#on my exact amount of high res calories and sometimes even less! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

powderedwhiteviolets · 2 years ago

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massive tw for eating disorder related stuff ahead

going on reddit diet subs and seeing such a large congregation of people partaking in my exact behaviour and exact same thought processes and describing them as “lifestyle changes” and “being disciplined/vigilant/insert synonym here about food” and talking about tracking calories and all that nasty shit for the rest of their lives never fails to trigger the hell out of me

#idiot seeks out triggering content then gets upset about finding it triggering - that's me for ya #it's both an affirmation to my ED that yes this is forever because the alternative is ending up f*t again #while also making me question if i even have an ED in the first place bc all these normies are doing what i'm doing #on my exact amount of high res calories and sometimes even less!#makes me feel like a massive fake and like i'm being a huge drama queen and overblowing my diet #the logical part of my brain screams back you're UW ffs people on diets don't just become UW clearly this is something disordered #and yet still...#how is it that the actual eating disorder subreddit is less pro-ana than the 1mil sub weight loss subreddit #anyway once again the confirmation that it's either starve to death or hate my body in this world is driving me to suicide #FUN TIMES!#tw ed #personal

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