THAT WAS A LIE.

Is this a comphet album or am I projecting.

This is one of my favorite baby gay Taylor songs. Her masterful use of pronouns (he is sensible! And so incredible! And all my single friends are jealous! But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, when it was two am and I was cursing your name!) makes the other person she’s singing about completely vague, while we know she isn’t happy with whichever guy she’s dating.

Mayhaps an early reaction to PRomances?

Either way this song is so good, truly an underrated gay gem I mean. Look at it.

“Breaking down and coming undone/It's a roller coaster kind of rush/And I never knew I could feel that much/And that's the way I loved you”

AND THE BRIDGE. Do all of her gay songs just have kickass bridges?

“He can't see the smile I'm faking/And my heart's not breaking/'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all/And you were wild and crazy/Just so frustrating/Intoxicating, complicated/Got away by some mistake and now…”

Damn. I’m imaging this with 2020 vocals and fucking ascending.

Also please watch the live performance of it from the Fearless tour. It’s such a damn shame this got cut from the movie and some woman in the front row is wearing a cowboy hat. Everyone is holding up those cameras everyone had to have before smartphones. Taylor is being endearing. It’s a good time.

11. Forever and Always 6/10

Bonus points for the ~drama~ of it all. Added last minute to the album? The iconic throwing of the chair in live performances?? All of it very dramatique and for that we stan.

Still pretty straight.

Also Joe Jonas responded to the song and why do I find his response so damn funny. “It’s part of being a musician, I guess. You write songs about each other.”

This is another song where the idea of Taylor’s grown up vocals on this is………..whew

12. The Best Day 0/10

This gets zero points because it’s about her literal mom.

Still makes me cry.

God bless Andrea Swift indeed

13. Change 13/10

We start the official tracklist with a gay song. We end it with a gay song.

We will ignore that it was originally written for Scott and BMR and instead induct it into the hall of gay pride anthems, as it should be. 

“We're getting stronger now, finding things they never found/They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared/You can walk away, say we don't need this/But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this”

“This revolution, the time will come/For us to finally win/And we'll sing hallelujah, we'll sing hallelujah”

The music video is cringe though lol

14. Jump then Fall 10/10

This song is gay because I choose it to be. <3

Like. Picture baby Taylor writing this song and playing it on her guitar to a girl she has a crush on telling her that she’ll protect her and they’ll be safe and in love and happy together. Gah, maybe I’m ~projecting~ but this sweet ass song always gets me and is EASILY in my top five Taylor songs. Super underrated and hecking cute. 

“We're on the phone and without a warning/I realize your laugh is the best sound/I have ever heard”

Like. Look at this shit.

“I watch you talk, you didn't notice/I hear the words but all I can think is/We should be together”

Tell me this is about the first time you get a crush on a girl and she’s your best friend and she’s amazing and beautiful and you realize you kinda want to kiss her and you hope she wants to kiss you too.

“I had time to think it oh, over/And all I can say is come closer/Take a deep breath and jump then fall into me”

And she’s the Romeo who's going to protect her!!!!! She’s the knight in shining armor in this song and I love that for her??

“The bottom's gonna drop out from under our feet/I'll catch you, I'll catch you/When people say things that bring you to your knees/I'll catch you/The time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry/But I'll hold you through the night until you smile”

I won’t divulge into full on analysis here because. This is what this post is about but PLEASE listen to this song more. It’s such a gay little gem.

15. Untouchable 9/10

How does she make a cover sound gay.

It sounds so gay.

“You got to come on, come on, say that we'll be together/Come on, come on, little taste of heaven”

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

16. Forever and Always Piano Version 1/10

This song gets 1/10 because I don’t like it. There. I said it.

17. Come in With the Rain 3/10

I can see why this is a bonus track. It doesn’t hit me as much as the other songs on the album.

But damn if I don’t want to scream sing this one driving down a high way.

18. Superstar 7/10

You can’t tell me this song is about a man. I simply won’t entertain the idea.

You cannot prove to me that this song is about a man. There is not a male pronoun in sight. 

>:)

19. The Other Side of the Door 6/10

Is this song about having a fight about being in the closet? Probably not. Will my gay little brain make it about that? Yep!

And that, funky little queer pals, is my gay rating of every Fearless song. Like and subscribe, #t3atmidnight

[mxtcha-tea]

Ruby Chocolate.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷Neither bitter, milky or sweet, but a tension of fresh berry fruitiness; 47.3% cocoa solids; doesn’t have a definite trait but rather seen as mysterious and unique.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷summary; looking for lost souls with the laziest person in campus is probably the dumbest idea your homeroom teacher can think of, or is it?

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷genre; one-sided enemies to lover, brief mentions of the afterlife and concept of souls and ghouls (non of it are true and is for plot purpose only), fluff and crack all mixed together at some point, slight angst but not too sed, dark academia au, reader being in denial that they love Suna, slight college au vibes but dark academia theme of course, [if there’s anything else I forgot to add, feel free to remind me :)]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷word count; 10k+ [of confusion]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷featuring; suna rintarou + gn!reader [they/them pronouns] [If they’re any parts that I miss, remind me mkay? :)]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷chef note; AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I don’t know if I like it, my brain kept saying pog at it i mean, sdksdhsk, just read it all by yourself :’) also I’m gonna let you all figure out the timestamps for each section break ;)

“I refuse,”

Those words left your mouth in an instant before the teacher could even finish her sentences. The person next to you took a glance at you before briefly shrugging. Your homeroom teacher looks between you and the male with a frown on her face,

“Don’t be like that [y/n], it’s only for a week. If you don’t have any reports about it, then we’ll get the higher grounds to deal with the case,”

“That’s, not the problem here, Miss Mochizuki. The ACTUAL problem that I have for this case though,”

You turned your head and glared slightly at the almost too familiar, fox-like eyes person with his hands messily tucked inside his jacket, “Is because he’s tagging along with me,”

Suna Rintarou.

One of the, no, the laziest person on the whole campus, might be even the entire land. There are a lot of reasons why you hated him. Suna’s always late to class and doesn’t even acknowledge the teacher nagging at him.

He always eats and sleeps in class whenever he can, not to mention that he’s absolutely irresponsible. You have a hard time trying to study, paying attention to what the teachers are saying with his figure draping over his desk from the corner of your eyes.

Or the loud and obnoxious sounds of him eating the chips he sneaked in. It’s driving you crazy every time, but that’s only the minor reasons.

The real reason you hold a grudge on this immature ‘Tibetan Sand Fox’ is because of that one freshman memory you had with him. Back when autumn already ended, you rolled onto the kingdom’s academies to pursue your career. But this man…

He really had to destroy your first impression in front of the whole academy. You’re on your way to go to your classroom to prepare for the ice breaking session, looking calm as ever.

Unlike this guy, he’s rushing to put his coat on and looks like he’s late for something. Suna at first glance, he looks like a pretty decent person and you’re going to admit that you did find him attractive at first.

The twinkling lights coming from his enchanting yellow irises and the mere look of his soft dark brown hair fits perfectly well with him. That’s what you thought before, until he bumped into you without looking and spilled the coffee in his hands to your shirt.

It stained the white material so badly and left a big spot right on your chest. Both of your eyes widened at that and caught each other’s eyes,

“Sorry,”

That was the last thing and only thing he said before walking away, leaving you to deal with the embarrassment alone. The surrounding students watched you with pity and whispered to each other rather than helping you clean up.

You can definitely feel your cheeks heating at the stares you’re getting, biting the insides of your mouth before quickly picking up the coffee lid that fell down from Suna’s cup and walking away to find the bathroom.

What’s even worse after that is you didn’t know where the bathroom is so you had to ask the students around, while still having the stain on your shirt.

Thankfully, it doesn’t take long for at least one of them to tell you the direction, giving you a nod of pity because of your condition now. You nodded at them back before speed walking towards the bathroom with your hand covering your face in humiliation.

At least you have spare clothes inside your bag and then after changing, you went on your way as if nothing ever happened before. But the memory still stuck inside your head like a magnet.

Now, you’re standing there with him besides you, because you got called by your homeroom teacher to ask you two for a favor.

From what she said, the lost souls from section 5 escaped and are now roaming the old academy’s library. And she had requested both you and Suna to find all 10 of them. Together.

Albeit knowing your situation with the male, she still pestered you to go with him as a ‘bonding’ moment to ease up the tension between you two. It annoys you, but Suna doesn’t seem to even care about it.

“I’d asked some other students from your class but they declined, and I can’t ask for your seniors because they’re preparing for an exam next month,”

You slightly massaged your temple in frustration, shutting your eyes while you’re at it. You can feel Suna’s stare creating a hole at the back of your head. You don’t really know what he’s thinking since you’re not a mind reader, but you can already tell that he’s looking at you as if you’re a fool in distress.

A groan escaped your lips before opening your eyes again and stare into Miss Mochizuki's eyes with a bored expression, “Fine,”

“I’ll do it,”

You can hear a slight cough coming from your left as you turn your head once again at the fox, “Correction, we’ll do it,”

His pupils shifted from you to your teacher while nodding a little. She clapped her hands in relief, the usual smile she has returning to her face, “Thank goodness, I hope you two stand by your statement and I better see your faces in the dining hall tomorrow,”

Before you can even respond, he cuts you off. Great, “No problem, and you can count on us of course,”

You scoffed, more like you’re the only one doing all the jobs. You nodded at your teacher for the last time before you turned on your heel and walked away.

The sounds of the footsteps behind you are getting louder and louder the more you try to speed walk back to your dorm. You stopped in your tracks and so did the footsteps of a certain person.

A glance was brought to Suna’s view before you fully turned your body to face him, slouching slightly with his terrible figure, “What do you want?”

“Aren’t we like, you know, supposed to find out how to catch these so called ‘souls’,”

“They already thought us how in the class session just a week ago,”

He tilted his head slightly, rubbing the back of his neck, “I didn’t hear what the teach says,”

Of course. You scowled at him before looking away, “Well, you can learn it again all by yourself before tomorrow comes-”

Before you can even walk away again, he got a hold of your wrist and spun you around to face him. His eyes stares into yours for a slight second before he opened his mouth,

“You know that I have trouble studying alone, so I need your help to teach me about these souls things or whatever,” “And why would I?”

You yanked your hand away from his grip, rubbing your wrist slightly. Suna sighed,

“Look, I may not know a lot about this, but catching one of ’em seemed like a tough job for only one person to handle, isn’t it?”

No responses from you, but you didn’t seem to deny it by the look on your face, so he continued, 

“If you can teach me how to catch these souls back to where they belong, it would’ve been easier and you don’t have to spend your precious time on me for too long,”

As much as you hate to admit it, he has a point. Suna always knew about your hatred towards him, whether it’s from your cold stares at him to you brushing him off every time he approaches you to ask a question.

It’s pretty obvious, since you always avoid him no matter what. He doesn’t take it to heart cause he had experienced it when he was a kid. But at some point, those indifferent you have towards him felt slightly painful.

As if he doesn’t really like it that you hate him, or the fact that he looks up to you. How can anyone not?

You’re enchantingly alluring not to mention one of the top students in his year. You never fail any tests and seem like a people magnet, always talking to everyone you come across to.

He felt small around you and to be paired in a case together? He thought you can just stomp on him like he’s nothing.

But, it’s a great opportunity too. Like what Miss Mochizuki said, it could be a bonding moment for the two of you. And for him to prove you that he’s not a bad person like what you see him to be.

Suna can feel his heart beating a million times an hour, locked in your unwavering stare before you shake your head, “After lunch break, we’re going to the library,”

He blinked in surprise and before he can react, you started walking away but stopped again, standing there for a second,

“Don’t be late,”

That’s the last thing you said before leaving him dumbfounded on his spot. He watches your figure fade away from his vision as he sighed. A small smile twitched upon his facial features,

“Can’t promise that,”

“This simpleton, I swear to god,”

You tapped your foot with impatience, looking at both your left and right trying to find the slouching figure of Suna Rintarou but he still hasn't come even after 13 minutes of you waiting inside the library.

The people inside quivers a bit at the dark aura radiating from you and literally anyone from a 5 miles distance can certainly feel it.

A chuckle can be heard besides you as you turn your head around to see none other than your friend from the same classroom,

“Still waiting huh?”

“That’s the problem here, Keiji!  He’s so irresponsible with whatever task was given. I told him to arrive after lunch break and yet, that fool still haven’t show his head anywhere,”

You ranted to him before going back to tapping your foot while having your arms crossed, huffing frustratedly. Akaashi Keiji, who is also one of the top students of the academy and your closest friend in the classroom,

“I think I saw him still being in the dining hall, talking with his friends from the other class,”

“HE IS?!”

Akaashi flinched at your sudden outburst, you realized what you had done and mumbled an apology before looking away. The male sighed, a small smile appearing on his face, “You shouldn’t go hard on him. I mean, this is the first time he had ever agreed to study,”

“Huh? What do you mean by that?” you caught his eyes, showing a small glint of mischief, “What I’m saying is that Rintarou always decline my offer to have a study session with him,”

“Yeah, I know that it’s not surprising that he declined it since he’s not the type to study as you can tell. But what’s bizarre is that Rintarou asked you to tutor him without a second thought when the case was brought to you two, and without hesitating. Don’t you find that weird?”

You shrugged, “It’s good that he got that inside his head but to be honestly, it is kind of weird. Also, why did you even offer to tutor him in the first place, Keiji?”

The ravenette chuckled slightly, turning his head around to look back at you, “Well, did you actually know that-”

And before he can finish his sentences, the tall brunette that you had been waiting for arrived in front of you. Both you and Akaashi stopped your conversation to look at his panting form, probably from the running he did.

Suna quickly put his head up and looks between you and Akaashi before opening his mouth, “Hey,”

Without even hesitating you aggressively pull his collar shirt and drags him inside the library, nagging him for being late,

“You’re late, I told you not to but you didn’t listen to me and decided to hang out with your friends at the dining hall,”

“What, how did you know that I was there?”

“Don’t change the subject,”

“Geez fine, also i’m not really that late,”

“I’ve waited for 13 minutes,”

“Doesn’t seem too long for me,”

“Just go grab a book so that we can start already,”

“Yes, ma’am,”

Akaashi watches you walk away with the tall lad before snickering to himself, going back to finding another book to read.

You slam the book down as you can see the male’s figure flinched at your action from the corner of your eyes. You did nothing but give him a cold side eye, sighing and proceed to open the book.

Suna watches you flip through the pages, brushing your thumb on the title every second to check the words before finally finding the subject you’re looking for.

You slide the book to him to show the page you’re in, “Here it is. Go read it by yourself,”

The male looks at the book, then at you and then back to the book. He held onto the cover and scanned the words one by one. After reading for a minimum of 6 words, he puts the book down.

You confusedly look at him, “Why did you stop reading?”

“Too many words,” he can hear you sighing for the nth time before the pages of the book are squeezed up to his face, “There’s no way you can just catch the souls without reading what they are, just read it! It’s not that hard,”

“Pfft, yes it is. I don’t even like to read books in the first place,” both of you struggled with each other, him trying to push the book away from his face while you’re trying to smack on it.

He finally got a good hold on it and put it down back on the table, “I already told you that reading is no good for me, I literally can’t learn anything by just looking at words,”

You glared at him with a black aura coming from you. Suna shivers at that, sweat dropping before putting both of his hands up to show mercy. Your eyes then turn back to its original annoyed look as you rest your forehead on top of your palm.

His eyes stare at your figure, blinking a few times, “You know, you can just properly tutor me on how these souls work, explaining it or something,”

Suna flinched when you shot your head up and directly turn your pupils at him, “Yeah, sure, I don’t mind,”

But he did certainly saw you rolling your eyes, taking the book in front of him and scanned the sentences for only a few seconds before putting your eyes back at him,

“Do you have a notebook and a pen with you?”

“Am I seeing this right?”

Akaashi turned his head to his senior, resting his arm over the table he’s sitting at. Konoha stares at both of you and Suna’s figure talking about the subject in hand, and surprisingly enough, the brunette even has the energy to write what you’re explaining to him.

“Is the infamous Suna Rintarou is actually studying with the person who hated him the most?” “We live in a weird world, Konoha. Maybe this is god’s work to get them to be nice with each other,”

Konoha snickered before turning his head at a certain owl like person and after a few minutes, his face contorted into an annoyed look,

“Bokuto, how long are you going to pick a book??”

“Sorry! Wait, I think I found one!”

“Well, then hurry up,”

“No need to rush me out, I got this!”

A chorus of ‘shhh’ filled in the room as Bokuto sheepishly mumbled an apology before quickly grabbing the book. Akaashi sighed while Konoha shakes his head at his classmate’s antics.

Suna tapped his pen onto his notebook, filled with words that seemed like only he can understand and a few doodles, looking back at you explaining the concept of souls to him,

“Now you know what souls are?” The male nodded, briefly taking a glance at his notebook again,

“These souls are basically dead people from the past that didn’t make it through the barrier between this world and the afterlife. They’re harmless so it won’t be a problem for people to encounter them,”

You snap your fingers at his response, “Correct, and are souls and ghouls the same thing?” You asked again, “No, not at all,”

“A ghoul is more like an entity that robs graves and feeds on corpse, they’re pretty harmful so hafta avoid ‘em at all cost,”

A hum of affirmation and nod was sent his way as he sighs in relief, finally understanding the concept. And thought to himself, that you’re a pretty good tutor, not that he’ll admit it in front of your face though.

You read back the content inside the book while waiting for Suna to finish writing the remaining notes down. And to slightly collect your thoughts. Despite never hearing anything in class, he’s actually a quick learner and is a good listener when he tries to be.

Not to mention that he sometimes crack a joke or two to lighten up the mood, and unfortunate enough, he caught you snickering at one of his bad jokes,

“Are you actually laughing right now?”

“What are you talking about,”

“Oh playing dumb now huh? I didn’t know you’re that kind of type but you totally did laugh at my jokes,”

“No, I didn’t,”

“Pfft, yes you did, ma’am. There’s no need to deny it,”

You hit his head with his notebook with a small ‘oof’ in response, “Shut up and get back to work,”

And you’re actually...enjoying tutoring him right now- No, you’re only here to teach this idiot of a person about souls and how to catch it and that’s it. You have also tutored a few students before inside the library and at the same spot,

But why does it feel different with him?

“Now that we already covered that part, let’s get to the real point here; how to catch souls,”

You hold out your hand to him as Suna puts his notebook onto your palm, watching you take it and start sketching onto it. He leaned a bit from his spot to see you drawing out a picture of a gas lamp.

After finished sketching it, you show the book to him and started explaining again, “As you can tell, this gas lamp is the main tool of catching the souls,”

“Basically, when we light up the lamp, it’ll absorb any type of lights surrounding it which includes the souls. It’s confirmed souls are made out of lights so when exposed to any main source of lights, they’ll get trapped inside it, which is also the reason why…”

You waited a bit, averting your eyes at him. He does the same, but with confusion before it clicked right into him. His mouth turned into an ‘o’ shape, continuing your statement,

“-they roam at night, so that they won’t be exposed and absorbed by the sun,”

“Exactly,”

Suna nodded, feeling a little bit smart and it might be just him but he thought he saw your mouth twitched into a small smile just now. But it’s barely even visible so he won’t trust his brain this time, though he hoped that you’re happy that he’s finally understanding it,

“And that’s all,” “That’s all?” “Yep, tomorrow we meet up at the dining hall after dinner, then we can start preparing for the search,”

You close the book and put it back to it’s shelf, you hand him his pen back as he takes it from you. His cheeks tinged a bit at how briefly your fingers brushed his. He tried to not make it obvious but he can’t help but fluster at the mere touch,

“I hope you won’t be late this time…” He flinched at your tone to see you glaring at him, but it somewhat, a little bit toned down than what you usually do. Then again, he still nodded as your stare softened almost too quickly,

“Good, see you then,”

And then, something that he didn’t expect from you happened. You hold out your hand and wave at him before walking out of the library. He blinked, did you just wave him goodbye?

No, that seemed impossible coming from a person like you, the one that hated him the most. You didn’t care about him or even acknowledge him in the first place, you’re only doing this for the case. Or did you even hate him in the first  place?

Suna blushed bright red at that thought before hearing Akaashi said to him,

“Well, that doesn’t seem very [y/n] at all, don’t you think,” He turned around to see the ravenette smirking at him, taking a seat at where you previously sat at, “Do you know what that means Akaashi?”

“Hm, maybe they started getting comfortable with you, but you’ll never know right? Maybe you should watch them closely more often,”

The brunette looks down at his note, scanning your sketch of the gas lamp while brushing the thin lines with his fingers.

Do you even hate him?

You walked through the halls after exiting the library but then stopped next to the big glass window. You stood there, frozen as if you had turned into stone,

“[Y/N], WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS??”

You whispered yelled to yourself while lightly slapping your face to get your head back to reality. Sure, you do hate him right? You hate him so much because of the freshman memories and the way he’s just very ignorant in class.

And the way his lean body figure just draped over his desk, showing his toned muscles behind his tight white collar shirt. And the way he’ll just lean over you whenever he wanted to ask a question, his handsome face and beautiful eyes scanning your figure-

“NOOO, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???”

Your hand tugged the hem of your shirt, biting your lips at the thought as your face heated up. You scoffed, shaking your head before speed walking away from the halls with a hesitant smile on your face, truly believing that you hate Suna Rintarou.

