#omg sigur shut up!

[a-ghost-of-a-good-mood]

I finally got diagnosed with ADHD at 32, after a bad breakdown where I missed 2 whole weeks of classes because I lost almost all the things that kept me in check and feeling secure and cared for (last year's friends, teachers, schedule, swimming lessons, meds losing the brain side effect, commuting added 1 extra hour going from 3 to 4 hrs) so after the anxiety and depression, I just went into "Instant gratification" mode and spend day after day reading fanfic in bed, wrapped in my coziest blankets, forgot to even eat or drink water some days, I couldn't leave the house either, I was as if I was trapped inside my brain and my unmovable body... I was saddening tbh...

So I got dragged to a psychiatrist and well... Here we have, a ADHD diagnosis...

To think that a good chunk of my life got fucked up because of ADHD (cuz, what I mentioned before has happened before many times, I just got dismissed by family and random people as being lazy and uncaring of the efforts made by my parents to pay for my education), because I made impulse driven decisions of leaving things unfinished, when I couldn't cope with the growing stress of everything I my brain just ran away into more pleasant activities and I couldn't stop .

I've been living my life trying my hardest to be normal, to behave like a normal functional adult, wanting to be normal like everyone else, but I just learned that'll never happen, it could have never happened, cuz my brain developed differently cuz I inherited fucked up genes for my dad (again!)

And I know this is not an illness, but to me in particular, is a very real health issue that has lead me to destroy my life time and time again and right now I am very unhappy and pissed at myself and I feel wrong and I also have to catch up on all my missing classes, and I also have zero will and energy to make acquittances with my new classmates I just go non verbal until a teacher asks me something, and I also feel very awkward cuz I don't know what to do with my body and my facial gesticulations.

And above all this.... I just want to be the same person I was last year, strong, dependable, racing brain to solve issues in creative ways, to process and integrate knowledge fast, to talk with everyone with a confident voice, pouring my respect and care to everyone and specially for my friends/found fam, to know I was a bit different than the rest but still feel comfortable enough to show it in an empowering light.

I rn, am just trash, a corpse trying to get afloat in my own terrible storm. Trying to accept a diagnosis and wishing that one day I'll be able to forgive myself for fucking up my life, for being born with ADHD condition and I don't know when that'll be, or when I'll be able to live with the condition in a functional way, when I'll learn to thrive...

I just wanted to live a simple life, fall in love with a dependable person who'll love me back without an ounce of doubt and we'll age together, but now I'm not sure if anyone would want the burden I represent, I feel more unlovable that ever...

[panwriter]

I posted 2,322 times in 2022

5 posts created (0%)

2,317 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@brilliancetheory

@sigurism

@stuart-townsend

@dailyscotteastwood

@adorkable-phoenix

I tagged 2,321 of my posts in 2022

#hearteyes motherfucker - 453 posts

#game of thrones - 159 posts

#reanimator - 106 posts

#the tudors - 106 posts

#otp - 96 posts

#gladiator - 78 posts

#disney - 76 posts

#harry potter - 75 posts

#the master - 66 posts

#saw franchise - 65 posts

Longest Tag: 66 characters

#imagine not having the balls to be off anon lmao could never be me

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Omg shut up about trans people no one cares

You’re literally talking to a Genderfluid bitch. The Fuck? Also, don’t be a pussy, say it with your chest.

1 note - Posted April 19, 2022

#4

I was going to send you hate, but your ask page message really put me in my place :(((

Top Ten Anime Betrayals

2 notes - Posted August 15, 2022

#3

I feel the overwhelming urge to let you know that since you’ve started Clint Eastwood posting, I’ve had to face my subconscious love for him. I’ve watched Escape from Alcatraz twice this week 🙈

I have corrupted two people with my love for the old cowboy. @brilliancetheory Join them. Also sorry for the super duper late reply omg I rarely use this site on the computer now.

2 notes - Posted April 13, 2022

#2

Are you a Gold Star lesbian? (Just in case you don't know what it means, a Gold Star lesbian is a lesbian that has never had the sex with a guy and would never have any intentions of ever doing so)

I’m a virgin pansexual you fucking dunce. Stop spreading this toxic, misogynistic and stupid gold star bullshit around.

A lesbian is a lesbian is a lesbian no matter what their past is. Same with any sexuality. Shut the fuck up.

Also get off anon and say it with your whole chest so we can know who’s not getting any bitches.

