#once again humbled by the shitter

[xmischiefmaker]

Man, twitter really is the wild west. With utmost grief and dismay did that app thrust upon me the knowledge that those cunts still treat Loki like some poor little trauma baby who can do no wrong. Didn't realise they still had those people in stock

[maacottism]

I think Nature is sharing a lot of our anguish rn

i honestly wish i could do more for the people suffering around the world, but I'm broke and my mental health is in the shitter. to think that people would rather have "cheaper groceries" than let others have basic human rights is so disheartening. Yet as a pagan, I still feel some comfort knowing that even nature is done with our shit LOL

The hurricane in Florida could be another example of that. I don't mean to undermine the suffering of those in Florida rn!! But i feel like there's a reason for the harsh weather the US has been facing the last few years. I've heard some good theories from indigenous people. Tbh I'd take their opinion over mine bc they have deeper knowledge on Nature, spirituality and how they're intertwined. I'm just yapping rn because if i don't I'll forget about it

Humans have shown time and time again their disrespect of Nature and other human beings (particularly marginalized groups) once they have enough power. They'll easily take a thousand dead bodies from blatant hatred and the devastation of the environment if it means they get a couple bucks more. it's really disheartening to know that I'm young enough to be able to witness such destruction happening before my eyes. it's definitely humbling, but also not unexpected. I've already faced hatred for being queer and neurodivergent, i just was too cocky to ever think that it would ever affect my potential human rights.

sorry ik most of y'all are here for dogman and silly robots but the election and the general state of the US has been lingering in my mind for a while. i just wish for a day where i can live without people tearing apart my community for personal gain

[csmeaner]

Design Shitting: Over-priced Bird Edition

It’s been a bit since we had a nice, clean dump. So why don’t we look at Celestial Seas?

Yes, THAT Celestial Seas. The one where the rarest birds are hoarded more fiercely that Digimitsu with his worthless Cyphers. The one where a custom went for 10K.

You might say, but Design Shitter! Corrin’s designs look great! Okay, sure, some of them do, especially earlier ones and ones he makes for himself or friends. But are they really worth the price point? Look past the pretty rendering and flashy traits. Take a moment to take a critical look at how, actually, Corrin (and by association, most of his staff/GAs) over-renders to justify his absurdly high prices for bird people with horns and halos. It’s a shell game.

CS showing us, once again, that contrast isn’t necessary as long as you pay $650: character(/)Browbird-479.

it’s got a fucking sims gem on top of it. it’s nice but not 650 dollars nice

It’s just so overdone! Click the 2nd form to see it get even worse. Almost 2K: character(/)Browbird-315.

I’d honestly dig this and even say 2k for all that would be ALMOST fine if it were a one-off but precisely because it’s a browbird and made by corrin that I am unimpressed. Browbirds has so much sparkle and polish that it reminds me of Elnins with being full blown illustrations instead of actual characters, and are considered premium and thus a luxury above luxuries that breeds more pompous assholes.

Gotta justify that $800 somehow: character(/)Browbird-213

All these adopts really are just gaussian blurred that wouldn’t look close to the same in a non-illustrative style. It’s just Corrin and their crew circlejerking each other off. Left one has so much gunk on it and details that lap together it’s hard to even figure out what’s what

$600 for something whose face is so dark it might as well not exist. In fact, it’s mostly just a very dark gradient: character(/)Browbird-551

In terms of colors it’s on the better side because it’s design well. On the other hand it really could be any other furry emoboy pastel rainbow dream adopt but because it’s a browbird it’s 600 dollars with all those super special traits that make it a premium

Bland werewolf character number 7674563 for over 1K: character(/)Browbird-506

Yep I was right, Browbirds and all those species lose their selling point the second they stop being made in Corrin’s specific style. They resemble run of the mill furries and this one’s not BAD per se but imagine spending 1000+ dollars for something like this when you could’ve had a full illustration, or even a bunch more art from another artist entirely. It also has. White pubes for some reason?

The only draw to this one is the outfit and the alternate(?) form that doesn’t even look like a Browbird. Otherwise it’s just a plain bird person some dumbfuck paid 3K for. character(/)Browbird-105

What, I humbly ask, is the use of rendering all those fucking bottles in the lower middle, as well as a full ensemble of clothes and knickknacks that make you puzzle out what is even a body part. I see Browbirds also going down the route of multiple forms to juice more money from a single adopt. Eye scopophobia shit or something since there’s eyes up the wazoo. The big headshot in the middle I don’t even know the lore of but because of the extra fur on the neck they look like they have an enormous chin and idk if the hands below it are supposed to be connected because if they are they look like they don’t even attach. It’s a lot of little details put into it and shitton of exclusive traits seem to have been the main selling point. It’s like literally if it weren’t Corrin these would be better by default, but they’re mostly the same recycled aesthetics with traits dropped on and then gaussian blurred together

[enbouton]

I’m studying the blocking and editing of Kim and Jimmy’s argument in “Wiedersehen”. Most of the exchange is filmed with a straightforward shot/reverse shot, but look at the framing: Jimmy is tightly boxed in by Kim and the building behind him. Kim not only has a lot more open space in her frame, but she has the building in the background— suggestive of her “office in the sky”— visually separating her from Jimmy. Kim is also shot from a slightly lower angle: we’re literally looking up at her. And then there’s the lighting, which highlights Kim’s face while leaving Jimmy mostly in shadow.

I transcribed the scene (including each of the 40 cuts) for my own use, and it’s here if anyone wants it:

[Ultra-wide on the rooftop. Jimmy screeches to a halt and gets out of the car.]

Jimmy: Insincere! [Slamming the door, walking towards Kim.] Insincere!

Kim: Jimmy, what happened?

Jimmy: Goddamn it, what am I supposed to do for a whole year?

Kim: Jimmy!

Jimmy: Guarantee you I’m not selling cellphones for a fucking year, I’ll tell you that!

Kim: What— what did they say, exactly? How did—?

Jimmy: [Groans in frustration] Hard pass!

[Jimmy has walked past Kim toward the wall. He turns to face her.]

Kim: All right—

Jimmy: And don’t tell me I can appeal, because once the board hears the word “insincere”, I’m screwed.

Kim: [Overlapping] Jimmy— Jimmy, please…

Jimmy: [Overlapping] How do you just prove “insincere”?

Kim: Jimmy, just take a breath and start from the beginning. Please.

[Cut to a tight shot of Jimmy from behind Kim’s back. Jimmy tries to compose himself.]

