#once a very buff fellow approached me and asked me to teach him how I lift the pallets up to stack 15 high

[arlo-venn]

Found a handful of photos that show what my job used to entail before I could no longer work!

I loved my job, for the most part. I worked alone, overnight, receiving for the kitchen in Whole Foods. This is about what a normal night looked like, had to move all the product off the floor and into the coolers, freezers, storage places they belonged in.

I think I still would have ended up in the same position with my health even if I worked a job that was not essentially 8-10 hours of CrossFit a night. Maybe not as quickly though lol.

[miraculouspaon]

Where Have All The Heroes Gone And Where Are All The Gods?

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Ferdinand Benavente

AO3

Ferdinand Benavente woke up alone. He’d been doing that a lot over the past few months. He still hadn’t gotten used to it, though. It was difficult, to shake what one had spent the better part of the last two decades growing accustomed to.

Ferd had a morning class that day, so it wasn’t long after waking that he was on his way to the university he’d been teaching at for over forty years. It had been a good place to work, until recently. Oh, it had its fair share of petty academic politics over the years. There had been plenty of times Ferd had grown frustrated with his department, or an administrator, or a fellow professor. But it turned out there was nothing quite like a fascist takeover to put all that in perspective.

Ferd’s more interesting courses had been suspended for the semester, pending a more scrutinous review by the Order. The course he was teaching this morning was a rather generic overview of ancient history, but even so the syllabus had been scrubbed somewhat before Ferd had been allowed to start teaching it. Ferd had frequent daydreams of civil disobedience as of late, of making a stand for academic freedom, but he did his best to quell them. It was difficult-he’d often imagined, throughout his life, what he might have done if he’d lived through similar situations in history. He’d flattered himself that he would have been brave, defiant.

Ferd, of course, had never really expected to live through such a thing himself. And he certainly hadn’t expected that if he had, he’d be closely related to the people most likely to take the regime down directly. He hadn’t imagined that biting his tongue and keeping his head down might actually be the best thing he could do.

About halfway through his class, an Order officer entered the room. One by one, every head turned towards him, then quickly turned back once identifying the interruption. Order officers were nothing new on campus, of course, but they generally didn’t just appear and wait silently in the back of the room. Ferd ignored the man, but it was clear his class was unnerved. Discussion quickly came to a standstill, so after another fifteen minutes or so of lecturing, Ferd released everyone early. As they filed out, the officer made his way to the front of the room, his manner casual. As he approached, Ferd handed off a stack of short writing assignments to his teaching assistant to grade.

“Marie,” Ferd said calmly, “I had an office hour scheduled just now, do you think you could cover the beginning of it? I'll make it up to you next week, but I have the distinct impression something's about to come up.”

“Sure, professor,” Marie said, glancing nervously at the officer before leaving.

“An excellent class, Professor Benavente,” the officer said smoothly as she left. “I'm sorry I missed the beginning of it.”

“You’ll have to stop by again sometime,” Ferd said. “Can I help you?”

“I was hoping to discuss your publications. I'm a big fan.”

“Really?” Ferd asked. “That's wonderful. What did you think of my latest paper?”

“I'm afraid I haven't gotten around to reading it.”

“Ah. Let me guess. You're here to discuss my book on the role of runic magic in the rise and fall of the Borgia family.”

“Guilty,” the man said, smiling.

“Are there concerns?” Ferd asked, somewhat wearily. He thought he'd finished dealing with Order censorship after his teaching load and syllabi had been finalized, but evidently not.

“Oh, no, quite the contrary,” the officer said reassuringly. “You see-well, you’ve caught me, I'm not actually much of a history buff. The part of the book that was interesting to me-or, more accurately, to the people I work for-was the introduction. You mentioned having some skill in runic magic yourself.”

“Some,” Ferd admitted.

“Practiced it much?”

“Not really,” Ferd said. “I didn't learn I had it until I was in my forties, and by then I was well entrenched in academia, I'm afraid.”

“Never considered a career change?”

