#okay yes buck was insane for a hot minute but then just eh?

[hereforthe911buds]

"I'm for Buddie, but I want Eddie to have a gay relationship before he gets with Buck." - Why would you want Eddie to have the exact same coming out arc as Buck? that sounds boring and repetitive. I want different: intense, passionate, Eddie feeling out of control, compared to Buck whose coming out was I guess I want Tommy's attention.

[ramblingshit]

Fright Night - 1985 - 3.5/5

Highly oversimplified fun ‘modern’ teen adventure book-style take on Dracula - i think?

i am having a fuckking awful night please let this be half okay at least funny like please. right we have some poor audio. tom holland is here? some chick is going on about how much she likes the dark - she’s mina? pale, red lips peeps are making out - it’s just someone squeaking their lips together and then letting go lmao wtf - it’s a tv show about vampires lol this acting is amazing i think its supposed to be he literally just went after her with the blunt end of the stake damn. some more squeaking kisses gross. kids making out, peter vincent is on TV or some shit. boyfriend has wandering hands and she’s told him twice to stop and now he’s bitching at her for not letting him feel her up and then she apologises? excuse me? and now he’s guilted her into doing it? oh damn that’s a nice chocolate coffin where’d he get those binoculars ahaha oh yikes that girl is not ready and now he’s ignoring her oh what is happening. mum’s getting involved. he wanted to fuck she didn’t then she wanted to fuck and he was distracted by some guys carrying a coffin into the basement of the house next door. he’s so distracted he’s completely ignoring his girlfriend.oh damn he pissed off his friend too this guy seems like a dumbass. ew gross oh my god she’s dressed like a prostitute what is that blue thing and the opaque beige hosiery is horrific. it’s funny at this point lots of these clothes are coming back into fashion. then there are those of course that must die and stay dead. damn a big ol scream from the house next door and a light went out. fuckin hell he wait she’s apologising for his  dumbass and said it’s her fault and he’s like yeah i suppose it was like what. i know this is supposed to be like this like he’s clearly supposed to be a terrible boyfriend but fuck he is barely pretending to care about her - he said ‘i love you’ and she’s gooing all over him. now he’s ignoring her again and here’s his weird looking friend who thinks its hilarious oh my god she slapped a hamburger cheese onion and tomato hamburger patty on his face disgusting but damn he deserves it. whoop a guy in the basement just saw this kid snooping - is he seriously just gonna open this guy’s basement doors unsurprisingly dude came and snapped at him like wtf you think you’re doing. he’s obsessed with this house all of the sudden? eating chips at his window with his binoculars. now asleep in that chair and hot damn there’s a couple about to fuck  and tittiiiiiieesssssss. oh damn mate is a vampire looking straight at the kid through the window. just staring. then closes the window with long ass fingers with long yellow nails. just woke his mum up like ma new guys a vampire and she’s like fuck off and he’s sneaking about outside what the hell is this kid on. oh they’re carrying out bodies in garbage bags and what i think they’re trying to show they’ve got sick powers or something there’s this synth beat in the background those are the largest collar flap things i’ve ever seen and that red scarf is sick a lot is happening bro red scarf dude just caught annoying kid charlie spying at them from the hedges. oh shit he’s screaming at his mother and his girlfriend what an ass - Amy is obsessed with their relationship, Mum thinks he’s having a nightmare. he’s the dumbass in the horror movie - running around screaming, telling everyone the guys a vampire killing people getting the police involved like dumbass what teh fuck this is gonna be embarrassing you think if they really are vampires they’re gonna be dumb enough to let themselves get caught. oh what he’s yelling again and interesting there’s a painting of a blonde version of Amy. is this dracula 1980s version. the house is all cobwebs and old timey shit. dumbass getting screamed at by the cop for screaming about his neighbour being a vampire he’s got no evidence but just keeps screaming. you deserve to die like 0% self-preservation skills m8. is he racing home no to his friend’s house his weird friend who’s somewhat more mental than this dumbass - give him eight bucks to tell him how to protect himself from a vampire attack he’s listing off stereotypical shit but i doubt any of this will be legit they all like dangling those and scoffing at them. he’s nailing his window shut but hey guess who mum’s invited innnnnnnnnn ahahahahahahah lol oh damn who sits in a chair like that well hello bruce banner hot edition. hm his fingers look normal now. aahahhaha oh fuck he out here telling charlie he wouldnt have come to visit unless he had been invited and now that he had been he would be over whenever he liked. charlie the dumbass is not trying to hide how terrified he is out here backing away, eyes wide, shaking, Jerry the vampire just staring at him. 