#one day i will have real books you can recommend to your friends without exposing your recent parasocial fantasies

[lottiecrabie]

It’s probably time I told you I make one of my friends read pfms whenever a new chapter drops because I just think it’s SO good. She’s not even a fan of matty or the 1975 😭

-🪻

NO WAY SHSJSJ sending your friend smut is so funny to me Especially if she doesn’t even care about the guy😭 it’s truly just random erotica to her wow. i hope she agrees with you and likes it😁😁

[whentherewerebicycles]

ok and now some thoughts about my early experience of parenting.

it kinda rocks... i really like it. i will definitely have a second kid if finances and biology work out. my life is so much better with this little guy in it. the sacrifices so far are mostly minor and are much more logistical than personal. i have to work more hours than i'd ideally want to because there's only one paycheck. i have to try to cobble together more sleep than i used to because i am pretty tired at the end of the day. i can't go to the gym or run an errand or go write at a coffeeshop for a few hours without hiring a sitter or asking my friends to help out. but the tradeoff is i get to be this little kid's mom. he thinks i'm pretty funny and he's interested in everything i do and he calls to me to get me to come over to his mat and talk to him and he likes to grab my face and hold it still so he can study it real intently and when he's upset he wants me to snuggle him until he feels better. i would pick that over getting to run into a store without the stroller a million times over.

i remember reading this book years ago where someone (paulo freire? someone influenced by freire's pedagogy?) recommended that all teachers, no matter how long they'd been teaching, carve out time every six months to reflect on their teaching practices and consider whether those practices were aligned with their core/guiding values as educators. i obviously love this idea because i was born to engage in sustained reflective journaling about my values lol. but also: i do think there's value in setting aside time at regular intervals to check in with yourself about the way you are living, or about whatever you are practicing, whether it's teaching or your work with others or, in this case, parenting. so idk i might try using his birthday and half birthday as time to journal both about my kid and about my own practice of parenting.

do i have a practice of parenting?? that sounds too fancy for someone who is only six months in lol. but i do enjoy thinking about what i'm doing and i like trying to connect the day-to-day choices i'm making to larger principles. i have written about this before but idk i think i am somebody who derives a strong sense of security and groundedness from having a loose framework of guiding values i can refer to when making decisions. and i guess in this first round of reflective journaling i will try to articulate what some of those emerging values/principles are. here we go:

I am making a conscious effort to not sweat the small stuff. there are one million things you can be worried or stressed about in parenting. and there are one million ways you can fall into the trap of thinking that if you just control every single variable nothing bad will happen to your kid. i am trying, inasmuch as i can, to avoid at least a few ways of falling into that trap. i have worked really hard to choose flexibility instead of rigidity when it comes to, for instance, letting other people care for my kid. it's okay if people do things differently than i would - as long as he's safe, he can only benefit from being exposed to different caretaking styles and adapting to different people's ways of engaging with him. i also made a decision early on to not engage with any parenting content on social media (this means ignoring the dozens of insta reels my mom sends me every week lol) and that has been really healthy/good for me. there is TOO MUCH information out there. it is way too overwhelming. you could spend your whole life worrying and i want to spend my life doing other things, like funny accents and comedy bits for the baby.

i am working hard to not interpret other people's parenting choices as a judgment of my own. i really believe that there are lots of different ways to raise healthy, well-adjusted kids. we can make different choices (small and big choices!) and still arrive at the same outcomes. i just really don't want to be the kind of person who takes it personally when people do something differently than i would've! i want to be secure enough in my choices to be able to accept and appreciate a whole range of other parenting styles. i also want to be humble enough to realize that i don't have it all figured out and might learn something from reflecting on someone else's parenting choices. anyway this has been a challenging one as i sometimes DO feel quite judged or shamed by other people's choices. but i also think it's ok to feel that reaction as long as i can keep making space for myself to take a deep breath and think through why i feel like that. idk! work in progress but i've only had six months of practice lol.

i am also trying not to interpret other people's anxieties as anything other than them working through their own stuff. to give one example: i love my mom so much but she is just, like, vibrating out of her skin with anxiety at all times about literally everything. and she has really found an outlet for that anxiety in grandparenting. i get dozens of texts a week about what exercises i should be doing with him and what experiences i should be making sure he has and where i should be taking him and what i should be saying to him and what i should be asking the doctor about and so on and so forth. this obviously could be pretty stressful, and i know that my brother and SIL find it so stressful that it is kind of negatively impacting their relationship with her. but idk i feel like with my mom i spent a lot of my life taking her anxieties personally, thinking that she thought i was incompetent/incapable/irresponsible/whatever. and then at some point in the last few years i was just like oh... this isn't about me at all, is it? this has absolutely nothing to do with me. this is just her fear and her terror of doing things wrong and her overwhelming need to avoid shame, and all of that emotional stuff just happens to be playing out in this relationship because we are close enough that she can lets her emotional walls down and let me see the churning river of anxiety that runs through the heart of her life. i wish that she didn't feel like that. but it's also not something i can fix or change. the only thing that is within my control is the choice not to take it personally, which in turn helps me put some guardrails around it so that it doesn't impact our relationship. idk i think this will probably be an ongoing thing i have to sort through for myself. but also she is who she is and i love her and it is important to me that she be a big part of owen's life. so we will figure it out.

I refuse to optimize my parenting because i refuse to see my child as a thing that needs to be optimized. this is in some ways hard for me because in many respects i am all-in on the very american philosophy that everything can be improved endlessly, including yourself and your family, if you just work harder and care more and give endlessly of yourself to the work. but nope! nope. not for parenting. not for my kid. i want him to have experiences and be exposed to new things, but not so he can "get ahead" or excel in things. i want him to be curious, engaged, interested, flexible, alive to the world, open to new things. i do not care if he is bilingual by age four or has a STEM curriculum at his daycare or goes to a top college or whatever. and i want the choices i make about what we do together and how we spend our time to reflect that. idk he's still so little that this is not super relevant yet but i can feel some of it creeping in.

lastly: i am trying to approach all aspects of parenting with the fundamental belief that i am and will be a good parent. i feel like our culture wants women in particular to spend all their time feeling guilty and inadequate as mothers. we also don't get a lot of external feedback on whether or not we're doing a good job as parents, which i think can make us frantic for validation and riddled with self-doubt over whether we are doing Enough. but i want to just like, try to cut some of that out and just answer it for myself. i'm doing a great job. i'm a great mom. i love my kid and my kid loves me. as i learn more about my child and myself as a parent i will undoubtedly adjust my approach to parenting many times, but making adjustments doesn't mean i was doing something "wrong" or "bad" before. it just means i want to try something new or shift gears a little bit. idk maybe this sounds dumb but i actually think it is proving kind of powerful so far as a strategy for managing parenting anxiety. i just assume that my parenting instincts are reasonably good and will guide me to make reasonably good choices, and if something turns out not to work, i assume i am a good enough parent to figure it out and adapt accordingly.

ok!! good journaling session and now it's time for bed!!

[asecretvice]

hi 👋 fully and deeply entranced by “and this, your living kiss,” i’ve read it a few times at this point. i was curious about the dennis brutus poem that dean quotes in cas’ office. do you know where one can read the whole thing? my scouring of his work online has turned up nothing! it’s the untitled [the sand wet and cool] one

Actual footage of me reading this ask:

Like, you have asked me about Dennis Brutus! Thank you!! Feel free to ask more!

But to answer your question, I know several years ago I was able to finagle it on google books when I didn't have access to Poetry & Protest: A Dennis Brutus Reader. But why fuss with that when I can just copy it out here for you myself straight from that book? I highly, HIGHLY recommend reading it out loud, as the sonic qualities are top-notch! Forewarning of dark themes. Without further ado:

The sand wet and cool darkening from yellow to where it was damp, from a lioness-yellow to darkness, like ash or the shadowy underside of a mushroom

and to lounge in such sand, by the sea, uncaring scuffing bare heels in the seasand with the hard ridge of the heel, half-calloused, half-feeling the cold cool in warmgold folds, over silkchill skeins

and here to thrust out the legs to feel the jar in thighflesh and flanks and through this breakthrough of thighs to find true fuller freedom of loins and thews a great freedom of the groin— an unfolding upflowering of the flesh—

hair uncaring of sand, of shellpowder broken twigs and dirt; and to feel the keening of the cold the ghost of the spray, the spume, the salt— a cold glitter as of crystals and knives in the brightness and vagrant warmth of the day:

one assents to the brightness of the day, its perfection and warmth acquiescing in the cold in its essence sharp as a shell-blade and menacing while the shadows grow long and gray and cold, one accepts the voluptuous splendor of that day

of an imaginary day and of an untrue innocent idyll that never happened and a perfection of sensuality we never knew but which they created by report by alleging this was our act and our guilt:

and straightway by the evocation of their charge it was real and true; and we entered into that sensual idyll that sunlit sensuous voluptuousness of luxurious indulgence in lush-ripe flesh:

we were guilty then accepting the untrue as the real; so our pursuers, our enemies became our donors, generous friends: one perfect sunlit day was ours: the forbidden idyll became the real: we had our beach, our sea, our sun, the stolen sensuous carnal delight and the spray-bright, spume-chill, bladed air.

[Dated January 19, 1970; published 1973.]

Though you didn't ask, I will copy out the other Dennis Brutus poem mentioned, in case people are curious about that one as well:

Milkblue—tender the moonlit midnight sky; receive me now my sleeping love. Lovelaughter—gentle, a luminous glow arches from circling horizoning hills to this plain your tremulous breast exposes:

So, gentle and tender I brood and bow over your scent, your hid springs of mirth and know here in this dusk, secret and still I can bend and kiss you now, my earth.

[1970]

I will stop there since this fulfills your brief, but seriously...if anyone wants to actually talk about this stuff, or have me go off on a related subject...my inbox is open. (people like and/or reblog the post with all the footnotes and sources and whatnot, but no one ever asks about anything in it...please...)

PS—Absolutely thrilled you enjoy my fic! To hear you've read it multiple times is just incredible. Thank you <3 I hope you enjoy the poetry!

[favfics13]

Seventeen SMAU Recommendations

I Like You by @taeyegu

Summary — “i like you so much, i want to give you my everything, only for you…” (i like you, cho jung seok)

GAME DAY by @escapewriter

Summary: jeonghan was successful in getting you out of bed on a tuesday afternoon. what you thought was going to be a simple lunch that he would pay for, was actually a trick to make you finally go see him and the rest of your friends play their first game of the season. of course, the universe always messes with you so here you were at the nurses office with jeonghan’s teammate, treating your hurt ankle.

Iris Beauty ❀ by @wonunuu

Synopsis: you and mina have been best friends for as long as you remember. after your parents passed from a horrible car accident, mina's parents kindly took you in, tending and caring for you as their own. at such a young age, you have learned the meaning of debt as this is your constant feeling towards your best friend and her parents. to compensate, you have showed them undoubtable loyalty, respect, love and kindness, just as they have showed you; you do everything they tell you without question. so when your best friend asks you to pretend to be her in meeting a guy she has been talking to online, your loyalty and trust are tested when you unintentionally develop feelings for him.

AH! LOVE by @horangboosadan

Synopsis: by accident, you get added to a group chat where people are trying to find out whether jeonghan is in a relationship. five times they see you together and speculate, none the wiser you're in the group chat or whether you are dating or just really good friends.

Death By A Thousand Cuts by @ssssssssssssscoups

Synopsis: y/n loves books. she loves the way they make her feel any emotion, to get lost within the pages and words that suffocates her heart. jeonghan loves performing, loves the way his voice makes the public go wild. if they fall in love, will they fall out? 

Pillow Talk by @goingneo

Yoon Jeonghan || in which the evil twins are truly evil... by @lololololchips

Synopsis: in which the evil twins are truly evil, or in other words in which joshua is truly evil when he decides it's a good idea to follow jeonghan around to "expose" his relationship, but things go the wrong way real quick

You Were Beautiful by @viastro

Summary: A modernized cinderella au in which you and joshua meet through your love for boba popsicles, but end up living out your very own complicated, mess filled, cinderella story.

Tom And Jerry by @leewonkyeom

Starstruck! by @cupidhaos

Summary: a university student and a renowned popstar encounter each other by chance one night. she thought that would be the last time they see each other, but fate had other plans

Little Secret by @haosvteen

Summary: joshua’s life was as ordinary as can be expected for an idol. that is until a girl drops her hat and he texts her only to discover she’s a fan…and he’s her bias. he likes talking to someone who doesn’t know he’s an idol, but he needs to keep it that way. she can’t find out he is actually joshua hong from seventeen.

Love Hard by @wondernus

Synopsis: kwon soonyoung loves too hard and falls in love too quickly, accidentally building a (very false!!!) fuckboy image that he can’t seem to get rid of. when his friends talk him out of proposing to a girl he went on 2 dates with, he finally realizes he has a big problem with love. signing up to appear on his university’s most popular youtube talk show to unload his baggage and fix his image? what could possibly go wrong?

Domino by @horangboosadan

Synopsis:  A literature student with a procrastination problem and a dancing major who always says yes makes for an interesting combo of neither getting things done. It doesn’t help that there’s a best friend in the mix certain that the two will fall in love and makes sure they spend time together, only the two of them.  Somehow, every deadline is still met. Even the amount of time expected before the start of a developing crush.

The Roomie by @zo-byeol

Summary: kwon soonyoung and his friends need a roommate. (y/n) just got evicted. It sounds simple enough, but really, is anything ever simple?

Retrouvailles ❦ by @wonunuu

Summary: happiness? are reunions always happy though? when you are reunited with someone you want to see the least, does it make you happy?

Bittersweet by @networkluvs

Synopsis: in which y/n and wonwoo are forced to share an apartment in secret.

To My Youth by @viastro

Synopsis: in a world where everyone finds out who loves them within a 10 meter radius through the app love alarm, confessing your feelings without the use of the app is no longer considered normal. however, you refuse to download it in hopes that you’ll be able to fall in love without being dependent on love alarm.

Clueless by @hanniedream

GAM3 BO1 by @horangboosadan

Synopsis: wonwoo tries his best to talk his noisy neighbor into being a little quieter. it just doesn't go exactly how he expected it.

My Melody by @networkluvs

Synopsis: in which you become the muse of the overly cocky rising rockstar on campus, kim mingyu.

I Just See You by @svtskneecaps

Summary: When an artist begins to frequent the café you do murals for, you know your life is going to get interesting. What you don’t know is that he’s also your favorite online artist. Shenanigans ensue.

Lie Again by @escapewriter

Summary: a world in which various types of the soulmate system apply, you just so happen to have one that is completely stupid; being able to hear what your soulmate thinks of. however, when your soulmate hums a certain tune, you cant seem to get it out of your head.

Two Minus One by @twogyuu

Synopsis: What’s a better way to find love in the modern day than through dating apps? Eight months after his breakup with his long-time girlfriend, Vernon is finally ready for the dating scene once more - or so he thought. Finding the new game of love more challenging than he remembered, he reaches out to you, Chan’s best friend and legendary wing woman, for help.

PANG! by @kkumawrites

Summary: You'd consider yourself a simple college student, a freshman who just wants to survive their first year - but things get complicated when you're suddenly falling for someone you definitely shouldn't be, especially since he has a girlfriend already.

Play It Again by @svtskneecaps

Summary: Every day is Friday, again and again. Time resets with the sunrise, leaving you stranded in a single day, over, and over, and over. Good thing you’re not alone.

Shit Show by @gamerwoo

💬🗯️💭 THOUGHTS ??? by @itadorins

one shot smau’s about svt being horrifically down abysmal in chronological order

Seventeen College Au Masterlist by @seventeen-teen-teen-trash

SVT Hospital by @taeyegu

WANTED : NEW ROOMMATE by @suhnshinehaos

Synopsis : when yn’s exchange student roommates leave, they are left with the unfortunate task of finding a new place to stay. lucky for them, a room just opened up at apartment 5c, complete with the most interesting group of people they could ever hope to meet.

REDAMANCY by @escapewriter

Summary: your best friend was lucky enough to have two boys pining after her. you on the other hand were unlucky enough to be in love with one of them.

Radio Star by @got-svt

Summary:  when yn accepts a job at her campus’ radio station her first year in uni, she didn’t expect she’d be anonymously singing stressed out university students to sleep. now, a year and a half in, she didn’t expect that there’d be people trying to figure out her identity either.

Network Love + Without you by @cherrycheolliesc

summary: back from europe trip with a devastating heartbreak, yn tries to go through her junior year of uni with as little drama as possible, but still somehow ends up at the center of it every time.

Keep it Fruity by @cupidhaos

Summary: what other way to spend your summer but on an orange farm surrounded by cute boys?

Newsflash! + Move by @cupidhaos

Summary: university life can be hard when you get caught up with the SVT boys

[sofipitch]

If you're comfortable can you talk about more about your experience in the fandom because I share similar sentiments, in a separate fandom. I received death threats every day and my friend's account was hacked into and certain posts of hers were deleted. It lasted years. It was horrible. Did you write your fic Long Way Home (I love the title!) before amc iwtv was announced? Are those fans of the books who drove other fans out still around and may I know who they are so that I may block them? (1/2)

If I may, I want to share that when the HP books were first released--before JKR exposed herself and before the movies aired and ruined my inner version of the books-- I read them and certain characters in my mind were never as they were in the books, Hermione was Indian in my mind, as was Lupin, based on real life friends. Ron was definitely not a redhead. I don't know why there is so much hate towards race change, but it seems that a majority of those haters are on FB, as immortalconclusions mentioned about the FB group, I am a part of it and there is much vitriol in that group, especially aimed towards the actors. I am horrified that so many fans of the little mermaid are offended by the beautiful Halle Bailey, she's the perfect Ariel as I see it. Also I hate that some fans want to see Timothee Chalamette as Armand, what a ridiculous choice. (2/2)

So I don't really want to go into it, last time someone sent me an anon shitting on one of these ppl and I answered it the person was harassing all my friends for HOURS in like .3 seconds. Like we are block mutuals and yet she knew immediately, creepy much? There have been doxxing threats on here which is fun, I have gotten threats of violence and idk how related but a friend got one of sexual assault. So I'm not waking the beast by invoking these ppl. If anyone wants specific ppl I would recommend blocking you can dm me. It's honestly not hard to tell, if you see a VC fan who refuses to acknowledge the TV show or overwhelming speaks negatively, that's them. For some reason a lot of ppl try to keep up public appearances on Tumblr yet will say the most vile shit with their IRL name attached in the FB group

I actually came up with the idea for that fic after JA's casting announcement based on ppl saying there was no way for Louis to be black without changing "everything about Louis" or that Louis and Lestat as an interracial couple would be abusive. When you are so woke you think respecting cultural differences means ppl of other races aren't ppl who go through ppl experiences and so woke that the races shouldn't mix (but for POC protection). I just wanted a way to say yes POC are (get this) ppl. And it also turned into a way for my cowriter and I to talk about our own experiences and hopefully make something for other fans of color to hopefully relate too

I'm so sorry about what you are your friend went through, fandom in general has a lot of racism and I think some of it is the anonymity, white ppl feel safer being openly racist. Like all the slurs and stuff I and others have gotten is always done via anon or sock puppet accounts. So they KNOW what they are doing is wrong bc they don't want to attach their name to it. It's both disgusting and pathetic

And yeah this is not a unique situation for VC, when ppl were objecting to JA's casting they tried to come up with a PLETHORA or reasons VC is different and you just can't with Louis and yeah it's always bullshit. Same thing with Ariel, I love The Little Mermaid and I hate the Disney remakes but I will likely see this one in theaters bc that's my girl, I get the appeal of the remakes when it is specifically one of my fave movies 😂 But someone IRL asked me my opinion bc she knows I love Ariel and I was like "she seems good" and she went on to say that "She was always made to feel bad she was a redhead growing up (this girl is like strawberry blonde so barely, 0 freckles) and Ariel made her feel better". Like they were taking away HER representation. I don't even need to go into how fucking stupid that is. They ALWAYS claim to have specific and valid rationales for this one casting, they aren't a racist (maybe they even have POC friends!) 🙄

[honeyatsu]

Ambiguous [Dabi x F!Reader]

Warnings: Quirkless reader. Physical pain. Graphic parts. Violence. Abuse of power. Spoilers!

summary: In the eyes of the law you were a villain, a traitor, someone who was sick in the head. In reality? You were as average as they come. Quirkless, no combat skills, just you and your degree. You weren’t a villain at all, you were just their therapist. You took your job seriously and refused to break patient confidentiality, under any circumstances.

prompt idea from: @/writing.prompt.s on insta

Now, it wasn’t your intention to be a villain’s therapist.

As soon as you got your degree and license in therapy you were quickly hired at one of the best companies due to all the recommendations. All the studying, volunteer work, networking, it all paid off. It was a good run at first, until you noticed how unappreciated you were at work. They didn’t take you seriously, calling you in more for coffee runs rather than giving you patients. They noted you were quirkless, making you an easy target for bullying at the office. You were a tough girl, giving them a piece of your mind and leaving the same day it became too much for you.

The day after, you went out to search for your own personal office. You were efficient, looking to rent the most realistic options you had. You found one the same day you began searching.

You didn’t have a quirk; you could never be a hero. But everyone needed somebody to listen, everyone needed help even if it wasn’t in the flashiest way.

It wasn’t the best part of town but it was the most affordable and most importantly, it was your own.