Jimmy: I was good, Kim. I mean, I wasn’t stuck up, but I knew my shit. Right?

[Cut to Kim— a less compressed shot, with a building in the space between her and Jimmy.]

Jimmy: “What’ve you been doing during your suspension?”, and, uh, [Cut to Jimmy] “Have you been keeping up with the law?”, yadda yadda— all fine, and then one of them, out of nowhere, comes up with this weird-ass question: “What does the law mean to you?”

[Cut to wide shot of Kim and Jimmy]

Kim: That’s a big one.

Jimmy: Huge! And I nailed it! [Kim nods] I talked about the meaning of the law, and I was down to earth, and I was humble, and I was sincere, and they loved it.

Kim: So…

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: So, they turned me down! [He shrugs, then turns away from her. Cut back to Kim.]

Kim: Well, there has to be more to it than that!

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: There’s not.

[Cut to Kim]

Kim: I don’t… [Sighs] What did you say when you talked about Chuck?

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: What does Chuck have to do with this? What?

Kim: Well, s— you didn’t even…

Jimmy: Why would I?

[Cut to Kim]

Kim: Okay… ok— uhm… [Rubs her hands together] Okay, listen: we will figure this out. [Cut to a new wide shot from behind Jimmy.] And yes, you will appeal. You’ll appeal…

Jimmy: [Talking over her] They’re just gonna rubber-stamp… they’re gonna rubber-stamp...

Kim: [Overlapping] Well, we won’t let them, and we’ll find a way to make you look sincere!

Jimmy: Kim, I was sincere!

Kim: I know that, I know that. I meant, we will fix it.

Jimmy: [Overlapping] I might have been a little corny, but I meant every word!

[Cut to Kim]

Kim: I know that.

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: You don’t believe me.

[Cut to Kim]

Kim: Of course I do.

Jimmy: Jeez, it’s right there on your face. You think I’m some kinda lowlife, some kinda asshole.

[Cut to Jimmy]

Kim: What?

Jimmy: The kind of lawyer guilty people hire, right?

Kim: Jimmy, that’s— that’s not—

Jimmy: Mm, you look at me and you see Slippin’ Jimmy.

[Cut to Kim]

Kim: I never said that!

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: Yeah, but you thought it!

[Cut to Kim]

Kim: You wanna know why the committee called you insincere? Because you didn’t mention Chuck.

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: Wh— what does that have to…?

Kim: They read the transcripts, [Cut to Kim] they know what happened, Jimmy. They were waiting for you to say something about him.

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: So I’m supposed to make a big hairy deal about my dead brother at my reinstatement hearing? How is that sincere? [Cut to Kim] I don’t think about Chuck, okay? I don’t miss Chuck. [Cut back to Jimmy] Chuck was alive, and now he’s dead, and that’s that. Finito. Life goes on. So sue me.

[Cut to Kim, reacting; Jimmy points at her. Cut back to Jimmy]

Jimmy: There it is again! That’s why we don’t have an office!

Kim: Wh— what? No! Just— you know, [Cut to Kim] do not start in on that office. I don’t want to hear another word about that stupid office.

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: "Stupid office”? Okay, here we go, here we go!

[Cut to new wide shot from behind Kim]

Kim: Jimmy! I have been on your side since the day we met. Who comes running when you call? Who cleans up your messes? I have a job but I drop [Cut to Kim] everything for you. Every single time— you confess to a felony on tape, I’m there. You have a bar hearing, I represent you. [Cut to Jimmy] Over and over again. If you need me, I’m there. But somehow [Cut to Kim] in your mind the only measure of my feelings for you is some office?

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: Yeah, I’m good enough to live with, to sleep with, but God forbid you should have an office with me.

[Cut to Kim]

Kim: What are you t— I just told you that—

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: [Overlapping] You get a little bored with your life so you just come down and roll around in the dirt, [Cut to Kim] have some fun with Slippin’ Jimmy—

Kim: Oh, is it fun?

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: [Overlapping] then [clicks his tongue several times] back up.

Kim: [Overlapping] Fun like lying to the ADA [Cut to close-up on Kim] to get your friend out of the shitter? Or fun like standing there with a smile plastered on my face while you play infantile mind-games on my law partner?

[Cut to close-up on Jimmy]

Jimmy: Oh, what a mistake it was to take me up to your office in the sky! [Cut to Kim] You’ll never do that again!

Kim: Yeah, maybe I won’t. And maybe next time you call, I won’t come.

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: There you go. Kick a man when he’s down.

[Cut to previous medium shot of Kim]

Kim: Jimmy, you are always down. [She stares at him for a beat, then turns and walks away. Cut to close-up on Jimmy, then to an ultra-wide aerial shot of the roof.]

[crossbows-and-moonshine]

That’s What You Get (DarylxReader)

Can I request an imagine where Daryl is secretly in love with you and only Rick and Carol know but he's been avoiding you cuz he thinks you like Glenn and he blows up one day cuz Rick and Carol is pushing him to tell you and you overhear everything

Warnings; fluff, angst.

If you want me to add you on the taglist, let me know. 

That’s what you get when you let your heart win. Woaaaaaaah. *Dances* Anyone else get that in their head when you read the title? Just me? Okay... lolololol

----------------------------------

You made your way over with your bowl of stew to the table outside the prison, the place was bustling with life with the people from Woodbury now there. You were one of them, the new additions, but you had been there a decent time now to feel like a part of the group. You sat down next to Daryl and shot him a smile, but he just glanced at you before continuing to eat his food.

��This is great Daryl, thanks for catching the deer.” You said softly, he just grunted before taking his bowl, getting up and walking off. You heaved a sigh and looked down to your food forlornly.

“What did I do this time?” You whined, causing Glenn to snort as he sat opposite you.

“He’ll warm up to you eventually don't worry.” He grinned. You and Glenn had become pretty close since you got here, he was like a brother to you and you seemed to spend most of your time with him.

You had no idea why Daryl didn't like you. Ever since you got here you had tried your hardest to get to know everyone, to work hard and be a part of the group. But Daryl was the only one who seemed to not like you and you didn't know why. Anytime you'd try to talk to him, he would just grunt or nod, or even sometimes just get up and walk off, like now. You didn't know if you had some kind of Daryl repellent you were unaware of but it was making you feel like crap. You actually liked him, you didn't know him well but you heard a lot of things and you saw him and what he did for the group. He provided, he protected, you thought he was amazing, he was always so humble about it too, never liking praise or not seemingly being able to see just how important he was in the group. 

