#okay. getting off my soapbox now lol

[genderkoolaid]

thank you (both for indulging me & well wishes)

So its something I've thought about a lot because I've heard MANY feminists talk about how men are oppressing themselves, but often its said with a tone of "men are the cause of their own suffering, so I don't have any sympathy for them".

But I feel like this ignores how interesting the concept is. We tend to view oppression as an interaction between two (or more) classes, but I think its interesting to examine oppression works a class oppresses itself. People will say this as a way of brushing off concerns about men under the patriarchy, rather than taking it as a chance to view men as potential allies as another group suffering from the same system, because they assume that "men oppress themselves" means that individual men could just choose not to have the patriarchy, rather than that men as a class benefit from the patriarchy while also being deeply harmed by it because of the patriarchy's own way of self-regulating.

If you are in a class that oppresses itself, you don't have an enemy you can point to for why you are suffering. You can only point to yourself. I feel like this is why men's issues tend to go more or less undiscussed; outside of the reactionary "its women/queers/foreigners/etc. fault", there isn't anyone to point to, so its not seen as something worth complaining about. Women can very clearly point to an outside force that causes their oppression- women can point to how cis men have power over them as a class separate from themselves, and therefore recognize how unjust their situation is. But men can't; either you rally around a boogeyman thats used to justify further bigoted violence, or you don't rally at all, and simply accept that the system is how it is for you. And the patriarchy encourages this because it thrives on male suffering: it thrives on keeping men in competition with each other, on being constantly insecure and needing to defend their manhood under the threat of ridicule and violence and loss of self-worth.

Women's issues have become obvious because women realized & were loud about gendered injustice. But if you don't recognize something as injustice, or as a part of a system of injustice, you don't speak up. But cis women (who have always been the loudest voices in feminism) also aren't going to be aware of the intricacies of how the patriarchy treats men for the same reason cis men aren't going to be aware of the reverse. & feminism, for good reason, has spent most of its lifespan focused on (cis) women's issues, so even though many feminists have put time and energy into analyzing and making efforts to help men under the patriarchy, its not nearly as discussed and there isn't nearly as strong or active a movement centered around it.

& of course, that doesn't make the injustice go away. Its being caused by a wider social system that intrudes on every part & every level of our lives, and is primarily benefiting the wealthiest people at the very top who are situated to benefit from the entire kyriarchy. And people are still going to feel the injustice even if they don't see where its coming from or why. So when you have this unspoken, unnamed injustice without a large movement to call it out & connect it with women's & queer's issues, and many of those impacted are (often white) cishet men with un-analyzed biases, it creates the perfect spot for reactionary movements to pop up. They get their energy from this unrecognized pain and suffering.

In an HBomberGuy video on flat earthers, he talks about how a lot of the people who are into that are doing so because they have a deep feeling that the system is not working, something is deeply wrong, and no one is dealing with it- and they are right to feel that way. They just don't have the conceptual framework to point them to the actual reasoning (i.e capitalism). And I think the same applies here. It doesn't mean there isn't real harm done, or that it should be excused, but I think a lot of cis men out there are reacting to a valid feeling of injustice that they aren't able to correctly place. They may have biases against feminism which prevent them from getting into feminist theory, but also many cis boys aren't going to be exposed to feminism as something that's For Them. Growing up AFAB I 100% got the message, even vaguely, that feminism was For Me and therefore I had vested interested in learning about it. But for many cis boys, there isn't any messaging that feminism is in any way for them- in fact, either through listening to other men/boys or through shitty feminist memes about how men should die, they get the message that at the very least, feminism isn't for them, and at worst, that it's hostile to their very existence. And again, this is 100% motivated at least in part by misogyny. But the only reason people who were AFAB tend to be less aggressively misogynistic is because we have a vested interest in Not Doing That because its a clear existential threat to us- everyone in a misogynistic society is going to have ingrained misogyny. It's just that some of us have more chances to recognize that its hurtful.

So when you combine all of this, and the obvious benefits for grifters & fascists to take advantage of this, then you get MRAs and pick-up-artists and "women are the problem" type shit.

This is why I feel so passionately about men's liberation. People hear "men oppress themselves" and write it off as "men choose to suffer under the patriarchy" instead of taking the more compassionate road of "the class of "man" is made to be self-oppressive". Cis men shouldn't have to be oppressed in the same way women & queers are to be considered oppressed by the patriarchy. Its a cruel trick of the patriarchy that we assume that because something is true for one gender, the inverse must be true for its "opposite", like sexism is fucking quantum entanglement. We assume that because cis men don't have an outside oppressor class, they can't be "really" suffering, instead of saying that patriarchal manhood is a unique sort of oppression. And from there, we need to seek solidarity with cis men, and anyone else, who is suffering under the patriarchy. There are oppressive cis men, and cis women, and queers! But I truly think compassionate, pro-feminist men's liberation could allow a lot more men, especially cis men (& anyone else who might be classed with cis men without being men themselves) achieve feminist class consciousness. And then the fight against patriarchy & sexism would be stronger, and so many serious issues could get desperately needed activism.

& many people will argue that they should not have to have sympathy or compassion for misogynistic men. And I agree, you aren't obligated to do or feel anything like that. But we can't fix things unless we address their root causes, and when the root cause is suffering and injustice, hostility and cruelty aren't going to help. So either we can give up on cis men ( or [insert group here]), or we can be activists. And its fine to not be an activist if the emotional labor is exhausting. But if we want big social change, we can't accomplish that with this "well they suck so it doesn't matter that they act this way because they are suffering" attitude. Its the attitude of prisons, that criminals trauma & circumstances don't matter, all they need is firm hand to punish them and they'll start have more appropriate emotional responses to said trauma and circumstances.

If the way to solve problems is by addressing the root cause, and the root cause is suffering, then compassion is vital to solving the problem. There's no way around it. If you call yourself a vet and you have a hurt animal that's lashing out, hitting the animal with a stick isn't going to make the animal realize you could help it. It's just going to keep it in a state of panic that makes it even more irrational. And, sure, if the animal attacks you, get it off of you and kill it if you are in danger- but you can't call yourself a vet and then kill every animal that bites you. You'll just end up with a lot of dead animals that could have been happy and loving if you had just put your own pain aside and tried some compassion. Either do that, or don't be a vet.

So I read this interesting post from the MensLib subreddit, about how men's issues are always blamed on men themselves and never on society. The post itself as well as the comments are a very good read in digging in to antimasculism & the ways in which feminism has failed to critically examine men's suffering under the patriarchy. For example (all bolding by me):

Here again, the problems predominantly affecting women are addressed by changing society, while those predominantly affecting men are addressed by changing men (or by telling men to change themselves). The difference is not that one approach is right and the other wrong; they are both 'right' in the sense that they highlight genuine issues, but the approach to men's problems is more superficial. When dealing with men's problems, we focus on the immediate cause, which is usually the men's failure to cope with mental strain ("he should have gone to therapy", "he should have learned to open up more"); in contrast, when dealing with women's problems, we focus on "the cause of the cause", and try to remove the systemic social issues causing the mental strain, rather than telling the victims what they should have done to better cope with it.

I think this is a great point, and something we really need to tackle. OP also goes on to talk about self-repression, comparing girls avoiding sexual harassment and boys avoiding bullying:

Boys (and men) are notorious for repressing their emotions. They have a good reason: in boys' peer groups, a failure to control your emotions is almost as shameful as a failure to control your bladder; it is a sign of weakness, and any sign of weakness makes you a target for bullying and ridicule. So boys learn to wear a permanent mask of aloof toughness to avoid inadvertently revealing any sign of weakness or uncontrolled emotion, and many keep this habit into adulthood. It is generally well recognized that suppressing emotions is unhealthy in the long run, but it seems to me that the commonly proposed antidote is misguided: boys (or men) are told to "just open up more and be vulnerable" or to "learn how to cry", as if their reluctance to show emotions were some kind of irrational emotion-phobia, rather than a perfectly reasonable, perhaps even necessary, defense against the ridicule, contempt and loss of respect that society inflicts upon those who can't keep their emotions in check in the proper "manly" way.

It's something we don't really question in mainstream feminism. Women's issues have a societal root, and men's issues are issues that men put on themselves, and therefore men just need to fix it themselves and change.

And while yes, we all have a responsibility to unlearn harmful societal teachings, just saying "men need to fix their shit" doesn't help anyone. I've been annoyed for a while at how people will react to men suffering under the patriarchy with "UGH they need to go to therapy", as if

Needing therapy is a sign of failure or a bad thing, and someone not going to therapy when they need to is them being an asshole on purpose and not potentially a sign of them not feeling safe enough to go to therapy, feeling too ashamed, not having enough money or time, etc.

Individual men getting individual therapy will solve the societal problems of forcing boys and men to repress their emotions and view themselves as only valuable if they can perform manual labor and have a lot of sex with women. It's a problem that is only perpetuated by men themselves and if they just stopped doing that, then the problem would disappear.