“Not at all. I'm afraid I may have given you an inflated sense of my abilities. They’re nothing compared to the magicians of the Order, I'm sure.”

“Oh, I wouldn't be so quick to assume,” the man said. “Even minor talents can be highly beneficial, if applied correctly. And the Order is very interested in seeing how abilities like yours might be applied. How does that sound? Doing important work for the Order?”

“Highly flattering,” Ferd said immediately. “Although I suppose I like to think I'm doing important work for the Order already. Educating its future leaders and so on.”

“Oh, of course,” the officer said, somewhat dismissively. “You could still teach, if that's important to you.”

“I’m seventy-two,” Ferd said. “If teaching wasn't important to me I would have retired years ago. But my course load is lighter this semester than I'd been expecting, so I'm sure it wouldn't be difficult to juggle.” He hesitated. “I hope you won't take it as an insult if I take twenty-four hours to discuss it with my husband?”

“Not at all,” the officer said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a card. “This is my number. Give me a call at any hour, when you're ready to accept. I hope you won't consider me biased, but I really do think this is the opportunity of a lifetime. You'd be a fool to decline.”

~~~

Ferd spent the next hour in his office grading papers, just in case any Order operatives were keeping an eye on him. Then he put everything away, locked up, and set out for his sister-in-law’s home. It was a long walk, but a welcome one. Ferd had always liked walking through Paris anyway, but even more so on a day like today, when there was so much he needed to think through.

The gate at the front was locked when Ferd arrived, as it always was lately. It unlocked with a loud buzz a few moments after he pressed the ringer, and Ferd quickly made his way through the courtyard, up the steps, and through the giant front door.

“Ferd!” Adele said as he entered the foyer. She was standing at the base of the stairs next to her husband. “It's good to see you. Looking for Jonathan?”

“Actually there's something I need to discuss with all three of you,” Ferd said as he crossed the open space. “I'll get Jonathan and bring him down here.” He walked past them and started to climb the staircase.

“He’s out, actually,” Adele told him. “Said he needed to clear his head and he was going to take a walk. I’m surprised he’s not back yet, he left over an hour ago.”

“Really?” Ferd frowned. “I’m starting to really worry about him, Adele.”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “In what way?” he asked.

“In the way that he’s my husband and I love him and he’s working himself too hard lately,” Ferd said, slightly defensively.

Adele shot her husband a look, then turned to Ferd. “It’s not an entirely unfair question,” she said gently. Ferd sighed and leaned against the banister.

“I know, I know,” he said. “And no, to answer the question you didn’t actually ask out loud, I’m not worried about any kind of… relapse, or whatever you want to call it. But Jonathan hasn’t made any real progress with the Order spells in weeks, and I know it’s getting to him. You know how he gets when he hits a wall.”

Adele nodded. “Is that why you came over?” she asked.

“No, actually,” Ferd said. “I got a very interesting job offer after my morning class today. It seems the Order is now actively recruiting Parisians with any kind of magical affinity. I thought I’d better run it by everyone before responding.”

Adele paled slightly. “I see,” she said.

“Because on the one hand, maybe it would be useful, right?” Ferd said. “To have someone on the inside of whatever they’re up to. But I don’t know what their screening process is like, maybe it would bring too much attention to Jonathan, or the rest of the family. On the other hand, maybe refusing would also-”

“I’ll run it by Alya Lahiffe,” Adele interrupted.

Ferd nodded. “Good thinking.” Adele turned around and headed upstairs. Once she’d disappeared, Ferd looked at Gabriel. “So… you’re kind of doing this sort of thing already, right? With the Citizen’s Council? How’s that been?”

Gabriel shrugged. “Keeping one’s enemies close is not nearly as advantageous as one would hope,” he replied. “Or as interesting. And I believe the Order is starting to realize just how little legitimacy the damn Council grants them in the eyes of the public. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s disbanded after Christmas.”

“Christmas? Why do you think they’ll wait until then?”

“There’s been some discussion around planning an end-of-year gala,” Gabriel replied, rolling his eyes. “I’ve been trying to convince them to make it as lavish as humanly possible. The more effort I can get them to waste, the more of their attention I can divert from their attempts to capture Adrien’s children, the better.”

Ferd nodded. “Well, good luck with that,” he said, and Gabriel nodded his thanks. Before either of them could say another word, the front door opened. Ferd looked over, hopeful, but it wasn’t Jonathan. Dani, Louis and Emma filed in, home for lunch. All three looked surprised to see Ferd, but Dani was the one who immediately narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

“What's going on?” Dani asked, clearly fully confident that the answer was not ‘nothing’.

“Jeez, Dani,” Emma said, “are pleasantries just not something you do anymore? You can’t say ‘Hi’ and ask how someone is first?”

“I can tell how he is, he’s all apprehensive,” Dani said.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind,” Ferd said. “After being married to an empath for thirteen years I’m used to their tendency to skip ahead in conversations.”