6 notes - Posted August 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hey, my friend has a gofundme right now about their dog who has suddenly gotten sick. If you can even just donate a dollar, that would be amazing.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/4kqc4e-help-me-save-my-dog-please?utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet&utm_medium=copy_link_all&utm_source=customer

21 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[a-ghost-of-a-good-mood]

By god, I don't get how my 40+ neighbors are SO DUMB, such IDIOTIC CREATURES!

They are all willing to sign an agreement that will bound them to pay whatever amount the admin want to charge or they'll be forbidden to access the place, also they get no electronic key, even though they already paid for it.

They are willing to give away some of their rights and I don't know, honestly, how they make it to this point in their lives?!

This is a state of dictatorship and somehow modern slavery, how in the world did I ended up in this fucking situation?!

Idk what to do, this man is a manipulator and everyone else a blind sheep.

Can't even sell the house.

Big tip, never buy a house that is inside a complex, it's hell, go live away on the mountains, buy a big alone house, just rent! So you can flee when shit turns bad!

[storiesby-rahmankhan]

Miles (Unfinished)

So I had started writing a story a while ago, it’s not finished and it won’t ever be finished. To be fair, it’s too hard for me to finish because it’s based on a true story and about someone I know. So I can’t really find a fitting ending, I can’t fill in the gaps and I can’t just write it any more. So here it is, in it’s unfinished glory. There are some notes on what would have gone in the gaps, but nothing too detailed.

It’s not much, but I haven’t put up my writing in a long time.

Miles.

A Story by Rahman Khan

“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

This is the story of how two souls are connected despite the fact they are thousands of miles apart from each other.  People tend to make fun out of the fact that someone can develop feelings for someone else over the internet. Making jokes that the other person is just a fat man living in his parent’s basement looking for some young to have his way with.

What most people don’t realise is that they’ll make fun of something they have never had the pleasure of experiencing themselves.

I am one of the two souls. Through some sort of strange twist of fate and irony the one place that two souls seems to have connected was on the internet.

I’ve always liked the idea of friends. It just so happened that I hated my friends.

Growing up, I had very few friends. My best friend was murdered. My girlfriend killed herself. I never really got close to anyone after that, I just didn’t want to get hurt from all the pain. Friends for me…were people who I just had acquaintances with, nothing too personal, just keeping it casual, meet for a drink, or just talk online when we’re bored. Nothing too stressful.

I didn’t really have much of a family either. The only time I see or talk to my family is when we have dinner. My father’s disappointment in me, my mother’s lack of respect pushed me away.

It was through all this that I lost myself to my own depression; I fell into a void of unhappiness and dug a hole for myself. For years I stayed to myself, the two people I had cared about died; my best friend was murdered and my girlfriend died in a car crash. I tried my best to compensate from my sins, but I couldn’t help but realise that I just hate myself for everything that I’ve done, I can’t forgive myself for those things. I shut myself away from the world, I stayed in my room and only left to go to my lessons at school and then again at university, I could hardly make any friends. I was introverted and I didn’t want to change in the danger of actually hurting someone else. So I stayed to myself. But it’s not like I didn’t make friends, I had people I would talk to in the school and university; people to pass time with, but outside of those places, I was alone.

My time at university wasn’t the typical UK university experience. I never had a Freshers Week, I never had those late nights with roommates, late night cramming sessions and hung over mornings. I was alone in my room, watching movies, downloading TV shows, doing my work, hitting those dead lines early; the boring student.

My life has always been secluded. But not to the point where I’d be Boo Radley and not interact with anyone or anything; I went to school, university, all that, I made friends and went to parties. But something was missing; maybe it was love, maybe it was a family member I never had, maybe it was just having an actual friend that I could talk to.

I always had trouble talking to anyone on a more open level. I never explained my sadness, never explained why I was angry, or just didn’t feel like talking to anyone. I’m not sure what it was, I just felt like there was no one around me in this city that I could feel connected to. My days were spent listening to music alone in my room, I would listen to all kinds of music from all sorts of artists; Japanese artists like The GazettE, Dir en Grey, High and Mighty Color; I only knew a handful of Japanese, but something about the voices in these songs managed to calm me down at times when I needed them. They represented a life I could never have, somewhere far away on the other side of the world, far from my family, far from whatever the people I hang around with are, far from my past. French rap managed to capture my soul in a way I could never explain in words to anyone; the beats, the bass, the artists rapping away, it felt…surreal to know that this music connects me to them. Bands like Explosions in the Sky, Sigur Ros, Mogwai…their unique way to portray music managed to express feeling I could never express. I don’t know, music is just a way for people to escape their own troubles; lyrics guide us on a path to a sense of strange enlightenment.