It’s true that you hate him, you even admitted it to yourself and everyone else. You really hate him for the things he’s irresponsible for and the things he’d done to you,

So, why is it so hard to hate him now?

“DUDE, YOU WHAT??”

“TSUMU, STOP BEING SO LOUD, I’M TRYNA TO MAKE SOME FOOD,”

“WHY’RE YA EVEN MAKIN’ FOOD INSIDE OUR DORM IN THE FIRST PLACE,”

A pillow smacked into Atsumu’s face as he glared at Ginjima who threw it at him, “You both are too loud, quiet down or else we’ll get nagged again!” “Sheesh,” the blonde scoffed before launching onto his bed and throwing the pillow back at Ginjima,

“So, back to Mr.hated-by-[y/n]-[l/n] situation-” “-that name’s suck-” “-shaddup, samu- anyways, do y'all start going good or something? Hm?” he rested his head onto his pillow, looking into his friend’s eyes,

“Nah, we’re still on the bad side I think,” “Pfft, you think? Suna, we heard the news, they’re literally into you now that you show yer ‘cool’ side to them,”

Suna cringed at that before rolling his eyes and reading back the book in his hands, “Also, when did ya even start reading books all of the sudden? I thought you hated eating words,”

“Eating what?” Osamu looks at his twin brother with a confused expression, the bowl of rice in his hand was half eaten along with the omelette in front of him,

“That’s literally what Suna said when he read books for the first time,”

Ginjima snickered at that memory and looks at Suna, “Pfft yeah, he even said that it doesn’t taste good,”

All of them, except Suna, laughed at that while the brunette just scoffed before the door of their room was opened, “Omi-omi! How's the bath? Hm?”

“Shut up, Miya,” Sakusa spite at him as he can see Osamu looking up from his bowl of rice with an offended look, “ The blonde Miya,” and with only that, he softened up and went back to chewing his food.

Komori followed him from behind before plopping down onto his bed, which is next to Sakusa’s. He then looks at Suna with a mischievous smile,

“Heard the news Rin, is it true though?” “It came from Akaashi, of course it’s true,” Atsumu answered for him, having his hands behind his head while staring at the top bunk, where Ginjima sleeps at,

“Well, technically and no, I wanna hear it from the man himself,”

“Am I seriously getting interrogated right now,”

“Apparently,” Ginjima shrugged, turning his body around to look at Suna. The latter sighs before quickly closing the book he’s reading, “I don’t want to answer more stupid questions so, good night!”

He turned off the only lamp switch, that is miraculously next to him as the room turned dark. The sounds of the groaning and slight screams of frustration can be heard inside as they complained,

“SUNA, TURN ON THE LIGHT BACK ON, I’M NOT FINISHED EATING YET!”

“THAT’S WHY I TOLD YOU TO EAT OUTSIDE, FOR GOD SAKES,”

“RIN, IT’S NOT NIGHT TIME YET, OPEN THE LAMP BACK ON,”

“SHUT UP, TSUMU. I EAT WHEN I WANT TO,”

“Rintarou, open the lamp,”

“WHY THE HELL DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS RIN??”

“YOU’LL GET YOUR STUPID RICE EVERYWHERE ON THE FLOOR,”

“THEN, HOW ABOUT YOU BE A USEFUL THING AND CLEAN IT UP,”

“WHAT?! NO, THAT GROSS,”

“IF NONE OF YOU SHUT UP, I’LL CALL MR.OYAMA TO YELL AT YOU ALL!”

The sound of their senior’s voice shuts them up in an instant as Suna quickly turn the lights back on and pretend to read the book he’s reading just now, though it’s upside down,

“This is why I propose that I’m the one who should sleep next to the lamp switch,”

“Oh, shut up you would literally do the same,”

“NO, I WON’T,”

“YES, YOU WOULD,”

“WHY’RE YOU TWO EVEN ARGUING ABOUT THIS, OH GOD-”

“WHAT DID I JUST SAID?!”

And then they’re back to silence. Sakusa sighed, opening his notebook to study back the last session.

You walked through the dark halls, lighted up with only candles as you turned to the right to head towards the dining hall. And much to your surprise, Suna’s already there.

Leaning against one of the pillars while lightly tapping his foot. Then he caught your figure and hold out his hand to greet your arrival, “Hey, you’re late,”

You scoffed at that, standing in front of him with your hands on your hips, “I just came right on time, so I wasn’t late. But you came earlier than last time, did your friend just ditch you?”

He hold up a hand to his chest, pretending to be offended by your words, “Ouch, at least compliment me for being earlier than you,” Which earns an unamused sigh from you as you look around the halls,

“Whatever, do you have all the preparations?” “Yep,”

The male patted the bag wrapped around his shoulder as he lifted up a gas lamp from his other hand, “Good. Now, should we get going?”

“Obviously, but do you actually know where the old library is?” “Of course,”

You motioned him to follow you as you walked towards the end of the dining hall room, a door was placed at the very corner as you searched through your coat’s pocket and pull out a key,

“How come I never saw this door before,” “I didn’t notice too at first, but I think the more you look around, the more you notice things,”

The lock let out a click as you removed the lock from the door before opening it as the fresh night air hit Suna’s face. He shivered slightly, shaking his head a bit and started following you out from the door.

And just like that, the view of the old academy’s library came to his view as he looked up at the tall building. The sound of the crows can also be heard, a murder of it can be seen resting on one of the tree’s branches.

It’s a full moon today so it gave both of you enough light to see around the dark and lonesome night.

It was mere silence between you two as you walked through the plain grass towards the library’s main gate, looking rusty as ever. You tried opening the metal gate but unable to by how rusty it became after years of abandonment, “Let me,”

Suna put a hand up to try to open it and you let him, retreating a bit. But you didn’t know that his method of opening is this.

Without a second thought, he kicked the metal door open as the ear screeching sound echoed through the skies, making the crows fly in fear, “You idiot,”

You smacked his shoulder as he groaned in pain at the surprisingly hard smack, rubbing his shoulder while he’s at it. You went inside the gate without sparing a glance at him and walked straight towards the library’s entrance.

Suna quickly follows from behind and stares at the big and gloomy door. You did the same, you knew that these souls were absolutely harmless and had no way of hurting both of you.

But you truly can’t deny the eerie feeling by just the look of the door, “What, you’re scared?”

You flinched at his statement, turning your head around to see a small smirk plastered on his smug little face. You scoffed at that and shook your head, “Good riddance,”

Why’re your heart beating faster right now? Is it because you’re actually that scared with what’s about to come? You had come this far from tutoring him to trying to find the right tools and yet, you find yourself in a slightly shivering form.

Or is it because you’re nervous that you would be truly alone with this brunette. You hated him, so why would you be nervous to be around him all alone. Hated…

How weird. You tried to calm down your beating heart and wonder if Suna’s actually feeling the same thing-

‘No, [y/n] focus, now’s not the time,’ you thought, shaking your head a bit.

Little did you know though, the person next to you is feeling the same emotions as yours. Finally, alone with only you and himself, he’s quite nervous isn’t he? Awfully obvious, he can already hear Atsumu mocking him for that,

Oh well, at least he had to be ready for what’s about to come.

“Hey, we’re going to turn on the lamp now, you’re ready?”

“Always has been,” Suna said almost too quickly while still staring at the library’s door.

You look at him with surprise at his quick response. Why’s he suddenly confident with all this? But you took it no mind as you just nodded and pulled out your lamp and a box of matches. You light one of it before gently burning the rope inside the lamp.

You did the same with Suna’s before taking a deep breath. You look at Suna for one last time as you get a nod of affirmation from him. He slowly opens up the door as it creates a terrible screek before hitting the wall.

And the last thing you hear from the male is a chuckle with a smirk on his face,

“This is gonna be interesting,”

It was silence. Only silence and the sounds of your footsteps roaming around the lonely and empty library. The insides of the building are horribly dark as you can see books scattering all over the place with the only lights coming from the lamp.

Torned up completely. Suna takes the lead, shining every corner of the room you’re in to try to find a familiar white light floating around, “Hey, you found anything?”

The male stopped on his tracks before turning around to look at you, shaking his head as in he hadn't found anything. You sighed, moving the lamp in your hand around a bit more before finding a stack of stairs heading to the second floor,

“Let’s check the next floor,”

Suna just nodded and headed towards it. He checked for any cracks or holes before confirming that it’s safe. He sent a nod at you as the two of you started going up stairs.

And at that moment, he remembered back what Akaashi said to him back at the library. Why do these unimportant flashbacks always happen during the baddest time? He sighs quietly to himself as he recalled what the ravenette had said;

“If you really want to impress them, show them that you’re responsible for any kind of situation, no matter what. I know that you’re a very lazy person but at least put some effort in making yourself look good to them,”

“Also, I think you should just tell them the truth when you get there, It’s better than keeping it a secret no matter how painful you felt admitting it,”

At that exact moment, he can instantly hear a crack spreading and in an instant turns his head towards you, catching a glimpse of your face contorted into fear. Without any hesitation, Suna quickly grabbed your wrist and pulled you towards him as the staircase collapsed underneath you two.

Both of you tried to catch your breath from the sudden event, sweating profusely but thankfully, you’re safe without a scratch. When you finally collected your minds, you realized the situation you’re in with him,

You’re awkwardly on top of him, with your legs in between his thighs and your head rested on his shoulder, his hand is on top of your head while the other is still gripping your wrist.

A blink before you quickly stand up from that position and look for your lamp. Thankfully, the glass didn’t shatter but Suna’s though…

“Sorry, uh, wait, where’s your lamp?”

He sat up, rubbing his head at the impact it had with the floor before looking at you and turning his head to his right, finding the lamp shattered as the pieces scattered all over the floor with the flame died out.

A sigh escaped his lips before standing up and dusted himself, “I guess we had to use yours now huh,”

“Unfortunately, c’mone, the more we find it, the less we had to spend our time here,”

Suna nodded at that, but tilted his head a bit when your figure’s still standing there in front of him, “Hey, you okay? Do you want to take a rest? We can like, I don’t know, maybe sit here for a bit then we can-”

“Suna,”

He froze when he heard his name rolled off from your tongue as he watched your back with his eyes widened. You never said his name before, it’s always ‘you’, ‘idiot’ or ‘Tibetan Sand Fox’, for some weird reasons. But now that he really heard his name,

His real name coming from you, he felt weird but it’s...nice,

“Thanks for just now. For me to say that I was surprised, was obvious but you do have fast reflexes so, yeah, thanks, I guess,”

You can feel his stare at the back of your head as you bite the inside of your cheeks and start walking away to the room in front of you.

He still stood there, completely dumbfounded with the change of behavior that you’re having right now. But it’s fine, he might get used to it, the more often he stay in this old library with you-

“SUNA! HURRY UP!” His mind got cut off before slapping his face slightly, “Coming!”

“Are we seriously going to be here all night…?”

Both of you sat on the wall near the now 3rd floor, you covered your face with your hand in frustration while the latter searched through his bag and pulled out a bar of chocolate.

He opens up the wrapper, cutting the bar into two but accidently making it uneven. He hummed, looking at both of the pieces before shrugging and handing you the bigger piece.

You look at the chocolate before hesitantly taking it from his hand. The chocolate looked slightly bizarre than the ones you had seen before, the color is not typically chocolate like all chocolates should be,

But rather in a pretty shade of pink, “Where did you get this?”

Suna looks at you while taking a bite of his chocolate, “Well, one of my friends is a good cook so we made this inside the dorm,” “Inside the dorm??”

He can see the confusion plastered on your face as he chuckled, “Yeah, he’s hungry all the time so we do this often inside our room. Got nagged a lot by seniors but all's well. Also, if you’re wondering, we’ve actually put some berries inside it, got a bit of a fruity taste,”

You look back at the chocolate with suspicion before going to take a bite. Your eyes widened as you bite the piece off and started munching on it,

“This...tastes pretty good,”

“I know right? He’s a bit of a weirdo tho but means well,”

You coughed at his statement and let out a laugh. Suna stopped mid biting the chocolate, watching you laugh your heart out as he could feel a slight pain to his chest.

The laugh soon died down as you turned your head at him with confusion, he quickly looked away with hot red cheeks, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“N-nothing,”

You watch him biting off his chocolate rather aggressively with a frown on his face, and now red cheeks. Thankfully, the room is dark enough to cover the redness spreading across his face,

“Don’t lie to me, idiot. You thought my laugh was ugly didn’t you? So much for me to finally warming up to you,”

“I didn’t say that- wait, what,”

Why’s everything happening so fast for him to comprehend. You averted your eyes at him while eating your chocolate, you realized what you had said before blushing a bit, “Uh, I didn’t mean that, no, wait- the point is that,”

He watches you looking away from his view while crumpling the wrapper, “I, think I enjoyed spending my time with you, no matter how truly impossible it is to believe, I actually...”

Your beautiful eyes stare into his as a small smile plastered over your face, “..don’t hate you anymore, in fact, I, really wanted to be by your side all the time after that stupid, problematic study session that we have that I started realizing,”

He swallowed down the saliva collecting up on his throat as he can feel his heart is about to beat out of his chest, he’s afraid that you might hear it too,

“But I still won’t forgive you for that terrible freshman memory,” and just like that, your smile fades away as if it’s never there in the first place. Suna frowned at that as he recalled the old memory,

“Oh, you mean that time I spilled my coffee onto your shirt?”

“Obviously, and it annoys me anytime I think about it,”

Your tone was back to how it was, like how you used to talk to him before. You stand up from the floor and dust yourself, grabbing the lamp that was next to you. But this time, you’re giving him a hand as he, without a doubt grabs it and stand up as well,

“Well, I’m sorry about that but can you, actually hear my part of the story?” You tensed up at that,

“Your part?”

He merely nodded before opening his mouth,

“Sorry,”

Suna said with panic lacing his voice as he looked around for a brief second and walking away from the direction you came from. He jogged slightly, finally deciding to throw the coffee cup away and try to find-

He stopped in his tracks before finding a box of tissue near the canteen. He grabbed a few of them before jogging back to where he left you. But you’re nowhere to be seen, only a puddle of coffee left on the floor as the students tried to avoid stepping on it,

“Oh god,”

“YOU REALLY ARE AN IDIOT, AREN’T YOU??”

He flinched a bit when you smacked his shoulders a couple of times after he explained, “You could’ve just help me clean up and not walk away trying to find tissues,”

“I was late for my class and I was panicking okay?? I wasn’t thinking straight and again, I’m sorry!”

You huffed, smacking for the last time before speed walking away towards the 4th and last floor with Suna trying to catch up to you, “Honestly, on second thought, I think I can go back to hating you,”

“What do you mean by that?? You already told me that you didn’t hate me anymore,”

“I take it back, not only you’re irresponsible but you’re truly unable to make the right choices at a given time,”

“Oh c’mone, how many times you’re going to say that-”

His footsteps stopped as he stood there frozen in his tracks and eyes widened. You heard him get cut off by himself as you hesitantly turned your body around to face him, 

“Suna?”

He, can hear them. It’s been years now, but now that he heard them again, it felt awfully strange. His ears started ringing a terrible high pitched scream before it turned into silence again with your voice calling him out,

“Suna! What’re you still standing there? Hurry up, we need to finish this-”

The male grabbed your wrist that was holding the lamp, opening the glass’s cover and blow the flame out as only pitch black welcomed you two,

“SUNA! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?? NOW WE HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THE 4TH FLOOR AND EXIT IS! WHY’RE YOU LIKE THIS-”

“Just shut up and follow me,”

You immediately stopped your yellings and shivered slightly at how close his voice is next to your ear. You wanted to deny that and just start nagging him again, but something in his voice says that...he knows what he’s about to do.

You nodded slightly and let him drag you around. His hold on your wrist is still there, squeezing it in reassurance before he slowly walked towards the right side.

Both of you walked for what felt like an hour with only silence surrounding you two as he came across another staircase. Suna released the grip on your wrist, wrapping his hands around your back to guide you up,

“We’re gonna go slowly, okay?”

You nodded, and with that, you two started going up the stairs one by one. He gave you a small push from the back as a sign you’re going up the stairs. And when you two finally came to the 4th floor, you could see a small light coming from the corner of your eyes.

And there you finally see it. All of the 10 souls roaming around the library. It’s sad and lonesome faces look around everywhere and their liquidity like body twitched every second,

“Stay right here,”

You shot your eyes at Suna before he let go off his grip from your back and walk towards the souls. What is he doing? Both of you have no light source right now so it’s impossible to catch them with mere hands-

“Hey,”

The brunette started, looking at the white entity as it’s body slowly turned around to face him. The two of them stare at each other for a bit before Suna started talking again,

“You are? Huh, don’t worry, you’re safe with us,”

He wrapped his arms around the soul and, it didn't go through. Your eyes widened at that, did he really just...touched one? But it’s impossible for a mere mortal to just touch a dead being just like that,

“Almost every single human can’t touch a soul because of its non-existent matter since they’re basically dead. But there are rumors going around that there’s at least 1 in each kingdom that can touch a soul, and while they’re at it, they can also-”

“Suna, you can talk to souls?”

He turned his head around to look at you, watching him petting the soul slowly before stopping. The soul that he hugged looks at him, as a statement on why he stopped before looking at you,

You flinched at the eye contact but softened when it tilted it’s head in confusion. Suna takes a deep breath before looking at you with an unwavering stare,

“Yes, I, in fact, can talk to souls, and even touch them. I’m that 1 person in this kingdom,”

He hated that he had to admit it to you. He wasn’t so fond of this so-called ‘skill’ that he had since birth. He can totally admit this to anyone but to you? He’s back to feeling small, feeling like he holds no purpose in this world at all once you figured it out.

The male closes his eyes and expect the worst as your response,

“Don’t play with us, you don’t belong here,”

“I bet his only friends are those ghosts things,”

“What, you’re gonna cry? What you’re gonna do now huh? Cry it out to your dead friends?”

“Oh my, your son can talk to...dead beings…”

“Yes, and I’m planning on leaving the kingdom and him behind, he’s so lazy too so I don’t think I need him anymore,”

“I hope you have fun talking to yourself,”

“When he reaches the age of 13, I’ll leave him behind with the house. It’s his now and his other...friends,”

“I hate you, we all hate you, don’t even think of coming here again,”

“Don’t you-”

His mind got cut off when he felt a painful punch to his guts as he let out a scream in pain and kneel down, clutching his stomach. The soul that was next to him flinched and it’s face contorted into fear.

He looks up at you, glaring at him with tears staining your eyes,

Wait.

Before he can process his thoughts, you embrace him into a hug as you hold him tightly as if he’ll go away. He just stayed there, letting you engulfing him into the hug as his hands released his stomach.

Twitching a bit as he hugs you back, slowly gripping on your coat hardly while fighting back the tears that’s about to spill out. Unfortunately, you let go of the hug but then make eye contact with him.

Your tears stained eyes stared into his glossy ones before you opened your mouth,

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I could’ve just forgive everything you had done all those times,”

His breath hitched at the close proximity between you two. But he felt like he’s at home, a better one, “I’m...afraid that you’ll try to avoid me when I admit that-”

“Stop it stupid, I won’t avoid you for that. I was actually looking for you,”

Looking, for him? Suna watches you wiping the tears that fell down and continued, “I heard about that one person in the kingdom from an old friend of mine, they said that this person live in the same town as me,”

“I was, really intrigued that there’s actually someone that can talk and touch souls, I tried doing it on my own but failed every time, that’s why I was trying to find someone like that, to say that I think they’re incredible for something a mere person can’t do. But then again, I thought that, maybe they’re having a hard time trying to fit in by their unique trait, being an...outcast,”

An outcast huh? He had heard that name for him a lot of times,

“I personally don’t think that THAT person was an outcast just because they’re different from the others. I think that they’re special, they deserved better, they deserve every love they can get and yet…”

You bite your lips, “They still treat them differently. It’s not fair and will never be. So I tried searching for that person all around the kingdom when I was still in the age of 12, but I couldn’t find them,”

“But I did now, but I didn’t think that it would be you…”

What’re you trying to show him right now? Pity? Amazement? He didn’t know, your eyes just showing too many emotions at a time yet, he can still understand it.

And he thought, how should he react? After what you said just now, maybe he know what,

“What I wanted to say is that…”

You scoffed, but not in a hateful way like you always done and with a smile,

“You’re amazing Rintarou, and will always be. You’re never an outcast, cause you’re just the same like all of us, only…more special,”

Suna can feel your hand caressing his cheeks as he unconsciously let out a tear slide down. Your tears started spilling again as you hiccuped, trying to steady your breathing and brain,

“And, I’m sorry...for everything I have done to you, I’m...hah...so stupid…”

You let out a shaky laugh as the brunette hesitantly put a hand on the back of your head, letting you rest on top of his chest while he lay down on the floor. The souls surrounded you two in curiosity but you both paid it no mind and just enjoying each other presence,

“You’re not stupid, you never are. What you did to me all those months, was not stupid, but resonable,”

He bite the inside of his cheeks and let out a weak smile,

“And I had forgiven you a long time ago,”

And now, the only thing filling in the library is silence and the sound of both of your breathing, peaceful and unbothered.

You walked out from the dressing room and buttoned up your white collar shirt, fixing the jetblack coat you're wearing before looking around,

“Hey, has anyone seen my tie?”

“Oh, here!”

You turned to your right and smiled at Akaashi, taking the tie from his hands. You loosened up the zip and put it around your collar before zipping it back up, nice and tight.

