#okay new hobby unlocked. i just need a microscope now

[heechulhamster]

Speed Dial- Park Chanyeol

PARK CHANYEOL X READER

Angst, Fluff, College!AU

Trigger Warning: The character has anxiety and self harms. Do not read if you are triggered by any of those. Please. And if you experience such, remember that we are here for you. You matter, you’re important, you are loved. And don’t be afraid to seek professional help. Your feelings are valid, your thoughts matter, and you deserve to be heard.

It wasn’t something that’s easy to notice but Park Chanyeol had a very keen eye. Seeking something you made sure to be extremely obscure. If it wasn’t for the new rules of the laboratory you’ve been partners at, your secret would’ve been still safe. 

You’ve hidden your scars under the long sleeves of your jackets. The scars that have shown how you coped with the stress, the sudden flood of emotions, the pain that you thought you deserved. It was all a secret beneath a piece of cloth. But when your new Biology instructor changed the rules and regulations in the laboratory, that secret was at high risk to be revealed. 

Chanyeol always knew something was up with you. You’ve always been silent and reclusive, which most can mistake as you being aloof. But he was quick to sense that it wasn’t the case. Every Wednesday and Friday, he inched closer to your soul in little ways. He sparked short conversations prior to and after the said class. Random things from questions regarding your other classes or your upbringing, which you answered with a short and direct to the point reply. It was when he joked about the hair, or lack thereof, of your Biology instructor that he saw the first time you smiled. And it was the day he promised himself that he’d do anything to see it again. 

But after that day, the roller coaster ride that was your life had more downs than ups. The situation in your own family snowballed into problems that affected your daily life. You’ve been kept awake at night by the thoughts that flooded your mind. All the what could, what will, what ifs, and whys that rang like a morning bell never gave you rest. Reaching a point where you could only blame yourself, and you believe that you deserved the pain you inflicted yourself. 

You were able to conceal the truth under jackets for a good number of weeks. But when your professor said that you are only supposed to use the half sleeved white lab gowns during the hour, you knew that your partner was going to notice. 

It was the very same day that Chanyeol took notice of the pain you put yourself through. He was unsure if he should address the elephant in the room. It was surely a sore topic, so he tried to approach you as discreetly as he can. 

“What have you been up to lately?” Chanyeol blurted after the class was dismissed.

“Same old things, school, home, and re-runs of Gossip Girl.” You added a faint laugh. 

“Hmm, how about breaking the cycle? I’m gonna play on the nearby cafe tomorrow. I’d appreciate if you’d come!” He suggested, being his sunny, happy, self.

“I’ll try, Chanyeol. But I’ve been lagging behind schoolwork lately and I really need to catch up. Tell me the next time you’ll play okay?” You said with a small smile as you grabbed your bag and started walking. You felt a hand over your shoulder and looked back at your lab partner. 

“Don’t stress yourself too much, okay?” Chanyeol donned one of the sweetest smiles you’ve ever seen. And you knew what exactly he was talking about. Of course he’s seen your arm when you held the microscope, how careless could you just be?

You were nervous of showing up that Friday. Someone already knew your secret, and he could easily report you to the guidance counselors. Just thinking about the endless interrogation about your current state, the invasion of your hard kept secrets, telling out the stories you never even wanted to experienced stressed the shit out of you. 

You tried to cover the lines on your wrists as much as possible on that span of two hours. You don’t even know why you still bothered when he already seen it. It was a manifestation of how anxious you just were. And another is that you covered the lines by habit.

The moment your professor dismissed the class, a small paper was beside your elbow. 

“Happy Hotline ^_^” followed by a phone number was written messily on the paper. You looked at the face of the source, you’ve been faced by the innocent smile yet again. 

“What’s this for?” You chuckled a little on his adorable demeanor. 

“It’s the happy hotline for you. If you need a little dose of cheering up.” You appreciated the effort he showed, but felt a little uneasy of your unusual behavior being the obvious reason that this was happening. 

