#once I was at a potluck where three different people showed up with homemade carrot cakes

[fattributes]

For this hypothetical, the drinks, plates, and dinnerware are already taken care of, and again, you're not allowed to turn up empty-handed.

Just like in real life, let's hope we won't choose to bring the same thing.

[notbecauseofvictories]

Re: your tags - Any tips on planning a good dinner party?

The first step is to decide what kind of dinner party you want to have. A dinner party where everybody brings something, potluck-style, and you sit on the floor eating off paper plates is still a dinner party! So too is inviting everybody over to an apartment-warming party so you can show off the fact that you have actual glassware now, like a real adult, or even putting in the table leaf and planning an elaborate menu so your mother will stop talking about your cousin’s dinners.

Deciding the kind of dinner party you’re up for requires stepping back and looking at how much time you have to plan it, how much money you’re willing to spend, and what your space can accommodate.

Time. Planning and executing a dinner party takes a truly ungodly amount of time. It takes time to pull together a guest list, time to collect RSVPs (whether that’s via text, fb group, invitation, etc.), time to plan and then shop for the menu, clean your space (not just the dining room, but also where your guests will sit, and the bathroom they’ll use), prepare your space for guests (set the table, clear away any clutter), and then actually cook the dinner you’ve decided on.

And that’s all before your guests show up. 

The more elaborate the plans (and the more people you’re inviting) the more time you’ll need to prepare. For a casual sit-down dinner party I’d want at least 5 days lead-in time to prep; probably more to give people a chance to block off that night in their schedule. For something more formal, I’d want two or three weeks. 

Money. Another major factor in deciding what kind of dinner party you’ll have is budget. An elaborate home-cooked meal for any size group of people is expensive—an American-style sit-down dinner is typically a salad, a main dish (usually a meat of some kind), and 2-3 side dishes. Ingredients for just that can cost around $200, easy, and without taking into account appetizers, dessert, or drinks.

If you’re working on a budget, hosting a potluck is the easiest way to share out the cost among you and your guests. I’ve also hosted appetizer parties to great success—people love bite-sized stuff, and you can use the same ingredients in several different dishes, mixing in impressive, costly recipes with easy, less expensive ones.

Finally, consider your space. If your table only sits two, or live in a cramped studio apartment, you should take into account those limitations. If people will be sitting on couches you need to consider your capacity and what kind of food that means serving; even if people will be sitting on the floor, you need to consider how you’re going to make that happen. People in any space want to crowd around each other in a vague circle shape, and I’ve definitely lived in apartments where you couldn’t make that circle comfortably.

Additionally, your space also means the stuff in it. If you only have two wine glasses for four people, serving wine is probably not a great idea. (Though, tip from someone who has been refurbishing their apartment, Salvation Army/St. Vincent de Paul/Habitat for Humanity resale stores have crazy amounts of very attractive glassware for extremely cheap.) 

Once you decide what the party will look like, then you can get onto the real business:

PLANNING THE MENU

The best part of a dinner party is, of course, the dinner. Whether you opt to go for something simple, lavish, or quirky, the menu is something of a centerpiece. 

The most important part is to take into account your guests’ needs. The best pasta primavera in the universe is still the wrong meal to serve to a gluten-free crowd. I have a steak marinade that’ll blow your socks off, but the vegetarians and the no-red-meat-thanks people will leave hungry and dissatisfied if that’s all that’s served. 

Still, the typical American formal dinner party menu does allow you to extend in several different directions, and hopefully please as many different palates as you can. For example:

Appetizers—Appetizers are by no means required, and it’s totally normal to have guests over for dinner without offering appetizers beforehand. However, I think this is a fool’s errand, because appetizers are super easy to make (e.g., baby carrots and veggie tip, olives, cheese and crackers) and if people eat them, they’re less hungry for the dinner. Which, depending on how you feel about your main course, might be a pro or a con.

Salad—First course, nowhere near as many people will eat it as you think, but vegetarians and the healthy people will. If you just want something to throw together, most grocery stores now sell bagged salads, complete with toppings and dressing. If you want to prepare something unique, more power to you.