'see ya! soon.’ scrambling up the stairs - like just mayyyyybe you shouldn’t have immediately done all you can to piss off the guy you think is a vampire. cause now he’s on your roof. i can’t believe his name is Jerry. this is so 80s. this music man. who chills in a button up shirt all tucked in . is that a mouse? or the trees scratching oh shit jerry’s after the mum. or not. oh fuck there’s no reflection in the mirror and he just broke her door? oooop he’s in dumbass’ roommmm or is he - yep he was hiding in the closet???? is this a metaphor??? howdily hoodily. oh damn yeeted him into his closet. they’re not giving bruce banner very good camera angles. we’re only 30 minutes in and he and the vampire are chilling out, being held up by his throat - ohh broody vampire time. bruce no don’t throw him out the window that’s so obviousoh but damn there’s he’s gonna stake him with a pencil ahaha what oh fuck nosferatu time damn all because of a pencil fuck that is not sexy. he looks like a lord of the rings troll. they both look hella nervous that mum’s knocking on the door. he threatened to kill him, offered him a choice for them to forget each other, he said nah, he tried to kill him, he stabbed him with a pencil, then he roared all scary and buggered off. odd. now he’s just sat down and watched some–dracula ahaha he’s watching dracula? now he’s calling him up ahaha staring at him through the window calling him up on the phone. 'you started this - im gonna finish it!’ like calm down vampire man the boy is a dumbass. this is cheesy but like okay. he legit seems like a proper dumbass teenager kid all overexcited and dramatic and learning all he knows from TV oh damn he’s like a school shooter, wife beater kinda kid though. ahah shitting on friday the 13th calm down that’s a good movie. does this peter vincent actually believe in vampires cause this kid is hoping he does - he’s got those brown elbowed jacket how old is this high school aged kid. ejesus what the fuck is that moped holy shit. white sneakers that blue knitwear holy shit what the fuck what the fuck charlie dead eyes, monotone sitting in his bedroom he’s filled with religious paraphernalia, dozens of candles and stacks of wood he’s carving into stakes - his GF and friend come in like yo wtf m8 what is all this - he just shrugs and tells em he’s gonna go next door and stab the neighbour. um what the fuck jesus hes crazy he’s weird friend who can’t act thinks so too and eyy the peter vincent late night show is called 'Fright Night’ and the weird kid just said their situation is just like 'Fright Night’ and guess what this movie is called – this is pretty intense like how am I supposed to be taking this is it funny, is it dramatic? this kid looks like he’s gonna pass out he’s having some sort of episode. 'hey amy, you don’t believe me do you.’ 'i love you charlie.’ hm vincent knows whats up amy and weird kid go to see him to help their crazy friend and he’s like oh yeah that insane kid he needs a psychiatrist yo ahaha gets fired gets an eviction notice refuses to help the kids cause he’s very busy about to get rich she’s like i’ll pay you - how much he asks immediately - she tells him—i’ll take it, no hesitation ahaha we’re not even half in? oh damn vincent is in love with his acting i think his shows used to be a lot more popular and now he’s sad and fading and ey its bruce banner all bedraggled they literally called him up to ask if they could go over with dumbass and prove to him brucey boy is not a vampire he thinks its hilarious like damn just calling up vampires and shit i love it so casual like he’s just a neighbour not all heavy handed but needs a little less cheese but eh who can find a golden middle did he just eat a banana. holy hot damn her outfit - he’s outfit, holy shit vincent is here all in his role dressed as the vampire killer, performing for dumbass - damn the house does look appropriately spooky tho god this kid doesn’t shut up they all just wandering into the vampire’s house - Charlie gets a special greeting and here is ol mate all dramatic in a fucking turtleneck please kill me. he’s eating food again? whoop amy and bruce banner just had a moment she’s so pretty but her hair is so fukn eighties and now he’s kissing her hand and she’s giggling and biting her lip 'oh god, he’s neat!’ he didn’t drink that he totally used a tricky magic trick dunno how but he didn’t drink that. Charlie isn’t wrong - pulled out a cross and Bruce Banner jumped back and his jim carrey lackey stepped forward and Banner is threatening his friends like fuck off - 'so you’re finally convinced im not a vampire?’ *completely insincerely, through his teeth* 'yes.’ oh damn all was well then vincent saw he had no reflection - let’s call the police! broody vampire time oh damn found some glass from the mirror. lol that’s the creepiest alley 'pencil dick’ 'chicken shit’ nice. ahaha weird kid giving him shit 'fruitcake’ i hope he leaves him alone like surely its in his best interest to leave the guys who are convinced he’s not a vampire to live? the way he’s dragging amy around is pretty messed. it doesn’t make sense for the weird kid to die. like he doesn’t believe mate is a vampire. but now he will so? that trenchcoat is horrific the shoulders are like double his width he’s just slow walking toward him while weird kid is scrambling about tripping over rubbish but now he’s trappeeddddd #leaveweirdkidalone  oh damn nvm he’s bruce banner’s redfield and he’s going under the trenchcoat, pressed to banner’s chest. we’re only halfway through where is this all going. oh ahaha they’re doing the lets run as fast as we can and ol mate keeps strolling out in front of us and now they’re in a bar oh god now he’s calling the police. whoop oh damn weird kid’s a vampire ahahahahahahaha oh shit leather jacket fucked up hair jerky movements - oh damn just took a cross to the face - can still cry human tears sweating like crazy, yellow eyes, crosses fuck em up and out the window he go ahaha lol he’s calling the cops a fucking gain god he’s so rough with her now bruce banner s in the club god he’s really not that attractive like at all - he’s got a good brow and hair but that’s it. he’s not intimidating, he doesn’t stand out holy fuck that lady in red - the platinum blonde. just strolling closer and closer, left to right right to left and dumbass is just on the phone and Amy is like hell yeah licking her lips his lower jaw is like broken the way it moves. He didn’t have to touch her for her to stop she’s in a daze under his spell and he knows she can’t escape it, rubbing her hand on his ass lol what the fuck putting his on her’s oh he pulled back her collar and went to bite and she jerked back but not in a scared more like a fuck off now what you thinkin boii challenge eyes uh oh both of their collarbones are exposed and my god she’s tiny and making out with his chest and what the fuck oh just on her knees thought she was going down on him in the middle of the club dumbass is all upset that the girl he’s been dragging around and leading on and treating badly is chilling in the arms of a vampire who, if nothing else, is indeed more handsome than dumbass but at the same time he’s a vampire and I think Amy is in highschool so that makes her what?? oh fuck bruce banner killed the two black bouncers in front of the whole club now there’s chaooooos people screaming  amy and charlie separated in the crowd, bruce banner scoops her up 'AAAAMYYYY’ stretches a hand out dramatically toward her damn weird kid got weirder ahaha what is happening this is actually really great. god he’s whiny. it’s so good. people are fucking calling the police left right and now dumbass has finally figured they won’t believe him or help him. oh lil mate peter vincent is like a proper good actor where did they get him amongst these screaming children. 'amy is gonna die, me too probably’ lol this writing oh damn she wakes on a fur blanket in front of a fire in a white dress that permed hair is so fucked there’s paintings of pretty ladies all around and one of them is blonde amy and there he is with his shirt unbuttoned pants buckled up to the navel like damn, dark hair all ruffled - hs head is too big for his shoulders ew what is this kiss she’s shaking with fear, he is like almost crying for some reason and now she’s okay and taking her titties out and coming after him  and here’s some weird slow kissing and damn he bit her damn wouldn’t you fuck first? fkn charlie in his professor jacket snooping about in the shadows with a big ugly gold cross on that house is perfectly spooky holy shit peter scared the fuck outta me damn he got a box of 'props’ which will actually work, got a gun to take care of billy or whatever, his human buddy they wanna sneak in but the front door opened for them oh damn don’t let anything happen to peter he’s precious. it’s like reading a teen adventure story - good simple but memorable characters, good story with lots going on, not deep or thought-inducing just a fun time  now here’s bruce 'welcome to Fright Night’ all chill just standing there in like a priest’s shirt? no bruce leave