#oncoming firestorm ; sacredflorist

[phoenixfiiire]

@sacredflorist asked: i'll be right here when you wake up. | FEELING SAFE

He trusted Aerith when she spoke, and knew that she was not one to say something she did not intend to hold true to. If she promised to be by his side when he awoke then that would be where she was.

But...

Nightmares had always been a constant companion of the youngest Rosfield, and they had only gotten worse after the sliver of Ultima had made its way into his heart. The creeping voice, the monotone drone that he will submit and obey, the singular pressure and insistence that fighting was going to be a losing battle. It wore on him, but it was something he could - and would - push through.

But the nights when he woke up somewhere he had not been before sleeping? When he awoke to find himself standing and speaking with others, as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn't just lost track of hours and days worth of time?

He wasn't afraid of the nightmares. He was afraid that whatever was waking up wasn't him.

"I know Aerith. But will you be certain that it's me you're talking to when I do awaken?" Joshua glanced over at her, gaze exhausted. "Everyone always tells me it's me that they speak to, but I know it isn't. I can't remember half of their conversations... so how can you be sure who you're speaking to?"

[phoenixfiiire]

@sacredflorist asked: 💋

They had been dancing around this for awhile now. Or maybe it would have been better to say that he had been. There was always a strange hesitance that kept him from getting too close to her; he'd come on hot, being almost too forward, and then backpedal when it seemed like things may actually be getting too serious. A constant back and forth, hot and cold.

He was tired of it, and he could only imagine it would be even more-so exhausting for Aerith; she didn't have the benefit of being able to peer inside his mind to know what he was thinking in these moments. She couldn't see that he was just afraid of what would happen, that she would be hurt - if not by him, then by what was inside of him.

But that excuse wouldn't last forever.

The kiss was nothing special. Just a burst of courage that allowed him to lean forward and press his lips up against hers. It was only even a kiss by the barest of definitions, but it was a kiss. One that he immediately pulled away from, cheeks flushing a shade of crimson to match his clothing, and one that he wanted to run from to avoid hearing anything she had to say in response.

[phoenixfiiire]

❝ Please don’t lose hope. ❞

SILENT HILL LYRICS | Accepting | @sacredflorist

Oh, it was so easy for her to say that-- but was it even possible for him to do?

It was always inevitable that his brother's actions, especially the ones spurred on by the man he seemed to have viewed as a mentor, would lead to tragedy. One could not stand against the might of Dhalmekia, Sanbreque, the Iron Kingdom, and Waloed without painting a target on their back.

The Hideaway was well hidden, or had been. Joshua had known that eventually it would have been discovered, but he had not thought that it would happen so soon after another tragedy. Had he not been bed bound and incapacitated from his decision to take Ultima into himself, then perhaps he could have been there. Maybe he could have stopped Titan before he even reached their hideout, instead of lying unconscious on a cot, writhing in pain.

And now they were left wondering and waiting, unsure if his brother even lived.

Aerith was trying though, and Joshua forced himself to try to offer her up the best smile he could muster. It was a bit closer to a grimace, but it was... an attempt. "I know. My brother... is resilient. And it was likely he had not even made it back before Titan made his move. I... surely he still lives..."

It should have been as simple as reaching out into the aether to feel - but Ifrit was too entangled with the Phoenix to fully pull them apart.

[phoenixfiiire]

They were at an impasse. He could continue to deny her, resulting in hurt feelings and in Aerith still trying despite his refusal, or he could allow her and risk that she might lose herself to the demon trapped inside of him. The risk would be there regardless of him giving his approval or denying it, and if she would still insist it was likely safer to grant her approval with conditions.

Jote was a quiet observer to their conversation, blending in with the darkness of the walls of the tent. When his blue eyes shifted toward her though, she nodded as she stepped forward. No words needed to be exchanged between them when she knew his mind and heart as if they were her own.

"If there is any sign of Ultima beginning to infect you, I will remove you." Through what manner was not stated. Joshua knew that Jote wouldn't hurt Aerith if she could avoid it, but also knew she would not be afraid to do so if the situation was deemed necessary.

He waited another moment before letting out a sigh. "Alright. If you would like to try..." One hand reached up to press against the heated skin that surrounded the shard pressed into his chest, and the thin dark lines that stretched out beneath his skin surrounding it. "Go ahead Aerith."

There's sadness and concerns on Aerith's features. She only wants to help him, to support him. She cares for him and doesn't want him to suffer more than he already does. Even if Joshua always acts strong, she always notices when he's not doing well. Aerith has an eye for this; she has always had. She gently presses her hand on his arm, without using any kind of magic, but just to show him she's here and doesn't plan to leave. Does he understand that ? Maybe he's not looking at her, but Aerith refuses ot stop looking at him.

She doesn't reply right away when he talks. No, she can't promise him that, and Aerith is pretty sure Joshua already knows that. Because he would also push himself way too much if it's to help and to protect people he cares for.

She sighs before she gently shakes her head. "I'm sorry. I don't think I could do that. But I also think my healing abilities are more than enough for this wound. So please, let me help."

[phoenixfiiire]

He wanted to ask to be able to see her, but it would put far too much of a strain on Aerith to prime at a moment's notice, and for such a... truly pointless reason. He couldn't recall ever reading about such an eikon, though. Not that he didn't believe her; he could feel the power of a Dominant thrumming through her veins with far too much ferocity to ever think she was lying. It just left him rather curious over how one could entirely fall through the cracks, so to speak.

