#okay you accept that as a childless adult it's never going to be The Same as when you were a kid and that's gotta be okay

[blujayonthewing]

[sooave]

The Problem With Wanting: 1

It’s 2026, and an old celebrity crush comes to haunt your old and cynical heart. You’re doing great at pretending you were never obsessed with him, and finding things about him that you don’t like. Until you’re repeatedly forced to work with him. Until he decides that he’s in love with you.

Genre: I really don’t know what to call this, but it’s not an AU, Kyungsoo’s older and still a celebrity, and it’s friends-to-lovers.

Characters: Kyungsoo x Reader 

Length: 2,314 words

Tags: Angst, Slow Burn 

Part 1 | Part 2

The problem with wanting, was that the human brain’s pathways are more easily activated for desire, rather than liking. In other words, humans naturally want things more than they actually like them. Obviously, you didn’t fault anyone for that. You knew that humans are all victims of the mechanisms of their biological systems.

Just like how you never blamed your own body for being frustratingly uncooperative when it was exactly a week before your period.

Just like how you didn’t fault Do Kyungsoo at all for confessing to you, and asking you to be his girlfriend. You knew that he just wanted you. Now if he actually had you, he’d certainly be disappointed. No, his brain would be disappointed.

Being single at age 30 was surprisingly easy for you, considering the fact that it practically made you a spinster in Asian society. Your parents’ one saving grace was that they immigrating to North America, and brought you in tow. When you returned to Korea as a full-fledged adult with a string of ex-boyfriends and old jobs behind you, it was increasingly apparent to you that Korean society was at times lovely, but hugely flawed.

Back home, the Korean aunties that your mother would bring home no longer gave a shit about the fact that you were, God forbid, an artist. And an unmarried and childless one to boot. Their own children had put them through a fair share of self-perceived grievances already, and while most of them were still conservative at heart, they knew that they lived in a society where their values weren’t necessarily correct. You knew that they didn’t all understand that their values were straight up incorrect. But at least you didn’t get harassed about your life choices.

Coming back to build a career in your birth country had you encountering situations that made you laugh and feel uncomfortable at the same time.

“You’re self-employed? How are you ever going to find yourself a husband?” You’d tell them that being your own boss in fact made your schedule much more flexible. And that you fill up the time with pursuits that actually improved your life, like cooking and yoga. Not shitty dates with people you couldn’t connect with.

Of course, the nosy aunties would continue heavily implying that your life’s purpose was to find a good husband, carry your bloodline, and take care of the home.

“Thirty?? You should have had two kids by now?” You would politely inform them that you weren’t interested in having children, and if you did, you’d adopt an orphan in need instead.

“There won’t be any good men left at this point! You’re in trouble now.” This one, you couldn’t really argue with. You were a firm believer that if someone was single for an extended period of time, there was a reason.

Most of the time, they were a shitty person. Other reasons? Nursing a heartbreak. Pining after someone unattainable. Obsessed with their career. Etcetera.

And you?

You didn’t have your priorities straight. But after a countless number of bad dates, bad relationship, mediocre relationships, and some okay ones, you kind of had an idea of what you didn’t want in a boyfriend. You were doing just peachy by yourself, for now at least.

Sure, maybe you’d want to find a life partner eventually. That would come naturally. You were also a firm believer in the fact that the best matches are found organically.

But surprisingly to you, one of the blind dates that you’d begrudgingly gone on 3 years ago was actually bearing some fruitful benefits. Your date was an assistant PD at one of the largest entertainment companies in Seoul. He was a decent guy, but was insistent about being the sole provider for his future wife. That obviously didn’t check out with you.

Luckily, he didn’t hold a grudge against you for cutting your third dinner date short once you learned of that particular value, and even suggested you as an artist for several show segments. Today, your expertise was blackboard art. Other days, it was digital painting, or watercolours. But they all focused on food illustrations.

Seung-woo, your ex-date, had a particularly annoying habit of talking your ear off while you were working. For some reason, he assumed that the several hours you spent slaving away with your arm raised over the chalk board was the perfect time to catch up with you and ramble on about his love life.

“And then, she started ordering the spicy chicken even though I had explicitly mentioned that I had an upset stomach! Really. The nerve of her.”