Can also be substituted for soup, though people have stronger feelings about soup and you’re less likely to please everybody. Whereas salads are basically the same dead leaves, with different kinds of sauce.

Main Course—A typical midwestern main course involves chicken or beef of some kind. However, the main course can also be seafood, pasta, or really any kind of food “substantial” enough to be the main fixture of the meal. 

Depending on the size of the party, it may be worth it to make several options; barbecue for one half and grilled chicken for the other. People are always happier with a choice, even if they choose the one that would be have available anyway.

Side dishes—I think sides are the best part of a meal, and really the opportunity to expand the palate of the dinner. If you’re serving steak with a traditional marinade, then the sides are an opportunity to expand into vegetarian or vegan territory; if you’re serving a cayenne-rubbed whitefish, then serving it with mild roasted cauliflower will let people catch their breath.

It’s also an opportunity to make dishes that you know people will like. For example, I made waldorf salad for my mother’s birthday, and she loved that more than the steak—but it was because I knew she liked waldorf salad. Sides are a kind of deliberate gesture to the people you know will enjoy them. And also, pair well with whatever the main is.

Dessert—Much like appetizers, dessert is optional. It is especially optional given the fact that by the time you get to it, people have been eating for at least an hour, and are generally not hungry. Something light, even just ice cream, will usually work work well. And if your showstopper is a dessert, make sure you plan a lighter dinner, so people still have room for the “main event.”

……none of these needs to be homemade, mind you. I actually think that you’ll have the most success if you combine complicated recipes with simple ones; a frozen appetizer and homemade sides, or a pre-made dessert with chicken you baked yourself. That kind of combo allows you to balance your time better, and effectively carry out your dinner plan.

OTHER TIPS

Think about your guest list before sending out the invitations. A dinner party is an opportunity for your guests to talk and get to know each other, but that’s hard if you invite people who can’t, don’t, or won’t get along. When you’re planning your guest list, think about whether this group will gel, who knows who already, and whether you’ve invited talkative people to balance out the quieter ones. (A dinner party of introverts who don’t know each other is going to be awkward.)

Prep your space as much as you can ahead of time. If you do a really thorough cleaning of your space on Thursday for a dinner on Saturday, then Saturday afternoon you’ll just have to do some spot-cleaning and set the table. Buy groceries before the day-of, unless you’re cooking with something like fresh-that-day fish or just-baked bread. Do not just be planning a menu the day of the party, that way lies ruin and madness.

Prep as much of the food as you can ahead of time! Chop all vegetables the night before, make your marinades and casseroles, shred your cheeses, etc. and then store them covered in the fridge. Some things will have to wait—salads shouldn’t be tossed until it’s almost time to serve them; freshly-cut fruit bruises and browns pretty quickly; anything with a lot of milk in it will separate and have to be re-mixed in the morning; unless you’re dealing with a very tough piece of steak, you shouldn’t marinate overnight. However, do as much as you can ahead of time. This also helps cut down on mess the night of, because my next piece of advice is to…

Clean as you cook. I know cooking generates a lot of dirty dishes and pans, especially as you get into more complicated recipes. However, at the ideal dinner party, your guests should arrive to a clean and empty sink, where the only dirty dishes are the ones in the oven. The only way to make this happen is to clean as you cook. I always add in a couple hours’ lead-time so that I can have everything in pans and ready to pop into the oven even as I clean up the chaos.

Something will go wrong, just roll with the punches. You will realize an hour before the party that you forgot to get napkins, or burn a side dish, or awkwardly offer a drink to a friend who doesn’t drink. People may butt heads at the party, and require intervention. (I once went to a dinner party where the table broke. The host was mortified, but I have very fond memories of trying to rescue food and dishes from the wreckage. We sat on the floor afterwards, laughing and eating off paper plates.)Something will go wrong, so roll with the punches and don’t let yourself spiral over some little thing. You can use paper towels as napkins and apologize for any faux pas. Pizza delivery was invented for a reason. At the end of the day, the important part is to give your guests a nice night, some food, and conversation---and those will exist even if you’re sitting on the floor, eating off paper plates because the table broke.