You finished your food quietly, wondering what you could do to break the ice, to finally get him to talk to you. You settled on just leaving it, you had seen he had a temper and you really had no desire to be on the receiving end of it. If he didn't like you, then he didn't like you, you’d just have to deal with it.

Daryl walked into the prison feeling on edge and antsy. He hated being around you. But it wasn't because he didn't like you, it was the opposite. Ever since you came here you seemed to be everywhere and he could never seem to take his eyes off you. Always watching what you were doing, making sure you were safe. He had even refused to let you on runs because he didn't want you outside the gates where the danger was, but you were unaware of that. But he saw the way you were with Glenn, how you always laughed, were always around him, it filled him with rage and a feeling he wasn't quite used to. He sat down inside where Rick and Carol were talking and they glanced at him as his leg bobbed about and he chewed his thumb.

“For Gods sake Daryl, just tell her!” Carol chided, she loved Daryl and she wanted him to be happy. She had seen the way you looked at him and she knew if he actually spoke to you, it could be good, yet he seemed to avoid you at all costs. Daryl shot her a dirty look, he hated how his best friends had worked out his feelings for you. They were constantly telling him to tell you and he was getting sick of it. Like hell, he was going to open his big mouth and make a dick of himself, not a chance in hell.

“Just drop it alright?” He snapped, glaring at the pair.

“She likes you man, just tell her, you’ll feel better.” Rick encouraged with a weary smile, but Daryl could feel his temper flaring.

“Ain’t none of ya damn business.” He huffed, shaking his head as he picked the dirt from his nails as a distraction.

“It is our business Daryl because we care about you. You’ve withdrawn so much because of this, because it's driving you crazy.” Carol sighed with a frown.

“I said drop it alright?! Y/n doesn't like me that way, so there's no way in hell I’m telling her I fuckin’ like her! She likes Glenn so get the fuck over it!” He growled before standing up and storming off to his perch upstairs.

You stood there near the door with your jaw slack, you hadn't been seen and you slipped back outside as what you just heard digested in your brain. Daryl liked you, that's why he was being weird, and he thought you wouldn't feel the same. And for some weird reason he thought you liked Glenn, you were baffled honestly. You felt the butterflies bloom in your belly as you tried to work out how to tell him you knew, without him chewing your ear off and making things worse.

A few days went by and you had barely seen Daryl, it seemed like he was avoiding you even more. He was sat in the fields stabbing the knife into the grass, you noticed he did that a lot, he'd sometimes just sit there and you wondered what was going on in that complicated brain of his. You took a breath to try and brace yourself, he would probably kick your ass, but you had to try. You walked over to him and sat down facing him, he looked at you with a frown and looked ready to get up. He was stopped though when you placed a bunch of bolts in front of him, hand made of out wood, you had worked hard the past couple of days.

“What's this?” He asked gruffly, they were the first words he ever spoke to you and honestly, it was a stupid fucking question.

“Uh...Bolts...I made them, I know you could use some more. Consider it my peace offering.” You grinned at him, he looked at you suspiciously before picking one up and inspecting it. You held your breath waiting for him to tell you they were shit, instead he nodded, seemingly satisfied and set it back down.

“Thanks.” He rasped, chancing a glance at you. When you smiled at him he felt his stomach feel weird and he looked down.

“Okay look, I thought you hated me honestly, but I heard you, with Rick and Carol. And I know you’ll be mad, but for what it's worth, I like you too. So any time you wanna just talk or whatever, you know where my cell is. Also, I don’t like Glenn like that, he’s like my brother.” You smiled softly before standing up and walking away. You knew he would feel too uncomfortable for you to stay after saying that and you wanted to give him space. That and also get out of the vicinity in case he exploded with his Dixon temper. Daryl sat there stunned, he wasn't mad you heard him, he was too shocked to be anything at that moment as he stared at the bolts you had made him. It made him feel all funny that you had done something like that for him, that you had told him you liked him.

The next night you were sat in bed reading a book Carol had leant you, it wasn't the best but it passed the time. There wasn't much to do now the world had gone down the shitter. You couldn't watch tv or listen to music, the world had changed. You wouldn't say it was boring, there was always something going on. But running from the dead and trying to survive wasn't the kind of excitement that you were after, so books would have to do. You hadn’t seen Daryl all day and you wondered if you had made things worse between you, but you decided to just let things be. Your eyes looked up over the book when you saw the blanket you had draped over the cell door open a little and your eyes widened a little to see Daryl peaking in, you hadn't really expected him to seek you out.

“You can come in.” You smiled as you closed the book and set it down. Daryl opened the door and closed it behind him, stood there chewing his thumb like he didn't know what to do with himself.

“You can sit down, you won't get cooties.” You smirked, he stopped chewing his thumb for a second as he squinted at you and scoffed, but his lips were quirked up telling you he found you amusing, it made you feel all fuzzy inside that you made Daryl Dixon smile. He sat on the end of your bed and he was fidgety, you knew this was hard for him, you saw how he was with people, he didn't let people get close and he wasn't much for being social.

“I used the bolts before, worked real good.” He murmured quietly, you couldn't help the smile that spread on your face.

“That's awesome, I was worried I made them wrong.” You admitted sheepishly. He looked at you then, you were in an oversized shirt sat with the blanket around you, the shirt fell off one of your shoulders and his eyes were drawn to it for a moment before he looked back at your face.

“Did ya mean what ya said yesterday?” He asked bluntly, just wanting to get it out of the way. 

“Of course I did. I’d really like to get to know you better, instead of you ignoring me.” You said wryly, making him look down bashfully. You didn't know if you were seeing things but you were pretty sure the tips of his ears went pink.

“Yeah...sorry about that.” He apologized. You snorted a little and shook your head.

“Don't worry about it, you’re here now, so that's a start.” You grinned. He looked at you warily like he didn't fully trust you though.

“Why? Why do ya like me out of everyone?” He asked, he looked genuinely confused and you resisted the urge to shake some sense into him.

“Because you're a good man Daryl. And it doesn't hurt that you're hot as hell.” You smirked.

“Yeah right.” He scoffed, looking down once again and blushing.

“Don't make me hit you, I know I’m small but I pack a mean punch.” You teased getting a small laugh from him, you felt like you had been graced with the best gift from God at the sound.

“I look like one of them trolls that live under a bridge.” He huffed with a wry smirk and you grabbed the book and threw it at him, hitting him in the chest. 

“Ow!” He complained, glaring at you playfully as he rubbed his chest, you just smirked smugly at him.