“Oh…” you hummed disinterestedly as you filled in the grey base colour of the fish that you were drawing for the background of this board. Apparently, some professional chef along with a celebrity guest were going to be in the kitchen today filming an episode on ways to cooking methods for fish in Korean cuisine. This particular series was something you’d seen before while you were living in the U.S., and while you felt that Korea was a bit slow on the uptake, at least they were doing something interesting with it. You didn’t get to see a lot of Korean traditional cooking methods on American-owned YouTube channels.

“So… we’re going on a second date tonight. What should I say?”

If you were in America, you would have already told Seung-Woo off for disrupting your work and being a total wuss. But this was Korea, and you couldn’t really afford to offend the very person who got you this job contract. Plus, gossip travelled like wildfire, and soon you’d be labelled as difficult to work with and saying bye-bye to your steady income.

You had to take a deep breath and set down your chalk, in fear of snapping it in annoyance.

“Did that tell you something?”

Seung-woo set down the kitchen prop that he was playing around with onto the counter.

“Tell me what?” He echoed.

“Did her action of ordering the spicy chicken tell you that she had an undesirable trait that you cannot accept from a partner?” Your tone was bordering on one that a disapproving teacher would take when reprimanding a student, but luckily Seung-woo didn’t catch that.

He wasn’t as taken aback by your mannerisms as he used to be, but ever since you explained that you spent all of your formative years abroad, he was able to rationalize all of your non-conservative behaviours.

Instead, he actually thought of your advice and comments as thoughtful and interesting. You always refrained from mentioning that your perspective came from years of counselling and therapy, in fear that he’d label you as psychotic. Seung-woo had no idea what mental health was.

After a round of hums and haws, he finally responds.

“You’re right, it did. Are you trying to say I shouldn’t go on the date tonight?”

“Hey, I just asked a question. You came to that conclusion your self!” You turn around and throw a dirty rag that you’ve been using into his chest.

That finally got him to leave you alone, after whining about your aggressiveness and how unladylike you were. Luckily, you still had plenty of time to finish the piece, and once the annoyance hindering your progress was gone, the flow started to come naturally to you.

Time began to fly by as it usually did when you were absorbed with your artwork. Before you knew it, it was already time for the segment filming to start. It wasn’t everyday that you timed your work perfectly, but today you hit the deadline exactly.

You knew that the filming was about to begin because of the camera lights had began to turn on, and a buzz of conversation had started to grow in the centre of the room. Sometimes it irked you that you were working right in front of a dozen cameras and microphones, but it was comforting to know that they had absolutely zero interest in filming you.

Seung-woo had unfortunately appeared again, appearing behind you like a golden retriever wagging it’s tail. You were packing up boxes chalk into your carrying case, attempting to ignore him as much as possible, but something he said caught your attention.

“Wait. What? Who?” You had absolutely no idea what he had said, except for the fact that a horribly familiar name fell from his lips.

“Do Kyungsoo. You don’t know of him?”

“No, I do…” Too well, in fact.

“Well, he’s here right now. I could get you an autograph if you wanted too. Just ask your oppa nicely!” He shot you a shit-eating grin and you almost want to strangle him amidst the absolute panic you were experiencing.

You weren’t experiencing a real panic attack, thankfully. But the way your hands were shaking as you placed each piece of chalk back into it’s designated slotted groove gave away that you were one-hundred-percent losing your mind. As your heart raced in your chest, you did a mental checklist of the facts that faced you right now.

You were, or you used to be, absolutely obsessed with Do Kyungsoo as a celebrity. This was back in your late teens, when you were a freshman at college.

You had not thought about him, or even looked up his name, in almost 5 years. Real life got in the way. And your cynicism.

And he was right here.

In this very room.

Suddenly, your brain was kicked into hyper-awareness mode, and it was almost impossible to resist the urge to finger comb your hair and smooth out your clothes. Fuck. You weren’t even wearing a cute outfit. Today had been a boyfriend jeans and black t-shirt day for you.

Seung-woo was still standing in front of you, looking at you expectantly, and you reminded yourself that you had to actually respond.

“Er… no. I’m good, Seung-woo,” you rolled your eyes at him, “What makes you think that I’d want an autograph? You do remember that I’m an old hag right?”

He noticed that you were having difficulty stuffing your chalk boxes back into your bag, and leans down to help you.

“Who said that you can’t have celebrity crushes at age 30? I wouldn’t shame you for that. Plus, you’re still single…” Seung-woo waggled his eyebrows.

“Oh my lord,” You mutter in English to yourself, before switching to Korean.

