#okay like half of these songs i didn't even realize i was listening to them enough to warrant being on my on repeat playlist

[deadpoets]

tagged by @delilahsbard and @moirainesedai, thank you both <3

let your spotify predict your 2024! shuffle your on repeat playlist, and the first twelve songs represent your 2024

january: beat the clock by the mccoys february: a night to remember by beabadoobee and laufey march: let me entertain you by queen april: last line by hannah cole may: tell me not to hurt by the shades june: all i need by small crush july: monster faladore by joe quartz august: ski-ing by george harrison september: lonely bones by dodie october:the man that got away by judy garland november: i'm coolin', no foolin' by lesley gore december: codependency by orla gartland

tagging: @ohwarnette, @dallaswinstons, @exy101, @cervelli, @pallases, @jynersso, @andorerso, @dlndjarin, @thestarlessea

[kousanosgf]

men, minors dni

sevika x f!reader

this was written for a request by @moonylvs ᜊ about sweet but secretly strong reader. also this is heavily inspired by laufey's vibes.

tags: fluff that's it i guess haha

you weren't someone interesting. another one of those semi popular zaunites singers. performing your jazzy lovey dovey songs couple days a week in a bar. for sevika you were a background noise as she came and went for another round of drinks, a game or a more of a casual business meeting.

it's not like she didn't notice. it, probably, was impossible to ignore your presence, always sticking for an hour or two after your shift, chatting with your friends. it seemed like everyone was at least acquainted with you. you were a real social butterfly, flying lightly between tables, paying attention to everything the visitors had to say. sevika even shared a word with you the first time she came and you made sure to introduce yourself.

cute. all that she thought. nothing more really. and if you were a little more pushy with her, the overall sweet image of you would've turned annoying quickly.

another day, another evening at the bar. sevika chose to spend it with the group of friends after work, catching up. though there was nothing much to discuss. the week was relatively calm for all of them. sevika's eye wondered, scanning the rest of the patrons as she was half-listening to her friend's story. her gaze got caught on you in the passing. already finished with your set, you were lounging at the bar counter with the glass of your favorite cocktail in hand, talking to some guy. nothing new around here too, sevika thought. as hours passed, she continued to look around occasionally, wishing to go home and end this boring evening.

finally, something caught her interest. your frame was becoming more dense, little high-pitched giggles that were reaching her ears gave off strained tones every time sevika slid her gaze your way. she didn't paid it much attention at first. who knew how you reacted to your dates, maybe it's just an anxiety. now, though, it was pretty clear you didn't want to be there and the man wouldn't get a hint. no one else seem to notice your discomfort to come save you, but it's not really her deal. your fault for having no spine to tell the guy to fuck off.

her calm evening seems to come to an end when she notices the man slides his palm up your shin. sevika sighs and stands up begrudgingly. damn her sense of justice.

"sevika, where'er you going?" her friend calls out, making her turn to reply.

she has no time to do so though, because a heavy thump breaks bar's chill atmosphere. sevika's head whips around. and there you are, standing with eyes full off rage above the unwelcome companion.

"are you insane?" the man screams, holding onto his jaw in pain, stumbling to stand up.

"not my problem you don't understand human language!" you raise your voice.

sevika doesn't have much time to think everything through, her legs already on the way to you. she grabs guy's shoulder roughly when he tries to reach for you.

"back off, the woman said no" as he realizes who's speaking to him, he mumbles something bitterly and hurries away, too afraid of silco's second in command.

sevika's attention now on you. "you okay?"

"yeah- yeah, sorry." you shake your hand, something hurts from the punch you gave the man. one of the waitress, your friend possibly, runs up to both of you, fussing over, suggesting to use the stuff room to check over yourself.

"you good. maybe gonna bruise a little." sevika gives her verdict and lets go off your hand. "he's one of the finn's, those guys have metal all over. probably had his teeth or jaw done."

"thanks again." you say, wiggling your fingers. "i'm sorry to cause a scene."

sevika can only huff out. you just got harassed and that's your response?

"didn't know you actually had it in you." she says instead. "that was a nice hit."

"ah- my older sister taught me." you laugh embarrassed.

sevika walks you home that day, to "make sure you won't get into another trouble" as she says to you and herself. you share stories on the way, mostly about your siblings. "we use to quarrel a lot and i was the youngest so i always was losing fights, until my sis showed me some moves." it makes sevika laugh genuinely, imagine you as a child arguing with your brothers and sisters.

and that's where it starts for her. she can't stop thinking about you. sevika doesn't understand how a woman like you can hold so much gentleness and still have that edge underneath. her memories wander to that fire in your eyes.

weeks pass and she finds herself dropping by more and more, waiting to spend some time with you. it hits her one day, when she comes into the bar only for one of the employees to immediately inform her you don't work today, that she might have a problem. (it's called a crush, but she's too stubborn to call it that.)

a month goes by and she does nothing with it. either too busy to think about her feelings or spending her days in doubt. there's not a chance you with your bossa nova voice, denim overalls and sweet smiles would choose such a harsh and rough around the edges woman.

it all comes to an end one day. catching sevika alone, when her friends went out for a smoke (and, yes, she stopped since you mentioned you don't like smokers much).

she sits on the sofa, playing with an ice cube in her glass, when a shadow covers her and she raises her eyes, you standing over her, looming, your fist diggs into the hip, like you're some angry kids cartoon character.

"so? how long do i have to wait before you invite me on a date?"

sevika chokes on her drink a little, surprised. there's that fire again, brows creased, displeased, maybe even angry. sevika takes a moment to catch her breath, more because of the way you look and not her drink.

"yes... i-" she literally doesn't know how to react and stumbles over her words. she tries to compose herself. "i was actually about to-"

"good then." you don't let her finish, looking more like you're about to lecture her than be happy that something in your relationship moved. "cause girls started to make fun of me for running around you. hope you're free tomorrow evening."

sevika nods but you don't see it, already off to the little stage, to play the next songs.

a chain of laughter rings out, the waitresses run off as sevika turns to glare their way.

[wlwsoccerfics]

Focus(Viv MiedemaXMiedemaReader)

Warnings:this Is quite personal, i am posting it so you know you are Not alone and adhd has many different faces and everyones experiences are Different.

Summary: your sister notices you struggling with your adhd again.

You sat on the couch, fidgeting with the sleeves of your favorite Hoodie. Having your Headphones on, listening to the same Song over and over again. Something you do alot cause you hate trying new Things Like music, TV Shows and movies. You often google the Outcome of a Show or whatever you are watching cause you get stressed not knowing. Could also be your anxiety playing into this. When you play football it's different. You don't mind not knowing the outcome. You are (almost) always at your best on the pitch.

Viv always knew exactly what to do to get you out of your head space when your mind was all over the place. She sat next to you and took your hand in hers, squeezing it. Trying to ground you, which slowly worked cause you stopped fidgeting. "Thanks Viv. " You told her. Offering her a small smile. She smiled back at you. "You don't have to thank me, it's what i am here for!" She replied. "You are only two years older, yet you do so much for me and always take care of me. Don't you get annoyed sometimes? Isn't my adhd too much for you sometimes?" You wanted to know. She pulled you in for a hug. "Yeah i get annoyed sometimes! But not cause of your adhd! I her annoyed cause you are my little sister and you are supposed to annoy me! It's how that works! Little siblings annoying the older ones." Viv told you with a soft laugh escpaing her lips. Which did make you chuckle. "Okay that's fair!" You answered. Then you jumped up cause you had to do something important. "Wow easy there, don't injure yourself on a match day! Or preferebly ever!" Viv told you. "I won't! I am careful! I just have to...." You frowned softly cause you realized you just forgot what you wanted to do. Viv knew that look so she stood up and suggested the two of you would check If you have packed everything in your bag.

Indeed you did have everything packed for today's game. "Are you feeling any better? Or is there anything i can do for you?" Your sister asked. "Thank you! I feel a bit more relaxed. But i also think i forgot to finish up something important." You let her know. Sighing softly. She offered you a sympathetic smile. "Whatever it is i am sure you gonna be able to figure it out! Let's try and get your focus on the game!" She suggested. But then Viv was thinking for moment. Which you noticed so you tried to study her face. "y/n? did you take your meds?"she asked you. And you suddenly realized that you were in the middle of taking them when you got distracted by your Phone giving you a notification about your favorite Podcast having a new Episode out. "I took one of them and forgot the other pill!" You answered. "So that was what you forgot!" Viv stated. "Yes indeed! Thank you for helping me to figure this out!" You hug your sister as a thank you and she hugged you back. "Always there for you, Baby sis! Always and forever!" She let you know. "It's deeply appreciated!"

You drove to the game together. Your best friend Jill hugged you and smiled. "Happy to have you back." She told you. you missed the last three games because of your ankle giving you a hard time. but things have been great now. "Glad to be back! Not gonna lie kind of glad i didn't have to play against Alessia last Weekend!" You told her,which made her laugh. You and Alessia have been together for two years now. "Don't injure yourself next time we are up against Arsenal again though, please i am begging you!" Jill said, half jokingly.

Your head was free from any distracting thoughts so you were 100% focused on the Game against Aston Villa. You even scored two goals.

Thankfully your sister is always there to help you figure things out.

[anthonys237thfreckle]

‘Promise’ - Javier ‘Javi’ x Kate Carter & F! reader (angst!)

someone asked for a part two and I realized how good of an idea that was lmao. I need indirect ways to incorporate my past experiences into my fics anyway.

part one

prompt: you made a promise to distance yourself from Javi and Kate

TW: mentions of smoking, some detailed mention of self harm, suicidal thoughts, mentions of nausea, disordered eating, breakdowns, smoking, angst :(

Do NOT proceed if the triggers mentioned above upset you greatly. You have been warned.

I made a promise

To distance myself

Once Tyler dropped you off to the train station, you smiled and waved until you couldn’t see his truck anymore. You wanted to hang onto any last string of familiarity for as long as you could.

Especially since your life would change completely - for better or worse.

You took a deep breath, closing your eyes for a moment, trying to calm down your trembling body.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

5 things you see - the train station, the crumbling yellow bricks, the jolly red-white-blue american flag, your luggage, and the people. Lots of people.

4 things you hear - the people, obviously, the cicadas crying, the heavy bell ringing inside, the honking of cars for you to get out of their way.

3 things you smell - the heat - somehow, the smell of smoke from cars, and the thick air.

2 things you feel - terrified. hurt.

1 thing you taste - bitterness.

Shaking your head, you take another deep breath. Eyes dead set on the mission in front of you, you marched into the train station, bought a ticket to Oklahoma City, and settled down inside.

But now was the hardest part; waiting. What made it harder was you didn’t want to think about anything that happened yesterday. So, putting your headphones on, you made a playlist with none of the songs that reminded you of Javi or any of the ones he recommended to you. Essentially, you just listened to 3 songs in total, over and over again, but the knowledge you knew what was coming next was comforting, something you couldn’t apply to your current situation.

Took a flight, through aurora skies

Honestly, I didn't think about

How we didn't say goodbye

Just see you very soon

You woke up when the train jolted to a stop - you had fallen asleep, waking up to hear the opening notes of some song you were listening to earlier. Looking out the window, you reached Oklahoma City. With a sigh of relief and trepidation, you got your bags and headed out of the station, hailed a taxi to the airport. Booking a last minute flight back home to LA, you made your way to the gate. Setting your bag down, you sat in a char near the huge windows. Deciding it wasn’t close enough, you sat on the little raised platform attached to the window and leaned your head against it like you saw so many children do.

The boarding call was announced, and everyone sat up groggily. It all went by pretty quickly. Standing in line, getting your boarding pass stamped and your passport checked, finding you seat, putting your bag away and sitting down. Taxi and take off was a blur; luckily you got a window seat, and stared out at the pink clouds, tinted by the setting sun, a peach tone.

Peachy, just like your favourite pie.

You groaned, covering your eyes and rubbing them as your mind started to think about Oklahoma. About Javi, and the last time he saw you. And the last thing he said to you. It wasn’t even a proper goodbye, but you couldn’t blame him because he didn’t know it was goodbye.

And honestly, neither did you.

But you made yourself a promise - to distance yourself.

Those last words of his echoed in your mind.

“I- Okay, alright. Take care, (Y/N)”

It hurts to be something

It's worse to be nothing with you

You half expected a text from Javi - it had been around 24 hours since you last saw him. Since you told him you had a ‘family emergency’ to take care of. Who wouldn’t expect a little ‘you doing okay?’ or ‘safe travels’ when someone saw you break down in the middle of a field, distressed as hell? Sure, you and Javi weren’t dating, sure you both drifted apart ever since Kate got closer with him instead, but were you two not even friends anymore?

Did you mean nothing to him?

