#on a kinda similar note I’ve been playing with the idea of a delusional Shinichi

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I find myself thinking a lot about the strength of the former grey otp. And after reading a few other fics that kinda sorta touch on this, I remain undecided.

I think because I am first and foremost a Shiho stan, I want the absolute best for her and Shinichi is just not it. He’s a terrible s/o. Which gets me thinking, why does it have to be him? If roles were switched around, could Shiho fall for someone else that did the same thing as Shinichi? Someone who pulls her into the light and let’s her know darkness is not her home. As a long time CoAi shipper I should say it has to be them, especially given how loyal I am to ships. But they’re no longer an otp, and I long for fics where Shiho moves on and is happy (that being said I do not allow Shinichi the same luxury. I can’t stand the thought of him with anyone else. So either he’s true to his love of cases or Shiho. There is no other option) and maybe I’m just in my break up fic mood, but I have to think she must have pondered this too. Because she’s so logical, she has to consider the fact that this may not be real. Like yes the feelings are undeniable, but how genuine is it? Is the crush just a byproduct of being trapped by darkness for so long then when you get a tiny glimpse of light, you’re drawn to it and crave its warmth? Or does she really like him because of his character. It’s annoying but the hero type does get attention for a reason, you’re drawn to the good and listen kindness is attractive. You can’t help but want to follow, the call to action for the greater good and the belief that humanity is capable of being good. In this world where we see more and more negative news because it’s what sells and gets clicks, we take for granted the kindness that does still exist in the world. As someone who responds well to people who are nice, I get this, that being said he’s a little shit and definitely has flaws but cause he’s the hero of the story we don’t talk much about it in canon. Which honestly is why I’m sure people will find my characterization of him ooc, because I write him to cater to my queen. I will never be able to write a version of him who isn’t hopelessly in love with her, it’s what she deserves, someone to fawn over her and love her more than she ever thought anyone would be capable of. And by saying someone, really I should be able to write other Shiho pairings. (See kaishi, which I’m so soft and biased for and some days really do think they’re that ship) I’ve played with the idea, like in Fleeting Feelings. But in the end, maybe it’s the nostalgia, I cannot let CoAi go. Even as I explore fics where their relationship is more toxic and they really shouldn’t be together, I still find myself trying to make it work. Try to justify that even in the worst cases, they belong together. Their love is strong enough to get through the worst battles, to survive anything thrown in their way. And that is my demise. My love for my ship will always bring me down, but I let it. So I don’t know the answer. It could be someone else that she falls for, but a part of me will always believe it has to be him.