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danddymaro · 4 years ago

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Addiction | Old Snake x Reader

An Ending to MGS4 that ends in happiness for our good boi Snake

Fixed/Edited

BTW: Let’s shift the events around and pretend he went to go talk to Big Boss Before Meryl's wedding.

Thoughts are italics in quotations = 'Example'

Flashbacks are in italics = Example

Word Count: 2225

Addiction

From betwixt the snug place of his lips, the smoke in which he took pleasure from was snatched, aggressively pulled out in a single motion,

"Snake," A familiar male's voice said in a harsh whisper, sounding frustrated and disappointed all together, "Just what in the world do you think you're doing!?" Otocon added with the same tone of exasperation.

Silently, Snake's blue eyes drifted right to see the bespeckled brunette male giving him a half-hearted glare, his entire expression full of annoyance as he glared onto the man that seemed many years older than what he truly was.

"You know you shouldn't be smoking," Hal said while shaking his head in the same disapproval, making sure to exaggerate a low dragged out sigh, "Honestly...Snake, you'd think that at least today you'd make an exception." He added.

'Today...' David started, 'Today is a special day... for not just me, but for her too,' He thought while grunting, knowing just what the other man meant, feeling guilt weigh down over his shoulders as he recognized his selfishness.

With a dull gaze as a response, Snake returned the look back to his long-time friend, 'I know this already...don't think I don't,' He silently told the man while pressing his lips together tightly.

Tearing his eyes from the hardened dark chocolate orbs, David then trailed his oculars down to the discarded nicotine as it now lay on the floor, a small, thin line of smoke still rising from its end, a gentle flicker of a red spark still visible as well.

He could pick it back up. After all, it was salvageable, but even so, his reaction remained prolonged.

He stared at it for a few moments before he closed his eyes to rid himself of the tempting image.

"You will end up smelling like burnt ash and tobacco. I don't think she'd like that," Otacon continued to speak, convincing him to make the right choice.

Dropping his shoulders, Snake nodded in defeated agreeance, knowing it to be true.

After a few silent minutes passed, he then gave a frustrated sigh and stepped on it, crushing it under his shoe and making sure it was put out by the stomp.

"yeah yeah," David grumbled, because he was well aware of the fact and had already mentally kicked himself for it.

"I know you're nervous," Hal then said with a soft, understanding smile rising, "it's understandable," he said while placing his hand on his friend's shoulder, "But you should do it for her. " He added, truthfully, also being concerned for Snake's health.

"Now come on, " Emmerich said with brightened brown orbs, "It's about to begin," he reminded the other male, his index finger tapping the little face on his watch as an exited grin overtook him.

Having spent almost his entire life in battle, it wasn't like he could fit into the normal world with ease. He couldn't just chuck himself into an easy everyday life as simple as that, no matter what anyone tried to tell him.

He'd been told to live his life, to enjoy what bits he had left and to salvage it the best he could, but he hadn't the least bit of an idea as to how to do so,

'how? ' He wondered helplessly, uncertain as to just how he could go on so simply.

What could a man that's known nothing but battle do in the normal world?

He couldn't go back to his family as other soldiers would often do, because he had none. He had no mother, father, brothers, or sisters, to fall back to.

Heck, he didn't even have a damn dog to go back to and run toward at the end of the day.

All in all, he had nothing. So, he couldn't just join into the masses of civilians and blend in, because it just hadn't been in his plans.

He'd never thought that far along, and for a long time, he'd thought there was nothing there for him.

But of course, life had its crazy, little surprises, especially one he'd never anticipated...

"Marry me!" She said out loud, her voice rising with plea, the sudden proposal stopping his movements entirely.

His steps came to a complete halt, and the foot that had almost touched the ground stayed suspended for a moment, hovering over the placement by just a centimeter.

He then took two slow breaths before he placed it down to the Earth, turning to the woman with confusion, his brows knotted together to show a visibly painted look of dumbfoundedness,

"wh..what?" He breathed, almost inaudibly as he tried to comprehend what he'd heard.

He was certain that it was just his old age playing with him.

He just knew it was the only explanation as to why he heard her say the words because it was just unfathomable to him,

'I must be hearing things,' He thought to himself, deflated at the sudden realization that dawned upon him.

Dementia; he probably had dementia.

He'd thought he had just a bit more time before then, but it seemed that he wasn't lucky enough, and surely the old age he presented himself with had finally fully beaten him,

"What...what did you say?" He asked slowly, staring at her with furrowed brows.

She took a step forward, inching herself closer to him with anxiousness, seeming uncertain on coming near,

"Did...did you not hear me?" She squeaked, face turning beet red, seeming mortified at the fact that she had to once again repeat herself.

" Perhaps... but I could have been mistaken." He grumbled, watching her continue to move closer to him.

Slowly, and tentatively she stepped forward, soon standing three feet from him, staring up at him with a harsh swallow, a small lump gliding down her throat before she spoke yet again,

"I...I...I said ...I ... I said ... will you marry me..." she repeated with strain, sounding much smaller the second time around, losing all the sense of confidence she'd previously fueled herself with.

"Marry you..?" He repeated, still at a loss.

At her side, he noticed she held the white bouquet full of flowers tightly bound within her hold, and it was the same bunch that Meryl had thrown up in the air not a few moments ago.

When she realized just what he had been staring at, she held it up with a rather quirky smile, " I think this kind of means I'm next, and I don't see anyone better around," she said while raising both her brows to dance up and down until he turned away from her, not in the mood for the show of playfulness,

"Huh?!

- What! Please don't go!" she cried out, rushing after him, soon managing to stand before him, her arms widespread to stop him from moving past her,

"I'm being serious!" She declared, looking up at him with frantic (e/c) colored eyes, "You have to believe me!" she added, continuing on with her story.

She reminded him of the fact that they'd met before. It had been a while back, an event that had embedded itself deep within her heart, even if he'd forgotten,

"Because..." She started, " Because I've thought of you every day after that," she confessed. "And then I spoke to Hal, and he brought me here, he told me that now...Now was my chance to tell you. " She confessed to him.

She'd waited years, pinning for the man through each and every one of them, waiting for the day she'd one day stand before him again.

And it all began to make sense by then, why Otocon seemed so insistent on him joining the ceremony, despite his own refusal to show because he'd had other plans in mind, all of which didn't include infecting everyone with his miserable air.

"I'm not exactly meant for romanticism, " he told her. " And even if I were..." He trailed off, keeping his eyes drawn away from her, his words dying out as he let her fill in the blanks.

Even if he had been willing to take the risk, to suddenly go off and get hitched to some strange woman he just vaguely remembered,

his life was draining, and all in all, he had nothing to offer her.

"You're better off with someone else... " he said lowly, " someone who has the time," he added with the same dejection, moving to leave her behind before she stopped him again,

"Wait," She said with a stilled breath.

Her two hands both grasped his, stopping him and effectively holding him back. The soft, warm palms of her two hands enveloped his own hand which was much rougher and less dainty, " Let's at least try?" she said with hope,

"I already know," She told him, " I've already known about your condition...but still..." She went on, daring to step closer, " Still... Even then, it doesn't change the way I feel, and, in fact, It just fuels me to want to be with you even more, " She admitted.

"It's sudden, I understand, but at the very least, give me the opportunity to come closer to you." She tried to compromise,

"If you begin to feel the same way I do...then... then we can make something of it. " She told him, slowly convincing him with the lovely stare of her pleading, (e/c) colored eyes.

He reflects back to her proposal far more than he cares to mention because it had been the moment his life took a complete turn, going from muted grey and black to cheerful, colorful vibrancy in every step that she accompanied him in.

And it all lead him to where he was now, standing before her, dressed properly and prim, left awestruck at her beauty, moreso than he typically was, reminding him that perhaps his luck wasn't so bad if it had somehow aligned their lives together.

she held his hand in hers as she slid the silver band onto his finger, the smile she wore on her red painted lips never faltering, not once losing its lovely show of fulfilled happiness, because she couldn't be any more joy-filled, something everyone commented on.

- There wasn't a happier bride in the planet.

Her cheek was then pressed to his chest, her nose scrunching up as she let out a soft sigh, not sounding angry, but he knew she wasn't all too pleased either,

"You were smoking..." she said softly, closing her eyes slowly as she let her body be led by his slow movements.

He wasn't a dancer, and she wasn't either, but nonetheless, they rocked together, bodies pressed close as their friends watched the couple's first dance together.

"I can smell it on you," she added with a small sound of exhaled air produced from her nostrils.

She hated loving the scent, the smell of smoke making her think just of him and nothing more.

"I was nervous," he said in defense, his response making her giggle softly,

"Don't tell me you want out already?" she asked him, drawing back slightly to look up at him, saying it in a joking manner, but even then he could hear the uncertainty in her voice.

"Because I think it's a little too late for that," She reminded him.

"...Do you?" he asked her back, and he watched her shake her head in denial,

"Of course not silly," She said earnestly.

And he loved what followed, what always came after she looked up at him,

"I never would," She breathed, her gleaming eyes soon straying down to her wedding band, lovingly eyeing the silver piece, " David, I loved you then..." she started sweetly, her gloved hands sliding up from his chest to his cheeks, " and I love you now..." she reminded him, rising up on her already heeled feet.

His paled blue eyes closed, his mouth melted onto hers before she brought him the tender heat of their plumped goodness.

His two hands then fell over her hips but didn't stop to land on them, instead, they slid around her, his arms taking complete hold of her during their loving connection in an embrace that spoke more than words ever could.

"I'll love you always," she managed to murmur between their mashed mouths.

A squeal of enjoyment left her as he squeezed her tightly within his arms, loving all the attention he fed her.

She lived for it; Blossoming beneath his rays of affection.

"David..." she said again, drawing back, her eyes brightened with a type of light he knew existed only when he stared at her, because the woman adored him, something he'd always found to be unbelievable, yet a bliss.

He'd gone days without the death stick, days which later turned into months, and finally years.

He'd gone the rest of his breathing days without so much a thinking of them, but not a single one of those passing dates did he resist her, always caving in to her, even in their darkest days.

By then he'd found out that there was something far more addicting than nicotine, and it was the sweet flavor of her lovely lips, the warmth of their tender press, and much more the dedication behind each one that she let graze him.

All in all, she became his one fixation, the one thing he couldn't ever dream of living without.

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belliesandburps · 4 years ago

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Non-Kink: Top 12 Best Stealth Action Games

I was inspired by my dear pal, @twistedtummies2, to share a lil bit of non-kink related stuff about myself with’chall. One thing to know about me is I’m a huge lover of video games. I may not have as much time to PLAY ‘em much these days, but dammit if they aren’t one of my biggest joys beyond writing and the great outdoors.

And my favorite genre in all of gaming is the stealth action genre. Anyone who knows me knows that I adore the Metal Gear Solid series, but I also love a whole bunch of other stealth action games because, to me, this genre is the one with the most meat to come back to. Stealth action done right is you being put in a room or outpost or whatever with a bunch of bad guys, and trying to carry out an objective without engaging with the enemies. OR, it’s picking off the bad guys one by one, quickly and quietly. Oooooor it’s you try to be sneaky, get caught, say fuck it, and wage war with an armada of Russians because isn’t it always Russians. XD

I love that so many stealth action games can play out so many different ways. And the feeling of escalation, like trying to be sneaky, and being overwhelmed when you’re caught and having to escape a hectic situation? That, to me, is more thrilling than ANY set piece or scripted, linear mission from any game I’ve ever played. It’s why I’ve replayed many of these games time and time again, and haven’t even THOUGHT about most of the biggest AAA blockbusters upon beating them.

Now, this list is subject to change. I have a few games I need to play and they may beat out a few on this list. But for now, here’s my Top 12 Best Stealth Action games because on top of being a thirsty old bastard, I loves me some espionage and bandana action. :P

12) Batman: Arkham Origins (2013)

This game gets a lot of flak, but believe it or not, it’s actually my favorite in the Arkham series. It’s City with a new coat of paint and a few more bugs, but City was still awesome, and so is this game. It had plenty of clever predator stealth sequences, with more enemy variety to shake things up, that always made wiping out the bad guys swiftly and silently deeply rewarding. AND it had more stealth action boss fights. City had Mr. Freeze and a single predator fight rehashed twice with Two Face and Harley. Origins had Mr. Freeze again, but with new additional options, and a pre-fight stage where you had to stay outta sight. It also had Deadshot, the best of the three basic “predator boss” types, as well as TN-1 Bane as the final boss, and damn if it wasn’t intense. With more gadgets and clever ways to mix and match, I think this game would be higher, but it’s still a great one for lovers of more approachable stealth action paired up with excellent brawler combat.