This wasn’t the first time he ghosted you - after the EF5 tornado, he didn’t say a word to you. But it was understandable why - everyone was hurting, and maybe he couldn’t bring himself to talk to you. In Oklahoma, the only times he’d talk to you is when you started a conversation, otherwise you could sit silently and he’d happily talk with Kate, leaving you be. It was never him starting anything.

And Kate. Did she figure out you liked Javi? Is that why she didn’t text you? Did she feel guilty? Part of you wanted her to feel guilty, but the other part of you didn’t want to be pitied. Part of you wanted to go back, but this - this was best for you right now. Nobody could tell you otherwise.

Instead, you got a text from Tyler.

‘hey there cowgirl - how you getting along?’

You chuckled - ‘cowgirl’ was probably the worst way to describe yourself. Instead, you typed down a response, your heart a little less heavy.

‘hey, Tyler. thanks for asking. means a lot’

He was typing, the three dots appearing on screen

‘of course. lemme know if you need anything at all okay? stay safe out there’

You sent him an affirmative text, thankful to actually have a friend who cared enough to check in on you, helping you out without questioning anything, having only known you for a week.

So I didn't call you

For sixteen long days

You found comfort in some form of familiarity in your life; back home in LA, everything looked duller, more still. Like the whole world knew about your heartbreak and was mourning, or mocking you. You tried to plunge into work, distracting yourself but sometimes, you’d just stare at your work, screen or paper, and just zone out. Your was brain still trying to process everything, and you were losing a lot over it - sleep, peace, overall joy, your will to wake up, and more.

It felt like after the EF5 tornado but worse because you knew somewhere in Oklahoma, Kate was with Javi, both of them happier than ever. It felt worse because you could never have him anymore. He was gone. And someone got to see him every day, sometimes wake up next to him, sometimes stay up all night with him. You felt like you were gonna be sick.

For a fortnight, all you could eat was cheese, bread, and grapes. It was the only thing you could keep down.

It was so hard not to text Javi. After you had just left, it’s like you were isolated for 5 years, given a taste of him, then forcing yourself to stay away. It was something you chose to do, not something you were forced to live with.

But you won’t call him. No matter how long the days felt they were dragging by.

And I should get a cigarette

For so much restraint

Walking by a drugstore to entertain yourself, you entered the establishment with an electronic ding notifying your presence. Strolling through the ailes, you picked up Sourhead Extremes (so in case you wanted to call Javi, you’d have to go through a gustatory agony first) and some nail polish, just to look pretty. Walking to the cashier, you mindlessly threw in a pack of cigarettes onto the counter, before putting them back in a jerky motion.

“What the hell…” you murmured to yourself, ashamed of what you were about to do. Buy cigarettes - to smoke.

Walking out of the store briskly, you speed-walked home; chiding yourself for almost ‘rewarding’ your no contact mission by smoking, you realized how truly pathetic you were.

“God, what is wrong with me…” you muttered, keeping your head down, watching the wet streets reflect the light of the sun and your dark sorrow.

No matter how long I resist temptation

I will always lose,

Eventually you did buy the cigarettes. You went home, lounging in your bed, a pretty china plate acting like an ashtray for you. Legs up in the air, swinging occasionally, eyes half lidded from the light high, you felt the chalky smoke fill your lungs, watching it come out in little clouds of grey air.

You felt in control for the first time since leaving Oklahoma - the cigarette sitting pretty between your red tinted fingers and lips. You smiled softly, satisfied by finally scoring a small win. You didn’t tell Tyler that you smoked. He’d say it’s a horrible habit you should give up.

Obviously it was more of a lose - giving into an impulse, and now you were at risk of falling deeper into addiction. You weren’t in control, you never really were.

But why would you make yourself feel worse when you were on the literal brink of crumbling?

Although, you didn’t get addicted. After the high wore off, you felt disgusted, throwing out the pack of almost full cigarettes. You wouldn’t tell Tyler, of course.

It hurts to be something

It’s worse to be nothing with you

Two weeks went by, and though you pretended everything was okay, it really wasn’t. You didn’t know if you missed Javi or not, but you really didn’t want to.

You don’t know if you want to see the face you loved so much, the face that lights up when he sees Kate, the face that Kate holds, kisses, caresses.. the face that she admires alongside you.

You wanted to get over him, you really did, but you cared so much about him. You didn’t want to stop caring about him, when loving him felt so… lovely.

But it hurt so much.

You barely got any sleep this past fortnight. Having a reverie about the man who daydreamed about another woman. The things you wished he did to you, he did to Kate. He was hers. So assured, so confident. No doubt in that.

For a fortnight, there you were, stripped of any text backs from him.

You were starting to think you just wanted his attention, which you dont know if you wanted anymore, knowing his attention belonged to Kate. Why would you care so much about him texting you?

But then again, weren’t you two friends?

I’ve done the math

There’s no solution

We’ll never last

Why can’t I let go of this?

Right now, you, broken, needed comfort. May it be fake hope again. Nobody was there to stop you anyway, so in your free time, you started to think of the ways Kate and Javi would have problems with each other.

‘She’s too arrogant sometimes, and he’s really down to earth’

‘She can’t communicate her feelings!’

‘Kate’s one to settle, Javi isn’t’

Of course, you knew it was wrong. Of course it was a bitchy thing to think. But who were you to care right now?

You were hurt, and you needed to feel better to even try and start to get a grip on reality. you didn’t want to rip of the band aid yet.

Not yet.

Even worse, your mind started thinking of ways you and Javi could get together; Kate could leave him in the dark again, she could get into a fight with him…

But nothing made sense - she wouldn’t leave when she looked at him that way… and any fights would be cleared quickly with Javi’s forgiving nature.

He would do anything for her.

All in all, you realized how shitty you were being, and texted Tyler, saying you couldn’t hide from Javi - couldn’t hide from the pain that haunted you. The bright lights of LA looked dull. The sun felt like a false light.

Your world was falling apart, how could the sun be shining when your world was falling apart?

‘Just walk around. Wear something that makes you feel good. Grab some good lunch downtown. Spoil yourself. Act like a damn tourist, I don’t care. Just do anything that reminds you that there’s more to life than Javi’ he wrote.

So I broke my promise

I called you last night

I shouldn’t have, I wouldn’t have

If it weren’t for the sight of a boy who

Looked just like you standing out on Melrose Avenue…

It hurts to be something

It’s worse to be nothing, with you.

Three days later, you sat on the roof of a building. The sun was setting, you looked at the streets below. People were walking - their dogs, their toddlers, and whatnot.

You were so disappointed with yourself. Closing your eyes, you thought back to everything that happened yesterday.

Following Tyler’s advice, you woke up ready to face the day.

Waking up bright and early, you went for a run, saw some pretty things on the way. You found it insane how easy it was to overlook the small things in life.

Coming home, you made breakfast; oatmeal with bananas, almond butter and chocolate chips. You savoured every bite with a smile.

You hopped into the shower, using your favourite body wash. Putting on an outfit, doing your hair and makeup, slipping on your shoes, you left the house, ready to explore the city…

All was going well until sunset.

—

You were walking along the streets of LA, acting like you’d never seen anything like it before. A coffee in hand, you walked confidently down the path, turning a corner to browse a bookstore on Melrose Avenue, when someone caught your eye.

A boy, waiting for the light signal to turn green, who looked exactly like Javi.

You froze.

Suddenly, you didn’t want coffee any more. You didn’t want anything right now but to go home.

—

You rushed home, trying so hard to control your breathing, then stumbling desperately to your room. As soon as your face crashed against the pillows, the soft, gentle fabric a perfect medium to absorb the tears now flowing down your face. You sobbed, curled into a still-bedazzled ball on your bed, hugging yourself, contracting into a fibonacci.

Reaching for your purse, you pulled out your phone, scrolling through your contacts. Through the wet and blurry lens of your tears, you scrolled into the alphabet until you reached the ‘J’ section. The first name was Javi.

Pressing on his name, then the ‘call’ button, you held it to your ear, taking shuddering breaths as you tried calming yourself down. The your phone cooed like a pigeon, signalling his phone, somewhere in Oklahoma, was ringing.

You were clean. Clean for a little over 2 weeks. Clean from his voice ringing in your ears, new words exchanged and whatnot.

But as you held your phone in your hand, crying, watching it reach Javi’s phone, waiting for him to answer, it all felt like a relapse.

Like the feeling of the cool blade on your skin, slicing through, leaving an angry red river in its wake.

The sick, high feeling you get from it - the ecstasy, watching you destroy yourself, finding beauty in the rubble.

Some part of you, the logical part of you was screaming to press the red button. To leave Javi alone. It wasn’t fair for you to reach out first, right? Why would you make a fool out of yourself by calling him? You’re not that desperate for him, are you?

But the hurt, emotional, desperate part of you didn’t, daring him to answer. Just to remind him of your existence. Just this once.

Still fighting the internal battle, you delved deeper into why he didn’t call you yet.

Did Kate tell him everything? Did she finally find out? Did she realize at all about how hurt you were?

The anger only just started to hit you, claiming your brain as a new population to be corrupted, a new host for the parasite, a new fruit to rot.

You were mad. You didn’t know at who. But you decided you were mad at Kate. For dating him. You knew it was wrong to be mad, because you had no claim over Javi, but you were too deep into your anger to actually think of a better way to cope. Suddenly, you were so mad at Kate. So, so mad. Part of you wanted to tear your house down, scream like a mad woman, but you didn’t. Your dwindling self control kept you in check.

Then came the sadness. You were so mad at Kate, but she was so happy right now. She didn’t care or know how your felt right now. how hurt you felt right now. She had Javi. Her Javi. And they were both happy - oh so happy, oh so blissfully unaware of how you felt right now.

They were happy - they were perfectly fine without you. Because they didn’t need you as a friend, not like they did in college - maybe they didn’t back then either, because they had each other. That’s all they needed. Each other was all they needed.

You were so deep into the crevices of your mind, drowning in both pain and relief, you almost didn’t hear your name drenched in Javi’s voice coming from the speaker.

‘[name]?’

—

follow + stay tuned for part three!!

[ddejavvu]

i was using Spotify and I realized how u could see what ur friends are listening to atm on there and it would be so fun to have hotch discover this, and be surprised that the reader is listening to songs like “or nah” or j any explicit songs like that and is into it😋 could lead into something more like playing that song while they’re doing it later on

OKAY THANK YOU LOVE UR WRITING!!!

i love you! i just left this vague and open to whatever song you want to insert!

this post is 18+, minors dni.

Being Spotify friends with Aaron Hotchner only came about because of Penelope's insistence on team bonding. And because she wanted to send everyone the personalized playlists she'd made for them, and sharing became much easier that way.

All it's yielded for you is the knowledge that, very infrequently, Hotch remembers he has a music app on his phone, and that he plays 2-3 Beatles songs before he inevitably gets called to another task and has to shut off the music.

Aaron is even less frequently informed of your tastes in music than you are of his, because the few times that he's used the app, he forgets to check what the other members of the team are listening to. Not that he really cares; Spencer's listening to classical and Derek has too-loud EDM playing in his headphones that Savannah teases him for. Rossi prefers records to his phone, and JJ plays mainly kids' songs for her boys. Emily is always listening to some mid-2000's rock song, but you, you he hasn't gotten a read on. You're all over the place, switching from singer to singer, genre to genre, language to language. All in all, his team's music taste doesn't affect him, but Penelope is far more eager to snoop on you all than he is.

"Ooh, nasty girl," She gushes, head bent to look at her phone as she waits in Aaron's office. He'd instructed her to let him have five minutes to finish a report before she briefed him on a new case's details, but she's proving very distracting. With a glance up at her, half-scathing, half-incredulous, he asks, 'What?'

"Oh! Y/N's Spotify," She holds out her phone as explanation, showcasing your profile with unfamiliar album art displayed over it. It's black and red, but Aaron doesn't recognize the song or the artist.

He raises an eyebrow at Penelope, and she huffily gives into his demand.

"It's a song about sex," She informs him, "Like- feral, sweaty, hungry, clawing-at-the-sheets, scratching-up-his-back, mouth-open-so-he-"

"Alright! Enough," Hotch snaps, glaring disapprovingly at her rather vulgar language, "I think I get the picture, Garcia."

"Sorry, sir." She looks only mildly sheepish, talking more to herself than she is to him as she muses, "Didn't know she was into that kind of thing."

Aaron doesn't think about the title of the song again until well after Penelope's gone, and he's taking his lunch alone in his office. He's more a fan of songs that, if they are about sex, don't outwardly mention any vulgarity, and he's not sure if he could handle explicit material being spewed at loud volumes directly into his ear. Call it morbid curiosity, call it Disapproving Boss Syndrome, but he fishes near-new headphones out of his desk drawer to find out what you've been listening to while filling out government paperwork all day.

