#one is def his first birthday. i remember the agony.

[cerealmonster15]

it is juice spade with 16 cards teehee. followed closely by caycay at 13 cards, and then riddle and ace are surprisingly tied at 10 [i think a bunch of others are also at 10 but i dont feel like double checking lol], i didnt realize i had so many ace cards. i only have 8 of trey and no ssr of him yet lol 😭 i wait for the day that his dorm card will randomly come home when im trying for something else the way ive gotten the other non juice ssr dorms lol. please please please i just need the one more for full heartslabyul 😭🙏

can u guess which twst character i have the most cards of in the game.....

[dulharpa]

this is for hayley! @whistlingwillows a dear friend <3333

it’s meant to be a birthday present haha. i just want to shower you in love;;; so thought maybe i could go through as many of your fics and comment on them :^)))

(TO EVERYONE ELSE: please go to @whistlingwillows blog and read her fics!!! they are SO FCKIN GOOD AND AMAZING AND UGH HER MIND (it’s a lot of mcu and her bucky and steve fics are a*. i DEFINITELY RECOMMEND))

i wish you a VERY happy birthday and i hope we stay friends for many more years <3333333333 

i’m going through your masterlist heehee ;)))

ah first off, nice theme! i never could rlly see it before because i’m always on mobile heehee. also sorry for not reviewing them before??? i don’t usually read fics on tumblr as you’ve probably guessed;;

anyways, IM GON REVIEW THE SHIT OUT OF THESE >:DDDD

far from home -  bucky x stark sister!reader

firstly, i like how youre introducing the reader from buckys pov, like you can sort of already gather what shes like from them

‘Bucky can hear Tony’s soft inhale, feel the intensity of the man’s glare directed at Steve. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but a twitch of muscle would be enough to alert both men that he’s here. With the amount of tension crackling in the air, a brush against the wall would be equivalent to a thousand cymbals crashing in cacophony.’

IM CRYING ALREADY. the imagery in here is GLORIOUS. your tone here is so fitting! oo and the alliteration here is perfecto

ooooooo!! the backstory coming in  👀👀

‘despite what some people think that Steve and Captain America are two different personas, there will always be parts of Steve in the Avenger, and parts of the Avenger in Steve. They both want to believe in something good. They are, after all, one in the same.// Just as how Bucky and the Winter Soldier are the same man despite everything. HYDRA simply amplified the hate, fertilized the seeds of rage, curated the quiet thunder within his soul, within James Buchanan Barnes so that the Winter Soldier could thrive.’

yIKES! lol this is very character study like! nICE. it hurts tho, my poor children, i love you both 

oo ‘starlight eyes’ that is a very nice way of describing them

‘“Then what was London?” The protesters. “São Paulo?” The earthquake. “Vancouver?” Freezing cold water.//“Look, I care if Stark’s gonna run us over trying to find her. I care enough because she’s part of our team. Come off it, Steve. I know she can take care of herself. I’m gonna take a nap. Dr. Cho said no partying post-Singapore and what do you know, we throw the biggest party ever.’

ooo singapore uwu and london? (coincidence? haha jkjk) and the hints abt reader and buckys background are so good?? but so annoying??? like i just wanna KNOW yknow?? 

‘The water runs copper and the sting bites at his palm as he tries not to think. Tries to focus on the numbing cold that runs over his skin.’ 

your imagery is so vivid?? im actually in awe??? i am so regretful i havent kept reading your fics. like i know they are amazing, i just keep putting them off??? idk man. hopefully this makes up for it (gd tho, im still not done with commenting on one fic. this is what im doing with my motivation teehee ;)

‘ He feels weak. Tired. He wants to go back to bed but he also wants to stay out in the sun for a few hours more. The sun kisses his skin through the windows and he squints against the blue sky, wondering ‘

mood during this quarantine lol

‘“Oh, right.” Your voice is flat, uninterested, cold, as you stare at him. “You killed my parents.”Shit.‘

 OUCH LMAO THATS C O L D, O GOT +100 PHYSIC DAMAGE FROM JUST READING THAT

ooo robin as a nickname noice. very much gives me batman vibes lol

oh! and the way of doing the ‘flashback’ is neat! very original. it both tells us what happened AND buckys reaction to it again. he can re-analyse himself and reader. very cool

‘If you walk away now, don’t bother coming back!” Silence. Bucky can hear his own strained breathing, your soft sigh as you soaked in his ultimatum.’