vincent alone. oh what the fuck making a weird moaning noise as he backs away from the cross - #leavevincentalone oh fuck weird kid is terrifying  wtf now he’s a wolf demon wolf ruff ruff puppyy oh shit he stabbed the puppy and it yeeted over the banister hit the chandelier and holy fuck that is the worst puppeteering attempt or whatever the fuck they’re going for ever - its a plush toy twitching out and now ewwwww what the fuck is that i thought vampires were vampires not like weird wolf gremlin things - its slowly dying with this stake in it, all thin fingers, whines, and cries holy shit this is taking a while. vincent is crying and holy shit its just weird kid crying with a big table leg in him and now he’s dead holy shit and the cross mark healed and he’s naked. bruce is oh fuck Amy is a vampire —“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’ the drama. can you imagine walking into someone’s house and there’s a naked dead kid with a table-leg through his chest on the foyer floor. the house is pouring out dry ice and green lazer lights and vincent is back my brave boy, with a table-leg and a box all ready to fight. dumbass is struggling to cry over his girl. AMy is turning, I think bruce is making her a coffin. what here we go - everything is as it was in the movies like all the stereotypical shit so now they’re gotta kill Bruce before sunrise so she doesn’t fully turn. monotone - 'stop or i’ll shoot. don’t force me to shoot’ *shoots billy boy in the fkn head* orange eyes man whats with the weird groans and noises when flinching back from the crosses looks like billy boy aint dead after all holy shit blood everywhere yeah just keep shooting im sure that will help oh damn he the terminator - nope he a zombie fuck run don’t ust holy shit he staked him i thought vincent was gonna die he’s dripping green slime he’s got the ebola what the fuck ohmygod ohmygodholyfuckjesus christchrist fuck my god. well that was terrifying. move aside indiana jones . peter ahahah 'eeehhh’ of bruce chillin outside the window. he uses like fifty different voices and accents 'show me how much you love me amy, kill them both. rraaaargghhhh! *elbows a fkn wall* oh damn at least her gross perm is gone. rarrrrgh! *nervous cross and slow back out of the door* jesus what the fuck his bottom jaw is even worse now he just fkn crashed through the pretty round window.  that jacket damn i hate it so much. oh damn is that the sun? looks like the night is done dumbass and he believes he believes and damn that’s a lot of clocks chiming 6am i think it’s 6am. im sorry what the fuck was that did he just get sniped wat the fuck its a gremlin bat oh my god with fangs and shit its scratching him up oh no it bit dumbass what a shame and ohh he burning in green flame in the light of the sun but he fucked off to the basement where he gone vincent’s cut is gone and dumbass doesn’t seem too worried about his bitten arm. whoop it’s amy all wild hair and long white dress orange eyes, smoky lids, big ass fangs and red lips oh damn what the fucking shit 'it’s not my fault you promised you wouldnt let him get me you promised’ she cries then spins around and its actual fear in his eyes as he screams at the sight of her heavily fanged mouth that reaches from one side of her face to the other jesus cchrist that mouth is terrifying i really am not a fan damn yikes man run ew oh no everyone is in trouble, he is hammering that shit fuck everyone is all kinds of messed up these vampires would have them killed in a second this whole sunlight thing is bull - just cause his face is in the light doesn’t mean you can’t get their legs lol come on the disco-balls are shining and ol mate finally decides to try use his outfit - peter closed his coffin and now he’s trapped i kinda want one of them to die oh damn nvm green flame he went shooting and flying back with the force of that sunlight i think he’s dead 'reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’ damn what the hell is that skeleton 'AAAAAAMYYYYY’ he cried as he died like what some stories need more depth beyond hey i got a picture of someone who looks exactly like you, imma bite you cause now we’re in love, hey kill your ex to prove you love me, i love you and now im dead . oh god worst part is amy’s hair is back in that perm how the fuck. 'we’ve been going in a circle! we’re right back where we started from’ is the opening to the next scene which is dumbass and amy making out in his room - that’s fkn sick, again 'Fright Night’ is back on with ol mate peter vincent. oh no peter vincent on about aliens wait what was that red eyes in the window is ol mate still alive perhaps ew amy deserves better  but hey what the fuck weird kid survived?? oh he removed the stake damn ahaha. what a movie that was a pretty fun time = 3.5/5