He has the good sense to look it up on youtube without logging in. He doesn't want this attached to him in any way, and he certainly doesn't want eagle-eyed Penelope catching him on Spotify.

The beginning of the song seizes the ear right away, a unique beat that definitely doesn't sound sexually appealing. But when each different instrument filters in and the lyrics begin, he realizes that Penelope's description was not very far off.

It's filthy.

It's twenty kinds of vulgar, words that he's never even heard before being used to refer to genitalia. The only way he figures out their definitions is through context, and he thinks he may have been better off without knowing them. He's floored by the contents of the song; he knows sexual songs exist, even at this level of vulgarity, but he'd have never expected you to indulge in them. Certainly not in the workplace.

The song finishes out at three minutes and nine seconds, and Hotch feels a slight heat to his face as he unplugs his headphones and closes the tab. No one had caught him, but he feels mortified anyways, and decides he no longer has an appetite.

He puts the lid back onto the container of leftover pasta that he'd brought from home, keeping his head down as he treks to the kitchenette to refrigerate it.

Of course, his luck fails him as he nearly bumps into you, rounding the corner to the small, closed-off kitchen and finding you in front of the microwave in the doorway.

"Oh! Sorry, Hotch." You laugh, stepping out of his way to let him through. He notices an earbud in your ear and pushes away the knowledge of what song you're probably listening to, heading for the fridge instead.

"It's fine." He grumbles, electing to stay silent for the rest of your impromptu meeting if he can manage. He feels slightly guilty for being cold towards you, because it was his own curiosity that led to his embarrassment, but he can't look you in the eyes right now.

You see fit to fill the awkward silence with the tapping of your nails on the counter, and with a jolt of recognition, and something else far more intense below the belt, he realizes that you're tapping out the beat of the song.

He ignores your sharp gasp as he slams the refrigerator door perhaps a tad too hard. He doesn't have time to feel bad about startling you, though, not when he so desperately needs to be back in the confines of his office, away from the prying eyes of the team.

His sharp memory comes in handy as he calls upon the name of the song later that night, pretending to himself that he's only doing it because it's been stuck in his head. Not because every time he thinks of it, or rather, of you listening to it, his pants tighten slightly. He chooses youtube first, but something drags his thumb towards the spotify button instead, and he swallows the saliva that's suddenly pooled in his mouth when his suspicions are confirmed: you're listening to it, too.

At eleven-thirty at night, probably beneath the covers on your bed just like Aaron is, you're listening to a song about sex, and as he sinks a hand beneath the waistband of his pajama pants, he knows without a doubt that you're doing the same.

[wyatt-writes]

Your Glasses ?

Miguel ohara x bottom male reader

This contains: Fluff, established relationship, short fic. Yes starting off wholesome. Maybe a cover up because I suck at smut but no one has to know.

Im starting off my blog with my stuff I have on Wattpad @ trygonaize or Wyatt

It was a beautiful day in Nueva York, my universe, with the sunshine and breeze lifting my spirits. The recent string of gloomy days made today's clear skies even more enjoyable. I was eager to spend this beautiful day with Miguel. However, dating Spider-Man meant he was often busy, a trade-off I had to accept. Still, I longed for time together with my boyfriend. Who wouldn't?

Unable to resist, I grabbed my phone to text Miguel about my plans. When he didn't respond right away, I assumed he was tied up with work. Then, I texted him on the watch he gave me for emergencies, knowing he'd see it.

Me: Hey Miguel I wanted to see if you were free today because I want to hangout and you weren't answering your phone

Miguel: Yeah babe I'm free. Not right now that's why I didn't pick up but I'll be at your house soon.

Me: Okay, luv ya

Miguel: Love you too, more than you know mi vida.

I smiled at his last text, savoring his words. Each "I love you" from Miguel was a treasure, more cherished than a simple heart emoji her usually reply with. Feeling energized, I decided to freshen up. I chose shorts, a collared t-shirt, and the necklace Miguel gave me for our anniversary. After styling my hair a bit, I lay down on my bed to plan our day.

Experience had taught me that Miguel's "soon" often meant I had some time. So, I started scrolling through my phone for ideas. Eventually, I stumbled upon an ad for a theme park. It sounded like a blast, so I went ahead and booked the tickets. Now, all that was left was to wait for Miguel to arrive. To pass the time, I scrolled through Instagram and even learned a dance or two to my favorite song on TikTok. Before I knew it, hands snaked around my waist.

"Don't even use the door anymore?" I said playfully.

"Do I need to?" Miguel chuckled.

"Just stop creeping up on me," I said, slipping out of his grip.

"Mmhm, so what are we doing today, amor?" Miguel asked, his hands finding their way back around my waist.

"We're going to the theme park, and you can't say no because I already bought the tickets," I replied with a smug grin, showing him the tickets.

"You know I'll never say no to you," Miguel stated.

"That's what I like to hear. Now get off me and go wash up. Who knows what universe you've been in," I joked, half-seriously.

"Alright, alright. I have to listen to whatever my Príncipe says," Miguel finished as he walked off to shower.

I settled on the couch, getting caught up in whatever show was on TV. Time flew by, and soon Miguel was coming down the hallway. I gestured for him to follow me out the door.

"Wait a sec," Miguel said, sounding worried.

"What is it?" I asked, concerned.

"My glasses," Miguel stated. I tried to hold back my laugh but failed.

"Y-your glasses?" I said between giggles.

"This is no laughing matter," Miguel insisted. "I'm not leaving without them."

"I'm sorry, but since when did you wear glasses?" I laughed.

"I've always had them; I- just don't wear them," Miguel said.

"So why do you need them now? We're going to a theme park," I questioned, confused about why he suddenly wanted to wear them.

"Because..." Miguel trailed off nervously. I looked at him, bewildered. "Because I heard you on the phone one day."

"Oh my god," I muttered to myself, realizing he was talking about the time I told my best friend that men with glasses were a turn-on.

"So you're looking for them now to impress me?" I asked.

"Maybe..." Miguel admitted reluctantly, his pride holding him back. I walked up to him, cupping his face in my hands.

"Babe, I'll always love you no matter what you look like. I didn't think something like that would get to you. I'm sorry," I said sincerely.

"I know, [name], but sometimes I'm scared I'm not enough. I haven't been the best boyfriend, and I know you wish I could be there more, and I—" I interrupted his rambling with a kiss.

"It's okay, Miguel, because I love you. You're my one and only. Forever and always," I spoke softly.

"I-I love you too, mi vida," Miguel responded, his appreciation evident in his eyes.

Word count 792

A/n : hope I did good enough Ik it's short but there's more to come soon!

[moonlit-escape]

‧₊˚꒰♱꒱༘‧⊹ Zane Mystreet headcanons !!

i love this lil emo freak i NEED to get wine drunk n watch ponies w this guy

6'0 (183cm)

go white boy go

hetero. (comfortable with this label, but honestly his attraction isn't limited to cis women and he has even had crushes on femme men (he just wants to be the token hetero friend))

capricorn ♑️

he mostly dresses casual emo, but sometimes my guy wants to rock a pair of demonias and a fishnet bodysuit with some heavy, pure silver chains and rings, alri

piercings,. piercings piercings piecings. no lips piercings... septum and eyebrow, though. and DEFINITELY gauges in his ears. and ABSOLUTELY ones with cute shapes.

if he didn't cover his mouth all the time, i think he would like wearing dark, cool colored lipsticks

and it'd be smudged all the time bc he keeps fuckin snacking on sweets

of course he paints his nails, and he treats them well bc he hates chipped nail polish (rich boy gets the highest quality, strongest clear nail protection youve never seen before in your life)

honestly all the ro'meave brothers are a bunch of gnc kings like okayyy!! pop off boys w your dresses, heels, skirts, n makeup!!

god can that boy sing

idc he listens to vocaloid and his favourites are vflower and rin kagamine

also listens to emo songs (ofc) and cartoon songs

prefers rock band over guitar hero

one time he smacked vylad in the back of the head with a rock band drumstick and he felt so bad he ran off and cried

boy is the most fuck-ugly crier

secretly steals stuff from people he cares about as keepsakes (like, little things: garroth's old gameboy, vylad's old sketchbook, aph's other half of a pair of lost earrings, nana's ribbons and pastry wrappers)

actually has pretty high metabolism, and one time he gloated abt it to aph and accidentally made a joke in poor taste, and she kicked his ass. so, he just lets her call him a lil fat boy as his eternal penance for being an asshole

okay this isn't a headcanon but sort of is but, why were him and dante like Tightrope-walking that fucking incel line as teenagers. like they were one wrong step from falling into an incel category. thank god their brothers would NOT have had that from their baby brothers anyway bc Wtf

anyway

honestly, he doesn't feel as cold toward vylad as he used to as a teen, and kind of wishes he had the strength to show that and reach out and ease the tension between them. but, he's afraid of making it worse by being awkward, so he wants to wait and hope that vylad makes the first move, if he ever does. (and if not, he'll probably ask garroth to do it for them)

has rejection sensitive dysphoria, made even worse by a rejection complex from: garte's blatant favouritism, bullying and rejection in school, and isolation as an adult. it's part of why he became so attached and possessive of aph. but, he's safer now

he was a harry potter kid. garroth was the percy jackson one, and vylad was warrior cats.

he always thought he was a slytherin but i think he's more of a hufflepuff than he realizes (nana on the other hand.)

he has a lot of sanrio merchandise. more than he will ever admit. his pony merchandise does outweigh it, though, of course

yes, his main comfort character and obsession lies with pinkie pie cake. but, the rainbow dash backpack Objectively fucks

you can get him to eat anything, so long as it's candied or chocolate covered. this means if you hand him one of those candied roaches, he won't think twice about gnashing down on one of those suckers

has a plushie collection of really, really soft and sweet-looking animals. and all of them have punk-like accessories (safety pin piercings, spikes, black ribbons, black laces, etc)

the only plush that doesn't have anything on it is an old brown teddy bear with garroth's faded name on the tag

likes to make snapcube sonic fandub references and will just drop random shadow, the devil, and memphis tennessee quotes

[seaofreverie]

Sparkstember Day 3: Kimono My House (Falling In Love With Myself Again)

Kimono my house, mon amour! Everyone knows how great and one of a kind this album is... So what can I even say about it that hasn't been said already? Well, I'll just plunge right into my own experience with it and go from there.

This was my first Sparks album and it definitely made a huge impression right away. While it wasn't really the album that got me hooked on Sparks, it still managed to pique my interest in this specific era especially, so my choice for the next album to go with was obvious (more on that tomorrow). And it was surely like nothing I heard before at that point... or since, really. Altough I must also admit that it was probably the furthest I went back in time listening to music at the moment, as in, I haven't even ventured much into listening to much music from the 70s on my own until that point, so I didn't even really have anything to compare it with. Still though, that doesn't change as I get into more 70s music - there's still nothing quite like Kimono.

I love how cohesive this album is, without becoming same-ish, it still has so much different stuff to offer. I really don't know how to best put it, but it's really like a huge, wonderful and whimsical journey. Just thinking about the opening and closing tracks and how well they work for their roles... It was mindblowing to hear a year and a half ago, and it still is to this day. I'm honestly suprised by how, even though I really loved KMH from the very start, I can still love it more and more.

And the most (seemingly) unforeseen of things will cause this. Like my "Kimono My House Summer", by which I mean last summer when I went on a trip and all the different songs from this album accompanied me through it and are now an integral part of my memories of that time. And how getting KMH on vinyl just last month caused my love for it to suddenly skyrocket still - it was actually just last month that I rejected one particular opinion I still held with full conviction until now regarding this album, but more on that tomorrow...

Favourite songs (and other highlights):

Okay, this is when this section actually gets kind of hard to deal with properly. Because almost every single song from this album is something I could have considered a favourite at some previous point in time. So this time I'll go about it by listing my longest-standing faves.

This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us: obviously. I remember the first time I heard this song so well because it really made such a huge impression. The day I get to hear this song live might change me forever. I'm sure there's nothing quite like experiencing it live. I also really want to learn to play this one on piano. I hope that's doable with my current skill level!

Amateur Hour: this song stands out in the sense that right away i got the impression that there's just this... sort of classic quality to it... that makes me think, wow this is one of the originals. This is one of the songs that set the standard for pop music of the following decades. Keep in mind that this was when I was only getting into Sparks and all this information I've aquired about them was very fresh in my mind, like how they were such an important influence for so many artists to come. Like, one of the biggest influences and most important figures in history of modern pop PERIOD. So indeed, with this song it truly felt like wow, I hear this, totally. Very satisfying moment (and I'm actually really curious if anyone else got this impression from THIS tracks specifically as well)

Here In Heaven: feels strange to not say anything about this one when I said so much about the previous two, so. I'll just say that I really love the guitar parts during the chorus (like when the title is said?). Also, enjoyable story in the lyrics (but that's no rare thing on this album)

Hasta Manana, Monsieur: when I think about it I start to realize I could consider this my very first Sparks fav OVERALL, I'm pretty sure that hearing this song is what convinced me to give this whole album a go! Or my memory is lying to me about this specific fact and it was actually some other song, but either way, the point still stands I think

Talent Is An Asset: going with the early impression for this one again, and I think it's one of the most important entries on the list of songs that felt like they should be newer than they are. This song did not sound 50 years old to me by any means. Very ahead of its time? That's sort of Sparks' whole thing though, isn't it?