“Idols are for the young or the delusional. Plus, they’re just regular ol’ people just like me. You take anyone with a bit of talent and a decent face and I’m sure they could pass as an idol.” This is a mantra you’ve repeated to yourself almost a million times, and it rolls off your tongue.

“God, you’re always so cynical…ah!” Seung-woo stands up to greet someone and leaves you struggling with your bag on the floor.

“No, I’m just old,” you said to yourself as you right yourself.

And then you come face to face with a profile that you’ve started at on your phone screen, your computer monitor, and even billboards, umpteenth times. It’s closer now, way closer. You saw the slight smile lines on his cheeks, and the unevenness of his skin that hasn’t been photoshopped out. But his strong eyebrows and heart-shaped smile were the same. And his eyes.

Kyungsoo was shaking hands with Seung-woo and another PD, but his eyes flickered to you briefly as you got to your feet. And then they’re gone. Like they didn’t see you at all.

You took a deep breath and reminded yourself that he’s just another person. He probably leaves his phone ringer on. That’s something that annoys you. Annoyance. It’s your weapon against anything you’re scared of. But it’s also grounding you in this insane moment.

Reminder, you’re staff. He’s the star of the show.

“Ah! This is our chalk artist, she made the board behind us,” Seung-woo declared proudly and grabbed your arm to pull you back, just as you were preparing to sneak away from the awkward circle of personnel. You’ve never cursed so strongly in your own mind before, and a string of fuckshitfuckshitfuck was still going through your mind as you gave a tight smile and bowed. All while avoiding eye contact.

You saw Kyungsoo and a few others glance at your work and you couldn’t help but cringe. God help you, you had confidence in your work, but were you completely unprepared for your teenage/young adult celebrity crush to judge you. They politely express amazement at the board, and you robotically thank them.

Seung-woo continued to discuss some detail about the segment and you took the opportunity to duck away and escape with your bag, not even taking a second look back. You were tempted of course, as you left through the studio doors. You could even stay to watch the entire filming, and no one would object. They knew who you were.

But there was no way you would be able to not fall back into your stupid crush that you still had, if you were able to just stand and watch him cook for an hour and a half. You were too old for this.

You gritted your teeth as you got in your car, placed your duffel on the passenger seat, and buckled your seatbelt.

Today, you would be an adult and do the right thing.

Tomorrow, you’d give dating apps another go.

But right now, you imagined another universe, where he was a regular person, and so were you. Then, you could allow yourself to fall in love. You closed your eyes and leaned your head onto the cold glass of the window and allowed yourself to fantasize.

A/N: I’m totally throwing this into the void and doing this for myself but part two is coming.

[defeatedbyamerechild]

Do you have an opinion on what kind of parents would the canonically childless villains be?

Ooooh yes!!! I have a few ideas! ^^

Archie: “Kid” Dad!

Archie would be that kind of dad that kids absolutely adore, but teenagers cringe at. He is the super friendly and funny dad who is always playing with the kids and making jokes and trying to be friends with their friends, which usually is very cool when the child is small but becomes a bit cringy later on. Archie is very childish in my headcanon, so he might face difficulties when watching his child grow up and become, well... more mature than him, most likely! XD He’d be a good dad, though. Very loving and understanding. Also, he’s pretty good at understanding people’s feelings, so after a few cringy moments with his kid, he’d understand what makes them embarrassed and what doesn’t, and he’d do his best to avoid it. At the same time he would be kinda cringy to his teenager, he would also be the first one to understand what the problem is as soon as something started bothering them. But he’s not the best dad at serious conversations, he’d rather leave those to Maxie, but give emotional support in every way he could.

Maxie: “Mom” Dad!

You know how there’s this “mother archetype” that the mom is more emotional, more responsible but also more soft. Gets angry a bit more easily, but also forgives more easily... Gets worried about their kids more often... You know the drill. We know not every mother is like that, of course, just like some dads are just like this. Maxie is one of them, My Maxie has many traits that might be described by old-fashioned people as “feminine” (not that it’s got anything to do with gender or biological sex, but you know how archetypes go). Also, Maxie loves cooking and does it very well, which also is present on the mother archetype. Maxie is overall more resposible than Archie, and a bit more strict, but not much. He is very understanding, but not that good at reading emotions, and sometimes lets his own fears and wrong impressions blur his understanding of how his child feels, making him over-think very often. He is also more desperate than Archie, because of his anxiety, so... He’ll be the first one to freak out once the teenager doesn’t show up before eleven like they said they would. Then it would be Archie who would assume the Responsible Role to calm him down and try to keep everything under control. Both would be good dads.