11) Assassin's Creed (2007)

The other AC games may be better, but AC1 is the only game in the series to stay consistent and simple with its design philosophy. Here are targets for you to assassinate, here are bolstering crowds with beautiful cities to Parkour across or hide within, and at every turn, there are hiding spots but also enemies, making situations escalate organically and entertainingly with each assassination. Hence why, despite most people regarding AC1 as the weakest entry, it's my personal favorite. It's the one I replay the most and the one that just stays consistent with what it advertises. No more, no less. 10) Hitman (2016)

I've yet to play the other Hitman games, and by accounts, each sequel is better than the last. But you've seen the Jackie boy vids. What more need be said? :P

9) Death Stranding (2019)

Death Stranding's kind of a jack of all trades in the stealth action. On one hand, you have conventional stealth action where you're infiltrating enemy camps and can either pick off all the bad guys one by one or go nuts and fight everybody head on. On the other hand, you have BT's, whom you sneak around by holding your breath and moving slowly, lest these ghostly monsters drag you out to a tarpit for a boss fight. The stealth is fairly simplistic but functional. Combat as is would be fairly shallow, were it not for the sheer quantity of options you have in any given battle. Seriously, you have a sticky gun that lets you snatch cargo straight off a bad guys back then immediately bludgeon him unconscious with it, and snatch HIS cargo to smash his BUDDY out cold with that in one fell swoop. The way situations can organically just bleed from stealth to action and give you options for both makes it a blast. And the boss fights against Cliff and Higgs are almost all I could ask for from stealth action battles. 8) Spider-Man: Miles Morales (2020)

I DO wish the game had some stealth action boss fights, but far as superhero games are concerned, no game has better stealth action than Miles Morales. It hits fast and is deeply gratifying. You have corridors with as much as twenty plus bad guys, and you can clean it out in minutes thanks to being able to hide in plain sight through invisibility. Venom Takedowns with let you wipe out a chain succession of enemies all at once. Corridors have TONS of environmental advantages to wipe out a bunch of bad guys with one move. And unlike Spider-Man or Arkham, if you're caught, just go invisible, flee, and go right back to picking off baddies in seconds. It's like playing a predator sequence in an Arkham game on steroids...and in fast forward. And the sheer volume of enemies you're often up against keeps it from feeling too easy. 7) Ghost Recon: Breakpoint (2019)

This game SUCKED at launch. Like, it was actual trash that became a chore to finish when it first came out. But fair's fair, Ubisoft stuck with it and the end result is one of the most customizable experiences I've ever had in gaming. Like, this game is straight up now designed to let you change the entire experience simply by pausing the game and flipping a new options on and off and have it immediately go into effect.

I hated the injury mechanics of the first game because it slowed you down and led to a lot of random, unfair deaths because you could never predict which attacks would be critical and which wouldn’t. So now, I can turn them off. I thought bad guys were brain-dead. So I can make them smarter. I thought constantly slowing down when I'm running from bullets was detrimental, so now, I can make stamina limitless.

I thought some areas had way too many guards to viably take out without co-op buddies...soooo I can activate an entire squad of AI partners all throughout the game with me and there's a lot of coordination you can do with your team for really covert missions...and you can even customize their look to create a team that looks as cool or goofy as you want. It’s a really dorky thing, but I LOVE customization in shooters and being able to fully customize, not just yourself, but your team to look however you want in missions is really fun.

And if you think the enemies are too easy to take down? Turn on Terminator mode and have T-800's storming the place. Yeah, freakin’ Terminators. XD

The game gives you literally all the options you could ask for to have an experience perfectly tuned to what you WANT to have. And the options you have make it so the game can feel like an entirely different, borderline strategy game instead of a solid third person shooter. You can activate a drone now to coordinate your three AI buddies to stop and go where you want, mark targets for them to eliminate and have your eye on the entire battlefield. It's honestly staggering how many options this game has. And were the missions not so boilerplate and were the boss fights actual boss fights and not just reskins of basic enemies, this would be one of the best games ever. As is, it's a genuinely impressive comeback story! 6) Deus Ex: Mankind Divided (2016)

Mankind Divided is the game Cyberpunk WISHES it was (Spoiler Alert: Cyberpunk isn’t very fun or responsive yet). It's a game with some spectacular level design where there are dozens of ways around any given enemy and tons of options for any mission. You have a wide assortment of augmentations to let you sneak or fight your way through any scenario and they give you the tools to use your robot powers in really clever ways for navigation purposes. This is a game where even the simplest side mission has about a dozen different outcomes, and most of them are wholly organic. What it needed was more...well, GAME. After all, MD is a third of the game it was meant to be. But it IS a marvel of stealth action goodness. 5) The Last of Us: Part 2 (2020)

I have a BUNCH of issues with this game, but on the subject of stealth action, TLOU2 is one of the best in the genre. Every single encounter is highly difficult, but has dozens of variations. The levels are all designed with tons of varied cover spots and hidden paths to let you navigate as you either pick off the bad guys one by one, or sneak past them. The enemies range in their weaponry, but possess self preservation, so they aren't just standing around shooting aimlessly.

And on top of that, combat is brutal. Every bullet counts, and you feel the impact of every shot fired. The melee system is simple but complements gunplay fantastically. So if you wanna save bullets, you can shoot someone in the leg, and as they stagger, you can bumrush them, grab a hammer or brick you find on the ground as you're running and bludgeon them to death to save bullets. The game also has a great lil "MGS4 Battlefield Stealth" system. Several encounters have humans and infected, and you can pit the two against one another and either sneak around the carnage or use it to pick off the harder enemies.

The game also has a FAR better predator fight that's basically David's fight in the first game, but with way better mechanics. The boss increasingly upgrades their weapon each time you attack them, the environment is perfect for this fight, and if you're caught, you aren't just dead, you have a means to escape a hairy situation. TLOU2 may have been deeply polarizing, story-wise, but as a GAME, it's terrific. And best yet, once you beat the main game, there's an encounter mode that lets you skip all the BS and just jump right into every single stealth action encounter and boss fight throughout the whole game risk free. What's not to love about that? 4) Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater HD (2004 / 2010)

MGS3 is the first really great linear MGS game. It ditches that terrible fixed camera, simplifies the controls, and has more than ten rooms where you do any sneaking. Its best moments are proto-MGSV outposts, where you have an area with tons of guards and multiple paths to your objective, and a whole lot of opportunities to get creative. It was also the first MGS game that made combat just as viable as stealth. You CAN actually just punch your way through the bad guys now, and the end result is shockingly fun thanks to all the weapons and more intuitive controls. But the real star is the boss battles. MGS3 has some of the best bosses of any video game I've ever played in my life. And MOST of them incorporate stealth beautifully. To the point where you can eliminate half the bosses with any of 'em ever even knowing your location, and giving you a plethora of variety in the bosses themselves AND the means in which you fight them.

3) Splinter Cell: Blacklist (2013)

Splinter Cell's an odd series. The story is nonsense yet also pretty drab and simplistic. Sam Fisher REALLY isn't an interesting character, none of the characters are except the villain and anti-hero scumbag. But as a VIDEO GAME, Blacklist is the peak of linear stealth action. MGS3 had boss fights, and THAT was the biggest mark for the game. And Blacklist only has a single boss fight, which is basically a slightly elongated version of Deadshot's "fight" in City.

But the moment-to-moment gameplay is out of this world good. You have brilliant level design that makes sneaking from A to B deeply gratifying, but you also have insane mobility that makes you feel like the biggest badass when you play. There can be a room full of guards. And like a game of chess, with the right moves, you can end them in seconds, which requires skill to pull off, rushing the first guy and taking him down, shooting his buddy, then using execute to auto-kill up to three guards you've marked who were in range. It's about using the systems the game gives you to maximize efficiency on the field. And you can pick off bad guys using your environment, or climbing a plethora of terrain.

The game almost plays like Arkham half the times when you're climbing walls or pipes and dropping down on bad guys or shooting them from overhead. It has a huge variety of gadgets to aide you as well, and combat is incredibly difficult but doable. Sam can only take a few hits before he's dead, but the means to shake off enemies is fair, and recovering from a slip-up is more fun than it is frustrating. The campaign has several excellent missions which would satisfy a person as is. But it also comes with over a dozen bonus missions you can access from your allies, each one taking place in entirely new settings with new enemies and storylines, each one with simpler and more streamlined objectives (perfect stealth, predator missions where you kill all the enemies, and survival waves where you have to fend off increasingly harder enemies). AND it has the best kind of co-op. Like Peace Walker, you can play any side mission with buddies. But it also has missions exclusive to co-op, designed to be fully embraced with a buddy you can play with on the couch or online. It's a game with tons of content, and all of it is mostly excellent. 2) Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain (2015)

MGSV is the best game I've played. That's because it's a game that hits all of my buttons. The outposts are examples of perfect level design. Each one is designed with a huge array of cover spots and multiple paths, direct or secret, to an objective area. As a result, every mission allows you to get in, carry out your objective, and get out without raising a stink. And when you screw up, it doesn't feel like punishment, because the combat of this game is fantastic.

Everything is highly responsive, so your inputs happen with no delays. You can go from diving to shooting from the ground in a tenth of a second. And combat lets you seamlessly go from shooting, snatching guns from bad guys and blowing away with it, to taking breathers behind cover or with a human shield. The enemy AI is the best the series has ever had. They have way more self preservation, they're liberal with grenades, have way more variety in their weapons, and actually use turret guns and mortar cannons now.

The missions themselves can be resolved tons of different ways. Assassination missions play out like small-scale Hitman missions, without the frustration of screwing up and restarting because missions are so short, you just roll with the punches. And the overall feel of a mission changes dramatically, depending on your loadout, the paths you choose in the level, your playstyle, and the time of day you select when you start a mission.

There are only a few major downsides to the gameplay. The bosses lack variety, like, I REALLY wish MGSV had more XOF assassins like Quiet to confront along with the Skulls and MoF. Some missions are a bit too samey, and there aren't enough larger scale outposts. Some more enemy variety wouldn't have been remiss. And finally, the open world itself is pretty lifeless. It works to complement the missions, like giving you a whole stretch of land to carry out ambushes or battle the Skulls anywhere you please. But open world games are best when they have more to react to and engage with, or secrets to find. Oh yeah, and the main villain should've had a boss fight, a stealth action shootout at that because that’s what the OG plan was until Kojima decided to be slightly more pretentious than usual.

But beyond that, this game is a freakin' masterpiece.

So why is number 2 on the list even if it's the best game I've ever played?

Because this game exists... 1) Deus Ex (2000)

Deus Ex isn't as mechanically good as MGSV. It's even that good mechanically, like, playing it now, it feels pretty clunky and not the least bit smooth. Still fun, but you feel the age. So why is it number 1? Simple. Deus Ex is the most open-ended video game ever made. It's a stealth action RPG where every, and I mean, EVERY single level has dozens upon dozens of different paths to choose and make your own. It has class specialization, meaning the build you create gives you a whole ton of new paths and strategies to use for hacking or flexibility.

Every single mission takes place in a sprawling area. You have an objective, obstructions blocking your way, and a whole bunch of guards. You can blaze right to a solution, resolving a situation in minutes. Or, you can take your time and find any number of different paths to your goal. And all throughout each mission, there's tons of things to find as you explore. There's entire other side missions with their own plethora of options. Lots of really clever flavor text. Upgrades to bolster your augmentations. And really ominous messages you can find that'll come into play later.

The bosses may lack variety but each one is a perfect stealth action battle where you can choose any number of options against the bosses, right down to running away from them and the game outright acknowledging that the boss enemies weren't killed. Best yet, it's a game designed to be broken. Unlike Human Revolution, all the bosses are recurring characters you spend plenty of time with. But you can outright blow them away WELL in advance and the game will acknowledge their deaths and keep going anyway. If you engage in a boss battle during a designated boss fight, but avoid them or run away, then that boss will turn up again for a rematch later.

This is a game where you can create your own cover spots or platforms by gathering vending machines and dumpsters and piling them on top of each other. Where specialization changes the entire feel of the campaign and incentivizes repeat playthroughs just to come up with different builds and experience missions in whole new ways. And best yet, this is a game where when you're in a hub, whatever you see around you, you can interact with. If you see buildings in the distance, you'll be able to go in and explore, and there's always something to find. Deus Ex is number one because there will never be another game like it. It's debatable that no other game will ever be as FUN as MGSV, but no other game will ever be as open ended as Deus Ex because it's literally impossible. The game is clunky and cheap looking because the engine it was built on was a low-memory one. They traded in graphics fidelity and more impressive flow for the sake of creating a vast video game with an impossible amount of content to constantly stumble upon. And unlike all the other games on this list, that open endedness actually DOES translate into the story, giving you dozens of different branching paths to the story, and sadly, only three fairly weak endings, but damn, if the journey up ain't a blast.

I have a whole slew of other lists I’ve been meaning to post for the better part of two years, and honestly, they’re fun to write. So, who knows? Don’t worry though, they won’t get in the way of bellies or burp content either. XD

#non-kink #bnb lists #video games #gaming chat #stealth action #metal gear solid #splinter cell #assassin's creed #hitman #deus ex #the last of us #ghost recon breakpoint #cyberpunk 2077 #syphon filter #that game is really good too #but it's honestly not a stealth game #it's like the reverse of MGS1 #MGS1 was a stealth game with clunky forced action #Syphon Filter was an action game with clunky forced stealth #dark mirror was great #it's the single best psp game I've ever played #and hey James Horan is the final boss #i can always pretend that was the final fight with Skull Face I didn't get from MGSV #fucking kojima...#honestly I think that's why Higgs had so many boss fights in his chapter #it felt like an apology for screwing Skull Face #so he gets three really great bosses back to back #his second MAIN fight is basically a perfect stealth action battle #Cliff's boss fight I swear is exactly what I HOPED Skull Face's would've been #*Should've been...Kojima...