Equator: again, not even a personal fav necessarily, or at least until very recently, but I still want to mention it because I truly think it's one of the songs of all time. It's just, so very good. And these days I can't listen to it without being reminded of the several incredible live performances of it. They're all impressive, to say the least!

[jisunghannie]

Healthy and Happy

PAIRING: Bangchan x fem!reader

WARNING: Mentions of death, gore, car crashes, injuries, blood, hospitals, reader in a coma, reader, reader being called jagiya, swearing, and Chan getting hurt, physical contact (slapping, etc).

SUMMARY: You and Chan were trying to get to the car but you kept waking up in a dream after every death you had experienced. Was it a dream? Apparently it was, a dream of life or death.

WORD COUNT: 2,436

A/N:

.°•○>><<○•°. = POV switch

.°• ✿ •°. = Flashback/Present time

`○°.• ✿ •.°○` = Timeskip

-ssi is used to describe someone older (Maknaes, Changbin, and Hyunjin use this to address you!)

-ah is used to describe someone younger (Lee Know uses this to address you!)

It was another day as you and Chan had another date. It was like date after date after date. It wasn't a bad thing. You loved it. You loved being spoiled by him and being shown off by him. He never wasted a moment with you.

All the STAYs were oblivious to your relationship with Chan. You had always taken his pictures for him in public. He loved them and posted them on his instagram. He was so happy he could barely keep himself from kissing you after every picture you took. You loved it though. After the last date. You were on your phone admiring the pictures and next thing you knew, you heard Chan yell out.

"Y/n! Watch out!" You heard Chan's voice as you got hit with a car. As everything went black.

When you woke up. You woke up in a cold sweat. Scaring Chan awake he listened to your dream.

"But you don't get it Channie! It felt so real!" You told him as you were pulled into a close hug. "If that were to happen I think I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I just watched you die." He told you seriously as you kissed his cheek. "I'm not going anywhere Channie." You said as he hugged you tightly. "I know jagiya... but it feels like you are..." You laughed at your silly boyfriend as he looked at you with his big eyes.

You and Chan had more time as you watched him perform and dedicate songs to you. You smiled every time you thought about all of the songs.

"Y/n-ssi, how long have you and Chan been together?" Jeongin asked as Chan wrapped his arm around your stomach. "Since high school. She's been with me for a long time." He said kissing your cheek as you giggled. "Since his senior year and my sophomore year." You said as Felix's eyes widened. "Holy crap, Chris you are a preda-" Before Felix finished his sentence Minho jabbed his elbow into Felix's side. "Relax, if you think about it y/n-ah is just 3 years younger than Chan."

You smiled realizing that moments like this would never get old. Realizing how long you and Chan had been together had made you feel like you were the luckiest ever. You were with your first love since high school and he has even been your high school sweetheart. You couldn't believe time had passed so quickly. You wanted to have time stand still. So you could be with him forever.

"Jagiya, you okay? You look deep in thought." Chan asked as you looked at him kissing him.

Jeongin and Seungmin turned away, Felix and Hyunjin were eating so they didn't pay much attention, Jisung was play-flirting with Minho again and Changbin just stood there. "Real mature Bangchan." Changbin pouted as Chan smiled at him after the kiss. "You're just mad that you can't find someone as good as y/n." Chan said, sticking out his tongue to tease Changbin. You smiled as Chan put on your shoes for you. "We are gonna head out." He said as he took your hand and helped you up.

After you hugged everyone, you told Chan that you were going to go across the street to get to the car first. He nodded as he took out his keys.

When you walked, you saw on your left a car was speeding in your direction. You were halfway down the street. You ran to try and reach the next half of the road but you didn't.

You ended up getting hit.

Your last memory before you blacked out was Chan hugging you, drenched in your blood, begging you to stay with him. And then.

You woke up again.

You had the nightmare again. Chan once again woke up and you explained your nightmare to him. You told him how you had a dream in your dream that you had also been hit by a car as Chan hugged you. Just like he did in the dream.

"If that happened, I would be there for you and quit my job and, and-" You kissed him to make him shut up. "Channie, I'll be fine." You said as he sighed. "I think we should go to a hospital to get it checked out." He suggested as you sighed, "Will that put you at ease?" You asked as he nodded smiling. "Then let's go." You said as he got up and got ready.

On your way to the hospital, you and Chan were hand in hand the whole time. Once you guys had got there the doctors there had told you guys that nothing was wrong and that you were just stressed. You guys then left.

"I told you it was nothing Channie." You told him as he smiled. "Sorry, I just thought it was concerning." He said embarrassed as you laughed. A crowd passed you guys and you guys had gotten separated. You planned to cross the road, you were careful this time and pressed the button waiting for it to let you cross. Once it shined to let you pass. You walked across. And just then. You saw a car. Speeding. Chan had seen you and ran to you pushing you out of the way.

When you hit the floor, you turned and Chan had gotten his right arm run over. "Channie!" You yelled out as you ran to him. Hugging his body with his gushing arm. It wasn't torn up but it was very bloody. He smiled and kissed your cheek. "It's okay. I'll be fine." He said as you cried and hugged him.

"Just wake up jagiya... I just need you to wake up..." Chan said as you woke up from another nightmare.

What the fuck was happening.

Again, you continued your constant cycle of being hit by a car or Chan getting hit or something. But it's always involving someone getting hit by a car.

The last nightmare was horrible. You knew that it was just a nightmare but why was it repeating?

One of the recent nightmares wasn't as bad, just slightly weird. You had woken up and washed the dishes that were flooding up your sink.

"Hey lover," He said, hugging you from behind as you did the dishes. You smiled. This was like your everyday routine. However, the more you thought about your normal routine. The more sad Chan looked.

"What's wrong Channie?" You asked as you caressed his cheek. As you felt tears drop on your cheeks.

.°•○>><<○•°.

Chan knew that it was a nightmare. He held you close to him as he cried. "Please wake up... don't be stuck in this coma forever..." He cried as you were in a coma, hooked up to different machines and everything. He had been banged up in the car accident that sent you in a coma.

.°• ✿ •°.

You guys were in JYP Entertainment and had to go back home to get rest for the concert the next day. As you guys had walked to the car, a car flew by you guys, hitting both of you. The impact was so hard. Chan was knocked into the car and you, into a lamppost. You're head hit the lamppost causing you to black out and Chan to black out.

The next thing he knew, he woke up in a hospital a week later. You were unresponsive but still alive. Chan ran over to your room with the little strength he had as he looked at you. You were unconscious for a week just like Chan yet unable to respond. He was heartbroken. "Bang Christopher Chan," The doctor said as he looked at the doctor. "Be aware that Ms. l/n may not wake up for a while. It'll take her some time." He said as Chan looked at limp body.

Over time he recovered and had to perform again, but these days he was stressed and tired. He slept less and less the more worried he became.

"Bangchan, you should take it easy." Hyunjin said as shook his head. "If I do who will take care of y/n and... and who would make sure she is okay and-and" He was stuttering, he was extremely stressed out as Minho grabbed his shoulders. "We can deal with y/n-ah. She would be heartbroken to see you like this." He told Chan. Chan understood what he meant but it just didn't feel right. "Just relax." Changbin said as Jisung nodded and smiled. "We can always help you out too Bangchan." Jisung said as Felix smiled and Seungmin hugged Bangchan.

For the first time, he cried. In front of his members. He cried.

You were so important to him and losing you was like losing his whole group. Even more. All of you guys were important to him. He didn't want to accept the fact that you could be in a coma forever.

.°• ✿ •°.

It had been exactly 10 months since you got into your coma. Chan didn't know how to feel, he covered your medical bills but didn't know what else to do so he read to you every day and showed you his new songs.

He hoped that you would wake up. He always wondered why it had to be you. He wondered why it couldn't be him. He knew you didn't deserve it so why did it have to be you? That he didn't understand. He just-

"Bang Christopher Chan?" A voice called out as his eyes darted to the door. It was your sister. She never approved of him. He held your hand tightly. "I'm sorry... I really-"

He was cut off by a slap to the face.

"I knew you were a bad choice the minute my sister introduced me to you!" She yelled as she hugged you, tears welled her eyes. Begging you to recover. "Why didn't you tell me or any of her relatives!?" She asked, screaming. He knew that it was his fault for not reaching out. But he knew it was better than them being stressed out.

Once she realized the eyebags under Chan's eyes, the puffiness of them, the books by him, the scar on his eyebrow, the tears that stained his cheeks, along with the red mark from the slap she covered her mouth in horror.

"Did... you...?" She hesitated as he nodded.

"I didn't see the car and when I did it was too late... I blocked her but," His voice cracked, "The impact was too strong and I let go once the crash happened, but..." His voice breaking as more tears rolled down his cheeks. "I should've just thrown her out of the way if I would've just woken up a week later..." He cried as your sister looked at you. "How long has she been here for...?" She asked as Chan inhaled, "She's been here for 10 months!" He yelled out horror painting on your sister's face as he bit his lower lip, biting back his sobs.

Your sister hugged you tightly. "Come back little sis... I know you're in there... please... I know you can hear me... wake up if not for me... wake up for your boyfriend of damn near 10 years..." She said as Chan chuckled lightly and held your hands, kissing them.

.°•○>><<○•°.

You continued to have these nightmares. You didn't know whether or not it was because you were stressed or if something was seriously wrong. Whatever the reason was. You were suffering and you could barely keep it together. If this is what torture felt like. You'd rather die.

"You can't leave me, not like this!" Chan yelled as you cupped his cheek. Closing your eyes, wondering when the next time you'd wake up.

Except this time, you woke up in a hospital. You were taken aback to see a sleeping Chan. You caressed his head as he woke up and hugged you tightly.

"Oh jagi!" He tripped over his own feet. You giggled weakly as he helped you up and took you to the doctor telling him that you guys we're going home. The doctor nodded which you thought was weird. You were more cautious this time. And this time you were right to be cautious. A car, speeding by as you pulled Chan.

"It's like you knew that car was coming." He said, impressed as you sighed, "I kind of did..." You admitted as Chan laughed, "That would've been bad if I got hit like you did wouldn't it..." He said jokingly as you looked dead serious. He then cleared his throat and took you to the car. "Shall we?" He asked as you giggled. "We shall." You replied.

You drove home happily with Chan until. You guys got into yet another crash. You sighed waiting for the next awakening, you wanted this to stop as you closed your eyes. Hoping it would just stop.

.°•○>><<○•°.

Chan looked at the heart monitor as he noticed less and less beats from your heart. "No, no, no, no, god no!" He yelled as your sister started screaming for a doctor.

Doctors came in as they performed different things on you to keep you from passing on.

Chan comforted your sister as she cried. In the waiting room. She sobbed for about a day. When the doctors came out they sighed and told them that you were fine but the next time that happened you might not be so lucky.

This broke Chan's heart. He didn't want to see you pass. He wanted to be with you, he wanted to see your laughs and smile, but he just knew it wasn't going to happen. At least not yet anyway.

He was still optimistic and wanted to have you close by his side. He knew that much.

.°• ✿ •°.

More time had passed, Chan was still very much sad that you hadn't woken up yet. He couldn't believe that it had almost been a year since you went into a coma. He was so hurt, unknown to what could happen next. He changed the water from your flowers and picked the ugly petals. It was one of your habits. A habit that never quite left him. He smiled as he looked at you, hoping you were sleeping peacefully. He smiled.

As he looked down, his tears hit the soil that had been buried over you as he was on his knees.

"I love you jagiya... happy 10 year anniversary..." He said as tears poured down his cheeks as he sobbed and choked out all the tears and cries he could in that moment.

[apollabarnes]

Writers Wrapped

stole this from my main blog, so not tagged by anyone haha

Favorite Story you've worked on this year: i think it has to be we provide... emergencies, since it's been the one i've been working on the longest and i've had the most chances to get attached to everyone.

Favorite Character that you've written this year: UM. okay, most of my bucktommy stuff is from tommy's point of view, so i think that we have that, but listen, i just wrote a scene in alcohol or alchemy where you meet sal and gina's daughter and she delights me

Favorite scene you've worked on this year: this is so hard so i'm going with the funniest, which i cannot tell you this because it's so good i need to keep it to myself until i post it, but it has to do with the wayback machine (@ambernotember can confirm)

Favorite piece of inspiration you've used this year (i.e. song, movie, art): fuck. i dunno, leverage? i just watched all five seasons again. and, i mean, they didn't directly influence anything, but i reread the daine quartet from tamora pierce and that was just a lovely time.