Flattening it a bit before looking at your appearance on the mirror, “You already look dazzling, [y/n]. No need to pose in front of the mirror,”

“Oh shut up will you,”

You playfully yelled at Mai, who’s wearing the same kind of outfit like yours but with a knee length skirt.

Today’s the day, the time for your graduation. After a max time of 6 years surviving the academy, you’ve finally made it to graduation. It all felt so fast now that you think about it,

All those memories from the first day to the last day of the exam and now, here you are. And you’re going to admit that, it’s really hard not to feel emotional, after all that time spent with your friends and...lover.

You shake your head at that title, blushing a bit as you can feel a slight tap to your shoulder. You turned around to see none other than Suna,

“[y/n], help me put on this tie,”

“Why can’t you just put it on yourself?”

“I can’t tie a tie,”

You snorted, “Did you seriously just say a pun?” he shrugged, “Maybe,”

A sigh escaped from your lips as you took the tie from his hands and started tying it around his collar. And from the corner of your eyes, you can literally see Akaashi smirking at you along with the other 2nd years, who’s now seniors of the academy,

“Woah, Rin, didn’t know you’re the advantage taker type,”

“Yeah, are ya up to something Suna~?”

Both Atsumu and Komori snickered as the latter sigh, rolling his eyes in annoyance but you can definitely see the slight pink on his cheeks.

You finished tying his tie and patted it lightly, “There,” “Thanks,” “Anytime,”

“Haha, aren’t you two gonna kiss or something?” Ginjima pried in at the two of you, before almost everyone inside the room laughed with Suna’s cheeks turning red as he walks away to cover his face away from the crowd,

“We’re graduating now, aren’t we?”

You then looked at Eri as you two sit on the chair next to each other, Mai joining in to your other side, “It certainly is, I honestly can’t believe that 6 years had passed since we first started arriving here,”

“True, and I did remember the time Eri first arrived during our 3rd year, she’s so cute and shy~”

Eri blushed and huffed at Mai, who giggled at the noirette cute pout. You laughed along with them, watching Tanaka and Noya pestering Suna to tell them what’s going on between you two.

Ginjima and Atsumu join in on them, talking almost too loudly and you can tell that the teachers that’s out from backstage can hear them too.

Komori just watches them while his cousin just rolls his eyes at their antics, Osamu’s struggling to put on his tie as Ennoshita helped him out with it.

Kyoutani is actually having a relaxed conversation with Aone, which seemed very odd but very interesting to look at. Kenma’s just cramped up at the corner of the room with Fukunaga sitting comfortably next to him.

Yamamoto’s now joining in the Suna banter and you swear that the room gets noisier and noisier, much to Sakusa and Kenma’s dismay. Taichi and Shirabu are going through the script since both of them are going to give a speech later for the whole class.

And the others seemed to fix their appearance and clothes. You sighed, a small smile creeping up on your face. This all feels so nostalgic and heartwarming and you can’t help but feel pained that all of you had to separate from each other.

And it honestly felt like you have done wrong to them now that you reminisce the memories all at once. In a second, you clapped your hands loudly as it takes the attention of the whole room, their eyes and attention are now at you.

You missed this. You've been assigned to be the class monitor in the 4th year of the academy and they’ll always put their attention on you when you do this. You cleared your throat before opening your mouth, smiling as wide as you can,

“Now, that I have your attentions, I think I should make the last class meeting,”

Class meeting. It’s when all of you discuss anything regarding the class situation whether it’s about the exam or the class condition or upcoming events.

And the event now is to say goodbye to each other,

“First off, I wanted to say that, I’m sorry,”

All of them flinched at your words with surprise lacing their facial features as you continued, “I may haven’t realized it yet during our academy years but I think I’ve done at least something bad to every one of you, no matter how small or big it is, I do think it’s my responsibility to apologize, and I hope you all can forgive me,”

Then, you shrugged, “Or not, I don’t mind being someone you hate, you know,”

Your eyes caughted Suna as he did nothing but stare at you with disbelief, as if you said something terribly strange, “What’re ya saying, you never did anything wrong to us, [y/n],”

Atsumu started, having a frown on his face as you chuckled at his expression, “Maybe, but I just think that, since this is the last time we’re gonna be with each other, I think it’s best for me to apologize, even if I did nothing wrong, so, again,”

You bowed in front of all of them before sitting straight on your seat with a smile,

“I’m sorry for all the trouble I had done,”

Suddenly, you feel a heavy weight crashed into you as you widen your eyes at the impact and see who it was,

Suna Rintarou.

“Stop apologizing, stupid,”

Ah, the old name that you addressed him in. It felt nostalgic for a moment, and a little ironic. Because you remember doing this to him back when you still hate him,

The man you once hated.

“WHY’RE YOU GUYS ARE BEING SO EMOTIONAL THIS EARLY?? I CAN’T-”

Yamamoto cut off his own sentences and ran towards yours and Suna’s direction and hugged you two. And then one by one, everyone else inside the room started hugging you and started forming a group of hugs.

It takes a while for Fukunaga, Taichi and Aone to pester Kenma, Shirabu and Kyoutani to hug you but they did. Cause they also think you did nothing wrong and doesn’t need to apologize,

Is now the man you cared for dearly.

“Has everyone finished changing into grad clothes?”

You heard your homeroom teacher say from the outside of the backstage as all of you let go of the hug before looking at you, every single one of them while having a small smile on their face.

A quiet sigh escaped your lips as you wipes out the tears that had fallen before mirroring their smiles back,

“Let’s go,”

“And I hope…”

Shirabu stopped in his reading, steading his breath a bit as his eyes started watering, much to his dismay and continued on quietly and shakily,

“...we all can meet again in the nearest future,”

Everyone clapped their hands loudly as Taichi hugged Shirabu while guiding him back to the bench. You can see everyone you had met before, from the teachers of the whole academy, a few retired teachers that make it to the ceremony, to the old 6th years who were once your seniors and all of your juniors from 5th year.

They’re all here, to celebrate all of your 6 years of being here together. You bite back the tears but it’s no use as it falls down on it’s own.

Bokuto and Konoha cheered from their seats while Washio just lightly clapped his hand along with Yukie and Kaori. Miss Mochizuki, who’s sitting next to you all too clapped her hands while fanning herself from the tears that escaped.

The principal, too, is clapping his hands and even shows a small smile on his face no matter how strict he is. It all felt so heartwarming but it doesn’t stop the pain in your heart that you’ll be separating after this and going back home…

‘Going back home…’ that mere thought echoed through Suna’s head as he can feel like he’s the only one there, in the darkness. His mouth is turned into a straight line as his thought was suddenly interrupted by Atsumu, who’s now sobbing while leaning against his shoulder,

“Sunaaaaa, I’ll miss you! Don’t forget me okay??”

“Geez, yeah I won’t,” he hiccuped, “forget you, idiot,”

“Yeah, do you even think he would do that?” Ginjima said on his right, wiping away his tears and putting on a small smile while biting his lips, “Of course you won’t right?”

The brunette laughed before hugging them, along with Osamu whose breath is ragged from the excessive crying he did,

“It’s hard to forget you all anyway, so I won’t, we’ll see each other again, and that’s a promise,”

He patted their backs as his eyes wandered around the crowd to his classmates, and friends from other classes and then,

Suna caught your eyes, staring at him back. Both of you give each other a smile and nodded,

That’s a promise.

The sound of the train engine can be heard miles away as Suna covered his ears at the loud sound, chewing his cake. They packed some of the food from the graduation party to be eaten inside the train since it’s going to be a long ride before they separate at the main town hall.

Smokes came up from the top as the conductor gave them a welcoming smile, hearing the news of the graduation while briefly congratulating all of them.

You nodded, thanking the conductor before he went back to his spot to let all of you come aboard. Kenma’s the first to go up the staircase as he picked a comfortable spot near the seat railing.

And then, one by one, the others started climbing up the staircase, some of them holding the railing for support until it’s your turn to climb up but stopped near the doorframe of the train.

You look down, making eye contact yet again with Suna before holding your hand out. He briefly snorted and gladly took in as he started going inside the train too. As Eri and Mai finally got into the train, they closed the door before tapping the walls of the it.

The conductor understands the signal and lets out the horn sound coming from the train before starting the journey back to the main town, away from the academy and near to home.

You’re seated comfortably next to the seat railing with Suna next to you. And apparently, only you two. You glared at Atsumu and Osamu when they smirked at you but then your attention at them got cut off,

“So you’re going back home now?”

Suna asked, biting the last bits of his cake before closing his food container and putting it inside his bag,

“Yeah, I had one of the seniors to build me a place to stay when I get back home thankfully,”

“Is that so,”

Then, it’s just silence between you too as you started opening your mouth again,

“Do you want to come with me?”

He froze at that and looks at you with a bewildered look while you just smile at him, “I mean, if you’re comfortable staying with me, it’s fine if you decline-”

“Yeah sure,”

You blinked at his quick response and just sighed, “That’s good,” You fidgeted with your fingers while still holding onto your graduation paper, softening the hard edges before a tap to shoulder breaks you out of your thoughts,

“Hey, [y/n],”

��Yes Suna?”

His breath hitched when he heard you calling his name again, it never gets old and it always make his heart beating a lot louder, “Come closer, there’s something I need to tell you,”

You stare at him for a bit with curiosity, leaning in to his face as the gap between you two is almost non-existent. You hummed, asking what he’s going to say.

And in between that moment, Suna holds up his graduation paper to cover both of your faces and close the gap between his lips and yours. You squealed slightly in the kiss, blushing heavily at the action and just like that, he pulled away with an affectionate smile and red cheeks on his facial features,

“I love you,”

[pinky-the-elephant-room]

Passion Week

AN:  I wrote this crackish Tamaki smut prompt for @liliesoftherain​ and I’s server Dessert May prompts. Did anyone ask for this? No. Did I enjoy torturing poor Tamaki? Yes. Did I possibly bully my entire server to do this prompt so I have a reason to write this? Maybe. I haven’t completely edited this yet, will continue to edit it throughout the day. So excuse the typos and point them out in comments if you notice anything. 

Warning: Explicit smut involving handjob and a blowjob between Fem Reader and Tamaki.

Read the rest of the prompts: Here

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Tamaki admired Mirio immensely. The thing he admired about him the most, was the fact Mirio was able to approach anyone and befriend them in a couple of minutes. Or at least remain acquaintances and be on friendly terms with them. Unfortunately for Tamaki it was the complete opposite. He could barely utter a few sentences to someone he didn’t know personally. That was the reason he managed to have only one best friend since elementary school. Furthermore, Tamaki didn’t befriend Nejire until high school. It was kind of sad to be honest and he severely wished he could emulate Mirio.

He wanted to be able to chat with his classmates about the newest video game or even about the weather if he could manage it. But Tamaki couldn’t muster the courage, and neither would any of them approach him. Apparently, being one of the big three meant that you were off limits and intimidating. Even though all of them saw him blushing and crouching against the nearest wall, they still stayed away.

However, recently since gaining his courage and fighting villains, gave him the courage to want to change himself. Tamaki was finally going to befriend people. Well, other than Mirio, Neijire, and did Kirishima count?

Tamaki took a deep breath to settle the anxiety bubbling in stomach. Yes, he was going to approach someone first and talk to them! He had even written down a few topics to talk about on his notecard. He was ready to take that step!

Tamaki looked up to see a group of his classmates leaving. Releasing a shuddering breath, he left go of his tight grip on his desk. Showtime.

Tamaki slipped his backpack on and got ready to leave. He followed the group of boys behind them, his plan was to interrupt and ask them if he could join. Being their classmate hopefully they would say yes.

“Uwaa, Ren-kun you bought the newest issue? How was it?” A boy with brown spikey hair named Seiji asked.

“It was really amazing, worth every yen. I had to hide it from my parents, but I managed it.” Ren stated smugly.

All the boys uttered expressions of amazements. “Sugeiii!”

Tamaki from behind wanted to ask what they were talking about as he opened his mouth only to hesitate horribly and squeak.

The boys fortunately didn’t hear that and kept walking.

“I don’t have enough courage to even step in front of the cashier with that!”

Ren put his arm around his friend Seiji. “Don’t worry I gotchu. I’ll let you borrow it!”

Immediately everyone else erupted, asking for Ren to also borrow who only laughed smugly.

The boys walked away in a hurry, leaving behind a terrified and disappointed Tamaki.

He sighed sadly and knew that he would fail eventually, but at least he tried. So, Tamaki trudged home, his failure weighing on him heavily.

The sunny day contrasting tremendously with his current mood, he was about to cross the street when he noticed a bookstore.

The boys were talking about the newest issue, so maybe he could buy and read it! Hopefully finish it by tomorrow and have something to talk about when he got to school.

Feeling much happier about his revised plan, Tamaki strolled in and wandered for a few minutes before he found the manga they were talking about. It was a pink and orange cover with the words “Passion Week” splashed in lime green. That was a weird name for a shounen manga, but Tamaki shrugged. He hadn’t read a manga for a couple years now so maybe that was the trend nowadays?

He waited in line patiently before it was his turn. Stuttering his way through the greeting to the cashier, he quickly put down the manga.

The cashier picked up the merchandise and froze. He eyed Tamaki suspiciously and shot him a judgmental look.

Tamaki blushed heavily and quickly laid down some yen, murmuring for them to keep the change and quickly ran out of the bookstore.

That was weird, he couldn’t help but think. Maybe he looked suspicious or the cashier recognized him as an intern for Fatgum?

Trying not to let it get to him too much otherwise he could spend hours being paranoid about what happened.

Tamaki waited till he got home and settled. Taking care to get undressed and munched on a snack before he grabbed the manga to begin reading. The beginning was pretty soothing, it was a love story between childhood friends. He liked how innocent the vibe was, it kind of felt like a slice of life. Way different than the shounen manga he figured the boys liked. Then a few pages later the vibe started getting different, Tamaki felt his eyebrow furrow. Huh, maybe it was a mix between a mystery and a slice of life? He skipped a few pages to see where the plot was heading and shortly felt his face explode in a plethora of color. Tamaki could feel his eyes swirling and steaming blowing out of his ears.

Oh no. This wasn’t a shounen manga. Or a slice of life. Not even in the slightest. Tamaki squeaked and threw the comic from him as far as humanly possible.

He didn’t know it was possible for girls to put that in their mouths!! Tamaki gulped as he tried to process what his naked eyes had just seen. The manga was porn. His classmates were talking about reading p-o-r-n!!!

No wonder the cashier gave him such a weird look, there was no way he could step into that store ever again! He covered his face with his hands and let out a low groan. He just wanted to befriend his classmates why was this so hard??! Tamaki gave up, he wasn’t going to discuss porn with his classmates even if they became best friends for life. He was satisfied with Mirio who he was sure had never seen a naked girl. Nor did he read porn well as far as Tamaki knew.

He threw a look at the cursed manga he threw across his room. Now what was he doing to do with that?

 A week later~

Y/N cheerfully skipped and hummed under her breath as she followed Mirio. The two of them were classmates in Class 3-B and since the first day of class somehow ended up sharing lunch with Nejire-chan and Amajiki-kun.

Today was an especially amazing day because she bought another set of desserts from the foreign bakery that opened up nearby. It was incredible, there were so many Italian sweets, the likes of which she had never seen before. Just yesterday she tried a Panforte and moaned as the nutty and fruity flavor exploded in her mouth. It was destiny! Y/N was in love with the quaint Italian bakery and she made sure to promise herself to pick a different pastry for lunch every day.

Y/N waved at Nejire-chan who was excitedly doing the same, almost falling off the bench in her endeavor.

“Y/N-chan! Did you grab something else today too?” Nejire asked excitedly. Y/N imagined a tail wagging behind her.

She nodded in affirmation and turned to greet the shy, pointy eared boy.

“Amajiki-kun! How are you?” The boy merely turned his head away, blushing deeply as he mumbled a response.

Y/N smiled patiently at him. He had always been like that with her. At first, she thought he hated her, but after talking with both Mirio and Nejire-chan they both reassured her that wasn’t the case and he was merely shy with strangers. So, she let it go and waited enduringly. Y/N hoped one day they could be good friends.

Mirio collapsed next to her and opened his large bento to start wolfing it down.

Y/N opened her own that her oka-san prepared for her and also took out the neatly packed bakery sweets. They were adorably wrapped in bows. Nejire-chan cooed at the sight.

“I bought something called Cannolis today! These are filled with sweet cream and some chocolate chips,” Y/N explained showing the tube-shaped shells.

Neijire was about to take one for herself before her hand got slapped by Y/N.

“Eat your bento first,” she said strictly.

Nejire pouted and settled down the bench before taking up wooden chopsticks and forlornly ate her lunch.

The four of them settled into a comfortable silence with only Mirio eagerly breaking it, talking about his exciting internship with Sir Nighteye.

“He seems strict at first, but really you just need to make him laugh to break the ice is what I told Izuku! I hope Sir Nighteye can see Izuku for who he is soon,” Mirio said.

Y/N nodded absentmindedly, Mirio had told them this story like 10 times this week. It was getting kind of boring, but the trio didn’t have it in them to tell their excited friend the truth.

Soon enough everyone finished their bentos, except for Nejire who set aside the rest of her plain rice, too excited for the dessert.

Y/N passed one to Mirio, who took a huge chomp and with his full, puffy cheeks managed to mumble out a “thanks.” She giggled at her silly friend before offering one to Nejire-chan. And finally, to her shy friend who with rosy cheeks, quickly bowed to her in thanks.

She took one for herself and took a tentative bite. The cream was really sugary, but the doughy bread mixed well, and the chocolate chips provided a slight bitter taste. The heaven in her mouth made her slightly orgasmic as she relished with joy. Y/N took another bite and moaned at the flavors in her mouth. Seriously, that bakery was top notch! She exchanged a delight look with Nejire who also was enthusiastically finishing her own treat, with cream covering the corners of her mouth.

Unknown to either of the girls, Tamaki had frozen in his seat. His hand was suspended in midair as he stared fixedly at Y/N’s face. The moan, the cream, and the flush of her cheeks resembled way too much what he had read in Passion Week! Ever since that awful week, Tamaki noticed things he normally wouldn’t have. Especially things regarding Y/N, like how pouty her lips were or how she seemed to bite her lips often.

Tamaki flushed red as blood flowed down to an entirely inappropriate place. When Y/N let out another girlish sigh, he stiffened and jumped out of his seat. He could no longer hide how excited he was and so he quickly covered his front with his school uniform. Tamaki dashed away from the scene, humiliated beyond belief.

Y/N turned to her friends, who looked just as baffled as her at Amajiki-kun’s behavior.

“The pastry wasn’t that bad was it guys?”

 A week later:

Y/N scowled while she stared at the bench. It had been a week since Amajiki-kun last ate with them. Ever since that day where he strangely ran away, Amajiki-kun refused to eat with them. Y/N felt distressed, she didn’t realize how much she would miss her shy friend. His silent but supportive presence was a much-needed reprieve from Mirio and Nejire’s chan hyper and exuberant companies.

Moreover Amajiki-kun interacted with Nejire and Mirio frequently, but he was extensively avoiding Y/N more than he usually did. Sure, he blushed heavily, rarely spoke, and stuttered whenever he attempted to talk to her, but at least he didn’t run away at the sight of her. Y/N didn’t know what she did for him to be so upset at her. Both of her other friends told her to wait it out, they were sure Tamaki would get over whatever that was bothering him. But Y/N wasn’t so sure, she was convinced he hated her. Her lip quivered and she felt the urge to cry.

Y/N jumped when she felt a touch on her shoulder. She turned around to see Nejire-chan looking sympathetically at her.

“if it’s bothering you so much go talk to him!”

“But you said to wait it out,” Y/N said confused.

“I know! But both of you are driving me nuts so go fix it right now,” she said cheerfully.

Y/N smiled wryly at her friend and sighed.

“Fine, I will go. Don’t get your hopes up though. I doubt we will even talk before he runs away again.”

Y/N trudged though U.A. looking for the sight of the pointed ear boy and found him tucked away in the obscure parts on the grounds of U.A.

She approached slowly and quietly, trying not to spook him before they got to talk. He finally noticed her when she stepped in front of him and he peeked at her nervously through his navy hair.

“Hi, Amajiki-kun. Do you mind if we talk? I have something to ask you.”

He shook his head and scooted over so she could sit on the grass next to him.

She began right away, not wasting time. “So, I’ve noticed this past week. You’ve been avoiding us or specifically me. I don’t know what I’ve done to make you upset and I’m really sorry. Please don’t be mad,” she began, her eyes started getting watery, her voice getting more and more emotional.

“I just want to be friends again. I want to eat with you again. Please, come back,” Y/N choked out.

Tamaki jumped hearing the emotional plea, he looked at her in horror. He didn’t want to make her cry! God, he was an awful friend.

“No! I-It wasn’t your fault,” he replied quietly. “It’s mine.” She sniffed and calmed herself.

Y/N looked at him confusingly. “What do you mean?”

He hesitated for a couple of minutes, unable to make up his mind whether to come clean to her.

“I promise I won’t judge. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

He nodded. “I read something that was bad. Now I can’t get it out of my mind, and I see it everywhere. And you eating cannolis reminded me of what I read.”

Y/N cocked her head to the side. “What was so bad about it? And why did cannolis remind you of that?”

Tamaki whimpered as his face became flushed and he buried his face in his hands.

“Because i-it was meant for adults! I didn’t mean to and it was by accident. I bought the wrong book and the character put something in her mouth from the male character. It looked like a cannoli!” he managed to get out between smushing his face in his hands.