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sevi007 · 5 years ago

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Ecdysis

Rating: Teens and Up

Fandom: Metal Gear

Setting: MGS4 Ending, Missing Scene right after the Epilogue

Word Count: 9510

Summary:

ecdysis - ec•dy•sis - the process of shedding skin or other covering, typical of snakes and some insects.

Big Boss sent both Snake and the world off with carefully chosen words before his death – it’s time to part with the past, and move on to the future.

For David, that means there is a wedding to attend… and then, figuring out how he will live what is left of his life to the fullest. Luckily for him, he has help with that.

__________________________________________________________

“A new world will be born. That new world is yours to live in.

Not as a Snake.

But as a man.”

Big Boss to Snake

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ D ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Smiling and laughing became awfully close to painful around sundown. By the time the stars blinked above them and late evening turned to early morning, Otacon felt like he would break down crying if he laughed mechanically one more time at a story or joke the others told him.

He felt like an awful friend, and did not care for it at the same time. After all, Johnny’s and Meryl’s wedding was as much a celebration of having done it, of being alive, as it was a wedding, and part of him wanted to join them.

The bigger part of him remembered that this was also a twisted sort of wake for Snake which only he knew about, and it made him want to scream.

It was a close call already when Campbell and Mei Ling came over to say goodbye. The Colonel had claimed to be a bit too old for partying until sunrise, and the young data analyst had gladly taken him up on his offer for a ride back to the hotel.

There was something too knowing, too sad in the Colonel’s eyes as he shook Otacon’s hand. It was then that Otacon remembered with a start – Campbell had been the only one who had not asked after Snake’s whereabouts when the wedding and the party had gone on, gone by, and Snake had not shown up.

“I wish you all the best, Doctor Emmerich,” Campbell murmured, with his knowing, sad eyes, and Otacon had had to bite the inside of his cheek bloody as not to lose it then and there. The others had been right there, after all. Sunny had been right there.

He wasn’t sure what he had answered, after.

Still, it felt almost relieving to not be the only one who knew… knew what…

(He didn’t want to think about it. Couldn’t. Wouldn’t.)

Mei Ling impulsively hugging him goodbye had been a relief. Spluttering in surprise, laughing awkwardly, had been easier to deal with, welcome to replace the pain in his chest. He had accepted her well wishes and orders to come visit her (“Of course, all of you! Snake and Sunny and you!”) or at least call her from time to time with some flailing and half-agreements and yes, of course, we’re staying in contact.

He told himself that he had not lied, after, when he waved their driving off car goodbye. He had agreed to stay in contact. He had not said anything about Snake.

It didn’t make him feel any better.

Otacon was staring at nothing, pondering if it would be suspicious at all to excuse himself and go to sleep now (everything seemed better than pretending a happiness he didn’t feel), when a small weight crashed into his legs, sending him stumbling back a step before he caught himself.

“What-…,” looking down, it was easy to recognize the mop of silvery hair, even when the little girl had her face pressed tightly against his legs. “Sunny!”

At the sound of her name, Sunny looked up, startling him with the deep frown etched onto her face.

“What’s wrong, Sunny?” Worry made his chest squeeze even tighter, and Otacon reached instinctively for her, checking her forehead for temperature, trying to gauge what could bother her. “Are you tired? It’s way past your usual bed time, after all!”

“I’m fine,” Sunny assured, despite the frown lingering on her face. “You look tired, Uncle Hal.”

“O-oh,” blindsided by that, he scrambled, trying for a reassuring smile. Even he could feel it turned out pathetic. “Well, it is getting late, after all…”

“Uncle H-Hal?”

The stutter, having become so rare when she talked to him or Snake, made him all the more worried; but it was nothing against the fear creeping into her eyes when she asked, softly, “Y-you’re not sick too, right?”

“Oh, Sunny,” forget blindsiding. At this point, it felt as if someone had taken a hammer to his head. Otacon dropped to his knees, hands fluttering from gripping Sunny’s shoulders to framing her face. “Sunny, no, no I’m not… of course I’m not sick! Why would you…?”

“It’s just… you said Snake is sick, and he went away…” at this point, Sunny’s bottom lip had started to quiver dangerously, “… and you look so tired, and…”

“Sunny, no!” Without hesitating any further, he pulled the girl to his chest, wrapping her tightly into a hug, pressing his face into her soft hair while he rocked her gently. Idiot, he groused at himself damn idiot, of course she would worry!

“I’m… I’m not sick.” He had meant to say I’m fine, but the words jammed in his throat, feeling as if he had tried to eat glass shards. “A bit tired, maybe, but… Sunny, I swear, I’m not sick. And I’m not going to go away.”

There was a muffled sound against his neck that sounded all too close to a sniffle, then a thin voice, “You mean it?”

“Of course I mean it!” Untangling himself carefully, Otacon held the girl at arm’s length. “Do I look like I don’t?”

Sunny did not look fully convinced, but at least she seemed to believe him enough to not cry any time soon. Small relief.

He was still trying to come up with something better to say (fervently wishing for the same quietly reassuring aura Snake possessed) when he registered a faint rumble, growing steadily louder, turning from a dull droning to the clatter of an engine and the sound of rotor blades cutting the air. By the time Otacon had pushed to his feet and spotted the blinking lights in the sky, the helicopter was already close enough that one could make out its silhouette against the night sky.

Behind them, all conversations died down, laughter tapering off. Backs straightened, hands reached for weapons kept securely under suit jackets. Meryl and Johnny stopped in the middle of a turn in their waltz, stepping apart while their hands simultaneously dropped to the guns at their waist line.

Meryl caught Otacon’s wide-eyed gaze over the short distance, jerking her chin towards the approaching machine. “Someone we know?!”

“No idea!”

A decisive nod, eyes gleaming defiantly, and she turned back to observe the sky. The click of the safety being taken off was loud like a thunderclap to Otacon’s ears.

“Uncle Hal, what’s happening?” Sunny pressed instinctively closer to him, eyes wide.

“Nothing, Sunny. But stay close to me, okay?” He did his best to keep his voice even, gently pushing the girl behind him. It would be better to get her to the Nomad… but should he stay outside himself, or follow her inside? He would be no help in a fight…

Cursing inwardly, he squinted upwards, trying to make out anything which could give a hint if the unexpected guest was friend or foe.

When he spotted the familiar writing at the side, so, so late, the helicopter already preparing to land, he felt as if his knees would give out in relief.

“That’s ours!” He called out over the roaring of the rotor blades, hoping to convince the others not to shoot it. “It’s just the pilot coming back, it was …”

… Snake who took it.

Otacon bit the words down before they could come out of his mouth, almost laughing at himself. What would he say, when the helicopter landed and no Snake would appear? Try and explain the truth to them?

Snake took it to get to a good place where he could kill himself, like the self-sacrificing man he is.

Oh yes, that sounded good.

He hated it. Hated it all – the unfairness of it, not being able to tell the others. Hated the little glimmer of hope which had tried to come to life in his chest when he caught sight of the helicopter.

Don’t be an idiot. You know he’s not coming back.

At least his explanation had caused the others to stand down, weapons being holstered and pocketed, postures mostly relaxing again. Not fully; Otacon himself couldn’t really let go of Sunny, either, unconsciously pulling her a bit closer towards him. Even telling himself that it was just one of their two pilots returning with an empty helicopter, he couldn’t shake the initial suspicion.

Maybe they were all a bit too used to surprise attacks, these days, but who could blame them?

They watched, equally parts on guard and curious, as the helicopter started its descent for landing, Rotor blades sending the air howling and whipping around their ears. The headlight turned off, leaving only small lights blinking, just enough to illuminate the door at the side being ripped open and someone moving to jump out while the skids were still inches above the ground.

Otacon squinted against darkness and the gusts, wondering who would join them in their celebration, and this late on top of it.

And then the newcomer stepped into the dim light of their makeshift-aisle, and Otacon stopped breathing at the sight of the familiar face he had thought he would never see again.

Snake was still in the suit he had donned before leaving, all black and grey and white, muted color which could have fit on a wedding just as well as on a deathbed, strands of hair getting torn out of the slicked back style they had been tamed in by the blasts of wind. While they all watched, he ducked beneath the blasts of air to better keep his balance, striding over towards their group in quick strides, gaze flickering left and right, looking for something.

Blue eyes eventually found Otacon’s gaze and a smiled curled over Snake’s face, wide and crooked but so very real.

The little flicker of hope Otacon had tried to suppress only moments before broke free and blazed into a wildfire even as his brain screamed that it wasn’t possible, he’s gone, he’s gone, he said he would…-

Yet his eyes saw and his heart hoped, and he didn’t know if to laugh or to cry or do a bit of both. Maybe some nice screaming mixed in.

Sunny didn’t have nearly the same issues. She was laughing, tearing away from his side in a matter of seconds, cheering loudly as she went, “SNAKE!”

And Snake, the same man who had taken to grumbling over how difficult getting up with his aging knees really was, did not hesitate to drop down, catching the little girl as she flew into his arms, rocking back under the onslaught but holding tight. Burrowing his face in the crook of her neck while she squealed with glee.

“That’s some entrance,” someone behind Otacon commented – Jonathan? – laughter in his voice.

“Dunno, Drebin’s entrance wasn’t too bad, either.”

“Mine had flowers an’ shit,” Drebin threw in, words slurring and tripping over accent and alcohol and the lilt of amusement. “Would say I win.”

“He’s still late, too.”

There was more, after, more talking and more laughing, but it all was drowned out by the roaring of blood in Otacon’s ears. His legs felt heavy, filled with lead as he pushed himself to walk, stumbling, towards a little girl and what could only be a ghost.

… he’s gone, gone, gone…

Is he?

The helicopter’s engine had finally been turned off by the time he reached them and he could hear Sunny prattling away, her stutter coming through as she talked at high-speed. Both her hands were gripping onto Snake’s suit jacket so tightly as if she feared he would vanish if she let go.

“… Uncle Hal said you’re sick, and you need so-… some time alone!”

“He wasn’t wrong about that,” Snake looked up at the sound of Otacon’s footsteps, something undefinable flickering over his face. Putting Sunny back onto her feet, he rose. And there it was, the popping of joints, the wince, but he didn’t comment on it, standing up too straight, too still, while his gaze never left Otacon’s. He did not even seem to blink. “Otacon.”

They were close enough now that Otacon could hear Snake breathe, could feel his body heat radiate off him, and god, even then did he have trouble to believe the other wouldn’t simply vanish if he touched him. Mouth opening and closing a few times, he spoke finally, voice cracking, “You’re… you’re back.”

“Yeah.” Snake looked almost as frazzled as he did, mused hair and out of breath and eyes a tad too wide, and it helped, somehow. To not be the only one looking as if they had seen a ghost.

“You…you didn’t…” He was not even able to finish the sentence in his mind, much less say it aloud.

“Couldn’t do it,” Snake murmured, voice deep and only the tiniest bit wavering, gaze flickering from Otacon’s down to Sunny. Mindful of the curious little ears listening in. “Couldn’t, then something came up and… I didn’t do it.”

Dimly, Otacon was aware of his own trembling. He couldn’t say when it had started. “And you won’t…?”

“Not going to.”

Relief flooded Otacon, so sharp and sudden it was nearly painful. The sound ripped from his throat could have been a hysteric, relieved laugh at any other time, but now it was more of a sob - and he didn’t give a damn, not at all, because for whatever reason, it was that sound of all things which finally seemed to make Snake relax, posture falling from soldier at attention into something more natural, tremulous smile widening-

The sound repeated itself, this time definitely a sob, and Otacon dimly thought fuck it, and simply surged forward to wrap his arms around Snake in a tight hug.

If Snake was startled by the move, nothing showed it. His arms snapped up at sheer inhuman speed, wrapping around the smaller man with the strength of steel, and if Otacon lost a few ribs during this, he wouldn’t even be able to bring himself to care. Not when he could press his face against Snake’s shoulder and could feel the other’s heartbeat under his trembling hands, strong and steady and real, beating a silent He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive against his fingertips.

He hadn’t felt this kind of breathtaking relief since the time he had had to drag Snake from a wet early grave, and the man had coughed up half a river before had started breathing on him again.

Rationally he had understood. Really, Otacon had understood, he assured himself silently, wildly, he through a blur of tears and relief. Between the aging, and FOXDIE… he had told himself it was a logical solution to Snake’s situation. The scientist in him had sorted it as predictable outcome.

And despite all that, he had not wanted Snake to take this route, inevitable as it seemed.

“Uncle Hal?”

A tiny hand tugged at his pant leg, and Sunny’s quiet voice, brimming with worry, piped up. “Uncle Hal, why are you crying?”

“I-It’s alright, Sunny,” Otacon choked, words muffled by cloth and tears, managing a wobbly laugh. “Those are g-good tears.”

He felt Snake shake in his grip, rumbling laughter vibrate through him, but he couldn’t be offended at being laughed at right then. He couldn’t even bring himself to feel embarrassed at all, even while crying in front of all these people, sniffling rather undignified against Snake’s shoulder.

