#once had someone ask me if my parents named me after that song though... idk how old they thought i was bc that song came out in 2016

[bandgie]

Cursed

Yandere!Innie x fem!reader

a/n: another psycho innie cuz I can't get enough of him!

synopsis: At first you just thought you had bad luck. The things you loved always seem to leave you, abandon you. It didn't matter how hard you tried or what you loved, it would always leave you. Unlike I.N, your childhood best friend, now lover, who stays by your side through it all. He's the only thing you can count on, even if he can be a little possessive.

warnings: 18+ MDNI, yandere behavior, manipulation, animal cruelty, PIV, no foreplay, blood play (sorry), Innie is toxic, slight over stimulation, praising, idk I think that's it

song!

2.9k words

The first thing to leave you was your cat. You were about 7 when you first got it, cute fluffy tail and giant whiskers you adored. I.N, your best friend in the 2nd grade, seemed to share the same sentiment. You both dotted on the cat with him going to your house nearly everyday to feed it. You both would pretend that you were the parents and the cat tat baby. It was all fine.

Until Innie began feeling like you loved it too much, more than you loved him. How you would pet it, coo at it, let it lay in your lap for hours at a time. It's not your fault though, it was that feline's fault for taking you away from him. I.N could never get mad at you, even if you ignored him. He would just have to get rid of the thing distracting you, and you would go back to loving him and only him.

It's how you found your kitten mangled in its own bones. You had screamed, wailed to your parents about your dead kitty. It was mauled, they told you. The next school day, you had told I.N about the tragedy. He consoled you, held you as you cried. It's in a better place now, he said in your ear.

Since then, you refrained from having pets. The pain of losing them was too much, and you don't think you could stand another heartbreak. Innie was there for you, always there for you. Didn't matter how late it was, if he had work to do, if he had to scream at his parents to drive him to your place, he was always there.

So it makes sense when you told him about the guy that asked you out once you got to middle school. I.N had told you not to date him, but you brushed it off. "You're too overprotective," you giggled. He laughed with you, but his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. The rest of the day, he was quiet. When you asked him what was wrong, he would say, "I'm just thinking."

The boy who confessed to you came back with a broken arm the next to school. Apparently, someone with a mask attacked him and threatened him. He didn't get into details, but he decided to withdraw his confession. You were bummed, but you understood his situation. You had Innie after all, you wouldn't be alone.

This bad luck persisted in high school. Friends didn't stick for too long, teachers seemed to give you the cold shoulder, almost all the boys avoided you at all costs.

"Am I that ugly?" You cried to I.N in your room. You both had been studying for your Econ final, but you ended up how lonely you felt all these years. Like always, he held you in his arms, wiped your tears, kissed the top of your head. "No, of course not," his voice was gentle. "I think you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen."

You dryly laughed as you wiped your tears. "You don't have to lie to me just to make me feel better." You expected him to laugh and agree with you, but his expression was serious. The air in the room shifted as he took your hands in his own. He spoke your name softly, lovingly. It made your breath hitch in your throat. "I would never lie to you. I...love you. I really do. I don't know if this is the right time or how to even say it, but...would you be my girlfriend?"

His timidness was obvious in how he rubbed his fingers over your hands. It wasn't often to see him like this, but it was cute whenever he did get all shy. Deep down, you knew he liked you. You knew from how he spoke to you, how he listened to all the things you wanted to say. You could even tell when he would get jealous when some boys would talk to you in P.E. It was cute, he is cute. And deep down, you've fallen for him too after so long.

You gripped his hands firmer for reassurance, "Of course, Innie. I think I've loved you for a long time now."

Years passed with you two together, now in college. Sure you may not have friends, yeah your coworkers eye you wearily, but you're happy. You're happy with I.N. You two are always around each other whether it be on dates, in the apartment, on campus. He would wait for you even if his class ended hours before yours. Love, you told yourself. He does it because he loves you.

It does come as a shock to you though when he seems upset at the thought of you adopting a cat. You assumed he would be happy for you for overcoming your fears, but his reaction was the opposite. "I just don't see why we need a pet," he argued. "Don't you remember what happened last time? I thought we agreed to stay away from animals."

You grimaced at the memory, but pressed on. "Yeah I know. But we were young. We just didn't know how to take care of it. Please Innie I just want something to keep me company." Your pleas don't stir him in the way you hope. "Keep you company?" He questions. "Am I not enough for you?" Uh-oh, that hadn't come out the way you had hoped.

"No! You are babe, you're more than enough. This is just for me for-"

"Great then," he cuts you off with a clipped tone. "You don't need a cat if you have me." You bite your tongue to keep from arguing with him. A part of you wants to believe that he's doing this for your own good. That he's just trying to protect you like he always does. Still, you leave the room with upset footsteps, ignoring how he calls out your name.

Maybe it wasn't the best choice to get a cat behind his back, but you don't regret it. Not as you hold the small kitten in your hands as you walk into your apartment. It meows and yawns even though it had slept the whole drive home. You kiss its pink nose and nuzzle it close to your face. "I'll take care of you."

You would've taken care of it, you would've had it live forever if it was up to you. You tried keeping it in the garage of your house, hidden from I.N eyes. He'll warm up to it, you think to yourself. You keep deluding yourself into thinking that I.N would be okay with sharing your love. Deep down, you knew. Deep down, deep into the creases of your mind, you knew he would do anything to you for himself.

So it's really no surprise when you come home from work early to find him putting the kitten in a plastic bag. It was already dead, limp body hangin off his slender fingers with wide, lifeless eyes. You had screamed, thrown your bag on the ground and ran to the kitten corpse. The look was I.N's face was pure shock, confusion, anger. Still, not a hint of remorse in his eyes.

"You're home early," he managed to speak as you cried. You just screamed at him, cursed at him. You didn't;r even need to ask what happened. Not with his bloody fingers and the small scratch marks on his wrist. There was a curse on you, and that curse was Yang Jeongin.

No apology, no soothing, no nothing. You had somewhat expected him to at least pretend to care, but he just gave you that blank stare when he's deep in thought. You cradled the small kitten in your hands, petting it as if it could respond. I.N's hands finally came to rest on your shoulder to steady himself. He looked pained, irritated, unsure.

You chocked back your sobs, "Why?" Yes, you knew Jeongin was possessive, you knew he could get a little too jealous a little too easily. You hated that you knew that, and you hated it even more when you ignored it. Now, you're paying the price for your ignorance. You just don't understand why he had to go to such lengths, such desperation.

He heavily sighed, hanging his head down. "Baby I...I just love you so much. It hurts, I can't even breathe. I want you to be happy, with me. Only me. I just need you, and I hate it when you don't need me. It makes me feel like you don't love me, that you wish I wasn't here."

You know he's doing this to manipulate you, to make you feel bad for him. Even still, you set the cat down and embrace him. It shocks you just how much he was shaking. From anger? Sadness? You'll never know. All you can do is comfort him, and find comfort in him. How he can be your salvation and your curse, not even God could understand.

"I do love you Innie," you speak through your tears. "I love you so much, in ways you'll never know. But you can't do this! This is enough. When we were younger I understand but now-"

He cuts you off with a kiss. It's powerful, controlling, harsh. You whimper from the force of it, pushing on his chest lightly to get him off. He breaks away for a moment to look you deep in the eyes. A shiver goes down your spine with how wide his pupils are. "Do you love me?"

I.N's hands grasp at your hips, keeping you close to him as he awaits your answer. You know you do, you both do. For some reason, his question weighs heavy on you. Like he's asking for more than just your love. With a shaky breath, you answer, "Yes."

He's back on you in a second. He backs you up until you hit the dinner table. I.N's hands are a little harsh on your hips, but you find solace in his touch. He's familiar, he's warn, he's love. He's love in the filthiest form, impure. His touch sends goosebumps in your skin, and you tug on his bottom lip in response.

Rather than sucking on your tongue like he usually does, his lips travel down your jawline, your neck, to your chest. Your hands grip his hair, tugging and pushing him closer. "I love you, I love you," it's a spell you can't stop chanting. A promise to him that you'll love him forever, no matter the cost.

I.N gathers you in his hands and sets you on the table. You immediately open your legs to give him room. He's moved up back to your neck. His bites hurt, and it leaves you whimpering. Hid bloody fingers unbuckle his belt, undoing his zipper. You hoist your long skirt over yourself, holding it towards your chest.

No prep, no stretching, no feeling on I.N's tongue on your pussy. The penetration is going to hurt, you can feel it already with how he frees himself from the hole in his boxers. You quiver in anticipation, feeling how he rubs the head of his cock on your clothed pussy. I.N would love to finger you, but the thought of infecting you with the cat blood quickly shuts down the idea.

"I need you baby," he whispers in your ear. You moan in response, "You already have me." He pulls away from the crook of your neck to look down at your pussy. He uses his pinky finger (the only one not bloody) and moved your panties to the side. It looks so small, so unprepared. "I'm gonna hurt you," he looks up at you unsurely.

It's cute how considerate he looks in front of you. Hair going in different angles, lips red from kissing, chest heaving. I.N had just killed your shortly beloved kitten, but he looks unbelievable lovely now. You must think there's something wrong with you because you still crave his cock slamming into your cunt.

"You already hurt me."

Your words have an immediate effect on him. It's obvious in how is caring expression turn dark. He turns his attention back onto your soon-to-be-broken pussy and grabs his cock with his free hand. I.N smears your arousal over your clit, watching how you shiver from the contact.

He angles downward and presses into your cunt. The first stretch make you squeal. You open your legs wider to accommodate to him. Rather than staying sitting up, you find yourself laying full down on the table. I.N continues to push in against your tight walls. Tears sting in your eyes, and upon the sight, Jeongin wipes your tears away. Some blood manages to smear on your cheek, and it makes him moan outloud.

"You're so beautiful," he says it like it's a fact. To him, it is. With you laying down, eyes red from crying, cheek smeared with blood, your thighs wide for his pleasure. You look perfect, you are perfect for him. No one can take that away from him, he'll kill them before they even have the thought.

His hands are under your knees when he full bottoms out. The pressure in your pussy in unbearable, but you can't stop moaning with being full of him. He thrusts slowly, letting you adjust to his girth. It doesn't matter what I.N has done, or what he will do. If there's one thing for certain, your Innie hates the thought of giving you pain.

You bring your legs backwards so your knees are up to your chest. In this way, I.N is able to deeply penetrate you. His strokes pick up pace, and have to cover your mouth with how loud you've become. His hands are on the back of your thighs, leaving bloody fingerprints. I.N can't help but paint a mental picture in his mind of you right now. You're covered in absolute filth, and you still look like a goddess.

Both of your hands grip your breasts as you take him. You love the feeling of being under him, having him use you like nothing. Foreplay or no foreplay, I.N knows how to give you indescribable pleasure. The sounds your pussy and his dick make when meeting is pornographic. You could even hear the gentle scratching of the dinner table legs against the floor.

Jeongin doesn't hold back his praises from you. He's always ben vocal in bed, but he seems uncontrollable now. "My girl, fuck you're my girl. Pussy belongs to me, only me. Say-fuck!- say it." You don't know why he thinks you're able to speak. You're too busy being fucked to think properly. To get your attention, I.N uses one his hands to grip your chin. He forces eye contact, "Say it."

You babble nonsense for a moment before forcing your brain to think. "Yours! Jeongin I'm yours. Only you, only you!" Your hazy eyes focus on the smile that appears on his face. It makes your stomach warm with affection upon seeing it. Yeah, there's no doubt in your mind that I.N loves you. He just does it in a different way.

"Oh fuck baby," he groans. "I'm gonna cum, gonna make this little pussy so fucking wet." You can feel it too, your pending orgasm. You honestly don't know how you managed so long. He's cock has been stroking your insides in all the right ways. Stretching you out in delicious precision.

Your lower tummy heats up with pleasure, and your body shakes in anticipation. "I want it. I want it so bad," you whine. I.N's thrusts into you until his thighs clap against the back of yours. You feel him so deep, you think he's touching your heart literally and figuratively. Your walls squeeze around him a few times before you bursts. You series of whimpers and moans leave your lips as you cum.

Jeongin fucks you through it, eyes watching where your cream paints his dick. Your so tight, pulling him back in to the point where he feels like he no option but to cum in your womb. His hot cum spurts in you, leaving no room for escape. His tip kisses your cervix and you shriek at the penetration.

"Innie!" You cry out. "Too deep! I can't...I can't!"

He knows you can take it, that it hurts too good. He presses himself deeper into you, and you sob. It feels like fire, as if your body is overwhelmed with inhumane pleasure. You start shaking and twitching, a clear sign that he's pushing you beyond what you can handle.

Finally, he relents. His softening cock slips out of you and you whimper at the loss of contact. It's bliss to feel his arousal seeping out of you. It travels down your ass onto the table. I.N can't help but stare at your pussy, keeping your underwear moved to the side. "Such a good girl for me."

You're too busy catching your breath to care how his hands keep massaging your body. You think he's trying to soothe you, give you some aftercare, but you're wrong. He's trying to smear the dried blood on you, marking you. Your bruised neck and thighs are enough proof, but Jeongin can't help but use your body as a canvas.

"Such a pretty little thing," he coos. You smile lazily at him, trying to ignore the sudden possessive look in his eyes. "You're gonna stay with me right? You said that." His voice is sure, determined. It doesn't matter if you disagree with him, he's going to make you see how perfect you are for each other. All you do is nod and blink back your tears.

You're his, and he's yours. A curse you just can't find yourself to get rid of...not that you would if you could.

a/n: guys im so sorry. so much has been going on in my life its crrazzyyy I dont know how I'm keeping it together. is the ending rushed? perhaps... Should I have done a better job...perhaps. at least I did it please praise me

[seekingthestars]

tagged by @koalammas!! thank youuu 💞

buckle up ladies and gents time for some rambles okay go

1. Are you named after anyone?

nope lol my middle name was going to be Rose after my great-grandma on my mom's side, but my parents didn't want to offend either side of the family by using a name from the other side of the family so they ended up opting for completely random names for me and my brother hahaha

2. When was the last time you cried?

around april 21 (friend's funeral, her brother was speaking during it and i did not keep it together)

3. Do you have kids?

nope! only my cat, who i love and adore with my entire heart, she is my sweet lil angel muffin

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

kinda depends i guess? sometimes?

5. What is the first thing you notice about a person?

ohhh good question hmm i guess if i'm just seeing someone in passing, probably appearance? otherwise how they interact with and treat other people.

6. What’s your eye color?

brown, but leans a little hazel-ey some days.

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

agree that i like satisfying endings that are also hopefully happy! but between these two options, happy endings, i cannot do scary movies or tv shows or anything, i get freaked out and then can't sleep lol

8. Any special talents?

i genuinely don't know L O L i don't know what would constitute a special talent??? i can memorize song lyrics pretty quickly and then they sorta embed themselves into my brain forever, does that count??

9. Where were you born?

southern usa!

10. What are your hobbies?

video games, watching movies/dramas (though i do not always have the attention span for it lol), reading, crafting (i like physically making things with my hands since i just do design on my computer all day for work! i like trying lots of different things, recently been trying a little bit of hand embroidery. also painting little ceramic figures and stuff like that), cosplaying. i've been trying this year to build taking a walk into my daily routine, not sure if i count it as a hobby or not lol

11. Do you have any pets?

my sweet sweet rileycat!!!! i love cats!!!!

12. What sports do you/have you played?

am not a sports girlie LOL i did tap/ballet/jazz for six-ish years when i was younger! in high school i took theatre classes and was in the plays/musicals instead of sports.

13. How tall are you?

5'4" which is like 162.5cm??

14. Favourite subject in school?

oh i love english, i always loved english. and math! i actually really loved math up until i took calculus. my calculus teacher was horrible, he made you feel stupid for asking questions and he intentionally made the tests too long to finish in a class period and made them extra confusing, it left me in tears more than once. cried at school bc i failed a lot of those tests. anyway i got a 5 on my AP exam for calculus (highest score) so i understood the material, my teacher just sucked and made me hate math after i'd loved it my entire life so ✌️

also loved my theatre classes in high school ahhhh

15. Dream job?

i think something working with cats / big cats / red pandas would be really fun. not a vet necessarily, i don't think i could handle it lol, but like a cat rescue or animal sanctuary maybe??? idk honestly

but yeah mostly agree with the "something that won't drain me and actually leaves me with savings and a will to live" answer. i like my current job/workplace/coworkers a lot more than my last job, but i still don't know if i'd want to be in this field until i retire, that's so many more years and clients sometimes make me wanna bash my head into a wall lol

i have a hard time with the ~dream job~ question bc i've just never felt like i had a "calling" or any overwhelming grand idea with what i've wanted to do with my life, i'm just vibing my way through somehow

Bonus: any significance to your blog's name:

NOPE lol when i was making this blog uhhhh 12 years ago everything that i wanted at the time had been taken and this was the only thing i could think of that i liked that was available and it was just something random 😂 i've thought about changing it but idk it's been too long now LOL

[1d1195]

HIIIII it’s been a while i’m so sorry i’ve just had a terrible time since i sent my last ask :// summer is soooo kicking my ass but i am trying to persevere !!🫡 LMAO

MAKING HIM TAKE BUZZFEED QUIZZES IS SO SMART OMG I NEED TO TRY THAT !!! he said Steal My Girl 😂😂 lil basic but i can’t blame him it is a bop, we both go crazy when that one comes on

I SAW THE NEWEST UPDATE ON THE my-boyfriend-is-trying-to-be-a-writer-thread and SAMANTHA I CANT WITH YOU LMAOOOOOO this thread is so funny i just love that IT KEEPS GOING dw queen i devoured that 10k traditional chapter as if it were 1k🫡🫡🫡

also queen just wanted to let you know your stories follow me everywhere🥹 saw a framed poster on etsy titled ‘Wildflower Garden’ and it was SOOOOOOOOOO protection coded💔💔 it was a bunch of pretty flowers and it had Sweet Creature lyrics “wherever i go, you bring me home”😭😭 i love them sm he would totally buy it as a present for her on a random tuesday and they would forever hang it up in their home😭 and i saw a video on insta and i was CACKLING😭😭 some girl was talking abt how her dentist had his fingers in her mouth and she said something inappropriate and i was like ‘this is basically the plot of chapter 2 of Toothpaste’ HAHAHAHAH

i saw you posted Most and it looks SOOOO interesting but i really can’t lie im scared to read it cause everyone and their MOTHER are in your inbox hating on some bitch named lauren ??? i don’t know her AND I DONT NEED TO TO KNOW THAT IM NOT GONNA LIKE HER EITHER😭😭 THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN !!! once u post part 2 i’ll def read it🙂‍↕️🤞

I STARTED LOVE AND OTHER WORDS LAST NIGHT ??? I ALREADY LOVE IT i’m barely a hundred pages in and i’m soooo invested in their story. what gets me is homegirl KNOWS he’s the love of her life and HE KNOWS IT TOO ?? and i’m just sitting here like “make out already ???🤨” HAHAHAHA but i know it’s not that easy😔 but i will defff let you know what i think as i read some more

idk if im stupid or what but i had NO clue Christina Lauren was TWO PEOPLE AHAHAHAHAH i opened the back cover of the book and i was like😦😦 ive seen SOOO many people talk about and recommending their books yet i never knew that ?😭 i think co-writing books with your bestie is SOOO amazing omg

HOW ARE YOUUUU ?? I MISS YOU SO MUCH 💕💕 catch me up on everything, big or small it doesn’t matter 🫶🫶🫶

~🎶

Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear you weren't doing well! I hope everything is okay, feel free to vent if you need to 💕 I'm so happy to hear from you, but don't feel bad about late replies, I'm happy to hear from you at all 💕

Steal My Girl reminds me of fall (the whole album does) but that was my favorite of their first song album drops. It really fit the vibe. The music video always makes me laugh. I never knew I needed to see Louis with a chimp until then 😭 A LITTLE BASIC. I'm SCREAMING. Good for him though, I don't think that's an obvious choice for casual listeners. I love it!

HAHAHAHAHA I feel like I'm truly living a double agent life. I feel a little bad but I will never tell him. He'll live without knowing. You're so kind 😭 10k of Harry being sick is usually where I start rereading Traditional. I don't think I've reread parts 1-5 since like maybe a week after I wrote them 😂

Omg that's so cute 😭 I think about that a lot, if my writing pops up in people's lives. Someone a while back sent a message that their parents got a new washer and dryer and her mom tested it with like one sock and it made her think about Love and Dryer Sheets and I just thought that was so cool 😭 I LOVE the idea of her buying the poster for her on a random Tuesday. I feel like Toothpaste is going to be simultaneously the most relatable one and least relatable one as idk if I know any hot dentists 😭 but that's really funny nonetheless!

I think I remember you telling me that you don't like to read unfinished stories? I think you did it with Dolcezza maybe; no worries either way. But knowing that, you may want to sit this one out until I get like part 2 AND 3 posted? I feel like I'm going to get "SAMANTHA -🎶" in my inbox and nothing else if you read it before it's done 😂 But yes, we HATE Lauren here. But of course I want you to read it when you have time/want to 💕 I would love to hear your thoughts!

I'm so happy you're loving it! MAKE OUT ALREADY LITERALLY. I just loved their story so so much he's so in love with her I cannot. It gets a little deeper but it hooked me so fast I couldn't put it down. I think I read it in one day.

YES. I forget how I figured it out, if I also read the back cover or if I was googling them or something idk. But it's SO cool they write together! I wish I had a writing bestie to do that with, but anyway!

I'm doing well! I think when we last chatted I was STRESSED™ over everything and now I'm MUCH less stressed thankfully. I'm really not doing a whole lot these days. Just trying to enjoy the summer even though the weather is crappy af lately. Too hot to breathe one day and then raining off and on for hours. Can't do anything outside. I made a yummy pasta dish for dinner last night and other than that, my life is pretty boring.

I hope you're doing better, I've missed you so much as well! I hope that things calm and settle for you so you can relax and enjoy 💕

xoxo

[babyboibucky]

Don’t You Worry (Your Pretty Little Head)

Pairing: Guitarist!Bucky x Reader

Summary: You agree to spend twelve hours with Bucky whom you just met.

Word Count: 9.1k

Warnings: THE LENGTH lmfao, soft smut??? Nothing vulgar and it’s sorta implied

A/N: I am honestly nervous about posting this piece because idk, aside from it being fucking long, I was never satisfied with how this was written lmfao. I literally rewrote this like idk 5 times??? And the fact that I made a mood board for a oneshot lmfao only means I poured my heart out into this shit and I’m really hoping y’all would enjoy this as much as my other works 🥺

MAIN MASTERLIST

Your idea of a fun Friday night involved your couch and Netflix playing in the background as you scrolled through your phone with a glass of wine in hand. This was your definition of pure bliss, something that Wanda violently opposed to.