It started with parents bringing in their troubled kids, not surprising considering where your office was located. Word about you got around quickly, especially since you offered price cuts to those who couldn’t afford it. You couldn’t help it, as much as you tried to be strict with your professionalism, you couldn’t not offer help just because someone couldn’t afford you.

Sometimes you offered an ear after hours for free.

Villains weren’t your target demographic; you never even suspected a villain to consider therapy.

The feeling of uncertainty washed over you when your first villain client, Twice walked in. He was very open and honest about who he was. You were a bit uneasy on what to do. Now, you weren’t too big on the whole hero versus villain dynamic going on the world. Why was it always good versus evil? Your studies taught you the world wasn’t black and white, people weren’t black and white, people were much more complex than that.

Everyone has trauma and everyone needs help, and this is the profession you worked so hard to obtain.

Who said villains didn’t need a therapist?  

You couldn’t see his face, his latex suit covering him completely. He mentioned it kept him sane. This was your introduction to the mind of a villain.

Word about you went around the villain community, quickly. Your villain clientele grew as your civilian one got smaller.

They never spoke of their crimes, you never asked.

It was their past, what made them who they are today, their nightmares, their ideologies.

You didn’t mind, this was fascinating.

You were compassionate, it was only natural for you to want to help people. But you were also a scholar, and what an amazing opportunity this was for you. Hearing their past, hearing what made them who they are, it was an eye-opener. You wanted to write about this, you wanted the world to know these villains, these people labeled as monsters and inhumane, are just like us. People with problems. People with trauma. People who are broken.

The psychology of villains, to show the world they need saving too.

Of course, you weren’t going to name who is who and you didn’t plan on doing it without their consent. By now you had gotten an idea of your client’s personalities and who wouldn’t be okay with their trauma being exposed nor their brain being picked apart by you.

But it’s okay, because you had a specific client in mind.

He called himself Dabi.

He came in one day, while you were getting ready to end your day on the job. He just barged in, muttering how his partner told him to come see you. Now, you were no push over. Villain or not, you had your boundaries and it wouldn’t be fair to see him with no knowledge of who he was, no appointment, just showing up unannounced comfortably. But seeing the scars scattered around his body and the staples seeming to keep him together, his hypnotizing eyes, you were rather intrigued on who he was and what was his story.

Three hours.

Three hours of him speaking to you about his past, what broke him, and how he believes the world needs to be cleansed of these “false hero’s” as he likes to call it. He was fascinating.

“You’re probably not going to like this idea” you started off, “But I want to write about you.”

He snickered as he got up from the seat across from you. You had an agenda. What else did he expect? “and they said you were genuine.”

You cleared your throat as his hand touched the door handle, “I want the world to know. One of my rules is not to tell the crimes you commit, otherwise I’d have to report everyone to the authorities. I don’t care to write about your crimes, nor do I care to write about you as just a criminal. The mind is fascinating and so are you. You want the world to know about false hero’s? I may not be flashy or aggressive like you, but I can make a point across my own way. But I also like to help. I didn’t choose this career for no reason. I don’t keep myself vulnerable to villains for no reason. Let me help you.”

“And why should I trust you?”

“I’m quirkless.” You said quickly. You never told any of your clients that since you started your own office. You didn’t keep any defense weapons on you and you were no fool. Announcing you were quirkless would be dangerous in any environment, you’re too vulnerable. “You don’t even have to agree right away. You can come in for free and if you still feel like I’m a part of the society you hate so much, you can leave and never come back. Free of charge.”

Dabi let out a hum as he studied your face, looking for any sign of you being dishonest. Your face was serious and stern. He just nodded his head and walked out.

He came back the next night.

After three months, he agreed to help you with your book.

Slowly but surely, you were slipping away from the patient therapist relationship. You tried not to; you really did. But it started with him offering to walk you home, making sure you got there safe. What a danger to society. Your conversations went from professional to rather casual. He would try to see you in more casual settings but you always declined.

You had work to do.

You got popular in the town you were in. You made a lot of friends, completely different from your old coworkers or classmates from the prestigious university you went to. These friends were more genuine.

You got so popular, your old office even heard about you. About how amazing you were, how smart you were, how you were the most genuine and compassionate than most in the profession. They heard about you so much they wondered what made you so different. So young, so inexperienced, so new to have the praise you have now.

Then they found out exactly who you were helping.

And whether it was envy or civilian morale, the authorities got word of you quickly.

And as soon as they figured out who you were, as soon as they did all the research they could on you it was decided: you were just as evil as the monsters you “helped”.

You weren’t even aware you were being watched nor were you aware of how popular you became to the authorities.

Not until now, not until it was finally Friday night; you just had a long day at your office. Only a few more piles of paperwork and you’d be done for the night and be able to enjoy your weekend. If it wasn’t for how loud or aggressive the authorities were while breaking your office door, you wouldn’t even have noticed anyone to barge into your building.

Without chance to even react, you were dragged by these large men, blind folded and hand cuffed before you could even comprehend what was happening. You didn’t fight them off, you didn’t scream, you were frozen in shock and fear. The only thing going through your mind at the moment: I do not get paid enough for this.

Before you knew it, you were sitting on the cold, moldy, ground, back against the uncomfortable wall. The least these people could have done was given you a stall with a bed- or at least take the god damn blindfold off of you before throwing you into the cell.

A traitor to society.

A threat.

A villain.

These were the words spat at you during your arrest. What a joke. This whole thing was a joke. You grew up poor, quirkless, you probably couldn’t even throw a proper punch if you tried. But you were smart, you were kind, you were compassionate, you were the hardest worker anyone knew, and now you were a criminal for wanting to help people.

They threatened you with prison time, they pleaded, and begged. They wanted you to talk, leak information on every villain you knew, their crimes, why they all went to you.

You stayed silent the entire time.

-

Dabi came around your office at the same time every night, he was a little late today since he just got back from a mission but knew you stayed extra hours on a Friday because of all the paper work you had to do.

You could only imagine his surprise and rage as he watched what happened from a distance. For the first time he stood frozen in place, horrified at the scene taking place in front of him. His heart racing in his chest, unable to move, feeling unable to breathe for the first time in a very long time.

You were genuine. You were a real hero. You didn’t need a costume, you didn’t need a quirk, you didn’t need some silly name, nor the fame. You were placed on this horrible Earth to help people. You did help people. Even people like him, who were beyond saving. You gave them something society has taken away from people like him: a sense of humanity. Compassion.

You were the real good in this world.

And that’s why he felt the closest thing he could feel to love when it came to you.

He knew they were going to try to make you talk and he just knew somewhere where his heart was supposed to be, that you wouldn’t.

Your professionalism, your love for your job, your love for your clients, the way you saw them as human, the way you wanted to genuinely save them from themselves, you wouldn’t just give that up.

He knew you.

And that’s why as soon as he saw them take you away, he snapped back to himself. Rage taking over his body, he sped his way to the League of Villains, calling up every client you had telling them what took place.

He was going to save you.

-

Three weeks have gone by.

Your cell was as moldy, cold, and gross as it was the first time you arrived. You had a pillow and thin blanket on one corner of the cell. They fed you once a day, sometimes they would ‘forget’. They beat you, threatened you, tortured you physically and mentally. None of it was enough to break you.

“We need you to help us. Let us help you.”

You let out a poor attempt of a laugh and then winced in pain right after, you were pretty sure you had broken ribs at this point. Although, you wouldn’t even be able to tell, you never even been hit until you ended up in jail. “A promise of help from the same people who hurt me?”

“Bitch.” The cop said before slapping you across the face.

Was this even legal?

You coughed up blood, surprised you even had enough to cough up at this point. You had a question for your clients if you ever got back to work, you might even ask the heros that come in and try to pursue you to speak: was the physical pain really worth the sides they play in the world? Being a regular citizen seemed so much more appealing after this experience.

“You know…I’m a therapist. It sure seems like you need one. Free of charge, I got you.” You made a failed attempt of a sassy remark, quickly earning you another hit in the face. “You know I don’t have a quirk, right? Of course, you do. You guys know everything about me. And I know you see I’m weak, I was weak before you guys even started abusing me.”

“You’re evil, just like them.”

“And what? You’re good?”

Before he had a chance to hit you once again for talking back, he was interrupted.

A hero barged through the door.

None other than the number one hero himself, Endeavor.

If his look could kill, you would have been dead the moment he laid eyes on you.

“Ah, my morally ambiguous hero to save the day.” You let out a small painful smile at him. You were barely conscious at this point, your body slowly giving out. “Here to save me?”

He ignored your remark, as he usually did whenever you tried to talk about anything but your clients.

“We’re under attack.”

There was screaming.

There was fire.

Boom.

Your vision was getting blurry, unable to make out the scene going on in the very building you were in.

“Looks like we’re the ones helping you now, doctor.” You heard a voice say as it got near you, lifting your limp body up. You recognized that voice.

Dabi.

You couldn’t speak, you couldn’t smile, you couldn’t even hold on to him.

My heros. You thought to yourself ironically, before passing out in his arms.

As he escaped the scene, he looked at your bloodied, beaten up body. It enraged him how the very people sworn to protect society and help the community could do this to someone as physically fragile as you.

You had no quirk, no combat skills, you were literally defenseless.

He and the rest of his comrades allowed you into their space. They worked together to bandage you up and make your unconscious body as comfortable as possible. You couldn’t go home, you couldn’t go back to the life that was once yours. Technically, you were an escaped criminal. You had nowhere to go. And for what you’ve done for them, for how much you impacted all of them, they decided they were going to invite you in with open arms.

-

Dabi was constantly checking in on you, more than anyone else. Sometimes he would refuse people coming in to see you, saying how you need as much peace as possible. Realistically, he was selfish and wanted to be alone with you always.

It had been three days, you were still breathing but no sign of waking up.

At least, until now.

First, he noticed your fingers starting to move, then your eyes slowly fluttering, trying to get your blurry vision back in focus.

You didn’t recognize where you were.

Rough skin grazed upon your hand. You slowly turned your head, ignoring the pain it caused you. A small smile formed on your face when you made eye contact with those familiar hypnotizing eyes.

“I told you not having anything to defend yourself was dumb.”

Ah, that he did. You remembered him scolding you for not even having a knife to defend yourself with if anything happened. You reminded him it’s not like you would know how to use it anyways.

“Where do I go from here?” you croaked, your voice as weak as ever.

He lightly placed his finger on your cheek, looking into your eyes. Savoring this moment alone with you. Appreciating the opportunity the world surprisingly blessed him with at this moment. “Stay with me.” He muttered.

“Dabi-”

“Touya.” He interrupted. “Call me Touya.”

You hummed in response.

“I never felt love, for anything. Not even myself. But I’m sure I love you.”

Your head was aching. Your heart was pounding.

“I know. I love you too.” You let out a weak laugh, “Looks like the whole client patient boundary out of the window, huh? Not like I have a job to go back to anyways..” You didn’t even realize you were crying. “Everything I worked for, gone just like that.”

You’ve never been heartbroken before, but you sure this was it. Your life’s work, your pride and joy, your way of proving yourself to the world that you were worthy of this life, gone by the hands of people sworn to protect you.

You were just trying to do your job.

Too deep in thought, you didn’t even realize Touya coming closer to you, cupping your face with his rough precious hands. You didn’t realize how close he was until you felt his hot breath on you.

He kissed your tears away. Placing small kisses throughout your face, trying his hardest not to hurt any part of you that was bruised up badly. He was forced to be soft with you in this moment, something he has never had to be before. His mouth slowly made his way on top of yours and to his surprise, you were the one who leaned in. The kiss was sloppy, it was kind of painful, but it felt right. 

“You are what I’ve been searching for in this world all along. You are the real good. You are precious. You are mine. And I will never let them hurt you again.”

You took in everything he was saying. 

You believe him.

[retroellie]

The Last of Us Headcannons

Summary: Headcannons about TLOU2 characters 

A/N: I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a bit, I’ve ben stressed so I thought I’d write for my comfort characters lmao 

Warnings: Slight NSFW mentions, TLOU2 spoilers 

Word count: 2.4K

Ellie

-This girl is the best girlfriend i swear

-She will always tell you she loves you when she leaves or even if she goes into the other room

-She’s lost a lot of people so she’s always telling you how much she loves you just in case

-Helping her when she has nightmares, especially after joel's death

-”Please don’t leave me.”

-“Ellie, I’m not going anywhere.” 

-She’s definitely a lover of old music

-80s and early 90s was definitely her favorite eras music and movies wise

-Gifting her records you found in abandoned buildings

-She draws you a lot, especially when you aren’t paying attention

-One time she couldn’t sleep so she drew you, she thought you looked peaceful asleep. That drawing is probably her favorite she’s ever done.

-You basically live with her in the garage she lives in

-Winters are always cold in the garage so y’all are basically attached to each other

-You both are cuddled up watching movies with tons of blankets on

-This girl is horny all the time, like if yall are alone she’s on top of you

-Dancing together at the dances

-This girl is so clingy omfg

-Ellie worries about the looks and comment yall get when showing affection in public so she tends to tone down her clinginess

-Joel loves you, point blank period

-When ellie tells you what joel did for her, you didn’t know if you should be happy or sad

-They were gonna take ellie away from you, you probably would've done the same

-”My life would have mattered.”

-”Your life matters to me.”

-You tried to make her feel better about it though, telling her that there would still be bad people and infected in the world

-Neck kisses from the back, my heart is melting holy shit

-She asks maria to put you on routes with her cause mama you are not going without her

-Puns, just puns all the time and you love it

-Definitely calls you babe and baby, you always make fun of her for it but she knows you loves it

-Yall make fun of each other but it’s all in good fun she will never take it too far

Joel

-You’re this mans baby idc

-No one hurts you or they will get tracked down and their knee caps will be gone

-Joel knows full well you can take care of yourself but he just gets so mad

-This man is so soft for you

-He tries to spoil you the best way he can, going out of his way to get you presents from abandon stores

-Teaches you how to play guitar

-He will have you sit in his lap and play the chords

-”Is it sounding better?”

-He just nods and kisses along your back

-He will sing you to sleep if you ask him

-This man has shown you some good ass music, yall sometimes just lay in bed and listen to old records

-He loves the way you look in his shirts, this man melts or bends you over the kitchen table

-He doesn’t cry often but this man is hurt

-The first time you saw him cry was when he broke down to you about ellie and the fireflies and what he did

-It hurt him a lot to admit it but he was so relieved that he could let go and someone be on his side for once

-Tells you all about sarah and how she would like you

-”She would’ve loved you.”

-”Yeah, casue i’m the coolest.”

-”You're a nerd.” He chuckled out

-He would happily tell you about life before the infection, what it was like to not have to look over your shoulder all the time

-He would never tell you about his time in boston

-He didn’t want to scare you, so you never asked but you had a good idea of what happened because of tommy

-Slow dancing in the kitchen while dinner is on the stove

-Forehead kisses in the morning when he has to leave for rounds and your dead to the world

-Calls you Babygirl and princess, IDK HE JUST SEEMS LIKE THE TYPE OKAY

-His voice in the morning>>>>>>

-Will watch you dance from a far while at dances

-Takes you out on little dates, he doesn’t even care about the stares yall (The age gap)

-He is prepared for anything to happen so he loves you like it’s his last day

-Talks about having kids with you but is okay if you don’t want them, i mean he’s not sure if he wants another one but hell, He said he wasn’t going to date anymore but here we are

-If you want kids he doesn't care hold old he is, he will try and try and try to give you a child 

-”Damn it i got my period.” 

-”Well then I reckon we gotta try again, huh baby girl.” He says with a smirk 

-This man has a daddy kink and that’s all i gotta say about that umm anyways

-He is madly in love with you and he shows it, he has lost too many people and he has the mindset of “Good things don’t last forever”

Tommy

-I love this man with all my heart, he’s my baby

-He’s very caring and will hold you anytime you need to be held

-He just wants to help people and make the world a little easier for them so he overworks himself to the max trying to keep everything in jackson in order

-”Tommy, it’s 3 am and you got rounds in the morning. Come to bed.”

-”Yeah i'll be in there in a minute, i just gotta figure out the food supply situation.”

-Having to drag his ass to bed

-He loves cuddling, he loves feeling close to you

- Your the fighter of the relationship, tommy doesn’t like to fight if he doesn’t have too so he lets you deal with the violent stuff

-Although tommy loves his brother, he has a hard time forgiving him for the violence he exposed him too

-He feels very undeserving of you and everything good in his life., you have to constantly reassure him that he is a good person and is doing a great job

-He does have nightmares of being in Boston but you were always there for him, he was so thankful for you.

-He loves your cooking, like it can be the most simple thing ever and he’d be like 

-”This is the best Cereal i have ever had, who taught you to cook like this?”

-He has mommy issues, like his mother wasn’t really around so he has a lot of issues with that ig

-He is the best kisser i said what i said

-He’s very passionate and possessive, it’s cute

-He gives you his jackets all the time, he thinks you look so cute in them

- This man is literally the softest i can’t

-He doesn’t cut his hair just because one time you told him you liked it long

-”Jeez honey, your hair is getting pretty long.”

-”Shoot, do I need to cut it again.”

-”No...I like it long, it flatters your face.”

-”I will literally never touch my hair again ever again now that you said that, Okay”

-You have expanded this mans music taste

-He only ever listened to country cause i mean he’s a simple man but then you came along

-You got him a walkman just so he can listen to the music you recommend him

-He tells ellie all about you and asks her for help because he doesn’t want to mess up anything

-He’s not good in relationships and he believes he’s not a very attractive man so he doesn’t really try but he sees himself marrying you

-Spoiler he asks you to marry him because he can’t see himself without you, he doesn’t want to imagine how the world would be so dark without you in it

-He’s not into cute nicknames so he’ll just call you honey

-After joel's death, he was broken and you didn’t think you can even put him back together, but your willing to try

Dina

-I think you would be dina’s first girlfriend but she would love you with all her heart 

-She kissed you at the dance and everything kinda clicked from there 

-She would sneak over to you house in the middle of the night 

-”Jesus, i could've killed you.”

-”But you didn’t silly, come on i’m cold lemme in.” 

-”You're gonna be the death of me dina.” 

-Your rounds with her were never boring, it was always an adventure with her 

-Making out behind building because she couldn’t wait till yall got home 

-This girl will tease you until your bright read in the face

-She will definitely love kissing you, like she will just randomly kiss you 

-She will try to smash you literally anywhere, when she’s wanting to do the nasty it doesn’t matter where you are she will pull you into a random room or bathroom

-She never bores you in bed too, she’s always up to do new things especially since your her first girlfriend 

-When she found out she was pregnant she wanted to give this child the best life so yall decided to move out into a farmhouse 

- Having a kid didn’t really change how she loves you

-She’s still crazy and wild but now she just has a kid on her hip

-You guys were co parents so you both would hunt and take care of JJ 

-You guys would do almost anything to make that kid laugh even if that was dancing like lunatics for an hour straight 

-You guys almost never get alone time so just laying in bed without the kid felt nice 

-Yall are cottagecore lesbians idc, yall are the best parents and i said what i said 

-From behind hugs and kisses, she will grab your hips and kiss your neck until you have no choice but to rip her clothes off 

-Vintage records and slow dancing with JJ 

-I feel like being in a relationship with dina feels like a vintage song about love 

-There's lots of dancing in this relationship because dina loves dancing 

-She’s always afraid that you will feel left out in the family though since your not JJs real parent but you always tell her you don’t mind and you love JJ just like how Jesse would 

-She finds it so hot when your all protective parent when it comes to JJ, as soon as he falls asleep mama yall wont get any sleep 

-Yall are the best parents, dina will fight anyone who hurts JJ and you make him feel loved 

-When he gets older you guys try to tell him about Jesse without making you seem like the outsider of the family if that makes sense 

-Taking care of the animals and plants as a family and reading books about how to while laying in bed 

-Dina makes the best food and she tries to teach you but it just doesn’t add up to what she does 

-Okay we don’t know much about her sister but by the picture we saw she looks hella cool and i think you would be like best friends with her 

Jesse 

- yall sleep on this man i swear, so this one is to all my jesse stans are there 

-He’s kinky, that’s all 

-He knows he’s hot and he’s super cocky about it 

-He’s not much of a cuddler ngl but he will fall asleep and wake up spooning you 

-Your really close to his mom, like she loves you so much 

-He’s very reckless and your kinda the opposite so you kinda tone him down abit so you think that’s why his mom likes you so much 

-Jesse isn’t much of a dancer and he doesn’t really listen to music but he does like to play video games 

-You always pick him up video games randomly and gets so excited 

-You force him to dance with you at dances and he’s so awkward about it 

-”I hate this.” 

-”Awe you love it.” 

-Always trying to grope you while dancing, like will have his hands on your ass and theres kids behind you like sir stoppp but like keep going 

-”Hey! watch those hands.” 

-”I have no idea what your talking about”

-You and dina are pretty good friends like even after their weird relationship, she’s happy for the both of you 

-Okay so let's pretend jesse didn’t die and he is alive and well 

-When he finds out dina is pregnant he freaks out, he’s still pretty young so he’s terrified he won’t be good enough 

-When the baby comes though he’s so excited, when he’s in the infirmary with dina your happy for him but you can’t help but feel an outsider 

-Dina is so sweet and tries to make you feel better 

-”You're gonna be the coolest step parent ever. I’m glad my son gets such a badass step mom damn.” 