All he felt was that all-consuming relief and happiness. All the more when he felt Sunny carefully wrap her arms around their legs and hold onto both of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ D ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took a while before they could get a moment to talk about it.

Snake was greeted with a mixture of enthusiasm he wasn’t all too familiar with (then again, it was Johnny doing the greeting) and playful nagging about his tardiness - he refrained from hinting at the fact that he almost had not shown up at all – and he had to shake hands, accept shoulder pats strong enough to make him bend under the force, and more hugs from Sunny before the excitement had died enough so he could duck out of spotlight.

And the, finally, finally, he managed to pull Otacon aside and away from the others, who were busy with themselves, so he could tell him Otacon what had happened on his trip to the cemetery.

He did so in fits and starts, having to stop every so often.

When he reached the point of the story where he had been about to pull the trigger (leaving out the sensation of the weapon’s weight in his mouth, the sound of the bullet whizzing past his ear) Otacon sucked air through his teeth with a hiss, gripping Snake’s wrist hard enough to bruise.

As he talked about Big Boss appearing in front of him, alive, talking to him, like an equal, Snake had to interrupt himself to remember that it had been real, and not a fever dream sent by his despairing consciousness.

He kept talking to Otacon’s hand on his shoulder, grounding him.

Silence settled between them once Snake had finished his tale, a pause while both tried to make sense of all that. They watched as a bit further ahead, the party came to a close, people preparing to leave. Meryl and Drebin were arguing about something, likely if the arms’ dealer should be allowed to drive in his drunken state or not. Johnny stood next to them, barely smothering a grin while watching his wife shut all protests down. Jonathan had heaved a squealing Sunny onto his shoulders, swearing loudly when Little Gray tried to climb up behind her, Ed laughing his head off over it with glee.

Finally, Otacon spoke, “So FOXDIE will die… with you.”

“Yeah,” Snake rubbed his hands along his pant legs, feeling the nagging need for a smoke. He tried to ignore it.

“There’s not going to be some pandemic outburst or anything.”

“No.”

“And you found all that out by talking to a dead man.”

He really, really wanted a smoke right then. “Supposedly dead. I guess.”

Otacon turned to him rather abruptly, disbelief and hysteric amusement warring on his face. “You guess.”

Snake shrugged, feeling both helpless and a bit amused himself. “I don’t know what else to tell you, Otacon.”

“Well, I don’t know, either!” Otacon’s voice rose a bit at that and he stopped himself, taking a deep breath while rubbing his hands over his face. His next words were muffled by his palms. “Why do things always have to be this weird?”

“Hell if I know,” Snake muttered. He couldn’t help the crooked smile pulling at his lips. It was nice to know he was not the only one despairing over that fact.

Nice and easy. Was that really too much to ask, just for once? Apparently, yes. At least in his life.

Loud laughter pulled them from their thoughts, and they both looked up to see Sunny sway dangerously far back on Jonathan’s shoulders, laughing so hard she had tears running down her cheeks, while Ed was trying to shake Little Gray off his arm where he clung to like a leech.

“You think we should tell them?” Snake pointed towards the happy group with his chin when Otacon turned questioningly towards him.

A pause, then Otacon shook his head slowly, looking tired and relieved at the same time. “No, I don’t think so.”

“No?”

“I mean, they didn’t know before,” Otacon shrugged, pulling a face as if to say well, you know. “About FOXDIE… they didn’t know you were going to… well. And as far as they knew, Big Boss was dead. And now…”

“Now he is,” Snake finished when the other trailed off. “And FOXDIE won’t be a problem anymore. No need to make them worry over it.”

“Yes, exactly.”

“Everything back to zero.”

The sense of déjà-vu he had at that statement made him suppress a shudder. He would need a while until the number held no other meaning any more than just that – a number. Not a man. Not a beginning, or an end.

“Snake?”

Humming in question, Snake tilted his head to look at Otacon. Stopping and taking a second, closer look when he saw the conflicting emotions going over the other’s face. “Otacon?”

Somehow, Otacon managed a weak smile, even when his eyes looked suspiciously wet again. “I just… wanted… I’m glad you didn’t do it. I mean, I know we agreed it would be… a solution,” he vigorously rubbed one sleeve over his face, nearly knocking his glasses off, pulling an apologetic grimace when he resurfaced, “I know we did. But the whole day long, I just thought… I thought you wouldn’t come back, and… I wished I hadn’t let you go through with that stupid plan.”

Snake felt as if his heart had dropped into his stomach right then. Impulsively, he reached out, before sighing and pulling his hand back. “Otacon, I…”

I didn’t even think how it might be for you.

I’m sorry I put you through this.

God, sometimes he really wished he was better with words, Snake grumbled to himself. Sighing, he settled for what seemed to be the easiest way to sum it all up, “I’m glad I didn’t do it, too.”

It seemed to work, at least. Otacon looked up, a real smile quirking the corners of his mouth, “Yes?”

“Yes,” somehow, Snake managed a lopsided smirk. “Or do you think I would have missed a shot at such a distance.”

The sound bursting out of Otacon then was half splutter, half choked off chuckle, and he aimed a weak slap at Snake’s shoulder. “Don’t make me laugh about you almost dying!”

Chuckling himself, Snake dusted his shoulder off – not that he had really felt it, anyway – and patted Otacon’s arm reassuringly, ignoring the half-hearted grumble of unbelievable he got for it.

“Snake!”

Hesitant amusement filled Snake as he looked up to see Johnny wave animatedly over at them. Really, the enthusiasm towards him was… unusual.

Next to him, Otacon chuckled. “They are probably leaving, you know.”

“Yea,” pushing to his feet with a grunt, Snake waved it off. “Be right back.”

Sunny beamed when she saw him approach. Her greeting was cut short, however, when a mighty yawn almost split her face.

“Whoops, kept the little lady up past her bedtime,” Jonathan joked, lifting the girl off his shoulders to set her carefully back onto the ground.

Rubbing her eyes which seemed hell-bent to fall closed, Sunny leaned heavily against Snake’s leg, holding onto him for support. “Snake, c-can we get a monkey, too?”

The surprise lasted less than a second. Snake did not even have to wonder where the notion had come from, Drebin’s grin too wide and Little Gray’s chatter a bit too smug (if monkeys even sounded smug. What did he know?).

Without missing a beat, he gently ruffled the girl’s hair and answered, “Why don’t you go ask Otacon about that.”

When Sunny lingered, grip still tight on him, he softened. “I’ll be right behind you.”

That finally seemed to satisfy her, for she nodded, letting go to wander back over to where Otacon was waiting, waving all the while to the adults who called well wishes and goodbyes after her.

“Good kid,” Jonathan commented, Ed nodding in approval.

Noting that, strangely enough, the statement seemed to be meant for his ears, Snake acknowledged it with a tilt of his head.

“She made a great flower girl.” Seeming to be done with her discussion, Meryl turned to Snake. She looked him up and down for a moment, hands on her hips, before raising an eyebrow. “You know, at that wedding you missed.”

“Yea,” Snake agreed. Pausing, considering, he added with a huff, “Sorry.”

Meryl frowned a moment longer at him, then she rolled her eyes and snorted a half-laugh. “Honestly, I was not even that surprised. You always have horrible timing.”

“Hey.”

“Probably depends on the perspective,” Johnny added cheerily, grinning crookedly when Meryl turned towards him with narrowed eyes. “Errr, you know, a perspective we don’t… understand?”

Much to Snake’s amazement, it was visible how Meryl relaxed when looking at her… well. Husband. The scowl faded from her face like it had never been there in the first place, and there was a brightness to her eyes he had never spotted in the woman before.

He had been a bit perplexed, to hear that Meryl, or rather, Meryl and Johnny, would get married, after all this mess, but now he could see that… yes. Those two might just be able to find their own kind of happiness.

“Otacon going to be okay?”

Caught wrong footed when Meryl addressed him all of a sudden, Snake had to think quickly to gauge what she meant. “Yes.”

“Going to tell us what that was about?”

The mood changed quickly, feet being shuffled uneasily at the sudden questioning, one or two throats being cleared uncomfortably.

Snake did not even bat an eyelash at it. He might have been tired and off-kilter, but it was not enough to have him disclose any more than he wanted to. “We all had a few long days.”

Meryl studied him for another beat before sighing. “So stubborn.”

“Likewise. You guys off to your honeymoon now?” It was not the best way to change the subject, but he didn’t really care.

“Hmmm? Oh, yeah!” Johnny seemed to brighten even more, taking the bait easily. “Not that we know where we’re going, we’re getting surprised with it…”

“Our lips are sealed,” Ed mimed zipping his mouth shut.

“I don’t even like surprises,” Meryl grumbled, yet couldn’t keep the smile off her face completely. “But yes, apparently, we’re going on a honeymoon.”

“But before that, we wanted to thank you.”

Thrown for the second time in this conversation, Snake frowned. “Thank me?”

Now that was wholly unexpected.

Johnny nodded, laughing - and when exactly had he grown so much more at ease around Snake? Around anyone? The wedding did not only do Meryl some good, it seemed. “Thank you, yes. I mean, without you, we all probably wouldn’t be here.”

Wouldn’t be… no that still made no sense. Was this about the mission? Snake’s frown only deepened. “If I had not done the job, someone else would have.”

“What?” Now Johnny seemed to be the one thrown, the smile dripping off his face as he cocked his head. “The job-… ah, no, I didn’t mean… I meant our first meeting! You could have killed me back there, but you didn’t. For that, I have to thank you.”

“…I see,” he didn’t. He hadn’t… he simply had not pulled the trigger, on a guard who was so naïve and kind that ketchup could trick him into worrying over his prisoner. Over an enemy. It had felt wrong, to kill someone so innocent, so he simply… had not done it.

He shouldn’t be thanked for that.

Meryl seemed to think along the same lines, at least partly, since she snorted. “He basically saves the world and you thank him for that?”

“Hey, I wouldn’t have met you, if it weren’t for him!” Johnny defended, before his eyes softened. “And then I couldn’t have married you, right?”

“Ugh, guys,” Jonathan complained, laughing. “Keep it down!”

“Uh, right!”

Much to the general amusement, Johnny blushed beet red, even while trying to glare at his friends for the teasing. Eventually, he gave, laughing at himself while he scratched the back of his neck. “Um. Yeah. That’s just… well. I just really wanted to say - thank you, Snake. For, uh, a lot.”

Snake stared down at the hand the other man offered him, then back up at the pair of newlyweds, watching him with matching smiles.

Later, he would blame it on the sudden sentimentality of a man who had stared death in the eye not too long ago, but right then, he honestly simply acted. Gripping the offered hand firmly and corrected, “David.”

A pause followed the single word, brief but there. It was easy to pinpoint the exact moment when the new knowledge and its weight sunk in. Meryl’s face did not give much away, but her eyes widened the tiniest fraction, glowing just a bit brighter. Johnny’s expression was much more open, went from confusion over surprise to something like awe, mouth opening and closing a few times before a wide grin spread over his face.

Snake couldn’t help but smile back. “My name is David.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ D ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saying goodbyes to a group of people, Snake learned that late evening turning way too early morning, was just as bothersome as greeting them. By the time the tank had driven off (and wasn’t that an interesting ride for a wedding), he felt the deep ache of exhaustion in his bones, and all he wanted was to get some sleep.

He was nearly surprised to find Otacon still waiting where he had left him when he returned. The other man looked just as tired as he felt, eyes red from crying and lack of sleep and swaying slightly where he stood, yet he smiled when Snake approached slowly. Sunny had fallen asleep on his hip, head pillowed against one bony shoulder.

“Want me to take her?” Snake made sure to keep his voice to a low grumble, careful not to rouse their charge.

“No, no, I got this.” Otacon shook his head, hair flying around his face. Then he narrowed his eyes, something occurring to him. “But do you have any idea why Sunny thinks I would get her a monkey as a friend?”

“No idea,” exhaustion helped to keep his expression neutral even when he wanted to smirk.

“Aha…” Otacon knew him too well, if the eye roll was anything to go by. With a result huff, the smaller man turned, aiming for the Nomad. “Well, let’s keep talks about monkeys and anything related to the future. I’m too tired to argue over it.”

Whatever Snake had been about to answer got lost halfway there, and he slowed his steps, stopping altogether.

“Am I going to die?”

“Everyone dies. You can’t stop it. You can’t run away from it.”

Future. It had been an off-hand comment from his friend, but it brought the reality that had been drowned out in a rush of exhilarating relief back with the force of a shot finding its target.

He might have a life now, Snake reflected, but a future was not in the cards for him. With his light, his source, gone, he as a shadow would vanish soon enough. His life was only borrowed. Expiration date unclear, yet hanging over his head like a Damocles sword all the same. All he had left now was a job, a mission to finish to the sound of his final countdown ticking down.

Otacon and Sunny, though…

He watched Otacon vanish in the Nomad, the girl still secure on his hips. Those two, hey were different. They had a future, were more than shadows. And they didn’t deserve having to watch yet another person in their lives die right in front of them.

Snake watched, considered, and came to a decision.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ D ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hal was not even surprised when he went looking for Snake the next day and found him packing.

Sunny was in the kitchen, preparing them a late breakfast while humming and singing happily to herself. She would be too distracted to notice what was happening, and had Hal not gone looking for his partner on a whim, so would he have been.

