#one day I'll figure out recording software but for now you should know that the delivery is Lighthearted and Fun and therefore Awful

[fuckyeahweaving]

hey galemancers I found a truly horrible "how are you feeling?" answer in act 2

Tav: How are you feeling? Gale: Oh, you know. Filled with the bottomless dread that can only come from your own impending and self-inflicted death. Gale: Glad to have met you though. At least I'm going out on a high.

[nachotrash]

ANOTHER EDITION OF INCORRECT QUOTES

ft: @catchmewiddershins @paradise-creator @elektrosonix @lilikags @todd-the-phrog and my irl bestie

Lili: I think I'm falling for you.

Anna: Then get up.

Anna: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.

Pauline: Screw that, I’m not kissing any of you.

*Wid walks in*

Pauline: Fine, I’ll do it. Rules are rules you know.

Sara: Are you an F5 key? Because that ass is refreashing.

Wid: Are you a software update? because not right now.

Isamu: Is something burning?

Wid, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you.

Isamu: Wid, the toaster is literally on fire.

Isamu: *seductively takes off glasses*

Isamu: Wow...

Anna: *blushes* Haha... what?

Isamu: You're really fucking blurry.

Anna: Any questions?

Wid: Uh, yeah, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

Anna: Uh, a plan, duh...

Shiyu: Wid, chill, I know it’s weird, but Anna has a point.

Wid:

Wid: THAT WAS LITERALLY A PONY DOODLE WITH A HAT!!

Wid: I know this isn’t going to end well and I don’t care. So don’t you try and stop me, Sara!

Sara: I wasn’t stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.

Lili: I'm not that stupid!

Shiyu: Lili, you literally ate the wax from a babybel.

Lili: ANNA TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

Isamu: *visiting the squad* Hello, I just came to-

Isamu: *sees Sara shoving Shiyu into the washing machine while Anna records and Wid watches*

Isamu: *retreating* Something suddenly came up.

Shiyu: I failed my safety training course today.

Lili: Why, what happened?

Shiyu: Well one of the questions was "In case of a fire, what steps would you take?"

Lili: And?

Shiyu: Well apparently "FUCKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer.

Lili: How would you like your coffee?

Wid: As dark and as bitter as my soul.

Lili, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!

Wid: It’s time to turn this into a real business.

Shiyu: What do you mean? Like, carry a briefcase, and wear a tie, and pay taxes?

Anna: Wait, have you not been paying your taxes?

Sara: I handle our accounting.

(no but this is actually me)

Sara: Honestly, I am so evil. So full of darkness. I feed of the souls of the living I strike fear into-

Anna: You sleep with a teddybear.

Sara: He’s my sECOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS!

Lili: You are an absolute fucking dork.

Anna, singing: Yeah, but I'm your dork!

Lili: *sighs* Yeah, you're my dork.

Lili: Guys, I didn’t memorize my lines!

Isamu: Just use your lack of common sense! Everyone knows the characters in plays are dumb as fuck!

*During the play*

Pauline: Hey! You finally made it! Did you get the donuts?

Lili: W-what’re donuts?

Pauline: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-

Anna: A doll.

Isamu: A cinnamon roll.

Lili: A sweetheart.

Pauline:

Pauline: ...stop it.

Pauline: I think I just figured something out. I got to go.

Wid: Aren't you forgetting something?

Pauline: Uuh...*hesitantly kisses Wid's forehead before running out.*

Wid: No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?

Pauline: Why should I make my bed, when I'm just gunna unmake it to sleep in it anyways?

Anna: Why should I feed you if your just gunna die anyways?

Pauline:

Pauline: I'll go make my bed-

Lili: Yo dumbass, get over here.

Shiyu: Okay-

Anna: *gleefully runs past* I’m coming!

Shiyu, sadly: I thought... I was dumbass...

Shiyu: That shirt looks great, Sara.

Sara: Thanks.

Shiyu: But I bet it would look even better on Lili's floor.

Lili: Are you hitting on Sara... for me?

Pauline: I dare you-

Lili: Isamu is not allowed to accept dares anymore.

Pauline: Why not?

Isamu: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.

Pauline: Dearly Beloved, we are here today to remember Isamu, taken from us in the prime of life; when they were crushed by a runaway semi, driven by the Incredible Hulk.

Isamu: Aww, you knew my favorite cause of death.

Lili: Why are there little handprints all over the walls?

Wid, whispering: Why are there little handprints all over the walls?

Sara, whispering: Because I have little hands.

Wid: Because they have little hands.

Anna: I’ve made a spread sheet of all the crime in Brooklyn.

Anna: There’s so much crime in New York, no one should live here.

Lili: Pros and cons of dating me.

Lili: Pros. You'll be the cute one.

Lili: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

Shiyu: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.

Pauline: The cow??

Shiyu: What?

Isamu: Pauline, W H Y?

Lili: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?

Sara: For the dogs.

Wid: Why are your tongues purple?

Isamu, texting in the group chat: I wonder what Apple shots would look like?

Shiyu: That’s the longest worm I’ve ever seen.

