#okay yeah it's mostly because he lived in Utah

[smoozie]

Craziest shit about fnaf is that William Afton was most likely mormon, but no one talks abt it

[scover-va]

I love your fnaf stuff so much! And I'm very sorry if you've already covered most of this, but like- any more details on Michael post-scooping? Idc whether that be how to fits in publicly (if even possibly lol), relationships he builds, his mentality, or just important events you planned for him after the scooping! Idc if it's even an AU you have, I just love how you write Michael and would love to hear more of anything! :)

cracks my fucking knuckles oh BABEY ok this is going under a read more because i know damn well this is gonna be multiple paragraphs long. Ty anon, michael afton is my favourite topic ever

Okay so, something important to note here is that even if I choose to ignore all of Dittophobia, my au still does have Sister Location occurring after FNAF 1 - Specifically late December, so like. A month after fnaf 1. It ALSO coincides with the fnaf 3 minigames that lead up to William's death. That's a longass discussion all in itself tho so I'll probably make a follow up post on that if requested

But! Post-Scoop Mike! During the time period of Ennard inhabiting his body he was essentially unconscious for the entire ordeal. Like. Yknow how majority of the ghosts are kinda lacking some level of awareness while in the suits? Yeah. Michael doesn't really remember it, but he still remembers the time passing, so it's not just. Like. Dying on the scooping room floor, then BAM! Alive on the sidewalk. It's sorta like. Yknow those movie/show/game cutscenes where everything's vague and blurry and slow-motion and the audio is funky. Like that

When he DID get his body back, for a few minutes it was sorta like. He was back to full awareness. Noticed he could see things, and that his limbs felt heavy, and that he could hear a mix of ringing and the "You won't die" line and flies buzzing around him. The sunlight felt too bright. You know when you take one of those naps that severely fucks you up, and because of that you wake up half-numb, dizzy, and disoriented? Now imagine that but a million times worse. He's in pain everywhere, his senses are readjusting, he knows he shouldn't be able to see or hear or speak but he can do those things anyway. And he can tell that despite it being a bright, sunny day, no one's coming to his aid. So he forces himself up and painfully stumbles home.

Now, well my timeline of events between SL and 3 is a bit vague, I do have the important stuff down. He gets home, and despite not having been allowed to contact his mom since late '86 (this is important and relevant guys i prommy) and having been told she was dead, he called her anyway. Long story short, one phone call later and also lots of general, messy emotional stuff, Michael. Left the state of Utah as a whole and went and lived with his mom over in California. Because of the whole being dead thing, he did kinda unfortunately sever ties with Jeremy and Henry (aka the only two living people left he even spoke to, besides William but he's a week dead by now), but like. He wasn't really sure how he could approach those situations. A guy who's lost a bunch of cognitive and motor abilities, and a man who fell into a deep depression after his daughter's death. Michael kinda saw telling them as like. I dont really have the word for it, but he saw abandonment as the better option. Figured it'd hurt them less

When it came to fitting into public, it was essentially the same as how he blends in during fnaf 6, just with MUCH darker clothes. He likely did hide away for a while, refusing to go outside, but started slowly readjusting. He didn’t make any bonds while there (unless his mom’s adoptive parents count), mostly keeping to himself. He worked, but it was always nightshift jobs where no one else would be around.

Luckily, his hygiene has gotten MUCH better! Due to being a rotten corpse, he tends to start smelling bad and being a general safety hazard rather quickly, so typically he’ll do a thorough shower in the morning, and then another quick shower at night, just to be safe. And also he wears perfume, to avoid a smell building up. Just to be safe.

About 10 years (ish. I picked a general number so I didn’t have to pinpoint exact timing) into his 30 year disappearance, his mom does unfortunately pass. Lung cancer, turns out smoking a shit ton out of grief is a bad idea. Better than the murders, probably. It was very much so a rough time for Mike, given being in and out of a hospital (bad memories from Evan’s death and Jeremy’s near-death kept him in a constant state of anxiety during this time, not to mention those events already made him plenty anxious, paranoid, and overall jumpy when in hospitals) and then the eventual death. That’s when his goal to hunt down his dad kinda went into full swing. Because, well, that last sorta tether just snapped, so now he’s far more goal oriented.

It was probably full of him following small leads. Contacting some distant relatives of his, contacting his father’s old business partners - he kinda tried to procrastinate going back to Utah (specifically Hurricane) for as long as possible. But then news about Fazbear Frights came around, and the return kiiiinda became inevitable. Because unfortunately, it was a damn good lead. Also, once again, Michael remains friendless in this time. Outside of any possible employers or the people he contacted, he hasn’t actually properly, freely spoken to anyone since his mom or grandparents. And he kinda cut ties with his grandparents out of guilt after his mom passed.

And Fazbear Frights is. Interesting! Because as he’s used to, he has to go in to meet his employer! But what he’s not used to is seeing his estranged kinda-cousin-kinda-brother whom he hasn’t seen since they were, like, 14. Aka Sammy. It’s an incredibly awkward experience all around, despite them both having somewhat similar goals. They agree to pretend not to know each other.

Work goes, well, as it pretty much does in game. Nothing special. Probably some panic and resurfacing trauma on night 2. Anyways the fire! That’s the important part!

As one would expect, Michael was quick to get out of the fire. Wasn’t exactly hard to set it - the place is old and dirty and fucking *moldy* - he just tossed a half-smoked cigarette at some loose oil or something and the bitch was ablaze.

William (slash springtrap but im just saying william for simplicity’s sake) caught him in one of the hallways. And had the fucking *audacity* to try and plead with Michael to help him out of the building. And the kicker is that if it weren’t for survival instincts kicking in and causing Michael to topple William over and crush Will’s arm with an arcade machine to keep him down long enough for a quick escape, it would’ve worked. Michael is. Uh. Very emotionally and mentally vulnerable.

A couple years pass after that, before a new Freddy’s place opens, needing someone to run it. Michael does have experience business-wise thanks to watching and learning from his dad as a kid, so it couldn’t be *that* hard, right? He applied under a fake name, got himself all disguised and whatnot, and headed in!

Michael Afton’s Emily Family Reunion Counter: 2

It did take a few minutes for the recognition to actually happen. But. Yeah it was a lil awkward. Considering Michael’s very silent and very sudden exit 32 years ago. Oh yeah also i have fnaf 6 taking place over more than just a week, stretches out from about 2025-2026. No specifics, just a general span of time. Feels more realistic to me, idk. I get the 1 week thing for gameplay/continuity reasons, but hey! This is just an au! I can do whatever shit I please!

And Iiii! Still need to actually flesh out the fnaf 6 stuff beyond my silly lil jokes. Uhh, I think majority of the stuff gets covered here? Feel free to ask further questions on anything, im more than happy to talk about it :-)

[bloody-peach]

Yet another ficlet, but now it's Marcus!

Tw: mentions of abuse, PTSD

@fatgumsupremacy

Marcus jolted awake, sitting up rapidly, his heart beating fast. He looked around his environment. He realized he was still in Peach's apartment, in her bed from the night before. "Oh..Just a nightmare," Marcus sighed as he put his hand over his face.

He had these nightmares often, mostly about his mother and what she did to him when he was a kid. It was one of the reasons why he didn't want to sleep at home when his dad was out of town. Being in an empty house just leaves you alone with your thoughts, mostly bad ones. So he always felt safe when he stayed at one of his friends' places or Peach's apartment.

He placed his hand down and expected to touch Peach's arm, but...there was nothing there. He looked and she wasn't in bed. He started to panic a tiny bit, so he got up to see where she was. He cautiously walked to the living room and noticed that the TV was on, the only source of light in the house. He walked towards it and saw Peach curled up in a blanket, wrapped like a tortilla, her eyes glued to the TV screen, which was showing some infomercial.

Marcus walked by her and saw that her eyes were wide open, like she was forcing herself to stay awake. Marcus sat down next to her on the couch and asked softly, "Hey, what's wrong, naekkeo?" "I had the nightmare again..." Peach's voice was soft and timid, like a frightened child. "Was it about your dad..?" Peach wordlessly nodded. "He wouldn't stop...I pleaded and pleaded...but he just kept going..." Marcus reached his hand out and gently pet her head, locks of her pink hair partially covering his fingers.

He knew Peach had those kind of nightmares too. They both went through horrible things in their childhood, and some of that trauma can come back to haunt them. Marcus knew that even if time had passed, these things might stick with them for the rest of their lives. He was able to move on for the most part, because he had many people to help support him during that time, mainly his father and neighbors. But Peach... She had no one. No one to turn to for comfort, no one to save her from the torture her family gave her, no escape or refuge from the pain. She had nothing. It wasn't until she moved to Utah and got a job at the Pizzaplex that she found people that love and care about her.

He looked into her eyes and could tell she wanted to sleep, but kept forcing her eyes open. "Peach..it's late. Why don't you try to get some sleep?" "I can't... If I close my eyes...he'll come back... I don't want him to come back... please no... please no... I'll be good..." Peach was more scared the more she spoke.

"Okay, c'mere." Marcus then scooped Peach up and had her so she was sitting on his lap sideways and her head rested on his shoulder. He then said softly, "It's alright, aegiya. I'm here. I'll keep you safe." Peach raised her head to look at him. "Really..?" "Of course. If I ever see him try to hurt you, I'll make sure he'll regret ever laying a finger on you. And whenever you have a bad dream about him again, you tell me and I'll help you through it." "Promise...?" "I promise." And he meant that. He knew Peach would do the same for him if he had moments like this, so why wouldn't he?

He wrapped his arms around her and said, "You should get some rest now. I'll still be here if you have another nightmare, so don't be afraid." Peach slightly rubbed her cheek against his shirt. She enjoyed being like this with Marcus. He always felt so warm and she felt safe whenever she was in his arms. The smells he gave off, a mix of coffee and chocolate, were comforting too. "Ok...Marcus..?" "Yeah?" "I love you." He smiled, leaned his head towards hers, and said, "I love you too." With that, Peach finally closed her eyes and dozed off to sleep.

Marcus gently stood up and carried her back to the bedroom, where he laid her down on the bed and he went to the other side and went in. He gently pulled Peach close to him, pulling up the covers to cover them, then gave her a kiss on the forehead before he closed his eyes.

'Maybe I should stay another night,' he thought before sleep overcame him.

[imagining-supernatural]

The Confession

Part 27 of Seventy Percent

Series Summary: When you left on your trip to Vegas, you’d planned on letting loose for one last weekend before heading back to reality and getting your affairs in order so your best friend wouldn’t be left cleaning up your mess when your cancer finally ended your life. What you hadn’t counted on was waking up married to a celebrity who has a knight-in-shining-armor complex, connections with an oncologist, and amazing insurance…

Chapter Summary:  You and Sebastian spend more time in the hospital talking

Word Count: 2,621

Warnings: Brief mentions of abortion & suicide, not an accurate timeline of medical recovery

God, you hated sleeping in hospitals. Mostly because sleep was impossible. It seemed like as soon as you finally fell asleep, a nurse was waking you to take your vitals.

“Sorry to wake you, just gotta check on some things,” a nurse you’d never seen before woke you quietly.

Seb shifted behind you, arms tightening until he was awake enough to process what was going on. He grunted something that could have resembled words, had he been more awake. As it was, he sounded like a caveman as he slipped from the bed to the chair. Once the nurse completed her quick exam, he wasted no time in returning to his place beside you, this time under the covers.

“It’s useless to try and convince you to go home and get some actual sleep in an actual bed, right?”

“Right,” he replied, curling his body around yours even more. As much as you hated to admit it, it made you feel better. Not good, because you doubted you could ever feel good about what you’d done, but having him hold you so tight seemed to calm your nerves that had begun to fray during your fight on Saturday.

Once Seb set his mind to something, you knew he didn’t give up. After all, that was what had gotten you into this predicament in the first place. Had he not set his mind to flying you out to New York to meet Doctor Helen Sharpe, you’d probably be back in Utah, living out the last few weeks of your life.

But here you were: cancer free.

And now he’d set his mind to riding out whatever your relationship with him would turn into. He found out he truth about your past and he was still here, holding you.

Maybe it was that reminder, but you found that you were able to fully relax into his arms, even going so far as to twine your fingers with his. He squeezed your hand once before he went lax at your back, falling back asleep.

“It’s like Skip-Bo on steroids,” you explained to Brenda the next day.

She sat on the other side of the table that Sebastian had acquired from somewhere in the hospital. “I haven’t played Skip-Bo in ages.”

“You’ll catch on quick. So, in my version of Nerts, everyone gets their own Rook deck. Each deck has a mark on the back to distinguish it from the others. There are no turns; everybody just goes for it.” You finished explaining the rules, then started playing. When you’d taught Seb a few months ago, it had just been the two of you and he was surprised at how much crazier it was by just adding one person.

By the time Brenda had to get back to her rounds, you’d played six hands and she was beating both you and Seb.

Shuffling your deck, you rolled your eyes. “I hate it when you teach someone a new game and they’re better at it than you are in less than an hour.”

“You literally just had brain surgery. I’m pretty sure you weren’t on your A-Game.”

“Okay, but I have a friend who refuses to play Nerts with me because he hates losing every single time, so this just feels wrong, brain surgery or not. It’s not fair at all.”

“Life ain’t fair, sweetheart.”

“Don’t I know it,” you mumbled while wrapping a rubber band around your Rook deck.

He glanced at the shut door and took a deep breath. The light-hearted atmosphere in the room dissipated. “Hey Y/N, I’ve been wondering… Your dad died in a house fire. You were at Jasmin’s house all night. How did you… How could you have…”

“How’d I do it? Kill him?” He nodded at your blunt words and you sat back, thinking of the shortest way to say it. “I got home from school and he told me that mom had been arrested for public intoxication or something and that he was going to use this time without her to, uh beat her bad genes out of me.” As if those were the genes that needed to be beaten out. “And, I don’t know. I guess I just snapped. Eliza had been gone for years, so she wouldn’t be hurt. Mom was locked up and couldn’t show up and get hurt either… So, later that night he passed out on the couch and…”

You took a deep breath and looked away from him, focusing on the door to the bathroom. You’d never said these words aloud before. Jasmin and your sister never asked how you did it. They never asked why you did it. They just took you at your word and let it be.

“I spilled the rest of his whiskey on his shirt and the couch then lit a cigarette and put it between his fingers. Grabbed my backpack and walked the few blocks to Jasmin’s house. Our neighbor reported the fire half an hour later.”

“So you didn’t kill him. Not really.”

“Indirectly,” you challenged, looking straight at him again.

“Indirectly, huh?” He sat forward in his chair, elbows on knees, and trained his eyes right on yours. “Is that how you killed the person after your dad? You said you killed someone before him and after. You consider the abortion to be the first person you killed right? So…”

You grabbed Brenda’s deck of Rook cards and started shuffling them, holding Seb’s gaze. “You seem to know more than I do, so why don’t you tell me?”

“I think you blame yourself for your mother’s death.” You flinched, finally breaking eye contact. Unfortunately, Sebastian kept talking. “And judging by that reaction, I hit the nail right on the head.”

“She loved my dad,” you whispered. “I don’t understand it, not with what he did to us, but she did. Then I killed him and… I guess she didn’t have anything left to live for.”

The hum of medical machinery and faint chatter from the hall filled the air until Sebastian processed your words. Softly, so softly, he reached across the table with an open hand and waited until you gave in and reluctantly placed your hand in his. His blue eyes seared into yours. “I wasn’t there, so I don’t know what happened. I never knew your mom, but… what if you’re looking at it the wrong way?”

“I killed my dad, and a few months later my mom killed herself. That’s not coincidence, Seb.”

“I’m not saying it is.” His agreement surprised you. “I’m just saying, maybe her motivation wasn’t love for your father.”

“Then what is it?”

“Maybe she stayed alive so long because of you. Because she wanted to protect you from him as much as she could. And as soon as he was gone… she didn’t have that responsibility. She knew you could take care of yourself and she just… couldn’t go on. And she didn’t have to go on.”

That… couldn’t be it. She wasn’t a strong person. She couldn’t have protected you from him any more than you could have stopped him.