One Sunday morning, I decided that I was going to leave the house and just for a walk around the city. I take a long, warm shower, I rest my arms against the cold marble walls; the feeling of the cool, tingling marble battled the feeling of warm water falling from the showerhead onto my skin. Music runs through my head. I usually think of nothing in the shower, there’s nothing really to think about, is there? Most of the time you just jump in, clean yourself, jump out. Simple. Why complicate something so simple. I think it’s why I love taking a shower; it’s one of those cocoons that I can crawl into and think of absolutely nothing. My life doesn’t matter in there; all I need to concentrate on is getting every nook and cranny and being as clean as possible.

I decide I want to take the train and go somewhere where I know I won’t run into anyone. I take the underground into the city and head to the park; most of my friends live on the far edges of the city, so I know I won’t see them. I don’t want to see them. I just want to be able to walk around a huge, open space and know that I’m alive. I want the cold air to hit my face, make the blood rush to my cheeks, brightening them up red. In winter, my nose always lights up like Rudolf, you can always tell I’m cold if my nose is bright red once I’m inside. But I love the winter. I love everything about it. I love the first touch of snow to the ground, it’s softer than a leaf falling in autumn, I love watching grey clouds cover the blue sky, hiding away the beauty. It reminds that something if something so sinister can hide something so beautiful, then there must be some kind of hope. Something waiting beyond all the mess and the pain.

Eventually, I manage to get to the park, and it’s empty. There’s no one around as far as my eyes can see. Snow fell the night before and it’s been blanketed across the fields. There are no footsteps, no car tracks; leaves have fallen softly onto the ground. I step into a virgin patch of snow; it feel comforting to know I’m leaving a mark on this world, even it’s temporary, I’ll know I’m the reason it’s there.

I take out my camera and I begin to take pictures. I only just bought this a few months ago and decided to start using it. I’ve always been interested in photography.  I’ve gone through shit in my life that I’ll never talk about, seen stuff I’ll never describe, done things I wish I hadn’t, I don’t talk about my problems, I never will. But when I’m behind that viewfinder, with nothing but what’s in front of me, the sounds of the world around me, or sometimes the tunes of my headphones, I’m no longer part of the world that makes me what to kill myself, no longer part of the world that makes me regret waking up in the morning, I feel different, I’m free. I feel the safest I have ever felt behind that viewfinder, because I’m surrounded by the edges of what I see, not what’s behind me, or to the side, just what’s ahead. It doesn’t matter if the picture doesn’t come out good, or if it’s blurred or over exposed, just the fact that I can sit there, safely and snap away…liberates me in a way in more ways than I can describe.

Photography is my way out of my shitty world and allows me to remember that maybe there is a God, and that there is a world out there, even if my hate blinds me from it sometimes. I don’t think I’ll understand the power of this new art form, but I know I love it.

One day, I found a website; I started a blog and started to share my photography. I wanted to post everything I snap away and just put it out there for people to see. I wanted to let people know if even if they’re feeling like a piece of shit, even if they’re feeling like they want to die, there’s always going to be something out there for them. I thought maybe my photography can help them realise that there is more to life than just waiting around for something to take us away. I don’t know, for the first time in my life, I felt like I had a purpose. But I still felt like I was missing something.

>> BLOGGING <<

It just so happened, one day through this blog, someone messaged me. I checked out her page and she seemed like a cool person, so I started to follow her. We indirectly spoke through our blogs, reblogging stuff liked from each other, liking and commenting on posts. This eventually led to us adding eachother on an instant messenger and we instantly became friends.

Her: Hi!

Me: Hey hey

Her: How are u?

Me: I’m doing good, how are you?

Her: im fine (:

…

We had those awkward silences that aren’t really silences since it’s online, but you knew If this was a conversation in person it’d just be way too awkward to continue.

Her: So what u upto?

Me: Oh, sorry, nothing much, I was playing a game

Her: wat game?

Me: Some zombie game, haha, I felt like shooting some shit up.

Her: I used to play by Nintendo all the time. did u ever play Zelda?