As a master of stealth, it was likely Snake had counted on exactly that.

It hurt, a bit (a lot). Knowing that the other would just leave, chose to go by himself and be lonely, when he and Sunny were still there, ready to follow him. But, again - there was no surprise.

He had not expected Snake to return to them alive. How could he expect him to stay, then?

He couldn’t, Hal answered for himself with a little, annoyed huff. Because Snake, that stubborn, blind man, had no yet realized that he did not have to leave, and telling him wouldn’t get them anywhere. He had to come to the conclusion on his own, in time, and not because he was pushed to it.

The time were anyone could push or order Solid Snake around was over, for good. And Hal would not be the one to try and put him on a leash again.

Snake didn’t look up or acknowledge it when Hal stopped next to him, continuing to stack his few belongings in the backpack and zip it all closed without missing a beat, every movement fluid and practiced. He seemed to be nearly finished, pack full to burst. Gritting his teeth as he rocked back on his heels, the man took a deep breath, and pushed himself to his feet. The audible cracking of his joints and back was met with a wince, and swinging the backpack up and over his shoulder ended with a pained grunt.

It was only when Snake started to fiddle with the shoulder straps, corner of his mouth tilting down in annoyance, that Hal noticed something missing, making the picture seem strangely incomplete. A quick glance around didn’t suddenly procure the missing item, and by the time he finally spotted it – laying on the desk furthest from them – and had went to retrieve it, Snake was already by the door and nearly out of the Nomad.

It just wouldn’t do, sending him off so… incomplete.

“Snake, wait up!”

For a moment, it seemed as if Snake would ignore him, hand already hovering over the opening mechanism of the hatch. Then he shifted, looking back over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow.

Hal waved the pack around slightly, managing a half-hearted smile. “You forgot these.”

The tense line of Snake’s shoulders eased (had he expected a try to stop him, Hal wondered idly) and he shook his head. “No, thanks. I’m quitting.”

The pack almost slipped from Hal’s suddenly numb fingers. Instead he crushed it in his grip, the crackling of paper strangely comforting over his whirling thoughts. He couldn’t have heard that correctly. “Snake?”

A smile flickered over the soldier’s face, weak yet teasing. “These things will kill you.”

…I know, Hal wanted to say, to snap – how many times had he told Snake that? Especially after the coughing had started! And Snake had always shrugged it off, ignored it, or pointedly taken a deep drag of the damned thing. To hear him say it so nonchalantly now…

Something far more than simple surprise welled up in Hal at that, an odd mix of hope and disbelief and determination, and he took a sharp breath. The Snake he once had known – did know – would never let himself be talked out of doing something idiotic, self-sacrificing, like walking out of their life to spare them pain, once he had made up his mind.

But that same Snake would also never have quit smoking.

Maybe… just maybe…

“Where will you go?” The question he had sworn not to ask tumbled from his lips before he could stop himself. Maybe he had the sheer surprise to blame for that. Still, Hal winced, dammit, good going, before deciding – in for a penny, in for a pound. “Our fight is finished. There is nothing left for us to do.”

“No,” much to his surprise, Snake’s smile stayed, not giving way to the frown and grumbled acknowledgment he had expected. The older man tilted his head, seemingly considering his words, choosing them carefully, deliberate. “There’s one thing I still have to do. I have to see this age off – seeing what the future brings.”

Oh. Hal blinked, going over this new information and… Oh. Only now did he realize what he had been afraid of, still, after Snake’s return: That the man might not have died, but still had lost all purpose in life. Only waiting around until death would come to take him. Snake was a soldier – following orders, working towards a goal, had been all that he had ever known.

He had been afraid of what losing it might do to him. Hearing that Snake had already come up with a new goal, one he had chosen himself…

Something eased inside Hal’s chest right then, and for the first time in days he felt as if he could breathe freely again.

“Sounds good to me,” he said, and meant it, even when his voice quivered with the rush of emotions. Became steadier again when he found his determination. “I’ll go with you.”

Snake huffed, shaking his head. “Otacon, I’m gonna be dead soon. You don’t have to come.”

He said it as if Hal did not know that. Said it with a kind of pity that made Hal’s temper surge.

He did know. He had already dealt with what he had thought to be Snake’s death once, and was fully aware that there would be no miracle next time, no Snake suddenly appearing before him right as rain.

Probably the reason why his next words came out sharper than intended, anger driving any care out of him for the moment. “You said it yourself, Snake. There’s nothing inside you that you can pass on to the next generation. No genes, no memes… You’re manmade. You’re a beast.”

The words must have stung – Snake’s smile, pitiful or not, wavered. In any other situation, Hal would have backed off, but not this time.

He would make it perfectly clear that knew what he was getting into.

“I know,” the smile had made way for a scowl now, yet Snake did not get angry or snap back. He seemed more resigned than anything else, shoulders drawn up resolutely, defensively. “A blue rose. There won’t be any happy Beauty and the Beast ending for me. What little time I have left will be spent living as a beast. A shadow of the inside of the old age.”

It hurt more than any insult being hurled his direction, hearing his friend talk this way. Hal tried to ignore it as best as he could. Using Snake’s own logic against him was probably the only way he could make him see.

“Exactly,” the word tasted like ash in his mouth, everything in him wanting to disagree, and he kept going quickly. “That’s why you need me as a witness”

That made Snake pause, posture faltering, and scowl turning to a frown of confusion while he repeated slowly, “A witness?”

“Yeah!” Hal hoped anything of what he was about to say would make sense, would be believable. He was making this up as he went. Searching for something, anything to convince the other. He wanted to be there for Snake’s final days, no matter how close or how far away they were. The thought of those final days – Snake losing the fight, at last, - made his eyes burn, but he blinked hard against it, and kept talking with more conviction than he really felt, “Someone on the outside, to bear witness to your final days. Someone to pass on your story.

Not that I’m the only witness,” Hal laughed, a bit self-deprecating, but also glad. He wouldn’t be alone with this, after all. Heart lighter, he finished. “But I’ll remember everything you were and stick with you to the end.”

While he had spoken, Snake’s had eyes widened slowly, and now he was staring at Hal, slack-jawed and silent. A myriad of emotions flickered over his face in rapid succession, clear as day on his usually stoic expression, too fast to catalogue and recognize them all. His throat worked as he swallowed, hard, jaw flexing around words he couldn’t get out.

The one word Snake finally did get out was cracking, caving under the weight of too many emotions, “Otacon.”

Hal didn’t feel too bad about his own burning eyes anymore when he saw the answering glittering in Snake’s eyes. He swallowed the laugh – sob, he wasn’t sure – that wanted to escape him, managing a grin as he teased, “Besides – you wouldn’t let me suffer Sunny’s eggs alone, would you?”

The startled huff of laughter which exploded out of Snake’s mouth startled the other as much as him, and Snake ducked his head, failing to hide the grin flitting over his face.

Absolutely failed to hide the step he took away from the opening mechanism.

As if on cue, Sunny’s excited scream waved up the stairs, followed by calls of their names. “… come quick! They’re ready!”

“See?” Hal waved half-heartedly in the direction of the kitchen, unwilling to take his eyes off Snake. “Right on time.”

“They look yummy!” Sunny continued talking, blissfully unaware of what had almost happened above her head. A pause, the clatter of pans and plates, then she added thoughtfully, “Sort of like the sun. It’s rising again!”

“Sounds like we won’t have to suffer this time, though,” Snake’s voice was gruff, yet his smile unmistakable, reaching his eyes as he nodded towards the stairs.

We.

The thrill Hal felt at that burst out in a laugh even as he tried to wrinkle his nose. “Oh, please. You missed breakfast yesterday, that’s the only reason why you can say that.”

“Oh?”

“She put sugar on them, Dave!”

“Thought you like sugary stuff.”

“Not my sunny-side up eggs, thank you very much…”

Whatever else he had been about to say was lost when Snake shrugged the backpack off, letting it fall to the ground with a thunk.

Rolling his shoulder carefully, Snake looked back up, smirking at whatever he saw there on Hal’s face. “Well? Let’s go see what Sunny has in store for us.”

“…Yeah,” Hal mumbled, still dazed over this turn of events, then more enthusiastic. “Yeah! I mean, I want to see you eat sugary eggs, Mister Super Solider…”

“It’s not that bad. They could be burned still.”

“Don’t jinx it now.”

Snake rumbled a laugh, and Hal didn’t stop himself from doing something emotional, like, reaching out while they descended the stairs and place a hand the other man’s elbow.

Neither pulling nor pushing. Simply letting it rest there, hoping it would say I’m here, I will follow, I’m not going anywhere just as well as words would have.

The backpack stayed behind on the ground, no longer needed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ D ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a lot of things the adult tried to keep secret from her, Sunny knew. They did it to protect her, as not to worry her, and while she wanted to be part of things, she also loved them for wanting to protect her.

(Yes, love; she had learned what that was, thanks to them).

Sunny was fine with the little secrets. The tiny, unimportant ones. Like Uncle Hal eating his instant ramen in secret while working, so he could claim he wasn’t hungry when she wanted to bring him sunny-side up eggs that were, alright, slightly burned. Or Snake shrugging vaguely when he came back inside the Nomad and she asked him if he had smoked again, when he was still smelling of cigarettes.

Those were the secrets they could laugh about, after, when Sunny wrinkled her nose and frowned at them and Uncle Hal claimed she got that from you, Snake, look at this, it’s your expression exactly!

Sunny did, however, despise the big, sad secrets. The ones that made the adults frown too much. The ones that had them lower their voices to whispers, worried hisses, or shouts that got quickly cut off so she wouldn’t hear them.

(She did. She did hear.)

The secrets that were so big, so heavy, so sad, that they couldn’t be kept secret completely, those Sunny hated a lot. Because she was smart, smarter than a girl her age had any right to be, and the adults not as secretive as they wanted to be, and somewhere in between those facts, she would always notice it, and start to worry and get sad, too.

Snake’s health, and everything related to it, was one of the big secrets. The raspy coughs and the cracking of joints protesting every motion. His slowed movements. The pains.

And, much too Sunny’s confusion, the wrinkles.

The wrinkles had been what started the big secret, even.

Uncle Hal’s joking about Snake frowning too much had turned in whispered suggestions (always when he thought Sunny couldn’t hear) to see a doctor.

This is not normal anymore, Snake.

Snake’s grumbled retorts that it was all age, he was fine, he was fine, had morphed into glares at reflecting surfaces, into searching fingertips mapping out new lines in his face that had not been there the other day.

Can’t recognize my own face anymore if this keeps going.

Everything else – the coughs, the pains – had come later. The added lines to Snake’s face had been what started the secret, what made the adults anxious and angry and sad.

And Sunny couldn’t imagine why. The pains and coughs, she didn’t want, either – they hurt Snake, and she wanted them to be gone. But the wrinkles?

She liked the wrinkles – the way they made Snake’s eyes crinkle when he looked at her warmly, or how they accentuated his rare, honest smiles. She used the deepening lines between his brows when he thought very seriously about something as handy guidelines to determine when it was time to distract him, so that he might smile at her again.

No, she really didn’t understand what reservations adults had against wrinkles.

All of that and more she pondered while watching Snake rest intently, arms crossed and chin put on top in the little space next to the man. It was not often that she saw Snake sleep, or sit down, for once not constantly on guard, and when she had found the man lying down for a nap on the couch after their breakfast, she had seized the opportunity of simply watching. Taking diligent notes of new lines to his face, the still unfamiliar dips and bumps of the burn scar, and just how relaxed he looked in sleep.

“Something on my face?”

Or, well, maybe not sleep.

Blinking, Sunny frowned to herself, very seriously considering if Snake would want her to answer with the whole list of new angles and lines she had found, or rather not. Finally, she settled on shaking her head No. “T-There’s nothing.”

One blue eye cracked open to look at her, a smile curving his lips. “What’s so interesting then?”

Another blink from her, slower this time. Confused.

The smile deepened, even while first frown lines appeared between his brows. Thinking lines, Sunny had labeled them. “You were staring.”

“I like your face,” Sunny tried to explain, earnestly. “That’s all.”

For some reason, that made Snake take a deep breath before he huffed a chuckle, eye closing again. A while there was only his deep breaths between them, before, “Don’t want to go play with your outside friend?”

“Mh-m,” Sunny shook her head before Snake had even finished the question. “Maybe… maybe later?”

A hum, saying more than most people could have said with words.

She would have to explain, then. “I want to stay with you.”

There was a long pause after that, longer than the last, long enough that Sunny wondered if she had said the wrong thing. It wouldn’t have been the first time. Talking to people instead of machines still was a challenge for her on the best of days, and even though it was so much easier with Uncle Hal and Snake, there was no guarantee for success.

Then Snake grumbled a sound and lifted the arm which had been laying over his chest in silent invitation.

The surprise was short-lived, and in a matter of seconds Sunny was scrambling up on the couch and on Snake’s stomach, dragging herself up so she could flop all over his chest. Laughing when he tapped her nose as soon as she was in reach, batting his hand away lightly.