“That's what you get. Its aversion therapy, every time you say something bad about yourself and I hear you, I’m gonna hit you. Soon enough you’ll learn to stop.” You grinned cheekily, he shook his head and smiled, glancing at you. It felt so weird for him, that you liked him, that anyone did. But you, the girl he had seemingly become infatuated with actually liked him back and he wasn't sure what planet he had woke up on.

“You’re a violent little thing huh?” He teased, you flashed him a toothy grin in response.

“Only when I need to be.” You snorted.

“Guess I better behave myself then.” He relented playfully, giving you another half smile, every time he did that your stomach flipped around on you. He stayed in your cell for hours as you both talked and got to know each other, teasing playful banter as you did, and with each passing minute, you both relaxed and found it easier to just talk to each other. You had no idea where this was heading but you enjoyed his company and he seemed to be opening up to you. You hoped one day he would let you in completely.

Taglist; @risingphoenix761 @daryldixonandfrogs @arlaina28 @divadinag

[totalconway]

Burning Bridges at Christmas...I think

Christmas is by far my favourite time of year! I like all the good will towards man, the spirit of giving, Santa Claus and all that shit. The best part for me is being able to watch Christmas movies and not have to worry about the month I’m watching it in. 

One particular Christmas was special because after less than 2 years of doing Stand Up comedy I was invited to perform at the Sydney Comedy Store for their end of year Christmas shows. This was a huge honour for me because working through the open mic scene in Perth, the feeling amongst the comedians was that being invited to perform at the Sydney Comedy Store was the same as becoming a ‘Made Man’ in a gangster movie, it was the highest honour you could obtain. 

When I got the invitation I was travelling through Port Headland on a 5 week mining tour performing to some of the roughest crowds that I have ever performed for. They weren’t bad crowds, they were just tough and my skill level was not ready to perform for an audience that had just finished a 12 hour shift and just wanted to sit in silence with a few beers and dream of the day they can return home to their families and jet ski’s.

Comedy in my opinion has a lot in common with Shawshank Prison, to get good at it you have to crawl through five football fields of shit and hopefully come out somewhat talented on the other side. At this point in my career I was nowhere it, I was still chiseling through the wall and learning the craft wishing that one day I could get even close to the shit pipes. 

These mining tours however fast tracked my learning and after 2 weeks on the road I learnt that I was well and truly crawling through the shit pipes. Weeks of bombing in front of miners was a depressing experience made even worse by the fact I couldn’t drown my sorrows because all the mine sites we performed at were Mid strength mine sites. Drowning your sorrows with mid strength alcohol is like trying to combat your heroin addiction with milk shakes.

One of the stops of the mining tour was Port Headland. A massive shit hole to most people, for me it was my favourite part of the tour purely for the fact that my Vodafone phone would get reception and I was able to check my missed calls and emails. During our drive through Port Headland my spirits were lifted when I received an email from the Sydney Comedy Store inviting me to perform for their Christmas shows. I was ecstatic and told the guys I was touring with that after this mining tour I would be heading to Sydney to perform at the Comedy Store. In unison they all looked at each other with a look I can only describe as “How the fuck is this guy getting a gig at the Comedy Store”. In reality they probably didn’t give a shit that I would be making $50 a night when they were going to be making thousands of dollars doing cruise ships or whatever they had planned. Whatever they thought I didn’t care, in my mind I was finally going to become a ‘Made Man’.

In the Perth open mic scene, I was best mates with a group of guys who would regularly fly over to Sydney to perform at the Comedy Store. Lucky for me they gave me the inside scoop on what to do when you get there, how to conduct yourself, essentially performing at the Comedy Store has the same rules as performing anywhere “Try not to be shit, and don’t be a cunt” pretty easy rules to follow. Being shit can be subjective but it’s pretty obvious if someone is being a cunt and in most places it won’t be tolerated. The Comedy Store is one of those places. I know a story of a comedian who managed to worm his way in to perform at the Comedy Store and got banned for snapping his fingers at the bar staff trying to get served like he was a Wall Street guy at Hooters. I know the comedian and he’s got that spoilt little rich kid demeanor kinda like Joffery in Game of Thrones except more cunty.

Now a little back story before I get into the next part, when I was starting out the group of friends I hung with would always bust each others balls in the most fake macho bravado way possible. Someone would say “Don’t be shit tonight” and they would respond “I’ll kill you cunt” and they would respond “I’ll bash your whole family”. Writing it out now sounds terrible but that’s how it was and  everyone would always laugh and joke when we did it. I was still new and incredibly naive, I thought I had stumbled across some secret “In” joke that only professional comedians knew and not just a running joke amongst the 10 open mic comedians I would regularly perform with.

I flew over to Sydney with hope in my heart and some ‘insider’ tips on how to fit in with the crew there. I remember one of the main things I was really looking forward to was seeing my name in the big bright lights on the Sydney Comedy Store. The sign that would shine out to let the world know I was a legit comedian worth seeing. I remember walking down the alley trying to act as cool as possible but really feeling giddy with excitement for the moment I’d see my name on that sign for the first time. I remember walking up with my eyes facing down, then I casually took a look up and my name was nowhere to be seen. They hadn’t put my name on the board! It didn’t really upset me but after 5 weeks of bombing on mine sites seeing my name in lights at the Sydney Comedy Store would have been a nice bit of sugar for my ego. 

The reason why my name wasn’t on the board is because I was doing a two week run and unless you’re a superstar they only put your name up for the second week of your run, so I still got my name in lights and got a few happy snaps for the memory book.

One piece of advice I got for when you start out at the Comedy Store was to bring a bottle of Jamieson and some cigarettes to drink with the staff afterwards. The staff at the Comedy Store were the guys you wanted to be hanging with after the show, there was no real professional networking reason for this, they were just cool people to hang out with. So I made sure to bring two bottles of Jamieson and 2 packs of smokes, not only for the staff but also as a sacrifice to the Comedy Gods to let them know I was taking this opportunity seriously. As it turned out it wasn’t a big enough sacrifice because I bombed for 2 weeks straight. I knew it was bad, but it didn’t sink in at how bad it was until the Booker called me after the second or third gig to say that I should just do my Raw Comedy set. I was devastated, I called up my friends in Perth to ask what I should do and they said they didn’t know. They had never received a phone call from a Booker like that before, they also laughed in my face which is always humbling. In their defence I would of done the same thing. 

I decided to put my head down and try to fix what I had, and I managed to turn my shit shows from bad to just kinda bad. 