Me: FUCK YES. That was the shit

Her: OMG I KNO RIGHT

Me: I was a Street Fighter kid too

Her: AKUMA!

Me: RYU!

Her: Haha OMG did u ever play cloud?

Me: Cloud? Do you mean Final Fantasy 7? Lol

Her: LOOOL did I just say cloud?

Her: YES! FINAL FANTASY

Me: I’m pretty sure I want to marry you now.

We hit it off instantly. She was perfect. We had so much in common it was uncanny. We loved and played the same games as kids. We both watched the same TV shows. We both had the same interests in fashion. We loved the same movies and had an undying love for classical Hollywood. She was perfect. Despite the fact she lived half way around the world.

We would talk for hours on end on endless shit no one probably would give a crap about; but it was our friendship, this was us.

Her: <3 ive missed you.

Me: not as much as I have, I kept thinking about you all day! haha

Her: how was ur day?

Me: it was alright, i had to do the shopping, driving is a pain when it rains over here o.O

Her: aw, u hate driving?

Me: Ehh, its ok. i dont see the whole excitement about it…its like youre driving a large go-kart that can kill you.

Her: LOL

Her: i like driving, but not in the city. I like driving out by the country

Me:  I’ve never been outside of the city for more than a few hours. I’ve always been the passenger on trips.

Her: u need to try it and just drive

Me: Maybe.

It doesn’t seem like much, but every conversation we have just means something. It gives me the snippets of her life that I couldn’t see in the people I met in person. She learnt more about me than anyone else I knew in person. She had a special place in my heart, even though I never knew her in person. My loneliness disappeared whenever I got the chance to speak to her.

Whenever I took a walk, read a book, listened to music, watched a movie, I always imagined she’d be doing the same. Whenever I would picture Her in my mind, she’d be alone for some reason, with no one around her. A sense of loneliness always befell her in my cruel mind. A sense of loneliness only I could repair. I wanted to be there for her, I wanted to be the one to call her on the phone, or to send her a text message to brighten her day. Knowing I wasn’t there to be with her in person hurt me to the point where I’d just feel sad, as if I’ve lost a friend I’ve grown up with. It’s embarrassing to even admit that to friends, it’d be weird for me to tell them I’m close to a girl I’ve met online. Most of the time it’s ridiculed that you can’t even make friends in person, so you need to retreat behind a screen. Which really isn’t the case, I have friends in person; people I hang out with on a daily basis. But it’s with Her that I managed to actually connect to someone on a level beyond the “How’s u?” “Fine” “…” and then nothing. With Her, I felt like I was a real person, with interests that not only excited me, but her as well.  

One night, I have dinner with a friend, she goes on and on about her mundane life, how she’s stressing over an exam, or how she’s scared of looking for a job, that her cat needs surgery. In the back of my head, I’m just thinking “what is She doing? It must be like 12pm there, she’s probably just getting up right now, brushing her teeth, maybe having breakfast, getting ready to go to her lessons…” It was unhealthy how my thoughts of this one girl I’ve never met, and probably will never meet clouded my mind.

Me: Hey

Her: hi!

Me: wassup?

Her: nm

This was the first time she didn’t really talk.

Me: Are you ok?

Her: im fine

Me: Are you sure?

Her: yep

Me: No you’re not.

Her: How do you know?

Me: Because you’re not talking away like a soap opera

Her: LOL

Me: What’s wrong?

Her: I’m just stressed. I’ve got too much going on right now

Me: Do you want to talk about tit?

Me: NOT TIT. IT*

Her: LOLOLOL

Me: …yeah, so wanna talk?

Her:  Well..

We spoke for hours on her life. How she is stressed at her university, how life at home is hectic, how stuff with her boyfriend isn’t going so well; I knew she was in pain, and it ached me in a way that I’ve never felt before when I knew I could do nothing but type away things that I hoped would help her. I just wanted to jump through the screen and hold her, I wanted to be her best friend. In the back of my head, for one reason or another, she felt like the one thing that was missing in my life, maybe she was the 1 in 6 billion, maybe she was the perfect girl for me. But I had no chance; all I could do was to be there for her right now.

Whenever she spoke about her boyfriend, I felt jealous, and I felt angry that he wasn’t treating her right. I wanted to be that person. I wanted to be the one she loved.

I told her to get some sleep. I had stayed up all night with her; it was around 11pm for her, and morning for me, I told her to try to sleep and I’ll talk to her the next day.