👀👀 yikes that ultimatum. :// not good bucky. tbf theyre both trying to hurt each other but Yikes

eyy!!! readers pov!! finally! and the switch after we find out the outsiders pov? brilliant

oh no :(( more angst

‘When’s the last time you saw your therapist?”“Don’t have one. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”’ they BOTH need therapists;;;;

very good fic!!! :DD they rlly do hate each other! i definitely like how you went back and forth with the timeline! it gave me a v strong idea on what yn was like even before we rlly got introduced. i am now very curious on where reader is? i love your characterisations! 

i will read the 10k+ fics but heck the last one took me ages lolol (i will comment in the future tho!! i promise <3 ) (that took me over an hour jjhghgdjh)

slipping away- amnesiac modern bucky x reader

omg,,, AMNESIA! >:DDDDDD

‘ Put your fucking seatbelt on’

oh no, istg theyre going to have a car crash arent they (’ doesn’t put the seatbelt on to spite you.’ NO PLEASE PUT IT ON U DUMBASS)

ok,,,,, at LEAST he put it on before he got hit, thank heck. but still. youre so cruel to your poor characters lmaoo

oh gosh

‘You fall apart slowly, like pieces of you peeling away until you’re nothing more than your broken heart. The sobs that wrack your body are relentless and you shove your forearm into your mouth to muffle your cries. You want to bite into your skin. You want to distract yourself from the agony tearing you to shreds. You want to feel anything but the pain.///Tears sweep into your hair, cloud your vision and your whole face floods with heat as you try to breathe through the pain. You’re cleaved into pieces on that bed, eyes squeezed shut as the tears keep flowing, and your throat burns’

this hurts damn, it is so vivid?? i can really feel it 

i am so glad you got into writing yk?? so glad

NO PLS, TELL HIM. TELL HIM :((( ‘shes nice once you get to know her?? shes known nat for years now!! years!!

oh god ‘he looks younger without the burden of your time together’ this is so angsty omg

‘Well, he was stumbling through his apology and I just let him finish.” Your body fills with warmth as you remember his embarrassed smile, the way he shoved his baseball cap farther down his head, chin tucked to his chest, trying to hide that face. “When he was done, I opened my mouth to say something polite but what came out was ‘You look like someone I’d very much like to kiss’.”

this is so soft i stg im crying in the club

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTT , you left it off like that!!! thats so cruel!!!! i can’t!!! how dare you!!!! :””””””((( im typing this with tears in my eyes ill have u know!!

anyway!!! very good fic!! you could honestly make that into a longfic very easily lol. i felt too many emotions :(( 

i was just about to say where is the fluff!! where is it!! when i saw the next one and yay :))) pls i cant have more angsty stuff rn

.

cookies and rings and things bucky and reader

‘how much do you love me?’ ‘count the snowflakes, multiply by a million’

did you have to start the fic off with such a SOFT line? its so soft! so TENDER 

‘He wonders what kinda insane person wears socks without any clothes on, but then decides that it’s the kind of person who’s fallen in love with him.’  jesus, the soft moments filled with love are the greatest <3

you can write fluff so well, whyd you have to pain me with all that angst ;””””) (1/10 hurt, 9/10 comfort is the way to go lolol) (jkjk ill read the angsty ones too when i have the spoons) (gonna reread that hydra steve one and ik thatll fuck me UP)

‘ Then, he can feel the cold metal of the ring she slid onto her own finger less than twenty-four hours ago and realizes that he had thought a lot of things shouldn’t be possible, and yet they still are. ‘

you literally brought me to tears reading this softness, you have truly found my weakness