No self-respecting feminist would ever react to a woman obviously suffering from the patriarchy with "ugh, she needs to go to therapy and fix herself." Yes, therapy would be helpful most likely, but that's not going to actually fix the underlying cause of her issues. So why do we, as feminists, think that "men just need to fix themselves" is an okay response to societal suffering under the patriarchy?

Who does this help? Who benefits from us ignoring these issues? Why do we assume that men's experiences under the patriarchy are so one-dimensional and that we have no responsibility for unlearning our societal biases around men and masculinity?

Someone in the comments also added this quote from the "perpetually relevant" I Am A Transwoman. I Am In The Closet. I Am Not Coming Out essay by Jen Coates:

Have you noticed, when a product is marketed in an unnecessarily gendered way, that the blame shifts depending on the gender? That a pink pen made “for women” is (and this is, of course, true) the work of idiotic cynical marketing people trying insultingly to pander to what they imagine women want? But when they make yogurt “for men” it is suddenly about how hilarious and fragile masculinity is — how men can’t eat yogurt unless their poor widdle bwains can be sure it doesn’t make them gay? #MasculinitySoFragile is aimed, with smug malice, at men—not marketers.

And then another commenter left this (and referenced bell hooks' work on men!!):

"Do you agree that we tend to approach women's problems as systemic issues, and men's problems as personal issues?" Yes, and there's even a name for this: Hyperagency. Individual men are assumed to be immune to systemic pressures because the people at the top of the hierarchies generating those pressures are also men. "And if you do agree with that, do you think this difference in approach is justified, or do you rather think it is a case of an unfair bias?" It's pretty clearly not rooted in reality. The idea that billions of ordinary men aren't beholden to the social constructs under which they were raised is just plain silly. I'd blame the empathy gap, but honestly I feel like it's more than that. Patriarchy hyper-individualizes every struggle a man faces as a way to shield itself from critique and gaslight ordinary men. The motivations there are readily apparent. However, we see the same blind spot appear even in more academic Feminist spaces (taking for granted that "Feminist" spaces on social media are hardly representative of the cutting edge of Feminist thought). bell hooks once postulated that some Feminist women are deeply afraid of acknowledging how little they understand about men, let alone taking the steps to broach that gap.

Another person explained hyperagency by saying "Every single individual man is a hyper agent who is just expected to bootstrap his way out of the patriarchy through sheer force of will."

[roguemonsterfucker]

My cockatiel Bandit is molting right now and he looks so nasty 😂

If I didn't know what was happening, I'd be panicking thinking he's sick. Shoot, even though I KNOW what's happening I still am worried about him. 😂

On the plus side, I managed to get some of his shed feathers before he destroyed them so now I have a few intact wing and tail feathers from him for my collection. 👀

I always say the reason I have birds is so I can collect their feathers. It's a joke, of course. Mostly.

[theghostofashton]

me, watching the first five eps of tslocg: i love bela so much she’s so real

me, watching 1x06: she is too real actually you can take her back

[fuckwhatdoiputasmyusername]

I was surprised when I found out from a petition made by Rose Ayling-Ellis that parents of kids who are born deaf don't get free sign language lessons. Like I've looked in the past since I was curious and wanted to learn BSL, and those lessons are not cheap! How are kids and parents meant to communicate with each other if one party can't learn the language that will be accessible to them both

It's interesting reading the takes on Last Twilight and how many people are rolling their eyes at the Association of the Blind not being portrayed as more accessible. And maybe in real life they do an incredible job, I have no idea. But the lack of accessibility - is not unrealistic.

I used to work for the Department of Human Services in my state. For almost ten years. And this department included Disability Services. Which most people would assume means that the department as a whole would know very well just how to make spaces accessible to a wide range of disability.

I also had a close friend and co-worker who was in a wheelchair due to muscular dystrophy. When I tell you the shit she had to deal with in her workplace - where people went for disability services. She got moved to an office where she couldn't get even into the bathrooms, ffs.

I had another co-worker, a manager, also in a wheelchair, who went to an office that doesn't serve the public, and buzzed to be let in for a meeting. They immediately said through the intercom, "we don't serve clients here". She was a fucking manager, and they took one look at her and made an immediate snap judgment.

After seeing Moonlight Chicken and this first episode of Last Twilight, I am curious about what P'Aof has experienced or seen in regards to disability in Thailand and how it is treated. Because it seems to me that the lack of accessibility is the point he's trying to make. And this is a good opportunity for all of us to look around, and see how we are failing people with disabilities in our communities.

[emmyrosee]

okay so, this evening has not been fun for me, so ofc I’m gonna try coping via escapism 🤩

and as always you are absolutely NOT obligated to write it. I’m so serious, if you don’t want to there’s absolutely zero pressure emmy, I’d completely understand one hundred percent.

very long story short, I got my grades back for this semester and despite doing soooo much better overall this year than my first year and not failing a single class this time around, unless I get a miracle it’s looking like I’m going to have to be asked to withdraw from my university for a whole year ☹️

and as someone who got straight As from elementary til my last year of high school/made school my whole life, this is just an enormous blow to any self confidence I had finally built back up. I was doing better mentally and finally feeling a bit like myself again and I’ve just felt so sick with anxiety all evening because I don’t even know what to do anymore. If they decide to ask me to leave, it’ll make my chances of medical school even slimmer than they already were and I can’t help but feel like a bit of a failure and like I’ve just ruined my future despite knowing it’s not all true and I still have options :(

it’s so hyper specific and I’m so so so sorry abt that, but would it be possible for some comfort + tons of fluff with kuroo possibly? I just want to be babied a bit by this fictional man LOL. I feel like he’d know exactly what to do and how to get my mind off of it until I inevitably get that email :(

anon <3

My love, I am so sorry you’re having to go through this, and I am here, to PERSONALLY, tell you that you are far from a failure, and you should still be proud of yourself for getting so far. It’s okay to have bumps like this that halt your dreams, and it doesn’t make you any less deserving of continuing to chase those dreams. And hey! Use me as an example! I went from being a mechanic for four years and being fired for being so terrible (yes that is an actual thing that happened) then I went to college for writing; and now I’m a licensed esthetician with a focus in makeup artistry! There is no such thing as a dead end, no such thing as a closed room, just keep treating yourself gently and reminding yourself that this is far from over, your dream is still more than obtainable with some time and it is more than okay.

Ahem. Let me get off my soapbox PFFFF-

——-

Last night, you refreshed your emails who knows how many times, staring at your computer screen on the verge of hyperventilating for what felt like hours- and it might have been; your brain can’t process how long it was right now.

Your bottom lip was tight between your teeth, the hand on the mouse pad trembling, waiting in anticipation, tight with nerves. Your other rested a fist on your lap, waiting for the results and occasionally wiping a rogue tear that falls.

There’s a soft rapping on the door, but you don’t turn to face it. You merely keep refreshing.

“Hey,” tetsuro whispers, and you hear his feet padding into the room, and when he gets next to you, he crouches down. Once again, you can’t spare him a glance. “Any updates?”

You stay silent. He winces, “I’ll take that at a no…” he lays a warm hand on your back and gently rubs it in circles, “it’s okay baby. We’ll figure it out, we always do.”

“Tetsuro, please,” you whimper, not quite in the mood for a pep talk. “I’m going to puke right now, my life is in flames and crumbling around me, I’m so nervous, please. Save the pep talk, I can’t handle it right now.”

“I'm sorry,” he soothes. He doesn’t say anything further, just rubbing your back in slow, firm circles with his palm, blinking his golden eyes up at you warmly, lovingly.

You feel your body cramp from being under his loving touch, suddenly dawning on you just how long you've been sitting in the chair, inert and unwilling to peel your eyes from the email inbox. You suddenly become hyperaware of how your legs feel numb, your fingers are cramped and your eyes are burning. It's the first time in hours you've taken a break from your refreshing to scrub at your eyes, breeding a wetness to try and soothe the sting.

You hear Tetsuro sigh, "why... don't we go to bed, angel?"

"No."

"But-"

"I can't," you whimper. "Not now. Not yet-" your breathing picks up as you look at him in despair, chest fluttering and heart pounding as you try to breathe. He furrows his brows and shushes you softly, big hands moving to cradle your cheeks and force you to look at him.

"Baby," he says softly, but firm enough to ground you. "It's late. They're not going to send it this late at night. And if they do, we'll deal with it when we wake up tomorrow. But I'm almost certain they're not going to send it to you this late. I promise, okay?"

You let out a shaky sigh and look at the time: 22:43. It's far too late to be thinking, to be worrying, and you'd much rather breakdown in the comfort of your own bed, than alone in this wooden chair.

But you do know that, no matter what, Tetsuro is going to be right next to you, rubbing your back and cradling you close.

When you say nothing, Tetsuro slowly stands up and scoops you in his big, strong arms, "come on, angel face. Let's get some rest." You thunk your head against his chest and fist your fingers into the collar of his shirt, letting him carry you to the bathroom where he plops you down on the countertop.