Favorite line or lines you've written: pretty much everything in the leverage crossover is up there but there is this part in particular that makes me giggle. is it hardison wishing people had a sense of whimsy? getting to use a favourite character as an alias? accidentally calling sophie old? all of the above?

"Stuff like this is why you have a tab." Tommy looked over at Hardison, decided that they were far enough away from the station for him to ask the question. "Commander Maria Hill? What if Athena has half a brain and a kid who loves comic books." "Relax, Maria only got introduced to the comics in 2005, that's seven years before the movies came out. Sophie's obviously not a twenty year old." "Hardison!" "I just meant she wouldn't assume it was a cover name! They're both super common names. It makes sense that a real person could be called that." "My alias better not be a comic book character," Tommy warned him. "No one has a sense of whimsy anymore," Hardison grumbled.

Writing piece or accomplishment you're most proud of: honestly, again, just posting things! but also realizing that some of these stories are going to be between 10 and 20k, which is more than i've written in a while! oh also, doing the 118dailydrabble hiatus challenge and being mostly caught up, haha. (can i write them in order tho? nope)

Tagging: shit, i think i might be the last of everyone to even do this? i dunno, if you see it and you haven't done it, consider yourself tagged :D

[slocumjoe]

Hi! I love the quality of You’re work, it’s so good!

Can you do companions react to overhearing sole and someone else talking, and all sole is talking about is how freaking amazing said companion is and how much they love them and about five minutes into the rant sole just pauses and is like “oh God I actually love them”

could you do gage too if you write for him

I studied for this one, y'know, just to do Gage right for once

Anyway, this got so long, i had to use multiple paragraphs per some companions. Whoops.

Companions react to Sole talking themselves into realizing their feelings for them

We're going to assume the feelings are mutual. Featuring non-romancable companions too, because i love yall and want you to eat good 💕

Cait; the C in Cait stands for Crisis. Panics and runs away, doesn't want to hear anymore. Sole being all sweet about her platonically about ripped her in half as is, but...holy shit. She has a chance with them. Cait didn't think this far.

The A in Cait stands for Assessment. She starts doing mental gymnastics. Okay, Sole's previous partner was like this. Cait is/isn't like that. Are they viable? Does she even know how to have a relationship? She and Sole get along very well, already. They're in- ew, no. They want to smang. Yes, that is it. No one wants her for long.

The I in Cait stands for Insecure. Cait has so many goddamn issues, man. After enough thinking, she talks herself out of it. What if she's wrong, what if she hurts them, what if they hurt her? She shouldn't try it. She'll fuck it up, right?

The T in Cait stands for Take the shot, bitch. Mentally, she decides to not pursue anything. This will fly out of the window the moment Sole flirts with her or gives her any opportunity. Cait is impulsive, man. Insecurity doesn't last long around Sole.

Curie; Curie lacks tact. Might be the most likely to just...walk in and confess her feelings too. Regardless. But she might also give them more time to ponder it, seeing as they just figured it out. The weird stuff happening in her chest (joy, confusion, bashfulness, she's learned) might also nerf her for the moment.

In the time it takes for Sole to confess properly to Curie, she'll give them lots of space, so that they can think of it without her influence. Will be painfully obvious to anyone else that she's over the moon, though. Listens to love songs and stares dreamily at the sky. Draws hearts in her notebook. Gets terrifyingly excited whenever Sole talks to her, thinking it'll be the moment. If they take too long though, WILL approach them on her own.

Danse; I'm gonna be honest, second most likely to hit the legs the moment Sole starts talking about him. Danse is not built for praise. Danse isn't even built for people being neutral towards him. And he isn't the type to eavesdrop. So, we have to assume that he gets there, like, right before Sole says it. At which point, most likely to stumble and fall on his ass. Sole hears the commotion and comes to check, only to see Danse hopping a fence, or sprinting down a hallway. So, jig is already up, Sole knows he heard.

But, Danse is 1 letter away from being a different word. What is that word, class? Yes, it's "dense." Will do mental gymnastics to come to conclusion he misheard, or misunderstood, or that Sole was talking about an entirely different person.

However long it takes Sole to approach him about it, will dig himself a hole full of self-loathing, loneliness, and yearning. The longer it goes, the deeper the hole. Sole really needs to just run after him screaming "COME BACK I LOVE YOU" or this is gonna be exhausting for Person C, who had to watch this play out as an outside observer.

Deacon; Flips a coin to decide his next move; run away screaming, or walk in strutting? If he walks in, will loudly start chatting up whoever Sole is talking to about how cool Sole is, and does it in a way that gives off the vibes of "I totally feel the same way but I'm pretending I don't know you feel that way at all". Person C wants to die seeing this.

Will also talk himself out of it like Cait. Deacon doesn't even know who he is, how could Sole? And things with Barbara didn't end too well, because he was an asshole who dragged her into his shit. He's still an asshole, dragging Sole into his shit. But because of who Sole has to be to get this close with Deacon, they're likely to nip this in the bud and approach him ASAP.

Deacon has maybe ten minutes of freaking out before Sole finds him alone and confesses. And he knows this. If Sole wants to confess, they better recognize him through a disguise. He wants to be swept off his feet, and nothing turns him on like Sole seeing through his shitty wigs.

Gage; HITS THE BRICKS. He sticks around for praise because shit, who doesn't like hearing how badass they are? And from the Overboss, no less! The intelligent, tough, sexy Overboss, who makes him melt with just a look. He could listen to them brag about him all day. Hell yeah, tell them how smart he is, how strong he is, how...big his muscles are...? Uh, thanks...but talk about how good his aim is, despite the one—wait, what's this about him being...charming...? ...Handsome? Boss, what are you—WHAT? WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK?! THIS WASNT THE PLAN! RETREAT, RETREAT, RETREAT.

Gage put all of those nasty little feelings into a jar and threw them into the ocean like a civilized person the moment they reared their ugly little heads. And now, Sole just...fucking said that. Not a care in the world, no hesitatation. They—they can't. They just can't do anything there. Inappropriate workplace relationship, it wouldn't be right. And with him? Dirty, old, banged up Gage, fucked up in more ways then he has teeth? When Sole is...Sole? Nah, nah, that...nah. Best not go there. Gets a bad case of the Yearning that makes him cringe.

Talks a big game to himself about how he's not going to do anything about it, fuck that, fuck love, who needs it, but to be honest? All Sole would have to do is invite him in a shower or something and he's dropping the literal and metaphorical pants. A smart raider doesn't turn his nose up at a good thing dropping right in his lap. That...might also be literal, in this case.

Hancock; Unlike Deacon or Curie, who consider barging in, Hancock does it. He's so shocked, touched, scared, etc, that he puts on the persona and follows its lead. He walks in, chats like normal, teases, makes no indication that he knows. Everything is normal. It didn't happen. If it did, they didn't mean it.

Whenever he remembers it later, immediately distracts himself. Cuts back on chems because he keeps thinking about it on them. Lets his mind wander. Sole is too good for him, Sole deserves better, and Sole can do better. In this state, Hancock's walls are so high up and reinforced, Sole is gonna need a real bulldozer of a confession to knock them down. I recommend a moonlit dinner with music. Something to let him know that they mean business.

MacCready; It takes a good, long time for him to realize what he heard. In the moment, his brain (likely in a bid for self-preservation) locks up. He shrugs and wanders off, forgets about it. It'll be, like, a week later, and he and Sole will be talking, and it'll come rushing back to him. The shutdown happens again, and this repeats until MacCready thinks about it for a moment.

When he realizes what they said, screams into the nearest pillow, mostly because he's been an idiot for...way too long. Has a crisis. What about Lucy? What about Duncan? What about Shaun? What about Sole? Much like Danse, Sole needs to come get their man quickly, before he spooks himself out of getting some. He wants to, but is it time for that? He'll come around once Sole figures themselves out and goes to him.

Nick; The only one who will go out of his way to approach Sole later and confess himself. He's an adult with functional interpersonal skills. He's not going to kick the door down and drop his pants, and he's not going to run away and fake his death just to avoid talking about it.

Nick gets his thoughts in order, waits for Sole to not be busy, and goes for it. If Sole would be embarrassed, doesn't mention that he heard. Nick probably starts real traditional, gets flowers and candy or something. A little courting gift, as is gentlemanly. Nick knows the importance of skipping the tomfoolery and getting down to business, but he's a sentimental man. And besides, Sole deserves to be pampered, and treated right, if they're going to do this.

Also, Nick is Person C with the other companions. And he fucking knows they sit there and eavesdrop, wants to die when Sole confesses their feelings when the object of them is right there. But also, kinda lives for it. His name is Valentine, of course he's a romantic.

Piper; Piper has a taste for the theatrical, and right now, she's thinking of what she would want as Person C. And She, in C's position, would lose her mind if the Person B walked in and loudly proclaimed their feelings for Sole. Also, it's the first thing she thinks to do, too shocked to stop and think. So Piper does it, God bless.

Well, kind of. She charges in, only to cough and awkwardly tell Sole they should talk, red as her coat. Person C (Nick) appreciates this greatly, even if she stumbled on the landing.

Anyway, there's no wistful wondering. They get this shit figured out ASAP. Piper is also impulsive, and thank God for that. Sole is also red as her coat and they go back and forth teasing each other relentlessly. Lots of squealing and incoherent noises.

Preston; Much like Nick, goes for it...but not for a while. He takes time to think it over. After all, Sole is his general, they have a lot going on, he himself has a lot going on...he has logistics to work through. Likely to make a corkboard planning it out. Will he be able to provide the needed emotional labor? Goes to Nick/Person C and ask their opinion. Nick takes one look at the corkboard and tells him Sole is his friend, not a damn supply route.

Heeding Nick's advice, also approaches it traditionally. He invites Sole to a personal, off-the-record meeting late at night. Sole finds their favorite dish, music, and Preston in a tux that Nick would have advised against if he knew about it. But Preston talks about his feelings, confesses, wants to try if Sole is willing. Obviously they are.

X6-88; Decides No. Simply No. He vanishes and refuses to think about it. Sole is his Director. He is a synth, a courser, a machine. He shouldn't have these feelings anyway, but to act on them? To have them reciprocated? Oh no. No, no, no, that won't do. It goes against everything he believes.

He doesn't think about it at all. If Sole brings it up, he will initially reject them out of shock, because he genuinely is not ready to even consider it, let alone agree. Forget matters of compatibility, there is so much red tape around this, and if he trips over it, he risks his life, his position, even Sole, if the other Board Members take enough umbrage.

Sole has to do so much heavy lifting to get him to feel safe enough to think about the possibility. Not even if he wants to, if its possible. After that...X6-88 is not meant for such things. He's never done it before. Sole will expect and need things he can't provide. What if they want sex? He most certainly doesn't. What if they want comfort? His brain isn't built for that. What if they want him to change, better himself? He's not supposed to change, he wouldn't be a courser if he could.

This relationship would take so many baby steps. But he won't forget that Sole, for some reason he can't parse, feels the same way. For something they shouldn't see as a person, but do. And...they like the person they see. It...Sole is going to be dealing with a crisis, down the line.

[d1g1tal-d1ary]

Ex‘s // Alex Turner

Summary: After yet another late night call, y/n finds herself in the studio once again with her ex boyfriend Alex Turner. So of course they‘re ought to fuck, aren‘t they?

Warnings: smut, cunnilingus, sex, blowjob, f!reader, p! in v!, ex smut, unprotected sex, oral sex (m! and f! receiving)

Wordcount: 2.7k

‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚🎧⊹♡ ‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚🎧⊹♡ ‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚🎧⊹♡

Breaking up seemed funny to me. You'd spent so much time with the other person - shared the most vulnerable or emotional moments with each other that you started to forget how to live on your own. Sure, I still knew how to do the laundry and how to cook without anyone watching me intensly with so much adoration that my lungs were filled with anticipation but I forgot how to feel loved on my own. I didn't know how to feel wanted alone; without him whispering sweet nothings into my ear while taking me from behind.

That's why I wasn't the one to blame for all this chaos we left behind. Our break up was one of those that all of our friends had expected. They'd been watching both of our souls push themselves from one another only to come back sooner than later so often they eventually grew tired of it.

And the day we finally had the guts to cut things off, my friends were happy for me. They finally felt like they could talk freely to me again about him; how bad he treated me and what an awful narcissist he had always been. But even though they thought I was finally listening and changed my mind about him, I never actually did.

I was still addicted to him - to his touch that still lingered all over my body and to his voice that was still humming softly everytime I could't fall asleep and to the way he made sure I knew just how much he longed for me when he took each piece of clothing off my body.