‘ She’s so damn gorgeous with flour on her face and eye bags beneath her eyes that he’s sure she will inevitably make his heart burst ‘

he already likes her so much! i can’t believe this is affecting me so much :’)

‘Bucky is quite sure Sam is in love with his girlfriend in the fact that he’s in love with the fact that his girlfriend is possibly in love with Bucky’

this is so soft??? sam loves reader bc reader loves bucky sm. pls my hear <3333

you do fluff SO WELL DAMN 

‘F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoes in his small little perch and he still thinks it’s weird without having the side effect of Stark in his suit chasing after him to hear the A.I. but he shoves that uncomfortable feeling of the dead man out of his head. That is too much regret to unpack right now on a mission. ‘

yike bringing back that reminder oof

but thats so soft??? (i am def overusing soft but,,,,, i love it and the vibe) she sent him cookies! god i can feel the love  

‘She expresses her feelings through cooking, which Bucky has learnt the hard way. One time, they got into an argument over something stupid—he can’t even remember what started it��and came to the kitchen at 2AM to see her sitting at the kitchen island crying her eyes out and surrounded by baskets of muffins.’

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 my hEART

you show how much they love each other in so many ways??? i am dying

“Alright, I like it.” Rolling his eyes, he pecks her forehead and she smiles victoriously. It’s so adorable that Bucky, with less than three hours of sleep, adds, “God, I want to marry you.//”“What?”//Oh.Shit.

oh my god! i am literally tearing up!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!

oh shit o am literally crying

your fluff got me crying harder than your angst i hope youre happy

I really hope you enjoy reading this?? i keep forgetting to like text you but i wanted to do something for your birthday. especially in quarantine when everythings gone crazy. one year i swear ill do something REALLY good for you. not making promises bc i hate if i dont. but ill like, learn how to podfic because you D E S E R V E  I T 

ive spent like three hours doing this lolol 

thank you so much for everything hayley!

[mayabriane]

My Birth Story

March 17, 2019, it was the day Larry got back home from being on tour and away from me for 3 months, excited isn’t the word to describe how we both felt anticipating this day. Knowing he had his first Atlanta show with Ella coming in just two days, we started Operation: Get Sol Here. Power walking in Piedmont and the hallways on our floor, eating spicy eggplant from Planet Bombay on Moreland (I got a level 4 in spice and almost died lol), having sex lmao (laughable because of how big and uncomfortable I was and how nervous Larry was lmao), etc. but through it all we tried to remain patient. I was a nervous wreck because I REFUSED to believe or accept Larry not being able to be here for Sol’s birth. He had a few more dates of tour left after the 22nd so if she didn’t come on her due date, March 20th, there was a possibility he would miss her. He had even worked with them so he could stay 2 days after her due date where he would miss 2 shows. We were really determined.

March 19, 2019, my 28th birthday and the first night of Larry’s Atlanta show with Ella. Sol was still chilling. I was having very minor, inconsistent contractions so me and my Mama headed to the show. We danced the night away. Left the Tabernacle and headed to get something to eat before calling it a night. Wishing, hoping, praying that labor would kick in and we could head to the hospital. But still no sign of Sol. I kept growing more and more anxious but Larry was determined and kept faith that she would come while he was here.

March 20, 2019, 2nd night of Larry’s Atlanta show with Ella and with still no sign of Sol coming my mom, Ti Lori, Cameron and I headed to the show. Danced the night away again and ended our night going to eat at R.Thomas. Although the evening was perfect, full of family, love and laughter, the fear of Sol not coming before Larry had to leave was growing stronger and stronger.

I was desperate. I asked advice from my beautiful and amazing doula, Akiyla, who shared a not so enticing but possibly successful natural method to induce labor; a concoction that’s main ingredient was Castor Oil. Because I couldn’t find all of the ingredients, I just put a tablespoon of Castor Oil in some pineapple juice and drank it. The purpose of this was to kickstart contractions that would send me into active labor.