He grabs your toothbrush and some toothpaste, and gently tells you to open, which you sleepily do. He's extra careful, making sure to get every tooth he can, scrubbing softly as to not make you uncomfortable. Silence, save for the bristles on the toothbrush, fills the room, the corner of Tetsuro's tongue sticking out in focus.

"Okay. Spit," he says, moving so you can comfortably turn your head and spit the froth out. Skincare comes next, and his touch is even softer as he massages in every product you use.

"Good girl," he whispers, picking you back up to carry you to bed. "My good girl. Good, brave girl..."

You drift off in his arms at his praise, not even feeling the way he gets you into pajamas or gets you under the covers, the exhaustion of the constant high of anxiety weighing you down.

Waking up this morning, your bones feel like bricks under the wall of your muscles, barely able to move under the force of it all. Your skin feels like paper, so hyper aware of it now that you’ve had the time to come down from your anxious state. You blink up at your ceiling, eyelids tight as you do, and you continue to stare and let your body wake up molecule by molecule, inch by inch. You feel it coming to life, and you slowly bring your hands up to press the heels of your palms into your eyesockets to force the rest of the sleep out of your eyes.

When your hand then drops next to you, you feel yourself grow saddened at the lack of warmth. Tetsuro’s been out of bed long enough to let his side cool down, and it makes you want to cry at the idea of being alone right now.

You never should’ve shut him down last night. All he wanted to do was help, and you shut him up and made him feel bad, now he’s not even in bed with you anymore, and you feel tears sting at your eyes again, this time out of anxiety of making him upset, and-

“Ah, you’re up.”

Your guilty, howling mind shuts up as soon as tetsuro’s body makes its way into the doorway, smiling and stirring his tea with a spoon. “Good morning, babygirl.” He takes a step into the bedroom and before you know it, he’s at your side, sitting on the bed next to you. He uses his free arm to wrap around you, but not pull you to his chest. “Did you sleep okay?”

“No,” you whimper, voice croaky. He nods and lets his thumb rub up and down the curve of your shoulder. “I’m sorry I yelled at you last night.”

His brow cocks in confusion, “huh?”

Now, finally, you turn to face him, “I snapped at you… I told you to-“

“You told me you didn’t want a pep talk,” he chuckles, shaking his head. “That’s okay. You’re allowed to tell me that my words might not be the most helpful. I’m not going to get mad at you for that. It’s not like you told me to shut my ugly ass up- you’d never do that, I’m too pretty.”

This, for the first time in what feels like days, has you crack a smile. You let out a small laugh, breathy and barely there, but he smiles proudly all the same, pulling you in for a hug now. “You’re a goof,” you murmur.

“And you, need to eat something,” he whispers against your head, and you deflate in his arms again. “Don’t you protest me, you know you have to eat something.”

“‘M not hungry,” you say.

“I know, but you didn’t eat last night, and I let you sleep in-“ at his words, your eyes flick to the clock on your nightstand, red numbers flicked onto 10:24. “You have to have something.”

“But-“

“I know,” he says. “Do you want something sweet, or savory?”

20 questions. It’s something he does after a fit of your anxiety to try and make your life just a hair easier, decisions quicker, and your day just a bit brighter because you’re getting exactly what you want. He claims he used to do it with kenma, hence why he’s so good at it.

“Uhm…” you shrug, “why not both?”

“Both?” He echos. “Okay. Do you want fruit?” You nod. He nods with you. “Okay. How about a bagel?” You nod again. “Okay. With some cream cheese?” You shake your head and he clicks his tongue, “butter?” You shake your head again, “okay. Uhmmmm-“

“I want to do it,” you mumble, and he presses a kiss to your head.

“You sure? Because I can whip something up-“

“I have to do it. I have to put the toppings on my bagel.”

He nods a final time and squeezes you close, “okay. If you need any help deciding, I’m right here, okay? I’ll be cutting your fruit.”

You hum and slowly swing your legs out of the bed, stretching and mewling from the force. When your hand instinctively darts for your phone, he clicks his tongue, "leave it. You don't need it right now."

"But-"

"I told your family to text me if they need you. Your phone is on do not disturb. Leave it there, babe." He swings his own long legs over and extends a hand out to you, wiggling his fingers enticingly for you to hold. When you grab three of them, he smiles and slowly leads you into the kitchen.

The news is playing on tv at a low volume, there’s a discarded blanket on the couch, and you quirk a brow in intrigue, “tetsu, how did you know I was awake?”

He shrugs, “my life shifts when you wake up for the day. I feel it in my soul.”

“Ew.”

“Shaddup.”

You laugh again, smiling a weak smile as you plop down at the table. He makes his way to begin cooking your bagel, popping it in the toaster before making his way to cut up your fruit. You sigh and play with your fingers, wondering if you should make conversation, or let silence rule, and you sigh shakily before opening your mouth to speak. “What’re you going to have?”

“I, my love, already ate some toast with some apple jelly and butter.”

“Oh.”

“But I’m going to pick at some fruit with you, because I don’t want you eating alone.”

“You don’t have to do that-“

“I know,” he hums. Then, he turns to face you with a smile. “I want to.”

Your heart flutters as you smile at him, looking down at your fingers to distract yourself. Usually, you’d be scrolling through your social media, checking apps and emails, but since he forbade it, you’re left to listen to him sing softly and the newscaster drone on and on. After a few short minutes, your bagel pops, and he plates it with some sliced fruit and places it in front of you, before kissing your head and grabbing various toppings for it.

Breakfast drags, but in a comforting way, where it drips by so slow like honey, syrupy sweet as Tetsuro talks. He talks about everything and anything, about the game Kenma's going to stream for charity, and the funny meme he sent the streamer- or funny to Tetsuro at least, as allegedly Kenma left him on read. You find yourself eating at his company, and before you know it, your bagel, juice, and fruit is gone. You look down at your plate in surprise, and he wiggles his brows at you, "feel better, angel?"

"Uhm... yeah," you say, almost confused. "I didn't think I was that hungry."

"I don't care how you thought, I'm glad you ate." He stands out of his chair with a stretch, "you still hungry? I can make you another-"

"No," you sigh. "I... I really should check my email-"

"Not until I give you a bath and a massage."

You quirk your brow, "you're going to give me a bath and a massage?"

"Of course," he chuckles, "If you're too anxious to give yourself some self care, that's plenty fine, but that means I'm going to give you self care." He shrugs, "those are just the rules."

"Do you even know how to give a massage?"

"Bokuto and I used to massage each other after practice all the time." Your brow quirks higher, and he holds his hand up, "don't ask. Just trust me."

"Can Bokuto give me a massage?" You tease, giggling at the way he gives you a fake smile and a high pitched "no," to tease you.

He presses a kiss to your head, "I'm going to go run the bath, why don't you get changed and meet me in there?"

"Okay," you hum. He nudges your nose with a finger before stalking down the hall to the bathroom. When your hear the tub running, you make a dash towards the small office room for your laptop, nervous to check your email, and-

"I took it out!" He calls, followed by a cackle.

"You're an ass!"

"It's your favorite ass, though!"

You grumble and make your way to the bedroom to get undressed per his request, stealing one of his oversized shirt to conceal yourself until the tub is filled. You stalk into the bathroom and blush under the way his eyes glaze up and down you, "fuck, I love you in my clothes."

"Back off, I'm about to bathe," you snort.

"Yeah, but I can still find you hot." As the tub fills, he adds a scoop of epsom salt, and a splash of bathing bubbles, large bubbles brewing on the surface of the water. You smile and watch them shape and form, the sweet smell filling the air around you. You feel excitement brewing inside of you as you watch him turn off the water and push himself up and off the floor with the edge of the tub, "should do it, baby. I'm gonna let you soak, I'll set up for a little massage after, make you nice and comfortable.

"Okay," you mewl. He presses a kiss to your lips and makes his way to the door. "Hey, Tetsu?" You say, reaching for his hand, which he takes happily. "Thank you."

"Anything for you, babygirl," he whispers. "You know that." He pinches your cheek and leaves the bathroom for you to relax.

The bath water is warm as you soak in the epsom salt, feeling your muscles loosen and relish in the combination. You bury your face in the bubbles and close your sleepy eyes, letting the smells lull you into a state of relaxation. Your head is still heavy with anxiety, but your heart is full of love and warmth for your boyfriend.

You're not sure how long you were floating in silence, lost in the bubbles and oils, but he gently knocks on the door, "you okay? Haven't heard you for a bit."

"Yes," you mewl, stretching. The water is now chilly and the bubbles are mostly gone and you rub your hands over the surface of the water. "Is the massage stuff ready?" You tease, looking at your hands and wincing at how pruny they are.

"It's been ready, I didn't want to bother you," he snickers. “Come out when you’re ready, just wanted to make sure you were alive.”