Each "God, you haven't lost anything with letting that shit go" and every "You're better off without him" made me cringe internally as I knew I wasn't honest about what exactly had been going on ever since we broke up and I moved into another apartment.

I would have never dared to be honest with them; I knew they would have judged me. But they should've understood, they should've realized that no matter how many times I tried to get away from him - I was quickly pulled back by him every single time again.

And that night wasn't any different. I snuggled myself into a blanket on the couch with some sweets and some wine. I was mentally drained - work had been pulling all the energy out of me recently and I needed nothing more than him whispering everything's gonna be okay a glass of red wine with a reality TV show. And I knew by the way my phone was lighting up; by the way the only person who would ever text me this late at night that I was in deep.

>> Missing u <<

I hated him. I hated him for breaking my heart so many times I stopped counting, I hated him for still calling me up every once in a while and I hated him the most for putting me into the position to be the one coming to him.

Or maybe I was the one I hated. Maybe I was angry with myself for still looking into the mirror, making sure I was looking as good as I possibly could at midnight and leaving the comfort of my apartment just to feel something again. To feel him again.

And when he opened the door of the studio, I realized that I'd travel the world if he asked me to. His half lidded eyes met mine as he was leaning against the door slightly, taking in the sight of me. I shifted the weight from one foot onto the other when I got a little bit insecure about my odd outfit choice - a white top with one of those mini skirts.

"Took you a bit longer than usual," he murmured before stepping aside to let me in. I complied the unspoken demand and walked straight to the room where his guitar layed. Meeting up at the studio made me feel not as bad as I'd usually feel because it wasn't his nor my apartment. The studio wasn't that intimate; it was mostly used to simply record songs or sometimes even throw a little party.

I didn't notice that Alex had been spending nearly all of his time in the studio ever since I moved out. I guessed he always wanted to meet me there because of the same reason as I justified it.

"I walked," I simply replied as I sat down on the black leather couch. "It finally cooled off a bit outside."

"It did?" he curiously asked and took the seat on the opposite side of the couch. "How have you been, love?"

I shrugged off the way my heart started pumping quicker at the so simple four letter word and answered:" Y'know, as always. Work has been killing me lately."

"You have to quit," he shook his head while toying with his guitar a bit. "You haven't been happy a single day since starting at that company."

"That's not as easy as you make it sound like," I sighed. "Besides, they pay me more than the other companies would pay a woman. So I'll suck it up and continue."

An appreciated silence fell upon the room while I began watching him play soft tunes on the guitar. I even caught him hum a few times to one of the songs; making my heart melt at how easy and normal his company felt like.

"Are you starin' at me or the guitar?" he asked after a while and smirked in my direction.

"Both," I wasn't lying; I was staring at his hands fiddling with the guitar. "I want to know what it all means."

He exhaled sharply and gave me a look before speaking up:" Not all things or actions have to mean something, y/n."

"So you invite me to the studio nearly every night just to have a shag?" I shot back, clearly not satisfied with his answer. "You confuse me so much."

"I confuse you?" he huffed. "If anything, you're the one confusing me. You're in my mind all the time. Not once has your face left me alone since we broke up."

I didn't - couldn't believe his words. There was so much between us that was still unspoken from that night we broke up. He was the one who seemed happier after the break up; at least that's what my friends had been telling me.

"So that's why you always call me?" I mumbled and my own voice sounded drained because all I wanted to do was to reach out and hold the boy I fell in love with. "Because you can't fuck someone else without seeing me?"

"If you're here just to throw those lies against my head, you can go," he said without looking at me. "I thought you might understand me. Because no one else does. I can't be without you and no one else understands because they don't know what it feels like to be with you."

I wanted to cry right then and there. Finally, those words I craved the most during the last weeks finally stumbled past his lips and left a tingeling feeling in my body.

"Alex-" I tried to say but I was cut off by his low voice:" Have you any idea what you did to me, y/n? I dreamt about you nearly every night this week and it's driving me insane. You're driving me insane."

He stood up and walked to where I was sitting, coming to a stop when he could easily gaze down at me. I gulped when I saw him; his eyes were filled with so much longing that I was practically undressed just with the look of his eyes.

"You're everywhere I go," he continued and slowly sank down on his knees. His fingers gripped my thighs and spread them; making me gasp. "I can't get you out of my head. I can't fall asleep without you by my side and I don't ever want to live in a world without you."

When those final words escaped his lips, he pulled my skirt up and discarded my panties while I had lifted my ass up just a bit, so they could easily slide down. Without wasting any more moments, he gripped my ankles and pushed my heat towards him.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered before pressing a kiss on my inner thighs, his arms clutching to my legs so they were resting on his shoulders. "I never want to taste anyone else on you. I can't bear the thought of anyone else having this and not appreciating in enough."

I whimpered at the light touch and at his words and leaned my dripping cunt towards his mouth; silently pleading for him to finally lay his tongue upon there. And when I finally felt his mouth sucking on my clit, I moaned aloud.

"I love when you sing for me, sweetheart," he mumbled against my wet slit before returning to fuck me with his tongue. A shiver spread across my spine as I felt him slurping my juice like I was his last meal; occasionally rubbing his nose against my clit. Before I knew it, I had already been a moaning and whimpering mess beneath him.

"Fuck, right there!" I cried out loud and squirmed while my hands had gripped his long hair tightly. "Alex- yes! I'm.. cumin'!"

I knew I was over the edge when he added a finger to work on my clit - I came with a loud moan and I could've sworn I never had a more intense orgasm from a man's mouth.

Alex stood up and his sight gave me so much arousal; his deep eyes gazing down at my cunt while I could see the bulge in his jeans made me clench around nothing. Once my breathing was almost evenly again, I sat up on the edge of the couch and grazed his clothed cock with my hand.

"You're so fuckin' hot, d'you know that?" Alex mumbled as my hands slowly unbuckled his belt. I didn't answer, though I smiled up at him before I pulled down his jeans as well as his boxers. That sight was far from being new to me - remembering this had been the third time we met up just that week - but everytime my eyes layed upon his hard cock, saliva collected in my mouth. I'd never found dicks beautiful nor did they ever turn me on but something about his so perfect sized cock with those perfectly placed veins paired with his unshaved groin made me crave him being in me so desperatly.

Without wasting precious time, I spat onto his already throbbing cock and spread it with a few strokes. I looked up at him one last time; meeting his turned on gaze before taking him into my mouth slowly. His hands immediatly found its way into my hair and pulled it out of my face so he could see me taking his cock so well.

"Fuck.." he groaned and threw his head back. "Turn around."

I didn't hide my disappoinment that he clearly didn't want to cum from the blowjob but only used it as a way to collect enough moisture when I turned around on the squaking couch - giving him the perfect view on my arse while my arms were propped against the back of the couch.

"Don't look at me like that," Alex murmured. I could feel his hand push the skirt upwards so he could see my drooling pussy. "Thought I'd make you feel especially good tonight."

A shiver ran through my spine when his finger slid into me; just to check if I was ready. But fuck, I was desperate for his cock.

"Fuck me, Alex," I whimpered and wiggled around towards his hand. "Please, just fuck me."

I heard a chuckle from behind me before he guided his cock to my entrance. With a swift, yet slow motion he began pushing himself further and further into the warmth of my pussy. We both moaned in relief when he was all the way in and after a few seconds of adjusting, he began moving.

It was not long until the room was filled with the sound of him thrusting into me and the air got so hot and sticky that both of us began sweating. Every once in a while, he would completely bottom out; leaving me with the emptiness inside of me before thrusting into me so deep I swore I saw stars.

"You're fuckin' perfect," he breathlessly moaned and his fingers digged even deeper into the flesh of my waist - surely leaving marks. "I wanna hear you moan my name."

I couldn't help but cry out when he hit that bittersweet spot deep inside of me before I mumbled:" Fuck, just like that, Alex! Please, don't stop."

"I wanna see you, darlin'," he pleaded and his lips grazed my top that was still on. "Turn around, please."

As quickly as I possibly could, I had turned around and watched him sink into me once again; this time hitting a completely different side from within me. I didn't know where to look in my cockdrunk state - I wanted to see his beautiful face grimace in pleasure but I got so hot watching him disappear into me again and again. Luckily he took that choice from me when he leaned even closer to me and pressed his lips against mine hastily while thrusting into me slower but deeper.

"God, you don't know how fuckin' much I miss you everytime you're away from me," he gasped as I clenched around him tighter and our eyes met in that very moment. The way he bit his lips while his hair stuck messily to his forehead because of the sweat and his hands were practically everwhere on my mind - I felt like everything was slowly becoming too much.

"I'm- mhm.. I'm close, Alex," were the only words my foggy brain could form and my hands gripped his biceps for support.

"I can't look at myself in the mirror," he confessed while pounding into me. "Because everytime I see myself, I see the idiot that let you go. The fuckin'- ah! Idiot that didn't know how to treat a girl like you."

Those words were enough to send me over the edge, finally. I gasped and moaned and arched my back as a wave of pleasure rolled over me and hit me like a bus. With a few last thrusts, I had ridden out my orgasm and motioned Alex he had to pull out.

"Where do you want me to cum?" he asked and I sat up quickly while he stood tall in front of me. I began stroking him as quick as he had thrusted into me just seconds ago and when I could feel him twitch inside of my hand, I opened my mouth and let him cum all over my face. Alex's loud moans made me feel so hot and attractive that I licked the cum that was near my mouth off and swallowed it.

"Fuckin' hell, love," he said, his one hand cupping my face and forcing me to look up at him. I leaned into his touch when his thumb began caressing my cheek. "I don't deserve you. I know I should let you go, but I'm a selfish bastard and want you all to myself."

"Was it true?" I asked. "That you regret we broke up?"

The room was silent for a few moments. The air was still hot and smelt like sex but neither of us had the urge to move in any way. We both took our time; we both observed the other one and tried to remember all the features.

"Yes," he finally confessed which made my heart pound faster. "All of it was true. I crave nothing more than you. Sometimes I believe I only exist to love you because every minute I can't love you, is a wasted minute. Singing songs I wrote for you feels awfully wrong when I can't sing them to you."

(Omg!! I kinda love it?? Especially the smut 😜)

[blackbutlerfandomnerddomain]

I think I've put this in something before but its been a minute so, imma ask for hcs anyways

During the summer riddle is on a family cruise and is getting really tired of his mom's bs, so he's sneakily texting his bf GC all the drama

When riddles mom leave to go to the bathroom, eel Fliyd grabs riddles sleeve and pulls him into the water (he uses magic so riddle doesn't drown or anything lol)

And they swim to a beach nearby where a handful of the other bois are waiting to spend a summer break with riddle while riddles mom panics that her sun is missing

Hcs?

OKAY I love this prompt! It's so cute and PERFECT for Riddle and I made a playlist for this idea!

And I'll add onto the songs for certain ships lol!

Riddle, as mentioned, was very board out of his mind with his mother's "very important business cruise" he was forced to attend thanks to a little thing called "reputation".

Upset and tired, he fished into his jean pockets and found his cellphone and began to text to a specific contact of "Eel Breath" about the party

Curious after a few minutes he puts his phone away and watched as his mother left the dock area, leaving him alone to the sea air

Then a strange splashing sound grabs his attention

Before he could possibly process the sound he felt a pair of strong hands grab him and the cold water wrapped around his form.

Grey eyes snap open at the feeling of cold soft lips on his to see Floyd clinging to him under the ocean waves in her merform. As the merman pulls away, the dorm head was shocked to find himself breathing fine under the ocean and a small bitter flavor on his tongue.

The two swam fast across the ocean waves, Riddle stuck in awe of the view and feeling around him and the feeling of Floyd's scales across his hands

After a few minutes they made it to a island a bit far from the cruise's way and many shadows on the shore helping them up

The sun was perfect for this plan as the gang spent a whole

I'm talking plenty of fun under the sun beams even Idia and Rollo enjoyed, lots of refreshing drinks and treats to cool off to, cute romantic stuff perfect for social media and private

At one point while Riddle swam back first across the ocean in his little colorful strawberry printed swim floaty he felt the urge to look down. Once he did he was too late to catch on on Floyd swimming from under him and grabbing onto him while squeezing into the floating with him

The two laugh until they realize they're both now stuck

Idia got all creamed up from sun screen and prepped Lilia and Riddle happily with it

Rook, Floyd, Jade, Leona, Jack, and Lilia happily caught some fish and crabs for the lovers

After some hours of the beach the group head to the cars and Leona started to drive car one while Rook drove car two, both having a phone/tablet on a video call to keep to update of the rest of them as they drive

The ride was calming on Riddle's part, eyes on the window happily listening to the voices of those so important to him.