Her: thank you <3

Me: It’s alright.

Her: Can I tell you something?

Me: You can tell me anything.

Her: I’m glad i met you, im glad we’re friends. you’ve brought this positive energy into my life that i needed and im glad its you. Thank you so much

That morning, I didn’t sleep, I just stayed up, hoping she was OK.

>>> GIRLS STORY HERE <<<

My life outside of my internet life was seemingly normal. I was still dealing with my past.

I graduated university with a typical 2:1 degree, I was then thrown out into the grown up world. A world no one warned me about. A world where I had no preparation, and wasn’t ready to face. I was just another 20 year old something with a CV who didn’t know what he wanted to be. Originality was scarce. I felt like I just wanted to tell someone I was scared. I wanted tell someone I wasn’t ready for all this responsibility and that I just wanted to keep living young. I never knew getting pushed out onto your own two feet was going to be this hard. People said shit won’t be easy, but they never told me it’d be this hard. I told a couple of my friends, but they seemed busy with their own problems, so I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

I managed to get a job, I started working 40 hour weeks, updating my blog seemed like a chore, but I still did it, after getting over 1,000 followers, you seem to feel like you have some sort of obligation to keep posting, since so many people want to see what you do. I refrained from answering anymore messages and only really kept in contact with people I seemed to have spoken to before. I even had a girlfriend. Somehow, using the internet and talking to Her; helped me get out of this unsociable shell I was in, and it felt good. It felt good knowing I wasn’t entirely alone in the world.

But this girlfriend of mine, every time I saw her, all I could think of is you’re not her. She wasn’t her her. I wanted her. The perfect girl. Sure, she had imperfections and sure she had her problems, but that’s what made her who she is. I wanted to be a part of that and I wanted to be in her life. I had never met this girl in my life and I fell in love with who is she and I wanted her.

And then one day…nothing. I never heard from her again. Her blog page was gone, she never came back online, we never spoke again. It was as if she disappeared into thin air, or maybe that she never existed.

It felt like a stab in something that I had never felt before, knowing that befriending someone I never met could affect me in such a way was an eye opener for me. Human loneliness can stretch for miles and connect with someone so far away, that the only way to keep them close is to hold them in your heart. But it hurts that much more when you find out they never did the same for you. But she left something. There’s something inside of me now, ever since I met her; she put a fire inside of me. She’s put that little ounce of hope that I never knew existed inside of me.

I had written her a letter in my journal, something I want to give her but now I can’t. Words I’ve wanted to say to her but too afraid to. I wanted to tell her she made me happier than what I thought was possible. That I want to be in her life and that I considered her my best friend and that even though we had never met, I still miss her more than anyone. I told her that I would never leave her and in a way, I haven’t. I just hope she never forgets that.

[a-ghost-of-a-good-mood]

I had this wrecking ball dream where I almost died but also woke up at hospital I practice at

Only to get up and find suspicious trails of how my aunt is going to die and listening to a private convo of my neighbor about leaving her partner.... All while feeling very tired and sick

Also my ex biggest crush was there.

[a-ghost-of-a-good-mood]

I need to water my plants cuz these days it’s a living hellfire but my throat is sore and my head hurts, like can I just choke on this heat and die?

[a-ghost-of-a-good-mood]

So, I'm trying trying to get tickets for the Detective Pikachu movie, and there are 0 cinemas in my area with the English version!

The only way me and mom would be able to watch it in English is traveling all the way to the south part of the city AND PAY TWICE the price of a normal ticket.

This is exactly why I stopped going to the movies, and it is upsetting when I really want to watch a certain movie and there's never the original language version, happened with Peter Rabbit, Mary Poppins, Star Wars, and now Detective Pikachu...

[a-ghost-of-a-good-mood]

I had this stupid dream 24 hrs ago and now I can't sleep cuz I ignored it all day long. Mr. Top-notch was my stupid cool & understanding boyfriend, who was super proud of me cuz I was giving some mic dropping speech about my latest award winning research. His voice was soft and his chest as rock and I so hate myself for having these dreams, like everything was platonic at best, yet my dumb ass brain misses his guidance, his care and optimism, all the mindfulness gifts he gave my inner-self. I'm so thankful but never got to tell him. That's my regret calling

[a-ghost-of-a-good-mood]

That’s not always true.