Cyrus: Righteous Dad!

Cyrus has had it rough as a child, and I definitely think he wouldn’t want to repeat his parents’ mistakes when raising his own kid. I feel like he would be rather strict, specially since he is very organized, literal and practical by nature, so he would have his rules and schedules that he would like his child to follow... But he would definitely be more understanding about them not following it than his parents were with him, and wouldn’t go for severe punishments, but for conversations instead. Also, I headcanon that the way children think is kinda fascinating to Cyrus, because he is such a literal person with such a practical mind... So I think his best quality as a dad would be that he LISTENS to children. Cyrus doesn’t see children as inferior or less complex, and he admires the way they interpret the world. He would listen and try to understand their logic. Explaining why something is a problem and coming up together with a solution would be his main strategy to deal with issues. If the problem persisted, he might resort to grounding, but grounding would always make sense, like “you didn’t clean your room, so you can’t go play now. You can go play after cleaning it, though.” instead of “You didn’t clean your room so you’re not getting that videogame you want” or another punishment that doesn’t have a logical connection between the problem and the consequence. However, Cyrus wouldn’t be the best with the emotional part, naturally. He has trouble expressing and reading feelings. That wouldn’t be a super huge problem because of how open for communication he would be, so his child could just go and say “you screwed up and I’m upset because of this” and he’d accept that argument and discuss it. Terrible at emotional advice, things might get complicated during teenagehood when emotional bursts showed up, because he’d go “I understand you are feeling like this because of hormones” and the teen would be like, crying his lungs off and yelling “SCREW HORMONES” and Cyrus would be like “what do I do”. Overall: one of the best dads for small kids, but would need help with teens.

Lysandre: Disaster Dad!

I just hope Lysandre never has a kid honestly.

I mean, seriously now. Lysandre in my comics would be a disaster, because he’s not... well... he is not psychologically and emotionally balanced. So I literally think he wouldn’t be able to raise a child, the kid would end up super spoiled and with zero boundaries regarding emotional expression. It would be that kid that thinks their feelings are more important than anyone elses, and every time they have a mild issue Lysandre would just go and say that “but my kid is right!” even if like... his kid had just punched another child out of the sudden. the kid would no know limits... At the same time, growing up with Lysandre would be confusing because on one second he is super happy and on the next one he’s crying, and the kid wouldn’t know what to expect from him... So yeah, teenagehood would get even harder than usual, they’d both spend half their lives crying and I honestly think there’s a huge chance the kid would run away from home eventually. Just a big nope. Horrible dad.

Outside of my comics, thinking about a more sane Lysandre... Hmm... I think he might be a decent dad. But I’m still pretty sure he would spoil the heck out of his kids. To be honest I don’t see Lysie being a father in my headcanons.

Guzma: Cool (disaster) Dad!

Guzma is the cool dad. The dad that acts very immature for his age, and that kids like, but teens LOVE. However, he’d be so irresponsible... I feel like Guzma would be that kind of dad who’s like “where the heck is that kid though?” like... his 5yo child just got out of their house and went away half an hour ago while he wasn’t looking and now he has no clue where the kid is. So yeah, that kid would grow up with a lot of friendly respect towards Guzma, but absolutely no sense of hierarchy. The kid would have lots of trouble in school and Guzma would barely care about that. He’d just go like “come on, kid, do your homework”, the kid wouldn’t do it and he’d be like “meh”. He would be more of a disaster with a small child, because the kid would definitely miss the sense of protection and guidance that having an adult around gives you at that age, and as I said, the kid might literally walk away and get lost... Also Guzma wouldn’t even cook for the kid, like... “dad I’m hungry” - “aw man, let’s see if we have some snacks”. If the kid survived his young years, then it would be better during teenagehood, I suppose. Guzma would give them lots of privacy, get along with their friends, be chill about their choices... But I can definitely see some emotional conflicts happening in the future because “you never even cared about me” or “I have always done everything on my own anyway!” or something similar, since the child might feel like Guzma did not give them the necessary amount of attention and protection when small. And man, if Guzma ever wanted that kid to do something, he would not be able to convince them at all. That kid would just straight up not obey him. Overall? Not the best dad, but might work with the right significant other to complement his flaws.

Rose: Confused Dad!