-Dina does move out of jackson still though so yall only get JJ every other week, that was the agreement 

-He cooks in the morning for you and JJ while yall are laying in bed 

-I’m sorry but he’s literally the coolest dad, his entire life changes because of that kid 

-When JJ leaves to go over to his moms house Jesse won’t let you get out of bed, this mf hasn’t got any in a week

-He gets a bunch of cook books so he can better his ability to cook for little JJ 

-You guys decorate JJs room together and it’s the cutest thing ever 

-He takes you to romantic places in the abandon city when yall are on rounds together 

-Jesse has a lot of friends but he would much rather hang out with you 

-Yall call each other stupid and dumb a lot but it’s never used as an insult its just for fun 

-”Damn it, why do i always get the nasty ones.” 

-”Because your stupid, dummy.” 

-”That’s right, i forgot.” 

-Your guys bed is never made, you guys don’t even bother at this point. Like either the kid messes it up or you guys mess it up so what's the point 

-He picks you up when he hugs you, literally pick you up from the waist and lift you up 

!Credits to gif owners!

[laurenwritesfics]

Apologies for the month-long wait! It's finally time for the next chapter!

Read the previous chapter HERE. Read the full series on AO3.

CHAPTER FOUR: FOUND

Frank’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. He let out a long huff before slapping the dashboard, his eyes coming back into focus, the sight of the car hood crumpled against a guard rail jolting him into sobriety. Turning his head, he followed the tire marks to the center of the road, where the other car had swerved. He had just enough room to squeeze himself out the door, after which he attempted to get the other driver’s attention with a concerned wave. No response.

Walking forward, squinting in the glare of the headlights, the tightness in his chest subsided when he saw the woman behind the wheel, unhurt and breathing heavily. She was clearly just as shaken up as he was. With a light tap of a knuckle against the glass, he encouraged her to open the window. Their eyes met. There was no anger in them, only the softness that comes before an apology. Frank beat her to the punch.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” He scratched the back of his neck nervously.

“I’m fine. I’m sorry too, I should’ve noticed you sooner.”

“You had your lights on. I didn’t. It’s my fault. Do you want me to call an ambulance? I wanna do something.” There was a hint of panic in his tone.

“It’s fine, really. I appreciate it, though.” She gave him a small smile and Frank stepped back as she got out the car.

“At the very least I should give you my details, y’know, for insurance purposes.” He fumbled in his pockets for a non-existent pen. Then he pulled out his phone.

“No problem.” The woman unlocked her phone, pulling up her contacts. “My house isn’t too far from here so I guess it could have been worse, right? We’re not stranded out in the middle of nowhere.”

“I guess you’re right,” Frank shook his head lightly in agreement “so what name am I putting in here?”

“Lucy Montgomery.”

Frank tapped out her name and then shook her hand. “Frank Adler. If you need someone to look at the car, I’m actually a mechanic – I could save you a couple hundred bucks.”

Lucy tilted her head skeptically. “If I had a couple hundred bucks for every time a guy said something like that…”

“It’s true, I swear. Look,” Frank scrolled through pictures of his workshop until he reached a picture of the Celestia “this is what I’m currently working on.”

Lucy crossed her arms and scrunched her lips. “Okay, I’ll admit that’s kinda impressive. Do you do this all by yourself?”

“Yeah. This one’s for a dentist in Coral Gables, so if you don’t want me to fix up your car I’ll happily pay for everything.” He was half-joking.

“Nice to see chivalry isn’t dead.” Lucy quipped. “So how come you were out here in the dark anyway?”

Frank was leaning against the roof of Lucy’s car, one hand on his hip. “My niece’s cat went missing. Then she did too. I’ve been out looking for both of them all day.”

“Oh shit, I’m sorry. Kids are impulsive like that aren’t they?”

“You got that right. Mary’s obsessed with Fred. He’s the only friend she’s got.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“I don’t wanna put this on you-“ he started, but Lucy cut in.

“No, you offered to help me, so I’m doing the same. Do you have a picture of her?”

Frank nodded, tilting the phone towards Lucy. “She’s a real smart kid. I don’t think she’s lost, just angry.”

“I get that. I’ll keep a lookout and let you know if I see anything.”

“Thanks.” Frank pushed off the side of the car and moved around to the hood. “Y’know I could look at this right now. Probably get you back on the road before FDOT. And I’m offering friends discount…” he wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

“What is that exactly?”

“Usually half off. But for you, no charge. This time anyway.”

“This time? Are you planning on crashing into me again?”

“Not at all. I just mean I can do a better job for less, if you want me to.”

“Huh,” Lucy clicked her tongue “well if you say we’re friends, then I can’t pass it up.”

“For insurance purposes, obviously.”

“Obviously.”

They grinned at each other, then Frank popped the hood and began his inspection.

“You got somebody you can call at home? Just in case I’ve gotta take this into the shop.”

“I’ll figure it out. It looks like you know what you’re doing, so I’m not worried about that right now.”

“So you trust a stranger?” Frank feigned shock.

“I thought we were friends? Friends trust each other.”

“Good to hear.” He paced along the side and crouched to inspect a dent near one of the tail lights. “Looks like we caught each other at the back here. I can bang that right out. No problem. What d’ya say? It’s the least I can do.”

Lucy’s eyes darted from the road to Frank. “The Road Ranger’s here. I think he’s gonna want to take care of it.”

Unbeknownst to Frank, Lucy had called roadside assistance the moment the accident had happened. They rolled up alongside a police cruiser, and both the Road Ranger and an officer walked over. They stopped at Frank’s car first. Frank got up and headed over, ready to negotiate. But there are only so many times the line ‘it’s okay, I’m a mechanic’ can get you out of trouble. Of the two of them, Frank’s car was the only one that wasn’t fit for the road. He was the one who had to find another way home.

As his car was getting inspected, he dialed, first tapping out a text to a friend who took no time at all to offer to take care of Frank’s car. For now, there was no more he could do.

“Hey Roberta, got into a bit of trouble. Can you come pick me up?”

Roberta didn’t ask what kind of trouble he meant. She agreed right away.

Perched on the guard rail, Frank tossed his phone back and forth in his hands as he waited. He cast a glance over at Lucy, who was giving a statement about the accident. It surprised Frank how quickly she walked away. He hoped she hadn’t decided to take the blame.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna ride with us?”

“Us?” Lucy’s eyes narrowed curiously.

“My neighbor Roberta. She looks after Mary a lot. She’s great. I don’t know what I’d do without her sometimes.”

“That’s so nice, I’m glad there’s someone you can call on for support. It must be tough being just the two of you.”

Frank sighed. “It can be. But Mary’s like a little old woman in a kid’s body. She’s so wise, resilient, Diane did a great job bringing her up.” There was a tinge of melancholy in his voice.

Lucy sat beside him. “Diane?” She attempted to meet his gaze. “Oh, God, I shouldn’t-” she stuttered “if I’ve overstepped….you don’t have to talk about it.”

Frank shook his head. “No, it’s okay. Diane was my sister. She died.” This was all he could bring himself to say. Lucy wasn’t prying, but the wound left by Frank’s grief was still too fresh, and a sharp pang of sadness shot through him at the thought of exposing it. He slipped his phone back into his pocket and wrung his hands together, head bowed a little.

“I’m so sorry. Mary sounds like a wonderful little girl, so I imagine Diane was just as wonderful.” Lucy laid a hand on Frank’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“She was.”

Their eyes finally met. They sat in comfortable silence for a few long minutes before the glare of headlights grew brighter. Roberta pulled up and Frank stood, eyes flitting over to the Road Ranger.

“I guess this is you?” Lucy gestured to the car and then shoved her hands in her pockets as the evening breeze tickled her exposed skin.

“Last chance if you want a ride.”

She hesitated for a moment and then turned on her heels. “Let me go talk to the Road Ranger. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Roberta’s window slid down. “I went out for a drive to the beach and found a pearl…” Roberta pointed to the back seat.

Frank leaned in and saw Mary, slumped and frowning. He pushed back, laid his head on the cool window frame and muttered “Thank fuck.”

For once, Mary didn’t chastise Frank and demand a dollar. She sat up straight, gripping the top of Roberta’s seat as Lucy approached the car.

Frank opened the passenger door, stretching across to open the other for Lucy.

“This had better be a real good story, kiddo.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.” Mary stared absently through the window at the trees that billowed softly in the wind. “Can we just go home?”

“We sure can. We just have to drop this lady home first.” Frank adjusted the overhead mirror to give Lucy a reassuring smile. She smiled back and adjusted her seat belt.

Mary scanned her face. “Did you hit Uncle Frank’s car or did he hit you?”

Roberta stifled a laugh.

“Neither. We both swerved. Unfortunately Frank was the one who took a hit, but we’re fine.”

Roberta pressed her lips into a concerned line. “I think you should both get checked out at the hospital. Don’t wanna take any chances.”

“If anything changes, I’ll go there tomorrow.” Frank patted Roberta’s hand. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m not hurt, just a little shaken up. I’ll be fine after I’ve rested.” Lucy reassured her.

“If you’re sure…” Roberta gave them both a stern look. She was acting like a mother again. “Where am I taking you?”

“I live over on Jackson. It’s not too far, just past the library.”

“Uh-oh, she said library.” Roberta quipped, noticing the way Mary perked up a little. “This one loves books.”

“Y’know,” Lucy looked across at Mary “I work at the library, so if you wanna stop by sometime I can recommend some really cool books.” She caught Frank’s eye in the mirror. “We have a kids group every Saturday.”

Mary winced at the word. “I’m not a kid. I’m just me.”

“Hey, watch your tone,” Roberta admonished “this lady’s being nice.”

“Sorry.” Mary mumbled.

“It’s okay.” Lucy twisted slightly to face her. “I get it, I’m a stranger, it’s weird. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

“It’s a nice thought, so thank you.” Frank reached over to tap Mary’s leg. “Mary, what do you say?”

“Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome. And it’s nice to meet the girl I’ve heard so much about.”

Mary cocked her head. “Really?”

“Yeah, Frank told me all about how awesome you are – and brave – you must really love your cat to go out looking for him for days on end like that.”

“Uncle Frank told you about Fred?”

“He did. Wanna tell me a little more about him?”

“He only has one eye and he’s my best friend.” Mary said matter-of-factly. Frank coughed loudly. “Okay, Roberta and Uncle Frank are pretty cool too I guess.”

“Seems like it.” Lucy chuckled. The library passed them by and Lucy directed Roberta down Jackson Road. “Alrighty, this is me. Thank you so much for doing this.”

“No problem.” Frank and Roberta said in unison.

“It was nice meeting you, Mary. And you too, Roberta.” She got out and proffered a hand. “If I need any help with the car I’ll be sure to give you a call.”

With a brief handshake and a bright wave, the hectic night was finally over.

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[topsytervy]

Rented ~ Rafe Cameron

Blurb: Rafe decides to pay your brother Barry to rent you as his date for midsummers and it turns into something a little more.

Word Count: 4,516

Warnings: mentions of drugs, mentions of drinking, swearing, canon Rafe in the beginning, age gap (16 and 19), probably spelling errors, kind of horribly written towards the end, i think that’s all.