But you hadn’t considered that side of the argument before. Either way, his death had caused hers. But, if Seb was right… Then you’d given her the peace of mind she needed to finally let go. She was a shell of a person by the end and while you wish she hadn’t died, you couldn’t blame her for it. Picking yourself up after years and years of an abusive marriage had to be so fucking difficult, and she just wasn’t strong enough.

“Think about it, okay?” Sebastian said a minute later. While you were still reeling from this new view on your past, he gently ushered you towards the recliner in the corner of the room and pulled you onto his lap. With his arms around you and Brooklyn 99 playing on his phone, it wasn’t long before your post-surgery exhaustion took over and you fell asleep.

You weren’t sure how long you were sleeping, but when you woke up, the room was darker as the sun was falling behind the skyline. Seb’s chest was rumbling under your ear as he spoke quietly into his phone

“Nah, mom, the hospital food isn’t so bad. I’m sure when Y/N wakes up, she’ll be on me to go take a shower and I’ll grab some real food on my way back.” His mom replied on the other end of the call, but you couldn’t make out any words. All that you could feel was his hand rubbing up and down your arm and his chest rising with each breath he took. “She’s doing well. Better than I expected after brain surgery… No, I’m not sugar-coating it. She’s fine, medically speaking. I swear. It’s just that some personal shit came up and it’s eating her up… Of course, I am, mom. Why do you think I haven’t gone home to shower? Yeah, love you too. I’ll let you know when we can fly out and you can finally meet her.”

He hung up and tossed his phone over onto the bed before shifted just enough to somehow curl around you even more. He pressed his lips to your hairline. “Mornin’, sweetheart.”

“Is it morning?” you rasped, throat dry. It didn’t surprise you that he knew you were awake. After all, you’d been sleeping in the same bed as him for weeks now. You knew each other’s habits well enough by now to be able to read body language.

“Evening, actually. But time doesn’t really exist in hospitals.”

“Mmm,” you agreed. This time it was you who shifted, pulling back just enough to tilt your head up to his. “How’s your mom doing?”

“Great. Excited to meet you once you’re cleared to fly.”

“Mmm,” you hummed neutrally, eyes drifting away from his face to focus on the far wall.

“And she’s gonna love you, you know that, right? Even if you told her everything, she’d love you all the same.” His finger under your chin urged your eyes back to his. “Just like I love you all the same.”

Love? Your eyes darted between both of his, looking for any sign that he was joking. Any sign that he was trying to maybe lighten the mood, but you couldn’t find any. He wasn’t acting… he wasn’t bluffing…

“Oh my god.”

The softest half-smile you’d ever seen crept onto his face seconds before he leaned down and nudged your nose with his. “You seem surprised.”

“I’m…”

Memories flashed in front of you of you and Sebastian.

Seb buying you Oreos and ice cream. His bright eyes when you agreed to stay the night with him that first time. Him defending you to the paparazzi outside the hospital. That hesitance in his eyes when he asked you to wear the ring. Flirting via Skype.

And, god, that first kiss in the elevator. It was like he was drowning and you were the bubble of air he needed to live.

“I’m…” you tried again, but once again, words failed you.

“I love you, Y/N,” he stated, practically guaranteeing that you would never again be able to form a complete sentence ever again. “I know you, I know about your past, and unless you’re hiding a secret bigger than what you’ve already told me, nothing is going to change that. Even then, probably. How I feel about you isn’t going to go away.”

“Seb, I… What?”

He chuckled, bumping your nose again. “I love you. And now I’m going to kiss you. Unless, of course, you have any objections to that.”

Objections? What sort of objections could you possibly have with his eyes looking so sincerely into yours and his arms warm around you? “I… I probably should have objections.”

“But you don’t?”

“I, uh, can’t think of anything right now.”

His grin grew and a mumbled good later, his lips were on yours.

The kiss was gentle, at first. His lips were barely brushing yours, and if it wasn’t for his thumb stroking your cheek and your heart beating hard enough to crack a rib, you wouldn’t even have classified this as a kiss.

Then he pressed closer, stealing every breath you exhaled until there wasn’t anything but him. Every kiss with Sebastian seemed to rewrite your world, but this kiss completely undid everything. All that mattered was the minty aftertaste of the gum he’d been chewing earlier, the rough callouses of his hands scratching against your cheek, and his familiar musky aftershave scent enveloping you.

Slowly, he began pulling away, leaving a trail of kisses across your cheek as he chuckled. “I think I like kissing you when you’re hooked up to a heart monitor.”

His words made you realize that the monitor was beeping much faster than it had been just moments before and you ducked your head into his neck, huffing soft laughter.

“I like that sound too,” he murmured. “Been a while since you’ve laughed.”

“Yeah,” you whispered, risking a quick kiss to his neck. He brought his hand up to curl around your head, mindful of the bandage from surgery. His simple action anchored you to him; anchored you to this moment. This moment where the outside world didn’t exist. Where it was just you and him. “You know this isn’t over, right? I’m fucked up and a kiss isn’t going to make it all better.”

“I know. But I hope you know that I’m going to be right by your side through all of it. I don’t know why I married you in Vegas, but I know why I want to stay married to you.” At his declaration, you eased your head away from his neck and looked at him. With the sincerest expression you’d ever seen, he tucked your hair behind your ear and looked right into your eyes. “I’m all in, sweetheart. I’m willing to do whatever I need to, to get you good again. I have a therapist I go to sometimes who is great. Or we could find someone else, if you don’t want to mix that. Whatever you want.”

“I went to therapy in college,” you said weakly, about to argue that it hadn’t helped.

Sebastian apparently knew where you were going and broke in. “But you didn’t talk about everything, did you?” You shook your head and he gave you a reassuring smile. “Baby, you’ve gotta talk about it. All of it.”

A deep sigh escaped your lips and you laid your head back down on his shoulder. “I know.”

He pressed a kiss to your forehead just before his chin came to rest on top of your head. “We’ll figure it out later, okay?”

“Okay,” you gave in, finally acknowledging that you’d stick around in his life. That you weren’t about to run away, and that you accepted that he wasn���t about to call the cops on you or divorce you right away.

A few minutes of comfortable silence tiptoed past. Finally, you stretched and climbed off of Seb’s lap. Your muscles protested, but you pushed through. As much as you’d love to stay curled up with Sebastian all day, your bladder had different plans.

The rest of the day was spent in familiar companionship. No more deep, dark discussions took place, and you managed to keep your self-hatred and depression at bay enough to enjoy the Lord of the Rings marathon Sebastian convinced you to start with him.

You knew this moment was the eye of the hurricane. The last few days had been hell, and the next few days or weeks would likely be just as bad or even worse.

But this moment? All was calm.

He said it! He said he loves her!! She agreed to stick around! Cancer free, love acknowledged, future plans... what more can you want??

Just the Epilogue left, y’all!!

EPILOGUE: THE END

[yikesharringrove]

hello! i know you’re on a break and you don’t have to write this but i just thought of this and i’m a little obsessed with the idea so i thought i’d share! Imagine Olympian Steve and Billy, like snowboarder Billy and ice skater Steve (who could also be non-binary or gender non conforming) ?? and they are both super dedicated and they meet at the olympics one year and just hit it off, start dating in secret beacuse they don’t want the press that comes with being a olympic couple (part 1)

(part 2) and the only people that know are close friends but then when they show up for the olympics a few years after they met something happens to one of them, my thought is Billy totally crashes and gets hurt and steve doesn’t even know until after he preformed and he’s sitting with his coach and a reporter is giving an update on billy’s condition and steve overhears it and just breaks down, and people are filming him just sobbing his eyes out... (part 3) Steve ends up getting in the top three but they can barley stand on the podium they are so freaked out nobody’s telling them anything and he can’t even pull the significant other card to go see him because then he’s outing them and it’s very awful meanwhile Billy, whose doing pretty good just like a broken arm or something, is sitting in a hospital bed watching steve preform and being very proud and hen promptly freaking out because steve is suddenly bawling... (part 4) finally steve is able to go see billy and they are literally so relived to see he’s doing ok but they are both big time emotional and the internet is already theorizing about why steve was so freaked out so they decide to come out about their relationship and steve just plans on like casually mentioning it during an interview but billy decides to be extra and proposed to steve on live tv, they end up crying a lot more but obviously say yes (sorry this was so long)

-

This request has awakened my deep seeded LOVE of Shaun White. He was one of my first famous people crushes back when he was mostly skateboarding and let me TELL YOU the most recent winter olympic games, when he made his come back, and he almost didn’t get gold, but then he DID and the announcer went “the flying tomato flew again tonight!” I LOST IT!!!1

Plus I like the winter games more than the summer ones 🤷‍♀️

The beginning is loosely based off the fact that the Olympic Village is apparently just like, one big orgy the whole time lmao

-

“Well, aren’t you a pretty little thing.”

Billy, of course, knew who Steve Harrington is. His eyes had been glued to the screen in the PT room as he watched Steve compete, sakting beautifully in the Men’s Individuals to earn silver and make it look easy, helping the U.S. team to earn overall gold.

Granted, Billy had walked away with golds in slopestyle and halfpipe, and he wanted to celebrate.

Steve turned to Billy, dark eyes flicking over him.

“No thank you.” They turned back around, finishing their drink and placing the empty cup on the bar top.

“I’m, sorry?”

“I said no thank you.”

“No thank you to what?”

“To having sex with you.”

“I never said anything about having sex?”

“You slid over here, called me pretty, and gave me hard bedroom eyes. You wanna plow me, and I’m just not in the mood.” They went to push past Billy, put he took their wrist, holding loosely.

“Look, I’m sorry. I really did just come over to talk. I respect the hell out of you. You’re incredibly talented and just came onto the scene. I mean, this is your first Olympics, right?” They glanced at him through their lashes, nodding slowly. “I took me, like two games before I even got bronze. You’re a fucking good athlete. Just wanted to say.” He let go of their wrist. They bit their lip.

“You wanna buy me a drink? Keep telling me what a good athlete I am?” Billy grinned as they slip back into their stool.

-

Billy threw himself onto the couch, head resting in Steve’s lap. He groaned loudly, tracking Steve’s face for some kind of response.

He groaned again, louder this time. Steve bit their lip, trying not to laugh as they watched the tv.

He groaned one more time.

“Oh, gosh, Billy. Didn’t even notice you down here.”

They had stayed up all night that first night they met in person, had talked for hours about how they found their respective sports, what growing up was like.

Steve came from a little town in the Midwest. A little town in the Midwest that bred hockey players like nowhere else. Steve’s father had put them in hockey when they were young enough to stand on skates, but then Steve started showing a rapidly growing interest in figure skating, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Billy was always a skateboarder at heart. He grew up in California, bumming around the Venice Beach skate park with his friends whenever they could, skipping school to grind rails. And then his dad got married, and uprooted the whole family, moving them a few states over to fucking Utah. Billy figured snowboarding was close enough to skating that he could figure it out. So he did. And he loved it.

He and Steve had moved in together three years ago, almost exactly a year into their relationship. Steve wanted to begin working with a new coach, so Billy packed up his boards, and moved his shit back to California, Billy training most days at Mammoth Mountain.

“My body hurts.” He had been training hard, they both had, as the games were fast approaching.

“I mean, do you want me to actually help, or do you want me to help?” Steve’s long fingers were trailing along Billy’s chest. Billy just groaned.

“I gotta go ice. You can help later.” He tugged Steve down to press a kiss to their lips, heading off to fill the bathtub with ice, sink down low into it.

The opening ceremony was in less than two weeks, and Billy was fucking excited. He was in peak shape, had been perfecting his backside triple 1440 nosegrab.

He stretched out his sore muscles in the ice, made a mental note to get in with his PT tomorrow.

-

It had been a grueling week.

Billy had Steve had barely seen one another in between training and PT appointments and competing.

And of course the Men’s Figure Skating Final took place a few hours after the Men’s Slopestyle Final. Billy had already secured gold in the halfpipe.

Steve was sitting in their skates, stretching out before heading out to the ice.

They cleared their mind, going over their program again and again.

They got ready to take the ice.

They flew through their program, hitting every jump, every spin beautifully, trying not to cry as they left the ice.They knew they had fucking nailed it.

They stood, waiting for their marks.

“Steve! Steve! Have you heard about Billy Hargrove’s fall!” Steve’s head whipped around, staring at the reporter. “Aren’t you two friends?”

“Stevie, don’t pay them attention.” Their coach was trying to steer them away from the gaggle of cameras.

“No, I gotta, what happened to Billy?” They were trying to push back to the reporters. “What happened to Billy?”

“He fell in the slopestyle final! Had to be taken off in a gurney!” One of the reporters shouted back. Steve crumbled, let their coach take some of their weight.

“Steve, focus on your run.” They were shaking as they were led back to the bench, had tears streaming down their face.

“But, is Billy okay?” They didn’t even listen as their score was announced, as the crowd went fucking crazy for their gold metal.

And all Steve wanted was to get to Billy, to see if he was okay.

They were dragged on shaking legs to the podium, their face went, their hands trembling.

They had to stand there, listen to the U.S. National Anthem without fucking collapsing. They didn’t even give a fuck that they were ugly crying on international television.

And they couldn’t just say get me the FUCK to my boyfriend.

-

Billy was sitting in a hospital bed, his arm in a plaster cast

He had fucked up his elbow, completely dislocating it as he fell onto the hard snow. He was livid with himself for fucking up his slope style, was guaranteed at least bronze, but had come in sixth due to his nasty spill.

But he watched from the medical center as Steve skated so fucking perfectly in the finals, had set a new record for themself, the highest score they had ever gotten with an absolutely gorgeous program.

But something was, something was wrong with the way they stood on the pedestal, their tears were not celebratory as they appeared to be working themself into a panic.

And all Billy wanted was to get to Steve, to see if they were okay.

-

“Bill, oh my fucking God.” Steve just about threw themself onto Billy’s bed. They were fucking sobbing into his lap.

“Stevie, I’m okay. I’m good.”

“All they, all they said was the you were hurt, had to be taken off the course in a stretcher.”

“Yeah, I smashed myself pretty hard. But I’m okay. They fixed it.” Steve’s eyes were still all watery, made them looker even bigger.

“I just, I wanted to fucking scream at everyone to let me get to my boyfriend.” Billy trailed one hand down Steve’s face, just delicate fingers touching soft skin.

“We could tell people, if you want.” Billy had been extremely private about his sexuality throughout his career. He still had trouble coming to terms with himself, still had trouble getting his thoughts and feelings out from under his father’s thumb.

“We don’t have to.” Steve, on the other hand, had been sick of getting misgendered in interviews, had come out publicly with an Instagram post, a cute mirror selfie in a full face of makeup, a little yellow sundress Billy loved, and caption that just read They/Them.

“I want to. Want to tell the whole world how much I love you.”

-

Steve’s idea was just to mention it casually in an interview.

They had a string of interviews after their gold medal win, after they broke a personal record today.

But Billy had another plan.

He’s had the ring for close to eight months at this point, was just biding his time, waiting for the perfect moment.

And as he sat there, watching Steve smile so pretty at the reporter, he realized.

Now’s the time.

“You were extremely emotional on the stand after accepting your gold medal. Walk me through what you were feeling.”

“To be honest, it didn’t even register that I had won, and broken a personal score record. Someone had just informed me that my boyfriend had gotten hurt during the slopestyle finals, and I didn’t know if he was okay.”

“Your boyfriend? Billy Hargrove, then.”

“Yeah. I just heard he was in the hospital as I was waiting for my scores and I just kinda, kinda lost it.” Steve’s eyes trailed over to meet Billy’s, standing in the studio behind the camera.

He was holding the ring tightly in his hand, the one that wasn’t in a bulky cast.

Now or never.

“So, you and Billy Hargrove are currently in a relationship. How long has that been going on?” Steve gestured at Billy to join them on the couch. One of the crew members gestured for him to join them on the couch.

So he walked over, settled right in next to Steve.

“Since the last winter games, actually. That’s when we first met.” Billy grinned at Steve, leaned over to kiss them on the cheek. His palms were sweaty.

“Congratulations to you both!” Billy took a deep breath.

“It’s been really great! We live together and everything. Have a chubby little cat. The whole nine.”

The reporter laughed along with them, Billy’s leg was shaking.