This close, nose to nose, she couldn’t help herself but follow the newest wrinkles she had discovered with her fingertips – laugh lines, thinking lines, the edges around his eyes. She drew them all, fingertips feather-light, so light that the touch must have tickled, for Snake wrinkled his nose (Sunny happily counted even more wrinkles around his eyes) and huffed, making her giggle as the gust of air tousled her hair.

“I like your face,” she repeated, still smiling, sing-songed it while Snake’s hand rose to softly pat the unruly strands back into place. “I really, really like your face.”

It was not really what she wanted to express. She wanted to be able to tell him, in a way he could never doubt. How much she loved him. How it had hurt, after what Uncle Hal told her, to think she would not see him again for a while. That she did not mind if his face changed, or if his hair got even whiter than snow. He would always be important to her just the same.

But words were not as easy to her as numbers, or codes, and she could only count on the fact that Snake would understand her all the same. He was good at that, hearing what she did not say, what would not fit into clunky, awkward words. Maybe because he did not rely too often on spoken words, himself.

When Snake’s large palm gently slid down and cupped her cheek, thumb sweeping so tenderly over her skin, she knew - Snake understood.

And he loved her right back.

Else he would have never smiled like that at her, crinkling eyes and all. She just knew it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ D ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When David woke next, it was to the sensation of his right shoulder having gone completely numb, and the sound of computer keys clacking steadily away.

Awareness returned only slowly, consciousness dragging itself out of sleep at a snail’s place. Blinking his eyes open was already a herculean task in itself.

Absolutely worth it, though, David concluded when he finally managed, a tired smile curving his lips.

Sunny was fast asleep laying on his chest, one fist grabbing his shirt and her head tucked against his shoulder – that explained the numbness, then, he noted wryly. Warm puffs of breaths tickled his neck when he craned it to look at the girl, and while he watched, she burrowed even closer to him, still sound asleep.

The clacking, background noise until then, stopped momentarily and a whisper addressed him. “I hope she’s not too heavy.”

Pulled from his silent observation (Sunny had grown again; he had missed that in all the chaos), David looked up and met Hal’s gaze.

Hal shrugged with a crooked smile, shifting his laptop on his crossed legs so it wouldn’t fall. Sitting on the ground with his back against the couch, he was approximately on eye-level with the other man, making it easy for David to pick out the fondness softening his gaze. “You looked so peaceful. I didn’t have the heart to wake either of you.”

“’s fine,” he murmured in answer. Shifted his numb arm so it tucked Sunny closer. Tried to squint over Hal’s shoulder to see what the other was typing so rapidly. No use. There were half a dozen windows opened, some with multiple tabs, and Hal was so fast that the text on screen scrolled past too quickly to read.

Just as well. He liked getting the summary of Hal’s work better than figuring the stuff out himself, anyway. “What are you up to?”

“Oh,” Hal’s typing faltered, and he shrugged. “First of, uh, letting Mei Ling and Campbell now that you’re… we’re alright?”

That you’re alive. The words were there, but left unsaid.

David waited patiently. He knew well enough of Hal’s ability to multitask, deeming one or two emails unlikely to be able to hold the other’s entire attention for so long.

And sure enough, Hal continued on quickly enough, “And, ah, maybe looking for a place for us to stay, while I’m at it.”

A place to stay.

Blinking, David pondered over the warmth that filled him upon hearing the simple phrase. He had not even considered that, had he? Even after deciding to keep living his life out for as long as he could.

Of course he would forget something as ordinary as that. Of course Hal would be the one to remember.

“Found something?”

“Not really. I mostly asked around,” more clacking, a few windows being pulled up, some others closed. “Mei Ling promised to keep an eye out. Rosemary even offered us to stay with them, for a while.”

At that, David gave a quiet huff. A heartfelt offer, surely, yet not one he would take up. It would be hard enough, for Raiden and Rosemary both, to wrap their heads around the fact that they had each other back again. They did not need others imposing on them in the meantime. “Let’s give her and Raiden some space.”

“Exactly my thinking,” Hal sent him a smile over his shoulder, nodding, and Dave cracked a smile. Not the first time they thought the same thing, after all. “That’s why I’m already looking for something myself.”

Pulling a few different pages up, Hal shifted so the other man could look more freely over his shoulder, indicating towards a map which had certain areas marked with circles, and a few pictures of towns and villages. “I was thinking of a place in the countryside, maybe. Not too far out, but still…”

Still far away enough from the hustle and bustle of the bigger cities to have some peace once in a while. Off the radar, for once. Similar to how he once had decided that the solitude of Alaska would be right for him. David nodded slowly, murmuring a low agreement. Hand carding softly, mindlessly, through the mop of silky hair buried into his neck. “Sunny would like that.”

The girl had been copped up inside all her life, after all. Since she already liked the “outside” right in front of the Nomad so much, a bit of fresh air and pure nature would probably make her lose her mind in joy.

Instead of agreeing as David had expected, Hal seemed to stiffen at the comment, shoulders drawing up. The light of the screen illuminated the frown edging between his brows.

Not a reaction that seemed warranted. Yet Hal did not seem willing to elaborate by himself. With a huff, David pushed himself up far enough so he could rest his head more comfortably the armrest. “Hal.”

Not quite command, yet not a question, either.

Hal glanced over, sighed when he caught the frown sent his direction, and fiddled with his glasses. His voice was even quieter than before when he spoke again. “You think she would want to stay?”

That was the problem? David’s eyebrows arched. “Did you ask her?”

“No,” even while still whispering, Hal’s voice was the epitome of startled offense. “David, she’s seven.”

“She’s a smart kid. And she knows how to say No,” when Hal muttered something indecisive under his breath, David chuckled under his breath. “You can talk me into staying, but not ask Sunny if she wants to? Really, Hal.”

“Completely different situations, thank you,” the other’s hiss only made him chuckle harder, and Hal glared at him in return - before sighing deeply, shoulders sagging in defeat. “Alright, fine. I will ask her.”

“Good.”

“And it’s not because you told me to.”

“Uh-huh.”

“No need to be smug about it.”

“Sure, Hal.”

The half-hearted bickering stopped the moment they made eye contact. David couldn’t keep the smile off his face, and one look, and Hal was laughing, too, smothering it, barely, into the crook of his elbow.

Once they had gotten a grip over themselves again, they took a moment to simply watch the sleeping Sunny, making sure they hadn’t accidentally woken her.

Finally, David shifted with a quiet grunted, letting himself scoot lower on the couch, and closed his eyes. “Wake us up when you found a place.”

“Huh?” Surprise creeped into Hal’s voice, and he could vividly picture the other blink rapidly at him. “You don’t want a say in it?”

“Nah. You’re better at that kinda thing.”

“Such high praise,” a snort, and the click-clack of keys started up again. “Sleep well, Dave.”

“Hm-mh.”

Silence settled between them, comfortable and easy. Sunny’s quiet breaths, Hal’s typing and, from time to time, muttering to himself made for a strange lullaby, yet David couldn’t deny it was effectively lulling him to sleep.

If this was peace, David pondered lazily while he allowed himself to drift off, then it was pretty good.

Yeah.

This is good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ D ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is good… isn’t it?”

Big Boss to Snake

#metal gear solid #metal gear #solid snake #otacon #sunny emmerich #meryl silverburgh #mgs #my writing #fanfic #fanfiction #long post #super long post

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63824peace · 5 years ago

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Tuesday, 15th of november 2005

We have implanted our children's genes into the surrogate womb... everything moves along according to plan. After today, we need only to check how well the mother carries the fertilized egg. Our cloned children will cleave apart and spread once we have finished checking.

We have only to wait for the delivery. The incubation period hasn't changed a bit. We can count on a smooth, natural childbirth. I intend to witness the delivery.

"Welcome to our world!"

We received our large stand-up store display for Subsistence. People will find it in shops starting December 6. Snake stands and salutes... he's nearly life-size!

The saluting scene gave birth to MGS3's whole story, so we want to draw attention to the importance of the image. We'll use the image to illustrate the package art too.

I asked Mrs. Miyamoto (one of our assistants) to stand beside the store display in order to give a sense of perspective. It's quite large.

I also compared it with our previous stand-up displays. It's relatively simple, but the design's simplicity catches the eye.

I walked a bit farther than usual for lunch--all the way to Azabu Juban. I ate Matsusaka Gyudon at the restaurant Isekan. It was part of a lunch set, so it came with a dessert called Ultimate Pudding.

It was good. Azabu Juban has a nice, peaceful atmosphere.

I stopped by Tsutaya on my way back to the office. For in-store background music they played Free Tempo's single Prelude, which I like. I heard that they have included the single on their newly released compilation CD. Tsutaya played it as a demo to expose customers to current releases.

I found an imported reissue of Joy Division's album Live Transmissions. I knew that I might already have it at home, but I wasn't so sure. I bought the copy anyway.

I continued browsing. I had hoped to find something interesting besides Joy Division. Then I received quite a surprise! I found Bananarama's new album in the New Releases section. They have lost a member, so they're down from three to two. I listened to it a bit at the Demo Station.

I also saw Miyuki Nakajima's debut album. I'll check Mr. Muraoka's opinion before I get this.

We're testing the OOOO System for MGS4. We've made it available as a utility application on our computer. People who heard about it gathered around Matsui-kun.

"Oh wow! This really is the next generation!"

The OOOO System will establish a different concept of MGS. Provided that everything goes smoothly, this will no doubt be another first in the gaming industry. The OOOO System will reflect the particular qualities of MGS4 well. Everyone appears satisfied.

We use our current development phase to evaluate the progress of experimental ideas and size up other challenges. Different development teams evaluate various aspects of a given game... they look at the systems, processes, presentations, the rules of a game, the gameplay, and so on.

Then we express our evaluations using terms like, "This will be good," "This has some problems," "We should pass on this one," "No hope for this one," and so on. We use these evaluations to advance cautiously, step-by-step. We must work like this to create a new game, especially when we're preparing to work with new hardware.

Each of these aspects forms only one part of the total composition, yet we cannot treat them as isolated components. They'll become disconnected from each other if we treat them individually. A game designer must therefore evaluate each portion by checking it against his vision of the total finished product.

We might compare each day's decisions with the work of steering a boat. Our efforts will result in nebulous confusion if we make a wrong move at any point, even if it's only a small tack to the side. We absolutely cannot afford carelessness, lest we risk becoming lost ourselves.

No one knows how to approach our type of work from the start. We're building a world that no one has seen before. We need to adopt attitudes of humility as we discover our development methods.

Above all else, we must remember to dream while we grope through the dark. Our labor will bear no fruit if we become negative at this early stage. We can't give up even on our most stubborn problems.

Game creators must learn how to make impossibilities possible... that's the trick of game creation. Right now we're challenging and testing the ideas that purportedly will make impossible goals possible. We'll feel even more joyous when we finish a good game because we'll have passed through all these straits.

Between our meetings, we held an afternoon brainstorming session in the glass room. We dealt once more with the new PSP project. Okamura the confessional man, Shinta (AC!D2's Director), Murashu, Yamamoto-kun, Yamada-kun, and I all attended as the six participants. We six share knowledge of the top secret ideas that form the project's core. Today we organized and developed our previous ideas.

We've made great progress. I've got a feeling that the project will work. It looks fine.

It's a new type of game, so we need to know whether or not users will accept the idea. We'll need to develop a trial version and test it. This changed our discussion during the brainstorming session. We discussed the best time to make the trial products that test each idea, how to create them, and how to evaluate the feedback received from the trial run.

The gameplay system will diverge from existing gameplay trends. That's really the selling point... so I've made my decision. We'll test whether or not people will accept it.

I don't know what got into Shinta at the end of our brainstorming session. He suddenly spoke as though he were proclaiming war!

"I'll be the Producer!" And he's already the Director!

Okamura (AC!D2's other Director) looked at me and gently nodded. He had already given Shinta his consent. I burst out laughing, and Shinta importuned me passionately.

"Can I? Can I please?"

"Yes, you can," I said. "It's always best to produce the game that you're directing. If you're up to the task, that is...."

"I'm good for it!"

I glanced at Murashu sitting next to me. He didn't say a word. He just looked down... I couldn't see the expression on his face.

Murashu and Shinta started working the same year, and they both joined Konami to work in production. They have a rivalry with each other, even though they arrived at the same time.

So Murashu, what will you do now?

Shinta has grown up... he looks bigger.

I ate a light supper at the Metro Hat.

I went to the gym in the evening. I hadn't gone there in a while. I think that I gained a bit of weight in Korea.

I didn't want to overexert my body right away, so I swam slowly.

I saw someone unusual at the gym. He openly read a hardcover book in the public bath. He sat up to his waist in water, and he absorbed himself in his book. He had an odd method, though.

Perhaps I ought to explain his unusual sitting position first. The bookworm sat while leaning against the corner of the bath, so the tub's edges extended to his left and right. A dry washbowl sat on the left edge. He had placed the book in the washbowl to keep it dry, and he held the pages open with one hand.

"Aha! The book won't get wet like that."

The covers peeked over the bowl's edges a little because the book was slightly too big. It looked kind of cute.

"But how will he turn the pages?" I wondered while I continued to observe him.

He had placed a towel on the right edge of the tub. The fellow put his wet hand on the towel to absorb the water. He turned the page with the dried hand after a while.

"Aha! Got it!"