Y/N’s face twisted as she tried to decipher his words. What was so bad about a book? Then it hit her. It was for adults and it was shaped like a cannoli which resembled a body part. Oh. Oh.

Her own body started flushing. “You read a hentai??!” she exclaimed.

Tamaki let out a sound that sounded like a dying animal and curled himself even more.

Y/N immediately backpedaled, “noooo! It’s not a bad thing. It’s completely normal to be curious. I’m sure a lot of boys our age do! Heck, I’m pretty sure even girls do so please don’t be embarrassed.”

Tamaki peeked from behind his fingers at her. “Really?”

She eagerly nodded. “You should ask Mirio! I wouldn’t be surprised if he does too!”

Tamaki froze at that statement. Oh god, he never wanted to know if his best friend did.

“So, why did you run away? Even if you read that it doesn’t explain why you’ve been avoiding me!”

Tamaki floundered for a minute, indecisive whether he should admit his guilt. He didn’t want to see Y/N’s lovely face with revulsion on it. Tamaki since he met her, thought she was unbelievably pretty, not like Nejire who was attractive in her own way. But rather beautiful in a way that made his heart pound.

“Because after I saw you, I got too excited. I didn’t want you to be disgusted and hate me,” he whispered, admitting his shame.

Y/N perked up, excited? There was always a part of her that found her friend attractive and cute. She wanted to get to know him better, but it was obvious to her Amajiki-kun didn’t need a girlfriend but rather a friend. So, she shoved that part of her far away and settled for giving him his space. Y/N wanted Amajiki-kun to be comfortable around her and she couldn’t do that if she was always flirting and embarrassing him.  

She scooted closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I wouldn’t hate you for something like that. In fact, I have a solution if you’re willing to hear it.”

Tamaki straightened up and removed the hands on his face. She wasn’t mad? She didn’t hate him? Everything about this was way too good to be true.

“A solution? Like what?” he croaked out

She slid her hand from his shoulder all the way to his hand and squeezed it.

“Every time you feel excited, I wouldn’t mind helping you out,” she said softly.

Tamaki shocked beyond his words, could only numbly nod. He let out a squeak when he felt her hands started raking down his chest.

“Relax… Let me take care of you.”

Y/N as she teased her way down his body, felt the muscles underneath his shirt twitch and flex. Meanwhile, she removed his uniform jacket with the other hand. Tamaki felt his breaths get heavy with excitement, his ears and neck both were flushed red. He couldn’t believe what was happening, he honestly thought Y/N wouldn’t speak to him again! Her hands finally made it to his pants, he let out a whine when her hand pulled down the zipper.

Y/N jerked his pants down and dipped her hands to feel his cock. It took a few pumps before the member got engorged with blood, throbbing with heat. Y/N felt herself salivate, he was the perfect size, not too large and not too small. It was too bad Y/N couldn’t just swing her leg over and mount him like she wanted. But perhaps she could find an excuse to get him alone in her dorm room later. Tamaki whimpered with need when he felt her swipe her thumb across his weeping head.

God, he couldn’t do this. Tamaki could feel himself panic, he needed to hide. This was way too embarrassing, he looked side to side trying to find a way to escape. He choked out a groan when Y/N started a fast rhythm, pumping his cock in a way that made him dizzy. Tamaki slumped and rested his forehead on Y/N’s neck.

She could feel his hefty, hot breaths on her skin. The only other sounds that filtered out was the sound of fast, slick skin sliding and the occasional cry that erupted out of Tamaki who couldn’t suppress it any longer. Y/N stiffened when she felt his tongue flick out and accidently lick her neck. Tamaki for his part was trying to maintain composure and nervously licked his dry and chapped lips. She let go of his shaft and spit a wad of saliva on her hand before resuming her fast rhythm.

Tamaki bucked his hips into her hand, a crescendo of wails spewed out of his mouth. His eyes started tearing up, he sobbed out his pleas, asking for what he didn’t know. She could see the telltale signs that he was close, and so she shrugged him off her before bending down low. Tamaki blinked through his wet lashes to see why his safe place was gone, only to clench his eyes shut as he felt a warm and wet tongue close around his cock. Y/N hallowed her cheeks as she sucked the bulbous head and finally felt him explode. He gasped out and writhed in his spot as pleasure coursed throughout his body. His legs shook and his dick gushed out an excess of warm cum.

Y/N kept swallowing in a rush, trying to down the overflow. Still despite her vigilance, some spilled out as he kept cumming. Finally, his member twitched one last time before she licked it clean and straightened up. Y/N wiped the cum on her face before she looked at Tamaki in the eyes and made a show of licking it clean.

“It’s tasty and sweet. You should definitely let me do this more often,” she teased him.

Tamaki felt his eyes widen and became speechless at her cheek.

Y/N helped to tuck himself back in and made him look presentable before standing up and stretching her cramped legs.

“Come on, I think there’s still time to join Nejire-chan and Mirio. Let’s go eat lunch.”

He nodded and put his jacket back on. Just as Y/N was about to turn away, he grabbed the back of her shirt and pulled.

She looked back at him and shot him a questioning look.

“I want you to call me, T-tamaki,” he whispered.

Y/N shot him a warm smile and grabbed his hands.

“Ok, let’s go, Tamaki-kun”

Mirio and Nejire both exchanged a look of glee when they saw their friends finally return with their hands interlocked and happiness prominent on their faces.

[yolo1650]

Animal Crossing One Shot- Your Love (ReddxReader)

Summary: After a stressful outing with your family, you decide to let loose and spend the rest of the night with your most recent hookup.

Word Count: 3170

Warnings: This one definitely is rated M for mature just to be safe, talk of sex, slightly smutty, angst, especially at the end, inappropriate drinking, mentions of drug use, two adults being bad examples, reckless behavior, has adult language, minors please do not read

This was inspired by the song “Your Love” by the Outfield. I also recommend you guys check out the PostModern Jukebox cover of the same song, the vibe really fits this fic’s atmosphere

——————————————————————————

Thankfully the streets were nearly empty around this time, which made the trip there quick and smooth. The street lights and buildings flew past you at accelerating speeds as you neared your destination.  

*ping*

You didn't even have to look at your phone to know who it was that texted you, or what it said. Knowing him, it was probably his usual smirking emoji, or an eggplant one if he was feeling particularly frisky today.  

Not that it mattered, because after what you had to go through earlier, you were honestly down for anything.  

It was only after stepping outside of your modest 2012 Honda Civic did you realize you forgot to change out of the clothes you wore to the party. The combined sale value of your outfit and the wine set in your hands had to equal at least triple the sale value of the car alone. Thankfully it was only two in the morning. So no one was around to witness you, the walking oxymoron, lock their rental car before walking across the street.

In all the months that you have done this, this would be the first night where you were reckless like this. You assured yourself that it would also be your last.

The door in front of you opened to a shirtless, grinning fox with a lit cigarette in hand. He was a little bit younger than any of your previous hookups. But you didn't mind, and the sex was definitely much more playful and addicting because of it. Perhaps that was why you found yourself standing in front of his door almost every week for the past three months.  

He whistled a low whistle.  

"You know if you wanted to go out and have dinner, you should have picked a more reasonable hour to meet me."

Trying your best, you repressed a bittersweet laugh. Dinner did sound nice. Then the two of you could remotely feel like a normal couple. Only, you weren't a normal couple. You quickly changed the subject by raising your hands, one which held a wine bottle, and another which held two wine glasses and a wine key.  

"No worries, I have all the dinner we need right here."

Handing him the bottle, you saw his eyes light up in intrigue and excitement.  

Redd never asked you to spend money on him and neither did you, as the two of you knew damn well that these meetings had to leave a paperless trail. If anything suspicious showed up on your credit card statement, your parents were sure to find out and it would be bad news for the both of you. It also did his ego some good too, as there was no way he could ever do better than this fancy bottle of wine.  

You only started bringing a complimentary drink this past month, all usually from your family's cellar. Not that Redd was complaining or anything. You were already one hell of a main course, why not spice it up with a nice little appetizer?  

So what was it this time? A deep, mature Merlot? A fun, fruity Pinot Noir? Maybe it was one of those simple and bold Chardonnay he liked so much last time. He put out his cigarette before turning the bottle over and examining its label.  

"Ahh, you know, I've always wanted to try-"  The length of the name alone was enough to stop him mid-sentence. "Mmm, sorry sugar, I can't accept any gifts with names I can't pronounce."

You chuckled and moved next to him to see for yourself. As you took the bottle from his hands, you gave no protest when he pulled you closer with his hand at your waist. You grinned at the sight of the familiar label.

"It's Pinot Noir," you explained. "More specifically, a Maison Leroy, 1989."  

Redd couldn't help but feel his heart flutter at the sight of that mischievous twinkle in your eyes.  

"My parents are so going to hate me when they find out that this is gone."

Your own eyes met with his own, which held an expression that made your heart stop.  

"Rough day, huh?" He asked.  

"You know it, handsome," you whispered into his ear. A pleasant shiver ran down his spine.  

As you went off to prepare the drinks in the tiny kitchenette he had, Redd closed the door and leaned against it. Usually the pet names were more or less his sort of thing. But every once and a while you would throw in a few of your own and every damn time, it would always drive him crazy. Everything about you drove him crazy. Your soft hair. Your lively eyes. Your amazing body. Your beautiful smile.  

Watching you open the bottle with a little pop, he felt something stir within him. A want to hold you closer than ever before and never let go. A desire to wake up with you curled against him, instead of seeing you walk out the door. A need to share with you his heart, his soul, and his everything.  

But the two of you weren't in that kind of relationship now, were you?

Still deep in thought, Redd didn't even see that you were already carrying your drinks to the bedroom.

You looked back to his piercing, half-lidded gaze and, after interpreting it for a lustful one, flashed a sly grin in return.  

"Well come on then, I didn't come here to be drunk and alone tonight."

To Redd, those words only confirmed what he already knew, that you were only here for a good time.  

~~~

One of the first lessons your parents taught you, as their only child and heir to one of the world's richest corporations, was to be very selective of who to trust. It wasn't until recently that you realized that anyone who gave that advice were the ones that should be distrusted the most.  

How ironic.  

It seemed like from that point on your entire life was defined by irony. You were the most alone when you were surrounded by your family. The deadbeat apartment of a stranger’s was more like home than the pristine mansion that you grew up in. Your most treasured memories were held within the cheap fabrics of a futon. And as you sat on top of the lap of a criminal, next to a half-empty bottle of wine, you swore you've never felt more safe than when he wrapped his arms around your waist.  

Your own arms have found the perfect spot on Redd's shoulders. It brought his face nice and close to your own, which not only made kissing his lips easy, but also his jaw and neck as well. Hot breaths tickled the inside of your ear, causing you to giggle uncontrollably.  

"Redd, you're so drunk," you said as you rested your forehead against his own. Your own words were just as jumbled as the nonsense you heard before. "Whaddjiya say?"

Looking at his flushed face, you watched as his lips curled into a lazy grin as he hummed. His eyes were half lidded and full of adoration. Being this close together, you were sure he could hear how fast your heart was beating.

You didn't even know Redd for very long, or really knew him at all for that matter, and yet with one look he was able to send your heart racing. Well, you knew he was an artist, not only well adept in the visual arts but the art of conning as well. But that never bothered you. You've known some family members who've done far worse, scamming people out of their own pride and disgust for the poor. Redd only scammed because he needed to, and that made him the most honest person that you've ever met.  

And the best part was that you could actually be yourself around him. Without the judgmental gaze of your family or their friends, there were no rules, no worries, no box to be squeezed into. It was just you and Redd, and he has never judged you once for it.  

He pecked your nose with a gentle kiss.  

"I said, ya look beautiful darling, being all dressed up like that and all."

Even after two full glasses, you still felt a new wave of heat rushing into your cheeks. You gave a small, strained smile before locking lips with him once again. The kiss, slow and full of longing.  

At first you liked seeing Redd a little bit drunk. He would get a little more cuddlier, and a little bit more direct with his flirting. With that, it was like you could pretend for just a few moments that you were more than just a hookup. But now it just made your heart throb as you were reminded of the events that brought you here in the first place.  

Pushing those feelings down a familiar one rose up on top. Cupping his face with your hands, you deepened the kiss as you adjusted yourself to sit right on top of his growing erection. As you moved your hips back and forth, Redd moaned underneath you. He moved his hands from your waist, down to grip you from behind, pushing you into him more. After breaking away, the two of you shared a moment of reprieve, as your breaths came out in short pants. You grinned a devilish smile before speaking.  

“While I’m glad you like the outfit, I was hoping you could rip it off me, sport.”

Redd flashed his canines, displaying a sinful glee of his own.  

“Feeling anything in particular today?” He asked.  

You leaned in and whispered hoarsely into his ear. “Just surprise me.”

A low growl came out of Redd's mouth as he pushed you down on top of the futon, making you giggle. You’ve seen Redd’s body on top of you like this dozens of times. But this time, there was a nervous fluttering inside you as his fingers skillfully undressed you. At first you just chalked it up to the excitement of having sex with him.  

But the butterfly sensation remained even as he deeply kissed you. His hands caressed your body, its touch was gentle, leaving every square inch aflame. When your eyes locked with his, the nerves came back stronger than ever, and deep down you knew the real answer. It left only one question in your mind:  

Was it possible to be in love with someone you barely knew?  

~~~

By now, Redd already knew all of your sexual preferences. Usually you liked it a little on the rough side, some days more than others, depending on how stressed out you were. On the occasion when you were in a really good mood, you'd like something more on the teasing side. Him on the other hand, well, he wouldn't say he really had a preference. He always enjoyed sex with you. It wasn't every day where he met someone who's stamina rivaled his own, and the challenge that provided was something Redd was always down for.  

But this time, your request was to "just surprise you," and at that moment he knew he wanted to do something new and different. While you were the same smart, confident and snarky person who walked into the bar and captured his interest months ago, things just felt different now.

Even though you never outright said much about yourself, you never really had to. Whatever you left unsaid you would say it ten times louder with your actions. He knew you came from good money, even your more modest clothes were well over how much he made in a year. But you've never acted like any other booshi he's known. No empty promises and pity looks, no flashy speech to protect your ego and to talk down scum like him. You didn't even bat an eye when he told you how he makes most of his money. In fact, he's never met anyone who yelled "fuck the rich" as loudly or as proudly as you.  

The two of you were kindred spirits. Left bitter by the betrayal of the world and yet still managed to find each other. Tonight was the night where he'd show you that, using his whole body to do it.  

At the end, only breathless gasps were uttered between you. Both of your cheeks were colored red, despite the alcohol having already left your systems. Your backs were leaned against the only pillow that he owned. You were the first one to speak.  

"I don't know if it was the Leroy that did it this time, but that was probably the best sex I've ever had."

Redd swung his arm around your shoulder and pulled you close. He looked at you with a prideful grin.  

"Oh yeah? Care to explain?"

That would have been the second time he's seen you blush like that tonight, like a spark of kitsunebi. Its beauty flashed briefly before disappearing once again, a trick in the light. Your eyes had trouble meeting his gaze. They constantly flitted back and forth between him and your lap as you struggled to find the words.

"If felt..."

Were you embarrassed? You, the one that openly admitted and pursued your alcoholic tendencies. You, the one who, after wrecking a bar because one sleaze couldn't take a hint, nonchalantly left a six figure check into the manager's hand and walked away. You, the one that shamelessly banged as many people as paintings he's forged. Unbelievable. Redd's smile only widened as he witnessed your tongue-tied condition. Eventually you sighed in defeat and turned away. Your answer was just barely above a whisper.

"...I don't know, just different. But in a good way."

He reached out and gently grabbed your chin, turning your face back to him. Your faces were close enough for a kiss. But really, he just wanted to get a good look at that flustered face, and damn did you look adorable. He could just stare at it all day.  

The words came tumbling out of him before he even knew it.  

"Is it crazy that I might be in love with you?"

For just an instant, he saw it. That look of dread, that face that someone made when everything went wrong. It left as quickly as it came because soon enough your hungry lips crashed into him, and he was reminded of the first night you were together. The kiss was forceful, not once giving him time to breathe. Before he knew it, you had him pushed against the wall with an arm on either side of his face. In the next second you had released your hold on his lips and looked down at him with half-lidded eyes.

"Yes," was your only response before crashing in on him again.  

Well, that certainly wasn't the answer he was expecting. He remained stiff and motionless underneath you, unsure how to respond. But the feeling of you on top of him was tempting, to just melt into your touch was too easy. He kissed you back. That look that he thought he saw earlier was probably just his imagination, and what you probably meant to say was that you liked crazy people. Good thing they called him Crazy Redd.

When you bit down on his lower lip, it sent small tingles of electrifying excitement between you two and he pulled you closer. It just felt so right to have you in his arms, he was sure you felt it too. Why else would you be on top of him right after he told you he loved you? As you traced teasing kisses down his stomach he could tell you were asking for a second round. His expectant gaze being the only confirmation you needed to keep going. Any fears he had before ceased to exist once he looked into your eyes, full of passion and confidence. He loved you, and deep down, he knew you loved him too.

Right?

Hearing Redd's soft snores next to you was your cue to start getting dressed. You tried your best to be quick and it wasn't because you were about to be late for work. Grabbing all of your things, including the Leroy, you head towards the door. But before you reached for the doorknob, you dared to turn back at Redd’s sleeping body.  

Even though you've seen his peaceful face countless time, every time, even now, it still felt like it was the first. You felt your heart swell along with the gentle rise and fall of his chest as you walked closer. Looking down, you tried your best to memorize every square inch of his serene face, its slender shape, a cute, twitchy nose, high cheekbones and thin eyebrows, You were even close enough to place a kiss right between those eyebrows. It wasn’t like he was going to wake up, especially after last night. Just a sweet little kiss goodbye before you ever saw him again.  

You breath hitched and you pulled yourself away from his face, suddenly remembering yourself. As you made your way back to the door, you tilted your head back, taking a few gulps of last night’s wine. You urged yourself forward. Redd’s face wouldn’t look so sweet if you stayed any longer. You imagined his fine eyebrows, strained as they knit together in anguish, his bright eyes now simmering embers, and his lips sealed tight into an uncharacteristic frown. Stealing one last glance at the Redd behind you was like comparing day and night. You were doing yourself a favor by having your last memory of Redd’s face be this one, and not the one you’ve been fearing all night.

Finishing up the last of the wine, you left the apartment as the memory Redd's confession last night replayed in your head. If Redd was crazy for just loving you, you had to be downright mental to be driving away like this.

As you bit your lip and clenched your shaking hands onto the steering wheel, you deeply wished the ache in your chest would go away. You wished he didn’t confess to you tonight, of all nights. You wished you didn't go to that party with your family before coming here. You wished you had the choice to just be happy, because in just a few months you were going to marry someone you could never love. The only one you did love you've just left alone in his futon, and you were never going to see him ever again.  

After getting on the highway, you weren't sure whether to feel surprised, agitated or indifferent when you felt hot tears prickle at the corners of your eyes. You swallowed a hard lump in your throat. Unfortunately you’ve just finished whatever alcohol you had on you and your Vicodin was in the other car. Your only condolence was the fact that there was always more time to cry in the shower after you got home.

——————————————————————————

Kitsunebi-also commonly known as foxfire. Used in folklore as a means to lead travelers astray

Ohhhhh booyyyyyyy. I told ya’ll this one was going to be a doozy. 

But also, wow! My first (kind of) songfic! I decided to leave out the lyrics throughout the fic, it just messed up with the flow too much. Especially since I added so much background info, the reader here is just half a step away from being a full fledged oc XD

If you liked reading things like these, I’d recommend Friends with Benefits (a Hetalia fic), by YourHero213 on Wattpad. (It actually has a happy ending lol)

If you’re looking for something with more substance, more unrequited feelings and more romantic tension, I’d highly recommend I’m a Fool to Want You (a Hazbin Hotel fic) by DisneyFanatic2364. I’ve linked the one on AO3, but it’s on fanfction.net as well. 

Both of these writers are a big inspiration for my own writing. So I hope you can show them some love too!

Let me know what you guys think, constructive criticism is especially welcome here :D

-(･ω･)v

[acommonloon]

TL;DR

about last night's mperfect ending. After stops at three Louisville venues, each more fun than the last, we decided to get a nightcap in New Albany. We didn't manage to get a drink at any of four stops in that sleepy town but we did witness a police officer chasing a black man down the side of State Street. Still watching for a news report.

Alternately a night for Morgans

_____________________________________________________________

D's niece's husband, J, is a sweet guy. He has almost no family of his own living in the area and his own family unit consists of an unruly teen (not his) a precocious 6 year old and 3 year old twins. It's a lot.

With that in mind, I always wait for him to contact me and he always earns his kitchen passes so when he texted me he had a free night out I was glad to hang with him. I only asked if he had a curfew. No sir. He's nearing 40 and regularly admits he wishes he could more often frequent the places D and I do, meaning bars and restaurants. I remember those days when self came last.

Our 1st stop was World of Beer. With 50+ taps and hundreds of bottles and cans sitting in glass front coolers directly across from the bar, it's one of my go to spots. J immediately set about building a flight of five small pours while I took my time picking one or two low gravity beers to sip since I was driving. They had two bartenders on this Wednesday night, Morgan was ours and our service was prompt and friendly. By the time we finished a plate of tots, loaded with melted cheese and fresh jalapeno slices I had our plan.