I just want to say that it’s not okay to rent out your friends or family members without their consent or just in general so...don’t be Barry. Also, google told me age of consent in North Carolina is 16 but THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. I DO NOT CONDONE A RELATIONSHIP WHERE ONE (OR MORE) OF THE PEOPLE IN A RELATIONSHIP IS A MINOR AND THE OTHER (OR OTHERS) IS AN ADULT. I DO NOT CONDONE IT AND DO NOT RECOMMEND IT. THIS IS PURELY FICTION AND FOR THE STORY.

~~~~~

Being Barrys younger sister sucked ass. 

He was your legal guardian until you were 18 and he couldn't care less about your well-being if you were being honest. It was well-known that Barry was your brother after all the times he dragged you home from somewhere or constantly called you, telling you to get home. If you opted for turning off your phone, he'd come looking for you or offer someone a gram at half-price if they brought you home.

There was the one time you were at the chateau late one night and he told you that if you weren’t home by 10, you'd be sleeping outside cause he wasn’t going to get up to unlock the door.

JJ dropped you off at 10:01 and, sure enough, a blanket and pillow were sitting on the porch for you. When JJ stopped by later to drop off your phone that you left behind on accident, he saw you sleeping on the ground and took a crowbar to your window.

JJ seemed to be the only one who liked you for you. 

Most of the time when people approached you and became your friend, they did it because they thought that being your friend meant discounted coke. 

It didn't. Frankly, Barry didn’t want you sticking your nose in his little empire. You minded your business and he minded his for the most part.

JJ was probably the first real friend you had. It was very simple of how the friendship formed, he saw someone push you, and he punched them. Why? You don’t know. That was just JJ Maybank for you. 

You repaid the favor the next day when a girl poured her water on him and you broke her nose for him. He laughed as you passed him your sweatshirt so he could dry himself off before you were dragged to the office.

You had also tried convincing Barry to stop selling to Luke Maybank but Barry just said "money is money. I’m not turning away a paying customer just so your little boyfriend can be happy. My happiness comes first. How do you think I feed you?"

8th grade was a wild year.

The first time you ever met Rafe was when he was a senior in high school and you were a freshman.

There was a kegger on the beach and you were on keeping JJ under control duty like every other time. It was a well-known fact around that you could talk JJ down from a fight and keep him from pounding people’s faces in. After all, you liked to avoid conflict and would rather have problems talked out rather than fought out.

So it was no shock when Topper, Kelce, and Rafe showed up and stood in front of you guys for their beers, you had a hand on JJs shoulder and shooting him a glance.

Thankfully, you got through filling their cups without any words said and the party went smoothly for the most part until Topper and JJ got a bit too close to each other.

All you remember is coming back from the bathroom and being dragged to where JJ currently had Topped in a headlock.

"Yo, Y/N! Get your boy off of him!" Rafe had yelled at you. 

You rolled your eyes and flipped him off before rushing over to the two boys.

 You grabbed JJs bicep and leaned in close to him so he could hear you. "J, he's had enough. Let him go." 

JJ hesitated before releasing Topper who immediately had Rafe and Kelce by his side.

Rafe glared at JJ before turning to you. "You better keep your bitch under control before he ends up like his dad."

Your grip tightened on JJ as you held him back from pouncing again. JJ spat some blood into the sand and you handed him to John B before walking over to the older boy.

"You better watch your mouth Rafe before it gets you in trouble." You said evenly.

"Oh really? What? You gonna call your coke dealer brother to come fuck me up?" He practically spat in your face.

You didn’t say anything, just drew back your fist and let it connect with his nose.

"No. I'll do it myself." You hissed, leaning down so only he would hear you as he held his nose.

And that was your first-ever direct interaction meeting with Rafe Cameron. 

It sucked ass and you would’ve thought you two would’ve killed each other the next time you two met.

Except, you didn’t kill each other.

You were so adjusted to him coming in and out of the trailer for coke that you were unfazed when you walked out of your bedroom to see Rafe handing Barry money, a smirk present on his lips as he walked past you and out the door.

"Wow. Kooky cokehead seemed real happy this time. What? You give him a 25% off coupon for his next purchase." You joked, flopping down on the couch.

"No. He left empty-handed. And 200 bucks poorer." Barry grinned, counting out the money.

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. Why on God's green earth would Rafe fork over 200 dollars only to leave empty-handed?

"Guess who's going to midsummer’s as Rafe Cameron’s date?" Barry looked at you with a smile.

Your eyes widened as you stood up. "You rented me to Rafe Cameron without my consent! I'm 16! He's 19!"

"Legal age of consent is 16 here. Besides, it’s not like he asked to fuck you. He just needed a date to midsummers and he wanted to take you." Barry explained, walking towards his room. 

"Jokes on you! The only dress I have is from 5th grade!" 

"Jokes on you cause country clubs gonna be taking care of your wardrobe for the night!" 

You let out a yell of frustration before turning around and walking put the door, hopping onto your bike, and booking it to the beach.

You ditched your bike at the bike rack and ran down the beach searching for your friends. You let pit a breath when you saw Kie and Pope sitting on the sand. 

"Hey Y/N/N. You look like you've seen a ghost. What’s up?" Pope asked once you were close enough. 

"Where's JB and JJ?" You panted, slightly out of breath from running across the sand. 

Kie nodded out towards the water and you watched as JJ surfed a wave with John B. You crossed your arms and watched your two friends make their way back to shore. JJ grinned as he approached you, surfboard under his arm, shaking his hair and causing water droplets to hit your exposed arm.

"Look who finally showed up." The blonde laughed, slinging his arm around you.

"Sorry, I was held up for a few extra minutes because Barry decided that he'd rent me out to Rafe Cameron for Midsummers!" You told him, voice getting louder and angrier with each word you spoke.

"Please tell me that’s a joke." John B looked at you.

"I wish it fucking was! Rafe stopped by, gave Barry 200 bucks to rent me for a night, and then walked out." 

"That’s crazy," JJ said, surfboard long forgotten in the sand.

You opened your mouth to speak but were cut off by a familiar and unwelcomed voice.

"Hey, Y/N. Haven’t seen you in a bit." 

You and your friends turned to face Rafe, feelings JJs arm tighten around your shoulders.

"You saw me an hour ago tops."

Rafe smirked, hands in his pockets. "I just wanted to let you know that I made an appointment for you to get your measurements taken for your dress. It’s over on the mainland at 11:00 tomorrow."

"What’s the name of the place and I'll take her to the appointment?" Kie crossed her arms over her chest as she spoke.

Rafe shot her a glance before looking back at you. "I’m picking you up at about 9:30 so be ready."

"Hey, jackass. Kie said she would take her. Just tell her the name of the joint." JJ took his arm from around you and took a step towards Rafe 

"Y/N/N, your bitch needs to be put in check," Rafe told you calmly as he looked into your eyes.

You grabbed JJs wrist as he went to lunge and looked at Rafe. "One moment, please. I need to converse with my friends."

Rafe watched you lazily as you tugged your friends away from the older boy. 

"This is really bad timing considering we're in the middle of finding 400 mill," JJ whispered.

"Kie, you gotta stay here and help Pope keep JJ and John B put of trouble and help him reason with them." You told her. 

"And leave you alone with the Kook prince?" John B looked at you like you were crazy.

"I’ll be fine. I'll bring pepper spray." You reassured them.

They all looked at each other before sighing and nodding.

Before you could leave, JJ grabbed your wrist. "If things get weird, send me an SOS and I'll be there ASAP. Even if I have to paddle my way to the mainland." 

You nodded and made your way towards Rafe. "Just don’t try to engage in a conversation with me right away. Unless it’s 10 AM or I've had caffeine, I don’t talk in the mornings." You informed the older boy.

"I'll see you then, angel." Rafe sent you a wink before turning to walk away.

You caught JJs arm, knowing your best friend was close to tackling the kook boy into the sand to pound his face in.

JJ turned to you, leaning in close to your ear to speak. "I’m serious. First red flag, you call or text me. I highly doubt consent is a word in Rafe Cameron’s dictionary."

****

You saw Rafe more in the 4 days leading up to midsummers than you had in a year and you’d be lying if you said you hated it.

The first day was the day you needed your measurements taken. The dress had already been picked out and you ignored the fact that the tailor said that it was about time you two came because he was ready to put it back on the rack after day 3 of holding it.

You stood there, completely out of your comfort zone as measurements were taken and jotted down onto a notepad. 

"How quickly can you get the dress altered?" Rafe asked from the couch, watching the process.

"Depends Mr. Cameron. How quickly do you need it?" The tailor responded.

Rafe rubbed his face, groaning. "Let’s see. Four- four and a half days and that’s counting today. We're coming back to the island on the day of midsummers to pick everything else up, today is just a looking day. So, three days." 

The tailor nodded. "We can do that. We'll make it a top priority."

Rafe nodded before his eyes met with yours. 

The tailor exited the room for something and that’s when you spoke. "A looking day?"

"Yeah. Browse through the jewelry and heels and anything else necessary for midsummers." He glanced down to where you were fiddling with your fingers and immediately pulled out his phone. "And a manicure. Might as well throw in a pedicure." 

"Rafe," you said. He didn’t look up from his phone, probably looking at nail salons nearby. "Rafe." You tried again and still nothing. You sighed before walking over to him. "Rafe!" You went to snatch his phone but he caught your wrist. 

"I heard you the first time now what?" He hissed.

You wrenched your wrist away from him. "How could I know when you didn’t even pay me a glance? At least acknowledge me so I know you heard me and then I wouldn't keep saying your name and get on with what I need to say." You huffed.

"Maybe I like it when you say my name." He smirked.

You rolled your eyes as you felt your face heat up, praying that he either would mistake it for a sudden sunburn or would just ignore it.

"What did you want to say?" He asked, stretching out a bit.

"I’m not wearing heels. I can barely walk in my sneakers without breaking a bone. How the hell am I supposed to do heels?" 

Rafe sat there for a few seconds, chewing on his lip before sighing. "What are your thoughts on little miss perfect?"

"Who?"

"My sister. Sarah. Little miss perfect." Rafe rolled his eyes.

You shrugged. You never really even talked to Sarah except for the whole 'get your friend of my boyfriend' fiasco at the boneyard that one night, but that was more towards Kie than you.

"Tomorrow, she’s teaching you how to walk in heels. Even if I have to hold a gun to her head." Rafe finished as the tailor walked back in.

You grimaced at his choice of words as the tailor reassured Rafe that he would get started right away on the dress and make sure it was perfect for the event. 

Rafe smiled, thanked the man for his time, and then beckoned you to follow him out the door. You shot the tailor a smile and a thank you before following Rafe out the door.

"You hungry?" He asked once you both were out on the street. 

You shrugged once again, shoving your hands into your pockets.

Rafe sighed. "You know, you're going to have to talk to me. Like civil, full sentences, classy conversation." 

"I do know how to be civil Rafe. After all, I haven’t swung on quite yet but depending on how the rest of the day goes, maybe that will change." You answered him before looking at his face, "Is that enough sentences for you?"  

You saw him hold back a smile before training his blue eyes on you. "Just answer the question. You hungry or not?"

You smiled. "I guess I could eat."

"Then let’s go eat then get your nails done."

The second day was nothing completely insane. All you did, was sit about until Rafe dropped by, which was the shortest amount of time you spent with him in those four days. Only being with him for an hour that day for literally no reason. 

"Get dressed. We're going out." He told you when you answered the door.

You sighed, looking down at your pajamas.  "But I’m comfy."

Rafe smiled, shaking his head. "Seriously, come on. Let’s get dinner at the Wreck and then eat it at the beach or something." 

“Was this in the itinerary?”

“Not in the slightest but I’m bored and I’m sure you are too.”

You pursed your lips before nodding. "Alright." 

"That didn’t take much convincing." He commented.

"Well, your offering dinner so I’m not gonna say no." 

"You sure that’s all it is."

You looked back to see Rafe’s signature smirk on his face.

"Don’t let it go to your head, Cameron." 

Rafe rolled his eyes before pushing you in the direction of your room. "Go get dressed. I don’t want anyone else seeing you in your pajamas."

You rolled your eyes with a small smile before walking into your room, leaving Rafe in the hallway.

The evening on the third day was Sarah teaching you how to successfully walk in heels without you ending up in the hospital. 

"Why the hell are these so tall?" You asked, looking up at Sarah and Rafe who sat on the couch.

"Good question. Why are they so tall, Sarah? I said to teach her how to walk in heels, not break her ankles before midsummers." Rafe looked at his younger sister.

"You wanted her to learn how to walk in heels, those are heels. I don’t know what else you expected Rafe." Sarah shot at her brother.

"I don't know, something that still has her feet somewhat horizontal to the ground, not diagonal." Rafe glared at her.

"Then you should’ve bought heels for her to practice in."

"Oh, so it’s my fault?" 

"Yeah. Yeah, it is." 

Rafe didn’t respond, just stood up and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Sarah rolled her eyes before turning her attention back to you.

"Okay, I might have a pair that’s an inch shorter." 

"Bring them out."

You ended up spending the night at the Camerons that night, much to the pogues displeasure.

You just got done brushing your teeth and were laying on Sarah’s bed in a pair of her pajamas when Sarah spoke up.

"So, John B…" 

You shot your head up from the book you found in her room that looked somewhat interesting.

"What about John B?" 

"What’s he like? You know, besides a surfer dude and a felon."

You raised an eyebrow. "What the hell are you on about?"

"He seems… I don’t know… not boring. Not bland. So much better than this life." Sarah sighed, flopping onto her back, arms stretched out.

"Barf in my mouth." You rolled your eyes.

"What? You've never looked at someone and felt a smile tug at your lips for no reason or they look at you and you feel like you are the most gorgeous person in the world. They give you a rush of adrenaline or… or make your head all cloudy."

"Oh my god. You barely even know John B. He's like every other teenage guy. Disgusting, horny, and hungry." You answered. 

Sarah sat up. "That’s the thing. We hung out the entire day today. That’s why I told Rafe to have you come over in the evening. Because I was gone all day."

"So you asked me to spend the night to talk about one of my best friends so you can get in his pants. You've got Topper." You rolled your eyes, getting up from the bed.

"No." She grabbed my wrist. "I think I really like him. He takes me away from the bubble wrap. It’s exciting, the life you guys live. Topper doesn’t take me away from the bubble wrap. If anything, he adds more. When I kissed John B-"

You looked at her. "Wait. What? Listen I like Topper about as much as I like brussel sprouts but I don’t think he deserves his girlfriend kissing another dude before she gets the balls to break up with him." 

"It just happened. And it felt...amazing. I felt breathless like I was on cloud 9." She smiled, ignoring the last bit.

"I'm sure you did. I’m gonna go get some water." You excused yourself.

"Wait." She called.

You turned to look at the blonde and she chucked a pair of heels at you. "Put those on and walk downstairs."

You rolled your eyes before slipping the shoes onto your feet and proceeding put of her room.

Rafe was in the kitchen, snacking on some chips while he was scrolling through his phone. His head shot up when he heard the sound of heels on the stairs. 

He looked towards the entrance of the kitchen and smiled when he saw you enter. 

"You look ridiculous wearing pajamas and heels." He commented. 

You feigned offense, staring at the older boy. "You mean this isn't fashionable? I call it sleeping chic." You did a twirl and Rafe chuckled.

"You know what? It looks wonderful." Rafe placed his arms on the table and leaned forward, watching your every move.

"Your sister threw them at me before I came downstairs. I assume for me to practice but, not to toot my own horn, I think I’m getting the hang of walking in them."

"Go ahead and toot your horn cause if you waltzed up to me at a party the same way you did coming into the kitchen, I would've thought you've been wearing heels your entire life." 

"Why thank you." You grinned, opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water. 

You walked over to the island and slid into the seat next to Rafe, opening the bottle before taking a drink.

"You know something, Rafe?" 

"Hmm."

"I haven’t hated spending these past few days with you. You're surprisingly not that annoying." 

Rafe sent you a smile. "Yeah?" 

You nodded, looking at him.

"I haven’t hated spending these days with you either." He nudged you with his shoulder.

You stood up as you grabbed your water before placing a hand on his shoulder.  "See you tomorrow."

"Yep. Don’t forget we’re going to the mainland tomorrow to pick up everything." He cleared his throat.

You nodded and said goodnight before heading back upstairs and into Sarah’s room, shutting the door behind you.

The night of midsummer was hectic. You and Rafe quickly went to the mainland to pick up the dress, heels, and accessories before grabbing some lunch.

It wasn’t long before you asked Rafe to drop you off at Kie’s to get ready. You had a shower before Kie and her mom helped you get ready, her mom gushing about how Rafe will drop dead when he sees you.

You were blushing bright red at the thought as Kie rolled her eyes before you quickly excused yourself so you could change into your dress and pull on your heels that were picked up earlier that day. Rafe insisted on getting you a necklace but you declined once you saw the price tag, telling him you had a nice pair of earrings and a bracelet at home you could wear that you'd ask Kie to pick up.

After Kiara’s mom took pictures, you were at the event, completely out of your element as you tried to find Rafe which was weirdly difficult considering his height.

You heard a low whistle and whipped around, tensing slightly before relaxing. Rafe stood there in a baby blue suit, a small smile on his face as he looked at you.

"You look stunning, Y/N." He complimented.

You felt your cheeks heating up again as you spoke. "Thanks. You look rather dashing yourself."

His smile grew before he offered you his arm. "Shall we mingle?"

You linked your arm through his. "If we have to."

****

After half an hour of mingling and Rafe getting you both a drink, Rafe set down his empty glass. 

"Let’s dance, angel." 

You sighed, slightly flushing at the nickname this time around, before finishing off your drink and setting down the glass. You followed Rafe onto the dance floor and placed your hands on his shoulders as his own went to your waist.

You two swayed side to side, a silence hanging over the two of you for a bit before you broke it.

"Why me?" 

"Hmm." 

"Why did you pay Barry to rent me for a night when any kook girl here would’ve gone with you and it wouldn’t have cost you anything?" You asked quietly.

You saw Rafe swallow before answering. "I...I…don't really know.” He lied, feeling his breathing pick up slightly.

"Rafe. Breathe." You told him.

He did as you said before looking around, his eyes narrowing. 

"I'll be right back." He muttered, removing his arms from your waist and starting to walk away.

"Rafe," You said, grabbing his wrist.

He turned to look at you before turning back to where his eyes were previously looking, chewing on his bottom lip in thought.

You followed his gaze to see JJ looking at you, concern written on your best friend’s face. 

"Leave him alone, Rafe. He’s not doing anything. Just….lets keep dancing." 

Rafe’s eyes went back to yours and he nodded slowly.

You mouthed a quick I’m fine to JJ before putting your hands back on Rafe’s shoulders. 

"Can I tell you something? Well, a couple of things." 

You nodded.

"Well, for starters, I've been trying to get off coke."

"That’s great, Rafe." You grinned, squeezing his shoulders with your hands.

"It’s hard. But I find it easier to not think about getting high when...um...you're with me." Rafe admitted, feeling his cheeks getting hot.

You felt your breathing pick up and tried your best to keep it under control. "Really?" You breathed out.

He nodded before taking his hands off your waist and reaching into his pocket. "I know you said no to me getting you that one necklace but here. I picked this up when you were at the nail salon that day we were getting your dress altered." 

Rafe handed you a little box and you could practically feel the nervousness radiating off of him as you took it in your own shaking hands. Rafe, for the first time in ages, felt shy in front of a girl and scared of being rejected.

You opened the box to see a little necklace resting in the box, the word angel attached to it. 

"How much was it?" You asked, not wanting him to spend any more money on you than he needed to for this event.

Too late though.

Rafe scratched the back of his neck as he looked down. "I’d rather not answer that question."

Your eyes widened and you smacked his chest. "Rafe Cameron!" You whispered harshly before putting it back in his hands. "I can't accept and keep that. I already planned on giving you the dress and heels back and paying you back for the manicure and pedicure. I can’t keep this in good conscience just because I agreed to be your date tonight. You don’t have to give me a present, you already paid Barry and bought this shit."

Rafe licked his lips as he looked around before looking back towards you. "I shouldn’t have paid Barry unless I was renting Barry, I should've paid you. I technically should've just asked you without paying but I was nervous and I was scared. I knew Barry would let me take you out for the right price and I took advantage of it. It’s just- I caught feelings for you somehow in the last month okay. Like actual feelings and I- I think you're-"

"An angel. Your angel." You finished for him.

Rafe nodded sheepishly before shoving the box back into his pocket. "I always turned to coke for comfort and I feel like when I’m with you, I don’t need to turn to coke for that comfort. I can turn to you. I’m sorry. It’s stupid, I'll just go." 

Rafe turned around but you grabbed him yet again. "It’s not stupid." You whispered before pressing your lips to his.

Rafe was surprised for a second before he kissed back, his hands coming up to cup your face.

After you two pulled away, Rafe smiled. "Does this mean you'll take the necklace?"

You nodded before reaching into his pocket and pulling out the box. 

"Can you?" You asked, gesturing towards the box.

"I would love to." He said, taking the necklace in his hands and placing it around your neck, doing the clasp in the back. 

"Told you she would catch feelings in those four days," Pope stated as he looked at JJ.

JJ clenched his jaw before turning away. "I gotta go find Sarah."

~~~~~

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

Hi! I’m a big fan of your work!! I am looking for more but unfortunately I feel like I have read all yhe good Harry Potter docs on Ao3. Do you have any recs?

Sorry for the delay, I just know that whenever I make rec list it usually ends up taking a while.

With that, Harry Potter fics are a big genre. Just saying Harry Potter in general really isn’t that specific to me so this is across genres/character focuses/you name it.

Also, as usual, I’ve been on fanfiction longer and have amassed more favorites there. Some of these are cross posted to Ao3. Similarly, a lot are unfinished, this personally doesn’t bother me but if it bothers you take heed.

Also, you’ll see my embarrassing obsession with Tom Riddle. So, heads up for that.

Stepbrother (Tom Riddle/Hermione Granger, period piece, in which the two remind me a lot of Nabokov)

Cat Among the Pigeons (Tom Riddle/Lily Evans, Psycho-Pass Detective AU, in which I am a beta actually so my promoting this goes without saying)

Til Death Do Us Part (Tom Riddle/Harry Potter, Voldemort wins AU, which for me does very well with the concept of immortality and what exactly Tom is supposed to do after he wins)

This Tangle of Thorns (Tom Riddle/Hermione Granger, modern AH AU, a full on Nabokov inspired fic which I enjoy because Lolita)

Delusional (Tom Riddle/Harry Potter, sort of. Harry wins the war, goes crazy, checks into a mental hospital. Or he’s not crazy and Voldemort is as unkillable as Palpatine.)

Harry Potter and the Natural 20 (OC insert, D&D inspired, shameless crack. I mostly enjoy the beginning of this but it makes me laugh enough to recommend.)

A Hairy Business (AU, Harry is a deer, he is literally a deer, that’s it. It’s funny.)

Animus, Anima (Tom Riddle/Harry Potter, Harry travels back in time, gets stuck in Tom Riddle’s brain, and it turns out Harry’s responsible for every terrible thing that ever happened. This one was squicky even for me, very well done, but strap in.)

Addendum, He is Also a Liar (Tom Riddle/Hermione Granger, Tom has an inexplicable ability to travel to the future, but only to this random little girl Hermione Granger)

Framed & Fractured (Tom Riddle/Harry Potter, Harry gets stuck in an evil painting back in time. Tom is creepy as usual.)

Trying for Eden (Tom Riddle/Harry Potter, Harry travels back in time to lecture Tom into morality. It doesn’t work.)

Magical Mirrors (Luna Lovegood and Severus Snape, Luna and Snape stumble on the Mirror of Erised at the same time and strike up a conversation)

Aphelion (Hermione Granger/Loki, MCU crossover, Hermione and Loki strike up the world’s weirdest toxic friendship when Hermione’s young and attending Hogwarts, this leads terrible places as Loki slides into madness and despair)

Wandering Souls (Luna Lovegood and The Undertaker, Black Butler crossover, Luna meets and strikes up a conversation with the Undertaker)

Of Lies Most Beautiful (Tom Riddle, Hunger Games crossover, Tom wins the Hunger Games becaues that’s what he does bitch)

In Wonderland (Tom Riddle/Harry Potter, Harry ends up back in the past and decides to raise Tom Riddle. This goes so poorly that the pair almost get eaten by eldritch gods multiple times.)

Rumpelstiltskin, Guess My Name (Tom Riddle/Harry Potter, Female Harry travels back in time and offers to save Merope’s life/get her Tom Riddle Sr. the non rapey way in return for her firstborn son. Merope thought Harry was joking. She wasn’t joking. In the sequel, also linked, Harry kills Morfin.)

The Eyes (Harry Potter, AU, turns out “the power he knows not” is the power humanity knows not, Harry’s ability to see eldritch abominations and cosmic gods and thus bring them far enough into our reality that they eat everything. And I mean everything.)

Mirror Mirror (Harry Potter, MCU crossover, Harry makes a huge mistake and stops Hulk in the middle of a rampage. This gets him abducted by octopus nazis.)

I See the Moon (Harry Potter and Bruce Banner, MCU crossover, Harry got brain damage from the war and wanders around the middle of nowhere. He runs into Bruce. He’s now Bruce’s only friend.)

You Will Be the Death of Me (Harry Potter and Tom Riddle, Despicable Me inspired, through a series of convoluted events Tom as the world’s worst father figure ends up raising Harry the sad adorable orphan.)

In Death, Standby (Tom Riddle/Harry Potter (sort of, the authro claims), Tom raises Harry, the only Tom raises Harry that I’ve seen done well because Tom is the world’s worst father. Harry thinks he’s a deformed snake until the age of three.)

Little Harry’s Mirkwood Adventure (Harry Potter and Dudley Dursley, Hobbit Crossover, one of the most Tolkien style crossovers I’ve actually seen and is very good)

A (Self-Imposed) Trap for a Fool (Ginny Weasley, turns out Harry Potter never existed, as in he’s a collective hallucination made up by the entire wizarding world)

McLaggen and From McLaggen with Love (McLaggen, a detective AU then a James Bond style adventure starring McLaggen, the greatest wizard who ever wizarded)

Tom Riddle’s Diary: on keeping devils in the summer (Tom Riddle, Tom Riddle’s antichrist orphan adventures involving exorcism and burning people alive)

and the fates sing (hold on, son) (Harry Potter, MCU crossover, Harry is the son of Loki and like all children of Loki he is a wretched and cursed thing)

A Faulty Master (Harry Potter and Itachi Uchiha, Naruto crossover, Itachi after the massacre of his family has a run in with a master of death Harry, who is a creepy creepy man)

Eye of Reason (Harry Potter/Jack Frost, Rise of the Guardians crossover, due to the mythos surrounding his life Harry ceases to be a man and becomes akin to a god)

Flowers for a Ghost (Luna Lovegood and Itachi Uchiha, Naruto Crossover, Luna befriends a blind ghost)

Third Time’s the Charm (Harry Potter, MCU crossover, Bruce Banner keeps trying to kill himself and MoD Harry is there to have himself a real good day)

Blind Faith (Bellatrix LeStrange/Tom Riddle, canon compliant, an in depth look at Bellatrix from the escape of Azkaban onward)

Cocktail Time (Rita Skeeter and Gilderoy Lockhart, Rita does an expose and autobiography detailing the descent of Gilderoy Lockhart and how he became what he became)

Fantastic Elves and Where to Find Them (Harry Potter, canon divergent AU, Harry thinks he’s an elf. That’s it.)

The Twine Bracelet (Colin Creevy, a look at Colin’s death) 

Legal Alien (Harry Potter, MCU crossover, Harry visits New York and an alien invasion breaks out. Culminates with the best, dumb, joke.)

The Root of Desire (Tom Riddle/Hermione Granger, Hermione travels back in time and tries to influence Tom. All this does is inspire his sexual awakening.)

Deadheads (Harry Potter/Godric Gryffindor, a romantic comedy of a kind, culminating in the best dumbest joke)

Give and Take (Tom Riddle/Hermione Granger, Hermione tries to outwit Tom, it ends in despair)

The Road to Somewhere (Harry Potter, Spirited Away crossover, Harry as MoD is in the realm of the spirits)

Absolute (Harry Potter, Harry picks up a death note, he kills everyone)

Fortunate Son (Dudley Dursleys, years afterwards Dudley looks back and writes a memoir and expose about the abuse inflicted on his cousin)

Elective Affinities (Severus Snape/Harry Potter, Harry travels back in time to discover his parents are assholes and things are more complicated than he imagined)

Juxtaposed (Bod, Graveyard Book crossover, Bod attends Hogwarts)

The Fire Omens (Tom Riddle and a look at WWII)

Broken Toys (Tom Riddle and his useless broken toys)

The Fine Art of Poisoning (Madame Zabini)

A Marriage of Convenience (Pansy and Theo get married)

Reparabilis (Tom Riddle/Harry Potter, Tom becomes a professor, he still destroys Harry Potter)

The Unforgivable Curses (Draco Malfoy, a look at the 4th year unforgivable lecture with Moody and the Slytherins)

Ugly (Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy one sided Dudley/Harry Potter, Dudley’s fat, ugly, and creeps on his cousin)

Three Can Keep a Secret (Harry Potter, on secrets and secret keeping)

Caveat Incimici (Hermione Granger, on Hermione and her terrifying wrath)

Babylon (Harry Potter and Tom Riddle, Harry never gets rid of Tom)

Wonderful Tragic Mysterious (Luna Lovegood and Albus Dumbledore, Luna Lovegood time travels and becomes a young Albus’ neighbor)

In the Clockface, Weighted and Weary (Harry Potter/Ariana Dumbledore, Harry after DH ends up back in time in Dumbledore’s childhood and witnesses the beautiful Dumbledore family dysfunction)

Eternal Return (Harry Potter and Tom Riddle, Harry is reincarnated as Tom Riddle and as a result becomes Voldemort so that a Voldemort exists)

Like Pale Fire (Harry Potter/Godric Gryffindor, the Founders are resurrected and it turns out Harry had travelled to the past and become Salazar Slytherin, turns out the Founders were more complicated than people expected.)

12 Moves Sideways (Harry Potter and Light Yagami, Death Note crossover, Light becomes the Defense Professor, for once Harry does not figure out the mystery.)