At 3:30 AM on March 22, 2019, I started having painful, regular contractions. As they got closer and closer together I became more and more excited, THIS WAS IT!!! Akiyla helped me monitor the contractions and headed to our apartment. My mom had stayed the night with Larry and I so she was already here. I woke them up, took a quick shower and once Akiyla arrived my contractions were 5-7 minutes apart. We called my doctor and they instructed me to go into the office to be checked.

Larry, my mom, Akiyla and I crammed into a small room in the doctor’s office for them to monitor my contractions and Sol’s heart rate. For some reason the machine wasn’t picking them up so the midwife came in to check my cervix. She said I was about 1 centimeter dilated, which was NOTHING and greatly concerned us because that meant I hadn’t made much progress. So she asked if I wanted her to sweep my membranes. For those who aren’t familiar, sweeping or stripping the membranes is an in office procedure where the midwife or doctor uses a gloved hand and inserts their finger into the cervix and separates the amniotic sack from the uterine wall. Basically damn near as painful as giving birth. I agreed to have her sweep them and just as quick as it happened I was screaming and crying. Agony. Because I was 2 days past my due date she sent me to the hospital to start labor. Before we headed to the hospital, we went to breakfast at Another Broken Egg, and by this time my contractions were starting to subside. I was so nervous but still determined to get Sol here.

We went and checked in at Northside. They sent me up to my room, I gave them my records and birth plan, got undressed and hooked up to have Sol’s heartbeat monitored and then all the contractions STOPPED.

We sat there for hours and hours and nothing. The first midwife came in and checked my cervix and said I was only 2 centimeters dilated. Not much progress at all. I became desperate again, and now so was Larry because we knew that he had to leave Atlanta the next day. Before all of this my plan was to go completely natural but now we started talking induction. We decided that we wanted to do induction because the midwife said that they would just give me Pitocin and that would kick start labor and I would dilate. Cool. We pushed the green button on that and waited for next steps.

Hours upon hours past and the 2nd midwife had still not arrived. We were growing more and more anxious and by this time me and Larry were impatient. I was growing even more concerned as well because my Mom was scheduled to leave Atlanta in just a couple days. The midwife finally came in and we started discussing induction with her. But before we got all the way into it she wanted to check my cervix to make sure she provided the best recommendation for induction. She checked and told me I was 1 centimeter dilated. She then explained that just giving me Pitocin would not work. She further explained that my cervix needed to be softened to dilate before contractions could kick start. That meant two steps before I could even start labor which also meant a ton of drugs and procedures that I was not feeling at all.

As we sat there in the room we all started to talk and try to make the best decision. Initially we chose the option that was the least complicated, but as I sat there with my mind and heart racing I knew that this wasn’t the right thing to do. As hard of a pill it was to swallow I knew that Sol was not ready to come yet and I did not want to try to FORCE her to come. Larry and I were devastated. We cried in each other’s arms because we knew now how great the possibility was that he would miss her birth.

I cried so much and felt so defeated like I had let everyone down. Why wouldn’t my body do what it needed to do to bring our baby here? But then I remembered the countless times both Larry and I said and held firm on, that God’s plan was bigger than all of us. That he would make it so that everything happened exactly the way it was supposed to. And with pain and disappointment in my heart I swallowed this pill too and brought in the next day with faith. Larry ended this night before heading home by giving me the most beautiful Push Gift ever; a gold necklace with two little baby feet as the pendant, on the front of each foot is an aquamarine which is my and Sol’s birthstone, and on the back of each foot was her first and middle name engraved. I wear it everyday now ❤️

Days came and went and there was still no sign of Sol coming. On Monday, March 25th I went back into the doctor’s office for another appointment. She told me that if I had not gone into labor by Wednesday that I would need to come back in on Friday for us to start discussing induction, which also could mean C-section. NOPE. I was not having it. So I walked and walked and walked and walked some more. On the evening of March 25th I went to the gym and power walked on the treadmill for 15 minutes, did some squats then went back to my apartment. Just me and my big pregnant belly. My mom was staying with Ti Lori and Larry was back on the road finishing tour.