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 31 - EDM - Dumb and Dumber

3-2 OT Win

Dumb and Dumber is an iconic movie. It was one of three enormously popular movies the great Jim Carrey made in 1994. There is this one scene where Lloyd (Carrey) and Harry (Jeff Daniels) are at luck’s end, on the run from the law and literally hundreds of miles off course. They had even lost their ride, the 1984 Ford Econoline van dressed up as a dog. The two titular heroes are split up and Harry is walking down a desolate prairie road when Lloyd rides up behind him on the smallest of motorized scooters. Harry utters the legendary memeable line: “Just when I think you couldn’t possibly get any dumber… you do something like this… AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!” Okay, so I don’t recommend that movie if your faint of heart or squeamish but it’s a classic my dad beat every line of into me. I could recite that film to you. The Buffalo Sabres found themselves in exactly the position to make me utter such a line for such a situation. After outright losing to the Calgary Flames on Thursday, the easiest win out of the NHL Clubs in Alberta and British Columbia simply by virtue of the standings, they put up an entertaining but frustrating show in Vancouver that saw Tyler Myers remind us of old days before an OT loss that was ultimately just not good enough. Like Dumb and Dumber stupid crap like Tyler Myers’s two points, or a Milan Lucic goal or an Eichel OT winner essentially getting iced by a separate penalty comes up to make your jaw drop. All the while the lack of a desperately needed roster move is forcing the coach to rotate in and out players and tank the value of Colin Miller who now is apparently on the trade block (WE WANT YOU TO TRADE A D-MAN, BUT NOT THAT ONE)! This game came with the dumb plot element of Casey Mittelstadt getting healthy scratched for Evan Rodrigues. In the Dumb and Dumber analogy I’m trying to figure out who the headless parrot is. Either way the little scooter comes humming down the highway late on a Sunday night when you think the road trip has tanked all hopes for the resurrection of this Sabres Season. Then it happens: “…you do something like this… AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!”

The Dumb and Dumber analogy felt so right. The trials of this insane road trip and the team they fully beat is the best of them: the Edmonton Oilers! This Eichel v. McDavid thing has gotten old hasn’t it? Nobody really cares for that narrative in a league bursting at the seems with hot young talent. Nonetheless I’m bringing it up. McDavid was kept quiet on the scoresheet, you know who wasn’t? CAPTAIN JAMES JACK EICHEL OF NORTH CHELMSFORD, MASSACHUSETTS! Ok, so it was a secondary assist on the OT game winner BUT BY GOLLY THE STREAK CONTINUES! WATCH OUT NASHVILLE, WATCH OUT ST.LOUIS, YOUR BANNERS AND TROPHIES WON’T HELP YOU NOW! Yeah, so this game was 90% confused Santas wailing on each other at Santa Con. There was not a notable name on the scoresheet but there was four goals in regulation. The first was Kyle Okposo, somehow on a real roll now, tipping in a shot originating with Marco Scandella four minutes in. With that the GLO line, somehow the most consistent line on this team in this version of Dumb and Dumber, drew first blood. This game was excellently matched as all of the top lines seemed to cancel each other out. That’s shocking for me to see written on this page because I woke up this morning not worried about the Baltimore Ravens or the challenges of my Master’s Project; no I woke up fearing Connor McDavid. The guy is an animal and four years in Edmonton has turned him into a Liam Neeson movie villain all grizzled and hairy with nothing to lose.