“Chanyeol can we keep this thing a little secret between us two? I just don’t want being counseled - just the thought stresses me out and I.. and I...” You started spiraling into the panic vortex. ‘

An all too familiar hand touched your arm, “Hey, hey. It’s okay. Just don’t do it again, promise? Call me when it hits. Call me in the middle of the night, I won’t mind. Seriously. Wait - ah. Give me your phone.” Your phone was already on your hand and unlocked so it was easy for him to snatch it away. 

You saw Chanyeol type into the phone and he returned it in your hands afterwards. 

“I’m on speed dial. Just please, promise me. You’ll call okay?” He said with pleading eyes. Concern ridden in his face. 

“I don’t want to bother you.” 

“You won’t. Seeing that bothers me even more. Knowing that I could do something. Please, call.” At this point, both of Chanyeol’s hands were now situated on your arms. And you nodded, somehow you gravitated towards his warmth. His smile, his eyes that never failed to show emotions, his humor, maybe you needed a little bit of it in your life. 

You found yourself using the speed dial later that night. The wave of school works and the lack of sleep messed up with your hormones and you needed to calm down. You needed another voice to hear except the noise in your mind. You needed to lean on something before you collapse on your own. You needed Chanyeol.

“Hey, who’s this?” His voice resonated sweetly in your ears. You blushed at the thought that he picked up in less than three rings. 

“I figured that I needed a little bit of happiness..” You said with a smile on your face.

“Oh it’s you! I’m glad you called. I thought you’d just delete my number and mark me off as your weird lab partner for the rest of the semester.” He joked. 

“I think I’m the weirdo between us two. But yeah, I called so your number is still residing on my phone.” You chuckled. For whatever reason, his vibe was contagious. Chanyeol really deserved to be called a happy hotline because his jolly attitude just transmitted through the phone. You needed this, you needed someone to divert you from your dark thoughts. You needed someone to shed you some light. 

“So, what’s up?” He asked. And when it took you a minute or more to respond, Chanyeol realized that he pulled on the wrong strings and spoke once more. “What about I share first? You okay with listening on my endless chatter?” You laughed at his self deprecation, nodding on the other end of the line as if he’d see. 

He started telling stories about his last gig. How he cracked his voice due to the cold environment but ended up singing more songs. One topic led to another and it went to his favorite cartoon in childhood. Chanyeol cannot be stopped once he started sharing, and he was a delight to talk to for you. It was like he opened a new dimension with light, an area that you were eager to explore. Somehow the more he told about himself, the more you wanted to know. 

You looked at the clock and realized you’ve been talking for two hours non stop. You glanced on the paperwork that sat atop your desk and realized that you’ve been really slacking off, and the criticism you’ll give yourself afterwards would be worse if you don’t start accomplishing things now. 

“Hey, Yeol.” You started with the nickname he asked you to use. “I realized that we’ve been talking on the phone for hours now and I still have paperwork to do.” 

“Oh yeah, I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for bothering.” He said with a concerned and guilty tone. 

“No, if anything it’s me that bothered you. I’m thankful for the good talk. Save your childhood stories for the next time okay, I want to hear more.” You could feel as if your wide smile, something that has been so rare on your face for the past few months, could rip your face in two. But again, Chanyeol had that effect. 

After a few goodbyes,you hung up the phone. And it was one of the nights that the noise in your mind has been silent, for all that rang in your head was Chanyeol’s laugh. How he giggled when he talked about his hobbies. His enthusiasm when he talked about the songs he’s written. 

It carried on for days, somehow calling Chanyeol has become part of your daily schedule. Sometime’s he’s the one who would initiate the call. You started opening up to him. There were nights where you were talking about trivial, yet happy things. But there was the inevitable moments where your thoughts got the best of you. You’d just cry on the phone as he listened, muttering a few assuring words and letting you speak. 

The Wednesdays and Fridays became the highlight of your dreadful week. The two hours of each day that you got to be together was like a safe time for you. Void of all the monsters in your head, as the hero who killed them for you was right by your side. And it gave birth to another monster, another voice that kept you awake. 