At 3:30 AM on March 26, 2019, a very painful contraction woke me up out of my sleep. As I laid there 10 minutes later another one came. I was like ok I need to go to the bathroom. As I walked to the bathroom I noticed that it was oddly wet between my legs and I was dripping a little heading to the door. Once I hit the bathroom door and turned on the light my water broke all over the floor. I thought I had peed all over myself because of how it felt but I texted Akiyla anyway and told her. She told me that if I continued to leak fluid after going to the bathroom that it was def my water. By this time my contractions were growing stronger and closer together and I was def still leaking. Omg...it was finally happening. I called my mom and woke her up and told her to head over immediately because it was time. Both her and Akiyla rushed here and took me to the hospital.

Got checked in and so the long journey of labor began. When they initially checked me they found that I had ruptured meconium, meaning Sol had pooped inside of me. They weren’t extremely concerned but knew they had to monitor her heart rate and once she was born check her immediately to make sure she had not swallowed or inhaled in the meconium.

For 10 hours I groaned, rocked and moaned through excruciating contractions trying to stay determined to go natural. My mom and Akiyla stayed by my side. I threw up three times. By this point I was so weak and exhausted I could barely sit up. So I asked for some pain medicine. They came in an gave me 2 shots, one of morphine and the other to help with nausea. That calmed me some but just a little. The contractions were getting worst. At the 13th hour they came in to check my cervix, I was only THREE CENTIMETERS dilated. NO WAY. And I had to get all to the way to TEN!? And it had already been THIRTEEN hours!? How much longer would it take!? How much more could I take?! Nope. That was it for me. I told them I wanted the epidural.

I got the epidural, craziest feeling ever. It felt like a skinny cold worm wiggled through my spine. Not long after that I was numb from the waist down. I couldn’t even lift my legs or rotate from side to side. And I was shivering uncontrollably. But I could no longer feel the contractions (bright side). They came in and checked me again I was 5 centimeters. Some progress but still not enough so they gave me Pitocin. Only a little bit made my contractions so strong the epidural was wearing off and they were extremely close so they took me off the Pitocin and let me ride the rest of it out with just the epidural. More time went by then they came in again and checked me, I was 9 centimeters. Omg NOW it was REALLY time. They called the Midwife to come which felt like AN ETERNITY for her to get there.

I was experiencing so much pressure it caused me to shit on myself twice. Yes, I shit on myself. I was so angry and annoyed WHERE was the midwife!!?? Finally she came in and it was time to get in the position to push. With Larry on FT, my mom holding one leg back and Akiyla holding my foot I started pushing. Everytime I felt pressure I would have to get in position and push as hard as I could for 10 straight seconds without breathing, let 3 seconds pass and push again for 10 seconds for THREE PUSHES. At the end of each round I was crying and trying to catch my breath frustrated because each last push felt like I was doing it enough. They kept trying to make me wear the oxygen mask, but it was giving me anxiety so I kept pulling it off. On top of all that it felt like Sol was coming out and going back in (btw I could feel everything except the contractions) so I asked for the mirror so I could see my progress. And OMG there was her head FULL of hair. Now it was ON lol

For 38 minutes I pushed and pushed and pushed and then at 2:03 AM she came. The moment of her coming through the birth canal at the last moment before she was Earth side, is unlike anything I’ve ever felt or probably will ever feel. I had transcended from Earth to spirit world. I was levitating. I was absolutely weightless, completely surrounded by a warm but gentle cloud of light and love. Unreal. I balled. So did Larry and so did my mom. Our beautiful baby girl was finally here. Our Sol Marie. 7 lbs 10 ounces, 21 inches long. And I was completely transformed. Since that day I was never the same. Life has all new meaning as does love.

My birth story was not like I imagined it would be and that is exactly the way it was supposed to be. Unpredictable. Unexpected. Unique. Surreal. But perfect. Perfect for me and our daughter.

If you read through this entire story you are just as crazy as me lol no but seriously, THANK YOU. Thank you for taking the time out to read my story and in a way share the journey with me.

Peace and blessings to you all, especially the Mamas. I love y’all.