#on a meta level imagine the poly dynamic

[pink-pumpkin-princess-bitch]

Ok now what if it was that mod with multiplayer, and there where 3 players, and they kissed.

I read Outer Wilds fanfic sometimes and ponder over like, how long some of the Hatchlings in the stories spend in the cycle of loops. Not every story has a loop between exactly 22 minutes, but a lot of them do and then discuss how the Hatchling has been looping for months or years and I just wonder what they were doing in all that time. I consider myself a truly average gamer and in under 200 loops- less than 48 hours of playtime- I've nearly completed the game.

Given that even if you 100% the log it still takes less than 100 hours of play, what can you do in the hundreds of thousands of hours contained in a year or three of looping? Are you taking samples of Nomai pottery back for chemical analysis? Trying to perfectly hop around the black hole such that you can jump off from the Tower and get to Riebeck without dying?

From a *player* perspective, it's fun to match story time to player type to Hatchling personality too.

Perhaps on a meta level, this reckless Hatchling who spent years in the Ash Twin Project is a speed runner. They spent ages practicing to be able to take part A to location B in under twelve minutes. Perhaps this nervous wreck of a Hatchling is controlled by someone who has never touched a video game before and thus barely even knows that the A and B buttons do. Their months of loop time is spent learning how to use a jetpack without killing themself. Perhaps this Hatchling who loves the Nomai so much spent *their* loops examining every inch of Brittle Hollow because their player is a miniature maker who wants to make a Brittle Hollow scale model.

Food for thought, you know?

[deafeninggardenerpanda]

if we’ve covered some red flags, what are some of your green flag ships? like of those “fuck yesssssss” ones that you really enjoy

AYO SELF CARE HOURSSSSSS. i do genuinely like talking about the controversial ships but thank you for the positive vibes anon! love that

under the cut, just because the post is a little long:

actually im not super into shipping i think? i definitely value being able to imagine a dynamic for even the nichest pairings and have a lot of fun stretching or emphasizing certain parts of each characters' personalities to get them to work the best while opening up the potential for some development on each characters' side (thats exactly why im doing the ship bingo! its a ton of fun!), but theres very few things i actually like. Ship beyond surface level thoughts tbh. and recently the things i actually do ship have gotten increasingly niche. so enjoy this ramble that mostly pertains to specifically me and only me LMAO /lh

metadede ofc is the big one. not niche obviously. extremely beloved by me hiiiiiiiiii. they just have so much to work with in canon it makes so many varied interpretations which are a blast to see honestly. in general i love seeing how people portray their friendship too. an idiot whos smart to smart guy whos an idiot communication. enemies to friends to lovers..... their personalities bounce off of each other really well and the content the community makes is always a+. actually im going to take the opportunity to share my favorite mtdd fic ever. this is like pretty much peak metadede to me if anyone wants to know what i hope my personal interpretation will live up to [link!]

people might be able to tell ive been getting very into dametaberge. oh my god im so insane. no one look at me. dmk+jambacult found family Real. i have like three comics in my drafts for them. its mostly dametaberge thoughts rn but i like to think susie joins them later to make a poly ship. dmk and susie are a little tense at first but susie is, "like so over her knight phase," as she says, which dmk is extremely conflicted about whether to be offended or relieved at. and then they learn how to relax around each other and are always the two in the relationship to have awful destructive ideas, which flamberge vetos or approves of on a case by case basis. they get very happy and excited when flamberge approves of their awful plans

and of course my beloved gsa ships.............. theres falsgato which i am incredibly insane about thanks to my friend dragging me into it and now its a thing in my animeverse. enemies to friends to lovers I KEEP SAYING IM SO WEAK FOR THAT. dragato was a huge asshole to falspar for Various reasons regarding the nature of the gsa and perhaps dragatos own personal insecurity, but once they lost the war they got to bond since dragato like, realized how little the shit he antagonized falspar for actually mattered in the first place. and falspars a guy who really sees the best in people and ahahahghdjk its a whole thing its a whole thing i wont go into it rn LOL