I hadn't been to Commonwealth Tap since before 2020. This small wine bar is in a movie set sort of town called Norton Commons. Think "The Truman Show." The houses were all built over a small number of years and though they are comprised of many different styles, with no two near each other being the same, they are on the same size lots and there is no variety in terms of weathering or decoration. Everything to plan. Unreal. Creepy.

I glanced at the wine list on a chalkboard noticing a Turley Zin at $18 and a Cotes de Rhone at $8. When the bartender asked what I wanted, I said, "Talk me out of the Turley and into the Cotes. He hesitated for a second and I said, "I want something minerally, earthy, not fruity." Like a Beaujolais Morgon or an Italian grown on the side of a volcano. Before he could reply, a guy sitting at the bar said we don't have that on tap. The Cotes is your best option and the bartender handed me a generous taste saying, try that.

I took the glass all the while evaluating the man who'd spoken up. He'd said "we" don't have that. He was alone at the bar except for us. I doubted he was just a bold regular, maybe drunk, who felt everyone benefited from his opinion, he wasn't drunk. Then he stood up and walked over the the wine racks. His search was one of familiarity and he pulled a bottle and sat it down on the bar next to me. Was he an employee or maybe a distributor on good terms with the staff? Then he began talking about the wine, about his many trips to France, and I suddenly I knew. "You're an owner here aren't you?"

He laughed and admitted he was. He introduced himself, Neal Morgan and for the next 40 mins or so he told us about himself and the bar. He told us about his wife, a pediatrician who worked for 20 years in Indiana and he went so far as to describe his Scottish heritage along with his general thinking about wines. When he said he was going a friend's house for a pizza party, I thought he was about to leave. Then he said he was going to take a kick ass wine but first he wanted me to taste it. It was a California pinot noir priced at $30 more than the first bottle he'd put down on the bar. It was fantastic! He gave us tasting notes and I admitted I couldn't perceive half of what he reeled off. I said he spoke like a sommelier and he laughed again and said he claimed he had a better palate than Kenny, the sommelier who worked for him. He thanked us for coming in and seemed sincere. When he left, J looked at me and said, "That was amazing." I laughed and said it was a Wednesday at a bar.

Before we left, I asked Rainha to make me a Penicillin and we talked about Scotch. She related how she introduced her brother to Scotch and now that's all he drank. We talked about how things were during the shutdown and I told her about a new place I'd been the previous Saturday. Outside, J exclaimed this was just the best time! He said he'd never be able to talk staff like that, let alone the owner. I said talking to industry people was one of my favorite things. They are so interesting and I think they find it refreshing when someone at the bar wants to hear about them instead of wanting to talk about themselves. Then I said, I know where we'll go next. Maybe Stephen is working.

Our next stop was at Cuvee Wine Table and Stephen greeted me at the door with a huge "Shane!" and a hug. If J was impressed with Commonwealth, I thought he should fasten his seatbelt. Stephen is a trip. Except, Stephen exclaimed I'm on this side of the bar now! To my quizzical look, he said he was the manager now. Amidst introductions, our bartender, Andie came over and introduced herself. She was tall, regally thin, and wore a colorful scarf on her head. She offered an engaging personality I perceived as professional banter but sensed alos she seemed to enjoy her job.

When I described what kind of wine I preferred, she said, "OOh how about a white?" Ooookay??? I thought to myself, this is going to be fun. Stephen came back as Andy set my glass down in front of me and asked, "What are we having?" Andie said, it's the Santorini. Stephen, a newly minted sommelier, immediately launched into an enthusiastic description about this remarkable wine from a Greek Island. He said it was so constantly windy, they braided the vine boughs into bowls to protect the fruit on the inside. I smelled it and it reminded me of a Sav Blanc but when I tasted it, I knew I'd found a new favorite. It had a salty savory aspect with more minerality than any white I'd had previously.

Andie was from Lexington and our other bartender, Heather, was newly arrived from the Nashville area. Heather was training behind the bar but seemed tres calm. At one point she asked us to wish her luck and I realized she was going to take an order. When she came back, I was a little surprised but delighted when J asked her where she was from specifically. It turned out they were from the same area and knew the same high schools and such. Great fun. When Stephen came and asked if we were eating, I said, "What am I having?" The cassoulet he responded immediately and then he tried to add in sweet breads but I insisted I was out on that. J selected a flatbread and when my giant bowl of white beans with pork and a small chicken leg came, I felt I'd got the better order. He admitted sheepishly he just didn't like beans and that was that.

I suggested we finish with a French brandy served in proper snifters and asked for a bottle of the Santorini to go home. It was full dark but comfortably warm walking to the car and J asked if I were up for one more on him. I suggested we go see Emily at Brooklyn and the Butcher. She made me a perfect drink in January and I'd been craving another ever since.

All the way to New Albany, J kept bringing up how much he enjoyed the two wine bars and how he hoped he and his wife could indulge in similar experiences when their children were older. He worried his wife didn't really like anything but sweet wine and was picky about that. I laughed and said D was exactly the same but she was game to hang out and recently started to appreciate ciders and frutied beers, and even some semi-sweet wines.

There were still plenty of cars parked on the street when we arrived at Brooklyn and the Butcher. I noticed there was no one at the hostess stand when we walked in but I breezed past into the bar. There were two women sitting at the bar and I was a bit disappointed when I realized the bartender wasn't Emily. I was even more so when she came over and apologized but said they'd closed already. I laughed and made a joke about the owner being an old man for closing so early then I realized who it was sitting at the bar. I asked, "Is that Emily sitting at the bar?" she said it was and I got up and walked over. We talked for ten minutes about my last visit and I asked her about her trip to Savannah. She kept apologizing for the bar being closed but I assured her I would be back. It was fine, we'd walk down to The Earl.

I got a bad vibe the minute we walked in. The bar was mostly full and there was only one bartender. He was wearing short shorts and took forever to get us a drink menu then never looked our way for the next five minutes. I suggested we go to Recbar nearby. There it was the same. The lone bartender, woman this time, was overwhelmed and though the bar was half empty she never looked our way before I lost patience.

Okay then. We were driving to my final option (so I thought) when I stopped at a light. J said, "Look at that! A cop is chasing that guy!" Sure enough through the sparse traffic I could see a black guy sprinting along the side of the normally busy road. His arms were pistoning up and down, his hands flattened into chopping motions like a track sprinter. Coming behind but steadily losing ground was a hefty police officer. He looked ridiculous and I can only imagine he might be thinking everyone watching thought he looked ridiculous. I wondered if he might pull his gun.

The light turned green then and I moved forward. That's when we spotted a car with the front passenger side crushed in where it had impacted the guardrail, on the opposite side of the road. There was a cop car with its lights flashing parked behind it. I couldn't see any activity around the cars as we drove past. About a half mile up the road we pulled into the parking lot of our 4th attempt to get a last drink. It was closed.

We laughed and decided we'd had enough fun. As we headed back towards the scene of the incident, sirens and flashing lights were suddenly all around us. I guess there was a manhunt. I weaved through parked cruisers while J counted eight more with lights flashing on side streets . Fifteen minutes later I dropped him off. He thanked me profusely but it nothing but what I like to do anyway.

20 mins later I pulled into the garage and for a second my heart did the little flutter it always does when I see D's car parked in its spot. Then I sighed remembering she wasn't home and wouldn't be for another week.

Just a Wednesday.

[natural-namjoon]

𝐓𝐨𝐩 𝐃𝐨𝐰𝐧

Seonghwa fluff, very mild smut.

Very mild, just making out and heavy groping that's pretty much it.

“Blaze it up and we'll be cruisin'

With the top down

Rev up the engine we'll be cruisin'

Watch it go down

Get in my truck and I'll be ridin'

With my top down

With my top down

My top down”   

The sun shone brightly as you drove your old truck down the Hot Arizona highway, leaving Phoenix. Your new destination was Los Angeles. Having lived the nomad lifestyle ever since you got out of high school, you were always on the road jumping from city to city, working odd jobs to keep some money in your pocket and once you felt you spent enough time in one place you’d pack up your few belongings and head out to a new place. You had called phoenix your home for 6 months, staying longer than usual because the hotel job you had paid pretty well and you were able to save up a bit of money for yourself, but the dry heat finally got to you and you decided to leave, randomly picking LA for your next destination. 

In 3 hours you found yourself crossing state lines, passing a sign welcoming you to the golden state. It only took another 3 hours to find your way in between the sprawling buildings of the city of angels. You had found a random gas station and decided to refill your tank and grab a snack for yourself. After getting gas and doing a little search on your phone you found a decently clean 3-star hotel to stay in, after booking and confirming your stay you decided to check-in and freshen up. The vibes of the big city were buzzing in your veins and you felt like going out and seeing the sights. After a quick shower, you threw on a cute black slip dress that flattered your curves along with some strappy sandals. Looking out your hotel window you could see the shoreline in the distance, the sun would be setting pretty soon and you’d never seen the west coast before so off you went.

 It felt so freeing to you and it was one of the reasons for living the way you did. Going from place to place, the vibe of each place was different and unique and it energized your soul every time you were able to breathe in the air of a new place filled with new people and experiences. It took a bit of time to make your way to the beach because of the ungodly traffic but you made it just as the sun was setting. There were lots of people on the beach, children and families laughing and playing. Feeling self-conscious,you decided to wait and people-watch from one of the many restaurants that lined the beach and boardwalk. You ducked into this goofy themed crab restaurant and you found a seat at the window so you could watch the sunset over the water. 

You sat and just got lost in your thoughts, thinking of home and how long it's been since you spent any quality time with your friends and family let alone someone of the opposite gender. Your lifestyle was lonely and you knew that before you even had left, spending 2- 4 months in each city didn’t really allow for serious relationships, and yeah, you had a couple of hook-ups but those were few and far in between. Overall you were about as unserviced as your truck which was bad in both aspects but you loved the adventure your lifestyle brought and it was easier that way. 

During your inner monologue, you didn’t hear someone come up and start talking nor did you hear the second or third time he tried to get your attention so it was after the light touch to your shoulder that had you jumping out of your skin. That you realized a waiter had come to your lone table. 

“Sorry didn’t mean to scare you, were you wanting to order something?” you looked up to the waiter. The first thing you noticed was the goofy looking bright red cartoon crab that was plastered on his snapback hat. Your eyes traveled down and then you really saw him, 

‘Holy shit he’s hot.’ you thought to yourself, he had a jawline that could cut diamond and plump lips and gorgeous soft brown eyes, you could also see dark brown hair peeking out under his cap. To cover up your awkward silence and blatant staring you coughed and nodded like a dummy,

“I- um yeah i'll take water for now and-” you quickly glanced at the front of the menu and pointed at a picture of something that looked like fried chicken pieces with fries. “ and that…” you prayed he was just some random worker who didn’t care or notice your awkwardness. 

The most gorgeous smile slowly formed on his face followed by a deep chuckle, you couldn’t help the deep embarrassment you felt as he laughed at you. He cleared his throat,

“Alright sounds good, so that will be one order of the fried shrimp and chips and water, got it.” He started to scribble in his little notepad and he reached down to grab your menu but you kept your hand on it 

“No- um…..actually not that-” again your embarrassment had your face inflamed. “I’m allergic to seafood,” you said in a quiet voice, there was a moment of complete silence between the two of you until he busted out laughing, it was a hearty, real laugh, a part of your brain noticed how beautiful his laugh was but the bigger part of your brain was in error mode. All you could do was put your head down as he laughed at your obvious incompetence. Suddenly he reached down and gently touched your hand with his as his laughter died down. He shook his head,

“I’m sorry I’m not laughing AT you, it's just funny, you're allergic to seafood yet the first restaurant you picked has a giant crab on the front.” another round of giggles left him as he leaned on the table. You couldn’t help but laugh too at the stupid situation you put yourself in.

“ I know, I wasn’t really thinking, I just wanted to find a place to watch the sunset.” you gestured to the large window that framed your table, he looked from the shoreline to you, he felt something fluttering in his chest, he obviously noticed how pretty you were and the dress you had on hugged you in all the right places. He smirked then cleared his throat, getting your attention from the seaside view.

“I’m Seonghwa by the way.” he reached his hand out and you took it shyly, his hand was big but soft and his fingers were long and elegant looking adorned with silver rings.

“I’m (Y/N)” you said with a smile. He smiled back.

“Let me make you a deal, You hang here, and I'll go find you something you can actually eat without dying. Deal?” He winked and you could feel your arms losing circulation. All you could do was nod and he flashed a brilliant smile.

“Ok, hang tight (Y/N)” he turned and made his way to the back of the restaurant. You took a deep breath to steady your heart, you decided then and there that night you might act up and see where the night leads you and Seonghwa. Hopefully, it was your hotel room. After about 4 minutes an older waitress came over and put a fancy looking orange and pink cocktail in front of you, 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I ordered water” in the same moment the sentence left your mouth she also put a crisp glass of water down in front of you, then she leaned down closer to you

“It’s from pretty boy back there” You both turned to the restaurant bar where Seonghwa stood behind it, waving in your direction. The waitress waggled her eyebrows at you then sauntered off with a cheeky grin.

You looked down to the bright drink and after a small sniff, you noticed it smelled really sweet and fruity, so it must not be that bad. You took a small sip and the tropical citrus flavor danced on your tongue, it didn’t even taste like alcohol. It was dangerous. Alone again you let your mind wander as you watched each family pack up and start leaving the beach, as it got darker the beach became more and more sparse. 30 minutes had passed and after people-watching you hadn’t realized you’d finished your cocktail and it was the smell of food that brought you out of your trance. You turned to find Seonghwa setting a large plate of Chicken strips and fries down in front of you. You were warm from the alcohol and starving.

“Whoa” was all you said as you looked up at him. You noticed he was dressed differently, his goofy hat and apron were gone and now covering his black work polo was a jean jacket and his hair had been slicked back. Hot damn he looked delicious. He smiled down at you then took a seat opposite of you.

“ Yeah ‘whoa’ is right, for a seafood restaurant their chicken strips are amazing, but I did have to fight the chef to make enough for two adults because these usually come in kids meals.” he rambled as he took a chicken strip off the plate and started eating. You just stared blankly at him, confused as to what was happening, He just looked back at you expecting an answer.

“Um… what’s happening here?” you asked and he chuckled again

“ My shift just ended and you told me you’d stay here while I find food for you, this was the deal” he explained taking another bite.

“But I only had to wait UNTIL you got me food, by law I can leave and take these to go” you pulled the plate closer to you, teasing him. He scoffed then quickly reached over and grabbed another tender before you could pull the plate farther away from him.

“Hey!” you laughed shielding your food. He laughed with you. 

“ Actually I wanted you to stay so I could hear your story” he explained sincerely.

“What makes you think I have a story?” you asked, taking a bite of chicken, holy shit the chicken was heavenly. He shrugged,

“Tourists always come to the beach first and usually they wander in here cause we’re right by the entrance to the beach.”

“What makes you think that’s what I did?” he piqued your curiosity

“Because, that’s what I did when I first got here, and that’s how I got this job.” He grabbed a couple of fries, popping them in his mouth. “although I walked in here because I actually like seafood” he teased you laughing as he got another tender from your shared plate. You laughed with him shaking your head.

“Shut up, it was an honest mistake, what restaurant has ONLY seafood except for on the kid’s menu, I’m going to complain to the manager” You joked and he snorted.

“Wouldn't be the first time. Anyways so, where are you from and what brings you to this godforsaken city” he said the last part a little bitterly. You were taken aback by his words, 

“What do you mean so far this city has been beautiful. Lots of people, but beautiful.” He chewed silently pondering your words. After he swallowed his bite he sighed

“I thought the same thing before I got jumped one night on my way home from work. Took my wallet and cell but not before I got a blade in my ribs.” He explained darkly, not meeting your eyes. You sat speechlessly, what do you say to that?

“No I-I get it...before I came here I was in Phoenix Arizona, some co-workers and I went out one night, I got separated from them and a man snuck up on me, held a gun to my head and made me hand over my bag. Thank god my car keys had been in my pocket, but I remember feeling so helpless and scared.” You told him, taking a sip of water, feeling the buzz of the alcohol leaving you. Both of you were silent, Seonghwa was mentally kicking himself for bringing the mood down, he hadn’t meant too but he had hoped his story could be one of caution to you but all he did was make you relive a bad memory. He sighed and signaled for one of the waitresses to come over. He ordered another cocktail and she was back with it in a couple minutes. He took the glass and slid it over to you,

“Sorry, I killed the mood I wasn’t trying to get you down.” you smiled at him, grateful for the offer but you had to decline, you still had to drive yourself back to your hotel room.

“I’ll drive you,” he offered immediately. You raised an eyebrow and he laughed

“I won’t try anything. I have to work an early shift anyways so I can’t have too much fun, I'll just catch a bus from your place once you're safe inside.”

You felt your heart warm, he was really sweet. You somehow had the luck to run into him on your first day there, you decided if he couldn’t have too much fun, then a little bit of fun would go a long way. You leaned down and took a big sip of the cocktail, but made a face as the burning taste of vodka overpowered the sugar and fruity taste,

“Oooh this one is strong” you voice came out hoarse as you choked and he laughed

“Yeah I’m the only one who can make this drink the right way, it’s kind of my specialty” he examined the glass absently

“What’s the drink called? I’ve never had it before,” you asked taking another small sip,

He looked up and met your eyes, there was something dark in his soft brown eyes, a kind of mischief that made your stomach flip

“Sex on the beach,” he said softly in his deep voice, keeping direct eye contact with you. You breathed out slowly and without breaking the eye contact you responded 

“your specialty is sex on the beach?” you asked, your voice small. He smirked, finally breaking eye contact as he reached down his fingers tracing the lines on the top of your hands. 

“Something like that.” 

Suddenly you didn't care about seeing the beach, You took another big drink of your liquid courage, managing to not make a gross face this time and you looked at him,

“How about instead of escorting me home, maybe you can take me into the city? Cruise around, show me the city lights and nightlife, you don’t have to go home right this instant?” you asked leaning forward giving him puppy dog eyes hoping he’d accept. 

He laughed at your eagerness, after a quick check of his phone he accepted and you smiled feeling victorious.

Quickly getting up and packaging your food to go you went to pay for the food but he just grabbed your arm and led you out the door. 

“Wait, this is stealing,” you said bluntly feeling buzzed.

“I’m an assistant manager, it’s on me.” He responded cooly 

“Oh excuse me I didn’t know I was hanging with a High Roller” you teased. He laughed as you guys came to the parking lot of the beach, there weren’t many cars and your old red Dodge Dakota truck stood out lonely in a far corner. You beckoned for him to follow as you stumbled over to your trusty vehicle. Once you got to the truck you tossed him the keys,

“This is not the car I expected you to have” he laughed unlocking the door.

“Yup i've had this old girl for years, i  saw her in a used car lot and had to have her.” you climbed in the passenger seat and tossed the bag of food in the back seat. 

One you both were in and buckled up he laughed

“So you're just a young pretty girl that drives an old beat up truck that's probably older than you?” he  laughed again turning to you

“I know it's weird right…” you turned to him trying to look intimidating

“You know this could all be a ruse, I could be luring you to the back alleys of the city to kill you and keep your head in my fridge.

After a beat you realized how weird that really sounded and you silently cursed the alcohol for making you so loose lipped. 

Luckily Seonghwa wasn't fazed as he burst out laughing then turned to you and cocked his eyebrow

“Is that a threat or a promise??” he giggled and started the truck, you thanked the heavens he was so easygoing. 

“Wanna know the main reason I wanted this truck?” you asked him, reaching across him to a switch near the drivers door, noting how good he smelled while you did it, and flipped a small switch. There was a groaning and whining noise then the whole top of your truck moved and folded back on itself and after a moment you were both sitting with the salty sea air around you. 

“ WHAT? This is so COOL!” he exclaimed looking like a kid with a new toy “I didn't know that convertible trucks existed!!” he was laughing in excitement and you laughed with him. 

“Lets fuckin go then!” he yelled and revved the engine and soon you guys were on the road headed for downtown L.A.

In no time you both were cruising with the top down, enjoying the nightlife, the city was so big and there were so many people out shopping, and eating and there were a lot of people performing and busking on the sides of the roads. It was all so magical and you felt so exhilarated, In all honesty there wasn't anything about L.A that you had not seen in other big cities, but this city had one thing the others didn't, and that was Seonghwa. Having someone with you to experience things with, made a world of a difference. Every so often when you'd get excited and would point and laugh and sit with amazement he would always look at you with the softest eyes and he looked upon you with this kind of adoration that you had never seen someone look at you with. He would tell you stories of his first experiences with the various locations you guys passed by and he had you laughing and every so often he would rest his hand on your thigh absentmindedly, not in a creepy way, but in a way that felt familiar, like he'd done it a thousand times. His hand was a comfortable warmth on your cool skin and it felt right being there with him, everything about him was perfect.

After a bit of driving he started to head to where he lived, you had offered to drop him off as the night had grown long and he had gotten a few phone calls from his roommates asking when he'd be home so unfortunately he had to head home and you were sobered up enough to drive finally. He pulled into the driveway and parked, not before putting the top back up. There was a silence in the car, neither of you wanted to end the night, but Seonghwa had responsibilities and he had to sleep because he had to open up at work the next day. 