“Try being married to one for forty-six years,” Gabriel muttered, and Ferd grinned.

“Seriously, though, what’s going on?” Dani repeated.

“The Order sent a recruiter over to my class today,” Ferd told them. “They found out about my runic abilities and they're interested.”

Louis nodded. “That makes sense,” he said.

“It does?” Emma asked him.

“Sure. Most Order members don't have any magic at all. It makes sense they’d want to grab up everybody in the city with magic.”

“I thought Uncle Ferd’s abilities were… limited,” Emma said. She glanced over at him. “No offense,” she added.

Louis shrugged. “Limited’s better than nothing. It’s like… okay, say Carew’s innate magical ability is at a hundred, right? And the leaders he’s set up in all the major cities, they’re all like mid to high nineties. But that’s just a handful of people out of the entire continent. And you and me and almost everybody else, we’re all the way down at zero. Uncle Ferd’s, like, a six. Nobody who’s actually important is gonna blink twice at that, sure, but compared to zero it’s significant, right? Anyway, look at all the trouble he’s managed to give the Order already. Warding Aunt Alya’s phone so she can’t be traced, touching up the protections for her resistance radio station. A little can go a long way if-”

Before he could finish the thought, the door opened once more and Jonathan walked through. He seemed surprised to see the foyer so crowded, and his eyes fixed on Ferd as Ferd crossed to him. “What’s wrong?” he asked immediately, and behind him Emma snorted.

“Maybe nothing,” Ferd told him. “The Order sent a recruiter over to my class this morning with a job offer, that’s all. Because of the runic affinity.”

“Oh.” Jonathan frowned, then glanced behind Ferd at Adele, who was making her way down the staircase to join her husband. He looked back at Ferd. “Did you accept?”

“Oh, sure,” Ferd said. “Wept with gratitude for the opportunity and everything. I mean, who wouldn’t jump at the chance to be a part of conquering Europe? When has that plan ever not worked out for someone?”

Jonathan raised an eyebrow. “You know I love it when you get all Snarky Historian, ma moitié, but I sincerely hope you didn’t say that to his face.”

“No, no,” Ferd reassured him, “I was perfectly friendly. I said I needed to talk it over with you before formally accepting, that’s all.”

“Hmm. How optional do you think the offer was?”

Ferd shrugged. “I don’t think I’m going to get kidnapped and locked in a room until I accept, like the last time I got a job offer like this, but ‘optional’ is probably a stretch. He was vague, but the way things have been going lately at the university… if I had to guess, I’d say I’d suddenly find it much more difficult to get my course syllabi approved. The ones that have been might be revoked. They might just push me into retirement outright. That kind of thing.” Ferd noticed the looks he was getting from the three teens. “What?”

“Has anyone in this fucking family not been kidnapped?” Dani asked, incredulous.

“Language, Danielle,” Adele said, but her heart wasn't in it.

“I would really like to hear the answer to that question, actually,” Emma said.

“Your grandfather’s never been kidnapped,” Adele said. She glanced at her husband. “Right?”

“I suppose it depends on how liberally one defines ‘kidnapped’,” Gabriel replied.

“Oh, getting captured in the middle of rescuing Jonathan doesn’t count,” Adele said dismissively.

“What about that bank robbery that-”

“Being a hostage is completely different,” Adele interrupted.

Jonathan snapped his fingers. “What about that teleportation trap that warlock set up in ‘98, remember? Gabriel was stuck in that thing for like five hours before I found a book and talked him through escaping. That counts, right?”

“Well, maybe,” Adele said, somewhat begrudgingly.

“Not that I don’t love watching you three take a wrong turn down memory lane,” Ferd said, “but if we could get back to my thing, that would be great, I have an afternoon class starting in forty minutes and it’s a bit of a walk back.”

“Right. Sorry,” Adele said. “Alya was already aware of the Order’s recruiting efforts, she said she’s got a couple of people who’ve been approached already. She wouldn’t say no to one more, of course, but she’s not desperately in need of more people on the inside. It’s really just a question of whether we think it’s too risky or not.”

“Which it is,” Gabriel said. “The Order must have some kind of vetting process, and the last thing this family needs is additional scrutiny.”

“Agreed,” Jonathan said. “It’s not worth the risk.” Ferd wasn’t sure what was more shocking, that Jonathan was admitting out loud to agreeing with Gabriel Agreste on something, or that Gabriel didn’t look the least bit bothered by it. Ferd probably would have found this more touching if the thing they were agreeing on wasn’t ‘Ferd should stay out of danger’.

“I’m currently taking the fewest risks out of anybody in this room,” Ferd said, trying not to sound defensive. “If I have an opportunity to be more useful, shouldn’t I take it?”

“It’s not that straightforward,” Jonathan said. “I know how you feel, but you taking risks jeopardizes the work I’m doing, too. Not to mention the danger it might put the kids in. And it doesn’t sound like there’s that much to gain, if the reporter already has other informants in similar positions.” Jonathan reached over, putting a hand on his husband’s arm. “I’m sorry.”

Ferd sighed. “It’s fine. You’re right, of course you’re right. I’ll turn it down.” Ferd glanced at his watch. “I’d better get going. Might as well do my job for however long I still have it.” Before leaving, he hugged Jonathan goodbye. “You coming home tonight?” Ferd asked softly.

Jonathan nodded. “Of course,” he promised.