theres also metarthur which is my very very beloved longtime rarepair. which i um. uh. ahahahah............. i get very slightly nervous talking about on main because a lot of people hc arthur as meta knights dad or parental figure but i shouldnt be nervous about hc differences really....... anyways theyre supposed to be like parallels of each other. people who are opposites thematically (arthur being leader of the gsa; mk being a former deeply infamous demon beast) who find themselves in similar positions in that they both kinda struggle with their sense of purpose vs their sense of self. meta knight sees his past struggles in arthur and so he finds himself drawn to him. he cant really Solve his situation, but (during their war-time relationship specifically) he hopes to offer some solace to him which functions as a form of catharsis to mk himself too. the two get to connect and understand each other in a unique way. i wont get too into this one right now either lol since the dynamic changes a lot depending on if its their during-war relationship or post-war relationship but theres the basics. i have a comic expanding on their general relationship in my drafts too but its at the bottom of my to-do list tbh. maybe someday though

im only into this one casually nowadays but morphogala... you really cant go wrong with "knight of death saves the greatest warrior in the galaxy from their torturous fate". something something the themes of wishing for the release of death being subverted into yes, death itself releasing you but in a way that actually Saves and rescues you instead. the hope and love in spite of all of the hopelessness AHHHHGH the themes of this one make me so weak. theres so much potential...... i really love this one on an aesthetic level too

you know i take my comment on "not super into shipping" back i think my multishipper ass has disillusioned myself into thinking being insane about like 4-5 ships isnt enough or isnt the norm. maybe i am insane about shipping......... oops

ships that make my thumbs up list in that i like them in concept but dont ship myself would be: marxolor; any of wave 3 x each other tbh. i have them as just besties in my hcs but paired up in any way is very fun; i kinda like shadow metadede but im really particular about the dynamic of that one; fransoos gets a very big thumbs up from me for themes and concept+enemies/rivals to lovers; metagala is. i dont super get it myself but the aesthetics alone are absolutely on-point enough to put this one in the thumbs up category. yayyyyyyy. im sure theres more that im missing but i think that covers any that arent too niche

[chainofclovers]

welcome to my self-indulgent ted lasso fic meta

My own dang tumblr feels like the ideal spot for some self-indulgent meta about things I've written. It's happened before and it'll happen again! Here is some self-indulgent meta about the (barbecue sauce) series (Ted Lasso, Ted/Rebecca/Keeley/Roy love square + other relationships within), and specifically about the final installment, also called "(barbecue sauce)."

Writing this series, especially the third part, was a feverish yet coherent experience, if that makes any sense whatsoever, and I realized I really wanted to write down some of the stuff I was trying to do in terms of the structure and content so that I don't forget. I'm putting it behind a cut in case you would prefer not to see all this detail or if you have not read it and might like to someday!

big picture structural stuff

I wanted each story to be about very, very private things that progressively reshape both the public and private reality for all four people involved in the love square, even though we don’t get each character’s interior perspective in every story.

"as fearless as" (Rebecca POV): the shocking new reality of saying what you want out loud and trusting that another person--or people, in this case--will be able to respond honestly. Ted and Rebecca get their first inkling that even if their living situations are very complicated, together they can create something that feels like home, and they don’t have to be in the same physical location for the feeling to work.

"face to face" (Ted POV): negotiating not only the dynamics of a new relationship structure but confronting a former home that no longer fits. Even though Ted’s son is the most important person in his life, his body and spirit are rejecting all the old familiar places, and it exhausts him to the point of rawness and leaves him open to seeing himself not only as someone who loves Rebecca and can accept that she loves him back but not only him, but that he could actually participate in the poly dynamics for himself, too.

“(barbecue sauce)” (POV shifts from Rebecca to Roy to Ted to Keeley to Ted to Rebecca): happy endings, and how finding that happy ending doesn’t mean life stops being hard, but being uncompromising in one’s commitment to happiness does make it possible to navigate even the most panic-inducing things.

little picture bbq sauce things

The first draft of the final installment started with a lot more relationship establishment stuff, but the most liberating thing I could do for the story was scrap those details and start with a zoomed-out happy ending. Rebecca’s figuring things out with Ted and with Keeley and even with Roy, and all four of them are committed to each other, and no matter what happens, they aren’t going anywhere. She is loved and adored and sexually and financially and spiritually safe, and she's able to share that love with her partners in return. I really wanted the first section to end with a paragraph that felt more like the end of a story. They love each other, bad stuff could happen and they’d still be together, boom.