So here you were, seated in the front of a music bar while Wanda’s favorite band played.

“See? This isn’t so bad, right? Better than wallowing in your apartment alone.” She teased as she leaned over to you, needing to amp up the volume of her voice so you can hear her.

“The fact that we can’t even hear each other properly makes wallowing alone sound so much better.” You told her, not even bothering to repeat yourself when she didn’t understand what you said over the loud music playing.

Her favorite band introduced their last song for the night and as they did, you checked your phone for the time. It was barely past ten in the evening and you were already dying to get home. You’ll bid goodbye after this, you promised yourself. Just one last song and you’re out. Before the band could even finish their last song, you’d already decided on what pizza to order and which wine to bring out.

That was until the next band came up on stage to prepare for their performance. You were leaning over Wanda already, about to tell her that you were heading home, when one particular guy caught your eye. Something that Wanda noticed when she saw you gawking at the stage.

“Oh my god. He’s definitely your type.” Wanda said when her eyes landed on the bassist.

He had dirty blonde hair and a clean-shaven face that looked a little too innocent for someone to be in a rock band. Your exact type— one with the boy next door appeal, someone you’d want to bring home to introduce to your parents. Wanda was so sure you were crushing on the bassist but as soon as he followed your line of sight, she almost choked on her own spit.

You weren’t eyeing the bassist, instead, you were completely focused on the lead guitarist. You were so enamored by this guy that you failed to notice Wanda gushing over the fact that you were enamored by someone who was the complete opposite of your type.

It was the lead guitarist who caught your attention. The one with long hair tied into a low, messy man bun, his stray locks framing his perfectly chiseled face. It wasn’t only the hair that made you look at him, it was also his left arm— it was covered entirely with tattoos. And then he started playing the guitar and good god, his fingers were something else.

It was rare for you to have certain thoughts, the kind that would make you sweat in church. And thank fuck for Wanda finally snapping you out of your filthy trance because if she hadn’t, you would’ve seriously drowned in your not so pure thoughts.

“I can’t believe you’re attracted to that guy. This makes me so excited, honestly.” Wanda squealed.

“Huh?” You played dumb of course. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Wanda snorted out loud, “I just witnessed you drool over the guitarist for a good five minutes. Stop denying.” She said.

You rolled your eyes, “Maybe I did. And so what? It’s not like I’m gonna act on it.”

“You have to fuck him.” Wanda casually suggested, making you choke on your drink.

You weren’t a prude but you didn’t like the idea of hooking up with people, most especially strangers. You weren’t going to lie though, it did cross your mind. Obviously, the way his fingers moved on his guitar really threw your brain down the gutter. Sure, you might have wondered what it’d be like to have those fingers on you but again, would you act on it? Hell no.

“It’s just one night. Live a little, come on. And you getting attracted to someone like him? That’s once in a blue moon, all the more you need to bring him home.” Wanda said.

“One night stands don’t really work well for me and you know that. The first time I tried that was also the last time because I ended up getting attached. And how did that end? Terrible. So no, thank you. Never again.” You told Wanda.

Fortunately, Wanda stopped bugging you about fucking the guitarist. It wasn’t really a big deal, it was nothing but a moment of admiration. You were hell-bent on going home anyway, well, maybe after his band finishes their first song. Besides, he wouldn’t notice you so why bother staying?

“Oh my god, he’s looking at you!” Wanda almost screamed, slapping at your arm until you turned to the stage.

And holy fuck. He was really looking at you. Why though? You even looked behind you to make sure it was you he was staring at and when you turned back at him, he smirked and threw a wink at your way.

“You know what, I think I’m gonna head home.” You said, not knowing how to act.

Wanda pulled you back down when you stood up, “Oh no, honey. No one’s going home this early.” She said. “You wouldn’t want to disappoint him, would you?” She quickly added, tipping her head towards the stage.

When you looked up at the guitarist, he was still looking at you as he played. This time, he was actually pouting, as if pleading for you to stay. You quickly avoided his gaze and although it was dimly lit in the bar, you still bowed your head to hide the blush creeping up to your face.

You managed to survive the entire setlist of the band despite the flirty smiles and winks that the guitarist gave you. Wanda was ecstatic about it, it made you wonder if she was actually the one crushing on the guy. As soon as the last song was done, you excused yourself and hurried into the bathroom to compose yourself.

It was the first time that you experienced such attraction towards a guy like him. You always went with the good boys, so why were you so drawn to this guy who looked nothing but trouble? You were in denial, this was totally out of your comfort zone so you shook the thoughts away and promised yourself (again) that you’d head home this time. For real.

“There you are.”

You gasped out loud when you stepped out of the bathroom, quickly colliding against a solid chest when you heard his voice. It was low yet gentle, soft-spoken but sinful.

“I’m sorry?” You sputtered out, bowing down your head to avoid the lead guitarist’s gaze.

“I thought you left already.” He said. “I’m Bucky, by the way.” He introduced, extending his left arm for a handshake.

Your eyes landed on his tattooed arm, despite the ink covering it all up you could actually see his veins.

“And I’m going home.” You quickly shook Bucky’s hand, ignoring the electricity that ran through your veins and brushed past him, eyes scanning the bar for Wanda.

Bucky jogged ahead of you, blocking your way and chuckling to himself. “Don’t I at least get a name?” He asked.

You were internally screaming, but you managed to mention your name just so he would leave you alone. Sure, he was hot and he was actually flirting with you. But your fear of the unknown outweighed your attraction. You weren’t ready to step out of your comfort zone. Yet.

Bucky trailed behind you as you looked for Wanda, cursing to yourself when you couldn’t spot her anywhere. You took out your phone and called her immediately.

“Wanda? Where are you?” You hiss into the phone.

Bucky watched you with amusement and it was making you uncomfortable. He was just staring at you with a grin on his handsome face. And now, you just discovered that Wanda left you.

“What?! But why?! You’re my ride home! Come back and pick me up!” You exclaim into the phone, unable to believe that Wanda just ditched you.

“You can’t— hello? Wanda? Hello?” You groaned in frustration when your friend ended the call.

“I’d love to offer you a ride home but it’s too early, so how ‘bout I just buy you a drink?” Bucky asked, flashing you a charming smile that made your knees weak.

Part of you wanted to give in and just say, fuck it, let Bucky do whatever he wants with you. The reasonable part of your brain though, highly opposed to this and pulled on the alarms. This guy probably just wants to get you into his bed and although it doesn’t sound that bad, you worried more for what could happen afterwards. You weren’t ready for a repeat of the past. You were too emotional, you had too many strings and they get attached way too quickly.

“No, thank you.” You told Bucky and headed outside the bar, deciding to book an Uber instead.

Bucky was persevering though and followed you out, blocking your way into the sidewalk and snatching your phone away.

“Hey, give me my phone back!” You exclaimed.

“The night is young, c’mon. Why are you so aloof anyway?” Bucky asked.

“Because I don’t know you?” You responded.

Bucky chuckled, “Have you ever heard about making friends? I mean, pretty much everyone you meet starts off as a stranger. And it’s not like I’m a serial killer or anything. I’m not gonna rob you but I most certainly won’t give you your phone back until I convince you to stay a while.” He said and god, he was too charming for your own good.

He made a good point about making friends. You couldn’t even remember the last time you made a new one. Bucky could see the gears in your head working as you stared at him, cheeks flushed and lips parted in deep thought.

“So, what do you say? Stay a while? Keep me company. It’ll be fun.” Bucky insisted.

“Why me?” You blurted out.

It wasn’t that you were insecure, but you were way too different from Bucky. You didn’t seem like his type, but then again, he wasn’t your type either. Until the moment you saw him on stage.

“Why not?” Bucky responded as if he couldn’t believe you just asked him that question.

“Do you ask that every time someone flirts with you? Besides, it’s not everyday that someone like you stared at me like that.” He teased.

Fuck, so he noticed you drooling over him. Quick! Think of a way out, you told yourself.

“Someone like me? What did you mean by that?” You asked, sounding offended.

Bucky’s eyes widened and shook his head, “I didn’t mean for it to sound like it’s a bad thing. I mean, you come in here wearing a chiffon blouse and a pencil skirt and expect me not to notice? I’m actually flattered that a girl, no...a woman...was ogling me. Definitely piqued my interest.” He explained.

That was a compliment, right? The sirens in your head grew louder at the way Bucky was easily throwing you compliments. He must be used to flirting his way into women’s panties, huh? 

“I wasn’t ogling you.” You defended even though you were, looking away from his eyes.

“Sure, you weren’t.” Bucky teased. “Loosen up, will ya? When was the last time you had fun anyway?” He asked.

“Depends on your definition of fun.” You retorted.

“You know what I mean.” Bucky sighed.

“Well, my idea of fun doesn’t involve a guitarist getting me into his bed for a one night stand.” You blurted out, mindlessly.

Bucky made a face and clutched his chest, “Ouch. You went hard on that judgment, I’m not gonna lie, that kinda stings.”

Okay, now you felt bad for jumping to conclusions. Bucky did look like he was hurt from your brash statement. Fuck, he probably thought you were one of those stereotypical bitches! It wasn’t entirely your fault, right? You were just being careful. Were you? Or was it purely overthinking? Your brain was moving all too fast but Bucky quickly distracted you when he took your hand and placed your phone back onto your palm.

“You know, I think I get it why you said that and I honestly can’t blame you. A band dude flirts with you just like that, understandable why you thought that I wanted to get into your pants.” He explained much to your relief.

“I’m sorry, it was tasteless for me to judge you like that.” You quickly apologized, genuinely feeling like a terrible person.

Bucky smiled at you, “Nah, you had every right. I’m sorry if I was too forward but I do really want to spend some time to get to know you. So how about a little proposal?”

There was a glint in Bucky’s eyes that made your heart flutter and your brain go into overdrive. You knew it was a bad idea to give in to Bucky. Someone as charming as him might really be up to no good. Sure, you felt bad for judging him based on his looks. But something in your gut tells you that he was trouble.

“What proposal?” You asked curiously.

“Spend the next twelve hours with me.” Bucky suggested.

You frowned, “What?”

Bucky took your phone again, but only to check the time. “It’s a little past eleven now, I promise you’ll be home before noon tomorrow. Come with me, let loose for once and let’s spend the entire night together. Twelve hours, that’s it.” He said excitedly.

“And I don’t mean have sex with me.” Bucky explained immediately.  “We’ll just hang out, it’s a wholesome proposal. But if you do want to have sex with me, I’m not gonna turn that down. I’m just saying, it’s not my motive but I won’t be saying no to it either.” He reassured.

You felt hot all of a sudden at how Bucky casually talked about having sex with you. It made you feel feverish and for someone who wasn’t really a sexual person, it made you feel like you were about to commit a major sin just by listening to Bucky talk like that.

Bucky beamed at you cutely, waiting for your response and honestly, with how his doe eyes were looking at you like that, was it even possible to say no? Despite the continuous alarms in your head and your inner prude begging you to stay within the confines of your comfort zone, you decided to do something for a change.

So you said yes.

You were spending the next twelve hours with Bucky and you could only hope that you wouldn’t regret it.

-

The night started off slow, thankfully, with Bucky ushering you back into the bar for a couple of drinks. You had to remind yourself to still be alert for any red flags that might show up sooner or later. You knew you were being a bit paranoid, but to hell, it would be better that way than to make mistakes tonight.

“Where do you work?” Bucky asked before calling the waiter.

“I work at a bank.” You told him.

The waiter arrived and took your orders, a tall glass of mojito for you and a rum and coke for Bucky. He asked you a couple more things, where you graduated, your hobbies and what you often did during your weekends. All of which you had pretty boring responses to. Bucky listened though and he didn’t seem bored too, what a relief.

“Are you really sure about spending twelve hours just like this?” You asked, taking another sip from your second glass of mojito.

Bucky snickered, “We won’t be talking the entire night, did you really think I’d ask for your twelve hours just to talk?” He asked.

“What are you planning then?” You asked nervously.

Bucky offered you an amused smile, “Nothing illegal so stop worrying, pretty lady. I can see the gears in your head turning.” He said and leaned forward to smoothen out the crease in between your brows with his thumb.

“Come on, time to have fun.” He said and got up, offering you his hand.

You haven’t even recovered from how gentle Bucky was when he touched your forehead. And now here he was, standing over you with his tattooed arm extended, waiting for you to take his hand.

“I don’t bite.” He stated.

Letting out a sigh, you finished up your drink and stood up, slipping your hand into Bucky’s. He smiled at you, lifting your hand up to his face and pressing a kiss on it before winking.

“See? I told you, I don’t bite.”

You cleared your throat and pursed your lips, biting back a smile as Bucky tugged you as he walked out of the bar, keeping your hand in his the entire time. Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all?

“Here.” Bucky said, handing you over his helmet.

It was then that you realized that he was about to give you a ride. On his motorcycle. The sirens in your head went off once again, bringing you back to your usual tensed state.

“Oh, no. Look, I know I said yes to your proposal but I’m not going to ride on that.” You disagreed and took a step back.

Bucky looked disappointed but shrugged anyway, placing the helmet back on the bike. “Fine. I’ll let you off this time, just because I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Come with me.” He said and took your hand in his again as the both of you went back inside the bar.

He brought you towards the booth where the rest of his band were staying at. They all looked at you with smirks on their faces when Bucky introduced you to them.

“That’s Nat, our vocalist. Sam here is our drummer and Steve the bassist.” He said.

You gave them a polite smile and a quick wave. Bucky threw his keys over at Steve, who was supposed to be your type. Wanda thought so and you were just weirded out that you happen to be drawn towards Bucky instead.

“Hey punk, switch your car for my bike? Just for tonight.” Bucky said.

Steve looked so done with his request but shook his head in defeat as he fished his keys out of his pocket. He pointed at Bucky threateningly, “Don’t mess up my car, jerk. You know what I mean by that.” He said before throwing his own keys over at Bucky who caught it with ease.

“I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you. Thanks, pal!” Bucky bid goodbyes and pulled you again before you could even say your own goodbyes to his bandmates.

Now, you were inside Steve’s car with Bucky and you were nervous as fuck. Although you did find it considerate of Bucky to borrow his friend’s car to make things comfortable for you. You were going to admit that, but it made your heart flutter. You mentally snorted at yourself because fuck, the bar is set pretty low alright.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Bucky asked, noticing how you tensed up all of a sudden.

“Do we have rules?” You asked.

“This night is all about letting loose and the first thing you thought of are rules?” Bucky laughed.

“I’m about to spend the next twelve hours with a complete stranger, of course I’d be worried! What if—“

“Okay, calm down!” Bucky said, turning in his seat to face you, placing his hands on your shoulders.

“If it’ll make you less tense then fine, I’ll come up with rules. Number one is to stop worrying.” Bucky said, rubbing your arms up and down and you were supposed to feel uncomfortable with the intimacy but you didn’t.

There was no malice to it and it made you panic all the more because ugh, Bucky was making you all soft and vulnerable around him. You could hear Wanda inside your head, commanding you to just calm down and go with the flow. You took in a deep breath and composed yourself.

“You gotta learn to trust people. I promise you, we won’t be getting in any trouble. I’ll take good care of you.” Bucky said, letting your arms go and tipping your chin so you’d look at him.

“Rule two, no what ifs. Just focus on the present, okay? If you keep worrying about what could happen, you’ll miss out on the now. Trust me, you wouldn’t want that.” Something about the change in Bucky’s eyes when he said that made you curious.

He was on to something, like he really meant it. You wanted to ask him about it, hell, you should start asking him for more information. If he wanted to get to know you better then you should attempt to do the same to him too.

“Last rule is to just enjoy. Like I said, I won’t let anything bad happen to you. You trust me now?” Bucky asked with hopeful eyes.

The alarms in your head still kept going, but as you gazed back at Bucky, the softer they were becoming. You could feel yourself start to give in and you know what? It actually doesn’t sound so bad anymore. Maybe this would help with your attachment issues? This will probably teach you how to have fun with no attachments. Take things for what they are and just enjoy.

“Hey, will you trust me?” Bucky asked again.

“Yeah, yeah I will.”

-

1:15AM

Bucky took you to a hole in the wall open mic bar. It was a small place and everyone there seemed to know each other. And when Bucky arrived, everyone just greeted him and welcomed you there.

“You seem pretty popular here.” You told him as he led you to one of the seats near the makeshift stage.

“I spend a lot of time here.” He said and called over the guy by the bar.

“Hey Happy! Wanna introduce you to a special friend.” He said. The man approached your table and greeted you with a smile.

“Must be really special, you never bring anyone here.” Happy said, making you blush uncontrollably.

Bucky bit his lip as he turned to you, “Do you sing?” He asked.

You quickly shook your head, “Oh god, no. I don’t have the talent.” You said.

Happy chuckled, “That wouldn’t be a problem, trust me.” He reassured.

Bucky lifted an eyebrow at you, “Wanna go up there and sing with me?”

“Bucky, no.” You laughed, shaking your head. “I’m not doing that.”

“Come on, no one’s gonna judge you. Let loose, remember? And if anyone here laughs at you, I’ll be the first to punch them in the face.” He promised.

You thought for a while, keeping your eyes on Bucky. Fuck this. You called Happy and requested for a shot of tequila.

“That’s my girl! Just needs a little bit of liquid courage, huh?”

You snorted, “Oh that’s not for me. That’s for you. You’re gonna need it if you’ll be hearing me sing.”

You never performed in front of a crowd, well, back in high school maybe for some school plays. But hell, you were never the center of attention and whenever you had to be, you always experienced a panic attack. But now being on stage with Bucky behind you, playing the guitar as you sang (screeched actually), you’d never felt more alive and relaxed. True enough, no one cared about how off tune you were. In fact, you got a lot of cheers from the crowd.

2:45AM

“You hungry?” Bucky asked.

You couldn’t believe it, you’ve been singing on stage the entire time at the bar. You’d like to believe that it was probably the alcohol running in your veins, but you weren’t that drunk. Tipsy, maybe but definitely not drunk. It was fun, you were surprised at how much you enjoyed singing with Bucky and everybody else. You made a couple of new friends aside from Happy, talked to them and even exchanged numbers with a few. This was the most sociable you’ve ever been.

“I could use some carbs right now.” You laughed, wiping off the sweat on your forehead.

Bucky reached out to fix your hair, moving away the sweaty strands sticking onto your cheeks and tucking them behind your ear. He flashed you that oh so charming smile again and good god, Bucky was truly something else.

“Let’s get you something to eat.” He said.

Bucky drove to a 24-hour food truck somewhere. It was close to 3am but you didn’t feel exhausted, which was shocking given that you’ve been dying to go home a few hours ago before meeting Bucky and agreeing to go on an escapade with him. You could already hear Wanda squealing over the phone once you tell her everything.

The both of you ordered some soft tacos and sat on one of the benches beside the food truck.

“Enjoying so far?” Bucky asked with interest.

You nodded enthusiastically, your mouth full of food as you devoured your tacos. “Very much.” You admitted.

Bucky’s eyes crinkled as he laughed along with you, obviously pleased that you were enjoying yourself. Not long ago, twelve hours seemed a bit too long. Now, they felt too short. You could feel your brain begin to overthink what would happen once the the twelve hours are over, but you quickly shook them away and followed Bucky’s advice to focus on the present.

The two of you continued to talk as you ate. You discovered that Bucky and his bandmates go way back and that they’ve been performing since their days at the university. You also found out that Bucky’s last relationship ended six years ago and that he hasn’t dated anyone since then. You found out a lot of things about Bucky, most of which were far from your first impressions.

“Why’d your friend leave you at the bar?” Bucky asked, taking out a cigarette and putting it in his mouth.

You watched him with hazy eyes as he lighted the cigarette, puffing out a thin line of smoke with ease. You were always drawn to Bucky’s fingers and initially, it was because of the impure thoughts they made you think about. But more than that, they were the gentlest you’d ever seen.

“Probably to get me to have fun.” You responded, looking away timidly when Bucky noticed you staring at his hands.

“She’s gonna be very proud of you after this.” He said.

You nodded and breathed out a chuckle, “Oh, for sure.” You said before turning to Bucky. “Can I try?” You asked, motioning towards his cigarette.

“I haven’t smoked. Ever.” You admitted.

Bucky grinned and passed you the cigarette. “Go on.” He urged and kept his eyes on you as you brought the cigarette up to your lips.

The way Bucky watched you was intimidating in the sense that it felt intimate. It wasn’t like he was eye-fucking you or anything, his eyes were just too...expressive? They held a certain softness to them, a bit of sadness too when you look at it closely. They were the bluest, most beautiful color you’ve seen and they were captivating.

You ended up in a coughing fit from that first drag. Bucky chuckled and took the cigarette from your hand, patting your back as you continued to cough.

“Definitely not for me.” You frowned and took a sip from your iced tea.

“At least you tried. I’m proud of you.” Bucky said, the gentle pats on your back slowing down until his hand remained still.

“You good?” He asked again, sliding his hand lower until he reached the small of your back, but not low enough to make you uncomfortable.

You nodded, “What else is up in your sleeve?” You asked with interest.

“Well, I really wanted to take you on a ride on my bike but I guess that’s for next time.” Bucky confessed.

“Next time?” You asked and you tried not to be hopeful.

“Yeah, next time. We’ll do that next time.” Bucky said and he sounded so sure that you began to worry.

Will there really be a next time? At this point, Bucky could read you like an open book because he chuckled and pressed his thumb against the crease on your forehead again.

“You’re doing it again, whatever you’re worrying about just forget it for now.” He said, soothing out your crease before pinching your nose.

You scrunched your nose making Bucky lightly laugh. He checked the time on his phone and let out a sigh.

3:43AM

“Can I bring you back to my place?”

-

If you told Wanda that you ended up in Bucky’s place, she would freak out and ask for all the details. But no, you didn’t come home with Bucky for that reason. As he promised, it wasn’t his motive to get you into his bed and he seemed to be genuine about it.

Bucky lived in a small studio-type loft. It wasn’t the penthouse kind with the floor to ceiling windows overlooking the city. It was simple and minimalistic, with just a few pieces of furniture. What Bucky owned were a couple of guitars— different kinds of them, and an electric keyboard.

“It’s not much and I don’t even have a bed frame, I hope you won’t judge me for that.” Bucky said, scratching his neck as he led you inside.

“No, not at all. It’s very cozy in here, actually.” You said, looking around and taking in your surroundings.