~~~

Ferd was about to leave for the day, his office hours come and gone without a single student dropping in, when there was a knock at his open door and Danielle Agreste poked her head in. “Uncle Ferd?”

“Dani! What are you doing here? Not that I’m not happy to see you, but-”

“Oh, um, I just-I wanted to ask you something, but not around everyone else, so I thought I’d stop by here after school.” She entered his office, closing the door behind her. “Is that okay?”

“Sure. What is it?”

“What, um,” Dani took a deep breath and finished her question in a rush, “what was being akumatized like?”

Ferd nodded slowly. “Ah. I see.” He considered the question. “I don't remember most of it, actually.”

“Because of how long ago it was, or because your memory got wiped?” Dani asked.

“The latter. Jonathan wiped everyone's memories. He thought it would be easier that way.”

“Was it?”

Ferd shrugged. “It depends on who you ask. I go back and forth on it myself. I went to more than a few support group meetings, back in the day, and for every person who was grateful for it, there was another who resented it, who felt like it was just one more violation. It was… the more you hear from other akuma victims, the more you realize just how individual an experience it was. I don't know if my account can give you what you're looking for.”

Dani shrugged. “I don't know what I'm looking for. I just… if I'm going to be akumatizing people, I want to look it in the eye, that's all. But if I ask Aunt Alya or Uncle Nino about it they’ll just worry about me and pretend it was nothing. It’s weird, you know, talking to people when you can tell how they really feel, how much you’re actually upsetting them, no matter how good they are at hiding it. It gets exhausting sometimes. But you… I know we haven’t talked a lot or anything, but you’re kind of relaxing to be around. You seem like you’d be a good person to talk to about stuff.”

Ferd grinned. “Yeah, I get that a lot from empaths,” he said.

Dani looked at him, surprised. “Grandma, too?”