A Very Young Girl’s Record of Her Own Impressions (Ariana Dumbledore’s diary)

Night Comes Early (Moody on war)

Little Witches (The Black family women and how it all falls apart)

Paved with Good Intentions (Petunia on finding a baby on her doorstep)

Emerald Serpent for Vanity (Draco and Nagini introspective)

Blue (Tom Riddle/Bellatrix LeStrange, Voldemort wins dystopia, Tom visits Bellatrix’s grave and is very crazy)

Eighteen (Hermione Granger, on Hermione’s betrayal of her parents)

Ouroboros (Tom Riddle/Harry Potter, on what they’ve made of each other)

Not so Different (Scout, To Kill a Mockingbird Crossover, Scout reflects on the wizarding world’s raicsm)

Traitor (Hermione Granger, Hermione is captured by the Death Eaters and commits unspeakable acts to free herself)

Smashing Mirrors (Tom Riddle, introspective)

Twelve Dark Moons (Luna Lovegood/Tom Riddle, Luna becomes a captive of the dark lord)

Full Circle (Harry Potter, Harry wins and is miserable)

The Web of a Thousand Spiders (Luna Lovegood on the diary)

The Metronome (The fall of Lucius’ entire generation)

Understand (Hermione Granger and her betrayal of her parents)

Tea with the Headmaster (Severus Snape and Albus Dumbledore, the pair have tea)

This Grief Feeling (Hermione Granger and Severus Snape after the end)

After Innocence (The trio after the end)

Of Great Turmoil and Excess Stupidity (Sesshomaru and Hagrid, Inuyasha crossover, Hagrid decides to capture a demon for class)

What’s Left of Hope (Severus Snape and Albus Dumbledore, on preserving hope)

In His Keep (Severus Snape and Luna Lovegood, Snape informs Luna her father has died)

Wednesday (Petunia Evans, introspective)

In the Presence of Angels (Moody in WWII)

What He Grows to Be (Tom Riddle/Harry Potter, Harry Potter raises Tom Riddle in the past and it goes horribly wrong)

Being Cassandra (Tom Riddle/Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Tom, and their strange AU friendship)

The Girl (Tom Riddle/Harry Potter, a fem Harry Potter keeps accidentally appearing in Tom’s childhood)

Corruption (Tom Riddle/Harry Potter, Tom wins AU and female Harry slowly becomes corrupted)

One Night Stand (Tom Riddle/Lily Evans, a wonderful look on the first war, Tom Riddle, Lily Evans, the Order of the Phoenix, and terrorism)

The Voldemort Principle (Severus Snape, turns out Snape was Voldemort the whole time and Harry is a lying liar who lies)

Harry Potter and the mountain of pure diamond (Tom Riddle/Harry Potter, Harry has become an ageless god who travels worlds and decides to raise Tom Riddle. He’s disturbed when he realizes Tom is more of a person than he is)

A Road Less Travelled By (Harry Potter/Lucius Malfoy, Harry’s a veela, just read it, it’s amazing, I know I sound crazy but it is)

Transformation (Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy, Draco gets eaten by the Forbidden Forest and then Harry gets eaten too)

Rock Bottom (Tom Riddle/Harry Potter, Tom gets trapped being defense professor and has a miserable time)

[holycow99]

石田お寿司 12/9/21 stream translation Part 9

This is not the full translation of the stream. I only translated the parts I could understand & interpret or parts I found interesting/important. I’m still a beginner in Japanese, so the translations may not be accurate. If you want to repost, please repost at your own risk.

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(t/n: ** means translation may not be accurate.)

I: How are the contents on Sushi’s channel? What should I do on my channel? I thought I wanted to just do as I please with this channel, but are there any contents I can do? I don’t mean I wanna do things to expand my subscribers or do projects (eg. 30,000 commemoration project) for my channel. Rather, is there anything interesting thing for me to do? Don’t youtubers always narrow down the type of contents they make in their channel? Some create sub channels. It’ll be suffocating for me if I do that, so I’ll create any kind of contents that I want. If you guys have any requests, I don’t mind doing it If I feel like it. If don’t wanna do it, I won’t. I think Q&A is a good idea. We’re going back to this topic. Everyone does Q&A, it can fill in the time as well. Ishida Sushi’s special life consultation feat. people die eventually. Something like ‘Special Life Consultation: People Die Eventually.” Hehehe. Something like that. A despair episode. But then, I’d look despair. But trouble consultation is quite heavy. If I received very serious questions then, I’ve no choice but to reject them. I want to answer as many questions as I can, but that kind of question is a bit…I don’t want people to take my words seriously regarding life and death. I don’t wanna be responsible for their lives.

*Someone commented that it’s better to put question box on insta story.

I: Really? They do that there? I see.

*Someone commented the title for the Q&A that Ishida had said and he pinned it.

Ishida Sushi’s life consultation: People die eventually.

I: The title is gonna be something like this. But then, there’ll only be questions related to this kind of stuffs. For example, suicide-related questions. “Don’t do it!” would be the only I answer I could give.

C: Everyone would look despair.

I: You’re right.

*Someone commented that Takahashi Kunimitsu did Q&A on instalive.

I: Seriously?! I wanted to see that! He received 100+ questions? Seems very tiring. I should not do it then. Seriously? Kunimitsu did something like that? I seriously wanted to see it. What kind of answers did he give? I seriously wanna see it! But it won’t be there anymore. Eh, really?! I wanted to see. What did he answer?

C: There’s a part of the live in insta highlight.

I: Really? How to see it? Tell me. I wanna see 2x.

C: He answered my question.

I: I see…

I: That’s nice. I want to consult him. I’d ask something like “People die eventually. What should I do about it?” He’d probably answer something like “Well, just live!” with a small laugh.

*Someone commented you can view the highlight on insta profile.

I: Insta profile! I see 2x. Can I take a look at it for a bit?

*Searching for Takahashi Kunimitsu’s insta.

C: Your keyboard sounds very nice. I also bought mechanical keyboard! (t/n: The comment was in eng.)

I: Yeah! It’s Elecom keyboard! It sounds nice! (t/n: He said this in eng.) I only use fixed keyboard buttons. The keyboard’s fn button is the one I definitely use. I made it fit my thumb. That’s the easiest way for me to use it.

*Someone commented about the adult website comment.

I: It’s here again? Yeah, it is! Thank you. Just let it pass by.

*Going back to searching for Mr. Takahashi’s insta.

C: Sensei, what to do when you’re so depressed?

I: That kind of thing happens. You can’t do anything about it. You can only struggle with it.

C: What made you start Choujin x? (t/n: this comment was in eng.)

*Ishida had trouble understanding the question.

I: Why did I start Choujin X? Is that what they meant?

*Ppl in the comment found Mr. Takahashi so easily.

I: Everyone is very good at searching. You guys searched it on insta? Really? It’s not a different person? I’ve been looking since forever.

*Looking through Osterreich’s insta.

I: How can I go to his insta?! I don’t know how to use insta! Damn!

*Finally found his account through google.

I: Is this it? Seems like it. It’s the real one! “I’m dead.” So dark! What is highlight? Is it this round thingy?

*Looking through Mr. Takahashi’s insta highlight.

I: Is it in writing? I thought he would talk in it. Is this the question box thingy in insta?

*Ishida reading Mr.Takahashi’s Q&A.

I: Let me read this for you guys. Haha. What a bad personality I have. “Have you ever felt loneliness? If you had, how do you deal with it?” “I have loneliness and I do feel lonely, but I don’t necessarily hate it. Being alone is very easy. If I’m in a very hard time, then I’ll call my friends.” So, he doesn’t hate that feeling. Since being alone is easy, he doesn’t hate it. I see. That’s a good answer.

*Someone commented that Mr.Takahashi talked about him.

I: He talked about me? What if he said awful things about me?

I: Ah, he skyped me today. I didn’t realise it. I just realise it now.  Wait, I’m gonna look through his insta.

*Keep reading the Q&A.

I: How about I show this to everyone? Hahaha. He must doesn’t like this! Can I? Hahaha. Wait a min. I’m gonna do the worst thing ever. This is not the worst thing ever. It’s fine. This is made public, after all. If I can’t, then…Wait a min.

I: Alright, I’m gonna expose it. He did this in insta so that people could see it, didn’t he? What do you guys think? Do you think this is awful?

*Everyone commented that it’s okay.

C: It’s not awful, I don’t know if it’s okay to show in on screen.

I: That’s right.

I: Just reading is enough, I guess.

*Keep reading stuff about his friend.

I: Is there anything interesting?

I: “I always watch Ishida sensei’s stream with you in it. I would like to hear you converse with him again.” Is this the one you’re talking about? “It was a good timing at that time. I don’t know whether there’ll be another one. We do hang out in our private time, so maybe there’ll be one.” He’s expecting another. I see.

*Still reading.

I: Alright, let’s do this! Ishida Sushi’s simultaneous worldwide stream. I’m only energetic the day after I finish my manuscript. Only currently. A melancholic day will begin tomorrow.

C: Did you have any recommendations from the movies you’ve watch recently?

I: The one I didn’t watch before, but thought it was fun after I’ve seen it is Truman Show. I think it’s quite an old movie. I think everyone who watches this will find it entertaining. It’s starring Jim Carrey. I remember he went into depression. Has he gotten out of it yet? Jima Carrey is a good actor, right?

*He’s talking about the ending with a fan that’s watched the movie.

I: Everyone, please watch it. The ending is good, isn’t it?

C: Do you watch western movies subbed or dubbed?

I: I watch them dubbed when I’m working so that I won’t have to look at the sub.  When I want to watch it leisurely, then subbed.

*Someone commented about eternal sunshine.

I: I’ve never seen that. I’ll memo it.

*Someone asked about shutter island.

I: I’ve watched that movie. (t/n: He’s giving spoiler, so I didn’t translate further.)

*Someone commented about Charlie’s angels.

I: I don’t watch it. I may have different view on shutter island if I watch in the present days. I was young at that time. I knew the ending so I watched the movie without enjoying it.** There are other highlights beside that, such as Leo’s acting. If we’re talking about Leo, I probably like Catch me if you can the most. I’ve only watched his movies when he’s already an old man. I’ve never even watched Titanic. I’ve only watched the older version of him, like Great Gatsby. I’ve never watched Inception, by the way. I’m thinking of watching it. I only know older Leo. Catch me if you can is a good movie, isn’t it? I’ve read the autobiography. When I read it, I found it to be questionable. I thought it was a fraudulent document. I kinda thought it was a forged document disguised as an autobiography.

*Someone asked about Harry Potter.

I: I’ve watched all of them. They are great, aren’t they? Harry Potter is a famous fantasy-genre masterpiece.

*Someone asked about Ocean Series.

I: I haven’t watched them, but I’m thinking of it. I’m gonna watch anything anyway.

I: People overseas have started joining the stream. As expected from a simultaneous worldwide stream.

C: Do you know SPEC? (t/n: SPEC is a Japanese drama.)

I: Yeah, I do know it.

C: Sirius Black is cool.

I: I don’t remember much about Sirius Black. Even though he played a central role in the story, I basically only remember Professor Snape. I hated Harry’s father to the max. He’s an unpleasant guy. That applies to Harry as well. He’s the kind of person who laughs at people’s failure. But the actor who played Sirius Black, Gary Oldman is cool. And then, I like Malfoy too. Malfoy’s a good character. Though he became a minor character towards the end. I can truly sympathise with him. I like his father too.

*Someone commented about Harry Potter’s Book ver. of Harry.

I: I see. So the Harry in the book is different. That happens.

*Someone commented about Narnia.

I: Oh yeah, there’s Narnia’s movie.

*Someone commented Professor McGonogall.

I: Professor McGonogall. What a name.

C: What manga did you read recently?

I: What was the title again? What manga did I read? But then, I watch movies and read books more than reading manga nowadays. I read the magazine issues as well. I used to be obsessed with Oshimi sensei’s Chi no Wadachi back then. Superior magazine has interesting stories.

*Someone commented Rod was in the chat.

I: Have a nice day. Oh, Rod is here? Hi Rod. Rod is here? Oh, he’s here. Hi Rod. Have a nice day.

*Someone commented that Rod has Saiko’s icon.

I: Oh, Rod has Saiko as his icon. I see. He’s said that before? Sorry. It’s hard for me to catch what he wrote because it’s in eng.

Rod: I will, you too.

I: I will. Oh, it’s true. The icon is Saiko. Did he draw that himself? Did you draw it? It’s a nice icon. I want to include Rod in my manga. Hahaha. I’ll make him an old passer-by in Choujin X.

Rod: Hi everyone.

I: Hahaha. What is this guy? Hahaha. Ultimately, what is he? I can explain him to everyone, but what is he actually? Basically, he’s someone who has been tweeting ‘Have a nice day’ to me for around 5 years. That’s Rod. He’s perhaps a Brazilian. If something happens to him, I wish he’d contact me. If he’s gone, it’ll be too sad. I’ll only offer my prayer to him if that happens. Take care of your health. Be careful of your health.

S******: If the tweets stopped, then something like that must’ve happened.

I: If the tweet didn’t come, I’d be wondering where he is. Then, I’d wait for his tweets for a bit. I tried tweeting him ‘Have a nice day’, but he didn’t reply back. Rod disappeared for like a year and a half. He probably had some mental health problem. He stopped tweeting to me, and then he came back a year after. I thought maybe he’s a bit down. It’s too heart breaking. Don’t you think so? He’s like an overseas friend to me. A pen pal. We’re connected in that way. I totally prefer Rod than Goubaru. (t/n: Their interaction is so wholesome.)

I: There’s a time when I couldn’t contact Goubaru. Everyone (probably the staffs) and I had promised to meet and hang out. We couldn’t reach Goubaru at all. I thought he’s already dead. Since he’s fat, he has a lot of health risks. I thought he might be dead. I thought that it’s unavoidable at that time. I was like “he’s gonna die? I see.” Well, you’ll die when it’s time.

*Someone commented that it’s good Goubaru’s still alive.

I: He’s alive but his some sort of a friend went to see him. There was a response when he rang the bell. That’s how we knew Goubaru’s alive. I seriously thought he’s dead. I thought that it couldn’t be helped because he looked like he’s dying. The rest of us was already gathered at the hang out place. We wondered what should we do. If we went to see him and found his dead body, we had to call the police. We already sent one person, but we wondered if we should send another one. The person who went to see him was a reliable one though. I thought we need to think about the people who already gathered. It’s not nice to just dismiss them, so we played games and had a good time. It was something like that. It has nothing to whether I like Goubaru or not. I was like “what should we do?” I was really scared. I thought he really might be dead.

Part 10

[brywrites]

Flight Risk V

Summary: An answer to the age old CM question, “who’s flying the plane?” And the story of a pilot and a profiler.  Part V: In which important words are shared in a bookstore and on a plane.

(Series Masterlist) ( Previous  |  Next )

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She arrives slightly out of breath to the bookstore-café. “Sorry, it’s really not like me to be late!”

Reid offers her a smile as she jumps into the order line beside him. “It’s okay, I know.”

“Yeeqin locked herself out of the apartment again so I had to run back to open it for her,” she sighs, shaking her head. A soft flush colors her cheeks and he’s not sure whether it’s from running or from embarrassment. Or perhaps she too is as nervous as he is to be meeting here. Because this means stepping over some sort of unspoken line, it means something more real. Whatever it is. Reid still isn’t sure what this is, but he knows that there is something about her smile that makes his chest tighten and that there are few people he looks forward to talking to as much as Y/N.

He realizes that aside from that evening in the hotel lobby, he’s never seen her wearing something other than her pilot’s uniform. She sits before him in a floral-print sundress and a bomber jacket that is ever so slightly askew, exposing the skin of her left shoulder.

“Yeeqin is your roommate?” he asks.

“Yeah. And I love her to bits, but I swear even though I’m the pilot, she’s the one whose head is always in the clouds.” And it strikes him that for someone who loves the sky so much, Y/N is incredibly down-to-earth. “But enough about me,” she laughs. “How are you doing, Doctor?”

Her use of his title always seems to make his heartbeat quicken no matter how many times he tries to ignore it. “I’m good. Really good. It’s, uh, nice to be able to see you without there being a case.”

“It is nice, isn’t it? Knowing that talking with you doesn’t mean someone is in imminent danger. I can feel a lot less guilty about enjoying it.” He wants so badly to ask what she means by that – if she enjoys seeing him the way friends do, or if she enjoys being with him a little bit more than that – but he’s too afraid to know the answer. Afraid it might be less and he’ll feel disappointed. Afraid it might be more and he won’t be – because what is he even hoping for here? What is he supposed to be hoping for, if anything at all?

They order drinks – a mocha with he pours far too much sugar into, and chai latte she carefully sprinkles cinnamon in. They walk through the bookstacks together, drinks in hand, browsing and chatting as they go. She tells him how she fell in love with The Little Prince as a child and how she found the idea of being a pilot fascinating, even then. He tells her about the books his mother used to read to him when he was little, Medieval texts and Proust and The Canterbury Tales.

“That’s pretty intense reading for a kid,” she says.

“Well I can read 20,000 words per minute. And the eidetic memory helps.”

She shakes her head in disbelief. “Right, our certified genius. You know I’m jealous. I don’t think I’ll ever have enough time to read all the things I want to read. But you? You can read anything you want.”

“These days it’s mostly casefiles,” he says ruefully.

“Good thing we’re here then. We’ll have to find you some lighter words to keep in that beautiful brain of yours.”

It’s so easy with her. He finds himself telling her about his mother, about how she used to be a professor of literature until her disease got worse. And when he explains she has schizophrenia, she doesn’t give him a look of pity. As if he’s broken somehow. Her eyes soften and she says, “It has to be hard, caring for a parent. You must love her a lot. And I’m sure she’s really proud to have a son like you to carry on all her best stories.”

She tells him how her parents weren’t exactly thrilled with her choice of career, but how she’s certain there’s nothing else that would make her as happy as flying, and how for two months after she moved to DC her only friends in the city were her cat, Amelia, and Yeeqin because she traveled too much for work to put down roots. “I guess at some point you have to decide whether you want adventure or stability, and I think I’m always trying to walk that line. I’m not ready to give up what I love, but I don’t want to let everything else in life pass me by, you know?”

And he does. He knows that the longer he’s at the BAU the more unlikely it is he’ll have the time to teach, to build a family, to pursue other dreams. But at the same time there’s something about the work he just doesn’t know how to step away from.

They sit in chairs in the travel section while she opens a book of maps to point out some of her favorite places she’s flown to, and the places she still wants to go. “Every year I tell myself I’ll find a way to get to Iceland or South Africa, and every year they seem to pass me by.”

“Did you know that Iceland was the last place on earth to be settled by humans? I mean, the last to be permanently settled, when it was accidentally discovered by Vikings.”

“I had no idea,” she says, and something about her smile makes him want to tell her more.

“It’s also an incredibly literary country. Statistically, one in ten Icelanders will publish a book in their lifetime, and books are such popular gifts that many are published right before Christmas. There’s actually a term for it, in Icelandic, jólabókafló∂, the ‘Christmas book flood.’”

She laughs and for a second Reid wonders if he’s rambled too much, but she says, “How on earth do you know that?” and he relaxes.

“Just reading a lot. I… like knowing things.” Anything could be useful in the field, at any time. Or in a bookstore, in the company of a woman whose smile feels like a prize he just wants to keep earning.

“Do you ever want to go there?”

“I don’t know. I never really travelled much before the BAU. Actually the first flight I took was to DC for a job interview. I was terrified so I read three different handbooks on aviation and aerodynamics just so I could feel more comfortable. Understanding it helped me to feel less scared. And now I fly so much I don’t really even think about it.”

Y/N closes the book and puts it back on the shelf. “One of these days we’ve got to get you on a plane for pleasure rather than business,” she says.

They stand together in the checkout line, Y/N with a copy of Jonathan Livingston Seagull, and Reid with a copy of Wind, Sand, and Stars which came highly recommended by her. As they step outside, the sky opens into a downpour. He grimaces, already searching in his bag for his umbrella, but looks up to see her standing beyond the awning, arms outstretched, wearing a grin as the rain hits her face.

“Y/N, what are you doing?”

She spins a circle. “Dancing in the rain,” she laughs. “I love the rain, but I don’t really get to enjoy it when I’m flying because it makes it so much more stressful. I’ve got to focus on what I’m doing. But on the ground I can just let it be. And appreciate the gray sky and the sound of the rain.” She steps back under the awning to join him. “But it will be a damp walk home without my umbrella. I totally forgot it at home.”

“I have one,” he says, and then adds, without thinking, “I could walk you home.” She raises her eyebrows and he worries he’s stepped over that invisible line. “I mean, if it’s not too far and you don’t mind, but I also don’t have to I just thought maybe-”

“I’d love that,” she says. “Thanks, Reid.” And so he opens his umbrella and she squeezes close to him beneath it. They walk the few blocks to her apartment, and all the while he is keenly aware of her elbow against his and her shoulder brushing his arm. And he doesn’t mind one bit. All too soon they reach the steps of her building and he’s not quite ready to say goodbye and end this magical moment where there is no danger and no impending departure and no work to be done. Just the two of them and stories shared and all the words they could want as the rain falls around them. So close under the umbrella, she looks up at him, as if she’s trying to find just the rights words and he can’t help but be distracted by the way her jacket is falling off her shoulder again and how it looks so lovely in a way he can’t quite make sense of and he’s thinking that maybe if he took just another step closer they’d be able to fill this silence with something –

But then the silence is broken by the abrupt sound of a window opening followed by someone shouting, “Y/N!”

They step apart, startled, and glance up at the gray sky. From the second story, a pale woman with sleek black hair pokes her head out of a window. A trail of smoke exits the open window, mingling with the rain. “Thank goodness you’re back! I burned the chicken, so we’re gonna have to order out for dinner!”

Y/N sighs. “That would be Yeeqin,” she says. Then raising her voice to call back up she says, “Give me just a minute and we can figure out carryout!”

“Hey is that the FBI guy you were t-”

“I’ll be right there!” Y/N yells. The window closes, and she turns back to him, looking a little more flustered. The moment is gone. “I should get up there before she burns the apartment down.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“This was really nice though.” She makes no move to leave.

“Maybe we can do it again sometime?”

“I’d like that, Reid.”

And his last name sounds so formal. He doesn’t want formal, not with her. “Uh, you can – you can call me Spencer, you know.” They stand there for just a beat and he wants so badly to reach out for her hand. But he doesn’t.

Then she says, “I’ll see you soon, Spencer.” Y/N walks into her apartment, and he’s still replaying the sound of her voice saying his name in his mind, so focused on trying to commit this whole afternoon to memory that it takes him two blocks of walking before he realizes he’s going the wrong way.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They’re waiting for Kate and Morgan to arrive, but the rest of the team is already anxious. She and Arthur can hear them talking as they prepare the cockpit.