“I’m alive, I’m coming,” you call, getting out of the tub to dry yourself. You take your time drying off, trying to enjoy the last little bit of warmth clinging to your skin. You leave the bathroom to get dressed into some clean pajamas, smiling as tetsuro busies himself with the whole massage set up. “Candles? You spoil me.”

“There’s a lot of smells going on,” he says with a face.

“I know I can tell,” you hum. Getting dressed, you slip on a pair of his boxers and a shirt, and you make your way to the bed to wait for him.

“Alright-“ he pats the bed for you to crawl on top of. “C’mere, let me pamper you.”

You giggle, “you have been pampering me!” Regardless, you swing your legs onto the bed and lay on your stomach, squeaking as he straddles you and cracks his knuckles.

He lays a massive paw on each of your shoulders, using his thumb to splay and press the muscle under his force, and your eyes cross in the middle and flutter in relaxation. They work in circles to press into the muscles, before laying flat on your back to dig his heel into before his fingers press and roll back up to your shoulders.

Thick fingers roll over the knot in your right shoulder, no doubt from the refreshing of the page for hours on end last night. You whine and bury your face in the bed, and he hums, "I know beautiful, I almost got it."

"Feels good," you murmur.

"Told you it would," he says softly. “You need to trust me.”

“I think I trust you too much,” you snicker. Tetsuro says nothing, merely offering you a laugh through his nose as he continues with the massage.

Your body twitches as the tips of his fingers dig into your side as part of the massage, but your snicker doesn’t go unnoticed by your boyfriend. “Something wrong?” He hums, doing it again.

"Tetsu!" You giggle, reaching behind you to try and stop his wrists, "that tickles!"

"That's crazy, I'm not tickling you," he snickers, and it's hard to tell if he's lying or not. "I mean, I can tickle you, if you want-"

"No!" You squeal, and your laughter turns choppy as he uses the sides of his hands to playfully chop up and down your back, making your body instinctively let out bumpy noises from your mouth.

“Quite an attitude on ya today,” he taunts, before hooking his fingers up under your arms, making you shriek, “okay, now I’m tickling you.”

Your mind spins from the sensory change, the signals in your brain cross, but one thing is for certain:

The email is far from the front of your mind.

And it feels good to laugh.

[paddingtonfan69]

ok getting on a soapbox about fanfiction for a second, apologies!!!

~four years ago I got back into writing fanfic in a big way and it was a true joy! one of the reasons it was so great is bc of the ol ao3 comment section! ofc hearing all those nice things was swell for my ego, but beyond that, it was a tool for building community. literally next month I am going to a the wedding of a friend that I originally met the comment section of ao3, how cool is that!!!!

but in the last four years, the comment rate has dropped like hell and everyone knows it!! there are a myriad of reasons that ppl smarter than me have noted, like people treating ao3 like social media or a transaction or an algorithm or whatever. bad stuff!

i’d never really felt the comment drop off as much maybe bc I’ve mostly been in smaller (and more desperate lol) fandoms, but this weekend I dropped a little agatha along fic. (which you should all read hehe it’s fun!) but this, as we know, is a fandom that is very popular right now! and boy that’s a different experience. so let’s look at these stats:

okay brag that it got over 500 kudos in two days, wow slay! but, as you can see, there are also only 17 comments. only 3.4% of the people who liked it thought it was worth saying a nice little thing?? come on girlies we can do better than this!!!

obvi part of it is me wanting the little dopamine hit, but it’s more than that! this is coming from someone who’s fic is doing WELL, like imagine you’re newer to writing fic and you don’t get those wonderful notes of encouragement to keep going!! fandom can be such a welcoming place and ao3 comments are truly such an easy and kind way to open the door to that community! do better!!

i’m tagging the fandom hehe bc I looove to inspire some good old fashioned shame :)

anyway if you’ve read this, go comment on a bunch of fic bc it makes people’s days!! okay bye!!!

[imaginespazzi]

Hiiiii Nivi. Saw a Preath post and now I am back in my Preath days all over again, but I wanted to talk about how similar Pazzi is to Preath 😭

I know we’ve talked about the basics and how Paige = Tobin, and Azzi = Christen. But it’s crazyyy how true it actually is 😭

Paige/PB are your basic white girls that are attractive and have that masculine vibe to them. They both have their flashy ways of playing, but always put teammates over anything. Tobin and PB give “quiet leader vibes” (I think PB is probs more vocal, but that’s just bc of her team and who she plays with). I also would say that Tobin and PB are both all around players. Tobin being a great winger, was amazing in the midfield for us for a while, and also has a good defensive presence and played RB for us as well during that cursed Rio Olympics 😭😭. And obvs PB is a 3 level scorer, but also a 2 way player (I think we do not appreciate her defense enough tho!!)

Azzi/CP are your “they were so pretty they were bullied in school and called ‘pretty girl pretty girl’” meme (LOL). Both are princesses and sweet, but lethal on the court/field. (Azzi and Press being sharp shooters and also quick asfff respectively). I constantly think about how silky smooth Azzi’s shoot is and how you always want her to be taking the shot. Meanwhile, Press is amazing at creating her own shot and any sliver of daylight, she’s pulling the trigger and it’s going to be a GOLAZO. I also think both players could have been in the limelight more, but bc of other teammates (Paige for Azzi, and Alex Morgan for CP) and their bad timing with injuries, people/media don’t appreciate them enough.

All 4 of them have battled injuries, all of them being knee injuries as well 😭 I just think it’s insane how we’ve talked about the dynamic of Preath/Pazzi and how similar they are, but individually, they are all so eerily similar as well LMAO

Okay, I’ll get off of my soap box now. I hope you slightly enjoyed this breakdown Nivi! Can’t wait to see what you say and what other comparisons you can think about haha 🫶🫶

Hi lovely <3

I love soapbox asks. They're my favorite so like y'all please never hesitate to send me long asks.

I think I've subconsciously had all of these thoughts but damn seeing it all laid out like that, the parallels go kind of insane. I think we often talk about it in terms of personality, but yeah Paige-Tobin and Azzi-Christen have such similar playing styles, it's actually uncanny.

Okay I actually do have a parallel that I've been thinking about and it's about Gemini-Capricorn (Preath) parings and Libra-Scorpio (Pazzi) pairing. Both of these pairings are very much opposites attract pairings (which we see in real life obviously) to the point where honestly in most situations, these pairings aren't compatible. Except from what I've read, there are certain exceptions who know how to take their opposite approaches to various problems in life and find the perfect way to mesh them together. As a result the "exception" are some of the most strongest couples there can be and I think that's kinda beautiful because I think both Pazzi/Preath together and individually are the exception to so many supposed rules.

[bambiraptorx]

#i have to wonder what the thought process is for that sometimes #like 'hm gotta make sure people see the warning. i know i'll put it in the bright red font because that one's eye catching!' #and while i do appreciate the warning. the eye catching text is also under some circumstances Eye Hurty text #if you use bright colors to warn for bright colors i think you are fundamentally misunderstanding the situation lol

#like. by all means put the warnings for eyestrain and bright colors and flashing lights in the body of the post itself #its way easier to filter the word 'eyestrain' than the three dozen tags for things that cause me visual strain #but like. please consider the fact that the people who need that warning may have issues with colored text as well? capiche?

You know what actually my tags are important on this one. If you're going to put warnings in large colorful text, please think about why. Please think about who that helps, and who it hurts.

Yes, proper content warnings for triggering imagery or topics are important, so ask yourself the question: is text that can be inaccessible to screen readers and cause visual strain actually a proper content warning?

y'know there's something rather ironic about when people put eyestrain warnings for their art in giant brightly colored text

[dipplinduo]

Hey there! I'm actually a big fan of your work , and as a rookie writer myself, I wanted to know if you have some motivation advises (Comparison gives me so much writer blocks and I don't even post)

I love how I received and chose to answer this ask after having a lack of motivation streak that I only broke quite literally a few hours ago xD

I think it's interesting you're bringing up comparison - it honestly might be at the root of what you're specifically experiencing so I'm gonna focus my response on that. I could be off, but it sounds like seeing what other people are doing feels intimidating and puts a lot of pressure on you. So if it isn't "perfect" or "up to par" with what others seem to be doing, it's not good enough to post.

This is my personal take:

I saw a post (wish I could link it but can't remember where it was) that really resonated with me not too long ago. It talked about how we've been conditioned as a society in a way to see a lot of the arts as something to perfect; if you want to sing, you should focus on learning how to become a good singer. If you are a dancer, you should focus on learning forms to become a better dancer.

The post goes on to make the point that this is not why the arts were founded in the first place.

We as humans began to sing because we enjoyed singing. We danced because we liked to dance. We paint, write, and draw because - at each art's purest and most rudimentary form - it is the power and experience of personal expression. The benefit wasn't to be perfect, it was to enjoy the creative outlet in itself.

This is what has always connected me to writing. This is why I'm okay with posting the way I do, and why I don't mind light humor about my typos and all that. Because at the end of the day, you're writing because you enjoy it. You're writing to express and share with others. And you're doing it all for free. Your willingness to give the gift of your creativity out to the world is beautiful in itself.