"She sounds cute." And if he felt a little foolish for simplifying an eikon's appearance down to simply being cute, or worried that perhaps Aerith would read something else into his words (not that he didn't think she was, improper as that might be), he didn't show it in any way... save for a slight tinge of red that colored the tips of his ears.

"I wonder if there is a relationship between Sylph and Garuda, like there is one between the Phoenix and Ifrit." A pointless musing considering the Warden of Wind gone now. Even er she still lived, Joshua knew that Benedikta Harmond would not have taken kindly to the thought that she might have shared something in common with another, especially a person who did not worship Barnabas Tharmr the way she had.

"Does she ever speak to you? At least I feel like perhaps I can hear the voice of the Phoenix. Though... I wonder if it's simply my imagination and my desire to want to hear him."

It's rare that Aerith has an occasion to talk about Sylph. There is still so much she's trying to understand about all of this. She remembers the first day she primed; she wasn't even sure of what was going on with her, but she knew she wanted to help. It's all she has ever wanted.

She playfully roll her eyes. "You were often forced to stay inside, but I wouldn't say we didn't know each other at all." She remembers Phoenix Gate way too well. It was from this moment that she was brought to Sanbreque. With the years, she came to appreciate her new home, but it took a while to get used to it. Belonging somewhere has always been complicated for her.

She lets a soft chuckle escape her mouth at his question before she offers him a smile. "She's small. Quite cute, actually." She pauses for a short moment, not sure of how to explain. "You know, fairies in fairytales ? Sylph looks like how I imagine these. She wears a green dress. Pretty much all of her is green, actually!"

[phoenixfiiire]

"Aerith..."

He didn't want to tell her no. He knew just how frustrating it was to feel like your offers of help were being rebuffed, especially when you were positive that you were perfectly suited for the moment. How many times had he felt absolutely useless because his mother or the Undying had forbidden him from healing, one of the few things the Phoenix was meant for? How many times had he been left so sit there, feeling less than useless, because he was no meant to use his powers like that?

Far too many. And he was doing it to her now too.

But it's different. A small voice in his head spoke up, insisting that there was a difference. He had not wanting to try to heal a wound caused by an otherworldly god. It would hurt her. Kill her, even.

He found he still could not meet her gaze, but he couldn't deny her either.

"... Would you promise me you would stop? The moment you felt any risk to yourself? Would you step away if the wound felt wrong and was beyond your ability to heal?"

No. He doubted he needed to have her answer when the answer was so obvious. And if it was no -- he couldn't, in good conscious, allow her.

Aerith has a good idea of how Joshua might feel, and she wishes she could do something for him. She wants to help him, to make him understand that she doesn't plan to leave his side. She wants to help him, Clive, Jill and Dion. She wants to contribute to their mission; she doesn't want to stay on the side. She wants to be useful. Of course she has worked with Dion for a while, but she has rarely been allowed on the battlefield. She has mostly helped after the fights, when it was necessary. But Ultima is the most dangerous threat she has ever seen. She wants to fight too now.

She knows Joshua doesn't want to look at her, and she won't force him to do so. On the other hand, she also wants to make him understand how important it is for her to be useful. He keeps using his magic. He can't blame her when she does.

"But what if I want to help you ?" Her eyes are on him, even if he's looking away. Maybe he won't listen, but she still has to try; she won't forgive herself otherwise. "You're not asking me to use my magic if I choose to use."

[phoenixfiiire]

Her tone made it clear she was having doubts from his words, and Joshua wished he could deny his suspicions and tell her that it was little more than a misunderstanding. It would be unfair to her, a cruel disservice, and so he nodded slowly. "Yes. To what extent, I do not know... but there are times I do believe it is Ultima that is speaking from my mouth and not truly me."

So far it did not seem like the sliver of the god inside of him had caused any harm. There were no stories of a rogue Dominant causing mischief or mayhem. But just because it hadn't happened yet didn't mean it couldn't happen in the future, and to not make plans for that inevitability would leave them ill-prepared.

Joshua allowed Aerith to take his hand, though he did move to let his fingers entwine with hers after a moment. "To what end, I do not know. But if he possesses the power to do this, who is to say... how do you know that he isn't speaking right now?"

He wasn't, Joshua felt certain of that -- but... was he even correct? It was a terrifying thought, and as he looked over at her there was more than simple stress in his gaze. Terror was hiding there, born from the simple reality of not knowing if he was even real.

"How can I tell... what is a dream and what is reality?"

Aerith wishes she could do more to comfort Joshua. The truth is that she worries very much about him; she worries about so many people these days, but him... he has Ultima trapped inside his chest, and he's suffering from this and from his curse quite a lot. She truly wants to offer him support. He's not alone; she will never let him think he's alone.

There are concerns on her features as he speaks. Does he really not remember half of the conversations ? It's not necessarily because of Ultima, though... it could be because he's too tired. He keeps pushing himself too much these days. Way too much. But she also understands he wants to be useful. She can't blame him for that.

She approaches him, offering him a sad smile as she gently takes his hand. "What do you mean ?" she asks softly. "Do you... Do you think it's Ultima's doing, or...?"