The book wouldn't get wet that way. He looked skilled... he's probably a pro at this. He's a man in a bath (Furo) who reads (Hon) like a professional (Puro)... a Furo Hon Puro!

He must really love reading. Or does he simply enjoy reading in the bath? A resourceful idea can change a person's outlook, after all.

Then I got an idea. If I wrote my blog (Buloggu) in the bath (Furo), I would write a bath blog... a Frog (Furoggu)!

What would you think of that?

The gym had changed its lobby decoration from pumpkins to a Christmas tree. Christmas approaches at a breakneck speed.

I saw a young woman walking toward me while I traversed the long passage on my way home. She looked like she was in her twenties. Something about her seemed strange... something just wasn't right....

"What is it, I wonder?"

I looked at her feet. A black shadow clung to her ankle... no, wait... it clung to both ankles. I looked more closely and saw that multiple black shadows moved rhythmically in circles, according to the movement of her feet.

What are those? Some kind of spherical, amorphous creatures?

I finally understood what they were when she passed by. Thin strings anchored pom-pom decorations to each side of her boots. The fist-sized pom-poms spun round and round with each step.

She had two pom-poms per leg, so with two legs that made four. Four pom-poms turned as she walked.

In a way, they kind of resembled the old-fashion ball-and-chain fetters attached to prisoners and to slave laborers in ancient Rome.

She walked with a sprightly pace, spinning her steel balls round and round. She would never have associated her decorations with fetters.

Her back shrank into the distance.

How many fetters clank around my feet? I can only say with certainty that age latches more of them onto me. No adult lives without fetters.

I would like to spin my fetters as easily as she did, like velvet balloons.

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63824peace · 5 years ago

Text

Monday, 7th of november 2005

Another world exists that I must experience. A genus of people exists who I must meet. I must inhale the air they breathe--share their world at all costs.

I must do these things... I must.

We have equipped ourselves with basic military instructions and hands-on training in order to produce MGS4. Mr. Mori and several other instructors have assisted our preparations many times and has provided instruction on psychological war tactics too.

But it's not enough. That knowledge merely simulates the truth. We can't possibly experience the reality of war, but we should be able to approach it.

We must meet the people who put themselves in mortal danger. That's the keystone of our self-imposed MGS4 training: we must experience the battlefield.

We have planned since November to gather these materials. We've always intended to go all the way.

We're not going to a live war site of course. We're not even getting close to one. We intend to interview people connected with the battlefield and the military training facilities.

Unfortunately, terrorism alerts are increasing. All governments will no doubt tighten security measures for their borders and their military facilities. We're planning to go to places that have been assigned the world's highest terrorism alert level. We have finalized all the negotiations and travel arrangements, but regrettably we must give up right now. We no longer live in pre-911 times like we did during MGS1.

I really wanted to have this done before winter arrived, but there's no point insisting anymore. We'd just wind up butting heads with the security treaty, you know. The efforts of KojiPro's staff and our local contacts have come to no avail. We're stuck with sad results.

I want to try again next spring, depending on how the situation looks. I doubt that the security level will decrease though.

We still need to go. We need to see the real thing... we need to feel it. We can't avoid the realities of war as long as we're making games about the battlefield.

We had planned MGS4's supplementary X-Training for December. We modified our schedule and moved X-Training to a future date.

We only intended to absorb a wide and shallow breadth of information from the basic instruction and hands-on training. X-Training involves the highest level of professional and technical instruction yet, so I need to limit the number of participants from our staff.

Today we selected the flight suit that we plan to use during part of X-Training. Toyopy and Shin-chan tried them on.

I decided to try out the flight suit that Toyopy wore.

We spent the morning in KojiPro's usual internal meeting. I didn't have time to go out for lunch, so I settled for a sushi bento.

There's an executive meeting at Konami's head office this afternoon. That's why I came to work in a suit today.

I usually wear casual clothes to the office. I wear a suit maybe two or three times a month, and usually only when I need to meet with the head office.

It's nice to wear a suit once in a while. It can restrict some body movement, but it makes me feel as though I'm part of society. I feel a sense of security because I've conformed to the standards of the rest of the world.

I try as hard as I can to behave like a salary-man whenever I ride a train while wearing a suit. I strain to imagine myself strictly as a salary-man, and I enjoy it as much as I can. I hold onto a ceiling strap for balance, and I join everyone scrambling for a seat.

I sometimes sing karaoke when I wear a suit. I wear my tie around my head like a bandana and play a caricature of other drunk salary-men. They call me a game designer, but part of me will always be a salary-man.

I sent my Kamen Rider article to Hyper Playstation2 magazine. It will appear on November 30. I am so passionate about Kamen Rider yet I had difficulty organizing my thoughts for the article. My feelings are too strong to rein easily into ordered expression.

After Wednesday I will be in Seoul for Korea's G-STAR.

I'll meet with Director Park Chan-Wook on November 9. We decided my plans in a hurry, so I had to find a copy of his latest film fast. I want to watch it before we meet. I couldn't fit the movie into my schedule during last month's Tokyo International Film Festival, so I never saw it.

I asked him to send me a copy of Sympathy for Lady Vengeance. The DVD arrived from Korea, but it's in Korean with English subtitles.

"There's no way I'll be able to understand this!"

Just as I was thinking about it, Toshiba Entertainment kindly sent me a copy with Japanese subtitles.

The film will run in Japanese theaters starting on November 12. I'll watch it again on a large theater screen once I return from Korea.

I'm a huge fan of Director Park. He's only one day older than me. I'm looking forward to a lot of good movie conversation.

People need to take one of Metro Hat's long escalators to enter Roppongi Hills from the subway station. Two escalators move people up, and another one moves people down. Each escalator takes about fifty-five seconds per one-way trip.

I always observe the people who pass by when I ride an escalator. I'll never see most of them again, so I imagine a lot of things about their lives... about the day ahead of them. I craft the drama as I like... I emotionally react to my imagined stories, laughing or crying. I do the same thing whenever I see inside an apartment building or a house while I'm riding the train.

People who ride the escalator on the way to work glance around, and so do the holiday tourists. Most of them usually look up at the information display, an advertisement, or the Metro Hat stairwells.

"Wait a minute... I think I've seen this scene before...."

I remember the 1970 Universal Osaka Expo. I think of the Tree of Life sculpture that was encased within the Tower of the Sun. The escalator tunnel's infrastructure seems similar... the escalator flows through the Metro Hat stairwell like the Tree of Life filled the Tower of the Sun.

After leaving the subway, I mount the long escalators at the transfer station. As before, two escalators move up and one moves down. Each trip takes fifty-five seconds.

I observe the people who I pass here as well. At least a third of them talk on their cell phones or read email, and some of them even type email.

The morning commute is just the same... so are holidays. It's a pretty convenient time to check messages.

You might wonder why everyone's so distracted with personal items down here. People can find all sorts of interesting public information and sights to look at in the Hills above. The transfer station has nothing.

Still, why is everyone watching their personal screens and the advertisements? Why aren't they more interested in the people close by?

I spend that precious minute enjoying my inner self. I stop breathing, close my eyes, focus my thoughts upon one point, and go from there. I have already expended the special energy needed to dive into myself today. I have nothing left to do except observe other people. I'm never bored when I watch them... I use them to develop a variety of dramas.

Tons of plots and stories lie scattered throughout the long escalator.

The NHK national television channel featured the Da Vinci Exhibition on their Italian Language Lesson program--the very exhibition I attended earlier. Because it was broadcast on NHK they didn't go out of their way to specify the materials' location. They merely ran a bland subtitle across the telop that read "Roppongi."

Oddly enough, the Hills didn't look like the Hills when broadcasted on television. Did the Italian context inflect the Hills with an unknown Italian atmosphere?

It may sound tautological, but Da Vinci and the Italian language really go hand-in-hand.

The reverse-scripted Italian and the spoken language suit each so other well, I can't help but wonder if translation would strain the writer's soul from the words.

HIDEOBLOG has been translated into English since a few days ago. It has been hosted on the site during a trial period for overseas readers. We have done this in response to a great demand from overseas.

I'm skeptical nevertheless.

I asked people working in a few magazines' editorial departments. Most of them affirmed my skepticism. They said that my writing and my words are no longer HIDEOBLOG once they become translated. HIDEOBLOG's beauty comes from the intimacy of expression--Hideo Kojima can communicate his words and feelings to his readers.

HIDEOBLOG isn't a novel with a plot.

I write HIDEOBLOG as a private diary before proofing it as a blog. I update my diary daily, so it is unpretentious, unguarded writing.

Think of it as similar to a poem or a prose poem.

Only information will remain if the tone and the rhythm change. HIDEOBLOG will become nothing more than daily news once it has been chewed, digested, and processed into English. HIDEOBLOG should stay as it is.

I agree with all this. Then again, people living in foreign countries cannot understand Japanese.

What should I do?

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63824peace · 5 years ago

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Tuesday, 1st of november 2005

November begins today. I'm going to be busy this month too. I have two overseas business trips and one training camp scheduled... it seems that I won't have much time for my new project during November either.

As a matter of fact, it's high time that I concentrated on MGS4 and the other new projects. December is just a month away and I think these projects should start moving along.

We have finished the store advertisement displays for Subsistence and MGA2. They should appear in shops starting November 22.

The MGA2 point-of-purchase advertisement (P.O.P.) should especially interest people. A TOBIDAC!D Solid Eye actually pops out of the P.O.P.!

Not even words and 2D photographs can really describe 3D images. We needed to find a way to demonstrate how these images fly out toward the audience. The sales promotion team finally decided on the P.O.P. advertisement.

Gucci and I ate lunch at the restaurant Sakana Sushi. I ordered the sushi Bachi-maguro-no Otoro-don. It was really good!

I mumbled to myself while returning to the office.

"What type of tuna is Bachi-maguro again? Or is it even tuna? Maybe they got the name from its natural habitat... or is it named after the specific growth stage it has to be in when they serve it? Or maybe it's the name of a particular part of the fish...."

I ruminated so much that Gucci researched it online.

The Bachi-maguro tuna lives at a greater oceanic depth than other tuna species. Its eyes are bigger than one might expect. That's how it got the nickname Mebuchi-"Big Eyes."

"Huh. I had no idea."

The servers have already cut the tuna for sushi and sashimi by the time it comes to us, so we never see the eyes.

Its taste ranks third among all tuna fish. (My interests lie here, of course.) Here is how various tuna species rank according to taste.

Bear in mind that Gucci researched this, which cripples its reliability.

1: Northern bluefin tuna

2: Southern bluefin tuna

3: Bigeye tuna (Bachi-maguro)

4: Yellowfin tuna

5: Albacore tuna

We will hold the second Subsistence Online Tournament for press members on the fourteenth floor this afternoon. I wonder which team will win today.

Two plush dolls of Kerotan and Gako sit in the reception area.

We hosted the tournament in the general conference hall. The room was packed! Everything was so exciting... it felt like a place of eternal summer.

What a surprise! Even "Tornado" Yoshida came!

He had performed the gunplay motion capture for MGS3. He gave us the famous hand　gesture. He won't participate in the tournament though.

Ms. Ai Sakauchi appeared as the M.C.! She regularly attends TGS and other MGS3 events. I haven't seen her since TGS.

My thoughts gravitate to last year's MGS3 release party whenever I'm with Ms. Sakauchi. Release dates don't come along often during one's lifetime, so they are grand occasions. We feel anxious and tense while awaiting the release date. Then we revel in joy and pleasure when we release the game. The hard times experienced during production simply thaw and flow away.

Trees release their colored leaves in autumn. It coincides with our season to release our games into the air.

I can easily share the stage with Ms. Sakauchi or Yumi-chan without preparing ahead of time, because we've worked together for so long. We don't need a script. We trust and rely upon each other.

Ms. Mae Otsuka joined the Sabra Girls' team and gave them a hand. I'm sorry to say that they still lost... but I hope they're not discouraged!

All players definitely improved their gameplay skills over the course of the matches, and the teams improved their overall teamwork. We saw fewer injuries from Friendly Fire.

The battle raged ferociously. I was speechless.

Team Famitsu won the tournament!

Including TGS, this marks their third consecutive victory. They were tough.

Team Famitsu beat their last championship competitors by a wide margin, and they won by an even greater landslide today. Their skills have grown. The final battle was terrific.

The runner-up team (Team Gpara) was strong too. I heard that they trained for two days during Entama at the Tokyo International Film Festival, just for today's tournament.

I've never seen such a fierce and competitive battle. They fought for nearly twenty minutes! I should have recorded it. That battle was meant for history.

Congratulations, Team Famitsu!

You fought well, Team Gpara!

I met with Ms. Omura inside the glass room. She is from Konami's main office. We talked for about an hour and made arrangements regarding leadership training. We also discussed different methods of training a group leader. We had settled matters by the end of the meeting. I agreed to write an article for tomorrow.

She really surprised me when she said that Konami's main office has a lot of HIDEOBLOG fans. Oh my, I'm so embarrassed! I don't want company insiders to read it.

Apparently she reads HIDEOBLOG daily. She learned from the blog that I'm crazy about health supplements, so she brought me Ume-flavored Wakame stems and some other snacks. Wakame stems are my favorite!