Bucky had a lot of indoor plants, you definitely didn’t think of him as a plant guy. As you let your eyes wander, something white zoomed past your vision. A cat.

Bucky also owned a cat.

“This is Alpine.” Bucky said, picking up the feline and carrying it onto his shoulder.

As if Bucky and his plants didn’t make him attractive enough, he really had to own a white cat. You could feel yourself internally screaming about how you haven’t been seeing any red flags. If any, you’ve been seeing green flags pop out every now and then that it was pretty alarming. Strangely, the sirens in your head died down as if they’ve given up on warning you.

Or maybe, there was really nothing to warn about Bucky.

The cat purred and nuzzled its nose into Bucky’s neck and you couldn’t believe that you got jealous for a brief second. Oh, to be cat against Bucky’s chest.

“Feel free to look around, I’ll get you water.” He said, bringing Alpine with him into the kitchen.

You walked around his place and observed the surroundings. He was very organized, more than you actually. You could hear Bucky talk to Alpine and it was the most adorable thing you’d ever seen.

A couple of picture frames that sat on Bucky’s bedside table caught your eye. They were photos of him with his mom you assumed, and three more girls.

“Those are my mom and younger sisters.” Bucky said, appearing behind you with a glass of water.

You thanked him as you took the glass and sat down on his bed, “Where are they?” You asked before drinking.

Alpine jumped into your lap and purred, making Bucky laugh with delight as he sat next to you. His parents were back in his hometown together with his sisters. Bucky told you everything about his family and how close he was to his sisters, how they were supportive of him when he decided to become a musician. Then Bucky went on to showcase his guitar collection, telling you the lovely stories behind each of them. You could see how passionate Bucky was for his craft and it was a wonderful thing to witness. You were envious how Bucky pursued his passion, how he took huge risks to get to where he was now.

“And this is my favorite one.” Bucky said, taking a black electric guitar with him as he went back to sit down next to you.

“First one I bought with my own money. It’s old and doesn’t sound as nice as my newer ones, but I love it.” He said and started plucking at the strings.

Alpine hopped off from your lap and went to sleep onto his tiny little bed beside Bucky’s couch. You focused on Bucky’s fingers as he played the guitar. It took you back to the moment you saw him onstage, how those fingers made you wonder about certain things. They moved gracefully against the cords, plucking with ease producing the most wonderful music. You really needed to snap out of your filthy thoughts.

Bucky played the guitar for you, singing some lyrics once in a while. You noticed his tattoos again and stared a bit longer, trying to decipher each design wrapped around his arm. Some were huge, some intricate more than the rest. They were all of different designs but molded together so perfectly.

You had to admit, you didn’t find tattoos attractive before. But on Bucky, it looked like a masterpiece. He himself, was a piece of art with his chiseled jawline and steel blue eyes that made you feel at home.

“I’ve been meaning to ask...” you softly trailed.

Bucky hummed in response, his attention focused on his guitar as he continued to play.

“Your tattoos, do they mean something?” You asked.

“I got them to cover up the scars from an accident.” Bucky looked up at you.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.” You quickly apologized.

Bucky smiled reassuringly, “It’s fine. It was a turning point for me.” He said, setting his guitar aside.

“It really puts things into perspective you know. I crashed my bike one night, I wasn’t drunk, mind you.” He chuckled. “It was pretty bad, my left arm suffered the most. I almost got decapitated but here I am. I got scars all over, really ugly scars so I had them covered up with a tattoo sleeve.” Bucky explained, extending his left arm and looking at it.

“For a while, I wasn’t able to play music. And I hated every second of it. Hated seeing the scars on my arm and how they reminded me of the accident. But you learn to live with it. At least I did, I learned to turn the negative into something positive.”

Now that he said that, you could actually see some of the scars beneath the ink. Bucky shrugged and continued with his story.

“The doctors said I was lucky that I didn’t die. Living my second life now, I realized that I gotta make the most out of it. Focus on the present and enjoy what comes your way. Take risks. Do what scares you.” He explained and now you understood.

You understood why Bucky appeared to be so laid-back and carefree, why he doesn’t worry a lot about the future. He almost lost his life so now he was living it to the fullest. He was living in the present, enjoying every second of it.

“Every time I see my tattoos, I get reminded of my second chance at life and how I shouldn’t waste it.” He said.

Bucky saw the look in your face, how guilty you looked from judging him right away. He took your chin in between his thumb and index finger, tipping it up to make you look at him.

“So when I noticed that bored pretty office girl in the audience checking me out, I didn’t waste the opportunity to get to know her. See where it goes, who knows if I’d still be alive tomorrow but at least I shoot my shot.” He said, making you chuckle.

Everything went still in that moment, your usually noisy mind included. Time seemed to have stopped as you gazed into Bucky’s eyes. Biting your lip, you gave in and totally let down your walls.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Bucky asked, doing the same thing with his thumb, soothing the crease in between your brows.

This time, he didn’t take his hand back and allowed it to rest against your cheek before sliding down to your jaw and neck. His thumb began to caress the spot beneath your ear, waiting for you to respond to his question.

What Bucky got was more than just a simple response.

“Fuck it.” You whispered before pressing your lips onto Bucky’s.

All your life you played it safe— from your college course to your choice of career. You weren’t one to take risks either and whenever you needed to, they were always calculated. You did things carefully, making sure that you’d get the results you were expecting to save you from disappointment. The unknown scared you and so does uncertainty. You liked staying in your comfort zone but as much as you’ve been denying it, it was starting to get boring.

You also said you weren’t one to entertain a stranger, let alone hook-up with one. But then Bucky comes along with his long hair and tattooed arm, looking like trouble but bringing you none. You’d think that he just wanted to get into your pants but as he showered you with gentle kisses and feathery touches, you realized that Bucky might be different and that he was so much more than just the hot lead guitarist of a band.

Bucky’s calloused fingers perfectly contrasted the smooth expanse of your skin. They felt rough but remained gentle as they moved along your chest, as they danced along your back, as they stroked your inner walls. And his lips, they were tender and soft; they whispered nothing but promises and praises against your ear as your bodies moved in unison.

His eyes remained on you, taking all of your nakedness in, literally and figuratively. He watched you closely, with those blue eyes of his that always made you blush. Bucky’s eyes were truly mesmerizing, no matter how much you wanted to look away from embarrassment, you couldn’t. You felt trapped in those eyes, and you never want to leave.

And his left arm— you could feel the ridges of his scars as you let your hands feel his skin. But they weren’t ugly, didn’t feel weird against the pads of your fingers. His arm offered nothing but warmth and support when you reached your high and came crashing down. His arms caught you and protected you, his embrace was reassuring and it made you feel safe.

5:58AM

The city was quiet and the sun was barely up. Alpine was still curled up on his bed, sleeping. You were exhausted but satisfied and comfortable as you laid on your stomach, head turned and facing Bucky as you listened to him talk.

He was talking about his band’s first performance in college, laughing when he said that he almost threw up from being so nervous. Bucky had the softest voice in the wee hours of dawn, you loved listening to him. Lucky you, Bucky had been talking about anything and everything until the dark skies began to change its hues. He shared his dreams and his secrets and you admired him more and more.

“You should come to our rehearsals.” He suggested, letting a hand trace patterns on your bare back.

“Sounds nice.” You yawned, blinking your eyes in an attempt to keep them open.

“What do you want for brunch?” Bucky asked, almost mumbling from being half-asleep.

You hummed, “By the time we wake up, it might be close to dinner.” You joked.

“Breakfast food is way better during dinner. Want me to cook for you?” Bucky said before yawning.

Your eyes were lidded as you took in Bucky’s form. He was laying beside you, long hair messed up and lips swollen pink from kissing. He looked unreal as a sliver of sunlight managed to peek through his curtains, embracing his body with its warm glow. The sun was now fully up, witnessing the tender aftermath of your intimacy with Bucky as he reached out to brush his knuckle along your cheekbone.

“I’m surprised you can cook.” You said softly, close to falling asleep.

“I’m pretty good at it.” Bucky chuckled before leaning in to kiss your forehead.

“I’ll cook for you when we wake up.” 

Bucky’s soft lips against yours was the last thing you felt before sleep took over.

-

12:24PM

A soft purr paired with soft paws on his face stirred Bucky awake. He groaned at Alpine when she meowed right into his face. Must be feeding time, he thought.

Bucky gently moved Alpine aside and turned, only to be met by a cold, empty space beside him. He sat up on the bed and rubbed his eyes before quickly scanning his apartment for you.

You were gone.

And judging by the cold sheets on your side of the bed, you’d left hours ago. Bucky sighed in disappointment as he got up, putting on his boxers and quickly checking the bathroom. He hoped you’d be there, but you weren’t.

You didn’t even leave a note.

Bucky ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He wanted to cook for you, really. He wanted to bring you to his band’s rehearsals, maybe even write a song for you.

He wanted more than twelve hours with you.

-

Wanda had been on your ass for days now. When you told her about your twelve hours with Bucky, she was happy and proud. By the time you got to the end of it, she was fuming and was close to actually physically hurting you.

She wouldn’t stop bugging you about it, demanding you to at least look Bucky up on Facebook or Instagram. Wanda believed that what you and Bucky shared that night was special, something real and not just a one-time thing.

You woke up that morning, feeling sore but happy. Butterflies fluttered in your stomach when you opened your eyes to the sight of Bucky sleeping peacefully beside you. He seemed to be dreaming, his brows creased and lips pursed.

Reaching out, you did what Bucky kept on doing to you whenever you were worrying. You pressed your thumb against his forehead, soothing out the crease as gentle as you could so as not to wake him up. Bucky stirred in his sleep and unconsciously took your hand in his, pressing a kiss onto your palm before falling back into his slumber.

And that’s when it started; the alarms in your head went off and they were the loudest they’ve ever been. You were almost deafened by it, your logic drowning beneath your panicked thoughts as you got up from bed. You dressed up in a hurry, grabbing your things and phone to book yourself a ride home. Alpine woke up and ran over to your legs, purring as if begging you not to go.

You refused to look back and went straight for the door.

One and a half week later, here you were still feeling like the most terrible person on the entire planet. You had searched for Bucky online, of course. You just didn’t tell Wanda that but it was the first thing that you did upon going home. There were instances when you were tempted to send him a DM, or add him up on Facebook but you never did. 

That one night with Bucky changed everything, it changed you. You immediately filed for a resignation, realizing that you were no longer happy working for the bank. It was a spur of the moment decision but you knew it was the right one. You didn’t even know where to apply next or what career to pursue. But you weren’t worried like you had expected to be.

Bucky taught you to take risks, to not fear the unknown because things will eventually fall into place. You felt good though, that you were slowly learning to step out of your comfort zone. But something was amiss and you knew what it was. Or who it was.

You just weren’t ready to admit it yet.

-

It was around nine in the evening when you went to the grocery store for a last minute shopping decision. Wanda was coming over for a movie night and apparently, you didn’t have any snacks left.

Finishing your list, you turned at the corner of an aisle and collided with somebody. Your apology died on your tongue when you looked up to see a familiar face.

Steve.

“Hi.” You softly greeted, wondering if he would even remember you.

He frowned at you and you were surprised that he remembered you and actually knew about that night.

“Why’d you leave Bucky just like that?” He asked right away.

You swallowed and avoided his gaze, “It was...it’s not a big deal. It was a one-time thing anyway.” You lied through your teeth.

Steve scoffed, “It didn’t seem like a one-time thing when Bucky came to our rehearsals the next day feeling bummed out.” He explained and sighed afterwards, shaking his head.

“Look, I’m in no position to interfere. I don’t know you and why you did that so who am I to judge? But I know Bucky. He isn’t what you think he is.” Steve said.

“I know.” You whispered.

“Then why’d you leave?” Steve asked again but didn’t wait for a response.

“Bucky may come off a little too strong, he’s straightforward and passionate. He gives it his all and that night with you...he gave everything. He was really hurt when you left.”

You were unable to speak because fuck, you messed up big time. You didn’t know that Bucky was going to feel that way when you left. You got scared and ran away even when there was nothing to be afraid of. Steve must have noticed your guilt and placed a hand on your shoulder.

“We’re playing tonight at the music bar. You have the chance to make things right.” Steve said and offered you a small smile before leaving.

You stood in the grocery store while in deep thoughts. Again, your mind was all kinds of messed up and your thoughts were fighting for dominance. There were sirens going on and off and fuck, it was all driving you insane. Your heart began to race when you felt an impending sense of doom wash over you. You were panicking and you were fighting so hard to calm your nerves.

And then you remembered Bucky that night and how he was quick to silence your brain with a simple yet comforting gesture.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

A thumb on your forehead to soothe your worries. Those steel blue eyes providing you comfort, and that charming smile that never failed to reassure you.

You quickly called Wanda.

“Movie night is cancelled!”

-

The dimly lit music bar welcomed you with a sense of familiarity. It had been more than a week since your encounter with Bucky and yet it felt like it was only yesterday.

Smiling to yourself, you remembered how tensed you were when Bucky first approached you. You were so defensive, you had your walls built up high but Bucky managed to bring them down. It didn’t even take him the full twelve hours to do so.

The music bar was full with no vacant spot near the stage. The current band just finished their song and was preparing to exit. You squeezed your way to the front, ignoring the complaints of people you slightly pushed away. A familiar voice greeted the crowd a good evening before introducing their band.

Your breath hitched when you spotted Bucky onstage. His hair was down and he was sporting a little bit of scruff. You watched him play his guitar but something was different. He wasn’t as passionate as he used to be, like he wasn’t focused. He almost looked like he didn’t want to be there. And his eyes, they were empty and void of any emotion. No mischievous glint in them, no nothing.

It broke your heart seeing Bucky like this, especially that you knew you were the reason for it.

It took a while for Bucky to look up and scan the crowd and when he finally did, his eyes immediately met yours.

Just like the first time, you felt your face heat up from the eye contact. Bucky was surprised to see you, you saw how his eyes widened at the sight of you. He was quick to recover though, he looked away and focused on playing the guitar instead.

As soon as his band exited the stage, you wasted no time to approach them. Steve greeted you with a nod before calling for Nat and Sam, asking for them accompany him to the bar to give you some privacy. Bucky refused to look at you as he gathered his stuff, preparing to leave.

“Can we talk?” You asked.

“I’m heading home.” Bucky curtly responded and brushed past you.

The tables have turned with you walking ahead of him to block his way.

“The night is young, stay a while and keep me company?” You used his line and Bucky was having none of it.

He scoffed and shook his head, “I’m surprised you remembered what I said. I mean, after you just disappeared I assumed you’d completely forgotten about that night.”

“I didn’t.” You told him. “Can we please talk?” You pleaded.

Bucky ran a hand through his hair, “I don’t know, I really wanna go home.” He said.

Your hands balled into fists at your sides, “Give me twelve minutes.” You offered.

“Just twelve minutes of your time. Please, Bucky.”

-

The two of you stepped outside the bar for some silence. Bucky walked over to his bike, leaning against it as he looked at you coldly. Those eyes used to gaze at you with warmth, but now they were blank and cold.

“Time is ticking.” He said when you kept mum.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disappear like that.” You said, looking down at your feet.

How else were you going to say your piece? You had practiced your speech on the way to the bar and now that Bucky was in front of you, you couldn’t even look at him from shame.

Bucky scoffed, “You asked me for twelve minutes and that’s all you’re gonna say? You’re sorry? Just that?” He bitterly chuckled, running a hand over his scruff.

“If you didn’t mean it then why did you leave? You left me without any warning. I honestly thought there was something between us. After everything that happened, how could you just walk away like that? You led me on, didn’t you?” Bucky angrily asked.

“I didn’t! I swear, I didn’t but I got scared!” You admitted.

“Scared of what?” He asked. “Scared of me? Because I’m not the kind of guy you usually go for? You really couldn’t get rid of that first impression, huh?” He said and turned around.

“That’s not the reason why. Everything scared me because that night was something else. You were too good to be true, Bucky! That’s what scared me!” You told him.

Bucky turned around, his brows creased, “What?”

When you woke up that morning, everything seemed perfect. The past twelve hours you had spent with Bucky were wonderful and you loved every second of it. You enjoyed too much and the thought of it being a one-time thing really broke your heart.

You had attachment issues and you thought that giving in to Bucky would help you learn to enjoy things as they were. But it didn’t and made it even worse because you got attached, so fucking attached.

“I couldn’t bear the thought of ending those twelve hours with a permanent goodbye so I left. You suddenly talked about next time and tomorrow and it was...it was overwhelming for me. My fear got the best of me because that night was too good. You were too good.”

Bucky’s expression softened after hearing your side. Now you felt stupid for overthinking things. It was selfish on your part to assume that those twelve hours meant nothing to Bucky.

“I’m sorry.” You apologized softly. “That night meant everything to me, Bucky. I just wasn’t ready to find out whether it meant the same to you.” You confessed with a sigh.

Bucky stayed quiet after your confession. You could feel your bile rising, you wanted to throw up. Hell, you wanted to just faint and forget about everything. If Bucky wouldn’t give you a second chance, you’d understand him. You did a pretty shitty thing to him anyway.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

You lifted your gaze upon hearing that line. Bucky’s eyes had their warmth back and his expression was no longer stoic. He pushed himself away from his bike and approached you, reaching out to soothe the crease on your forehead.

“It’s not everyday that I find myself in the company of a stranger who made me feel things. I’ve always been a traditional one, I take things slow and I’ve been very careful. When I felt something during those twelve hours, I was caught off guard. I never felt so strongly for someone I just met and it was all new to me and I panicked.” You confessed.

“You were out of my comfort zone and I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t mean to disappear like that, Bucky.”

You were met with pure silence after your admission. When you looked up at Bucky, you couldn’t read his expression. Thinking that he wasn’t buying your explanation, you let out a bitter chuckle and shrugged.

“I guess that’s it. Twelve minutes. No more no less. I just wanted you to know that, Bucky. And I’m really, really sorry.” You said and slowly backed away, ready to leave.

“Hey.” Bucky called out, approaching you.

“If I asked you to spend the next twelve hours with me again, where would you go after?” He asked.

Was this a test? You didn’t know how to respond and Bucky seemed to have caught up on that and let out a breathy chuckle.

“Will you stay until the morning this time?” He asked. “‘Cause I was pretty disappointed when I woke up to an empty bed. I had our brunch planned out, you know?”

The mischievous glint in Bucky’s eyes was back. You bit back a smile when Bucky cradled your head into his palm, thumb circling the skin on your neck.

You timidly nodded, tilting your head up to meet Bucky’s lips in a searing kiss that promised you another twelve hours together. And more.

“No more running off in the morning.”

-

Everything Bucky Tag List:

@ddowii @jessou893 @stealapizzamyheart @bagelofthelord @mxnt @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @jeeperky @ohladymacbeth @wildflowergubler @supraveng @twinerd14 @buckysmar @bakugouswh0r3 @sweetcoldharmony @wintersfilm @charminivy @amelia-song-pond @iamvalentinaconstanza @mcubqrnes @i’m-squished @tcc-gizmachine @sipsteacasually @prettyintopeerpressure @weloveyasmin @est19xxshit @bloodhon3yx @dressed-in-prada @lizette50 @thatfangirl42 @sunflowerbunny2 @unmagically @okiegirl24 @sugarpunch-princess @enlyume @vvipgotbb @slimeyderp @lyoongx @just-deka @nobody-will @jaziona92 @elisebuitron @dpaccione @suvikamahes98blr @buckybarneshairpullingkink @earthtonav @x-judyjude-x @nani-kenobi @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @belladonnabarnes @iloveangstposts @weenersoldierr @asemistablehundredyearoldman @reidbuck @lizzarooni @girlfriday007 @bonkywobble @lost-in-the-stars03 @its-yasbxtch @whoth3hellisbucky @5-seconds-of-mendes​ 

[helloalycia]

teenage dirtbag [one] // wanda maximoff

summary: when you're paired with the most popular girl in your grade for Chemistry class, you definitely don't expect to start liking her like that...

warning/s: none i don't think??

author's note: okay so i have a ton of requests to work through but i got sidetracked and before i knew it, five parts of this imagine were written.

It's based off the song 'Teenage Dirtbag' and idk, i thought it was cute to write! Who doesn't love the popular girl!wanda and loner!reader concept?

Here’s a cover of the song to listen to because i really liked it and a girl sings it so it immediately made the song 10x more gay, just how i like it 🥰

masterlist | wattpad | part two | part three | part four | part five

"Are you all comfortable?"

The class stayed silent, watching our Chemistry teacher, Mr. Hale, as he looked to everyone with a raised brow.

"You all like who you're sat with?" he asked again, as if expecting an actual response from someone.

I exchanged questioning glances with my best friend, Y/BF/N, who was sat beside me. It was the first day back in Chemistry class of our final year of high school and we were just waiting to begin.

"Anyone?" he asked, looking around.

"Yeah," a few students mumbled in response so we could move on.

He clapped his hands together. "Great! Well, don't get too comfortable because I made a seating chart."

A chorus of groans erupted from the class, including from me and Y/BF/N. Every other class had successfully managed to not give us a seating chart. I'd heard that Mr. Hale was an awkward teacher who hated students (ironically), but I didn't think he'd stoop so low as to pair us with students who weren't our friends. These new seats were also our partners for the rest of the year and were non-negotiable, so any projects or work we did would have to be with our seat buddy. Fun.

Students began to shuffle to their newly-assigned seats reluctantly as Mr. Hale read out the chart. When Y/BF/N left my side, I frowned dramatically, waving goodbye to him.

"Wanda Maximoff, you're now partners with Y/N Y/L/N," said Mr. Hale, making me look up at the mention of my name.

I didn't get chance to register what he'd said as the aforementioned girl soon approached me, settling her bag on the table beside me. I looked up and saw Wanda Maximoff smiling my way before taking a seat on the stool.

Huh. Wanda Maximoff. She was one of the most popular girls in our grade. Everybody loved her, either wanting to be friends with her, be with her or be her. I'd personally never crossed paths with her apart from the few classes we shared. She seemed nice enough, but I guess I had preconceived notions of what she was like since she'd made the very poor decision to date the most obnoxious guy ever. Anyone making decisions that terrible definitely had a flaw.

She had a twin brother, Pietro, who was also in our grade and played on the football team alongside her boyfriend. Her parents were good friends with mine, through mutual friends, I think, as I recalled my mum mentioning 'Mrs. Maximoff's boy' or 'Mrs. Maximoff's girl'. And I remembered when her family moved into our town back in second grade.

Admittedly, Wanda was the star of the show back then, too. We were only kids, but child Y/N wasn't blind. She was the first girl I'd crushed on, an innocent child crush – the crush that made me realise I liked girls. Apart from that, and the fact that she had a locker behind me in the hallway, I never really thought about her.