“It’s easier dating an athlete, I think. They understand the rigor you got through training, how you put your body through Hell because you’re passionate about it.” Steve was using their hands to explain. Billy took a deep breath.

“So, you two have been completely quiet about your romantic relationship for these four years you’ve been together. Why did you choose to keep private, and why are you going public now?”

“Well, it was really hard for me when I heard Billy got hurt. I couldn’t just pull the significant other card to find out more information.”

“And we chose to stay private for a multitude of reasons. We mainly just wanted our careers to be the focus of our media attention and not our relationship.” Billy and Steve had spoken extensively about what they were going to say in the interview. Billy was incredibly private, didn’t really want to get into the whole my father physically abused me for being gay and I still have trouble accepting myself thing on public television. So they glossed over it.

“But things are going well?”

Now or never.

Billy’s heart was pounding in his ears. He could barely hear Steve over the sound of his own blood rushing. Was just able to tell when he finished speaking.

“It’s been a wonderful few years. In fact, it’s been so good, that, uh, I want it to never stop.” He took a deep breath. And slid off the couch.

Steve gasped as Billy settled on one knee on the floor, they had tears in their eyes when Billy smiled up at them, presented the pretty gold ring.

“Sweet Thing, you are the best thing to ever happen. You are kind, and compassionate, and so dedicated. I love everything about you, from how graceful you are on the ice, to how silly you are when it’s just the two of us. You are so perfect to me. I want my life to be exactly like these past four years have been, full of love, and laughter, and those snicker doodles you make just because you know I love them.”

Steve was openly bawling, clutching hands with the reporter.

“So, Stevie. Will you marry me?”

Steve launched themself at Billy, kissing his face, breathing yes yes yes into his skin, just barely remembering to mind his sore arm.

Billy took shaky breaths as he slid the ring on Steve’s finger.

-

Steve was tucked under Billy’s arm as they headed back to his room.

“I thought we had decided to just like, casually come out. I can’t believe you fucking proposed on live t.v.” Steve was staring at their ring.

“Been thinkin’ of proposals that are good enough for you for months. Figured, you know, might as well.”

“You coulda given me a Ring Pop in an alley outside of a biker bar and I still woulda said yes.”

“Yeah, but that clip has probably already gone viral. Now you can watch it whenever you wanna feel soft.” Steve scrambled for their phone, nose practically pressed against it as they looked for the clip.

Billy just laughed, shaking his head as he unlocked the door.

[sapphosvioletts]

yeah but private school is $$$$ like damn dove

yeah during heat waves and stuff my nephew(1) has a small kiddy pool so all of us kids pile up in there yes you read that right 4 teens cramming a kitty pool to try to cool down lol

yeah it was terrible but i had my own room in my basement(not basement in a weird way lol) so i finally got to actually relax after school in my room. and me and my family moved to a bigger place so I'm all good honey

oh okay las Vegas, i honestly don't know why i got a uk vibe from you lol

i live on an Vancouver island(I'm not afraid to share the general area of where i live) so its usually pretty cold, but the bad part is that it never snows, only when i go to my dads and he lives in my come town Chilliwack(i know weird name) and i like never see him so i its sucks

las vegas seems like a cool place to live tho

~🕷

oh yeah they are so expensive it's ridiculous, and most aren't even that good (at least here)

omg, thankfully my grandmas house had a neighborhood pool so we could go there in the summers but we did have a kiddy pool at one point because summers are so hot here. this summer it got up to 118f degrees (according to google thats 47 celsius since ur canadian lol) so summers are like miserable here lol

that's good you had the basement to yourself!! probably made things a bit easier. fun fact, in vegas we don't have basements and ive always wanted a room in a basement but we don't have any lol in utah my brother and i would spend like all of our time in my grandpas basement we thought it was the coolest thing just cause we don't have them here lol

and omg nope i'm not built for the cold. but i'm also not built for the heat either i would much rather it be freezing than hot. but as someone who has lived in las vegas my whole life, i find it impressive that you don't die in the cold 😭 BUT NO SNOW?? THATS SO DISAPPOINTING

and eh it kinda sucks here lol there are some good things but mostly everyone who has grown up here hates it lmao literally everyone i know that is graduating besides one person is leaving vegas bc everyone hates it here lmaoooo it's definitely more of a vacation spot, and you can't even do anything fun if you're under 21. except a lot of times they really don't care especially the casinos here (oh we have casinos fucking everywhere i'm not even joking there's one right at the entrance to my neighborhood, which is next to a fucking school, which is right next to a liquor store lmao yes i went to that school and we had to spend recess inside sometimes bc there would be drunk people outside from the casinos and liquor store lmao and that perfectly sums up vegas for u) and they don't even care if minors are on the casino floor like they can tell if you grew up here it's an instinct thing i guess lmao and if they can tell they just don't give a fuck. sometimes minors have even gambled but since they grew up here they didn't care lol

the only good thing that comes out of growing up in vegas is all of the funny concerning stories i have lmao

[sdottkrames]

We have seen each other through it all

By: @sdottkrames for @an-odd-idea, my pinchitting for @friendly-neighborhood-exchange

Rating: general

Relationships: Tony Stark & Peter Parker, Tony Stark & May Parker & Peter Parker

Characters: Tony Stark, Peter Parker, May Parker

Summary:  Peter's first year at MIT was a bit harder than he anticipated, and Tony plans a road trip to help his spider-son feel better. But of course, there's some mishaps along the way!

Link to AO3: Here

“Tony, I thought this was supposed to be fun ?” Peter tried to grin, but it turned into more of a grimace through his chattering teeth.

“Yeah, it was. Until this hunk of junk decided to quit working.” Tony gestured to the heater in the corner of their motel room, which was wheezing and sputtering in an attempt to stave off the cold of the Wyoming winter. It wasn’t working. Tony had tried to fix it, multiple times, but it was so broken there was no repairing it. It needed to be completely replaced. He and Peter had decided to tough it out in favor of getting sleep, but they were quickly regretting that decision since neither of them were sleeping.

The pair fell silent, their breaths making clouds in the air. Tony could hear Peter’s teeth chattering and Friday reminded him quietly in his earpiece that spiders couldn’t thermoregulate. Tony forced himself out of the relative warmth of the ratty, though thick, blanket he was under and went in search of another one. He hissed as the little warmth of the blanket was abandoned, but pressed on.

What I wouldn’t do for this kid, he thought ruefully as he walked to the closet, which ended up being empty. Every closet was bare, and the front desk had already given them their allotted one extra blanket each. Tony groaned quietly and headed back to the bedroom, looking at the lump that was Peter on one of the two twin beds.

“FRI, how’s he doing?” He asked his AI, panicking a little when he didn’t hear Peter’s chattering.

“Peter’s temperature has dropped to 96 degrees Fahrenheit. Hypothermia occurs at 95 degrees. I suggest warming Mr. Parker up as soon as possible.”

Tony cursed. Last Christmas, Peter’s first Christmas back after the blip, had seen record cold temperatures. New York had nearly frozen. But when May and Peter’s heater broke, they hadn’t said a thing. May too proud to admit she needed help, and Peter too unsure of himself to ask for it. That had ended badly. Tony had received a panicked phone call from May when she came home from working at the hospital to find Peter barely conscious and ice cold. They had learned the hard way that their spider baby couldn’t thermoregulate. It had taken nearly three cups of hot chocolate, 5 blankets, and lots of cuddling to revive Peter.

Cuddling.

In a stroke of inspiration (and kicking himself that he hadn’t thought of it sooner), Tony grabbed the blankets from his bed and padded over to Peter’s.

“Scoot over, underoos,” he said, nudging the kid’s side.

Peter sluggishly rolled over, and Tony threw his two blankets over him, then crawled under the small pile. The warmth from their shared bodies and the extra blankets was almost immediate. They both sighed in shared contentment at the same time. He quickly wrapped his arms around Peter, rubbing briskly to encourage warmth.

“Are you s-s-sure you’re okay w-with this?”

Tony shook his head. Even after all the movie nights Peter had fallen asleep on him, the cuddles last winter, the hugs Tony had given him, the kid still didn’t believe he deserved to be loved and held and taken care of.

“How many movies are you going to fall asleep squished into my side before you believe that I really don’t mind it?”

Peter hummed unintelligibly in response, and Tony felt him burrow closer, Peter’s face finding a home in Tony’s neck, the soft curls tickling Tony’s nose. Peter’s eyes drooped shut.

“Alright, I know you’re tired, but no sleeping until we get your temperature up, okay?”

Peter nodded, but his eyes stayed closed.

“Okay, bud, talk to me. What’s been your favorite part of this trip so far?”

Peter lifted his head, and Tony grinned as he saw a little more light in the young hero’s eyes. It took a minute for Peter to think. Tony guessed it must be a hard decision. They’d been on the road for almost a week, and had stopped in a different spot every night. Philadelphia, the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame, Chicago, the St Louis arch, Mt. Rushmore. It had been a fun trip, albeit a bit chilly, but tonight had taken a turn for the worst.

The wind whipped outside their window, accentuating the thought and making Tony shiver. It was cold enough inside, he didn’t even want to think about the outside.

“I’ve loved all of it, but mostly just because I’ve been able to spend time with you.” Peter’s voice was small and unsure, but Tony’s eyes burned with tears he quickly tried to blink away as his heart melted . What had he done to ever deserve this kid? Suddenly, the bed felt a whole lot warmer.

“Don’t go making me soft, kid,” Tony joked, but his voice was thick and his arms tightened around Peter.

“You’re already soft, old man.”

Tony scoffed. “Alright. If you have enough energy to crack jokes, you’re warm enough to sleep.” Just to be safe, though, he called out to Friday. “What’s his temp, Fri?”

“97.8 degrees Fahrenheit.”

“Bedtime for the spider baby!” Tony said, and Peter made a few snuffling noises as he burrowed impossibly closer to Tony. Within a few seconds, Peter’s breathing had evened out and Tony knew he was off in dream land.

Tony took a few moments reveling in the warmth and comfort of holding his son before he drifted off as well.

***

“Tony, they are huge !! Like, I knew they were big, but they’re ginormous!”

Tony chuckled as they continued driving through Yellowstone national park, just 10 feet from a herd of buffalo (the cause of Peter's excitement).

This was exactly why he had planned this trip with Peter. Peter had come home from his first semester at MIT and Tony had instantly known something was wrong. There was a spark missing from those doe eyes, he spoke a little less, picked at his food a little more. It had worried Tony sick. So when May had suggested the two of them take a road trip together during Pete’s three week Christmas holiday, he had jumped at the opportunity. He instantly knew it was the right decision when Peter’s eyes lit up as they planned their trip. Tony let Peter pick all the spots, too excited by Peter’s excitement to shoot down any idea.

“Can we go see the geysers next? Old faithful has been on my bucket list for forever!”

“Sure, kid.” How could anyone say no?

Peter continued to stare and smile.

***

“You’re going to kill me. You’re actually going to kill me. When I die, I’m going to haunt you so bad.”

“Pete, if you can survive the vulture and green goblin, you can survive the bunny hill.”

Peter grabbed Tony’s arm, panic overwhelming him. He couldn’t seem to stand up right on his skis, and there were so many people around. He was sure that he would fall and someone would ski right over his hands or legs, or he would run into someone and knock them over and be left with crippling embarrassment.

“Nice and easy, underoos. The hill isn’t that steep. If you start going too fast, move your skis like this,” Tony turned his skis horizontal. “You’ll stop pretty quick, okay? I’m gonna stay with you the whole way, I promise.”

Peter swallowed and nodded, slowly inching his way down the hill.

Tony had learned how to ski many years ago. His father had deemed it below the Stark name, so Tony made a point to learn as a way to rebel and had fallen in love with the sport. Living in Malibu had hindered his ability to really practice, but he went once a year to Colorado or Utah and spent a week on the slopes, usually joined by Rhodey. When they’d planned the trip, Tony asked to stop at his favorite resort in Colorado, and Peter had enthusiastically agreed.

Now he seemed to be second guessing it.

“Pete, it’s okay.”

“But what if I’m not good?” Peter looked at Tony with such open vulnerability, and Tony’s heart ached for the anxiety he could see in Peter's eyes.

“Listen, the first time I skied, I fell on my butt more times than I can count. More times than I want to count. Everyone falls down the first time! If you fall, nobody is going to laugh, I promise.”

Well, Tony lied. Because when he fell, Peter laid there giggling, his worries forgotten in the thrill of speeding downhill, and Tony couldn’t help but laugh along. Then he fell down and it made them laugh even harder. It was a good 5 minutes before they were able to get up and ski again.

When they got back to their hotel room (thankfully one with a working heater), their noses red and legs sore, they collapsed together onto the couch. Tony automatically put his arm around Peter, and he felt the young hero snuggle closer.

“Are you having a good time, buddy?” He asked, his hand running through Peter's soft curls. Peter moaned quietly, his body slumping as the tension left under Tony’s gentle ministrations.

“Yeah, the best.”

***

It wasn’t until the second to last day of their trip that disaster struck again. They were driving in the middle of nowhere Iowa, Peter was asleep while Tony listened softly to AC/DC to keep himself awake, when suddenly Peter bolted up, wide awake.

“Everything alright Pete?” Tony asked.

”Bag. I need a bag,” Peter’s eyes were wide with panic as he looked for a plastic bag, and Tony knew exactly what was happening. He quickly pulled over, and Peter jumped out before the car was stopped. Tony got out and walked around, rubbing Peter’s back as he heaved into the snow.

“Get it all out, Pete. It’s okay.”

“This is so embarrassing,” Peter moaned.

“Oh, if you only knew how much Rhodey had to see me puke. Have fun your freshman year, but not that much fun,” Tony said, soothing his hand in circles across Peter’s back. “Feel better?”

“A little weak, and my stomach hurts still, but I think I’m okay to keep going,” Peter said, his legs shaking as he stood up. Tony looked on in concern, but Peter wouldn’t meet his eyes as they walked to the car. He hugged his arms around his middle, effectively closing himself off, so Tony let it slide to not embarrass him further.

They drove on in quiet for about a half hour, and Tony’s concern just continued to grow. “Pete, you know I’m being serious that you don’t need to be embarrassed, right? You musta eaten something bad. It’s okay, bud. We’ll just stop and get you some nausea medicine at the next Convenience store. It’s really no big deal.”

Peter didn’t lift his head. “I hate that you keep having to take care of me.”

“Whatdya mean?”

“I mean, like, you invented time travel for me! You nearly died for me. And then I can’t even handle college by myself because I just miss you so much.” By now, Peter was crying. Tears streamed down his face, and Tony had to use every ounce of his self control not to take his hands off the wheel to wipe them off. “And classes are so hard, and I just...I don’t know what I want to do with my life and I feel like I will just fail and disappoint you and May. And you take me on this trip to make me feel better,” he glanced at Tony. “I know you did it because you could tell I was having a hard time, so don’t try and deny it. And then you have to take care of me cause I can’t freaking thermoregulate and I’m scared to ski and then my stomach hates me,” he broke off in a sniffle, seeming to deflate after laying down the burden he’d apparently been holding on to for months.

Tony let the silence marinate for a minute before reaching out a hand and placing it on Peter’s knees. “Peter I need you to listen and really get this into your thick head, okay? I do not regret for a single instant going back through time to save you. When I lost you…” Tony pressed his lips together and willed back the panic inside him, though he knew Peter could hear his heart rate change. “It was the worst moment of my life. Having you back is the greatest gift in the world because you complete my family, Pete. So I don’t regret anything. And as for taking care of you, bud, I literally signed up for it when I decided to give you that suite. I made you my responsibility. And I don’t regret that either.”

He glanced at Peter and was relieved to see a watery smile on the kid’s face, so he pushed on. “And as for school, it’s hard your first semester. It is. But you are doing much better than you think you are.”

“Really?” Peter asked, his voice breaking.

“Guarantee it. And I promise you, you will never disappoint me or May.” He grinned at Peter, before amending his statement. “Well, we were pretty disappointed when you ran into a burning building with no back up, but you will never be a failure to us. You don’t need to be perfect or know exactly what you want to do right now. We love you just the way you are, bambino .”

Peter sniffled. “Okay.”