You know that dad who forgets what you told him yesterday? Who cannot remember your friends’ names? Who might literally pick the wrong stroller at the suppermarket and take the wrong baby home? That’s Rose. That aside, he is the standard dad, like... bad with cooking, tries his best with barbecues, but is not too great with it, wears tacky clothes, makes unfunny jokes, chills in the couch on sundays... Extreme dad energy, just a bit more chaotic because of his forgetful mind. He would be a good dad, I believe, but he would need someone to help him organize his thoughts. So like... “We’ll talk about this later” would easily become completely forgotten (like with Bede in my headcanon). Punishments are often confusing and disproportional (either too severe for what happened or too mild, because Rose does before he thinks), and he’d be the first one to forget about the grounding. So like “You didn’t clean your room? That’s it, you cannot go out with your friends for two months!”, but like... two days later his kid asks to go out and he’s like “Okay! come back before it gets dark!” because he already forgot. So he would need some other person like “Rose, two months just because of a room is too much...” and “Rose, you had grounded them, remember?” always helping him keep track of what’s going on. He would also be so easy to fool for a teen, like... “Don’t worry, he already forgot about that rule...” or “Relax, he won’t even notice his wallet is gone”. Still, for being a very nice guy to his kid all his life, I have a feeling that the child wouldn’t feel like fooling him so often, and would feel bad for disappointing him if they did. I feel like he would have many problems as a single dad, but would be OK with the right SO to help him. Still would be better than Guzma as a single dad, though. Kinda the same with kids or teens, an OK dad.

Piers: Overprotective Dad!

Piers would be the kind of dad that freaks out because their kid didn’t anwer their phone, but like... while their kid is in the front yeard, you know? Also the kind of dad that just wants to know what’s happening all the time, but at the same time doesn’t wanna be too annoying, like... He’d be like “I just... why didn’t they say anything when they arrived from school? Are they mad? Are they sick? Are they sad? Is someone hurting them? Why don’t they tell me? Do’t they trust me? Did I hurt them??” just because his kid didn’t say “hi” very loud today, but he would keep that to himself. He’d keep thinking about that, and talking about that to his friends, but not to the kid. He’d sometimes say something like “is there anything wrong?” but would try not to insist too much. If the kid ever did something wrong or if he found out they were hiding something, he would argue with them and show them that he’s disappointed, but as soon as they left to their room he would collapse like “I’m a horrible dad I’m a failure this is all my fault”. Not true, though, Piers is very responsible and loving, I’m pretty convinced he’d be an awesome dad, just a bit too overprotective. He would be constantly fighting between the urge to keep an eye on his child in order to protect them from any harm and the conscience that he needs to give their kid space and privacy. He’d probably be one of the best dads but think he’s the absolute worst. Still, Piers has some... issues with authority? So like, if his kid did something wrong and got in trouble, he’d be chill. He’d acknowledge the problem and talk to his kid... BUT if his kid got in trouble for what he sees as an unfair reason... Man, Piers would kill to defend them, so yeah. He might argue with the school, the teachers, the other kids, the other parents, cause trouble and so on... He’s the kind of dad that might go and punch bullies himself then get in trouble for that. And he would not teach his kid that “sometimes we have to accept injustice because of hierarchy”, so yeah. Depending on the child, that might become a problem. Still, I think he’d be a good dad.

Yeah, I think that’s about it. I always write more when it comes to Cyrus, because he’s my favorite, but in the end I think I wrote a decent amount about everyone! XD

I think they’d all be decent or good dads, except for Guzma (that would only be good with the right SO) and Lysandre (that would just not work no matter who his SO was).

[signbrake9-blog]

I got the special plate

So far this week I’ve made two repeat dinners and continued the same lunch rotation that began last week(ish).

Here’s my lil snacky kinda lunch.

And then here I am right back to my kale salad lunch.

I’ve been having blended juices and coconut clusters for breakfasts because I got another massive bag of them at Costco last time we were there and I will probably eat the entire bag myself just like I did last time.  It’s a one pound bag for the record.  It’s sweeter than I’d usually go for but sometimes I let myself have nice things.

Also, that dessert plate has the same chocolate coconut fat bombs and “candy bars’ by GP that I posted about a few days ago.

And if you want links to any of these recipes they are actually organized enough now for you to find by their photos in the recipes tab.  Hooray!