“Mm hmm.” Ferd took a few moments to gather his thoughts. “I was here,” he finally started. “Well, not here, I didn’t have my own office yet, but I was working here, at the university. I was a lecturer back then, going for a promotion. I had a colleague. We never really got along. Fundamental differences of opinion on virtually every subject that ever came up.  Anyway, he went behind my back, spoke to some of the committee members, tried to sabotage my promotion. I was pretty angry when I found out. I stormed back to my office, and the next thing I knew there was this voice in my head. It felt like it was everywhere at once, and it was saying everything I was feeling. I wasn't the first to be akumatized, so on some level I did realize what was happening, but I just… I couldn't care. I couldn't feel anything except that anger, that indignation. So I accepted his offer, and…” Ferd shrugged. “The next thing I knew, I was in a completely different part of the campus, totally disoriented.”

“Was it awful?” Dani asked, her voice almost a whisper.

Ferd shrugged. “I’d be lying if I said it was nothing,” he admitted. “It took a while to get past. And it took a while for the people around me to get past it, too. But we all did, eventually.” Ferd looked at Dani. “Your parents were really helpful on that front, actually.”

“Really?” Dani asked, surprised.

“Yeah. They’re the first thing I remember, after snapping out of it. They were both there, both doing their best to reassure me. They were really great every time. Not just with me, with every one of us. They never blamed any of us, they always stuck around to make sure we were okay if they could. The stigma would have been a lot worse if it hadn't been for their attitude, the way they treated us.”

Dani blinked back a few tears. “Yeah?”

Ferd nodded. “Even back then, even for superheroes, they were special.”

Dani sighed. “Yeah, they were. Are.” She picked at the dirt under one of her nails suddenly, not meeting her uncle’s gaze.

“We’re going to get them back,” Ferd said reassuringly.

Dani nodded, still not looking up. “Yeah. Yeah, we will,” she agreed. “And when we do, they’re going to find out their daughter’s been making akumas in their absence. The thing they originally became superheroes to fight.” She kept picking at her nail.

“They are,” Ferd said. “And you’re right, it might take some getting used to the idea. But they’ll understand. They’ll be proud of every single thing you’ve done since they disappeared.”