Tony squeezed Peter’s leg. “Well, now we got that outta the way, how bout some tunes?”

Peter laughed and plugged his phone in, playing some AC/DC softly. He was asleep again by the time they got to their next hotel, and Tony gently shook him awake.

“Ugh,” Peter groaned, before his eyes shot open and he desperately searched for a trash can. His eyes zeroed in on one by the hotel entrance and he rushed over, barely making it there before his stomach emptied its meager contents.

“Alright kid. Let’s get you to bed,” Tony said, rubbing Peter’s back, and guided him gently to the front desk and then their hotel room.

Peter flopped onto the bed and started snoring almost immediately. Tony shook his head at Peter’s ability to fall asleep instantaneously. With the sound of his son’s soft snores in the background, Tony brushed his teeth and changed into his pajamas. He figured Peter would probably have to throw up again eventually, so he laid Peter’s things out and let him rest for now.

Sure enough, Tony woke to the squeak of the bed and the click of the bathroom light, followed closely by the sound of retching.

“Oh, bud,” Tony sighed. Peter’s face was filled with tears again, and his forehead was shimmery with sweat. “You’re really not feeling good, are you.”

Peter shook his head.

“Alright. First things first, do you think you can get up to rinse the gross taste out of your mouth?”

Peter did, and Tony flushed the toilet and grabbed the clothes he’d laid out earlier.

“Okay. Let’s get you into some comfier clothes now.”

Tony helped Peter changed into his pajamas, Peter feeling too sick to be embarrassed. He wasn’t too sick to squeak in surprise, though, when Tony slid his arms under Peter’s, lifting the boy up.

“Tony! What’re you doing?”

“Carrying you to bed, spider baby.”

Peter sighed, and wrapped his legs around Tony’s waist, laying his head on Tony’s shoulders. It was exactly how Ben used to carry him when he was little. It was comforting to be held like that again. Being sick always made Peter feel like a kid again, just wanting to be held and coddled, and he forced back the embarrassment so he could fully enjoy the experience.

“Stop that,” Tony said, digging his fingers into Peter’s sides.

“Stop what?” Peter mumbled into Tony’s neck.

“I can literally feel you overthinking and feeling bad. I do not mind taking care of you; in fact, I enjoy it. So there!”

“Okay,” he whispered. Then added. “Thank you, Tony.”

Tony gently placed Peter onto the bed and smoother his hair back. “Not a problem, okay?” He moved to grab a water bottle and the medicine they’d gotten earlier. “Take some of this, and we’ll go back to bed. Hopefully this is just a 24 hour bug and you’ll feel better tomorrow.”

Peter took the medicine, but didn’t feel like going back to sleep. “Actually, do you think we could watch something?”

“Sure, bud. Whatever you want.”

As the soft sounds of Animal Planet enveloped the two, as Peter allowed himself to relax into Tony’s side, Peter willed himself to focus on Tony’s assurances. He committed those words to memory, something concrete, tattooed onto his very being.

Tony ran his hands through Peter’s head, scratching softly and making Peter’s eyes droop in pleasure, and soon they were both asleep.

***

Peter crashed into Tony, giving him the tightest hug. Tony hugged right back, just as tight.

“Thank you, Tony. I really had a good time,” he said, trying to hide the stupid tears filling his eyes by nuzzling into Tony’s shoulder.

Tony wasn’t fooled. He pulled Peter away and gently wiped his cheek. “No problem, bambino. Remember what I said. You’re never a burden. You’re never a failure. You got this.”

He and Peter had had a couple more conversation reiterating those truths, and they’d brought May into it on the way to drop Peter back off at MIT. They’d determined that Peter would come home one weekend a month, and they would go visit him one weekend as well. Peter had forced back the guilt and just allowed their love to fill him.

He hugged Tony once more, pulling May in for a group hug before giving her one of her own.

“Bye baby,” she said. “I love you so much. And if you need anything, I’m right there.”

“Me too, underoos,” Tony chimed.

“I know,” he said, and meant it. With Tony and May in his corner, he could do anything.

[the-awkward-outlaw]

A New Adventure - Pt. 8

Okay, y’all I know I been super absent on this piece. It’s not for lack of desire or care, I promise! It’s because when I started this, I was planning on using activities I did over this summer to inspire this, but then covid happened and I been stuck in my house all summer. K, excuses over. This one is extra fluffy with a side serving of even more fluff, so enjoy! 

Masterlist

Read on AO3

Silver Lingings

Things have been different between you and Arthur. Since you told him some of your insecurities and he comforted you, things have been better. 

You’ve never been able to easily open up to people but with Arthur, it’s different. Perhaps it’s because he’s the first person who’s told you to your face that he cares. 

Arthur has been warmer towards you. Not that he wasn’t before. But he’s even moreso. 

One day you come home from the store. You’d offered him to come, but he said he wanted to stay home, take a shower maybe. 

You haul in the few sacks of groceries, remembering the one that has the refill on Arthur’s meds. 

You’ve been doing some research on TB lately, as a way to try and help Arthur in his recovery. It’s not pretty to know that even today, well over a million people die a year from the disease, and those who recover are permanently damaged, their lungs scarred. Not only that, they suffer bouts of symptoms even though they no longer have the disease. Along with those is the fact that their immune system is greatly damaged and they’re more prone to other infections. 

The moment you walk in, you hear whistling. Is that Arthur? It makes you smile. 

When you get into the kitchen, he walks over and takes the groceries from you. “Let me help ya, darlin’.” 

You blush at his nickname for you. How can he be so terrifying in the ways you’ve seen and even made him be in the game, and yet so sweet? He’s a complicated man, and unpredictable in the best ways. 

He continues to whistle as he helps you put things away, and then he grabs the boxes of meds. You hear him give a heavy sigh. 

It’s no secret that these medications have kicked his ass nearly as well as the disease itself. 

“You okay?” you ask.

“Yeah. Just… don’t like these things. But I guess they’re better than the alternative.” 

“I know. But hey, you’re halfway through. Only three more months.” 

Arthur turns to look at you and leans his back on the counter. “These medicines have side effects, right?” 

“Course. Pretty much every medication does. Why? You having some?”

He rubs the back of his neck, not looking at you. “Yeah. A few. Kind of… embarrassin’ though.” 

“Arthur, it’s fine. My mother’s a nurse. She’s been a nurse longer than I been alive. Trust me, after hearing the things she saw, none of it really phases me.” 

Arthur grunts and then tells you in vague details some of the things he’s dealing with. Tingling in his hands and feet, occasional joint pain, and then he mentions in an embarrassed way about how his body fluids have been colored more orange. 

“Those are common, Arthur. Unfortunately nothing we can really do for most of them. You haven’t been drinking alcohol, have you?” 

He grunts that he’s had a couple beers a week. 

“Well, no more. That’s one reason why your body fluids have been discolored. It’s your liver doing it. And for your joint pain? That can be fixed with tylenol.” 

After a few seconds, you add “You’ve been coughing less.” 

“Yeah,” he says softly. “Been havin’ less pain in my lungs too.” 

You can tell he’s a little put out by the discussion of his medical problems. 

“Arthur, let’s do something fun this week. Even though covid is still strong, some places are starting to open up. We just have to reserve a spot ahead of time.” 

“How do you do that?” he asks. 

“Easy. Just by tickets on the internet.” 

He grunts again and looks out the window. The internet, well, most electronic technology baffles him. You once caught him trying to literally pop your phone open to see what was inside. He’s been more gentle since you explained phones don’t open up unless you destroy them. 

“Maybe. But… ain’t there places we can go we don’t have to reserve a place?” 

“Sure,” you say. “There’s plenty of lakes and trails we can go on.” 

He immediately perks up when you say that. 

“Can we go to one of them places today?” 

“Sure,” you say. “I know a nice little place.” 

An hour later, you’re driving up one of the many canyons towards a place called Silver Lake near Brighton Ski Resort. 

Arthur’s a bit baffled by your explanation of skiing. Even though you’ve lived in Utah your whole life (which reportedly has the greatest snow on earth) you’ve never been skiing or snowboarding. But you do your best to explain them. 

Arthur’s mood greatly improves the further in the canyon you get. He loves how wild it is, even this close to the city. And the quiet. He loves it all. 

You laugh when he gets particularly excited about seeing a moose cow standing in the marshes of a beaver’s pond, a heron sauntering nearby. 

Because you know how unusual it is to see a moose, you pull over and roll down the windows so he can see. 

The smell coming from the forest is intoxicating. 

The drive to the lake is nearly an hour, and by the time you finally get there, Arthur’s smiling. It’s rather contagious. 

However you have to catch yourself when you see how happy he is. It just makes him all that much more handsome. You’ve been trying to be so careful not to fall for him. 

The air is nice and cool up here, a relieving reprieve from the triple degree heat down in the city. 

Arthur’s donned his leather hat and blue shirt for this walk. It looks great out here and even though there’s some people, no one will think anything of his outfit.

The hike around the lake is very easy and is a good hour walk if you take your time. Perfect for Arthur as it won’t irritate his lungs. 

The path lies right against the shores of the lake, which is not any larger than lake Owanjilla in the game, and also quite shallow. 

As you walk along the boardwalk on the marshy end of the lake, Arthur stops and looks over the railing. There, you can both easily see minnows hiding in the reeds. 

Once you hit the trees, Arthur looks around. There’s no one around. 

He shocks you by taking your hand in his and just holding it as you both walk. You can’t help but smile up at him. 

At the halfway point of the lake, there is a bench on the trail. It has a great lookout on the lake and you can even see Mickey Mouse mountain, a curious mountain with a permanent bald spot that forms the shape of the famous mouse’s head. 

You and Arthur sit on the bench and say nothing. There is nothing that needs to be said here at this moment. It’s so quiet and calm, to say anything would spoil it. 

Arthur unleashes your hand, to which you feel sad about. You’d really been enjoying it. 

Then he surprises you. He feins scratching the back of his neck and then his arm drapes along the back of the bench behind you. 

It’s getting harder and harder to control yourself around him, and you find that you’re really not wanting to anymore. 

With the encouragement of the solitude and Arthur’s arm draped behind you, it’s not long before you’re leaning into his side and resting your head on his shoulder. 

Only seconds after you get into this position, you feel Arthur’s arm winding around you. 

Is this real? Are you cuddling with Arthur Morgan? The Arthur Morgan? 

It feels real, and it feels right. 

Just as you’re beginning to truly appreciate the beauty of the lake and the forest, Arthur speaks up. 

“I was afraid places like this wouldn’t be around anymore.” 

“How do you mean?” 

“Well, in that city. It’s so big and loud and… unnatural. Mostly big though. I was beginning to think man had truly driven any kind of wildness out.” 

“Well, we mostly have. But we also know the value of places like this. If we destroy them, we destroy ourselves.” 

Arthur sighs and falls silent for a moment. When he speaks up again, he takes you off guard. 

“Thank you, darlin’. For bringin’ me here. This is the best kind of medication.” 

You look up at him and are about to say “you’re welcome” when you’re stopped by his smile, the light in his eyes. That’s one thing the game failed to do despite being so detailed and lifelike. It failed to capture how truly beautiful and alive his eyes are. 

Just as you’re about to speak, Arthur closes the few inches between your faces and places his lips on yours. 

To say your heart stops is an understatement. How long have you thought of doing this with him? Much longer than you’ve known him, that’s for sure. 

His lips are better than you could have ever imagined. They’re not chapped (though that might be because you introduced him to chapstick), but warm and alive. Your hand leaves his knee and slides up his chest and to his neck. 

His free hand does the same, gently settling on your back to bring you closer. 

After a few seconds, Arthur pulls away. “Sorry, darlin’. That was… unwarranted.” 

You blush and smile. “Arthur, did it feel like I didn’t want it?” 

He smiles back. “Then… would you mind for a second?” 

You answer him by bringing your lips right back to his. This one is more fervent, more sure. 

It’s during this kiss you really begin to appreciate him, his body. How he feels, how he smells. 

Though a lot of his wild scent has been tamed by your home, he still holds onto some of it. That hint of leather, gun powder, tobacco. It’s like it’s been ingrained into his very skin. 

You don’t know it, but Arthur is appreciating the way you smell and feel too. 

He’s longed to feel you pressed against him like this since not long after he first met you. Oh, how he wished to do something like this with you during that earthquake. 

When he’d held you in his arms that night, oh it had felt so right, so pure. So good that he knew he didn’t deserve it. 

But this. Kissing you, holding you, bathed in the shade and the perfume of the pines. It’s beyond perfect. 

He doesn’t care that he thinks he’s too bad of a man for someone as good and kind as you. He just wants to revel in this moment. 

You’re both still deep in the kiss when you hear voices approaching from down the trail, and some of them belong to children. 

The two of you quickly break apart, but not before the man in the family sees you both smooching. 

He gives you both a hearty wink while the mother looks rather disapproving as they pass. 

You can’t help but smile as you blush, still nestled in Arthur’s arm. 

He rubs your back soothingly while the family passes. 

After a short while, the two of you decide it’s time to head back to the car and go home. 

Arthur holds your hand every second, and even sometimes brings your hand to his lips. 

Towards the end of the walk, the boardwalk allows people to walk out to nearly the center of the lake to either fish or look down into the water. 

You and Arthur head down it, finding yourselves alone on the planks though people can be seen on the trail still. 

Once there, Arthur takes you in his arms and kisses you again. This surprises you as you always took him to be a very private man who was not a fan of pdo. 

However, he doesn’t seem to care in this moment. Neither do you, so you loop your arms around his neck and press yourself into the kiss. 

Arthur chuckles when the kiss ends. “Sorry, had to do that. The sun hit your hair, made it so pretty. Just… had to kiss ya.” 

You smile and kiss the tip of his nose. “You can kiss me any time you want, Mr. Morgan.”

[kuuipolove05]

This is a blog entry (that was leaked publicly) posted way back in 2007 or 2008 by someone who had a double date with Zac and Vanessa. Hopefully it’s okay to repost!

Dana is bugging me to post. I'll try my best to write down everything that happened (mostly for you Dana!) As for everyone else who knows nothing about Zac and Vanessa you can enjoy reading my visit. Where do I start?

Jason has mentioned on and off about an old friend that called him. Zac was the name but I never knew it was "the" Zac! Jason has told me that I've seen him before and I'd just ignore the remake because I thought he was teasing me. Later, to find out I have seen him before-- in a movie called "High School Musical." I was able to talk to Jason's mom and she confirmed they use to live around the corner from Zac's family. While talking to my parents about wedding plans, I told them about Jason's old friend. They had never heard of Zac Efron or any of his movies. My little brother on the other hand knew who they were--- the teen "it" couple of Hollywood. Though, he didn't seem interested either. Then I was talking to Dana and she exploded with excitement and told me everything there was about Zac and even more about his girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens.

I was at work when Jason gave me a call and left me a quick message about meeting up at a friend's house for dinner at 7:00. I left work and drove home around 6:00. Right when I got home I saw Jas in the parking lot with a cake and tons of snacks in his hands. We got into his car and drove off. I asked him if we were going to Kel's house. He told me no we're going to Zac's. I laughed and said yeah right! With a smile on his face he told me to wait and see when we get there. My face went blank, I was going to meet a movie star and I was still in my professional work clothes. I demanded that we go back to the house and change. Jas was stubborn and didn't want to turn back around. I was pretty upset at him.

We arrived at an apartment complex that looked more like mini houses or condos. I told Jas I was nervous meeting people I don't know. He told me not to be, Zac was an old friend. They wouldn't want that. I asked him what he meant by they? Vanessa and Zac is what Jas said. He held my hand and we walked toward Zac's place.

Zac opened the door, said "Hey man! how are you?" and gave Jas a big hug. I stood there with a nervous smile. Jas introduced me and I said hi while giving Zac a hug. We walked into his place and I could see Vanessa in the kitchen. She stood there while giving us a nervous smile and wave. Zac introduced everyone. Vanessa seemed really shy and was surprised when I gave her a hug.