Well the dumb part of this game was nothing went the way you expected it… well except the powerplay: that’s dumb, it still sucks ass. Did the Sabres give up juicy chances for the Oilers when they were in fact on the powerplay? Dumb gets dumber and Jimmy Vesey and Rasmus Asplund come flying into the Oilers zone shortly after the home team got a great chance in the other end. Asplund’s shot didn’t go and who finds the rebound? Johan Larsson. How about that? He tucks it in five hole on Mike Smith with a just abhorrent level of disrespect. So as fun as that weird dumb shit was it is followed by just enough expected malaise this team has gotten us used to. They don’t score again in regulation. The Edmonton Oilers come back and dominate the shots battle in the second period. They climb all the way back; they don’t call 2-0 the most dangerous lead in hockey for nothing. The Sabres sure as hell aren’t bucking that trend against a team not from New Jersey. Like we’ve been seeing so much since the end of October really, the Sabres completely devalue possession. They dump the puck in. They slow down the passes because they like to pretend scoring effects don’t come for everyone. They drop the puck in dangerous places and so many offensive zone turnovers turn into scoring opportunities for the other team. That’s exactly what happened when Riley Sheahan got the puck in the neutral zone and took it all the way in past Linus Ullmark to cut the lead in half. What a pretty first goal as an Oiler, eh? Want to get mad? It seems to be all the rage on Sabres twitter right now. Here it is: Zach Bogosian single handedly gave Edmonton all their powerplay chances in the second period. Oh you bet! On the second installment of that shit saga Joakim Nygard tips in a Darnell Nurse shot to even it up. Goodbye lead! Hardly knew you. I should’ve warned you the Sabres aren’t a safe place for leads.

By dumb luck that score line remained through the third period. No goals for the rest of regulation and I had a feeling we’d see poor possession come into play in 3-on-3 OT play. It just felt like we were due for one of the three headed monster on the Oilers to eat us alive. Here comes the redemption: the Sabres possessed the puck for the 1:13 of OT we did get. Bucked trend. Jack Eichel paraded the puck all the way around the offensive zone not taking a shot before laying it off to Marcus Johansson on one side of the Edmonton net who pitched it to Colin Miller on the other side. In the press box no more, out for Jake McCabe’s sake no more, trade asset for a not sexy Alex Galchenyuk no more please! Colin Miller slams it into Mike Smith’s pads, and it trickles in for the Game-Winning Overtime Goal! You lose two games you should have won and then you go AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELVES! SABRES WIN 3-2 IN OVERTIME! And you bet that secondary assist was Jack mother fucking Eichel! You bet! You thought the Bills would be your source of joy today and… well that was a good guess, but No, it was the Sabres who won their game! Surprise assholes!

Okay so the problems are still there. We’re still going to need y’all to win more than about three games a month. We’re going to need you to make a trade, a smart one preferably, involving a defenseman of salary. We’re going to need more than 50% of the points out of a soft(er) road trip. But funny thing: right after Miller scored the OT winner Dan Dunleavy said something curious: “The Sabres get the much needed two points here out of Edmonton!” All points in the standings matter in the unfun language of the hockey world but the Sabres were in a playoff spot before this game. Say what you will about the last three games, what was so especially needed about these two points? Dunleavy will never admit it, but these two points were for us angry, cynical fans. We needed some holiday cheer in all this dumbness. Two points out of Western Canada is ugh. Three out of six? It’s only half but its enough to get us down off the ledge a little. We’re going to need some patience this win saved against St. Louis and Nashville. It will be an interesting week, especially if Jason Botterill makes yet another trade with his hockey daddy Jim Rutherford in Pittsburgh. Like, comment and share this blog because you bet I’ll be writing that up when it happens. Get those sleigh bells ring ging gingalin’ because December has some more surprises, painful and fun, in store for us! I can just feel it after how this road trip went! Let’s Go Buffalo!

Thanks for Reading.

P.S. But yes, I didn’t forget. I said I’d look like a clown if I predicted four points out of this trip, impossible after the Vancouver loss, and then see the Sabres get two points out of Connor McDavid and the Oilers. I am in fact the clown here. What balloon animal do you want?