Despite the shows going badly it was still a worth while experience. I became good mates with the staff and I’m still mates with them today. After every gig we would hang out and drink, smoke and talk shit. The 2 week run was awesome because I became mates with the other comedians as well who were a mix of TV and radio stars and guys who were on the cusp of becoming the next TV and radio stars. 

The biggest name on the line up was staying at the same hotel as me. I was told by everyone he’s the nicest dude in comedy and he’s the sort of dude that would do anything for you, the utmost gentlemen. So I decided to walk back to the hotel with him one night. I don’t know whether it was the Jamieson or the weed but I thought i’m going to let him know that I know the "In” jokes that all comedians know (still blissfully unaware this is just a shitty joke amongst open micers in Perth). So we were walking and chatting and we came across a house party and I turned to him and said “We should go in there���. He said “Why would we do that” and I said “I don’t know, to bash em”. He looked at me like what the fuck are you talking about, but in my mind he’s throwing me lob balls to hit out of the park. Then he said “Dude why would we go in there and bash them”. At this point I’ve finished the joke so him asking me why would we bash them?, felt like he was testing me by taking me into deep water where I’d have to riff my way out, so I said the funniest thing I could think of and I said “because we’re from the streets”. I think the rest of the walk home was probably a lot more awkward for him than it was for me.

We got to the hotel, shook hands and went our separate ways. I didn’t think anything of it until I was in Melbourne a few months later and I was sitting with a group of comedians in the artist bar and he walked in. He went around the table shaking everyone’s hand with a big smile on his face and came to me and  shakes my hand but looks at me like I’m the biggest piece of shit in the world. I’m trying to think if I had bumped into him already at this festival (I may have had a few big nights with one or two blackouts at that festival) and made a cunt of myself. I thought surely he’s not mad at the “We’re from the streets” comment? it was clearly a joke, that couldn’t be it. Then I thought it might have been because I put on such an amateur performance at the Comedy Store but that couldn’t be it either because I saw him shaking hands with comedians who are way shitter than me like that fucking Joffery cunt. So it must have been the “because we’re from the streets” line. (which I find funny) I’ve bombed in rooms where the Booker doesn’t want me back on the line up again but I’ve never bombed a conversation to the point where the person never wanted to see me again (Excluding first dates). 

I haven’t seen him since the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, I mean I have seen him he’s fucking everywhere but hopefully we can cross paths again and I can remind him where we come from- The Motherfucking Streets!

I’ve been back to the Comedy Store in Sydney numerous times since and have had some amazing gigs. Once opening for Eddie Ifft and Tony Hinchliffe both from the USA. Even though the staff from the first gig there have moved on to bigger things, I still make a point of bringing a bottle of Jamieson and Cigarettes as my sacrifice to the Comedy Gods and to spread some Christmas cheer no matter what time of year.   

[eliahext]

Danse Macabre

(Big CN: Frank discussion and depictions of suicide and death)

Now that I’m back on my feet, I spend my days in a purgatory called ‘petty investigations’. It’s technically a bit beneath my skillset, but when you burn bridges with the law enforcement arm of three separate city-states, you go back to the basics. The basics in this case are composed of short conversations with clients that rarely deviate from a script:

1. Someone is missing 2. They were poor 3. They were involved in something shady (drugs, gangs, prostitution—take your pick)

It’s a pretty quick mystery, all things considered. You do a little math, carry the one, and they’re almost always dead. Suicide, murder, it doesn’t really matter. The particulars aren’t really my concern anymore. It’s not to say it doesn’t bother me; even after all this time and trouble, I’ve still got a real bleeding heart for law and order, but I don’t exactly have the resources to chase down the bad guys for my ideology and these people don’t want it either. Do my clients call the authorities after I report back? Of course not, or they’d risk a chunk of their own seedy biz going straight down the shitter.

Look, to be honest with you, it’s kind of therapeutic to come face to face with the temporary nature of being these days. I’m not saying I love unraveling the mystery of what unsurprising method someone used to end it all, or to happen across the brutal terminus of a vicious gang member, but it forces me to keep myself honest about my own circumstances. It’s a healthy dose of perspective. Today, I jimmied open a lock and came face-to-face with a woman whose feet barely skimmed the ground from where she’d slung a noose over the wrought iron light fixture in the ceiling. The shock barely registers, so I wind up talking to her as I cut her down and prepare to match her tattoos to the ones described to me.

“Rough day, huh?” I ask aloud as I cradle the limp, distorted body under each armpit and lay it gingerly on the floorboards. I know it’s not the most sensitive thing I could say if I knew anyone were watching, but in this moment I tighten my fist around my own humanity while I deal with the end of someone else’s.

“Yeah, so...'Hang in there’ feels a little childish, doesn’t it?” I quip. “I’d say you look to be at the end of your rope, but...” I trail off and manage to catch a glance at her face and for a moment I lose a sense of time as I try to make out through the pall of death what must have been a pretty face before all of this. She’s a young thing, maybe in her early 20s, and looks a lot more tired than someone that age should be. I want to tell her that if she’s looking this ragged at 20, another 10 years is going to put her in the grave, and...well...

Too late now.

“I’m sorry...” I start again, shaking my head as I push her arm away from her body and make to peer underneath it. “Obviously this isn’t a joke. You can’t hear me, but even if you could, a tasteless remark from the woman who had to cut your dead body down feels like the least offensive part of this scenario, considering I have to live with it.” I was feeling defensive, as though at any moment the woman would look at me and shake her head disapprovingly. “Oh, don’t even start.”

I see the flame come into view as I rotate the skin and I stare at the full artwork for a time. The linework is clean and sharp and I know she’s had it done somewhat recently. The candle is about at half-height, thick with melted wax, and I’m struck with dissonance. “What fucking good is the permanence of ink when you don’t have much time left?” I ask her. “When you get a tattoo, you think it’s going to be forever, and that forever is going to be a long time ahead of you. It really fucks me up to imagine that it might not be.”

When I reach for my notebook to record my findings, I clear my throat and start again. “You could say I have a little experience with this. I wasn’t holding on too tightly and I died on accident. You know, like I tripped over my own bootlaces and whoops, there I was. Dead. Who does that?” I laugh and snap the cover shut and rise to my feet, standing over the body of a 20 year old suicide victim who, in this moment, is my captive audience.

“I did a little comedy routine once, impromptu. It was great. I killed it. I daresay I was even good at it. I was the punchline to every single joke that mocked my inability to get my shit together and hang on to this life. You want to hear one?” I don’t wait for a response. “My husband called my linkpearl and accused me of cheating. That’s preposterous. So first, I took the cock out of my mouth and then said, ‘You have a lot of nerve!’” I crack a faint smile and bow humbly. “Thank you, thank you.”