After a moment, Dani nodded. “Thanks.”

~~~

It wouldn’t have been the first night since the occupation began, that Jonathan said he’d be home and then wasn’t. So when curfew rolled around with no sign of him, Ferd tried not to take it personally. He simply settled down on his couch and tried to distract himself from worrying by reading a book. It was an effective tactic, so Ferd was somewhat startled when he heard the door open about fifteen minutes later.

“Sorry I’m late,” Jonathan called to him as he removed his coat and scarf.

“Out past curfew?” Ferd asked. “I thought this family wasn’t taking any unnecessary risks.”

“We’re not,” Jonathan said, entering the room, “but I had a promise to keep. How was the rest of your day?”

“Well, I called the recruiter back,” Ferd said. “I told him we talked about it and decided I was past the point in my life where it makes sense to be working two jobs.”

Jonathan sat down next to his husband. “And?”

“And he suggested that maybe I was past the point in my life where it makes sense to be working one job.” Ferd let out a heavy sigh. “So odds are good I’m retiring in a month.”

“I’m sorry,” Jonathan said, “that sucks.”

“Yeah,” Ferd said dryly, “it’s the worst thing that’s happened to anyone in this city since Occupation Day.”

Jonathan put an arm around Ferd’s shoulders and pulled him close. “You’re still allowed to be upset, you know.”

“It’s fine,” Ferd insisted, leaning against Jonathan. “I’m sure I’ll find something to do to fill up all my free time. Like gardening. Or birdwatching. Or treason. It’ll be fun.” He paused. “Speaking of treason…”

“What?”

“Remember that book you insisted I made up?” Ferd asked.

“I didn’t say you made it up,” Jonathan said, “I said the spell wasn’t druidic.”

“Yeah, well, I finally found it.”

“Seriously?” In response, Ferd got up, crossed the room to his bag, rummaged through it for a few moments, and pulled a book out, which he then dropped triumphantly on the table in front of Jonathan. Jonathan leaned over and read the cover.

“You found a druidic spell similar to the spells the Order cast in… a book on a fifteenth century schism in the Catholic Church?

“Huh?” Ferd looked down. “Oh, no. I switched the dust jackets. I didn’t want anyone to realize the book was missing. And then I snuck out the back without checking it out so, you know, I’m going to Library Hell now.”

“You say that like you’re joking,” Jonathan said, opening the book, “but you actually feel guilty.”

“Libraries are very important to me,” Ferd said defensively. “Removing a book from one without checking it out first goes against everything I hold sacred. Flip to Chapter Eight.”

Jonathan picked the book up, flipped through, and read silently for a few minutes, his eyes slowly widening. “Well?” Ferd finally said. “Was I right or was I right?”

“Well, first of all,” Jonathan said, “this spell isn’t druidic.”

“What?” Ferd walked around the table and sat down again, looking at the page Jonathan was reading. “Is that or is that not an account of a spell cast by a celtic mystic in Gaul in the second century BC?”

“Look, it’s an easy mistake to make, but just because a druid cast the spell doesn’t mean the spell itself is druidic. This says she was hired by a Roman general, and he got the spell on the Silk Road. The spell itself is vedic, which as a magical discipline is about as far from druidic as-”

“Oh my God, just admit I was right.”

Jonathan grinned. “Never.” He went back to reading the account, and slowly a kind of light came into his eyes that Ferd hadn’t seen there for what felt like a very long time, a light he hadn’t realized he’d missed so much.

“But… I was right that this is useful, though? This is something you can use? This will help?”

Jonathan nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, this is really good, this is going to help a lot.”  He kept reading for a few minutes, then looked at Ferd. “You know, you're a lot less smug about this than I would have expected, it's kind of worrying. Fine, I admit it, you were right. Happy?” Ferd nodded but didn't say anything, and Jonathan narrowed his eyes. “Seriously, what's bothering you? I know I haven't been very present lately, and I'm sorry about that but this is-”

“It's not that,” Ferd said. “I'm not worried about us.”

“Then what?”

“You,” Ferd took a breath, “you know this is enough, right? Like, everything you're doing, even if you don't get as far as you hope. Everything you've already done is enough.”

“Enough for what?”

“You know… enough to count as one of the good guys.”

Jonathan was silent for a moment, and he leaned back heavily into the couch cushions. “Jesus, Ferd,” he finally said.

“Look, I know that you’re the kind of person who throws himself into these research projects anyway, and I know the stakes are higher than ever. But I just, I can’t shake the feeling that there’s more to it, to how obsessed you’ve been. That maybe you’ve been thinking of this as… I don’t know, redemption.”

Jonathan considered this. “Maybe,” he admitted. “Is that a bad thing?”

“No,” Ferd said. “But… if what you’re doing doesn’t work, if it’s too much, it’s still enough that you gave it your best.”

Jonathan scoffed. “For who?�� he asked. “Trust me, ‘giving my best’ has not changed anyone’s opinion of me so far. And honestly, I get that. It’s fine, I can live with it. I’ve lived with it for this long. You don’t need to worry about it, okay?”

“You can live with it?” Ferd asked. “With doing all this work and nothing being different at the end of it? Because in stories it always seems like the villain seeking redemption winds up having to die for the heroes in the eleventh hour for everyone to go, ‘Oh, he was good in the end.’ That’s the cliche, isn’t it?”

Jonathan looked at Ferd incredulously. “That’s what you’ve been worrying-”

“And I know these things are more nuanced in real life, I probably know that better than anyone, but I swear to God, Jonathan, if you get it in your head to earn redemption through some idiotic blaze of self-sacrifice, I will never forgive you for it.”

“Oh, Ferd.” Jonathan pulled Ferd into a fierce hug. “You know I’m way too much of a selfish bastard to do anything like that.”

Ferd let out a shaky breath. “Promise?”

Jonathan kissed Ferd’s temple. “I promise.”