Oh and since I was on the subject of sweet things.  Well.  Ok, I actually wasn’t going to blog abut this because I thought it may be too controversial and get into a heated comments section that I am not here for…but…I checked out the Whole 30 book from the library out of curiosity’s sake.  Guys, it’s so weird.  It doesn’t make any sense to me.  Why is eating packaged larabars okay and baking from scratch not?  I mean, I know what the authors of the book say about it, so I’m not actually asking, but it just seems so arbitrary to me.  Recreating a “sweet” like banana bread with “compliant” ingredients (what an annoying term!!) is forbidden but then they go and allow protein shakes that are essentially milkshakes?  If you are trying to set people up to have a healthy relationship with food and reduce sugar cravings, that’s an awesome goal, but it’s very confusing when you are trying to convince people to forget about their old favorites and NOT TRY TO REMAKE THEM while including a recipe for salmon benendicts and sausage and the likes by REMAKING THEM.  Why can you re-make a savory food with “on plan” ingredients but not a sweet one?  But then randomly allow protein shakes and certain store bought bars?  It’s odd.  Anyway, I could write a lot more about it, but I won’t because (a) it doesn’t matter what I think since (b) I’m not going on the whole 30 diet and (c) it has worked really well for a ton of people!

Time to pick basil!

Since summer is maybe kinda (tear emoji) coming to a close, I wanted to make a ton of pesto to freeze while our garden is still producing it in abundance.  I’ve already jarred heaps of tomato sauce, so this seems the next best way to stretch out summer produce as long as possible.

Don’t worry…the tomatoes haven’t slowed down like I previously thought.  They just had a wave of regrowth so there were only green ones for a week or so, but now they are all ripening again!

I made two jars of almond basil pesto and one jar of pistachio basil pesto.

The only other ingredients were salt and olive oil.  So simple and fresh…and off to the freezer for when I’m missing the taste of summer in January.

I bet I can get a few more jars in before school starts so maybe I’ll do a walnut + nutritional yeast blend next.

They asked to picnic lunch outside so I said sure and then loaded up their plates with hard boiled eggs, blueberries, nectarines, banana bread muffins, and seaweed. They were in heaven.

Here is dinner re-do number one.

The OG post on it can be found here.

Kale salad with chicken, feta, and seeds.  I never posted a real “recipe” per se, last time, and I won’t this time either because it’s obviously the kind of dish where ratios and precision don’t matter.

It’s delicious though, and you should give it a try because I found a new feta to offer you as an alternative to the last one I plugged.

It’s just as briny as the last, holds it’s texture about the same (holds a nice clump but yields to a crumble without much effort), and was actually on sale at Nugget.  I have no clue if organic is important in the non-cow milk world, but whatever.  Grass fed, organic, no GMO, I’ll take it.

Did you know I am special today??  😛

I grew up with “the special plate” and got my own when Kyle and I got married.  It’s most notably used on birthdays, but every once in a while we pull it out to celebrate job stuff, or any other accomplishment.  As an adult with a established career path, you don’t get very many opportunities for the special plate, but I took on a new job recently that I’m really excited about and Kyle demanded we made a big deal out of it.  It’s not a huge thing, but it’s still meaningful for me because with BOTH of the kids going to school next year, I have been trying to find something small and awesome to pour my energy into.  At least for the (combined) 6 hours that I will be childless during the week.

I served it with rice and once again used the broth from cooking the chicken breasts in the IP as the liquid for the rice.  Easy, fast, and much more flavorful.

The second repeat dinner was this Greek chicken salad.  Kyle was out of town so I went for it!

I picked a bunch of tomatoes from the garden, which was the part of the recipe that took the longest, so that goes to show you how fast it is to make.

Once again, I made chicken in the IP.  Then I used the liquid to make chickpeas from dried beans.

Then I threw it all together, chopped it up, and dug in.

Such a favorite right now!!  Me and feta have a full on thinggggg.

Side note: I saw this on a shelf at the library (it was in the “recently arrived” section right next to where the “books on hold” are) and just grabbed it to flip through while the kids played on the computers.  HOURS LATER I was half way through and they were still happily playing.  P is basically learning to spell thanks to reading rabbit and V is learning Spanish thanks to Dora, so I am pretty sure my work is done.  HA.  Ok, but seriously, I loved the book so much I ended up checking it out and bringing it home and I’m nearly done with it!  I don’t read for pleasure at all anymore so this is a big deal.  Maybe the CBD oil is doing more than I’m giving it credit for.  Just today I accepted an offer to go to the pool THAT VERY MOMENT (at gymnastics camp pick up).  It was an impromptu run-in that turned into an afternoon of summer joy and I am still baffled that I just went with it all!  The end result was a nap-less V who was pretty much a nightmare from 5 pm on, but I’d probably still do it again.  Look at me!  I AM special!