“It poured out of me in the moment, I didn’t plan it or rehearse it. I had nothing to lose. Some laughed, some cringed, and many people both laughed and cringed...but nobody reached out to help me. I woke up at the company house hungover in places I didn’t remember sleeping and there was always someone to serve me a drink the next day. Hair of the dog, they’d toast me as I started the cycle all over again with a shot of fresh whiskey. Bottoms up, you sad bitch.”

I gesticulate to nobody now, staring blankly into the middle space. “If I know anything about you just from standing here, I’d say you were slowly tying the noose in front of the gods and everyone and not one single fucking person reached out to stop you. Why? Because if you can make a funny enough joke out of setting up a ladder to jump from, someone will put it there for you and help you up onto the top rung.” I am angry and raving like a lunatic and I don’t even know where this anger suddenly came from, only that it’s intoxicating and potent in this very instant. “And if you’re really good at making yourself entertaining to watch slowly and painfully fall apart, you can even sweet-talk someone into pushing you to your death if the promise of entertainment is strong enough to cover the guilt of complicity.”

I inhale deeply the smell of decomposition and let it out in a noisy gust. I turn to leave and instead see one of the woman’s neighbors peeking in through the door, mouth ajar. She must have heard me. In the snap of my fingers, the moment is gone. 

“What the fuck are you looking at?”

[kimboly27]

People are strange........

I’ve been meaning to get back on here and just say whats on my mind and so im going to start with the interesting world of people and us as humans. Some of this may not make any sense to anyone and thats ok but for me, i like to just talk and see what happens.

But before i get to where i am now with people,i sort of have to go back to where my thoughts on people sort of changed over the years......

November 4th 2011 and i lost my dad in one of the most horrific traffic collisions to happen in the UK. The first 3 to 4 years from that were hell and i can easily admit that. From that day my whole life was turned upside down and changed. Going through court cases,enquiries,the press hunting you down,people either being there for you or not being there at all. Something like that effects people differently. I’ve seen the best in people over the years and I've also seen the worst for whatever reasons. But my attitude to people has changed since then and continues to do so.

With all that going on as well i also went through a real shitty relationship with a right bastard. Im not sorry for saying that either as he really was. He was a narcissistic wanker who took full advantage of me going through some real shit stuff to then being his punching bag. Thankfully only mentally but the damage was done and its taken me a few years to get over such a person who treats another person like shit. When you are one minute made to feel like the most important person in the world to then the shit on the bottom of someones shoe,oh boy does it mess you up. But saying that,the best thing that asshole ever did was end it with me and F off somewhere up north. He will forever be a F up and continue to abuse people/woman because he is just pure evil and will never get help for his many many issues and will NEVER be happy and that tbh makes me happy,but of course i dont think about that waste of breath anymore,but soon it’ll be i think 5 years since he ended it and i got away from all that bs and i could not be happier. Yeah sure i had to start from scratch mentally on myself as that f***er took every bit of confidence i had in me and destroyed me, but i can now at least say i have never been happier.

With becoming happier and more confident again i see the attitudes and responses i get from people. After dealing with a narc my view on people,male or female is well lets say guarded i guess. If you know me well enough,you’ll know i’ll talk to anyone about anything,but for me it takes me a while to make sure whoever this person is,is a good person and actually will have a positive vibe for me to go with. That might sound crazy and like ‘’Wtf kim you cant judge people like that’’ but actually i can. Its a simple thing of i dont have time for bull shitters,attention seekers,time wasters,two faced assholes,backstabbers etc. Within a short space of time i make up my mind about people pretty quickly on if i want to spend more time with them or not,and its shame we live in world where people get so bloody upset by this notion. Its simple really. If i think you are an idiot or not someone i want to spend my time with then i wont and there is nothing wrong in that. Relationships will always facinate me and amuse me because my life is so different from others. Example point - Actually being someone again. I am very independent nowadays and tbh for anyone to try and break through that then bloody good luck lol But i am single by choice because i do actually really love being on my own but also i know deep down i cant commit to anyone due to being a full time carer to my mum. If anyone special came into my life they would have to deal with being second best as my family come first and foremost before anything else. If they can deal with maybe seeing me once or twice every few weeks and stuff like that then go for it. But i dont think there is many people that could deal with my lifestyle. I am use to the crazy of it but its wrong to ask others to be in my life with all that i have on. Yeah sure i’ve met some wonderful people i thought maybe it might work out with but sadly it was not meant to be and im ok with that as they are still very dear friends to me.

This may sound crazy too but i have rules,as it were,when it comes to people/social media things like that. Now yes social media to me can be a blessing and a curse. I have all sorts of pros and cons over the years of it,but normally sadly it does come down to the stupid people on the other end of it. One example of many. So i go to a lot of comic cons and have done since 2015 when i first met Matt Ryan at Wales comic con and fell in love with the Assassins Creed games. Since then i have been so lucky to meet a few of the Va’s of the games from older to newer games and continue to do so and also support them in any other work they also do. Anyway coming back to social media and at cons if there is an AC guest there i will,if i can try and get said guest(s) involved in AC cosplay meet ups and i have been SO lucky to have had the chance to work with some fantastic VA’s over the years and make it happen. Sometimes i’m not even holding the meet up myself but the VA has asked me if its ok to go along and i take them which im so so humbled by. But anyway back to the example of idiots and social media. Before the last AC game come out,i had taken a little time away from gaming all together due to home life taking a more important role to play that needed my time and attention. Now any normal human being would actually understand this and respect this but i did try and keep people posted on any cons and events the AC cast were appearing at. I was in one AC group that sadly was run by some real ego maniacs and people that cant organise a piss up in a brewery and also just very bitter and jealous people when it came to others achieving something in the AC world. Like my god the attitude some of these assholes would show, was just disgusting and it killed my passion and excitement for the new game. They would make fun of cosplayers that had worked bloody hard on their cosplays in the messenger we had set up for the FB page that i was apart of and just talk shit most of the time,and other times not even AC related. But anyone like i said last year was a bloody hard one for me mentally with things going on at home and i had no time or patience for idiots. 