“All I’m saying is given the reports, I just don’t know if flying is the safest way to get there,” Rossi says.

“It’s the only way we’re getting all the way to Colorado in time,” Hotch responds.

“We are a pretty small plane though, and whatever happened took down a large passenger plane,” JJ counters. “What if this is a terrorist attack?” Beside her Arthur tenses, but he says nothing.

Rossi says, “On 9/11 we grounded flights to be safe. How do we know this won’t happen again?” Arthur hastily puts on his headphones and busies himself with the controls.

“We just have to hope.”

Y/N knows it’s not her place, but their conversation is clearly unnerving Arthur. She can’t just stand by while her friend and captain is uncomfortable. Before he can stop her, she steps into the cabin where the BAU sits.

“You can do more than hope,” she says. The gathered faces turn to look at her. “I don’t mean to be out of line, Agent Rossi, but I overheard your concerns. Captain Dobson and I are good at what we do. And he’s one of the best pilots I’ve ever worked with. I know this can be scary but I promise that you’re in good hands with us. You trust your team with your lives because you trust them to do a good job. I’m asking that you do the same for us. We may not be a part of the team, but we always get you home safe. This is our job, and we do it well.”

“Of course you’re a part of the team,” Spencer says. Everyone’s gaze flickers to him, but he’s looking right at her. The air feels warmer with those hazel eyes focused on her. “You’re with us for every case. And you’re right. You’ve always kept us safe. We need to trust them,” he adds, glancing at the rest of his team.

“I’m sorry,” Rossi says. “I didn’t mean to insult either of you.”

“No offense taken,” she says. But she wants to be sure any tension is cleared from the air. “But uh, for what it’s worth we’ve restocked the whisky in the minibar if that’ll help you feel a little more relaxed on today’s flight.” The older agent gives her a smile, and she knows all is well. She steals once last glance at Spencer, hoping she can read the gratitude in her eyes, before ducking back into the cockpit. Soon enough the rest of the team arrives. Some quick communication with the tower, and Geff is up in the air again. They fly in silence through the clear blue sky, and it’s not until they’ve reached cruising altitude that Arthur speaks.

“I was flying that day.” Y/N glances at him. She doesn’t have to ask him to specify the date. She simply waits for him to continue. “I flew for United back then. I was a first officer. We were flying from London to Newark and halfway across the Atlantic someone called in over air-to-air telling us there had been a terrorist attack. Next thing we knew we were receiving orders to land in Canada. This tiny town in the middle of nowhere called Gander. There were 37 other planes on the tarmac. We sat there for 12 hours while the RCMP inspected every jet before we could deplane. And we had to tell the passengers what happened. We were there for five days. They said we doubled the population of the town.”

“What was it like?” she asks.

“We were terrified. We had no idea if our plane was at risk of being hijacked. We hardly knew what was happening or why. And we had to try to keep 200 passengers calm. Not to mention there was no way to know if any of our friends had been flying the planes that were used. But it was strange,” he says staring out at the sky. “Despite all of that fear and grief, we were surrounded by some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. They fed us, housed us, gave us clothes. They brought us out to pubs and held dinners and parties and did everything they could to make us feel welcome. Seven thousand strangers from around the world, and this little town never hesitated to help us and never asked for anything in return. It was incredible.

“It was actually a little sad to say goodbye. But when we finally flew back into Newark we saw the devastation. Ground Zero was still burning. It was awful. People had flyers up for loved ones they hadn’t heard from. And for a while, people stopped flying. Everyone was too scared to be in the air.” She remembered being in college at the time. The shock and the sorrow. The anger – the day her friend went to her work-study job at the library and found her desk defaced with Islamophobic hate speech. And the fear that seemed almost palpable. Students afraid to fly home for the holidays or to travel abroad. Flying had always seemed so magical, but suddenly a plane had become a weapon.

“My friend was the first officer on Flight 93. We were close. And I know he would have done anything to protect that plane and its passengers. I know all of those pilots would have. Any pilot would. It’s our job. That day always reminds me of the friend I lost. And the moment that someone turned the pure joy of flying into something dangerous. But at the same time, I’ll always remember the kindness that Gander gave us when we needed it most.”

She tries to picture the Captain stranded in Gander, surrounded by kind Newfoundlanders in plaid, waiting for a world that has stopped turning to begin again. It’s impossible to imagine what he must have felt. But she’s grateful he’s willing to tell her about it.

“You’re impulsive, Y/L/N,” Dobson continues. She flinches, startled by the sudden change of subject and the words he’s chosen. “Speaking to Agent Rossi like that was out of line. But you did it out of kindness. I want to thank you for that.”

“What?” What she did earlier is exactly the sort of thing he would usually reprimand her for or lecture her about. But he doesn’t at all seem disappointed in her.

“You need to think things through,” he concedes, “but I know you don’t take such actions out of pride or spite. You do it because your heart is in the right place. You’re kind. And that’s a very good thing to be.” He clears his throat. “Although I do wish you’d let your head take the lead more often.”

She smiles. “Thank you, sir.” The sky is clear all around them. Their passengers in the back are quiet. However scary the world may be, this moment in this plane, flying up there still feels magical.

After a pause, Arthur says, “Betty White and Rebecca Black.” And the soul-baring has passed. Another one of their in-flight verbal games is afoot. People who should be arch-nemeses but aren’t.

“Freddie Mercury and Bruno Mars,” she counters.

“Vivienne Westwood and Clint Eastwood.”

It takes her several minutes to come up with, “Ken Burns and John Waters.”

“Damn, that’s good,” Arthur says. And so they pass the rest of the flight attempting to find all the pairs they can. Soon enough they’re landing at Durango La-Plata’s small county airport. The team deplanes and she and Arthur go about cleaning the cockpit and cabin. They grab their own respective go-bags and say farewell to Geff. It surprises her however, to see that the team is still there, evidently waiting for Bureau SUVs to arrive judging by the way Hotch keeps looking towards the road. But Spencer is standing away from the rest of the group, bouncing on the soles of his feet near the jet stairs. Dobson gives her a glance, eyebrows raised, and says he’ll meet her at the door to catch a cab together.

“Hey,” Spencer says.

“Hey, yourself.” She pulls her go-bag up on her shoulder, feeling a little self-conscious suddenly. The cool Colorado air has her grateful to be wearing a blazer. “Um, I wanted to thank you,” she tells him. “For what you said earlier. You didn’t have to do that, but I’m happy you stood up for us.”

Spencer rubs the back of his neck. “Of course. And I meant what I said. You and Captain Dobson are a part of this team. I know we don’t always show it, but we’re really grateful for both of you. I just want you to know that we notice. And we care. I care.”

There is an unspoken weight to those two words that hangs between them as she meets his eyes. She wants to ask him exactly what he means by that – exactly how much he cares and whom for and in what way. But before she can, Morgan calls for Spencer to join them. Two black SUVs are ready to take them away.

“I’d better go,” he says.

“I know. Be safe out there, Doctor.”

“I will. You, too. I’ll see you soon.” And then he’s gone. She joins Arthur on the curbside and moments later they’re climbing into a taxi together. Arthur is on the phone with his boyfriend to let him know they’ve landed safely. Y/N stares out the window at the tall trees and the clear sky and thinks that ‘soon’ can’t possibly come soon enough.

[itsgrishaverse]

DEVIL TEARS ♞ MICHAEL LANGDON 002.

heavily inspired by favorite book; au. without losing the sense of the main canon character.

Summary; As unpredictable as a dream, Michael Langdon shares an intimate moment with the enemy at the edge of his death. It woke up a certain curiosity — and possibly obsession with you.

this is so short because, I want to see if it’s a good idea and if you all will like it! certainly it will turn into a fic so if you’d like to be in the taglist, let me know.

Favorited by the gods was a concept out of her hands. Favorited would mean to be special, to believe in any kind of speciality would refer to the existence of any God. She didn’t believe in either. The woman with gold eyes; as bright as the sun, was a dreamer. That’s what she often told herself. Enough to believe it. A dreamer didn’t always control what was shown, a dreamer didn’t have to explain herself or abilities. There was an underlying pleasure feeling at the thought of no explanation, belonging to no one, being no one. Even if it was farther away from the truth. How long could one pretend? A dreamer could also stop dreaming, she whispered.

It all went back to that night, no matter how busy or tired you found yourself. It chased you like a starving dream ━━ only that it wasn’t one. It was real. It happened, and every time that you allowed yourself to think about that certain event, it became more real than possible. Like a part of you; a flower, the thought crossed your mind. Blooming inside you.

The possibility of how such events would’ve turned out if you didn’t save that man’s life also crossed your mind. It has been six months already and yet... the sensation of his fingers against your skin wouldn’t leave you. How tight his grasp remained as you hunched down, examining his wound. It was firm, tight, impatient yet hopeful. Wide dilated pupils looking at you. He clung to you as if his life depended on it. And that night, it did. The world became unstable, lost in an ocean of bones and smoke even before the day you were born. Your kind against the crows. A group; no. Legion of people that found pleasure in power and control and a certain liking for degrading, making your kind their servants. Rumors that they bonded with witchcraft also ran in the wind. That’s how you met earth, that’s how you lived in it and that would be too how you left it the day that your soul escaped your body. Everyone would die, eventually. Others did it sooner than their time. Unfortunately. Others’ death visited in your dreams before it happened. It was a painful promise and while fate couldn’t be always avoided, you still allowed them the knowledge of how you saw them dying. To prevent anything.

Sometimes they would ask you if you’ve dreamt of your own death. You never answered.

Walking in your room with thoughts still bringing down walls of your mind, the clothes you often wore were easily discarded. A pair of tight black jeans which matched with the buttoned up shirt and the coat. It was something worn whenever it meant going outside because of duty. As soon as you turned around, the sight of a red wine dress laid out in your bed caught your attention. It carried a note with simple words. “Wear it. It’s not from me, but him. How adorable and considerate of him, right? Red is your favorite.” The handwritten let it known that your mother has written it —— and she was talking about the man she always brought up whenever you were around. One of the high family’s son and future leader in your clan, after your father, if he happened to be absent one day. The fact the man who would arise from someone close to you’s death had the courage to court you made it kind of morbid. Yet, nothing would change when it came down to rules embedded for so long. His name was Duncan.

Inside bathroom, in the bathtub filled with warm water, muscles relaxed. Your body welcomed it as well as your mind. A breath of peace. One hand was raised in front of you out of instinct, long fingers stained by dry blood mark you. It wasn’t yours, but someone else’s who was found out in the streets a couple of hours ago. Begging for help. Matthew and someone else hurried over as soon you called them, both of your hands pressing against his wound in an attempt to prevent him from bleeding out. He didn’t make it. Those last words still rang in your ears. He whispered “crows.” Crows. Crows did that and they would keep doing it. No matter what. It was either them or you.

But was it always like that? Adversaries? The night you found one man from the opposite clan laying down on the floor, bleeding out. The night you chose to keep it a secret to save his life, it wasn’t him against you. It was him and you.

flashback.

Slow, yet steady steps alarmed Michael Langdon about someone else’s presence in the building. He was on the edge of dozing off at the tiredness and the constant pain digging into his side. A wound caused by a quick shift and blade, someone else who has been skilled enough to reach him. That night was one of the bloodiest he had witnessed, his people were dead as well as everyone else who stepped inside that place. Not even three hours later. He remained on the cold floor, his shoulders against the wall. Between keeping himself awake and not dying, his mask has been taken off. Dropped by his side, revealing golden silk long curls, sticking to his forehead by sweat. The masks they wore whenever out in public were in the shape of a crow. You never took them off to reveal your identity, that was one rule written by him, the main representative and leader. Rule which was broken by himself. Everyone was dead either way.

Three minutes later. As expected he caught the glimpse of someone else’s figure wandering around. Hunched down before one of the bodies only a few feet away from him. Uncertain of whatever they were doing to them, his right hand gripped his own blade weakly. He couldn’t do much, but it didn’t mean that there wouldn’t be an attempt to have a worthy death. For him and his position. Four minutes. He observed the figure stand up this time, turning to face him. As eyes met through dim lights, confusion hit him as surprised must have hit the other. A female. She froze in her place, it made him guess she certainly didn’t expect someone to be alive at this point—— the fact it was probably the first time she had seen someone without their mask didn’t cross his mind that second. It was because of both reasons.

She didn’t move. It sent a cold shiver through his spine not knowing when she’d attack him. If he blinked once, would they still stand there? If blinked twice, would they then attack him? He didn’t blink, but attempted to speak. His voice came out hoarsely. “I’m ready.” Why for? He didn’t know. “I’m ready for death.”

That certainly did catch her attention, enough that she stepped closer —- hesitantly, and lowered close enough to the body by his side. Wait. What the hell was she doing? Ignoring him? “Well.” Her accented voice reached his ears. His head turned to cast her another glance, keeping blues on her. She ran one hand along the corpse’s chest as if looking for something. Another wave of confusion hit him. It must have been one of her people, as soon as he saw her taking a necklace from them. “I am not. Death must be really boring, don’t you think? For young people like us. If you are as young as you seem. I wouldn’t recommend it.”

Michael couldn’t see his own face at the moment, but he was certain he probably looked perplexed. Because he was. Everything made him feel dizzy, uncertain of its way. If there was something he was certain about, apparently, was that he having a conversation with someone who was supposed to kill him the first time they saw him. And he, attacked them. Or probably use her as a way to save his own life. His thoughts were snapped out upon catching her hunching down before him this time, his breath caught. Fingers tightening around the material of the blade. Her neck was exposed, how easily it would be stab her and kill her there, immediately. He would die, but at least he would’ve taken another life with him.

“Show me your injury.”

“So you can make it worse?”

“No.” She shook her head and he found himself wanting to run his fingers through her hair. How stupid of him. Irrational. “So I can heal it.”

“Why would you do that?” He mocked with a brief breath. Allowing a smile, but it looked more like a grimace. “I am not your friend.”

She seemed thoughtful at his previous words and for a second, Michael thought that they might have changed their mind. But instead, a surprised grunt left his lips at her following actions. He felt her reaching out for him; her fingers touched his briefly, pulling his own hand away from the wound he has been pressing on. Lifting up his shirt.

“That doesn’t look good at all. I will have to clean it and you will be quiet for me, think you can do that?”

“How do you know I won’t kill you as you try to heal me?” Michael pressed on as if awaiting for a possible reaction out of her. She just gave him another glance; locking eyes, before looking down at his wound again.

“I don’t. But then, you’d be a hell of an idiot. If I die, you die here. Now I need you to—-“ Whatever she did, it earned a loud wince from the blond male. He deserved it. He knew it. And so did she, by the small smile that hid at corners of lips. He saw that. “To stay quiet.” She added.

The next consisted of him gripping onto her. Long fingers wrapped up around her arm as if he craved to feel something close to him. Perhaps they did. There was an odd feeling of comfort. Shown by kindness for the first time, Michael Langdon just didn’t know that yet.

“Y/N!” Someone else’s voice echoed in the room from the other room. Close to the door . Catching both of them by surprise. She was quick to glance behind her, before turning her attention back on him. “Where are you?”

“Don’t say anything. Don’t make any noise.” She whispered to Michael, her hand gave his hand a gentle squeeze before letting go. Perhaps that’s what surprised him the most. She knew he could die there too if someone else found him before he managed to find a way out. Perhaps that was her way of saying farewell. “I will leave with them and you will be able to get out of here.”

That was the last time he saw her. And she left without being aware Michael Langdon’s life was saved, the reason of everyone’s wrath.

After the warm shower, you stood before the mirror. Dressed in the gifted red dress, which complimented your figure and curves. Tonight it was meant to be special, it was the first moonlight festival. A celebration where upcoming weddings were announced. A lovely evening to be courted by someone. A fitting evening to be someone else in the masquerade ball. You told yourself that tonight, that’s what you would do. Forget about the things that have been haunting you for so long and welcome open doors for the future. And maybe, finally, meet the handsome man who has been kind enough to give you a present. It would be a change, maybe for better.

What you would find out later was that the same blond male whose life you’ve saved six months ago and somehow found its way back into your mind, wandered around the same place as you those exact same minutes. In your home, amongst your people, hiding behind a bird mask. Observing, searching for something —— looking for you.

[thetypedwriter]

Imaginary Friend Book Review

Imaginary Friend by Stephen Chbosky Book Review 

This is undoubtedly the weirdest book I have ever read. 

You might be thinking… but, thetypedwriter you read fanfiction! This can’t be the weirdest thing you’ve ever read! Things like ABO universes exist!

You would think that, wouldn’t you?

But no. 

I shall endeavor to give you a spoiler free synopsis of the book first followed by my thoughts and criticism, but note that this is an endeavor for a reason. I have now explained this novel in depth to two different people, and both times I have found myself completely and irrevocably stuck on how to even begin, let alone end. 

With that forewarning, here we go. 

The novel surrounds a single mother and her young son moving to a small Pennsylvania town in order to escape the tragedies of their past that include the passing of her husband and her current abusive boyfriend. 

However, while things in their new home start out well-they find solutions to unemployment, poverty, the son’s dyslexia, etc, things start to go awry when Christopher, the son, is lured into the Mission Street Woods at the edge of town by a voice only he seems to be able to hear. 

As Christopher continues to listen to the voice in the form of a cloud, or a plastic bag, or even inside of his mind, he starts recruiting his friends to build a treehouse in the woods that will transport him to a different time and place. The voice, lovingly called the Nice Man, instructs him to finish the tree house by Christmas Day. 

Or else everyone will die. 

As Christopher struggles with newfound powers and responsibilities, coping with two different worlds, his mother struggles with her son’s sanity, the town struggles with anger, blame, and temptation, and what follows is the chaotic descent of a small town into the throes of good versus evil, love and loss, and most importantly, trying to differentiate what is real versus what is imaginary. 

In the simplest terms possible (a facetious statement if there ever was one), I thought this was going to be a thriller mystery book about a single mother and her young seven-year-old son Christopher leaving their home and her abhorrent abusive boyfriend in order to start a new life with hope and potential. 

And it….is? 

But it doesn’t stop there. Chbosky crams so many genres, themes, motifs, and messages into this book that when you think about it, it’s unsurprising that it’s over 700 pages long with the tiniest, most miniscule font I have ever had to squint at. 

However, make no mistakes like I did, this book is horror. 

Yup. You read that right folks, horror. 

To preface, and I might have mentioned this in another post for another book at some point, but I vehemently dislike horror of any kind. This extends to books, movies, shows, etc. 

I understand that horror is a great joy and pleasure for a vast amount of people and that it contains its own literary merit, tropes, and rules, and I can appreciate that for what it is from afar, but I personally take very little enjoyment from consuming anything horror related (I apologize to all the Stephen King fans out there in the world). 

I did not fully realize the extent to which this book was a true horror. 

This is entirely my own fault. I was very much blinded by the rosy colored glasses from college when I first read The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Chbosky’s first and only other novel. 

Perks is wonderful. It is a tragic, yet fundamentally hopeful and loving bildungsroman that shows the beauty and the pain of growing up and accepting yourself. The movie with Emma Watson is what dreams are made of. 

I committed author fraud when I picked up Imaginary Friend based on the pure speculation that I would most likely like it since he had written Perks, a book I adored as both a reader and a teacher. 

I’ve warned readers against this in the past, but it seems like I should have taken my own advice: just because an author has written one good book or one book you like, does not automatically mean you will like their second book, or any of their other books for that matter. 

This cannot possibly ring more true for Stephen Chbosky, as not only are his two books completely different in narrative and structure, but also vastly different in genre and purpose. 

I should have stuck with my gut and realized that I probably wouldn’t like this book based off the synopsis, the genre, and yes, even the cover (it looks scary to me, okay?), but I said noooooo, it’s Chbosky, you have to read it!

And this is where we ended up. 

First of all, I didn’t hate the book. 

I can recognize that it is extremely well written, well crafted, and well developed. I can enjoy a slew of characters, and oh boy are there a multitude to pick from, and I can give credit where credit is due. 

Chbosky is a talented writer. There is no doubt in my mind about this. The way he crafts words, the way he plays with texture and space, and with fonts and sizes, is nothing less of sheer brilliance. 

He undoubtedly is also masterful at motifs, foreshadowing, and symbolism. Notably, there were so many recurring objects, colors, metaphors, and so on that were sprinkled out so consecutively and intentionally throughout the novel-some I didn’t even pick up until the end-that I was left reeling from how immensely talented and brilliant he is. 

Things like his use of baby teeth, blue moon, and fogs/clouds/mist struck me in particular. I know this seems like gibberish, but Chbosky truly came across as understanding what he wanted to portray and how he wanted to deliver it. 

However, the biggest compliment I can give to Chbosky is the sheer magnitude of his imagination and creativity. This book almost overwhelmed me through the use of ideas and concepts I had never really thought of before. 

Alternate dimensions? Check. 

Supernatural powers? Check. 

Incredible use of diction and figurative language? Check and check. 

Chbosky had so many wild and tantalizing beautiful turns of phrases, expressions, and descriptions that it left me with the same sort of gasping epiphany that Maggie Steifvater’s writing always leaves me with, the feelings that writing can be so utterly beautiful and compelling, that it can be all-consuming as well as never ending with its potential to stun, to create, and to warp to unique needs and purposes. 