This next part might sound a lot easier said than done, but again, this is all just my personal route that goes in conjunction with this philosophy:

See other writers/creators as your peers. Think of it like a potluck - everyone's bringing their own food, and everyone has different ideas. But it's cool because now you have mashed potatoes along with your favorite food, and someone else brought ice cream. No one dish is going to "win" - it's the culmination of everyone's efforts that fills plates up and make the event (fandom) enjoyable and connective.

Recognize the way in which your fic is uniquely yours. What's the touch you want to have? Things you enjoy that you want to feel yourself as you create, and perhaps share with others? Romance, humor, fun, peace, angst? Maybe certain situations for characters, or a moment you want to see with your favorite ship? The more you get in touch with what you want to portray, the more credit you'll be able to rightfully give your own work.

Engage with creators/commenters that are additive to your personal enjoyment and creativity. Going with the whole "this is all for fun, and is basically everyone's hobby over life and death" thing - the people you surround yourself with, or even the content you consume, can directly affect your experience in writing for a fandom. I personally get a lot out of talking about my ideas with others and through inviting and responding to feedback from people that engage with my work. If you like engaging with someone else's work, go ahead! See what stands out to you as inspiring, and let that be your takeaway to mull on (as you're essentially learning more about yourself and what you find entertaining or engaging).

I'm gonna get off my soapbox now (lol), but I also wanted to add one more thing:

There unfortunately is a competitive culture in a lot of recreational spaces, and especially with the arts and over the internet lol. There are people who like to overly criticize because it makes them feel better about themselves/their own work, there are people who may choose to dislike you or your work simply because they view you as competition, etc.

These kinds of choices some (not the majority of people!) may choose to make hold no actual reflection of your character or what you're writing. It is someone else's reflection being projected onto you. You may not be able to control what they do, but you can control how you respond. And my advice on that?

It's your free time. Don't give the haters a platform, just disengage & tune into the folks that uplift & encourage you instead. B)

[soaps-mohawk]

If you ever did get complaints, that's on the person reading it, not you. "Don't like, don't read" is a thing some people in fandom seem to have forgotten, but is an important rule. If someone doesn't like a thing, then it's on them to quietly excuse themselves and not harass people who make this stuff for free.

I'll get off my soap box now XD but for real, I'm proud of you for your efforts toward self care. It's something a lot of people struggle with even admitting they might need. It can be hard when limitations change and expectations need to be adjusted.

-crow anon

Thank you, love. The internet has inflated way too many people's self importance and makes them think their opinions matter and they should share them with everyone. You don't have to get all up in arms and tell someone you don't like something they did, especially something they do for fun and share for free. It's fanfiction, it's not that deep. You want to get all up in arms about something, there's plenty of horrible things in the real world you could put that energy towards. Think about that the next time you want to come into someone's inbox and complain about their take on a fictional character.

Getting off my soapbox too lol. I just can't with these purity culture pearl clutchers that have invaded fandom. Go away and leave us alone and let us be cringe in peace.

Okay I'm really getting off the soapbox now. Self care is so hard. It really is. I've struggled with it because of my lack of self esteem and self importance. I grew up being taught to just work through things, muscle through and get it done because no one's going to accommodate you in real life 🙄 Don't let anyone tell you that, that's just capitalism bullshit.

But it all comes down to the same thing when people get upset about me delaying an update (which hasn't happened very often thankfully). This is my hobby. I do this for fun. I share because I don't want to. I absolutely could stop updating completely and just keep the rest of the story to myself. (I won't though, I love y'all too much.)

[destinyc1020]

I will also add to my last post though.....

When you work as long and as HARD as Tom and Zendaya do, and travel all the time, having to attend public events, or do numerous interviews, etc. sometimes it really is NICE just to be at home and do nothing. 👀

As an Ambivert myself (with strong introverted leanings), I find that sometimes I really do need to "recharge" my batteries away from people (or with a smaller group of friends) for a while if I've had a lot going on in my life.

I LOVE to have fun and do stuff, but I do still need my "Me Time". Otherwise, I get overwhelmed very easily. 😓  As an introverted person (her words, not mine), Z seems like she probably needs that "Me Time" as well in order to recharge and relax. It may look "boring" to you, but for her, it's JUST what she needs. 😊

When you're in the celebrity world/public eye all the time, I can just imagine that sometimes it can get tiring and take a lot out of you...even more so if you're an introverted person. 😔

I think some fans should be a bit more merciful towards her if she does just want to stay indoors at home in her sweats, or just do SIMPLE stuff w/her boyfriend Tom most of the time. ❤️ She's always having to be "ON" or dressed up, or pulled and prodded in different directions. Like, most of us would probably need a break from that life and just people in general if that were our lives, if I'm being honest.

Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now lol.

[goatofgehenna]

I have to rant about this article and I don't know where to do it other than here. So I'm currently playing a modded version of this game, it's much better than the vanilla game by the way, but reading this article made me very angry for a multitude of reasons.

I was already kind of irritated that the game was lacking so much in the way of interpersonal relationships with npcs, like pretty much the only way you get friends in this game is going on quests you can't interact with most of the Hogwarts students or really most of the townspeople. I wish we had a little bit more of a Sims like structure going on there, like come on I want to make some acquaintances some friends some best friends some enemies some crushes I can't do any of those things unless I'm just following a quest line and because the lines of dialogue don't really have any consequences, as in I can be as mean as I want and the character just kind of takes me on the quest anyways, it makes the character interactions feel lackluster.

To comment specifically on the romance element though for which this article is addressing - it disturbed me that they were calling it unethical or morally dubious to add light romance options. Have they read the original Harry Potter? Pretty sure half of the cast had crushes by the time they were fourth year or fifth year. Have they read any kind of a teen fantasy novel, forget about a teen romance, I mean like teen adventure... literally anything.. I grew up on those kinds of books - adding romantic side plots is almost a staple to them and it's not morally dubious - it's a natural part of coming of age which is another important part of that subgenre.

The Sims has multiple age groups. You can start utilizing the flirt social interaction with a teen Sim. I have never seen anything dubious about hugging, first kiss, hand holding, going on a date with the teen age group in that game. Do they think that the Sims is unethical because they've been adding this category for over 20 years?

I mean this just isn't a real argument here - it's an aggravating cop out. I don't need this to be wizard dating Sim, I just want to be able to have more variety of meaningful interaction with characters. I want my dialogue options to actually mean something. What if I had a reputation counter or a relationship counter again like in Sims... It would mean that my dialogue choices might affect how likely characters are to open a side quest to me. Say that I was really mean to them they probably wouldn't offer me to join their secret club.. I would have to go back to them and interact with them in a nicer way to win over their favor.

This reputation thing could even extend to how the other students talk to me and engage with me in the hallways. It would make the entire world of this game feel more alive and more like you the player are in control of what's happening.

I just got very aggravated at the fact that they're essentially gaslighting people for wanting a literally normal human interaction in a totally age-appropriate for it game, even being that the main characters in this game are older than or the age of the characters in the original series of books that this game was based on when they were having these kind of first crush scenarios. Like... What the hell are they even talking about?

Okay I'm off my soapbox now lol 🤣

[childrenofthenightt]

Hi, Syd, my precious. 😌

My favorite gvf song for your listening pleasure. It’s funny that you sent me that ask today because I’ve been listening to this one on repeat off and on for a couple weeks lol. 🖤

shells my love !!!! <33 thank you so much for this, i love this song so much. i would give my first born to gvf for this <33

i’ve been a fan of them since like… 2019 maybe ????? and i never ever get tired of their sound and their personalities…. and it doesn’t hurt that they’re all so very gorgeous <33 also that album ???? okay not me going on my greta soapbox here but that ALBUM. battle at gardens gate is an actual masterpiece and i could talk ad nauseaum about the intricacies of it all. god. but also i think it defines them in a way ??? because this let them put to rest the led zeppelin comments to a certain degree and it’s just so lovely. okay i’ll shush now <3

SHELLS I ADORE YOU SO MUCH (and so does danny!!!!!!!) THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING SO LOVELY !!!!