Jas asked Zac about a video game and not before long I saw them playing in the living room like kids. I sat there at the dining room table and didn't know what to do. Vanessa talking through the kitchen tried to make conversation with me by asking me if I liked chicken and rice? and I said yes, I love it. She smiled and told me good because that's what we were having for dinner. Jas had put the food that we bought

on the table and I ask Vanessa if I could put the cake and drinks in the fridge. She told me yeah and helped me unload everything. I'll have to admit in a non-gayish way---she is drop-dead gorgeous! A really petty girl. I didn't know anything about her other than the things Dana had told me. I remembered Dana saying something about her album--- to make conversation I lied and told Vanessa that I loved her album even though I've never even heard of it. She smiled and told me "thanks, which song did you like the most?" Quickly, I scrambled with another lie saying that I really liked her first single without even knowing which one it was. She replied by saying " yeah everyone liked that one." I was relieved.

She then wanted to know how Jason and I met and I told her the long story. We talked for awhile. Questions I asked her:

How did you and Zac meet?

She said: I met Zac while making HSM. Zac knew me before by name but not in person.

How long have you been going out?

She said: For awhile. She giggled and told me I don't remember an exact date that's how long it's been. I laughed and told her I don't know the exact day Jas and I started going out either.

I told her I really liked her place. She told me thanks and added that Zac was thinking about moving. I asked her why? she replied by saying that Zac wanted a bigger place. I teased her and said why are you pregnant? and she laughed and said "no! Zac wishes!" I laughed. It was even more funny when I heard Jas yelling from the living room--- Carliy your pregnant? I yelled back no, but Vanessa is! We could hear Zac asking Jason what we were saying and Jason said "Dude, your girl is pregnant." We heard Zac yell "what" That was really funny. Vanessa and I had a good laugh in the kitchen.

A couple of minutes later, we both walked into the living room to tell the guys to come and eat. Both of them acted like they didn't even hear us. They were concentrating on the video game they were playing and there was a lot of friendly cussing going on. The F word mention too many times to count. Vanessa and I stood there watching, waiting for them to finish. Zac grabbed Vanessa's waist making her sit on his lap. Not before long my honey did the same thing. Jas even showed me how to play the game. I'm a really bad player but Vanessa knew how to play it really well. She was beating me.

During dinner, Zac went and slided in a cd and then broke out singing along to K-Ci and JoJo's "All My

Life" song. Zac did a funny dance and then pointed to Vanessa and she joined in singing. They both goofed around with each other. Jas ended up joining in with his funny voice and I couldn't stop laughing. I love K-Ci and JoJo and even watched them in concert when they were really popular.

After dinner, I wanted to help Vanessa clean up. She being a good host told me no, but I insisted. While I was working on the dishes Vanessa left for a second to use the restroom. I felt an arm wrapped around my waist and I turned around and Jas wanted to tell me thank you for helping out. Isn't that cute? We stoled a couple of kisses from each other. Zac walked in asking why were doing dishes? He told us to let him do it later, but we did it anyway---then he told us to get a room. We laughed.

Jas decided to help me clean up while Zac walked out to find where Vanessa was. After we finish we went into the living room to see what was on TV. But then we were wondering what Zac and Vanessa were doing? Jas and I walked into one of the rooms and saw Zac and Vanessa cuddling and kissing each other in front of the closet. Jas yelled out, teasing them to get a room! Zac responded by telling Jas "we're already in a room!" I told Jas Aww--burn! We all laughed. I was amazed at how packed the closet was and I told Vanessa that she had a lot of clothes! Zac teased Vanessa by telling Jas and I, that we should go to Vanessa's house, she has ten thousand closets to hold the rest of her entire collection of clothes. Vanessa nudged Zac and said that it wasn't true. Jas asked Zac where his clothes were--- Zac opened the other side of his closet and he also had a lot of clothes.

We were getting ready to leave and call it a night but Zac mentioned that Jas and him hadn't played the other video game yet. Zac told us that we should just stay the night. Jas looked at me and asked me if I wanted to and I told him I didn't even bring clothes to sleep in. Vanessa told me that she'd lend me some sleeping clothes. We settled and Zac and Jas went out to play another video game. What is it with guys and video games?

Vanessa asked if I wanted to watch a movie with her in the room. I told her sure. We looked around the dvds they had and I noticed the HSM concert. I told her I wanted to watch it because I haven't seen it yet. She smiled and said "okay." While watching Vanessa mention to me that if I got bored we could read magazines or do something else. I looked over to the left of me and saw a table with a couple of magazines on the bottom and on the top of the table was a very cute picture of Zac and Vanessa together. The picture frame was engraved "I'll Love You Forever" and it was beautiful. I really wanted one for a wedding gift and asked her where they had got it. She told me that she didn't know and that Zac gave it to her for Christmas last year. She added that she got 2, the other one was at her house.

We ended up reading magazines. I saw a picture of Vanessa on one of them and told her that I loved her  

dress. They had a picture of her and Zac at the after party for Hairspray. More questions I asked her:

Did the whole HSM gang go?

She said: No, not everyone just me, Ash, and Zac

This magazine says Nikki and Zac are going out together---

She laughed and said: Zac gets linked to every one of his co-stars. It's not even believable if you read the article.

Don't you get mad over the rumors?

She said: No, I try to ignore it. Zac use to get upset but he's learned to ignore it too. None of them have been true.

Her nice iphone started ringing, but she didn't pick up. I later saw her texting and she told me it was one of her friends she met while on the set of HSM2, the person was from Utah or Idaho. One of those states, I couldn't remember which. Or maybe she said that they filmed in Utah but the person was from Idaho or the other way around.

Next, she wanted to know if I liked scary movies. I told her only if I am with someone, I get scared. She said there was this good one that I had to watch with her. We put it in and I was under the covers the whole time. The guys joined us in bed in the middle of the movie. We cuddle with our honeys. Then I fell asleep. I woke up next to Zac's back thinking it was Jason. I touched him and he pointed to where Jas was---he was sleeping on the ground next to the bed. The bed was not big enough for the 4 of us. I went down and cuddled with my hubby and we laid there talking quietly. Then we can heard Vanessa ask Zac if we were awake. Jas answered yes. Zac put on the TV and we were watching CNN.

Zac mentioned if we wanted food, but Jas mentioned that we should get going. We gave them hugs and said our thankyou's. Zac told Jas that it was nice seeing him again and also that I was a keeper. I smiled. Jas told Zac the same thing. Then Vanessa mentioned that she should get going too. Zac told her "I thought you said you were spending the day with me." She answered and said, " I thought you were picking me up later?" Jas and I stood there for a second waiting to see if Vanessa needed a ride home. We ended up taking her home. On the way out Zac and Vanessa hugged each other good bye. As we walked towards the door Zac grabbed Vanessa by the waist and teasing her again told her, "where the

heck is my goodbye kiss?" she giggled, give him a kiss and told him she loved him. He did the same back. Zac asked Vanessa to call him when she got home. Jas teased Zac by telling him that we weren't going to kidnap her or anything. Zac smiled and teased Jas by saying, "Dude if you do there might be a pillow on your face tomorrow." It was an inside joke between them. We all laughed.

On the way to Vanessa's house we heard her song on the radio. I knew it was her song because she yell " oh my gosh, that's my song!" I had heard it before but I didn't know she sung it. Now I know. Jas asked her about her second album and she said that it was in the making process. Jas convinced her to share one of her new songs. She sung a verse and we told her she had a great voice. Then she told us she's wasn't sure if the song was going to make it on her album. She mentioned Zac wrote some of it and she wanted to get it on the album, but at this stage she was unsure. She made Jas drop her off the next street over from her house, she wanted to walk the rest home. She didn't want us to experience paparazzi if there were any at her house. We understood and she gave us a hug and said thank you.

Overall, my thoughts about the Teen Hollywood "it" couple--- they are normal, funny, and really sweet.

[imaginesforyourfandom]

Loving Her: Alex Morgan - Chapter 18

(Y/N) POV:

“Well, aren’t you going to greet your dear old dad?” he asked me as I stood there frozen to my spot. He took a step towards me as I instinctively moved back. My movements caused him to halt as he gave me a look of disappointment. “(Y/N)”

“Stay away from me.” I said as he shook his head. He turned around and walked towards the kitchen table taking a seat.

“(Y/N)” I turned towards my sister as I immediately felt my blood begin to boil. She had betrayed me. I stared at her waiting for her to say something as she opened and closed her mouth a few times. “I’m sorry.”

“How could you….?”

“Look…don’t blame her” my brother said standing up. He moved to come towards me as I glared at him.

“Do I look like I was talking to you?” I asked as he stopped and glared back at me. I felt a slight squeeze on my hand as I turned towards Alex. She gave me a sad look as I felt myself calm down. I wasn’t alone. I had her on my side.

“I think you’re being quite rude. Aren’t you going to introduce us?” Our moment was broken as I turned back towards my family. They all were looking between Alex and I as I moved myself in front of her a little.

“No.” I said as my mom sighed a little. She moved around the counter as she approached me cautiously.

“We heard from your sister that you were going to be here. We just wanted to see you.” She said softly as I stared at her.

“What makes you think I want to see any of you?” I asked as a look of hurt crossed her features.

“We are your family. Whether or not you like it.” My brother said as I turned towards him again.

“Again…do I look like I was talking to you?” he rolled his eyes as my sister took a step towards me.

“Why don’t we all sit down…I know you may not want to see everyone, but this could be a great opportunity to have a talk as a family.” She said as I shook my head.

“I haven’t been a part of this family for a long time.” I said as she gave me a pleading look.

“That is garbage and you know it.” My brother said glaring at me. “You left. Not the other way around.”

“You must have amnesia or something because that is not how it happened. I was told I either leave and never come back or I would be kicked out.”

“The past is the past. We can’t change it. All we can do is move on from it.” My brother said as I shook my head.

“You think it’s that easy? That I can just let go of everything that happened? You have no idea how hard everything has been for me. Let’s not mention how everyone knows what happened to me now. Thanks for that by the way.” I said directing the end of my sentence towards my father who rolled his eyes.

“I was asked about you and to do a story on you. Was I supposed to lie?”

“You called me an abomination on national television.” I said feeling my chest to begin to ache. A hand on my back told me Alex could tell I was getting more upset. I moved slightly to wrap an arm around her waist keeping her tucked into me.

“Your lifestyle is a disgrace.” He said calmly as my mom shook her head.

“We aren’t doing this again.” She said turning around to face him. He stood and glared at her as I felt confusion wash over me. They were glaring at each other as everyone looked between them. “If you don’t want to admit that you made a mistake, then I will.”

She then turned towards me as I stared at her. She looked at Alex and then back at me.

“(Y/N). I am so sorry for what happened. I wish everyday I could take back what happened just to get those years back with you. You are not a disgrace. You are not an abomination. You are absolutely perfect the way you are, and I wish nothing more than for you to be happy whether that be with me in your life or not.”

“I…um thanks.” I said as she gave me a small smile. I heard my father scoff as he stood up and turned towards us.

“You shouldn’t lie to the girl now. She is old enough to know the truth.”

“What is the truth exactly?”

“That you’re nothing to this family. You continue to live a life of sin therefore you are not welcome to this family.” He said sternly as I laughed.

“You say that like I didn’t already know that.” Alex shook her head at my statement as I gave her a small smile.

“You may feel that way, but I certainly don’t.” My mother said turning and glaring at him again.

“Is that not why you got divorced in the first place?” my brother asked crossing his arms as he glared at my mom.

“You got divorced?” I asked with a confused look as my mom nodded her head.

“A lot has changed.” My sister said as I nodded my head. “I am going to ask you quite nicely to leave my house now. You were not invited therefore you cannot stay.”

“That is no way to talk to your father.”

“I don’t care.” She said as he then turned to my brother. My brother immediately moved to leave as he glared at both my mother and sister.

“Go to hell.” He said to me as I scoffed.

“I’ll see you there.”

“I am disappointed that we couldn’t have a decent conversation. I suppose I will be seeing you.” My father said as he stopped in front of Alex and I. “You could’ve been amazing. The golden child if you had just stuck to your faith.”

“She’s already perfect the way she is.” Alex said glaring at him as I smiled. I don’t know what I would do without her. I turned back towards him as he glared at her then to me.

“I’d rather be what you think of me then ever deny who I truly am. I have a good life. I have the career of my dreams. A family that loves me and a wife that I love more than anything. I wouldn’t trade that for the world.”

He shook his head before exiting the house. We all stood in silence for a moment before my mom turned towards Alex and I.

“I don’t think we have officially met yet.” She said extending her hand towards Alex. “I am Holly, (Y/N)’s mother.”

“I’m Alex. Her wife.” My mom smiled before turning towards me.

“You’re a lucky girl.” She said as I smiled.

“Don’t I know it…” I said kissing Alex on the cheek. She smiled as I then felt arms wrap around me.

“I am so sorry. I don’t know how to fix this. I didn’t mean for that to happen.” My sister said as I hugged her back.

“I know.”

We all sat down and started talking for a little while before I decided it was time for Alex and I to leave. Once we were back to the car, I sat for a minute not saying anything.

“Are you okay?” she asked me as I looked at her.

“I don’t know how to feel.” I admitted as she gave me a soft look.

“That’s okay.” She said as I nodded my head.

“Can we go somewhere?” I asked as she nodded her head.

I started driving not entirely sure where I was headed as we sat in silence. It wasn’t long before I was pulling up to the spot I had spent so many of my years at. We got out of the car as she came closer to me intertwining our fingers. We walked for a bit until there was a spot on some rocks that we could sit on.

“How you doing?” she asked me as I looked over at her.

“I feel relieved.” I responded as she raised an eyebrow at me. “I don’t think I realized how much I needed to have that encounter until I was there. I think for so long I wanted him to change his mind about me. I wanted him to accept me and love me but standing there in that moment…all I wanted was for him to leave.”

“That’s understandable.” She said as I nodded my head. “Do you feel like you got any closure?”

“I do. I can finally let go of everything that I was holding close to me. He can’t hurt me anymore.”

“I’m so glad to hear that. Things with your mom and sister went well.” She gave me a small smile as I nodded my head.

“Yeah they did. I think that things are going to be different this time. I don’t think that it will ever go back, nor do I want it to…but it’s a start.” She leaned her head on my shoulder as I thought about everything I had been through. “Thanks for staying by my side.”

“I’ll always be by your side.” She said giving me a soft look.

“Till death do us part.” I said as she laughed. She played with her ring a little before leaning over to kiss me.

“Till death do us part.” She smiled before looking down back at her ring. “What’s going to happen in the next few weeks?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…you’re going to have to go back to Utah and I have to go back to Orlando eventually.”

“It’s only for a little while until we are back together for the victory tour.” I responded as she nodded her head.

“Yeah…but we haven’t really been apart since we got together…”

“We will figure it out.” I turned a little, so I was facing her more directly. “When do you have to be back again?”

“End of the month at the latest…why?” she gave me a skeptical look as I smiled mischievously at her.

“So, do I…care to go on a trip with me?” I asked as she smiled

“Like a honeymoon?” she grinned before giving me a confused expression. “I thought you wanted to wait until after the season was over…”

“I did but now all I want is to go somewhere with you where no one else can bother us…I just want to be with you.”

“I can get behind that.” She said as I immediately responded.

“It’s mostly so I can get behind you.” I said smirking slightly as she shook her head.

“Not with that attitude.” I chuckled as she leaned her head on my shoulder. She looked around for a second before turning towards me. “I’ve never been here before. How did you find this place?”

“I used to come her all the time when I wanted to be alone. It’s so peaceful.” I said as she nodded her head.

“Well, we can stay here as long as you want.” She said as I smiled at her softly. I leaned my forehead against her as she gave me a small kiss on the nose.

“We have to go re-join civilization eventually.” I said as she gave me a small smile.

“Yeah I know.” She said as I stared at her. “This is nice though. I feel like we don’t get many moments to spend with just each other.”

“I know. It sucks.” I responded as I moved to stand. I pulled her up with me and smiled as she stumbled just a little into me. “I knew you were attracted to me.”

“Oh haha…laugh at my clumsiness.” She turned to walk away pulling me with her towards the car.

It didn’t take us as long to get back to where we were staying. I had a ton of messages from people who had known about my meeting with my sister today. I only responded to Christen letting her know I was okay and that I would talk about it with her later.