Source: https://www.hungryhungryhippie.com/i-got-the-special-plate/

[itsjayyyy]

September 18, 2018 4:53 pm

wow since it’s been a few days since an update, I had a lot of things to open this entry with, but of course only one topic can be the first i talk about. so, the most recent one: I was just laying in bed thinking about how I need to study for my bio exam tomorrow and also complete the next two modules for econ, but then I realized it’s tuesday and econ hw is due monday nights, and freaked out. I literally went through all five stages of grief, before I was like “it’s okay, it’s only the homework, the exam will pull my grade up” and opened my laptop to start reading for bio. but then I checked econ and apparently because there’s an exam this week, there wasn’t any homework due so HOLLA.

so this past weekend has been annoying, as always. I was at ioa for friday, but we only had three workers total (we normally have 6) for closing, so it was hell trying to close on time. and then saturday I went to usf, which is always hell. not to mention, hhn started so we had to spend an hour cleaning so the night crew would be set. and at the end of my shift, the usf manager has the nerve to say to me that she wants me to pick up some shifts this week. I tell her that I have four exams, and I’ll have to check my schedule, but she says “oh but your availability says you’re free after 4 on tuesdays, thursdays, and fridays” what the fuck!!!!!! don’t go looking at my availability when I’m not your employee!!!!!!! so I kept saying I had to study, I had to see, two of my exams are online, etc and she kept pushing for me to at least take shifts on friday afternoon and saturday, since I should be done with exams by then. I took the saturday shift because by this point my shift ended a minute ago and I wanted to leave, and told her I’d call her to let her know if I can take friday (I won’t.) SO SUNDAY I walk in to ioa (home sweet home), and we have a new coworker!!! And by new I mean he used to work at usf but transferred here permanently. What. “Oh jay we send you to usf because they’re understaffed and we’re overstaffed.” Okay. So I tell my manager that they’re stupid for accepting MORE workers when we have that issue, and she has the audacity to say to my face “oh it’s more than that, he didn’t like it at usf” as if I haven’t spent the last two months telling both ioa and usf managers that I hate usf. Okay. So Sunday, when I next work at ioa, I’m going to speak to my highest manager and tell her that she either tells the scheduler that I am not to work at usf again, or I quit. I have enough money in my savings account to last me a while.

wow. rose deadass drank 6 apple juice boxes out of the 8-pack we had. this bitch clearly doesn’t care if I starve huh.

so yesterday I met up with heather after class in the student union. did I mention how much I love cafe bustelo? I really love it. a good cafe con leche really warms me up. we talked for a while, then I walked her to class. In our conversation, our birthdays came up at some point (I think I said something along the lines of “you didn’t get me anything for my birthday this year! and she said “you didn’t get me anything either!”) and I was like “I bet you don’t even know my birthday” and she said april 22nd. and then later she was like yea well I bet you don’t know mine and i immediately said march 19, so she said she’d buy me starbucks today to make up for it.

today’s morning was really gr8 and also really un-gr8. like, I woke up at 7 thinking I had to leave the house at 8:30 for my ortho appt, and laid in bed for a while before finally getting up and showering. but when I stepped out of the shower and saw the time was 8, I realized that I didn’t leave the house at 8:30, my appointment was at 8:30. cue getting dressed while still partially damp, forgetting heather’s gov’t textbook, and going 75 in a 45 zone. I thank the gods daily that motorcycles don’t get red light tickets.

while driving down the main road leading to my university, I had this white car weaving between traffic. at one point he was behind me, but then when I slowed down in a turn he switched to the right, which ended up being right behind a campus shuttle (you know, the ones that drive 5 mph under the speed limit at all times and you can barely see around. and they’re diesel, ugh!). as he saw me speed up at the end of the curve, he switched back to behind me and sped up too, but as soon as I reached level with the front of the shuttle (and the pickup on the other side of me), I slammed on my brakes so he couldn’t try to go around. Definitely risked getting run the fuck over, but it was so worth it seeing the look of frustration on his face.