Isamu: Is this your plan B?

Lili: What do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don’t get along?

Sara: Hey, no, you stay out of this, this is between me and Isamu!

Anna: Truth or dare?

Isamu: How many children do you have?

Isamu, tearing up the room: Where are they?

Sara, very tired: Can I sleep in your bed?

Isamu: I failed my safety training course today.

Pauline, watching Isamu and Sara fight: Are you sure they should be fighting? What if they get hurt?

(ok but this is kinda accurate)

Isamu: Do you want some tea?

Pauline: I have an idea.

Wid: When I was a kid, Isamu told me that the paper strip that’s in the chocolate kisses were edible and I ate them with the chocolate for a year.

Pauline: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them??

Shiyu: What's wrong with you?

Wid: I intend to stay pissed at you forever.

Anna, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.

Anna, holding a rock: Isamu just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock".

Anna: What do you have?

Pauline: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions.

Lili: Alright, listen up you little shits.

Anna: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal, that's where the blood's supposed to be!

Pauline: So are you gonna explain how the hell you crashed my car?

Sara: How stupid do you think I am?!

Pauline: Honestly, I am so evil. So full of darkness. I feed of the souls of the living I strike fear into-

Lili: I'm going the fight the next person who insults Pauline.

Lili: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?

Anna: I wanna die.

Shiyu: Are you sure this is safe?

Wid: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Isamu: The time to act is now.

Isamu: Shiyu won’t wake up, what do I do?

Isamu: Why doesn’t Pauline find me sexy when I bite my lip?

Wid: Anna's first detention, I'm so proud.

Pauline: She's the girl of my dreams!

(and now, an only ship edition)

Pauline: So, are you two dating now?

Anna: I didn't drink that much last night.

Anna: Did you know you remind me of all 26 letters of the alphabet?

Shiyu: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash.

Isamu: *sees Anna and Pauline together*

Pauline: Two years ago, I married my best friend.

Anna: Well, remember when Lili made a romantic dinner for me?

Isamu: Sara, let’s go!

Anna: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Wid: Is this your plan B?

Shiyu: I would never say that my partner is a bitch and I don’t don’t like them. That’s not true… My partner is a bitch and I like them so much!

Lili: I find it very unseemly of Shiyu to start dating again. Isn't the customary period of mourning 10 years?

Shiyu: Hey, Pauline? Can I get some dating advice?

Shiyu: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you...

Isamu: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me.

Anna: Guys, my friend here is bilingual.

Sara: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Anna: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

Shiyu: Isamu kissed me!

Sara: Ooh, somebody has a crush

Lili: *sees Anna and Shiyu together*

*playing twister*

Wid: So, what is Shiyu to you?

Shiyu: Why are your tongues purple?

[usurperr-aa-blog]

he's in the kitchen serving organic shrimp and cod cat food into two dishes, with a rather volcal aldous on the counter beside him. gavin, of course, talks back, "yea yea, i hear you." merroow. "i know, fucker, calm down, its coming. chill," rrooowwwr, "don't sass me al, i'll give pudge your share, just watch me."

           richard remembers the urgency that came with taking aldous out of that place they first met in. they were going to put him down, going to kill him, all because he didn’t have a place to call his own. all because he didn’t belong anywhere. which, for an android still coming to terms with the fact that he has empathy - let alone this range of empathy - wasn’t something he could just brush off like the people around him at the shelter seemed to be able to do. 

           it took cyberlife’s pre programmed intimidation software and a scantly explained phone conversation to his partner and richard took the mangy stray tomcat home that day. he supposes he hyper fixated on the matter. but, at the end of the day, the cat had a new home and richard could somewhat relax knowing that. the name chosen for the blind tomcat was topical to the android - though gavin only saw how ‘nerdy’ the chosen name was. richard’s sure he’s only really heard the detective call his cat ‘al’ or… anything other than his actual name.

            which, as far as the rk unit has gathered, means he likes the cat, at least.

           if there’s one thing gavin never lets richard do in the mornings (if he can help it) it’s feeding the cats. the rk900 hasn’t quite figured out exactly why he doesn’t allow the android to do it, but he’s not entirely complaining when he ventures into the kitchen that morning to catch sight of none other than detective gavin reed stood at the counter in his underwear and a wifebeater, feeding the cats.

            well, having a conversation with aldous - to be more exact. 

           it takes the sight far longer than it really should to hit home when richard first stops in the doorway from the bedroom. but when it does? there’s a pang in his chest that would scare the android if it wasn’t for his years worth of experience with the same sensation every time he looked long enough at the detective. he supposes it’s just normal by now. not that he’d ever want to get rid of it. it’s startlingly human something richard hadn’t even considered possible before gavin. 

           the sight is committed to memory then and there. video and audio recordings safely stored away in the recesses of richard’s mind for when he wants to view them again. there’s a small, warm, effortless smile on pale features as he pauses for a moment before closing the distance between them in order to scratch underneath aldous’ scarred chin. “not back talking to my cat now, are we my love?” // @erregent