I went to school with kids who lived in a way better financial situation than most, myself included, and my friends would buy me food at school, or at a mall, give me a ride home, invite me over their homes to eat. I even had one friend at high school who would bake me a cake on my birthday and everyday he gifted me his hershey, he also bought me a sonic video game and a ticket for a videogame event, I couldn’t attend bc my aunt was very sick.

Also my friend’s mom would buy us donuts and drinks, or fix us sandwiches when we had gaming sessions. I really miss the gang, they sure made you feel like part of the family.

tbh…

[a-ghost-of-a-good-mood]

Also the poor bee that was shoved by the wind to land on my arm and then stung me, died a few moments ago. I dug a hole near the lemon tree and buried the bee there. 

Although something was off with the bee at first glance, it was covered in dirt, the back leg was twisted inwards and tumbled whenever it tried to walk and crashed back down when ever it tried to take flight. I stood still hoping for it to fly off, but it was somewhat confused, as for when it crashed down it stung me.

I said a prayer for this poor little creature.

[a-ghost-of-a-good-mood]

It’s raining TOO much!

and there’s motherfucking big ass lighting! 

[a-ghost-of-a-good-mood]

Ok, so I had a fight with a neighbor who charges us more than needed for any new project, and dumb ass ppl pay him in full not 24hrs after he demands the money...

Mom had it, I had it, cuz the corruption is as clear as a cloudless day, but barely anyone else said something against it.

Finally, another neighbor present a different project, so we had 3 projects to vote for, and fucking no one voted, and instead his sheeps transferred the money to his account without even specifying which project they want, but I did the math and is still hiss god damned overpriced project!!!!!

He even threaten me to charge me full price if the door suddenly stopped working! Like for fuck sake! That bitch was sure as hell going to destroy it just to get us!

Anyway, no one supported us and now I'm too paranoid to leave the house for a long time, go outside and find him.

I don't want to live here any longer, just wish I could move to a nice and harmonious neighborhood or outright disappear.

All week my mood has been pure shit, I want to curl up and cry, the first days I was stomach sick, but hide it. Mom is not great at supporting cuz she's scared too, but manages to get her work done.

In the fucking end, I feel the depression creeping back, and I cannot fight it. And also, I feel growing hate towards that man and woman who are stealing our money.

Also, school be damned, cuz all my energy is going at reliving the scene and hearing that awful shit say if we don't pay for all they demand, they get out water and electricity supply suspended... and many where cheering this illegal bs?!

Like are ANY of them still human?!

I don't think I have what is needed to live in this twisted world, I'm in too much pain, energy deflated, and don't know what to do, where to even begin or who to even trust, I just want to run away.

[a-ghost-of-a-good-mood]

My mom did this too she checked if her grammar was right, but funny thing is, she has been bombarded by tons of chat groups with her workmates and other teachers she has met during many many courses, and now she has more digital social life than myself. In short, all things people and herself included share memes more frequently than formal info, and she now uses extra vocals when communicating excitement or shock with no explanation marks, and when something is funny she'll send the " X'D " emoji.

Actually she really does enjoy using a wider array of emojis when texting with people she is close to, like me and her siblings.

I do think social interaction with peer her age/profession have been playing an important part in developing my mom's real time texting, as those behaviors and accepted and encouraged by everyone on the chat group

old people really need to learn how to text accurately to the mood they’re trying to represent like my boss texted me wondering when my semester is over so she can start scheduling me more hours and i was like my finals are done the 15th! And she texts back “Yay for you….” how the fuck am i supposed to interpret that besides passive aggressive

[a-ghost-of-a-good-mood]

Awww finally a different dream with soul connection person.

The were no longer mad at me for moving on a different direction, it was the usual school setting at night, I think I took several naps within my own dream 😂 and after some weird chemistry lab class, I saw him.

Now, this is usually where they either disappear or react hurt. Not this time.

We talked (?) Something about leaving it feels like, and then we hugged real tight and for a good while. Dream me deaged to 18 year old me hugging good bye 18 year old him.

That's what I call release 🙂 I'm nostalgic, but not sad, I'm thankful.

[a-ghost-of-a-good-mood]

Oh yeah I forgot to tell you all, but Eurovision starts today, so... I'll be live blogging.

Sorry for any inconvenience

[a-ghost-of-a-good-mood]

I have an important thing tomorrow and I can't fucking sleep because of the message from my ex classmate!