Then-

"Oh hold up I love this song!" Shouted Cater from behind Riddle's seat

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand cue Cater starting to sing along to the song on the radio, with Neige and Kalim and Lilia joining in first, then Vil and surprising the most Riddle. Then everyone besides Trey and Rollo and Leona and Jack singing along loudly at the song, some goofy others really trying, Idia didn't join in either but recorded with Azul also quiet and laughing with a silent Jade

Riddle singing to a beach hair brush was the highlight

The first stop of the after-beach fun vacation was the Shaftlands and they did in fact spent the first half of the drop by window shopping and Kalim, Leona, Malleus, and Vil spoiling Riddle and everyone else with items

Then hunger hits them all rather hard. They were ignoring it until hearing Riddle's stomach growl

They went on some voting back and forths with dietary stuff for Vil, Rollo, Jack, and certain food restriction for Jamil and Kalim, and just straight different taste in foods until Riddle sighed, "How about we find three places, different, three groups will go to the three and we come back and eat together?"

So they did just that and met at the city's center happily with verities of food of fast food to sweets to healthy stuff and even gourmet after Malleus convinced Rollo to order a fucking spaghettis set instead of a single croissant and he paid for it

As the gang chilled by the fountain and ate their meals, more cute couple happened from selfies and snuggles and shared drinks

Ace, Riddle, Idia, and Neige shared a strawberry milkshake and all the rest were just melting in love

Kalim dipped his fries in Riddle's shake and did that couple thing of feeding the other by handing it with his teeth

This

Also this happened between Chenya and Neige-

Lots of brave kisses of Riddle happened this moment with him crashing his lips onto Deuce clumsily, sneaking kisses on Jade's temple and Azul's knuckles, and of course some goofy romantic shit happened

The gang chilled at town more after eating with Cater, Neige, and Vil posting on their socials and some booze swapped across everyone thanks to Arie's daddy's card ;)

The cars were left alone during the night and Riddle, again being brave, thanked Floyd for picking him up in the back seat while everyone's busy having fun to notice the two were missing

Riddle sung this while hangout out at a beach bonfire made by everyone as the night drove to the end

Lots of cuddles and kisses swapped as he laid on the sand and towels of the well prepared Trey

The next morning they all went to Epel's family's home and pluck some apples and drank some iced tea and had apple pie and vanilla ice cream and relax

Next stop was Flur City and they also chilled and met up with Giles and Amyir who caught up on cuddles and love for the red head

They knew well Riddle's mum was going to take serious action looking for him so they bid goodbye while Riddle called his mum and said he got home safely.

But Chenya stayed until Riddle fell asleep safe and snuck out on his own

The gang, before arriving to their own vacations and schedules, sent Riddle a bunch of sweets and get well items before they left and video called him every night before the final week of break ended and Riddle was eager to hurry back to Night Raven Collage

[iamnotawomanimagod]

Did you finish The Tortured Poet's Department? I'm not a swiftie but I'm seeing a lot of mixed reactions.

I did, finally.

There's parts I liked and parts I really disliked. This is going to be a criticism-heavy review, so please scroll on if you don't want me harshing your vibe

First and foremost: Taylor Swift is one of the most popular singer/songwriters of all time. She's "earned" the right to do whatever she wants (not that anyone should really have to do that.) And there is undue pressure on artists, especially female artists, to reinvent themselves every era and bring something totally new to the table. And it's totally fine that Taylor didn't want to play that game. Any of my criticisms aren't going to take away the fact that she's a literal billionaire, selling out huge stadium shows worldwide, and will go down in history for all the work she's already released and the incredibly passionate fanbase she's gathered.

And I think that confidence, while earned, is a huge core of the problem with this album.

Someone needed to say "no" to her. Someone needed to be like "hey, glad you got that out of your system, maybe it doesn't belong on this album though." I feel there is a good album in here, a cohesive and complete piece of work, but there's about 15 songs too many (spread across both sides of the double album.)

My top three complaints are this:

1 - Too long, too much (this includes the lyrics which I'll touch on in a minute)

2 - Doesn't feel like an "album" but a collection of songs

3 - Too reminiscent of aspects of her previous sounds but not in a good way

Too Long, Too Much

I am a pretty casual fan and was already feeling the Taylor Swift Fatigue before TTPD was even announced, so when I woke up to discover 15 more songs than there was the night before, my heart literally dropped and I just felt exhausted. That feeling carried over into my listening and I found myself making edits to her lyrics like "that line would've been more impactful if it ended there" or "that's a bad metaphor and an unnecessary addition."

Like, she needed an editor. She needed someone to go through and make the lyrics less long-winded, and she needed someone to strike about half the songs. I made it through the whole album but I definitely won't be listening that way ever again. That's in part because...

It Doesn't Feel Like An Album

Walk with me on this one. I will cede the point that not every album has to be a beautifully flowing body of work to be "good." I'm okay with an album that plays with a lot of different genres - I think Halsey's Manic is a great example of that working. And if I squint, I can see the overall "theme" Taylor was going for, even if it feels poorly realized. It's one big poetry reading where everyone is heartbroken and no one knows how to strike unnecessary lines lol. It's clearly meant to be indulgent and pretentious and a little cringeworthy. And if you're a huge Taylor Swift fan and/or a big fan of poetry you're probably having the time of your life right now.

But I truly believe you could have hit shuffle on TTPD and put the tracklist in a different order and it'd feel the same - because right now it feels confusing, disjointed, and a little haphazard.

And I have to admit, I vastly prefer an album that sounds best when played in order. Even Manic has a section that works best when listened to in a row, and it tells a cohesive story. A good, strong album should be able to do both - have great songs that stand alone while also being a complete work when you put them all together.

Cowboy Carter by Beyonce did an incredible job with this - none of those songs sound the same, she plays in all sorts of (primarily country influenced) genres, most of the songs are great to shuffle in a playlist - but they all also flow together so thoughtfully and in such a satisfying way. Each song was placed with intention and care, so when you reach "Amen" you feel like you just went on a journey with a complete beginning, middle and end.

I can't think of a single moment on TTPD where that happened, where I had any "aha! very clever" moment in the production or even the lyricism. It just doesn't feel like it goes together, except under the very loose heading of "poetry reading after heartbreak."

Which is fine, I guess? But that also loops back around to "too much" because at some point it was just like... girl, make your point. Were you trying to make a point?

And maybe she wasn't! But that feels lazy for someone of her prestige, and it definitely makes me like the album a whole lot less.

Sounds Too Similar to Past Works

One of the things that I adore about Halsey's work is that none of her albums sound the same. While you can definitely pick up on certain patterns, it's not usually possible to say "this song sounds like it should have been on [previous album.]" Every album has its own distinct sound, aesthetic, and theme.

Granted, Halsey has had four studio albums, Taylor has had eleven. I'm not asking Taylor to re-invent the wheel. (I'm actually not asking her to do anything at all lmao, just expressing my viewpoint.) At the same time, like....Beyonce has eight studio albums, thirteen if you count her work with Destiny's Child, has been in the game even longer than Taylor, and is STILL finding ways to challenge herself and make her music even better.

Anyway, there were SO many songs on this album where I thought "this could've been on Midnights/Lover/Reputation/Etc." It's starting to really feel like Taylor just keeps repeating herself, especially from a sound/production perspective.

I guess she primarily works with two producers, Jack Antonoff and Aaron Dessner, and I can mostly blame the former for the songs with production that I hate. It'd be cool to see her branch out and work with someone else for her next projects, though. After a nice long break. Because it doesn't feel like there's anything really fresh or novel coming from these pairings anymore.

And again, there doesn't have to be innovation. Taylor's done a lot of innovating in pop music (by standing on the shoulders of giants, but still.) Maybe she's done with that. That does mean that I'm kind of done with her though, lmao. (Somehow, I think she'll survive.)

I really didn't like Midnights. I think there are more songs I like on TTPD, but that's in part because there's 31 songs to choose from lmao. I just personally want something more interesting. I like it when the artists I follow really push themselves and rise to the challenge of finding new ways to express themselves.

This kind of brings me to my fourth big complaint, which is that this album feels like it's going to be the most rewarding to the people who are the most invested in Taylor's personal life. Taylor's always written really diaristic and true-to-life lyrics, but this album in particular felt like it was especially "designed" to be a sort of "figure out which guy THIS one is about" easter egg hunt and like. Yucky.

It probably wasn't actually designed that way, this is more of a fandom issue than a Taylor issue. But like..... is it? Doesn't she make more money, sell more tickets, and remain in the spotlight longer when people obsess about her love life? Doesn't this album invite that obsession by being about nothing BUT her past lovers? Some of my favorite songs by her are the ones that have absolutely nothing to do with love or her love life. I feel like this one really lacked any of those.

And on a petty, catty note - it's embarrassing how many of these songs appear to be about Matty Healy lmfao. Like he must be somethin' else to inspire not only these tracks but many of Halsey's songs on Badlands as well. Tattooed golden retriever, indeed.

AND AND.... the fact that she's still writing songs about Kim Kardashian in the year 2024 is insane. Making it as obvious as she did by capitalizing Kim's name in the title is embarrassing and juvenile. I'm not saying that Kim's part in that whole fiasco wasn't wrong, and I certainly don't like Kim, but goddamn. That shit went down in 2016. Please move on. (Unfortunately it's one of the songs I like, but we'll see how long that remains true every time I see the title and remember who it's about.)

Anyway. Those are my big complaints. Here's the songs I actually enjoyed:

Florida!!!, Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?, I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can), I Can Do It With a Broken Heart, The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived, The Black Dog, I Hate It Here, thanK you aIMee, The Prophecy, Cassandra, and The Bolter.

I don't know how many of these songs will actually stick with me, I think my top three are WAOLOM, ICDIWABH, and The Black Dog.

there are a handful of moments I really liked, some lyrics that I found really good and clever. I might write those up in a separate post at some point. but suffice to say, TTPD is not going to be my album of the year and might not even crack my top five.

Thanks for asking anon! Hope you enjoyed my overly long rant.

[heycerulean]

and if i said 818 words of sy'TP-TC content? because i love these two dearly? (cw: mentions of an animal being injured, grief, angst) (song i was listening to while writing this)

"You didn't have to do all of this."

"Don't start with that."

There's no waver, in his voice. There never is. He's never seen Teq unsure about an offer, uncertain in his stance about something.

It's something he admires. Something he hates, sometimes. Something he can't help but find endearing, in this moment, as a bowl is placed into his shaky hands and another tear is wiped from his cheek.

Teq sits down beside him. Grabs his hand.

"He's going to be okay. You said it yourself, he's in the best of hands he could be in."

His voice is gentle, kind. It's low, like rumbling earth, like the pressure in your ears when you're far underwater- but it finds him like a homing missile, tearing into him, threatening to bring it all back.

"I know," Is all he can choke out in response.

Teq hums. The hand that had been on his own moves up, holding his chin, turning his face towards him.

"You need to eat, at the very least. You're not going to be able to do anything if you're not able to function properly."

"I told you, I'm not-"

"-hungry, I know. But you need to eat, Aetos. Please. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for me."

They stare at eachother, for a long, tense moment.

Aetos leans back, scoffs, and takes a reluctant bite of the food he'd made for him.

It's warm, comforting- cheese and potatoes, probably other various things, something Teq'd made before and that he'd liked before. Teq had a skill with making things, and it turns out that extended to more than just weapons and other machinery.

Their hands were back together, and it was quiet.

Too quiet.

Teq seems to sense that it's getting to him. He reaches for the remote that sits on the coffee table before them, turning it on, letting the hum of static and blue-tinted light of screen displays fill the room.

"Would we rather be watching the cave documentary or the classic jungle adventure movie?"

"Is there nothing else on?"

"There's an even more classic jungle adventure movie. I've seen that one. The 60's Caravan movie adaptation?"

"Atzia would kill you."

"It's not my fault they made a half-decent movie out of the book she was named after. The movie's nothing like the book, anyway, they butcher that character."

"I'm aware."

"Mhm. So. Up to you."

"...Which classic jungle adventure movie is it?"

"Clearer Waters- The original, too."

"'s that the one where there's... the thing with the plane? And the medicine?"

"Mmmhm. And the whole riverboat chase with the fossil snakes?"

"Saints, the fossil snakes. Yeah, sure, that one."

Teq sets the remote down. The noise from the TV does give his mind something to focus on other than the distinct absence of the three feet tall bird that's usually curled up on this couch next to him, and the fact said bird is fighting for his life because of him, and-

"Aetos?"

"...What?"

"I asked if it was alright if I turned it up a little."

"Yeah, that's- that's fine."

Teq nods, hitting the volume up a couple notches. It helps drown out the noise, just a bit.

Eventually, after eating just enough food that he can justify not eating more, he sets the bowl he's holding down, hands wringing themselves out without something to hold.