Last May just as i was on my way to London MCM i found out on the bus itself,that the game shop i was working in was going to close and i was gutted. Now i had ONLY decided to go to MCM to see the lovely Victoria Atkin and Patrica Summersett who are fantastic ladies in the VA world and have been in many games over the years so having been asked by Vic herself to be there and also part of the meet up that was happening,i got myself a friday and saturday ticket. London mcm is always a manic one but ok if you know where and when you need to get done things like that. The friday was more of a chilled day con wise and time to see Victoria and meet Patricia for the very first time and she was just fantastic! (More on that later) also some other VA’s as well that i hadnt met before or had seen and wanted to catch up with. Now before Vic and Patricia were announced i wasnt actually going to attend but was basically asked to by Vic so should and Patricia could come to the meet up. Great! No problem at all i though.........

I was nervous about telling the idiots in the fb group i was with,that i was going to be bringing along special guests because my god this lot dont have make easy things more bloody difficult. So it was about maybe 3 weeks before London MCM and i dropped in the messages that even though i was being quiet i was catching up when i could and that a guest was going to join us for the meet up. Now this fb group were so bloody anal about who ran meet ups. They always had to be done by someone on the admin/mod team (which i was so against tbh. If people wanted to meet up then bloody well let them) so whilst i was with this group i did mcm birmingham and a couple of wales comic con as i was a mod. I was keeping Vic updated on things once timings and location had been sorted and also to make sure she could come along as well. The time for the meet was basically decided a few days before the meet when the mcm schedules had gone up which was fine,but before this the miserable lot didnt want many people knowing that really this meet was happening. Tbh no one in that sodding group had great social skills as all they ever did was make it more stressful then it needed to be. On the years i didnt go,so many people told me how messed up the meets were and lots of shouting ect went on and tbh i wanted none of it. It was my first (and thankfully last) meet up being in that group of last year. Back to no one wanting people to know about it. Their reasoning's were they didnt want every tom dick and harry to come along unless they were in the AC group,they didnt really want anything on social media said about it either but i was very against that as Vic was so good at letting people know when meet ups were happening on twitter and instagram so that more people could join in on the fun and rightly bloody so too! So anyway the day of the con and the admin decide to change the sodding location of the meet so they think less people will turn up from where they normally have it. Bad move as that would later unveil. So i am at the event on the saturday and im messaging Vic to say about the new details and she is sharing away as well so thats fine by me she can do what she likes. Anyway on the saturday before the meet,there was a AC panel with Vic and Patricia and it was great and really fun and right at the end Vic announces that the meet up was happening right after the panel and to come along and follow me and two of my friends. I wont lie this next bit looked amazing haha. So the girls come off the stage and then Patricia asks me if its ok to come along which of course i say yes more then welcome. We wait for security who were fantastic btw,and really enjoyed the walk to the meet up. So at the front of this parade was my two friends in their ezio and jacob frye cosplays,then me in my frye twin mash up holding my prop up so the girls could see me. Then two security guards,then the girls and their handlers and then more security. The way that people moved out of the way for us was just fantastic. It was like parting of the waves and peoples faces were like so in well surprised at what was going on but also followed along to the meet which was cool. Anyway it was a bit of a walk but we soon get to the meet up and i introduce Vic and Patricia to everyone and there was some very happy faces and really lovely people asking me how on earth i keep getting VA’s to come along lol I dont do anything special i just ask them haha. So anyway pictures are done with the girls and cosplayers and its all good fun and they were with us for about 15 mins if that and we did cosplay stuff and also admin/mod photos with the girls too which was fine and social media stuff for the girls as well which was fun. They soon leave and i feel like collapsing to the floor after tbh weeks of stress trying to sort things out and it was a huge relief things went ok for them and i thought everyone else. There was a few omg moments but not to do with me thankfully but it didnt look very well lets say professional and that was bs because the meet had moved and others didnt know so some shit kicked off but yeah that was not my problem to sort.

Anyway i go back into the venue not long after the meet to basically see some folk and also was asked by the girls to swing by again before i left the con as i was only there the friday and saturday due to money and having just lost my job i wasnt in the best of moods but they did help so much. A few days of the con pass and pictures are posted up as usual blah blah but the messages within the group about the meet up are well not great. The vibe i got was basically they werent happy with how Vic was somehow but they werent saying that exactly so i basically said in all the times i’ve met any voice actors and got to work with them there has never been any ego’s or bs just a lot of fun. They didnt really see what i was getting at as i know they didnt get my involvement with who i had worked with so far and were beyond jealous it was so damn easy to see. But yeah their slight digs at Vic pissed me off so again went back to ignoring the messages coming through as it was just all nonsense chat.

Another thing this pathetic group didnt like was other members being in other AC groups and this is what finished it for me cos it got so stupid. Now before the bs happened which i’ll explain next, i am and still in over 30 plus other ac groups or ac cosplay related groups and have done meet ups in other countries ffs so you should not be told who you can and cant do that with. Anyway what happened was a little before MCM London i got asked on twitter by the lovely AC United Kingdom page if i would like to help them out on their social media sites to which of course i said yes. This group have been so amazing to me since they asked me to join and its been a blast with people that are so supportive and love what i do to help promote stuff for VA’s and things like that. I was very honoured to be asked. Anyway the older group found out i was added and also another mod and f*** me did they kick off. When i then explained how i ended up in this group they soon shut up for a while and backed the F off. Now i know the other mod didnt like getting added and thats fine as being added to groups can be annoying so she left the new group i was now apart of as well and thats fair enough. Again i said my piece and left the chat as it was all going back to more rubbish talk.

 A few weeks went by and i had saw that the guy who added me to the new AC group i was in was blocked from the old group i was i and i asked why. Oh boy that shit storm hit hard. Because i hadnt been that involved in the group chat or on the fb page they basically started on me which was hilarious to be honest. Now they booted my friend because he was adding their members to his own fb which was a big no no. I had also added members because i asked them if they would like to be apart of it. When i said this they were quiet for a little time and then went on this pity party of ‘’Well it doesnt matter as it seems lots are jumping ship and so we are going to close the group anyway. We’ll keep it open but no more meet ups or anything blah blah blah’’ It was literally like they had a toy taken from them and they were reacting like a shitty child. With that,and watching the melt down this lot were having my last message was something like ‘’well its been nice knowing you all take care’’ and that was it. Soon enough i was booted from that chat and kicked out of the group hahahaha. I was then informed they put a post up about closing the group as people were leaving and they couldnt be bothered with it anymore and just really stupid stuff tbh but they sounded so butt hurt it was unreal. So now comes in one of my rules. The second anyone walks out of my life,that is it for them. I dont chase people or find out answers i just let them do what they got to do and i do my own thing. I then deleted and blocked all of the admin and mods but one off of my fb because i wasnt going to let them kick me out of the group for their tantrum and then think its ok to watch what i do with me life. I dont f***ing think so. The next day a good friend had sent me a pic of one of the admins trying to play the victim card and butt hurt again that they had been removed from my life. Its simple. You walk out you never get the chance to come back or watch what i do. F*** no! So yeah i easily cut stupid people off.