After a bit of silence he reached over again and gently put his hand on your knee, you placed your smaller hand on his,

“Well, (Y/N) i'm glad you stumbled into my restaurant today, this is the most fun i've had with another person in a long time.” he smiled at you, eyes running over your body as his thumb drew circles on your knee. You had heard what he said, and you wanted to respond with something sweet and wholesome but all you could focus on was his lips and his hand on your skin. With the hand that was placed on his you grabbed his wrist and slowly pulled his hand up higher on your thigh pushing back the fabric of your dress until he was a inch away from your center. You felt him tense up and your breathing got heavy as you watched him and waited for him to do something,

“(Y/N)...” he breathed out, voice deep and filled with lust as he stared at the spot his hand was in and were it was going, he gave your thigh a test squeeze, 

“Seonghwa..” you didn't mean for your voice to come out as a small moan but the anticipation and sexual tension was becoming too much for you. Suddenly Seonghwa leaned down and pressed his lips against yours, you immediately opened your mouth to deepen the kiss further, frantically unbuckling your seat belt so you could climb over onto his lap. Without breaking the kiss you settled onto his lap and his hands were all over you. Your brain was a deep fog, there was nothing you could think other than the feeling of his soft lips on yours and the feeling of his big hands as he squeezed your ass. You slipped your hands under his shirt wanting to feel more of him, he broke the kiss only to swiftly remove his jacket and polo shirt. You took a moment to marvel at his body, he was leaned and chiseled, not too much muscle but there were abs and broad shoulders, this man was like a drug, everything he did and everything about him was so intoxicating. You ran your hands up and down his chest and down his back as he pulled you closer, you  noticed a hardnessed pressed against your lower parts and you smiled in the kiss, feeling how hard he got and all you guys were doing was kissing. Ever so slowly you pressed your hips down harder onto his crotch and started grinding, he broke the kiss as his head fell back and a groan escaped his lips,

“Oh my god (Y/N) fuck..” you took that as a sigh to grind your hips harder onto his erection, causing more intense friction on your clit, both of you held each other, a moaning and whining mess. You absently thought about how hot and bothered you were getting with your clothes on, you couldn't wait to get them off. You went to kiss him again, tongue exploring as he grasped your hips harshly, trying to slow your movements because your makeout session was getting really intense really fast.

You were about to pull back and ask if they should go back to your hotel room for more privacy when there was a loud rapping at the driver side window, you let out a surprised squeak as you moved to cover any exposed parts. Both you and Seonghwa turned and standing on the other side of the window was a tall man, he looked young like you guys and he had peach colored messy hair and various stains on his oversized sweater. 

“Yuhno What the Fuck???” Seonghwa said incredulously, The man named Yuhno gestured for him to roll the window down, after the glass was no longer between them Seonghwa snapped at the taller man

“ Yuhno I said I'd be home soon, I was kind of in the middle of something.” he lectured, angrily pulling his shirt back on.

“Yeah I can see that, and as much as hate to cockblock you and this lovely lady-” he looked over at you and waved cutely, all you could do was laugh and wave back embarrassed. “But Wooyoung and Mingi duct taped Hongjoong to the wall and they won't let me get him down, San wont stop crying because he was trying to do a trick off the counter and dropped half our plates. I tried to get Jongho and Yeosang to help but they went into their rooms and refused to come out.” Yuhno explained in the most calm way possible. Seonghwa just silently sat for a moment and sighed,

“The one day you all have a day off while I have to work late and of course there is pure chaos, just- go get Hongjoong down and I'll be inside in a second.” Yuhno just nodded and after waving at you again he hurried back to the shared house. Seonghwa just sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly,

“ Are these your roommates or do you have kids I don't know about?” Seonghwa let out a genuine laugh then he looked tiredly at you,

“Im sorry, my roommates are a bit…. Eccentric.” he said the last word slowly. You giggled, then leaned over and gave him a small peck on his lips. He pressed his forehead to yours and sat for a moment, basking in your scent. Then with another defeated sigh he climbed out and you slid into the driver seat behind him. He closed your door and leaned in the open window pressing another quick kiss to your lips, the longing in his eyes almost made you want to cry as it mirrored your own longing. He pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to you and you realized it was your phone, 

“Don't be mad but I put my number in your phone” he chuckled

“When did you get my phone?!” you asked genuinely surprised he just chuckled and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. 

“I have my ways, I just want to make sure I’ll get to see you again.” he said the last part as a question

“Of course” you said softly cupping his cheek to emphasize your adoration. He didn't make any move to leave your side until there was a loud crashing and incoherent yelling from the inside of the house. 

“I gotta go,” he shot you an apologetic smile and turned and jogged up to the front door. As he pulled open the door you could hear high pitched laughter and other sounds of ruckus happening in the house.

“Wooyoung!” he barked as he slammed the door behind him followed by a high pitched scream you could hear from inside your truck.

 You looked down at the new contact in your phone under the name Seonghwa and smiled. The whole drive home you had butterflies as you thought about your day and the amazing man you spent part of it with. You'd never experienced anything like this before all the other times you were with a guy it was a hookup and you never really saw the men again, but you knew without a doubt you wanted to see Seonghwa over and over again. 

“Coming to L.A. was a good choice after all” you said to yourself as you made your way back to your hotel “ I think that I might stay”

[shhhlikeme]

“Losty Aone” / “Losty Mountain Man🏔” Series:

Outtake Collection #1

If you enjoyed my Aone series as much as I enjoyed writing it: then you may enjoy this........

Writer’s block is a bitch rn but at least I have drafts to post! I have like 10 or so of these mini outtakes so if y’all want them all please let me know. Personally I’m in love with them cause you guys know how much I love our Mountain Man😭

This is are not a story per se: they are outtakes from my Aone series) that do not follow a strict timeline. But same story line.

What is an Outtake?

Basically, outtakes are parts of yours & Aone’s love story that weren’t included where Part 0 picked up because it happened either before or after the series.

Remember that Aone crushed on you for 2 years before you two got together detailed in this matchup, so these are glimpses of what kind of interesting things happened during his crushing period.... all the way up until today when you two are happily together. Some are PG and some will be straight up smut after y’all get together. I love writing these omg! If you need any help understanding shoot me a message, but it’s fairly straightforward. 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE SERIES’ TABLE OF CONTENTS!

Enjoy my babies:

————————————

Aone 2 Weeks Into Crushing On You:

“Aone...... stop staring at her.” Kenji scoffs at his friend as they sat down at lunch.

“I’m not.” Muttered mountain man as he dug into his food.

“Okay but you say that.......while still staring at her.” Kenji deadpans in annoyance. He had been watching his best friend stare at his crush on the other side of the cafeteria for the past 20 minutes. Y/N was with the rest of the cheer team—basically the smallest one—laughing vibrantly with her friends. Aone’s heart was tight as he watched you laugh, once again silently wishing you would notice him and perhaps laugh at something he said like that.

“The cheerleaders look really good in their new uniforms this school year, huh?” Kenji tried.

His big friend grunted in agreement but he really only thought Y/N looked phenomenal in uniform. Everyone else looked whatever.

“You should tell her how pretty you think she looks today.”

“Uh, I......can’t.” Aone said without changing his expression. Inside, though, he was a big blushy baby.

“Why not? It’s been two weeks since you first saw her and you obviously kinda like her so I think you should!”

Aone shook his head tightly. “Is that what you would do?” He finally looked at his friend: the only person in Aone’s life that he actually confided in. Kenji nodded.

“Oh, most def. See Y/N’s cheer captain, Katana? I have a little crush on her. Want to see how I tell her?”

“You’re attracted to her. You don’t have a crush on her. There’s a difference.”

“Tomatoe Tomahtoh! Watch.” Kenji calls Y/N’s friend’s name from across the caf at the cheerleaders table. Her face brightens when she sees it was Kenji calling her, and she skips over to their table.

Aone blended into the background as usual when bubbly girls came around. Someone with his silent demeanour didn’t really make waves to them.

Kenji spoke to her while remaining seated, ever the nonchalant semi-fuckboy. He had his hands in his pockets the entire time and Aone just knew that he’d never be able to pull that “I don’t care” vibe off with his crush. When you came around, every nerve in Aone’s body stood at attention and he just focused in on you. He couldn’t help it.

“You look really good in your uniform by the way. Fits like a glove.” Kenji flirted passively.

Y/N’s captain beamed like a newly chosen puppy at the pet mart. “Really?! You think so?! Thanks a lot, Futakuchi!!!”

Aone resisted the urge to roll his eyes at how much these ladies fell over his friends antics.

But Aone couldn’t help but wish you would look at him like Katana looked at Kenji. It had only been two weeks since he’s first laid eyes on you, but you brightened his days unknowingly and he just wanted to be the reason for your smile.

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭

Aone heard a tiny squeal coming from his right where the cheerleaders were so he looked over to see you skipping towards them.

🚨 🚨 🚨 HOLY FUCK you were coming to his table! 🚨 🚨 🚨

Aone’s heart literally stopped. He looked to Futakuchi in alarm, though his face seemed unaffected to the average person.

Kenji smirked back at the white haired giant, as if to say “exactly according to plan.”

You approached the table like the bundle of energy you are and Takanobu practically let his static demeanour switch so he could sigh happily as the fruity scent you wore hit him.

You were so close: you were so perfect: and you were so beautiful. Aone’s eyes didn’t leave you for a second.

You stopped beside the table with a smile for your cheer captain.

“Katana! Coach wants us stretching on the field in 3 minutes, let’s go!” Not noticing anyone else, you tugged on your captain’s sleeve and then grabbed her wrist to bring her back to the team.

Katana waved at Kenji as she was being dragged away. “Oh, okay, so I’ll see you Saturday night Kenji?! You can pick me up at 8!”

Kenji nodded nonchalantly, his attention mainly back to his friend who was staring at his retreating crush.

“You could have at least said hi.” Kenji crumpled his napkin, annoyed. “The only reason I asked Katana out is because your crush doesn’t leave her alone for two seconds so I knew she’d come over here. That was your chance!”

Takanobu ate a spoonful of his yogurt, turning only to his brown-eyed future captain solely because you had exited the cafeteria. “Well, I happen to think that was a successful greeting between Y/N and I.” He deduced.

“What?! Are you kidding me?! How?!”

“She’s never been that close to me before. She smells good. Like apples. I like apples, very much.”

Kenji deadpanned. “You hate apples.”

“And now I like them. So, I deem that a success.”

Kenji sighed in defeat as the bell rang to signify the end of lunch. “Listen Aone-san I know this is your first crush and it’s super intense and all, but please—you better not go this slowly in your pursuit of her. A freaking snail is beating you in a race to her heart, man. Y/N is one of the prettiest girls in this school and definitely the cutest on the cheer team so a lot of guys want her.”

Aone frowned, visibly upset at the idea that other men wanted his crush. But he knew that given how perfect you are to him, it just wasn’t logical to believe he’d be the only one who desired you. “I’m well aware, Futakuchi—“

“Good. I’m just saying. You better not wait like 2 years or something to finally make a move. Please, promise me you won’t do that.”

————————————

Aone 1 Month Into Crushing On You When He’s Eager To See You:

“Team, please hurry. We shouldn’t be late to our own pep rally.” Commander-Takanobu of the boys Date Tech volleyball team commanded.

The team of giants was on their way to the gymnasium for the Date Tech High School’s annual pep rally that shone light on the schools most prominent athletic teams: Boys Soccer, Boys Golf, Girls Tennis and the team of yours truly (MOUNTAIN MAN! 🏔).

Kanji laughed as he spun a volleyball on his finger then scrambled to pick it up because it dropped. “It’s cooler to be fashionably late!” He exclaimed loudly in the halls before Futakuchi shot him a look of irritation when the ball he dropped again hit him on the side of the head.

“Heh. Sorry.. senpai. I’m just saying to Aone-kun that Y/N is more likely to notice him if we come into the pep rally looking all cool and late.”

Stopping dead in his tracks, the giant mountain man almost tripped up the rest of the team who was following close behind him. They all yelled in protest as they regained their footing.

Aone ignored everyone, turning around to peer at his early growth-spurted underclassman. “Is this true?” He asked sincerely. “Y/N will notice...uh....me....if we walk in late?”

Stepping in, Futakuchi put a hand on his friend’s shoulder, shooting Koganegawa another glare as he did so.

“Absolutely no guarantee, buddy.” Kenji assured Aone. “Y/N will be really busy cheering, right? Just like the first time you saw her and she didn’t notice you pointing at all. So, chances are slim now, too.”

Aone sighed, disappointed though you couldn’t tell by looking at his face if you weren’t Kenji Futakuchi.

“Oh, okay.”

🙁😩🥺🥺🥺🥺

“You really like her, Aone?” Asked Koganegawa, feeling bad for getting his nice teammate’s hopes up.

Aone nodded, feeling an ache in his heart as he thought about how much he cared for you, his perfect crush.

“But you guys are so...........different. I mean she’s like always overly nice and bouncing off the walls and talking in class and stuff, right? And you’re just............not?”

“I like Y/N just the way she is, and for everything that she is.”

“But.... and I mean NO disrespect, but.........does she even notice you? Uh... she just seems so consumed with cheer and all things rainbow. She’s always ignoring anyone who isn’t in her social level—“

Aone shakes his head as the ache in his heart becomes a bit more painful at his teammates words.

“Y/N does not notice me. Not at all, unfortunately. But I notice her. Everyday. And that in itself makes me happy.”

GUYS I CANT —— ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️😭

The team nodded in pity, the lot of them collectively feeling really sorry for their best player and his unrequited love.

Kenji clapped his hands, startling everyone out of their misery filled states.

“Okay! The good news is that we have a pep rally to attend, right now, right?! Aone, be happy— you get to see Y/N in uniform again today!”

Aone’s eyes lit up, only recognizable by Futakuchi, as he nodded.

“Yes. Let’s go.”

Kenji Futakuchi stayed behind a few extra seconds as his teammates strolled on ahead. He had to take a moment to himself to think about how he would be there for Aone when his heart got shattered for the first time....by a girl (you) who is in the same school and class but hasn’t even noticed his existence yet.

Y/N didn’t return Takanobu’s strong feelings—that Kenji knew for sure—and so he just prayed that his big scary looking friend would never have to find that out for himself.

————————————

Aone 4 Months Into Crushing On You And Hears That You Have A Crush On Someone Else ☹️:

Sprinting outdoors, Kenji had to clasp a hand over his open gym bag to catch up to his friend who had already started walking home without him

Being that Aone has waited to walk home with Kenji every single day since they started first year together ... it was clear to Kenji that whenever his friend did this.... it was a sign that he was very upset

“Hey, big guy!” Kenji fell into step with his white haired friend, chancing a glance up at him.

Takanobu was famous for his perpetual scowl or angry frown which he had on his face even now, but Kenji knew better than to believe it. He could tell whenever his friend was deeply upset or hurt, just like Aone had been when they were 10 and the Takanobu’s divorced.....but right now, by Futakuchi’s analysis: Aone was feeling far worse than he did back then.

“Who told you, big guy?” Asked Kenji with an accompanied sigh.

“Koganegawa. It slipped.” Carrying on the silent topic-less conversation.

Kenji growled. “That big boned setter! When I see him next practice I’m gonna—“

“No. It wasn’t his fault. I was going to find out eventually. But why didn’t you tell me, Kenji? I would have much rather heard it from you.”

“I’m so sorry man. I was going to on our walk home today.”

Aone nodded, instantly being able to tell that that was Futakuchi’s true intention.

“Y/N’s crush......the guy on the baseball team.....He likes her...back?” Mountain man only stared straight ahead, trying not to let his hurt seep through his voice.

The brunette boy stuffed his hands in his pockets, dreading this conversation already.

“From what I heard of their conversation....y-yeah. Apparently they met at the last baseball game and it started raining so he gave her his team jacket to keep warm—“

“—I don’t need to hear the logistics.” Aone felt his heart tighten even more as his usual fantasy of you looking beautiful wearing his “#7” Date Tech Volleyball Jacket being bumped to the side by a visual of you wearing the baseball jacket of some guy who doesn’t deserve you.

“Hey, no one knows how serious they are, right? They’re just talking.”

“Does he make her happy? I mean... did Y/N look happy when he gave her his jacket?” Even though it was killing Aone to even ask, he was glad he did.

The brunette player, on the other hand, did not want to answer. For when he saw his best friend’s crush and her new crush together, she looked extremely happy. It formed an immediate knot in Kenji’s stomach because he knew how much seeing those two would hurt his best friend. But if he was being honest when that jacket was put over your shoulders your smile had been wider than Kenji would like to admit.

“Relatively..uh...happy, I guess.”

Aone’s frown deepened. He knew Kenji well enough to know that he was trying protect his heart on Aone’s behalf. He didn’t call him out on it though, he knew that your smile must have been wide. You probably did seem happy..

It hurt him intensely. Looking away, Aone stated something matter of fact:

“Well, he isn’t good enough for her.”

Futakuchi looked up at mountain man. “You know him?!”

“No. I don’t need to in order to know that she’s too good for any guy at this school, including me.”

Kenji laughed, patting his friend on the back. “You’re closest though,” he encouraged. “Maybe you should—“

Kenji was immediately silenced as both him and mountain man were greeted with an ugly sight. A depressing sight, actually.

Standing to the right of the front school doors was Y/N and the baseball boy. Y/N had her hair up in a high ponytail that looked absolutely gorgeous on her in Aone’s opinion. What wasn’t gorgeous, however, was how you were swatting the baseball player’s arm flirtatiously and speaking energetically with him. You held your school books close to your chest like Aone loved because you looked so cute and smart even though he knew you never opened those books.

He tried to look away—he did—but the team knew that Aone never looked away when he saw you at school and unfortunately that kind of old habit is sure to die hard.

“Just keep walking, buddy....” Kenji tried, swapping spots with Aone so that Kenji was at least partially blocking the heart-breaking view that is his best friend’s crush flirting with one of her many pursuers. Kenji kind of wanted to push the guy into the doors as they walked past them “accidentally” but his better judgement told him otherwise.

————————————

Aone 4 1/2 Months Into Crushing On You While You Have A Crush On Someone Else 💔:

Back at their signature lunch table, Aone sat with his best friend and some other members of the volleyball team.

The big-boned setter was exuberantly telling the team a story about him and his brother when Futakuchi noticed that his white haired friend was the only one at the table not listening at all

In Aone’s defence, he was paying attention during the first half of his underclassman’s story tale.....well, until you walked in to the cafeteria.

No one even blamed him because they knew about his intense crush on you—

You captured all of the big man’s attention whenever you walked into a room, it was just second nature now.

Aone loved seeing you smile and talk with your friends but he hated when you would talk to those who liked you as more than a friend—

That damn baseball player had approached you again just now and it really pissed Aone off.

You looked up and chatted with the baseball boy happily, just as you did with everyone (except for your enemy: the class snitch because fuck that guy)

Aone’s eyes fixated on the pair of you.

He was so sad because he liked you so much 💔

His feelings grew stronger everyday, and it hurt him to see you two in the hallway or in class flirting like it wasn’t destroying his heart

Aone knew that it wasn’t logical that he could choose to never make a move on you and still expect you to like him .... that much he admitted to himself

But he at the very least hoped you’d notice him.

Even though he was silently crushing: once you noticed him he’d take it from there, he knew he would

But until then...... you just went about your days looking beautiful as ever, chatting your business loudly in class so Aone could hear, ultimately making him fall for you even more

In the cafeteria that day you had not a clue that when you were just being friendly to one of your admirers (that you actually had 0 feelings for), in actuality— you were simultaneously crumbling the heart of a certain white haired giant who would one day become the most important person to you .......in a year and a half.

————————————

Outtake #2: CLICK HERE!

[badjoices]

My Life With You

IV. So There's This Guy... Dean's been spotted around town and made quite the impression on the local singles. (All chapers can be read stand-alone)

Read on AO3 | Fic Masterpost

The sun was long past the horizon, the high street illuminated by the yellow-amber glow of the street-lights and the dim coloured lights spilling out from the bars. The spring air was cool and still, the whoops and hollers of the rowdy Friday night crowds echoed through the centre of town.

In one of the bars that lined the street, a group of early-thirties women gathered together to toast to another week of work behind them. Pushing past their exhaustion was their relief, their ecstatic joy at being free at last, even if only for two days. The ladies sat around a high circular table covered in a rainbow of different fruity cocktails, curly straws, and paper umbrellas. Already the table was littered with empty glasses of drinks long since backed.

“So…” began one woman, Rachel, pushing her long blonde hair behind her shoulder. “I saw the hottest guy at the playground the other day.”

Tia, a tattooed, bespectacled brunette, leaned in eagerly. “Oh?”

Rachel gave a knowing look to her friend before she began her story…

“It was on Wednesday, on my day off. I took Ethan out to the playground near my house, and it was all normal; the usual moms and nannies,

“Anyway, then I spot this guy helping his little kid, the cutest kid by the way, on the slide. There are a few dads around sometimes, you know, but this guy- when I tell you he was cute, it’s an understatement,

“He was so good with his kid too. The way he smiled at that kid, it was like he felt just so lucky to have him. Every five seconds he was squeezing him, or ruffling his hair, or kissing him on his little forehead.

“I just thought, I bet he’d make such an amazing step-dad, maybe I should get on that. A guy like that’s definitely not single I bet. I don’t know if he’s married, I couldn’t see a wedding ring from where I was sitting, but I was pretty far away.”

“So you didn’t speak to him?” a third woman, Sara, with hair in a neat puff and arms wrapped tight in a thick cardigan, asked, straw perched just below her lip poised to take another sip.