I glanced behind me, catching Y/BF/N's gaze across the room as he sat beside some other kid. He frowned, implying he wished we were partners, and I knew just how he felt.

Once Mr. Hale finished assigning seats, he gave us five minutes to get to know our new partners as he struggled to find the powerpoint for today's class. If there was anything worse than getting assigned seats, it was ice breakers.

"Er, well, hi," Wanda greeted, turning to face me. Green eyes sparkled brightly behind a friendly smile. "I'm Wanda. But, I mean, we already know each other."

"That we do," I said with a nod, returning her smile. "How're you doing? Your summer go well?"

She ran a hand through her hair, adjusting herself so she was comfortable on her stool. And as she did, a waft of her perfume washed over me and I blinked, trying to ignore how nice it smelled. Floral. Subtle. It suited her.

"Good, yeah," she answered with a nod. "Could have gone on longer for all I care."

I chuckled. "I feel that. I'm definitely not ready to be back."

"Right?" she said with raised brows. "It's gonna take a while to get back into routine, that's for sure. But I guess I did miss seeing my friends everyday."

I hummed in agreement, eyes flickering to Mr. Hale as he attempted to tackle the oncoming stream of animations on his powerpoint. I tried not to laugh as I looked back to Wanda, who clearly noticed the same thing as me and stifled a smile.

"Have you had Mr. Hale before?" I asked, nodding his way.

She shook her head. "Nope. You?"

"Never."

"Sucks that he makes seating charts," she said with a sigh, before realising what she said and looking to me with panicked eyes. "Not that I don't like you or anything–!"

"It's fine, I get it," I cut her off with an amused smile. "I wanted to sit with my friend, too."

She breathed out quietly, a hint of relief in her eyes, and scrunched her nose with an apologetic smile. Okay, yeah, maybe that was kind of cute. Older Y/N wasn't blind either. Wanda Maximoff was beautiful, with long brunette locks and matching hazel eyes that seemed to change from blue to green to brown in a kaleidoscope of colour. A winning smile and soothing voice was enough for anyone to fall for her unintentional charm, but it was purely admiration. Everyone pretty much had a mild crush on her, you'd be stupid not to.

"If we're gonna be working together, d'you wanna get the whole awkward number exchange out the way now?" she asked, half joking, half not.

"I– er– sure," I stumbled out rather carelessly, before cringing internally. Where did that come from?

Thankfully, she didn't seem to pick up on it (or just saved me the embarrassment of acknowledging it) and was already writing her number on a slip of paper. Sliding it my way, she capped her pen and gave me her signature smile.

"Thanks," I said with a nod, accepting the paper and pocketing it. "Can't wait to start those lovely science projects we've got coming up!"

She let out a quiet laugh at my sarcasm. "It'll be fine. You're not dumb, right? So, we'll be fine."

"Can't promise you that," I joked, making her roll her eyes playfully.

"Maybe if we–"

But she was cut off when Mr. Hale spoke up loudly, interrupting everyone's conversations.

"Five minutes are up, let's begin!"

I wondered if everyone was thinking the same thing as me – that was not five minutes.

"So it begins...," I mumbled to myself, facing forward.

Wanda breathed out, a stifled laugh, probably having heard my comment, and I couldn't help but crack a smile. Maybe I judged her too harshly. She wasn't actually that bad.

—

Since being paired with Wanda, I was surprised by how much she'd made an effort to befriend me outside of class. We'd always been back to back with our lockers though not quite speaking, but since becoming Chemistry partners, she'd wish me a good morning if she caught me, or greet me briefly as we collected our books.

She didn't have to, but I could see why everybody liked her now. She was just genuinely nice. Due to circumstance, we'd become partners, but rather than leaving it at that, she made a genuine effort to befriend me. And not even just me, but also Y/BF/N, who was at the locker next to mine. He was as surprised as I was, expecting Wanda to mind her own business as we weren't exactly in the same social circles.

This was, I guess you could say, the start of our friendship. And it was a good one at that. I grew to learn how funny she was, how much she loved her brother, the passion she had for art and painting... she was a wonderful person. Which is why I didn't understand why she was with her boyfriend, Nate. He was a grade-A dick and everything Wanda wasn't. How were they a thing?

It sounds like I'm being a bitch and judgemental, but he really is the worst. The few unfortunate times I shared a class with him or caught sight of him around school, he was causing some sort of trouble with the teachers or picking on students in a way that made it seem like a joke but everybody knew it wasn't.

For example, there was a time when Wanda and I were studying for an upcoming Chemistry test we had. We decided to just help each other study since we already worked together in class, so knew we could motivate each other to actually put in the work. It was, maybe, the fourth studying session we had, and I was going over some notes when I felt her eyes watching me.

"You need a hand?" I asked, unable to take the staring any longer. I looked up at her, quirking a brow.

She seemed to fall out of her daydream and straightened up, eyes flickering to mine. "Huh?"

I gave her an awkward smile, unable to maintain her gaze. "You're staring."

She didn't seem fazed as I called her out, instead leaning back in her seat and continuing to study me curiously.

"Did you do something different with your hair?"

Subconsciously reaching for my hair, I straightened up my ponytail and shook my head. "No...?"

She chewed on her lip, saying after a pause, "You tied it up. You usually leave it out."

Did I? I wasn't sure. I just knew that her noticing something like that made me feel self conscious all of a sudden.

"It looks good," she decided, before offering up a small smile. "You should do it like that more often."

Quickly, I felt warm. Was it stuffy in here or was it just me? God, compliments already made me feel stupid. And compliments from pretty girls made me feel ten times that. It didn't help that she was watching me with an endearing expression, making me focus on my book before me.

"Thanks," I got out quickly. "I– yeah."

Her smile widened before she looked back down to her own book. Suddenly, I became acutely aware of the way her leg brushed up against mine under the table.

Thankfully, the strange fuzzy feeling following her compliment faded and we were able to get back to work without her tuning out again. As we were going over each other's practice questions, an annoying voice shouted from across the library.

"Wanda, head's up!"

"Hey, no talking in the library!" a librarian hissed at the voice.

Wanda and I looked up just in time for a football to smack me in the side of the head. I didn't even see it coming until I felt the thing slap my head, giving me an instant urge to strangle whoever threw it.

"Fuck," I cursed, holding my head and closing my eyes to breathe through the pain.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" Wanda's voice made me open my eyes and I saw her leaning forward, hand resting on my shoulder and the other on top of mine that was clutching my head.

"Been better," I admitted, trying to make light of the situation because as angry as I was at the idiot who threw it, I was also embarrassed because it hit me.

Wanda seemed concerned as she gently pulled me hand away, not letting go as she got a better look at the side of my face which I was sure was burning red. At least that's what it felt like.

"Shit, I'm so sorry."

I looked up and saw none other than Nate Green, Wanda's boyfriend, hovering and stifling a laugh as he looked at me. He had his stupid varsity jacket on and I was tempted to strangle him with it.

"I thought Wanda would catch it," he explained stupidly, before moving around the desk to collect his football.

Breathing out through gritted teeth, I pulled away from Wanda and nodded reassuringly. "I'll be fine. Just need an ice pack."

"You're such an idiot, Nate!" Wanda snapped, looking to him with a glare. "You need to watch what you're doing!"

He smiled sheepishly, making me roll my eyes and clench my jaw at the heat on the right side of my face. Fuck, that really hurt.

"What did you want?" Wanda asked him with a quirked brow. She definitely wasn't impressed. I'd hate to ever be on the wrong side of that condescending glare.

"I thought we could go out," he said like it was that simple.

"I'm studying," she quipped with crossed arms.

"I'm happy to wait," he said, toying with the ball in his hands.

Knowing I definitely didn't want that, I closed my books and said, "It's cool. You guys go. I think we're done here anyway."

Nate grinned. "See? S'all good."

Wanda ignored him and looked to me with worried eyes. "Y/N, are you sure?"

"You know your stuff," I said, referring to the work. "You'll be fine in the test. I'm sure."

I offered her a small, forced smile, before standing up to pack my bag. She did the same, beginning to pack her own things, but her eyes kept flittering towards me.

"D'you want me to go to the nurse's office with you?" she asked, shame laced in her voice.

"It's fine, I'll be fine," I said, hurrying up with my actions so I could just get out of here whilst I still had (some of) my dignity left. "See you in class tomorrow."

She nodded, sending a guilty smile my way. "See you tomorrow, Y/N."

Without giving either of them a look, I shouldered my backpack and left the library. Just another reminder of why Nate Green was literally the worst person ever.

—

Liking Wanda as more than a friend wasn't something that happened for a while if I'm being honest. I guess I started to enjoy her presence more and more the longer we spent time together.

I'd come to appreciate it whenever she'd say something completely out of the blue that made no sense whatsoever, or whenever she'd laugh at something I'd said that was arguably not funny but she didn't want to make me feel bad, or even whenever I teased her about something stupid she did, resulting in her doing that cute little nose scrunch she did. But I didn't think of it as liking her, more just a randomly-formed friendship that I was glad to have.

Maybe it was this misinterpretation that didn't make me see how I was acting around her, such as the time I was in the dinner queue at lunch when I realised she was stood behind me.

"Oh, hey, Y/N," she said when she noticed it was me in front of her. Her usual bright, friendly smile was on her lips as she looked to me. "You good?"

I nodded, returning her smile. "Yeah. Just getting some doughnuts for Y/BF/N and I. You?"

"Same," she said, before nudging the guy next to her, who I recognised as her brother. "Pietro and I thought we'd treat ourselves."

At the mention of his name, Pietro looked down to his sister before his gaze fell on me. A mischievous smile appeared on his lips as he put out his hand.

"Pietro Maximoff," he introduced. "You must be the Chemistry partner, Y/N, right?"

I raised my eyebrows with surprise as I shook his hand. "You, er, know who I am?"

He glanced at his sister with a cheeky smile. Wanda was avoiding both of our gazes, her cheeks dusting pink.

Clearly saving face for Wanda, he said, "We've been in the same grade since kids, right? 'Course I do."

Despite the truth to his words, something told me that wasn't how he knew who I was. Especially since I was sure I'd never spoken to him in my life. But, to save Wanda the embarrassment of clearly having spoken of me at home, I nodded to Pietro.

"Right," I agreed with an amused smile. "Duh."

I moved down the queue and grabbed two doughnuts from the display, putting them in two separate paper bags.

"Dibs the last one!" Pietro exclaimed as soon as I returned the clippers to the display. He reached around his sister immaturely and bagged the last doughnut.

Wanda rolled her eyes. "You know I can ask for more, right?"

Pietro grinned, eyes sparkling with mischief. "Go on then."

The two were twins, but they couldn't have been more different. I simply revelled in their interaction, finding it adorable.

Wanda did as she said, asking the dinner lady if there were any more doughnuts in the back. Unfortunately for her, those were the last for the day, making Pietro laugh as Wanda pouted.

"Sucks to be you," he teased her, as I paid for mine and Y/BF/N's doughnuts.

"I hate you," she mumbled playfully, but I saw the disappointment in her eyes as he lovingly but annoyingly waved his bag before her eyes.

Without even thinking much of it, I held out one of the bags in my hand. "Here. You can have mine."

Wanda looked to me with surprise. "Are you sure? I can live without a doughnut, if that's what you're thinking."

I chuckled, grabbing her hand and making her take it. "It's okay. I wasn't in the mood anyway."

Plus, you look better when you're smiling and not pouting, I added in my head.

She accepted the bag reluctantly. "I– thanks. At least let me pay for it–"

"It's just a doughnut, Wanda," I teased, before nodding her way. "See you later."

Leaving her and Pietro to it, I headed back to the table Y/BF/N was sat at and took a seat opposite him before giving him his doughnut.

"Sweet," he said, quickly opening the bag before realising I didn't have one. "Where's yours?"

Over his shoulder, I saw Wanda and Pietro taking a seat at their lunch table, doughnuts in hand and a heartwarming smile on Wanda's lips.

"They ran out," I answered Y/BF/N. "Wasn't in the mood anyway. Enjoy."

He shrugged before digging in. I'd like to say I didn't spare glances in Wanda's direction every now and then for the rest of the lunch hour, but I'd be lying if I did.

—

I'm in the art department. You okay to bring it here?

I read over the text Wanda sent me before shooting her an 'okay' and heading to the Art department. I'd grabbed her notebook in class earlier on, only realising as I was studying with Y/BF/N in the library and pulled out an extra one, so I was going to give it her back.

I guess, when you realise you like someone, it comes randomly, suddenly, without warning. Liking someone isn't instant, it's constant and gradual and subconscious. I guess I'd been falling for Wanda for a while, without even realising, but today was the day I acknowledged that fact.

The Art department wasn't somewhere I frequented regularly – give me a paint and brushes and I'd probably present you with a finger painting – but it was definitely worth the visit. Art pieces from current and past students were hung on the walls, a mural of the school was spray painted on another, and sculptures stood around. The whole department brought a smile to anyone's face with its bright colours and open space – I could see why Art students always hung out here, Wanda included.

Speaking of Wanda, I found her in one of the classrooms sat at a stool in front of a series of canvasses. The room had a few other Art students littered around, working on their own pieces during their lunch period, otherwise it was empty.

"Hey," I called, getting her attention as I approached her.

She followed my voice and straightened up with a cheery smile. "Y/N, hey. Thanks for coming. I'm working on my Art project, so I couldn't pull myself away."

I waved my hand dismissively, joining her side. "It's all good, don't worry." My eyes wandered to the series of canvases on easels she was working on and widened. "Holy shit, these are so good."

Three unfinished hyperrealistic portraits of people were before us, one whom I recognised as Pietro. The paintings were so detailed, despite their medium-size, and I couldn't imagine how long they must have taken.

"You think?" she asked, glancing between them. "I think I messed up the nose here." She pointed with the back end of her paintbrush to the nose of Pietro. "It's a bit bent."

I almost laughed as I looked to her with disbelief. "Are you kidding? Wanda, these are amazing. How did you even do this?"

She looked down bashfully, a nervous smile on her lips. "I don't know. It's for a project. I chose to do family portraits." She pointed to each one as she said, "My mum, my dad and my brother."

I was in awe of her talent, jaw dropped with amazement still. I always knew she was an artist, but I'd never actually seen her work. I was starting to wish I'd come here a lot sooner.

"So, you got my notebook?" she asked, pulling me back into reality.

I looked away from the paintings reluctantly before getting her notebook from my bag and holding it out for her. As she accepted it, she must have forgotten she was holding her paintbrush as the tip brushed my wrist, leaving a swipe of red there.

"Oh, my bad," she said with a laugh, before setting her notebook and brush down and grabbing a paper towel from beside her.

Wetting it with water from her bottle, she pressed it to my wrist and swiped the paint away. It was such a mundane action, but the way her fingers gently held my wrist and emanated a warmth only she seemed to carry sent shivers down my spine.

I glanced up at her, letting her do it, and noticed the swipe of paint she had across her cheek, as if she'd touched her face without realising.

Now that I paid attention, I noticed how cute she looked in her Art getup. An old, oversized shirt covered in paint was being worn to cover her clothes, sleeves loosely rolled up to her elbows. Her long hair was tied back into a ponytail, but her baby hairs framed her forehead adorably.

When her hair wasn't in her face, her eyes only seemed more intense, glistening with excitement and happiness. I almost forgot to breathe when they met mine briefly, a hint of embarrassment there from when cleaning me up. She was in her element here and it made sense to me now.

I knew I'd fallen for her.

—

"You don't get it," I was saying to Y/BF/N as we hung about the school gym, waiting for the teacher to start the lesson. "It's bad. I like her. Like, like like her."

Y/BF/N laughed, clapping me on the back with pity. "You're screwed."

I frowned. "I know."

As he stretched for class, he continued, "I mean, I get it, I do. She's super nice. Pretty. And you guys seem to get on."

I chewed on my lower lip worriedly.

He gave me a knowing look. "There's one problem though."

I groaned, running a hand down my face. "I know, I know. She's got that dick of a boyfriend."

He chuckled. "That's one way to put it."

I sighed, crossing my arms with annoyance. Since realising I liked Wanda as a little more than a friend, things weren't going well for me. Whenever we worked together, I'd forget what I was thinking because I was too busy admiring her side profile or getting lost in her eyes. If she spoke about the work, told a joke or was simply speaking her thoughts aloud, I'd focus on every little thing she was saying, knowing I could listen to her speak all day. It was bad, but thankfully I hadn't stumbled over my words or made a total fool of myself in front of her. I was determined to not let it get that far.

My eyes wandered around the gym as Y/BF/N tried to give me advice, but admittedly, his words flew in one ear and out the other when I caught sight of Wanda.

She was standing with her friends, smiling and laughing to whatever they were saying. Like everyone else in here, she was wearing her gym kit – black athletic shorts and a blue and white tee shirt, the colour of our school. It wasn't anything special, yet she made it seem that way, outdoing anyone in here. Her brown hair was tied back, the ponytail falling down her back, showing her stunning profile and making my mouth go dry.

Another clap on the back from Y/BF/N pulled me from my reverie and I looked to see he was laughing at me.

"Majorly screwed," he corrected his previous comment.

He was definitely right.

[jaesqueso]

1980s horror film

pairing: classmate!jaemin x female!reader

summary: you decide to pour your feelings out as you watch a 1980s horror film

word count: 811

warnings: hm crack, fluff and angst? idk this is weird, based on the lyrics of the song by the same name by The Wallows

a/n: well this is a really poor attempt to get back to writing but I promise something better is coming, don’t kill me just yet! thanks for reading ❤︎

☽ ・・・・・ ☾

“You should totally come over and watch it!” Jaemin excitedly says as your mouth dries up.

You don’t know when it started but neither does every other girl in school, literally everyone has a crush on the tall handsome boy with the brightest smile. He’s obviously pretty popular and, even though he could date anyone he wanted, most find it hard to believe he never had a girlfriend. Not  for lack of trying by the female population, he just doesn’t seem interested in getting into a relationship. But that doesn’t stop the flirting coming his way.

“Y-yeah, sounds great!” You pray he doesn’t notice the nervousness through your voice.

You wouldn’t exactly say you too are friends. You share a few classes and because of an assignment he found out you share the love for horror movies so sometimes when he sees you eating alone at the cafeteria he sits down with you. After all these years your heart still skips a beat and you forget how to breath when he comes around, but once you start talking about horror movies everything else disappears and it’s just the two of you. And this was exactly one of these situations when he suddenly asked you to come to his house to watch a 1980’s horror film.

After ringing the door bell, you nervously play with the hem of your shirt as you heard the steps inside. At first you thought he wasn’t serious about the invitation, you know just something people say but don’t really mean it, but then he texted you the time for you to show up and it all became real. You are really going to Jaemin’s house to watch a film. This seems like such a typical teen movie scene but when he opened the door and let you in you knew it was real by the way your legs almost froze in place.

Greeting his parents that sat in the living room, you follow your crush to his bedroom. His room is dark, the curtains are down and the only source of light comes from the string lights decorating his desk. He gestures for you to sit on the bed as he pulls his desk chair and sets up the movie in his laptop. Settling on his duvet you can’t help the thousands of thoughts going through your head.

This is where Jaemin sleeps. Does he perhaps sleep naked? Does he lay on top of the sheets? Am I sitting somewhere his bare skin touched? I can only imagine the things he has done in this bed alone. Or perhaps with someone too. Oh I wish it was me. Feeling his hands roam through my body as my clothes slowly come off to lay careless on the floor-

“I hope you like it!” Your thoughts are interrupted by his sweet voice that brings you back to reality.

Simply nodding your tear your gaze from his dreamy face to focus on the small screen. But not long after the initial credits roll your eyes drift back to him. Its been so long since you had a boyfriend, you miss cuddling, you miss doing couple things, you miss the simple touch of someone who cares about you. And honestly from where you’re sitting you could easily lift your hand and run your fingers through his smooth brown locks. But you don’t do that. You look back to the 1980s horror film.

Halfway through the movie and you still don’t know what it is really about because while your eyes are on the moving figures your mind is on him. You can’t hold your feelings in anymore. You’re both seventeen, your finishing high school soon and god knows when you’ll have an opportunity like this again. Taking a deep breath you part your lips to speak.

“Jaemin, I don’t know what to say to you, I feel you’re always on my mind.” He looks over his shoulder and you consider stopping but you started so might as well finish it. “And now that I know what I need I’m taking the long way round in my mind. It’s not right. I can’t help the way I feel anymore and I need to ask you Jaemin.” You take a deep breath. “Could it be that you feel this way, too?”

He gets up from the chair and joins you in his bed. The light from the screen of his laptop lights the side of his face and the whole mood just seems so right. You look deep into his eyes trying to understand what he’s feeling, trying to demystify the thoughts in his head and the feelings in his heart. But then he said.

“I’m really not that into girls.”

And without saying another word you look back to the small screen and continue watching the 1980s horror film.

☽ ・・・・・ ☾

taglist: @yokshi-unbeliebubble @nc-teen @yutahoes @dimplehyunn​ @iknowyuno​ @bebskyy​ @ne0cultur3technology​ @nurenciye​ unable to tag: @chenleyang @doahflix

[inupinggu]

-ˏˋ EVERYTHING⠀♡⠀CHOI BEOMGYU ˊˎ-

SUMMARY! as someone who's been working hard to meet the undying and high expectations of their parents, you just wanted to be in hands that are ready to accept you with what you can give that it aches your heart to hear someone say they're willing to give you their all.

PAIRING! bf!choi beomgyu x conflicted!reader (i think there are no pronouns mentioned :r)

GENRE! fluff, angst :(( comfort, and alternate universe

WARNINGS! + A/N! profanities, cw: household issues, mentions of cigarettes, emotional and mental instability + kinda bad boy vibes gyu idk he's sweet & mischievous, purely indulgent bc maya's been feeling down and beomgyu is a healing person

WORD COUNT! 4k+ words

navigation

it has been a rather busy weekend for choi beomgyu. spent his energy and free time trying to chase each of his almost half a hundred missing assignments. true he wasn’t fond of studying but can still top his class when he wants. he was more of a ‘learning’ type of a person, verbatim to what he said about himself. 

so, here he was, all comfortable on his couch with his oh so loved guitar. his phone laying on one his thighs as he scrolled up and down trying to find the best chord list for the song he’s been wanting to learn.

“what a bore..” beomgyu mumbled.

one hand he used to scroll on his screen, and the other used a chin rest on top of his guitar as his lip puckers in concentration. the facade was soon shattered when his phone started vibrating and the screen momentarily went black that faintly reflected his eased and fluttering lashes in confusion. 

suddenly, when the screen lit up showing a caller id, beomgyu smiled :]. happily tapping the green button before bringing the phone near his right ear. “hey, y/n. what’s up?”