I got nearly instant karma, though, because he entered the university through the first turn, when I went for the second a little ways up since it’s closer to my garage. but the traffic light was down, so I had to merge into one lane with everyone else, and then they wouldn’t even allow left turns because it’s too complex for the person directing traffic, so I had to make a right then a u-turn. But it was made up for by the fact that the trike that normally parks in my spot was probably also deterred by the traffic, and I got to claim my righteous spot.

so when I got on campus, I went to heather’s class, or rather, the building it was in since I couldn’t find room 106 exactly. I remembered that my annoying coworker said that her classes were in that building + the one next to it also on tuesdays, but I thought that there was no way I’d actually bump into her considering there are over 60,000 students and the buildings are pretty large, plus I didn’t know what time her classes are.

well, now I know that her class gets out at the same time + same building as heather. we walked towards the starbucks (which is near her next class), and I introduced her to heather, we talked about how it was to work at universal, the sort. and then she was like “well I gotta go to class now, bye!” and i was like bye and smiled and when she was more than 20 feet away I turned to heather and said “that’s the coworker I told you that I hate.”

I love pumpkin spice season!!!!!!!! got a frappuccino tho, because it’s never truly fall in florida. heather got a mango dragonfruit refresher bc I recommended it to her, and it’s funny because the person ordering before us was also named heather and also ordered a mango dragonfruit. As a barista, that’s like my worst nightmare. Luckily they were able to tell it apart because the other heather got a grande. We sat in the starbucks for a while, I explained how weed is a lot more safe than cigarettes, talked about pine hills’ reputation, and how samantha’s mom is so damn disrespectful. This woman drove heather home one day when picking up samantha, and the whole ride was bragging about how samantha was going to be so successful because she’s majoring in some type of psychology and will be making over 90k a year. and then she turned the conversation to how teachers don’t make that much money, and she asks heather how she could do that, just take such a low-paying job. and lemme tell ya how MY GIRL HEATHER FUCKIN SNAPPED. she done said she tired of people saying teachers don’t make a lot of money yall. she said to samantha’s mom, “I don’t know how you’re looking down on my salary when you have three children from three different men with only a salary of $30k.” Y’ALL. the point that heather was trying to make the point that “people from working-class families act as if a salary less than 100k is unacceptable even for an unmarried, childless young adult despite working class families often having a household income of 50k while supporting children just fine,” but damn she really went there. goin off on this good catholic woman for having baby daddies. well samantha’s mom and samantha became very upset. and they told heather’s dad who would not leave her alone until she apologized. as in, he was banging on her door telling her she had to apologize. I said put headphones in and ignore it, she was like “girl you don’t understand haitian parents. my dad literally opened my door with a knife when I locked it.” so she had to apologize :/ but she also made it clear that she didn’t like the way samantha’s mom disrespected her. she tried to make it seem relatable, and be like, “oh what if i said that to your mom, wouldn’t you tell me to apologize” and I’m like???? no???? I would make my mom apologize for being disrespectful first the hell??? then I reminded her about how I literally lived on the streets for 3 weeks because my mom was disrespectful to me.

today after class I decided to take the city bus home, for 4 reasons: I wanted to stay humble and remember where I came from, I wanted time to be able to finish this book, not walking the last half-mile home every day this semester has caused some weight gain, and I really wanted to hold my parking spot against that damn trike, and it seems he comes too early in the morning for me, so I just left my bike there overnight. yea I’m petty.

The book was really good. It’s definitely a hard read, for sure. In the sense that it really will make you cry. At the end, it listed all of the school shooting victims since columbine, plus a small snippet about them (it was like 20 pages long). The one that really got me was an 8 year old, whose text read “shoot me first,” as he wanted to take a bullet so it wouldn’t be used against his classmates. Then, below that entry, a seven year old, who said “shoot me next.” Just typing that is making my eyes water again.

The walk home was super tiring. I’m super out of shape, it was hard for me to even imagine that I did this every single day the entire first semester of college. And I have to do it tomorrow morning again, ugh. Can you believe heather wakes up at 5:30 am???? I’m never seen out of bed before 7, and even then it’s only for things like appointments. But I guess I really should start waking up earlier, because whenever I get on campus around 8 I feel great because I have so much time to study and stuff. but that means I have to buy a coffee on campus, and I don’t know if I want to commit to that expense.

edit: so I originally posted this to my main, and when I saw that I copied it, then deleted it, then tried to paste it into a new post, but I guess I didn’t press ctrl hard enough because it didn’t copy. and I was about to cry bc this is close to 2k words, but then I realized I had a tab of my main open that still had the original post showing, so I copied from there.