“So…where should we go on this spontaneous honeymoon?” Alex asked as I looked at her trying to think of a place that would be fun for us both.

“I’d suggest Disneyworld, but you know...” She scowled at me as I tried to hold back my laugh.

“That’s not funny.” She said as I bit my lip trying to hide my smile.

“You’re right. It’s not funny.” I said smiling as she rolled her eyes.

“Maybe you can go on this honeymoon by yourself.” She said crossing her arms as I grinned at her.

“You say that, but you would never actually make me do that.” She rolled her eyes again but settled on giving me a small smile.

“Seriously…”

“I don’t know…where can we go that it would just be us?” I asked as she seemed to contemplate it for a moment.

“I’m not sure.” She mumbled looking like she was going deep in thought. I thought for a moment about places that I have always wanted to travel to. Realistically, we should stay on this side of the world considering we have to return to our clubs eventually.

“What about the Bahamas?” I asked as she looked at me.

“Why the Bahamas?”

“Well, we have to go back to our clubs eventually. We are on this side of the world and it still has beaches and I’m sure we could find a hotel short notice.”

“I’ll look into it.” She said as I nodded my head.

The rest of the day was spent just relaxing as Alex researched places for us to go. After the next couple days, we would be free for a bit before having to go back to our respective teams so we would leave immediately. Alex had to do Jimmy Kimmel that next day so I knew she needed to get some rest so we went to bed pretty early.

I could tell she was still a little nervous about what was going to happen after we returned to our clubs and to be honest so was I. We had yet to really be apart, but I don’t think it will be too bad. It was also in the back of my mind to discuss what the next season would look like with me in LA and her in Orlando.

I hadn’t fully realized everything that needed to be discussed due to me still trying to resolve everything with Christen. I know I messed up with her and even though she says its fine…I know its not. I know how to fix it though and I fully intend to make sure we all get what we want.

To Be Continued…

[justskulkingaround]

Puppets: II - The Arrival

They rush inside, and as soon as the door closes, America cups his hands around his mouth and shouts, "family meeting in the Living Room!"

The floor shakes under Russia's feet, and people came out from the woodworks to crowd into a large room. States squeeze onto couches and press into chairs, and others sit down on the rug. Russia finds himself standing awkwardly beside America until one of the older states gives up a seat near the room's front. Once everyone is seated, America gets their attention with five loud claps, and the children give two claps in return and grow quiet.

"Alright," America begins loudly, "first of all, this is Russia. He will be staying with us until further notice."

Everyone shouts a greeting at Russia, making him feel overwhelmed, but he appreciates the gesture none the less. Then quiet talking starts, and shushing starts as well. After a few moments, the states settle back down again, turning back to America.

"Second, this house is on total lockdown until further notice."

Shocked expressions and exclamations rise from the crowd.

"Oh, hush! All of you! I'll answer your questions at the end. You're all staying here because something is attacking personifications, and some of them have already disappeared. It's the same reason why all of you are here instead of back in your own states. Whatever it is has been mimicking the appearance of someone you know and then attacks you. It happened to New York earlier today."

"Happened to me too," the state with a star for an eye interjects, "it looked like New Mexico, but it didn't say nothin' and jumped at me. I panicked, and I shot it. I don't think I hit it neither, but it disappeared right after I pulled the trigger."

America listens to the state's account with a furrowed brow before continuing, "thank you, Texas. Does anyone else have anything relevant to add?"

No one speaks up, so America moves on. "So far, we don't know what it is, why it's here, how it has been disappearing, or its motives. What we do know is that it does seem to be connected to the attacks and disappearances. As for the attacks, both New York and Texas were very fortunate that nothing else happened. The bunk-buddy system is back in place. We will also be sounding off at every meal. Are there any questions? Ohio?"

"Who is Russia's buddy?"

"I am. Yes, Tex?"

"Are we still allowed to go out to the field?"

"Yes, but on three conditions. One, regular field rules still apply. Two, you must report back to every meal. Three, you must stay with your buddy at all times. Yes, Virginia?"

"Are bunk-buddies goin' by Cold War rules?"

"Yes. Don't let your buddy out of your sight and report any weird behavior to me immediately. Yes?"

"Where is Russia going to sleep?"

"I'll be setting something up in my room later today."

"How long is this going to last? Am I ever going to go back to my state?"

"You'll be able to go back eventually, Utah. But right now, it is far too dangerous to be alone. Once we figure out what's going on and get in under control, everyone can go back home. Yes, Massachusetts?"

"Do you want me doing wards?"

"Yes. Do that before dinner, please,"

"Can you tell North Dakota to stop touching me?"

"I am not touching you, South Dakota!"

"Both of you stop. Does anyone else have something relevant to add?"

"Are we still going out to get groceries?"

"No. The house should still be pretty well-stocked, but if we do need more food or supplies, it will be delivered here. Are there any other questions?"

No one indicates any other concerns.

"Alright. Meeting dismissed."

Russia watches as the states disperse in pairs, walking off into other parts of the house. Unsure of what else to do, Russia stands up and follows America into the kitchen, where some states begin preparing food.

"America?"

"Yeah, Russ?"

"What is the 'Bunk-Buddy' system?"

"It's something I came up with during World War I, but it didn't mean much until the Cold War. It was to ease paranoia and keep an eye on all the kids at once. Essentially, all the kids sleep in assigned bunks, and whoever you share the bunk bed with is your buddy. No state can be without their buddy, and they are supposed to watch each other's back. I figured it was the best thing for right now since that thing can imitate faces. As long as they stay with their buddies, anyone seen alone will be suspicious."

As soon as America finishes speaking, someone yells from upstairs, "Dad!"

"Yeah?"

"We're missin' sheets!"

"Okay, I'll be right there!" America calls and turns to Russia, "It looks like this is a good time for you to get to know some of the states and learn your way around. Follow me."

Russia finds himself running all over the house on America's tail as they break up fights, search for misplaced bedding, and help settle the house down before dinner is prepared. Russia pays particular attention to learn the names of the states and where things were. The house's flooring is all hardwood, with rugs in most of the rooms. The first floor has the central area, a kitchen, a large dining room, a bathroom, and a large mudroom lined with shoe racks and jacket hooks.

The basement has a large storage closet, a large rec room, and a laundry room. The laundry room has a sink, two washing machines and two dryers against the walls, and several baskets scattered around. The basement has no windows, but bright lights illuminate the room to show the two couches on multicolored rugs and the towering shelves and cluttered desks in the main room. The floor is covered in scattered board games and toys. The storage closet has extra miss-matched sheets, cots, and empty suitcases and backpacks.

Russia spends most of his afternoon running from the basement up to the second and third floors, arms filled with extra blankets and pillows. After the final few runs, he stands on the first floor panting as America finishes pulling together the beds.

Eventually, his breathing calms, and he returned upstairs. Adding to his growing mental map, he continued looking around. The second and third floors were mostly bedrooms. All the bedrooms have a connected bathroom, a few bunk beds, a large, colorful rug in the center, a large wooden shelf with cloth bins in each cubby, and a linen closet. The second floor had four rooms, four bunk beds each, and the third floor had three bedrooms with three bunk beds each and America's room and office. The bunk beds themselves have 2 large drawers for storage under the bottom bunk.

Once the states' bedrooms are set-up, Russia follows America back down to the main room and flops back onto one of the couches. America sits down beside him. After a moment, America calls out to the states, "can one of you get laundry going?"

"Okay, Dad!" Missouri responds from above. America sits back and sighs. After what felt like only a few moments, someone from the kitchen announces that dinner was ready. A stampede shakes the house as footsteps pound down the stairs, and a few faces poke out of the basement doorway. Russia gets in line with the states and fills his plate.

Once everyone is seated with a full plate in front of them, America asks for them to sound off, and the states call out his or her name when it's their turn. When Russia asks Arizona about the order, she explains that they go according to their ratification date, going from oldest to youngest with a few exceptions.

After eating as quickly as he could, he and America walk upstairs to America's office to attend UN's online meeting. As they ascend the stairs, Russia can hear Hawaii and the 13 organizing the states to help the cleanup effort and the states scrambling to get their responsibilities done.

[curewhimsy]

Shiro-Sora chapter one outline

I can’t believe I actually got this out...

———

Quiet and reserved Uta Utane is going to her first day of Sonare Community College, a primarily music college, one morning. That evening she will relocate to the dorms.

She passes by a person who is lost on campus and needs directions. Uta doesn’t know the campus well, but unlike most people, she is patient and at least tries to help. The person ends up being very grateful to Uta.

The person Uta tried to help was Taya Soune. Taya is soft-spoken, introverted, and doesn’t have many friends. Taya ends up remembering Uta’s kindness for the rest of the day. While Uta was talking to him, Taya wanted her to stay with him longer. When Uta eventually went off on her own after not being able to help with directions, Taya felt a bit wistful.

Uta ends up having an eventful day at school, meeting a lot of zany classmates with weird quirks.

In first period class, Uta meets a girl named Miki who is quite eccentric, is passionate about anime, and acts rather animated herself. At first Miki gives Uta the nickname “Defoko” because she bluntly declares that she seems like such a “default” type of person, but soon realizes Uta is more of a “kuudere”... whatever those terms mean. The nickname “Defoko” still seems to stick around, however.

(The nickname “Defoko” is from the word “default” in Japanese katakana, pronounced as “deforuto,” coupled with “ko,” a common ending in Japanese girls’ names. “Kuudere” is a term meaning “cool on the outside, loving on the inside.” It is taken from the English word “cool,” (“kuuru” in Japanese,) and the Japanese onomatopoeia “deredere,” which means “lovey-dovey.”)

Miki’s best friend, Iroha, appears to be a lover of everything cute and cheerful. Iroha is quite the Hello Kitty enthusiast as well. Iroha often is saying “nyaa” when she’s in a daze, which happens when she comes across anything she finds cute. However, Iroha is insecure and does not find herself cute. Miki constantly reassures Iroha and says she is adorable.

Uta is surprised at first that Miki and Iroha are in college and are still acting like high school girls... or even younger, for that matter.

Anon is a girl who sometimes fights with her sister Kanon, even though they appear to be on the same wavelength... And they’re up to trouble. Anon likes to attempt to get out of trouble by referencing her name. “It wasn’t me... it was anonymous.” In Uta’s second period, the teacher pulls up what’s supposed to be a boring video to introduce the class. But instead, it’s a link to watch Space Jam on a pirated movie website. Anon switched the links when nobody was looking. The professor’s computer freezes from computer viruses and the entire class is forced to watch Space Jam. Anon is also apparently a hobbyist mime.

Kanon is Anon’s sister, and in second period she wouldn’t stop playing Careless Whisper on her kazoo. Apparently she is training to be a real circus clown because she loves making people laugh. In second period, the professor finally was able to exit out of the Space Jam link. “Now, all of you, do NOT press the link.” He says. But what does Kanon do when she’s faced with a button and the command “do not press?” She presses it! Now the next period gets to watch Space Jam too!

Daina is in Uta’s third period class. Uta hails Daina for finally being someone “normal” and trustworthy at first... until she found out about Daina’s eccentric taste in music, dramatic poetry, crazy obsession with foxes, and tendency to howl at the full moon. And that’s not even touching on her close friendship with Dex, a wolf-obsessed guy who howls at the moon with her.

Dex is a rather eccentric guy who is energetic, yet emotional inside. He likes EDM music and despite his eccentricities, is chill and easy to talk to. Uta respects him in a certain way, aside from the other “weirdos” she met that day, Dex seems very wise and thoughtful.

Basically, Daina and Dex are furries. They’re also theater kids, and low-key emo in a way. And they’ve been best friends since second grade.

Teto is in Uta’s fourth period. She immediately latches on to Uta. Teto mentions Uta looking gloomy and wants her to smile. Teto is quite bubbly and friendly, although she is childish and doesn’t like to be teased. Uta does end up teasing Teto a bit. But it is playful and good intentioned. Teto teases Uta back a bit. They seem to develop a friendship of playful teasing for now.

Aku is in Uta’s fourth period. She seems a little lonely. Uta actually goes out of her own way to talk to Aku this time. Aku tells Uta about the sky. It’s pretty, but... it seems so lonely that we can’t fly up and visit it. Aku had always wanted wings and magic. She gives Uta a spiel about what she would do if she had magic. She would use it to cast away negativity and evil, which is ironic, considering her name is pronounced like the Japanese word for evil, “aku.” Aku prefers to be called by a nickname, Akurin. Uta agrees to call her that.

Clara is in Uta’s final fifth period class. She transferred to the United States from Colombia at the start of high school. She is friendly and cheerful. She is quite doting, somehow feeling like both a mother and a little sister at the same time. Clara says hello to everyone in the class and tries to get acquainted with her classmates. Everyone in the class admires Clara’s friendliness. Uta is a bit shy. She stutters saying her name. Clara thinks her name is Utah. Uta is too embarrassed to correct her. Clara also is already giving invites to the entire class for karaoke, claiming “This class is my favorite so far. Everyone has been so friendly!” Uta actually thinks about going...

Ruko is in fifth period too, and makes fast acquaintances with Clara. Ruko is a very tall person, six feet two. She is non-binary. Ruko is outgoing and also very mature. She admires Clara’s strength to push herself out to everyone she meets. The two chat for a bit. Ruko notices Uta looking a little gloomy and invites her to join in the conversation. This is when Uta tells Clara her name. Ruko believes Uta’s name is Yuuta for a while.

After a wild day, Uta concludes that college is officially weirder than high school.

When Uta is moving to her new dorm room after school, she comes across Taya, who she stopped to help that morning, while at the top of a hill with a pretty scenic view... However, Uta doesn’t remember him. But Taya remembers her.

“Um... Hello.” Uta hears a voice calling out to her.

“Yeah? What is it?” Uta responds. Her manner of speech is rather informal.

Taya approaches.

“Um, I just...” He is rather shy. “I wanted to thank you for your kindness from this morning.”

Taya bows formally, even though they’re in the USA...

Uta feels she is involved in a mix-up.

“I’m sorry... I think you‘ve got the wrong person.” She says.

“Oh...” Taya says. “Maybe you don’t remember me. But... I remember you. You helped me with directions. Well... you didn’t really know the way either, but just the thought of stopping to help... Please, tell me how I can repay you!”

Taya gives another deep bow. Uta starts to think Taya is a little strange.

“Um... you really don’t have to do anything, seriously.” Uta says. “Helping people out is human decency. It was nothing, really.”

“Yet I am so grateful...” Taya says again.

“Well then, um...” Uta starts saying. “How about... you tell me your name? Then we can call it even.”

“Oh, my name is Taya.” Taya says. “Taya Soune. What is yours?”

“I’m Uta Utane.” Uta says. “Well, nice to meet you.”

“Ah! Likewise!” Taya says, with a smile. He is still a bit shy, but he feels like he and Uta are no longer strangers to each other.

They get to the dorms together. The manager of the room tells them their designated room numbers and... WHAT? Uta and Taya happen to be roommates!

“Well, what a coincidence!” She says. “You two already know each other. Well I hope you enjoy living together!”

Taya bows... again.

“Sorry for the trouble I’m going to be causing you.” He says.

“Wait, please don’t apologize...” Uta says. “It’s okay... I’m glad my roommate is someone so considerate. Don’t feel like you have to apologize.”

“Okay.” Taya says.

Once they’re in the room, they have their stuff delivered shortly. They unpack clothes and such. Taya’s clothes are all fancy and posh menswear. Uta’s are mostly all casual and somewhat boyish, T-shirts, jeans, hoodies. Uta asks if Taya forgot to pack any casual clothes. Taya answers that this is just how he always dresses.

“Even to sleep?” Uta asks.

“Don’t judge me...” Taya says.

They eventually have a conversation about why they chose to attend Sonare Community College.

Taya is passionate about music. He has played the cello and taken vocal lessons since middle school. He came to Sonare to enrich his skills and continue down his path. He also confesses his interest in musical theatre, but being too shy previously. He thought about starting it once he came to Sonare.

Uta’s major is music and she had been playing the violin since childhood. However, she lost her passion long ago. She only continued playing the violin since she already came so far. She doesn’t feel the desire to disclose her lack of passion to Taya, considering how passionate Taya seems to be about music and theatre. Uta would just put a damper on his spirits, she feels.