“No, I just watched him from afar.” Rachel sighed dreamily, recounting the man’s devilish smile and angled jaw in her mind.

“Why not?” Tia pushed, playfully slapping her friends arm. “You need to get back out there since Mike.” she spits the name and follows up with a gagging gesture.

“I know, I know.” Rachel shrugs, shrinking somewhat from her earlier excitement. “I’m still working up to it, but if I see him again I swear I will.”

The fourth woman, Yulia, took a big sip of her mojito, almost like a deep inhale, then added. “I have a cute guy story too.”

Tia perked up immediately and starting bouncing in her seat. “Okay, okay, spill.”

“So,” Yulia began, fiddling with her tall glass and nervously shuffling in her seat. “He’s been coming into the café every morning to get coffee,

“He’s tall- actually not that tall, maybe six foot? But still - tall. Anyway, he came in on Thursday morning and he actually made conversation with me. When he got up to the counter he gestured up to the menu and was like ‘I don’t know what half these things mean’. And I just laughed really nervously; it was so embarrassing. His smile was so pretty, you guys, I just melted. Then he said ‘Cas is the one who knows about all this stuff, I can’t keep up, you know, coffee is coffee.’

“I think Cas is his wife or something ‘cause then I clocked he had a wedding ring on. Shame. Anyway I just said ‘yeah’ really awkwardly in a sort of half swoon; I couldn’t come up with anything to say. Then he goes on to order the most complicated drink with like, three different flavour shots in it. He says ‘it’s not for me’ like he’s so embarrassed about it, it was so cute. I was like ‘no judgement, you can order whatever you like’. I really didn’t mean to sound so thirsty.

“Then he leaves and, I don’t wanna admit this, but I watched him go, you know. Nice ass.”

Sara, who was seemingly the most composed of the four, shook her head, snickering at her usually timid and reserved friend openly thirsting for coffee shop guy. Tia was frowning, trying to string together a thought that was forming messily and incoherently in her slightly tipsy mind.

“That kinda sounds like the guy who fixed my car…” Tia mused, voice a little slurred.

“Oh my gosh,” Yulia gasped, more excited than this particular revelation really called for. “I think coffee shop guy did say he was a mechanic at one point.”

“Wouldn’t it be crazy if it was actually the same guy though,” Tia said, before taking a big sip through her straw. “The car guy was really hot too. Like, I was twirling my hair the whole time laughing at everything he said.”

“Oh my god, Tia,” Sara shook her head. “Did you know he was married?”

“Yeah I saw the ring, whatever,” Tia laughed. “I bet I can steal that bitch’s man.”

“God, stop it.” Sara scolded through her laughter.

“Seriously, unless she is the perfect vessel of divine beauty, I could totally steal him,” Tia continued. “I mean, when I came to pick up my car there was definitely something there,

“I walked up and he, unprompted, was like ‘you’re the girl with a cute little bug, right?’. I was like,” Tia stuck out her chest, letting her cleavage peek out of her tank top in a cartoonish pose, and began to speak with an over-the-top sultry tone.

“‘Yeah, that’s me; cute girl for the cute bug.’. And then he laughed a little bit. Then he even commented on my tattoos he was like ‘nice sleeve’ and we talked about them a little bit and I asked him if he had any and he said he has one, but it’s on his chest. So… I was a little brave and I said ‘Oh, well you can show me some time if you want’ and I could have sworn he got a little flustered.”

“He probably got flustered because he was at work and he’s married!” Sara protested.

“Maybe,” Tia conceded with an unbothered shrug. She seemed a little lost in her thoughts. “He looked so good with a little car grease on him though. I’d buy a calendar of that guy. You know, I would so objectify him.”

“Tia, please.” Rachel grimaced. “Here’s me talking about a sweet loving father, and then there’s you flirting with a married mechanic.”

“I mean, not to be judgemental,” Sara added. “But how do you know he’s not like a typical misogynistic macho type?”

“What, just because he’s a mechanic? That’s so judgemental, Sara, you can’t make assumptions like that.” Yulia scoffed. “He seemed really sweet. When he was talking about his wife, you could tell he really loves her. I didn’t get a typical ‘I hate my wife’ vibe from him.” Yulia gave a sympathetic look to Tia. “Sorry, Tia.”

“Doesn’t matter, I still think I have a shot.” Tia shrugged. “What ‘bout you, Sara? You got your eye on anybody? Some nerdy glasses guy who reads Jane Austen or whatever it is you’re into.”

Sara rolled her eyes. “Actually yeah, a really sweet guy came into the library this week with his kid. He’s probably too old for me, and I think he’s married, but he had dark hair and really nice blue eyes,

“He took out a bunch of picture books and he told me that he’d just moved here recently. He also borrowed some gardening books, which was like, swoon. He just seemed so genuinely sweet and honest. The way he spoke was just… kind?”

“He’s definitely gay.” Tia asserted. Sara just gave her a weary look. “I’m just saying every guy you like turns out to be gay. You have a type, and it’s gay guys.”

“No way! Dan wasn’t gay.” Sara pouted.

“Yeah, but he was bi, and he moved to Florida to be with his boyfriend Julian.” Rachel added.

“Well technically I had a shot with him. You know, before he moved to Florida.” Sara said, deflated. “I mean, library guy didn’t seem gay. Not that it matters anyway.”

“How does someone seem gay?” Yulia pondered honestly.

“Well it’s not like there’s one set of traits for gay people,” Tia said. “But I think a pretty good predictor is if Sara has a crush on them.”

“Shut up.”

“Woah guys, oh my god!” Rachel hissed, patting Yulia’s arm furiously. “The guy, the hot dad, he just walked in. Don’t look, but he’s right by the bar!”

The other three immediately started craning their necks, very obviously, to get a good look. There at the bar seeming to be ordering a pair of drinks was hunter, husband, and father; Dean Winchester.

“Dude, that’s the car guy.” Tia said, getting a good look by standing up on her tippy toes.

“Yeah, that’s coffee guy.” Yulia confirmed.

Tia sat back down. “Don’t tell me that’s library guy too?”

“No,” Sara shook her head. “Library guy had dark hair, remember.”

“Uhhh, that him?” Tia said, pointing towards the table that Dean was quickly approaching, two beers in hand, where a smiling Castiel sat in wait.

Sara gasped. “That is him.”

Dean, as soon as he had placed the two bottles down on the table, leant down to plant a quick kiss on Cas’s lips. As he pulled away, the girls could see Cas smiling up at Dean, his gentle gaze soft and sincere, while Dean looked back at Cas like he was looking at the most precious thing he’d ever laid eyes on, which he was.

The ladies sat in stunned silence; what they’d just witnessed was somehow disheartening and heartwarming all at once. Tia was the first to speak.

“Sara, you’re cursed.”

[friedtalepersona]

The De-virgining

Such a pivotal moment for every young woman, the loss of her virginity. Movies and television programs condition us to believe that this adventure should be shared with someone you love, who knows you and cares for you deeply. You should be giddy about this magical moment. Coy, but brave. I disagreed. Oh, I had a boyfriend. We were together for two years, so he knew me inside and out. Plus, we did enough bump and grind all over my mother’s house to qualify me as something of an expert in body movements and sexual noises. However, when it came to “going all the way,” your girl just couldn’t quite get there. In my mind, there was something dirty, shameful, and slutty, about losing your virginity in high school. I carried the constant fear that my peers would find out and they’d judge me as harshly as I have those who were open about their sexuality.

Our passionate relationship, my high school lover and I, ended when I left for varsity. I was an inexperienced 16 (and a half) year-old tertiary student, almost ripe and ready to get dirty. I suppose he saw the downfall of our relationship long before I did. Varsity guys can be difficult to resist. During that two months holiday between the last high school exams and the first day of registration, the dumb boys we knew blossom into men. Who can resist the unruly hair and struggling beards? Factor in parties, alcohol and kush, and you’re a goner. What really broke us though, in my opinion, was his insecurity. Oh, and the fact that he dumped me for my friend, but that’s a story for another day.

So, there I was, 16 years old, heartbroken and ready to get busy. The socially acceptable thing to do here would have been to wait for someone new who would love me the way it has been written for centuries. I had all the time in the world, so I was told. It’s too bad no one told my hormones. My mother’s sex talk hadn’t helped either. All she said was, “focus on school, you’ll enjoy sex when you’re older.” When I laughed at her choice of words, she retorted with a shrug, “well, sex is fun, you’re supposed to enjoy it.” Sex talk over. You may be happy to know that I did wait, for a whole year. 365 days of ignoring the needs of my flesh.

It was in my second year of university that I made the extremely logical reason to lose my virginity with an acquaintance. You read that correctly. I made a new year’s resolution to lose my v-card because, well, it had to happen sometime, and I preferred sooner rather than later. I also decided that I didn’t want a stranger, nor someone I would share an emotional connection with. I didn’t want to be one of those girls stuck pining over their “first”. No, I wanted someone I knew, but not too well. Someone good looking, but not pompous. With a stroke of good luck, I found him. Talk about speaking into existence!

It was a scorching February day. My best friend and I were sitting on the steps in true Gossip Girl style, munching on Nick Naks and grapes, engaging in one of our favourite activities on campus: people-watching. Then, there he came jogging past on his way to the library, my perfect man. Well, my perfect cherry-popper – let’s refer to him as CP. He stopped abruptly, perfect pink lips pursed, brow furrowed, face drenched in bewilderment. He greeted my best friend, uncertainty laced in his fruity voice. It turned out they had gone to the same high school, but he had somehow missed her the entire previous year. Did I mention he was cute? He was yellow bone, slim build, not too tall, hair cut in a perfect fade, and had the most beautifully shaped head I had ever seen. Back then, I had a serious issue with funny-shaped heads. You’ll be happy to know that I have matured. We were introduced and that was the extent of our conversation. CP and BFF weren’t close, so it was a given that he and I wouldn’t be either. I wish I could say that I was bold and immediately set out to get my claws on him, but all my drooling amounted to nothing more than wishful thinking. At that moment, all I was brave enough to do was mumble to my BFF, “hmm, he’s cute, nice ass.” I may have been a virgin, but I was still a little pervert.

The big event (D-V Day) happened exactly 20 days before my 18th birthday. A group of us, BFF included, had decided to go out to the local pub near the University. You guessed correctly: I was underage and therefore not allowed to enter – beginning a pattern of being bounced out of clubs, but those are stories for another day. After my failed first attempt to get inside, one of my friends came up with the brilliant idea to undergo a little make-over to disguise me. A headwrap, different jacket, and a distraction at the door later, I was in! Yay me!

We found a table and decked it out with 660ml bottles of Smirnoff Storm spirit cooler each, like the broke spenders we were. Clearly, on a mission to get wasted. The vibe was as ratchet as expected, and we were feeling it to the bone. House music blasted off the speakers, drunk students either danced like strippers or made out in the corner like porn stars, a football match played on the large screen, and boisterous conversation rang off everywhere. This was not the kind of place in which you wanted your parents to find you. In short, it was epic!

After a few minutes of downing my drink, not quite drunk enough to embarrass myself on the dance floor yet, a guy I knew came and started talking to me. Ever since that night, I haven’t been able to recall his face, name or from where I knew him. I didn’t even introduce him to my friends, nor did they try to engage him. What mattered was that was officially the first guy to try and pick me up at a bar. Well, a pub. This was to be my first experience of a drunken encounter with a guy, regardless of how uninteresting he was. Honestly, he was downright boring. I remember smiling awkwardly at him as he loitered next to me, creating small talk. Boredom aside, my night was going great.

Sometime later, which felt like minutes, our table was joined by CP and his friends. They weren’t the type to ask for permission to join, especially since they somewhat knew my BFF. No, they just sat down and took over the conversation. I didn’t have the heart to kick my loiterer away, hoping that he would do the sensible thing and leave of his own accord. He was distracting me from drooling over CP, who was seated opposite me. So rude! I kept throwing glances over at him and doing what any girl would do when their crush was around: laugh obnoxiously louder than normal. In a surprising turn of events, smooth as ever, CP came and sat right next to me, kicking one of my friends away to take his vacated seat. He then proceeded to start a private conversation with me, completely cutting off loiter boy. What was a girl to do? Two guys in one night?! I had never had this much attention before. Did I care that I was suddenly paying less attention to my first solicitor? Nope! I was giddy and extra hot from all the attention.

Mr boring finally left and I heard our whole table cheering. Apparently, they had all been watching as CP swooped in to claim me. It was a game, but I didn’t care. I was the prize that had been won by the most eligible bachelor. When the place became extra rowdy, it was decided that it was time for us to relocate back to res and do what people our age did: chill. An intimate party among friends. Another first experience for me. We left the pub and I followed my friends, and my new friends, blindly. It’s amazing how much trust we put in people. Not once did I question what would happen at this “chill” with guys who were practically strangers to most of us.

Our first stop was CP’s room to collect the merchandise. Kush. This was a quick detour and we were in and out of the room in less than 5 minutes. When we got downstairs, though, he pulled me aside and said: “Hey, I forgot my student card, please go back up with me.” In my naivety and general giddiness to be in his presence, I didn’t consider this for the ruse it was. I mean, he needs his student card to gain access later, keeping him company while he got it was the socially acceptable thing to do. We got back to the room and I stood by the door, arms folded and waited for him to do as he said, get his student card. I watched as he began rummaging half-heartedly through his things. Then he said, “You know, I don’t know where I left it. Have a seat while I look for it. Would you like something to drink?” It was only at that moment that it hit me: I was alone, in a room, with my chosen guy, very, very close to a bed. Took me a while, huh?

I proceeded to sit on the bed, suddenly very conscious of all my movements. He sat down next to me and confessed, “I really just wanted to get you here alone.” At that moment, the room temperature skyrocketed. I started to panic because even though I had fantasized about this moment and had consciously decided that it was time to lose my virginity, I did not think that this would actually happen. I planned and drooled but failed to prepare myself for reality. Rather than ride the wave, I got up to leave. This was happening! I mean, he was perfect. Too perfect. He sat there, swagger pouring out of him, giving me a sly smile and puppy eyes, making my heart pound and my vagina clench. He grabbed my hand to stop me from leaving and pulled me down to sit on his lap, meanwhile, all I was thinking was, “Oh my goodness, I’m on a guy’s lap.” My ears were ringing so loudly with the blood rushing to them that I didn’t even hear what he said before the kiss that started everything.

The act itself was, in a word, scary. I felt as though I was going in blindly, so I held on to CP to guide me through. No one experienced ever talks about the real stuff with you – the stuff they don’t cover in Life Orientation classes, the practical stuff and what happens to your body.  For a long time, I had been a silent participant in many conversations between peers about what happens when you lose your virginity. Listening attentively, soaking up everything: the Hollywood movies about how it only lasts two minutes then it’s disappointingly over, the parts about how a guy can tell when he breaks through the hymen, details about a friend of a friend who felt so much pain that they just couldn’t go through with it, stories about how girls can sometimes pinch a guy too much. I prayed that I would not be the girl who pinches. I was afraid of excruciating pain, a few quick minutes of him wiggling inside of me and leaving a battlefield-sized bloodstain on his sheets. At one point, he turned me over to change positions and I scrambled off the bed in a panic because I thought he wanted anal sex. With the little that I knew, I knew I didn’t want that. What did I get? Mild discomfort, a little pleasure and a guy with a lot of stamina.

At first, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. His soothing and seductive touches helped, but I was reeling with nerves. Beyond the pain, my body started to come alive and I felt sensations I had never known before. Bumping and grinding was just scratching the surface. I don’t want to be the girl that complains about a man with stamina, but at some point, I started to get bored. True story. Eventually, I was just ready for him to stop, silently constructing a letter to Hollywood producers about their misinformation. Sex isn’t too short, it’s too long! When we were done, the first thing I did was check his sheets like they do in those stereotypical African movies, minus the fanatical joy when they find out the bride was indeed a virgin. I was mentally preparing myself for the awkwardness of the bloody massacre I would have left on his sheets. Perhaps it was the terrible lighting in that dim dorm room, or perhaps I was still reeling from my first sexual encounter, but, disappointingly, I did not see a thing. I thought my virginity would leave a monumental mark, even if it was blood on a cute acquaintance’s sheets. We headed out to meet up with the rest of our group, him looking very relaxed and talking animatedly, and me trying my best to shrug it off and play it cool for the rest of the night.

I bet you’re wondering if this was the beginning of a romantic love story, where it was meant to be a one-night stand, but we both couldn’t walk away. Better yet, he needed more, like in those cheesy romance novels I enjoy. No, it wasn’t. I got what I wanted that night, and he got laid. There was a brief spell where he proposed our coupling, and I thought, “hmm, maybe I should give it a shot,” but that didn’t happen. I had just been released from the virginity cave and I was ready to play. He moved on and so did I – to many more stories that will keep you entertained. Had I dated him, I probably wouldn’t have this blog right now and what a shame that would’ve been. 😉

[lildirtbike-blog]

At least you're not my problem any more I don't care bout you so why you worried about me Starbound You niggas ain't got shit on me You can leave but you can't forget You can't forget us It's 3 AM and im thinking about you My niggas been with me since day one My nigga I been a1 since day 1 So pretty but but so hard to catch Shooters on deck all of em boba fett yah I wanna bih I just want a bitch Got ny shades on in the club All of my shootas wearing camo so you won't see shit coming I honestly just wish I could be, like you I make money not friends Bih we do not play pretend I wouldn't have you any other way I swear I love every single inch of you Like why you worried bout me hoe mind ya own damn business Id love you any fucking way You was rubbing your fat little ass on my dick I let you be you and you let me be me She cuddle me harder, I gave in With her i never win She the only one that knows my sins Fuck what they say i'm the best Truth is I always liked you more I know I fall in love too quick, but this time I think it's real I see a little bit of me in you and a little bit of you in me I wanna play with you I done waited way too long for this You niggas played enough it's my time Feeling fine I'm feeling Feeling fine I'm feeling myself I'm feeling myself Homeboi a shooter Tagteam on my tutor Shawty go down for the team Touch her you gon bleed I want us to be something more Get off work so I can love you We could've got caught but that only makes shit more fun You might be the one Tear down her walls I kinda feel bad for the next nigga I gave you my heart now it doesn't even beat I'mma have to pick up every broken piece I'm with my bae she so poppin Hop out da coupe everybody stopping I wanna spoil you Ou damn she like sneakers more than me Got yo bitch on lock With my glock You're my heaven You make everything seem alright For s moment until I open my eyes I just wonder how high we can gouuo I don't just wanna fuck I also just wanna make you mine I know this shit take time But just rolllll with it But gooo with it I still see you when I open my eyes And I swear, these niggas talk to you just to talk about you All they want to know is how much you are of value I'm in the mood for taking a nigga bitch He don't care about you He don't treat you right You don't know what you do to me So nice to look at even better to touch/fuck I'd give you the world if I could too I'd give you everything if I could too I'm sorry if I upset you We ain't getting any further Fuck you/blow out your back and kiss on her freckles After cuddle the fuck out you and eat fruity pebbles I wanna cuddle the out of you I just wanna know you Fuck them other niggas they don't deserve you Stomp a nigga out in my Jordans shit I let my girl get too thick I mean there's just something about her What's happening to me unknown powers We talked for hours Hide n seek They/you don't even know my like that I won't cry over you I want you now I miss you so fucking much I'm so damn impatient But you're so damn important Leave that nigga he a loser and you know that It's wrong but it feels so right I'm sorry I'm too indecisive I can't choose Is it you or is it you I do it all for you So what you wanna do Do you even love me anymore? A lot can change in a year I wonder were we're going from here He don't even deserve you I got a lot on my mind She said she was thinking about a kid I'm like shiit Then she said she wanted to know what it would be like I'm like psych You get me/ the most You're the only one that gets me Sorry in advance if I get clingy Don't give a fuck about what they say they say I chase bags not bitches Rags to riches I chase money not bitches cuz all that shit will come later I wish I never opened up to you because you're just going to use it against me anyways I don't wanna wake up from this dream Now I gotta clean up the mess you made Fuck trying to fit in/ fitting in Why does my heart still beat for you when you destroyed it? Why you so worried bout me mind yo business You live in my head You live in my head Even though you probably want me dead I need you to pray for me cause nobody else is Whats it like on the other side Fuck them other guys Being with you is bliss even in the silence Tell me is there a bright side to all of this? I don't think I'll ever get over you Why do I feel this way You make my bad days better Strangers - Accin like you don't know me that was my fear Now we're just strangers Back to square one I was just a fool in love It wasn't even love You were my angel Now you can burn in hell You really weren't shit Going my own way Doing shit my way fuck what they say She said be gentle I said I'll try Oooh she make me nervous I'm tryna make you mine I'm running outta time You know better than to come around here Bitch niggas on my back Get the strap She knows what she's doing Killing it with my bestie/best friend I'm tryna be my best me Iloveeverythingaboutyou You know how to get under my skin I miss you already I'm trying I really am I'm holding on Hold on Bear with me I'm picking up the pieces Just let me know how you feel Be real I see/saw you in my dreams You were the only one for me It just keeps on going and it never stops Life's what you make it Don't take shit for granted I'm just tryna make it out alive I just want a bitch that get my vibe She's trouble/ but I don't mind Hate only makes me go harder All we know is bands can you really blame us? Keep a thang up in my camo pants bitch you can't tame us She sat on my lap She jumped on my dick almost bent that shit She gave me head relieve me from my stress For a little while, straight outta work and she undress (Daddy's bday flow hook) I go hard for you you go hard for me I can be anything you want me to be I want to kiss ur freckles She sent me nudes ion even know her tho Bitches talk and talk I'll be here when you come home Don't know why she got so wet Ion even think I did shit All she did was see me Split her like a kiwi She called me her husband Shawty I ain't buying no ring Kill4me Would you kill for me? Keep it real I miss/the smell of your skin I need someone who's on my level You moved on but im still here Still ain't gonna waste my tears You was just using me to pass the time You was just using me to fill a void You're my favorite part/the best parts Cuz mama told me no no no no I fucked her first you was kissing Dip on a bitch and go missing I got some Molly she itching Young Ramsay with the wrist in the kitchen Girl don't play with me Bitch don't play with me yah I'm trying not to get to used to you Cuz they always leave Just/not for you And I forget how to breathe when I see/with you Ooh you make my mouth water I can't explain it I just can't explain it Just love me honestly Love me responsibly Keep it real Im hungry for you I'm hungry need some food What do I gotta prove You cannot come to the crib I want more I want more I want more You know I gotta have it Bad habits I love her flaws and all She love me flaws and all You never tell me you love me anymore They think I'm crazy for loving you But I don't care / Jason Joseph Password : lilnibba666 Apple ID : lildirtbikeboi@gmail.com Password : lilnibba6 / Eyes - Brad Pitt, X Nose - Billie Eilish, Cindy Kimberly Forehead - Mehki Alante, X Jawline - / Eyes - Brad Pitt, X Nose - Billie Eilish, Cindy Kimberly Forehead - Mehki Alante, X Jawline - / Shorty gave me top in the movies Put frosting all on her boobies Reach under the seat grab the toolie For any nigga tryna act a foolie Fuck what they say I'm doing shit my own way I could do this shit all day Tear that ass up when we stressed Straight outta work made the biggest mess Fuck what they say I'm the best Well these niggas plottin i know that I ask () where the fuck that pole at You don't got cheese but you still a rat I'm doing shit my own way Nigga get fold like clothes / You can't catch me Nigga you can't catch me ( 21 Savage - X melody) Oh that's your girl she fuck with me Oh that's your girl think imma keep Pull up mobbin 30 deep Talk your shit send you to sleep Hop straight out the fucking jeep Hit up yo bitch then i dunk Bitch im dualied up, pop the trunk Nigga you lame you a chump We got lotsa bricks, we got lotsa skunk Its not for the using tho Shawty be a lil hoe, but she always stay ten toes We smoked dope then hit the store Dicked her down she want some mo Bitch ill flex on the pope Chop a kilo McDonalds I feel like Pablo / You know my boys gon go all out You niggas gonna know Pull up you home alone Air force 1s on my toes Whipping foreign like im grown Whipping foreign like im grown Main bitch whip the stove Side bitch whip the pole Whipping foreign like im grown Whipping foreign like im grown / White converse white socks Plaid long sleeve shirt down to shoulders Black spaghetti strap crop top Black shorts or skirt Dark skin Asian or Hispanic White Nike tennis shoes Long white Nike socks Black shorts Black hoodie Black Nike hat Pink hat Blonde long kinda wavy hair Black shorts White label shirt White Nike tennis shoes / Them drugs hit the spot Kiss me in that spot Them drugs hit the spot Kiss me in that spot Pull up finnesse on the whole lot Some feelings were caught Won't hold back on you tonight Get at my baby you might meet yo plight Won't hold back on you tonight Get at my baby you might meet yo plight / You changed you don't love me in the same way You changed We don't fuck just like we used to You changed you don't love me in the same way You changed We don't fuck just like we used to You changed Nothing will ever be the same If you don't love me no more you could've just said it I made you happy at least give me some credit We ain't getting further Cuz I ain't tryna hurt her Your love was just a lie Do you got better niggas on the side? I can see it in your eyes You switched up you changed sides You changed you don't love me in the same way You changed We don't fuck just like we used to You changed you don't love me in the same way You changed We don't fuck just like we used to You changed Nothing happens when I touch you there Shit got cold I can feel it in the air / Remember when we stayed up all night That was the best night Promise ill always be by your side But baby will you be by mine Ijusthopeshitwillturnoutright