[eclogues]

by all means, buy a gun! I have several. and if you're gonna get a gun, consider where you want to carry that gun and under what circumstances. do you live in an open carry state? permitted carry? concealed carry? look into it! find a range that has beginner's classes and GO TO CLASS. it's really okay to be bad at this at first; everybody likes to think they're a natural-born deadeye, but nobody really is. practice drawing your (UNLOADED) weapon from wherever you plan to carry it. there are so many holstering/carry options on the market these days, so don't be afraid to try a few until you find what works best for you. there are a lot of variant laws about handgun purchasing. where I live, you have to be 21 and a citizen with no felony convictions or domestic violence charges. check where to get purchase-permits, and what paperwork you'll need to bring with you when you file. (this usually gets easier once you have one -- mine are good for three years, and to renew you have to bring in your old one and your state-issued ID, and let them run you for wants & warrants.) learn how to clean and store your weapon(s) and ammunition. make sure whoever you buy guns from is a legit dealer; ask to see proof of their FFL (federal firearms license) -- serious dealers should not have any issue with this, as this is the paperwork issued by BATFE that allows them to legally sell guns to folks like you! huge red flag if your gun dealer gets squirrely about their FFL. don't buy something too big just because it looks like it'll do real damage. it will, but a gun that's too big for you is heavy and annoying and hard to draw, and if it's any of those things, you won't carry it; it'll sit at home doing nobody any good. anyways. off my soapbox now, but yeah. feel free to buy a gun. it's your right, after all.

i really want to but i'm pretty sure i'd face some trouble buying one because of some shit i had to sign in 2021 when i was planning on shooting myself LOL but its america so maybe not☝️😍. but yes i am definitely going to look into it more. i'm sick of this country but if this is how its going to be, i'd rather be armed

[quillyfied]

Hellaverse Theories: Helluva Boss S2E2

Welcome to Quilly’s Hellaverse Theories, where I overthink the entire Hellaverse! Given that the word count for the s2e1 post was close to 6k…it is safe to say that the rest of season 2 for Helluva Boss will follow the Hazbin Hotel pattern of being single-episode instead of doubled up. And lol at my past self for thinking these posts wouldn’t be as long, because I forgot that while speculating about Phenomenal Cosmic Plot is fun…interpersonal character stuff is what I really go rabid for. So of course I’m gonna talk about it more. Lol. ANYWAY.

Let’s jump into one of my very favorite episodes, s2e2!

Let’s be honest, folks, I could listen to a weird eldritch astronomy lesson from Stolas any day. The fact that he’s telling it as a bedtime story to Via only makes it that much better—and the fact that teenage Via is SO EXCITED for it is the cherry on top!

…the explosive, explosive cherry. A cherry bomb, you might say.

(Sidenote that every single character doodles on their calendars and it’s cute, okay, it’s so cute and I love it)

Alright, time to get a moment of realness that I really, really need certain fanfic writers to pay more attention to: Stolas really doesn’t care that much about imps. He cares about Blitzo. But look at how he treats the other imps in and out of his employ. He isn’t Stella, isn’t screaming and throwing them around, but in this exact scene, he isn’t being particularly kind, either, and I’d say probably the most outright cruel he’s ever been to an imp: he has the butler squeezed into one hand like he’s a goddamn stress ball (poor Pringles, even if that isn’t your name it is now), and is waving him around as he carries the phone around with him WHEN HE OWNS A DAMN CELLPHONE AND DOESN’T HAVE TO DO IT THIS WAY (unless Stella called first, which is likely).

And in earlier episodes: he dodges Pringles when Stella throws him at Stolas instead of trying to help him out, he constantly overlooks Moxxie and Millie and calls them “you littler ones” or “you little creatures,” and with the exception of his childhood butler, he doesn’t interact with the other imps much unless it’s to ask them something (like to bring him absinthe, and I notice too how the servant he asks isn’t the one who shows up with the bottle and glass and instead looks like he’s being forced into the other imp’s place bc she doesn’t want to deal with Stolas). Just because he isn’t vicious about it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have bigotry. I get the reaction to write him as caring more about imps, I understand the impulse to have him know his servants’ names and converse with them and win their loyalty by being a generally good person to them, but Stolas canonically isn’t there yet. It would be cool if he could get there. But he isn’t. And this is part of the problem that Blitzo has with Stolas and one of the many cracks in their relationship foundation. Which makes me more hopeful that Stolas is going to address this within himself, at least (more so if he gets demoted and stripped of his powers at the end of the second season).

(And sidenote to wonder if the imp/hellhound prejudice baked into the foundations of Hell is ever going to be meaningfully addressed; it would be nice, but this is a raunchy dark comedy, so I doubt any task as complex and grueling as tackling systemic oppression is going to get any nuanced and meaningful attention. Maybe a sugarcoated tied-in-a-bow resolution, maybe just ignored and made better for the characters we care about, but not really fixed. It’s not like the real world is any better at it.)

Alright off my soapbox, now time to enumerate the ways Stolas is being a messy father :P

Hang on have to squeal about the cute little cuff that Pringles has on the spade of his tail. Fancy dude be fancy.

On the one hand, good on Stolas for not shouting at Via, but again, just because he isn’t shouting doesn’t mean he’s being nice. I went off quite a bit in the s2e1 analysis about how Via and Stella’s relationship is an unknown outside of what context we can try and draw from Via’s behavior, but I said something at the very end that I will repeat and then spend this episode reiterating: Via has the very normal and common habit of being mad about one thing and it actually being about her anger or fear over something else. Like this is a thing I think everyone does, but for Via, it’s more common for her episodes to follow that pattern. In Loo Loo Land, she’s upset about her parents’ crumbling marriage and being forced to spend time with her dad’s new sidepiece, but the root of that anger and despair is actually her fear of being left behind by her father; the other two things are manageable once that root is taken care of. We’re seeing something similar here: Octavia is excited to see a meteor shower with Stolas, but his feud with Stella gets in the way and she reacts, angry about the meteor shower and the broken promise (spoiler alert: that isn’t the root of her anger, either, but we’ll get there when we get there).

Even for the meteor shower not being what she’s truly upset about, she is still plenty mad about it, and she should be; Stolas is dropping the ball. Again. The straw that’s breaking her back, so to speak. And Via isn’t a little kid anymore. She’s old enough to act. So she does. Hell yeah, Via. I’m so ready to see how she’s going to be when she’s old enough to be introduced into Goetian society, because I cannot wait to watch her tear down her enemies with verbal precision.

Paused on Blitzo’s calendar and I just have to say, I am disappointed, fandom; there is not NEARLY enough Blitzo drag/cross-dressing material, for how often Blitzo shows up in dresses in canon. Not only has he put a doodle of his own head over Verosika’s on the sexy calendar, but right next to it, pinned to the wall with an arrow, is a doodle of himself in a fancy froofy dress. I need to screencap this and save it for always, excuse me a moment.

While I have the calendar pulled up, though: I notice that the little note that says “Stolas: Full Moon??” isn’t crossed out despite the day passing. That doesn’t mean much, because the only things that are scribbled out are notes for Blitzo to finally talk with Loona, an “I <3 Moxxie” that I really want to know if Blitzo wrote or not, and various fuck days, but. Hmm. Hmmmmm. It’s implied later that Stolas and Blitzo might not have been meeting for the full moon for a couple of months, but it does make me wonder if this episode is the first time they see each other since Ozzie’s. It’s not nearly awkward enough for that, but they do have more pressing matters to deal with, I suppose.

Hang on I have to laugh at Loona throwing hecking SHURIKEN at Blitzo while he tries to give her a little talking-to; she is being very violent, which calls back to her bad behavior in the pilot episode tbh, but. SHURIKEN. WHY??? XD

Moxxie living his best life, tbh.

I constantly forget when watching this episode that Blitzo and Loona are also in the middle of some father-daughter problems, mainly Loona not taking criticism well and Blitzo trying a tough love tactic that…well. They both know it’s completely toothless, because Blitzo loves her way too much (and can’t afford a new secretary are you kidding me) (…YET, Stolas as IMP Secretary for Season Three please), but. Enforcing some boundaries with Loona’s office behavior isn’t exactly a bad thing. Unfortunately, Loona sees any criticism of her behavior as proof that she’s about to get landed back into the shelter and reacts with anger that’s explosive, violent, and very defensive, so the fact that her dad loves her to tiny wibbly pieces doesn’t mean much when five-plus years of adoption as an ADULT isn’t gonna erase the coping mechanisms she learned as a CHILD. But it HAS been enough time for Loona to rely on Blitzo and believe that he’ll be there for her when she needs him, because he’s proven it. So maybe this tough love hits a little harder than Loona wants to admit.

Enter Octavia, doing a very cool ninja routine that really would not work on any other day: the floor layout doesn’t normally put a couch facing its back to the door, and Loona might actually care more about someone sneaking into the office (have she and Via met before this?? I don’t think Loona went with them to Loo Loo Land…yeah this might be their first meeting, and Loona wins some major cool points by not ratting her out. Nice) when she and Blitzo haven’t just had a big fight. The fact that Via finds the book with so little trouble is pretty hilarious, but it’s also so interesting to notice that despite her being so close to adulthood, she really doesn’t seem to know what to do with the grimoire besides make requests of it. Makes sense, her being a cautionary heir instead of a full heir like Stolas, who would have had to study the thing since childhood; also makes sense given the kind of doting father that Stolas has tried to be. He likely didn’t want to force her to study magic if she didn’t want to, or force her into mingling with the rest of the Goetia family, come to think of it. It’s surprising that even Stella doesn’t seem to force that issue, either. But then again, we don’t know for sure; Via not being at her parents’ “not divorced” party might just be because it was an “adult” party and not a “kid” party. Stella declares that she loves throwing parties; maybe she’s thrown plenty and forced Via to go to those. I’m just. So upset that we don’t know what Stella’s parenting is like.