“beomgyu…” hearing you murmur his name had an affect on him that had him smiling bigger yet curious upon hearing the quietness in your voice and generally the quietness in your side of the phone. you sounded exhausted.

he hummed, “yeah, what happened? something wrong?”

feeling a little more cared for when you hear your boyfriend’s questions of worry. he’s always been taking care of you and made you feel better about yourself. reciprocating the things you do for him after hearing the words, “just acting the way i want to be treated” from you with the sweetest and kindest intent someone could have and mustered when he asked why you treat people the way you do.

“can you… pick me up from the convenience store?’’ 

you murmured once more, he would describe your voice right now as ‘someone who’s known for being the kind and paragon student that’s confessing to their teacher for lying and is close to bursting in tears.’ though that was you really were to beomgyu. 

“what’s the magic word?” he teases.

“...please.”

“hm! it was lotion but i’ll give it to ya since you’re cute.”

beomgyu’s been with you for so long he now knows what was up when you’re at the convenience store that all he could do at the moment was to chuckle lightly while putting his guitar aside. but this time was a little bit different, you were calling him at two in the morning and you were at a convenience store.

“the one far from my house?” he asked, slipping an arm on his jacket sleeve. 

“yeah haha.. sorry,” beomgyu can picture you scratching the lobe of your ear. 

right when he had his jacket on, picked up his keys on his coffee table that was thrashed with crumpled paper from his studying session. hovering his hand on a red and white box that turned out empty beside an ashtray. “you’re kidding..”

beomgyu hears you muttering a confused hum when he finishes whispering those words, “nothing, babe. i’ll be there.” the small okay that rang from his phone speaker was his queue to put his phone away and press the red button before shoving his phone in his back pocket.

when he reached his front door, he heard the harsh pouring of rain outside his front yard. “stop fucking joking,” he frustratedly let out, spreading his arms a bit with an annoyed tilt of his head. yet he had no other choice but to run to his car that wasn’t parked in his garage since he was too lazy to do so earlier when he got home.

when beomgyu reached his car, his jacket that was fresh out from his closet, now had wet spots. running a hand through his wet hair and frustratingly arching an eyebrow with an exasperated sigh. quickly sticking his car keys to where they belong before throwing his phone on the passenger seat where you were usually seating prettily. 

the warm toned light that illuminated the interior of his car and his sharp and captivating features that had everyone falling head over heels for him. beomgyu wasted no more time seething in the feeling of frustration and just drove off to where you were, his cute little (at least to him) girlfriend who needed to be rescued by her strong pretty boyfriend.

you, on the other hand, was heaving a relieved sigh upon seeing your boyfriend’s car pull over not too far from where you were. you’ve been trying to avoid interacting with the new staff of the store as you found them… weird.

beomgyu pulls over in the parking lot of a neon-lit store down the road. through the movements of his wipers that worked hard to keep the water from blocking his vision, beomgyu sees you hugging yourself, seated on a bench outside the store. an amused smile creeping on his lips.

when beomgyu’s car door opened, the aura surrounding you immediately got a little lighter. the gloomy vibe transitioned into a more comforted one when you saw him get off his car with a hand over his head, rushing to your direction.

“hey, there. the day is saved by the wonderful gyu,” he greeted with a large grin. you lightly pulling on your paw sleeves and lightly tapping on his temple to wipe a raindrop from his pretty face with a shy smile. “y/n is thankful,” you playfully answered back.

“i’ll get something real quick, wait for me in the car.”

carefully pulling your hood over your head, he pats the crown of your head before making his way inside the store. you complied and rushed to his car, sitting on the passenger seat waiting for beomgyu to come back. feeling a little guilty for having him run in the middle of a sad weather at this time, slowly shrinking on your seat as it was starting to get colder with the ac on.

you saw him coming out the glass door and rushing back to his car that had you sitting up straight, waiting for the other car door to open. and with a little tad, the car door opened welcoming beomgyu throwing a red and white box on the small compartment in between your and his seat before he sat down with a low groan, patting his thighs with both hands. 

as you watch every inch of his motions, he turns to you with a quick raise of both eyebrows, waiting for you to say something yet you stay quiet and even tries to avoid eye contact by looking for something new interesting in his car.

“what?” you hear beomgyu speak up, not breaking his gaze away from your jittery ones. he leans back on his reclined back seat, one hand on the lower wheel and the other casually resting on his lap. it’s attractive. “cold?”

“no, ‘m okay,” you affirm. you’re nervous, you can feel your hands shaking which you tuck under your thighs. you tried your best not to say anything, afraid your voice would crack if you did so. beomgyu’s so… pretty. his custom cut shirt revealing glimpses of his back muscles when he took off his black bomber jacket, he’s always looked good in dark colors and his slightly wet dark hair was not helping you calm down either.

the faint sound of rain tapping the roof of his car, the sound his wipers made and the light tump that was produced when he bumped his head on the car seat were the only sounds keeping the atmosphere from going empty. 

his smile- his gorgeous, side smile catches in your peripheral vision but he doesn’t say anything and you were appreciative of that, “okay,” he releases a heavy breath, keeping the car parked. his other hand finding rest on his corresponding thigh.

beomgyu turns to you. your unmoving self had him leaning closer and down to your ear to murmur a soft, “hi,” watching your cheeks flush that familiar, pretty red and how you seem to curl into yourself with timidity. 

“hi, beomgyu,” you smiled, finally looking up at him.

“anything you want to do? calling me at this time,” you don’t bother to answer and he doesn't bother to move. his stare was focused on you. it was unashamed, open, and impudent- you couldn't help but shuffle on your seat a little while clearing your throat.   

“did i bother y-”

“no, not at all.” beomgyu interjects, murmuring nonchalantly, “i ran out of cigs, i was bout to come buy some and had you calling me for rescue,” the lingering smell of the stick he mentioned he smoked earlier went away when he moved back to cline his back on his seat. 

the primary factor why you left your house was your parents’ harsh yet false words about the guy. the looming voices of those they call your parents travel through the back of your mind. you have heard a lot of things that made you conclude how most people have time to judge others but give zero effort to ponder on what kind of person they really were. they haven’t even met beomgyu, nor did they try to meet and get to know him.

you nod meekly, shrinking back on your seat with your hands clutching on the looped seatbelt across your body. thinking about the other factors why you left home at this time in this rain. 

“so, what are we gonna do?” beomgyu asks one more time.

you gulped, not sure what to say. you didn’t really wanna go home. “why are you even out at two am in the first place? you’re usually so scared to even get out of your room after nine..” beomgyu chuckled after.

it was true. you weren’t really the type to go out on your own late at night or go out in general, as your parents have always said, ‘they’d rather have you staying up late for education purposes than hanging out with your big buffoon of a boyfriend.’ 

“had a disagreement with mommy and daddy?” he scoffed, stretching an arm to rest behind the headrest of your car seat. the more he spoke, the further you shrank down your seat. beomgyu’s always made you feel little with his aura and overall physique, it was nothing negative. but everything from his vibe and style, his way with his words were the exact opposite. 

“...i don’t wanna go home.” 

finally. beomgyu thought after hearing your voice clear for the first time tonight. you sounded stern and loud, a little bit hesitant but he got you. probably too drowned in the sound of you, beomgyu didn’t get to comprehend exactly the words you just let out. “what?”

you turned your head to the right, meeting his flabbergasted gaze. “i said, i don’t wanna go home…” in his point of view, you looked and sounded upset or rather, gloomy, but pretty.

beomgyu let out a harsh exhale as he leaned back, his upper body facing towards your direction. one arm resting on the wheel by the wrist and the other casually gripping on the side of your seat just beside your head. 

“even if you say you don’t wanna go home,” the hand resting on the wheel moved to gesture you to look outside the car, “we can’t go anywhere at this time in this kind of rain, pretty.” as he voiced the nickname, his other hand that was close to you rested on the crown of your head, his thumb rubbing side to side your temple.

“not even your house..?” no matter how much he hates to deny the hopefulness that gleamed in your eyes that are staring at him, beomgyu shook his head and said; “no, we can’t go to my house. why?” you frowned upon hearing his pitch change when he said the last word and quick bat of his long lashes, “little y/n asks. because my house is messy, i tell you.” beomgyu rattled shortly after.

still, your expression stayed indifferent to the sudden change of voice. “what?” beomgyu stares back curiously. “was that you impersonating me? i don’t sound like that,” you squint your eyes at him, lips lightly puckering up.

strangely, instead of starting up a ‘you do, do not’ argument, beomgyu reclined back his seat even more and lay flat on his back with a relieved groan. “at this hour and in this rain... “ you hear him mutter under his breath while he rests a droopy look at you. 

“here is fine.” 

you were once again looking away. “here–,” beomgyu points down, indicating the vehicle, “–you mean... in the car?” he continues, sitting up to support his weight on his left elbow. his body facing towards your direction. you nodded in response. hopeful he would at least let you.

beomgyu's always been considerate of your opinions in everything he does whether it may or may not affect you or him and always chooses what was best for you after considering things that needed to be considered.

like right now, he kept asking for reassurance about the two of you spending the night in his car in a remote parking lot in heavy rain. asking how you will do if it gets too cold for you, answering for himself by mentioning he had an extra hoodie in his back seat. asking how will you go home early and prepare for school tomorrow, answering for himself by saying it was okay to be absent for once if you weren't feeling okay and telling he'd consider taking you to his house if it ever gets uncomfortable inside the car.

but truthfully, to you, no place is uncomfortable as long as you are with beomgyu and his natural and welcoming warmth. away from the pressure of almost everything about your family.

and finally with your reassurance and agreements, he said; “you really don't wanna go home, huh.. ” he rubs a finger on his chin, his lower lip getting caught in between his teeth.

“you called me to cuddle you, right?” he smiles :> in a teasing manner. “today–” he shuffled and adjusted his seat a little.

“–i'll let you. i'll adore you lots.” beomgyu said whole-heartedly.

“so, come here,” he beckons, arms wide open as his fingers gestures to you to come over. his lips were pushing into a cute pout as he waited for you to move out of your seat.

beomgyu's so pretty. and he's all yours.

without thinking much, you held one of his arms and carefully lifted your body close to his while his other arm moved to hold the lower part of your back to guide you and help you avoid bumping something and causing you unnecessary pain.

“yeah. like that,” he breathes heavily, voice sounding a little stiff as he uses a tiny bit of his strength to help you move around the little space his car provided. “put your leg here,” beomgyu whispered while he pats on the space between his thigh and the car door.

the proximity of the two of you was endearing and far from awkward. when you were completely seated on his lap, your eyes met and you thought, ‘he's so pretty i could cry’ pretty boy with pretty long hair and pretty eyes. beomgyu thought the same thing about you.

"ahh.. what a cutie~" he sing-songs.

at the very moment, the world surrounding you went silent. all you could hear was the thumping of your heart. it wasn't beating fast nor were you getting butterflies. instead, you felt warm and familiar within your proximity. it was when you confirmed, you were safe with beomgyu.

all of the coldness went away once beomgyu's warm hand was gently reaching for your cheek. it felt nice despite the slight sting with the contrast of temperature between your bodies.

it felt nice that you were starting to miss it.

you wanted to remember every second, every frame of the moment. you needed something to hold on to. you needed this entire bizarre planet to stop spinning so you can freeze this moment in time.

so beomgyu offered his hand. his shoulder. his chest. his warmth. his whole existence. beomgyu offered his love.

“gonna tell me what’s going on with you?” he questions softly, fingers tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “why you left your house at this hour in this kind of weather? hm?”

"are you hurt somewhere?" he questions once more.

you kept quiet, not saying one word. you knew he didn't mean to sound pushy when he asked you that, it was just you didn't know how to put your emotions to words.

“why do i feel so lost, my life isn't even that much of a maze..” nothing was voiced out. but beomgyu heard you loud and clear. and he was ready to listen to and understand whatever you had to say. beomgyu is ready to be the light you need to help you find your way back to where you needed to be.

so instead of speaking up, he gave you silence as a signal for you that he was listening and is willing to give you the time you needed to voice out what you feel.

he didn't tell you verbally to keep going but you knew he was all ears and eyes. beomgyu stayed silent to not pressure you into telling him things you weren't ready to elaborate with him. he stayed silent for you to let you get whatever's troubling you out of your system. so he waited with utmost patience and understanding.

but the longer the silence was held, the longer he looked at you so dearly as if you were a piece in a museum he'd like to treasure forever, the more you found it hard to keep yourself together.

you felt a hand creep its way to yours, giving it a squeeze that made your breath hitch from the overwhelming comfort you felt upon being in his presence.

“with this hand–” beomgyu brings your locked fingers up in between your chests, “i will lift your sorrows.” his voice was hushed, gentle. “i will light your way in darkness..." beomgyu held the whole galaxy in his eyes, and held his own whole world with his hand. you.

a mix of emotions waved throughout your whole body. it was a surreal feeling, one that you could never in one million years describe. it was searing itself through your soul, rendering you speechless to a point where you no longer know what words were.

a sob wretched its way to your throat.

after the second sob left you, you were spiraling. there was nothing stopping you now. you felt yourself curling to bring yourself closer. beomgyu's hand left your cheek and went to hold your head against his chest.

“i don't know- what i'm going to do ... i feel so empty and i'm losing sight of my goals, after receiving high marks during my first semester," you cry unstoppably . "i don't know where do i start again, how do i start again, i don't even know if i will be able to pick myself up again... ” you stuttered, chest aching in a way you've never felt before. your own emotions were a tidal wave; you were drowning.

your bottom lip continued to quiver as you spoke. “i was so worried about fulfilling everyone else's expectations that i lost sight of my own goals... of what i needed and deserved... ” it came out like a whimper that stung beomgyu's heart.

“i-i am so af-raid of disappointing the people.. i love, i often forget that.. i am someone i love too. and i-” your sobbing turned into wailing, each cry wracking your body so violently that it could have broken you, “-i need kindness just as much as i believe the people i love do...” 

after the burst of words, beomgyu made it comfortable for you to let every confusing emotion out through tears. like he said, ‘it is not a shame to cry’. soon enough, your sobs started to quiet down and you felt tired yet relieved at the same time. your chest felt a little lighter.

you felt beomgyu rubbing your back in a comforting manner, squeezing your hand twice to let you know of his presence. it makes you happy to know that you have someone who listens and understands.

you were happy to have choi beomgyu in your life.

“are you looking for my perspective or would you rather i listen...?” beomgyu asks quietly, the vibration of his chest was comforting to you.

“... just hold me for a minute or two, please... ” you replied back in between heavy breaths, your voice sounded different because of your clogged nose.

“i'll hold you close all night, y/n.”

“i'd love that...”

“i love you.”

silence once again dominated the whole atmosphere, well aside from your occasional sobs and hiccups. “would you like some water?” beomgyu asked, shuffling lightly to take the water bottle on his car's cup holder.

you leaned back for a moment with a small 'yes please' before accepting the offered bottle while beomgyu pushes pieces of hairs back that covered your forehead.

"is there anything you want to do together? or maybe just by yourself? or whatever you wanna do?" he trailed off. "didn't they say, when feeling blue try something new?" beomgyu spoke as he watched you gulp down the water he gave you while he moves away hairs that stuck to your neck.

"i'm not sure either..."

"hmm, that's okay. it's not wrong to not know everything..." he reassured while you handed him back the bottle.

beomgyu planted a kiss on your neck before snaking an arm to your side to casually pat on your bottom, opting to place his right one on the back of your head to nuzzle your head on his shoulder, your forehead touching his jawline.

"tired..?"

you hummed with a light nod.

it took him a few heavy breathes to finally build up his voice.

♪ i have something to say to you ♪

♪ out of the blue tonight, i will say this to you ♪

♪ i will give you everything, give you my all ♪

the softness of his voice brought a small scowl on your face, eyes stinging as you listened carefully to his words.

it pains you to realize now how selfless beomgyu becomes for you. how he repeatedly reminds you that he will love only you purely and wholly. you and you alone he will choose every day.

♪ for you, there is nothing ♪

♪ nothing i won't do ♪

♪ i will catch the stars ♪

♪ and put them in your hands ♪

as someone who's been working hard to get the undying and high expectations of their parents, you utterly found his words reassuring. maybe because you're a little tired these days trying to be the best child for your parents. maybe because you just wanted to be in hands that are ready to accept you with what you can give it aches your heart to hear him say he's willing to give his all.

gentle tears stream down the chub of your cheeks. a heavy rash of breath makes its way out as you clench a hand on beomgyu's shirt. the rhythmical pat of beomgyu's palm on your bottom slowly drives you to sleep.

♪ i'll give you my love that's bursting out of my heart ♪

as the song ended, beomgyu smiled lightly. he inhaled softly. he watched as your chest rose and fell with each breath that kept you alive. your breathing was controlled, much like to a person's who was asleep.

planting a small kiss on the top of your head, beomgyu let his head fall back on the headrest. he could smell your faint scent. you smelled sort of like shampoo.

“i hope you sleep a little better tonight. i wish you could believe how much i love you. i'll always be holding out for you. you're worth every beautiful thing in this world, y/n.”

© inupinggu 2021 (all images used belongs to inupinggu)

[peachhcs]

Love Languages

Pairings Luke Patterson x reader

Summary Luke asks the reader what love languages are. 

Warnings none but fluff :)

Word Count 1.8k (short I know but I'm working on it)

I haven’t really written on Tumblr before so don’t judge too harshly because there’s some insanely talented people on here who might judge hahaha. (hopefully not though) I don't know what the boy’s love languages are so I kind of just assumed based off of what we saw but I did see somewhere that someone said Luke’s was touch so I just went with it. 

Gif is not mine so credit to the owner! I don’t know if anyone has done this idea before but I kind of like it because it popped into my head last night. Anyways, enjoy!! :) p.s. I sort of left this on a cliff hanger but idk if i’m going to continue it or not hahaha

PART 2

* * *

You were seated peacefully on the couch as you worked away on your laptop while listening to Julie and the guys practice a few songs for this weekend’s upcoming gig. You always loved listening to them practice, they sounded like absolute angels and you would never get tired of listening to them. However, Luke thought you should be doing your homework somewhere else because he didn’t want them to be distracting to you but truthfully, you really didn’t mind. If you were being honest, it actually helped you focus and the music didn’t let your brain wander. 

You glanced up at the group after realizing they had stopped playing. Julie met your eyes with a warm smile, already reading your mind,

“We’re just taking a break. I got to catch up on some homework.” Julie explained to her best friend. You nodded in response, smiling slightly as she went back to work. The boys were talking amongst themselves over by the piano, using hushed voices so whatever they were talking about you or Julie couldn’t hear. 

By some weird magical notion, you were able to see the boys even when they weren’t playing like Julie could. They haven’t been able to figure out why yet, though. Why you could see the guys but their other best friend, Flynn, couldn’t. Or why Luke’s parents couldn’t see him either but you still could. It was all just one big mystery they were all still unravelling. They had a theory that it had something to do with their unfinished business and the connections they all shared with one another, but that was yet to be explored with you and the boys. Julie and the boys sort of figured out how they were connected, but they hadn’t gotten that far with you yet. 

Julie made an attempt one time to suggest that maybe it was because you were so close with Luke ever since you guys met, the connection just helped you see all of them, but you chose to deny that theory. Especially when Julie threw the word feelings into the mix. Julie knew all too well about your “little”crush on the lead guitarist. There was no doubt that she caught on to it right away when the pair first met and hit off right away. From there, she proceeded to question you about it once they went back to her room. Of course you denied, denied, denied, but after awhile you finally gave in and agreed to your best friend’s observation. Julie saw all the looks that you two exchanged and she knew very well about the boys talking about you here and there. It was just a matter of time until one of you finally broke and admitted your stupid feelings for one another.

“Hey..Y/n?” The cautious voice made you glance up from your computer, first looking at Julie thinking it was her who called your name but then turning your head to the boys who were glancing at you with quizzical looks. 

“Yeah?” You ask glancing at Luke since he was the one who spoke up. You watch as the boys exchange a glance with one another and you push your eyebrow up in confusion. You meet eyes with Julie for a moment who was now looking between the boys and you just as confused as you were. 

“We have a question.” 

“Well, Luke does, but we’re curious too.” Alex cut in before you could respond. You chuckle slightly at their visible nervousness about what they wanted to ask. 

“Okay, shoot.” You gave them your full attention, pushing your computer screen down and a small smile sat content on your lips. Julie also gave them her full attention too, because she was equally as curious as to what they could possibly be asking you.

“What..what does love languages mean? We heard you and Julie talking about it yesterday..” Luke’s asks softly. Oh. That was what they were asking..Your face goes a little red at the thought of them hearing your conversation yesterday since it started out as band schedule and then led into your crush per usual. You glanced to Julie for help who only shook her head with a quick shrug.

“They asked you, not me. Take it away, sister.” Julie laughed and your face went even redder. It wasn’t an inappropriate question or anything, you just didn’t really know how to describe it. Or because it meant talking about feelings and relationships which was something you didn't really want to get into with them, especially Luke. 

“Uhh.. well.. I guess it’s a certain way somebody likes to express their love for someone. There’s different types of love languages like um, touch, words, gifts, spending time with that person, and doing nice things I guess..” You trail off slightly while scratching the back of your head, feeling a little flustered. 

“What do you think my love language is?” Alex asks excitedly, not really to you but just to anyone who would answer him. 

“I see yours being affirming words or something like spending time with them. You always love it when someone compliments you and reassures you if you’re having too much anxiety about something.” Julie cuts in with a smile and Alex points to her to say she was correct. Julie chuckles and you do too. 

“Reggie, yours would definitely be gifts or like spending time with people. You always like to hang around Ray and stuff.” You say glancing at Reggie who smiles warmly at your statement. 

“What about me?” You met eyes with Luke who was softly looking at you. You avoided Julie’s burning gaze into your head and Alex and Reggie’s small smirks as they waited for you to answer. You flushed again, looking to Julie for help who only shrugged. They both knew you knew the answer, that was what you guys had been talking about yesterday. 

“I’m..I’m not really sure..” You lied and you hated the small hint of disappointment in Luke’s eyes. You quickly looked away and started to reopen your laptop.

“Hey, I’m hungry, I’m gonna grab some snacks. Y/n do you wanna come with?” Julie asks making an escape for you to avoid the now awkward tension in the room.