But then I wanted actual challenges to come up and prove the happy ending right. This part actually happened kind of organically, insanely enough, but each section’s conflict gets progressively more intense:

Roy imagines what their love square would look like from the outside and does his own Diamond Dogs-style pep talk to reassure himself that perceptions don’t matter as much as what he actually feels

Ted and Roy spend time together alone and start to confront the possibility of having sexual feelings for each other, something that is very scary to explore

Despite feeling disrespected by her mother, Keeley listens to her mother’s wishes and brings Rebecca home to meet her and it doesn’t go well--but instead of trying hard and smoothing things over, Rebecca reassures her by showing Keeley she sees her mother for who she truly is (sometimes being judgmental instead of open-minded is actually the best way to show your love for someone...a lesson Ted ironically exhibited when he saw through Rupert instead of assuming the best of him and told Rebecca as much)

A conversation between Ted and Michelle goes south really quickly, with Michelle botching her reaction to the revelation that Ted is in a queer poly relationship. He panics, terrified that Michelle could withhold Henry from him, but is able to keep himself together enough to reach out to Rebecca for help

Rebecca has to process the realization that Ted has deep-seated fears about mortality that relate to his father’s death and his fear of leaving Henry prematurely (or maybe he already has), but instead of giving in to how scary it is to hear Ted talk about his own death during his panic attack, she stays calm and takes care of him, and they end the night having sex with the promise that in the morning Roy and Keeley will join them and they’ll all be together to continue processing everything that’s happened, and planning Henry’s party, and doing the best they can

I totally knew it was gonna feel a little intense to end the story a) with a really painful intrusion into their happiness and b) while Ted and Rebecca are literally in the middle of having sex. But I wanted the midpoint of sex being the end of the story to kind of imply that things are still going to keep happening even after the story is done. And because we already know they’re committed to making this work out within the love square, the real happy ending of the story is Ted and Rebecca’s ability to weather this panic-inducing experience even if it’s obvious there will be many more challenges ahead. I wanted it both ways: to suggest a long and complicated future that these four humans are capable of weathering together, and to conclude the story with one of the most intimate and lovely things humans can do together.

I also made a decision about halfway through writing this story that even though there would be a decent amount of sex and allusions to sexual experiences, there would be no descriptions of orgasms in this story. I mean, the love square is having great sex. They are having orgasms. But I didn’t want to actually describe those moments of heightened build-up and release because I wanted the increasingly challenging self-communication and communication with others to feel like leveling up. This is actually a somewhat embarrassing sentence to write, but the real climax of the story is Ted mustering up the strength to call Rebecca during his panic attack and Rebecca arriving to be with him. I didn’t want any physical climaxes to muddle it up or get confused with the triumphs of communication.

Anyway, I told you this meta would be self-indulgent. I fucking adored writing this series. While there are things I could have done differently and things I might indeed do differently if I were to write this as a better writer some number of years in the future, I was able to accomplish what I wanted in this moment, and I’m so glad I had the experience of writing a callback to the little murmur of “barbecue sauce” in 1x8, which is my favorite moment of Ted Lasso so far and possibly the most wonderfully written shorthand for home I’ve ever witnessed.

[chthonic-cassandra]

Yuletide Letter 2019

Dear Yuletide Writer,

Thank you for writing for me! I am delighted beyond measure and thrilled to see what you come up with. These are all fandoms very dear to my heart.

In case you want more information about my tastes: My AO3 is of course here. I’m Assimbya on AO3, YT signup (consequently), and now-defunct other accounts. I’ve previously said: “I tend to write meditative female character-centric gen about trauma recovery, and/or fucked-up dub-con darkfic, and those are both totally things I love to read about as well, but neither of those are your style, no worries! I also really, really love romance (particularly in poly relationships), sexy D/s stuff, and world-building or plot-heavy casefic; I'm just not as good at writing any of those.” All that still goes, so if you read one of my own fics and think that it’s seriously not your style, please don’t worry about trying to match it! I am an omnivorous reader.

Some things I like in fic: smart, prickly, messed-up characters especially when they’re interacting with other smart, prickly messed-up characters; complicated or tense relationship negotiation; power dynamics (sexual or not, and either set and formalized or in constant flux); poly relationships; moments of hope/resilience within suffering; canon divergence ('what if?' AUs), darkfic/horror, D/s and related kink (especially bondage, humiliation, pain - either healthy and negotiated kink or also fucked-up dub or non-con stuff); moral ambiguity, or characters dealing with situations where there are no good choices; depictions of trauma recovery or otherwise putting one's life together after devastation; characters who are smart and competent and passionate about things; allusion, experimention, meta-fictional stuff, playfulness with form and language; historical details and world-building; pastiche; things in general being complicated and messy and nuanced