[johnboothus]

We Asked 15 Bartenders: Whats the Best Frozen Drink Youve Had This Summer?

In the thick of summer, the frozen cocktail gets its moment in the sun. And deservedly so: Few things provide relief from the intense heat like a slushy, boozy drink cold enough to give an old-fashioned brain freeze. What could be more fun?

Over the last decade, the category seems to have entirely shaken off its stigma of being absurdly sweet and artificial-tasting concoctions, thanks to a renewed interest among today’s mixologists whose versions are produced with the same creativity and precision as their unblended counterparts. Now, they are featured on the menus of some of the country’s most highly regarded cocktail bars.

To help identify the best frozen drinks, we asked 15 bartenders to recommend their favorite libations in blended form. From a minty twist on the traditional Piña Colada to a guava-driven Daiquiri, here are the blended adult treats keeping these experts cool and refreshed in the heat.

The Best Frozen Cocktails Recommended by Bartenders:

Donna’s Brancolada

Frozen Avocado Margarita

The Saturn

Banana Stand

Miami Vice

Kelbo’s Guava Daiquiri

Koji Piña Colada

Frozen Irish Coffee

Frozen Margarita

Caipirinha

Rotating Frozen Drink at Dolores

Keep reading for details about all of the recommended bottles!

The Brancolada

“One of my ultimate favorite drinks is the Piña Colada, so when I tried the famous frozen Brancolada created by Jeremy Oertel at Donna’s, I was blown away! Not only did this drink always have the perfect slushy consistency, its name says it all. It has the delicious tropical flavors of coconut and pineapple that make a Piña Colada. Made with Appleton Estate VX Reserve that adds complexity and spice notes, freshly squeezed orange juice, and a minty bitter finish from the Brancamenta, a sweet version of Fernet-Branca with mint. This is a frozen drink that you could enjoy all year around. Sadly, Donna’s is no longer open due to the pandemic, but you can find the recipe online and Donna is doing a summer pop-up in Greenport, Long Island. Long live the Brancolada, long live Donna!” —Natasha Bermúdez, Head Bartender, Llama San, New York

“The Brancolada, at the recently closed Donna in Brooklyn, by Jeremy Oertel, has to be one of my favorite frozen drinks of all time. Even though I haven’t had this drink in a number of years, I still remember it well. One full ounce of Brancamenta can easily overpower any drink but this inventive Piña Colada riff is complex, bitter, and just downright delicious. Donna is one of the best bars. Hopefully it reopens in a new location soon.” —Paul McGee, Owner, Lost Lake, Chicago

“Definitely Donna’s Brancacolada. Brancamenta, Jamaican rum, lime, orange, and coconut, all frozen into that delicious brain-freeze texture. It changed me. You couldn’t stop at one.” —Sam Ross, Co-owner, Attaboy, New York

The Frozen Avocado Margarita

“My favorite frozen drink, maybe of all time, is the Frozen Avocado Margarita at Curra’s Grill. It’s a classic frozen Margarita but the addition of avocado brings a creamy texture similar to that of a fruit smoothie. (Avocado is a fruit, after all!) The gorgeous bright green hue is akin to a green juice, so it’s sort of healthy, wink wink. The salted rim (ask for a chili salt rim if you like some spice!) along with the star of the show, avocado, brings savory qualities and highlights the vegetal and grassy notes of blanco tequila. Curra’s was one of the first restaurants I ate at when I moved to Austin in 2008, so I have many fond memories of drinking these on the patio. Curra’s will be opening their second location in Hyde Park soon, so you’ll most likely see me there, green drink in hand.” —Erin Ashford, Beverage Director, Olamaie and Little Ola’s Biscuits, Austin, Texas

The Saturn

“The Saturn, from Smuggler’s Cove. This is a modern tiki classic you can order in most tiki bars, but Smuggler’s was the first place I tried it. For me, it’s the perfect balance of flavors. London dry gin is the base spirit, combined with passion fruit, fresh lemon, orgeat, and falernum. Then, blended and served in a coupe with lemon peels cut into Saturn’s rings. This cocktail takes your palate on a journey. Herbaceous gin, with tart and bright citrus from the passion fruit and lemon, then the orgeat and falernum combo give you a nutty and baking-spice finish. Blending the Saturn also gives you an incredible mouthfeel and texture. It’s tart, tropical, nutty, spiced, and frozen. Perfect for a warm day, or after a long shift.” —Sam Miller, Bartender, Pagon Idol, San Francisco

“My favorite frozen cocktail, to make and to drink, is the 1950s tropical classic the Saturn. The gin and citrus work perfectly for a cooling [flavor] in the summer heat, paired with the subtle warmth of orgeat and falernum and the tropical notes of passion fruit. It reminds me of a boozy popsicle. I serve mine with a split of passion fruit and blue Curaçao to give a fun pop of color, and garnish it with edible glitter for the extra space vibe.” —Selma Slabiak, Proprietor and Bartender, Selma’s Bar, Ridgewood, N.Y.

The Banana Stand

“Selma Slabiak is doing some super-fun stuff at Selma’s Bar, located inside of Queens brewery Evil Twin. My favorite slushy is the Banana Stand, a fun mix of rums, including Plantation Pineapple, combined with banana liqueur, l’orgeat, and pineapple and lime juices. It’s pure delight. Refreshing and cheerful, it’s a real mood lifter. Bonus points for serving this in a flight with her three other slushies!” —Natasha David, Co-owner, You & Me Cocktails, Red Hook, N.Y.

The Miami Vice

“The Miami Vice. It’s one part Piña Colada, one Strawberry Daiquiri. If fresh ingredients are used, it’s wonderful. Delicious, and perfect for any time.” —Terance Robson, Owner, Here Nor There and Eden Cocktail Room, Austin, Texas

“The Miami Vice. I mean, what’s not to love about it? A combination of two of the best tropical drinks, frozen, and then swirled. No brainer! It’s just so damn deliciously fruity and refreshing. Every time I have one, I’m instantly transported to a beach without a care in the world. I think about pounding a Miami Vice (or two) just about every time I’m weeded on a busy Friday night bar shift.” —Brad Langdon, Bar Director, Albi and Yellow, Washington, D.C.

The Guava Daiquiri

“During my 16-plus years in Los Angeles, the talk of classic tiki drinks was always quite prominent as we were in the birthplace of tiki. When it came time to talk crushed ice in blended cocktails for a seminar in Las Vegas, I went back to the bartender staple Sippin’ Safari for some inspiration and kept doubling back to Kelbo’s Guava Daiquiri. Kelbo’s was a Hawaiian BBQ restaurant circa 1950s on Fairfax Avenue. Imagine having a blended concoction of lime juice, guava nectar, banana liqueur, and either vodka or gin with your Hawaiian BBQ! I was instantly sold. I usually opt for a pot still London dry gin like Citadelle that can enhance and play with all the tropical flavors and add another dimension of flavor. Whether with vodka or gin, though, it’ll be a tropical party where rum lets their vodka and gin friends be the star for a day.” —Jen Len, Beverage Director, MW Restaurant, Honolulu

The Piña Colada

“The best I’ve had in recent memory was a Koji Piña Colada by Austin Hennelly of Majordomo. With Appleton Estate Rum, Aperol, coconut cream, makgeolli, acid-adjusted pineapple juice, and koji, it’s got all of the tropical allure of a Piña Colada with big slap in the face of umami from the koji and makgeolli. The first time I tasted it was while working a pop-up where Austin was making the drinks. I spent the majority of my night lurking around the frozen machine, sneaking quality-control pours for myself. It’s one of those combinations of flavors so satisfying, you can’t help but come back for more.” —Mike Capoferri, Bartender, Thunderbolt, Los Angeles

The Frozen Irish Coffee

“For me, the perfect, most versatile, frozen drink is the Irish Coffee. The delicious combination of coffee, cream, and Irish whiskey (or whatever booze one decides to throw in there) is the perfect pick-me-up the morning after a hard night out and the best way to stay alive during a hot, melting summer afternoon. Everyone is familiar with the frozen Irish Coffee at the Erin Rose in New Orleans, but anywhere I see one I have to give it a try. The balance of creamy texture, dessert motifs, roaring caffeine, and knock-you-over booze makes the frozen Irish coffee my ultimate frozen cocktail.” —Thomas Eslinger, Bartender, Death & Co., Los Angeles

The Frozen Margarita

“The Margarita has to be my favorite, hands down. It was the first frozen alcoholic drink I ever had, so I’ve had a love for it since I can remember. Then, after learning its history and all the different variations that exist, I’ve fallen even more in love with it. It’s a classic that will never go out of style, and will stay at the top of my list of favorites without hesitation.” —Steve Tinnon, Bartender, The Green Lantern, San Antonio, Texas

The Caipirinha

“The Caipirinha is the national drink of Brazil, and for good reason. Made with cachaça rum (pure sugar cane), muddled limes, and sugar, it’s simple and delicious. The simplicity of the ingredients allows each one to shine in a beautiful tropical blend. The first sip reminds you of the rum, and the next 20 remind you of a vacation.” —Katrïn Hayward Miller, Lead Bartender, Sonder & Dram, Lewiston, Me.

The seasonal frozen drink at Dolores

“Right now, my favorite frozen drink is whatever seasonal frozen cocktail is on at Dolores, located here in Providence. Horus Alvarez and the team always focus on showcasing whatever is perfect for the weather and what freshest ingredients are available at the time. The restaurant has done amazing frozen piña coladas, prickly pear Palomas, Daiquiris with Oaxacan rum, and more in the past. But the current offering has blanco tequila, cocchi americano, watermelon, honey, and fresh citrus, always! It’s always an ethereal moment when enjoying a number of these with its tacos and incredible moles to share with a large group of friends.” —Parker Luthman, Head Bartender, The Eddy, Providence, R.I.

The article We Asked 15 Bartenders: What’s the Best Frozen Drink You’ve Had This Summer? appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/wa-15-best-frozen-drinks-summer/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/we-asked-15-bartenders-whats-the-best-frozen-drink-youve-had-this-summer

[stars-and-branches]

1, 7, 12, 15, 17, 19, 21, 23, 24, 25, 27, 30, 31, 38, 39, 42-51, 53, 57, 58 (would just love it hear more about), 60, 65, 70, 72, 73, 78-83, 90, 93 (hate this term being used outside of indigenous contexts but an animal you connect with), 94-97, 99

Answers under the cut!

1. What’s one animal you wish you could have as a pet but can’t?

A snake, I think they’re really cool! I don’t really know enough about reptiles to be able to have one and care for it properly though.

7. Chocolate or fruity candy?

I am,,,,, a fruity bitch. I like fruity candy most of the time but sometimes chocolate hits the spot.

12. Any hidden talents?

Not really hidden but I don’t talk about it a lot on here. I know how to play the piano! I took lessons for a decade.

15. Favorite board game?

Mexican train, my family plays it sometimes for game night and it’s fun.

17. Heat on or keep it cold with lots of layers?

Layerssss. It could be below zero outside and I’d still keep the windows cracked open so I can layer on more blankets.

19. Favorite song to belt out at the top of your lungs when you’re alone?

Any song Hozier’s ever made, the My Chemical Romance Danger Days album, or just whatever is living in my head rent free. Lately it’s been sea shanties.

21. At what age did you first have alcohol?

I think I was in middle school? My Dad gave me a sip of his beer expecting some dramatic reaction and uh, that didn’t happen.

23. What’s the most amount of money you’ve spent on a single item of clothing?

I don’t really like spending money - paying the housing deposit out of pocket is a little painful rn - so I guess $40ish?

24. What do you typically wear to formal events?

When I was younger I never had a choice and was always shoved into a dress. Nowadays I’d probably go by how dysphoric I’m feeling. I want to wear a suit at least once!

25. Favorite memory?

Hoooo boy that’s hard to pick. I guess going to see Dead and Company for a three day show at the Hollywood Bowl a year before my Mom died. We had a lot of fun, it was really beautiful, and there were a lot of good moments.

27. Favorite shoes?

I have a pair of black leather heeled boots with red laces. I refer to them as my “stompy boots”. They’re the only thing I own that emits top energy and I never wear them because they have a five inch heel and I have lots of foot pain.

30. Have you ever had braces?

Unfortunately. I got them taken off a few months ago though :D

31. Most dangerous thing you’ve ever done?

Drive. I’m the walking talking stereotype of gays being unable to drive. I almost crashed my grandmother’s car with my entire family in it. Not a fun time.

38. What color do you wear the most?

I answered this in a different ask but black. I’m trying to incorporate more colors into my clothes though!

39. Favorite season?

The rainy season where I live. For a few months the usually barren desert teems with life. It’s beautiful and the only time I can actually grow anything.

42. First car you ever owned?

I have a 2001 Honda Accord.

43. What time do you usually go to bed?

Early. My friends often give me shit for having the sleeping hours of a retiree. I used to be a night owl but I had to get up at 4am all throughout high school so I started going to bed immediately after dinner. I haven’t been able to kick the habit.

44. Are you a competitive person?

Yes but I don’t like competitions. I’m competitive in the sense that I’m constantly comparing myself to how others are doing and I try to be better than those around me. Of course, I’d never admit this out loud but the internet is fine apparently a;kjnvdfdasdvdf

45. Least favorite color?

Orange.

46. First pet you’ve ever owned?

A small tabby cat named India. I still have her, my parents got her when I was 4 months old :).

47. Sweet or salty?

Yes.

48. Favorite pasta dish?

Ravioli!!!

49. Favorite kind of chips?

Limon chips. Though black pepper is a close second.

50. Talk about something you’re passionate about.

I did this in a previous ask and I’m tired so this question gets a skip.

51. What are some of your hobbies?

Baking, gardening, video games, reading, journaling, drawing.

53. Favorite kind of pizza?

Either vegetarian pizza or margherita pizza.

57. Favorite labels about you?

I take pride in my queerness and being disabled. The latter because I love the spoonie community and it’s a huge part of my identity.

58. Are you a religious person?

Yes, in the sense that I’m a very spiritual person. I’m a witch. I’ve considered myself a pagan for the past five years, and I’m currently exploring Christianity since my religious path has grown too stagnant.

60. What size shoe do you wear?

It depends on the phase of the moon just about, lmao. I wear a 6 1/2, as wide as the shoemaker can make it. I have really short but really wide feet.

65. Favorite fruit?

Yes. I love most fruits (fuck pears).

70. Favorite dessert?

I don’t really have a set favorite? If I had to pick I guess it would be a fruit tart.

72. Age you learned how to swim?

Either 6 or 7.

73. Tell a funny story.

I used to be friends with a guy who was like. Ridiculously tall. Ultra flamboyant, very loud, like if the color neon orange was condensed into a human being. In my sophomore year of highschool we sat on some bleachers during the homecoming pep rally. He refused to stand up for the national anthem. We were sitting directly in front of the football players in the most redneck school in california. I sat down with him because I didn’t want to witness him getting jumped and thrown off the bleachers. We got called a bunch of slurs through the whole anthem and screamed at. Stuff was thrown at us. They kept kicking us repeatedly. One dude was kicking his neck over and over. The football players were more of a disruption than we were. Eventually, everyone sat down and they finally got bored and stopped. Aside from the one kid who was kicking the person I was friends with, he passed time by throwing pieces of food at us. 

This kid, who I’m dubbing Dipshit McGee, kept doing this until I heard him suddenly yell, “Oh shit!”

I looked over my shoulder. My friend at the time started guffawing. Dipshit McGee dropped his phone from the top of the bleachers and it shattered into a million little pieces on the dirt below.

78. What’s your favorite compliment to give?

Usually simple things that express my appreciation. I use “I love you” a lot with my family. There’s only so many times that you get the chance to say it.

79. What’s your favorite compliment to receive?

Honestly any compliment. I’m not used to flattery so my brain just shuts down instantly.

80. Has your opinion changed on something recently?

Yup, that’s why I’m looking into abrahamic religions.

81. Do you always order the same thing at a restaurant or order something different each time?

If I go to the restaurant a lot then I’ll usually just order the same thing. If it’s somewhere new I’ll switch things up a bit.

82. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?

Crochet. It’s something all the women in my family do. I have all the tools I need (except for yarn) but haven’t brought myself to work on it.

83. If you could learn to do anything right now, what would it be?

On top of all the other stuff I’m learning? Maybe increase my cooking/baking skills! I want to work with pastry more.

90. What’s something you wish you had more knowledge about?

The occult, spirituality, religion. I’m always chasing after knowledge in those areas.

93. What’s your spirit animal?

Yeah, I hate this term being used in a non-indigenous context too. As far as an animal I connect with goes, it’s a tie between snakes and cats. Cats because I love them dearly and have connected with them my whole life, we vibe. Snakes because I love their spiritual significance: connection to the earth, constantly shedding their skin and changing.

94. What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?

Managing to steer the car away from crashing in the incident I mentioned in 31.

95. Are you the type to have an organized mess, or no mess at all?

No mess at all, preferably. I like to keep my space relatively tidy. Mess makes me really stressed.

96. Do you tend to make decisions based on the past, present, or future?

All three.

97. Are you a planner or a more spontaneous person?

I’m more of a planner. Spontaneity is very difficult for me but I’m trying to improve.

99. What do you hope never changes?

My ability to romanticize the small parts of my life, to find joy in even the simplest of things.