“Yeah. Yeah.” You were quickly nodding your head and jumping up from your laptop. You didn’t even wait for Julie as you made a beeline for the garage doors and pushed them open, hurrying up the pathway to Julie’s house. 

Julie exchanged a knowing glance with the boys, reading Alex and Reggie’s glances before following after you saying you’d be back in a minute. You were pacing around on the patio when Julie finally got to you. She raised her eyebrows slightly trying to read your thoughts. 

“Y/n, why did you lie? That could have been the perfect opportunity to tell him how you feel.” Julie says and you shoot her a small glare. 

“Julie, he doesn’t like me like that. I just didn't want to embarrass myself but I guess I embarrassed myself even more by saying nothing.” You admit, slowing your pacing to look Julie in the eye. She lets out a small laugh.

“I don’t think you embarrassed yourself. You were just flustered which is understandable, but I say go for it. You never know what can happen. The Y/n I know doesn’t back down from a challenge either.” Julie puts a comforting arm on your shoulder and you were thankful for it. You squeeze her hand in response.

“Thanks. I don’t know, I guess I’ve just never felt this way about someone before..” You trail off and Julie squeezes your shoulder even tighter,

“Look, I get it, it’s scary, but you can do it. Think of this as me encouraging you to talk to him like you did for me and Nick. Just go for it. Have some confidence.” Julie winked at you and you chuckle at her actions. 

“There’s the Y/n I know. Now come on, we still need to get snacks. I gotta make my lie somewhat believable.” Julie nudged your side before making her way inside as you followed after he with a laugh. 

The two of you walk back into the garage a few moments later where the boys met your glances. Luke was now moved onto your spot on the couch while Alex and Reggie hung around by the piano still. You rolled your eyes that Luke took your spot but at least he was gracious enough to move your computer. You walked over to him where he smirked as you made an attempt to move him out of the way. 

“Get out of my spot.” You tease trying to move Luke out of the way again but he didn’t budge and instead kept holding that smirk on his lips. You rolled your eyes so you instead took a seat beside him and grabbed your laptop from the coffee table. 

“I’ll move if you tell me what you think my love language is.” Luke says and you quickly met his eyes. You glanced at Alex, Reggie, and Julie for a moment where they only shrugged. You huffed under her breath knowing you had no way out of this now. 

“I don’t know.” You say simply trying to get off of the topic but Luke kept pushing. He leaned in closer towards you and you could feel his breath on your neck. 

“I think you do..” Luke says and you meet his gaze again. You purse your lips together before glancing back at your computer for a moment. 

“Touch.” You say plainly and simply. You refused to meet Luke’s eyes as you furthered your answer, “I always noticing you touching Alex or Reggie in one way or another. Whether it’s something small or a hug or just a reason to touch them. It’s sweet.” You finish a small smile on your lips as you opened the tab you had been working on previously. A comfortable silence filled the room and you felt pretty content with your answer. It wasn't as bad or as embarrassing as you thought it would be. Luke was silent beside you and you were afraid to look at him so you just kept her gaze on your computer. 

You didn’t actually know if you could touch the boys, you just assumed you couldn’t because Julie was the only one with the real special powers. You had just been randomly gifted parts of them somehow. You all just walked around each other because the guys found it slightly weird to just walk through people they knew. Luke stared at you beside him and he wanted to at least try. If anything, his hand would just fall through like it did with everyone, so slowly and carefully, Luke reached out to turn your chin so you would look at him. The guys raised his eyebrow at his movements and then, he touched you. 

You felt his hand under your chin and you both did a double take. Luke quickly pulled his hand away in surprise that you actually felt that. The two of you exchanged a wondering and surprised glance. 

“We just touched..” 

[bruhlsbees]

i'm going in tonight || modern!alex kerner x fem!reader

summary: you end up at the club while your friend is on a date and find yourself company with alex - one thing leads to another and the two of you end up in a stall in the bathroom.

pairing: modern!alex kerner x fem!reader

warnings: public sex, club bathroom sex, nsfw, 18+, minors dni

word count: 2787

a/n: based on starboi3 and doja cat's song 'dick' (idk y'all this song got me freaky and thinkin of modern!alex) - probably bad smut writing i'm still new at this shit

The heavy bass of the band playing on stage vibrated the club’s main sitting room - drinks left on the bar spilling as the weak plastic cups bounced and tipped, spilling along the counter and onto laps. Those who lost their poor drinks to the obnoxious bass erupted in yelps that led to laughing, dollars slapping on the counter for refills as the bartender frantically filled cups up.

To say you were bored was an understatement, you were completely displeased with the idea of sitting in the club on a Saturday night with a lame band playing, all because your friend wanted to meet with a guy and didn’t want to go alone. There were promises of a friend being there for you to talk with, but you weren’t thrilled with that. It had been over an hour and there were no signs of this ‘friend’.

Watching your friend from the barstool, laughing and grinding up on the guy she met up with, you could only roll your eyes and toss your head back, downing your drink before swiveling the stool around, holding up a couple bills for your next drink. The one thing you could admit you were enjoying was the discounted drinks - whether they were bad or not.

When the brown drink slid in front of you, you yelled a thanks to the bartender, hoping he would hear you over the music before taking a swig, wincing at the burn before setting the cup back down, leaning over to dig into your back pocket for the carton of cigarettes you brought along with you. Cracking open the carton, you pulled one out and set the carton in front of you before lighting the smoke, taking a long inhale before tilting your head back, exhaling the smoke up above you.

You knew it was going to be a long night, you wouldn’t doubt it if your friend kept you all night with her until the very end when she would tell you at the last minute that she would be going home with him...it wouldn’t have been the first time. Although sometimes you couldn’t blame her, it wasn’t like she was doing this all on purpose - you’d rather be bored and with her in case something happens than at home and the worst unfolds.

Nonetheless, you could only hope that the night would end soon.

While you silently prayed, it seemed like none were answered. One drink became two and soon you found yourself four drinks in, buzzed and groaning over the loud music. You had smoked more cigarettes than you would have liked, but at least you were having a semi-good time.

You were shocked though that no creep had bothered you all night. It wasn’t common to be in the 21st century and not have someone try and hit on you at least once at a club. Perhaps it was your demeanour you could thank for that. Or maybe you were being creeped on, and you just hadn’t noticed because you were too busy in your own thoughts.

The figure at the end of the bar shifted, catching your attention out of the corner of your eye as they made their way closer towards you, sliding onto the stool besides you. Letting out an annoyed sigh, you blew out the last bit of your smoke before crushing it in the ashtray, turning to look at who was attempting to get friendly with you, ready to tell the douche to shove off and go find someone else to bother.

You were pleasantly surprised, however, to see a rather nice looking guy, around your age, now sitting beside you, a crooked smile on his face. He was wearing a striped blue shirt with a jean jacket, you noted how his hair was messy - as if he had been running his hands through his hair. He was cute, that much was obvious.

“Hi!” He yelled over the music, his darker eyes twinkling as they caught the light of the set on stage. “I was wondering if I could bum a smoke off you?” He asked, motioning towards the carton in front of you.

Catching yourself staring too long, you quickly fumbled at the carton in front of you, flipping the lid open before pulling one out and handing it to him, smiling as he yelled out a ‘thank you’.

You watched as he pulled out his own lighter, lighting the smoke before turning his attention to the main floor, shaking his head as a laugh escaped his lips. You felt him lean over closer to you, motioning towards the floor, “You get dragged with your friend too?” He asked in your ear, the scent of tobacco and liquor filling your nose.

Nodding, you laughed and pointed towards your friend who was still dancing with her date, “Yeah! She’s the one in the pink dress dancing with the tall bloke,” You shook your head and leaned back against the counter, picking up your drink and taking a sip, your eyes not leaving your friend. “I was told that he had a friend...although I have yet to meet this said ‘friend’. I’m wondering if he was smart and stayed home!”

At first you didn’t notice the smile that crept on the strange man’s face. You had turned your back to your friend again to pull out your own cigarette, stopping with the unlit smoke between your lips as the man turned towards you.

“Not the smartest. He was told that there would be a ‘friend’ as well, but haven’t got the chance to meet her yet.” While the comment had no other meaning behind it, the tone insinuated that the stranger did in fact know that you were ‘the friend’ and it had taken him almost the entire damn night to realize.

You knew that if he were anyone else you probably would have gotten up and left, been annoyed that your friend’s date’s friend finally made an appearance. But Jesus, the man was wearing an outfit that screamed ‘hi, i’ll have your parents fall in love with me on the first introduction’ and he had the stupidest crooked grin that made you melt in your seat.

So there you were, laughing at the confession as it finally hit you. “You? You’re the friend?” You shook your head as you lightly shoved his arm, grinning as he laughed back, “You’ve been sitting in that corner all night! Why didn’t you come over and say hi?”

He shrugged his shoulders and finished off his smoke, crushing the butt into the ashtray before rubbing his fingers together to get the ash off his skin, “Maybe I got cold feet?”

You couldn’t hold back your eyes from rolling, shaking your head before you looked back at him, “Give me a break. You? Cold feet? I don’t buy that.”

And then he blushed. The man actually blushed. You had to admit, the innocence that washed over him sent butterflies into your stomach, not expecting the mystery man to get all flustered. Maybe it was the liquor, maybe it was the smokes, but either way, something flipped a switch in you.

After a moment of debating, hearing the band end their song and kick in with another, you finally got the guts to ask. Clearing your throat, you motioned towards the exit, heading out of the main room, “You wanna get out of here?”

You wouldn’t of been upset, or surprised, if the stranger turned you down - after all, he was just that, a stranger...but he must have been in the same hazy state of mind as you, because the next thing you remember is leading the way out of the busy room and out into the hall, tugging him by the front of his shirt into the restroom.

It didn’t take long for your lips to be on his, sloppy open-mouthed kisses as you stumbled through the bathroom and into the bigger stall at the end. The stranger frantically tried to lock the door behind the both of you, not wanting to pull away from the kiss, but you could hear the grunts of frustration come from him and took matters into your own hand.

Running your hand down his arm, you felt his hand and the lock, clicking it shut before pulling away for a moment, catching your breath as you stared into his eyes - his pupils equally blown as your own, “Was it that hard?” You teased, lips plumped from the kiss.

You let out a squeak as he suddenly grabbed the back of your thighs and lifted you up, wrapping your legs around his waist to carry you to the opened baby changing station, laying you on the half-sturdy table, pulling back long enough to feel your hands pushing his shirt up enough to find his belt.

“Alex.” He said suddenly, watching as you sat up enough to tug his belt off and unzip his jeans. You looked up and frowned in confusion, “Pardon?”

He could only laugh, feeling his jeans sink down his thighs, groaning at the feel of your hands wrapping around his hardening dick, pulling it out of his boxers. With a shaky breath, his head lulled back for a moment before the sudden tug brought his attention back.

“Alex! My name, my name is Alex.” He stuttered out, his chest heaving as you continued to stroke his cock, a smile on your face.

Repeating his name, your free hand found his cheek, running your fingers along his jaw before along his lips, blushing faintly at the feeling of him kissing your fingers that he could catch between his lips. When you gave him your own name, he repeated it back, much as you did, before moving his hands from your thighs up and under your dress, running his fingers along the bottom of your underwear, moaning at the feeling of the soaked fabric.

Biting down on your lip, you closed your eyes and squeezed his dick when his fingers sank into you, gasping as he curled them deep inside of you before slowly pumping his fingers in and out of you.

“O-Oh! Alex…” You felt your body fall forward against his, your toes curling as your heels sank into his back, pulling him closer to you until he stumbled practically on you, catching himself before his weight brought the entire table you were sitting on down.

You couldn’t help but laugh, watching as he pulled his head up and smiled at you. You smiled back, leaning forward to give him a quick kiss before feeling his fingers slide out of you, gripping the side of the table next to your head while his other hand grabbed his dick, lining himself up at your entrance before pushing himself deeply in, the two of you moaning in unison.

It didn’t take long for the two of you to adjust, because only seconds later he was rocking into you, the table shaking as the bass from the band vibrated against the walls, a humming echo filling the bathroom with your moans and the slapping of skin.

When he was in you, he tugged your underwear to the side to bottom out in you, letting the fabric rest against the side of his dick as he continued to rut inside of you, his movements becoming erratic as he felt himself quickly reach his climax.

You couldn’t blame him for not lasting as long as you would have wished. Given the circumstance the two of you were in, you knew you couldn’t have a passionate night of love making because someone would eventually come in to go to the bathroom. You took what you could get and in that moment, it was a quickie in the handicapped stall of the bathroom.

“I-I don’t know how much longer I can last.” He panted, his lips against your neck, kissing and sucking at the delicate flesh - leaving marks that you knew would be seen the next day.

Shaking your head, you gripped his shoulders, clenching around him to the point he was a moaning mess in the crook of your neck, “It’s fine, Alex! Really!” And you meant it, you weren’t mad at all.

Alex nodded his head, accepting your answer to be truthful before he pulled back, gripping your legs to hike them up higher until he was pounding into you, sweat dripping from his forehead as his clammy hands stuck to your thighs. The temperature from the venue was not in your favor that evening as the two of you practically stuck together from the sweat.

After four more deep pumps into you, Alex grunted hard and let out a long exhale, finishing off in you as his legs shook, leaning against the table to keep him from falling. Surprisingly you weren’t far behind him. You thought that the quickie wouldn’t get you off and you’d have to relieve yourself later that night - but you were wrong. You were seeing stars and laid still once it was all over to catch your breath.

When Alex finally caught his breath, he slowly pulled out of you, groaning softly before tucking himself back into his boxers and pulling his jeans up, doing his zipper and belt and pulling his shirt back down. You, on the other hand, wiped the sweat from your forehead, sitting up and adjusting your soiled underwear, making a mental note that you’d have to take a shower when you go home.

As the two of you finished getting semi-ready again, you noticed Alex smiling at you, causing you to blush and smile back. “I don’t...I’ve never done that before...hookup like this. I promise whatever came over me is not normal.”

Watching you tuck your hair nervously behind your ear, Alex could only smile and shake his head, “No, no don’t worry. I enjoyed it - would have either way.”

He bent down and kissed your cheek, leaning back and pulling his cell phone out of his pocket and motioned to you, “Maybe...maybe I could get your number?”

Looking at his phone, then up at him, you grinned cheekily and nodded, taking his phone from his hand before typing your number in, sending yourself a text before handing his phone back to him. You pulled your phone out from your own pocket and smiled at the text of a simple kissing emoji before adding his number into your phone, sending him the same emoji back.

You adored the sound of his innocent laugh, shaking his head before he stuffed his phone back into his pocket, taking your hands and helping you off the table, adjusting your dress for you and looking at you contently, “I...I enjoyed myself, maybe we could meet again sometime?”

“Yes, yes, I would like that.” You were about to go in for another kiss when you felt your phone buzz, jolting you before you dug into your pocket, pulling out your phone to see that your friend had texted you.

‘Hey! Couldn’t find you - just wanted to let you know I’m going back home with him...don’t wait up! Xoxo’

Shaking your head, you motioned your phone towards Alex as you let out a weak laugh, “She strikes again...going home with the boy.” You explained, keeping your hands rested in the pockets of your dress.

Alex must have gotten the same text, before when he looked at his phone, he rolled his eyes and put his phone away, “And he strikes again...going home with the girl.” He mimicked, leaning against the bathroom wall.

Part of you wanted to be mad, for being dragged out tonight, but you knew that if you hadn’t been, you probably wouldn’t have met Alex - and you wouldn’t have had the infamous bathroom quickie.

You didn’t want the night to end, as you were enjoying Alex’s company. Nudging his arm, you motioned towards the door, “I’m not too far from here. If you want to come over...you can crash at my place. No pressure though.” You assured, waiting for his answer.

His frowned turned up and into the cheeky innocent smile that you had seen all night, the butterflies returning to your stomach. With a nod, he grabbed your hand and led the way out of the bathroom before switching roles and letting you lead them out of the venue and outside, into the night and down the street towards your home.

When you got to your place, the two of you found yourself in a similar position as before, this time in the comfort of your own bed, and went on until the sun came up before falling asleep in one another’s arms.

[byulsgrease]

duly noted

you've never been one to obsess about your soulmate, assuming you'll figure it out when the time is right. but seriously, what kind of nonsense has yours been writing about recently?

(eventual moonbyul / wheein x gender neutral reader, soulmate!au, trainee/idol!au, ~1.2k words)

a/n: wheein bias wrecker anon! I might've had too much fun with your req and so this is gonna be my first soulmate au 🤠 while byul and wheein don't actually appear in this part (does that make this a prologue? idk), I promise they'll make their appearance soon enough :)

cw: struggles of being a trainee (weight + food talk)

The claps from your dance instructor ring out in the mirrored studio, calling everyone to attention before they send you off for the day. Everyone stands around listening to whatever niceties they're talking about, asking the rhetorical questions of whether all of you want this, how everyone needs to work harder, etc. How many years has it been now, almost three? Evaluations went pretty well recently and you've certainly demonstrated signs of growth since you started, but debut? Who knows. Does anyone, really?

But right now it's late and you're hungry, hoping that your growling stomach isn't loud enough to pierce through the lecture. You're respectfully tuned out anyway, since it's all old news. Nothing you haven't heard before. They clap again once their spiel ends and everyone disperses. Your eyes catch Hyejin's on your way out of the studio, sharing a funny face and an eyeroll before disappearing into the herd of trainees shuffling to the lockers.

Your locker opens with a routine spin of the dial, taking care to slow down and line up the numbers properly so you're not stuck having to do it over again. The inside's pretty cute for a metallic rectangle— it's really the only space of your own besides your notebook. Pictures of your family, old school friends, and fellow trainee friends line the sides beneath a tiny string of battery-powered fairy lights. It's not much, but always a humbling reminder of why you're here.

Unzipping your bag, you take out a pair of slides and drop them on the floor while stepping out of your sneakers. There's not much else in your bag, just a change of clothes and your notebook, of course. Everyone has one. Anything inside could be drawn, written, scribbled, painted. It’s your personal creative space and no one else's, but with two conditions:

You can't write your name in it, not even your initials. Of course everyone tried to as kids against their parents commands, but letters simply sink into the page, disappearing as if they'd never been written at all.

You can only mark up one side. Pages on the right side are for you, and the left side pages fill themselves. Fill themselves with what? you asked your parents. They gave you a non-answer, saying you'd figure it out someday. Great. Only other thing they bothered to tell you was that your right-hand pages were someone's left-hand ones. So someone can see what I put here? Their confirmation sounded rather casual, which you found weird. Someone out there was watching what you put in? But you got used to it, especially since every person owns one. It's a novelty for children anyway. Mark up a page however you want, knowing that someone out in the would will see, and sit back to watch whatever randomness shows up on the left side.

Your left side pages were actually empty for quite a while, save for the occasional "UGGHHH" followed by a typical childish annoyance scrawled messily across the entirety of the page in marker. Not that notebook use was mandatory, but parents usually encouraged it because it kept their kids occupied. There wasn't much you could do about empty pages, nor did you care most of the time, but it did leave you a little jealous of other kids at school who'd sometimes open theirs and be greeted with cute watercolor paintings, mini murals, or skillfully written poetry.

For you, the notebook's served many uses. As a kid it was random doodles and poorly-drawn fantasy scenarios— escapism, perhaps. In middle school it was angsty poems and random journal entries about the random happenings of your life. For the first half of high school it became your to-do list, keeping track of school assignments. And on the rarest occasion, song lyrics. Visual art was never your medium of choice, music came more easily. But drawing staff lines for music notation in the notebook usually ended up being too tedious, so your original stuff was mostly relegated to voice memos on your phone. And now? Who knows. Trainee life may as well be a blur. Sing, dance, talk, eat if you can afford to, sleep, repeat. It's hard to find the energy to write anything most days. Whenever you feel like checking, the left side has random jottings, nearly illegible most of the time.

It wasn't until you got older that you realized that whoever read your entries on the was the same person generating content on the left. And supposedly the person you're supposed to be with for the rest of time? What kind of system is that? I'm just supposed to trust blindly? having asked your parents in exasperation after figuring it out. Again with more non-answers— it had worked for them, didn't it? There's also the obvious question of why people don't just write directly to each other, but whatever. You're still young, no need to obsess over "the one" unlike some of your classmates. If it's meant to be, it'll happen, you figure. And it obviously is, you've got a notebook with (semi-)filled left side pages. What more could you ask for?

The cacophony of clanging lockers opening and closing starts to die down as people leave. Hyejin's head pops out from behind the locker door, laughing in your face when you flinch.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah, one sec. Man, I'm starving,” you remark while slipping the bag straps on your back and closing the locker door. You don't even want to know how strapped for cash you are, probably in for another night of boiled eggs and canned kimchi.

“Wanna go out for food?” she immediately asks, eyes alight at the prospect of getting to eat something besides convenience store food.