And Teq, without even looking, reaches over. He pulls him closer, tentatively, until Aetos gives in and curls up next to him, letting the man next to him lace their hands together. Teq's always ran warm, but the peace that calloused, calm touch brings is something he didn't know he needed until he had it.

It's only then, in the safety of those arms that he's seen burnt and battered and still kept gentle, that he realizes how truly, deeply, tired he is. It'd been a long mission before the incident, and if he had to count how long either of them had actually been awake, he...

Yeah. No, that's too much effort for a brain in his state, he's not doing that.

What's that Teq had said earlier, anyway? You're not going to be able to do anything if you can't function properly? Sleep is a requirement. And if he falls asleep here, well, he's had to fall asleep worse places, and it's not like it's hard to be comfortable in the arms of someone who'd made you dinner and insisted you go home and not just wait in your office all day for news on the bird everyone jokes is your son.

Teq is calm. Stable, steadfast, a respite in waters that keep moving when he'd much rather them not. And who's he to deny that? Who's he to deny that feeling of safety?

And so, he doesn't.

He just closes his eyes, and lets sleep wash over him.

[cobra-creampuff]

see they're legally able to do the ya-yas from the old song in the new song because when blackhands split up they did it quick and extremely painful but were pretending to do it quick and painless and so their legal proceedings with regards to who owns the music they made together were pretty lazy and legally inadvisable and they just split it 50/50 like everything else bada boom bada bing we DON'T want to think about this AT ALL just GET IT DONE lawyers!! bye!!! and they didn't even say okay this specific half of songs etc they just had an arrangement of like 50% ownership each of the copyrights or whatever (idk how any of this works or if this is even possible just go with it)

anyway so then when the new song with izzy's new band comes out where he uses the ya-yas from the old song that ed wrote about him, and the new song is very obviously about ed and is not flattering, and it's a whole thing, stede and ed's new fans are like omg you should so totally sue that guy, and it gets so much traction on social media and in music/entertainment journalism and shit that izzy and his band think this is For Sure happening, like they Are going to get sued, and so they're like covertly preparing to countersuit but not that covertly and so that gets out and then ed is like omg he's going to SUE me?? </3 but of course at the same time both ed and izzy are like I Deserve This. I Deserve For Him To Sue Me For My Own Music Because It's His Too And I Am A Monster. And I Deserve To Be Defamed Also. Because I Am A Monster.

and then they do in fact sue each other due to the media pressure and the fact that they are both so certain the other one is going to sue them anyway so they might as well sue too even though in fact actually neither of them ever had any plans to sue the other one first, and they go to court about it and it gets dragged out horribly and it's a whole circus, and izzy gets supremely villainized and loses half of the half of the fans that he "poached" by being talented and emotionally genuine in his covers and new music and people start saying he probably didn't even write any of it and the covers were just a gimmick and none of that stuff is probably true about ed and ed is an innocent victim in all this, even tho ed like publicly admits on the record that he cheated on izzy and maybe he even tries to admit that he hit izzy but stede convinces him not to put that on record just in case izzy decides to use that to for further legal action even though ed is like ?? if he was going to surely he would have already? and meanwhile stede is realizing he's maybe been very biased about this and actually izzy isn't a bad guy and maybe he's the bad guy here actually (because of course he can't conceive of ed being the bad guy, and he CERTAINLY cannot conceive of their being no bad guy and/or they're all bad guys and/or they're all good guys and sometimes good guys can do really bad shit to each other).

anyway so meanwhile, ed's new music on stede's label has been not exactly shitty because the music is reasonably interesting in sound but the lyrics are really boring and trite and ed's heart just clearly isn't really in it and he's like careening toward pop easy listening, which not to be a music elitist or anything i do like pop easy listening, but it is kind of a downfall from the progressive industrial he was making with izzy (and fang and ivan) in the pre-stede band. and like he does want to be making pop he wants that bouncy bubblegum flavor, but he can't bear to be genuine with it and reveal himself in any way and it shows. his fans are mostly people who love the idea of what he's trying to do more than what he's actually giving. (and also he knows that and pretends he's into it, that his name and his whole vibe is Enough, but also he resents those fans for not holding him to real standards and he hates himself - i mean for a whole host of reasons, but also for not meeting the potential of his vision out of, lbr, cowardice).

anyway so the suit goes thru, ed wins the rights to all their old music and also a lump sum for defamation, and technically he sued izzy's new band as a whole for this but izzy pays the damages entirely himself. and like to be fair he's rich af from the old band even tho now he doesn't have royalties from the hard work he put in anymore, so like he's not bankrupted by this but he is cut down from who-gives-a-fuck to having a monthly budget, and it also breaks up the new band mostly just because he's like i'm a clear financial liability (even tho there's really nothing else left to take legally speaking) and if you keep me on your lineup you're going to literally get murdered and die, and so he's back anonymously writing backing music for solo vocalists where he gets very little creative freedom and no credit and he hates it but he hates it less than a 9 to 5 so it is what it is. but jim and everybody still tries to hang out with him as friends and they mess around a little in the garage because they like him and they miss him and they want him to be okay and to be around him and play with him. and they leave their shit behind in his garage because none of them have really Made It yet and he's the only one with a garage to leave it in.

and so then stede has his whole crisis because he broke up ed and izzy's relationship and their band and he seduced ed to his fucking vanity label and ed's new music sucks and he thinks that's his fault and now ed and izzy aren't even friends and the wikipedia page is a blood bath and ed doesn't even know technically stede is only separated from mary not divorced and it's only a matter of time before he finds out and is he really just having a midlife crisis like everyone says? and he hurt all these people in the process? exactly like the worthless no-talent rich asshole that makes his problems everyone else's problems that izzy (among Many Others) said he was? so he cuts and runs and dismantles the label and disappears into the night inasmuch as a modern day stunt music producer can and goes back to mary and the kids and she lets him stay even tho they are legally separated and she's within her rights to kick him out, and this gets on the news cycle of course. and stede didn't leave a note or anything, so once again ed only has whatever rumors are going around to go on for why this happened.

so obviously he goes nuts. he blew up his whole life for stede and because stede made him believe he could switch genres if he wanted to and he could be good at it even though it's so different from what's expected from him with his tattoos and his piercings and his leather daddy vibes and his weird anti-vocals that simply Don't Fit the pop scene, and then he did bad and everyone hates him (not true, but it's ed) and izzy hates him (again, not true) and he absolutely thinks that destroying izzy's career and taking his music away is Worse than beating him up and cheating on him (izzy does not agree; but to be fair what he thinks the Worst ed did to him is not hitting him, not being unfaithful, and not taking away his work - all of those izzy thinks he at least is in part responsible for himself, no, what he thinks is the Worst ed ever did to him is simply. to break his heart. that's worse than anything else). anyway so ed is back on his Since You Are So Convinced That I Am Your[ Monster] I Will Be It shit, if you can really say he ever got off it in the first place (debatable).

so he turns up drunk at izzy's house and they fucking get back together. and then ed pressures izzy into inviting now-jim's band over to play and he'll watch, and he nitpicks at absolutely everything and tears them the fuck apart. but also he's still drunk and like kind of visibly crying and being pathetic even while he's being incredibly mean to them, and also he's a fucking legend surely he can't just be talking? right? some of this has to be good advice? so they keep coming back and playing in izzy's garage and getting torn down by ed. and izzy keeps trying to defend them, and ed just completely fucking ignores him, until they leave and then he's all over izzy and izzy tries to pretend to himself that this is good and it's what he wants and he wanted ed back he wanted stede gone he just wanted to be with ed this is what he wants. this is good. but they're both even more miserable than they were immediately pre-stede, and eventually izzy has to admit to himself he's actually more miserable than he was when ed was actively cheating on him which is fucked isn't it. so he tries to gently bring this up with ed - er... as 'gently' as izzy hands can fucking do anything - and ask if ed really wants to make this work or if he's just torturing them, tells him that he still loves him, the whole deal, and ed throws something at him and threatens that if he doesn't shut up he'll beat him up again, and izzy takes that as a non-answer instead of the very clear answer that it is because he's the second messiest bitch alive. and he goes to bed with ed and lets him do whatever he wants and ed cries on him and it sucks so fucking bad. and then in the morning ed is pissed as fuck that izzy didn't break up with him and condemn him and beat him up and sue and kill him or whatever, so he goes into the garage while izzy is in his dinky little second-bedroom studio recording some stupid background track he doesn't care about and he goes absolutely psycho ham and he destroys jim's and everyone's equipment to smithereens.

and izzy calls fang because he doesn't know what else to do but obviously he's not going to call the cops on the love of his life, you know, so fang shows up with ivan and ed gets a good wallop on ivan and gives him a concussion, and maybe a broken piece of equipment gets horrifically embedded in izzy's leg, but the three of them manage to get ed out of the garage and out of the house and fang gets him in one of those suffocating headlocks until he's on the verge of passing out which is basically "calmed down" or the closest to it you can get in this situation and then points him in a direction and tells him to fuck off (and then later they try to keep it quiet what exactly happened, even tho like..... what excuse can you make lol?), but not before all of jim's and everyone's instrumence and stuff is fucking trashed. and izzy has never felt more guilty for anything in his fucking life. he's certain that he's going to be tackled and killed (and he'll deserve it, just like he deserved everything else). but! this is finally the last straw for him and he tells ed - over email aslkks - that they're done For Real This Time.

izzy tries to pay the gang back for their shit but they won't take his money, but then that also means they're pretty much shit out of luck at least for a while because they're all like baristas and bartenders and shit and they can't just drop thousands on new equipment whenever they want. no more band. except they still have whatever shit izzy had in that bedroom studio and whatever shit they weren't using and was at their own houses, like frenchie's actual fucking lute. and izzy tries to give them his recording stuff, and he had an acoustic and an electric guitar up there too, and they're like okay fine but actually sike we're going to use your recording room too and since it's your room you have to be there and we don't have a guitar player anyway so there. so they start making music together again and it's fucking weird ass genre-bending shit because izzy still prefers to write in a very prog-industrial style, and jim still sings like a punk, but frenchie's on lute now instead of bass so like ?? hm. and they're well and truly a garage band now just fucking doing whatever they can do with what they've got and putting it up on soundcloud or whatever the fuck, no label, pay what you want, etc. but they're sensational again like izzy's instagram covers were because everyone's like what in the god damn fuck even is this and why does it legitimately fuck.

meanwhile, ed goes on his hermit journey of the soul or whatever, and comes out somewhat better on the other side, and he tries to re-start up the old band with fang and ivan but they're not interested, so he has to go on another hermit journey of the soul and come out a little bit more better on the other side of that one, and he decides okay you know what fuck it i'll start my OWN label. like i said he's a god damn legend so even with all the crazy shit about him being kind of legit dangerous and like beating up his partner and destroying all their shit, he still has reputation capital, and he manages to get some pretty sweet producers like spanish jackie to join up with him and get it together. he even pulls bonny and read out of retirement.

and like... he doesn't hate it. he feels like he's really making a difference, and tbh he does actually love going out to open mics and shit to find talent that's his favorite part. he loves meeting new people with new sounds and actually helping them flourish and do what they really want, and his label is wildly diverse because of it. he's doing really good work in more than one way. but it's not what he wanted. he wants to make pop music. he wants to be a popstar with an industrial rock background who has tattoos and piercings and wears leather and is an anti-vocalist. and he fucking wants to be loved for it. he knows he's doing good and he genuinely sees the value in it, but he fucking wants it for himself. not that he didn't get it with the old band doing the old thing, but still... he's so jealous of the new guard doing al this cool weird shit and getting celebrated for it when he didn't get to. but the workload of being head producer on this label is too much for him to be doing other shit too, and his hermit journey of the soul actually really did do him a lot of good (as well as, uh, his therapist lol) so even tho he frequently gets the urge he doesn't abandon everyone and try to do his own thing willy nilly. agonies.

until of course eventually stede makes his way all the way through his own journey of the soul (distinctly not hermitic) and comes back onto the scene. he's finally full divorced from mary, and they split their assets pretty evenly too, although you know more thoughtfully than ed and izzy did lmao, so he's distinctly less rich now but he still has all that rich guy investment know how or whatever, and he still wants to make music (he wanted to be a musician and he's like got a higher education in it and shit, but he just cannot fucking carry a tune tragically). anyway, so he and ed make up and they decide to take the relationship slow, but they go full speed on business and ed signs over the label to stede to manage. and finally ed gets to go back to being a star, and this time he's actually doing what he fucking meant to do when he signed with stede's original label. he actually makes really good, genre boundary pushing pop music that is fun to listen to but also artistically interesting and made with authentic heart. and he becomes just as sensational for his musical creativity and emotionally poignant lyrics as izzy.

and then stede goes ever so slightly rogue, partially out of guilt but also partially because like... he really thinks they're legitimately a good fit, he starts trying to woo izzy's new-new band to sign with him.