It definitely was a reading experience quite like any other I’ve had. 

Be that because of the horror genre or because of Chbosky’s odd, yet addicting writing style and this has definitely become a book that left me more than a bit dumbfounded. Although I’ve sung its praises and admitted to my own faults at this point, this book isn’t without flaws. 

To me the horror genre itself is just not my cup of tea like I’ve stated. Strike number one. 

Second, the book was...abysmally long. Atrociously long. As I’ve also said before, I do not mind large books. In fact, big books when you’re reading something you love is a true blessing. Finding that fanfiction at 3am that hooks you immediately and you look up to see its 300k? Amazing. 

Starting a new book series that you fall in love with body and soul and realize you have several installments left in the series to gorge and devour? Ecstasy. 

Sloughing through a single book that starts to drag on and on repetitiously for what seems like forever? Borderline hell. 

This book could have been 300 pages shorter and still contained everything Chbosky wanted to accomplish. It could have had the same brilliant writing, messages, and motifs, but without all of the never-ending back and forth between worlds and battles that just kept popping up time and time again. The abominable length considering its content is strike two. 

Last, the ending was a bit of a cluster. At this point in the novel, so much is going on, you are being exposed to so many pov’s that it’s almost stress-inducing, and events taking place are cataclysmic and 10/10 on drama. Chbosky bit off more than he could chew here. 

The book choked itself at the end, which, after reading for 700 pages is not the feeling you want to have. The ending left me befuddled, disappointed, and also bereft of a conclusive end and explanation for the shitstorm that had just rained down. It was not the ending I wanted, could understand, or could even really grasp. Strike three. 

This book has a plethora of merits followed by three enormous criticisms. If you like horror, then you’ve already crossed hurdle number one. If you can accept it’s repellant length (let alone have days upon days of free time to actually ingest said behemoth) then that’s hurdle number two. 

Hurdle three is up to you. Perhaps you would like the ending where as I found it lacking in structure, content, and answers. I like my endings tied up with neat little bows. I don’t like to be left thinking...hmmmm what does this mean? 

If I am going to read your massive book, I deserve an ending that satisfies the journey. Authors telling readers that it’s up for interpretation makes me want to strangle something. It comes across as enormously pretentious to me and oftentimes lazy. 

In the case of Chbosky, I think he had given himself so many loose threads that the neat little bow I desired was next to impossible. 

So he didn’t even try. 

Score: 6/10

Recommendation: If you love The Shining, are lacking bouts of creativity and imagination, have lots of free time during Quarantine, and don’t mind having an Inception-esque ending where you might not get all the answers you want, while being tasked with concocting it for yourself, Imaginary Friend might be your new best friend. 

Bonus: Here’s a pic of my kitty photo bombing this book shoot. Hope she brightens your day!

[eventyrstuff]

Every Kdrama I’ve watched under the cut, to keep track and for recommendations.

Warning: Spoilers, few unpopular opinions ahead, please bear in mind: to each their own.

2009

·       You’re Beautiful – 16 amusing episodes (Finished)

o   Is the plot interesting? This was the era of female leads pretending to be male (Hana Kimi, Ouran etc), but I still loved it. We follow the story of the female lead (who was a Nun at the beginning) who pretended to be her twin brother and become a part of the country’s current hottest band because her twin had a cosmetic surgery mishap (lol). It’s mostly trying to fit in and try not to get exposed but of course our male lead discovered her true identity thus begin her suffering and second also knows but did not admit it thus begin his unrequited love and comic relief and best character in the series was left in the dark thus begin questioning his sexuality 7/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? YES. Park Shin Hye is love and Jang Geun Seuk’s smile is freaking adorable. 9/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? JEREMY AND SHINWOO AND JOLIE YES. 10/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? MOST DEF. I fell in love with PSH’s “Lovely Day” and “ Without Words”, ANJELL’s “Still” and “Promise” though I prefer Lee Hong Ki’s version 8/10 o   Would you rewatch? I’ll definitely rewatch, I would love to compare my opinion back in my tween years and opinion now   o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: Episode 6 – Shin Woo and Mi Nam’s pseudo date (totally heartbreaking for tween me) Episode 11 – supermarket scene was the best, Episode 13 – Cooking scenes was hilarious, every scene with Jeremy, TAE KYUNG AND THE PIG o   Words Association: GO MI NAM, Pig-Rabbit, JOLIE!, Fly me to the moon, “hyung, vinegar?” o   Yes it has overused plots, common conflicts and family drama but the characters and their dynamics are truly worth watching this and if you need a good laugh (this drama has a looooot of funny scenes), this one is for you. 8/10

2011

·       Heartstrings – 15 forgotten episodes (Finished)

o   Is the plot interesting? It’s a college drama involving modern and traditional Korean music. I honest to God forgot the whole drama, I think there was rivalry between the main leads? 6/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? Not sure, but if it’s Park Shin Hye, I guess so, sorry I’m shit at remembering this drama o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? I forgot so I guess not? o   Are the OSTs compelling? I am pretty sure it got an amazing Osts with having Park Shin Hye and CN Blue’s Yong Hwa but the only thing I remember was the song “Byeul” or Star and it was sung by the secondary character but it was really catchy o   Would you rewatch? Looks like I need to rewatch since I mostly forgot this drama o   Will rate once I have rewatched but if you shipped Yong Hwa and Park Shin Hye’s characters in You’re Beautiful, this one is for you.

Then after years of Jdramas, Anime, Mangas, YA books I returned to Kdramaland in…

2018

·       Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo – 16 charming episodes (Finished)

o   Is the plot interesting? College athletes’ coming of age drama, added a dash of love and friendship and dreams. Strong female lead and affectionate male lead, sign me the fuck up. 9/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? I AM EMOTIONALLY INVESTED WITH THE LEADS PERSONAL AND LOVE LIVES. YES. 10/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? YES EVEN THE CAMEOS (Hello Lee Jong Suk who I haven’t watched any of his drama yet at the time and Ji Soo) 10/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? I downloaded 2 of their OSTs (You&I and Dreaming), it was the first Korean songs in my playlist 9/10 o   Would you rewatch? Absolutely o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: “BOK JOO, WATCH OUT!”, “YOU DIE, I WILL KILL YOU”, Snow kisses, the gang in the amusement park, THAT SCENE WITH JISOO AND JOO HYUK o   Word Association: SWAG, Messi, Chicken, Samgyupsal, WHAT, Chubs o   I totally recommend to everyone, it has a unique plot, still not over the main lead’s chemistry, you’ll fall in love with the whole story. 10/10

 ·       The Heirs – 20 clichéd episodes (Finished)

o   Is the plot interesting? It’s your typical rich man poor woman plot, high school setting oozing with alpha males and lots of trope scenes, if only female lead was also an heir or they develop more on her character it will be memorable, I can’t really differentiate with other dramas with the same plot – well except the male lead’s mother is not your typical mother who absolutely hates the female lead 3/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? No, not really more on the secondary characters, both male and female leads are meh 2/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? With the mute mother and FL’s bestfriend and his girlfriend yes, everyone else is forgettable 3/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? I only remember “Love is a moment” because it was used by fanmade crack videos on youtube ahahaha 2/10 o   Would you rewatch? Probably no. o   I guess if you are a big fan of Boys Over Flowers and looking for the same genre this one’s for you, this did not really age well for me, probably would have loved this if I watched back when I was in highschool – reminds me of wattpad days. 3/10

 ·       W: Two Worlds – 16 enthralling episodes (Started 2018 Finished 2020)

o   Is the plot interesting? The plot is what compelled me to watch this drama, male lead is a webtoon character created by the female lead but made famous by her father. Male lead does not have your best childhood experiences but became really successful as an adult but there are mysterious instances that put his life on danger, the female lead (doctor) was drawn in on the comic and saved his life, unknowingly her actions changed the course of the story and it reflected on the comic in the real world – this was truly a good concept 9/10 because I actually forgot I started this drama last 2018 then rewatched and finished this 2020, I am still confused. o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? THE CHEMISTRY WAS ON THE ROOF ON THIS ONE. I DIDN’T EVEN CARE ABOUT THE OTHER CHARACTERS 10/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? I was actually more focused on the main leads, did not exactly give much attention to other characters 3/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? I only liked “Where are you” but it was sung by that guy who was jailed among other things so I don’t know how I feel now. Still the opening was lit o   Would you rewatch? Yes, I will try to fully understand what the mechanics or rules of being a webtoon character and being alive in the real world o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: KISS IN THE JAIL was the first thing that came to my mind, also real life scenes to comic scenes and vice versa- kudos to the artists, slap and kiss scene, the flashing scene, 4 romantic concepts scene, the adorable scenes recreating the illustration book, the transition when yeon Joo dropped her ring, the hospital bed scene o   Words Association: #4, handcuffs, all the winks, sudden “saranghaeyo”, ring, bus stop, “to be continued” o   This drama was amazing for the first 10 episodes then became complicated after, I loved the chemistry between the 2 main leads but unfortunately overpowered the whole story – don’t get me wrong I love love stories, but my reaction was the same as those who read the comics – too much cutesy stuff they forgot the storyline, I wanted them to explore the W show, but they focused on filling the plothole for the murderer which created more conflicts and confusing scenes. The line between the comic and real word created plot devices and more questions. This drama has flaws but cool premise though, I hate amnesia plot on any drama but it was well incorporated on this one. 8/10

·       Goblin – 16 amazing Episodes (Finished, rewatched 2020)

o   Is the plot interesting? A general in Goryeo dynasty got punished by the Gods to be immortal and his sword still in his chest only the Goblin bride can take it off so he can be at peace and die. Immortal lead with a side of grim reaper as best friend, charming female lead with a confident female boss – a story with reincarnation and ghosts, scenes that will tug your heart – yes, one of Kdrama Masterpiece 10/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? At first no no with the age gap but yes, I say while crying o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? HELL TO THE YES, DEOK HWA, GRAMPS, SECRETARY KIM, HELLO CUTIE TAE HEE, SUNNY AND GRIM REAPER 10/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? HAUNTINGLY BEAUTIFUL OSTS, particularly “Round and Round”, “I Miss You”, “Stay with Me” and even without lyrics I still worship “When the time stops” aka the music that speaks to your soul 10/10 o   Would you rewatch? YES ALREADY DID BRUH WILL DO AGAIN o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: Every bromance scene, I got hooked by the scene in the first ep where Eun Tak celebrated her birthday with her ghost mother, epic goblin and grim reaper modelling in the highway, everytime sunny flips her hair, grim reaper and his guests in the tea shop o   Word Association: Canada, sad love, candles, rain, chicken, tea, car crash *sorry not sorry* o   Totally recommended, well-deserved on its popularity. Will make you laugh and cry, at the same time. Acting skillz man. 10/10

 ·       Strong Woman Do Bong Soon – 16 whacky episodes (Finished)

o   Is the plot interesting? Female lead has super strength which was actually passed down to every woman born in her family, she wants to be a game developer but instead got hired as bodyguard of our male lead who is a ceo of a gaming company 8/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? I remember that I did, I was? I need to rewatch haha o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? I remembered I did not like Ji soo’s character and don’t really remember other characters… o   Are the OSTs compelling? Can’t quite remember so I need to - o   Would you rewatch? Yeahp, will do o   I’ll do a rewatch before rating

I had a watch list back in 2018, but then I became busy with work and life until…

2020 (Details will be more longer since every Kdrama is still fresh on my mind)

·       My ID is Gangnam Beauty – 16 pretty episodes (Finished)

o   Is the plot interesting? Basically, female lead deems herself ugly and undergone a plastic surgery to fully change her face before attending the university – but a popular guy back in highschool (junior high?) was also attending the same uni and recognized her – it’s a mellow sort of drama tackling Korean beauty and it’s extent, still cute story tho 7/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? We must protect Mi-rae at all cost, Cha Eun Woo’s character is a little bit emotionally constipated but Eun Woo is *swoon* 8/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? I am all for Mi-rae’s family and childhood friend, Kyung Seok’s sister, Yoo eun was very notable as well, I love how her character is completely fair and understanding 7/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? “D-day” and “True” is a bop to listen to, everytime I hear “Something” all I remember is Cha Eun Woo’s slow mo glance, other OST is a bop but not enough for me to put on my playlist 6/10 o   Would you rewatch? Probably but not right now o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: New face dance, bathroom scene with Kyung Seok beating the shit out of their senior, whenever Kyung Seok is annoyed with Soo-A but total heart eyes mode with Mi Rae, Cinema pseudo date – eating popcorn using straws, when he changed the color of his hair, Kyung Seok’s ID when he was a waiter, their high school date, and that last sweet scene in the final episode o   Word Association: gangnam, perfume, plastic, umbrella, soju o   I wasn’t planning on watching kdramas again after a long time but this quarantine just makes you do things and no regrets at all, MIIGB probably isn’t the best of the best but it definitely made me want to watch more kdramas and lo and behold more kdramas watched in a span of 2 months than in a year back in 2018. I love how it tackles on true beauty and female oppression and how idiotic alpha male trope is 7/10

 ·       While You Were Sleeping – 16 not enough episodes (Finished)

o   Is the plot interesting? A prosecutor, a reporter and a cop can see the future when they sleep, which helps them in solving cases and do their best to change it. Every case is fascinating makes you say “ohhhhh” when they present their defense and I am like *chef kiss* I love the premise and the supernatural part of the story. 10/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? YES. JAE CHAN AND HONG JOO ARE ADORKABLE AND HAS INSANE VISUALS  10/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? HAVE YOU MET JUNG HAE IN, THE PROSECUTOR TEAM WAS THE BEST. YES. EVEN THE SIDE CHARACTERS ON CASES AND THE VILLAINS 10/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? I usually don’t hear the OSTs while focusing on a scene but boy oh boy, OSTs stole everything, I am obsessed with the whole album. The melody and tune is very captivating everytime you hear it you just want to embed it on your brain. If you are still having second thoughts watching this drama, listen to it’s OSTs the feels they give is the same feels when you watch 1000/10 o   Would you rewatch? I’ve watched it again after finishing it so yes, 100% yes, need more episodes still having withdrawal syndrome, still watching fanmade videos on youtube o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: Every episode lol, the opening sequence, the outro scenes in episode 2 and 3 (with that background music), everytime “It’s you”, “You belong to my world”, “When night falls” and “I love you boy” is the bg music, every Jae Chan and Hong Joo parallel (Episode 2 and 16 particularly), OT3 scenes, the shadow picture, KISS IN THE RAIN, IN THE SAKURA TREE AND THE ALMOST KISS IN THE CAR if I list down all of my fave, I will be writing the whole summary of each episode. Hmmm. o   Words Association: Snow hug, sakura kiss, batman and robin, scarf, JUST ICE, choir, seatbelt, samgyupsal, femme fatale, lip balm o   I HIGHLY RECOMMEND. ULTIMATE FAVE. I AM BIASED SHUTTUP. JUST WATCH. NONE CAN COMPARE. NUFF SAID. 100000/10 SOMEONE FANGIRL WITH ME

 ·       Pinocchio – 20 important episodes (Finished)

o   Is the plot interesting? This whole drama is about mass media and its major influence on anyone’s life and it is so powerful. We have a male lead whose family has experienced the impact of misguided news and it is painful to watch because this really happens irl at worse, this is due to a reporter which is our female lead’s mother. Now our female lead has Pinocchio Syndrome hence the drama title, she can’t help but hiccup when she lies, it’s very interesting to know why both leads wanted to be a reporter given their situation 10/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? YES, I JUST WANNA HUG THEM. Imagine having a condition that forces you to tell the truth, you can’t keep your feelings, privacy or secrets at all and to add an indifferent mother who did not care for your dreams but more on publicity. Imagine having a dream and working hard to reach it but after college you fail every job interview and it’s so realistic I just ashfdsjfha (Except the Pinocchio syndrome part but come on) Imagine experiencing a childhood where you don’t know what happened to your firefighter father, is the news about him running away true because it was his fault all those other firefighters are dead? Imagine your brother doing his best to hold your family together because your mother is on the verge of nervous breakdown to the point of pushing her to choose death, pulling you to a hug and just jump? Imagine this male lead fighting every chance to not love this girl who is the daughter of the reason why his family is gone now and could not leave her because she is also the reason why he decided to fight for the injustice done to his family and to others victims of fake news and they are so supportive of each other. It freaking hurts and I’m sorry I just have a lot of emotions for these two 1000000/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? YEEEEES, GRANDPA AND FATHER, I LOVE THEIR FAMILY DYNAMICS SO MUCH WHEN GRANDPA CRIED I CRIED! EVEN JA MYUNG HYUNG who has not enough episode in THEY DESERVE TO BE TOGETHER NOT JUST FOR ONE EPISODE. EVEN BEOM JU, YOO RAE, NITPICKER JANG, CAPTAIN, BOTH CAPTAINS ACTUALLY, CHAN SOO AND HIS FAMILY EVEN I LOVE TO HATE THE VILLAINS 100/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? I was too focused on the intensity of the story but I do love the bg music –“First Love”, “The Only Person”, “Pinocchio” are few notable OSTs 8/10 o   Would you rewatch? YES FREAKING YES, I REWATCHED AFTER WATCHING IT o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: Episode 16 as a whole, because main lead conflict with each other was resolved and that dinner scene is one I always rewatch, of course episode 1 introduction for Dal Po is freaking hilarious, Episode 2’s “Because I like you” damn feels, snow kiss, all the grandpa scenes and brother scenes, that scene when In ha remembered being drunk, that scene where Dal Po meets his brother again and I just ahjasgdjhsdgf, the intense debate and paralleling it in the seminar, the Christmas episode pyung pyung pyung my heart huhu o   Word Association: Six Degrees Separation, rumor, button, MSC/YGN News, traffic cones, hiccups, piggy banks, text messages, family o   EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH THIS. I LOVE EVERY PART. IT WAS ON MY WATCHLIST LAST 2018 WHY DID I NOT WATCHED IT THEN. THE ACTING THOUGH YOU JUST FEEL THEIR INTENSE EMOTIONS THROUGH THE SCREEN. FEELS EVERYWHERE. 100000/10

 ·       Romance Is A Bonus Book – 16 heartwarming episodes (Finished)

o   Is the plot interesting? It’s about romance and books! Lee Jong Suk is on it what more can you ask for? Kidding aside it tells a story of a 30 something mother who to go back to work after 12 years which left a huge gap on her resume, she also got recently divorced and experiencing the repercussion of that, all of the job she applied for has focused on her work gap instead of her skills (which by the way as an HR a very hard truth). She applied as a support role on a publishing company and got hired but by omitting a lot of things on her resume. Oh and her childhood friend, our male lead is actually a co-owner and editor of the company. And he is also in love with her since high school. 9/10 but the fluffiness of the whole series is worth 10/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? YES, Dan-I is totally relatable and Eun Ho is lovable. I love their relationship so much they are each other’s home. 10/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? With Hae-rin (COME OOON UNREQUITED LOVE AGAIN WITH LJS CHARACTER?), Seo Joon, President Kim, Manager Seo, and our very own Gangnam Leopard YES. Others not so much. 8/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? The OSTs are feel good, the kind of playlist you want to hear when you read or travelling, point to “Rainbow”, “Walking on Sunshine”, “Happy End”also the heart churning feels when “You’re Beautiful” and “ A Story I couldn’t see” begins playing in the bg 10/10 o   Would you rewatch? YES over and over and over again o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: The first episode with the wedding visuals, so aesthetic with the running in the highway, the power dance was so out of place but it was adorable, the scene where Dan-I reminisce her married life and it just breaks your heart, the essay part of her application is just motivating and sad, WHEN EUN HO WAS DRUNK AND WENT TO DAN-I’s PLACE BECAUSE HE ALWAYS GO THERE WHEN HE MISSES HER AND I JUST AHGSHJAGDKJGHJ, “If that’s love, I love her then”, GANGNAM LEOPARD CLUB SCENE, the subtle Snow confession (what’s with LJS and Snow???) the long brown overcoats comes out I’m there, when Eun Ho rejected Hae Rin so nicely I cry, movie date, the day Dan-I and Eun Ho spent together at their house, all the book pages at the end of each episode o   Words Association: THE MOON IS BEAUTIFUL, noona, power pose, love letters, books, seasons change, cucumber allergy, April 23 o   This drama is literally a warm blanket on a rainy day. Recommended if you want a pure love story with almost no conflict and mellow storyline – just the thought of finding love and home in the same person is truly heartwarming. For aspiring writers and book lovers! Love the quotable quotes in it and the warm feels it gives 10/10