"I wish. Actually, you wish," you smirk with longing in your eyes. The "no" doesn't even have to be said, weigh-ins are way too soon to risk it. She hangs her head, jokingly dejected as you swing an arm around her shoulder to walk out of the company building together.

~~~~

After scrounging up whatever food you call dinner, taking a shower, and flopping into bed, you open up your notebook and grab the random pen laying on your dresser, unsure of what you'll write about tonight. There's chicken scratch on the left page already, ballpoint pen. It's actually legible today, though: In my room every day I see your smile.

What the hell does that mean? Whose smile, yours? You haven't even met yet.

Call me everyday every night, hug me everywhere every time

Utter nonsense. Maybe meeting soulmates is just a huge game of catch-up once everything's finally revealed, surely yours will be. There’s just so many questions. Moving to the right side, you jot down a list of cheat meal ideas along with some assorted notes and pointers from practice that you want to work on tomorrow, drawing little characters next to each list item for fun. After accidentally drawing a random squiggle from jolting yourself awake and feeling the heaviness in your eyelids, you cap your pen and shut your notebook, placing it back in your bag. With the lights out, the last thought you have before sleep consumes you is why haven't you ever tried writing directly to each other after all this time?

[next]

[weasel-b33]

500 Miles (j.p x fem!reader)

Description: A few years after the birth of your son Harry, you and your husband James recall the beginning of your relationship. (NO VOLDY I CAN NOT DO THAT TO MYSELF) 

Warnings: Fluff, Kissing, A little Swearing, idk Cute Daddy James, Prolly many spelling errors I wrote this late and I am very tired...

 (THIS IS MY FIRST TIME EVER WRITING SOMETHING KINDA SIRIUS hehe SO IM SORRY IF IT IS TERRIBLE) 

Also the dates may be a bit wrong so im sorry in advance!! 

italicized is flashback!! 

Lyrics used in the song are from “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by The Proclaimers (I KNOW THE SONG CAME OUT IN ‘87 BUT SUSPEND YOUR DISBELIEF PLEASE)

(not my gif)

The rambunctious laughter of the four year-old toddler and his father echoed throughout the large estate.

“Daddy!” exclaimed the messy haired Harry, “Can I please have a story.” Heavily emphasizing the puppy dog eyes he learned from his godfather, Sirius, a few years prior.

James Potter, the man unable to say no to anyone, tried to recall a story he had not told his son. Thinking back to the fairy tales of a prince slaying a fictional dragon, even though they are very much real, to save the princess that his mother used to tell him, James realized he was all out of good material. 

“I’m sorry bubs, I have nothing new too share,” the bespectacled man added lamely. The disappointment was instant on the child’s face, but luckily before the waterworks began, Y/N Potter strolled through the foyer into the den.

“Mommy!” Harry exclaimed, jumping up and bonding over to his mother, nearly knocking her over with his brute strength.

“Umph- Where’s the fire lovey?” you questioned with a slight chuckle. The dramatics of your son were never a surprise. Between his father and Sirius, you were surprised he had not acted much worse. Walking, more like sliding due to the child gripping your calves, over to your husband and lightly pecking his lips you ask, 

“What’s wrong now?”

Rubbing the back of his neck, he sheepishly stated, “I sorta don’t have a new story to tell him... he’s a bit peeved, if you couldn’t tell.”

A loud laugh tore through your throat as you pet your son’s hair affectionately.

“Come off Harry, Mommy has a perfect story to tell you,” you crooned softly.

“You do?”Harry questioned, rubbing the tears out of his stunning green eyes.

You picked him up and sat down near James, “Yes poppet, I have a very interesting story about how two very special people fell in love.” 

James quickly turned his head and quirked a questioning brow, “It all started when they were 15...” 

November 7, 1975

Quietly sitting on the vermilion couch of the Gryffindor Common Room, you began to fade out the noise of Lily ranting about the recent History of Magic exam, and Marlene’s long monologue over if she should or should not cut bangs. Instead, you were beginning to rip out each and every one of the hairs on your head because your Potions essay was nearly finished, yet you could not get those final words to conclude it all. 

Across the common room, a rowdy group of teenage boys, better known as the Marauders, were planning the newest prank on Snape. 

"We should give him that shampoo that will change his hair pink,” Sirius added.

Remus shook his head disapprovingly, “Pads, we did that last time come on..”

“WE HAVE NOTHING! WHAT IS WRONG WITH US, MOONY, HELP I’M DYING OF NO CREATIVITY!” Sirius exclaimed throwing himself across the scarred boy.

Although, many people turned their attention to the dark haired pureblood, James seemed he could not take his eyes off the girl nearly burning holes into her parchment, the girl he has fancied since he was 12. 

While playing with the snitch he stole, he said, “What if we tried that new rain spell we learned in charms today?” 

“Too difficult, we have not had enough practice.” Remus dismissed. “Well what if I found someone to practice on?” James added quickly turning to face his werewolf best friend. 

“Sure... Whatever, I could care less- Pads, get the bloody hell of me before I kick your arse,” 

“I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY REMUS JOHN,” Sirius yelled beginning his quick climb up the stairs to the boys dorm, with Remus and Peter quickly following.

“You comin’ Prongs?” Remus asked to the brunette still staring at the girl with shaky hands.

“No, I’ll come up in a few, still want to try to figure this prank out...” he said quietly. The lanky boy followed his best friends line of sight and quietly smirked to himself.

“Alright, don’t wear yourself out too much.” 

Even throughout the commotion, you still made no move to change your line of sight. That was until Marlene nudged you and whispered into your ear.

“Psst! Oi! Y/N! Why is Potter staring at you?” 

You quickly shook your head and waved off her question, opting to continue to find the right words.

Well until your blonde friend gripped your jaw, and turned your head to the direction of the boy. You instantly made eye-contact with the messy haired Gryffindor and quirked a brow. He smirked and turned his head away. You thought nothing of the interaction, until you felt a sudden drop above your head...

Instantly, it seemed as though there was a storm in the common room. Looking towards the ceiling you saw the dark rain cloud above your head. Quickly turning your head to the essay you were writing you noticed it completely wet and ruined. You jumped into action, trying to salvage what you could, but it was too late. Ignoring the screeches of your friends and fellow housemates, you began to look for the source of the cloud.

That was until you made eye contact with the laughing and smug James Potter.

“POTTER!” you yelled. Almost immediately the rain stopped, but the damage had been done. “JAMES POTTER! YOU BETTER HAVE A REASON YOU STARTED A STORM IN THE COMMON ROOM!” 

Hearing the commotion, the rest of the Marauders came down to the common room to witness what was happening. But all they saw was a yelling match between you and their brunette best friend.

“YOU ARE A DICK JAMES POTTER! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS COMING! IT’S GONNA BE SO NICE TO SEE YOUR FACE WHEN ALL YOUR ACTIONS FINALLY COME TO KICK YOU IN THE ARSE!” you yelled.

“What? I did nothing, I don’t mean to dampen your mood, but I have no idea what you are on about.” James replies smugly.

“UGH- YOU ARE A BULLY AND A RIGHTEOUS, STUCK UP, EGOTISTICAL ARSEHOLE! I HOPE YOU ARE ENJOYING THIS BECAUSE-- OH MY! I-” You were quickly being dragged away by your red head companion. 

“Y/N, he is not worth it... let’s just leave.” 

“NO! I HAVE TO RESTART MY ESSAY! I WAS THIS BLOODY CLOSE. UGH- YOU ARE AN ARSE JAMES POTTER I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT!”

“Y/N, it was just a prank, its no big deal relax.” James said.

“RELAX! ARE YOU KIDDING... I-” you paused taking shallow and rapid breaths, ‘you know I can not believe you think its funny. You truly have no regard for people and how they feel do you?” you asked slowly and meticulously. 

“Prongs, just apologize and lets go..” Remus said quickly.

“I- I didn’t realize it would be that big of a deal.” James tried to say to you, but it was no use because you had already dragged Lily and Marlene out the common room and to the library to re-start your assignment. 

“Oh, COME ON! I did not” James stated jokingly.

“Darling, you must certainly did, I barley passed that essay as well. I blame you for me getting an E in that class.” You replied giggling.

“Moooommmyyy! Story, get back to the story,” Your son said dramatically, grabbing your cheeks and turning to face him for extra effect.

Hearing a chuckling from James in the background, “Alright bubs, back to the the story”

January 23, 1976

After months of back and forth between you and James, he was fed up trying to get your attention. From roses to chocolate, to even a firework show in your honor, James believed he had done everything to apologize to you for his stupid prank and prove his affection.

Tired of his friends constant whining, Remus and Sirius decided to take matters into their own hands and talk to someone who knew you better than anyone else, Lily and Marlene.

“Oh Evans, Mckinnon, we are in grave need of your beautiful minds” Sirius flirted. Remus smacked him across the head adding, “Ignore the git, we need some help its about-”

“James?” Lily and Marlene said in unison.

“Yeah...how did you know” Remus questioned. “Are we gonna ignore the fact they spoke at the same time” Sirius said, once again receiving a blow from his friend.

Rolling her eyes, Lily remarked, “Well, Y/N has been complaining about him for months,” Marlene quickly interjected, “...and you never are without him so its an easy assumption. 

Now its was the boys turn to roll their eyes to the back of their heads. “Anyways, he will not shut up about getting her to forgive him... so we were wondering if you had anything that could work to get her to forgive him?” Remus pleaded with the best Sirius puppy dog eyes he could muster.

“Fine,” Lily and Marlene said jointly.

“THEY DID IT AGAI- OH NOT YOU TOO AS WELL!” Sirius exclaimed rubbing the now sore bump on his head. 

Ignoring the dog’s dramatics, the group of four began conducting a plan for James that would knock Y/N’s socks off.

At this point, Harry had nestled between his parents and fell into a deep sleep.

The two of you put him to bed and settle down back into the living room.

Looking longingly at his wife, James says, “Well, might as well finish the story love... it is the best part.”

Giggling at the antics of your husband, you shrug and began to finish the story...

February 14, 1976 

The Great Hall looked as though Cupid had just went on a decorating rampage. The room lined with pink and red hearts and the sight of loving couples nearly made you want to gag. Then, you remembered the boy who has dying to get your attention for the past months and can not seem but to get excited.

What does he have planned for you? Is he gonna get me a gift? Do I look presentable? 

“WHAT!” you quickly think to yourself, “Why in Merlin’s name am I excited to to see Jame- Potter. Godric I can’t feel like this for him... He his as a fly that buzzes and will not leave me alone... but he is not the worst to look at”

You quickly snap out of your thoughts as Lily starts to put food onto your plate. You begin to eat, but can only think of one thing.

James Potter.

“Why?” You begin questioning again, “Godric, Y/N You like him... No I do not.. You realize you are having this whole conversation within your brain, right? It is obvious you like him...” you grumble to yourself as you realize your psyche has won once again.

Lily noticing your strange behavior begins to question if you discovered what they have planned. 

Almost as though the boys heard Lily’s thoughts the beginning of the plan is activated.

Instantly, the candles in all of the Great Hall extinguish and there is the beginning of a song plays.

Suddenly, a spotlight shines onto the teachers table where atop, James and the rest of the Marauders stand, Remus and Sirius with guitars and Peter on the drums. James holding a mic begins to sing...

When I wake up, Well I know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the man who wakes up next to you.

Your head snaps to the noise and there you see in all of his glory, James Potter holding a microphone staring straight at you.

When I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who goes along.

Quickly shoving the breakfast roll down your throat you nearly choke as you see the boy slowly make his way towards the front of the Gryffindor table.

When I get drunk, well I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you.

Your eyes widen comically when you see James Potter jump onto the Gryffindor table. 

And when I haver, hey I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you.

Slowly, the boy begins his walk across the table to where you sit. You try to make a run for it, but Lily and Marlene quickly grab your arms and anchor you down to the bench 

“What friends you are!” you hiss at the two.

Marlene just rolls her eyes and Lily pinches your hip.

And I would roll 500 miles And I would roll 500 more Just to be the man who rolls a thousand miles To fall down at your door

Once the boy is standing in front of you he reaches down for your hand. Stubbornly, you ignore his gesture, well until your two friends throw you up onto the table with the love struck brunette. 

When I come home well I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you And when I grow old, well I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you.

You grip onto the boys biceps for stability and are forced to look into his ravishing hazel eyes...

In that moment you forget all that he has done to you in the past and all you can think about is him and you. 

But I would roll 500 miles And I would roll 500 more Just to be the man who roles a thousand miles To fall down at your door.

Smiling, to yourself, you grab the face of the boy in front of you and mold your lips together. Ignoring the cheers of your classmates, the only sounds you hear are the background noise of the boy’s best friends signing backup. 

Da da da  Da da da                                                                                                            Da Da Dun Diddle                                                                                            Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da Da.....

Smiling to yourself and grabbing the hand of the man you love you start laughing.

“What’s so funny, love?” James asks.

“Nothing.... Just we began dating because you performed a whole song and dance in front of the entirety of Hogwarts.” you reply breathlessly.

“Well, hey, look at us now... happy, healthy, and a true family.” he replies smiling at your antics.

You lay down your head into the lap of your husband, and look up into his hazel eyes you got lost into all those years ago, “Such a sap, Potter, such a sap...”

Kissing your cheek softly, “Only for you, my darling girl... only for you...” 

“I love you Jamie”

“I love you more, my love.”            ______________________________________________________________

AHHH I HOPE YOU ENJOY!!! IM SORRY IF IT IS SO BAD!! THIS IS MY FIRST FIC PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I COULD DO ANYTHING BETTER!!! AHHHH (but like kinda like this story... kinda proud ;))

[kingsuckjin]

Ungodly Beast 3- epilogue

✞ Pairing: Devil! Jungkook x reader

✞ Genre: horror, fluff idk anymore

✞ Synopsis: You need to end this hell on earth.

✞ Warnings: death, gore, mention of burns, blood, talk of heaven and hell, the earth is on fire (I have to say that your child dies but it will all be okay, I promise it’s alright and it’s not as bad as you might think, just trust me.)

✞ Words: 2.3k

✞ A/N: I would put links here for the past two parts, but lately tumblr has been doing this thing where it wont let this fic show up in the tags if I put in links or tag anyone. They're on my masterlist though, I’m just very sorry for the inconvenience.

"Go my child, end this. Take all the power you need, and if you succeed I'll return the favor."

The flames around your bare feet had to be searingly hot, but they didn't hurt you, it didn't even singe or dirty the white you wore. 

The grass of the park was no more, and what lie under the flames was dry, scorched earth. The leaves had been burned from the trees, the trunks of which still smoked and trailed upwards towards the starless night sky. Glowing orange embers and ash fell all around you like some kind of twisted blizzard.

As you walked you saw the melted remnants of the playground you use to take your son to.

So this was hell on Earth.

It was just a shell of familiarity and home.

On your walk you could hear the sounds of police sirens and fire trucks, but it was much too late for them, everything was on fire.

Buildings, shops, offices, either up in flames or ash on the ground. You saw a car in flames explode, thankfully no one was in it.

There were people. People lined the streets, crying, confused, scared and burned.

An old man was laying on the street, his wife crying over him. She was so hysterical she didn't even see you approach, but when she did her jaw dropped at the sight of you, she begged you for help in another language, one you knew only bits and pieces of before and studied in your free time, but you now fully understood.

You said nothing as you looked over the man's burnt face before placing your hands over it, covering the freshly burnt skin. You closed your eyes and let your head fall slightly.

"My child, I will let you heal him, I will let you give the people hope. But you must hurry to find him before he causes anymore irreversible destruction. Stop him, and put the rest in my hands."

You nodded in agreement and opened your eyes and moved your hands. 

On lookers had gathered around you, both the woman and the man thanked you, but you had to go.

"Don't worry, just pray." You told them. You knew they were looking at your wings folded against your back as you walked on.

As you passed Namjoon's burning church you could see him clearly in your head, on his knees on the floor between the pews on prayer as he realized who was just outside right before it went up in flames.

You didn't go inside, it was too late for him, but you knew Jungkook and your son had to be close, you could feel it. You could see their trail of death, torment and destruction.

You closed your eyes and you brought on the rain.

The crack of thunder rolled through the sky before the downpour started, and though it rained around you, you remained dry. It was all you could do in an attempt to end the suffering of the people at the hands of this fire for now. You also wanted to prevent the risk of them making things worse when you found them.

To attract them you began to sing quietly, you sang the song in the language that Jungkook had sang to your son when he was just a baby. Though the lyrics didn't translate well, it was a song about peace and silence and it was in the world's first language. Even back then, you supposed, that parents just wanted their babies happy and they wanted to do right by them. You remembered Jungkook saying when you first met him that that was something he never understood, and still seemed not to.

You couldn't bring yourself to be mad at him, you pitied him. You pitied his lack of understanding towards humanity even with all of his new emotions. He didn't get to grow from a child, he didn't have surroundings or figure to help shape him. He couldn't never be a parent because he never had a parent figure, he was never a child, Jungkook just was. He had just been Jungkook all at once since the birth of time. He only knew being cast out of heaven, he only knew lies, he only new bitterness, revenge, and power. Jungkook only knew destruction and couldn't handle when you had created something for him, given life to something that was partially made from him. Jungkook wanted to own you and your children just like he owned the souls in hell. Even if you give a person emotions who wasn't taught right from wrong or how to be there for people, or how to not be selfish, they might feel guilty. However, they've already become set in their ways seeing as it's all they've ever known. It wasn't Jungkook's fault that he was given this eternal cold life, he never asked for this.

You understood vastly more than you did before, there was no fooling you now, you saw absolutely everything but one way you saw before never changed.

You loved Jungkook. You knew he would've loved you if he could've from the start. You were his soulmate, His Lilith, his reason for not being allowed to have emotions in the first place in fear of producing the Antichrist. Nothing could stop destiny, you knew this now. No matter what god took or gave to him, nothing could've stopped this. Even now as you found Jungkook holding your son's hand as he burns someone alive, this was destiny. Just like Noah's ark, god can cast out and call forth, he can teach lessons or make people forget.

So here you were, and here he was, in the middle of this burnt street. Neither of them saw you yet, but they were doing what destiny called for.

"Jungkook." You spoke his name for the very first time, catching both their attentions. 

"Mommy!" Your elated son tried to run to you but his father stopped him as he was stuck staring at you.

"You're…" his voice was almost inaudible with the roar and crack of the fires that were too big.

You unfurled your white wings from behind your back and stretched them out.

"You're home." 

"Mommyyy! Mommy back!” Your son yelled happily with a big smile on his face as he began struggling against his father and slipped out of his grasp. Your son ran the half of a block down the street and you could now see his horns were much larger now, and his eyes were black. His father screamed for him and began to run after him, telling him not to touch you.

You knelt down and let your child run into your open arms. You wrapped them around him and let him fall limp.

"I love you, everything will be okay." You told him as you picked him up and laid his body on the sidewalk. Much like a cross or holy water, your body itself could destroy anything Unholy, you were blessed from god himself, you were an angel.

"No… no! What did you do to him?! What did you do to our son?!" Jungkook screamed at you making the fire around you only burn more angrily.

"He felt nothing, God will return him to me." You stepped closer to him. "I came for you too."

"No. You're home, bring our son back and come home!" He demanded but you were no longer easily swayed.

"This isn't my home anymore, look what you've done to it." You answered calmly.

"I made this for us, I did this for you." 

You watched as blood began to leak from his eyes and mix with the water from the rain. 

"I know, I know you did. I know that there's no length you wouldn't go to for me, even your son. You mean well, you just don't understand. Just know I would go through any length for you and our family, and that's why I'm here. We both went through great lengths, we've both been through a lot, so come to me."

"You're tricking me, you're going to kill me…" he with his narrowed eyes aimed at you.

"You're in pain, Jungkook. It doesn't have to be that way. God still has time to fix this little isolated incident." 

"And hell? What happens to hell when I'm gone?" He asked. You felt he was about ready to give in, you knew it took everything in his power right now to not come to you and hold you.

"I think that's what destiny wanted all along,  no more hell. We were meant to be together Jungkook, and it's finally time. I'm not tricking you, I could never do to you what you did to me. Let's go get our daughter and son, let's be a family let's-" 

He began to walk towards you, falling to his knees at your feet and looking up at you.

"I don't know where I'll be going, but I'll follow you anywhere" you watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed nervously. "I just want you and my family, I want everything to be okay." 

You lifted your hand to his cheek as you looked down into his black eyes and brushed away the bloody tears from his cheeks only to leave red marks of your own. You had burned him with your touch, and he had flinched but didn't outwardly complain.

He stood and his face came just millimetre from yours.

"Just do it." He whispered before pressing his lips softly to yours.

You brought both of your hands up and placed them on his face and in a split second he went limp against you.

You struggled to gently lay him down on the pavement.

"I'm done. It's done. Fix it, please." You spoke out loud.

"Rest now my child. You've been through so much."

The sky began to grow brighter and brighter until it took over everything and you had to squint to see anything at all.

You were struck with the sudden urge to pee, but you were just too tired underneath your warm sheets. You groaned as you tried to go back to sleep but the feeling became almost unbearable.

You moved the blankets, sat up, and swung your legs over the bed, immediately feeling your back hurt. This action must've woken up the baby inside of you because you began to feel the heavy kicks from inside of your belly.

"I'm going, I'm going." You nagged at the unborn baby as you waddled towards the bathroom. "You better not kick me in the bladder again, girl." You warned.

When you were done you headed to the kitchen with new priorities, you smelled food. Lately just the thought of anything food related had you salivating and reaching for anything edible you could get you hands on, but that's just what being seven months pregnant did to you.

You walked through the doorway just in time to see a few pieces of scrambled egg fall onto the floor.

Your son looked down at it from the stool against the counter he stood on and so did his dad.

"Uh oh." You son said as he looked at you, holding a plate of the eggs.

"Morning darling. We're definitely not making a mess in here." Jungkook lied with a smile as you assessed the damage the boys had done to the kitchen.

"As long as you both clean it up I see no mess." You joked.

"Mommy! Breakfast!" Your son held the plate up proudly, spilling more eggs onto the floor, lucky Jungkook decided to take the plate away from the tiny little version of himself before picking him up with the other arm.

"Tell mommy good morning!" He placed the plate on the table before bringing your son over on his hip. Jungkook knew it was hard for you to bend over now a days.

Your son gave you a wet kiss on your cheek before his father knelt down with him.

"What about baby sister?" His father asked him.

The boy was careful as he gave your belly a hug and pat and told it good morning.

"Morning." Jungkook gave you a quick kiss on your lips before wrapping his arms around you.

"We missed you." He whispered into your ear. "You slept in late, must almost be time for her." He let you go so you could all sit at the table.

"I'm excited, but dreading having to through giving birth a second time. We missed church again because of me, didn't we?" 

"Father Namjoon understands you're too pregnant to function at the moment." He jokingly assured you. "I'm excited for her to get here already. I'll be right there with you, and little bub gets to spend time with his grandma. It's all planned out and you have nothing to worry about. Oh, by the way, I finished putting the crib up in the nursery finally." Even as he spoke about mundane things, there was a sparkle in his soft brown eyes as he looked at you, there were so wide with excitement and wonder, a trait he passed to your son. You would never get enough of him, you hadn't been able too since you met in grade school. You even found yourself missing him deeply to the point of tears during college. When you saw him again one night at a bar, the two of you just couldn't help it. You were confident that was the night you made your son together. You were once again inseparable as inseparable gets. He just stayed over every night after that night, which was good because you didn't want him to leave anyway. You were married just three months after that night at the bar. He wanted everything you wanted, he was the man you had always dreamed of, you had never loved any other person the way you did him. You had always had a connection with him, one you felt went far beyond when you met him as a little wide eyed boy asking to be friends. You knew, both of you did, that you were soulmates.You had always had been and always would be, in this life, whatever lives came before this, and in the next.