You knew that you were falling for your happy pill. It plagued your mind how his voice became your safety. How the late night calls became the reason you’re excited to wake up in the morning. And the way the dreadful Laboratory meetings became the best part of your week. 

The fear started building up, what if he was just doing this out of pity? Out of charity? That Chanyeol stuck with you because he saw the urgency in your eyes, in the lines that filled your wrists. But the moment you’re okay, he’ll realize that his act of kindness was over. You feared that moment. 

Yet you still found yourself on the University green house where he asked to meet you. He told you he was playing for a special audience and he wanted you to be there. But there was no audience there. The only sight to see was the lot of plants that blossomed in the glass covers, and the tall, handsome, sunshine of a man that sat on the bench with his guitar. 

You approached Chanyeol and laid your bag on the bench. 

“Where’s the audience? Don’t tell me they stood you up.” A hint of sadness in your voice. You know how passionate Chanyeol was about his music and the thought of him being stood up by an audience just made your mouth turn sour. 

“Nah, they’re here. They’re complete.” He said with a smile. 

You looked around, still no one there to accompany you two. 

“Uhm, Yeol there’s no one else here.”

“Exactly, you’re my special audience since you always concoct an excuse when I ask you to come to my shows.” You laughed with the guilt. 

He started playing a song, one that you knew because he put it in a playlist he sent you. It was Up&Up by Coldplay, one of his favorite bands. His voice wasn’t the best, but it was all you wanted to hear. You let yourself be lost in the sight and soud of Chanyeol, letting go of all worries that he might be aware of your feelings. This time you wanted to spoil yourself, indulge yourself in what makes you happy. And it was the man in front of you. 

“Thank you so much, Chanyeol.” You said the moment he finished his song. The smile after the bliss of performing still wandered in his face. 

“You don’t have to thank me for anything. It was just what I wanted to do.” Somehow, you understood that he wasn’t just talking about playing a song. 

“But why? Why do this? Why carry my burden? Why me?” The questions flew out your mouth in a great speed you weren’t even able to control. 

“Because I want to.” He said in a matter of fact tone. 

“I don’t understand why anyone would want to help me, Yeol. I’m a mess, I’m a sad piece of failure that is unworthy, unlovable.” Your voice shattered in front of him. His smile slowly faded as his hand slowly find its way to yours. 

“Unlovable? Then tell me what’s wrong with me.” Your forehead formed a knot on his choice of words.

“Unworthy? I wouldn’t waste all my nights for something I don’t see worth in, you know. And if you feel as if you’re unlovable, I might have been doing a bad job.” A frown marked a place on what used to be a smile. 

“Chanyeol?” You asked, signaling him to clear up his point. 

But instead of using words, his lips formed another explanation when it landed on yours. His hands cupped your cheeks as he planted a soft kiss on your lips, moving sweetly and slowly, as if letting the motion make up for the lack of words in his explanation. You felt all the blood rise up your cheeks, this moment was one of the things that kept you awake at night. You wondered so much how it would feel, but now it was happening. 

Breathless, Chanyeol parted his lips from yours. “If you’re unlovable, how come I’ve fallen so madly inlove with you?” He said as he held your face and rested his forehead on yours. 

He slowly grabbed your hand and flipped it over, revealing the lines that held the place of what used to be your wounds. He brought it closer to his lips and chastely planted kisses on it. 

“I wanted to make this fade away. To help you forget the pain. I want to be there because I want to be with you. And you hurting yourself hurts me too.” His hand went back to your cheeks. 

“And I can feel it, that you feel it too. So just let me love you. Let me show you the things, the beautiful things I see in you.” And this time, it was your time to initiate the kiss. And it was an answer good enough for him. Because you were in a dark place, but Chanyeol was the one who shined the light back in your life. Chanyeol was your sunshine. And with that light, you felt saved. You felt loved.