I've never seen this brand before though. I showed my gratitude by trying them right in front of her. They're delicious.

Okamura, Shinta, and I brainstormed in the glass room on the new project. I started by explaining my ideas using yesterday's rough draft alone. We all freely voiced our ideas after that.

We initially develop our vision of the game based solely on the established core concept. We create order and form for these ideas simply by communicating back and forth. We can sometimes even discover our plan's weaknesses this way.

When we communicate with each other, each person speaks as though he were having an inner dialogue with himself. We don't force our ideas onto each other. Nothing is set in stone, and it's safe to daydream a little during the drafting phase.

We brainstormed for about an hour and a half. I can see the direction that we should take more clearly now.

I agreed that we each should take time apart from the others and develop our ideas individually. We'll talk more about this tomorrow. We'll likely discover problems and weak points that we overlooked today.

I ended the meeting with a provocation.

"If you lose sleep tonight because you're thinking too much about the project, then the project is a winner. If you can sleep soundly, I'll just kill the whole thing now."

I went to the Xbox 360 Lounge launch party tonight. The Xbox360 Lounge opens in Aoyama today. It lasts until January 15.

A gigantic Xbox sphere hung from the ceiling at the kick-off party. This place will probably become one of Aoyama's landmarks.

A lot of famous people from various industries were there, as well as some show business celebrities. A lot of journalists came too, but only a handful of people attended from the gaming industry.

Hideo was out of place.

Mr. Maruyama and Mr. Urata from Microsoft attended.

I saw Mr. Iida, the movie director. We hadn't met in a long time. Ms. Hitomi Nagasawa and Ms. Hinako Saeki were there too.

I saw Mr. Keiji Inafune, the director of Onimusha. We hadn't seen each other since Leipzig

I took care of email and documents pending approval after I returned to my office.

I checked the updates on my blog. The first day of November... somehow it's over.

In my studio, 360 degrees means that nothing changes.

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63824peace · 5 years ago

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Monday, 31st of october 2005

I left midway through today's morning meeting to deliver our "sons" to Aoyama. This time I'm delivering them with my brothers Matsuhanan and Okamura.

"Shall we take a cab to Aoyama?"

"Or perhaps the subway?"

I was indecisive because I didn't know the morning's traffic conditions.

"Why don't we walk?" suggested Matsuhanan.

"Can we make it there on foot?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied. "I have walked there several times already."

"How long is the trip?"

"Oh, about twenty to thirty minutes."

I then remembered an acquaintance of mine who said that he sometimes walks to Roppongi Hills. He works for the company where we're going in Aoyama.

"All right then. Let's walk."

We three agreed and commenced escorting our children to Aoyama.

Matsuhanan guided us through Roppongi at a brisk pace. No solicitors distributed flyers on the street corners. Roppongi looks asleep when it is deserted and empty.

Matsuhanan walked with a quick gait. Lately he has walked to Roppongi Hills from Tokyo's Shibaya district. Okamura and I had no choice but to trust him as our point-man since neither one of us knew the way.

"This way," Matsuhanan said. "It's a shortcut."

We followed Matsuhanan's lead and took a right at the future site of Tokyo Midtown. Then we ran into a road construction sign--accompanied by a detour notification.

"Construction . . . this is troublesome."

We had no choice. We couldn’t just trespass through a construction site, so we had to take the roundabout detour.

We finally arrived in Aoyama after about thirty minutes. We got lost a few times and wound up walking longer than we had planned.

"We really took the scenic route this time," Matsuhanan said.

We still enjoyed the walk. It was pleasant to walk through the scenery that we usually miss when we take the subway or a taxi. We experienced Roppongi, Akasaka, and Aoyama as a linear sequence of places rather than train stops and exchange points.

We had to take a few turns into alleys on blind faith, yet we discovered a few of the older narrow paths. Those really surprised us.

"Hey! Tokyo still has little nooks like these around?"

Matsuhanan, Okamura, and I each exclaimed joyously every time we saw a narrow path, an obscure alley, or even a sloping road. We were all born in the 1960's, so these sights had a powerfully nostalgic effect, even if we weren't born in this exact area. We could feel some rustling memory of places like this even though we had never lived in the neighborhoods. We must have stumbled across authentic Tokyo.

The newer face of Tokyo (like the Hills) is cosmopolitan, urbane, and metropolitan. We'll even have the new Tokyo Midtown soon. Old-fashioned, traditional Tokyo still nestles among the shinier buildings though. I enjoyed a real promenade today.

We left our beloved children's seeds at Aoyama.

Afterwards we took our ritual prayer breakfast at the cafe in the underground level of the Aoyama Twin Towers. Matsuhanan and I eat breakfast here every time we drop off our children. However, our prior agreement on breakfast also constitutes an important part of the ritual. We hadn't spoken about it beforehand, so Matsuhanan didn't eat anything. I only had a banana and some yogurt.

Our breakfast is a ritual way of praying to God. "We eat this breakfast here, in hopes that good things will happen after we have handed over our children."

The cafe isn't particularly glamorous and the meal isn't high class. Quite to the contrary, the food is plain as is the location. We aren't acting on a superstition that we heard about through some rumor either. We simply believe that this works. We've enacted our ritual prayer breakfast for seven years now.

We just handed in the discs for the game that we developed. We're not going to pretend that we can keep our cool on the very day that we send our children into the world. We feel anxious, so we feel like praying to God. There's no scientific rationale behind it.

As a matter of fact, Matsuhanan and I have kept the ritual a secret since MGS1. Okamura came with us today, so we reluctantly confessed to him. He smiled without a hint of mockery and said, "I'm the same way. I have my own superstitious routines that I use to call on good fortune whenever I prepare documents. I can't imagine there's anyone who doesn't do something similar."

We took the subway back to the Hills after we ate. I saw something strange when I stopped by the subway station restroom.

I imagined Doraemon pronouncing its name: "The Restroom That Anyone Can Enter."

As the name implies, it's an all-access public restroom. Anyone can use it without finding that his or her specific needs are unmet--male, female, physically handicapped, or wet nursing.

It's not a multi-tasking restroom... it's a multi-user restroom!

I had never imagined the idea of an all-access public restroom before. I wonder if creatures other than people could use it too.

It's a magnificent idea. Dwelling on it gives me a new sense of freedom.

The formal declaration that anyone could enter made me feel uneasy though. I settled for the traditional men's room instead.

I ate linguine with smoked salmon and cream for lunch at the Italian restaurant Piatto Piatto. Senju joined me because KojiPro had been in a meeting all morning. He briefed me on the preparations for G-STAR, which will be held next week in Korea. Senju went to Korea last week to assist with the preparations, and he also visited the expo site to check up on its progress.

Senju says that Korea's G-STAR is really hot.

Matsuhanan and Kore-P leave for Korea tomorrow to help install the Online Versus Mode demo booth.

I found the new Repairman Jack book by F. Paul Wilson at the bookstore. I snatched the two volume set of The Haunted Air. I can't wait to read them!

I had bought the original English version of The Haunted Air last year since the publishers took a while with the translated version. I expected that I would be able to read it, but I was wrong. Now I'll have my chance!

I also bought the sixth volume of Shohei Harumoto's manga series CB kan/REBORN from the bookstore's manga section.

The Promotions Department sent word that we can now watch the MGS4 trailer on the Quicktime Corner page of Apple's official site. I visited the site and checked it out.

Quicktime movies use a special compression rate, so the image quality is really good.

I actually visit Apple's U.S. Quicktime site pretty regularly. I greatly appreciate the movie trailers on the site. I've made a private routine of watching the site's movie trailers every morning. I watch them in the early morning so I can turn the volume loud in my empty work booth. This way I can see the movie trailers before most others in Japan.

Incidentally, they support a Japanese site too. The U.S. site hosts trailers for movies that we haven't even heard about in Japan though. It even has teaser images.

I try to watch as many movies as I can when I am in the U.S. on a business trip. There's some merit in seeing them before they hit Japan, even though they're in English.

There's another benefit to seeing movies in the United States. I can watch the trailers that run before the feature movie begins. I also use this as a means to see the latest trailers and film images before anyone else in Japan.

What's more, U.S. theaters run so many trailers. The audience will typically react with applause or jeers despite the fact that the trailer isn't the main feature.

The U.S. sure is a movie-loving country. I have enjoyed feeling as though I were in a U.S. theater every morning, even though I'm in Japan, since I learned about the U.S. Quicktime site.

I drafted a new project for the PSP. I just mailed Okamura a rough draft since I didn't have time to write down the details. I'll explain all that in the meeting. I don't like the way that I've approached my work as a planner lately, but I don't have much choice right now.

I've carried this project around in my head for a while now. The idea is really innovative. The whole project will fall flat if the technological presentation and the audience's reaction aren't just right. It's kind of risky and uncertain, but I think it's time to proceed with it.

It employs a completely new concept. Our main challenge will be whether or not we can cultivate popular acceptance of the idea. I'll ask around for opinions from the sales department.

Tomiko bought something called a Ghost Radar (USB Memory) package in the evening. It's supposed to detect the presence of ghosts by sensing disturbances in the nearby magnetic fields.

It was built on the idea that we can "see the unseen!"

"Today is the day for hauntings, after all," I said to myself. "We should have plenty of ghosts around."

I walked around the KojiPro office but I didn't encounter any ghosts. It seems that there aren't any here.

I looked at the package more closely. The instructions read, "Please operate this product by turning it on at midnight." Tomiken had turned it on around noon.

Today is Halloween.

October 31 is New Year's Eve according to the ancient Celtic calendar. The ancient Celts dressed up to exorcise evil spirits while they celebrated the advent of the new year. They used pumpkins to thwart evil spirits too.

Pumpkins traditionally have faces carved into them on Halloween. The practice comes from a legend about a man named Jack who couldn't go to Heaven when he died because of his bad behavior. He wandered as a ghost and carried a lantern made out of a hollowed turnip. Pumpkins that wear faces are called Jack o'Lanterns, even though they were originally turnips.

This story was originally going to play into Raiden's backstory in MGS2. His name is Jack, and he was nicknamed Jack the Ripper because he was greatly feared when trained as a child soldier. The Patriots used this very same Jack as their "lantern" to move through the Big Shell. Given the circumstances, he was supposed to remind the audience of a Jack o'Lantern.

I excluded this from the final scenario though. Not even the team members knew about it. The idea has stayed in my own private junk drawer.

My generation stopped celebrating Western holidays with Valentine's Day, but I wonder if Halloween will continue as a widely celebrated family event through our children's generation. I've seen more and more pumpkins in town, and I heard that costume parties are pretty common events. I've never seen children roaming door-to-door saying "Trick or treat!" in my neighborhood though. I suppose it will happen one day.

I don't associate pumpkins with Halloween. Instead I think of Michael Myers (the Boogie Man) from the Halloween movies.

"The Boogie Man is coming!"

I should head home early today.

Okamura called me with some news in the evening. It seems that our ritual prayer didn't work. Perhaps the problem resulted from having more than the usual members present this time. Apparently a small clerical error showed up, so I'll have to deliver our children again tomorrow.

Don't turn into a wandering spirit like Jack in the legend, Okamura! We'll protect ourselves with the Ghost Radar.

Tonight is definitely Halloween.

At night I headed to the HMV in Shinjuku district. I bought HIM's album Love Metal. I liked their Greatest Hits album a lot, so I wanted to buy the album that preceded Dark Light. I couldn't find Love Metal in Roppongi, so I went all the way to the Shinjuku district.

They set up a special HIM section at HMV in honor of the band's Japanese debut. Copies of Dark Light and And Love Said No: Greatest Hits 1997-2004 were piled up. I even saw some Apocalyptica next to HIM, though I'm unsure why. Perhaps they were associated because they're both Finnish Metal bands.

Luckily I found the last imported copy of Love Metal on the display, so I bought it.

I'm somewhat amazed at myself. "How can I listen to Metal music at my age!?" My heart is drawn to the music right now, so I can't resist it. HIM really isn't Metal at its roots though--it's Love Metal.

Kenichiro and I had dinner at the Tokyo Shanghai Club Bi Li Chin on the eighth floor of MYCITY.

Mr. Kato (the restaurant's manager) earned a lot of my appreciation when he worked at Roppongi's Chinese restaurant Fuuton San Raakyo. I don't choose a restaurant based on food alone. The service provided by the staff is also crucial. Mr. Kato gave me top-notch hospitality every time I went to Fuuton San Raakyo. I had learned that he had been promoted to one of the affiliated restaurants in Shinjuku.

I've missed him every time I've eaten in the MYCITY building because I've gone to all the wrong restaurants. I went to Fuuton San Raakyo to confirm the name of the restaurant this time, so I didn't make the same mistake.

I haven't seen Mr. Kato in six months. I'm glad that he looks well. The food was exquisite too. I was able to have my favorite Chinese alcohol Shokoshu out of a jar. I've been keeping myself from drinking that lately.

Three cheers for Mr. Kato!

Tonight is October 31. I don't feel like it's Halloween though. I won't turn into a wanderer with a Jack o'Lantern. I'll even be fine without a Ghost Radar.

I will live among everyone. I have loved ones who will call me back when I am lost.

I will live among everyone because I am bound to this world because this world has meaning.

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