Also what kind of monkey’s paw bullcrap is in that grimoire, that “Take me to see the stars” lands Via in Los Angeles, of all hellholes? And it’s a recurring thing throughout the episode—every time Via asks for help in seeing the stars, it’s always movie stars. Not the meteor shower she’s looking for. Another clue in the ongoing picture of Via being powerful but untrained, woohoo. And for that matter, is Loona using the grimoire just because Blitzo wants to keep her out of harm’s way for missions…or also because none of the rest of IMP can work the book? In which case, how much inherent magical ability does Loona have, or does any Hellborn demon have? Is it the book that’s magical and the wielder that’s inconsequential? Because Asmodean Crystals and a lot of other magical items in Hell seem to just work, no matter who’s wielding them. Is the grimoire the same?

Ah, LA. I wonder if it was Octavia’s teleportation that killed Brennon Ragers (lolololol), or if he was already dead and Octavia just happened to show up where he was? Seems like the portal might have dropped her on top of him, but would that be enough to kill him? Also, notice: Via doesn’t have a human disguise, either. Seems like it might be something that Loona learned from the book, since Stolas can’t make them without it, at which point the next very loud and obvious question is why the rest of IMP doesn’t have them, buuuuuut they are accessing the living world illegally and the ongoing gag of the many ways they try (or, in this episode, don’t try at all) to hide themselves is funny.

OKAY HERE’S THE BIGGEST SCENE TO DATE TO FEED MY “IMP AND STOLAS ARE LEGALLY BONED” THEORY: The human protest in LA. They’re just chanting “protest,” but their signs are very interesting. “Demons walk among us.” “God hates you personally.” “To Hell” with an arrow pointing to whatever building they’re in front of. And the golden statue, which has haunted me for many viewings and which my insane brain has now become convinced is human Vox (I have zero proof; the statue has no identifying features beyond being a smiling man with a top hat, a suit, and a flower in his lapel. It doesn’t even share any traits with Vox whatsoever. It’s just vibes). The building they’re protesting in front of doesn’t seem to have any identifying features outside of some fancy architecture that’s kinda going to pot like the rest of the city around it. But why this tiny scene makes me think it relates to IMP: if DHORKS had so much footage of them and their exploits, it’s not crazy to think that some of that is online and circulating, maybe gathering steam as a weird conspiracy theory movement that just happens to be correct in this case. Human unrest, coupled with actual breach of Hell’s boundaries by angels using human-made technology? Pretty huge strike against IMP (and by association Stolas). And then Via getting spotted all over the place in LA, too (tripping over a second dead body? Poor girl). No camera flashes yet but I’m on the lookout for them now.

And the transition from Via’s panic attack straight into Blitzo’s really makes me want a bonding episode with them even more, thanks Spindlehorse :P and can you IMAGINE, if Blitzo and Stolas haven’t really talked outside of texts since Ozzie’s, THIS being the first call that Stolas gets from him when he’s stressed and in the middle of kicking his soon-to-be-ex-wife out of his house?? Stolas shows some restraint, frankly.

Via once again letting her inexperience get the better of her by going on a celeb-stalking tour, wonderful. But her excitement is so cute. I just wish she was able to be safe and excited with her fully engaged and present father. Just a thought.

Okay, the fact that Loona can not only track the smell of the portal, but knows exactly where in the human world that is?? LOONA YOU HAVE A PAST AND I WANT TO KNOW IT.

Loona and Moxxie’s animosity towards each other is entertaining. The fat jokes are not. Sigh.

Another instance of the background being framed just so in order to give the audience a look at a background detail that’s important: the LA water fliers. Which state that LA water is mostly acid and sewage. Gross. Important, but gross.

Blitzo’s very obviously flustered reaction to seeing human Stolas is interesting…given how canonically gross he finds humans :P apparently not all humans, huh, Blitzo? Exceptions made for ones that you bicker with like an old married couple?

(Stolas. Stolas you have to pay for—Stolas you can’t just steal—STOLAS—)

Also, the fact that LA is one of the few places they can walk around openly as demons and not have it be taken all that seriously is very funny to me. And Moxxie’s insistence on supporting street artists is even better. I also find it interesting that in the same city where some sort of anti-demon-flavored protest is going on, someone else finds Moxxie’s “demon costume” impressive enough to toss him a quarter. And the fact that he appears to be in a demon costume to begin with isn’t questioned Hmm. Hmmmmm.

Also. How interesting that Via pays attention to a particular stop on the bus tour with a father begging his wife and child to stay, only the second they’re gone to start smooching his male lover. How not at all a chilling parallel for Via’s own life. (The difference being that Stolas never once begged Stella to stay as far as we know, but…again, given how Via is upset with her father for also not caring about her mother…I wonder how much Via wishes he would beg them to stay? How much she wishes her parents actually loved each other? I mean, it would make for a better reality than the one she’s living in now where they hate each other’s guts pretty murderously, but…I do have to wonder how common a childlike fantasy that is for a kid whose parents are divorcing, to wish that their parents would just love each other and not have so many things drastically change for them all at once. But again: the root of that upset is the change, the fear of getting lost and forgotten and broken. Once that fear is addressed and assuaged, the separation can often become much easier to bear, especially if it makes both parents happier and more available to their kid. But that’s my outside observation. And my prediction: when Via gets the full picture, she can start to process her parents’ separation much better, and maybe try to reconcile her happy childhood with her horrific present, give it context and understanding. Though. The fact that her mother has tried to kill her father twice now and I suspect her uncle is about to jump on that train ain’t gonna be an easy pill to swallow.)

To the folks who make earnest predictions post-this episode about what Blitzo would look like as human and it isn’t just Brennon Ragers: you’re wrong but that’s okay. The giant ears slay me.

The Elmo head on a dinosaur body is unsettling, though, I’m glad the guy takes it off.

HEY WAIT A FUCKING SECOND. Just paused at exactly the right moment to notice that the guy in a pink shirt next to the Dino-Elmo furry has a tiny little design on his chest that looks an AWFUL LOT like the Voxtek logo. HMMMMM. TINY LITTLE EASTER EGGS. AND THE GUY IN ORANGE KINDA IN THE BACKGROUND BY THE GUY IN PINK DOES TOO. I might need to post a screenshot of this, actually, hang on let me rewind and see how much it’s popping up and I’m not seeing it. Alright, seems to just be those two for now. Which makes my “the golden statue is Vox” theory look a lot less stupid, huh? XD I love that the sign says “Holly’s Wood,” too. One: lol boner joke. Two: reinforcing that the Hellaverse world is just a little left of center of the one we’re living in now. Familiar enough, but different. Which is what makes speculating about the biblical differences in Hazbin Hotel so much fun, too.

I think about that screeched “I’m taking this out of their pay!” at least every other day. I just like the delivery. It’s funny to me. I haven’t paused this episode enough before to check and see what the guy with the whistle is waving around until now, but it being a film production degree is pretty great actually. As is the little popup ad that I desperately wish YouTube would go back to rather than now making me skip individual video ads as they pop up (does anyone know how to get adblock on a phone).

Proof that Stolas might need to date around a bit before he and Blitzo get together: bird likes being manhandled XD (not that Blitzo doesn’t or couldn’t but I doubt he can just pick Stolas up like this beefy dude does, not without some finagling and props)

I also wonder who/what does some of Blitzo’s imp noises, because the animalistic growling is pretty impressive.

And the way Blitzo just gets back on target when Stolas worries about Octavia—he’s a GOOD DAD and a GOOD FRIEND okay!!! Might not be on best terms with Loona right this second, given how she seems to ignore his orders until she accidentally stumbles on a trail to follow Via finally, but heck. He really does do the best he can while getting dragged into his own shenanigans.

And here we have the THIRD crime scene that Via has just walked through today; that is way too much crime :P The Star Owl souvenir sign is super cool though (poster when??). Poor kid.

Putting Blitzo back into showbiz like this is such a cool character moment, too—he’s nervous, he’s freaking out, he has experience but not good memories, and to have Stolas be there for it is priceless. First because he gives comfort by appealing to Blitzo’s ego via complimenting his sexual prowess (which I think normally would be just fine for a confidence booster for him, and might be Stolas reiterating that whatever else is going on with them, at least the sex has always been amazing), and second because Stolas has always been one of the few people to laugh at Blitzo’s jokes when he gets going (and the fact that we KNOW THIS since CHILDHOOD is something that KILLS ME).

Heh. Child star (???) snorting coke out in the open. Nice.

Hang on need to just. Live in the “breathless” moment for a bit. The touching, the blush, the gulp, the smile. Just. Living here. Forever. (Further proof that their arrangement isn’t just one-sided; even if they haven’t actually slept together or spent time together since Ozzie’s, Blitzo finds Stolas affecting and I love that for them.)