Some things I’d prefer not to read about: dub-con which involves ‘they secretly wanted it’ or ‘they didn’t want it at first but then learned they actually did’ tropes (other kinds of dub- or non-con are fine); traumatic events treated as jokes or insignificant; setting-changing AUs; crossovers (with the exception of Penny Dreadful, which is itself a crossover); slapstick humor; PWP (any level of explicit content is fine, but I’m in it mostly for the characters); heavy focus on bodily fluids of any kind; focus on animal harm, or meat preparation; focus on pregnancy or being a parent of young children; sexual content with anyone younger than late adolescence; dogs; explicit discussion of disordered eating

Penny Dreadful (tv) Characters: Vanessa Ives, Hecate Poole

Prompt: So. I adored Penny Dreadful but that moment in S2 when Vanessa and Hecate see each other for the first time across the crowded ballroom, and then Vanessa starts hallucinating blood raining from the ceiling? And then they kiss in an ambiguous rivalry/flirtation moment? And then they never interact again? Most frustrating tease ever.

I would be interested in any ideas you have for giving us the interaction the show didn't, and am open to whatever directions you want them to go in. Enemies-to-allies(-to maybe lovers)? Darkfic of their continued battle, or of one taking the other captive? Deliciously fucked-up family dynamics with Evelyn and Sir Malcolm continuing their relationship? I could think of scenarios upon scenarios, but I'm really open to wherever your imagination takes you. Likewise, I'd be totally into something shippy with them, but just as equally interesting in gen that deals with their parallel journeys towards understanding their own agency in these epic mystical conflicts into which they were both dragged. I'm into the question of how their volatile and intense personalities might play off each other; please do run with it.

I love both Vanessa and Hecate as trauma survivors who are messy and ugly in their survival, who lash out and hurt others but are also trying to figure out how to live in their world, with their experiences. Penny Dreadful is also an amazing ensemble cast, and I would be happy to see other characters making appearances (maybe especially Seward, Dracula, Evelyn - or Brona/Lily, who doesn't really interact much with either of these women, would also be an interesting counterpoint), but I'd prefer the focus of whatever you write stay primarily on Hecate and Vanessa, especially rather than the male characters that tend to get more attention in our fandom. Likewise, I'm fine with Vanessa/Ethan, but if that pairing is present, I'd rather it not be the main center of the fic.

Some things I love in canon: straight-up unapologeticaly going for the gothic atmosphere and narrative and world; colonialism and patriarchy as horror stories in themselves; spiders!; everything about Vanessa; people can make bad choices and still be worthy of compassion; clever and intricate allusion in the crossovering; polymorphous perversity; believing implausible trauma narratives as essential to defeat evil; Lily’s anti-libertine club; pretty dresses

Additional optional note about this fandom: So, I’m a pretty long-term Dracula fan, that’s probably my primary fandom over the years. Penny Dreadful’s engagement with its Dracula characters and material was...inconsistent, and sometimes weird. I personally loved pretty much all the S3 stuff (Florence Seward and her secretary Renfield!), but was really frustrated by the S1 material (her name is Mina but she’s acting more like Lucy and the narrative gives her nothing to do?). If you, my writer, are interested in the Dracula crossover element and want to more extensively explore and reconcile that, I would be up for it, but there’s no pressure on that front whatsoever.

Dangerous Liasisons/Les liaisons dangereuses - Choderlos de Laclos Characters: Madame de Tourvel, Marquise de Merteuil

Prompt: The Marquise de Merteuil and Tourvel never really interact in Les liaisons dangereuses! This has always bothered me. We get Mertueil making snide remarks about Tourvel's clothing, we know they've interacted socially, we know Merteuil is devouring all the details of Tourvel's conquest but...that's really all we get, for the most part. And I always wanted more; it felt like a missing piece to the elaborate polygon of relationships which is this book.

I feel like Tourvel is the moral center of the book in a lot of ways, and Merteuil's underestimation of her is crucial to the plot, but also means their interaction could be electric and exciting. Tourvel has actual principles, and Merteuil doesn't believe in those principles! What would that look like between them? Merteuil/Tourvel would be really cool, whether it entailed a straightforward power dynamic with Merteuil in control or something more unexpected and shifting. But a more ideological or intellectual contest would also really excite me. What if Tourvel became aware of the extent of Merteuil's manipulations in her life and decided to do something about it? What if Merteuil decided to mess with Valmont by manipulating Tourvel directly? What if Tourvel someone ended up as a support to Cecile, and Merteuil had to step in order to keep her long game moving? I'd be okay with some degree of Tourvel/Valmont/Merteuil for this prompt, but I'd prefer for the interactions between the women to be foregrounded, even if Valmont is the vehicle to get them there.