Somewhere along the way, Uta learns that Taya is non-binary. Uta has heard of that term before, but hearing Taya explain non-binary gender in more detail makes Uta begin to relate to the idea and slowly start to question her own gender identity.

That night, before they sleep, Taya asks Uta something. He did just meet her, but he already trusts her a lot.

“Um... I’m terribly sorry. I’m so, so terribly sorry, but... I have something I want to ask of you... I’m so sorry!” Taya says.

“Well... you haven’t even told me what it is yet. Quit being sorry and tell me.” Uta says.

“W-Well...” Taya says. “You see... Remember when I wanted to be in musical theatre? It’s... it’s always been my dream... to perform a certain play with everyone... but... I feel I just can’t push myself alone. Uta, I trust you a lot, so... would you join the theatre club with me?”

There is silence.

“Well...” Uta starts saying.

“Ah, I know it’s a lot to ask of you, but... um... I’ve always been shy and timid, but... when I’m with a friend like you, I don’t feel as scared. It would mean so much to me, and I promise I’ll repay you...”

“...You don’t have to repay me.” Uta says.

“Huh?” Taya answers.

“You know, I really don’t really have any interest in theatre but... if you want it that much, I’ll do it, okay?”

“Ah, really?” Taya smiles. “Thank you so much...”

“Yeah...” Uta says. “Maybe it could be fun...”

That night, as Uta is falling asleep, it sinks in that Taya called her a friend. Feeling grateful she made friends with such an earnest person, she hopes their bond will continue to grow.

[fairytellerxo]

Flower

I was bored one day and gave Coco a daughter who is older than Leti but you know Leti doesn’t actually want to share Coco. So, let’s see how this will all unfold.

.

“I got a daughter, she’s older than Leti,” Coco looked at Bishop. “She reached out and wants to meet me. I told her she could come here, she’s eighteen and heading off to college.” He smiled. “Seems super fucking smart and goal oriented.”

Bishop nodded slowly before looking around the place. “You invited her here?”

“Figured if Leti likes it here she will too.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. Her name is Xochitl, call her Flower.”

“Your ex named your daughter that and then called her Flower?” Angel shook his head. “She looks like you then?”

“Nah Leti is the one who looks like me the most,” He laughed. “Feel bad for her.”

“Coco?” A brunette walked into the clubhouse and looked around. “Coco?”

“That’s her, that’s my girl,” Coco smiled before moving towards her. “Hey, thanks for coming here.”

“Hey,” She offered a smile before tucking her hair behind her ears. “This is interesting. Never been inside of a clubhouse before, besides like the rec center back home.”

Coco nodded. “Let me introduce you to my club, my brothers.” He lead her towards the group. “This is Flower.”

“Hey,” She shook the men’s hands. “This is an interesting place. I’ve never heard of any motorcycle clubs before.”

“You’re not from around here?” Angel looked at her. “Where are you from?”

She shook her head. “I grew up in Utah, my mom, my dad and some siblings. I’m visiting California for school and I reached out to Coco, I’ve always been curious to see who I get half of my genes from. My mom always told me about him but she also told me that he’s a lot of crazy and unpredictable.”

“Sounds right,” Coco smiled at her. “So what college are you going to?”

“USC,” She smiled proudly. “Full ride scholarship for academics and softball. If I didn’t get into college, I was gonna go enlist in the marines like my dad. It was cool traveling all over with him. One time we lived in Japan for an entire summer.”

“I used to be a sharpshooters for the Marines,” He looked at her and nodded slowly. “Full transparency, I’ve got two other kids. One that comes around, her name is Leti and one that doesn’t. Different moms.”

She nodded before looking around. “Oh,” she let her eyes settle back on him. “That’s cool, a sister. I’m the only girl at home. My younger brothers tower over me like it’s nothing.”

“You look like your mom,” Coco lit a cigarette before offering it to her. Smiling as she waved him off. “Good, smoking is bad for you.”

“Can we go outside and talk?” She looked at him. “Please?”

He nodded before he started to walk towards the exit. “I didn’t know where else to have you meet me. Figured this would be neutral enough grounds.”

She shrugged. “It’s okay, I just don’t think I want our full first conversation to be around so many people.” She smiled at him. “It’s kind of cool to meet you finally, I always dreamed of meeting you. I grew up well, if you’re concerned about that type of thing. No kids, no criminal record, no rebelling against my mom.” She chuckled. “I did grow up without a lot of my culture though.”

“What do you mean?” He looked at her. “You speak Spanish right?”

“Yeah!” She laughed and covered her face. “I speak Spanish but the neighborhood and schools were mostly white kids and all mom’s family is in California and they only visited every blue moon. Disowned my mom for marrying a white man.”

He nodded slowly and smiled. “At least you speak Spanish, you didn’t miss much though. Just crazy ass family parties and arguing and flying chanclas.” He pointed to the SUV that was parked carefully next to the bikes. “That yours?”

“Yeah, graduation gift.” She smiled. “It’s a little less pretentious than a Range Rover but still gives off a vibe. It was better to drive out here than my Audi.”

“Spoiled little rich girl,” he looked at her and irked an eyebrow. “You got a job or anything?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I work part time in an auto body shop, I do oil changes and switch out air filters. Sometimes I get to change tires and that’s always a fun time.” She shook her head. “I get more spoiled because I’m the different one of the family.”

“Well I’m glad that you don’t mind getting your hands dirty, your mom always had two jobs.” He smiled before running his thumb over his lip. “That’s how I met her, was at her waitressing job, I saw her and immediately wanted her.”

Flower laughed. “I got something for you,” she slipped out of her backpack before unzipping the small front pouch and pulled out a picture. “So, you must be the guy in the picture then?” She passed it to him. “My mom gave me that picture when I was fifteen, during my quince when she caught me trying to sneak a bottle of vodka.”

He looked at the picture and smirked. “Yeah, that’s me. Look at me, I looked good back then.” He laughed. “Man, barely any ink. Still had the cigarette in my mouth though. Your mom hated it.”

“Coco!” Leti walked towards the pair and gave him a nod before looking at the brunette. “Who’s your friend? Kinda young for you don’t you think?”

Coco shook his head. “Leti, this is Flower, she’s your sister. Flower, this is your younger sister Leti.”

“We look nothing alike, that’s kind of disappointing.” She furrowed her brow before smiling. “Nice to meet you Leti.”

Leti eyed her carefully before shaking her head. “You’re saying that tan Malibu Barbie is my sister? Where?”

“She looks like her mom, you look like me and your mom.” Coco shrugged and smiled. “But look you got a whole sister to get to know.”

“Whose name is Flower,” Leti scoffed. “CoCo and Flower.”

“It’s actually Xochitl but I had a lisp when I was little and just started calling myself Flower, it stuck.” The older brunette tossed her hair over her shoulder and smiled. “Sorry can’t have something boring and simple like Leti.”

“Jesus,” Coco stepped between the pair. “We’re not doing back and forth mean girl shit. Leti apologize to Xochitl and Xochitl apologize to Leti.”

Flower looked down at Leti and shrugged. “Sorry I said your name is boring and simple.”

“Sorry you look like a tan Malibu Barbie,” Leti scrunched up get face. “Must suck.”

“Sorry you’re short and look like a fucking chihuahua,” She crossed her arms over her chest. “That mouth of yours must be the only thing that’s getting you through life.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Leti looked at Coco before looking at the brunette. “Huh?”

“Take it how you wanna take it,” She grabbed her backpack. “Coco, I’ll see you later. Next time we can meet up at a restaurant.”

Coco nodded as he watched the young woman walk off before looking over at Leti. “You gotta be mean huh? That’s blood. That’s your sister. That’s family.”

Leti looked at Coco. “Did you see her? She looks like a walking Barbie, she’s not like us, she doesn’t know what we go through.”

“It doesn’t matter, okay? She got a mom that took her out of the struggle. She’s smart, she’s college bound, she’s well spoken for the most part but did you see the Cruz creep out when you started with her? She’s gonna dish it back to you.” Coco shook his head. “I’m not sure about you but I want her to be part of my life. I wanna know her. That’s my kid too. It’ll be good for you too, you need more friends. You need her, maybe you two will end up actually being close, give it a fucking chance Leticia.”

[omegas-spaghettios]

Dear A,

I do my best to not be a vindictive person. I have had a history of being vindictive to multiple people, and it's never ended well for anybody involved. But there are a lot of things you do that hurt me, even though you can't know why. That's why I'm writing here, to get my words out there without harming you.

I know you moved here within the last couple years and you are struggling to make friends, and I think you are a genuinely nice person. I've done all I can to talk to you and ask about your interests, and i agonized at Wal-Mart trying to find you the perfect gift. This isn't to guilt you, i happily chose to do all of that. And I believe your company is fun. I wouldn't really search it out much, but when I have it in the group it has mostly been pleasant.

Until recently.

Let me tell you some things I have gone through, A. I have grown up in LDS Utah as a closeted Bisexual. I have been through hell, and I know I have had it easier than a lot of LGBTQ+ people in that religion. Since 8th grade I have consistently had depression and anxiety, clinically diagnosed, with therapy and meds and everything due to living here, the social hatred is incredibly intense. During that time up till now, just finished 11th, I have also had multiple self harm and suicidal stretches. This isn't asking for pity, most kids my age unfortunately have had to go through this. This isn't new.

I started dating a mormon girl 10th grade year. It was good for a long while, but starting 11th year it got bad. She had awful anger management issues, and was incredibly vindictive. Not to mention that she guilted me into supressing my problems so I can help hers. For months I endured passive aggression and my own repression and fights and anger because I truly loved her. But last month I decided enough was enough. I cut it off. I am not of the LDS faith anymore, and that was a major part of the decision as she still is, but that wasn't really why.

Not to mention the hallucinations. For the last year I have had infrequent hallicunations of Wendigo's, i'm sure you know what those are, as well as paranoia. Just yesterday I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression induced psychosis. I took my meds for the first time today for the hallucinations and begin therapy Monday.

The point is, add all of this together with what has been happening in the world and the stress of me being asthmatic when a respiratory disease is running rampant, and i believe you can see why I am struggling. I have turned to our friend group of 7, A, to finally talk to my peers in healthy ways about my struggles and not face my ex's wrath. I'm really struggling and for once I feel like I have a good support network, one I only kind of get at home.

So why am I upset and hurt? Well, a lot things. A, I know you believe in witchcraft and paganism and that creepypastas like Slenderman and Jeff the Killer are real. Personally, I think it's not real in the slightest as it can't be empirically proven, but that isn't why I'm upset in these scenarios. I think your beliefs are a bit ridiculous, but I respect everyone's beliefs. You do you. It is how you have used your beliefs to inadvertently harm me.

I came out to the group as Bisexual. The deal is, 4 of the 6 of you gals all knew already. You didn't. The ones who already knew came out in support, and you were silent. No harm done, really. Felt kind of off, but oh well, I don't really care. You weren't vindictive and haven't been about it. The issue is, you came out as a witch to your parents and gave us the play by play expecting our comfort. The comfort you never afforded me. I still gave it, i remember the hell I went through when I came out as Bi to my parents and you shouldn't go through that alone. But it hurts, knowing it's one sided.

But that isn't all. Your parents wouldn't let you use a dating app, so you came to the group chat and said we needed to find you a boyfriend. That's my my place, find your own damn boyfriend. I am fresh out of an awful relationship and now a single Bisexual. Even if I wanted to think about anyone's relationships much less my own, do you think i would set you up with people I think were interesting? And not try to date them myself? But I was polite and told her the truth: I only talked to that friend group and one other person. A couple of others also respectfully declined to find you one. Then you had the fucking audacity to send in the chat a picture of you scowling and leaving at that. Not an emoji, no words, a picture of your actual face in pure disgust. That's when I got angry. How dare you demand I find you somebody. How dare you be that lazy and demand me, in my fucking disaster state, to do it for you.

Well then, let's address the mental issues I have. It isn't your fault, I want you to know. And any one of these instances is excusable, but together I don't think it is. I had a full on panic attack sitting two feet away from you and another friend, let's call her E. My paranoia was shooting through the roof, i felt like I was about to be killed and I couldn't breathe. E kept giving me concerned looks and mouthing if I was okay, in which I gave many half hearted thumbs up. She knew it was bullshit, but guess why she didn't say anything? Because you, A, were running off about how Slenderman is stalking you. You even said that paranoia and fear means he is around. Not that you believe that, that it is FACT. It was incredibly dehumanizing of you to tell me what I was experiencing in that exact moment was because some 2000's fictional monster was around. I didn't say anything, granted because I physically couldn't, but it's not your fault. But everyone I have ever met will tell you I wear my heart on my sleeve. So how you could sit next to me, who was silent and fighting tears and quietly trying to gasp for air and was shaking and was being quiet as to not bother you (thanks, ex), you ignored me. Not only that, you dehumanized the very reaction I was having. That really hurt, A. Unintentional or not, it hurt.

Not to mention when I made a meme of my full name on Kermit jumping off a cliff to commit suicide, I made that very clear in the meme. I posted it in the group chat. I know that is not a good way to reach out, but I haven't reached out to anyone in months, so it's better than I have in a long time. A, you just said "yeah" and moved on to some asinine topic. Others tried to bring it up but you steamrolled overthem with your rocks or Jeff the Killer or something. A very clear cry on my behalf for help, and you said "yeah". Thank you.

Then this morning. Last night I woke up around 1 AM absolutely panicked. Not able to breath, shaking, world spinning, sweats, everything. Like I was dropped right in the middle of my worst panic attack ever. I was sure SOMETHING was about to kill me. It took hours to feel safe, and i haven't slept since 1 AM. I posted in the chat that I couldn't sleep and needed to talk to somebody. It was late, but I needed somebody. I was vague, but I don't want to drop that i am psychotic in the middle of a group chat. Then you woke up around 9 and said "oh, I can't sleep most nights so I get your pain. I felt really sick last night and threw up." I don't mean to diminish your experiences, A. I don't know how hard it is for you. But I went through hell last night without any of my friends in the chat, I eventually got ahold of my sister. Then you have the audacity to come to me and say "I get it. I was ill last night, so I get it." Again, it could have been miserable for you. But you just ignored my cries for help AGAIN, and you tossed my pain out of view so you could go on about yourself AGAIN.

I've done so much to make you feel welcome. I wouldn't choose you as a friend, but you are in the group and as such have worked to make you feel like part of it. But you don't care about me. At least, it doesn't seem like you do. I have made it very clear multiple times that I am not okay (did I mention the time I posted things in that chat about me experiencing hallucinations and you didn't say a damn thing?) and you don't care.

I write this out here because you don't know what I'm going through, so I can't hold it all against you I guess. But with how dismissive you are I don't trust you with it. We will be nothing more than superficial friends, if that. I typed this out, so I'm going to take a deep breath and move on, I'll be civil and jovial with you. But you have hurt me deeply, and thus have lost my trust.

- Bryan

[wandererslullabi]

SGA/SSA aren’t LGBT+ terms you should be using

In fact, they’re not even really terms from our community at all.

In this post I’m going to be talking about two terms sometimes used by some people in our community: SSA (same sex attracted) and SGA (same gender attracted). Note, however, that this post is NOT about SGL (same gender loving) which is a completely unrelated, lovely term created for and by black LGBT+ people. To clear things up, the SGA term is not based on the SGL term; SGA was already an entirely separate term based in violent homophobia, which I’ll speak on below.

So, what’s wrong with SGA and SSA, and why do I have the right to speak about it?

I was born and raised a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, a church that until recently also went by the nickname “Mormons.” (Yeah, I know it’s a mouthful. Don’t worry, I’ll be using LDS, Mormon, or The Church for the rest of this post.)

This church has a very long, horrible history of homophobia and transphobia which continues to this day, and they’re known for using the SGA/SSA terms to describe LGB+ people, to the extent that the SSA and SGA terms are considered fairly taboo in the queerstake community (queerstake  being what much of lds LGBT+ call ourselves). I grew up hearing the SSA/SGA terms with lot of negative connotation, and to put it shortly, the church has for a long time “encouraged” lds LGBT+ people to call themselves “same sex/gender attracted” instead of LGBT+.