 ·       Extraordinary You – 16 extraordinary episodes (Finished)

o   Is the plot interesting? We follow the story of the extras in a comic book. Get it? EXTRAordinary you, haha okaaaay, anyway, its fictional characters becoming aware that they are fictional characters and trying to change their fates, having a life of their own outside the “stage” and all around creating chaos – breaking the 4th wall if you will. We have your cliché high school filled with rich kids and an elite group called A3 (which was funny bc it was almost mocking F4), then we have the female lead who thought she was the main character of the story but was only the love bridge extra for the main characters. And our beautiful male lead who does not even have a name. Very attention-grabbing 10/10 also just found out the drama was based on a webtoon, so it’s a webtoon inside a webtoon nice. o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? Dan-Oh is a fun character to watch, her range of emotions and the way she acts in and out of the stage deserves a standing ovation, I don’t mind Ro Woon’s visual too haha 9/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? Yes to Lee Do Hwa (Because violin playing cutiepie), Joo Da (girl became aware and finally got claws at the end) and Dried Squid Fairy and Su Hyang (because their history is interesting) , not really into Bae Kyung or Nam Joo (who was 2dimensional character until the end) 8/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? I loved all the instrumental background music especially “Highschool Runway”, Also “My Beauty” which was very kdrama-esque ending song 7/10 o   Would you rewatch? BIG YES o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: Every Dan-Oh and Do Hwa’s internal monologue and their bromance, every time Dan Oh breaks character but the page flips, every time she curse and criticize the writer, checking the male population’s back, when Dan-oh opened the umbrella and we got to see Haru’s face *dokidoki*, every reaction when they transition from stage to shadow, I mean kudos to Kim Hye Yoon’s acting from crying to laughing then from head over heels over Bae Kyung then cringing at herself , “It’s Bae Kyung Time”, the scene where Haru and Dan-oh was holding hands and here comes third wheel Do Hwa the way they reacted with Dan Oh’s “Annyeong Lee Do Hwa” made me rofl o   Word Association: AYUUU JINJJA, HARUYAAAAA, stage, shadow, page flips, October 10, secret, flower o   I love the concept and how it felt like writing fanfiction, you put your favorite characters in alternative universes or different setting and watch them fall in love all over again – in this case destiny also plays a huge part since the writer continuously separate them but they still fall in love with each other outside the stage. It’s fun to see the other side or the fillers whenever characters are not on acting on stage, they have more character depth and development. I definitely love the Sageuk and College AU part. 9/10

 ·       Graceful Family – 16 wild episodes (Finished)

o   Is the plot interesting? It’s a drama full of Makjang so we are riding on a rollercoaster ride, I am here for all of it gimme gimme that outrageous plot with a dash of crazy family on the side and a group of people who cleans up their messes 9/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? SEOK HEE IS THE BEST FEMALE LEAD YET FREAKING BADASS BITCH QUEEN. Yoon Do is okay but really overpowered by Seok Hee’s strong personality 10/10 for Seok Hee o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? I am very interested in Ms. Han and the Top Team’s deal unfortunately it was not addressed further in the series, wouldn/t mind a mini sequel with them as the main characters, Choi Na Ri and Seo Jin is loooove, and I love Wan Soo with all my heart even after everything that happened 9/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? “Liar” is on my playlist solely for me to feel as badass as Seok Hee and “Black Diamond” because it plays with your emotions 8/10 o   Would you rewatch? Solely for all the WTF moments o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: ALL THE DINING TABLE SCENES, opening scene in the first episode got me hooked, all Seok Hee scenes made me stay, Wan Soo’s hilarious scenes, that whole hanbok shop scene, whole jail fiasco, when Seok Hee fights head to head with TOP management, PICASSO’S FUNERAL SCENE, Episode 9 when Choi Na Ri moved in, episode 15’s biggest plot twist, Episode 16 and it’s whole 1 hour and 45 minutes of drama o   Word Association: Home sweet home, Cannes, Picasso, power vacuum, kingmaker, Auntie o   It has a lot of flaws, plotholes and characters you wished was fleshed out but man what an exhilarating ride it was. I love all the dirty secrets in the closets and plot twists (won’t spoil just watch it!) but Seok Hee is definitely the show stealer for me. Soo Hyang’s character here is starkly different with her character in My ID is Gangnam Beauty and it’s really amazing. 9/10

 ·       Hi, Bye Mama – 16 heartbreaking episodes (Finished)

o   Is the plot interesting? This is all about mother’s love and the life she left behind. Our female lead died in an accident and has been a ghost for five years watching over her family especially her daughter, she watched how her family moved on – her husband remarried and her daughter grew up with a different mother. The Gods has given her a chance to live again if she gets back her place within 49 days – this means she get the chance to become human again and finally meet her daughter. 9/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? I AM EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN ALL OF THEM. 10/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? SEO WOO YAAAAAA, Min Jung, her whole family and best friends even the other ghosts and their painful stories YES. 10/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? I was busy crying and could not really hear the bg music because all I hear is my heart breaking a million times. But “Happy” made me happy and sad at the same time and the haunting “Same Town, New Story” instrumental is love o   Would you rewatch? I am not sure if I’m ready to cry again o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: whole episode 8 is where I broke down crying – I know this whole series is about mother’s and their unconditional love but episode 8 showed fathers and their incomparable love to their daughters and I just asjhdajksd the epilogue in this episode just made me cry nonstop – I am actually crying just remembering that scene, every epilogue will make you ugly cry, every time Seo Woo smiles, Episode 11 and that epic showdown in Kid’s café, when Yu Ri became human again and how happy she was she can hold Seo Woo, every scene with her and Seo Woo bonding, Gang Hwa and the egg,  the list of things she wants to do, when Seo Woo finally called her MAMA o   Words Association: mother, stepmom, ghosts,  “I am happy”, shaman, egg, 49 days o   I am emotionally exhausted watching this show, I cried on every episode, this definitely hurt me in every way possible. Highly recommended if you want a good long nonstop cry 10/10

Dramas I did not completely watched sans a few episodes, finished by skipping scenes or reading drama reviews. Warning: total unpopular opinions

2009

·       Boys Over Flowers – we all know Hana Yori Dango is superior, I just got bored of recycled scenes and I really don’t like LMH here, sorry

2018

·       Scarlet Heart Ryeo - Plot is very interesting but Sageuk dramas are not my cup of tea, reminds me of Fushigi Yuugi which I hated when I was a kid dunno why haha, will look for my motivation to watch the whole drama ·       Oh My Ghostess – got spoiled, skipped and just read episode summary

2020

·       Hello Monster – did not even finish 1st episode, skipped through episode 2 -3, too many plot holes, just read last episode spoilers ·       Hotel De Luna – finished 7 episodes got distracted by work and life. Plotline is interesting and characters look promising, will rewatch but I already know the spoilers and ending ·       School 2013 – just read the dramabeans episode reviews, may watch but reminds me of Gokusen concept (which I do love but very repetitive) so may not ·       Suspicious Partner – I liked the plot but unfortunately did not care too much on the main mystery of the whole show which was who the actual murderer is, did not like the shared childhood trauma, but acting still was good, its just the storyline ·       Doctor Stranger – I seriously would have loved to finish this because LJS’s acting skills on point (how can he be that seriously angry in North Korea then be clumsy adorkable in South? Howww) but alas, the female lead storyline is cringy I stopped at episode 6, read reviews and it would have been 20 wasted episodes for me ·       What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim – full of stereotypical tropes I could not finish, too romcom for me and could not invest too much about their history

Watchlist (2020)

·       Hospital Playlist ·       Crash Landing On You ·       Kill Me, Heal Me ·       I Am Not A Robot ·       Sky Castle ·      Love Alarm

Hit me up with your recommendations, better yet your favorite kdrama and reasons why it’s your fave!

[lucyllesheltonroi]

12 Things I Stole From People More Successful Than Me

Throughout my entire life, I’ve been fortunate enough to have read 100’s of books written by people who are a lot more successful than I am.

People like Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman, billionaire investor Charlie Munger, Founding Father Ben Franklin, NBA legend Kobe Bryant, modern-day Stoic Ryan Holiday, and many more.

This has exposed me to thousands of new insights and practical ideas for living a better life. And let me tell you something…

I’ve happily stolen and applied every single piece of advice these people have kindly given away in their books.

Whether it’s building better habits, elevating my level of happiness, or earning more money, these ideas have greatly benefited my own life.

So to make these ideas easier for you to benefit from, here are 12 of the best and most unconventional ideas I’ve shamelessly stolen from people who are a lot more successful than I am.

I hope you enjoy it!

1) Pare Down The Number of Decisions You Make Every Day

Every single day, you make thousands of decisions: Should I hit the snooze button or not? What time should I leave for work? Should I exercise today? And if so, what time? The list goes on and on. Some of these decisions are important, but most are trivial.

Unfortunately, researchers have found that, as humans, our capacity to consistently make well thought out decisions is finite.

What this means is that when you use your brainpower earlier in the day deciding what to eat for breakfast, for example, you’ll consequently have less of it later in the day when you have to decide if you should have that piece of cake or not. As a result, you’ll most likely give in and decide to eat the cake. This is what’s known as decision fatigue, which is the psychological condition where making a decision in the present will reduce your decision making ability in the future.

John Tierney, coauthor of the New York Times bestselling book “Willpower,” says,

“Decision fatigue helps explain why ordinarily sensible people get angry at colleagues and families, splurge on clothes, buy junk food at the supermarket and can’t resist the dealer’s offer to rustproof their new car. No matter how rational and high-minded you try to be, you can’t make decision after decision without paying a biological price. It’s different from ordinary physical fatigue — you’re not consciously aware of being tired — but you’re low on mental energy.”

Simply put, every decision you make uses up your mental energy. So in order to save your mental power for the important decisions of the day, you have to learn to reduce the number of decisions you make on a daily basis either by automating them or delegating them.

By doing this, you’ll find yourself becoming significantly less stressed, more productive, and overall happier.

2) Tear Up Your To-Do List

Here’s an important piece of advice: Success is never achieved by the person who does the most things every day. Instead, success is always achieved by the person who does what is most important every day.

This is why to-do lists can oftentimes do more harm than good. Why? Because a to-do list is essentially everything you think you need to do, not everything you ought to do.

It may feel good to check off a lot of small, unimportant tasks from your to-do list, but a to-do list tends to just obscure what’s really important.

So what do you need instead of a to-do list? You need a success list.

In the book “The One Thing,”​ Gary Keller, founder of the largest real estate company in the world, says,

“To-do lists tend to be long; success lists are short. One pulls you in all directions; the other aims you in a specific direction. One is a disorganized directory and the other is an organized directive. If a list isn’t built around success, then that’s not where it takes you. If your to-do lists contain everything, then it’s probably taking you everywhere but where you really want to go.”

Not everything matters equally. Having clean windows may seem important for you to do, but it doesn’t help you achieve success. They only distract you from success.

So the next time you create a to-do list, don’t make your to-do list in random order. Instead, take a few extra minutes to list everything on your to-do list in order of priority and then focus on only doing the 3 most important things on your list.

3) Turn “Have-To” Into “Get-To”

At one point in my life, I constantly struggled to build new habits. But here’s a simple idea that helped me overcome this: Don’t view your habits as challenges. Instead, view them as opportunities.

In the book “Atomic Habits,” habit building expert James Clear says,

“We often talk about everything we have to do in a given day. You have to wake up early for work. You have to make another sales call for your business. You have to cook dinner for your family. Now, imagine changing just one word: You don’t “have” to. You “get” to. You “get” to wake up early for work. You “get” to make another sales call for your business. You “get” to cook dinner for your family.”

This may just seem like semantics, but it’s actually a crucial component for building new habits and improving your life. By simply changing one word in your life, from “have-to” into “get-to,” you start to see building habits like going for a run and reading every day as a privilege rather than as a burden.

For instance:

Don’t tell yourself “I have to go running today.” Instead, tell yourself, “I get to build endurance and get fast today.”

Don’t tell yourself, “I have to read today. Instead, tell yourself, “I get to learn from the most intelligent and successful individuals who ever lived today.”

Don’t tell yourself, “I have to write today. Instead, tell yourself, “I get to impact thousands of people for the better through my thoughts today.”

Learn to reframe your habits to highlight their benefits rather than their drawbacks. Doing this is a fast and easy way to reprogram your mind and to make intimidating and burdensome habits seem more attractive.

4) Use People’s Favorite Sound

Do you wish you were more likeable? I mean, who doesn’t? Even people who say they don’t care about being liked by other people still care about being liked.

And they should… You know why? Because being liked by others is extremely important when it comes to both your career success and personal relationships.

Luckily, there’s a simple technique you can use that can have a huge positive impact on how others perceive you. In the classic book “How To Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie interviews the late American politician Jim Farley on his secret to being a more likeable and persuasive person.

What was his secret? Amazingly, Farley would go out of his way to remember the names of everyone he met. In fact, Farley could remember the first names of 50,000 people!

This is definitely impressive, but why is remembering and using people’s names important? There are two reasons: First, when you remember someone’s name, it makes that person feel respected and more important. However, when you don’t remember someone’s name, especially when they’ve told you their name multiple times, it can make that person feel slighted. Second, when you actively use someone’s name in conversation, it makes that person feel more engaged and interested. Unsurprisingly, Carnegie says, this is because “a person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”

Remembering and using someone’s name is a very subtle, yet powerful way to win people over. So the next time you meet someone and you want to quickly win their favor be sure to remember their name and use it often in conversation.

5) Look At People’s Feet

When you’re having a conversation with someone, how do you know if the other person is engaged in the conversation, disinterested, or just uncomfortable to be there?

Typically, most people will look at the other person’s facial expression to try to get a sense of how that person feels.

Unfortunately, the problem with this strategy is that people are really good at changing their facial expressions in order to mask how they really feel.

Luckily, there’s a better strategy. According to the book “What Every Body Is Saying,” former FBI agent Joe Navarro recommends that in order to tell how someone feels, you should look down at their feet.

Navarro says that out of all our body parts, our feet are the most honest parts of our body.

For example, let’s say you’re talking to someone and their facial expression makes it seem like they’re engaged with you, but their feet are pointing away from you. Navarro says this is a bad sign. This can mean they’re ready to get out of the conversation immediately or that they don’t feel comfortable being there.

If, however, their feet are pointed towards you, then Navarro says that’s a good sign. This can mean that they feel comfortable talking with you or that they’re enjoying the conversation.

So the next time you’re standing and talking with someone, look at where their feet are pointing. You’ll discover some of the most revealing nonverbal information from that person just by looking at their feet.

6) Mise En Place

In the culinary arts, professional chefs have a term they use called “mise en place,” which is French for “put in place.”

Essentially, chefs don’t start cooking until everything is, literally, in its place: their instruments and spices are organized, everything is clean, their ingredients are pre-chopped, their ingredients are pre-measured, etc.

Mise en place helps chefs reduce the friction they experience in the kitchen. As a result, chefs are able to cook better meals with far less effort.

This is a simple concept that helps chefs cook better, but it also extends outside of the kitchen.

In the book “Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick,” professor and habit researcher Amy Wood recommends using mise en place to build better habits.

Like professional chefs, Wood recommends trying to reduce the friction needed to do your desired habit.

For instance:

If you want to eat better, then prepare healthy breakfast, lunch, and dinner meals in advance.

If you want to exercise in the morning, then lay out your workout clothes the night before.

If you want to read more, then put a book on your bed.

If you can reduce the friction for the positive habits that you want to build, then it won’t be as hard for you to build life-changing habits into your life.

7) Don’t Be A Donkey

When Tim Ferriss asked Derek Sivers what advice he would give to his younger self for his book “Tools of Titans,” Sivers gave one of the best pieces of advice in this entire 700+ page book: “Don’t be a donkey.”

In this book, Sivers tells a short story about a donkey who is both equally hungry and thirsty. Fortunately for the donkey, there’s a stack of hay a few feet away from him on his left side and a pail of water a few feet away on his right side.

But here’s the thing: Because the hay and water are equally as far, the donkey can’t decide whether he should eat the hay first or drink the water first. Paralyzed by indecision, the donkey eventually falls over and dies from both hunger and thirst.

Sivers says,

“A donkey can’t think of the future. If he did, he’d realize he could clearly go first to drink the water, then go eat the hay. So my advice to my 30-year-old self is, don’t be a donkey. You can do everything you want to do. You just need foresight and patience.”

Therefore, if you have 10 things you want to accomplish over the next 10 years, just know that you can definitely achieve those 10 things. But all you have to do is simply dedicate yourself to one thing for a year. And then dedicate yourself to the next thing for another year. And so on. However, if you try to do all 10 things at once, then you’re going to end up like a donkey and not achieve anything. Don’t be a donkey.

8) Stop Using The Number 7

Whenever you don’t know if you should say no to something, simply rate it on a scale from 1 to 10. However, there’s one condition: You can’t use the number 7.

This strategy comes from Tim Ferriss in his book “Tribe of Mentors: Short Life Advice From The Best In The World.”

Why does Tim Ferriss say you’re not allowed to use 7? Because 7 is too safe of a number. 7 doesn’t commit to anything.

If you rate something a 7, there’s a good chance you’ll feel obligated to say yes to it when you shouldn’t.

Whereas, if you rate something a 6 (terrible) or an 8 (exciting), it’s a lot easier to quickly decide whether or not you should even consider it.

The benefit of making decisions this way is that it forces you to make a decision.

This is a method you can use for anything, whether it’s deciding if you should buy a specific book, go to a conference, or have a coffee chat with someone.

Don’t be scared to have an opinion. Stop playing it safe. Make a decision.

9) Be A Whiner

Mark Cuban is a huge whiner. But that’s exactly why he’s so successful.

When Mark Cuban was in high school, for example, he whined about not being able to take business classes. So he decided to take classes at the University of Pittsburgh instead.

When Mark Cuban was hanging out with his friend, they both whined they couldn’t listen to any hometown sports in Dallas. So they decided to start AudioNet.

When Mark Cuban was sitting in attendance at a Mavericks basketball game, he whined that there wasn’t enough energy or entertainment. Cuban thought he could do a better job. So he decided to buy the Mavericks.

In his book “How To Win At The Sport of Business,” Mark Cuban says,

“I’m sure there have been many other things I have whined about in the past, and many more that I will whine about in the future. What I don’t understand is why so many people think whining has a negative connotation. I don’t. Whining is the first step toward change. It’s the moment when you realize something is very wrong and that you have to take the initiative to do something about it… People who don’t whine are punching bags. They just go about their days, their jobs, their lives, knowing there is nothing they can do to change a darn thing, so why say a word? They see no reason to whine because they know they are incapable of effecting change. Call me a whiner any day.”

10) Take Sabbaticals From Your Work

If you ever feel like you’re experiencing creative roadblocks in your work or that you’re feeling burnt out, it’s probably time to take a sabbatical.

What’s a sabbatical? Sabbaticals are mini-vacations from your work, which are meant to act as a detox from your daily routine so that you can recharge and get back to work better than before.

In the book “Show Your Work,” best selling author and creative Austin Kleon says,

“The designer Stefan Sagmeister swears by the power of the sabbatical — every seven years, he shuts down his studio and takes a year off [to rejuvenate and refresh his creative outlook.] His thinking is that we dedicate the first 25 years or so of our lives to learning, the next 40 to work, and the last 15 to retirement, so why not take 5 years off retirement and use them to break up the work years? He says the sabbatical has turned out to be invaluable to his work: “Everything that we designed in the seven years following the first sabbatical had it’s roots in thinking done during that sabbatical.”

Stefan Sagmeister is only one among thousands of successful entrepreneurs, creatives and VCs who rely on sabbaticals to feel refreshed.

Taking a sabbatical, whether it’s for a week, a day, or even just a few hours, is a great way to cultivate new ideas, to experience fewer creative blocks, and to avoid burnout in your work.

11) Never Ask For Someone’s ‘Opinion’

If you ever want to ask someone for input about an idea you have, then never ask for their “opinion.” Instead, always ask for their “advice.”

The differential phrasing might seem minor, but in the book “Pre-Suasion” psychology and marketing professor Robert Cialdini says that asking for ‘advice’ can have a significant positive impact in getting other people to provide you feedback as well as getting other people to want to work with you.

Why? Because when you ask someone for their ‘advice,’ this puts the other person in a togetherness state of mind, which helps increase the other person’s desire to support whatever you’re asking them for advice on.

Asking for their opinion, on the other hand, puts the other person in an introspection state of mind, which makes them focus more on themself and not on you.

So whenever you’re seeking input from your customers, peers, or even your boss, it’s worth asking them for their “advice.”

“The novelist Saul Bellow once observed, “When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.” I’d only add on the basis of scientific evidence that, if we get that advice, we usually get that accomplice.” — Robert Cialdini

12 Practice What’s It’s Like To Be Poor

For many of us, we constantly worry about not having enough money. We fear what life will look like if we can’t afford the things we think we want and are forced to live on just the bare necessities.

But oftentimes this fear paralyzes us and keeps us from being as happy and successful as we could be.

But instead of constantly worrying about what might go wrong if you were to get fired from your job or your business was to fail, why not rehearse what each potential fear-inducing moment would be like before it ever happens?

This is a psychological technique known as “fear rehearsing,” which is where you regularly microdose yourself with the worst case scenario as a way to desensitize yourself to your fears.

In the book “Letters From A Stoic,” the great Stoic philosopher Seneca says,

“Set aside a certain number of days, during which you shall be content with the scantiest and cheapest fare, with coarse and rough dress, saying to yourself the while: Is this the condition that I so feared?”

For 3 to 4 days, wear the same outfit every day. Eat a lot of instant oatmeal, ramen and/or rice and beans. Drink only water, cheap instant coffee or tea. Reduce the amount you spend on groceries and personal care in half. Forego any form of entertainment or leisure that costs money. Walk or take public transit everywhere. Turn off your TV. Take cold showers. Sleep in a sleeping bag. Only read books from your local library.

That’s it. That’s as hard as it gets. By doing this, you’ll realize just how independent your well being is from money. And once you understand this, it becomes easier to take “risks” and to push through your fears because you know that even if you were to experience a huge financial setback, you would still be completely okay.

People will think you’re resilient but actually you’ve just practiced the hard times as preparation.