[martianbugsbunny]

OUAT Thoughts Pt.60--Episodes 10-13

I have watched through S6E13; spoilers DNI. Also, spoiler warning for anyone further behind than I am.

I had the chance to watch two extra episodes today (even though there were real-life things I probably *should’ve* been doing). It was a pretty good day.

—David and Snow look so stately as monarchs. I love how elaborate their clothes are. And all the jewelry.

—Once again, I’ve been made sad about what the Charmings could’ve had. Their life where they got to raise Emma would’ve been really good for them. But—you know, curse aside—the life they got turned out pretty great.

—I love that Pinocchio is where Emma got her last name from. I honestly never wondered where she got her name, although I probably should have, but this is the coolest possible option.

—Princess Emma was a huge wuss. I can hardly believe there was a version of her that wasn’t tough. But I also kind of enjoyed that in the alternate reality, she was more reliant on her parents. Them having a closer relationship was probably the best part of that entire mess.

—I love that when she was out picking flowers, Emma was singing the song from the original Snow White animated movie.

—Actually, wuss though she may have been, Princess Emma was adorable. I’m in love.

—Actually, Episode 10 reminded me that if I didn’t love Hook to the moon and back, I would totally chill with Emma x Regina. They have the reluctant co-parents to friends thing, and their personalities are a pretty decent match. Also the aesthetic is impeccable.

—I really like what’s happening with Rumple and Belle recently. They’ve gone from fighting and constantly misunderstanding each other and both taking things too far, to being two very broken people who are trying to do the best they can for their wayward son. I think that dynamic works for them now, because they’ve had a lot of marital issues and while Rumple is incredibly troubled, Belle also has some *stuff* and actually showing their brokenness is exactly what they and their relationship need. You know me, I’m a sucker for the raw stuff.

—So lemme get this straight. Gideon lived through twenty-eight years of being raised by the Black Fairy and not didn’t choose to be evil, but now that he’s out of her realm he wants to kill the savior? His logic is absolute bogus, man.

—It’s cool that Pinocchio and Emma were friends in the alternate reality. They’re kinda my BROTP for the show. I want Pinocchio to be like the cool, sage older brother she never had. I also want them to get into trouble together, like racing his motorcycle vs her yellow bug down the main road of town.

—Regina’s feathery red cape was cool.

—I feel bad for Regina. I bet it was hard for her to go back to acting like the Evil Queen after she tried so hard to put all of that behind her.

—Once again, I’m loving the fact that people are going to see Archie. They all need some therapy, tbh, and having the heroes go talk to someone about their problems is the best.

—Rumple (secretly) giving David’s father help finding James without asking him to pay was cool. That’s the kind of extra dimension he suits best.

—Actually, I think Episode 11 was brilliant. The stuff with David’s father I wasn’t a huge fan of only because the Pleasure Island freaks me out, but the emotional connection between David and Hook was beautiful. And seeing David first become seriously unhinged and then come back from the brink was amazing. (Although, I kind of wish he had killed King George, because that guy was a right arse and he would’ve deserve death. As you can see, I would be more of a Rumple than a Hook in the OUAT world.) I think Episode 11 is one of my favorite episodes in a while.

—Lol speaking of Pleasure Island, my mom asked if that was from the original Pinocchio story, and my answer was ‘Idk, but they did this in Kingdom Hearts, so probably.’ If it’s not in the original fairytale, then for sure it must’ve been in the animated Disney version?

—What Rumple did for his sons was such a twisted kind of sacrifice. I really love the trope where the person who’s already gone dark does the dark thing the clean soul needs done to protect them. I explained it terribly just there, but it’s stunning. Of course, it doesn’t work so well when either the two people aren’t connected enough for it to matter, or if the soul we’re supposed to believe is clean has disproven that theory by their past actions (looking at Snape and Draco over here) but for Rumple and his sons? HELL. YES. He’s lived the darkness—heck, with Bae he’d barely even touched it and he already knew he wanted better for his kid. Also, the way Belle responded was perfect. She didn’t get mad about the fact that Rumple had drained the Blue Fairy, or that he had helped Gideon get closer to his goals. She understood why, and she also grasped the peculiar nobility of it.

—Gideon looks like a big ol doofus walking around Storybrooke in that robe.

—How big a deal is this whole ‘Hook-killed-David’s-dad’ thing gonna be? Because now that he and Emma are engaged, I really don’t want anything to derail their happiness.

—Leave it to a pirate to pick out a gorgeous ring.

—I can’t decide whether bad Robin and the Evil Queen getting together is better or worse than what I expected to happen—Zelena and bad Robin getting together. Either way it’s not good.

[purekesseltrash]

Chapter 12 of Bury Them Deep, the final chapter, is out!

Fave Excerpt:

Mezou jammed his hands inside of his coat pockets, unsure of what to say or even do besides grin like an idiot.  Tokoyami came to a stop finally and stared at Mezou, mouth open as if he was about to speak.  He gaped for a moment more before a distinctly annoyed look came across his features.  “Fuck,” he hissed, “I had a whole speech that I was thinking up on the way here and suddenly I have found my mind to be a blank slate.”

Mezou laughed, unable to help himself, “I don’t need speeches.”

Tokoyami stepped forward to grab at Mezou’s coat, his grip firm and his face honest, “You deserve them.  I fear I am an incurable romantic and this is simply how I function.  But my words have fled like cowards and the only part of the speech that I can remember is this, but it is the important part.  Let me take you on a date.  A real one.”

“I’d like that,” Mezou said softly.

Fun Facts:

- Hand to god, I had not decided on names for all of Shouji’s siblings until I had to write them.  Thank you, Japanese Name Generator.  Though Makoto is another Sailor Moon reference.  I also had not know that Shouji’s mom was where he got his artistic eye from, though I am glad for it.

- My favorite Hip song is ‘Lake Fever’ or ‘Scared’.  I thought that the lyric in Lake Fever was ‘You whispered Courage’ for the longest time, legitimately until I checked the lyrics to write the pivotal fucking scene only to find out that no, it was ‘hurry’.  It all worked out, thank GOD.

- IDK if anyone noticed, but I ship them as Tokoshouji, as opposed to Shoutoko.  I like the idea of Tokoyami being one taking the initiative better and it seems to fit his character anyway.  I don’t see this dynamic often and it drives me nuts because I could write an ESSAY on why it works so well.  Idk.

- Not even gonna lie, the last Mic segment made me cry.  It was like my final good bye to everyone reading, it’s personal.  And it’s basically me peeking out there, as opposed to just Mic.  For all of hockey’s shitty aspects, it’s the best game in the world.  I love it and I want it to be good and I will do what I can to make it be good.

More stuff under the read more about my future plans with this universe:

- So I have written a chapter and a half of an Erasermic prequel, basically telling the story of what happened when Shouta retired and ended up drugged to the gills and numb to the world at Hizashi’s doorstep, despite the two of them not having seen each other in legitimately over 10 years.

- I also have a side story of Kirishima and Bakugou, both with an idea of how they got together as well as what happens to them when they get to the NHL.  (Spoilers:  Kirishima does not have a good time as the first out and gay NHLer.  He basically gets buried in the minors despite being legitimately good.  Eventually he finally quits hockey way too young.  Bakugou meanwhile is a generational talent and is legit too good to bury in the minors.  When Kirishima retires, Bakugou flies to Tokoyami and Shouji’s house, where Kirishima is licking his wounds, and is like ‘Marry me.’  Kirishima tells him that he’s only going to say yes if Bakugou proposes with a Cup ring and Bakugou is like ‘Bet’.

- I also have one in mind on Ojiro and Shinsou.  They had an amicable breakup when they graduated, both understanding that the life of a hockey wife wasn’t gonna work for Ojiro.  Ojiro went on to meet a super cool alt girl through the info sec community and they got married and had a daughter.  They end up splitting up amicably when their daughter is around 7 and split custody without much of an issue.  Ojiro works remotely and lives in what is basically a lake cabin up in northern Minnesota.  He and Shinsou have kept in touch and when Shinsou finally retires, he comes to visit Ojiro.  The fic would go over them meeting up again.

- And then, of course, there’s Shouji and Tokoyami.

They get their shitty apartment in Atlanta.  Kenta helps them with the deposit and also goes with Shouji as he tries to find one.  Shouji ends up getting taken on by Orca, a buddy of Loder’s who generally doesn’t take Midwestern farm boys on as apprentices but he makes an exception, despite the fact that his work very afro centric.  Shouji is a nice guy though and a damned hard worker and has a good eye so Orca keeps him on for a long while.  Shouji still ends up picking up a bunch of odd jobs here and there, mostly grunt work like putting up drywall, but it gets him and Tokoyami through the absolute agony that is legal school.

Tokoyami goes into intellectual property law.  He knows how much work goes in to art and creative stuff and he wants to protect people like Shouji.  He ends up making a pretty nice living and they’re able to pay off the credit card debt that they accumulated during Tokoyami going through law school.  Shouji actually starts doing pretty well for himself too, mostly with his pottery but still with some sculpture.  Eventually Tokoyami proposes that they move to Raleigh, both because it makes sense for both of them and their jobs and well... because they have a hockey team.

Shouji never gave up hockey.  He had some years right after college where he did struggle to even look at his gear.  He had told his parents that he was gay and not going to the NHL over the phone as they were planning to come to his graduation, because he just couldn’t take them wasting money when he knew that they would never want to talk to him again.  Unfortunately, he was right.  Kenta still came to his graduation though and had two bullhorns that he slammed the entire time that Shouji was accepting his diploma.  He even brought Shouji his own pride flag and insisted on taking a picture with him holding it.  He posted the picture on his facebook with a very bold pronouncement that he was very proud of the first Shouji to get a college degree and how anyone that had a problem with his little brother could take it up with Kenta.  Still, Shouji went through some real mourning with the loss of his family and he took a small break.

But then he came back to it, once they started to get a little extra spending money.  He found a beer league group in Atlanta and started to really get back into the game, researching ways to improve in his downtime.  It got a little weird sometimes at the beer league games because sometimes Shouji would forget that he’d decided to wear eyeshadow or would forget that he had on entirely wrong undergarments but everyone accepts that goalies are weird so it was accepted.  Eventually he ends up having people ask him to coach for their kids, which he is loathe to do until Tokoyami points out that it’s better than Shouji do it, as someone who knows how damaging expectations and pressure can be, than anyone else.  So that becomes a little part time job of his.

Everything isn’t perfect for Shouji and Tokoyami.  Nothing is perfect.  Tokoyami is a borderline hoarder and Shouji can’t stand mess and that causes them to fight enough that they wisely seek counselling. But they’re happy.  Tokoyami eases up on the goth stuff and accepts his accent a bit more, though he still dresses in dark colors, especially for court.  Shouji actually gets to play around a little with the whole genderqueer thing and makes up for the time that he spent avoiding anything that would make him seem too gay.  And they still work really well together, becoming the pair that everyone from college kind of groans at, because they’re so ridiculously in love, but also envies.

They get season tickets to the Carolina Hurricaines.  You’ll see them with Tokoyami in a Devils jersey and Shouji with one of many from his massive collection.  Tokoyami will make comments here and there during the game, showing that he does actually listen when Shouji talks about goalie stuff and they only ever miss a game for gallery openings or work events.  Otherwise, they are there in their seats, holding hands and watching the game.

Feel free to ask me any questions!  I’m more than happy to talk about this, if you couldn’t tell.  (Also, I do have some half written smut so uh.... yeah.)

[dani-dear]

oc profile

i wasn’t tagged to do multiple but after having fun with the other one for my Altmer boi, I decided to do one for my Lady Inquisitor 💖 feel free to also steal this template from me and @ me in it to say I tagged u sdjfjsdfj

GENERAL

name: Ranya Trevelyan alias[es]: Red Jenny post-Trespasser gender: female age: about 32 years birthdate: about 9:09 Dragon (or 9:9, however they would write that dfgdfg) place of birth: one of the Trevelyan estates at Ostwick. hometown: Ostwick lol. it is a City-State. or if asked, she would also reply with "Faxhold", the Circle Tower. spoken language[s]: common. sexual preference: bisexual occupation: Inquisitor, even post-Trespasser. She decides on keeping the Inquisition together, despite the risks.

APPEARANCE

eye color: dark brown hair color: black height: (roughly) 5'9"/175.26 cm, i headcanon that she's probly around the same height as Blackwall. scars: she's got one on her right cheek from a childhood accident which led her to finding out she is a mage

FAVORITE

color: deep shades of red and burgundy and maroon and plum purple. and gold. and some cool shades of green. hair color: she does nothing to it, color-wise. song: all of them...?? if we go with anything by Maryden, probably “Once We Were” food: a lightly or well-seasoned boiled chicken with cooked carrots and scallions, which she will then dump salt onto. fruits of all kinds, drink: any white wines. and tea probly.

HAVE THEY

passed university: idk if it's the same but she was a p good student at the Circle tower. had sex: yes had sex in public: yes??? i guess??? if ur stuck in a Circle Tower with not much privacy. gotten pregnant: no kissed a boy: yes kissed a girl: yes gotten tattoos: no (in her earlier iterations she used to have armband tattoos but i don't think it fits her character anymore lol) gotten piercings: no been in love: yes stayed up for more than 24 hours: yes, probly a few times studying at the Circle tower and a few times during the events of Inquisition.

ARE THEY

a virgin: no a cuddler: ye a kisser: ye scared easily: kinda??? jealous easily: ye kinda dominant: nah submissive: yes in love: yes c: single: no C:

RANDOM QUESTIONS

have they harmed themselves: no thought of suicide: no, though she had sometimes thought it was better she didn't exist at all attempted suicide: no wanted to kill someone: yes have / had a job: yes, if u count being Inquisitor. prior to that, nothing other than “mage” sdvsdv have any fears: her family pinning the blame on her for any grievances (like her older brother dying at the Conclave). losing loved ones. spiders. the idea of becoming tranquil.

FAMILY

sibling[s]: she has 5 siblings. Lowen the eldest, next to become the head of the household. Zandra the 2nd kid, a Templar and a pious killjoy. Austell the 3rd kid, a member of the Chantry and also a pious killjoy. Locryn the 4th kid, a Templar and all-around chill dude. Laurette the 6th kid, the baby of the family (even tho she's like 29) and also chill. Ranya gets along best with Lowen, Locryn, and Laurette. Her relationship with Zandra can get complicated but they care for each other deeply. And Austell is like, a dick. Locryn and Zandra had some strings pulled to be stationed at Ranya's Circle. parent[s]: Rosalyn (mother) and Anatole (father), both alive. The relationship's a bit strained, as they weren't exactly thrilled to have a mage child. Ranya's relationship with her father gradually got better with time, but her mother is a different story. Sometimes they get along, but otherwise they disagree too much. And it only got worse when Locryn died at the Conclave explosion. children: none significant other: @illrae and i were workin on makin a Vashoth lady for her to fall in love with named Phaidra sdgdfg BUT OTHERWISE, IT'S BLACKWALL. it used to be C*llen until his VA became big cringe. pets: no, but she's down for one or two ;-; why does cullen have to get the fucken mabari sdfdgdg I WANT ONE..... tho perhaps Ranya would be better off with a kitty omg

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

Hello! I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfy but I was wondering if I could get a bit of advice? From your recent posts, you said you left your home from toxicity and just bad things in general.

I’m in a similar situation, but my dad will be taking me away from my mom. And I just know it’ll be a shit show. And I’m absolutely terrified when we tell her and what the backlash will be afterwards towards my brothers and me and dad in general

How did you do it? How did you take the leap? Do you possibly have any advice on how to deal ?

Hello, friend!! ☀️

Thank you so much for reaching out, it means a lot that you value my advice <3

Hmm, okay from what I can tell of your situation, that is indeed a tricky one, but nothing can’t be overcome!

It’s important to remember, though, I was 19 when I left (now 20), so the way I handled things is going to be a lot different than how a minor can handle things (legally at least, feel free to replicate my insane stunts lmao)

Advice below the cut! (family violence trigger warning, I suppose?)

My entire family was and is extremely volatile, and I don’t speak to any of them anymore except for my older brother, but I’ll be cutting him off in 3 weeks too when I move.

Fortunately, my dad and brother were both kicked out of the house years ago due to violence, which left me with my mother, who’s quite insidious herself (just watch any Conjuring movie and that’ll give a good idea of what it was like living in that house lol)

I get the same feeling watching this scene as when I was around her in that house. Granted she didn’t try to change my gender, but the hatred for my father getting taken out on me is pretty accurate lol, paired with the immediate “motherly love” afterwards (she never hit me though, pleased to say — she wasn’t physically violent, just emotionally, financially, mentally and verbally. She did try to run my dad over once though, so, there’s that too)

Yikes…yeahh the same eerie feeling for sure, still makes all my hairs stand upright in memory.

(For further context this clip reminds me of my father and this one of my brother)

In the clip about my father, he definitely reminds me of Frank Gallagher, except he despises my mother instead of revering her. He’s a workaholic instead of a drug addict, too. But the mannerisms are the same. I always handled him in the way Fiona does.

Regarding my brother, I think everything about our family hit him the hardest, despite being the oldest. He developed a very violent streak, and has very poor impulse control. I love him dearly but he’s a snake in the grass, and has thrown me under the bus multiple times to get ahead in life. I mostly just pity him, since I know what our life was like growing up. But still, I can’t defend him forever, especially not at the cost of myself. Literally yesterday I woke up to a text from him asking me to come pick him up because he got arrested for starting a fight at a bar and smashing their windows.

When things started getting pretty bad with my mother earlier this year, I started to realise in my heart that there was no way I could go forth in life with her in it. I focused on the future relationships I would have one day when far away from this town — romantic partner, children, friends etc

I sort of realised one day I’d care about them a lot more than I care about my mother, because those future people would care about me. That in turn got me realising that I do deserve love, despite how my mother made me feel, and that I don’t want her to deprive another second of that in my life.

Something very unique that triggered this too was going to go visit an old family psychic, who’s basically just the Gandalf to my Frodo (ily, Chris <3). He very accurately predicted my birth years ago after my mother was told she was infertile — he got the date, year and time right three years in advance, and even knew ahead of time what my personality would be like, which he was spot-on about.

Well, I went and visited him a few months ago because I was lost with my direction, and he ended up pausing and had a sudden feeling, which led to him telling me that he’d just found out I would be having twin boys one day.

Normally I don’t buy into that stuff, but this Gandalf dude…well I knew he was right.

Knowing I’d have sons of my own one day took me from a scared daughter mindset and into a maternal mother bear in an instant, and I knew I didn’t want any children of mine around my mother or the rest of my family, for their safety alone, which made me realise, “Well, if I wouldn’t allow my own children near them, why do I allow myself?”

I started grey-rocking her in the lead-up to me leaving, which of course frustrated her (she’s a malignant narcissist), but it was a necessary step to start emotionally detaching myself from her.

It all bottled over one night after a pretty distressing argument (I had locked myself in my room to avoid it, but she was still at my door carrying on).

My cat, who’s been my best friend for years, was sitting on the floor next to me, and sort of looked up and I swear he spoke with his eyes, saying, “You know we can’t keep doing this, right? You know this abuse has an expiry date?”

I agreed with my cat and knew right then and there that I’d be leaving that night after my mother fell asleep.

Well, when she was finally done (with threats that there’d be more in stock in the morning, mind you) I went to bed early and set my alarm to 3am (was a little inside joke with myself, since that’s biblically the “witching devil hour”)

I started quietly packing my quilt and cat up (I’d already been secretly packing the boot of my car up with all sentimental and important items weeks in advance, except she caught on and took all my baby albums and more to her boyfriend’s house, so I don’t have any baby photos or information on me when I was a baby anymore, like first words, size and just general things I’d have liked to compare to my own kids one day, rip)

Once that was all in my car, I quietly said goodbye to the old family dog and cat (they weren’t mine to take, not that I could’ve anyways, since it was troubling enough taking Buddy, who’s actually my pet and not the family one). That was pretty heartbreaking, as I knew that’d be the last time I’d see them (I grew up with them and was the only one who took care of them — mother neglects kids and pets alike lmao).

Once that was over, I looked around my house with my hand on the front door and was very melancholy, but knew Buddy was right: it had all reached its expiry date.

I left very quietly and drove to McDonalds for a coffee, as I had a long drive ahead (I had organised to be a nanny in this rich family’s house far away in the city — two hours drive). Luckily they were away on their country farm 4 hours away, so I had time to sneak Buddy in.

The nanny thing recently backfired horribly because they discovered Buddy, which led to more AM escapes with my car, but I’m staying with my older brother and his gf for 3 more weeks only. Something I’ve been working towards for months now is moving to a wilderness island to live in my country’s equivalent of Bag End — a beautiful country cottage, amazing job and fantastic study opportunities.

Best feature yet: it’s 60 hours away from my hometown by car, and then you’d have to take a boat for 10 more hours!! They shall never find me hahaha

One of my friends has also told me recently that my mother has started spreading horrible, defamatory rumours about me around town, but I don’t care anymore because I’m almost out.

So, although I can’t offer any practical advice (idk if you’re a minor or not, but regardless it’s great your dad is helping you!) this is the best advice I can offer:

Find a dream and hold onto it, one that doesn’t involve your immediate family. For me it’s moving to that island and enjoying all the fresh air. It’ll push you forwards and remind you of what you’re fighting for when at your lowest.

Remind yourself there will be other people in your life, whether a spouse, friends, children or even a dog! (I’m getting a golden retriever next year 🐾) And then remember that you deserve all of them and the unconditional love they offer you.

Remember that if you don’t want your mother/family screwing those people over by proxy of her/their relationship to you, then there’s no way in hell you alone should put up with it either, as I guarantee those future people only want good things for you ☀️

There is a good life after abuse, I’ve seen it, and I know you can achieve it, too!

Be prepared for tons of backlash and bullshit — it’s inescapable when dealing with people like this, but I recommend educating yourself on narcissistic parents and tactics to deal with them.

Finding a good therapist who deals in PTSD regarding childhood abuse is important, too. I found an amazing one in the town I’m moving to, who had nearly the same upbringing as me!

So while I’m still struggling with a lot of fear (scared my mother will find where I’m working and living one day) and guilt (I feel horrible about leaving the family dog and cat behind, especially when they need veterinary help, only to then go and get myself another puppy) I understand I’ve done the best I can in a very abnormal situation, and that I can only do better from here.

Also, this song has been a saving grace when going all angsty over wanting to leave your current situation:

It’s from my favourite Broadway Musical, “Newsies”, and lemme tell you — discovering this as a 17-year-old when I was just starting to realise the severity of my situation was pure divinity.

Jeremy Jordan, my beloved Broadway Bard <3

When I finally get my cottage, I’m getting a wooden plaque with the name “Santa Fe” engraved on it, and am hanging it on my front door.

I wish you much luck and love, my little anonymous friend! And please know my inbox is open any time you need anything — vent, advice, a laugh or something else, ANYTHING, it feels good to know my past can maybe help someone else’s present ☀️

Please update me, too! I’m following your story along ardently now! (Also, be sure to take your sentimental items and store them somewhere safe away from your mother — ie baby albums, birth certificates, other paraphernalia/memorabilia etc).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must hit the road. DESTINY AWAITS!