Some things I love in canon: epistolarity (2nd greatest epistolary novel in history!); character revealed through text; libertines are fascinating and hilarious but also ultimately self-deceiving hypocrites; everyone is manipulating everyone else and we the readers get to watch; how insidious dynamics of coercion are; Merteuil as an object of admiration and horror and tragedy; going back and forth across the razor-thin line between fun, sexy seduction and the horror of coercion; did I mention epistolarity?

Duke Bluebeard’s Castle -Bartók/Balázs Characters: Duke Bluebeard, Judith, The Castle

Prompt: I love this piece so much - the texture of the music, the atmosphere, the imagery, the rich, dark, uncomfortable psychological dynamics. It is my favorite Bluebeard version every, which is really saying something. (It's also strongly in the running for my favorite opera, but don't tell anyone.)I am interested in anything that extrapolates from and expands on the relational dynamics of the opera, whatever direction that goes in - gothic horror, sexy, supernatural? 

I included the Castle as a character here because I am really fascinated by the prologue, by the way the space itself is anthropomorphized, and I would be really interested in a story from the Castle's point of view, or about its relationship with Bluebeard himself, but if that's not inspiring you feel free to leave it out. I would be interested in more exploration of Bluebeard's consciousness, of what the stories are behind the different rooms, or of Judith's strength and fortitude and desperation to know. For this request, I could go for something really off-the-wall experimental, or something that takes the psychological tunnel vision of the opera itself and grounds it in some more realistic setting. Go wild!

One thing - it is really important to my reading of this opera that the other wives are alive (Judith's reaction to seeing them: "Living, breathing. They live here!"). Versions that alter this really throw me out of it - even the 2015 Met production, which I otherwise found pretty stunning, really irritated me in the way it handled this aspect of the ending. So I would strongly prefer a story that in some way keeps that final revelation of their continued survival intact. Feel free to make of that whatever you want with what that means and what the truth of their situation is (does the castle somehow absorb their selfhood and turn them into wraiths? Are they under a spell? Has Bluebeard worked some psychological manipulation? Are they in on it with him?). If you want to write something with Judith interacting with them I would probably melt in joy.

Some things I love in canon: densely claustrophobic atmosphere; at a certain point the soprano’s voice becomes indistinguishable from a scream; Judith knows, she knows, she’s waiting for it; they open the doors together; you’re caught in a story and you still believe it can go differently; Bluebeard’s agony and yet inability to change; “The fourth I found at midnight - “ “No more, no more, I am still here” (!!!)

Fingersmith - Sarah Waters Characters - Susan Trinder, Maud Lilly

Prompt: I am so enamored with Maud and Susan and their fucked-up, bitter, deeply devoted romance, and I would be delighted to have more. I would love a story that either shows us more of the two of them after the novel, and how they find their way into a relationship that works for them, or one that takes an earlier point of the narrative as its departure part and gives us something between them that's maybe more messy and secret-filled before they've come to an understanding. I definitely (obviously) ship them, but if you'd prefer to write a version of their dynamic before they've come to openly express their feelings, I'm okay with that too.

I really appreciate the way Maud and Susan have both caused each other harm, both been complicit in these systems of control that have hurt the other, but find their way out of that to a new way of being in the world. I would love a story that deal with the messiness and ugliness of that, the fallout of their betrayals, and allows them still to love each other. Identity-related shenanigans and crazy power dynamics are all very much welcome in that. I'll note that, while I would be really into these two doing BDSM or powerplay of however dark a variety, I would prefer no non-con for this pairing (dub-con by virtue of withholding information, which one could say that a lot of the book is, would be fine).

I am very into the way Waters very complexly plays with and inverts narratives and tropes from 18th and 19th century literature (especially from Clarissa and the Woman in White), and so if you are up for doing something intertextual and meta with that, I would be down for it and absolutely with you for the ride.

Some things I love in canon: elaborately twisting plots; the intimacy of everyday life (corsets, thimble); women can be cruel and conflicted in their desire; destroy the libertines!; doubling and doppelgängers; turn the Victorian novel inside-out; something complicated with epistolary when one of your protagonists cannot read?; that crazily sophisticated Collins/Richardson/Dickens pastiche/inversion