I have other rules too and another is that if i have had no contact with someone on line or on the phone in over 6 months i delete/remove/block them from all my social media and also if their number is in my phone book i delete numbers too. Now tbh this should not need explaining to anyone but here is example two of why people just f*** me off.

Now i get on with anyone and everyone as i said and blokes especially as i’ve always been a bit of a tom boy and so girly girls i dont really get on with. Now i’ve made some great friends from the netherlands the last few years who are just wonderful and mean a lot to me and i will always do my best to go see them if i am over there or if they are going to festivals things like that i will go and support them. Anyway last may something happened at an event which was just blown out of proportion it was unreal. Lets use person A and person B as i dont like to use names. Now person A is from the netherlands and person B is from the UK. I have known for a long time that person B has liked person A and thats fair enough. Person A is still a great friend of mine and person B is no more. Now then at an event last year i got a little drunk with person A and it was a good laugh. Whilst walking together i happened to trip over something and my friend caught me and then heald my hand to help me walk as i was pretty drunk. That was nice of him. Now then at the same time this happened person B saw this happen and knowing the sort of person they are (a complete and utter immature asshole btw) i then get a message from a outside person saying i was a bad friend because i know how person B likes person A and what i was playing at blah blah blah. I laughed at the message as it really was BS and replied politely the event that had happened with the falling over and also hello im gay so back the fuck off im not interested in person A. Said messenger soon backed off and that was it. Thankfully i didnt see said messenger rest of the event. But anyway there was no need for that. What happened was a laugh between two friends nothing more nothing less.

Event ends and everyone goes their own way and back home and funny enough Person B does not really talk to me much after and tbh i didnt care. Yes i get they liked person A but ffs grow up and maybe ask what happened before getting someone else to fight your battles for you. I think it took a few weeks before i heard from them and they were still in a piss when they really had no right to be and left it at that. Move on about 3 months and i knew what was coming and it was the usual messages of ‘’Oh im so sorry for being a tit back then it was so silly of me blah blah blah hope we are ok’’ i explained to person A that i had no bad will towards them at all and its all over and done with and forget it and move on.No problem at all. That was the last time i heard from person A. Going back about 8 months now.....bare that in mind......

Now last November i went to the Netherlands for a gig and to see person B and his new gf who i had got to know over the internet. They had taken me in for a few days and it was lovely before i went to amsterdam. Now when i got back to the uk i did a instagram post saying thank you to my friends for a great time. I was scrolling through fb not even an hour after my post and i saw a shitty post from person A saying ‘’Oh looks like i’ll have to take some people off of my fb as i dont want to see things like that as they hurt’’ and some other bs. I knew instantly this was aimed at me and low and behold the next day after their fb post i was taken off of their instagram. Why you ask? Well because i had had a lovely time with my friend and his new gf!!!. This was now also 6 months after the BS at the said event before as well. FFS get over person B already as its been 6 bloody months and you knew he also had a sodding mrs and no interest in you and you didnt even talk that much. I get it feelings for someone can mean so much but to be so petty against someone else because they hung out with your crush and their new gf is f***ing stupid! So there comes into my rule of if you walk away from me or out of my life in anyway you do not get to see what i am up to anymore so i blocked person A from my instagram after that immature bs and at that time also muted them on fb as i no longer wanted to see the shit they were posting. Xmas and new year comes and goes and no messages. Not a problem i had already moved on with my life.

Same event comes around this year where shit kicked off last year but this year i didnt go. I knew plenty of folk that did and are in the same clicky group and noticed person A was hardly in much pictures which i thought was amusing tbh as they are all such attention seekers. So i went onto Person A’s fb page and saw that i had been removed from their fb page. Fair enough i thought not a problem at at all since it had been 8 months since we talked and they had already walked out in one way so the trash took itself out which was perfect for me. Again i had no problem with this due to their behaviours before hand and also i had moved on so didnt care. So with that and knowing how creepy they are on social media i block them as well. Done and dusted i thought.........

A few weeks ago i suddenly get messages from person A (comes up as unknown number on the app it was on but i knew who it was) asking if i had taken them off of my social media and why. I didnt reply to the message as i feel  no explanation is needed for such a thing. Life moves on and people grow apart its pretty normal tbh. So anyway another week goes by and i get another message asking the same thing but this time less jokey about it and more demanding. I ignore and delete the messages again. Another few days goes by and the third message is 1) damn creepy 2) proves my point on how crazy they are. The message basically said person A can see me on another accounts i have and so know i am online still and that they have talked to other people about things and they have said to let it go but they cant do that because they want answers. I literally lol to this message because it was just so needy and whiny but also damn creepy. Ffs who watches someone else from other accounts to see if they get a reaction or not?! Like grow up but the main thing that actually pissed me off about this was the pure nerve this person had to ask for answers when they were the first one to walk away many months back. Now did i go to them asking questions and why? No i did not as i dont care and still dont. Yet here is person A demanding to know why i have blocked them?! F*** right off. Again it comes back to you do not walk out of my life and expect to then keep an eye on me. Thats just all sorts of messed up and their messages just proves how f***ing crazy they are for checking up on me other profiles. If i could find these profiles i would block them too but tbh i dont care. I am happy and living my life. But how f***ing dare anyone demands to know anything from me when they f***ed off first. Not going to happen. I am hoping person A soon gives up and just leaves me alone but time will tell. If i get one more message i will then block them from what app they have contact me on.

You may wonder why i’ve wanted to rant about this and i’ll tell you why. The last few weeks i have got friends who have gone or going through life changing things. One has brain cancer and has maybe 2 years to live,another her ovarian cancer has come back and dont know the full scale yet and another a family member went through something horrific and its made me stop and think about life in general. I knew that life was short after i lost my dad but with all this happening and also more going on its made me think that again and gone bloody hell you never know what will happen to you. It makes you think about the important stuff and things that actually are important and not the BS of social media and things like that. I want my life to be filled with good people that are there for me and also support and love me for what id do. Not whiny pathetic people that moan about sweet f*** all when they should be more thankful for what they do have. I dont have time for people that have no positive effect on my life anymore. I wanted to be lifted up not heald back. I want to be pushed forward,not worried about other peoples opinions. 

So now i am taking time out from a things again for my well being and looking forward to the future :-D