The big sparkly eyes Blitzo gets when people start reacting positively to his performance, though. I just. He’s just so. SPARKLY EYES. HE JUST WANTS ATTENTION AND VALIDATION DAMMIT. He’s just…not everyone’s cup of tea XD Bless him. And then Stolas’ big admiring eyes, and Blitzo’s finger guns, and Stolas gulping down 98% acid and 2% leaking sewer water—I WANT TO LIVE HERE.

But I can’t, because we have to check in on the budding sisterly relationship I want for Loona and Via so badly. I love that it’s an observatory that Loona finally finds her. STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES I JUST PAUSED ON THE NEWSPAPER: There’s a shot of Blitzo’s shadow under the headline “Alien Attack?” I’M TELLING YOU IMP IS GOING TO COURT OVER THIS OKAY.

I don’t know how I keep forgetting that Blitzo and Loona had a fight earlier in this episode that Blitzo isn’t feeling good about, when such a huge part of this episode is Blitzo’s flashback to getting Loona. Now let’s talk about the shelter for a bit: obviously run down and messy. Looks more like a jail than an animal shelter (though admittedly I’ve never been to…either, actually). And it’s an adult hellhound showing Blitzo around. I just have so many questions. Why is Blitzo looking for a hellhound? Wanting one for work? He does say he’s looking for one that’s more “family friendly,” but his excitement at being there feels like it’s a personal stop. He doesn’t say he’s looking to hire muscle or a new worker. He seems specifically there to adopt. Which. Only really works if the hellhound is a minor (even if only barely, Miss I-Was-One-Month-Away-From-Being-Eighteen). And it seems like it’s only minors in the shelter anyway (barring the second hellhound Blitzo is introduced to, who seems older). Maybe Verosika’s jab about Amber Alerts earlier was more of a hint at Blitzo wanting kids than I thought.

More questions: the sign overhead says “Hellhound Adoption” but the hellhound guide says “he’ll be perfect for whatever work you want to use him for.” So. In order to get hired, do hellhounds…have to get adopted or at least be adopted at some point? Did Verosika adopt Vortex? That feels wrong and weird. Frankly the fact that hellhound adoption is a thing already begs so many, many questions about hellhound societal dynamics. I’m drowning a little here. “A gift for the wife, huh?” YIKES. YIIIIIKES. Yeah there’s a reason hellhounds are on the same level as imps, huh? Though it seems like imps might even be slightly above hellhounds in some ways, if hellhounds have adoption centers like this and can be GIFTED to other people, even imps. “We’ll be rid of her next month when she ages out. Good riddance, if you ask me. She’ll never amount to anything much.” WONDER WHY, LADY. And the way Blitzo just immediately latched onto her—THEIR NEED FOR CONNECTION IS KILLING ME SLOWLY OKAY.

And the fact that Stolas can tell that Blitzo is suddenly not okay—oof. Also, “you little anal fissure” is hands-down my favorite insult Blitzo deals out in the entire show, bar none. It’s poetry. It’s grace. It’s beauty. It’s so funny I die laughing every time.

I also die over Stolas’ little wimpy “eh!” as he throws a bottle of acid at the producer and most certainly kills him. STOLAS YOU CAN TURN INTO A GIANT RED AND BLACK ELDRITCH MONSTROSITY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING XD

Y’know. Shooting up and burning down a production studio in LA while there are CAMERAS RECORDING…not good for being low-key in the living world if you’re Hellborn and trying to stay out of sight. Also, the way the electronics around the place start to go a little goofy—“Let it burn” on the teleprompter, “Panic” on the screens facing the audience, the way the lights shut off and then back on and there’s a lot of dead folks all of a sudden—makes me feel like a certain cosmic someone is reveling in the chaos and violence here (Roo show yourself u mysterious temptress).

I believe in Blitzo’s muscles, Blitzo Is The Lovely Bride 2k25. (Or however that meme goes with the lovely pony bride and the fucked up little pony husband.)

Now back to Loona and Via and very important future stepsibling bonding: I LOVE that Loona drops her human disguise before drawing Via’s attention. And that Via opens up to her so quickly. She really could use a friend; no indication that she has any of those, which isn’t good for her or for her and Stolas’ relationship either. My Hellaverse friend said she thinks Via is 100% right when Via says “why does he hate her more than he loves me?” and that Stolas’ child being his only positive relationship his entire life isn’t good for either one of them, especially not Via. I agree…to a point. I think Stolas does hate Stella more than he loves Via…FOR NOW. I think the emotions he’s trying to regulate are all so intense right now, so new to him, that he is failing Via, but Loona is also right that this situation isn’t entirely as simple as that, either. Stolas is trying the best he can, and while it may not be a very good best right now, it’s not nothing (for examples, see Paimon and Cash, who both need giant punches to their terrible fatherly faces). It’s the kinder side of praising bare minimum, I think: acknowledging that sometimes, yeah, scraping bare minimum really is an accomplishment and should be celebrated.

(Via’s little bird noises. SO cute.)

And we come back around to the root of what Via is really upset about: it isn’t about the meteor shower, it’s about how her father’s attention and affection is somewhere else, and how alone and abandoned that makes her feel when that’s already an issue she has. But, much like the entire situation between her parents, Via doesn’t have all the information. She doesn’t know that her dad is down in the city looking all over for her (and to the folks who want to disregard that and say no Stolas wasn’t, he was hanging around Blitzo and ignoring Via the whole time, may I remind you that Stolas can’t track Via and he doesn’t have Loona’s number. If Loona finds Via while they’re trying to get out of this human showbiz mess they’re dealing with now and can’t really escape without causing a scene…which happens anyway…Stolas would have no way of knowing. His powers are limited. They are technically not supposed to get noticed as demons. He is ONLY safe with Blitzo right now, and only able to have half a chance of catching up with Via if he sticks close to the guy who DOES have Loona’s number and WILL hear about it when she finds Via). She doesn’t know how bad things are between her parents. It’s likely she doesn’t even know how bad her mother truly is (FUCKING HELL CAN WE JUST GET SOME SCENES WITH VIA AND STELLA THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH STOLAS—). This shit DOES get messy. And only going to get messier, thanks to Andrealphus and Stella.

Listen. Stolas does need to be trying harder with Via. But it’s understandable that he’s letting the ball slip, between his own self-loathing and now this messy separation and also the very messy situation with Blitzo. He doesn’t get it right every time. He can’t. Just like Blitzo with Loona, the fact that Stolas is even trying isn’t nothing. Yes he can be doing better, but what he’s doing ISN’T NOTHING. These two things can be true at the same time. Stolas isn’t worried about reputation or appearances, he just wants Via to be safe, and being in the human world by herself is not safe for her. And Blitzo wants Loona to be less offensive to customers, but he also wants her to be happy and know that even if she drives away all their business, he still loves her and wants to be in her life (and wants her in his, won’t be replacing her or getting rid of her EVER). Fucking. STOP PRESSING MY DADDY ISSUES BUTTON, VIV. IT’S RUDE.

The HUG. I just need them to be friends so badly. Parent Trapping their dads at some point, but also hanging out because they both need friends so badly.

Stolas doesn’t yell or lecture, he just wants her to be okay. And then immediately apologizes when he realizes how badly he messed up. HE’S TRYING.

“What the fuck is that?” “MY ACTING CAREER.” Yeah, not the first time a career in showbiz has gone up in flames for Blitzo, huh?

…I’ll just. See myself out for that one.

I love how even though Via’s going to have to wait another thousand years for the next showing of Azathoth’s Tears, she and Stolas are still making the best of the situation and admiring the fireworks. Making lemonade out of lemons, I suppose. Just enjoying each other’s company, which is what Via really wanted all along. She’ll come to terms with the divorce, with her parents’ true relationship, all of it…so long as she can still hang out with her dad and feel seen and loved.

Which is what’s gonna make their next confrontation in s2.5 hurt so damn bad, huh? :))))

Okay, brief interjection to say it took me so long to understand what “Mackin Stols do it now” translated to, because “macking” is another way of saying “making out” or kissing and I got very, very sidelined by that train of thought before I realized he was saying “Making.” Also. Are we…gonna talk about how Blitzo can spell out loud just fine but can’t do it when typing or writing? No? Fine.

I’d love to see more of Moxxie getting sucked into supporting local artists to the detriment of everyone around him. It’s such a great character trait.

Okay, that’s that! On to the next! Trying to get these all out tonight and tomorrow and making terrible time, woohoo!

[clanoffelidae]

I will condemn actions and beliefs I find disgusting, but I also condemn attacking the people who do/hold them for things that have nothing to do with morality or character

Attack Jeff Bezos cause he’s a billionaire, not cause he’s bald

I think hate-nonny’s arguments are disgusting, but I’m not gonna condemn or disregard their efforts in something that is very hard for them and has nothing to do with the argument >:/ and if this situation DOES end up with hate-nonny’s writing being made public I better not see anyone else attacking the way they write either. Attack their arguments, not their writing, or you’ll find I’m gonna turn around and come after you too for being a dickwad