This statement, by the church leader Dallin H. Oaks (more on him here in a post by a gay mormon) is a pretty good example of the kind of rhetoric they use to encourage this: “We should note that the words homosexual, lesbian, and gay are adjectives to describe particular thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. We should refrain from using these words as nouns to identify particular conditions or specific persons.” (x)

This kind of rhetoric is repeated so often in the church that “same sex/gender attracted” is the way a majority of cis straight lds people refer to LGBT+ people aside from negatively using the word “gay” or “homosexual.”  They often use it talking about how we “suffer” from SSA/SGA, are “afflicted” with SSA/SGA, “struggle” with SSA/SGA. Instead of being gay, we “have” SSA/SGA.

It’s used as a way to essentially brainwash LGBT+ lds people into distancing ourselves from the LGBT+ community and further envelop ourselves in the church’s “you should repent from your homosexual behavior” mentality. The two terms are used fairly interchangeably; I’d argue SSA is used more often, but SGA is starting to get used more as well. In any case, it contributed to my younger self’s phase of “I won’t label my orientation” because I’d been trained to think that if I didn’t label it and I kept doing what the church said, my attraction to girls would either go away or I could just ignore it. Which, uh, didn’t really work, seeing as I’m extremely queer now.

A church university called BYU has, in particular, been homophobic to an extreme, actively participating in anti-LGBT+ efforts. In fact, they’ve been ranked one of the least LGBT friendly universities in the entire US! What an incredible achievement! You can read the history of their homophobia (and some transphobia) in this article (including a fairly extensive timeline from the 1950s up to the end of 2018). To sum up some of the really bad parts, though (the sources are in the link):

They repeatedly banned LGBT+ people from their university entirely, then banned students from being openly LGBT+, and are suspected of firing several staff members for being gay, as well as for suspending and expelling students for dating or kissing people of the same gender

In the 60s through 70s, they began administering “electric aversion therapy” in order to “cure” LGB+ students (this “therapy” involved showing gay people nude pictures of the same gender and giving them electroshocks in order to make them associate those feelings negatively). This method was ineffective at making the LGB+ people straight (obviously), but the people who underwent it reported extreme decrease in mental health and increased suicidal thoughts. At one point this therapy was required for anyone suspected of being gay. The therapy ended in 1983, but only because of the overwhelming reports that it wasn’t working.

In 1965 there were 5 reported suicides of gay Mormons at the university in a single year, and the LGBT+ Mormon suicidality in Utah has continued to be high. 

In the 70s, when Dallin H. Oaks was president of the school, he created a surveillance system to “catch” LGB+ people, including literally spying on gay bars and implementing recording devices to watch for any suspected LGB+ students, as well as posting fake gay advertisements to “ensnare” them.

Dallin Oaks also helped create the Institute for Studies in Values and Human Behavior, which was dedicated to proving that being gay was a choice, in order to re-affirm the church’s stance on homosexuality at the time. The freaking director of the institution, Allen Bergin, once said that homosexuality was “caused by some combination of biology and environment.” (thankfully, the church no longer believes being gay is a choice, though they talk about how “SSA/SGA behavior” is a choice as often as they can.)

I suggest y’all also read the Payne Papers (aka Prologue), which was written by two gay BYU students in 1977 in response to a homophobic professor at the university.

In 1997 there was a poll where 80% of students said they wouldn’t live with a roommate attracted to people of the same gender.

“In 2000 a reported 13 students were suspended from the University when caught watching the TV series Queer As Folk. The next year two gay students (Matthew Grierson and Ricky Escoto) were expelled under accusations deemed ‘more probable than not’ of hand-holding or kissing.”

In 2005, The Foundation for Attraction Research (FAR) was founded, run by mostly BYU professors. In 2009 the organization published Understanding Same-Sex Attraction which advocated therapy to change sexual attraction (evidently they didn’t learn their lesson lol).

In 2014, a BYU survey to students only gave the option of “heterosexual but struggles with same-sex attraction" or "heterosexual and does not struggle with same-sex attraction” for people’s sexual orientation. Y’all, this was only a year before same-gender marriage was legalized in the US. That’s just bad.

LGBT+ students are currently still facing risk of expulsion from the school if they hug, kiss, or date someone of their same gender. Celibacy is mandatory.

All LGBT+ groups are currently banned from meeting on campus, so there’s only a single LGBT+ group for the school that meets at a library in the city.

And of course, this is only what happened at a single Mormon university. You’d be surprised how much power the LDS church has, especially in Utah. Ya know Dallin H. Oaks, the homophobe? Yeah, last October he gave a homophobic and transphobic talk in front of over 4 million church members from all over the world.

During the course of all that homophobia at BYU, “same sex attraction” and “same gender attraction” were both terms used regularly in this therapy and in the church, alongside “homosexual.” And as I said earlier, they still use these terms today! In fact, if you wanna see them in action, you can just visit this page on their official website, which has “same sex attraction” right there in the title. The entire website continues to follow the implied idea of “we’ll tolerate you saying you’re gay, lesbian, or bisexual, but we’d prefer if you’d just say you’re same sex/gender attracted, because being gay/bi/lesbian is a lifestyle, and we don’t support it” and the whole website is basically “it’s okay to be attracted to the same gender, but it’s a sin to ever do or think anything gay!”

You can also just search the internet for “same sex attraction” or “same gender attraction” and a bunch of christian articles will pop up with rampant internalized homophobia among LGBT+ church members, and a bunch of homophobia from the church itself. It’s possible this SSA/SGA rhetoric isn’t specific to my church, as I haven’t researched other church’s histories as thoroughly, but the church absolutely contributed to anti-LGBT+ efforts throughout history, using “SGA” and “SSA” the entire time. This isn’t even a thing of the past, LGBT+ Mormons are still freaking here going through all this--conversion therapy is still not banned in Utah.

So, TL;DR: the “same sex/gender attraction” phrase was used in LGB+ conversion therapy, and is still used to perpetuate homophobic rhetoric in the church today. Because of that, a lot of my fellow LGBT+ Mormons are uncomfortable with the terms being used as umbrella descriptors for our orientations. So when someone tells you “SSA/SGA was used in Mormon conversion therapy, please don’t use it,” take them seriously. Yes, I understand that they’re sometimes helpful terms when talking about LGB+ identities, and I’m (sometimes) more okay with the usage of the terms than others, but in general, if you’re not a person affected directly by the church’s usage of these terms (read: an active LGBT+ Mormon or ex-Mormon), please don’t use them liberally, and don’t use them to freaking discourse about who does or doesn’t belong in the community. “SSA/SGA and trans” is not how you should be defining our community, I don’t care whether you’re an exclusionist or an inclusionist, just don’t. And you should never. freaking. use them. to refer to any LGBT+ Mormon who asks you not to.

And, last of all, as a bi person, y’all should not be implying that attraction to the same gender is the only thing about our orientation that makes us LGBT+. I’m not just LGBT+ because I’m attracted to the same gender, I’m LGBT+ because I’m attracted to multiple genders. My attraction to multiple genders makes me inherently Not Straight. Biphobia and monosexism is an issue that greatly affects mspec people, and it’s time monosexual LGBT+ people recognize that homophobia is not the only type of oppression we face. Not even to mention how SGA and SSA terms are exclusive of nonbinary orientations, which don’t always involve even having a same gender to be attracted to.

Exclusionists and inclusionists alike please reblog. Y’all need to listen up. Queer Mormons aren’t here to play.

[philjacobsen-blog]

Antarctica. How I learned to stop worrying and love the isolation.

I put on my gloves and face mask like I had done every day for the past six months. I wanted to protect myself, be safe and I wanted to be healthy. No, I wasn’t a prepper preparing for the end of the world and/or the coronavirus, I lived in Antarctica.

From 2002 to 2018, I spent over six years of my life working and living in Antarctica. Math might tell you that looks like “16 years,” but Antarctica works on a different schedule.

Scientists and contract laborers (like myself) have been limited to work a maximum of 14 months straight in Antarctica. Because, after 14 months of isolation, it has been said, “You might lose your mind.” Therefore, four weeks, six weeks, or eight weeks of coronavirus quarantine is like a walk on the frozen ocean.

Everyone loves Top 10 lists, but first, here is the background of life in Antarctica.

There are two different seasons in Antarctica: summer and Winter. For the laymen, that’s when it’s light 24 hours a day (summer) and then when it’s dark 24 hours a night (Winter). It’s not by accident that “Winter” is capitalized and “summer” is in lowercase. This is because you need to respect Winter.

I have spent four Winters in Antarctica. While there have been changes to the Winter schedule, when I Wintered in Antarctica at McMurdo Station, the largest of the three American bases on the 7th Continent, a plane with all of our friends, hopes, dreams and escape plans left in February. The next time we would see the lights of a plane in the sky would be in August.

In other words, shit got real when that last plane left. We had to trust we had enough food, talent and toilet paper to last us until the end of August. This is because, as the saying goes, “If we don’t have it, then you don’t need it. And, you don’t need it, because we don’t have it.”

If you run out of chicken, then you eat pork. When you run out of pork, you eat lamb, when you run out of lamb, you eat hamsters--hamsters are, what we called, microwavable breaded (or deep fried) ham and cheese Hot Pockets™®.

In other words, the grocery stores are open; quit panicking. When you’re outside, hoping your squirrel trap has been bountiful today, this is the time to panic. However, today, it’s not minus 45 degrees outside. Walmart will be restocked soon, put on your mask and gloves and purchase only what you need. Then go home.

And, if Walmart is out of toilet paper, hook a garden hose to your faucet and clean your ass, and be happy your water supply doesn’t give you frostbite.

It’s going to be fine.

In Antarctica, we were living like it was Gilligan’s Island, “No phone, no lights, no motorcar, not a single luxury.” The only difference was we had phones, lights and motorcars, but when we went outside it was minus 45 –degrees—not a luxury. Stay inside on your couch and be happy that when you do go outside to take out the trash, walk the dog or mow your lawn, you’re not getting third degree frostbite and having your toes cut off.

This little piggy went to the market. This little piggy watches Netflix. This little piggy stays home.

Speaking of movies and TV shows, my good God, we would have loved to have had Netflix, bootlegged versions of Game of Thrones, YouTube or Facebook in Antarctica. Instead, the entirety of McMurdo’s bandwidth is mostly for Science.

Rarely could I “LOL” with my friends on Facebook or “YOLO” with spring breakers at the beach. Nope, Science is the priority in Antarctica.

Science, I tell you. A bunch of people, who we called “Beakers,” is the entire reason McMurdo Station exists. These Scientist are in Antarctica to prove or disprove Global Warming and/or can penguins fly and/or are penguins cute. Generally, they proved it, but why listen to scientists?

Scientists went to school and studied stuff, but have they ever studied the “economy” or “Facebook?” Can you imagine an entire community who listens to scientists? Oh wait, you can? Possibly because we’re in a global pandemic? Yeah, listen to scientists?

During my Winters in Antarctica, I could go days and only see the one person who I worked with, and guess what? I hated him.

In the community, we called him “Skin Suit.” This was his nickname because, even though he passed his battery of psychological examinations, which are required in order to Winter-Over in Antarctica, he said to Suzy—a la “Silence of the Lambs.”

“I wish I could wear your skin, so I could touch you all day.”

So, there I was, working at the bottom of the world, with Jame “Buffalo Bill” Gume as my coworker for six months, in total darkness, and do you want to know how I got along with him (aside from the one time I threw hot coffee in his face)? I complimented his outfits. I tried to look for the positive in the people who surround me.

My first job in Antarctica, I was a dishwasher. I left my home, friends and a girlfriend to seek this adventure. I��m still happy with two out of three of those decisions.

The first year I spent in Antarctica there was a “Dishwasher Emergency” at the South Pole (850 miles from the sea level solitude of McMurdo). Just like we need grocery store employees, drive through food and universal health care, the South Pole needed a dishwasher—and they chose me.

The South Pole is located at 9,301 feet above sea level. That’s not very high. When I live my life in my hometown of Salt Lake City, I live at 4,327 feet above sea level. I have climbed high mountains in Utah, like Mt. Timpanogos that is 11,752 feet and Mt. Nebo that is 11,928 ft. I’m not healthy, but I’m also not fat.

When I was asked to work at the “high altitude” of 9,301 feet of the South Pole, I said, “Okay. I’ve done that.”

However, what I didn’t know, was that because the South Pole is at “The South Fucking Pole” it’s not just about the altitude. The South Pole has a variance of altitude because of the Earth’s centrifugal force which makes the South Pole seem much higher than the actual 9,301 feet. At times it can feel, because of lack of oxygen, as though you are over 12 or 13 thousand feet.

Before going to the South Pole, the doctors and scientists said I should take “prophylactic acetazolamide” to combat the feelings of high altitude sickness. However, my friend Donald said, “You’ll be ‘okay.’” He said that since he was from Colorado and I was from Utah, that I would be fine, because I was “use to the high altitude.”

I was at the South Pole for eight days. I quit taking prophylactic acetazolamide on day four, because I was feeling great. I listened to Donald.

On day eight, I nearly died. This wasn’t Utah. Because I’d lived at sea level for four months at McMurdo Station, and Donald didn’t know shit, my pulse oximeter (the amount of oxygen which should be in my blood and close to 100) was 52. I was failing breathing.

Pulmonary edema cut the oxygen supply to my brain making me think 3 + 7 = Cat. The South Pole doctor said, “Phil, you are two to four hours from death.”

All flights to the South Pole were canceled on this day, due to weather, but, due to “2 to 4 hours of death,” a C130 National Guard Airplane risked their lives and flew from McMurdo Station to rescue me at the South Pole. If not for universal Antarctica Health Care, I could be dead.

On this day, I learned I needed to listen to the scientists, and not to Donald.

This story ended up being too long. I’m sorry. I’ve lived through isolation, listened to friends, instead of the medical community, and somehow I’m still alive. How did Antarctica prepare me for the isolation of the coronavirus?

1: Do something today better than you did yesterday. Did you go to bed sooner? Wake up earlier? Brush your cat?

2: Exercise. In Antarctica my exercise routine was called, “Brushing the Dust Off of David.” There is no reason to take a hammer and chisel to David. All you need to do is to take a wet cloth and brush off the dust. Do 10 sit ups, pushups, or jog in place. Be happy with who you are, and barely maintain. If you set higher expectations, you might fail. Simply, brush the dust off of your personal David.

3: Do something better today than you did yesterday. There were many times in Antarctica I got more drunk on Friday than I did on Thursday. I’m not advocating alcoholism, but lower your expectations. Don’t look for perfection when a glass of wine might do.

4: Did you make your bed after you woke up? Some days you will go to bed and your biggest accomplishment will be, “I made that bed today.” Congratulations.

5: Groundhog Day. Every day may seem like yesterday, but, how did you make it different? In Antarctica, after six months of Winter the trash shelves are lined with “Learn ‘This Language’ in 30 Days” DVDs. Nobody accomplishes a lot during the isolation of Winter. But, if we do little, then that is a lot.

6: Communication. Does your phone work? In Antarctica, no one can call us, so we have to call out. Instead of waiting for ‘that phone call.’ Make it.

7: Don’t go outside. It’s too cold. In the Covid-19 case, it’s too dangerous. My dad goes to dialysis three times a week; please don’t kill him. Don’t go outside.

8: Appreciate your pets. In Antarctica we are not allowed to have pets. I started the “Antarctica Cat Club.” All we did was share photos of our cats from home that we wished to be with. Now, we get to live a cat’s life. Nap. Eat. Shit. Nap. Clean. Nap. Eat. Repeat.

Love your pets you lucky sons of bitches.

9: Art. Be creative. Rather you’re by yourself or preferably, with only yourself. Do something artistic. For instance, today, I chose to write this Manifesto. In Antarctica a group of us recreated the (drunk) history of the race to South Pole by Roald Amundsen and Robert Scott (https://vimeo.com/35084075). What will you or your isolated group create?

10: Know that it ends. A plane will come and take you away or scientists will tell you it’s safe to go outside. And then, it’s over. You take off your mask and gloves. You shop at a grocery store, you go to a movie, you hug your parents or, you love being able to hold those who you love.

Stay warm. Stay isolated. And, stay indoors.